Forgive, bitterness will get you in the end. While it's hard, you only have one mom and someday she'll be gone, you will then give anything for one more day with her.
na, one more day with a lying person telling half truths to justify the desecration and demolition of all these relationships and family unit.. you dont get to justify what you did you dont get forgiveness for deception.. you get shunned and ostracized for it. bitterness happens when you dont let go.. so let go completely of this person, and make peace with the fact that you had a twisted messed up fake mother who lied and played manipulation games to keep her dirty little secrets alive while pretending that she cares about you... shes not sorry about what she did. shes sorry she got caught.. the way you can tell is she never took accountability. just tried to justify her way out of it.. lol one more day with a person like that is a waste of your time.. speaking of experience in my own messed up family.
nope.. exclusion.. because they will do it again and again... its the nature of people without conscience to act without it.. the damage will be catastrophic in normal peoples lives.. i tried for 25 years to accept what my mother did.. but she just worked against me stole my dad clean, stuck him in a pensioners home slapped him into chemo 80 year old man, and he was dead within a year.. and that was beginning of this year when i found out the whole story... so na... no forgiveness no redemption. let go of the pain and move on with the conviction of holding people accountable for their BS or be taken advantage of like a door mat..
Forgive Don't forget. Find out the truth of the DNA of the children. Doesn't matter because your Dad is your Dad. Once you have your own children keep them at a distance and never leave them alone. Time heals all wounds but keep God as your guide to make the right decisions.
thats no way to have a family... family does not behave this way.. you protect your kids from r@pists and p#dos by never inviting them into your house, why should it be different with liars and manipulators... this is not a one time wound that needs healing over time. this is a continuous deception that just destroyed many relationships and the future of a whole family unit.. God has reviled the truth so you all can be free of deception.. what you do with that freedom is to learn from your mother and be better than her. thats all you can do. be victorious in the life you live after what she has done and do not morn the life you had to let go. better things are coming when you act in conscience.
First of all, I'm sorry for your loss of your dad. This short story sounds like he was a good man, and I'm sure you and your brothers miss him very much. Forgive your mom. Forgive your uncle. Forgive your dad. Most of all, forgive YOURSELVES. We all have our demons and every family has skeletons in the closet. Research and statisticians have shown that many American colonists, Puritan as they were, most of the time were already pregnant when they got married. One of the two-crew submarines I served on was a Peyton Place of the guys on one crew screwing around with the wives of the guys on the other crew, and vice-versa. I think the world would be a far different and very likely a worse place if EVERYONE were to find out by DNA who their ACTUAL bio-father is, and maybe in some cases even who their bio-MOTHER is. Parents lie to their kids every day out of shame or out of thinking the kids can't handle it when they're young. Even if they have good intentions of one day coming clean, for some it just never seems like a "good" time for the ducks, to throw a huge boulder in the pond. I can relate to this story in some ways. I'm 62, child of parents who divorced when I was 9 and who continue to despise each other to this day. Dad was a drunk who went to rehab in 1983, and hasn't drank since. But he always accused mom of cheating on him and he believed for many years--and maybe still does believe--that I am not his bio-son. He literally told me more than once that he could not love me because he felt I was not his. Mom married my stepdad a year after her divorce, but we knew my stepdad when my mom and dad were still together. I heard her conversations with him, and I know for a fact she was at the very least being emotionally unfaithful to my dad BEFORE they divorced. Oh, and "their song" was "Tie a Yellow Ribbon." If you don't get the reference, check out the lyrics: genius.com/Tony-orlando-and-dawn-tie-a-yellow-ribbon-round-the-ole-oak-tree-lyrics So I have had to work through some demons of my own to get to where I am. I've been married for 28 years to a wonderful Christian woman, and we've raised two boys. I've never had a paternity test on myself, but my early childhood pictures are a spitting image of my dad, and my youngest son was born with red hair, just like my dad and one of his sisters. My dad dated some when I was in my teen years, but never remarried, and now at 86, he probably never will. I don't think he has ever gotten over my mom. Despite all of this, he has nicer things to say about her than she ever says about him. Someone more versed in psychology or even just