What to Expect Fostering a Baby
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 ก.ค. 2024
- Here are some examples of what you might encounter or do on the first day when a new foster baby moves into your foster home.
Do you care for babies? What is the first day like? Let me know in the comments below!
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I would love to hear about the 3 to 7 age range; when they are definitely aware of what is going on, but it’s also a bit over their heads.
I have that one coming! Stay tuned :)
@@foster.parenting as someone who lost a parent while in that age range i’m also very curious how you would handle that developmental stage in this situation. i’ll be looking forward to your video!
For the toddlers I usually greeted them with a few toys on the living room floor and had them come in and check out the toys and they usually warmed right up to that. We often needed to bath the kiddo the same day as they arrived as they were quite dirty or sick so would do a little bath with toys, get them into pjs and offer a little snack and chill with low lights and baby videos/music and then bed. If old enough I could read to them or just open pages and let them point to things and tell them what the things were. At bedtime it was often that bc they were new I would let them settle down near me some bc they weren’t familiar with a new bed or a crib. I usually didn’t put them to actual bed until asleep unless older where I could sit in the bed reading to them and then tuck them in and tell them I will check back in a few minutes and I did check. Often they were asleep. First nights are the trickiest.
Special needs (autism ECT) too please
yes i was neevr in foster care but 6-10 i 100 percent knew what was going on with my parents getting divorced and i knew my dad was drinking but didnt realise that the amount and driving wasnt ok kids hear things going on and know more most people think they are just like statues that move but they know a lot even if you didnt tell them
I fostered a baby. He was 5 days old and went home at 9 months old. Boy that day was hard when they came to get him. My other foster son was 5 years old and it was just as hard for him. I did end up adopting my 5 year old. He was 3 when he arrived at our home. He is now 26 years old. And my baby I fostered him and his other siblings were adopted by another family. So he did end back up in the system. But everyone has loving and safe homes now. Thank you Jesus. 🙏❣🌲
As an adoptee who was fostered for the first 6 weeks prior to my adoption I found your video very comforting and healing, thank you. I am not entitled to any info about my foster parents or the time I spent in foster care. It was a long time ago now and I’m pretty sure a lot of my emotional and physical contact needs were unmet, but I am so glad that the babies who are lucky enough to have you to care for them experience such a gentle and supportive environment .
Foster parents aren't always like this. I was adopted from Catholic Charities as an infant and my foster parents for the first 2 weeks wrote a very detailed letter to my adoptive parents about feeding and sleeping schedules and also noted that they made sure to avoid too much holding - which was according to them to help me bonding with my adoptive parents. There was a lot of bad information they had back in that time - and this foster parents seemed to have cared for hundreds of kids who were adopted thru Catholic Charities in Cincinnati. I really wonder if this is the cause of so many kids adopted as infants having issues later in life. I should scan that letter and post it online since it's helps to show this very bizarre mindset these foster parents had about attachment and bonding.
@@alison-ip8kyyes, this is similar to my experience, sadly. As a baby I was with my adoptive parents for 6 weeks before I cried or reacted in any way, which had led me (amongst other things) to conclude that I was exhibiting a PTSD response to my birth/ early fostering. But I am so glad that some babies nowadays receive appropriate and loving care.
My sister in law has fostered babies, and they care for them as if they were their own. She has 3 teens, and they love to hold them. They are loved the moment they walk into their home. They are good foster parents we just don't hear about them as much.
@@mariaguerra855❤❤❤
I really appreciate the recognition that babies sense what is going on.
I worked as a short-term nanny for ten years and would often see a family just the once. For any parent out there with an infant, having a daily journal with the sleep times, diaper changes, meal times and amounts, as well as any special observations throughout the day is possibly the most helpful thing you can do for your child (and anyone who looks after them). Babies change their patterns so very often that it is incredibly hard to keep track of what's current unless it is written down. Also, anything you can do to lessen the mental load for yourself in those first two years is going to be a weight off your shoulders - writing things down instead of expecting to remember them is one of the easiest ways to lighten that load.
Also as a foster parent , this child you have might be going to several families before a good placement happens so writing down what you do and what works for the baby and sending your notes along with the baby will prevent repeated hiccups of babies in new homes over and over. The feeding schedule, diaper change schedule, what kind of food or formula they use and types of bottle nipples if little babies, and anything they really don’t like or like is helpful.
