วีดีโอ

Oh lordy you are so young! You have your whole life ahead of you! The only advice I can offer is to keep an open mind/heart and just work on being a good person yourself. It's cheesy but I do believe you receive the same energy that you put out. School isn't forever and the real world is a lot harder, so enjoy your time in school while you can. You'll find your true friends eventually, it really is something that can take years.

thank YOU for watching ❤❤❤

thank you so much for making this video, it makes me better that im not the only one experiencing this :)

I'm assuming you're in high school? Just remember that you have so much life ahead of you. In the grand scheme of things, school is such a miniscule part of your life. I know it seems like everything right now, but that's just because it's all you know. Once you have more life experience, you'll realize your school years aren't whats going to set the standards for your life. Another thing to remember, it may feel personal but sometimes it's not. They may not realize they're leaving you out or think it doesn't bother you if you don't speak up. It's scary but confronting them doesn't have to be a scary or aggressive thing. It's simply explaining your thoughts and feelings. How they choose to receive or not is on them as long as you do your part to communicate in a respectful manner. If you do speak up and they say they don't want to be your friend, think of it as a blessing. You'd no longer have to put in the time and energy towards relationships that won't serve you. Which means you can focus your energy towards finding people who are for you.

@@charminglykoko oh my god thank you so much u literally made my day

You're not alone! Remember that social media is nothing but a highlight reel. Most people are going to post whatever it is that makes them look good/better to others. If you see that they're posting things that they've done without you, just learn to accept that they're not your people. It's not their fault and it's not yours, we're not meant to get along with everyone we meet. Sometimes it's harder to realize and accept when it's people you've grown up with your whole life but there are literally billions of others out there. It takes time to find people who are meant for you and who you're meant for. Be selective of who you allow into your circle and work on being the best version of you so you can also be a solid friend to others ❤

@ charminglykoko Thank you gal💕needed to hear that

I definitely think the adjustment period of trying to figure out my schedule, creating my own role in the business (cuz nothing was established for me to step into 😅), and just dealing with my own self doubt compounded all of the feelings lol. Trying to learn to have grace with myself 😌 Thanks so much for watching and thank you!! I don't normally wear makeup but I got so used to seeing myself with a little make up on lately, that when I was editing this video, I was nitpicking myself haha. I appreciate you ❤

You're definitely not alone! I feel like everyone goes through it at least once in their life. The biggest thing that helped me start getting control over it, was learning what it was called. Once I was able to put a name to these feelings, it became so much easier to identify and figure out how to get out of the funk. I appreciate you watching! ❤

Sure, as long as I am credited you may reference my video

@@charminglykoko thanks

I appreciate the feedback! It may take a moment as I'm adjusting to a new phase of life/experiences but I've recently entered an environment where I've noticed some things that could relate to your video request! Gotta do some observing first 😉

@@charminglykoko Oh thank you I love your channel and I am sure that you will be famous one day go ahead

Thank you so much 😭 that means more than you know ❤️

@@charminglykoko Oh honey, you deserve it🥰

Youre not weird at all! I've always thought platonic relationships were much harder than romantic ones and I thought I was the weird one 😂 Majority of people are going to go thru more friendships than romantic ones and I've always thought, yea romantic breakups are hard but they only have 2 directions in a sense: works out or it doesn't. But I'd say most people go into potential friendships as "ahh I've found someone I like, they like me, and we're now going to be friends forever". I think the media we grow up with is partially to blame and I think that we only have our experiences of childhood to go off is to blame. When you're in school, you make friends easily because you're forced to be in the same environment. The same experiences. Most children are also more open minded and welcoming when younger so it's easier to make friends. As we get older, we rely on those same experiences and try to replicate but as adults, you now have to balance friendships with work, family, and people's personal time. We weren't taught how to navigate that and you just have to be more patient, understanding, and flexible. And it's all a learning curve. Learning to balance your expectations on others with the realities of life. I didn't find my best friend till my 4th yr of college and she's 3 yrs younger. I used to think "where have you been?" Well, she had to be born first for one thing lmao. But now we're coming up on 10 yrs of friendship. Took me till the end of military life to find my for life friends from that time. Took me 3 yrs at my current location to find my current friends. It takes time but I've come to see it as, I'd rather be sad and wait for my people than waste my time, my energy, and emotions on the wrong people. Sometimes it can't be helped and you have to get burned to find the right ones, but it's not wrong to be selective of who you give it a shot with. Just don't stop trying but be patient. And thank you for watching and being vulnerable. I want my page to be a place where people can feel like they are able to be open, share their thoughts and be understood, find someone they can relate with ❤️

