I'm a 23 year old INFJ and after a lot, a lot of inexplainable misery I was finally diagnosed with inattentive adhd yesterday. I'm a woman of color, and since most of the research done on the disorder is done on white boys and men, no one (including me) ever noticed it even though looking back all of the signs were clearly there. I was labeled as 'gifted' at a young age and so I have been the master of masking my symptoms all my life because of my 'intelligence' which is both a blessing and a curse. I also grew up in an abusive household, so when I let some symptoms shine through, it would get me in a lot of trouble. All my life I thought there was something wrong with me, and I felt so guilty for having so much trouble with certain things, especially since I was supposedly 'smart.' When I just couldn't do certain things, I would feel awful and fully blame myself. I thought I was lazy and dumb and that my 'giftedness' was a huge miscalculation. But when I did achieve, academically, or career-wise, I felt equally bad because I thought that the achievements weren't valid. I could never feel any accomplishment or happiness from these things, only guilt because I thought 'if only they knew how much I'm actually struggling on the inside to get to this place of achievement, they would know my success isn't valid.' So for a long time, there was nothing I could get energy from because both overachievement and underachievement would make me feel like a fraud and there is nothing in between for me. This has caused many episodes of deep deep depression. Let me tell you, the first time I heard a story of a woman who was diagnosed as an adult, it felt like a moment of pristine clarity. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and for the first time since childhood, it felt like I could breathe again. It has made me able to take ownership of my achievements and of my quirks unapologetically and I feel like I can enjoy life again. So thank you for raising awareness on the matter, I hope it helps someone out there as much as it helped me.
I stumbled upon this video by sheer coincidence. And I guess I have to get myself tested or evaluated somehow. Never occurred to me, that this could be the thing that's so different about me. But reading your comment just now... Actually it quite shocked me. It kind of mirrors my life in so many ways. Now I feel like I really need an answer to finally get closure to all this suffering...
Jody, I don't know you, but I am so incredibly proud of you. Growing up in an abusive home as an INFJ is a special kind of hell and I would not wish it on any of our loving souls. Your resilience, your clear thinking, your openness shines through in this comment and I couldn't help but say something. My heart is exploding. Good job, Jody. Keep it up. You have a lifetime ahead of you where ownership of your successes is necessary to propel you to where you deserve to be. You've got this.
Thats great at such a young age. A lot of what you say says you have what they call imposter syndrome. Its not a real clinical thing. Its actually fairly common but it does impede a person. Glad your freed up better now!
I was recently diagnosed inattentive ADD. I read an article about non hyperactive and mostly girls are under diagnosed and that symptoms usually manifest more as anxiety and depression because of over compensation to keep up. It talked about the unorganized scatter brain and day dreaming and suddenly my whole life made sense!!
Here's the thing about: do you have trouble focusing on a single task? Well, sort of. Yes, but it's not because I just get excited about something else. It's because all the tasks are connected and dependent on each other, and often times there's something else I need to do before I complete the initial ask I set out to do, and that can lead to me working on many interdependent/interrelated tasks at once, and that is an issue when I'm not highly focused on remembering the initial task and why I'm branching into the other tasks as well. It's difficult, though, because all these tasks affect my life and are important, and it can be difficult to keep track of all of them! That's my comment about the first point you made somewhere in the first 10 minutes of the video. :)
I have ADHD. When I’m practicing my flute I have to have some paper to write down all the other things I’m thinking about before I start playing again. Other wise I’ll be thinking about too many things and wont be able to focus. I really like that about doing something that requires all your attention.
I cannot clean my room unless I have something interesting I’m listening to or music .... It’s almost like I need a dopamine shot to do somethings. I also forget what I wanted to say while I’m typing like right now 😁 .... and I have to take breaks cleaning my room because I get tired so so easily when I’m doing something like cleaning .... my dressing mirror also has all my face and body creams on top of it because out of sight out of mind . I will find myself buying the same cream I kept in a drawer because I completely forgot I have it. Once I realised this about myself I just accepted that my dressing mirror will always have everything I need placed where I can see it no matter how messy it may come across to others .
I do similar things, like music listening, over exhaustion from doing minor activities. I was never like this though. I think its because I don't have any kind of vision so im just trying to frantically get my hands on anything to do, worrying about whether its right, so switch to my next task, back and forth, this and that! hyperaware, binge eating. im playing the waiting game from College to University atm and its summer break!, so I need a new focus I think. and not to mention keeping myself to myself.. I don't make it obvious theres a problem because I believe I shouldnt be like this and it wouldnt make sense to other people that I would be like this when im in a rather good position, getting all my priorities straight. Im all on my own :(
Hi. You are me and I am you. We are we 😂 That out of sight out of mind thing is such a real thing. The other thing I experience is remembering things out of sequence or remembering things that happened a month ago as if they happened a day or two ago or vice versa. It really messes with being able to make decisions especially about purchasing stuff at the supermarket. If I try to imagine what's in my fridge the memory I get of it might be from last month when we had milk or from 2 days ago when we had lots of milk. It's almost like a memory lottery 😂
Heya:) How did you pursue a diagnosis? I have a wealth of insight into my experience and why I believe it's likely I have inattentive add, but in truth I'm very hesitant to approach it, and scared, because I'm scared that people won't believe me. My demeanor is said by many to be calm, free, peaceful, and kind, and I feel like people misjudge and assume I have it all together and things are simple and easy for me when in reality, it takes a lot of work to make things . . . work. :/ I do it well much of the time, but that is exhausting. It is hard. It's been hard to learn how to work effectively with myself in a way where I feel adequate and good and effective.
Infj here and also just diagnosed at 48. I always knew that there was more going on with me then my OCD and anxiety, and horrible self esteem, but the last few years of being surrounded by suicides and overdoses in my family made me stop long enough to face things. The pieces were always there for me but the were thrown on the floor with no idea how to put them together. I feel like I've spent my life learning everything while doing nothing and then repeating. One foot on the gas pedal and one on the brake. Watching my life as a bystander and only being part of others lives in a secondary role .
I only discovered the term inattentive ADHD today and literally my entire life now makes sense! I have every single symptom and never understood why I struggle with these issues so much, or can’t just get things done without forgetting or missing something. I promise myself I will be more organized with the boring sides of running my business, like bookkeeping and tax, but o can’t seem to bring myself to do it! With creativity and new ideas I’m a gun, but with boring things I have no hope! Basically I’m that guy in the movie “momento” that needs to tattoo everything to my body to remember it, except I forget to make the tattoos. Thanks for enlightening me. I don’t like labels, but maybe there are ways to cope with this once it’s identified.
Recently diagnosed inattentive type and INFJ here. Its heartening to see other INFJ's in this thread. I've tried meds and hate them despite obvious benefits in attention they provide. I'm on a journey of wanting to treat this naturally and believe there is a whole world of opportunities to achieve this. Macro wholefoods, yoga and meditation have been a great start, and I've calmed down my anxiety and reduced depression and improved my general mood already. My focus has improved a bit which is encouraging but I still have a way to go.
Man Clay, It's awesome you made this video now because it's something I've been going through like crazy lately, it's like my memory is terrible and i felt like I had alzheimer for the past couple of years. At school I was daydreaming 24/7 and could never keep my attention. A year ago, i found out about mbti and infj explained so much to me, why my life has been the way it has. A month ago I found out I have inattentive adhd. This video is great, i wish the best to everyone who has ADD or SCT, and being an infj on top of that makes it even harder. It's like your personality type is wanting to organize and plan things ahead but you're terrible at it because of inattentive adhd. And your introverted thinking is so strong but just filled with cluttered thoughts which have no coherence what so ever. Your extraverted feeling is wanting to connect and socialize with people but you can't stay focused on them and you look distracted all the time. It's very depressing... It's like living in constant confusion.
Same for me. I am too old to be either of your twins:?) I was diagnosed 30 years ago, well after my children had been treated for it. I agree with the objection of calling them disorders. The purpose of that is to pay doctors by labeling their disorders.
Coping is the operative word. Long ago I started to put my “Phone keys and wallet “ in one place at home. EVERY TIME. Since then I have not had a catastrophic failure as it were. Haha. Take the most used things and protect them with a habit. Life is much calmer. 👍
It's really sad that it's seen as a disorder if you are not able to concentrate on stuff that is boring for you ... this video was really interessting for me because there were again, like in the RSD video before, many things I could identify with even thought I am so very different (or it seems like it) to people with ADHD that I know .... I was never hyperactive and thats also why I never thought about ADHD but now that you explain so many things .... a few examples ... I am working on getting my bachelor degree and once I had to work on a paper and spend appoximately 9 hours on my laptop to finish the paper without eating, barely drinking water and moving ... on the other hand I had to study for some law exam and spend (according to my iphone) 12 h a day for several days on my phone for distractions in between reading and learning these laws ... to this day I am surprised that I had a very good grade :) ... The thing with the lists and tasks that you mentioned, Clay, is that according to my grades I am not dump but just get someone to list many things verbally or mention (complex) math ... my brain can't follow. For me it's easier to follow written to do lists. I think maybe the thing with having places for certain things is also a thing for me but I never really thought about it until now. When I still lived at home I could't stand the way my mother sometimes "cleaned up" because she sometimes removed my things from certain places, it made me crazy ... my father on the other hand has also certain places for certain things.... I think ....and never touches or removes things over and over again. I also have a really hard time on starting things because I know that I will put a lot of preassure on me once I start it but I also have a really strong tendency for perfectionism even thougt I know there is no such thing as being perfect.... I am actually amazed that I initially started following this channel because I am a fellow INFJ but I lern more and more about myself with each and every video, so thank you Clay for putting so much effort in the research for these videos. While writing this, I am listening to the video a second time and I think that I can identify with even more points ... but I think this comment is long enought.... if someone read my whole text, have a nice day ;D
I was recently diagnosed with inattentive adhd. I thought that everyone struggled with the symptoms I have or that there was something wrong with me and I was lazy. I would often be called out for always seeming spaced out or like I didn’t care about the topic. It got even worse under pressure, like if someone tells me to put something important away and then they ask me days later where it is, my mind will literally go blank. Or every time I have to cook, which I hate, I have such a hard time thinking of a new recipe to make.
I'm a 23-year-old INTP. My doctor diagnosed me with inattentive ADHD 2 days ago. I'm watching this video while playing Candy Crush and plucking hair at the same time. I couldn't spot this earlier because my best friend has the regular ADHD and just because I don't define as "hyperactive" (though I've got impulsivity problems) I thought mine was something else or I'm straight up stupid or lazy. But then I look at my life and what I achieved throughout the years, in the fields I find interesting and say, "then I'm not, but what is it?" I relate to everything you say. As I do my research deeper and deeper on the symptoms, I actually can't believe how accurate some intimate ones actually are.
Considered a disorder or impairment because society sets unrealistic expectations. (Isn't that a disorder?) 🤭 I say we're all normal in our own weird ways. Thank you Clay!
