I cannot stress this enough…. Working through your attachment issues and becoming truly confident (secure) is the most effective way to naturally restrict your ex. THIS is the reason I created The Knowledge Workbooks and the Creative Healing Course ❤️🙌 💪
Thank you so much for your enlightenment!!! You give me so much hope! My ex gf blindsided me Dec 5th/21... I've been in No Contact Radio Silence since Jan 6th/22. I will stick to it. We had a very good relationship overall. Thank you for your awesome message!! Bless you!
@@defaultdacat I’ll try to explain So imagination is referring to how we think of things. Like anxiety for an example. Feeling anxious about something that might happen. It hasn’t happened and so it isn’t real, it’s an imagination: an imagined problem, not a real one.
@@Vidasinvida well I think it makes sense that my ex would accuse me of random stuff (no he wasn't doing it back) he just felt like I was. It was more like being friends or talking to people at work he didnt like and I WASNT.. He was insecure and I tried really hard to give him attention. After a while later , He told me last night he was "happy" now AND hes having a baby in novemeber. He said he was "happier" without me since he doesn't have to hear "negativity" anymore. Mind you. My dad was sick so I cried all the time. Will this baby make him happier....and here I am trying to pick up pieces? Soooo.basically, he's happy and I'm crushed. I've been blocked but somehow managed to reach him through text. This is when he said all this....I feel like a little cockroach that didn't go away after he told me to go away a while back. I really do hope he regrets it. I hope he reaches out at his low point like I was. I dont have kids....do u think a newborn will make him happy. Not that I can be with him. I just miss his friendship. ... I'm just confused.
Going silent gives you clarity and allows you to focus solely on yourself. You gain back your independence, your confidence and your self worth. Sometimes you don't realize just how much a person has broken you down until you really start to build yourself back up again.
@@kennyplay5982 even if you don't ever get back with your ex you will still make yourself better everyday probably eligible to have an even better partner so getting back with your ex should be least of your worries and they'll come back without even you thinking about that happening.
If you have treated some one right and they quit on you, let them walk. No questions asked, no explanation necessary, no crying, no pulling hair......don't ever speak to them again. They betrayed all of your trust, and there is no going back after that.
This is maladaptive. It's better to gain an understanding of yourself and them, and then use adaptive tactics to draw healthy boundaries, while being generous to them. Sure, if they use power maneuvers you might need to put them in their place, but leveraging their hidden wounds to get vengeance is petty and weak. If your understanding is well rounded, you have no need to play such childish games, boundaries replace insecure urges for compulsive revenge.
@@eminemstrash2021 i dont see it as playing games. They did something to break your trust and hurt you. You gave them the one thing no one else can. Your time and attention. So when they do something to hurt you. You no longer need to give that to them as they dont deserve it anymore. Let them live with their choice.
No contact is the best thing I've ever done! By using no contact I respected myself for not clinging to someone who does not need me. It was very hard, but now I am much better. Respect yourself, people. If they do not need you, you (and I) will surely meet someone, who is wayyyy better and respects you for who you are 😊 Much love ♥️
You will get better for sure! Now I even do not want to hear from my avoidant ex again, I (and you for sure) am worthy of so much better! 😊 There are so many good men out there, we will find the best for us. But first we need to grow and work on ourselves. I would advice you watching these videos, buying the creative healing course or going to therapy at your place. That helps so much. But at first the grief. Feels awful, but you will be sooooo much better in a few months! 😍 it took me 4-5 months to get better. And I am slowly starting dating again after 6 months 😊
No, never heard from him again , somebody told me he moved to another city. And I am so happy! He has huge mental health issues, super avoidant, was lying for years, probably cheating as I think back. And I was a really good partner (anxious, but rather understanding, allowing his freedom and too nice to him). I have grown a lot, too (thanks to this channel and a psychologist). If we grow and know our worth, we are not attracted to such unhealthy people. Now I find his behaviours so unattractive. Good luck for you! ❤
So true ! Also, from the perspective that I am the one who initiates the break-up (and it being final in my head and heart) having the ex constantly contacting me would make me see that person as pathetic and I would eventually loose all respect I might still have for that person.
Trust me when I say this from previous relationships.. ...If you stay in contact or become friends with your ex *you WILL end up hurting* not only any chance to repair or reconcile, but also yourself, your dignity and other people's perception of you Once you break up, the *ONLY* thing that can happen is *MORE DAMAGE* Do yourself the biggest respect and *DO NOT TALK TO THEM* *IF* they come back, you *NEED* to be prepared, but *DO NOT HOLD THE HOPE THAT THEY WILL*. If you hold on to this hope, they *WILL* reject you again. *DO NOT DO IT TO YOURSELF* They will become *ANGRY* and *RESENTFUL* even if your intentions are good. *YOU NEED TO LEAVE YOUR EX IN PEACE. THEY DIED WHEN THEY LEFT YOU*
For those who are suffering right now, accept it. Don’t try to fight it. Things are gone this way, don’t try to fight it. Accept it you deserve mental pace and happiness your ex is just a small part of your life.
Since my breakup I have been reflecting and I know where I went wrong in the relationship. I gave too much of my time and I became too comfortable. I'm working on me and healing and moving on. Your videos are very helpful and informative. Thank you
Thank you for this comment. It turned on a strobe light bulb for me. This is exactly what I did. I even gave presents when I didn’t even get any and also paid for a couple of dates
If you have been a quality partner and someone pushes you out of their life - go and never go back. Spend time building a new house instead of wasting your time walking around one that has burned to the ground.
This is facts…they always come back. I heard recently an ex who moved on married has kids reaches out to my brother because they are still friends. They keep in touch once in a blue moon. They meet up to talk and hang out every several years. He randomly said and this 20 yrs later. He still thinks of me. He thought he would end up with me. He was the one who rejected me in the end. I forgot about him and moved on. So these two people are speaking truth. You move on and some exes don’t. I’m sure he doesn’t lose sleep over it and I never keep in touch with him. But it still haunts him once in a while. So stay silent and move on. They will either come back or regret losing you.
Ohhhh no contact is the best!!!! Grieve them for a week or so and then........it's all about YOU!!! Spend time learning and growing and doing new hobbies, invest in time with family and friends, take a class, go to the gym, travel......whatever but worry about YOU. I have been the dumpee and the dumper. Believe me, it hurts like Hell in both situations however I can tell you that every single time ....they came back within 8 months. Some I dated again and some I said goodbye to but at the end of the day, I took away the experience of each one of those men and I truly count them all as a blessing & a lesson. Believe these 2 awesome people! They KNOW the power silence holds and so do I. People often ask...well, what if they never contact me? Then, you know that you were being protected and God has your back but he also has someone much better in mind for you plus you will have then put the focus on YOU and living your best life.❤❤❤
Going silent is a gift to myself 😉 and a quiet peace of acceptance ..freeing from stress...happier because you can not control others. ..or what they decide to do.
I had an ex reach out to apologize for cheating, lying and treating me like crap after 13 years .. wanting another chance with me 🤦🏼♀️🤣 felt good to get the apology, people need to realize that you need to keep moving forward in life and do you.. you’re the only one who can make yourself happy in life.. knowing he lived in regret for 13 years is called KARMA 😄
Love to hear this. Mine was 16 years later. Karma is a bitch. Always take the high road and be a class act. It makes losing you 100 times worse. He had the nerve to say to me, I was hoping you were single when he FINALLY found me. I said I'm a catch why the hell do you think I don't have a faithful adoring husband?!?!
No contact is 100% for you. Even if you start off thinking it's to get your ex back, the space brings clarity to you and your thoughts and things start to change within you. Here's a heads up: this part can be really painful. You may try to fight the feelings because they're yuck! Please be kind to yourself and know it's okay to cry it out. Stock up on boxes of tissues and hang in there!
I personally prefer communication over silence every time. However, if someone makes it clear that they don’t want to speak to me anymore, then I will exit as gracefully as I can
You need some spiritual healing with your individual thought patterns. The philosopher could lead you away from an open casket and right to the crystal mountain
How does love look like to you?… Him :(fearful Avoidant art style& abandonment issues) Space , Alone time, solo time to decompress, trust to be able to hang out with friends.. Me:( anxious art style ) Connection thru: Touch, hugs ,Kisses, emotional intimacy Bonding physically &mentally texts, calls attention 🥲😰 Big difference & not aligned/compatible Although we loved each other soooo much this is a huge incompatibility in our attachment styles
No contact for 5 months...I gained lots of clarity. Today I wrote him a card to apologize for my part and open the door to communicate. Pray I hold my ground--I want healthy!