I was a foster parent for many years during the 1980s and 1990s. I’m watching your videos, and it seems that nothing has changed much in all this time. Fostering still requires being assertive, and very flexible. Being your own advocate is essential. Children arrive with little information, history, or expectations. They may be traumatized, hungry, sad, confused, or have serious behaviour problems, and as foster parents, you are expected to do your own assessment of their needs. It’s a very difficult job. 24-7. Loving children is essential, and knowing that you make a difference might be your only reward. I’m happy to see that people like you are still stepping forward. I adopted two children from the system, but still fostered until I aged out. Thank you for your loving care. Our children deserve safe, loving adults in their lives.
Thankyou for the reminder that we be our own Advocate !
Would love to see a first day with teens and adolescents. I feel like they might have lots of questions and opinions on what is happening, which is fair, and would like some tips on how to handle this.
yesss
Would love to hear about how you would do things differently based on the reason a child is coming to you (kids whose parents were unable to cope vs substance use issues in the home vs bereaved children vs moving from a different foster home etc) because surely the reason they are coming to you would dramatically impact their needs.
Hi Laura! I’m not a foster parent or hoping to be one at that however I do love to watch your videos. I have two boys of my own, a 12 year old and 8 year old, and watching this video in particular made me want to slow down with my own children and take the time to be a better parent to them. I get so caught up in my own stuff that it’s so easy to just kind of let them do their own thing. This year I want to learn how to slow down and turn off other things that distract me. Thank you for your videos! Even though they are meant for foster care parents, they help regular parents like me! ❤
We’ve been foster parents for 8 years and foster babies almost exclusively 🥰. Thanks for posting all you’re learning as you foster different ages. I find your tips so practical! And your heart for making children feel welcomed and cared for in your home shines through! Keep it up!!
I'm getting a license for babies exclusively. I wish we could chat. I've had my own and several others that I've babysat..... 7 newborns to toddlers and mine, but I still have questions.
I would like to see the first day with a teenager!
That one is coming - I just filmed it with my team, so it takes a few weeks to get everything editted. Thank you for your care!
Hi Laura I just wanted to say thanks so much for your videos. I’m 17 and really want to be a mom in the future but I’m probably infertile and I was so sad for a really long time, but your videos have been really inspiring. I’m gonna be a foster mom when I’m older! And I hope I can be as sweet and understanding as you are. Thank you for sharing all of this and thank you for being so kind to the kids in need! You have the heart of an angel. 🤍
Some of my family members have just started foster caring and I can't tell you how valuable a resource your videos have been for me to understand more of what they are going through, how to support them, and what to expect. I know they've veiwed your videos too and found them so helpful. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your knowledge and experience on such an important topic.
Wow Laura!! What a great video. I love this format from you.
Thank you for noticing!! This is a brand new format, i really like it too because I dont need all the extra text on screen. Thank you for the feedback!
I would imagine the first day a baby went to a new environment with "strange people" they may unconsolably cry and cry their eyeballs out.
I think it depends on the personality of the baby. Some might be quietly scared or nervous and compliant. No matter what signals the kid is showing we know it's a traumatic event for them.
You should consider being a cps case worker your so sweet! I had cps try to yank my kids from the hospital all because of my prescribed medication that my doctor knew i was pregnant on. It ruined the births for both my daughters! They treated me if i was some sort of drug addict or junkie. They kept trying to make me stay longer then needed and kept drug testing as if the results were going to change so i was so scared to even put my babys down for a sec to even rest. Having a baby suppose to be a happy time not traumatic! Yes i do get there are bad mothers who do, do drugs during pregnancy and drinking alcohol but you cant assume or treat someone horrible just because you think! Get facts and know first as you could ruin a mothers experience for no reason at all but judging someone you dont know! 😢 After it happened twice with the same doctor i ended up making a complaint the last time and said doctir was fired from the hospital as the investigation proved how horrible i was treated. It traumatized me for life to not only happen to me once but twice! 😢
What a fabulous woman to share this ❤️
Your videos radiate the same calm competence that you suggest for baby's day 1 in foster care! It's a pleasure to listen to you talk about these topics.
I love this longer video format! Very informational and helpful
I am in awe of your beautiful videos. Thank you for sharing your healing work.
Your videos are so soothing and comforting to watch, even as someone who has no plans to foster or be a parent. Thank you for putting this information out to help people.