My ADHD was diagnosed when I was past my mid-30's. Until then I disregarded all the symptoms as just part of my personality. However, thinking back the symptoms were always there. I was very fidgety (when in private), and in my first year in school I struggled with focusing on homework after school. I definetly didn't do any before my parents got home and even then with my mother would sit down with me for an hour or so my mind just couldn't cope with it. What I ended up doing was leaving it all till the next morning. My father would wake me up as he got up and got ready to go to work and I would do my homework in the morning before going to school. Most of the time it took me 15 - 30 minutes, sometimes an hour when there were multiple subjects that day but all in all I got through the grade school with near top grades from my class (not the highest but my average grade was around the top 5 of the class).
Taxes were due yesterday in the US. I turned them in 8pm. I haaate monotonous tasks! I lose things constantly. I was working on a home renovation project and was looking for a tool. I looked over and over. Then suddenly it was right there at my feet. It was like it magically appeared. I love my hyper focus ability and try to make it work for me.
I think that not paying attention to boring stuff is very good, a clever approach on the way to fulfill your potential by using your dominant function, introverted intuition. 😃 It may just be the flip side of the coin and is not bad.
Wow, I’m halfway through and so far you’re experiences are 100% my experiences. Kinda spooky! I’ve always known I’m very Dyslexic my whole life , but it’s only until a breakdown this year that I feel like I’m probably ADHD inattentive type too, and this video is making feel like that’s probably the case. So interesting to hear all of your unspoken daily experiences come out of someone else’s mouth. Thanks for sharing
In elementary school, I was always treated like I was pretty smart... never did homework until at school in the morning. I was always rocking my chair back on two legs. Fidgety due to boredom, I thought. My delusion of being pretty smart started to fall apart in junior high and high school... -I didn't have the level of sustained concentration, discipline or focus to get any of these more complex tasks done, anymore... especially Homework. (by 10th grade, even my rather great abilities in math seemed to have faded away.) This inattentive thing is me for sure. *Am not very fidgety, as an adult... School just seemed like a waste of my life. -I just don't Do paperwork at all, anymore... But, I will check my mail for the checks... I don't make much. ;)... and feel it would be a disservice to not cash a personal check within 30 days.
Truly, I’ve never heard anyone as similar to myself. I’m also INFJ & I believe I have inattentive ADHD. However just a DSM diagnosis always felt inconclusive. I think getting a neuropsychological evaluation would be a good pairing :)
I'm an infj with ADD or adhd innatentative type. It's a fairly difficult disorder to manage as it does not only hinder my attention span, but also my emotional regulation, my social skills, and general mental well-being. Its become comorbid with anxiety and depression and for the longest time I've wondered if adhd was simply my personality. I've come to find out that personality itself has such a broad and fluid meaning that it's hard to use as a solid fact when you try to piece it with mental disorder and adhd. I would say it's fluid because the state or pattern in which we process information and make decisions can be changed by millions of factors, in which involve mental disorder, physical status, and much more. Adhd tends to make a person exert high levels of Fi and Ne, thus why at some times I was typed as an INFP, however after the utilization of adhd medication, the lack of adhd symptoms have seemingly caused me to test as an INFJ more oftenly.
I could not stand math homework as a kid. Yep, I hate opening mail. I have a super hard time getting started on cleaning, until I get so frustrated when I can't cook in my kitchen. I go nuts cleaning the kitchen, then I don't want to cook.
Thanks so much for posting this. I’ve never heard anyone describe these symptoms in a way that resonated so much with me. I’ve only been diagnosed recently and have often thought ‘Everyone feels this way’, too. I tend to blank out on some of those questions when they’re thrown out at me, but having examples is really useful and relatable. Taking a notebook everywhere would be ideal! I told my psych ‘No, I didn’t lose things as a kid’, and my mother had to remind me I had a new lunch box every week and constantly left clothes behind at school. Working memory fail!
Oh, my God, Clay, you've just described the way my mind organizes everything! Literally every single thing you said about yourself clicked hundredfold in my head and I've got that time blindness thing that often leads to me being late for appointments... I'm asking myself the same question about low Se and the inattentive ADHD. Just asked all of the 6 INFJs and INTJs I know about the symtoms...
@@duaa7576 This is what pretty much everything he said I thought were due to low self esteem and it’s all a vicious circle. Then I took Adderall and it was like a messy white board being wiped off. I had no idea people can just do particularly boring things and still just focus on those things. This must be why A, B, C get done, in order and completed. This must be why A can just get started on. I only took Adderall for 3 days though. Made my blood pressure go up. So no expert.
I’m so happy I found your channel bc your talks help me understand my special quirks - I also appreciate your calm & neutral way of describing things 🙏🏼
Clay, watching your video was like looking at myself in a mirror. Every detail of the inattentive ADHD you described of yourself was me (I could go into great detail here, but I shall not). I was utterly amazed. However, understanding these things about ourselves means that it should be much easier to make decisions. The entrepreneurs figured it out - DELEGATE. Know your weaknesses and get someone else to perform those duties. Focus on the things you enjoy and are good at. Life is short - don’t waste the most valuable commodity you have - TIME. We are the decision-makers. This video was-damn, I forgot what I wanted to say- Anyway, thanks. Can’t wait for the next video.
Thank you for this video. As you've observed here, there seems to be a lot of crossover between these symptoms and inferior Se. From what I've gathered, there seems to be a correlation between Ni with inattentive ADHD, and Ne with the more common ADHD variant. They seem to be descriptors for a way the brain functions when intuition is favoured heavily, rather than a mental illness. The connotation of illness seems to come from society not being very conducive for people with ADHD. As you said, many highly successful people operate and even thrive with some form of ADHD, developing systems to compensate for the heavy leaning on intuition. I think the more angles we can view something in, the greater the ability to make connections and find underlying threads, potential solutions, so thanks again for talking about this and sharing your thoughts. I've been incredibly lost (read: at death's door) the past while. Your videos have reminded me I'm not all bad internally, and to push to be understood rather than to live sparsely to not impact others with neurosis. There's a place in life I had convinced myself I didn't deserve very early on. Connection with myself and others I was convinced I didn't deserve. In your videos I see what could be without the self-imposed oppression, with the self-compassion to take pride in what I can offer, rather than what I can't. To escape the messiah complex and build an identity that does not need to be propped up by others' perceptions. To navigate through a deeply flawed society that doesn't always mesh with your natural state of being, and strive for a middle ground. I will always be disappointed by the world in some way. Society seems to be spiraling with every year that passes. I've come to see however, the bet was never truly worth the hand in my eyes. The bet simply needs to be adjusted. You can't move forward and make a life in the chaos with one foot out the door.
Hey Clay! I just want to say that I’ve been loving your content. It really resonates with me. In all honesty, it’s been kind of creepy how much I relate to you and your perspectives. It feels creepy because being an INFJ male, I’m not used to seeing someone who not only looks physically similar to me but talks like me and thinks like me. So I want to say “thank you” for your great content that has helped me to understand myself and not feel so alone. I think not feeling so alien in a world that doesn’t make all that much sense to me is important Anyway, as someone who is ADHD and wasn’t diagnosed until his late 20’s (currently in mid 30’s) I again identify with you and where you’re at. I can see you doing all this research (love the shout out to Dr. Barkley, he’s a favorite of mine) and trying to relate it to your life experience. I agree with most of what you have to say but I find your wording of “they call this a disorder but… “ a little troubling. Don’t get me wrong, I see where you’re coming from. You’ve had the pleasure of being an entrepreneur with ADHD, where you explain that you can farm out “boring” tasks to people because you have the means. That’s not the “average” experience of someone with ADHD. The average person with ADHD is the person that’s doing those tasks for someone else. Also, what you’ve described (being unable to focus on a task due to it being uninteresting) isn’t typical for the person without ADHD. This actually falls into something I call the “ADHD tax”. The ADHD tax is basically any situation where you end up spending more time/money on something than the average person. Time blindness falls into that as well. All of these things add up and put a weight on us with ADHD. We have to try just that much harder. Personally, having ADHD can feel like swimming while wearing a t-shirt, jeans and tennis shoes. You can do it, but it’s going to be exhausting and you’re not going to be as efficient as everyone else Anyway, I feel labeling ADHD a disorder/disability is very important in modern society because without that label many, many people would not be able to get the help they need to achieve. I wouldn’t be able to have medication that makes my life so much easier to navigate. Medication is like being able to change into my swim trunks before going swimming. For another example: my daughter has inherited my ADHD. This past year it has been exceedingly difficult for her to cope with online learning. Even though she’s medicated and we’re teaching her different coping skills. Modern schooling is difficult enough for kids with ADHD, but online is even worse. It’s so easy to get distracted and lost. Unable to figure out what needs to be done. Without this labeling of ADHD as a disorder, I wouldn’t have been able to appeal to my daughter’s school to get her accommodations. Without those accommodations my otherwise bright child would have had a very hard time finishing her school work and the school year I feel like the argument you’re trying to make is a philosophical one. It’s an argument I support, by the way. I assume it goes something like: “Why does society view this way of thinking/operating as such a problem? Aren’t people with ADHD just prioritizing different things? Why is that so bad that we have to call this a disorder?” And the answer to that is: modern society wasn’t designed for people with ADHD. It has no practical use for the ADHD brain outside of niche circumstances. Modern society wants to mold people in a way that the ADHD brain just does not fit and we’re not going to be able to get all of society to change with a philosophical argument. What we can do though is slowly educate people on what ADHD is and why so many have such a hard time with it. Lastly, I loved your take on meditation as a way to help deal with ADHD. I’ve been meditating almost every day for four years now and I will say that from my own experience it has definitely helped me with my ADHD. But like with all things related to meditation, it is not a cure for my ADHD but works as a way to help me relate better to it. Paradoxically helps me to “manage” my ADHD through helping me to accept it
Clay, you probably think I'm a wacko with this being my fourth comment, but that's o.k. I just want to give you my own "prescription" to try out. There are zero adverse side effects to this prescription, and a couple of healthy side effects. My guess is you spend a considerable time in Ni/Ti loops. The remedy for this is often to take a small amount of time...say an hour or so (daily if possible or at least 3 to 4 times a week) to consciously get out of your head and fully into your senses. You can do this by taking a walk anywhere you "enjoy" the scenery....sounds...smells...etc...and make it a point to do nothing but "take it all in". Even if you find yourself slipping out of your senses and back into your thoughts...don't waste time beating yourself up...just go back to really "looking" at what's around you, taking in the smells, the sounds, the feel or the (breeze...sun...rain...etc...) however many times you need to (very much like they say to do in meditation). This is a lot easier for me if I'm walking or biking because at least then I'm less likely to to worry about the possibility that I'm "wasting time".(I'm getting exercise and creating balance!)..and limiting it to no more that and hour and half, allows me to relax and know that I can get back to "thinking" and everything else when I'm done. You'd be surprised at how huge a difference this "regular contact" with the sensory world can make on your overall functioning and balance....and of course the exercise, fresh air and change of scenery is a huge benefit in itself.....for anyone!