human behavior might say that's likely how she continues to justify her own behavior, and justify leaving him and marrying a man whom I heard her conversing with when she and my dad were still together. So I'm not condoning what your mom and your uncle have done, but I would recommend you AND your brothers look at the good in this situation. You've been blessed enough to be raised by THREE people who have loved you and cared for you. Many people are not so fortunate to have even ONE loving parent. As for your dad drinking and driving, It's not fair to blame your mother's indiscretion for that. Alcoholics DRINK. That's what they DO, and they will ALWAYS FIND an excuse. I was raised by one and then saw him continue to drink after mom left him until I joined the Navy at age 18. I learned a hell of a lot more about alcoholism AND about alcohol abuse by people who are not necessarily alcoholic in the Navy when I was chosen to work in an alcohol rehab center with sailors, Marines, Coast Guard, Army and Air Force members who found themselves in trouble due to their drinking and/or drug use. If your dad was an alcoholic, finding out that your mom was unfaithful to him did not MAKE him an alcoholic. He was likely BORN an alcoholic, and probably after some early bad experiences from drinking, chose not to drink for YOUR sake, and your brothers. This story doesn't give enough details, so that's just a guess. This stress likely sent him off on a bender, but anything could have done that. In any event, your mother did not hold him down and pour the drink down his throat. He made a conscious decision to drink drug alcohol and then get behind the wheel of a car. I don't know that you can even be certain that your dad WASN'T drinking BEFORE learning that your mom was unfaithful. Many alcoholics are also very good at hiding the extent of their drinking from those closest to them. Even with my knowledge and experience, I have been shocked to learn later that people I knew were practicing alcoholics when I knew them, who later got sober. And I never knew until they confided that they went to AA and/or into rehab and got sober.
Rubbish, such rubbish.. the truth is that the family fell apart because of infidelity and the mother was chiefly responsible for that.. forgiveness is for people who know how to say sorry and become better people. all the rest of the trash on this comment is like reading the bible written by alcoholics.. what is deception and emotional manipulation?? what is infidelity, what is cheating and lying? there is no justification, there is no explanation for the choices that they all made. they made their choices regardless of the respect of honesty and all the borders of the values of conscience.. they maintained those choices for years and there is no justifying that type of deception. the kids dont need to forgive themselves or anyone.. they need to let go of the type of people that their parents were, hold them accountable as adults for what they have done and they need to learn from them to be better people.. you can hide some things from kids when they are young.. but perpetuating a lye and as an adult i must take your words seriously when you justify away?? na... life does not work that way.. people are not born alcoholic... alcoholism is an addiction and an addiction is a supplement to emotional damage. dont pin that on the dad after hes spent his life working and paying for a whole ass family.. please.. what rubbish you talking.. he wouldn't be able to work and raise a family if he was on the bottle.. so dont come with trash talk here..
I can’t give an opinion without much more information. I can’t give man honest thought without further understanding yiu mother and father. And their relationship. Your father could have been experiencing guilt as well as anger. A man or a woman that is connected with their partner can feel a disconnect even if that don’t k ow what it is. Or they denied it many years degrading their manhood, the continued lived lie. It’s one of them things when you find out a truth one has known and felt in their heart, that creates codependency with/on denial as the link. Do you know your mother? Is she one of seriously low character. Talk with her ask her the whys the how’s, if their father was aware. Give her the opportunities to b honest come clean and attempt to reach some understanding. He might have been miserable himself,. Be unforgiving if it’s suite to make her responsible, and remember the stages of grief and the anger really impacts listening to another’s feelings. my best wishes
lies are not what you use to build your life with.. there is no redemption for people who lie to your face as though youre stupid.. family should be able to trust each-other.. and a mom thats screwing around and faking it to the kids and to EVERYONE ELSE is not a mother at all. (speaking of experience) sure you only have one mother.. but tell me. what do we do with people who brake our trust like that?? you dont invite them in because there is only one "mother" lol na, at the rate shes going she can make more kids and have a new family going in 2 years... at least with those kids she has no option but to be truthful.
