I'm a 23 year old INFJ and after a lot, a lot of inexplainable misery I was finally diagnosed with inattentive adhd yesterday. I'm a woman of color, and since most of the research done on the disorder is done on white boys and men, no one (including me) ever noticed it even though looking back all of the signs were clearly there. I was labeled as 'gifted' at a young age and so I have been the master of masking my symptoms all my life because of my 'intelligence' which is both a blessing and a curse. I also grew up in an abusive household, so when I let some symptoms shine through, it would get me in a lot of trouble. All my life I thought there was something wrong with me, and I felt so guilty for having so much trouble with certain things, especially since I was supposedly 'smart.' When I just couldn't do certain things, I would feel awful and fully blame myself. I thought I was lazy and dumb and that my 'giftedness' was a huge miscalculation. But when I did achieve, academically, or career-wise, I felt equally bad because I thought that the achievements weren't valid. I could never feel any accomplishment or happiness from these things, only guilt because I thought 'if only they knew how much I'm actually struggling on the inside to get to this place of achievement, they would know my success isn't valid.' So for a long time, there was nothing I could get energy from because both overachievement and underachievement would make me feel like a fraud and there is nothing in between for me. This has caused many episodes of deep deep depression. Let me tell you, the first time I heard a story of a woman who was diagnosed as an adult, it felt like a moment of pristine clarity. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and for the first time since childhood, it felt like I could breathe again. It has made me able to take ownership of my achievements and of my quirks unapologetically and I feel like I can enjoy life again. So thank you for raising awareness on the matter, I hope it helps someone out there as much as it helped me.
I stumbled upon this video by sheer coincidence. And I guess I have to get myself tested or evaluated somehow. Never occurred to me, that this could be the thing that's so different about me. But reading your comment just now... Actually it quite shocked me. It kind of mirrors my life in so many ways. Now I feel like I really need an answer to finally get closure to all this suffering...
Jody, I don't know you, but I am so incredibly proud of you. Growing up in an abusive home as an INFJ is a special kind of hell and I would not wish it on any of our loving souls. Your resilience, your clear thinking, your openness shines through in this comment and I couldn't help but say something. My heart is exploding. Good job, Jody. Keep it up. You have a lifetime ahead of you where ownership of your successes is necessary to propel you to where you deserve to be. You've got this.
Thats great at such a young age. A lot of what you say says you have what they call imposter syndrome. Its not a real clinical thing. Its actually fairly common but it does impede a person. Glad your freed up better now!
I was recently diagnosed inattentive ADD. I read an article about non hyperactive and mostly girls are under diagnosed and that symptoms usually manifest more as anxiety and depression because of over compensation to keep up. It talked about the unorganized scatter brain and day dreaming and suddenly my whole life made sense!!
I have ADHD. When I’m practicing my flute I have to have some paper to write down all the other things I’m thinking about before I start playing again. Other wise I’ll be thinking about too many things and wont be able to focus. I really like that about doing something that requires all your attention.
I cannot clean my room unless I have something interesting I’m listening to or music .... It’s almost like I need a dopamine shot to do somethings. I also forget what I wanted to say while I’m typing like right now 😁 .... and I have to take breaks cleaning my room because I get tired so so easily when I’m doing something like cleaning .... my dressing mirror also has all my face and body creams on top of it because out of sight out of mind . I will find myself buying the same cream I kept in a drawer because I completely forgot I have it. Once I realised this about myself I just accepted that my dressing mirror will always have everything I need placed where I can see it no matter how messy it may come across to others .
I do similar things, like music listening, over exhaustion from doing minor activities. I was never like this though. I think its because I don't have any kind of vision so im just trying to frantically get my hands on anything to do, worrying about whether its right, so switch to my next task, back and forth, this and that! hyperaware, binge eating. im playing the waiting game from College to University atm and its summer break!, so I need a new focus I think. and not to mention keeping myself to myself.. I don't make it obvious theres a problem because I believe I shouldnt be like this and it wouldnt make sense to other people that I would be like this when im in a rather good position, getting all my priorities straight. Im all on my own :(
Here's the thing about: do you have trouble focusing on a single task? Well, sort of. Yes, but it's not because I just get excited about something else. It's because all the tasks are connected and dependent on each other, and often times there's something else I need to do before I complete the initial ask I set out to do, and that can lead to me working on many interdependent/interrelated tasks at once, and that is an issue when I'm not highly focused on remembering the initial task and why I'm branching into the other tasks as well. It's difficult, though, because all these tasks affect my life and are important, and it can be difficult to keep track of all of them! That's my comment about the first point you made somewhere in the first 10 minutes of the video. :)
Same for me. I am too old to be either of your twins:?) I was diagnosed 30 years ago, well after my children had been treated for it. I agree with the objection of calling them disorders. The purpose of that is to pay doctors by labeling their disorders.
Coping is the operative word. Long ago I started to put my “Phone keys and wallet “ in one place at home. EVERY TIME. Since then I have not had a catastrophic failure as it were. Haha. Take the most used things and protect them with a habit. Life is much calmer. 👍
I only discovered the term inattentive ADHD today and literally my entire life now makes sense! I have every single symptom and never understood why I struggle with these issues so much, or can’t just get things done without forgetting or missing something. I promise myself I will be more organized with the boring sides of running my business, like bookkeeping and tax, but o can’t seem to bring myself to do it! With creativity and new ideas I’m a gun, but with boring things I have no hope! Basically I’m that guy in the movie “momento” that needs to tattoo everything to my body to remember it, except I forget to make the tattoos. Thanks for enlightening me. I don’t like labels, but maybe there are ways to cope with this once it’s identified.
I think that not paying attention to boring stuff is very good, a clever approach on the way to fulfill your potential by using your dominant function, introverted intuition. 😃 It may just be the flip side of the coin and is not bad.
Man Clay, It's awesome you made this video now because it's something I've been going through like crazy lately, it's like my memory is terrible and i felt like I had alzheimer for the past couple of years. At school I was daydreaming 24/7 and could never keep my attention. A year ago, i found out about mbti and infj explained so much to me, why my life has been the way it has. A month ago I found out I have inattentive adhd. This video is great, i wish the best to everyone who has ADD or SCT, and being an infj on top of that makes it even harder. It's like your personality type is wanting to organize and plan things ahead but you're terrible at it because of inattentive adhd. And your introverted thinking is so strong but just filled with cluttered thoughts which have no coherence what so ever. Your extraverted feeling is wanting to connect and socialize with people but you can't stay focused on them and you look distracted all the time. It's very depressing... It's like living in constant confusion.
Taxes were due yesterday in the US. I turned them in 8pm. I haaate monotonous tasks! I lose things constantly. I was working on a home renovation project and was looking for a tool. I looked over and over. Then suddenly it was right there at my feet. It was like it magically appeared. I love my hyper focus ability and try to make it work for me.
Truly, I’ve never heard anyone as similar to myself. I’m also INFJ & I believe I have inattentive ADHD. However just a DSM diagnosis always felt inconclusive. I think getting a neuropsychological evaluation would be a good pairing :)
In elementary school, I was always treated like I was pretty smart... never did homework until at school in the morning. I was always rocking my chair back on two legs. Fidgety due to boredom, I thought. My delusion of being pretty smart started to fall apart in junior high and high school... -I didn't have the level of sustained concentration, discipline or focus to get any of these more complex tasks done, anymore... especially Homework. (by 10th grade, even my rather great abilities in math seemed to have faded away.) This inattentive thing is me for sure. *Am not very fidgety, as an adult... School just seemed like a waste of my life. -I just don't Do paperwork at all, anymore... But, I will check my mail for the checks... I don't make much. ;)... and feel it would be a disservice to not cash a personal check within 30 days.
My ADHD was diagnosed when I was past my mid-30's. Until then I disregarded all the symptoms as just part of my personality. However, thinking back the symptoms were always there. I was very fidgety (when in private), and in my first year in school I struggled with focusing on homework after school. I definetly didn't do any before my parents got home and even then with my mother would sit down with me for an hour or so my mind just couldn't cope with it. What I ended up doing was leaving it all till the next morning. My father would wake me up as he got up and got ready to go to work and I would do my homework in the morning before going to school. Most of the time it took me 15 - 30 minutes, sometimes an hour when there were multiple subjects that day but all in all I got through the grade school with near top grades from my class (not the highest but my average grade was around the top 5 of the class).
It's really sad that it's seen as a disorder if you are not able to concentrate on stuff that is boring for you ... this video was really interessting for me because there were again, like in the RSD video before, many things I could identify with even thought I am so very different (or it seems like it) to people with ADHD that I know .... I was never hyperactive and thats also why I never thought about ADHD but now that you explain so many things .... a few examples ... I am working on getting my bachelor degree and once I had to work on a paper and spend appoximately 9 hours on my laptop to finish the paper without eating, barely drinking water and moving ... on the other hand I had to study for some law exam and spend (according to my iphone) 12 h a day for several days on my phone for distractions in between reading and learning these laws ... to this day I am surprised that I had a very good grade :) ... The thing with the lists and tasks that you mentioned, Clay, is that according to my grades I am not dump but just get someone to list many things verbally or mention (complex) math ... my brain can't follow. For me it's easier to follow written to do lists. I think maybe the thing with having places for certain things is also a thing for me but I never really thought about it until now. When I still lived at home I could't stand the way my mother sometimes "cleaned up" because she sometimes removed my things from certain places, it made me crazy ... my father on the other hand has also certain places for certain things.... I think ....and never touches or removes things over and over again. I also have a really hard time on starting things because I know that I will put a lot of preassure on me once I start it but I also have a really strong tendency for perfectionism even thougt I know there is no such thing as being perfect.... I am actually amazed that I initially started following this channel because I am a fellow INFJ but I lern more and more about myself with each and every video, so thank you Clay for putting so much effort in the research for these videos. While writing this, I am listening to the video a second time and I think that I can identify with even more points ... but I think this comment is long enought.... if someone read my whole text, have a nice day ;D
Recently diagnosed inattentive type and INFJ here. Its heartening to see other INFJ's in this thread. I've tried meds and hate them despite obvious benefits in attention they provide. I'm on a journey of wanting to treat this naturally and believe there is a whole world of opportunities to achieve this. Macro wholefoods, yoga and meditation have been a great start, and I've calmed down my anxiety and reduced depression and improved my general mood already. My focus has improved a bit which is encouraging but I still have a way to go.
