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Jomy Matthews
United States
เข้าร่วมเมื่อ 29 ม.ค. 2018
Truth, Trauma, Bible.
I am a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach. If you are interested in getting help with overcoming codependency and narcissistic abuse , pleas contact me.
I am a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach. If you are interested in getting help with overcoming codependency and narcissistic abuse , pleas contact me.
18 Schemas That's Ruining Your Life
In this video, I am going over the 18 Early Maladaptive Schemas, which are deeply ingrained "programs" that influence how we see ourselves and interact with the world. Recognizing these schemas can help us understand our behaviors and work towards healthier thinking. Here are the schemas I cover:
Abandonment / Instability
Mistrust / Abuse
Emotional Deprivation
Defectiveness / Shame
Social Isolation / Alienation
Dependence / Incompetence
Vulnerability to Harm or Illness
Enmeshment / Undeveloped Self
Failure to Achieve
Entitlement / Grandiosity
Insufficient Self-Control / Self-Discipline
Subjugation
Self-Sacrifice
Approval-Seeking / Recognition-Seeking
Negativity / Pessimism
Emotional Inhibition
Unrelenting Standards / Hypercriticalness
Punitiveness
If you find this video helpful, please like, subscribe, and hit the bell button for more content on trauma healing and personal growth. Thanks for watching
Abandonment / Instability
Mistrust / Abuse
Emotional Deprivation
Defectiveness / Shame
Social Isolation / Alienation
Dependence / Incompetence
Vulnerability to Harm or Illness
Enmeshment / Undeveloped Self
Failure to Achieve
Entitlement / Grandiosity
Insufficient Self-Control / Self-Discipline
Subjugation
Self-Sacrifice
Approval-Seeking / Recognition-Seeking
Negativity / Pessimism
Emotional Inhibition
Unrelenting Standards / Hypercriticalness
Punitiveness
If you find this video helpful, please like, subscribe, and hit the bell button for more content on trauma healing and personal growth. Thanks for watching
มุมมอง: 18
วีดีโอ
Top 5 Symptoms of Childhood Sexual Abuse in adults
มุมมอง 30022 ชั่วโมงที่ผ่านมา
Here are the top 5 Symptoms of Childhood Sexual Abuse in Males: A Deep Dive Here's the study done by Mary N Gill : www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4083008/ Symptom #5: Hypersexualized Behaviors This is a common reaction to premature sexual exposure or traumatic experiences. In childhood, it can manifest as excessive masturbation or premature sexual play. As adults, it can show up as promis...
Tree of Life vs Tree of Knowledge of Good & Evil
มุมมอง 68หลายเดือนก่อน
What exactly is the difference between the two ? Is the current world we live in pretty much resembling a race by people who is desperately seeking after the "Tree of Knowledge of Good & Evil"? I don't think the Tree of Life has anything to do with the Tree of Knowledge of Good & Evil. I do believe that knowledge is good. There is nothing wrong with that. But apart from the "Tree of Life", that...
Praying for Narcissists
มุมมอง 262 หลายเดือนก่อน
In this video I go over whether or not it's such a good idea to be praying for the narcissist(s). www.jomymatthews.com jomymatthews
Healing Trauma vs Understanding Narcissism: Exploring the Journey to Emotional Wellness
มุมมอง 162 หลายเดือนก่อน
Healing Trauma vs Understanding Narcissism: Exploring the Journey to Emotional Wellness
Understanding Polyvagal Theory Your Guide to the Autonomic Nervous System
มุมมอง 122 หลายเดือนก่อน
Understanding Polyvagal Theory Your Guide to the Autonomic Nervous System
Parental Overprotection : The Hidden Impact of Enmeshment and Emotional Bonds - Dissociation
มุมมอง 1168 หลายเดือนก่อน
Parental Overprotection : The Hidden Impact of Enmeshment and Emotional Bonds - Dissociation
Covert Incest : Why Setting Boundaries & Going No Contact Is Essential for Personal Growth
มุมมอง 3198 หลายเดือนก่อน
Covert Incest : Why Setting Boundaries & Going No Contact Is Essential for Personal Growth
Why Is Enmeshment Highly Toxic ? ( Covert Incest | Emotional Enmeshment )
มุมมอง 1208 หลายเดือนก่อน
Why Is Enmeshment Highly Toxic ? ( Covert Incest | Emotional Enmeshment )
Top 5 Symptoms of Mother Enmeshment in adulthood ( Covert Incest, Emotional Incest )
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Top 5 Symptoms of Mother Enmeshment in adulthood ( Covert Incest, Emotional Incest )
Parental Overprotection: The Consequences of Not Letting Kids Grow Up ( Covert Incest , Enmeshment )
มุมมอง 3.2K8 หลายเดือนก่อน
Parental Overprotection: The Consequences of Not Letting Kids Grow Up ( Covert Incest , Enmeshment )
Important thank you
Hi Jomy, if you could also share the link to the document you just shared here, would be helpful to learn more. Thank you.