Sounds to me like the mom’s only sorry she got caught cheating (and the repercussions that comes with getting caught doing a heinous act), but isn’t sorry that she cheated in the first place, which is what her kids are looking for. What’s more, mom is also giving off narcissistic vibes by blaming her kids for breaking up the family instead of owning up to the fact that it was her actions (and also that her stupid self decided to document the entire affair and think it would stay a secret afterwards) that broke up the family instead. No accountability whatsoever. As for the person who posted this story, I’d say to forgive your mom, not for her, but for yourself. Hatred and resentment are emotions that are so strong, that they will weigh you down heavily and overwhelm you after a while. Don’t go through life carrying this around and end up living your worst life. Forgive her for yourself, and then continue to life life with no regrets. And it’s ok to cut toxic people out of your life, even if that includes your family.
Water under the bridge sad they hD an affair and i dont know how your dad died my condolNces but your mom and yncle loved you enough to raise you love them enough to forgive none of us are perfect except jesus
You must forgive. I know it's hard. Believe me. I've been hurt by people is such ways that when I share with others what these people did to me, they often don't believe me or think I'm crazy, which only adds to my pain. Nevertheless, I must forgive even them too. I've got a lot of people to forgive, but I must. My life and sanity depend on it...even my eternal life, for unforgiveness will send us to hell, literally and for eternity.
![ILLSLICK X YOUNGOHM - We're The same [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/yUJNkobYR0E/mqdefault.jpg)
That's jacked up!! Mom had it coming. End of story.
Forgive, bitterness will get you in the end. While it's hard, you only have one mom and someday she'll be gone, you will then give anything for one more day with her.
na, one more day with a lying person telling half truths to justify the desecration and demolition of all these relationships and family unit.. you dont get to justify what you did you dont get forgiveness for deception.. you get shunned and ostracized for it. bitterness happens when you dont let go.. so let go completely of this person, and make peace with the fact that you had a twisted messed up fake mother who lied and played manipulation games to keep her dirty little secrets alive while pretending that she cares about you... shes not sorry about what she did. shes sorry she got caught.. the way you can tell is she never took accountability. just tried to justify her way out of it.. lol one more day with a person like that is a waste of your time.. speaking of experience in my own messed up family.
Forgiveness. Love is a powerful thing.
nope.. exclusion.. because they will do it again and again... its the nature of people without conscience to act without it.. the damage will be catastrophic in normal peoples lives.. i tried for 25 years to accept what my mother did.. but she just worked against me stole my dad clean, stuck him in a pensioners home slapped him into chemo 80 year old man, and he was dead within a year.. and that was beginning of this year when i found out the whole story... so na... no forgiveness no redemption. let go of the pain and move on with the conviction of holding people accountable for their BS or be taken advantage of like a door mat..
Forgive
Don't forget.
Find out the truth of the DNA of the children. Doesn't matter because your Dad is your Dad.
Once you have your own children keep them at a distance and never leave them alone.
Time heals all wounds but keep God as your guide to make the right decisions.
thats no way to have a family... family does not behave this way.. you protect your kids from r@pists and p#dos by never inviting them into your house, why should it be different with liars and manipulators... this is not a one time wound that needs healing over time. this is a continuous deception that just destroyed many relationships and the future of a whole family unit.. God has reviled the truth so you all can be free of deception.. what you do with that freedom is to learn from your mother and be better than her. thats all you can do. be victorious in the life you live after what she has done and do not morn the life you had to let go. better things are coming when you act in conscience.
Remind her that she killed him. She loaded the bottle and handed it to him.
When you lose Respect for any parent all you have is love left.