Clay, watching your video was like looking at myself in a mirror. Every detail of the inattentive ADHD you described of yourself was me (I could go into great detail here, but I shall not). I was utterly amazed. However, understanding these things about ourselves means that it should be much easier to make decisions. The entrepreneurs figured it out - DELEGATE. Know your weaknesses and get someone else to perform those duties. Focus on the things you enjoy and are good at. Life is short - don’t waste the most valuable commodity you have - TIME. We are the decision-makers. This video was-damn, I forgot what I wanted to say- Anyway, thanks. Can’t wait for the next video.
Wow, I’m halfway through and so far you’re experiences are 100% my experiences. Kinda spooky! I’ve always known I’m very Dyslexic my whole life , but it’s only until a breakdown this year that I feel like I’m probably ADHD inattentive type too, and this video is making feel like that’s probably the case. So interesting to hear all of your unspoken daily experiences come out of someone else’s mouth. Thanks for sharing
I’m so happy I found your channel bc your talks help me understand my special quirks - I also appreciate your calm & neutral way of describing things 🙏🏼
Thank you for this video. As you've observed here, there seems to be a lot of crossover between these symptoms and inferior Se. From what I've gathered, there seems to be a correlation between Ni with inattentive ADHD, and Ne with the more common ADHD variant. They seem to be descriptors for a way the brain functions when intuition is favoured heavily, rather than a mental illness. The connotation of illness seems to come from society not being very conducive for people with ADHD. As you said, many highly successful people operate and even thrive with some form of ADHD, developing systems to compensate for the heavy leaning on intuition. I think the more angles we can view something in, the greater the ability to make connections and find underlying threads, potential solutions, so thanks again for talking about this and sharing your thoughts. I've been incredibly lost (read: at death's door) the past while. Your videos have reminded me I'm not all bad internally, and to push to be understood rather than to live sparsely to not impact others with neurosis. There's a place in life I had convinced myself I didn't deserve very early on. Connection with myself and others I was convinced I didn't deserve. In your videos I see what could be without the self-imposed oppression, with the self-compassion to take pride in what I can offer, rather than what I can't. To escape the messiah complex and build an identity that does not need to be propped up by others' perceptions. To navigate through a deeply flawed society that doesn't always mesh with your natural state of being, and strive for a middle ground. I will always be disappointed by the world in some way. Society seems to be spiraling with every year that passes. I've come to see however, the bet was never truly worth the hand in my eyes. The bet simply needs to be adjusted. You can't move forward and make a life in the chaos with one foot out the door.
I relate hard, but I never thought this could be relevant for me because I had no problems focusing in school. But I realised now that it might be because I really enjoyed school work. I absolutely love diving into new topics and it's what I choose to do whenever I have free time too.
just turned 50 - INFJ + ADHD since a child - the life changer is when the 3rd eye opens - old timer once told me - for men between 35 - 45 / women a bit earlier 30 - 40 - ADHD Can* be used as a tool but takes time & practice - patience, it'll happen - Live Today, Learn from Yesterday, Plan for Tomorrow
I was diagnosed recently as a 19 year old female in university with ADHD and it is truly difficult to even recognize my personality to describe it to you. I know i have been masking my entire life, i just dont even know how to step out of masking in public or situations in which i am overwhelmed
Hey Clay! I just want to say that I’ve been loving your content. It really resonates with me. In all honesty, it’s been kind of creepy how much I relate to you and your perspectives. It feels creepy because being an INFJ male, I’m not used to seeing someone who not only looks physically similar to me but talks like me and thinks like me. So I want to say “thank you” for your great content that has helped me to understand myself and not feel so alone. I think not feeling so alien in a world that doesn’t make all that much sense to me is important Anyway, as someone who is ADHD and wasn’t diagnosed until his late 20’s (currently in mid 30’s) I again identify with you and where you’re at. I can see you doing all this research (love the shout out to Dr. Barkley, he’s a favorite of mine) and trying to relate it to your life experience. I agree with most of what you have to say but I find your wording of “they call this a disorder but… “ a little troubling. Don’t get me wrong, I see where you’re coming from. You’ve had the pleasure of being an entrepreneur with ADHD, where you explain that you can farm out “boring” tasks to people because you have the means. That’s not the “average” experience of someone with ADHD. The average person with ADHD is the person that’s doing those tasks for someone else. Also, what you’ve described (being unable to focus on a task due to it being uninteresting) isn’t typical for the person without ADHD. This actually falls into something I call the “ADHD tax”. The ADHD tax is basically any situation where you end up spending more time/money on something than the average person. Time blindness falls into that as well. All of these things add up and put a weight on us with ADHD. We have to try just that much harder. Personally, having ADHD can feel like swimming while wearing a t-shirt, jeans and tennis shoes. You can do it, but it’s going to be exhausting and you’re not going to be as efficient as everyone else Anyway, I feel labeling ADHD a disorder/disability is very important in modern society because without that label many, many people would not be able to get the help they need to achieve. I wouldn’t be able to have medication that makes my life so much easier to navigate. Medication is like being able to change into my swim trunks before going swimming. For another example: my daughter has inherited my ADHD. This past year it has been exceedingly difficult for her to cope with online learning. Even though she’s medicated and we’re teaching her different coping skills. Modern schooling is difficult enough for kids with ADHD, but online is even worse. It’s so easy to get distracted and lost. Unable to figure out what needs to be done. Without this labeling of ADHD as a disorder, I wouldn’t have been able to appeal to my daughter’s school to get her accommodations. Without those accommodations my otherwise bright child would have had a very hard time finishing her school work and the school year I feel like the argument you’re trying to make is a philosophical one. It’s an argument I support, by the way. I assume it goes something like: “Why does society view this way of thinking/operating as such a problem? Aren’t people with ADHD just prioritizing different things? Why is that so bad that we have to call this a disorder?” And the answer to that is: modern society wasn’t designed for people with ADHD. It has no practical use for the ADHD brain outside of niche circumstances. Modern society wants to mold people in a way that the ADHD brain just does not fit and we’re not going to be able to get all of society to change with a philosophical argument. What we can do though is slowly educate people on what ADHD is and why so many have such a hard time with it. Lastly, I loved your take on meditation as a way to help deal with ADHD. I’ve been meditating almost every day for four years now and I will say that from my own experience it has definitely helped me with my ADHD. But like with all things related to meditation, it is not a cure for my ADHD but works as a way to help me relate better to it. Paradoxically helps me to “manage” my ADHD through helping me to accept it
Time is soooooo elusive to me too. My Time blindness has angered people. I've tried. My ENFP friend set timers. I laughed not knowing it could be a useful tool if it didn't make me so frantic, distracted by the countdown that it obliterates my focus!
I totally relate to every single thing, also INFJ here with mixed ADHD. When it comes to that particular quality of boredom that is almost physically painful, there's no way to explain the way it hurts to someone who doesn't understand. I got the same feeling when you were talking about the legal PDFs just imagining it, it's like such a sense of dread it can actually cause severe anxiety and a freeze response where I can't do anything. If this is happening too much with too many boring tasks all looming on the horizon, I can go into a deep depression....it's no joke!! I'm not sure if it is particularly challenging for INFJs with ADHD and rejection dysphoria, as it can make for a bunch of weird quirks and insane NI/TI loops. I'm quite astonished at how similar my experiences are that you describe with the same ADHD features and overall presentation
This is sooooooo useful thanks. I recently considered that I may have inattentive adhd. I completely relate to everything u said. I was pretty good at school but i would always be aware that I had to put in more effort on a task than friends. I would try very Hard to focus on a lesson, 4 hours went by and I would still be on the 1st question. Or at work, I would always have to write things down to avoid forgetting. Even interviews funny enough, I always asked if I could get a notebook to write questions down because by the time I start answering I would completely forget the question.
I'm a 23-year-old INTP. My doctor diagnosed me with inattentive ADHD 2 days ago. I'm watching this video while playing Candy Crush and plucking hair at the same time. I couldn't spot this earlier because my best friend has the regular ADHD and just because I don't define as "hyperactive" (though I've got impulsivity problems) I thought mine was something else or I'm straight up stupid or lazy. But then I look at my life and what I achieved throughout the years, in the fields I find interesting and say, "then I'm not, but what is it?" I relate to everything you say. As I do my research deeper and deeper on the symptoms, I actually can't believe how accurate some intimate ones actually are.
The doing things you find boring or doing things other people tell you too is called Demand Avoidance. This is important for anyone who has adhd/add and or asd to be aware of.
Wow. All of this is my 8 year old. Thank you for the clarification she was diagnosed with adhd innatentive. We are trying to cope and deal and learn how to help her
In relation to losing stuff, I have the same habit as Clay. Once the items have their affixated places, everything can be found but should I lay an item _anywhere_ else, no matter how much in plain sight, I will _not_ find it. My first prompt is to go look from its designated place. After that, it's all the "other possible" places. I might pass by the item 5-10 times but just won't see it. 🙄 That is why I must have my keys in my pocket _at all times_... Otherwise I will forget to pick them up and I may lock myself out. 😅
I got diagnosed with inattentive ADD at 36. This was several years before learning about cognitive functions. I don't know if low Se is the same thing, but from everything I've learned about ADD I believe that calling it a disorder is a misnomer. Because it's really only a 'problem' when put against the backdrop of certain social expectations. E.g. the way formal education and modern workplaces are structured. It's not a coincidence that so many ADHD diagnosis stories start with a teacher that couldn't get a student to sit still.
I learned when looking for things our brains tend to be not just look for the items but color groups. Like if your normally would put your tooth past blue side up and someone else flips it over to the white side. It's like it isn't there when your looking right at it. Also I kinda prefer the "Lazer focused" over "Hyperfoucsed". Someone else compared not being able to do the thing to "biting your finger off"..you can tell yourself to do it but your brain won't let you.
Everything you say sounds like me and my inattentive ADHD 😅 Female INFP/J (figuring out, tested as INFP multiple times but therapist gave me a hint that INFJ might be more precise) here 😉
I get made fun of and people lose patience with me all the time. I wish people knew how hard it is. I literally forgot to message someone and get ready to sleep thinking about what to write right now
O my this is an eye-opener. I definitely have time blindness and may be on the spectrum for inattentive ADHD. I wonder if there is a correlation between this and being an INFJ.