I can't believe. After around 2 weeks of no contact, my DA called me right now, while I was checking the comments section. We had a very casual talk as if nothing had happened and disconnected. I feel better now. Silence really works.
also - I thought - well , maybe we can be friends - but I came to the conclusion ( and this video confirmed ) I Can't be friends - I love him - I can't just be friends!!
Besides the inherent benefit of continuing the work which is to create a more secure sense of self that, in turn, makes life better as a whole, it’s probably an important point to think about the fact that when the two people get back together, we don’t want the same exact version of what we once had. Otherwise, we would have a repeat of the same struggles and the same problems….and ultimately, the (same) break up. Instead, we want a BETTER version of that relationship. That’s what we were getting at in the first place with all the push-pull. The only way that can happen is if the two people, themselves, show up improved; a better relationship can’t happen if the same versions of people show up to the situation. Who wants to go back to misery? Strife? Disagreements? Mistreatment? Being ignored? Etc It’s the only way to ensure happiness with the object of our affection. We might even find that either we become better suited for that person or perhaps that person isn’t all we thought him/her to be. Either way, doing the inner work better fortifies us to handle whichever way things go - and it’s always to our own benefit.
great comment. Couple weeks ago I wouldnt mind to get back to the old "her" but now I am thinking about myself that I kinda moved forward with all the knowledge and I am not striving that much for the old person. I also expect some repairs and changes on the other side which makes me feel a bit bittersweet in my mind that it didnt happen during the time. Sad enough to make it easier to move on...
Wow thank you so much for saying that. My girlfriend (ex) decided not to continue with me yesterday due to needing space to work on herself and get her head right. You worded this so beautifully and gave me inspiration to work on myself just as hard. Thank you!!!!
The genuine empathy that you guys show is what is so comforting while going through all this. Having that level of trust with you, while being so vulnerable temporarily is so helpful
It’s been more than a year of no contact. 2 birthdays have passed. I’m living my life. Carrying all the pain. It hurts me too much to even look at her. It makes me question how much I ever meant to her in the first place. I wouldn’t take her back but it would be nice for her to actually show she gave a damn about all the years we spent together.
We all fight with situation. And I was the Dumper I Walked Away from Toxic Narc Ex Girlfriend. After 15 years in a LTR just dating. I'm No Contact and my Total Silence for a whole as of 2 days ago. I got very tired of her Bull Shit and her Future Faking Crap. Tired of being taken for Granted and being Used. I never knew what a Toxic Narc was I do now. I refuse to contact her. And it will be her LOSS.
I'm so happy having back my ex fiance back, after bring separated for 4months. All thanks to Mr Franklin whom help me to get back my ex again, I will suggest y'all get help from him and it works within 4days
Well done on this video. It’s so important for people to realize how not saying anything or interacting with your ex will absolutely make them curious of what is going on with you and eager to reach out because they will remember that attention from you… and seek it
Thankyou. You are very wise. He showed up after my silence of many years. I think he was genuinely shocked that I got on with my life. He was talking to me as if we were 12 years ago. I'd moved on. This time he said 'this is probably the last time we'll ever see each other'. I found that very hurtful. My silence follows. You've reinforced the wisdom of that.
She won’t. You think like that and you lose. Trick is to give up all hope and move on. And all of that hurt, resentment, and anger. Let that flow through you like a sith for inner strength and power.
Mine reached out today after 85 days of NC although she is with a rebound. She was curious of how I was doing and what I have been up to. She said there had been many times where she wanted to reach out but she was scared because she thought I hated her. Although she is with someone new, she threw out the “I still want to be friends” and “I don’t want to lose you completely from my life”. Of course friends isn’t something I will accept but it’s a good sign that she’s coming back in my direction. Have faith you guys and believe in NC. I truly thought I would never hear from her again.
@@adamdanmusic Still with the same guy although she still has belongings here at my house that she'll text every few months to reinforce that she wants the stuff back eventually. Because I am in college currently, the belongings (furniture & kitchen ware) serves its purpose so it hasn't been a hassle to hold onto. That being said, when she does reach out I do let her know to come pick the stuff up to which she then never follows through any further. I will be moving out of our old apartment soon and when that day comes near, I am going to let her know that it is the last and final chance to retrieve the belongings. On another note, I am completely over the breakup at this point in time and actually met someone who is way more on my level in every way possible. I can look back now and confidently say that I really dodged a bullet by ending things with her before marriage and children got involved. Part of me thinks that my ex has left her belongings here and has not picked them up because they still serve as a light connection between the both of us, just incase things don't work out with the new guy. What she doesn't know is, there is no going back to that for me. Best of luck to you and if you are going through a breakup currently, - you will make it through
@Damon learned to control my self,started going out whit other girls,its like if they see ur available they dont have interest in u,but every time when we had an interraction outside i just remained attractive,suddently we started leaving from going out togeather and after that she sent me a message that she dreammed abouth us,something that happened..and also when that happens remain calm,dont force..be playful its going to happen.
If your ex cheated on you and chose the other person, staying silent is exactly what they want. They’re not going to give you a second thought. You’re just a doormat to them.
What kind of bullshit is that? Are you suggesting we reach out to the person who cheated on you and left? Wtf is that crap. They are done. Just move on
this is a great video - the 30 - 45 day NC was upsetting because I personally think that is not enough time but other videos suggest that you can contact after 45 days and that created anxiety in me because I thought - oh great, so after 45 days if I haven't heard from him then it's over. I'm working on myself a LOT and I do have separation anxiety and hope he does too - but today I Almost wanted to send a text to reach out so ...this video came at just the right time!! thanks. love you two!
So - guess what. He contacted me. It was an indirect/direct conversation like you said Craig. We talked three times about insignificant stuff. I saw him twice. He called and asked me to dinner at his house - I had plans and told him so. He texted me some other insignificant things - it has been very cordial and nice. I do think he may be dating. Don't know what to make of it all - after I told him I couldn't come for dinner it kind of changed the momentum - and now I'm not hearing from him. I certainly couldn't change my plans at the last minute - that would make me look 'low value' - so 2 1/2 months later I almost feel like I'm starting the grieving over again. At this point I'm going No Contact again until he either Really wants me back or i move on.
It's really quite dishonorable how some people want to keep your attention on them even thought they don't have any intention of actually reciprocating and actually spending time with you. I'm going no-contact as of today with an ex who when we were together (only for a few months) was showering me with praise and literally telling me she loved me every 5 mins and talking about having my children all the time, super clingy when were together (which was a bit annoying tbh). Then goes cold and avoidant randomly. My behavior didn't change much through it all (I don't think), but it's very hard to not get attached to someone you like when they are showering you with praise and words of affirmation and talking about the future together, etc. Paradoxically, if you do take that bait and engage her in that fantasizing, she loses interest and drops you. Pretty disgusting and immature, really.
She did amazing and I hope she finds someone who praises her and plans a future with her. Chances are high she finds someone who can mirror her, good she drops dudes who are unable/unwilling to do so and waste her time.
It would be amazing if you would do a video on going no contact with avoidant partners who pull away for weeks or months at a time. Partners that you have not broken up with, but are in sort of a limbo with, and there is confusion about what to do, both during the silence, and when they come back.
That sounds painful I don't think you should put up with that I would walk away that's not Love really you deserve better. this will continue until you stop it good luck 🤗
That’s my ex. She did this a few times. We just broke up again. I’m never taking her back. Depression or not, I don’t care anymore. This cycle can last for years if you let it as I did.
I'm in NC with a dismissive avoidant. I have moved on with someone else. The DA reached out two weeks ago and just said hi. Tomorrow is his b-day. He wouldn't commit for 4 yrs so I stopped seeing him. I don't want to hear from him because I've never been the one to reject someone. I'm happy with my new person and I hope I don't hear from the DA.
Thank you a million times over. We I feel weak. I come on and listen to this particular video w/ Margaret. Love you both! And thank you for giving us power w/ knowledge.
My same ex came back exactly a year twice after breaking up twice! He was coming around again a few months ago but at this point I was done. I didn't ignore him nor did I give in to see him.
