"Whoever first said practice makes perfect is an idiot. Humans can't be perfect because we're not machines. The best thing you can say about practice is that it makes better." - From the Netflix series "Atypical" I wish I was taught this when I was young instead of the perfection that is unattainable....always feeling like a failure and never being good enough and trying to be so 'perfect' that I almost starved myself to death. It's nice to be told "hey it's okay! No one is perfect and nothing is perfect." I still can't shake the perfectionistic strive and it continues to dominate and ruin things, including my non existent self esteem, but this video is super helpful. Thank you Katie 💗
I needed this video so much!! Perfectionism is ruining my life. I dropped out college because my notes were "not good" and I fear that if I come back the same thing happens again, I wasn't getting enough sleep because i kept overthinking about homework and overstuding (if that's a word) for my exams. I think that my problem is that I don't know when is "too much" I never feel like I'm doing my best so I push myself to do better.
Sometimes your best is your perfection! Perfect is only what we make it to be, and like Kati said it’s important to engage in a lot of self-talk where you argue back with the voice in your head telling you you’re not good enough. As a therapist, this is something I advise clients to do on a daily basis. I have a similar video on my channel about perfectionism if you ever need some more words of encouragement. Hope this helps. 😊
Glad you decided to talk about this! Perfectionism is one of those traits that I'm surprised isn't classified as a disorder, because it can ruin every aspect of your life and compound anxiety like crazy. My own perfectionism has me terrified of starting anything new in life, and it's affected my schoolwork (from, at latest, high school onward), my self-esteem, my relationship, my jobs, and my business. It's a very damaging thing that people need therapy to work through.
Merry Christmas. This is a great for the holidays because everyone compares gifts, outfits, and memories. Ive noticed in my family, people try to over-do each other.
Lordy! That sounds horrid! I'm sorry they are like that. YOU don't have to be and you can spend Christmas with other people. I have the best second family I stay with and the only comparison is who can come up with the silliest Simpsons quote or some such thing.
So good..relatable AF since having to take a long break from being a teacher to focus on my health issues with chronic illnesses & chronic pain... get-togethers with family/big groups is always awkward because after talking extensively about my husband's very exciting pilot job, they turn to me and say, "SO what are you doing?"/"So what do you do?" And I want to cry and say "I'm surviving.... surviving & managing my constant chronic pain & incurable chronic illnesses...with no hope for a successful medical interventions because weve beeb trying for years... and I used to be like.. damn near 4.0, top achieving perfectionist all through school, was the first one in my class after college graduation to get a real teaching job....very promising, loads of education..and now it feels like... "for what?". So I can sot around/mostly lie around all day everyday in pain? It's taken a huge toll on mental health, but we moved away from home & my therapist. We moved to a small town, but we aren't even in our new home because we are temporarily living For 3-4 months across the country..in a hotel..for his work...So people ask "what do you do in the hotel all day?" And the silence was so thick and awkward because i legit had no clue what to say.. some at the table were new acquaintances who do not know me or my story, and all I could think was "survive......manage pain & symptoms, hope there's a livestream to hang with fellow Kinions, and contemplate my life path". My life used to be striving for perfection, perfect grades, perfect everything and idk where it got me, but it is not a healthy way to live. Sorry for the long post💗
I have such anxiety now with indecision, like i have to get the most perfect choice..whether it's food or what...but my indecisiveness is off the charts😣 #thestruggleisreal
I can relate 100%. Same everything. Down to being a teacher and having to stop and the chronic illnesses and pains. I feel everything you do, and I’m struggling just trying to get through a day “normally” now, me, miss perfection. My body is letting me down, and I’m ashamed.
LadyPeters sooo relatable. Big hugs.. surviving counts supporting a partner in their career where ever their job posting is across a country .counts... big time. Its exhausting... take care of yourself...ignore the critics who know nothing about it. Take time to take care of you.
LadyPeters relating with the indecisiveness.... and after making lifechanging choices....why is it hard for me to pick what to make for dinner...or..when is s right timr to actually go buy groceries. I go at the end of the night...no one or very few around.. no distractions.. just buy things i think i might eat that week...usually stick to whats on sale and what fits in a carry basket only.....ans a bag of apples so i can get past those times...i know i need to eat something...but what....and a smallhunk of cheese n apple or something easy...is the way i go to get around indecisive ness around food. Clothes were hard cuz nothing fit me...so i just went for whats clean and comfy. My days of ironing a crease in my sleeve for uniform are over..but kinda miss not having to decide..cuz it was always the same. It just had to be ironed and inspection ready....also where the need to be perfect came from... military life was not easy. But living a "normal" life again after it ..also not easy. Only cuz i still feel i need to be perfect for someone. That is exhausting. At one point i wanted to create decision wheels for clotges n what to eat....spin the big wheel.. like on price is right....but instead of numbers ir lands on what im going to eat or wear....lol Finally just got to the point..wear whats clean n comfy..im not here to impress anyone... just eat whats easy and i try for healthy but it doesnt have to be healthy for every single meal...some days just buying a slice of pizza n drinkin my water... then sayin yeahhhhh that was a good idea. Hope that helps. It helped me by just tryin to help someone else who might be strugglin too. Keep smilin 😁
I’m new here (having only seen the previous video and this one) and just wanted to say thank you so much. You’ve helped me realize things and it just means a lot. I hope you’re having a merry Christmas 🙏🏻🙌🏻🎄❄️☃️🎅🏻💕
Kati Morton Yeah, Jo (Trauma Talk) thought this would be of help to me. Recently, a memory was triggered-that I hadn’t tempered in a long time-and after I watched your last video-because Jo sent it to me-I had to accept that the memory had been a sexual assault
This is something I’ve always struggled with. I beat myself up whenever I do something wrong, I have a huge fear of failure, and I definitely think in black and white! And often I won’t start assignments until super last minute because I’m worried it’ll be wrong, even though any evidence suggests otherwise, but also starting last minute helps me because it stops me spending too long editing and editing and editing. But I don’t find that I think the same way about other people, and that’s how I help myself, I imagine what I would expect of others, and how I might treat others if they made a mistake, and try to treat myself in the same way, or imagine how my ‘biggest sponsor’ might treat me. Recently, when doing things like personal statements or cover letters for jobs, I give myself 30 minutes to do as much as I can in a first draft, and maybe edit it once more for another 30 minutes then just send it! Xox
I really think that the strive for perfection can lead to huge mental health difficulties for people. We believe that others are perfect or have perfect lives and at times, we will strive to do anything to make our own lives perfect. I also liked what you said about being critical of yourself and others, so true!
It is the perfectionism that I follow that puts food on my table, and a roof over my head. If I don't do my job perfectly, there's at least ten people who will. It is killing me. This vídeo came at a good time, thanks for that. Good night.
I have all of these signs of perfectionism. I’ve known that I’m a perfectionist for a long time, but I haven’t always been aware of how it affects my daily life and relationship with myself and others. Thank you for this video. It really helped open my eyes to what perfectionism is, and what I can do about it.