INFJ here with ISTP husband with diagnosed ADHD. Super Interesting and very similar struggles. We’ve had countless ‘phone in the middle of the yard’ experiences. Time blindness is certainly not an inferior SE thing.
I was just diagnosed with inattentive adhd! I wish that I knew what was happening with me growing up since my motivation towards my schoolwork was a huge struggle for me and my mom never understood that. I also have a huge issue still with texting friends or texting them back. I am so glad I'm getting medication for it and the help I needed
What someone says sparks other thoughts about the same topic. Again about the boyfriend, I will start saying something, he will interrupt me with what my words stimulated him to think, then I will have to say, "Hold that thought, and I need to tell you the rest of mine, so here we go..."
The time blindness makes me be late. Sometimes I’m so into what I do or I don’t feel like doing what the appoimtment is about, that I leave at the last minute, then I’m late.
Another comment (female INFJ likely inatrentive add): i feel like my organization has developed AS a coping mechanism to handle the obstacles related to add. In other words, i do it, I'm good at it, and i deeply appreciate it, but thats not because i think its fun; its because i understand that engaging in organization is instrumental in my calm and literal ability to function and do life effectively.
I was self diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive) at 54. Since symptoms in women are impacted by hormones, I didn't really feel the impacts pre-puberty, and as I entered menopause, my symptoms became much more obvious. During my life, I had been using compulsive note-taking, asking for deadlines, but avoiding being responsible for providing data at a regular time where others are dependent on me. I was also using caffeine and nicotine to manage dopamine levels without being aware that's what I was doing. As a funny aside, when I quit both, I thought I was depressed! As far as working memory, some of that is tied to introverted function, we tend to have better access to long term memory vs short term. Even though I'm inattentive, blurting out answers has plagued me my whole life, probably because I'm so excited I know the answer. I also found that it impacted being able to define my MBTI. Over the years I thought I was an ISTJ, then an INTP. Now I'm 90% sure I'm actually an INFJ because I'm A- medicated B- single, so I see myself as "me", not filtered through someone else (weak extroverted sensing) C- working from home has allowed me to drop the social chameleon aspect of my personality I have felt like an alien my entire life because I was not like anyone else I knew, and only through my joy and passion of reading on a million seemingly unrelated subjects was I able to find the bread crumbs to lead me to find someone to confirm my self-diagnosis, and get the help I needed. I was experiencing brain-fog with the onset of the hormone changes due to menopause, and as someone with such a rich and colorful interior world, I couldn't imagine a worse fate than early onset Alzheimer's, and that was how I was feeling. I'm not broken, I'm just not like most people. Best decision ever was getting a service to mow my lawn. Thanks for bringing up the topic, I hope someone that needs this information will find a spark of recognition to pursue more knowledge to meet their needs.
@28:06 YES I interupt people as well! I'm an ENFJ and we have very similar behavior in regards to the ADHD stuff! My INTP mentor HATES when I interrupt and sometimes its because I am getting defensive from criticism ugh I hate that part about me but I had a head injury and my immediate memory can blank out easily and I get nervous Ill forget my point. If I am at my computer I put down bullet points of stuff I want to mention. But honestly sometimes a free for all discussion with interruptions is fun!
Wow this is totally me. INFJ all the way .I've been described as an enigma many times by many different people. Every report card; "Eamonn is a good student but tends to be distracted and distracts others..." Mrs Edgely year 6.Everything you said in first 20 minutes! Crazy. Clay you are like me (and I am you) in a parallel universe... haha too many similarities man ! Also I am 36 years old and only got diagnosed with ADHD 2years ago after doing a long term rehab program. Still working out a balance with the medication but it's definitely helping. No wonder I love high risk activities and started going to raves and taking ecstasy in high school. Dopamine!!!
LOL!! I am always repeating myself with my boyfriend, after I've told him where his coffee or his dinner is, and he comes in looking for it, and I have to repeat. Or he flat out asks me, after I just told him.
The water bottle is me!!! Ahhhh It’s not crazy my friend. I totally understand you and the more I watch videos like this the more I realize I’m definitely not normal
“She feels perfectly happy holding all these things…” omg this cracked me up cuz the way he said it was “this person does this crazy thing of holding…” which is exactly what I thought when he said what his employee does
One thing I've realised is that I can't maintain a consistent order of doing something. Like getting into and starting my car, it's always different, seatbelt, parking brake, ignition, clutch etc... Totally random order. Same with parking and turning it off, brake, keys, seatbelt... In the last few months I've neglected to engage the parking brake and had the car go rolling forward on me... Thankfully I caught it in time, except for the one time it rolled into someone's rear bumper! Thankfully no damage! I just can't seem to establish an order for things!
😂,... Just came across this video. The things that you struggle with plus your mannerisms remind me of myself..( it's disturbingly uncanny) ....However, I realised my coping mechanism was and still is to "act", pretend to be someone who" can", someone who absolutely loves the " boring"...( still working on the letter opening stuff)... does make me wonder where my INFJ personality starts and where my ADHD/ADD ends 😊
so as someone with inattentive adhd how many times did you pause this video and did something else or googled something while watching this? because I sure did a lot while watching this haha
Thank you for this video !!! I have all these symptoms since young hage but only realized it as an adult!! Beeing aware of this is away of beeing FREE!!!😁🌱💪🙏🧡
I paused the video to send it to my mom and explained where I see inattentiveness related to me, I sent the message, then I kept watching. He described what I sent to her almost verbatim. She’s going to think I just copied what he said in the video 😂
If the personality may have something to do with your experiences and learned behavior, maybe this is the reason why people with certain neurodiversity come to similar solutions snd coping strategies… just a thought though. I used to be this happy, curious, easily excited little girl, but I had to learn very painfully, that peers hated me for it. I had questions and wanted to know if my connected dots are right but my peers made jokes about it. I don’t know if they felt threatened by me, but even though I never intended to appear better than anyone and I was happy for others when they got things right, people accused me of thinking I was better than them. So I learned to keep things to myself, to wonder quietly and find out later if my connections were right. I learned to keep feelings to myself because others might use that knowledge against me or make me believe they have the characteristics I am looking for just to fool me into giving them supply. It was quite a fascinating experience when my ADHD medication worked and I did not have to put much effort in staying on the tasks that had to be done - it was so easy to do it and I could choose not to be distracted by my thoughts. It made me realize how much more energy some things cost me, that are just easy to do for others. People font see how much effort and hurry you put into arriving on time, but your time blindness forgot to remind you that your child might need an unexpected diaperchange and your whole schedule is off… I literally have to take my shopping list into the store and cross out everything I put into the cart to not oversee something on my list. Growing up with wanting to do good and yet making „careless“ mistakes, with wanting to share your excitement but being cast out for it, with wanting to please those around you yet forgetting things - lots of it made me who I am today. I don’t like to judge without considering many possible reasons-> I know how that feels. I don’t want to make my actions dependent on anyone’s opinion because I have much experience on being misunderstood and misjudged. This is also why I appear rather aloof most the time, but in my closer circle am very outgoing, talkative and funny. The people who know me as the empathic person I am will understand my sometimes dark humor very well, others may use it to judge me wrongly. I do believe many people with neurodiverse brains, be it ADHD or Autism or even just HSP have had to endure quite painful and toxic experiences, especially if they had no one who would hear them and see their struggles. Even as an adult friends will minimize your struggles and put it off as normal, but you see that it isn’t. Everyone knows the situation of forgetting what they went into the other room for, but few know this to happen multiple times a day, almost every day. And yet we have to be patient and kind with ourselves, get the stuff done and see our great strength and possibilities that come along with the brain we have. Some just choose to cope in different ways, they might get grandiose and don’t give a sh*t about others, use their ADHD as an excuse not to take responsibility but expect others to have unquestioned understanding for their behavior - so they might be very extroverted and selfish. Maybe the personality is how you choose to cope with the world anf relationships, and there is only a slight correlation between Neurology and Personality, or maybe its totally different. For some reason I think the personality is more connected to our soul, it guides how we use the brain we are given. But how our brain functions is genetic and training. So we can’t outgrow ADHD, but we can train our brain to not be as forgetful or anxious we can blame others or work on ourselves. Does it matter if I am very organized because I need it a coping and put much effort into learning it, or if I sm very organized by nature cause it comes easy to me? Either way I am organized. Does it matter if I control expressing my feelings because I never saw the point in sharing them or if I learned to feel them hidden inside because it was harmful to let others know how you feel? Both is healthy, both is introverted, both is conscious.
🌬💞 I see it as a positive derivative to myself 🌞 as well Clay. 🌟 I will space out from time to time. ☄😝 As Alwayz "CLAY" 🎩 Keep up the Good Workz. 💯💜🇺🇸💐🇨🇦☮
Came back to this video because I’ve realized all that you said is what I’ve recently uncovered about myself. My fiance has also been sending me tik toks about ADHD and at first I said no, that cant be, but the more I look into it (and literally everything you reference in this video), I really am starting to feel like I do have inattentive ADHD. I had the same question in that where is the line drawn between this neurodivergence and my previously thought personality of INFJ? It seems like a lot of the lines have blurred for me, and this is even more difficult because… (starting to forget where I was going with this 🙃). Anyway, thanks for the video - I wish I could make these but I have have such trouble even thinking where to begin with filming a video of myself. I’m going to try and see a psychiatrist to sort this stuff out because I do now find the low working memory impairs my ability to take verbal orders (ICU RN) from physicians in a time where I need to be able to remember step-by-step instructions and be able to implement them in a timely way; I can’t always he the guy who writes everything down as it is 2x as much work and makes it so frustrating.
This describes my husband. He has Inattentive ADHD disorder and knew since he was 8. I’m an ENFJ and I’ve been working with him (he is ENTJ but low on E). I’m very organized and time efficient. We have two kids and our eldest is 5 and was dx with Autism at 2.5. I was the only one working while pregnant with both of our kids as he was tasked with renovating our house. I have my doctorate in physical therapy so I make great money but it was all used up and then some every month. As far as ADHD, it’s very hard to have a partner with low to no reliability. I could very much relate to the lack of interest in completing mundane tasks. Apparently having a family and raising kids is not exciting or interesting enough. We’ve had a home renovation going on for 4 years. Drives me absolutely Fing crazy that he cannot complete anything and all the “uninteresting things” fall on my shoulders. Then I got so good at making up for his slack, he had enough time to get an online girlfriend who became an in person girlfriend. But then he decided he liked the stability of me and home so we’ve been going to marriage counseling. But…He put off work, forgot things, could not keep up his job as a Project Manager in construction and lost his job. All his friends and my friends who know this stuff that went down for the past year can’t believe his lack of grounding and judgement. Anyway, I’ve watched about 5 of your videos and I’ve decided not to continue my partnership/marriage now that I know how deeply rooted this shit is. Also, listening to your vague pseudo scientific ramblings is torture. Thank you for your help in solidifying my decision to jump off this sinking ship. ✌️ I hope you grow up someday.