Had a 5 year relationship. Engaged. Building a house. We lived 80 miles apart. She stopped coming during the build to care for her injured dog. It was 18 months between her coming out to stay at my place. I was driving down to her 3-4 days a week. I'm self employed and have kids. The house is now done and she doesn't want to move. Says she needs to work on herself and that I contributed to her downfall. I said we should work on it together. She declined. Says I have to find myself. Tells me I should find someone younger and less saggy. I never looked at her that way. She is 8 years older than me.I respect her decision. This is probably the 4th breakup. I am done though. I will miss her. I burn a card daily. (Christmas, b day v day ect). I took all the pics down in the house. Put online pics in a locked folder. I have no social media so no possible contact there. This is for the best.
Your videos help so much. It's been 3 months of breakup from a 4 year relationship. We are amicable but I did tell her I didn't want to be friends. I hope it's not too late to implement No Contact.
@@romaalexandramagarin9869 There are days when I’m doing ok, most of the time it’s hard, because she was my first of everything. I want to just talk to someone about it, but no “rebound” or not doesn’t want to hear about it. I’m kinda seeing someone. I’m always having dreams about us, sexually too, and that’s hard. I have not had one dream about us when we were together, only she had. Whenever I see romantic movies on the tv, I either sit and tear up or just leave. The Notebook was our favorite make out movie and then there’s Titanic. I’m kinda seeing someone, but I’m still just thinking of her as a friend, because although we talk on the phone and gone out a few times, she’s a dry conversationalist, I’m always having to think of what to talk about.
@@ponokunishima1 I totally understand where you're coming from. I also just had a breakup with my boyfriend and I was with him for 7years. You're indeed correct in many ways that even a minute feels so slow, seems like a lifetime. I also was like your girlfriend and you at the same time now. I feel the urge to text my bf. I feel you. I feel like, in my own opinion, it is not really best to start an emotional connection with someone if you're not ready yet or if you haven't fully moved on. Even as simple as sexual partners. It will haunt you and you'll have to put pain on other people. You don't want anyone to experience the same situation that you did. I am very sorry for our loss. I hope we will get there, if not now, soon.
@@romaalexandramagarin9869 Thank you and I too am sorry to hear about your situation. 7 years is a long time too! Were you two engaged or about to? I was going to propose, I even had the ring, but Covid made it hard and her father made it even harder for us to see each other because he’s very controlling and naïve about Covid and among other things.
@@ponokunishima1 I am very sorry to hear that. And to answer you, No, we were never engaged and he never had plans. I was also not seeking marriage rn as I want a 'partner', marriage is just an option. That was also his reason for NOT going back together, he said that he cannot offer me the marriage which I did not ask for, never had asked for it for the last 7 yrs. I am not sure but I think he is just giving me excuses to not be with me anymore. I cried my heart out, last time we spoke was two days ago, lol. Honestly, I always try whatever I can salvage from our relationship. It was too painful not to save it and he knows that I'll just come back. That's when he said he is happy without me, I was out of words. I can't even, I don't know how to feel. Then I think it is better not to contact and not to hope as well. It's healthy for us. We can't linger with a person that doesn't want us.
If I am honest, I love Margaret and craig. You people are brilliant, direct. You people really have helped me, I want you to know that. Thank you. Introjects are really important here. The internal voices our care givers establish within us with determine how we perceive, sabotage, identify, mental health - all of this right back to the childhood bond we have with those we were with as children. Not coming into adulthood with that basic sense of safety is everything, I couldn't agree more with you Margaret. When you stop reaching out, it sets off separation anxiety with The Other, I couldn't agree more Craig. This is essentially learning to maintain ourselves separately from The Other we want to connect with. Bottom line, right? NEVER FORGET YOU ARE SEPARATE FROM THE OTHER. I am learning to celebrate this. This is what we MUST all do. We must be motivated separately. Separation anxiety is powerful. Silence leaves people to their imagination (the dumper temporarily has all the power). No Contact (silence) eventually addresses the balance on this front. Well done guys!!!!!!!
Wow … wanting you in their life without committing to you . Hits home . Can’t be friends if you’ve been lovers and in love for any length of time, acting like the breakup never happened
You are really the best coaches every!!! Your advice are the real Truth!!! Follow them as they are worth and so modest!!! Me nd manu Friends of US have listened to manu coaches especially one a woman here that consider herself eccellent proposing nd imposing ways nd messages nd every as the only Truth already tested not right at all plus very offensive nd arrogant to kind nd abuse ppl...while Craig nd Margaret are very competent really clever mature nd kind!!!! Thanks much!!!!!
Just broke up with my gf yesterday and this process I have ahead is going to be painful. She has a lot of friends so I think she will be more or less fine. I have a handful of friends and we’re scattered around. I miss her already. I had planned on marrying her and building a family. God had other plans.
Thank you so much for your enlightenment!!! You give me so much hope! My ex gf blindsided me Dec 5th/21... I've been in No Contact Radio Silence since Jan 6th/22. I will stick to it. We had a very good relationship overall. Thank you for your awesome message!! Bless you!
@@carlosruiz5359 It's been exactly 1 year of total radio silence no contact. Did not hear from her so far. I no longer care if I do hear from her. I walk away knowing that I was very good to her and have zero guilt on my end. I was in a lot of emotional pain for some time, but I'm now healed. I loved her, but no longer miss her.
@@LaudauteDominum-er2mr It's been exactly 1 year of total radio silence no contact. Did not hear from her so far. I no longer care if I do hear from her. I walk away knowing that I was very good to her and have zero guilt on my end. I was in a lot of emotional pain for some time, but I'm now healed. I loved her, but no longer miss her.
I was on a personal growth journey and watching these videos and single for 4 years. I met someone and I kept getting dumped withing our 9 month encounter and each time I got dumped they continued to come back. I never said a word neber chased and let them, in my final stage where we reconciled, I told the person I'm going into isolation and hermit mode cuz I became uninterested and shortly after I got a text saying I can't do this anymore and I wasn't even surprised. One thing for sure is when you are already on a journey learning about yourself and rising and becoming better you will already have the tools to cope. Back on the journey with myself I go!
My romantic partner "walked away" ie dumped me with the reason, not ready for a relationship so I had no choice but went on NC, long story short, he came back 6 weeks later on festive holiday just to greet me. Then apologize for giving me mixed signal. I didn't follow any dating advice, ended up back to square one. I thot he came back bcos he was ready to be in a relationship, boi was I wrong, he now came up with different excuses why he doesn't want to be in a relationship with any woman. Less than a week, I decided To walk away in silence (blocked him) which he probably would figure out soon. I don't feel bad but numb with the feelings. It hurts but I don't want him back
I honestly don’t feel like no contact is ever going to bring my ex gf back, but I’m going to do it anyways because she left me out to dry…. If she cares it’s up to her to fix things.
I've been in no contact for 2 years. Quit talking about 2 days after the break up. He just unblocked me the other day right around the 2 year anniversary. Still not contacting him but I feel like it's getting closer
Every girl I have ever dated has reached out at some point after we stopped seeing each other, I’m not saying we got back together but they do reach out. Give them space, work on yourself
This has to be one of the most powerful videos you've put out. It gives context into what goes through the dumpers mind if you give them your silence. In a word, Motivational. Thank You
The thing is, I don't even care about power. Then what do I do? I just do not want the pain anymore. I care so much about the person I just want them back.
i love what you guys do & thank you whenever I am feeling low I listen to you guys. My situation is complicated I am not looking for a return but definitely focus on myself. i hope to one day be able to afford your coaching but for now again THANK YOU
My ex left me for another man at Christmas, I was broken. Showered her with gifts, cried got angry all totally pointless. Left her alone for 30 days and she started messaging me. Now it’s March and she’s single again and wants to get back together. I still love her but I’ve moved on with my life. I won’t say I will never get back with her. But right now I’m seeing someone new and intend on giving them a chance. 🙏
My husband got depression suddenly really hit over few weeks and said he didnt feel anything for me anymore and didnt want a baby (I was pregnant) etc said it was better to divorce so that he will not feel guilty because he thought his feelings were gone and he needed space. But since that discussion he has been isolating, avoiding talking to me or looking at me, not initiating the divorce. He said he was sorry for what "happened to us" and that I could always ask help to him if I needed. He said if I leave (canada) and want to come back and he owns a house he will help me etc... I dont understand how 4 perfect years of building a life , being on the same page and getting me pregnant suddenly got ugly over night. Yet he is not actively filling for divorce. I'm leaving in a month but dont know how he truly feels since he's got depression and I am scared to loose him if I leave. His ego will make him not contact me ever
OK im the person who broke up with them. For extremely good reasons. I'm watching this in hopes that what you're saying works both ways and that the GUY who was dumped finally feels anxiety and the true feeling that he lost me and finally treat me right. I indeed threw out trash BUT I would like to see trash magically turn into GOLD with this method. But something tells me that it won't. I honestly wonder if the guy who got broken up with would ever change and make an effort to come forth with those changes....and finally not be TRASH.