I've been doing this since 2018. It was the best decision in my life. It's really a kind of meditation. You just observe and watch the world around you and feel the connection to everything including of your body and mind as whole. It's like ghost of me is walking next to me and me as that ghost is looking at my thoughts and then they just disapear.
@@merkovie156 Yeah, I had been doing this for years, but haven't for the last couple of years due to literally no-time (home addition project and aging parents) Things are settling down now though and I'm going to get right back on track. You wouldn't believe some of the absent minded things I can manage to do when I don't have this balancing factor in my life.
Wow, INFJ here and every word you're saying resonates deeply, have been meditating daily for the past 2 years and it has definitely been very helpful. Thank you for sharing, Im now going to fall down a rabbit hole researching this further... ):)
I totally relate to every single thing, also INFJ here with mixed ADHD. When it comes to that particular quality of boredom that is almost physically painful, there's no way to explain the way it hurts to someone who doesn't understand. I got the same feeling when you were talking about the legal PDFs just imagining it, it's like such a sense of dread it can actually cause severe anxiety and a freeze response where I can't do anything. If this is happening too much with too many boring tasks all looming on the horizon, I can go into a deep depression....it's no joke!! I'm not sure if it is particularly challenging for INFJs with ADHD and rejection dysphoria, as it can make for a bunch of weird quirks and insane NI/TI loops. I'm quite astonished at how similar my experiences are that you describe with the same ADHD features and overall presentation
I relate hard, but I never thought this could be relevant for me because I had no problems focusing in school. But I realised now that it might be because I really enjoyed school work. I absolutely love diving into new topics and it's what I choose to do whenever I have free time too.
just turned 50 - INFJ + ADHD since a child - the life changer is when the 3rd eye opens - old timer once told me - for men between 35 - 45 / women a bit earlier 30 - 40 - ADHD Can* be used as a tool but takes time & practice - patience, it'll happen - Live Today, Learn from Yesterday, Plan for Tomorrow
I’m also an ADHD inattentive Type and an INFJ, Enneagram 7 wing 8 phlegmatic with a secure attachment style. So much of what you said resonated with me.
I was diagnosed recently as a 19 year old female in university with ADHD and it is truly difficult to even recognize my personality to describe it to you. I know i have been masking my entire life, i just dont even know how to step out of masking in public or situations in which i am overwhelmed
The whole requiring a prompt to recall memories is such a double edged sword and as much as it's amazing it's one of the things that infuriated my ex-wife through the years... I only just realized recently that I have ADHD and I remember trying to explain to her through the years that I can't remember things if they don't come to my mind. This was such a common occurrence and she used to look at me with such disgust and frustration.
This is sooooooo useful thanks. I recently considered that I may have inattentive adhd. I completely relate to everything u said. I was pretty good at school but i would always be aware that I had to put in more effort on a task than friends. I would try very Hard to focus on a lesson, 4 hours went by and I would still be on the 1st question. Or at work, I would always have to write things down to avoid forgetting. Even interviews funny enough, I always asked if I could get a notebook to write questions down because by the time I start answering I would completely forget the question.
LMAO!!! - Watching you discuss your personal ADHD discovery process was very enjoyable, especially regarding taxes, opening mail, time blindness, and hyper focus. I am an inattentive & hyperactive ADHDer (10 out of 10 on the standard questionnaire). I related to EVERY topic you discussed. Thank you so much for this topic.
O my this is an eye-opener. I definitely have time blindness and may be on the spectrum for inattentive ADHD. I wonder if there is a correlation between this and being an INFJ.
This really helped a LOT. I’ve known I’ve had adhd but never knew inattentive adhd was a thing until now. It makes so much more sense with what goes on with me than the general preconceptions of adhd🤔 it’s nice to know I’m not alone or mentally stunted in some way while being super smart In others.
I was self diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive) at 54. Since symptoms in women are impacted by hormones, I didn't really feel the impacts pre-puberty, and as I entered menopause, my symptoms became much more obvious. During my life, I had been using compulsive note-taking, asking for deadlines, but avoiding being responsible for providing data at a regular time where others are dependent on me. I was also using caffeine and nicotine to manage dopamine levels without being aware that's what I was doing. As a funny aside, when I quit both, I thought I was depressed! As far as working memory, some of that is tied to introverted function, we tend to have better access to long term memory vs short term. Even though I'm inattentive, blurting out answers has plagued me my whole life, probably because I'm so excited I know the answer. I also found that it impacted being able to define my MBTI. Over the years I thought I was an ISTJ, then an INTP. Now I'm 90% sure I'm actually an INFJ because I'm A- medicated B- single, so I see myself as "me", not filtered through someone else (weak extroverted sensing) C- working from home has allowed me to drop the social chameleon aspect of my personality I have felt like an alien my entire life because I was not like anyone else I knew, and only through my joy and passion of reading on a million seemingly unrelated subjects was I able to find the bread crumbs to lead me to find someone to confirm my self-diagnosis, and get the help I needed. I was experiencing brain-fog with the onset of the hormone changes due to menopause, and as someone with such a rich and colorful interior world, I couldn't imagine a worse fate than early onset Alzheimer's, and that was how I was feeling. I'm not broken, I'm just not like most people. Best decision ever was getting a service to mow my lawn. Thanks for bringing up the topic, I hope someone that needs this information will find a spark of recognition to pursue more knowledge to meet their needs.
Time is soooooo elusive to me too. My Time blindness has angered people. I've tried. My ENFP friend set timers. I laughed not knowing it could be a useful tool if it didn't make me so frantic, distracted by the countdown that it obliterates my focus!
im infp SC 5w4 mel/phleg guy, im diagnosed as adhd by doctor. i experienced what you were experiencing. thats why i try to be as organized as possible, put things in usual place, very systematic but still lose things sometimes. when i lacked of sleep, the symptoms were even more obvious!
I got diagnosed with inattentive ADD at 36. This was several years before learning about cognitive functions. I don't know if low Se is the same thing, but from everything I've learned about ADD I believe that calling it a disorder is a misnomer. Because it's really only a 'problem' when put against the backdrop of certain social expectations. E.g. the way formal education and modern workplaces are structured. It's not a coincidence that so many ADHD diagnosis stories start with a teacher that couldn't get a student to sit still.
In relation to losing stuff, I have the same habit as Clay. Once the items have their affixated places, everything can be found but should I lay an item _anywhere_ else, no matter how much in plain sight, I will _not_ find it. My first prompt is to go look from its designated place. After that, it's all the "other possible" places. I might pass by the item 5-10 times but just won't see it. 🙄 That is why I must have my keys in my pocket _at all times_... Otherwise I will forget to pick them up and I may lock myself out. 😅
Wow. All of this is my 8 year old. Thank you for the clarification she was diagnosed with adhd innatentive. We are trying to cope and deal and learn how to help her
The doing things you find boring or doing things other people tell you too is called Demand Avoidance. This is important for anyone who has adhd/add and or asd to be aware of.
I get made fun of and people lose patience with me all the time. I wish people knew how hard it is. I literally forgot to message someone and get ready to sleep thinking about what to write right now
I was just diagnosed with inattentive adhd! I wish that I knew what was happening with me growing up since my motivation towards my schoolwork was a huge struggle for me and my mom never understood that. I also have a huge issue still with texting friends or texting them back. I am so glad I'm getting medication for it and the help I needed
INFJ here with ISTP husband with diagnosed ADHD. Super Interesting and very similar struggles. We’ve had countless ‘phone in the middle of the yard’ experiences. Time blindness is certainly not an inferior SE thing.
One thing I've realised is that I can't maintain a consistent order of doing something. Like getting into and starting my car, it's always different, seatbelt, parking brake, ignition, clutch etc... Totally random order. Same with parking and turning it off, brake, keys, seatbelt... In the last few months I've neglected to engage the parking brake and had the car go rolling forward on me... Thankfully I caught it in time, except for the one time it rolled into someone's rear bumper! Thankfully no damage! I just can't seem to establish an order for things!
I learned when looking for things our brains tend to be not just look for the items but color groups. Like if your normally would put your tooth past blue side up and someone else flips it over to the white side. It's like it isn't there when your looking right at it. Also I kinda prefer the "Lazer focused" over "Hyperfoucsed". Someone else compared not being able to do the thing to "biting your finger off"..you can tell yourself to do it but your brain won't let you.
LOL!! I am always repeating myself with my boyfriend, after I've told him where his coffee or his dinner is, and he comes in looking for it, and I have to repeat. Or he flat out asks me, after I just told him.
The water bottle is me!!! Ahhhh It’s not crazy my friend. I totally understand you and the more I watch videos like this the more I realize I’m definitely not normal
Wow this is totally me. INFJ all the way .I've been described as an enigma many times by many different people. Every report card; "Eamonn is a good student but tends to be distracted and distracts others..." Mrs Edgely year 6.Everything you said in first 20 minutes! Crazy. Clay you are like me (and I am you) in a parallel universe... haha too many similarities man ! Also I am 36 years old and only got diagnosed with ADHD 2years ago after doing a long term rehab program. Still working out a balance with the medication but it's definitely helping. No wonder I love high risk activities and started going to raves and taking ecstasy in high school. Dopamine!!!
I relate soo much to this video and also to the people in this comment section. Makes me feel much less alone and isolated with the struggles I face on a daily basis. I can't relate to anyone in real life who faces these problems.
Came back to this video because I’ve realized all that you said is what I’ve recently uncovered about myself. My fiance has also been sending me tik toks about ADHD and at first I said no, that cant be, but the more I look into it (and literally everything you reference in this video), I really am starting to feel like I do have inattentive ADHD. I had the same question in that where is the line drawn between this neurodivergence and my previously thought personality of INFJ? It seems like a lot of the lines have blurred for me, and this is even more difficult because… (starting to forget where I was going with this 🙃). Anyway, thanks for the video - I wish I could make these but I have have such trouble even thinking where to begin with filming a video of myself. I’m going to try and see a psychiatrist to sort this stuff out because I do now find the low working memory impairs my ability to take verbal orders (ICU RN) from physicians in a time where I need to be able to remember step-by-step instructions and be able to implement them in a timely way; I can’t always he the guy who writes everything down as it is 2x as much work and makes it so frustrating.
