Excellent video, very practical example of poor behaviors we engage in knowingly or unknowingly with our partners and how they are affected. Reconciliation or not, personal work ia utmost important to improve all our relationahips
Speaking of Star Wars one of the most eye opening lines have been the one from Yoda when he explains that Fear leads to Anger, Anger leads to Hate, and Hate leads to suffering. This has really shaped my viewpoint on controlling my emotions! Anyway, thanks Craig for another great video. Hope to get your help soon!
3:16 Focus on the right things after a break up i.e. who you want to be months from now 9:30 no manipulation 11:29 no guilt tripping or passive aggressiveness trips because you’re not getting what you want 12:57 no triangulating others (controlling) for your benefit 14:45 no entitlement 16:34 master you emotions 19:44 what to do 2:08 what not to do 24:54 look at their perspective
If she talked bad about you to her friends and other people then she most likely won't come back. It's been 10 months and my second breakup with my ex gf and unlike the first time this time she was talking shit about me and dating someone else so yea forget about it if they talked bad about you.
Did you guys noticed the part where her dad passed away and he then went no contact for 6 weeks on her in middle of this difficult time for her, how can anyone expect a relationship to last when they go no contact with you when you are basically in pain this is crazy, Some people are really unaware of why their partner are upset with them as they simply do not own their own bad behavior, The right attitude is nobody owe you, you need to treat your partner with respect and best effort, that story in this video remind me of my ex by the way, until this day he believe I broke up with him for no reason when I pulled up for 3 years of seriously bad behavior and basically carrying the duties of the relationship on my back by myself and when I needed someone to be there for me he couldnt care less, some people lack so much maturity, and are so deeply selfish that planning a relationship with them is a suicidal mission on your own expense , you are dating a child that misbehave and you become their parents and when things goes wrong you get pretty much blamed for all of it
Their partner broke up with them . They owe them nothing. If it were the other way around I’m sure she wouldn’t have reached out or gave two shits if his parent died. People are horrible.
@@trentoinsano I didn’t catch if they were broken up at that point or not. It sounded like things weren’t in a good place but I got the impression it was unclear. Could be wrong obviously.
I’m the guy from the video. Her Dad died three years before she left me. I was there for her and her family every step of the way after her dad passed. That’s why her leaving hurts so damn much, even though I now understand why she did. Her family was my family.
My ex partner as well couldnt hear what I was trying to communicate to him, the communication couldnt flow he denied there were problems caused by repeated bad behavior until this day he still head strong about it If some of you broke up with someone that you love because you simply cannot do anymore meaning you cannot keep damaging you anymore to be with someone that doesnt think of you well keep moving as a partner is not a parents, both party need to owe their part , you cannot carry all the relationship problems, function and goals on your back by yourself this demand too much work and its best for you to be alone and carry your own self by yourself then
I agree, but I didn't see you owning up to anything here either. I felt alone in my relationship for quite a long time. I felt like I carried it. As I kept feeling like it was a chore with little rewards, I became quite unbearable myself. In the end my ex cheated on me and left me with a similar mindset to yours. She didn't even bother trying to communicate. No breakup talk, no explanations. That can only mean she feels like I wouldn't hear her anyways. Well, I felt alone in the relationship because she couldn't hear me either... It always takes two. So when I hear someone say bad stuff about their ex without saying anything wrong about themselves, I become a bit sceptical.
@@andrasziegenham6766 your situation is not the same as another person’s situation. This person has said that they tried ti carry the weight and that both people need to be willing. Sometimes it really is just one person’s “stuff” that prevents a relationship from working. I did a coaching session with Margaret and she told me that I’d been carrying the load and that he needed to step up and heal if it was ever going to work.
I know u said that when someone breaks up with you there still attached to you but what if they broke up with u and had a someone waiting to replace you? Are they still attached?