The person who you broke up with is not going to reach out if he or she has self respect. Because you threw out that person. It should be you who reaches out if you see that he or she has changed. Have you made changes to yourself? It takes two to create a relationship and takes two to break as well. Don't think it's always the other persons fault 100%
You guys have gifted me so much with this video. I love the emphasis, grounded in Bowlby's attachment theory and attachment. I also love the fact that independent of outcome, no contact helps you!
He called me on a matter he could've texted to close it after 6 months. He didn't apologize nor address what happened, and this kept going for a couple of days and left me sooo confused and wasn't able to decipher what he is doing. I had to close that door shut. I truly hoped that he admits that I didn't deserve what he did at least and not dismiss it. He was the true definition of avoindant, he was not able to even call me "hun", "I miss you" or whatever a boyfriend calls his girlfriend, even after 8 moths of being in a relation. He left me because he wanted to "focus on his life". Now I feel so sad that he decided to ruin a 12 years old friendship for nothing....
He didn’t want to get into a serious relationship and started to pull back because both of us getting too involved and i am anxious and hes avoidant, when I am avoidant he is anxious and I think it was making both of us feel crazy. i asked for a break after I told him I want a relationship and he said he can’t. Now i see I wasn’t even ready for a relationship. I need to work on myself and so does he.
Quick story: my ex and i started dating in 2019 and he broke up with me spring 2020 when corona started. I went no contact without even knowing it because i was hurt and angry. He reached out to me twice during our six months break but i ignored it( he was talking about my giving me my birthday present because he didnt before we broke up cause of corona) the third time he send me an Email one week before christmas and we spoke over the phone and got back together two weeks later. He admitted that he missed talking to me and got really frustated when i ignored him. So no contact does work!!! We broke up again and im back in no contact, focusing on my new job and finishing my masterthesis. If he comes back, good, if not, so be it!!!!!!!
@@blaxpoitation8528 hey, we got into a lot of arguments and he could not Deal with it anymore. To be honest, i dont know thats why im trying not to stress myself and Focus on me. Time will tell but no contact is really helping me seeing clear
Thank you both for this .I dont want mine back as there was third party his ex !! I found out ..so 3 weeks married n nearly year being together..he still has same pattern ..he was starting get abusive ..I now n went to move on with someone new .. But need to put more effort back in the knowledge books ..etc .now to the healing ...still want needcto better myself n be the best version of me for me n for my realionships. Motherr friend partner etc ..
Try living a few townhouses away. Brutal. So hard to not see if there’s a car there at night or if his car is gone overnight. I know that’s not who he is, but my imagination is my worst enemy.
I went no contact to heal and move on. I have no desire to go back bc my soul requires a different type of energy … I left bc I was treated wrong so there is no need to rekindle anything bc a persons truth can’t be denied once you see it and I’m not into fooling myself
😊 very true. Even if personally, after a long time of giving it a chance, I'm fed up now with thinking about what creates which effect in him-I'm just tired of it because this guy doesn't talkmore than one sentence (in good times!). It's a disaster. Maybe he simply doesn't like me enough-even if his behaviour speaks a different language-which is fine as well. But I simply can't and don't want to deal with this one-sided communication any longer.
I cannot stress this enough…. Working through your attachment issues and becoming truly confident (secure) is the most effective way to naturally restrict your ex. THIS is the reason I created The Knowledge Workbooks and the Creative Healing Course ❤️🙌 💪
I agree and am following the road less travelled
does that include really closed off people with prior trauma that makes them highly erratic ?
Restrict or re attract?
Where can I locate the mentioned workbooks and course?
Thank you so much for your enlightenment!!! You give me so much hope! My ex gf blindsided me Dec 5th/21... I've been in No Contact Radio Silence since Jan 6th/22. I will stick to it. We had a very good relationship overall. Thank you for your awesome message!! Bless you!
“We suffer more in imagination than in reality.” -Seneca
Honestly, yeah lol
Wait....please elaborate. I don't understand but I want to. I feel like u might be trying to say what i think.
@@defaultdacat I’ll try to explain
So imagination is referring to how we think of things. Like anxiety for an example. Feeling anxious about something that might happen. It hasn’t happened and so it isn’t real, it’s an imagination: an imagined problem, not a real one.
@@Vidasinvida well I think it makes sense that my ex would accuse me of random stuff (no he wasn't doing it back) he just felt like I was. It was more like being friends or talking to people at work he didnt like and I WASNT.. He was insecure and I tried really hard to give him attention. After a while later , He told me last night he was "happy" now AND hes having a baby in novemeber. He said he was "happier" without me since he doesn't have to hear "negativity" anymore. Mind you. My dad was sick so I cried all the time. Will this baby make him happier....and here I am trying to pick up pieces? Soooo.basically, he's happy and I'm crushed. I've been blocked but somehow managed to reach him through text. This is when he said all this....I feel like a little cockroach that didn't go away after he told me to go away a while back. I really do hope he regrets it. I hope he reaches out at his low point like I was. I dont have kids....do u think a newborn will make him happy. Not that I can be with him. I just miss his friendship. ... I'm just confused.
@@Vidasinvida ok! I see. Yes! Thank u!
Going silent gives you clarity and allows you to focus solely on yourself. You gain back your independence, your confidence and your self worth. Sometimes you don't realize just how much a person has broken you down until you really start to build yourself back up again.
Did you ever get back with your ex?
@@kennyplay5982 even if you don't ever get back with your ex you will still make yourself better everyday probably eligible to have an even better partner so getting back with your ex should be least of your worries and they'll come back without even you thinking about that happening.
So well said!!! :)
Saving this 🤞🏾
So it is ok for me to go radio silent for some months?
If you have treated some one right and they quit on you, let them walk. No questions asked, no explanation necessary, no crying, no pulling hair......don't ever speak to them again. They betrayed all of your trust, and there is no going back after that.
This is maladaptive.
It's better to gain an understanding of yourself and them, and then use adaptive tactics to draw healthy boundaries, while being generous to them.
Sure, if they use power maneuvers you might need to put them in their place, but leveraging their hidden wounds to get vengeance is petty and weak.
If your understanding is well rounded, you have no need to play such childish games, boundaries replace insecure urges for compulsive revenge.
@@eminemstrash2021 i dont see it as playing games. They did something to break your trust and hurt you. You gave them the one thing no one else can. Your time and attention. So when they do something to hurt you. You no longer need to give that to them as they dont deserve it anymore. Let them live with their choice.
WOW! So well said!!! :) When my ex gf walked away it felt like a death at the time! I'm healed now!
Absolutely 💯👍🏾
@@eminemstrash2021 yes always show understanding and compassion as just as we were needy not by choice they feel avoidant not by choice
No contact is the best thing I've ever done! By using no contact I respected myself for not clinging to someone who does not need me. It was very hard, but now I am much better. Respect yourself, people. If they do not need you, you (and I) will surely meet someone, who is wayyyy better and respects you for who you are 😊 Much love ♥️
looking forward to be like u..
as of this. moment i dont know what to do...
You will get better for sure! Now I even do not want to hear from my avoidant ex again, I (and you for sure) am worthy of so much better! 😊 There are so many good men out there, we will find the best for us. But first we need to grow and work on ourselves. I would advice you watching these videos, buying the creative healing course or going to therapy at your place. That helps so much. But at first the grief. Feels awful, but you will be sooooo much better in a few months! 😍 it took me 4-5 months to get better. And I am slowly starting dating again after 6 months 😊
Did you ever get back with your ex?