WOW! That trival persuit memory describes me in a SERIOUS way! I noticed this recently. If there's a query, my brain can find that info, like, right away. If I'm just trying to remember on my own, it's like 30% chance lol. I really do wonder about the Ti-Fe axis in this way. (INTP here)
Lol i get the phone in yard story, similar thing happened to me the other night, glad i thought to maybe check outside though or else i never would've have found it
I'm 38, and infj-a and also adhd and I feel my adhs inattentive... made more even more spacey cretive eccentric n someway bc I hold myself way with pride ! ( which I didn't while being young ) !!
I love the trouble processing steps things. It’s why I literally can’t take directions 🗺 because I’m like wtf? I only heard the 1st thing you said and I’m still trying to process that 🥴🥴🤯
So interesting. I really thought these things were due to my INFJ personality type, but perhaps I also have this form of ADHD. I detest opening mail or doing anything I have to sit and actually focus on. It's extremely difficult for me when I'm always using my brain to daydream or think about so many other things. I'm definitely the sanevway when people are talking. I either get caught up trying to process something they said and miss what they've said since or tune out completely and get lost in thought. I recently ended a relationship with someone who blamed absolutely everything on his ADHD. He definitely did have some of these particular symptoms, but there was much more to it than that...
My coping mechanism is checking everything hundreds of times like a maniac, so I waste a lot of time and people say Im slow at work (they are right, I'm just grateful to have a job and pay my bills at this point) even by checking everything every minute I still forget things. Feeling frustrated and defeated is my natural state now. I have to try so hard to do bad work and that makes me really sad. I know I'm not stupid but the way my mind works makes my life pretty difficult.
I really don't like things that are called "disorders" when it's something that doesn't (have to) impair your day to day life. What you talk about is relatable but I'm like: what's wrong with that? A disorder sounds like there is something wrong with a person. That some psychologist thinks that sorting your mail is more important than doing what makes you happy, then you guys just have massively different priorities, lol
This is an issue with how most people perceive ADHD. Almost everyone can relate to ADHD on some level because we all experience some of the symptoms some of the time. However, people with ADHD experience these symptoms all of the time and it does become a disorder because it does interfere with your day to day life and being successful. ADHD 100% interferes in my personal and professional relationships. Especially in a society that values things like punctuality so heavily. It’s hard to advance in your profession when you constantly behave in an “unprofessional” manner and cannot control it. Like, people with ADHD are far less likely to finish college I do think that having ADHD wasn’t much of an issue in early human society. When we weren’t expected to be held standards of arriving at certain times. When we weren’t expected to have jobs where you sit and do an incredibly repetitive, non stimulating work. I think society has evolved to a point where it becomes glaringly obvious that there are those of us who weren’t designed for it
@@TheDynomiker Hmm I get what you're saying but I want to explain when I say doesn't have to impair your day to day life. The things you mention as well seem like very external problems, society, jobs etc that make things difficult. I can totally relate to that and I have struggled at many of those places in society and still do. That is difficult but then I wouldn't say that ADHD/whatever disorder is holding you back, but rather that external expectations from people, school, jobs that are holding you back. That old fashioned, traditions, closed minded, unaware and emotionally unintelligent society are holding you back (I think it's holding everyone back). Being "different" can be a massive advantage, how can you exploit that? Can you find a job where you have more freedom, where you don't need to do repetitive work, but can be creative? Or start your own business? My two cents anyway, all of these things are spectrum's but if it's the external that is making your life difficult, I think there's nothing wrong (or "disordered") with you...
My INFJ wife was diagnosed ADHD as a kid but I've been diagnosed as a 31yr old. I find that she has SOME of the ADHD symptoms, but not the, uhh... classic ones? Kind of what you say here, FWIW. I find Ne folks (INTP here) tend to be 'normal' ADHD. The Ni people like INFJs and INTJs seem to have something that has a LOT of the ADHD symptoms but also is kind of different. Almost more like a type of OCD but it's not quite OCD either. That "focus on one thing at a time" is actually EXACTLY what her overall issue is. For me, I also relate, I have trouble thinking more than 2, maybe 3 steps ahead. And if I do, I can't be doing anything else like moving around or talking to another person. I tend to take a thought-concept and bring it 'forward' one step, then want to move on to another concept. I like to move things along in groups. What INFJwife does, instead, is take 1 discreet concept or problem and taking it to it's logical conclusion, THEN she can move on. I'd be curious which of those two dynamics you relate to, since I find this distinction is not made very often. I definitely relate to the employee situation being overwhelming. I wonder if they're ISTJ or something. I have an ISTJ I'm working with closely now and the amount of information they keep inside their head truely astounds and sometimes scares me. Literally HOW???!!!! Things just fall out of mine like there's a hole and there is literally NOTHING I can do to stop it besides actually repeating the information out loud verbally. Thinking it doesn't work. All I know is that I wish there was a LOT more research into both disorders and brain functioning, and personality grouping as demographic was taken more seriously all around. It takes only a short amount of time in these communities to know SOMETHING is going on with various types and advice for one of a type tends to indeed be helpful in some way for most of that type.
I have a bit of a pet theory that all introverted types have the same undefined "disorder" when it comes to so called 'normal' behavior. Basically needing a slightly slower pace of life and interaction than what is considered normal. It's not really a problem unless others make it a problem.
Ne ADHD seems to be like: Idea A, Idea B, Idea X, Idea T, Idea M Ni ADHD seems to be like: Idea A,b,c,d,e,f,g- Oh, Idea B, Idea Cdefghijklmnopqrstuvwx- Oh sorry, Idea D. If that makes any sense haha. I think both people have issues with a type of reality dissociation to access those intuition functions, personally. I just catch her staring at things in the middle of what used to be a lively conversation, lol, just like you said.
You just said "Narrow attention", YES! That's how I've described INFJwife's attention as well. Not "sterotypical" bouncing around ADHD, but so narrow that literally ANYTHING will heavily distract her, even just, like, living in reality. For me, I feel like it's too broad of attention. I can't NOT pay attention to a stimulus in the environment. So I rarely get into DEEP thoughts even though I like to be. She seems to be jarred out of her deep thoughts and just keeps trying to go back in, lol.
I am INFJ type. I am or have been diagnosed with PTSD , c-PTSD , panic disorder, generalized anxiety, major depressive, and now yesterday my dr mentioned he thinks I may be ADD as I’m only lacking the hyper active portion. I just want help
As you have places for keys and phone, maybe you need places (in your schedule) for routine boring stuff. And limit it to half an hour. That's all the brain really concentrates for anyway. Half an hour, then a break. If you take your break mid task, you'll end up going back to the task to finish it because it will nag you until it's done. But you will need to schedule the time and do the first half hour.
This is so me as well (also INFJ). I've noticed a lot of stuff on my feed about executive disfunction and that I think describes the feeling of not being able to do/think the thing. I feel like I'm buffering, or like if my car is stuck in neutral. I just *can't* and what I've read is that unless a task is Interesting, Novel, Challenging or Urgent (I think those are the descriptors) your non-neurotypical brain is like, nah. This also explains why I can get shit done at the last minute because Urgent, but I can't do the same task if it isn't urgent.
Haha shit. Realized I zoned out very early on in the video imagining what things that have happened in my life that made me think I might have it. Thank god for TH-cam. Can replay as many times as I need to when I went off into daydream world by accident.
Could it be that being an INFJ with ADHD can be confused with being an INFP or have INFP traits in a way since I feel some INFP weaknesses or struggles are similar to what ADHD people experience... In my case it is really not clear as to if I'm an INFJ or INFP and I really do relate to both even though I feel closer to an INFJ in regards to the cognitive functions. But since I'm also "gifted" (I hate that word!) and autistic and recovering from severe CPTSD, it is a pretty confusing. Anyway reading about INFJ and these videos are so helpful and looking closer at the INFP struggles helps too, in order to understand myself. Thanks so much for the videos!
I'm a 23 year old INFJ and after a lot, a lot of inexplainable misery I was finally diagnosed with inattentive adhd yesterday. I'm a woman of color, and since most of the research done on the disorder is done on white boys and men, no one (including me) ever noticed it even though looking back all of the signs were clearly there. I was labeled as 'gifted' at a young age and so I have been the master of masking my symptoms all my life because of my 'intelligence' which is both a blessing and a curse. I also grew up in an abusive household, so when I let some symptoms shine through, it would get me in a lot of trouble.
All my life I thought there was something wrong with me, and I felt so guilty for having so much trouble with certain things, especially since I was supposedly 'smart.' When I just couldn't do certain things, I would feel awful and fully blame myself. I thought I was lazy and dumb and that my 'giftedness' was a huge miscalculation. But when I did achieve, academically, or career-wise, I felt equally bad because I thought that the achievements weren't valid. I could never feel any accomplishment or happiness from these things, only guilt because I thought 'if only they knew how much I'm actually struggling on the inside to get to this place of achievement, they would know my success isn't valid.'
So for a long time, there was nothing I could get energy from because both overachievement and underachievement would make me feel like a fraud and there is nothing in between for me. This has caused many episodes of deep deep depression.
Let me tell you, the first time I heard a story of a woman who was diagnosed as an adult, it felt like a moment of pristine clarity. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and for the first time since childhood, it felt like I could breathe again. It has made me able to take ownership of my achievements and of my quirks unapologetically and I feel like I can enjoy life again. So thank you for raising awareness on the matter, I hope it helps someone out there as much as it helped me.
I stumbled upon this video by sheer coincidence. And I guess I have to get myself tested or evaluated somehow. Never occurred to me, that this could be the thing that's so different about me.
