Afraid of rejection? Do this first
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 ก.ย. 2024
- Fear of rejection is probably a bigger cause of failure than ACTUAL rejection is... but that doesn't make it any easier to overcome. However, this video DOES.
For more incredible INNER GAME tips check out my free course toddwinnergame...
For any guy out there trying to do this, I want to share my story:
I saw a girl with a bday sash…
I said happy birthday
My line was then “where is your boyfriend” so she can let me know if she has one or let me off early…
She said she didn’t have one.
Told her I wanted to dance with her.
She was cool with that.
Fast forward, we’re happily married.
Go get some!!
Ty mate 🙏🙏
Cool
I started pretending (in my mind) that Todd is with me when I do approaches. Sounds silly but I do the same thing when practicing Muay Thai outside my gym. If I pretend my coach is watching I go harder and I don’t cheat myself.
Love it
Hell yeah
Sounds like a very intelligent movr
Meanwhile here I am, pretending Jesus is with me every time I sit down with a computer... OMG my balls are navy blue at this point!
As someone that has worked as telemarketing salesman every single word said in this video is totally TRUE.
I like the business analogy more. You are a business that can produce products and services. If something is not working, change the strategy to make it work. Like the youtube was dating website at first, but changed its business model to video hosting and look at it now, second most popular website.
See it's the embrassment that I'm more worried about. It's the embarrassment that comes with it. Also it's the yes because after the yes most of us have no idea what to say.
No one will remember you getting rejected. And if you dont know what to say then join Verbal Game Academy, literally.
I have the same problem, what's the next step after "yes" answer?
@@khairt1731 I would but I don’t have money lol
@@badgerproductions24 do what me abd my friend did, we both chipped in the money and we bought it.
You’re going to feel embarassment strongly if you approach and make an advance in a social circle environment like work, gym and school.
Otherwise you won’t feel that embarrassed in a cold approach scenario unless you make an absolute fool of yourself you won’t care assuming you realize that a girl turning down your approach is not a reflection of your value and it’s just how she perceived you in that moment.
I'd like to get better at decoupling this from my self-worth. That's the emotionally charged part of this. Sure, one "rejection" isn't going to dictate that but carrying that seemingly long history of "rejection" or not being seen - that's what I can't seem to shake.
Along with the embarrassing that comes with it, and the pointing that comes with it. Tod's never talks about the "if she rejected you, then I must reject you" attitude that many women have.
You have to love yourself, thats really the answer. If you really do, then you can detach from whatever the world believes about you. There is no other way because you are the ultimate judge, you really have the last Word.
@@matw1xJust came back from bootcamp I agree man. It’s super hard in the beginning though to believe it might be skill based and not just shit you can’t change about yourself. Some of the looks you get when you first start are fucking brutal bro and I’m above average in physique and style. Saw average dudes that were more skilled than me do way better
My thing is: what can they even do? the worst that can happen is getting kicked out of the club, but you really have to deserve it.
It's a mostly free world, so the girl can choose who she sleeps with. It'd be so messed up if she couldn't reject you. Every girl would have 100k body count.
W comments
@@matw1xC'mon man...if a woman is playing hard to get with a guy that means the guy is hard to want. 😆
I've followed Todd's development and methodologies for years and it's helped me so much in some of the most important ways possible. Phobias turn to strengths and strengths build a better life. I appreciate you Todd and all that you do for us 😁🙏
Honestly, the bulk of this advice applies to A LOT more than just dating and approaching.
I’ve gone past rejection anxiety and I’ve had a few successes but the extreme amount of rejections makes it hard to keep going back. It can be a lil bruise to the ego if it happens 20 times in a row. Getting numbers and instagrams is easy but they just don’t reply back. Nowadays I only approach when I’m doing my tasks and walking around but I don’t walk around just to approach
So you have to work on the conversation itself, escalate to create the attraction.
Game is much more than just opening and closing.
@@matw1x I just try to have a regular conversation. What they're up to, are they from around the area and I try to steer it towards taking them to a cool area nearby.
It can be hard figuring out why you aren't getting the success you want. Alot of times it's instant rejections.
no one outside yourself should control your ego. look into stoicism or getting CBT to you make sure that your self worth comes from yourself. you have no idea what anyone else is thinking so use positive reframing even to the point of being slightly delusional about it. even if she screams get lost in your face, it's because she is afraid of your awesomeness and you will smile wish her a good day and tell her you hope her mood improves in the future, by the way in the hundreds of people I have talked to that has only ever happened once and I am pretty sure I was not being delusional in thinking that one woman had mental issues. hell, make a game of it and try to get rejected as many times as possible in one night. you should be out enjoying yourself and inviting them to share your joy.