​@@charminglykoko Thank you for your response, I appreciate it a lot. I sometimes feel doomed to loneliness and toxic relationships, but you're giving me a bit of hope. Unfortunately I can't relate to the experience of making friends easily as a child, because I came from a chaotic background, where my parents moved a lot and started new families and divorced their new spouses again, so I didn't have the stability to live in one place and go to the same school for long periods. Every time I felt like I finally made some friends and got adjusted to one environment, I was suddenly moved to another place and a new school without any way to contact my previous friends. It was so exhausting to constantly be the new kid, the odd one out, trying to make friends and being betrayed, exploited and bullied for being desperate and needy and not familiar with all social norms that were taken for granted in every location, not able to fully fit in, because I saw how different certain environments were, but for other people it was just their "normal", the only correct way to be and everything else was wrong, so I would always be "wrong" and "bad" for questioning customs and mindsets, when all I wanted to do was just to understand and reconcile all the differences I had encountered. I had to be one person with my mothers family and a completely different person with my fathers family, just to survive and limit the emotional and physical abuse from parents and family members. All the burden to adjust was on me, my parents weren't able to resolve anything between themselves and think of their impact on me. They would fight each other, use me as pawn in their games and demand me to obey very conflicting orders. So now I'm trying to unpack all of my mess as an adult and I had to go no contact with all of my family, because every time I would visit or reach out to anyone over the years as an adult, it would always end up with some kind of drama that would drain me mentally and emotionally to the point of complete burnout and getting ill. As long as anyone in my family has any access to information about me, they will gossip, make all sorts of manipulative plans to impose their will onto me, make me the black sheep to justify their actions and I won't be able to heal. It's hard to not have any kind of social support system at all, there is no one left - no family and no friends, no loving and supportive romantic partner. I always wanted to go to university to finally have at least one school experience where I could start and finish with everybody else, the whole way through and make friends on the way, but I still didn't manage to earn enough to cover the costs of stable housing and studying all on my own and I can't count on any financial support from anyone else either, so I'm still struggling to survive and create a home for myself, but I'm not giving up on the dream. I hope I can make things work at some point, but I'm worried that I'll be too old to fit in by the time I find the resources to get higher education. Sorry for my infodump, I don't know where to have such conversations currently. Many people would say something like "that's what a therapist is for", but I already tried therapy many times in my life, whenever I could afford it in any way and I didn't help much, because every therapist would at some point say that I need to ask friends and family for support, which I repeatedly did and I was denied whenever I asked others to help me with my needs ans sort out my problems. Therapists can tell you about boundaries, but they can't hold anyone accountable for not respecting your boundaries when you set them and they won't help you in any practical way when you're physically ill or in need of a job or a place to live. They will not talk to you when you need to connect, they will only talk to you when there's a convenient spot in their schedule and if you have money to pay them. I feel like we can't even be human anymore, with real human needs for connection, reciprocation and support, because most people like to put others in neat little boxes and disregard anyone who can't fit into their box, someone who is a complex creature, burdened by past experiences and who seeks deeper connections in spite of their background and constant personal struggles.