Sure! Here it is - docs.google.com/document/d/1EuhpXYfmwQGWEkxS_9d3M2d9urAB5wL_QvVZ9-3Gk-M/edit?usp=sharing (Go to file-> make copy )
Very informative, thank you for bringing this up. It is helpful to know why we are like this, please make another video to help self so we can overstep this. Thank you.
I would have liked to have heard a little more explanation on how the poly vagal theory ties together with growing up in parental enmeshment.
Sure, I will work on a part 2 for this. But enmeshment , just like narcissism cuts one off from his/her authentic self and thus puts them in a lower frequency or "dorsal vagal complex". Ultimately it's all about living a life not knowing who one truly is because of lack of parental nurture and authentic care while growing up. But once you reach a certain level of healing and start getting in touch with your real self , things can start getting brighter and brighter.
My mother definately suffers from victim mentality. My father is a workaholic and extremely emotionally absent/distant when it comes to family life. I've managed to overcome the enmeshment, but my older brother.is definately enmeshed with my mother. He has never married, is now 58 years old and has recently moved back home to care for our mother who has become ill with cancer. It's truly quite sad!
Great to hear you've overcome enmeshment, Helena! Yes, enmeshment is a suffocating feeling and so difficult to explain because it's trained since childhood. Good thing is you've been able to break that cycle of abuse and trauma, at least when it comes to enmeshment.
Independence should be the goal…
Please make a detail video on correct parenting so it would help so many parents who are knowingly unknowingly overprotecting.
Sure. Will make a video on this!
Which one is best or is it situational?
It depends on where you are. If you are in codependence, independence is better. But if you are independent, then you want to aim for "inter-dependence". Hope that makes sense. The ultimate goal should be interdependence.
Thank you Jomy for this video, definitely new knowledge.
I am glad it was helpful! Will try to make more videos of this nature soon. Thank you.
My ex MIL was enmeshed with her son. She would call on Sat mornings at 8:30 am for nonsense, just in case we might get romantic. Sick, sick family. She is sick and he is too.
My ex MIL called every night at 10pm. EVERY Night! I told him to disable the phone and he freaked out. No Way would he to be available for his mother 24/7/365.
Very good ! ... Those are 5 top symptoms alright ! The selfishness shown by the parent to the child is huge, and is so wrong ! Very damaging !
True. And there is also the "neglect" part, which is also abusive. Thank you!
Hi - are you a therapist or a psychiatry student? It would be great if you could state your credentials and have them verified. You have good information, so if you can be verified, TH-cam will put a banner on all your videos that say what you creds are.
What if I am neither? Does that make me less credible ? Just a genuine question. I don't go with whether or not someone has a "credential" on their page. I go with whether or not this person can "genuinely" help me or not. That's it. But thanks for your comment. I appreciate it!
Thanks for the upload on this topic feel like I'm in a imeshed relationship with my father who's very narcissistic & hypocritical .
Thank you. Yea, I will try to make a video on that soon- when enmeshment is mixed with narcissism, which is a deadly combo to be going through because of how "confusing" it can get. I understand. Thanks for the comment.
How do you get to to the green best state? It would be great to get new video with this topic!
Thanks for the suggestion. Will do!
Hello! Really great work. Do you have any videos about healing from enmeshment - or talking about the healing part more ?
Thanks for the video suggestion. Going no contact is definitely the first step. But will make a detailed one soon!
Wow, I wasn’t expecting to get hit with this analysis this morning. Will take some time to process it. Thanks for sharing.
I can so relate to what you are saying.For 30 years I am married to a man who had enmeshed relationship with his mother. She had 9 kids and said my husband is her ' favourite child'.She completely controlled and manipulated him all her life...despised me and our son...feigned illness to get his attention and asked him to come running to her at the drop of the hat whenever she wanted.Had firm control on his finances. After her passing away that place was taken by husband 's sister...Now sister controls his life, emotionally blackmails him,gives him validation for his wrong behaviour and in return he gives her validation and monetary help. Needless to mention,my family life has been hell.My husband shows extreme narcissistic behaviour.Justifies each and every action of his by blame shifting.Refuses to get therapy. thanks for this video.Could you help regarding how can I make him realise how he is being used in these enmeshed relationships,that has totally ruined our own family life?
