It's just my perspective and how my brain works. I find it easier to categorize as a whole and if someone doesn't fit inside the pyramid, well to me it makes sense for everyone not in the pyramid to be their own group. Some may say there's only 3 levels or call the levels something different with their own reasonings. This way is just one that makes sense to me ☺️
It's so heartbreaking to find out that your best friend doesn't see you as their best friend and then you realize you don't have a best friend at all and the "best" of your friends is just an acquaintance or a friend for a reason at best. It gets very lonely when you're desperate to make friends, and you would pour your heart out to anybody who would show the tiniest interest, but there's not enough emotional depth and reciprocation in the relationship. It feels much worse than any romantic rejection to me. Am I weird or can someone relate?
Youre not weird at all! I've always thought platonic relationships were much harder than romantic ones and I thought I was the weird one 😂 Majority of people are going to go thru more friendships than romantic ones and I've always thought, yea romantic breakups are hard but they only have 2 directions in a sense: works out or it doesn't. But I'd say most people go into potential friendships as "ahh I've found someone I like, they like me, and we're now going to be friends forever". I think the media we grow up with is partially to blame and I think that we only have our experiences of childhood to go off is to blame. When you're in school, you make friends easily because you're forced to be in the same environment. The same experiences. Most children are also more open minded and welcoming when younger so it's easier to make friends. As we get older, we rely on those same experiences and try to replicate but as adults, you now have to balance friendships with work, family, and people's personal time. We weren't taught how to navigate that and you just have to be more patient, understanding, and flexible. And it's all a learning curve. Learning to balance your expectations on others with the realities of life. I didn't find my best friend till my 4th yr of college and she's 3 yrs younger. I used to think "where have you been?" Well, she had to be born first for one thing lmao. But now we're coming up on 10 yrs of friendship. Took me till the end of military life to find my for life friends from that time. Took me 3 yrs at my current location to find my current friends. It takes time but I've come to see it as, I'd rather be sad and wait for my people than waste my time, my energy, and emotions on the wrong people. Sometimes it can't be helped and you have to get burned to find the right ones, but it's not wrong to be selective of who you give it a shot with. Just don't stop trying but be patient. And thank you for watching and being vulnerable. I want my page to be a place where people can feel like they are able to be open, share their thoughts and be understood, find someone they can relate with ❤️
@@charminglykoko Thank you for your response, I appreciate it a lot. I sometimes feel doomed to loneliness and toxic relationships, but you're giving me a bit of hope. Unfortunately I can't relate to the experience of making friends easily as a child, because I came from a chaotic background, where my parents moved a lot and started new families and divorced their new spouses again, so I didn't have the stability to live in one place and go to the same school for long periods. Every time I felt like I finally made some friends and got adjusted to one environment, I was suddenly moved to another place and a new school without any way to contact my previous friends. It was so exhausting to constantly be the new kid, the odd one out, trying to make friends and being betrayed, exploited and bullied for being desperate and needy and not familiar with all social norms that were taken for granted in every location, not able to fully fit in, because I saw how different certain environments were, but for other people it was just their "normal", the only correct way to be and everything else was wrong, so I would always be "wrong" and "bad" for questioning customs and mindsets, when all I wanted to do was just to understand and reconcile all the differences I had encountered. I had to be one person with my mothers family and a completely different person with my fathers family, just to survive and limit the emotional and physical abuse from parents and family members. All the burden to adjust was on me, my parents weren't able to resolve anything between themselves and think of their impact on me. They would fight each other, use me as pawn in their games and demand me to obey very conflicting orders. So now I'm trying to unpack all of my mess as an adult and I had to go no contact with all of my family, because every time I would visit or reach out to anyone over the years as an adult, it would always end up with some kind of drama that would drain me mentally and emotionally to the point of complete burnout and getting ill. As long as anyone in my family has any access to information about me, they will gossip, make all sorts of manipulative plans to impose their will onto me, make me the black sheep to justify their actions and I won't be able to heal. It's hard to not have any kind of social support system at all, there is no one left - no family and no friends, no loving and supportive romantic partner. I always wanted to go to university to finally have at least one school experience where I could start and finish with everybody else, the whole way through and make friends on the way, but I still didn't manage to earn enough to cover the costs of stable housing and studying all on my own and I can't count on any financial support from anyone else either, so I'm still struggling to survive and create a home for myself, but I'm not giving up on the dream. I hope I can make things work at some point, but I'm worried that I'll be too old to fit in by the time I find the resources to get higher education. Sorry for my infodump, I don't know where to have such conversations currently. Many people would say something like "that's what a therapist is for", but I already tried therapy many times in my life, whenever I could afford it in any way and I didn't help much, because every therapist would at some point say that I need to ask friends and family for support, which I repeatedly did and I was denied whenever I asked others to help me with my needs ans sort out my problems. Therapists can tell you about boundaries, but they can't hold anyone accountable for not respecting your boundaries when you set them and they won't help you in any practical way when you're physically ill or in need of a job or a place to live. They will not talk to you when you need to connect, they will only talk to you when there's a convenient spot in their schedule and if you have money to pay them. I feel like we can't even be human anymore, with real human needs for connection, reciprocation and support, because most people like to put others in neat little boxes and disregard anyone who can't fit into their box, someone who is a complex creature, burdened by past experiences and who seeks deeper connections in spite of their background and constant personal struggles.