I apologize it took me a few days, I was out of town and didn't have my laptop. First, I commend you for realizing your baggage and wanting to heal from your childhood. It takes a lot of courage to face yourself and acknowledge that you have work to do. It takes a lot of self respect to do the work. There is also nothing wrong with going no contact with your family. I, myself, am low contact. I have a friend that says, "I can still love my family, but love them from afar." Facing yourself and acknowledging that there is work to do is hard. That's why a lot of people don't do it. It's easier to maintain bad behavior and unhealthy habits, to blame everyone and everything for their downfall. Sadly, that will make you the black sheep when you want to do/be better because you are disrupting their "peace." You trying to be better means they lose the excuse that their behavior is acceptable, that others have to just put up with it. Ultimately, you have to do what is best for you. If going to a university is something you truly want, then I think it is a great goal to work towards. If it is solely for the sake of having a school experience where you can make friends, I personally think there are better, more financially doable ways to meet people. It will probably be a bit more difficult in connecting with others if you were to attend as an older student, but you wouldn't be the only one. The school I attended had apartments for students who were in grad school, had families, were married, older in age. I don't remember the term my school used but they did have housing for non traditional students so that you were among fellow students who probably had more in common with you over an 18 yr old freshman. Again, I think higher education should really only be pursued if you are wanting to further your education. I think therapy can be great for some people and for others, it may not be. I've never been to therapy. Considered it, just never got around to it. I think it is possible to give yourself 'therapy' in a sense, but it does take a high level of self awareness and accountability. I'm not saying I know everything or have figured out all of my own problems, but since I decided to make a change in my life years ago, I've done it, more or less, on my own. I think you should check out instagram.com/the.holistic.psychologist/ on IG. I've found her page to be enlightening in so many ways. She has literally put my thoughts and feelings into words that helped me understand and process them. Her comment sections are also very helpful, be it someone you can relate to or someone you can learn from. Now, I'm going to give you a little tough love. Keep in mind, this is just my understanding based on what you've written. You have already mentioned that you are working on bettering yourself, which is great. But it sounds like there is still a part of you holding on to blame. Just remember that we have no control over what happens to us in life. You are not to blame for how your parents/family act, how they treat you, how they raised you. You are, however, responsible for how you respond, what actions you take. You can acknowledge that xyz in your life is the way it is, your experiences are what they are, based on them and their actions. But how you move forward is completely on you. They are not in control of your thoughts, your feelings, or your actions. I'm not saying moving forward, taking accountability for ourselves is an easy thing. If it were, more people would probably do it. Instead of focusing on what others are doing/did wrong, focus on what you can do right. In the end, you are the only person you will have to live with till the end of your days. Put your energy towards being the best you.

It's just my perspective and how my brain works. I find it easier to categorize as a whole and if someone doesn't fit inside the pyramid, well to me it makes sense for everyone not in the pyramid to be their own group. Some may say there's only 3 levels or call the levels something different with their own reasonings. This way is just one that makes sense to me ☺️

It can be disappointing for sure. But it's important to remember that a relationship is a two way street. It's as much their experience as it is yours. I just released a video this morning about different levels of friendships and how once I understood that, it helped manage my expectations of others ☺️

@@charminglykoko Thanks for your reply I will watch your video and improve myself

I've always thought the term 'floater' was something that I just said to myself but I'm finding that quite a lot of people have used that term as well lol. It's always nice knowing there are others that understand how you're feeling. You'll find your people, it just takes time. I didn't meet my current best friend till my 4th year in college and she's 3 years younger than me. Now we're starting year 10 of our friendship. It took years and a lot of trial and error to find my close friends in the military community. And I've only now found solid friends at my current location after living here almost 3 years. You just have to be patient in finding your people, but it's worth it once you find them ❤ I appreciate you watching!

Don't you love that feeling, when someone finally puts your feelings into words and you can process and understand your feelings better 😂 Happens to me all the time so I'm very happy I could do that for you! Thank you so much for taking the time to watch!

Thank you for watching! ❤

It's hard, but you just have to keep an open mind and know that your people are out there. I've lived at my current location going on 3 years and I've only just found 2 amazing friends. Remember, quality over quantity when it comes to who you allow in your inner circle ❤

@charminglykoko Yesss again, thanks. I think this has further helped from not taking it as "I'm no longer gonna try with people." I'm still gonna be as outgoing as ever and enjoy people's company. Quality over quantity.

It sounds so silly but for some reason, I didn't know how big of a thing youtube was until we started up my husband's channel in 2021. I only used youtube to create a playlist for when I studied 😅 Now looking back, I wish I had known better so I could've started during the pandemic like you said cuz where would I be now? How much better would I be? Honestly, it would've helped me a lot during that time in my life to have had this as a fun project to work on. But you know, hindsight is 20/20. I'm so happy you've found something that you love and gives you meaning! Being able to monetize eventually would be nice since living is so expensive haha but yea it's not the main reason. I want community 😊

@@charminglykoko it makes sense to monetize with TH-cam. I’m just saying that I wouldn’t personally like to monetize my passion. I fully support people who eventually want to monetize theirs. :)

I think it's interesting to see the different types of people in life. Those who think purpose/success is how much money you make and your social status and those who think purpose/success is more, what impact did you have on others, how did you give back, prioritizing being happy and fulfilled in your job vs the pay. I know people from both sides and frankly, those in the first category have not been people I care to be around. They're reasoning are shallow and selfish (not saying everyone is like this, but those I have experienced being around). Vs those in the other category who focus on their purpose coming from a deeper level. They have shown to be what I consider better company, thinking beyond themselves.