No, never heard from him again , somebody told me he moved to another city. And I am so happy! He has huge mental health issues, super avoidant, was lying for years, probably cheating as I think back. And I was a really good partner (anxious, but rather understanding, allowing his freedom and too nice to him). I have grown a lot, too (thanks to this channel and a psychologist). If we grow and know our worth, we are not attracted to such unhealthy people. Now I find his behaviours so unattractive. Good luck for you! ❤
So true ! Also, from the perspective that I am the one who initiates the break-up (and it being final in my head and heart) having the ex constantly contacting me would make me see that person as pathetic and I would eventually loose all respect I might still have for that person.
Silence is the shovel that will allow you to dig yourself out of this dysfunctional relationship
Trust me when I say this from previous relationships..
...If you stay in contact or become friends with your ex *you WILL end up hurting* not only any chance to repair or reconcile, but also yourself, your dignity and other people's perception of you
Once you break up, the *ONLY* thing that can happen is *MORE DAMAGE*
Do yourself the biggest respect and *DO NOT TALK TO THEM*
*IF* they come back, you *NEED* to be prepared, but *DO NOT HOLD THE HOPE THAT THEY WILL*. If you hold on to this hope, they *WILL* reject you again. *DO NOT DO IT TO YOURSELF*
They will become *ANGRY* and *RESENTFUL* even if your intentions are good.
*YOU NEED TO LEAVE YOUR EX IN PEACE.
THEY DIED WHEN THEY LEFT YOU*
For those who are suffering right now, accept it. Don’t try to fight it. Things are gone this way, don’t try to fight it. Accept it you deserve mental pace and happiness your ex is just a small part of your life.
Margaret was such a comfort. Like a long distance grandma 😊 She is missed.
She was so well read intelligent and sympathetic. I feel sad to see her so full of life here and to realise she is gone. RIP dear Margaret.
Since my breakup I have been reflecting and I know where I went wrong in the relationship. I gave too much of my time and I became too comfortable. I'm working on me and healing and moving on. Your videos are very helpful and informative. Thank you
Would u take him back if he returns?
Thank you for this comment. It turned on a strobe light bulb for me. This is exactly what I did. I even gave presents when I didn’t even get any and also paid for a couple of dates
So glad you're healing!!! :)
This resonates so much… I gave her my whole and thought I had her whole in return, turns out it was a hole, in my heart 😢
Any update mate?
If you have been a quality partner and someone pushes you out of their life - go and never go back. Spend time building a new house instead of wasting your time walking around one that has burned to the ground.
This is facts…they always come back. I heard recently an ex who moved on married has kids reaches out to my brother because they are still friends. They keep in touch once in a blue moon. They meet up to talk and hang out every several years. He randomly said and this 20 yrs later. He still thinks of me. He thought he would end up with me. He was the one who rejected me in the end. I forgot about him and moved on. So these two people are speaking truth. You move on and some exes don’t. I’m sure he doesn’t lose sleep over it and I never keep in touch with him. But it still haunts him once in a while. So stay silent and move on. They will either come back or regret losing you.
why did he never reach out to you? did you block him?
Ohhhh no contact is the best!!!! Grieve them for a week or so and then........it's all about YOU!!! Spend time learning and growing and doing new hobbies, invest in time with family and friends, take a class, go to the gym, travel......whatever but worry about YOU. I have been the dumpee and the dumper. Believe me, it hurts like Hell in both situations however I can tell you that every single time ....they came back within 8 months. Some I dated again and some I said goodbye to but at the end of the day, I took away the experience of each one of those men and I truly count them all as a blessing & a lesson. Believe these 2 awesome people! They KNOW the power silence holds and so do I. People often ask...well, what if they never contact me? Then, you know that you were being protected and God has your back but he also has someone much better in mind for you plus you will have then put the focus on YOU and living your best life.❤❤❤
Rip Margaret 😢 we will miss u
How did she pass away?
@antonchirgurh3996 unexpected. Underlying health issues possibly
@itme7297 who's Margaret?
@@user-z57h the older woman in all the other videos of this channel 💛
Going silent is a gift to myself 😉 and a quiet peace of acceptance ..freeing from stress...happier because you can not control others. ..or what they decide to do.
I had an ex reach out to apologize for cheating, lying and treating me like crap after 13 years .. wanting another chance with me 🤦🏼♀️🤣 felt good to get the apology, people need to realize that you need to keep moving forward in life and do you.. you’re the only one who can make yourself happy in life.. knowing he lived in regret for 13 years is called KARMA 😄
That's awesome Robin, was that ex disorganized attachment by chance ?
Wow is all I can say !!
I reached out after 30 years , it’s been 30years of regret.
Love to hear this. Mine was 16 years later. Karma is a bitch. Always take the high road and be a class act. It makes losing you 100 times worse. He had the nerve to say to me, I was hoping you were single when he FINALLY found me. I said I'm a catch why the hell do you think I don't have a faithful adoring husband?!?!
Karma is awesome!! Hopefully he learned a good life lesson!! :) Glad you're in a much better place now!
No contact is 100% for you. Even if you start off thinking it's to get your ex back, the space brings clarity to you and your thoughts and things start to change within you. Here's a heads up: this part can be really painful. You may try to fight the feelings because they're yuck! Please be kind to yourself and know it's okay to cry it out. Stock up on boxes of tissues and hang in there!
I personally prefer communication over silence every time. However, if someone makes it clear that they don’t want to speak to me anymore, then I will exit as gracefully as I can
You can't communicate with people that don't actively listen and try to understand your point of view.
@@ingermany1523that is a fact.
Saw my ex walking down main street yesterday after nearly 3 years. It brought me tremendous pain. I needed this today.
You need some spiritual healing with your individual thought patterns. The philosopher could lead you away from an open casket and right to the crystal mountain
Rick Rozz?
same happened to me yesterday
Sorry to hear about that, if you’d don’t mind me asking what kind of pain was It? Nostalgia? Missing her?
Mine lives 2 minutes from me. I see her.. it daily. It Hurts like he'll but I'm done. No contact for over a year now
Margaret is and was a gem. So brilliant. She has/had such wisdom and clarity of words. 😢
So badly missed. Such a beautiful peaceful soul. She suited Craig so well as a work colleague and as a friend. Rest in peace dear Margaret.
What happen to her?
@@user-sz6hk1nv3o she got sick and died just before her holidays. Not sure of the details but it was so sad. Lovely lady.
@@user-sz6hk1nv3o she passed a year or so ago.
@@JamesGreenier 😔💔🙏 rest in peace
You don’t know HOW many times I’ve listened to this video. Gotta say this one is the best one that’s really calmed me down and makes me feel centered
Very much agree
Same here ❤
How does love look like to you?…
Him :(fearful Avoidant art style& abandonment issues)
Space , Alone time, solo time to decompress, trust to be able to hang out with friends..
Me:( anxious art style )
Connection thru:
Touch, hugs ,Kisses, emotional intimacy
Bonding physically &mentally texts,
calls attention
🥲😰
Big difference & not aligned/compatible
Although we loved each other soooo much this is a huge incompatibility in our attachment styles
Absolute hands down thee best most calming video on TH-cam pertaining to this very difficult matter.
after doing healing and shadow work, he’s Fearful Avoidant and I’m Anxious attachment styles makes so much sense now lol
No contact for 5 months...I gained lots of clarity. Today I wrote him a card to apologize for my part and open the door to communicate. Pray I hold my ground--I want healthy!
Did you get any reply? 🤞🤞Fingers crossed for you.
Sweet Margaret keeps giving as part of her legacy. Thank you, Margaret and Craig. I appreciate you both. I’m a better person because of you.
Its been 5 months since she broke up with me, just when I almost cave in reaching out to her cause I miss her this video pops up.
How are things now John?
The “illusion of action”. Give them the gift of missing you.
I can't believe. After around 2 weeks of no contact, my DA called me right now, while I was checking the comments section. We had a very casual talk as if nothing had happened and disconnected. I feel better now. Silence really works.
also - I thought - well , maybe we can be friends - but I came to the conclusion ( and this video confirmed ) I Can't be friends - I love him - I can't just be friends!!
doing this while he’s talking to someone else is so hard but I’m hanging in there… 🙏🏼
update
@Carolyn Kyle update please
Besides the inherent benefit of continuing the work which is to create a more secure sense of self that, in turn, makes life better as a whole, it’s probably an important point to think about the fact that when the two people get back together, we don’t want the same exact version of what we once had. Otherwise, we would have a repeat of the same struggles and the same problems….and ultimately, the (same) break up.
