I'm glad you made mention in your closing remarks about "excuses." One of the things I learned when I began studying psychology that turned on the lights for me was that it's not productive to set up a dichotomy of "excuse/blame." In fact it's so limiting it shuts down decent discussion. It's not only possible, it's crucial to avoid either excuse or blame when exploring the reasons and results of disordered behavior. You will never get past them to reach "explanation" unless you stay neutral; and what you can't explain or account for, you can hardly hope to fix.
I'm going to run with an insight that came, as I listened & read. I stayed with myself, I believed me over the narcissist, I remained my own friend ~even during the verbal abuse of an alcoholic mother behaving as if she were a narcissist when drinking. I never emotionally left myself, nor disassociated the way narcissists seem to have done. I remained on my own team, as it were. While it is as if the narcissist's coping mechanism was to just walk off emotionally, or check out, in favor of a false self doing the hard work of being present in the difficulties of life. Further, I would say that many active alcoholics, without actually being narcissists, can present very much as if they are in fact narcissists, yet only while they are drinking. Acting cavalier, judgmental, careless with other people's feelings, grandiose, all about them, raging, never discussing their behavior. It's almost like the narcissist is on a dry drunk, or behaving badly as if under the influence, when not. This persona is so similar that there must be something to it. Perhaps the false self has allowed itself to act out, while the real self is squashed. Sort of how the narcissist squashes the empath, or tries to. Have they truly lost their real self? Where is it? Is it accessible at all? Narcissists seem terrified of looking at themselves or their behavior with any amount of honesty. They balk at the idea of even momentarily walking away from their carefully constructed false ideation of themselves. Propping them up externally seems like feeding a bad dog, as they often become insatiable for more & more adulation, rather like movie~stars. I wonder if there is any way to help my friend, even as I take my leave of her for my own well~being & emotional health. Did her soul just leave her body behind? I have wondered if she is soulless. The kindness & consideration I have shown her made her worse. She has come to respect some of my healthy boundaries as I assert my own needs as important as well. Empaths have tried very hard to help narcissists, in almost every single case, before leave~taking. Rather unsuccessfully, I might add. Something is missing in them it seems.
A psychopath is born whitout a self or in spiritual terms inner child . By the rest , sociopaths , narcisist , bordeline and histrionics the self is abandoned at the age of 7 . And that is where their growt stops . They cant selfsreflect anymore . It takes selfreflection and acountability to grow , and these clowns just play dodgebal whit these things .
You are absolutely top of your field. I have never heard these things explained in this detail and understanding. I think you could submit your work to universities so that it can be taught.
Hi Paul, I have learned a lot of this from various specialists in trauma and narcissistic personality disorder. Here is a link to a page on my website where you can find links to some of those books if you are interested: childrenofnarcissists.org.uk/books/
I find it curious when people who are likely Narcissists mistreat you and you react to it, then they come out in a fury and say something like "You must respect me!" Dealing with them on any occasion will make your head twist like a pretzel. They're ingenious at triggering a bad behavior in you and then setting you up to look bad. The people around them fall for it as well which may say something about the general lack of human intelligence or awareness, but that's a discussion for another day!
Hi Persia, You might like to watch this video by Meredith Miller called Dog Whistling about triggering reactive behaviours: th-cam.com/video/0AavB2DYjlY/w-d-xo.html Take care.
Is the long life of the Covert Narcissist somehow related to the diminished (by the Narcissist) lifespan of those tormented by them and used for supply? I get this feeling like I just need to escape and it causes a hatred for anytype of feminine characteristic. Just filled with rage, I hate the whole sneaking around, not telling the truth and being forthright. Not that women are like this, just the Covert Narc needs to be a man, I mean. It's a sad thing to see.
It's thier callousness and lack of empathy and compassion. They just don't give a damn about anything but thier own wants and they use others to get them fulfilled while sitting back snacking on thier favorite food and drink. You burn yourself up "doing" for them
@@childrenofnarcissists oh absolutely! I’ve watched all of your videos and they ALL resonate with me and my life. Very useful and helpful. Please keep posting!
I don't think a narcissist is able to change. They don't just lack awareness... it is a complete absence. But I do think when motivated a narcissist can learn better coping skills.
Hi Nancy, Each narcissist is unique and some are very in touch with their feelings of shame at times - As James F. Masterson (a psychiatrist who specialised in NPD and BPD) said - it is difficult to distinguish between people who are lower functioning and have NPD or BPD. He would work with them for a while and through finding out which interventions they responded well to, he would get more of an idea of which disorder they had.
I'm glad you made mention in your closing remarks about "excuses." One of the things I learned when I began studying psychology that turned on the lights for me was that it's not productive to set up a dichotomy of "excuse/blame." In fact it's so limiting it shuts down decent discussion.