I apologize it took me a few days, I was out of town and didn't have my laptop. First, I commend you for realizing your baggage and wanting to heal from your childhood. It takes a lot of courage to face yourself and acknowledge that you have work to do. It takes a lot of self respect to do the work. There is also nothing wrong with going no contact with your family. I, myself, am low contact. I have a friend that says, "I can still love my family, but love them from afar." Facing yourself and acknowledging that there is work to do is hard. That's why a lot of people don't do it. It's easier to maintain bad behavior and unhealthy habits, to blame everyone and everything for their downfall. Sadly, that will make you the black sheep when you want to do/be better because you are disrupting their "peace." You trying to be better means they lose the excuse that their behavior is acceptable, that others have to just put up with it. Ultimately, you have to do what is best for you. If going to a university is something you truly want, then I think it is a great goal to work towards. If it is solely for the sake of having a school experience where you can make friends, I personally think there are better, more financially doable ways to meet people. It will probably be a bit more difficult in connecting with others if you were to attend as an older student, but you wouldn't be the only one. The school I attended had apartments for students who were in grad school, had families, were married, older in age. I don't remember the term my school used but they did have housing for non traditional students so that you were among fellow students who probably had more in common with you over an 18 yr old freshman. Again, I think higher education should really only be pursued if you are wanting to further your education. I think therapy can be great for some people and for others, it may not be. I've never been to therapy. Considered it, just never got around to it. I think it is possible to give yourself 'therapy' in a sense, but it does take a high level of self awareness and accountability. I'm not saying I know everything or have figured out all of my own problems, but since I decided to make a change in my life years ago, I've done it, more or less, on my own. I think you should check out instagram.com/the.holistic.psychologist/ on IG. I've found her page to be enlightening in so many ways. She has literally put my thoughts and feelings into words that helped me understand and process them. Her comment sections are also very helpful, be it someone you can relate to or someone you can learn from. Now, I'm going to give you a little tough love. Keep in mind, this is just my understanding based on what you've written. You have already mentioned that you are working on bettering yourself, which is great. But it sounds like there is still a part of you holding on to blame. Just remember that we have no control over what happens to us in life. You are not to blame for how your parents/family act, how they treat you, how they raised you. You are, however, responsible for how you respond, what actions you take. You can acknowledge that xyz in your life is the way it is, your experiences are what they are, based on them and their actions. But how you move forward is completely on you. They are not in control of your thoughts, your feelings, or your actions. I'm not saying moving forward, taking accountability for ourselves is an easy thing. If it were, more people would probably do it. Instead of focusing on what others are doing/did wrong, focus on what you can do right. In the end, you are the only person you will have to live with till the end of your days. Put your energy towards being the best you.
It's a really useful video. I now understood something I didn't realize before. Thank you very much for your useful information, and I hope you will make a video for us about being in an environment of colleagues and high acquaintances and how to protect our energy.