If the personality may have something to do with your experiences and learned behavior, maybe this is the reason why people with certain neurodiversity come to similar solutions snd coping strategies… just a thought though. I used to be this happy, curious, easily excited little girl, but I had to learn very painfully, that peers hated me for it. I had questions and wanted to know if my connected dots are right but my peers made jokes about it. I don’t know if they felt threatened by me, but even though I never intended to appear better than anyone and I was happy for others when they got things right, people accused me of thinking I was better than them. So I learned to keep things to myself, to wonder quietly and find out later if my connections were right. I learned to keep feelings to myself because others might use that knowledge against me or make me believe they have the characteristics I am looking for just to fool me into giving them supply. It was quite a fascinating experience when my ADHD medication worked and I did not have to put much effort in staying on the tasks that had to be done - it was so easy to do it and I could choose not to be distracted by my thoughts. It made me realize how much more energy some things cost me, that are just easy to do for others. People font see how much effort and hurry you put into arriving on time, but your time blindness forgot to remind you that your child might need an unexpected diaperchange and your whole schedule is off… I literally have to take my shopping list into the store and cross out everything I put into the cart to not oversee something on my list. Growing up with wanting to do good and yet making „careless“ mistakes, with wanting to share your excitement but being cast out for it, with wanting to please those around you yet forgetting things - lots of it made me who I am today. I don’t like to judge without considering many possible reasons-> I know how that feels. I don’t want to make my actions dependent on anyone’s opinion because I have much experience on being misunderstood and misjudged. This is also why I appear rather aloof most the time, but in my closer circle am very outgoing, talkative and funny. The people who know me as the empathic person I am will understand my sometimes dark humor very well, others may use it to judge me wrongly. I do believe many people with neurodiverse brains, be it ADHD or Autism or even just HSP have had to endure quite painful and toxic experiences, especially if they had no one who would hear them and see their struggles. Even as an adult friends will minimize your struggles and put it off as normal, but you see that it isn’t. Everyone knows the situation of forgetting what they went into the other room for, but few know this to happen multiple times a day, almost every day. And yet we have to be patient and kind with ourselves, get the stuff done and see our great strength and possibilities that come along with the brain we have. Some just choose to cope in different ways, they might get grandiose and don’t give a sh*t about others, use their ADHD as an excuse not to take responsibility but expect others to have unquestioned understanding for their behavior - so they might be very extroverted and selfish. Maybe the personality is how you choose to cope with the world anf relationships, and there is only a slight correlation between Neurology and Personality, or maybe its totally different. For some reason I think the personality is more connected to our soul, it guides how we use the brain we are given. But how our brain functions is genetic and training. So we can’t outgrow ADHD, but we can train our brain to not be as forgetful or anxious we can blame others or work on ourselves. Does it matter if I am very organized because I need it a coping and put much effort into learning it, or if I sm very organized by nature cause it comes easy to me? Either way I am organized. Does it matter if I control expressing my feelings because I never saw the point in sharing them or if I learned to feel them hidden inside because it was harmful to let others know how you feel? Both is healthy, both is introverted, both is conscious.
Everything you say sounds like me and my inattentive ADHD 😅 Female INFP/J (figuring out, tested as INFP multiple times but therapist gave me a hint that INFJ might be more precise) here 😉
28 INFJ ADHD, check on all of the symptoms, it’s gotten better since I became a mom, I have no choice but to be organised now, my daughter is a priority to me so it almost comes naturally now.
@28:06 YES I interupt people as well! I'm an ENFJ and we have very similar behavior in regards to the ADHD stuff! My INTP mentor HATES when I interrupt and sometimes its because I am getting defensive from criticism ugh I hate that part about me but I had a head injury and my immediate memory can blank out easily and I get nervous Ill forget my point. If I am at my computer I put down bullet points of stuff I want to mention. But honestly sometimes a free for all discussion with interruptions is fun!
so as someone with inattentive adhd how many times did you pause this video and did something else or googled something while watching this? because I sure did a lot while watching this haha
I am INFJ type. I am or have been diagnosed with PTSD , c-PTSD , panic disorder, generalized anxiety, major depressive, and now yesterday my dr mentioned he thinks I may be ADD as I’m only lacking the hyper active portion. I just want help
What someone says sparks other thoughts about the same topic. Again about the boyfriend, I will start saying something, he will interrupt me with what my words stimulated him to think, then I will have to say, "Hold that thought, and I need to tell you the rest of mine, so here we go..."
Amazing work. Im in a same boat. However, instead of emails i put my very important projects in the bottom of my to do list. Please explore more on the time blindness and putting things back. Appreciated again:)
Problem is i work at hospital as intern and wanting to apply for job but I couldn’t get Ritalin prescription without a prescription from doctor and only 4 hospitals giving concerta so how I would be able to get it 🥲im worried they discriminate in job interview because they may see my medical record
I love the trouble processing steps things. It’s why I literally can’t take directions 🗺 because I’m like wtf? I only heard the 1st thing you said and I’m still trying to process that 🥴🥴🤯
I'm 38, and infj-a and also adhd and I feel my adhs inattentive... made more even more spacey cretive eccentric n someway bc I hold myself way with pride ! ( which I didn't while being young ) !!
So interesting. I really thought these things were due to my INFJ personality type, but perhaps I also have this form of ADHD. I detest opening mail or doing anything I have to sit and actually focus on. It's extremely difficult for me when I'm always using my brain to daydream or think about so many other things. I'm definitely the sanevway when people are talking. I either get caught up trying to process something they said and miss what they've said since or tune out completely and get lost in thought. I recently ended a relationship with someone who blamed absolutely everything on his ADHD. He definitely did have some of these particular symptoms, but there was much more to it than that...
Another comment (female INFJ likely inatrentive add): i feel like my organization has developed AS a coping mechanism to handle the obstacles related to add. In other words, i do it, I'm good at it, and i deeply appreciate it, but thats not because i think its fun; its because i understand that engaging in organization is instrumental in my calm and literal ability to function and do life effectively.
My INFJ wife was diagnosed ADHD as a kid but I've been diagnosed as a 31yr old. I find that she has SOME of the ADHD symptoms, but not the, uhh... classic ones? Kind of what you say here, FWIW. I find Ne folks (INTP here) tend to be 'normal' ADHD. The Ni people like INFJs and INTJs seem to have something that has a LOT of the ADHD symptoms but also is kind of different. Almost more like a type of OCD but it's not quite OCD either. That "focus on one thing at a time" is actually EXACTLY what her overall issue is. For me, I also relate, I have trouble thinking more than 2, maybe 3 steps ahead. And if I do, I can't be doing anything else like moving around or talking to another person. I tend to take a thought-concept and bring it 'forward' one step, then want to move on to another concept. I like to move things along in groups. What INFJwife does, instead, is take 1 discreet concept or problem and taking it to it's logical conclusion, THEN she can move on. I'd be curious which of those two dynamics you relate to, since I find this distinction is not made very often. I definitely relate to the employee situation being overwhelming. I wonder if they're ISTJ or something. I have an ISTJ I'm working with closely now and the amount of information they keep inside their head truely astounds and sometimes scares me. Literally HOW???!!!! Things just fall out of mine like there's a hole and there is literally NOTHING I can do to stop it besides actually repeating the information out loud verbally. Thinking it doesn't work. All I know is that I wish there was a LOT more research into both disorders and brain functioning, and personality grouping as demographic was taken more seriously all around. It takes only a short amount of time in these communities to know SOMETHING is going on with various types and advice for one of a type tends to indeed be helpful in some way for most of that type.
I have a bit of a pet theory that all introverted types have the same undefined "disorder" when it comes to so called 'normal' behavior. Basically needing a slightly slower pace of life and interaction than what is considered normal. It's not really a problem unless others make it a problem.
Ne ADHD seems to be like: Idea A, Idea B, Idea X, Idea T, Idea M Ni ADHD seems to be like: Idea A,b,c,d,e,f,g- Oh, Idea B, Idea Cdefghijklmnopqrstuvwx- Oh sorry, Idea D. If that makes any sense haha. I think both people have issues with a type of reality dissociation to access those intuition functions, personally. I just catch her staring at things in the middle of what used to be a lively conversation, lol, just like you said.
You just said "Narrow attention", YES! That's how I've described INFJwife's attention as well. Not "sterotypical" bouncing around ADHD, but so narrow that literally ANYTHING will heavily distract her, even just, like, living in reality. For me, I feel like it's too broad of attention. I can't NOT pay attention to a stimulus in the environment. So I rarely get into DEEP thoughts even though I like to be. She seems to be jarred out of her deep thoughts and just keeps trying to go back in, lol.
This is so me as well (also INFJ). I've noticed a lot of stuff on my feed about executive disfunction and that I think describes the feeling of not being able to do/think the thing. I feel like I'm buffering, or like if my car is stuck in neutral. I just *can't* and what I've read is that unless a task is Interesting, Novel, Challenging or Urgent (I think those are the descriptors) your non-neurotypical brain is like, nah. This also explains why I can get shit done at the last minute because Urgent, but I can't do the same task if it isn't urgent.
😂,... Just came across this video. The things that you struggle with plus your mannerisms remind me of myself..( it's disturbingly uncanny) ....However, I realised my coping mechanism was and still is to "act", pretend to be someone who" can", someone who absolutely loves the " boring"...( still working on the letter opening stuff)... does make me wonder where my INFJ personality starts and where my ADHD/ADD ends 😊
As you have places for keys and phone, maybe you need places (in your schedule) for routine boring stuff. And limit it to half an hour. That's all the brain really concentrates for anyway. Half an hour, then a break. If you take your break mid task, you'll end up going back to the task to finish it because it will nag you until it's done. But you will need to schedule the time and do the first half hour.
Lol i get the phone in yard story, similar thing happened to me the other night, glad i thought to maybe check outside though or else i never would've have found it
I'm a 23 year old INFJ and after a lot, a lot of inexplainable misery I was finally diagnosed with inattentive adhd yesterday. I'm a woman of color, and since most of the research done on the disorder is done on white boys and men, no one (including me) ever noticed it even though looking back all of the signs were clearly there. I was labeled as 'gifted' at a young age and so I have been the master of masking my symptoms all my life because of my 'intelligence' which is both a blessing and a curse. I also grew up in an abusive household, so when I let some symptoms shine through, it would get me in a lot of trouble.
All my life I thought there was something wrong with me, and I felt so guilty for having so much trouble with certain things, especially since I was supposedly 'smart.' When I just couldn't do certain things, I would feel awful and fully blame myself. I thought I was lazy and dumb and that my 'giftedness' was a huge miscalculation. But when I did achieve, academically, or career-wise, I felt equally bad because I thought that the achievements weren't valid. I could never feel any accomplishment or happiness from these things, only guilt because I thought 'if only they knew how much I'm actually struggling on the inside to get to this place of achievement, they would know my success isn't valid.'
So for a long time, there was nothing I could get energy from because both overachievement and underachievement would make me feel like a fraud and there is nothing in between for me. This has caused many episodes of deep deep depression.
Let me tell you, the first time I heard a story of a woman who was diagnosed as an adult, it felt like a moment of pristine clarity. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and for the first time since childhood, it felt like I could breathe again. It has made me able to take ownership of my achievements and of my quirks unapologetically and I feel like I can enjoy life again. So thank you for raising awareness on the matter, I hope it helps someone out there as much as it helped me.
I stumbled upon this video by sheer coincidence. And I guess I have to get myself tested or evaluated somehow. Never occurred to me, that this could be the thing that's so different about me.
But reading your comment just now... Actually it quite shocked me. It kind of mirrors my life in so many ways. Now I feel like I really need an answer to finally get closure to all this suffering...