@@matw1x what if the main reason is that... i am ugly?
@gabilike1039 I'm fit and all that, but now fat women and delusional women in general are calling me unattractive
It’s a bit like progressive overload for resistance training
I've been doing cold approaches since 2015, and to be honest, I've always struggled a bit.
However, over the years, I've still had more success than the average male!
Moreover, I met my current girlfriend in 2020, someone I truly love and who fits my type perfectly, just after a 10-second conversation... And everything seemed to go wrong, according to my interactions standards!
It turns out I may have had too high expectations for myself, or she simply liked my approach despite its flaws.
So, guys, you know what you have to do💪🏼
you're an amazing teacher, Todd! I know you've done this for decades now, but your ability to break down a concept and give a step by step guide on how to tackle a problem is just incredible!
King todd, I really felt the last bit of advice. Thank you for being so authentic in your way of teaching.
Todd! Looking younger and healthier these days. Keep it up 👍
Also, gold content as always!
Todd I love the fact that you no longer add those camera shutter/flick effects to the videos. Massive upgrade ❤
Great video. I work in sales and am amazed at how many people avoid the approach in fear of a NO leaving so much on the table for others with confidence to swoop in.
this is my biggest barrier honestly. thanks for the video
I've heard it said " it's not a rejection, it's Gods protection. He hid your value from them because they are not meant to be a part of your story"
That's just a cope.
@@Wobbothe3rdexactly 😂😂
@@Wobbothe3rd it's from Jamie Kern Lima, who is too busy being a millionaire to have to worry about if it is or isn't... 🥱
@@matw1xOn the one hand I agree and I'm not religious in that way, but I'm a rank beginner and I've already had a couple of rejections where I was glad it didn't go any further, lol. Had this really annoying passive aggressive one recently through online dating where the girl lectured me about not smiling enough, if we had gone out I feel like I might have ended up walking out on the date 🤣 I would have preferred it if she had just ghosted me. It's on me to be more selective. This and one other experience where there actually was a date have made me wonder about dating for intelligence. I think that generally really smart people have this weird split where they're either great or unbearable to be around.
That is not ghosting . Ghosting actually means the two of you were dealing with each other on a frequent basis. (without any label 🏷️)and all of a sudden one stopped contacting ,responding, went silent and never came back .
A random girl /guy whom you approached once or exchanged messages online and now they don’t respond -that is not ghosting
I think for me (and maybe for others) is that I associate stress as a bad thing. I think due to my upbringing (dad specifically) some stress has always resulted in me shutting down rather than finding healthy to deal with it. For me now when it comes to approach anxiety (mind you it’s not perfect) I accept that I’m stressed and worried in the moment but still do it anyway. For eg. Whenever I have doubts (“no way she’ll like me” or “she has a boyfriend”) that’s a signal for me to carry on. The worry will NEVER go away so you have to treat it as if its like a permanent backpack but it’s weight will become less as you approach more through the day.
Ofc we want to have the perfect approach but as Todd says (or implies rather) anything is better than nothing - so if you have crash and burn at beginning just remember it’s part of the process.
you might want to look into CBT or shadow work therapy for those deeper issues but as a stop gap for now remember stress is not a bad thing it serves a purpose. try taking a deep breath and acknowledging it by telling yourself you are feeling stressed and that is ok then since they are the same chemical you should reframe your anxiety as excitement instead.
Also as Todd said, the approach doesn't even need to be perfect in order to lead to sex or a relationship. It just has to be good enough.
Ok, but where is that line where people seeing you getting rejected prevents you from further successes? If a woman dumps me in front of other women, I cant really approach them too. I would be better off to change into a different venue or setting. I mean I can approach, but I would immediately be coming as needy, wouldnt I? Would a woman be attracted if she knows Im coming to her only because the previous woman didnt find me attractive?
I am 44 feel quite embarrassed to go up to someone much younger looking needy and old.🙁
I’m the same age and starting again after 1.5 years of being single. We got this!
Don't feel bad man! We all need help and tips because a lot of these things Todd and other dating coaches talk about is not obvious to most men because women's attraction and thought process for a partner is typically very different for them.
And Todd said this in another one of his videos that when you approach a woman she doesn't know your history, that you needed to lookup dating videos or anything. All she will know is what you are conveying to her at that time. And if you're embarrassed about your age, some women actually like older guys and you have advantages a younger guy doesn't. Checkout Todd's how to date after 30 video if you haven't for more.