I appreciate the feedback! It may take a moment as I'm adjusting to a new phase of life/experiences but I've recently entered an environment where I've noticed some things that could relate to your video request! Gotta do some observing first 😉
![ปฏิเสธไม่ไหว (Crush on you) - LIPTA feat. No One Else [Official MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/NBw1jF342vw/mqdefault.jpg)
I never thought much of the level 5 friendships. yes, I’ve experienced it but never thought much of it that way
It's just my perspective and how my brain works. I find it easier to categorize as a whole and if someone doesn't fit inside the pyramid, well to me it makes sense for everyone not in the pyramid to be their own group. Some may say there's only 3 levels or call the levels something different with their own reasonings. This way is just one that makes sense to me ☺️
It's so heartbreaking to find out that your best friend doesn't see you as their best friend and then you realize you don't have a best friend at all and the "best" of your friends is just an acquaintance or a friend for a reason at best. It gets very lonely when you're desperate to make friends, and you would pour your heart out to anybody who would show the tiniest interest, but there's not enough emotional depth and reciprocation in the relationship.
It feels much worse than any romantic rejection to me. Am I weird or can someone relate?
Youre not weird at all! I've always thought platonic relationships were much harder than romantic ones and I thought I was the weird one 😂 Majority of people are going to go thru more friendships than romantic ones and I've always thought, yea romantic breakups are hard but they only have 2 directions in a sense: works out or it doesn't. But I'd say most people go into potential friendships as "ahh I've found someone I like, they like me, and we're now going to be friends forever". I think the media we grow up with is partially to blame and I think that we only have our experiences of childhood to go off is to blame. When you're in school, you make friends easily because you're forced to be in the same environment. The same experiences. Most children are also more open minded and welcoming when younger so it's easier to make friends. As we get older, we rely on those same experiences and try to replicate but as adults, you now have to balance friendships with work, family, and people's personal time. We weren't taught how to navigate that and you just have to be more patient, understanding, and flexible. And it's all a learning curve. Learning to balance your expectations on others with the realities of life. I didn't find my best friend till my 4th yr of college and she's 3 yrs younger. I used to think "where have you been?" Well, she had to be born first for one thing lmao. But now we're coming up on 10 yrs of friendship. Took me till the end of military life to find my for life friends from that time. Took me 3 yrs at my current location to find my current friends. It takes time but I've come to see it as, I'd rather be sad and wait for my people than waste my time, my energy, and emotions on the wrong people. Sometimes it can't be helped and you have to get burned to find the right ones, but it's not wrong to be selective of who you give it a shot with. Just don't stop trying but be patient.
And thank you for watching and being vulnerable. I want my page to be a place where people can feel like they are able to be open, share their thoughts and be understood, find someone they can relate with ❤️
@@charminglykoko Thank you for your response, I appreciate it a lot.
I sometimes feel doomed to loneliness and toxic relationships, but you're giving me a bit of hope. Unfortunately I can't relate to the experience of making friends easily as a child, because I came from a chaotic background, where my parents moved a lot and started new families and divorced their new spouses again, so I didn't have the stability to live in one place and go to the same school for long periods. Every time I felt like I finally made some friends and got adjusted to one environment, I was suddenly moved to another place and a new school without any way to contact my previous friends. It was so exhausting to constantly be the new kid, the odd one out, trying to make friends and being betrayed, exploited and bullied for being desperate and needy and not familiar with all social norms that were taken for granted in every location, not able to fully fit in, because I saw how different certain environments were, but for other people it was just their "normal", the only correct way to be and everything else was wrong, so I would always be "wrong" and "bad" for questioning customs and mindsets, when all I wanted to do was just to understand and reconcile all the differences I had encountered. I had to be one person with my mothers family and a completely different person with my fathers family, just to survive and limit the emotional and physical abuse from parents and family members. All the burden to adjust was on me, my parents weren't able to resolve anything between themselves and think of their impact on me. They would fight each other, use me as pawn in their games and demand me to obey very conflicting orders.
So now I'm trying to unpack all of my mess as an adult and I had to go no contact with all of my family, because every time I would visit or reach out to anyone over the years as an adult, it would always end up with some kind of drama that would drain me mentally and emotionally to the point of complete burnout and getting ill. As long as anyone in my family has any access to information about me, they will gossip, make all sorts of manipulative plans to impose their will onto me, make me the black sheep to justify their actions and I won't be able to heal. It's hard to not have any kind of social support system at all, there is no one left - no family and no friends, no loving and supportive romantic partner.
I always wanted to go to university to finally have at least one school experience where I could start and finish with everybody else, the whole way through and make friends on the way, but I still didn't manage to earn enough to cover the costs of stable housing and studying all on my own and I can't count on any financial support from anyone else either, so I'm still struggling to survive and create a home for myself, but I'm not giving up on the dream. I hope I can make things work at some point, but I'm worried that I'll be too old to fit in by the time I find the resources to get higher education.