A lot of people are missed... hoping to get treatment by the end of the week... waiting for insurance to kick in.
Jody,
I don't know you, but I am so incredibly proud of you.
Growing up in an abusive home as an INFJ is a special kind of hell and I would not wish it on any of our loving souls. Your resilience, your clear thinking, your openness shines through in this comment and I couldn't help but say something. My heart is exploding. Good job, Jody. Keep it up. You have a lifetime ahead of you where ownership of your successes is necessary to propel you to where you deserve to be.
You've got this.
THIS. IS. ME.
Thats great at such a young age. A lot of what you say says you have what they call imposter syndrome. Its not a real clinical thing. Its actually fairly common but it does impede a person. Glad your freed up better now!
I was recently diagnosed inattentive ADD. I read an article about non hyperactive and mostly girls are under diagnosed and that symptoms usually manifest more as anxiety and depression because of over compensation to keep up. It talked about the unorganized scatter brain and day dreaming and suddenly my whole life made sense!!
Same 😔
Here's the thing about: do you have trouble focusing on a single task?
Well, sort of. Yes, but it's not because I just get excited about something else. It's because all the tasks are connected and dependent on each other, and often times there's something else I need to do before I complete the initial ask I set out to do, and that can lead to me working on many interdependent/interrelated tasks at once, and that is an issue when I'm not highly focused on remembering the initial task and why I'm branching into the other tasks as well.
It's difficult, though, because all these tasks affect my life and are important, and it can be difficult to keep track of all of them! That's my comment about the first point you made somewhere in the first 10 minutes of the video. :)
I have ADHD. When I’m practicing my flute I have to have some paper to write down all the other things I’m thinking about before I start playing again. Other wise I’ll be thinking about too many things and wont be able to focus. I really like that about doing something that requires all your attention.
Oh my god, this is me🙀
I cannot clean my room unless I have something interesting I’m listening to or music .... It’s almost like I need a dopamine shot to do somethings. I also forget what I wanted to say while I’m typing like right now 😁 .... and I have to take breaks cleaning my room because I get tired so so easily when I’m doing something like cleaning .... my dressing mirror also has all my face and body creams on top of it because out of sight out of mind . I will find myself buying the same cream I kept in a drawer because I completely forgot I have it. Once I realised this about myself I just accepted that my dressing mirror will always have everything I need placed where I can see it no matter how messy it may come across to others .
I do similar things, like music listening, over exhaustion from doing minor activities. I was never like this though. I think its because I don't have any kind of vision so im just trying to frantically get my hands on anything to do, worrying about whether its right, so switch to my next task, back and forth, this and that! hyperaware, binge eating. im playing the waiting game from College to University atm and its summer break!, so I need a new focus I think. and not to mention keeping myself to myself.. I don't make it obvious theres a problem because I believe I shouldnt be like this and it wouldnt make sense to other people that I would be like this when im in a rather good position, getting all my priorities straight. Im all on my own :(
Hi.
You are me and I am you. We are we 😂
That out of sight out of mind thing is such a real thing.
The other thing I experience is remembering things out of sequence or remembering things that happened a month ago as if they happened a day or two ago or vice versa.
It really messes with being able to make decisions especially about purchasing stuff at the supermarket.
If I try to imagine what's in my fridge the memory I get of it might be from last month when we had milk or from 2 days ago when we had lots of milk.
It's almost like a memory lottery 😂
Self-diagnosed INFP here. I've inattentive ADHD, and I find pretty much everything you say in this video very relatable.
SAME
Same
Please don't self diagnose. Please
INFJ here and was just diagnosed THIS YEAR at 46 with Inattentive ADHD and so much makes more sense to me now.
God bless! I was diagnosed about 10 years ago at 30 or 31. So much made sense after that.
Me too, 46 y.o. and just diagnosed. INFP but always close to the center of the F-J continuum.
Heya:) How did you pursue a diagnosis?
I have a wealth of insight into my experience and why I believe it's likely I have inattentive add, but in truth I'm very hesitant to approach it, and scared, because I'm scared that people won't believe me. My demeanor is said by many to be calm, free, peaceful, and kind, and I feel like people misjudge and assume I have it all together and things are simple and easy for me when in reality, it takes a lot of work to make things . . . work. :/ I do it well much of the time, but that is exhausting. It is hard. It's been hard to learn how to work effectively with myself in a way where I feel adequate and good and effective.
Infj here and also just diagnosed at 48. I always knew that there was more going on with me then my OCD and anxiety, and horrible self esteem, but the last few years of being surrounded by suicides and overdoses in my family made me stop long enough to face things. The pieces were always there for me but the were thrown on the floor with no idea how to put them together. I feel like I've spent my life learning everything while doing nothing and then repeating. One foot on the gas pedal and one on the brake. Watching my life as a bystander and only being part of others lives in a secondary role .
I only discovered the term inattentive ADHD today and literally my entire life now makes sense! I have every single symptom and never understood why I struggle with these issues so much, or can’t just get things done without forgetting or missing something.
I promise myself I will be more organized with the boring sides of running my business, like bookkeeping and tax, but o can’t seem to bring myself to do it!
With creativity and new ideas I’m a gun, but with boring things I have no hope!
Basically I’m that guy in the movie “momento” that needs to tattoo everything to my body to remember it, except I forget to make the tattoos.
Thanks for enlightening me. I don’t like labels, but maybe there are ways to cope with this once it’s identified.
Recently diagnosed inattentive type and INFJ here. Its heartening to see other INFJ's in this thread. I've tried meds and hate them despite obvious benefits in attention they provide. I'm on a journey of wanting to treat this naturally and believe there is a whole world of opportunities to achieve this. Macro wholefoods, yoga and meditation have been a great start, and I've calmed down my anxiety and reduced depression and improved my general mood already. My focus has improved a bit which is encouraging but I still have a way to go.
Man Clay, It's awesome you made this video now because it's something I've been going through like crazy lately,
it's like my memory is terrible and i felt like I had alzheimer for the past couple of years. At school I was daydreaming 24/7 and could never keep my attention.
A year ago, i found out about mbti and infj explained so much to me, why my life has been the way it has. A month ago I found out I have inattentive adhd.
This video is great, i wish the best to everyone who has ADD or SCT, and being an infj on top of that makes it even harder.
It's like your personality type is wanting to organize and plan things ahead but you're terrible at it because of inattentive adhd.
And your introverted thinking is so strong but just filled with cluttered thoughts which have no coherence what so ever.
Your extraverted feeling is wanting to connect and socialize with people but you can't stay focused on them and you look distracted all the time.
It's very depressing... It's like living in constant confusion.
I have watched a few utube videos on inattentive ADHD but I could literally resonate with everything that you have said it describes me to a tee.
When I hear you talk I hear myself talk. It's like finding out you have a twin but more. xD
Same for me. I am too old to be either of your twins:?) I was diagnosed 30 years ago, well after my children had been treated for it. I agree with the objection of calling them disorders. The purpose of that is to pay doctors by labeling their disorders.
Yeah, me too. So what can we do? Is there treatment or something
💯
I felt the exact same. It’s like I wrote this and he’s just reading the script lol
He's obviously talking about me and not you... lol
Coping is the operative word. Long ago I started to put my “Phone keys and wallet “ in one place at home. EVERY TIME. Since then I have not had a catastrophic failure as it were. Haha. Take the most used things and protect them with a habit. Life is much calmer. 👍
Christ, the colours in this video is really good... I like it
Dude these last two videos really struck a nerve... More than relatable for sure 😅
It's really sad that it's seen as a disorder if you are not able to concentrate on stuff that is boring for you ... this video was really interessting for me because there were again, like in the RSD video before, many things I could identify with even thought I am so very different (or it seems like it) to people with ADHD that I know .... I was never hyperactive and thats also why I never thought about ADHD but now that you explain so many things
.... a few examples ...
I am working on getting my bachelor degree and once I had to work on a paper and spend appoximately 9 hours on my laptop to finish the paper without eating, barely drinking water and moving ... on the other hand I had to study for some law exam and spend (according to my iphone) 12 h a day for several days on my phone for distractions in between reading and learning these laws ... to this day I am surprised that I had a very good grade :) ...
The thing with the lists and tasks that you mentioned, Clay, is that according to my grades I am not dump but just get someone to list many things verbally or mention (complex) math ... my brain can't follow. For me it's easier to follow written to do lists.
I think maybe the thing with having places for certain things is also a thing for me but I never really thought about it until now. When I still lived at home I could't stand the way my mother sometimes "cleaned up" because she sometimes removed my things from certain places, it made me crazy ... my father on the other hand has also certain places for certain things.... I think ....and never touches or removes things over and over again.
I also have a really hard time on starting things because I know that I will put a lot of preassure on me once I start it but I also have a really strong tendency for perfectionism even thougt I know there is no such thing as being perfect....
I am actually amazed that I initially started following this channel because I am a fellow INFJ but I lern more and more about myself with each and every video, so thank you Clay for putting so much effort in the research for these videos.
While writing this, I am listening to the video a second time and I think that I can identify with even more points ... but I think this comment is long enought....
if someone read my whole text, have a nice day ;D
Lol 😉
I was recently diagnosed with inattentive adhd. I thought that everyone struggled with the symptoms I have or that there was something wrong with me and I was lazy. I would often be called out for always seeming spaced out or like I didn’t care about the topic. It got even worse under pressure, like if someone tells me to put something important away and then they ask me days later where it is, my mind will literally go blank. Or every time I have to cook, which I hate, I have such a hard time thinking of a new recipe to make.
You're describing me.
I've Been diagnised ADHD and haveself Id Autist. I'm INFJ, your videos have helped me understand myself so much.
I'm a 23-year-old INTP. My doctor diagnosed me with inattentive ADHD 2 days ago. I'm watching this video while playing Candy Crush and plucking hair at the same time.
I couldn't spot this earlier because my best friend has the regular ADHD and just because I don't define as "hyperactive" (though I've got impulsivity problems) I thought mine was something else or I'm straight up stupid or lazy. But then I look at my life and what I achieved throughout the years, in the fields I find interesting and say, "then I'm not, but what is it?" I relate to everything you say. As I do my research deeper and deeper on the symptoms, I actually can't believe how accurate some intimate ones actually are.
Considered a disorder or impairment because society sets unrealistic expectations. (Isn't that a disorder?) 🤭
I say we're all normal in our own weird ways.
Thank you Clay!
Omg yesss the different To Do Lists! I hate when someone tells me to make a To do list, because it’s a struggle to remember to check the damn thing
My ADHD was diagnosed when I was past my mid-30's. Until then I disregarded all the symptoms as just part of my personality. However, thinking back the symptoms were always there. I was very fidgety (when in private), and in my first year in school I struggled with focusing on homework after school. I definetly didn't do any before my parents got home and even then with my mother would sit down with me for an hour or so my mind just couldn't cope with it. What I ended up doing was leaving it all till the next morning. My father would wake me up as he got up and got ready to go to work and I would do my homework in the morning before going to school. Most of the time it took me 15 - 30 minutes, sometimes an hour when there were multiple subjects that day but all in all I got through the grade school with near top grades from my class (not the highest but my average grade was around the top 5 of the class).