I used to be a perfectionist, then my health problems, & eventually therapy, started to help me change the parts about myself that I didn't like. I just had an interest realization when u got to 5:50 part of this video. I think my perfectionistic tendencies came from the abuse my father would lob at me, the judgement I felt from others (be it real or imaginary), & the learning disabilities that we're not diagnosed until I got to college. I realized this because of u talking about arguing w/ the negative talk in your mind. Until now, I just tried to replace it &/ or distract myself, but I never thought to defend myself against it. I believed a lot of negative things about myself for such a long time because there was overwhelming proof of it throughout my life. I had difficulty both w/ paying attention, remembering things, & taking a long time to do things, especially when stressed. My parents knew I was smart, so ( in their eyes) I must be lying &/ or disobeying on purpose, which would lead to my Dad becoming so upset at me he'd hit me w/ a belt or hand, grab me by an ear & drag me to the thing he wanted done, &/ or ”lecturing” me until he'd work himself up & hit me. As I got older & I didn't change, he would tease/ berate me about my forgetfulness, calling me ”Forgetful Sam” ( a Sesame Street character who consistently forgot things, who frequently ended sentences w/ a sad "I forgot.” My parents & I have ( what I've surmised by therapists & others) an unusual relationships. Both of my parents have apologized to me for the different ways they hurt me ( my mother w/ neglect & abuse, & my father w/ manipulation & abuse.). It may have to do w/ the fact that I lived them ( w/ the exception of about a year) until I was 34. Although we seem to get along much better when I don't live w/ them. When I told my father about the test results that I have some learning disabilities, he apologized profusely for treating me the way that he did & not believing me & we both cried together. Only one person that knew me before i found out that I have learning disabilities was not surprised by the news. I studied & worked harder than the majority of my peers. I loved learning & worked hard at it. I had difficulty focusing on work in class so I took everything home w/ me. I wanted to graduate HS, go to college, graduate, get a job & get away from my parents & the crazy situation w/ them. I graduated HS (6/1993), went to college (1/1994), was diagnosed w/ learning disabilities, got financial help w/ school due to my LDs, figured out that I wanted to be an educational therapist ( learning specialist), fell in love (late 1995)& had my heart broken (mid 1996) , moved out & transferred from junior college to State University (8/1996), had an ovarian cyst rupture (12/1996), had a major depressive episode (starting late 1996 -?), was diagnosed w/ depression, was put on an antidepressant & birth control a month's time of one another (1/1997), started gaining weight, moved back home, took some incompletes, got a retail job, then worked two jobs, got hit by a car(1/1998), was on crutches, then in a brace for 6 months, had a successful knee surgery(6/1998), couldn't work & went back to school ( & lived off car accident insurance), couldn't do school, so I worked, about a year after my knee surgery I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia (6/1999), started talk therapy (1/2000) which released a lot of resentment & anger, went for a 6 month dating hiatus, 10 months after I was diagnosed I could no longer work & applied for disability (April 2000), met Rob (8/2000), called & had 1st date (9/14/2000), started receiving disability (4/2001), moved in together (5/6/2010).
That last tip was especially helpful Kati! My friends want to help me with little things like you suggested all the time but they seem so much bigger to me due to my anxiety and I'll often make things worse for myself. I don't want them to feel used or taken advantage of and since I have BPD. I went through a few years of CBT and DBT and have been working on trying not to do it all myself AND to give myself credit and compassion at the same time so thank you for that reminder!
You're so amazing for posting on Christmas, thank you so much for everything you do kati! Merry Christmas, I hope you have the most amazing day☺️🎄 this video is amazing, one of my favourite and most relatable so thank you kati xxxx
'Funky instrumental music' indeed! I must say this is a super topic. I think I've always been cool with not being perfect in some areas of life (certainly don't care about many aspects of work for example) because around horses, you are always told it's a sport you can do until your last day on earth and you never achieve perfection nor stop learning. I rather like that attitude. Horses also teach one that timetables are pointless, plans are nonsense and past and future thinking isn't going to help. They don't care what mark you got or whether you're the world's best... something. THANKS KATI and SEAN! :) Merry Happy everyone! :)
Thanks, Kati, I needed that video. I'm so self-critical and anxious about my performance that I can't enjoy what I'm doing most of the time. To fight my perfectionism, I try to let go in certain aspects of my life. I also try to give me credit for what I'm good in, instead of caving in to the thoughts that I'm useless and unworthy. I try to put my efforts in the right places and accept I can't be good right at the first try. I try to put my mental well-being as my priority, not that assignment, not getting all A's, not being perfect in the eyes of everyone around me. I know I'm not the best employee, but I'm doing MY best, what is good for my mental health. Same for being a student, or a sister/daughter, or a roommate. But I think I still have to work on my procrastination, and on my obsessive thoughts of what I could have done to make it better. I almost always know what made perfection unattainable, and I struggle to not beat myself up for not doing it.
I've been dealing with this a lot lately and I didn't even realize how bad it was until a teacher pointed it out to me. I was super irritated and stressed out from a group project and afterwards She told me that I can't control how other people act/do things and that I am to critical of myself. She just recently started counseling and learned that she does the same thing and is now trying to help me. I am going to tell her and see if she can help me to quit trying to be perfect all the time. Thanks kati! 💜
I can so relate. I am a perfectionist especially when it comes to college. I redo notes all the time, spend hours organizing binders, and spend so much time with anxiety over my grades. I attribute anything less than a 3.8 as my self worth.
Thank you for this video, Kati. I am glad you spoke about the self sabotage and procrastination. It wasn't until last year when talking with a friend that I realized that this was me trying to be perfect. I already had problems with other issues of perfectionism in other areas, but I did not realize that these two things had anything to do with that. I thought, "In no way am I a perfectionist, because I never finish anything...." But the reason why is because it's never going to be good enough. Wow.
the way hank green deals with his perfectionism is the 80% rule dont try for 100% go for 80% so when editing a video go for 80% when you think its good and not perfect and at 80% you just stop thx for this awesomely ha bisky vid and i think the 80% rule is how i got As without even trying
Yep! This was me in school when I pushed myself to get perfect scores on all assignments. If I didn't I felt like I failed and I felt horrible about myself. One time I missed one question(and still got a 103) and I agonized over it for weeks. So glad that as I have moved forward in my journey I have more self-worth and self-esteem, I now focus more on doing my best and that that is more than enough. I am still hard on myself sometimes though so thanks for the reminder with this video! Thanks Kati for all that you do and for giving me the strength and encouragement to keep going on the difficult days. Merry Christmas!