There's tons of potential influences that could be leading to this issue. The conveniences in life we've become accustomed to, social media, complacency, the lack of thinking for yourself due to convenience and comfort. Speaking from a first world country standpoint, as a whole, we no longer have basic survival as a driving force. The modern day advancements have eliminated that which is great, it allows for the exploration of other interests without the fear of survival holding you back. But I think instead of allowing our minds to take advantage of the advancements, we've allowed complacency to grow with the progressions. Maybe not at first, but moreso lately. In this day and age, I think it takes a lot of self awareness and effort to not only acknowledge the lack of purpose but to do something about it, to change that path.

@@charminglykoko You make some really great points here

Thank you so much for watching!

@@charminglykoko you're welcome, thanks again! Godspeed

Thank you so much! Sometimes when I film it does feel like therapy so I guess that's accurate lol

You are entitled to your opinion! Like I mentioned in the video, is it really my biological clock when I still have no desire to get pregnant? But I do have some sense of urgency that I feel. It could definitely be something else with it's own name and I just don't know what it is. I just wondered if it could be my biological clock because, where my thought process went, it made sense at the time to me. I am interested in hearing more of your thoughts tho. If it is a myth, what do you counter is the feeling that some women are experiencing?

And here ladies and gentlemen, is a prime example of what I mean when I said we are in desperate need of decent people in this world! I didn't think I had to give explicit directions like I was a kindergarten teacher, but I guess that's what I get for assuming everyone commenting would understand to be respectful. Hence me saying I wanted conversation, not insults. Honestly, my bad. I should've known better. I feel so bad for the people that are associated with you because if I knew someone was behaving in your manner, I'd be terribly embarrassed and try to distance myself. If you have kids, I hope they don't see this. I find your choice in wording interesting tho, as if you're trying to protect your argument because you already know what the counterargument would be lol. What could a childfree person teach? We're not here to audition for the role of clueless, it's ok to be honest. You know damn well not every parent is fit to be a parent let alone know everything. And it's not just about what can a childfree person teach. If the same beliefs are held, it's about supporting the parents. Help solidify the lessons the parents want their children to learn. Have you met a teenager? They don't always want to listen to their parents but if someone else reinforces the same lesson, maybe they'll listen. Bold of you to assume childfree people also haven't lived their lives to their fullest potential. I'd say there are plenty of parents who can also be in that boat, but it depends on what that individual considers their full potential. What did that individual envision for their life, what were their goals, and did they achieve them? You also claim childfree people will measure short to "successful" parents. I take that as you're admitting there are unsuccessful parents. In which case, that is a more concerning matter as they are the ones raising the future generation. Don't worry, we're almost at the end. "People who raised great families," again, we all know not every person is a good person. A 'great family' is also not objective I'm afraid lol. The definition of 'family' is going to be based on the individual. There are many variations in what can be considered the family structure, let alone a 'great' family. What I consider a great, successful family may not align with your ideas of one. And that's fine. I personally think it's important that every member of said family needs to learn accountability and growth, but sadly I know many people are still stuck in a victim mindset where they like to tear down and blame others. Oh wait... In summary, what I will be learning from this unfortunate interaction, is maybe I should've just not approved your comment so that you wouldn't taint my comment section of people opening up to share their stories with your online bullying. Maybe next time I'll take the high road and not waste my time and energy. But I hope you learn that not everyone you try and bully will sit down and take it. If you want to act out and project your problems but want a certain response, talk to a therapist. That's why you pay them. Maybe they can also teach you how to have a respectful conversation so that your thoughts and opinions can be heard. I don't have to agree with you to hear you out, but my reaction will be determined by you.

@@charminglykoko There is no worthy counter argument. You suffer from the illusion of choice. Reality is you are a kindergarten teacher who makes very little. You will have no future family to cushion you when you get older and frailer. With no kids and presumably no husband, you will be a financially poor ghost just existing until the Grim Reaper comes take you and no one will know nor care about your passing. Children are the mechanism to protect all of us in our old age. Family has been the base organization that ensures survival in times of war, famine, and financial depressions. All you will have is a reliance on a the empty promises of an over indebted government. In nature, the isolated node is the dead one whose final purpose is to feed the other creatures better at working together in teams.