Instead, we want a BETTER version of that relationship. That’s what we were getting at in the first place with all the push-pull. The only way that can happen is if the two people, themselves, show up improved; a better relationship can’t happen if the same versions of people show up to the situation. Who wants to go back to misery? Strife? Disagreements? Mistreatment? Being ignored? Etc It’s the only way to ensure happiness with the object of our affection. We might even find that either we become better suited for that person or perhaps that person isn’t all we thought him/her to be. Either way, doing the inner work better fortifies us to handle whichever way things go - and it’s always to our own benefit.
great comment. Couple weeks ago I wouldnt mind to get back to the old "her" but now I am thinking about myself that I kinda moved forward with all the knowledge and I am not striving that much for the old person. I also expect some repairs and changes on the other side which makes me feel a bit bittersweet in my mind that it didnt happen during the time. Sad enough to make it easier to move on...
Wow thank you so much for saying that. My girlfriend (ex) decided not to continue with me yesterday due to needing space to work on herself and get her head right. You worded this so beautifully and gave me inspiration to work on myself just as hard. Thank you!!!!
@@dang3208 Good! I’m so glad to hear!
@@dang3208 hi! I just found this video that speaks to this point. It’s worth a watch:
th-cam.com/video/tWvxA3D8SY0/w-d-xo.html
The genuine empathy that you guys show is what is so comforting while going through all this. Having that level of trust with you, while being so vulnerable temporarily is so helpful
I love this comment.
SILENCE IS THE MOST DEAFENING THING YOU CAN DO
I think the most deafening thing you can do is to type in all caps 😂😂😂
@@reecewatson2 love caps!
Why is that
I deserve to be appreciated and respected. I respect how you feel. Thank you for your honesty.
That was my last message to him.
It’s been more than a year of no contact. 2 birthdays have passed. I’m living my life. Carrying all the pain. It hurts me too much to even look at her. It makes me question how much I ever meant to her in the first place. I wouldn’t take her back but it would be nice for her to actually show she gave a damn about all the years we spent together.
We all fight with situation. And I was the Dumper I Walked Away from Toxic Narc Ex Girlfriend. After 15 years in a LTR just dating. I'm No Contact and my Total Silence for a whole as of 2 days ago. I got very tired of her Bull Shit and her Future Faking Crap. Tired of being taken for Granted and being Used. I never knew what a Toxic Narc was I do now. I refuse to contact her. And it will be her LOSS.
@@davidcoppotelli3957 I’m sorry to hear that. What happened in the relationship? Why was she so toxic?
I'm so happy having back my ex fiance back, after bring separated for 4months. All thanks to Mr Franklin whom help me to get back my ex again, I will suggest y'all get help from him and it works within 4days
@@orategile6891 THIS IS A SCAM
@@orategile6891 Yes my dear. You're a SCAMMER!
Rest in peace, Margaret ❤️
So sorry to hear she passed. God bless you Margaret you were such a lovely caring lady.
What a lady she was so compassionate. Dearest Margaret we miss you. The silence of your lovely voice is heartbreaking . Xx
Well done on this video. It’s so important for people to realize how not saying anything or interacting with your ex will absolutely make them curious of what is going on with you and eager to reach out because they will remember that attention from you… and seek it
@Carolyn Kyle SCAM
I love you two. You make me feel so much better....incidently, I was the dumped one
Silence is golden!
Thankyou. You are very wise.
He showed up after my silence of many years. I think he was genuinely shocked that I got on with my life. He was talking to me as if we were 12 years ago. I'd moved on.
This time he said 'this is probably the last time we'll ever see each other'.
I found that very hurtful. My silence follows. You've reinforced the wisdom of that.
If the girl didn't really care about you no contact will not work. It only works if they cared about you or even liked you
It’s an hourly struggle, but I’m holding strong. She will come back fate permitting.
She won’t. You think like that and you lose. Trick is to give up all hope and move on. And all of that hurt, resentment, and anger. Let that flow through you like a sith for inner strength and power.
i cant believe im saying this because i know how painful it is but it does get easier you eventually just learn to live without them we have to
Been there too… heck some hours are worse than others. But I’ve literally repeated this video like 6 times today to keep me strong
Your best video yet explaining the , "why" you need to stay in no contact.
Mine reached out today after 85 days of NC although she is with a rebound. She was curious of how I was doing and what I have been up to. She said there had been many times where she wanted to reach out but she was scared because she thought I hated her. Although she is with someone new, she threw out the “I still want to be friends” and “I don’t want to lose you completely from my life”. Of course friends isn’t something I will accept but it’s a good sign that she’s coming back in my direction. Have faith you guys and believe in NC. I truly thought I would never hear from her again.
DId she said anything else more after that? Or something more related to reaching out or not
Update?
@@adamdanmusic Still with the same guy although she still has belongings here at my house that she'll text every few months to reinforce that she wants the stuff back eventually. Because I am in college currently, the belongings (furniture & kitchen ware) serves its purpose so it hasn't been a hassle to hold onto. That being said, when she does reach out I do let her know to come pick the stuff up to which she then never follows through any further. I will be moving out of our old apartment soon and when that day comes near, I am going to let her know that it is the last and final chance to retrieve the belongings.
On another note, I am completely over the breakup at this point in time and actually met someone who is way more on my level in every way possible. I can look back now and confidently say that I really dodged a bullet by ending things with her before marriage and children got involved.
Part of me thinks that my ex has left her belongings here and has not picked them up because they still serve as a light connection between the both of us, just incase things don't work out with the new guy. What she doesn't know is, there is no going back to that for me.
Best of luck to you and if you are going through a breakup currently, - you will make it through
Listen to this man everything he said worked for me,try to learn to control urself.
@Damon learned to control my self,started going out whit other girls,its like if they see ur available they dont have interest in u,but every time when we had an interraction outside i just remained attractive,suddently we started leaving from going out togeather and after that she sent me a message that she dreammed abouth us,something that happened..and also when that happens remain calm,dont force..be playful its going to happen.
If your ex cheated on you and chose the other person, staying silent is exactly what they want. They’re not going to give you a second thought. You’re just a doormat to them.
So are you saying we should reach out?
What kind of bullshit is that? Are you suggesting we reach out to the person who cheated on you and left? Wtf is that crap. They are done. Just move on
Dont know what was thinking, im way healed since then...
@@isyoboi8497 good on you!
this is a great video - the 30 - 45 day NC was upsetting because I personally think that is not enough time but other videos suggest that you can contact after 45 days and that created anxiety in me because I thought - oh great, so after 45 days if I haven't heard from him then it's over. I'm working on myself a LOT and I do have separation anxiety and hope he does too - but today I Almost wanted to send a text to reach out so ...this video came at just the right time!! thanks. love you two!
So - guess what. He contacted me. It was an indirect/direct conversation like you said Craig. We talked three times about insignificant stuff. I saw him twice. He called and asked me to dinner at his house - I had plans and told him so. He texted me some other insignificant things - it has been very cordial and nice. I do think he may be dating. Don't know what to make of it all - after I told him I couldn't come for dinner it kind of changed the momentum - and now I'm not hearing from him. I certainly couldn't change my plans at the last minute - that would make me look 'low value' - so 2 1/2 months later I almost feel like I'm starting the grieving over again. At this point I'm going No Contact again until he either Really wants me back or i move on.
@@hajjaraado7980 SCAM
@@kathyyoest4085
What’s the outcome by now. Update please.
These days I feel I need to go no contact on these No Contact videos. But they keep me going. 11 days NC and I'm staying strong!!!
You got this!
Stay strong. My guy hit me up day 30. I didn’t respond: it was a lame text. Going another 30. He can do better
Update?
It's really quite dishonorable how some people want to keep your attention on them even thought they don't have any intention of actually reciprocating and actually spending time with you. I'm going no-contact as of today with an ex who when we were together (only for a few months) was showering me with praise and literally telling me she loved me every 5 mins and talking about having my children all the time, super clingy when were together (which was a bit annoying tbh). Then goes cold and avoidant randomly. My behavior didn't change much through it all (I don't think), but it's very hard to not get attached to someone you like when they are showering you with praise and words of affirmation and talking about the future together, etc. Paradoxically, if you do take that bait and engage her in that fantasizing, she loses interest and drops you. Pretty disgusting and immature, really.