First of all, I'm sorry for your loss of your dad. This short story sounds like he was a good man, and I'm sure you and your brothers miss him very much.
Forgive your mom. Forgive your uncle. Forgive your dad.
Most of all, forgive YOURSELVES.
We all have our demons and every family has skeletons in the closet. Research and statisticians have shown that many American colonists, Puritan as they were, most of the time were already pregnant when they got married. One of the two-crew submarines I served on was a Peyton Place of the guys on one crew screwing around with the wives of the guys on the other crew, and vice-versa.
I think the world would be a far different and very likely a worse place if EVERYONE were to find out by DNA who their ACTUAL bio-father is, and maybe in some cases even who their bio-MOTHER is. Parents lie to their kids every day out of shame or out of thinking the kids can't handle it when they're young. Even if they have good intentions of one day coming clean, for some it just never seems like a "good" time for the ducks, to throw a huge boulder in the pond.
I can relate to this story in some ways. I'm 62, child of parents who divorced when I was 9 and who continue to despise each other to this day. Dad was a drunk who went to rehab in 1983, and hasn't drank since. But he always accused mom of cheating on him and he believed for many years--and maybe still does believe--that I am not his bio-son. He literally told me more than once that he could not love me because he felt I was not his. Mom married my stepdad a year after her divorce, but we knew my stepdad when my mom and dad were still together. I heard her conversations with him, and I know for a fact she was at the very least being emotionally unfaithful to my dad BEFORE they divorced. Oh, and "their song" was "Tie a Yellow Ribbon." If you don't get the reference, check out the lyrics: genius.com/Tony-orlando-and-dawn-tie-a-yellow-ribbon-round-the-ole-oak-tree-lyrics
So I have had to work through some demons of my own to get to where I am. I've been married for 28 years to a wonderful Christian woman, and we've raised two boys. I've never had a paternity test on myself, but my early childhood pictures are a spitting image of my dad, and my youngest son was born with red hair, just like my dad and one of his sisters.
My dad dated some when I was in my teen years, but never remarried, and now at 86, he probably never will. I don't think he has ever gotten over my mom. Despite all of this, he has nicer things to say about her than she ever says about him. Someone more versed in psychology or even just human behavior might say that's likely how she continues to justify her own behavior, and justify leaving him and marrying a man whom I heard her conversing with when she and my dad were still together.
So I'm not condoning what your mom and your uncle have done, but I would recommend you AND your brothers look at the good in this situation. You've been blessed enough to be raised by THREE people who have loved you and cared for you. Many people are not so fortunate to have even ONE loving parent.
As for your dad drinking and driving, It's not fair to blame your mother's indiscretion for that. Alcoholics DRINK. That's what they DO, and they will ALWAYS FIND an excuse. I was raised by one and then saw him continue to drink after mom left him until I joined the Navy at age 18. I learned a hell of a lot more about alcoholism AND about alcohol abuse by people who are not necessarily alcoholic in the Navy when I was chosen to work in an alcohol rehab center with sailors, Marines, Coast Guard, Army and Air Force members who found themselves in trouble due to their drinking and/or drug use.
If your dad was an alcoholic, finding out that your mom was unfaithful to him did not MAKE him an alcoholic. He was likely BORN an alcoholic, and probably after some early bad experiences from drinking, chose not to drink for YOUR sake, and your brothers. This story doesn't give enough details, so that's just a guess. This stress likely sent him off on a bender, but anything could have done that. In any event, your mother did not hold him down and pour the drink down his throat. He made a conscious decision to drink drug alcohol and then get behind the wheel of a car.
I don't know that you can even be certain that your dad WASN'T drinking BEFORE learning that your mom was unfaithful. Many alcoholics are also very good at hiding the extent of their drinking from those closest to them. Even with my knowledge and experience, I have been shocked to learn later that people I knew were practicing alcoholics when I knew them, who later got sober. And I never knew until they confided that they went to AA and/or into rehab and got sober.