Loving this new format! Great video as always
God bless you and your husband for all the work you do for kiddos!❤❤❤✌🏻❤❤❤
I love your passion for what you do, I share the passion! 💓😊
You know you have mommy issues when you’re a little jealous of the baby doll Laura is pretending to take care of 🤣 this is beautiful, thank you for what you do!
Aww totally! ❤❤
❤Love your channel and cant wait to start this journey
Super insightful! Thank you
Thank you so much for sharing this!
I like how you’re doing the baby sway!
🩷🩷🩷🩷🐐Thanks again Laura.
We love you… Beautiful stained glass on your open door… 😌 Readers can always find lots of great info / educational resources online especially ages & stages of development are helpful.
I would LOVE a 2-5yo episode, please!!!
That's coming! Just takes me some time - thank you for your patience and your care!
Laura I really enjoy your videos
Firstly, you are awesome and doing terrific work. Love this. I think there might be a lot of non foster parents learning from you too😉 ! I’d love to hear about coping with teenagers, say 14-17 who are pretty angry about the way they’ve been treated up until the time they reach you (often justifiably I’m sure). Would love to see a clip of an acted out scenario. Thanks again.
Love this.
You are amazing and have a beautiful heart
Thank you
“Foster Baby” Just…made me go “awww!”. That’s kinda so sad sounding. A lil baby.. man.. I’m glad there good people to welcome these children in.
Love this! I hope you make this for other age ranges. Especially those in between years of toddlerhood and young child.
Also, you set off all my alexas with this video 😂
My TV came on and I was looking around like what the heck 🤣🧡
I cared for 18 month old to two year olds mainly. The 18 monther was sick and I didn’t know. They told me he had the sniffles. Turned out he had what appeared to be viral bronchitis or similar. They didn’t allow me to give him any cough medicine or even Tylenol unless approved by the social worker and had to be prescribed by a doctor. So I sat up all night with a very sick kid one night unable to help other than take him into the bathroom and offer a humidified air environment.
Another kiddo had a very weird need to be very intensely rocked and was crying literally all night and wouldn’t settle unless rocked vigorously which was weird. Not like shaken baby mode but like full body rocking which I assumed was what he was used to. He was so inconsolable and even when he fell asleep he woke up screaming crying and requiring this intense rocking. It was a hard night and a respite type of care but looking back and being a little more enlightened I might have mentioned that more to his case worker. I just assumed he was missing his mom at that time but looking back it was very odd. Then I had one child who was placed several times who came in with “he has the sniffles” and was sick. That happened a lot and I think is maybe just that age also but I kept getting super sick from kiddos coming in supposedly not sick and were pretty much coming down with illnesses that I had no ability to treat for comfort care. The repeat visitor’s mom was a good mom who was just youngish, fell on hard times and needed help. The very sick 18 monther was placed inappropriately and his mom was asking me to assume care bc she was going to jail and begging me to take him for her even tho I was only hired for crisis nursery care which was up to 72 hours and not division of child welfare type agency placement. My agency was one to help prevent neglect and abuse offering voluntary placement for parents who needed a couple of days to sort out their crisis.
The sad thing was the 18 monther was poorly placed and was going to be transferred to the state care which broke my heart. I asked the agency if I could keep him with me until he had a longer more stable placement and they said no and my social worker at the time was kind of calloused saying “well we can’t save them all”. I was really upset by it but my hands were tied.
With small babies, just keeping things calm and making sure their food needs are met, a calm environment like you said and comfort care like if they do wake up to sit quietly and play some music quietly or just sit with them and talk with them and let them know they are safe if they wake up crying. Low lights and if they are not liking the dark a little nightlight as you said you do with older kids will help. With small babies the monitors are your friend and it’s super hard to relax the first night with a new baby in the house so be sure you are stocked up with good rest before the placement and have some personal support and simple things like coffee on hand in case you don’t get a good night’s sleep and need to be on duty nonstop.
For babies not knowing what formula would be difficult so def first thing to know and if you can find out what their mom’s routine is for feeding, how they get them to sleep whether it’s rocking or walking or music or some kids are more neglected and used to just self soothing or having to cry themselves to sleep. Some babies might be prone to be overstimulated so watching for cues that they need to be put down for a few also might be necessary. As loving humans we want to super love these little babies but the little ones maybe not coming from a home that provides that level of loving caring stimulation and they maybe overwhelmed at first. Keeping things sort of in a very simple pattern is good and also watching for their needs for unusual things like the one kiddo that needed highly intensive rocking. He may have been any number of neurodivergent also and not diagnosed yet. I didn’t know much about his mom and care so mostly ut was me trying to run when he screamed over and over when he woke up and his needing that odd intense rocking. Looking back maybe that was why his mom was overwhelmed. Who knows. Some babjes come with almost no info and you have to just have a basic sense of what most babies need and adjust as you get to know them and are teaching them about you while you let them teach you about them.