Same exact story here brother. 9 months NC after discard.
She did amazing and I hope she finds someone who praises her and plans a future with her. Chances are high she finds someone who can mirror her, good she drops dudes who are unable/unwilling to do so and waste her time.
Wow!! Has she contacted you since?
Narcissists do all of those things . You have to let them go because they don’t care , they only care about supply
I always come back to this when all the other videos aren't working for me. It works everytime. Thanks Craig, Margaret and Victoria. 😁
It would be amazing if you would do a video on going no contact with avoidant partners who pull away for weeks or months at a time. Partners that you have not broken up with, but are in sort of a limbo with, and there is confusion about what to do, both during the silence, and when they come back.
Yesssss that’s where I am. I am sick of this so i am the one who is doing no contact for a while.
That sounds painful I don't think you should put up with that I would walk away that's not Love really you deserve better. this will continue until you stop it good luck 🤗
I can relate to this!
That’s my ex. She did this a few times. We just broke up again. I’m never taking her back. Depression or not, I don’t care anymore. This cycle can last for years if you let it as I did.
If you're with an avoidant partner and they go silent. Just let it be, give them the space.
Really thankful I discovered this video. Makes so much sense. May the healing move forward!✌♥️
@Carolyn Kyle SCAM
Love this one Craig/Margaret i constantly need reminding even over 6 months later and after many many mistakes. Thank you again.
"luck is when preparation and opportunity meet" some roman philosopher
work on yourself guys! our ex isn't the only person we'll meet in our lifetime!
I believe this message 😮 his creeping through the door😅im just over here living my best life
I'm in NC with a dismissive avoidant. I have moved on with someone else. The DA reached out two weeks ago and just said hi. Tomorrow is his b-day. He wouldn't commit for 4 yrs so I stopped seeing him. I don't want to hear from him because I've never been the one to reject someone. I'm happy with my new person and I hope I don't hear from the DA.
You must love and respect yourself and if they prefer another person .might be better for me..move on ..date a better person who puts you first.
You want to work on yourself so you don't repeat the same patterns in your next relationship.
Thank you a million times over. We I feel weak. I come on and listen to this particular video w/ Margaret. Love you both! And thank you for giving us power w/ knowledge.
My same ex came back exactly a year twice after breaking up twice! He was coming around again a few months ago but at this point I was done. I didn't ignore him nor did I give in to see him.
After nearly three months of no contact it really feels like my “ex” is gone! Only a pic left to remind me.
The whole situation was very heart breaking for me! Loved the guy…
Had a 5 year relationship. Engaged. Building a house. We lived 80 miles apart. She stopped coming during the build to care for her injured dog. It was 18 months between her coming out to stay at my place. I was driving down to her 3-4 days a week. I'm self employed and have kids. The house is now done and she doesn't want to move. Says she needs to work on herself and that I contributed to her downfall. I said we should work on it together. She declined. Says I have to find myself. Tells me I should find someone younger and less saggy. I never looked at her that way. She is 8 years older than me.I respect her decision. This is probably the 4th breakup. I am done though. I will miss her. I burn a card daily. (Christmas, b day v day ect). I took all the pics down in the house. Put online pics in a locked folder. I have no social media so no possible contact there. This is for the best.
Your videos help so much. It's been 3 months of breakup from a 4 year relationship. We are amicable but I did tell her I didn't want to be friends. I hope it's not too late to implement No Contact.
I hope you find real love, well done. Fake friends are the worst
I'm good I'm good i see who needs help now...I tried y'all's help for years and I gave up.. cuz my mental health is perfecto
Intentional inaction,
IS an action
Silence is a decision
The days and weeks go by sooo slowly when you’ve just been broken up. My breakup was 7 weeks ago.
how are you coping right now?
@@romaalexandramagarin9869 There are days when I’m doing ok, most of the time it’s hard, because she was my first of everything. I want to just talk to someone about it, but no “rebound” or not doesn’t want to hear about it. I’m kinda seeing someone. I’m always having dreams about us, sexually too, and that’s hard. I have not had one dream about us when we were together, only she had. Whenever I see romantic movies on the tv, I either sit and tear up or just leave. The Notebook was our favorite make out movie and then there’s Titanic.
I’m kinda seeing someone, but I’m still just thinking of her as a friend, because although we talk on the phone and gone out a few times, she’s a dry conversationalist, I’m always having to think of what to talk about.
@@ponokunishima1 I totally understand where you're coming from. I also just had a breakup with my boyfriend and I was with him for 7years. You're indeed correct in many ways that even a minute feels so slow, seems like a lifetime. I also was like your girlfriend and you at the same time now. I feel the urge to text my bf. I feel you.
I feel like, in my own opinion, it is not really best to start an emotional connection with someone if you're not ready yet or if you haven't fully moved on. Even as simple as sexual partners. It will haunt you and you'll have to put pain on other people. You don't want anyone to experience the same situation that you did.
I am very sorry for our loss. I hope we will get there, if not now, soon.
@@romaalexandramagarin9869 Thank you and I too am sorry to hear about your situation. 7 years is a long time too! Were you two engaged or about to? I was going to propose, I even had the ring, but Covid made it hard and her father made it even harder for us to see each other because he’s very controlling and naïve about Covid and among other things.
@@ponokunishima1 I am very sorry to hear that. And to answer you, No, we were never engaged and he never had plans. I was also not seeking marriage rn as I want a 'partner', marriage is just an option.
That was also his reason for NOT going back together, he said that he cannot offer me the marriage which I did not ask for, never had asked for it for the last 7 yrs. I am not sure but I think he is just giving me excuses to not be with me anymore.
I cried my heart out, last time we spoke was two days ago, lol. Honestly, I always try whatever I can salvage from our relationship. It was too painful not to save it and he knows that I'll just come back.
That's when he said he is happy without me, I was out of words. I can't even, I don't know how to feel. Then I think it is better not to contact and not to hope as well. It's healthy for us. We can't linger with a person that doesn't want us.
If I am honest, I love Margaret and craig. You people are brilliant, direct. You people really have helped me, I want you to know that. Thank you.
Introjects are really important here. The internal voices our care givers establish within us with determine how we perceive, sabotage, identify, mental health - all of this right back to the childhood bond we have with those we were with as children.
Not coming into adulthood with that basic sense of safety is everything, I couldn't agree more with you Margaret.
When you stop reaching out, it sets off separation anxiety with The Other, I couldn't agree more Craig.
This is essentially learning to maintain ourselves separately from The Other we want to connect with. Bottom line, right?
NEVER FORGET YOU ARE SEPARATE FROM THE OTHER. I am learning to celebrate this. This is what we MUST all do. We must be motivated separately.
Separation anxiety is powerful. Silence leaves people to their imagination (the dumper temporarily has all the power). No Contact (silence) eventually addresses the balance on this front.
Well done guys!!!!!!!
This is coming at a perfect time. Thank you!
Just want to put this out there for people. I sent the hand written letter lol. It just pissed her off more
Maybe you should get a different screen name.
Wow … wanting you in their life without committing to you . Hits home . Can’t be friends if you’ve been lovers and in love for any length of time, acting like the breakup never happened
You are really the best coaches every!!! Your advice are the real Truth!!! Follow them as they are worth and so modest!!! Me nd manu Friends of US have listened to manu coaches especially one a woman here that consider herself eccellent proposing nd imposing ways nd messages nd every as the only Truth already tested not right at all plus very offensive nd arrogant to kind nd abuse ppl...while Craig nd Margaret are very competent really clever mature nd kind!!!! Thanks much!!!!!
Just broke up with my gf yesterday and this process I have ahead is going to be painful. She has a lot of friends so I think she will be more or less fine. I have a handful of friends and we’re scattered around. I miss her already. I had planned on marrying her and building a family. God had other plans.
Update ?
What happened? If you had planned to marry her, why break up with her?
It’s very true the reminder message or handwritten letter don’t work 🤓 speaking from personal experience
Thank you so much for your enlightenment!!! You give me so much hope! My ex gf blindsided me Dec 5th/21... I've been in No Contact Radio Silence since Jan 6th/22. I will stick to it. We had a very good relationship overall. Thank you for your awesome message!! Bless you!
and she came back?