@@dolfinwriter5389 great response 🫶 thank you
Rubbish, such rubbish.. the truth is that the family fell apart because of infidelity and the mother was chiefly responsible for that.. forgiveness is for people who know how to say sorry and become better people. all the rest of the trash on this comment is like reading the bible written by alcoholics.. what is deception and emotional manipulation?? what is infidelity, what is cheating and lying? there is no justification, there is no explanation for the choices that they all made. they made their choices regardless of the respect of honesty and all the borders of the values of conscience.. they maintained those choices for years and there is no justifying that type of deception. the kids dont need to forgive themselves or anyone.. they need to let go of the type of people that their parents were, hold them accountable as adults for what they have done and they need to learn from them to be better people.. you can hide some things from kids when they are young.. but perpetuating a lye and as an adult i must take your words seriously when you justify away?? na... life does not work that way.. people are not born alcoholic... alcoholism is an addiction and an addiction is a supplement to emotional damage. dont pin that on the dad after hes spent his life working and paying for a whole ass family.. please.. what rubbish you talking.. he wouldn't be able to work and raise a family if he was on the bottle.. so dont come with trash talk here..
I can’t give an opinion without much more information. I can’t give man honest thought without further understanding yiu mother and father. And their relationship. Your father could have been experiencing guilt as well as anger. A man or a woman that is connected with their partner can feel a disconnect even if that don’t k ow what it is. Or they denied it many years degrading their manhood, the continued lived lie. It’s one of them things when you find out a truth one has known and felt in their heart, that creates codependency with/on denial as the link. Do you know your mother? Is she one of seriously low character. Talk with her ask her the whys the how’s, if their father was aware. Give her the opportunities to b honest come clean and attempt to reach some understanding. He might have been miserable himself,. Be unforgiving if it’s suite to make her responsible, and remember the stages of grief and the anger really impacts listening to another’s feelings. my best wishes
How about forgiveness?.
So... She should forgive for the one who had a huge part in the death of her father? Just to make sure I understand what you say.
Forgive, for everyone's sake.
lies are not what you use to build your life with.. there is no redemption for people who lie to your face as though youre stupid.. family should be able to trust each-other.. and a mom thats screwing around and faking it to the kids and to EVERYONE ELSE is not a mother at all. (speaking of experience) sure you only have one mother.. but tell me. what do we do with people who brake our trust like that?? you dont invite them in because there is only one "mother" lol na, at the rate shes going she can make more kids and have a new family going in 2 years... at least with those kids she has no option but to be truthful.
Sounds to me like the mom’s only sorry she got caught cheating (and the repercussions that comes with getting caught doing a heinous act), but isn’t sorry that she cheated in the first place, which is what her kids are looking for. What’s more, mom is also giving off narcissistic vibes by blaming her kids for breaking up the family instead of owning up to the fact that it was her actions (and also that her stupid self decided to document the entire affair and think it would stay a secret afterwards) that broke up the family instead. No accountability whatsoever. As for the person who posted this story, I’d say to forgive your mom, not for her, but for yourself. Hatred and resentment are emotions that are so strong, that they will weigh you down heavily and overwhelm you after a while. Don’t go through life carrying this around and end up living your worst life. Forgive her for yourself, and then continue to life life with no regrets. And it’s ok to cut toxic people out of your life, even if that includes your family.
Water under the bridge sad they hD an affair and i dont know how your dad died my condolNces but your mom and yncle loved you enough to raise you love them enough to forgive none of us are perfect except jesus
Sad
Za räägib eesti keelp?😗
That is horrible.
I call BS
You must forgive. I know it's hard. Believe me. I've been hurt by people is such ways that when I share with others what these people did to me, they often don't believe me or think I'm crazy, which only adds to my pain. Nevertheless, I must forgive even them too. I've got a lot of people to forgive, but I must. My life and sanity depend on it...even my eternal life, for unforgiveness will send us to hell, literally and for eternity.