The guy was abused by his dad so what his totally emotionally unavailable and abusing back in his own way, we all got problem and I am not saying what this person went through is not terrible but look at Oprah she also was abused and now she is working on helping others and healing herself we cannot be victims all our life, that woman here stayed with that guy for 10 years and when her dad passed away he cut contact with her basically not be there for her, some human being need to learn that caring doesnt work only from one side and one road its given , given situation , by been together if both people bring their best what you get is a great situation but if only want get with someone just to load their needs an issues on the back of the other person than there is a point that person buckets will be dry, totally, too many people making dumper to be bad people but nobody just broke up with people for no reason so owe your part, going cold on a dumper when you were not great to partner with will bring nothing good owe your part and grow up
Hey! I’m the guy from the video. Her Dad died 3 years before she left. I was there with her and her fam every step of the way. Her Mom lived with us for a year, as did her older brother for an extended time, in order to help them with grief. So, her leaving, after all that and our history is. Tough. I understand now why she left and I gave her plenty of reasons. But, what I’ve learned in therapy and from Craig, it’s nothing that we couldn’t fix. It takes two. I’m moving on and hoping she finds true happiness
@Neil Harrington I forgot to say that it is a very very bad idea to apply NO Contact on partner that you neglected and did not treat right so I thought it was important to tell you this but right now its important to go No contact in order to give her space and not make demand , you do no contact as gesture to show respect and show self control on yourself, work on yourself and if she contact you try to be nice , basically dont apply no contact to hope to get her back but to work on yourself and give her space , I hope that is clear as no contact doesnt work on partner that were neglected and drained out by a partner that doesnt listen, doesnt add value and cannot meet the other person needs, changing partner doesnt fix the issue that people got with themselves if you got issues with yourself
Hi Craig,thank you for the video. I would like to share my story about my break up with my ex. It happened almost 2 months ago,it was really unexpected and im still pretty much in shock and devastated. We mainly broke up due to the long distance thing between us,she was under a lot of pressure from her university. The thing is she found other reasons as well that she wanted to break up,for example she said that we dont actually have chemistry and our ideologies are not compatable,which is not the case if you ask me. We were in a relationship for 2 years. The only reason i accepted as valid of a break up is the distance thing,the other reasons were just excuses for me. After 2 weeks of no contact i wanted to check on her to see how she is. She seemed relatively fine, and said to try generally not talk,so that we can move on properly. I asked her to meet up at least once when i arrive back in town for Christmas and she was negative to the idea, she insisted that she propably wouldnt be able. I asked her if it had to do with time,and she said no. The one thing that came to my mind in the moment is that she found another guy, as she was trying to avoid the meet up. In the end when i asked her, she was told me that yes she started going out/or did smth with a guy. I was furious and she was trying to avoid the subject and i was fuming like crazy. Dissappointed, i asked her, did your love for me mean that much? 2 weeks and you found another guy? She was still trying to neglect the subject. She started saying that she loves me, but is not in love with me anymore. Come to find 2,3 weeks later she is in a relationship with this dude, for like a month now, and the worst thing is that, that was a "friend" of hers, that she insisted that i shouldnt worry about and that she observes him as her little brother lmao. Im most certain that she will eventually come back to me, and i would like your honest opinion, what would you do in this type of scenario? Thanks again for everything
My man I had same scenario. Your x is probably a dismissive avoidant. Mine was and I’m secure and the shit still hurts. Look up videos from personal development school about “DA” and break ups. Craig also talks about it as well. Go no contact with her. She basically jumped to another dude to fill the gap that you had. You will see them doing things on the same level as you guys were. It’s crazy I know but my X did the exact same thing. Work on yourself and focus on yourself. Easier said than done I get it.
@@jesuslievanos7430 She's not back in my life in any way. No contact is ongoing. I feel better although she does pop in my mind sometimes. I don't miss her anymore and wouldn't take her back. I have new things in my life that being with her wouldn't be an option
She deleted the account and created a new one just to forget me. In addition to my pain, I found out she’s living with her new boyfriend and prolly future husband
I’m going through the same thing with my ex girlfriend. She moved in with her new boyfriend. They’ve only been dating for 8 months and she’s moved in with him. Seems so fast. I fear she’s going to get pregnant if she hasn’t already. I know it’s over but it still hurts. That was supposed to be us. We were together for about 14 months. But we never lived together. We talked about living together and having a kid. I’ve lost all hope of her ever coming back to me. I’ve been trying to keep busy and working on myself. Some days are easy and some days are hard.
What would be the best course of resource for my 9yr relationship that was turned into a 7yr long distance relationship after the first 2yrs (of being together) with a 6yr engagement. I don’t have a lot of money right now. So I might have to go down one avenue at a time. I would really love to get her back and finally move together and get married or at the very least..,, better myself and be able to move on. Thank you
Hi Craig. I love what you and your colleagues are doing! My ex contacted me after over a month of NC. She agreed on meeting up and we spent some time at her place. Unfortunately she told me she is still happy with breaking up. We felt that amazing chemistry and even cuddled again at the meetup, but that did not change her mind either. Should I return into no contact to let her miss me and the chemistry we had? Or should I keep communicating at this point?
Well, I'm not coach, but I would've treat it like a test from her. Keep no contact, if she reach out again to you just keep light and fun atmosphere on a meeting, and don't bring up relationship topic. Don't try to change her mind, make her change her mind by your actions.