I usually avoid commenting because I'm a perfectionist and I worry too much about my English, but if I should make an imperfect comment on anything this video is probably not the worst, i guess. The thing you said about having two perfectionists together got me thinking. I am very much a perfectionist myself and my two best friends are too. It is rare that I have experienced being around them have made my perfectionism worse. I think we have a very good understanding and empathy for each other because we are perfectionists and we are good at grounding each other and reminding each other that we are good enough when we can't do it our selves. I definitely see your point on how it could become a problem, but I find them to be better friends for me than most because they understand my mindset and they won't belittle me or make me feel weird about my thoughts no matter how ridiculous they might be. My mom, who is also a perfectionist, always reminds me of what's most important when I cannot see it myself because I'm too busy worrying about stupid shit. And she, as you mentioned too, takes on things for me when I'm struggling; like figuring out my insurance or taxes, go grocery shopping or proofread my papers. I sometimes get worried when I haven't accomplished as much as my friends in certain areas, but as soon as I talk to them about it they help me figure out if it is an actual goal of mine or just my perfectionism. If it's not a goal, they help me understand why it doesn't matter and if it is, they help me reach the goal without damaging myself. One of them literally helped me study and went with me to my exams all through out high school even though he already graduated. He constantly reminded me that I wasn't defined by my grades and kept me from over working. The other friend lives further away and I used to visit her whenever shit got too intense back home and I always left again feeling really inspired and refreshed because she knows how to help me clean out my thoughts and figure out what I actually need. She also reminds me when I need to celebrate my victories rather than punishing myself for my failings. I am so grateful that I have them in my life and I try my best to do the same for them as they do for me. So while I see your point, I also think that two (or more) perfectionists together can be a good thing as long as you acknowledge that perfectionism is a challenge that you should help each other deal with and celebrate each other and be proud of each other regardless of what we have accomplished and not accomplished. Also... I proofread this comment about 12 times...
you have just described me let me say it Perfectly :D .. This is exactly me, the black and white thinking, the extreme self-criticism, the depression most of the time, unsatisfaction with myself and my life and all of my relationships. It is ruining my life !!! I have been going to therapy for 8 years now and I am still struggling with it but honestly through all these years I have not really focused on this issue because I had a lot more issues as self-image, guilt and also I am dependent personality and 2 therapists said I have BPD :D so I was a mess!!! but now I think that being dependent and perfectionist with black and white thinking and criticism are my main issue that I should have focused on a lot more so I will start now. Thank you so much for your videos
I feel you. Have to write my master thesis and it feels like hell. Thinking I'll fail takes up most of my time and right now it feels like it's all going downhill. Wish you all the best, you can do it!
Katha A-b ugh *sad highfive* I actually "failed" my thesis, because I did not hand in my thesis... Gonna have another try from January onwards Good luck man! Hope you'll be able to finish it!
Thank god i found this! I got every symptoms you listed except the depression and i'm kinda getting really depressed lately. Hopefully now i know what's happening can i start getting well.
Thank you for explaining this topic Kati! I struggle with perfectionism so much. My therapist has mentioned several times that I have black and white thinking, which makes sense since I consider myself a perfectionist. I am definitely going to watch this video again!
I was very much a perfectionist in high school and university. I learned that the root of my perfectionism was a low sense of self worth. I tried to compensate for it by pursuing perfection in everything I did. It backfired and my self worth plummeted even further. It took a while but I was able to rebuild my self worth while focusing on progress rather perfection. And I learned to hinge my self worth on things other than accomplishment, like being a good friend, a good son, a good brother, someone who is kind, artistic, and hard working. Slowly but surely I left perfectionism behind and things improved immensely.
I needed this video so so much! Perfectionism literally takes over my life. Everytime I do something I never think it's good enough and I never stop until something is right. My mum always tells me I think black and white and I'm forever criticizing myself because im not good enough and I have nothing to like about myself. This video literally described my life. If something isn't 'perfect' I get all these thoughts and my anxiety rises and then I feel like shit for the rest of the day and sometimes get angry. Anyway...Love your videos they always help me. Hope you had a good christmas. ❤❤
Hi Kati, merry Christmas. I just want to say how amazing the service is you offer through putting out your wonderful youtube videos. Please know how much your hard work and generosity is appreciated. You are deeply talented at this and I feel sure that your videos help so many people. Much love x
There's a kind of perfectionism where you don't really try your best, but give up when you learn that you are neither perfect nor the best. I labelled myself a "lazy perfectionist" after I understood that I was behaving that way. Prof. Carol Dweck calls the same thing as "fixed mindset", as opposed to "growth mindset". Her book on this topic is painfully accurate!
OMG I didn’t even realise! What you just said totally fits for me. I never thought about myself that way, but now it’s clear as day - thanks for sharing your expertise, I really like your videos
I had really bad OCD through high school, so then for college I lived with roommates who were the types of people who left their shoes on top of their desks bc the floor ran out of space.....I got so lucky, and that was the best experience of my life. Became close to my roommate, she brought me out of my shell, and I helped her learn how to frickin organize.
Wasn’t expecting this. Trying to be perfect is one of the reasons my eating disorder got out of hand. Being critical with yourself is such a hard things. I defiantly have unrealistic expectations. I struggled to hand things in school and uni because I didn’t want to mess up. I wrote a journal entry about this the other day. How do you not allow yourself to do it though? I think I agree with the negative self talk so it’s harder to argue back. Thanks for this Kati. Struggling to make myself have a ‘perfect’ Christmas but it’s really not. Have a good holiday everyone 💕
I am such a perfectionist, which has helped me in many ways!!! However, I have also had some unrealistic and extremely high expectations of myself and others because of my perfectionism. I come by it hosestly because it’s a family trait so to speak! I just need to find a balance and I’m working on that! Thank you for doing Videos on common but so necessary topics and putting them in a way that everyone can understand! I’m so grateful for your channel!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😇😇😇😇👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
This relates to me so bad!! I had a friend who was the same I had to end the friendship because it was so toxic I advise other people to do the same!! 💜💜💜
This is a wonderful topic! Very helpful, thank you. I shared it with my friends :D Have you ever heard of people fearing of being two faced when they are trying to survive a toxic environment? I am finally leaving a toxic work space, and while there are many qualities I adore in one of my co-workers they are still the main reason I am leaving. The individual had treated me poorly in many ways, dismissing my input (when we are co-managers), deny situations that occurred to cover up their faults or push their agenda, and generally spoke unkind about both our clients and co-workers behind their backs. All of this had gotten to the point that I felt I could not express my opinion because I would either be dismissed or treated like my perspective was ridiculous. It took a long time for me to recognize that she was treating myself and others poorly because it was such a passive way of doing it. I have always admired her for her insight regarding our field, and she shared with me a lot of knowledge that helped me grow so much as a professional. Regardless, I just put my two weeks notice in for leaving, and she has already contacted me saying how shocked she is and is very upset that I didn't warn her sooner. I am genuinely scared to go back to work, and feel a lot of internal conflict, because I have to face her knowing that she is the reason I am leaving. I know it doesn't matter what she thinks at this point, but I still feel so two faced for treating her with kindness and respect for so long and not letting her know what I really felt about her- but once I realized how toxic she was I felt I had to to survive the day to day work until I could find a different job. How should I deal with my feelings of being two-faced? Is it common for people in toxic relationships to feel two-faced?