The care I did was a little different I think than what you are doing but the first day is always a fact finding mission and getting much info from harried and hectic social workers is sometimes impossible and you have to just go with your gut. It takes a person with decent levels of empathy skills to effectively care for a foster baby. Babies aren’t hard if you are educated about them but some babies aren’t raised like the average baby so what you expect would be normal for them surprises you and what you are doing that is actually normal is unfamiliar and upsetting to them.
Also on a really basic level having the right bottle nipples that they are used to goes a long long way in their feeding and soothing comfort. If they are using a pacifier it’s great to find out what kind and keep a variety on hand in case no one tells you so you can try a couple out and see what baby responds to.
Keeping an eye on more frequent wetting and feeding difficulties of babies who have come from a highly stressed situation might need to happen also. I don’t know how much babies take in and are affected by being in a high crisis transfer of care. Best thing you can do is try to do what they are used to, provide a lot of comforting voice and even lighting and temperature. If baby gets very upset sometimes water helps whether it’s just a washcloth or just sitting near water running in a tub as a soothing sound for them. Sometimes a mini bath helps and sometimes it can upset a baby. They are so little it’s hard bc you can’t ask them what they need and have to just tune into what they respond to and learn the things that comfort them by watching their eyes and body language and providing a very chilled out body and also if your backup person is there they need to also be chilled and learning and sharing what little things they’ve noticed that baby positively responds to.
Baby music for relaxation is a great idea. I used it at bedtime with new kids and turned lights down super low, had a video called “baby Einstein” that played classical but baby friendly music and had bright but slow moving objects on the tv screen. It was the greatest for winding down and relaxing babies to almost sleep or asleep.
Where did you say the journal was from? ❤
Wow, you are a saint
How about 1-2ish? When they're mobile and prone to tantrums, but too young/not verbal enough to reason with them or explain stuff.
I love hearing about what you're saying about the baby just saying that now
I love babies. I thrive with them. So sweet!
My wish this Christmas season is that there is a reduction of these little ones entering into the system.
Can you talk more about the notebook?
I just watched your new video that is a Q&A all about you. I’m honestly amazed you don’t have biological children. I’ve watched lots of your videos and you just seem so calm and nurturing and I don’t know I just always thought you had biological children. I did think for a while that fostering was something I would end up doing, but I have multiple chronic illnesses and I ruled out biological children years ago and as I’ve got older (well I’m only 33) my health is now at a point I don’t think I could even foster unfortunately. Love the videos.
Hi what is that notebook that you mentioned?
I know its not a day 1 type video request, but what would you do to support a child who was taken from their parents due to abuse because they found out the child was LBGT+
Finally soon enough for you to see this... Make one for people who have years until they can foster but want to know how they can start to prepare themselves for that already!
Like, I'm 18, and the minumum age limit for fostering here is 25. And I've seen other teens in your comments who want to foster in the future!
Hello!! Yes I see it!! :) OK let me brainstorm and see if I can make a video for you all! Very top of mind thoughts: usually volunteering can start at 18 or 21, so check with a local foster care related non profit or a transitional living facility. Also, I don't know where you are, but the minimum age to be a CASA (Court appointed special advocate) is usually 21. I will put together some thoughts, and hopefully others will chime in too :)
@@foster.parenting Thank you so very much!! :)
@@foster.parenting this is actually a great idea on helping young adults to prepare for the future of fostering. I know there are younger people within my community who would greatly benefit from a video like this.
They know that they intend on fostering at some point when their life is stabilized/they meet age requirements, but are so unsure where to start and how to effectively prepare in the meantime. They aren't sure if/where they should get helpful experience, start collecting home items, how to build a community that is helpful with fostering, figuringout their finances in a way that would make fostering easier, etc.
This is such a heartwarming request ❤
You may not be able to be a respite provider in your home but sometimes agencies have respite events that you could volunteer at!
My parents were foster parents when I was very young and I remember my mum caring for a baby called Elizabeth just for one day.
What would some of the differences be if you pick up baby directly from the hospital?
