In my 20s, I had several friends who'd cancel plans with me at the last minute, which left me sitting home alone, feeling hurt & frustrated. After deciding to walk away from those flakey, fair weather "friends," I promised myself I'd be the friend who said yes & reliably, consistently showed up no matter what. Guess that might make me the black or white pattern? On the plus side, I made new friends with people who also reliably showed up. The prior experience taught me some of the warning signs of inconsistent people & who to stay away from, which has served me well. The downside is I have a very hard time saying no to plans. That said, I will cut myself slack when it's an outing I can tell won't work for me. I have discovered that oftentimes something I dragged my feet about attending, turned out to be way more fun than expected, so I try to remind myself of that whenever I'm pushing myself out. I won't allow myself to show up with a sour attitude, I just might not start out as perky. That usually changes after I'm around others & am having fun. One really helpful thing I've learned is when I'm struggling with something I'm unsure of, the words, *Let me think about that & get back to you.* have helped me immensely. I think most people appreciate a thoughtful decision over an immediate one. At least then if I decide to say no, I've thought it through vs. a knee-jerk rejection of the invitation.
In my 20s, I had several friends who'd cancel plans with me at the last minute, which left me sitting home alone, feeling hurt & frustrated. After deciding to walk away from those flakey, fair weather "friends," I promised myself I'd be the friend who said yes & reliably, consistently showed up no matter what. Guess that might make me the black or white pattern?
On the plus side, I made new friends with people who also reliably showed up. The prior experience taught me some of the warning signs of inconsistent people & who to stay away from, which has served me well.
The downside is I have a very hard time saying no to plans. That said, I will cut myself slack when it's an outing I can tell won't work for me. I have discovered that oftentimes something I dragged my feet about attending, turned out to be way more fun than expected, so I try to remind myself of that whenever I'm pushing myself out. I won't allow myself to show up with a sour attitude, I just might not start out as perky. That usually changes after I'm around others & am having fun.
One really helpful thing I've learned is when I'm struggling with something I'm unsure of, the words, *Let me think about that & get back to you.* have helped me immensely. I think most people appreciate a thoughtful decision over an immediate one. At least then if I decide to say no, I've thought it through vs. a knee-jerk rejection of the invitation.
This is me! All the way on all the way off. Besides ADHD I have bipolar and Long Covid ~ 😢
Can you do a video on what are friendship goals? I don't know what mine are