Thank you so much for this video! For a while now I've thought that my depressive tendencies and interpersonal issues were caused by perfectionism, and this video confirmed it. I've done my best to adress my negative self-talk and learn to resolve conflicts, but I've never adressed these underlying issues. Just recently I completed a project for school that is due in a month, and even with the holidays coming up I kept fixing it and working on it even though it was already good enough. I eventually stopped and tried to focus on other things. Happy holidays 😊
Thanks a lot, in this moment of my life, I am happy to have found this channel! I live in the EU and since I started Uni (3 years ago), as I took myself out of depression, I've had this problem. As I failed my first exam (later passed with a good result) I didn't take the opportunity to go to my favourite band concert. I thought I didn't deserve it. And this has been goin on and on ever since becoming increasingly harder on myself. I hope that this video would help me, since I have all kinds of projects in my mind that I haven't put into actions just because I'm the way that I am. Thanks a lot, a merry Christmas and a happy new year.
Hey Kati. I have been watching your videos for some time now and i like them a lot! They help me see what is going on in my head. I realy needed this video today. Thank you for that! My family is faling apart for a few months now and i have been the glue that helped the family stay good enough to be together in the same room but a few days back i couldnt take it anymore. I was so tired and frustrated and felt so alone in the situation. So i stopt being glue and my family fell apart. It feels like i failed them and my self. As specialy with the holidays.... Deep down i know that i did my best and that on my own i am not capabel of holding a family together but i feel a lot of guild en shame. This video helpt me to see that i did what i could and that it was good to choose for my own health. Thank you for that!💗 Sorry for my english.....i am from the netherlands 🇳🇱
Tell my employers these things lol. How I deal with it is just not buying into all the hype and drama. And I do the best I can. As long as I know I did the best I could and that I'm at least being realistic, I don't bother with being hard on myself.
This is most needed! Thank you! I have been struggling with perfectionism for a very long time. It has caused me a lot of joyless days and nights but it's getting better. I really like your advice.
Hi Kati! Your videos have helped me so much the past several months really get to the bottom of what was going on with my mental health. I just wanted to say thank you for that! Wishing you a happy new year!
This is a great topic thank you! I've been going to therapy for my current problems and I've noticed my therapist has been using the key term perfectionism. Mainly because in her eyes I've made a lot of great progress but I seem to be knit picking on "not doing more or enough," for next session. I'm not doing it intentionally, but I appreciate bringing this into awareness. Might bring it up on my next session.
Thank you for this video Kati. I have felt like this before (especially in a personal project I'm working on). I've been working on accepting myself with my problems and issues as they are, that helps me in a strange way to calm down and improve the things I need to improve more effectively. Thank you very much Kati, you are totally awesome. Happy holidays.
This is speaking to my present condition; my perfectionism manifests subtly and in different ways so I never named it as such- but I feel better naming it today. Other commenters are on target: the holidays bring it out. I’m also unemployed and broke so I feel like a super-sized failure lately :-(
I try to compliment myself to deal with perfectionism. I've never been diagnosed but I've had serious symptoms of OCD in my past with intrusive & repetitive thinking. I think a lot of that comes from me feeling very uncomfortable with uncertainty & high perfectionism. So throughout the day I try to tell myself that I'm doing well. I try to recognize the good things instead of magnifying my mistakes or blaming myself for situations beyond my control. This is especially difficult at work but I'm working on it.
I struggle with this on the self esteem and procrastination side. I feel like it's something that I have let control me for a really long time. Not wanting to learn anything new or follow things I'm passionate about because in my head I would probably be no good at those things so there's no point in even trying and I would worry about people thinking I'm shit or dumb. It made school really difficult for me and now I'm trying to change things but I always have these thoughts that there's no point because I've started so late and have wasted my life up until now. It's like I'm telling myself my life is already over and this is all it's gonna be but rationally I know that isn't true. I'm not gonna let these things stop me though, I am really ready to change my poor mental habits. Thank you for these tips :))
I already knew I had a perfectionist side to me, like with my eating disorder, which I have mostly stopped. And I think that my perfectionist urges are in other places in my life now. Which you made me realize with this video. I think that with my drawing I'm having this urge to make my art perfect, so I am going to make some "bad" art on purpose. Just to show that it's not such a bad thing, and that my world will not end. And I think in the end it will make me a better artist to be more carefree.
Apparently it was a tradition in many cultures when building houses or mansions or palaces, to leave one room in the corner of the building unifinished and all disorganised with unifinished construction and sometimes filled with tools used for making the rest of the building with them left abandoned mid way through doing construction work.
Couldn't have come at a perfect time. ALL what you described in the beginning of your video is me. However, combating my negative talk is the most difficult for me. Thank you ❤️❤️ merry Christmas!
This is awesome, oh and you forgot the anxiety that comes with being so afraid of not being perfect in stressful and pressuring tasks and environments.
perfectionism is a HUGE problem i've been dealing with, in some unexpected ways. i'm not someone who has a perfectly cleaned room and gets every assignment in on time... it's quite the opposite. my perfectionism is bouts of me beating myself up over not being able to do it perfectly to my standards, and/or completely avoiding it if i feel i can't do it perfectly. procrastination! fun!
Trying to be perfect has stripped me from my personality.
trying to be perfect *IS* my personnality....
That has literally happened to me
And copering my self to athers having the felling anxitey and panic fell you
"Whoever first said practice makes perfect is an idiot. Humans can't be perfect because we're not machines. The best thing you can say about practice is that it makes better." - From the Netflix series "Atypical"
I wish I was taught this when I was young instead of the perfection that is unattainable....always feeling like a failure and never being good enough and trying to be so 'perfect' that I almost starved myself to death. It's nice to be told "hey it's okay! No one is perfect and nothing is perfect." I still can't shake the perfectionistic strive and it continues to dominate and ruin things, including my non existent self esteem, but this video is super helpful. Thank you Katie 💗
I needed this video so much!! Perfectionism is ruining my life. I dropped out college because my notes were "not good" and I fear that if I come back the same thing happens again, I wasn't getting enough sleep because i kept overthinking about homework and overstuding (if that's a word) for my exams. I think that my problem is that I don't know when is "too much" I never feel like I'm doing my best so I push myself to do better.
Also, I didn't check orthography in this coment to put in practice your adivice of allow imperfection :)
Sometimes your best is your perfection! Perfect is only what we make it to be, and like Kati said it’s important to engage in a lot of self-talk where you argue back with the voice in your head telling you you’re not good enough. As a therapist, this is something I advise clients to do on a daily basis. I have a similar video on my channel about perfectionism if you ever need some more words of encouragement. Hope this helps. 😊
I did the same thing, dropped out because I couldnt be perfect 😢😢 But I'm in therapy and will get better in time
lore04bj same here! I’m taking this coming semester off because perfectionism is controlling my life right now.
lore04bj I relate to your post sooooo much
Glad you decided to talk about this! Perfectionism is one of those traits that I'm surprised isn't classified as a disorder, because it can ruin every aspect of your life and compound anxiety like crazy. My own perfectionism has me terrified of starting anything new in life, and it's affected my schoolwork (from, at latest, high school onward), my self-esteem, my relationship, my jobs, and my business. It's a very damaging thing that people need therapy to work through.
The fire and gasoline bit was great!
Merry Christmas. This is a great for the holidays because everyone compares gifts, outfits, and memories. Ive noticed in my family, people try to over-do each other.