See if you are able to visit at the hospital before taking them back to your house so the baby can get to know your voice and scent.
Please link the journal you were using. Thank you!
wovenvillage.com/products/the-foster-planner
I'd love to see something similar to a toddler age 2 , who doesn't know there Mom & Adopted by a family member....and want to kept them bonding with Mom but with boundaries.
Expecting Mom to be rarely involved but when she is...any advice?
Love your content, so Helpful!💜
Generally speaking, do foster parents have certain ages they foster, like only babies, only elementary school, only teens, etc? How many are open to children of all ages? Are they required to take any age child?
I wonder can u goster parent if u both work full time. Not going into fostering i live in completly different country just curious
Ooh, were you a foster parent first? You mentioned being a first time parent & my ears pricked up, just because I'm currently thinking of embarking on a similar journey where I become a foster parent, before or instead of having biological kids. I'd love, if it is the case that you fostered w/out having bio kids, if you could talk a bit more about what that feels like?
I have been a foster parent for 35 yrs
I'd love to see a Day 1 video for the 8-12 age group. I'm in the application process, open to 0-12 but in our country it's uncommon to have children under 8 in interim foster care.
yes, i have that one recorded, now just need to edit and publish!
When you asked ALEXA For baby music my kindle started playing it😂
Just out of curiosity, what is your job? I want to be a foster parent when I grow up, but I don’t know what job I should be looking into that would allow the flexibility to do so. Thank you for all your videos!
I think there a video by Laura or several on working alongside being a foster parent
I think skews said she is a freelancer of some kind :)
I work a normal 8-5 type salary job but I know several people in our company foster. They seem to get flexibility in their hours and working from home when they need it. I would think freelancing is probably easier, but if you want a more corporate career I would say to look for companies that have values that align with yours!
So Alexa just played Baby Shark😂
Do you have a "how to" papers?
I mean things to remember sheets?
With all of the paperwork, it feels like 100 questions, and I feel over overwhelmed. Having a paper to look at and focus on to make sure all questions have been asked the right question and paperwork done. I feel it would be amazing
Some things from my experience… baby May need a bath as it’s possibly not been washed since it was born. Everyone will want all the details name story etc
sometimes when travelling to from and during access, workers will bring made up partially consumed formula or birth mother expressed milk in bottle … which can be sitting round for unknown amounts of time and can be up to three hours old and is not healthy for baby if it’s not been kept at correct temperatures.
What about babies who come to you addicted to drugs because their moms used drugs while pregnant? Are there special care needs for the babies?
I helped care at a daycare for a child like this starting from 4 weeks. The child from my experience and I was told later is not uncommon was significantly more fussy and needed almost nonstop holding and had some mild acid reflex.
Babies can be born physiologically dependent on substances, but they are not born addicted to substances. Addiction is a complex bio-behavioral condition that does not impact infants. It may seem like splitting hairs, but it is a very important distinction -- both in our understanding of baby and in our understanding of parents and their struggles. Parents struggling with substance use disorders not only have to deal with physiologic dependency to their substance of choice, they are also dealing with the disease of addiction. Even when the physiologic withdrawal resolves, the addiction remains.
If an infant is born with Neonatal Abstinence Syndrome/Neonatal Opioid Withdrawal Syndrome (NAS/NOWS) they will receive specialized medical care in the hospital prior to discharge. If it is known that baby will not be discharged home with family, hopefully the foster carers will be involved in the care on the infant during that hospitalization so they can learn baby's particular strengths and challenges.
Hey, I found your comment very informative. Thanks for taking the time to point of the difference as I know wording has a big impact on understanding.
Have a great day. 😊
Good video but you just made my Alexa to play baby music 😂😂
How can a case worker not know the last time the child ate, especially when the child isn't old enough to tell you themselves? That's literally their job.
Sometimes it is just a transportation person that brings the baby - they haven't interacted much with them
Is 67 too old to start fostering children?
you would have to ask your local agency -- but probably -- however, if you do get the okay -- you would probably only be able to foster older children (late teens) who would be self-sufficient.
Do you do hair
The babies would be so hard for me. With older kids, the connection to their biological families is more apparent from the child’s point of view. A baby doesn’t have that attachment.
Do you have biological children
First! Pin plz??
Sorry, I didn't hear anything about prepping the child to reunite with the biological parent. Actually, you demonstrated how to bond with the child in a way that they will reject everyone and thing that isn't immediately entertaining or soothing.