Taxes were due yesterday in the US. I turned them in 8pm. I haaate monotonous tasks!
I lose things constantly. I was working on a home renovation project and was looking for a tool. I looked over and over. Then suddenly it was right there at my feet. It was like it magically appeared. I love my hyper focus ability and try to make it work for me.
I think that not paying attention to boring stuff is very good, a clever approach on the way to fulfill your potential by using your dominant function, introverted intuition. 😃 It may just be the flip side of the coin and is not bad.
Wow, I’m halfway through and so far you’re experiences are 100% my experiences. Kinda spooky! I’ve always known I’m very Dyslexic my whole life , but it’s only until a breakdown this year that I feel like I’m probably ADHD inattentive type too, and this video is making feel like that’s probably the case. So interesting to hear all of your unspoken daily experiences come out of someone else’s mouth. Thanks for sharing
In elementary school, I was always treated like I was pretty smart... never did homework until at school in the morning. I was always rocking my chair back on two legs. Fidgety due to boredom, I thought.
My delusion of being pretty smart started to fall apart in junior high and high school...
-I didn't have the level of sustained concentration, discipline or focus to get any of these more complex tasks done, anymore... especially Homework. (by 10th grade, even my rather great abilities in math seemed to have faded away.) This inattentive thing is me for sure.
*Am not very fidgety, as an adult... School just seemed like a waste of my life.
-I just don't Do paperwork at all, anymore...
But, I will check my mail for the checks... I don't make much. ;)... and feel it would be a disservice to not cash a personal check within 30 days.
Truly, I’ve never heard anyone as similar to myself. I’m also INFJ & I believe I have inattentive ADHD. However just a DSM diagnosis always felt inconclusive. I think getting a neuropsychological evaluation would be a good pairing :)
I'm an infj with ADD or adhd innatentative type. It's a fairly difficult disorder to manage as it does not only hinder my attention span, but also my emotional regulation, my social skills, and general mental well-being. Its become comorbid with anxiety and depression and for the longest time I've wondered if adhd was simply my personality. I've come to find out that personality itself has such a broad and fluid meaning that it's hard to use as a solid fact when you try to piece it with mental disorder and adhd. I would say it's fluid because the state or pattern in which we process information and make decisions can be changed by millions of factors, in which involve mental disorder, physical status, and much more. Adhd tends to make a person exert high levels of Fi and Ne, thus why at some times I was typed as an INFP, however after the utilization of adhd medication, the lack of adhd symptoms have seemingly caused me to test as an INFJ more oftenly.
You described me perfectly actually
I could not stand math homework as a kid. Yep, I hate opening mail. I have a super hard time getting started on cleaning, until I get so frustrated when I can't cook in my kitchen. I go nuts cleaning the kitchen, then I don't want to cook.
Omggggg same
Oh my God! This video made me realize, I'm an INFJ with inattentive ADHD 😅
SAME!
Thanks so much for posting this. I’ve never heard anyone describe these symptoms in a way that resonated so much with me. I’ve only been diagnosed recently and have often thought ‘Everyone feels this way’, too. I tend to blank out on some of those questions when they’re thrown out at me, but having examples is really useful and relatable. Taking a notebook everywhere would be ideal! I told my psych ‘No, I didn’t lose things as a kid’, and my mother had to remind me I had a new lunch box every week and constantly left clothes behind at school. Working memory fail!
Oh, my God, Clay, you've just described the way my mind organizes everything! Literally every single thing you said about yourself clicked hundredfold in my head and I've got that time blindness thing that often leads to me being late for appointments... I'm asking myself the same question about low Se and the inattentive ADHD. Just asked all of the 6 INFJs and INTJs I know about the symtoms...
I honestly think a lot of comes down to having low Se.
@@duaa7576 This is what pretty much everything he said I thought were due to low self esteem and it’s all a vicious circle. Then I took Adderall and it was like a messy white board being wiped off. I had no idea people can just do particularly boring things and still just focus on those things. This must be why A, B, C get done, in order and completed. This must be why A can just get started on. I only took Adderall for 3 days though. Made my blood pressure go up. So no expert.
It was so eye opening to see this video. It's like everything i have been feeling all my life but wasn't able to express. Thank you for this.
I relate to all of this! Except my phone always ends up on top of the fridge.
I’m so happy I found your channel bc your talks help me understand my special quirks -
I also appreciate your calm & neutral way of describing things 🙏🏼
Clay, watching your video was like looking at myself in a mirror. Every detail of the inattentive ADHD you described of yourself was me (I could go into great detail here, but I shall not). I was utterly amazed. However, understanding these things about ourselves means that it should be much easier to make decisions. The entrepreneurs figured it out - DELEGATE. Know your weaknesses and get someone else to perform those duties. Focus on the things you enjoy and are good at. Life is short - don’t waste the most valuable commodity you have - TIME. We are the decision-makers.
This video was-damn, I forgot what I wanted to say- Anyway, thanks. Can’t wait for the next video.
Thank you for this video. As you've observed here, there seems to be a lot of crossover between these symptoms and inferior Se. From what I've gathered, there seems to be a correlation between Ni with inattentive ADHD, and Ne with the more common ADHD variant. They seem to be descriptors for a way the brain functions when intuition is favoured heavily, rather than a mental illness. The connotation of illness seems to come from society not being very conducive for people with ADHD. As you said, many highly successful people operate and even thrive with some form of ADHD, developing systems to compensate for the heavy leaning on intuition.
I think the more angles we can view something in, the greater the ability to make connections and find underlying threads, potential solutions, so thanks again for talking about this and sharing your thoughts.
I've been incredibly lost (read: at death's door) the past while. Your videos have reminded me I'm not all bad internally, and to push to be understood rather than to live sparsely to not impact others with neurosis. There's a place in life I had convinced myself I didn't deserve very early on. Connection with myself and others I was convinced I didn't deserve. In your videos I see what could be without the self-imposed oppression, with the self-compassion to take pride in what I can offer, rather than what I can't. To escape the messiah complex and build an identity that does not need to be propped up by others' perceptions. To navigate through a deeply flawed society that doesn't always mesh with your natural state of being, and strive for a middle ground.
I will always be disappointed by the world in some way. Society seems to be spiraling with every year that passes. I've come to see however, the bet was never truly worth the hand in my eyes. The bet simply needs to be adjusted. You can't move forward and make a life in the chaos with one foot out the door.
Can you point to any research you have read regarding the correlation of introverted intuition and inattentiveness?
Hey Clay! I just want to say that I’ve been loving your content. It really resonates with me. In all honesty, it’s been kind of creepy how much I relate to you and your perspectives. It feels creepy because being an INFJ male, I’m not used to seeing someone who not only looks physically similar to me but talks like me and thinks like me. So I want to say “thank you” for your great content that has helped me to understand myself and not feel so alone. I think not feeling so alien in a world that doesn’t make all that much sense to me is important
Anyway, as someone who is ADHD and wasn’t diagnosed until his late 20’s (currently in mid 30’s) I again identify with you and where you’re at. I can see you doing all this research (love the shout out to Dr. Barkley, he’s a favorite of mine) and trying to relate it to your life experience. I agree with most of what you have to say but I find your wording of “they call this a disorder but… “ a little troubling. Don’t get me wrong, I see where you’re coming from. You’ve had the pleasure of being an entrepreneur with ADHD, where you explain that you can farm out “boring” tasks to people because you have the means.
That’s not the “average” experience of someone with ADHD. The average person with ADHD is the person that’s doing those tasks for someone else. Also, what you’ve described (being unable to focus on a task due to it being uninteresting) isn’t typical for the person without ADHD. This actually falls into something I call the “ADHD tax”. The ADHD tax is basically any situation where you end up spending more time/money on something than the average person. Time blindness falls into that as well. All of these things add up and put a weight on us with ADHD. We have to try just that much harder. Personally, having ADHD can feel like swimming while wearing a t-shirt, jeans and tennis shoes. You can do it, but it’s going to be exhausting and you’re not going to be as efficient as everyone else
Anyway, I feel labeling ADHD a disorder/disability is very important in modern society because without that label many, many people would not be able to get the help they need to achieve. I wouldn’t be able to have medication that makes my life so much easier to navigate. Medication is like being able to change into my swim trunks before going swimming. For another example: my daughter has inherited my ADHD. This past year it has been exceedingly difficult for her to cope with online learning. Even though she’s medicated and we’re teaching her different coping skills. Modern schooling is difficult enough for kids with ADHD, but online is even worse. It’s so easy to get distracted and lost. Unable to figure out what needs to be done. Without this labeling of ADHD as a disorder, I wouldn’t have been able to appeal to my daughter’s school to get her accommodations. Without those accommodations my otherwise bright child would have had a very hard time finishing her school work and the school year
I feel like the argument you’re trying to make is a philosophical one. It’s an argument I support, by the way. I assume it goes something like: “Why does society view this way of thinking/operating as such a problem? Aren’t people with ADHD just prioritizing different things? Why is that so bad that we have to call this a disorder?”
And the answer to that is: modern society wasn’t designed for people with ADHD. It has no practical use for the ADHD brain outside of niche circumstances. Modern society wants to mold people in a way that the ADHD brain just does not fit and we’re not going to be able to get all of society to change with a philosophical argument. What we can do though is slowly educate people on what ADHD is and why so many have such a hard time with it.
Lastly, I loved your take on meditation as a way to help deal with ADHD. I’ve been meditating almost every day for four years now and I will say that from my own experience it has definitely helped me with my ADHD. But like with all things related to meditation, it is not a cure for my ADHD but works as a way to help me relate better to it. Paradoxically helps me to “manage” my ADHD through helping me to accept it
Hi, I know this post is old but are you still here on YT? I ask because I agree with your take on this issue. I wanted to ask some questions. Thanks!
Clay, you probably think I'm a wacko with this being my fourth comment, but that's o.k. I just want to give you my own "prescription" to try out. There are zero adverse side effects to this prescription, and a couple of healthy side effects.
My guess is you spend a considerable time in Ni/Ti loops. The remedy for this is often to take a small amount of time...say an hour or so (daily if possible or at least 3 to 4 times a week) to consciously get out of your head and fully into your senses.
You can do this by taking a walk anywhere you "enjoy" the scenery....sounds...smells...etc...and make it a point to do nothing but "take it all in". Even if you find yourself slipping out of your senses and back into your thoughts...don't waste time beating yourself up...just go back to really "looking" at what's around you, taking in the smells, the sounds, the feel or the (breeze...sun...rain...etc...) however many times you need to (very much like they say to do in meditation). This is a lot easier for me if I'm walking or biking because at least then I'm less likely to to worry about the possibility that I'm "wasting time".(I'm getting exercise and creating balance!)..and limiting it to no more that and hour and half, allows me to relax and know that I can get back to "thinking" and everything else when I'm done.