Lordy! That sounds horrid! I'm sorry they are like that. YOU don't have to be and you can spend Christmas with other people. I have the best second family I stay with and the only comparison is who can come up with the silliest Simpsons quote or some such thing.
So good..relatable AF since having to take a long break from being a teacher to focus on my health issues with chronic illnesses & chronic pain... get-togethers with family/big groups is always awkward because after talking extensively about my husband's very exciting pilot job, they turn to me and say, "SO what are you doing?"/"So what do you do?" And I want to cry and say "I'm surviving.... surviving & managing my constant chronic pain & incurable chronic illnesses...with no hope for a successful medical interventions because weve beeb trying for years... and I used to be like.. damn near 4.0, top achieving perfectionist all through school, was the first one in my class after college graduation to get a real teaching job....very promising, loads of education..and now it feels like... "for what?". So I can sot around/mostly lie around all day everyday in pain? It's taken a huge toll on mental health, but we moved away from home & my therapist. We moved to a small town, but we aren't even in our new home because we are temporarily living For 3-4 months across the country..in a hotel..for his work...So people ask "what do you do in the hotel all day?" And the silence was so thick and awkward because i legit had no clue what to say.. some at the table were new acquaintances who do not know me or my story, and all I could think was "survive......manage pain & symptoms, hope there's a livestream to hang with fellow Kinions, and contemplate my life path". My life used to be striving for perfection, perfect grades, perfect everything and idk where it got me, but it is not a healthy way to live.
Sorry for the long post💗
I have such anxiety now with indecision, like i have to get the most perfect choice..whether it's food or what...but my indecisiveness is off the charts😣 #thestruggleisreal
I can relate 100%. Same everything. Down to being a teacher and having to stop and the chronic illnesses and pains. I feel everything you do, and I’m struggling just trying to get through a day “normally” now, me, miss perfection. My body is letting me down, and I’m ashamed.
I can so relate to you both
LadyPeters sooo relatable. Big hugs.. surviving counts supporting a partner in their career where ever their job posting is across a country .counts... big time.
Its exhausting... take care of yourself...ignore the critics who know nothing about it.
Take time to take care of you.
LadyPeters relating with the indecisiveness.... and after making lifechanging choices....why is it hard for me to pick what to make for dinner...or..when is s right timr to actually go buy groceries.
I go at the end of the night...no one or very few around.. no distractions.. just buy things i think i might eat that week...usually stick to whats on sale and what fits in a carry basket only.....ans a bag of apples so i can get past those times...i know i need to eat something...but what....and a smallhunk of cheese n apple or something easy...is the way i go to get around indecisive ness around food. Clothes were hard cuz nothing fit me...so i just went for whats clean and comfy.
My days of ironing a crease in my sleeve for uniform are over..but kinda miss not having to decide..cuz it was always the same. It just had to be ironed and inspection ready....also where the need to be perfect came from... military life was not easy. But living a "normal" life again after it ..also not easy. Only cuz i still feel i need to be perfect for someone.
That is exhausting.
At one point i wanted to create decision wheels for clotges n what to eat....spin the big wheel.. like on price is right....but instead of numbers ir lands on what im going to eat or wear....lol
Finally just got to the point..wear whats clean n comfy..im not here to impress anyone... just eat whats easy and i try for healthy but it doesnt have to be healthy for every single meal...some days just buying a slice of pizza n drinkin my water... then sayin yeahhhhh that was a good idea.
Hope that helps. It helped me by just tryin to help someone else who might be strugglin too.
Keep smilin 😁
I’m new here (having only seen the previous video and this one) and just wanted to say thank you so much. You’ve helped me realize things and it just means a lot. I hope you’re having a merry Christmas 🙏🏻🙌🏻🎄❄️☃️🎅🏻💕
Welcome to the community!!! xoxo I am so glad you are finding the videos helpful! Merry Christmas to you too!! xoxo
Kati Morton Yeah, Jo (Trauma Talk) thought this would be of help to me. Recently, a memory was triggered-that I hadn’t tempered in a long time-and after I watched your last video-because Jo sent it to me-I had to accept that the memory had been a sexual assault
This is something I’ve always struggled with. I beat myself up whenever I do something wrong, I have a huge fear of failure, and I definitely think in black and white! And often I won’t start assignments until super last minute because I’m worried it’ll be wrong, even though any evidence suggests otherwise, but also starting last minute helps me because it stops me spending too long editing and editing and editing. But I don’t find that I think the same way about other people, and that’s how I help myself, I imagine what I would expect of others, and how I might treat others if they made a mistake, and try to treat myself in the same way, or imagine how my ‘biggest sponsor’ might treat me. Recently, when doing things like personal statements or cover letters for jobs, I give myself 30 minutes to do as much as I can in a first draft, and maybe edit it once more for another 30 minutes then just send it! Xox
You're perfect for me Kati, hope you have an awesome 2018.
Excellence is better than perfection .
I really think that the strive for perfection can lead to huge mental health difficulties for people. We believe that others are perfect or have perfect lives and at times, we will strive to do anything to make our own lives perfect. I also liked what you said about being critical of yourself and others, so true!
You’re right Kati. Perfectionism is a unrealistic two-ways; draining of self and hostile of others, even when no there are no malintentions!
I love your channel, and also the fact that I can see Harry Potter books on your shelf, it makes me so happy.
Aww yeahhh, a video upload on Christmas!! Thanks, Kati! I hope you and Sean have a wonderful Christmas and prosperous New Year!! 🎄🎁☃️
Thanks Blair!! Merry Christmas to you too!! xoxo
Easily the best Christmas gift I have gotten today! Thank you I needed this!
Awe yay!! xoxo Merry Christmas!! xoxo
Kati Morton and I was right. Gotta say you might as well have tagged and said Laura pay attention to this!!
It is the perfectionism that I follow that puts food on my table, and a roof over my head. If I don't do my job perfectly, there's at least ten people who will. It is killing me. This vídeo came at a good time, thanks for that. Good night.
Merry Christmas everyone !
Merry Christmas! xoxo
Kati Morton aw thank you xxx
Merry Christmas, Emily!
I have all of these signs of perfectionism. I’ve known that I’m a perfectionist for a long time, but I haven’t always been aware of how it affects my daily life and relationship with myself and others. Thank you for this video. It really helped open my eyes to what perfectionism is, and what I can do about it.
I used to be a perfectionist, then my health problems, & eventually therapy, started to help me change the parts about myself that I didn't like. I just had an interest realization when u got to 5:50 part of this video. I think my perfectionistic tendencies came from the abuse my father would lob at me, the judgement I felt from others (be it real or imaginary), & the learning disabilities that we're not diagnosed until I got to college. I realized this because of u talking about arguing w/ the negative talk in your mind. Until now, I just tried to replace it &/ or distract myself, but I never thought to defend myself against it. I believed a lot of negative things about myself for such a long time because there was overwhelming proof of it throughout my life. I had difficulty both w/ paying attention, remembering things, & taking a long time to do things, especially when stressed. My parents knew I was smart, so ( in their eyes) I must be lying &/ or disobeying on purpose, which would lead to my Dad becoming so upset at me he'd hit me w/ a belt or hand, grab me by an ear & drag me to the thing he wanted done, &/ or ”lecturing” me until he'd work himself up & hit me. As I got older & I didn't change, he would tease/ berate me about my forgetfulness, calling me ”Forgetful Sam” ( a Sesame Street character who consistently forgot things, who frequently ended sentences w/ a sad "I forgot.”