It's not only possible, it's crucial to avoid either excuse or blame when exploring the reasons and results of disordered behavior. You will never get past them to reach "explanation" unless you stay neutral; and what you can't explain or account for, you can hardly hope to fix.
I'm going to run with an insight that came, as I listened & read. I stayed with myself, I believed me over the narcissist, I remained my own friend ~even during the verbal abuse of an alcoholic mother behaving as if she were a narcissist when drinking. I never emotionally left myself, nor disassociated the way narcissists seem to have done. I remained on my own team, as it were. While it is as if the narcissist's coping mechanism was to just walk off emotionally, or check out, in favor of a false self doing the hard work of being present in the difficulties of life.
Further, I would say that many active alcoholics, without actually being narcissists, can present very much as if they are in fact narcissists, yet only while they are drinking. Acting cavalier, judgmental, careless with other people's feelings, grandiose, all about them, raging, never discussing their behavior. It's almost like the narcissist is on a dry drunk, or behaving badly as if under the influence, when not. This persona is so similar that there must be something to it. Perhaps the false self has allowed itself to act out, while the real self is squashed. Sort of how the narcissist squashes the empath, or tries to.
Have they truly lost their real self? Where is it? Is it accessible at all? Narcissists seem terrified of looking at themselves or their behavior with any amount of honesty. They balk at the idea of even momentarily walking away from their carefully constructed false ideation of themselves. Propping them up externally seems like feeding a bad dog, as they often become insatiable for more & more adulation, rather like movie~stars. I wonder if there is any way to help my friend, even as I take my leave of her for my own well~being & emotional health. Did her soul just leave her body behind? I have wondered if she is soulless. The kindness & consideration I have shown her made her worse. She has come to respect some of my healthy boundaries as I assert my own needs as important as well. Empaths have tried very hard to help narcissists, in almost every single case, before leave~taking. Rather unsuccessfully, I might add. Something is missing in them it seems.
A psychopath is born whitout a self or in spiritual terms inner child .
By the rest , sociopaths , narcisist , bordeline and histrionics the self is abandoned at the age of 7 . And that is where their growt stops .
They cant selfsreflect anymore .
It takes selfreflection and acountability to grow , and these clowns just play dodgebal whit these things .
Narcissism is spiritual. Jezeble Spirit, Leviathan Spirit. It's not cognitive. The secular world needs to wake up!
You are absolutely top of your field. I have never heard these things explained in this detail and understanding. I think you could submit your work to universities so that it can be taught.
Hi Paul,
I have learned a lot of this from various specialists in trauma and narcissistic personality disorder. Here is a link to a page on my website where you can find links to some of those books if you are interested:
childrenofnarcissists.org.uk/books/
I find it curious when people who are likely Narcissists mistreat you and you react to it, then they come out in a fury and say something like "You must respect me!" Dealing with them on any occasion will make your head twist like a pretzel. They're ingenious at triggering a bad behavior in you and then setting you up to look bad. The people around them fall for it as well which may say something about the general lack of human intelligence or awareness, but that's a discussion for another day!
Hi Persia,
You might like to watch this video by Meredith Miller called Dog Whistling about triggering reactive behaviours:
th-cam.com/video/0AavB2DYjlY/w-d-xo.html
Take care.
@@childrenofnarcissists Thanks, I'll do it.
Thank you again for this. The silent treatment in my case could last for a couple of days.
Is the long life of the Covert Narcissist somehow related to the diminished (by the Narcissist) lifespan of those tormented by them and used for supply? I get this feeling like I just need to escape and it causes a hatred for anytype of feminine characteristic. Just filled with rage, I hate the whole sneaking around, not telling the truth and being forthright. Not that women are like this, just the Covert Narc needs to be a man, I mean. It's a sad thing to see.
It's thier callousness and lack of empathy and compassion. They just don't give a damn about anything but thier own wants and they use others to get them fulfilled while sitting back snacking on thier favorite food and drink. You burn yourself up "doing" for them
Excellent info, thank you.
Very helpful videos! Thank you for posting!
Thank you - I'm so glad it's useful.
@@childrenofnarcissists oh absolutely! I’ve watched all of your videos and they ALL resonate with me and my life. Very useful and helpful. Please keep posting!
I agree! This is so validating and life changing! Thank You!
@@jeaniem342 Thanks Jeanie
I don't think a narcissist is able to change. They don't just lack awareness... it is a complete absence. But I do think when motivated a narcissist can learn better coping skills.
Well explained. Good job 👍
Thanks!
Doesn't the vulnerable narcissist know he/she feels inadequate, a failure, etc.?
Hi Nancy,
Each narcissist is unique and some are very in touch with their feelings of shame at times - As James F. Masterson (a psychiatrist who specialised in NPD and BPD) said - it is difficult to distinguish between people who are lower functioning and have NPD or BPD. He would work with them for a while and through finding out which interventions they responded well to, he would get more of an idea of which disorder they had.
So the golden child is the narc, or the scapegoat?