You'd be surprised at how huge a difference this "regular contact" with the sensory world can make on your overall functioning and balance....and of course the exercise, fresh air and change of scenery is a huge benefit in itself.....for anyone!
Great advice for INFJ's! 😁
I've been doing this since 2018. It was the best decision in my life. It's really a kind of meditation. You just observe and watch the world around you and feel the connection to everything including of your body and mind as whole. It's like ghost of me is walking next to me and me as that ghost is looking at my thoughts and then they just disapear.
@@merkovie156 Yeah, I had been doing this for years, but haven't for the last couple of years due to literally no-time (home addition project and aging parents) Things are settling down now though and I'm going to get right back on track. You wouldn't believe some of the absent minded things I can manage to do when I don't have this balancing factor in my life.
Thank you so much for posting this. Perhaps in one of your future videos, you could touch upon how to cope with these issues as well!
Wow, INFJ here and every word you're saying resonates deeply, have been meditating daily for the past 2 years and it has definitely been very helpful. Thank you for sharing, Im now going to fall down a rabbit hole researching this further... ):)
I totally relate to every single thing, also INFJ here with mixed ADHD. When it comes to that particular quality of boredom that is almost physically painful, there's no way to explain the way it hurts to someone who doesn't understand. I got the same feeling when you were talking about the legal PDFs just imagining it, it's like such a sense of dread it can actually cause severe anxiety and a freeze response where I can't do anything. If this is happening too much with too many boring tasks all looming on the horizon, I can go into a deep depression....it's no joke!! I'm not sure if it is particularly challenging for INFJs with ADHD and rejection dysphoria, as it can make for a bunch of weird quirks and insane NI/TI loops. I'm quite astonished at how similar my experiences are that you describe with the same ADHD features and overall presentation
That part about thinking about something someone said distracting you from the conversation was super relatable
I relate hard, but I never thought this could be relevant for me because I had no problems focusing in school. But I realised now that it might be because I really enjoyed school work. I absolutely love diving into new topics and it's what I choose to do whenever I have free time too.
just turned 50 - INFJ + ADHD since a child - the life changer is when the 3rd eye opens - old timer once told me - for men between 35 - 45 / women a bit earlier 30 - 40 - ADHD Can* be used as a tool but takes time & practice - patience, it'll happen - Live Today, Learn from Yesterday, Plan for Tomorrow
I’m also an ADHD inattentive Type and an INFJ, Enneagram 7 wing 8 phlegmatic with a secure attachment style. So much of what you said resonated with me.
I was diagnosed recently as a 19 year old female in university with ADHD and it is truly difficult to even recognize my personality to describe it to you. I know i have been masking my entire life, i just dont even know how to step out of masking in public or situations in which i am overwhelmed
Same, idk who I am
The whole requiring a prompt to recall memories is such a double edged sword and as much as it's amazing it's one of the things that infuriated my ex-wife through the years...
I only just realized recently that I have ADHD and I remember trying to explain to her through the years that I can't remember things if they don't come to my mind. This was such a common occurrence and she used to look at me with such disgust and frustration.
Very Good explained and on point!
This is sooooooo useful thanks. I recently considered that I may have inattentive adhd. I completely relate to everything u said. I was pretty good at school but i would always be aware that I had to put in more effort on a task than friends. I would try very Hard to focus on a lesson, 4 hours went by and I would still be on the 1st question. Or at work, I would always have to write things down to avoid forgetting. Even interviews funny enough, I always asked if I could get a notebook to write questions down because by the time I start answering I would completely forget the question.
LMAO!!! - Watching you discuss your personal ADHD discovery process was very enjoyable, especially regarding taxes, opening mail, time blindness, and hyper focus. I am an inattentive & hyperactive ADHDer (10 out of 10 on the standard questionnaire). I related to EVERY topic you discussed. Thank you so much for this topic.
INFJ with ADHD and anxiety. It’s a rollercoaster tbh
O my this is an eye-opener. I definitely have time blindness and may be on the spectrum for inattentive ADHD. I wonder if there is a correlation between this and being an INFJ.
This really helped a LOT. I’ve known I’ve had adhd but never knew inattentive adhd was a thing until now. It makes so much more sense with what goes on with me than the general preconceptions of adhd🤔 it’s nice to know I’m not alone or mentally stunted in some way while being super smart In others.
I was self diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive) at 54. Since symptoms in women are impacted by hormones, I didn't really feel the impacts pre-puberty, and as I entered menopause, my symptoms became much more obvious. During my life, I had been using compulsive note-taking, asking for deadlines, but avoiding being responsible for providing data at a regular time where others are dependent on me. I was also using caffeine and nicotine to manage dopamine levels without being aware that's what I was doing. As a funny aside, when I quit both, I thought I was depressed! As far as working memory, some of that is tied to introverted function, we tend to have better access to long term memory vs short term. Even though I'm inattentive, blurting out answers has plagued me my whole life, probably because I'm so excited I know the answer.
I also found that it impacted being able to define my MBTI. Over the years I thought I was an ISTJ, then an INTP. Now I'm 90% sure I'm actually an INFJ because I'm
A- medicated
B- single, so I see myself as "me", not filtered through someone else (weak extroverted sensing)
C- working from home has allowed me to drop the social chameleon aspect of my personality
I have felt like an alien my entire life because I was not like anyone else I knew, and only through my joy and passion of reading on a million seemingly unrelated subjects was I able to find the bread crumbs to lead me to find someone to confirm my self-diagnosis, and get the help I needed. I was experiencing brain-fog with the onset of the hormone changes due to menopause, and as someone with such a rich and colorful interior world, I couldn't imagine a worse fate than early onset Alzheimer's, and that was how I was feeling. I'm not broken, I'm just not like most people.
Best decision ever was getting a service to mow my lawn.
Thanks for bringing up the topic, I hope someone that needs this information will find a spark of recognition to pursue more knowledge to meet their needs.
The honesty is refreshing because I refused for a long time to admit I had these problems.
Time is soooooo elusive to me too.
My Time blindness has angered people. I've tried. My ENFP friend set timers. I laughed not knowing it could be a useful tool if it didn't make me so frantic, distracted by the countdown that it obliterates my focus!
You look happy & seem to be having a little fun with subject(s) wonderful....lovely to see you happpppppy!!!!!!!!!!!😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊
im infp SC 5w4 mel/phleg guy, im diagnosed as adhd by doctor. i experienced what you were experiencing. thats why i try to be as organized as possible, put things in usual place, very systematic but still lose things sometimes. when i lacked of sleep, the symptoms were even more obvious!
I got diagnosed with inattentive ADD at 36. This was several years before learning about cognitive functions. I don't know if low Se is the same thing, but from everything I've learned about ADD I believe that calling it a disorder is a misnomer. Because it's really only a 'problem' when put against the backdrop of certain social expectations. E.g. the way formal education and modern workplaces are structured. It's not a coincidence that so many ADHD diagnosis stories start with a teacher that couldn't get a student to sit still.
In relation to losing stuff, I have the same habit as Clay. Once the items have their affixated places, everything can be found but should I lay an item _anywhere_ else, no matter how much in plain sight, I will _not_ find it. My first prompt is to go look from its designated place. After that, it's all the "other possible" places. I might pass by the item 5-10 times but just won't see it. 🙄 That is why I must have my keys in my pocket _at all times_... Otherwise I will forget to pick them up and I may lock myself out. 😅
Wow. All of this is my 8 year old. Thank you for the clarification she was diagnosed with adhd innatentive. We are trying to cope and deal and learn how to help her
The doing things you find boring or doing things other people tell you too is called Demand Avoidance. This is important for anyone who has adhd/add and or asd to be aware of.
I get made fun of and people lose patience with me all the time. I wish people knew how hard it is. I literally forgot to message someone and get ready to sleep thinking about what to write right now
I was just diagnosed with inattentive adhd! I wish that I knew what was happening with me growing up since my motivation towards my schoolwork was a huge struggle for me and my mom never understood that. I also have a huge issue still with texting friends or texting them back. I am so glad I'm getting medication for it and the help I needed
INFJ here with ISTP husband with diagnosed ADHD. Super Interesting and very similar struggles. We’ve had countless ‘phone in the middle of the yard’ experiences. Time blindness is certainly not an inferior SE thing.
One thing I've realised is that I can't maintain a consistent order of doing something. Like getting into and starting my car, it's always different, seatbelt, parking brake, ignition, clutch etc... Totally random order. Same with parking and turning it off, brake, keys, seatbelt... In the last few months I've neglected to engage the parking brake and had the car go rolling forward on me... Thankfully I caught it in time, except for the one time it rolled into someone's rear bumper! Thankfully no damage!
I just can't seem to establish an order for things!
I learned when looking for things our brains tend to be not just look for the items but color groups. Like if your normally would put your tooth past blue side up and someone else flips it over to the white side. It's like it isn't there when your looking right at it. Also I kinda prefer the "Lazer focused" over "Hyperfoucsed". Someone else compared not being able to do the thing to "biting your finger off"..you can tell yourself to do it but your brain won't let you.
If the video is too slow and you’re losing focus, try turning up the playback speed to 1.25x
Hope this helps!
Huge difference! I put it at 1.75 stayed with it easier. Not perfect but better. Thank you!
LOL!! I am always repeating myself with my boyfriend, after I've told him where his coffee or his dinner is, and he comes in looking for it, and I have to repeat. Or he flat out asks me, after I just told him.
The water bottle is me!!! Ahhhh
It’s not crazy my friend. I totally understand you and the more I watch videos like this the more I realize I’m definitely not normal
There's also something called Aphantasia - where a person can't visualize the things they intend to. I think we as people with ADHD have this too.
Wow this is totally me. INFJ all the way .I've been described as an enigma many times by many different people. Every report card; "Eamonn is a good student but tends to be distracted and distracts others..." Mrs Edgely year 6.Everything you said in first 20 minutes! Crazy. Clay you are like me (and I am you) in a parallel universe... haha too many similarities man ! Also I am 36 years old and only got diagnosed with ADHD 2years ago after doing a long term rehab program. Still working out a balance with the medication but it's definitely helping. No wonder I love high risk activities and started going to raves and taking ecstasy in high school. Dopamine!!!
I relate soo much to this video and also to the people in this comment section. Makes me feel much less alone and isolated with the struggles I face on a daily basis. I can't relate to anyone in real life who faces these problems.
Came back to this video because I’ve realized all that you said is what I’ve recently uncovered about myself. My fiance has also been sending me tik toks about ADHD and at first I said no, that cant be, but the more I look into it (and literally everything you reference in this video), I really am starting to feel like I do have inattentive ADHD. I had the same question in that where is the line drawn between this neurodivergence and my previously thought personality of INFJ? It seems like a lot of the lines have blurred for me, and this is even more difficult because… (starting to forget where I was going with this 🙃). Anyway, thanks for the video - I wish I could make these but I have have such trouble even thinking where to begin with filming a video of myself. I’m going to try and see a psychiatrist to sort this stuff out because I do now find the low working memory impairs my ability to take verbal orders (ICU RN) from physicians in a time where I need to be able to remember step-by-step instructions and be able to implement them in a timely way; I can’t always he the guy who writes everything down as it is 2x as much work and makes it so frustrating.