My parents & I have ( what I've surmised by therapists & others) an unusual relationships. Both of my parents have apologized to me for the different ways they hurt me ( my mother w/ neglect & abuse, & my father w/ manipulation & abuse.). It may have to do w/ the fact that I lived them ( w/ the exception of about a year) until I was 34. Although we seem to get along much better when I don't live w/ them.
When I told my father about the test results that I have some learning disabilities, he apologized profusely for treating me the way that he did & not believing me & we both cried together. Only one person that knew me before i found out that I have learning disabilities was not surprised by the news. I studied & worked harder than the majority of my peers. I loved learning & worked hard at it. I had difficulty focusing on work in class so I took everything home w/ me. I wanted to graduate HS, go to college, graduate, get a job & get away from my parents & the crazy situation w/ them. I graduated HS (6/1993), went to college (1/1994), was diagnosed w/ learning disabilities, got financial help w/ school due to my LDs, figured out that I wanted to be an educational therapist ( learning specialist), fell in love (late 1995)& had my heart broken (mid 1996) , moved out & transferred from junior college to State University (8/1996), had an ovarian cyst rupture (12/1996), had a major depressive episode (starting late 1996 -?), was diagnosed w/ depression, was put on an antidepressant & birth control a month's time of one another (1/1997), started gaining weight, moved back home, took some incompletes, got a retail job, then worked two jobs, got hit by a car(1/1998), was on crutches, then in a brace for 6 months, had a successful knee surgery(6/1998), couldn't work & went back to school ( & lived off car accident insurance), couldn't do school, so I worked, about a year after my knee surgery I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia (6/1999), started talk therapy (1/2000) which released a lot of resentment & anger, went for a 6 month dating hiatus, 10 months after I was diagnosed I could no longer work & applied for disability (April 2000), met Rob (8/2000), called & had 1st date (9/14/2000), started receiving disability (4/2001), moved in together (5/6/2010).
That last tip was especially helpful Kati! My friends want to help me with little things like you suggested all the time but they seem so much bigger to me due to my anxiety and I'll often make things worse for myself. I don't want them to feel used or taken advantage of and since I have BPD. I went through a few years of CBT and DBT and have been working on trying not to do it all myself AND to give myself credit and compassion at the same time so thank you for that reminder!
You're so amazing for posting on Christmas, thank you so much for everything you do kati! Merry Christmas, I hope you have the most amazing day☺️🎄 this video is amazing, one of my favourite and most relatable so thank you kati xxxx
'Funky instrumental music' indeed! I must say this is a super topic. I think I've always been cool with not being perfect in some areas of life (certainly don't care about many aspects of work for example) because around horses, you are always told it's a sport you can do until your last day on earth and you never achieve perfection nor stop learning. I rather like that attitude. Horses also teach one that timetables are pointless, plans are nonsense and past and future thinking isn't going to help. They don't care what mark you got or whether you're the world's best... something. THANKS KATI and SEAN! :) Merry Happy everyone! :)
Thanks, Kati, I needed that video. I'm so self-critical and anxious about my performance that I can't enjoy what I'm doing most of the time. To fight my perfectionism, I try to let go in certain aspects of my life. I also try to give me credit for what I'm good in, instead of caving in to the thoughts that I'm useless and unworthy. I try to put my efforts in the right places and accept I can't be good right at the first try. I try to put my mental well-being as my priority, not that assignment, not getting all A's, not being perfect in the eyes of everyone around me.
I know I'm not the best employee, but I'm doing MY best, what is good for my mental health. Same for being a student, or a sister/daughter, or a roommate. But I think I still have to work on my procrastination, and on my obsessive thoughts of what I could have done to make it better. I almost always know what made perfection unattainable, and I struggle to not beat myself up for not doing it.
Hope everyone has a merry Christmas.... Even if life sucks... Been crying all day....
Book_nerd I hope that you fell better now. Or that you will be. Have a nice day,I hope you can talk with someone about the reason you're crying.
Hi, keep looking for hope. It’s okay to cry if you need too.
I've been dealing with this a lot lately and I didn't even realize how bad it was until a teacher pointed it out to me. I was super irritated and stressed out from a group project and afterwards She told me that I can't control how other people act/do things and that I am to critical of myself. She just recently started counseling and learned that she does the same thing and is now trying to help me. I am going to tell her and see if she can help me to quit trying to be perfect all the time. Thanks kati! 💜
Honestly just what I needed
I can so relate. I am a perfectionist especially when it comes to college. I redo notes all the time, spend hours organizing binders, and spend so much time with anxiety over my grades. I attribute anything less than a 3.8 as my self worth.
Thank you for this video, Kati. I am glad you spoke about the self sabotage and procrastination. It wasn't until last year when talking with a friend that I realized that this was me trying to be perfect. I already had problems with other issues of perfectionism in other areas, but I did not realize that these two things had anything to do with that. I thought, "In no way am I a perfectionist, because I never finish anything...." But the reason why is because it's never going to be good enough. Wow.
This is a great reminder. Thank you!
the way hank green deals with his perfectionism is the 80% rule dont try for 100% go for 80% so when editing a video go for 80% when you think its good and not perfect and at 80% you just stop
thx for this awesomely ha bisky vid and i think the 80% rule is how i got As without even trying
After watching this I realized I have developed this way of thinking over the past year with my grades, my diet, honestly everything
Yep! This was me in school when I pushed myself to get perfect scores on all assignments. If I didn't I felt like I failed and I felt horrible about myself. One time I missed one question(and still got a 103) and I agonized over it for weeks. So glad that as I have moved forward in my journey I have more self-worth and self-esteem, I now focus more on doing my best and that that is more than enough. I am still hard on myself sometimes though so thanks for the reminder with this video! Thanks Kati for all that you do and for giving me the strength and encouragement to keep going on the difficult days. Merry Christmas!
I really want to hug this woman for an uncomfortably long time 😂 🖤
I usually avoid commenting because I'm a perfectionist and I worry too much about my English, but if I should make an imperfect comment on anything this video is probably not the worst, i guess.
The thing you said about having two perfectionists together got me thinking. I am very much a perfectionist myself and my two best friends are too. It is rare that I have experienced being around them have made my perfectionism worse. I think we have a very good understanding and empathy for each other because we are perfectionists and we are good at grounding each other and reminding each other that we are good enough when we can't do it our selves. I definitely see your point on how it could become a problem, but I find them to be better friends for me than most because they understand my mindset and they won't belittle me or make me feel weird about my thoughts no matter how ridiculous they might be.
My mom, who is also a perfectionist, always reminds me of what's most important when I cannot see it myself because I'm too busy worrying about stupid shit. And she, as you mentioned too, takes on things for me when I'm struggling; like figuring out my insurance or taxes, go grocery shopping or proofread my papers.