But reading your comment just now... Actually it quite shocked me. It kind of mirrors my life in so many ways. Now I feel like I really need an answer to finally get closure to all this suffering...
A lot of people are missed... hoping to get treatment by the end of the week... waiting for insurance to kick in.
Jody,
I don't know you, but I am so incredibly proud of you.
Growing up in an abusive home as an INFJ is a special kind of hell and I would not wish it on any of our loving souls. Your resilience, your clear thinking, your openness shines through in this comment and I couldn't help but say something. My heart is exploding. Good job, Jody. Keep it up. You have a lifetime ahead of you where ownership of your successes is necessary to propel you to where you deserve to be.
You've got this.
THIS. IS. ME.
Thats great at such a young age. A lot of what you say says you have what they call imposter syndrome. Its not a real clinical thing. Its actually fairly common but it does impede a person. Glad your freed up better now!
I was recently diagnosed inattentive ADD. I read an article about non hyperactive and mostly girls are under diagnosed and that symptoms usually manifest more as anxiety and depression because of over compensation to keep up. It talked about the unorganized scatter brain and day dreaming and suddenly my whole life made sense!!
Same 😔
I have ADHD. When I’m practicing my flute I have to have some paper to write down all the other things I’m thinking about before I start playing again. Other wise I’ll be thinking about too many things and wont be able to focus. I really like that about doing something that requires all your attention.
Oh my god, this is me🙀
I cannot clean my room unless I have something interesting I’m listening to or music .... It’s almost like I need a dopamine shot to do somethings. I also forget what I wanted to say while I’m typing like right now 😁 .... and I have to take breaks cleaning my room because I get tired so so easily when I’m doing something like cleaning .... my dressing mirror also has all my face and body creams on top of it because out of sight out of mind . I will find myself buying the same cream I kept in a drawer because I completely forgot I have it. Once I realised this about myself I just accepted that my dressing mirror will always have everything I need placed where I can see it no matter how messy it may come across to others .
I do similar things, like music listening, over exhaustion from doing minor activities. I was never like this though. I think its because I don't have any kind of vision so im just trying to frantically get my hands on anything to do, worrying about whether its right, so switch to my next task, back and forth, this and that! hyperaware, binge eating. im playing the waiting game from College to University atm and its summer break!, so I need a new focus I think. and not to mention keeping myself to myself.. I don't make it obvious theres a problem because I believe I shouldnt be like this and it wouldnt make sense to other people that I would be like this when im in a rather good position, getting all my priorities straight. Im all on my own :(
Here's the thing about: do you have trouble focusing on a single task?
Well, sort of. Yes, but it's not because I just get excited about something else. It's because all the tasks are connected and dependent on each other, and often times there's something else I need to do before I complete the initial ask I set out to do, and that can lead to me working on many interdependent/interrelated tasks at once, and that is an issue when I'm not highly focused on remembering the initial task and why I'm branching into the other tasks as well.
It's difficult, though, because all these tasks affect my life and are important, and it can be difficult to keep track of all of them! That's my comment about the first point you made somewhere in the first 10 minutes of the video. :)
When I hear you talk I hear myself talk. It's like finding out you have a twin but more. xD
Same for me. I am too old to be either of your twins:?) I was diagnosed 30 years ago, well after my children had been treated for it. I agree with the objection of calling them disorders. The purpose of that is to pay doctors by labeling their disorders.
Yeah, me too. So what can we do? Is there treatment or something
💯
I felt the exact same. It’s like I wrote this and he’s just reading the script lol
He's obviously talking about me and not you... lol
Coping is the operative word. Long ago I started to put my “Phone keys and wallet “ in one place at home. EVERY TIME. Since then I have not had a catastrophic failure as it were. Haha. Take the most used things and protect them with a habit. Life is much calmer. 👍
I only discovered the term inattentive ADHD today and literally my entire life now makes sense! I have every single symptom and never understood why I struggle with these issues so much, or can’t just get things done without forgetting or missing something.
I promise myself I will be more organized with the boring sides of running my business, like bookkeeping and tax, but o can’t seem to bring myself to do it!
With creativity and new ideas I’m a gun, but with boring things I have no hope!
Basically I’m that guy in the movie “momento” that needs to tattoo everything to my body to remember it, except I forget to make the tattoos.
Thanks for enlightening me. I don’t like labels, but maybe there are ways to cope with this once it’s identified.
Dude these last two videos really struck a nerve... More than relatable for sure 😅
Oh my God! This video made me realize, I'm an INFJ with inattentive ADHD 😅
SAME!
I think that not paying attention to boring stuff is very good, a clever approach on the way to fulfill your potential by using your dominant function, introverted intuition. 😃 It may just be the flip side of the coin and is not bad.
Man Clay, It's awesome you made this video now because it's something I've been going through like crazy lately,
it's like my memory is terrible and i felt like I had alzheimer for the past couple of years. At school I was daydreaming 24/7 and could never keep my attention.
A year ago, i found out about mbti and infj explained so much to me, why my life has been the way it has. A month ago I found out I have inattentive adhd.
This video is great, i wish the best to everyone who has ADD or SCT, and being an infj on top of that makes it even harder.
It's like your personality type is wanting to organize and plan things ahead but you're terrible at it because of inattentive adhd.
And your introverted thinking is so strong but just filled with cluttered thoughts which have no coherence what so ever.
Your extraverted feeling is wanting to connect and socialize with people but you can't stay focused on them and you look distracted all the time.
It's very depressing... It's like living in constant confusion.
Taxes were due yesterday in the US. I turned them in 8pm. I haaate monotonous tasks!
I lose things constantly. I was working on a home renovation project and was looking for a tool. I looked over and over. Then suddenly it was right there at my feet. It was like it magically appeared. I love my hyper focus ability and try to make it work for me.
Omg yesss the different To Do Lists! I hate when someone tells me to make a To do list, because it’s a struggle to remember to check the damn thing
Truly, I’ve never heard anyone as similar to myself. I’m also INFJ & I believe I have inattentive ADHD. However just a DSM diagnosis always felt inconclusive. I think getting a neuropsychological evaluation would be a good pairing :)
In elementary school, I was always treated like I was pretty smart... never did homework until at school in the morning. I was always rocking my chair back on two legs. Fidgety due to boredom, I thought.
My delusion of being pretty smart started to fall apart in junior high and high school...
-I didn't have the level of sustained concentration, discipline or focus to get any of these more complex tasks done, anymore... especially Homework. (by 10th grade, even my rather great abilities in math seemed to have faded away.) This inattentive thing is me for sure.
*Am not very fidgety, as an adult... School just seemed like a waste of my life.
-I just don't Do paperwork at all, anymore...
But, I will check my mail for the checks... I don't make much. ;)... and feel it would be a disservice to not cash a personal check within 30 days.
My ADHD was diagnosed when I was past my mid-30's. Until then I disregarded all the symptoms as just part of my personality. However, thinking back the symptoms were always there. I was very fidgety (when in private), and in my first year in school I struggled with focusing on homework after school. I definetly didn't do any before my parents got home and even then with my mother would sit down with me for an hour or so my mind just couldn't cope with it. What I ended up doing was leaving it all till the next morning. My father would wake me up as he got up and got ready to go to work and I would do my homework in the morning before going to school. Most of the time it took me 15 - 30 minutes, sometimes an hour when there were multiple subjects that day but all in all I got through the grade school with near top grades from my class (not the highest but my average grade was around the top 5 of the class).
It's really sad that it's seen as a disorder if you are not able to concentrate on stuff that is boring for you ... this video was really interessting for me because there were again, like in the RSD video before, many things I could identify with even thought I am so very different (or it seems like it) to people with ADHD that I know .... I was never hyperactive and thats also why I never thought about ADHD but now that you explain so many things
.... a few examples ...
I am working on getting my bachelor degree and once I had to work on a paper and spend appoximately 9 hours on my laptop to finish the paper without eating, barely drinking water and moving ... on the other hand I had to study for some law exam and spend (according to my iphone) 12 h a day for several days on my phone for distractions in between reading and learning these laws ... to this day I am surprised that I had a very good grade :) ...
The thing with the lists and tasks that you mentioned, Clay, is that according to my grades I am not dump but just get someone to list many things verbally or mention (complex) math ... my brain can't follow. For me it's easier to follow written to do lists.
I think maybe the thing with having places for certain things is also a thing for me but I never really thought about it until now. When I still lived at home I could't stand the way my mother sometimes "cleaned up" because she sometimes removed my things from certain places, it made me crazy ... my father on the other hand has also certain places for certain things.... I think ....and never touches or removes things over and over again.
I also have a really hard time on starting things because I know that I will put a lot of preassure on me once I start it but I also have a really strong tendency for perfectionism even thougt I know there is no such thing as being perfect....
I am actually amazed that I initially started following this channel because I am a fellow INFJ but I lern more and more about myself with each and every video, so thank you Clay for putting so much effort in the research for these videos.
While writing this, I am listening to the video a second time and I think that I can identify with even more points ... but I think this comment is long enought....
if someone read my whole text, have a nice day ;D
Lol 😉
I have watched a few utube videos on inattentive ADHD but I could literally resonate with everything that you have said it describes me to a tee.
Recently diagnosed inattentive type and INFJ here. Its heartening to see other INFJ's in this thread. I've tried meds and hate them despite obvious benefits in attention they provide. I'm on a journey of wanting to treat this naturally and believe there is a whole world of opportunities to achieve this. Macro wholefoods, yoga and meditation have been a great start, and I've calmed down my anxiety and reduced depression and improved my general mood already. My focus has improved a bit which is encouraging but I still have a way to go.
Clay, watching your video was like looking at myself in a mirror. Every detail of the inattentive ADHD you described of yourself was me (I could go into great detail here, but I shall not). I was utterly amazed. However, understanding these things about ourselves means that it should be much easier to make decisions. The entrepreneurs figured it out - DELEGATE. Know your weaknesses and get someone else to perform those duties. Focus on the things you enjoy and are good at. Life is short - don’t waste the most valuable commodity you have - TIME. We are the decision-makers.
This video was-damn, I forgot what I wanted to say- Anyway, thanks. Can’t wait for the next video.