I hope he comes back, he said that he needs to focus on his career but I feel like there’s other factors. I have been doing the no contact and it’s been 9 days
Hey! I have a success story that is coming up on 2 years!! Please respond to me I if you need support! (I am also going to school for psychotherapy as well; so I semi know what I am talking about)
Hola I just dislike this sort comment from this lady Bianca, only the two people involved can fix their relationship there is no magic wands that can do this, please people dont fall for this
Turning a breakup around takes time. Do not base your motivation level on your exes current interest level… or you’ll regret it
I agree
Excellent video, very practical example of poor behaviors we engage in knowingly or unknowingly with our partners and how they are affected. Reconciliation or not, personal work ia utmost important to improve all our relationahips
I would say the only hope is getting YOU back.
Indeed. I didn’t understand until I had to
Your videos manage to drag me out of the darkest ends of my heardache…thank you a lot.
Speaking of Star Wars one of the most eye opening lines have been the one from Yoda when he explains that Fear leads to Anger, Anger leads to Hate, and Hate leads to suffering. This has really shaped my viewpoint on controlling my emotions!
Anyway, thanks Craig for another great video. Hope to get your help soon!
Listened for 5 years and please keep going. You are both saints.
Time to move along and be happy somewhere else cause she has made up her mind and she is gone so let her go.
Dont need it thanks though perhaps someone else could use this persons services
3:16 Focus on the right things after a break up i.e. who you want to be months from now 9:30 no manipulation 11:29 no guilt tripping or passive aggressiveness trips because you’re not getting what you want 12:57 no triangulating others (controlling) for your benefit 14:45 no entitlement 16:34 master you emotions 19:44 what to do 2:08 what not to do 24:54 look at their perspective
If she talked bad about you to her friends and other people then she most likely won't come back.
It's been 10 months and my second breakup with my ex gf and unlike the first time this time she was talking shit about me and dating someone else so yea forget about it if they talked bad about you.
I'm so sad I had to find this out from the leader of China nearly 2 years late. Would've saved me a long time hoping for her to regret it. :D
If your ex doesn’t come back then you ain’t black!
@@potatus46 mental health problems?
@@armano4125 I know all about roaches Jack!
Most of the time there’s no hope. I don’t mean to be harsh but if you are going through this right now just move on they are not coming back.
Harsh but true. Better to face suffering right away and head on than to prolong and postpone it.
@@MrSchmerzen98 speak for you self lol
You do not know that.
So you're acting as the coach relationship right now.
Yet your watching videos about getting your ex back....
Did you guys noticed the part where her dad passed away and he then went no contact for 6 weeks on her in middle of this difficult time for her, how can anyone expect a relationship to last when they go no contact with you when you are basically in pain this is crazy, Some people are really unaware of why their partner are upset with them as they simply do not own their own bad behavior, The right attitude is nobody owe you, you need to treat your partner with respect and best effort, that story in this video remind me of my ex by the way, until this day he believe I broke up with him for no reason when I pulled up for 3 years of seriously bad behavior and basically carrying the duties of the relationship on my back by myself and when I needed someone to be there for me he couldnt care less, some people lack so much maturity, and are so deeply selfish that planning a relationship with them is a suicidal mission on your own expense , you are dating a child that misbehave and you become their parents and when things goes wrong you get pretty much blamed for all of it
I also noticed this!
Their partner broke up with them . They owe them nothing. If it were the other way around I’m sure she wouldn’t have reached out or gave two shits if his parent died. People are horrible.
@@trentoinsano I didn’t catch if they were broken up at that point or not. It sounded like things weren’t in a good place but I got the impression it was unclear. Could be wrong obviously.
@@SallyM-hi1mh well if things were just a bit rocky and he went no contact when her parent died then he deserves to be alone
I’m the guy from the video. Her Dad died three years before she left me. I was there for her and her family every step of the way after her dad passed. That’s why her leaving hurts so damn much, even though I now understand why she did. Her family was my family.
My ex partner as well couldnt hear what I was trying to communicate to him, the communication couldnt flow he denied there were problems caused by repeated bad behavior until this day he still head strong about it
If some of you broke up with someone that you love because you simply cannot do anymore meaning you cannot keep damaging you anymore to be with someone that doesnt think of you well keep moving as a partner is not a parents, both party need to owe their part , you cannot carry all the relationship problems, function and goals on your back by yourself this demand too much work and its best for you to be alone and carry your own self by yourself then
I agree, but I didn't see you owning up to anything here either.