Sorry for my infodump, I don't know where to have such conversations currently. Many people would say something like "that's what a therapist is for", but I already tried therapy many times in my life, whenever I could afford it in any way and I didn't help much, because every therapist would at some point say that I need to ask friends and family for support, which I repeatedly did and I was denied whenever I asked others to help me with my needs ans sort out my problems. Therapists can tell you about boundaries, but they can't hold anyone accountable for not respecting your boundaries when you set them and they won't help you in any practical way when you're physically ill or in need of a job or a place to live. They will not talk to you when you need to connect, they will only talk to you when there's a convenient spot in their schedule and if you have money to pay them. I feel like we can't even be human anymore, with real human needs for connection, reciprocation and support, because most people like to put others in neat little boxes and disregard anyone who can't fit into their box, someone who is a complex creature, burdened by past experiences and who seeks deeper connections in spite of their background and constant personal struggles.
I apologize it took me a few days, I was out of town and didn't have my laptop.
First, I commend you for realizing your baggage and wanting to heal from your childhood. It takes a lot of courage to face yourself and acknowledge that you have work to do. It takes a lot of self respect to do the work. There is also nothing wrong with going no contact with your family. I, myself, am low contact. I have a friend that says, "I can still love my family, but love them from afar." Facing yourself and acknowledging that there is work to do is hard. That's why a lot of people don't do it. It's easier to maintain bad behavior and unhealthy habits, to blame everyone and everything for their downfall. Sadly, that will make you the black sheep when you want to do/be better because you are disrupting their "peace." You trying to be better means they lose the excuse that their behavior is acceptable, that others have to just put up with it. Ultimately, you have to do what is best for you.
If going to a university is something you truly want, then I think it is a great goal to work towards. If it is solely for the sake of having a school experience where you can make friends, I personally think there are better, more financially doable ways to meet people. It will probably be a bit more difficult in connecting with others if you were to attend as an older student, but you wouldn't be the only one. The school I attended had apartments for students who were in grad school, had families, were married, older in age. I don't remember the term my school used but they did have housing for non traditional students so that you were among fellow students who probably had more in common with you over an 18 yr old freshman. Again, I think higher education should really only be pursued if you are wanting to further your education.
I think therapy can be great for some people and for others, it may not be. I've never been to therapy. Considered it, just never got around to it. I think it is possible to give yourself 'therapy' in a sense, but it does take a high level of self awareness and accountability. I'm not saying I know everything or have figured out all of my own problems, but since I decided to make a change in my life years ago, I've done it, more or less, on my own. I think you should check out instagram.com/the.holistic.psychologist/ on IG. I've found her page to be enlightening in so many ways. She has literally put my thoughts and feelings into words that helped me understand and process them. Her comment sections are also very helpful, be it someone you can relate to or someone you can learn from.
Now, I'm going to give you a little tough love. Keep in mind, this is just my understanding based on what you've written. You have already mentioned that you are working on bettering yourself, which is great. But it sounds like there is still a part of you holding on to blame. Just remember that we have no control over what happens to us in life. You are not to blame for how your parents/family act, how they treat you, how they raised you. You are, however, responsible for how you respond, what actions you take. You can acknowledge that xyz in your life is the way it is, your experiences are what they are, based on them and their actions. But how you move forward is completely on you. They are not in control of your thoughts, your feelings, or your actions. I'm not saying moving forward, taking accountability for ourselves is an easy thing. If it were, more people would probably do it. Instead of focusing on what others are doing/did wrong, focus on what you can do right. In the end, you are the only person you will have to live with till the end of your days. Put your energy towards being the best you.
Glad I don’t have attachments to things and people and enjoy them and being fine moving on.
It's a really useful video. I now understood something I didn't realize before. Thank you very much for your useful information, and I hope you will make a video for us about being in an environment of colleagues and high acquaintances and how to protect our energy.
I appreciate the feedback! It may take a moment as I'm adjusting to a new phase of life/experiences but I've recently entered an environment where I've noticed some things that could relate to your video request! Gotta do some observing first 😉
@@charminglykoko Oh thank you I love your channel and I am sure that you will be famous one day go ahead
Thank you so much 😭 that means more than you know ❤️
@@charminglykoko Oh honey, you deserve it🥰
There can be different people loggin in to your friends. So. You´ll never know.
Cosh it´s simulation. Truwoman show.