Wow, I’m halfway through and so far you’re experiences are 100% my experiences. Kinda spooky! I’ve always known I’m very Dyslexic my whole life , but it’s only until a breakdown this year that I feel like I’m probably ADHD inattentive type too, and this video is making feel like that’s probably the case. So interesting to hear all of your unspoken daily experiences come out of someone else’s mouth. Thanks for sharing
It was so eye opening to see this video. It's like everything i have been feeling all my life but wasn't able to express. Thank you for this.
That part about thinking about something someone said distracting you from the conversation was super relatable
I’m so happy I found your channel bc your talks help me understand my special quirks -
I also appreciate your calm & neutral way of describing things 🙏🏼
Thank you for this video. As you've observed here, there seems to be a lot of crossover between these symptoms and inferior Se. From what I've gathered, there seems to be a correlation between Ni with inattentive ADHD, and Ne with the more common ADHD variant. They seem to be descriptors for a way the brain functions when intuition is favoured heavily, rather than a mental illness. The connotation of illness seems to come from society not being very conducive for people with ADHD. As you said, many highly successful people operate and even thrive with some form of ADHD, developing systems to compensate for the heavy leaning on intuition.
I think the more angles we can view something in, the greater the ability to make connections and find underlying threads, potential solutions, so thanks again for talking about this and sharing your thoughts.
I've been incredibly lost (read: at death's door) the past while. Your videos have reminded me I'm not all bad internally, and to push to be understood rather than to live sparsely to not impact others with neurosis. There's a place in life I had convinced myself I didn't deserve very early on. Connection with myself and others I was convinced I didn't deserve. In your videos I see what could be without the self-imposed oppression, with the self-compassion to take pride in what I can offer, rather than what I can't. To escape the messiah complex and build an identity that does not need to be propped up by others' perceptions. To navigate through a deeply flawed society that doesn't always mesh with your natural state of being, and strive for a middle ground.
I will always be disappointed by the world in some way. Society seems to be spiraling with every year that passes. I've come to see however, the bet was never truly worth the hand in my eyes. The bet simply needs to be adjusted. You can't move forward and make a life in the chaos with one foot out the door.
Can you point to any research you have read regarding the correlation of introverted intuition and inattentiveness?
I relate hard, but I never thought this could be relevant for me because I had no problems focusing in school. But I realised now that it might be because I really enjoyed school work. I absolutely love diving into new topics and it's what I choose to do whenever I have free time too.
just turned 50 - INFJ + ADHD since a child - the life changer is when the 3rd eye opens - old timer once told me - for men between 35 - 45 / women a bit earlier 30 - 40 - ADHD Can* be used as a tool but takes time & practice - patience, it'll happen - Live Today, Learn from Yesterday, Plan for Tomorrow
I was diagnosed recently as a 19 year old female in university with ADHD and it is truly difficult to even recognize my personality to describe it to you. I know i have been masking my entire life, i just dont even know how to step out of masking in public or situations in which i am overwhelmed
Same, idk who I am
Hey Clay! I just want to say that I’ve been loving your content. It really resonates with me. In all honesty, it’s been kind of creepy how much I relate to you and your perspectives. It feels creepy because being an INFJ male, I’m not used to seeing someone who not only looks physically similar to me but talks like me and thinks like me. So I want to say “thank you” for your great content that has helped me to understand myself and not feel so alone. I think not feeling so alien in a world that doesn’t make all that much sense to me is important
Anyway, as someone who is ADHD and wasn’t diagnosed until his late 20’s (currently in mid 30’s) I again identify with you and where you’re at. I can see you doing all this research (love the shout out to Dr. Barkley, he’s a favorite of mine) and trying to relate it to your life experience. I agree with most of what you have to say but I find your wording of “they call this a disorder but… “ a little troubling. Don’t get me wrong, I see where you’re coming from. You’ve had the pleasure of being an entrepreneur with ADHD, where you explain that you can farm out “boring” tasks to people because you have the means.
That’s not the “average” experience of someone with ADHD. The average person with ADHD is the person that’s doing those tasks for someone else. Also, what you’ve described (being unable to focus on a task due to it being uninteresting) isn’t typical for the person without ADHD. This actually falls into something I call the “ADHD tax”. The ADHD tax is basically any situation where you end up spending more time/money on something than the average person. Time blindness falls into that as well. All of these things add up and put a weight on us with ADHD. We have to try just that much harder. Personally, having ADHD can feel like swimming while wearing a t-shirt, jeans and tennis shoes. You can do it, but it’s going to be exhausting and you’re not going to be as efficient as everyone else
Anyway, I feel labeling ADHD a disorder/disability is very important in modern society because without that label many, many people would not be able to get the help they need to achieve. I wouldn’t be able to have medication that makes my life so much easier to navigate. Medication is like being able to change into my swim trunks before going swimming. For another example: my daughter has inherited my ADHD. This past year it has been exceedingly difficult for her to cope with online learning. Even though she’s medicated and we’re teaching her different coping skills. Modern schooling is difficult enough for kids with ADHD, but online is even worse. It’s so easy to get distracted and lost. Unable to figure out what needs to be done. Without this labeling of ADHD as a disorder, I wouldn’t have been able to appeal to my daughter’s school to get her accommodations. Without those accommodations my otherwise bright child would have had a very hard time finishing her school work and the school year
I feel like the argument you’re trying to make is a philosophical one. It’s an argument I support, by the way. I assume it goes something like: “Why does society view this way of thinking/operating as such a problem? Aren’t people with ADHD just prioritizing different things? Why is that so bad that we have to call this a disorder?”
And the answer to that is: modern society wasn’t designed for people with ADHD. It has no practical use for the ADHD brain outside of niche circumstances. Modern society wants to mold people in a way that the ADHD brain just does not fit and we’re not going to be able to get all of society to change with a philosophical argument. What we can do though is slowly educate people on what ADHD is and why so many have such a hard time with it.
Lastly, I loved your take on meditation as a way to help deal with ADHD. I’ve been meditating almost every day for four years now and I will say that from my own experience it has definitely helped me with my ADHD. But like with all things related to meditation, it is not a cure for my ADHD but works as a way to help me relate better to it. Paradoxically helps me to “manage” my ADHD through helping me to accept it
Hi, I know this post is old but are you still here on YT? I ask because I agree with your take on this issue. I wanted to ask some questions. Thanks!
Time is soooooo elusive to me too.
My Time blindness has angered people. I've tried. My ENFP friend set timers. I laughed not knowing it could be a useful tool if it didn't make me so frantic, distracted by the countdown that it obliterates my focus!
Very Good explained and on point!
Thank you so much for posting this. Perhaps in one of your future videos, you could touch upon how to cope with these issues as well!
There's also something called Aphantasia - where a person can't visualize the things they intend to. I think we as people with ADHD have this too.
I totally relate to every single thing, also INFJ here with mixed ADHD. When it comes to that particular quality of boredom that is almost physically painful, there's no way to explain the way it hurts to someone who doesn't understand. I got the same feeling when you were talking about the legal PDFs just imagining it, it's like such a sense of dread it can actually cause severe anxiety and a freeze response where I can't do anything. If this is happening too much with too many boring tasks all looming on the horizon, I can go into a deep depression....it's no joke!! I'm not sure if it is particularly challenging for INFJs with ADHD and rejection dysphoria, as it can make for a bunch of weird quirks and insane NI/TI loops. I'm quite astonished at how similar my experiences are that you describe with the same ADHD features and overall presentation
The honesty is refreshing because I refused for a long time to admit I had these problems.
This is sooooooo useful thanks. I recently considered that I may have inattentive adhd. I completely relate to everything u said. I was pretty good at school but i would always be aware that I had to put in more effort on a task than friends. I would try very Hard to focus on a lesson, 4 hours went by and I would still be on the 1st question. Or at work, I would always have to write things down to avoid forgetting. Even interviews funny enough, I always asked if I could get a notebook to write questions down because by the time I start answering I would completely forget the question.
Brother man, welcome to the family! We are on the same page. 🙃
I'm a 23-year-old INTP. My doctor diagnosed me with inattentive ADHD 2 days ago. I'm watching this video while playing Candy Crush and plucking hair at the same time.
I couldn't spot this earlier because my best friend has the regular ADHD and just because I don't define as "hyperactive" (though I've got impulsivity problems) I thought mine was something else or I'm straight up stupid or lazy. But then I look at my life and what I achieved throughout the years, in the fields I find interesting and say, "then I'm not, but what is it?" I relate to everything you say. As I do my research deeper and deeper on the symptoms, I actually can't believe how accurate some intimate ones actually are.
The doing things you find boring or doing things other people tell you too is called Demand Avoidance. This is important for anyone who has adhd/add and or asd to be aware of.
Wow. All of this is my 8 year old. Thank you for the clarification she was diagnosed with adhd innatentive. We are trying to cope and deal and learn how to help her
In relation to losing stuff, I have the same habit as Clay. Once the items have their affixated places, everything can be found but should I lay an item _anywhere_ else, no matter how much in plain sight, I will _not_ find it. My first prompt is to go look from its designated place. After that, it's all the "other possible" places. I might pass by the item 5-10 times but just won't see it. 🙄 That is why I must have my keys in my pocket _at all times_... Otherwise I will forget to pick them up and I may lock myself out. 😅
I got diagnosed with inattentive ADD at 36. This was several years before learning about cognitive functions. I don't know if low Se is the same thing, but from everything I've learned about ADD I believe that calling it a disorder is a misnomer. Because it's really only a 'problem' when put against the backdrop of certain social expectations. E.g. the way formal education and modern workplaces are structured. It's not a coincidence that so many ADHD diagnosis stories start with a teacher that couldn't get a student to sit still.
I learned when looking for things our brains tend to be not just look for the items but color groups. Like if your normally would put your tooth past blue side up and someone else flips it over to the white side. It's like it isn't there when your looking right at it. Also I kinda prefer the "Lazer focused" over "Hyperfoucsed". Someone else compared not being able to do the thing to "biting your finger off"..you can tell yourself to do it but your brain won't let you.
I’m an INFP with predominantly inattentive ADHD.
Everything you say sounds like me and my inattentive ADHD 😅 Female INFP/J (figuring out, tested as INFP multiple times but therapist gave me a hint that INFJ might be more precise) here 😉
I get made fun of and people lose patience with me all the time. I wish people knew how hard it is. I literally forgot to message someone and get ready to sleep thinking about what to write right now
I open my mail about twice a year too. It will be July and I'm like "Hey, thanks for the Christmas card!"