I felt alone in my relationship for quite a long time. I felt like I carried it. As I kept feeling like it was a chore with little rewards, I became quite unbearable myself. In the end my ex cheated on me and left me with a similar mindset to yours. She didn't even bother trying to communicate. No breakup talk, no explanations. That can only mean she feels like I wouldn't hear her anyways. Well, I felt alone in the relationship because she couldn't hear me either...
It always takes two. So when I hear someone say bad stuff about their ex without saying anything wrong about themselves, I become a bit sceptical.
@@andrasziegenham6766 it is already implied that by trying to communicate the person is accepting both theirs as well as partner's issues.
@@andrasziegenham6766 your situation is not the same as another person’s situation. This person has said that they tried ti carry the weight and that both people need to be willing. Sometimes it really is just one person’s “stuff” that prevents a relationship from working. I did a coaching session with Margaret and she told me that I’d been carrying the load and that he needed to step up and heal if it was ever going to work.
@@andrasziegenham6766 Amen
I know u said that when someone breaks up with you there still attached to you but what if they broke up with u and had a someone waiting to replace you? Are they still attached?
Do everything I can to help move on with my life and these videos are helping, thank you guys ❤
The guy was abused by his dad so what his totally emotionally unavailable and abusing back in his own way, we all got problem and I am not saying what this person went through is not terrible but look at Oprah she also was abused and now she is working on helping others and healing herself we cannot be victims all our life, that woman here stayed with that guy for 10 years and when her dad passed away he cut contact with her basically not be there for her, some human being need to learn that caring doesnt work only from one side and one road its given , given situation , by been together if both people bring their best what you get is a great situation but if only want get with someone just to load their needs an issues on the back of the other person than there is a point that person buckets will be dry, totally, too many people making dumper to be bad people but nobody just broke up with people for no reason so owe your part, going cold on a dumper when you were not great to partner with will bring nothing good owe your part and grow up
Hey! I’m the guy from the video. Her Dad died 3 years before she left. I was there with her and her fam every step of the way. Her Mom lived with us for a year, as did her older brother for an extended time, in order to help them with grief. So, her leaving, after all that and our history is. Tough. I understand now why she left and I gave her plenty of reasons. But, what I’ve learned in therapy and from Craig, it’s nothing that we couldn’t fix. It takes two. I’m moving on and hoping she finds true happiness
@Neil Harrington I forgot to say that it is a very very bad idea to apply NO Contact on partner that you neglected and did not treat right so I thought it was important to tell you this but right now its important to go No contact in order to give her space and not make demand , you do no contact as gesture to show respect and show self control on yourself, work on yourself and if she contact you try to be nice , basically dont apply no contact to hope to get her back but to work on yourself and give her space , I hope that is clear as no contact doesnt work on partner that were neglected and drained out by a partner that doesnt listen, doesnt add value and cannot meet the other person needs, changing partner doesnt fix the issue that people got with themselves if you got issues with yourself
Hey coach! Thank you for your wise advice and good heartedness (I'd like to extended this gratitude to both coach margaret and coach victoria as well
We have discussed adoption. Do a coaching with Margaret. She has tremendous experience with adoption
Hi Craig,thank you for the video. I would like to share my story about my break up with my ex. It happened almost 2 months ago,it was really unexpected and im still pretty much in shock and devastated. We mainly broke up due to the long distance thing between us,she was under a lot of pressure from her university. The thing is she found other reasons as well that she wanted to break up,for example she said that we dont actually have chemistry and our ideologies are not compatable,which is not the case if you ask me. We were in a relationship for 2 years. The only reason i accepted as valid of a break up is the distance thing,the other reasons were just excuses for me. After 2 weeks of no contact i wanted to check on her to see how she is. She seemed relatively fine, and said to try generally not talk,so that we can move on properly. I asked her to meet up at least once when i arrive back in town for Christmas and she was negative to the idea, she insisted that she propably wouldnt be able. I asked her if it had to do with time,and she said no. The one thing that came to my mind in the moment is that she found another guy, as she was trying to avoid the meet up. In the end when i asked her, she was told me that yes she started going out/or did smth with a guy. I was furious and she was trying to avoid the subject and i was fuming like crazy. Dissappointed, i asked her, did your love for me mean that much? 2 weeks and you found another guy? She was still trying to neglect the subject. She started saying that she loves me, but is not in love with me anymore. Come to find 2,3 weeks later she is in a relationship with this dude, for like a month now, and the worst thing is that, that was a "friend" of hers, that she insisted that i shouldnt worry about and that she observes him as her little brother lmao. Im most certain that she will eventually come back to me, and i would like your honest opinion, what would you do in this type of scenario? Thanks again for everything
My man I had same scenario. Your x is probably a dismissive avoidant. Mine was and I’m secure and the shit still hurts. Look up videos from personal development school about “DA” and break ups. Craig also talks about it as well. Go no contact with her. She basically jumped to another dude to fill the gap that you had. You will see them doing things on the same level as you guys were. It’s crazy I know but my X did the exact same thing. Work on yourself and focus on yourself. Easier said than done I get it.