I really appreciate you sharing while also staying respectful on a touchy subject. A good point that I think you make is that, it's ok to change your mind. But it's important to acknowledge that it can change in both directions. I was "baby crazy" when I was younger while my best friend told me she didn't want kids of her own. 9 years later into our friendship, I am now the one not interested but she has decided she does want 2 kids one day. Both situations are ok. For all I know, I may even change my mind again for some reason next year. I do find some parallels with your story tho. My husband and I did decide that if I ever were to become pregnant, well, it would be kind of decided for us and we would move forward because we are now in a mostly stable point in life. Pregnancy and birth sound awful to me and honestly, if I could skip those parts, I would lean more favorably towards having kids. And since someone reading this may point this out, surrogacy is expensive and yes I know adoption is an option and also something we have discussed. I totally agree that what you want can change every few years. You may regret some decisions more than others. I think it's important people know that regret is a true possibility and not just a fear mongering tactic. I think society has made it an unwelcoming environment for those to admit it but I know there are also people who thought they wanted children and ultimately regretted it for whatever reason (I have seen anonymous admissions on other platforms/pages). I think it's also important that everyone understands that you have to live with the decisions you make. You may not have meant it this way, but I read it as you regret not having a 3rd child BUT you now still have the potential for grandchildren to become a part of your life because you did have your 2. That shows acknowledgement of the consequences of your decisions in life but you're still moving forward and living accordingly to your new beliefs. As for the radical feminist movement, while I agree, that is not something I am going to get into here.

you can adopt

Thank you so much for your honesty.

Thank you for sharing! I think it is important to truly weigh all the pro and cons and really think about all potential consequences for any decision you may make for yourself. While I hate the fear mongering some people will do, saying you'll regret it/you'll have no purpose/etc, I do think it's important for people to see that there are individuals like yourself admitting that you do have regret. It shows that it is a true possibility. Now on the flip side, there are plenty of people who are your age or older and they are still happy with their decision. It's a matter of the individual which so many people forget or don't realize for some reason. Ultimately, regardless of what you decide, regardless of what topic, my stance is that you accept and deal with the consequences of what you decided for yourself. If you do feel regret, I think it's on you to admit it and still move on. Reflect, learn, and share your story like you did here. What I think you did very well is the sharing part. Sharing your view/experience is not the same as trying to force others to do one thing or another based on how you feel about your outcome.

What's funny to me, is that I did used to have "baby fever" but back in my early 20's. Luckily, I had enough common sense to understand that it would not have been a wise choice at that time since I was still in school, my husband and I were still long distance, and he was just beginning his military career. But now, I like the way my life is. All the points you listed that should be considered are things my husband and I have already discussed but I do think they are things that are commonly overlooked when people are deciding on whether or not they'll have kids. At this point, several of my closest friends have children or want children and I honestly think just having an active and involved role in their lives will satisfy me. The difficult aspect is that they all live in different states. Now that I finally feel somewhat established and settled where I am, I think that's why this feeling is now surfacing. Also, I really appreciate you taking the time to write all this and the tone you portray. I know this can be a touchy topic and I think we've all seen plenty of people not know how to lay out their thoughts and opinions in a respectful manner

😮 that’s ok! For some reason your post popped up for me, don’t know why except that i have experienced similar. You are welcome. For some reason your reply did not make my notifications, i came to check bc you are still in my ❤

I'm not a sports person so I know very little, but I can see how families of pro athletes could also face the same issues. That's really cool to hear that Australia identified another group who also faced the same issue and brought them together. I think for me, the biggest thing was feeling like I had a place in the community. When we lived at the military base, that was the first time I officially became a 'regular' at different places I went to. I started getting to know people I saw on a weekly basis. They recognized me, got to know me, noticed when they didn't see me. It's highly possible I'm just associating that entire time of my life as part of my 'military life experience' even if some of it wasn't military related simply because, that's when it happened. I'm back to that point where I'm considered a 'regular' again at different places. I don't live in a diverse area so it's kind of hard to forget me lol. But I feel a bit established now, even to the point where we're networking at the gym.