O my this is an eye-opener. I definitely have time blindness and may be on the spectrum for inattentive ADHD. I wonder if there is a correlation between this and being an INFJ.
You look happy & seem to be having a little fun with subject(s) wonderful....lovely to see you happpppppy!!!!!!!!!!!😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊
I always thought everyone has those same problems but somehow they just handle it all better. Or that I’m just broken.
INFJ here with ISTP husband with diagnosed ADHD. Super Interesting and very similar struggles. We’ve had countless ‘phone in the middle of the yard’ experiences. Time blindness is certainly not an inferior SE thing.
I was just diagnosed with inattentive adhd! I wish that I knew what was happening with me growing up since my motivation towards my schoolwork was a huge struggle for me and my mom never understood that. I also have a huge issue still with texting friends or texting them back. I am so glad I'm getting medication for it and the help I needed
What someone says sparks other thoughts about the same topic. Again about the boyfriend, I will start saying something, he will interrupt me with what my words stimulated him to think, then I will have to say, "Hold that thought, and I need to tell you the rest of mine, so here we go..."
The time blindness makes me be late. Sometimes I’m so into what I do or I don’t feel like doing what the appoimtment is about, that I leave at the last minute, then I’m late.
Another comment (female INFJ likely inatrentive add): i feel like my organization has developed AS a coping mechanism to handle the obstacles related to add. In other words, i do it, I'm good at it, and i deeply appreciate it, but thats not because i think its fun; its because i understand that engaging in organization is instrumental in my calm and literal ability to function and do life effectively.
I was self diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive) at 54. Since symptoms in women are impacted by hormones, I didn't really feel the impacts pre-puberty, and as I entered menopause, my symptoms became much more obvious. During my life, I had been using compulsive note-taking, asking for deadlines, but avoiding being responsible for providing data at a regular time where others are dependent on me. I was also using caffeine and nicotine to manage dopamine levels without being aware that's what I was doing. As a funny aside, when I quit both, I thought I was depressed! As far as working memory, some of that is tied to introverted function, we tend to have better access to long term memory vs short term. Even though I'm inattentive, blurting out answers has plagued me my whole life, probably because I'm so excited I know the answer.
I also found that it impacted being able to define my MBTI. Over the years I thought I was an ISTJ, then an INTP. Now I'm 90% sure I'm actually an INFJ because I'm
A- medicated
B- single, so I see myself as "me", not filtered through someone else (weak extroverted sensing)
C- working from home has allowed me to drop the social chameleon aspect of my personality
I have felt like an alien my entire life because I was not like anyone else I knew, and only through my joy and passion of reading on a million seemingly unrelated subjects was I able to find the bread crumbs to lead me to find someone to confirm my self-diagnosis, and get the help I needed. I was experiencing brain-fog with the onset of the hormone changes due to menopause, and as someone with such a rich and colorful interior world, I couldn't imagine a worse fate than early onset Alzheimer's, and that was how I was feeling. I'm not broken, I'm just not like most people.
Best decision ever was getting a service to mow my lawn.
Thanks for bringing up the topic, I hope someone that needs this information will find a spark of recognition to pursue more knowledge to meet their needs.
@28:06 YES I interupt people as well! I'm an ENFJ and we have very similar behavior in regards to the ADHD stuff! My INTP mentor HATES when I interrupt and sometimes its because I am getting defensive from criticism ugh I hate that part about me but I had a head injury and my immediate memory can blank out easily and I get nervous Ill forget my point. If I am at my computer I put down bullet points of stuff I want to mention. But honestly sometimes a free for all discussion with interruptions is fun!
Wow this is totally me. INFJ all the way .I've been described as an enigma many times by many different people. Every report card; "Eamonn is a good student but tends to be distracted and distracts others..." Mrs Edgely year 6.Everything you said in first 20 minutes! Crazy. Clay you are like me (and I am you) in a parallel universe... haha too many similarities man ! Also I am 36 years old and only got diagnosed with ADHD 2years ago after doing a long term rehab program. Still working out a balance with the medication but it's definitely helping. No wonder I love high risk activities and started going to raves and taking ecstasy in high school. Dopamine!!!
LOL!! I am always repeating myself with my boyfriend, after I've told him where his coffee or his dinner is, and he comes in looking for it, and I have to repeat. Or he flat out asks me, after I just told him.
The water bottle is me!!! Ahhhh
It’s not crazy my friend. I totally understand you and the more I watch videos like this the more I realize I’m definitely not normal
“She feels perfectly happy holding all these things…” omg this cracked me up cuz the way he said it was “this person does this crazy thing of holding…” which is exactly what I thought when he said what his employee does
One thing I've realised is that I can't maintain a consistent order of doing something. Like getting into and starting my car, it's always different, seatbelt, parking brake, ignition, clutch etc... Totally random order. Same with parking and turning it off, brake, keys, seatbelt... In the last few months I've neglected to engage the parking brake and had the car go rolling forward on me... Thankfully I caught it in time, except for the one time it rolled into someone's rear bumper! Thankfully no damage!
I just can't seem to establish an order for things!
I have places for things, if i can only remember to actually put them there.
Recall Books Read But When Questions Asked Or Movies I Saw Can Only Remember Like Oceans 11 Laser Etc
😂,... Just came across this video. The things that you struggle with plus your mannerisms remind me of myself..( it's disturbingly uncanny) ....However, I realised my coping mechanism was and still is to "act", pretend to be someone who" can", someone who absolutely loves the
" boring"...( still working on the letter opening stuff)... does make me wonder where my INFJ personality starts and where my ADHD/ADD ends 😊
so as someone with inattentive adhd how many times did you pause this video and did something else or googled something while watching this? because I sure did a lot while watching this haha
Thank you for this video !!! I have all these symptoms since young hage but only realized it as an adult!! Beeing aware of this is away of beeing FREE!!!😁🌱💪🙏🧡
I can definitely relate to what u saying...I'm still needing to get diagnosed but I do believe I have ADD...
My problem is I need to translate verbal instructions in pictures and that takes a little bit more time than normal.
As an ENFP, you described me (self observed and diagnosed ADHD pal)
But most of it is towards inattentive 😆
I paused the video to send it to my mom and explained where I see inattentiveness related to me, I sent the message, then I kept watching. He described what I sent to her almost verbatim. She’s going to think I just copied what he said in the video 😂
If the personality may have something to do with your experiences and learned behavior, maybe this is the reason why people with certain neurodiversity come to similar solutions snd coping strategies… just a thought though.
I used to be this happy, curious, easily excited little girl, but I had to learn very painfully, that peers hated me for it. I had questions and wanted to know if my connected dots are right but my peers made jokes about it. I don’t know if they felt threatened by me, but even though I never intended to appear better than anyone and I was happy for others when they got things right, people accused me of thinking I was better than them.
So I learned to keep things to myself, to wonder quietly and find out later if my connections were right. I learned to keep feelings to myself because others might use that knowledge against me or make me believe they have the characteristics I am looking for just to fool me into giving them supply.
It was quite a fascinating experience when my ADHD medication worked and I did not have to put much effort in staying on the tasks that had to be done - it was so easy to do it and I could choose not to be distracted by my thoughts. It made me realize how much more energy some things cost me, that are just easy to do for others.
People font see how much effort and hurry you put into arriving on time, but your time blindness forgot to remind you that your child might need an unexpected diaperchange and your whole schedule is off… I literally have to take my shopping list into the store and cross out everything I put into the cart to not oversee something on my list.
Growing up with wanting to do good and yet making „careless“ mistakes, with wanting to share your excitement but being cast out for it, with wanting to please those around you yet forgetting things - lots of it made me who I am today. I don’t like to judge without considering many possible reasons-> I know how that feels. I don’t want to make my actions dependent on anyone’s opinion because I have much experience on being misunderstood and misjudged. This is also why I appear rather aloof most the time, but in my closer circle am very outgoing, talkative and funny. The people who know me as the empathic person I am will understand my sometimes dark humor very well, others may use it to judge me wrongly.
I do believe many people with neurodiverse brains, be it ADHD or Autism or even just HSP have had to endure quite painful and toxic experiences, especially if they had no one who would hear them and see their struggles. Even as an adult friends will minimize your struggles and put it off as normal, but you see that it isn’t. Everyone knows the situation of forgetting what they went into the other room for, but few know this to happen multiple times a day, almost every day. And yet we have to be patient and kind with ourselves, get the stuff done and see our great strength and possibilities that come along with the brain we have.
Some just choose to cope in different ways, they might get grandiose and don’t give a sh*t about others, use their ADHD as an excuse not to take responsibility but expect others to have unquestioned understanding for their behavior - so they might be very extroverted and selfish.
Maybe the personality is how you choose to cope with the world anf relationships, and there is only a slight correlation between Neurology and Personality, or maybe its totally different.
For some reason I think the personality is more connected to our soul, it guides how we use the brain we are given. But how our brain functions is genetic and training. So we can’t outgrow ADHD, but we can train our brain to not be as forgetful or anxious we can blame others or work on ourselves.
Does it matter if I am very organized because I need it a coping and put much effort into learning it, or if I sm very organized by nature cause it comes easy to me? Either way I am organized. Does it matter if I control expressing my feelings because I never saw the point in sharing them or if I learned to feel them hidden inside because it was harmful to let others know how you feel? Both is healthy, both is introverted, both is conscious.
🌬💞 I see it as a positive derivative to myself 🌞 as well Clay. 🌟 I will space out from time to time. ☄😝 As Alwayz "CLAY" 🎩 Keep up the Good Workz. 💯💜🇺🇸💐🇨🇦☮
My psychiatrist diagnosed me with adhd ptsd mild autism psychosis schizophrenia personality disorder plus a few other things ; but I'm happy 😊 👋 bye.
Came back to this video because I’ve realized all that you said is what I’ve recently uncovered about myself. My fiance has also been sending me tik toks about ADHD and at first I said no, that cant be, but the more I look into it (and literally everything you reference in this video), I really am starting to feel like I do have inattentive ADHD. I had the same question in that where is the line drawn between this neurodivergence and my previously thought personality of INFJ? It seems like a lot of the lines have blurred for me, and this is even more difficult because… (starting to forget where I was going with this 🙃). Anyway, thanks for the video - I wish I could make these but I have have such trouble even thinking where to begin with filming a video of myself. I’m going to try and see a psychiatrist to sort this stuff out because I do now find the low working memory impairs my ability to take verbal orders (ICU RN) from physicians in a time where I need to be able to remember step-by-step instructions and be able to implement them in a timely way; I can’t always he the guy who writes everything down as it is 2x as much work and makes it so frustrating.