@@austinowen7801 yeah,thanks for the advise man. Appreciate it
@@biancadelarosa7986 no thank you,im good. I dont want a person like that back into my life
@@abigealmayowa1001 idk his whats up number
Updates ?
You both are awesome, enjoy your weekend
This guy sounds a lot like me….sucks realizing what you did to the person you loved.
I used to check my ex when she's been online in places. Deleted her from social media and no contact for 4 months. doubt she's coming back
Update
@@jesuslievanos7430 She's not back in my life in any way. No contact is ongoing. I feel better although she does pop in my mind sometimes. I don't miss her anymore and wouldn't take her back.
I have new things in my life that being with her wouldn't be an option
Any updates?
No she hasn't contacted me. I am feeling much better
@@naadde I'm sorry man
Sounds exactly like the guy I’ve been with for over 20 yrs. Wish to God I had not felt bad about making myself happy when I could’ve. Too late now
She deleted the account and created a new one just to forget me. In addition to my pain, I found out she’s living with her new boyfriend and prolly future husband
I’m going through the same thing with my ex girlfriend. She moved in with her new boyfriend. They’ve only been dating for 8 months and she’s moved in with him. Seems so fast. I fear she’s going to get pregnant if she hasn’t already. I know it’s over but it still hurts. That was supposed to be us. We were together for about 14 months. But we never lived together. We talked about living together and having a kid. I’ve lost all hope of her ever coming back to me. I’ve been trying to keep busy and working on myself. Some days are easy and some days are hard.
What would be the best course of resource for my 9yr relationship that was turned into a 7yr long distance relationship after the first 2yrs (of being together) with a 6yr engagement. I don’t have a lot of money right now. So I might have to go down one avenue at a time. I would really love to get her back and finally move together and get married or at the very least..,, better myself and be able to move on. Thank you
@@abigealmayowa1001 I tried the number you sent me and I can’t use it. It’s too many numbers
You guys are amazing!!! 😱❤
Hi Craig. I love what you and your colleagues are doing!
My ex contacted me after over a month of NC. She agreed on meeting up and we spent some time at her place. Unfortunately she told me she is still happy with breaking up. We felt that amazing chemistry and even cuddled again at the meetup, but that did not change her mind either. Should I return into no contact to let her miss me and the chemistry we had? Or should I keep communicating at this point?
Well, I'm not coach, but I would've treat it like a test from her. Keep no contact, if she reach out again to you just keep light and fun atmosphere on a meeting, and don't bring up relationship topic. Don't try to change her mind, make her change her mind by your actions.
@@igis1013 thank you for your comment. It makes a lot of sense what youre saying!
@@clayzhea3058 hope your situation will turn around! Keep updates here if you can.
@@igis1013 I will, thanks :)
Any update?
I hope he comes back, he said that he needs to focus on his career but I feel like there’s other factors. I have been doing the no contact and it’s been 9 days
Did he come back?
Hey! I have a success story that is coming up on 2 years!! Please respond to me I if you need support! (I am also going to school for psychotherapy as well; so I semi know what I am talking about)
Can you share your story?
Hey man you give me your story please I’m 17 years old with 0 hope
Hola I just dislike this sort comment from this lady Bianca, only the two people involved can fix their relationship there is no magic wands that can do this, please people dont fall for this
This guy started dating her when he was in his 30s and she was a teenager?!
She will never come back. :trollface:
Come on man!
@@abigealmayowa1001 i know all about roaches Jack!
@@abigealmayowa1001 poor kids are just as smart and talented as white kids, come on man!
@@benraymond3849 let’s go Brandon I agree
WHAT ABOUT AFTER 5 YEARS?
You've been waiting 5 years?!
Hiiiii love you coaches 👼🏼♥️♥️☺️
I wonder how avoidants are as parents.
Let’s go Brandon I agree
@@abigealmayowa1001 if you don’t get your ex back then you ain’t black!
@@abigealmayowa1001 you know the thing!
@@benraymond3849 I got hairy legs that turn blonde in the sun!
Can you make it about DA male?
First to say first