Ultimately anything fiction that's good writing lol so far I'm liking mystery, romance, fantasy is dependent. I'm trying to dabble in everything to see what I like cuz idk if I still like what I used to

@@charminglykoko Fair enough. Lets hope you do still like it but dont be surprised if you do not lol

Too many people allow themselves to get complacent, too many people allow others around them to become complacent

@@charminglykoko very true that

Tbh I have mixed feelings on self talk. To an extent, I can see how it can be beneficial. But I feel like some take it to the extreme, as if as long as you talk to yourself positively, think sunshine and rainbows, then everything will get better/work out. But nothing will happen without action. Now in the case of imposter syndrome, could positive self talk help, yea. But I think of it as more of a bandaid till you get to the source of whats causing it. I find identifying my issues to be more productive so then I can't ignore what it is I need to work on. Putting it out in the open in videos then helps with keeping me accountable to myself because now I've put it out to the world. Mind as well make my people pleasing work for me lol. Show anyone who's willing to watch that I'm applying the same standards to myself and working on improving once I've identified the issue at hand. Also, I appreciate you taking your time to watch and leave comments. I've noticed you've left several 😊

@@charminglykoko No worries and yes you are right. Things need to b e practical !!

it's ok, that just means originality will stand out more 💁

I'm gonna give you some tough love so I hope you're ready. 1. What happened to you, how your father treated you, was not your fault and I'm sorry that's the kind of parent you had to grow up with. No one deserves to be treated that way, especially by those who we are supposed to see as our protectors, who were supposed to love and raise us. 2. There is no 'therefore'. You did not become a bad father to your son BECAUSE of your upbringing. What we experience, what happens to us, we can't control. They can only be accepted that that was our experience and reality. However, you control how you move forward. You had two options. Use your experience as an excuse as to why you couldn't be a good father, that you had no example or role model. OR, use your experience to become what you believed a father should be towards their son BECAUSE you did not want your son to feel/experience what you did. You already understood that physical abuse was wrong and didn't continue that, good. But it sounds like you didn't know how to support him emotionally, and perhaps that was because you yourself did not know what that looked like or other circumstances in your life. However, it sounds like you're now aware. I believe we can't be blamed for our actions (to a degree) if we aren't aware of them and their consequences, but now you are. So what are you going to do with that new knowledge about yourself? This is where accountability to ourselves come into play. What you did/didn't do in the past can't be changed. You have to acknowledge and accept that. But that doesn't mean you have to stay that way. YOU get to choose how you proceed forward. Which leads to... 3. You can still make amends with your son and change how you want your relationship to be moving forward. I'm not saying it'll be easy because of course he needs to also want it, needs to be willing to hear you out and be willing to put in the same effort. Obviously I don't know what your relationship with him is like, and it'll be awkward in the beginning, but it is still possible to change and be better moving forward. I'm assuming he's an adult now or at least older, so be honest with him. Tell your story, but be clear to him and yourself, that your past is not an excuse but an explanation. Hear him out, let him express his perspective and accept it. Even if you can't salvage a father-son relationship, I think a relationship period is better than nothing. Another thing is understanding that even if you do make efforts on both sides, it won't be instantaneous. It takes time, patience, and space for both of you to adjust, process, and heal. Now unfortunately, there is also the possibility that he may not want a relationship and while hurtful, I think it's also important to respect that. Understand that it is a consequence of your past actions, that he is his own person and thus, more than allowed to set the boundaries he deems necessary for him. All you can do is make sure he knows that the door is open on your side if he were to ever change his mind. All you have control over, is how you choose to proceed. If you put yourself out there, let it be known you want to change and put in effort, how he responds is not on you. You are only responsible for your actions/intentions.

Thank you so much 😭 this is such an amazing compliment! ❤️

That was one of my wake up calls too, seeing my husband with his parents when we started dating. I never thought of it that way but how you describe your relationship with your mother is about the same as mine. My parent's focus was always our 'success', as most Asian parents do lol. Something that has helped to a degree, is reminding myself that the times that our parents grew up and how we grew up were different. They probably had to struggle a bit more than we did and even if we did struggle, theirs was to a different degree. I'm not saying that's an excuse to not evolve and adapt with the times but it kind of helps give some insight. Their idea of success isn't always the same as ours. I think you've achieved a lot of amazing things for yourself and I hope you're proud of them and did it all for you. I appreciate you taking the time to share ❤

Something I've learned, is that you are not responsible for how others choose to react or feel. Especially if it's in regards to what is best for you, deemed by you. Now, I will admit that even though I now know this, it doesn't make it easier in every situation lol. I definitely understand feeling guilty, especially towards people who have done nothing wrong but are consequentially collateral to the decision of not going home. Wanting to see them but realizing that I'd have to sacrifice my emotional/mental/physical well being to do so. Ultimately, you have to do what you feel is right for you. If you have found a system that works for you, and you think the visits are worth it, then I'm happy for you. But make sure you're not sacrificing your overall well being. Like you said, you have your own family now and they need you to take care of yourself. Thank you for watching and sharing ❤

Anxiety, yes. Depression, no