Just look good and have confidence brotha.
Hey Todd, love your videos and your content. Would be great if you could make also a video exploring rejections after you’ve actually had a good interaction with a girl, dates, kissing, etc.
It’s easy to get over a rejection if the girl doesn’t know you and it was a short interaction, but I’d like to hear your philosophy on rejections once the girl actually does know you, you may have even kissed, had sex, etc. I think it could be very useful for everyone. Thanks man!
@@matw1x Yeah, or you can rejected from a job application 🤣 So what's your point? It's not a man made concept, it's a term used to describe a real event.
The dead heart feels pleasure.
The dead heart feels excitement.
The dead heart builds rapport.
A living heart has a relationship.
That's what I dream off, if God repairs this dead heart of mine.
I work with 3 females, 2 are in their 40's and the other one is around my age and attractive. I can talk to the one's in their 40's and tease them etc with no dramas but I get extreme brain fog if I ever try to make anything with the other female.
Ya this guy's pretty based. Good tips. I don't even like the word "rejection" as it carries a lot of negative connotation to it. I think a better way to reframe an interaction like that with a woman is just to say that there was no connection there or it just wasn't the right moment. The "rejection" could actually have nothing to do with you at all and the woman could be really into you but also really shy around strangers and feels awkward herself
I think it's very real the guy approaching could be at fault, but even then, it's not really anything personal because that individual can't be every girls type. Also, in many instances of "rejection", the guy has no way to know the real cause and instead injects all kinds of context into the interaction and thinks he can read her mind. I think these kinds of cognitive distortions are the problem
Well, I don't think guys fear of being rejected as in that rejection is a permanent stain on them, but more of fear of that cringe moment that remains in your brain and decades later no matter how good you are in life, you look back at that moment, and it never get any beter, and I believe guys are more like "OMG now that moment will be my prepresentation in her mind for ever. "
Important point at the end, timing is crucial but you can never know if the timings right or not with someone new, unless you give it a shot.
In my experiance rejection is a rejection, whether the girl says fk off or was nice talking to u, it hurt the same, its not the interaction that caused pain, its knowing that person doesnt want u
I hope I had the looks of Todd. Then I would be more confident of approaching women
I am unattractive
So i get rejected more often than not. My confidence is very low
Love this video Todd such a confidence booster
Todd its so awesome that you share your inspiration and information for all of us! Thank You 🙏
I've just been trying to work on approaches and find ways to work them into my life, since I have a weird schedule and lifestyle and can't like go full ham and go to bars every night, so this video came at a good point for me. Online dating has been dry, I think because the weather is getting better and girls don't want to sit inside on Hinge as much, so I've been taking that as a wake up call to focus on wiring approaches and getting over my fear of live game instead.
lol this made me wanna start approaching again lol hinge for me has been dry as well brother
@@HopsinThaGoat Almost a little comforting to hear it's happening to other people ... I'm sure it'll turn around sooner or later. I managed like 7 dates before and although I was still putting a lot of time in, quite a bit more than now, sending like 30-100 hearts a day (this led to some issues like mindless hearts where I'd match with girls I didn't really want to, plus it just sucked to spend over an hour straight trying to hit a number, but it definitely worked to some extent), seems like the overall match rate is much lower for what it should be if I'm still spending quite a lot of time on the app, the few matches have been unforgiving, either unpleasant or just trail off after a few messages. Now my focus is improving the profile and first messages so I can improve the heart-to-match ratio especially during times like this, it really is dismal for what it was a little over 3 weeks ago. I do seriously think the weather getting good is a part of it. I guess shitty weather is better for online game, good weather is better for live game especially daygame, which makes perfect sense. I could hardly imagine doing cold approaches when it was like 20° out and everyone was shuffling around in 5 layers trying to get to the next indoor place as fast as possible. People in my city seem to get a lot friendlier in the summer too. I actually did an approach recently where I had expected it to be warmer but it got cold all of a sudden so I was shivering in my shorts and sandals talking to this girl lol, didn't help my state and probably didn't help me make an impression 🤣
Honestly, its her loss, not mine. Great rejection analysis.