I can definitely relate to what u saying...I'm still needing to get diagnosed but I do believe I have ADD...
If the personality may have something to do with your experiences and learned behavior, maybe this is the reason why people with certain neurodiversity come to similar solutions snd coping strategies… just a thought though.
I used to be this happy, curious, easily excited little girl, but I had to learn very painfully, that peers hated me for it. I had questions and wanted to know if my connected dots are right but my peers made jokes about it. I don’t know if they felt threatened by me, but even though I never intended to appear better than anyone and I was happy for others when they got things right, people accused me of thinking I was better than them.
So I learned to keep things to myself, to wonder quietly and find out later if my connections were right. I learned to keep feelings to myself because others might use that knowledge against me or make me believe they have the characteristics I am looking for just to fool me into giving them supply.
It was quite a fascinating experience when my ADHD medication worked and I did not have to put much effort in staying on the tasks that had to be done - it was so easy to do it and I could choose not to be distracted by my thoughts. It made me realize how much more energy some things cost me, that are just easy to do for others.
People font see how much effort and hurry you put into arriving on time, but your time blindness forgot to remind you that your child might need an unexpected diaperchange and your whole schedule is off… I literally have to take my shopping list into the store and cross out everything I put into the cart to not oversee something on my list.
Growing up with wanting to do good and yet making „careless“ mistakes, with wanting to share your excitement but being cast out for it, with wanting to please those around you yet forgetting things - lots of it made me who I am today. I don’t like to judge without considering many possible reasons-> I know how that feels. I don’t want to make my actions dependent on anyone’s opinion because I have much experience on being misunderstood and misjudged. This is also why I appear rather aloof most the time, but in my closer circle am very outgoing, talkative and funny. The people who know me as the empathic person I am will understand my sometimes dark humor very well, others may use it to judge me wrongly.
I do believe many people with neurodiverse brains, be it ADHD or Autism or even just HSP have had to endure quite painful and toxic experiences, especially if they had no one who would hear them and see their struggles. Even as an adult friends will minimize your struggles and put it off as normal, but you see that it isn’t. Everyone knows the situation of forgetting what they went into the other room for, but few know this to happen multiple times a day, almost every day. And yet we have to be patient and kind with ourselves, get the stuff done and see our great strength and possibilities that come along with the brain we have.
Some just choose to cope in different ways, they might get grandiose and don’t give a sh*t about others, use their ADHD as an excuse not to take responsibility but expect others to have unquestioned understanding for their behavior - so they might be very extroverted and selfish.
Maybe the personality is how you choose to cope with the world anf relationships, and there is only a slight correlation between Neurology and Personality, or maybe its totally different.
For some reason I think the personality is more connected to our soul, it guides how we use the brain we are given. But how our brain functions is genetic and training. So we can’t outgrow ADHD, but we can train our brain to not be as forgetful or anxious we can blame others or work on ourselves.
Does it matter if I am very organized because I need it a coping and put much effort into learning it, or if I sm very organized by nature cause it comes easy to me? Either way I am organized. Does it matter if I control expressing my feelings because I never saw the point in sharing them or if I learned to feel them hidden inside because it was harmful to let others know how you feel? Both is healthy, both is introverted, both is conscious.
Brother man, welcome to the family! We are on the same page. 🙃
Everything you say sounds like me and my inattentive ADHD 😅 Female INFP/J (figuring out, tested as INFP multiple times but therapist gave me a hint that INFJ might be more precise) here 😉
28 INFJ ADHD, check on all of the symptoms, it’s gotten better since I became a mom, I have no choice but to be organised now, my daughter is a priority to me so it almost comes naturally now.
@28:06 YES I interupt people as well! I'm an ENFJ and we have very similar behavior in regards to the ADHD stuff! My INTP mentor HATES when I interrupt and sometimes its because I am getting defensive from criticism ugh I hate that part about me but I had a head injury and my immediate memory can blank out easily and I get nervous Ill forget my point. If I am at my computer I put down bullet points of stuff I want to mention. But honestly sometimes a free for all discussion with interruptions is fun!
so as someone with inattentive adhd how many times did you pause this video and did something else or googled something while watching this? because I sure did a lot while watching this haha
I’m an INFP with predominantly inattentive ADHD.
I am INFJ type. I am or have been diagnosed with PTSD , c-PTSD , panic disorder, generalized anxiety, major depressive, and now yesterday my dr mentioned he thinks I may be ADD as I’m only lacking the hyper active portion. I just want help
What someone says sparks other thoughts about the same topic. Again about the boyfriend, I will start saying something, he will interrupt me with what my words stimulated him to think, then I will have to say, "Hold that thought, and I need to tell you the rest of mine, so here we go..."
Amazing work. Im in a same boat. However, instead of emails i put my very important projects in the bottom of my to do list. Please explore more on the time blindness and putting things back. Appreciated again:)
Problem is i work at hospital as intern and wanting to apply for job but I couldn’t get Ritalin prescription without a prescription from doctor and only 4 hospitals giving concerta so how I would be able to get it 🥲im worried they discriminate in job interview because they may see my medical record
Recall Books Read But When Questions Asked Or Movies I Saw Can Only Remember Like Oceans 11 Laser Etc
I love the trouble processing steps things. It’s why I literally can’t take directions 🗺 because I’m like wtf? I only heard the 1st thing you said and I’m still trying to process that 🥴🥴🤯
I'm 38, and infj-a and also adhd and I feel my adhs inattentive... made more even more spacey cretive eccentric n someway bc I hold myself way with pride ! ( which I didn't while being young ) !!
So interesting. I really thought these things were due to my INFJ personality type, but perhaps I also have this form of ADHD. I detest opening mail or doing anything I have to sit and actually focus on. It's extremely difficult for me when I'm always using my brain to daydream or think about so many other things. I'm definitely the sanevway when people are talking. I either get caught up trying to process something they said and miss what they've said since or tune out completely and get lost in thought. I recently ended a relationship with someone who blamed absolutely everything on his ADHD. He definitely did have some of these particular symptoms, but there was much more to it than that...
Another comment (female INFJ likely inatrentive add): i feel like my organization has developed AS a coping mechanism to handle the obstacles related to add. In other words, i do it, I'm good at it, and i deeply appreciate it, but thats not because i think its fun; its because i understand that engaging in organization is instrumental in my calm and literal ability to function and do life effectively.
Where is the SCT video?!😭 Really great job on this one!
Did he say he was going to make one?
@20 min, is it dread? Is that the feeling that you feel when faced with an exceedingly boring task?
Lol. I paused the video to comment and as soon as I finished and un-paused it you labeled the feeling dread.....
My problem is I need to translate verbal instructions in pictures and that takes a little bit more time than normal.
My INFJ wife was diagnosed ADHD as a kid but I've been diagnosed as a 31yr old. I find that she has SOME of the ADHD symptoms, but not the, uhh... classic ones? Kind of what you say here, FWIW.
I find Ne folks (INTP here) tend to be 'normal' ADHD. The Ni people like INFJs and INTJs seem to have something that has a LOT of the ADHD symptoms but also is kind of different. Almost more like a type of OCD but it's not quite OCD either. That "focus on one thing at a time" is actually EXACTLY what her overall issue is. For me, I also relate, I have trouble thinking more than 2, maybe 3 steps ahead. And if I do, I can't be doing anything else like moving around or talking to another person. I tend to take a thought-concept and bring it 'forward' one step, then want to move on to another concept. I like to move things along in groups. What INFJwife does, instead, is take 1 discreet concept or problem and taking it to it's logical conclusion, THEN she can move on. I'd be curious which of those two dynamics you relate to, since I find this distinction is not made very often.
I definitely relate to the employee situation being overwhelming. I wonder if they're ISTJ or something. I have an ISTJ I'm working with closely now and the amount of information they keep inside their head truely astounds and sometimes scares me. Literally HOW???!!!! Things just fall out of mine like there's a hole and there is literally NOTHING I can do to stop it besides actually repeating the information out loud verbally. Thinking it doesn't work.
All I know is that I wish there was a LOT more research into both disorders and brain functioning, and personality grouping as demographic was taken more seriously all around. It takes only a short amount of time in these communities to know SOMETHING is going on with various types and advice for one of a type tends to indeed be helpful in some way for most of that type.
I have a bit of a pet theory that all introverted types have the same undefined "disorder" when it comes to so called 'normal' behavior. Basically needing a slightly slower pace of life and interaction than what is considered normal. It's not really a problem unless others make it a problem.
Ne ADHD seems to be like: Idea A, Idea B, Idea X, Idea T, Idea M
Ni ADHD seems to be like: Idea A,b,c,d,e,f,g- Oh, Idea B, Idea Cdefghijklmnopqrstuvwx- Oh sorry, Idea D.
If that makes any sense haha. I think both people have issues with a type of reality dissociation to access those intuition functions, personally. I just catch her staring at things in the middle of what used to be a lively conversation, lol, just like you said.
You just said "Narrow attention", YES! That's how I've described INFJwife's attention as well. Not "sterotypical" bouncing around ADHD, but so narrow that literally ANYTHING will heavily distract her, even just, like, living in reality. For me, I feel like it's too broad of attention. I can't NOT pay attention to a stimulus in the environment. So I rarely get into DEEP thoughts even though I like to be. She seems to be jarred out of her deep thoughts and just keeps trying to go back in, lol.
This is so me as well (also INFJ). I've noticed a lot of stuff on my feed about executive disfunction and that I think describes the feeling of not being able to do/think the thing. I feel like I'm buffering, or like if my car is stuck in neutral. I just *can't* and what I've read is that unless a task is Interesting, Novel, Challenging or Urgent (I think those are the descriptors) your non-neurotypical brain is like, nah. This also explains why I can get shit done at the last minute because Urgent, but I can't do the same task if it isn't urgent.
😂,... Just came across this video. The things that you struggle with plus your mannerisms remind me of myself..( it's disturbingly uncanny) ....However, I realised my coping mechanism was and still is to "act", pretend to be someone who" can", someone who absolutely loves the
" boring"...( still working on the letter opening stuff)... does make me wonder where my INFJ personality starts and where my ADHD/ADD ends 😊
As you have places for keys and phone, maybe you need places (in your schedule) for routine boring stuff. And limit it to half an hour. That's all the brain really concentrates for anyway. Half an hour, then a break. If you take your break mid task, you'll end up going back to the task to finish it because it will nag you until it's done. But you will need to schedule the time and do the first half hour.
Its sounds like a pomodoro technique, which help when im the most despered.
Lol i get the phone in yard story, similar thing happened to me the other night, glad i thought to maybe check outside though or else i never would've have found it