Thank you Jomy
You're welcome! I am glad it was helpful
Parents can be like "I have the right to eat you up because you are my toy" --shameless boundary destruction.
This content is incredibly helpful and useful, you did a fantastic job explaining this. Thank you !
You are welcome! I just posted a channel update!
This is one of the best explanations of enmeshment/ dissociation that I have watched on TH-cam.
Dissociation is very real and could possibly steal years of one's life if subjected to CI. Thanks for your kind words!
Allergies. Mothers like to handicap their boys with allergies so they never participate in competitive sports and are terrorized by peanuts and ambient air. It stops them from group/vacation activities like sailing, scuba diving, hiking. I wouldn't be surprised if they suffer panic attacks and have trouble flying. The best part is, no woman dreams of a husband crippled with allergies and anxieties so mommy will never be replaced.
The psychosomatic aspect of this type of abuse cannot be minimized. Very true. Appreciate your comment.
Is there always a sexual component in enmeshment?
Yes. I would say so. But narcissism "without CI" could also be enmeshing. But it's very hard to detect since CI is very insidious.
My life story
I don't know what's wrong with my mother, but she's certainly somewhere on the "Cluster B" spectrum. I have always been enmeshed with her (went no contact 3 months ago), but when I was with her, it was always an imbalanced relationship. I was still always less than her and needed to be obedient without question -- or she would break into a rage. So I always just shut down. Your videos are very well done. Thank you for your insight!
Enmeshment can very well coexist with either plain narcissism or covert narcissism, which is tougher to identify. Congratulations on going no contact! That's a big step in the right direction! Glad it was helpful.
Thank you for your video, Jomy. BTW, I know what a tape recorder is 😃 I went NC because I also automatically regressed to being a little girl around my mother. (I'm 45.) So I would self-sabotage without even being aware of it. It's like you were talking about programming.
A lot of splitting can happen especially if the caregiver is also a narcissist. That could explain the splitting sometimes. Glad I wasn't the only one that knew about tapes!
This was very helpful and insightful! Thank you!
You're so welcome! Glad it was helpful!
Thank you for this vid 💗 It's very clarifying.
Glad it was helpful! 👍
This is so brootal.
@@kimberlyhills3920 Wait, I'm not making fun of anyone, the term that something is "brootal" comes from the blackpill, a quite depressing filosophy, focused around genetic determinism, including psychology. Like this guy explais: www.youtube.com/@lordofgingers/playlists Blackpillers use the summary "brootal" quite often, sometimes as dark humor meme, on the topic, not the person or making fun of accents or anything (I'm not english myself).
3:43 <- What's the name of the book? I couldn't catch it
Hey Ryan, the book is called "Silently Seduced". I just added the link in the description! Thanks for your question!
@@jomymatthews Thank you!
💯💔My God … this is real and pretty spot on.. I still prey everyday that the truth will set me free somehow.. my parents still to this day have control over me - The thing is - they will never , not once or ever will admit any wrong doing , or try to see things from my point of view.. yet I always forgive them, love them unconditionally.. I’m always in a secret battle within myself- is it me? Am I bad/ worthless.. etc. I’m scared
Boundaries violated 24/7, 365 -- this really rings true for me. I relate to ALL of it, actually, but yes, I also ended up in a friendship with a pathological narcissist after being enmeshed with my mom. So you definitely repeat the patterns. Thank you for your video! Very well put together.
Yea, I am sorry for what you've been through. Both narcissism and enmeshment are truly hard to identify sometime when you are in it. So knowing the "problem" or the "patterns itself subsequently is sometimes a BIG step towards healing! Thank you so much for the kind words !
th-cam.com/video/ZP9XFmovhbU/w-d-xo.html
th-cam.com/video/ZP9XFmovhbU/w-d-xo.html
Hi, keep at the work. You might enjoy this channel 👉 #drjohnaking. I find him encouraging and insightful.
Thanks. Yes, helpful. Will be interested to follow your journey.
Thank you, Tamar! Have a wonderful weekend!
한국말로 번역좀해줘요.
I will try to do that for my next video. Please try automatic subtitle option too. Thank you. 🙏