I have a freind who learned to turn rejection around and flip it on it's head. I've used it myself and it's pretty dope. When he approached a girl she automatically said, "Nope" before he even got one word out. He chuckled and said, "Well since you tossed me to the wind call the "friend zone" so quickly (he used air quotes), we should do one shot together as new friends before I set sail out into that sea of weirdos (pointing to the crowd and she laughed)...Freinds can share a shot ya know! (Smile)...Tequila (Pointing at her)...Right?" She said, "Actually, I prefer Vodka!" He said, "Right on!" and held his hand up for a high-5! She gave him the high-5. Holding up two fingers at the bartender, he said, "Two Shots of Tequila please!" She started laughing. They shared the shot and as he put his shot glass down, he looked at her and winked and said, "Well, my friend, That's MY favorite shot!" He turned away from her and started to walk off. She yelled at him, "Hey! Get back here!" as she grabbed his arm to turn hiim around and pull him back. When he was back by her side again, He said, "Well, It appears we made better freinds than you thought 2 minutes and 32.7 seconds ago!" By watching him, I've learned that it is possible to turn a rejection around.
You're not required! However, You're missing out on vaulable insight though. Good luck in your jouneys!
Todd Is the best at this dating shit. Fr
I was trying to pay 3 grand for a coaching session... but some reason. I never got a email back. You were suppose to be in LA at the time.
Who wouldn't love you man! You're just ridiculously awesome
I walked over and said: OINK OINK. She loves pork so it was an instant makeout.
Underated comment 😂
This video was different than what i expected. It is a great video!
Hey Todd is it normal for most of my sets to not stay in the conversation & exit it by saying things like "am in hurry", "I gotta go" etc.? If not then what is my problem & how do I solve it? Also consider that I only do daygame that too only in metro stations because of my strict schedule.
Could you do an analysis of Kaka’s ex wife explaining why she left him. I really would like, and think it would be very beneficial for men to understand the mechanisms at play in women’s minds when it comes to good men and bad boys using this case study.
She's just lying. Kaka is very popular. Publicly humiliating him would reflect very poorly on her socially.
There is something she isn't telling the public. It's not because he was "too good" for her.
Todd please hold my hand hahahaha
Todd so lovable. Thanks for your content
Nah, I’m not scared of rejection or even looking like a prat - I’m terrified now of someone saying yes, it’s been far too long
please do videos on how to use social proof, preselection, pivots, and pattern interrupts
I love you Tod! Like a friend 😅 But seriously... great job! Great helpfull content ❤
I don't think it's rejection for me. I think it's more how common it is for the woman to try to frame the situation as if the guy is doing something wrong by showing interest. Anyone would tell you that guys are generally expected to initiate just about everything in the dating process yet women will still try to say that it's "creepy, weird, inappropriate, etc. etc." if a guy tries and she merely isn't interested.
I've heard it from multiple women that I've known. When they talk about guys that tried to cold approach them, they always seem to have something negative to say but they never actually describe something "wrong" that the guy did other than try to talk to them. Or sometimes they'll say it's creepy if a guy even looks at them. Which is ridiculous. It's as if at some point in the recent past it became "creepy" for a man to be heterosexual and pursue his desires. Wtf.
I'm not saying "all" women will respond that way but it just seems to be very common. That's the main thing that turns me away from cold approach. Plus I see attractive women pretty regularly when I'm out and about but I never see guys approaching them.
Idk if this makes sense to you but my personal take is that sometimes girls refer to a guy who cold approached them as "creepy" to disguise the fact she actually enjoyed the validation and ego boost of him doing it. I've seen girls do this but they are smiling while they say it which they wouldn't be doing if they were really that creeped out.
Good advice as always
I feel more like I have a 'fear of it going well' and having to sustain the fire I brought in the first five minutes - interactions start off 'ignited' but tend to fizzle out over time, I suppose I'm the one allowing that to occur. I need to find amusement or excitement in the mid-game.
Any advice on how to make it work in a relationship when the womans social status has been elevated during the relationship?
I find that when I approach girls more then that karma comes back to me. Girls approach you because you put the energy out.
Simple and efficient, thanks!
Super amazing video.
I’m a new PUA!
Awesome video! Thank you so much!
Approach! its a numbers game people!
Thanks Todd!
Embrace discomfort
😢 Did todd just say "confidence is competence" 😮
#IMC #BTBFTR #AZD
I loved your video! It shows that you know what you talk about. I will save it for later when I'm ready to rumble... Thank you!
One of your best vids 🫡
I love you Todd
Hi I am in Latin partner dancing and am able to get dances with girls in social events. But I am just not able to take it beyond that stage to get a date. Pls advise me
In San Francisco its a brutal date scene. If you approach girls at clubs you better bring your A game or they'll just tell you to go away. Approaching them isn't hard, its what happens and what you say after that thats the the hard part.