What happened???
@@carlosruiz5359 It's been exactly 1 year of total radio silence no contact. Did not hear from her so far. I no longer care if I do hear from her. I walk away knowing that I was very good to her and have zero guilt on my end. I was in a lot of emotional pain for some time, but I'm now healed. I loved her, but no longer miss her.
@@LaudauteDominum-er2mr It's been exactly 1 year of total radio silence no contact. Did not hear from her so far. I no longer care if I do hear from her. I walk away knowing that I was very good to her and have zero guilt on my end. I was in a lot of emotional pain for some time, but I'm now healed. I loved her, but no longer miss her.
@@pj8624 she never contacted you or anything? What kind of attacent style was she?
My silence is meaningless to my ex.
I was on a personal growth journey and watching these videos and single for 4 years. I met someone and I kept getting dumped withing our 9 month encounter and each time I got dumped they continued to come back. I never said a word neber chased and let them, in my final stage where we reconciled, I told the person I'm going into isolation and hermit mode cuz I became uninterested and shortly after I got a text saying I can't do this anymore and I wasn't even surprised. One thing for sure is when you are already on a journey learning about yourself and rising and becoming better you will already have the tools to cope. Back on the journey with myself I go!
Margret is so nice you both do a great job talking me down just want to say thank you for the bottom of my heart ❤️
My romantic partner "walked away" ie dumped me with the reason, not ready for a relationship so I had no choice but went on NC, long story short, he came back 6 weeks later on festive holiday just to greet me. Then apologize for giving me mixed signal.
I didn't follow any dating advice, ended up back to square one. I thot he came back bcos he was ready to be in a relationship, boi was I wrong, he now came up with different excuses why he doesn't want to be in a relationship with any woman.
Less than a week, I decided
To walk away in silence (blocked him) which he probably would figure out soon. I don't feel bad but numb with the feelings.
It hurts but I don't want him back
I honestly don’t feel like no contact is ever going to bring my ex gf back, but I’m going to do it anyways because she left me out to dry…. If she cares it’s up to her to fix things.
I've been in no contact for 2 years. Quit talking about 2 days after the break up. He just unblocked me the other day right around the 2 year anniversary. Still not contacting him but I feel like it's getting closer
I can't even imagine being with anyone else and I am in no contact at first I did all the wrong things
Every girl I have ever dated has reached out at some point after we stopped seeing each other, I’m not saying we got back together but they do reach out. Give them space, work on yourself
This has to be one of the most powerful videos you've put out.
It gives context into what goes through the dumpers mind if you give them your silence.
In a word, Motivational.
Thank You
True you do get your power back because this person thinks that they are better than you.
It's been a year of no contact for me and my ex...thank you both for your comforting logic, it truly goes a long way for my soul.
The thing is, I don't even care about power. Then what do I do? I just do not want the pain anymore. I care so much about the person I just want them back.
i love what you guys do & thank you whenever I am feeling low I listen to you guys. My situation is complicated I am not looking for a return but definitely focus on myself. i hope to one day be able to afford your coaching but for now again THANK YOU
@Carolyn Kyle SCAM
My ex left me for another man at Christmas, I was broken. Showered her with gifts, cried got angry all totally pointless. Left her alone for 30 days and she started messaging me. Now it’s March and she’s single again and wants to get back together. I still love her but I’ve moved on with my life. I won’t say I will never get back with her. But right now I’m seeing someone new and intend on giving them a chance. 🙏
My husband got depression suddenly really hit over few weeks and said he didnt feel anything for me anymore and didnt want a baby (I was pregnant) etc said it was better to divorce so that he will not feel guilty because he thought his feelings were gone and he needed space.
But since that discussion he has been isolating, avoiding talking to me or looking at me, not initiating the divorce. He said he was sorry for what "happened to us" and that I could always ask help to him if I needed. He said if I leave (canada) and want to come back and he owns a house he will help me etc...
I dont understand how 4 perfect years of building a life , being on the same page and getting me pregnant suddenly got ugly over night. Yet he is not actively filling for divorce.
I'm leaving in a month but dont know how he truly feels since he's got depression and I am scared to loose him if I leave. His ego will make him not contact me ever
OK im the person who broke up with them. For extremely good reasons. I'm watching this in hopes that what you're saying works both ways and that the GUY who was dumped finally feels anxiety and the true feeling that he lost me and finally treat me right. I indeed threw out trash BUT I would like to see trash magically turn into GOLD with this method. But something tells me that it won't. I honestly wonder if the guy who got broken up with would ever change and make an effort to come forth with those changes....and finally not be TRASH.
The person who you broke up with is not going to reach out if he or she has self respect. Because you threw out that person. It should be you who reaches out if you see that he or she has changed. Have you made changes to yourself? It takes two to create a relationship and takes two to break as well. Don't think it's always the other persons fault 100%
I'm sensing from your post that they will never reach out given the vitriol you are expressing. I bet they feel relieved. Sorry.
You guys have gifted me so much with this video. I love the emphasis, grounded in Bowlby's attachment theory and attachment. I also love the fact that independent of outcome, no contact helps you!
He called me on a matter he could've texted to close it after 6 months. He didn't apologize nor address what happened, and this kept going for a couple of days and left me sooo confused and wasn't able to decipher what he is doing. I had to close that door shut. I truly hoped that he admits that I didn't deserve what he did at least and not dismiss it.
He was the true definition of avoindant, he was not able to even call me "hun", "I miss you" or whatever a boyfriend calls his girlfriend, even after 8 moths of being in a relation. He left me because he wanted to "focus on his life". Now I feel so sad that he decided to ruin a 12 years old friendship for nothing....
He didn’t want to get into a serious relationship and started to pull back because both of us getting too involved and i am anxious and hes avoidant, when I am avoidant he is anxious and I think it was making both of us feel crazy. i asked for a break after I told him I want a relationship and he said he can’t. Now i see I wasn’t even ready for a relationship. I need to work on myself and so does he.
That’s a great plan, how long you two been going off and on. How long he didn’t become exclusive relationship.
Margaret is a real one.
Quick story: my ex and i started dating in 2019 and he broke up with me spring 2020 when corona started. I went no contact without even knowing it because i was hurt and angry. He reached out to me twice during our six months break but i ignored it( he was talking about my giving me my birthday present because he didnt before we broke up cause of corona) the third time he send me an Email one week before christmas and we spoke over the phone and got back together two weeks later. He admitted that he missed talking to me and got really frustated when i ignored him. So no contact does work!!! We broke up again and im back in no contact, focusing on my new job and finishing my masterthesis. If he comes back, good, if not, so be it!!!!!!!
If you don’t mind me asking: why did y’all break up for the 2nd time? And do you think it’s possible to get back after another b/u?
@@blaxpoitation8528 hey, we got into a lot of arguments and he could not Deal with it anymore. To be honest, i dont know thats why im trying not to stress myself and Focus on me. Time will tell but no contact is really helping me seeing clear
Thank you both for this .I dont want mine back as there was third party his ex !! I found out ..so 3 weeks married n nearly year being together..he still has same pattern ..he was starting get abusive ..I now n went to move on with someone new ..
But need to put more effort back in the knowledge books ..etc .now to the healing ...still want needcto better myself n be the best version of me for me n for my realionships. Motherr friend partner etc ..
You two are awesome. Your words give hope and at the same time, the power to stay in control, no matter what!!!
Amazing💞 Thank you, my fav coaches!
Try living a few townhouses away. Brutal. So hard to not see if there’s a car there at night or if his car is gone overnight. I know that’s not who he is, but my imagination is my worst enemy.
When your phone doesn’t ring… you know it’s me
😂
I went no contact to heal and move on. I have no desire to go back bc my soul requires a different type of energy … I left bc I was treated wrong so there is no need to rekindle anything bc a persons truth can’t be denied once you see it and I’m not into fooling myself
Divine timing for this video. Thank you so much!!!
Same here 🌟🙌
😊 very true.
Even if personally, after a long time of giving it a chance, I'm fed up now with thinking about what creates which effect in him-I'm just tired of it because this guy doesn't talkmore than one sentence (in good times!). It's a disaster. Maybe he simply doesn't like me enough-even if his behaviour speaks a different language-which is fine as well. But I simply can't and don't want to deal with this one-sided communication any longer.
100% to the point..