I sometimes get worried when I haven't accomplished as much as my friends in certain areas, but as soon as I talk to them about it they help me figure out if it is an actual goal of mine or just my perfectionism. If it's not a goal, they help me understand why it doesn't matter and if it is, they help me reach the goal without damaging myself. One of them literally helped me study and went with me to my exams all through out high school even though he already graduated. He constantly reminded me that I wasn't defined by my grades and kept me from over working. The other friend lives further away and I used to visit her whenever shit got too intense back home and I always left again feeling really inspired and refreshed because she knows how to help me clean out my thoughts and figure out what I actually need. She also reminds me when I need to celebrate my victories rather than punishing myself for my failings.
I am so grateful that I have them in my life and I try my best to do the same for them as they do for me. So while I see your point, I also think that two (or more) perfectionists together can be a good thing as long as you acknowledge that perfectionism is a challenge that you should help each other deal with and celebrate each other and be proud of each other regardless of what we have accomplished and not accomplished.
Also... I proofread this comment about 12 times...
you have just described me let me say it Perfectly :D .. This is exactly me, the black and white thinking, the extreme self-criticism, the depression most of the time, unsatisfaction with myself and my life and all of my relationships. It is ruining my life !!! I have been going to therapy for 8 years now and I am still struggling with it but honestly through all these years I have not really focused on this issue because I had a lot more issues as self-image, guilt and also I am dependent personality and 2 therapists said I have BPD :D so I was a mess!!! but now I think that being dependent and perfectionist with black and white thinking and criticism are my main issue that I should have focused on a lot more so I will start now. Thank you so much for your videos
I needed this for my thesis, thank you
Self-sabotage, perfectionism and anxiety over what my teachers will think of what I've written often leave me unable to even start
I feel you. Have to write my master thesis and it feels like hell. Thinking I'll fail takes up most of my time and right now it feels like it's all going downhill. Wish you all the best, you can do it!
And now I'm beating myself up for having written "feel" too often in one comment. Sigh.
Katha A-b ugh *sad highfive*
I actually "failed" my thesis, because I did not hand in my thesis...
Gonna have another try from January onwards
Good luck man!
Hope you'll be able to finish it!
Katha A-b i relate 100%
Thank god i found this! I got every symptoms you listed except the depression and i'm kinda getting really depressed lately. Hopefully now i know what's happening can i start getting well.
Thank you for explaining this topic Kati! I struggle with perfectionism so much. My therapist has mentioned several times that I have black and white thinking, which makes sense since I consider myself a perfectionist. I am definitely going to watch this video again!
I was very much a perfectionist in high school and university. I learned that the root of my perfectionism was a low sense of self worth. I tried to compensate for it by pursuing perfection in everything I did. It backfired and my self worth plummeted even further. It took a while but I was able to rebuild my self worth while focusing on progress rather perfection. And I learned to hinge my self worth on things other than accomplishment, like being a good friend, a good son, a good brother, someone who is kind, artistic, and hard working. Slowly but surely I left perfectionism behind and things improved immensely.
I needed this video so so much! Perfectionism literally takes over my life. Everytime I do something I never think it's good enough and I never stop until something is right. My mum always tells me I think black and white and I'm forever criticizing myself because im not good enough and I have nothing to like about myself. This video literally described my life. If something isn't 'perfect' I get all these thoughts and my anxiety rises and then I feel like shit for the rest of the day and sometimes get angry. Anyway...Love your videos they always help me. Hope you had a good christmas. ❤❤
Kati is an adorable bean that is so helpful and motivating thanks for your positivity 💙
Hi Kati, merry Christmas. I just want to say how amazing the service is you offer through putting out your wonderful youtube videos. Please know how much your hard work and generosity is appreciated. You are deeply talented at this and I feel sure that your videos help so many people. Much love x
Thanks for the videos Kati. I am a perfectionist and this really helps.
There's a kind of perfectionism where you don't really try your best, but give up when you learn that you are neither perfect nor the best. I labelled myself a "lazy perfectionist" after I understood that I was behaving that way. Prof. Carol Dweck calls the same thing as "fixed mindset", as opposed to "growth mindset". Her book on this topic is painfully accurate!
OMG I didn’t even realise! What you just said totally fits for me. I never thought about myself that way, but now it’s clear as day - thanks for sharing your expertise, I really like your videos
I had really bad OCD through high school, so then for college I lived with roommates who were the types of people who left their shoes on top of their desks bc the floor ran out of space.....I got so lucky, and that was the best experience of my life. Became close to my roommate, she brought me out of my shell, and I helped her learn how to frickin organize.
Wasn’t expecting this. Trying to be perfect is one of the reasons my eating disorder got out of hand. Being critical with yourself is such a hard things. I defiantly have unrealistic expectations. I struggled to hand things in school and uni because I didn’t want to mess up. I wrote a journal entry about this the other day. How do you not allow yourself to do it though? I think I agree with the negative self talk so it’s harder to argue back. Thanks for this Kati. Struggling to make myself have a ‘perfect’ Christmas but it’s really not. Have a good holiday everyone 💕
I am such a perfectionist, which has helped me in many ways!!! However, I have also had some unrealistic and extremely high expectations of myself and others because of my perfectionism. I come by it hosestly because it’s a family trait so to speak! I just need to find a balance and I’m working on that! Thank you for doing Videos on common but so necessary topics and putting them in a way that everyone can understand! I’m so grateful for your channel!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😇😇😇😇👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
This relates to me so bad!! I had a friend who was the same I had to end the friendship because it was so toxic I advise other people to do the same!! 💜💜💜
This is a wonderful topic! Very helpful, thank you. I shared it with my friends :D
Have you ever heard of people fearing of being two faced when they are trying to survive a toxic environment? I am finally leaving a toxic work space, and while there are many qualities I adore in one of my co-workers they are still the main reason I am leaving. The individual had treated me poorly in many ways, dismissing my input (when we are co-managers), deny situations that occurred to cover up their faults or push their agenda, and generally spoke unkind about both our clients and co-workers behind their backs. All of this had gotten to the point that I felt I could not express my opinion because I would either be dismissed or treated like my perspective was ridiculous. It took a long time for me to recognize that she was treating myself and others poorly because it was such a passive way of doing it. I have always admired her for her insight regarding our field, and she shared with me a lot of knowledge that helped me grow so much as a professional. Regardless, I just put my two weeks notice in for leaving, and she has already contacted me saying how shocked she is and is very upset that I didn't warn her sooner. I am genuinely scared to go back to work, and feel a lot of internal conflict, because I have to face her knowing that she is the reason I am leaving. I know it doesn't matter what she thinks at this point, but I still feel so two faced for treating her with kindness and respect for so long and not letting her know what I really felt about her- but once I realized how toxic she was I felt I had to to survive the day to day work until I could find a different job. How should I deal with my feelings of being two-faced? Is it common for people in toxic relationships to feel two-faced?
Katie thank you so much for what you do! Whether you realize it or not you’re helping thousands of people! God bless you and have a marry Christmas!
i needed this. thank you.