You think SF is bad try living in Denver. In fact, Denver is nicknamed "MENver" because there's so many more dudes to women. Nightclubs, bar & grills, gyms, etc are like sausage fests. 😆 You see a lot of above-average looking, fit guys with unattractive, overweight women. It's a great city for your average looking woman because she'll have so many options. 🙄
I need a serious gentleman in my life 😊
Best in the game 1) Todd V 2) Carl Bennington
Making a noise😂 that's good.... oiink 🐷
Thank you todd
i rock with the new hair
How about getting the cops called on you for telling a girl "you're hot af". Pretty safe huh.
What about fear of getting caught by police or confronted/beaten up by police?
@@matw1x not in my country. And it's even worse i'm Brown.
Wtf are you saying to them bro?
@@urgamecshk I'm saying if you approach a girl and she's mad at you she'd call the police and have you arrested or have you get beaten up
@Aaabbblllls not everybody is from America
Love it mam
Do you believe in love at first sight? Then you need to need walk again girl.
How much you love me.
Ily todd
@@matw1x how?
I'm interested in a bootcamp
Hey Todd, is it even worth approaching modern women nowadays because of the 3rd wave feminism and me too movement? Isn't it a bit risky? This is what many of us guys are afraid of I think. Could you please address this? Thank you, much respect from Sweden! /Bo
I think that exists more on the internet than in real life
Alphas get away with approaching.
If you have decent social skills and put emphasis on women's autonomy and consent, then you generally won't have a problem with this.
@@arcadehayabusu2295 Many modern women say that they are strong and independent now, and that they don't need a man. How do you even approach a masculine woman like that? Wasn't it easier 20 years ago? I think most women today just want our free attention.
@@matw1x I have 3 friends who got wrongfully accused of rape, one got sent to jail, she changed her story one time during the trial and they still believed her. If she wants to harm you, she can. I wouldn't put too much trust in NDA.
Does walking up to her and farting (the making a noise part) count as an approach?
@@matw1x Todd didn't say anything about closing though.
Yes, that’s just step one, but it is
If u walk up and forget how to speak english.. thats a succes hahahaaha me starting to speak in zeros and ones hahahahaha
If a girl rejects me, I see it as a direct rejection of my being, the very core of who I am. I open myself to them, they see the depths of who I am, and say “no thanks”
boot camp link???
If you really really like todd, do him a favour and go do the fucking approach
3:20, 17:20
Most rejections are actually not that harsh, unless you're dealing with black women.
What a surprise not 😂
Genuine question: How can someone keep doing this for so long? Doesn't it get boring and pointless after a while?
You make it fun by replaying the same game by implementing higher difficulty and refining skillset on each point of an interaction. If you go into the game to find a gf or sex solely you'll end up burning up and disappointed.
motivation
Like for algorithm.
(Make a noise? I can do that.)
What is rejection?
Pardon this uncalled for rant:
Rejection is denying someone's needs (for companionship). Being ignored is being denied your validity.
Atheists for example reject the needs that God has for them. But they don't ignore Him, otherwise they would call themselves something like humanists or mudanists. Ironically, rejection validates someone's existence, while ignoring someone truly denies their existence. You can't ignore the truth for ever though, sooner or later reality will knock on your door and ask:
What have you done with your life? What happend to your heart? Why did you forsake love?
Yeah...until you see her with a better looking guy. 🤣
Shit test: im not sleeping u tonight Me: Of course i was thinking about keeping u all night long. And (You shake her like youre trying to keep her all night long) AND have a smile on ur face while youre fping it.
STOP TEACHING NORMIES PICKUP TEACH THEM THAT LOOKS MATTER AND GAME ONLY WORKS FOR 7+ looks, you scam artist
Dude wtf are you talking about if you have great game and semi good looks you can literally pick up most women. Your beliefs are limiting
@@DMRCapitalHill not reality bro. just because a girl gives a sub 6 her number doesn't mean shit, he just gets ghosted in the end.
Black pill logic be dumb asf
Game is way more important than looks IRL, I get that you’re frustrated and having a hard time with it but don’t discount good advice, it’s a skill you can build, and it’s worth it.
@@blairdurward4324 it’s only a skill for chadlites and up bro. COPE
This is insanely good advice
Todd is the best ! I miss the videos from RSD FREE TOUR, I remember specifically one meet up - the 7 masters of the game, where there were all coaches from RSD - that was epic !
I love you, Todd
I love you Todd
Great video.