Welp. Never thought I had ADHD but after watching this video, it makes sense. Thanks for talking about this subject.
This describes my husband. He has Inattentive ADHD disorder and knew since he was 8. I’m an ENFJ and I’ve been working with him (he is ENTJ but low on E). I’m very organized and time efficient. We have two kids and our eldest is 5 and was dx with Autism at 2.5. I was the only one working while pregnant with both of our kids as he was tasked with renovating our house. I have my doctorate in physical therapy so I make great money but it was all used up and then some every month. As far as ADHD, it’s very hard to have a partner with low to no reliability. I could very much relate to the lack of interest in completing mundane tasks. Apparently having a family and raising kids is not exciting or interesting enough. We’ve had a home renovation going on for 4 years. Drives me absolutely Fing crazy that he cannot complete anything and all the “uninteresting things” fall on my shoulders. Then I got so good at making up for his slack, he had enough time to get an online girlfriend who became an in person girlfriend. But then he decided he liked the stability of me and home so we’ve been going to marriage counseling. But…He put off work, forgot things, could not keep up his job as a Project Manager in construction and lost his job. All his friends and my friends who know this stuff that went down for the past year can’t believe his lack of grounding and judgement. Anyway, I’ve watched about 5 of your videos and I’ve decided not to continue my partnership/marriage now that I know how deeply rooted this shit is. Also, listening to your vague pseudo scientific ramblings is torture. Thank you for your help in solidifying my decision to jump off this sinking ship. ✌️ I hope you grow up someday.
WOW! That trival persuit memory describes me in a SERIOUS way! I noticed this recently. If there's a query, my brain can find that info, like, right away. If I'm just trying to remember on my own, it's like 30% chance lol.
I really do wonder about the Ti-Fe axis in this way. (INTP here)
Lol i get the phone in yard story, similar thing happened to me the other night, glad i thought to maybe check outside though or else i never would've have found it
I'm 38, and infj-a and also adhd and I feel my adhs inattentive... made more even more spacey cretive eccentric n someway bc I hold myself way with pride ! ( which I didn't while being young ) !!
I love the trouble processing steps things. It’s why I literally can’t take directions 🗺 because I’m like wtf? I only heard the 1st thing you said and I’m still trying to process that 🥴🥴🤯
Your voice is kinda like sam harris's , it's calming.
24:45 Jack Of All Trades, Master Of None
So interesting. I really thought these things were due to my INFJ personality type, but perhaps I also have this form of ADHD. I detest opening mail or doing anything I have to sit and actually focus on. It's extremely difficult for me when I'm always using my brain to daydream or think about so many other things. I'm definitely the sanevway when people are talking. I either get caught up trying to process something they said and miss what they've said since or tune out completely and get lost in thought. I recently ended a relationship with someone who blamed absolutely everything on his ADHD. He definitely did have some of these particular symptoms, but there was much more to it than that...
My coping mechanism is checking everything hundreds of times like a maniac, so I waste a lot of time and people say Im slow at work (they are right, I'm just grateful to have a job and pay my bills at this point) even by checking everything every minute I still forget things. Feeling frustrated and defeated is my natural state now. I have to try so hard to do bad work and that makes me really sad. I know I'm not stupid but the way my mind works makes my life pretty difficult.
I really don't like things that are called "disorders" when it's something that doesn't (have to) impair your day to day life. What you talk about is relatable but I'm like: what's wrong with that? A disorder sounds like there is something wrong with a person. That some psychologist thinks that sorting your mail is more important than doing what makes you happy, then you guys just have massively different priorities, lol
This is an issue with how most people perceive ADHD. Almost everyone can relate to ADHD on some level because we all experience some of the symptoms some of the time. However, people with ADHD experience these symptoms all of the time and it does become a disorder because it does interfere with your day to day life and being successful. ADHD 100% interferes in my personal and professional relationships. Especially in a society that values things like punctuality so heavily. It’s hard to advance in your profession when you constantly behave in an “unprofessional” manner and cannot control it. Like, people with ADHD are far less likely to finish college
I do think that having ADHD wasn’t much of an issue in early human society. When we weren’t expected to be held standards of arriving at certain times. When we weren’t expected to have jobs where you sit and do an incredibly repetitive, non stimulating work. I think society has evolved to a point where it becomes glaringly obvious that there are those of us who weren’t designed for it
@@TheDynomiker Hmm I get what you're saying but I want to explain when I say doesn't have to impair your day to day life. The things you mention as well seem like very external problems, society, jobs etc that make things difficult. I can totally relate to that and I have struggled at many of those places in society and still do. That is difficult but then I wouldn't say that ADHD/whatever disorder is holding you back, but rather that external expectations from people, school, jobs that are holding you back. That old fashioned, traditions, closed minded, unaware and emotionally unintelligent society are holding you back (I think it's holding everyone back). Being "different" can be a massive advantage, how can you exploit that? Can you find a job where you have more freedom, where you don't need to do repetitive work, but can be creative? Or start your own business? My two cents anyway, all of these things are spectrum's but if it's the external that is making your life difficult, I think there's nothing wrong (or "disordered") with you...
My INFJ wife was diagnosed ADHD as a kid but I've been diagnosed as a 31yr old. I find that she has SOME of the ADHD symptoms, but not the, uhh... classic ones? Kind of what you say here, FWIW.
I find Ne folks (INTP here) tend to be 'normal' ADHD. The Ni people like INFJs and INTJs seem to have something that has a LOT of the ADHD symptoms but also is kind of different. Almost more like a type of OCD but it's not quite OCD either. That "focus on one thing at a time" is actually EXACTLY what her overall issue is. For me, I also relate, I have trouble thinking more than 2, maybe 3 steps ahead. And if I do, I can't be doing anything else like moving around or talking to another person. I tend to take a thought-concept and bring it 'forward' one step, then want to move on to another concept. I like to move things along in groups. What INFJwife does, instead, is take 1 discreet concept or problem and taking it to it's logical conclusion, THEN she can move on. I'd be curious which of those two dynamics you relate to, since I find this distinction is not made very often.
I definitely relate to the employee situation being overwhelming. I wonder if they're ISTJ or something. I have an ISTJ I'm working with closely now and the amount of information they keep inside their head truely astounds and sometimes scares me. Literally HOW???!!!! Things just fall out of mine like there's a hole and there is literally NOTHING I can do to stop it besides actually repeating the information out loud verbally. Thinking it doesn't work.
All I know is that I wish there was a LOT more research into both disorders and brain functioning, and personality grouping as demographic was taken more seriously all around. It takes only a short amount of time in these communities to know SOMETHING is going on with various types and advice for one of a type tends to indeed be helpful in some way for most of that type.
I have a bit of a pet theory that all introverted types have the same undefined "disorder" when it comes to so called 'normal' behavior. Basically needing a slightly slower pace of life and interaction than what is considered normal. It's not really a problem unless others make it a problem.
Ne ADHD seems to be like: Idea A, Idea B, Idea X, Idea T, Idea M
Ni ADHD seems to be like: Idea A,b,c,d,e,f,g- Oh, Idea B, Idea Cdefghijklmnopqrstuvwx- Oh sorry, Idea D.
If that makes any sense haha. I think both people have issues with a type of reality dissociation to access those intuition functions, personally. I just catch her staring at things in the middle of what used to be a lively conversation, lol, just like you said.
You just said "Narrow attention", YES! That's how I've described INFJwife's attention as well. Not "sterotypical" bouncing around ADHD, but so narrow that literally ANYTHING will heavily distract her, even just, like, living in reality. For me, I feel like it's too broad of attention. I can't NOT pay attention to a stimulus in the environment. So I rarely get into DEEP thoughts even though I like to be. She seems to be jarred out of her deep thoughts and just keeps trying to go back in, lol.
Great video, i relate too much
I am INFJ type. I am or have been diagnosed with PTSD , c-PTSD , panic disorder, generalized anxiety, major depressive, and now yesterday my dr mentioned he thinks I may be ADD as I’m only lacking the hyper active portion. I just want help
Man this sounds kind of like me but I think my father has this a lot worse especially losing stuff
I hate the fact that I focus on one thing at the time except when I need to get things done for myself🤡
I thought RSD was unproven because it belongs to one specific theory without alot of research yet (hopefully soon) and what we have is just RS.
As you have places for keys and phone, maybe you need places (in your schedule) for routine boring stuff. And limit it to half an hour. That's all the brain really concentrates for anyway. Half an hour, then a break. If you take your break mid task, you'll end up going back to the task to finish it because it will nag you until it's done. But you will need to schedule the time and do the first half hour.
Its sounds like a pomodoro technique, which help when im the most despered.
This is so me as well (also INFJ). I've noticed a lot of stuff on my feed about executive disfunction and that I think describes the feeling of not being able to do/think the thing. I feel like I'm buffering, or like if my car is stuck in neutral. I just *can't* and what I've read is that unless a task is Interesting, Novel, Challenging or Urgent (I think those are the descriptors) your non-neurotypical brain is like, nah. This also explains why I can get shit done at the last minute because Urgent, but I can't do the same task if it isn't urgent.
finally... there is an INFJ talking about inattentive ADHD
Haha shit. Realized I zoned out very early on in the video imagining what things that have happened in my life that made me think I might have it. Thank god for TH-cam. Can replay as many times as I need to when I went off into daydream world by accident.
Could it be that being an INFJ with ADHD can be confused with being an INFP or have INFP traits in a way since I feel some INFP weaknesses or struggles are similar to what ADHD people experience... In my case it is really not clear as to if I'm an INFJ or INFP and I really do relate to both even though I feel closer to an INFJ in regards to the cognitive functions. But since I'm also "gifted" (I hate that word!) and autistic and recovering from severe CPTSD, it is a pretty confusing. Anyway reading about INFJ and these videos are so helpful and looking closer at the INFP struggles helps too, in order to understand myself. Thanks so much for the videos!
Put a timer on it. 10 minutes or 20 minutes a day. My dad used to come open my mail. My daughter doesn't open her mail.
Adhd makes me hard to start task i don't care , but if I care for I'll be n my lil world!