Thank you so much for this video! For a while now I've thought that my depressive tendencies and interpersonal issues were caused by perfectionism, and this video confirmed it. I've done my best to adress my negative self-talk and learn to resolve conflicts, but I've never adressed these underlying issues. Just recently I completed a project for school that is due in a month, and even with the holidays coming up I kept fixing it and working on it even though it was already good enough. I eventually stopped and tried to focus on other things.
Happy holidays 😊
Thanks a lot, in this moment of my life, I am happy to have found this channel! I live in the EU and since I started Uni (3 years ago), as I took myself out of depression, I've had this problem. As I failed my first exam (later passed with a good result) I didn't take the opportunity to go to my favourite band concert. I thought I didn't deserve it. And this has been goin on and on ever since becoming increasingly harder on myself. I hope that this video would help me, since I have all kinds of projects in my mind that I haven't put into actions just because I'm the way that I am.
Thanks a lot, a merry Christmas and a happy new year.
Hey Kati. I have been watching your videos for some time now and i like them a lot! They help me see what is going on in my head.
I realy needed this video today. Thank you for that! My family is faling apart for a few months now and i have been the glue that helped the family stay good enough to be together in the same room but a few days back i couldnt take it anymore. I was so tired and frustrated and felt so alone in the situation. So i stopt being glue and my family fell apart. It feels like i failed them and my self. As specialy with the holidays....
Deep down i know that i did my best and that on my own i am not capabel of holding a family together but i feel a lot of guild en shame. This video helpt me to see that i did what i could and that it was good to choose for my own health. Thank you for that!💗
Sorry for my english.....i am from the netherlands 🇳🇱
I needed this 💙💙💙 Thanks Kati. Loving this Christmas🎅
You are so welcome :) oxox
Tell my employers these things lol. How I deal with it is just not buying into all the hype and drama. And I do the best I can. As long as I know I did the best I could and that I'm at least being realistic, I don't bother with being hard on myself.
I had a meltdown over a mistake today so perfect timing! Thank you for this :)
Merry Christmas. Love all the way from Malaysia 😘
Omg, the descriptions are on point...thank you
Powerful. U r the best. Much love.
everything seems to be so possible with you, Kati! I'm sooo glad that I have found you
I know this video wasn’t about BPD at all, but i can really relate to all of this, especially the part about black and white thinking
This is most needed! Thank you! I have been struggling with perfectionism for a very long time. It has caused me a lot of joyless days and nights but it's getting better. I really like your advice.
Done is better than perfect.
I tried really hard this Christmas to let go of my desire to make the day 'perfect' and I ended up having a pretty great day!
Hi Kati! Your videos have helped me so much the past several months really get to the bottom of what was going on with my mental health. I just wanted to say thank you for that! Wishing you a happy new year!
Thank you. Something i really struggle with
This is a great topic thank you! I've been going to therapy for my current problems and I've noticed my therapist has been using the key term perfectionism. Mainly because in her eyes I've made a lot of great progress but I seem to be knit picking on "not doing more or enough," for next session. I'm not doing it intentionally, but I appreciate bringing this into awareness. Might bring it up on my next session.
Thank you!!!🙏🦋
Thanks!! Gracias, Kati!
It’s good we work on our mistakes and ourselves
Omg I love this! I have a problem with trying to be perfect and this totally helps 😊 thanks! ❤ also Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas Mackenzi!! xoxo
Thank you for this video Kati. I have felt like this before (especially in a personal project I'm working on). I've been working on accepting myself with my problems and issues as they are, that helps me in a strange way to calm down and improve the things I need to improve more effectively.
Thank you very much Kati, you are totally awesome. Happy holidays.
Merry Christmas, Kati! Thanks for all you do. 💖
I really needed this today thank you
Merry Christmas everyone 🎄🎁😀
this is just what i needed
Saving this video because I’m going to need to rewatch often. Thank you! Loved it ❤️❤️
I really needed this video, I struggle really hard with this on a daily basis. Thank you Kati! 💞
This is speaking to my present condition; my perfectionism manifests subtly and in different ways so I never named it as such- but I feel better naming it today. Other commenters are on target: the holidays bring it out. I’m also unemployed and broke so I feel like a super-sized failure lately :-(
I try to compliment myself to deal with perfectionism. I've never been diagnosed but I've had serious symptoms of OCD in my past with intrusive & repetitive thinking. I think a lot of that comes from me feeling very uncomfortable with uncertainty & high perfectionism. So throughout the day I try to tell myself that I'm doing well. I try to recognize the good things instead of magnifying my mistakes or blaming myself for situations beyond my control. This is especially difficult at work but I'm working on it.
I really needed this today. Thank you so much! Merry Christmas Kati
I struggle with this on the self esteem and procrastination side. I feel like it's something that I have let control me for a really long time. Not wanting to learn anything new or follow things I'm passionate about because in my head I would probably be no good at those things so there's no point in even trying and I would worry about people thinking I'm shit or dumb. It made school really difficult for me and now I'm trying to change things but I always have these thoughts that there's no point because I've started so late and have wasted my life up until now. It's like I'm telling myself my life is already over and this is all it's gonna be but rationally I know that isn't true. I'm not gonna let these things stop me though, I am really ready to change my poor mental habits. Thank you for these tips :))
Great video thanku kati 💜
Wow! Video on Christmas! The present I didn’t know I needed! Merry Christmas, Kati!
I already knew I had a perfectionist side to me, like with my eating disorder, which I have mostly stopped. And I think that my perfectionist urges are in other places in my life now. Which you made me realize with this video. I think that with my drawing I'm having this urge to make my art perfect, so I am going to make some "bad" art on purpose. Just to show that it's not such a bad thing, and that my world will not end. And I think in the end it will make me a better artist to be more carefree.
SO TRUE! Thank you Kati! What a great reminder...no one is perfect. No one can be perfect. What a terrible goal to aim for! ;-)
Apparently it was a tradition in many cultures when building houses or mansions or palaces, to leave one room in the corner of the building unifinished and all disorganised with unifinished construction and sometimes filled with tools used for making the rest of the building with them left abandoned mid way through doing construction work.
Couldn't have come at a perfect time. ALL what you described in the beginning of your video is me. However, combating my negative talk is the most difficult for me. Thank you ❤️❤️ merry Christmas!
This is awesome, oh and you forgot the anxiety that comes with being so afraid of not being perfect in stressful and pressuring tasks and environments.
Christmas video! It's the perfect advice for the season. Thank you and hope your holiday is well
This was a great video. Thanks.
merry christmas
Having a really shitty day and this video was really needed. Thank you, Kati. I hope you have a Merry Christmas
Thank you so much! This video is so relevant to me right now! xoxo
perfectionism is a HUGE problem i've been dealing with, in some unexpected ways. i'm not someone who has a perfectly cleaned room and gets every assignment in on time... it's quite the opposite. my perfectionism is bouts of me beating myself up over not being able to do it perfectly to my standards, and/or completely avoiding it if i feel i can't do it perfectly. procrastination! fun!
Thank you Kati!!!Another great video.It helped a lot xo
thank you Kati for all your video's and hope you have a merry christmas xx