"I thought I'd change your mind" always means "I ignored your words and feelings because I wanted what I wanted and didn't care and hoped I could be mean or clever enough to persuade you once I had you locked down".
If you want to care for a disabled kid after your death, you need to talk to a lawyer who specializes in this kind of situation ASAP. OP is the easy way out.
no, he's neither the easiest nor the cheapest. he's the laziest option. they haven't actuality thought about real care if they pass away. they didn't mention anything about op other than that he should be a better brother to a random person he doesn't know and isn't related to.
Story 4: This guy gave you the best present: The truth of who he is. Take it to heart. He can go have dinner with his friends and his newly single self.
Story 1: I have 2 disabled kids. OP is absolutely NTA. What dad and stepmother are asking is huge. He also doesn't know her. He's not qualified to take care of her. And he deserves his own life. They need to make suitable arrangements for their daughter.
The girlfriend would never step foot in my house again. If the son doesn’t like it tough ……I’d be disgusted if my son wanted to date a person like that. Even if daughter was 600 pounds it’s not this persons business.
My Mother was one of those always disappointed gift recipients. I had moved away from home and worked one full-time and three part time jobs. I chose to buy my Mother Perfume, something she really loves. I decided to splurge and buy her the most expensive perfume in the world (at the time" Joy by Jean Patou. Along with it was a gift with purchase of Femme by Rochas. My Mother of course immediately told me that she liked the Femme. It wasn't a particularly successful scent in the US so it became hard to find. Every year that I couldn't find it, the heavy sighs and "I wish I still had Femme, it's all I want" . Naturally, she gave thoughtless gifts grabbed at Walgreen's at the last minute.
Mean girl GF - If I were OP, after telling her that how she spoke to my child wasn't acceptable in my house, I'd also forbid her from coming over again. I'd also have a serious talk with my son, about how troubling it is for him to date someone who is bullying his sister, and how he's OK with that.
If he can't send his kids to a better school, that's on him. You agreed to separate finances and laid it out before you married him. If he doesn't like it, leave him and keep focusing on your son.
OP has somewhat of a pre-nup in that these assets are protected pre-marriage. He's trying to grind away at that for the benefit of *his* kids. Just nope. He'll be pressuring OP to sell her house to fund years of school for his kids. It's coming, best to leave now. Being alone is far better than being pillaged by his company.
This is why I wouldn’t remarry to someone with kids if I inherited anything because people act entitled to what you had before the marriage. It’s insane to think this way
The body shaming story: The dad should tell his son that his girlfriend insulting his little sister's weight is the same as if another guy insulted his size downstairs. Both of those insults hits personally.
@saran.4001 you may have more control over your weight, but the shame and emotions are the same. Also, women's bodies tend to hold onto fat more than men's do, so it's more of a personal insult to our gender. To many women holding into weight seems to be just as permanent as a man's situation. Some of us can never get rid of our weight, and when we lose it it always seems to come right back. This is why many women have a lot of clothing, for our skinny and fat seasons.
@@saran.4001 You can't always control your weight; there are various conditions that make that either impossible or excessively difficult. And a lot of the health hazards are caused by doctors routinely *overlooking symptoms* because they're too fixated on the weight. But that aside, most of the time people who body shame aren't actually concerned about the health and well-being of the one they're shaming. They ignore the underlying psychological issues that contribute to weight issues and ignore the fact that the body-shaming *itself* just piles up additional psychological burden that makes it that much harder to make progress. Not to mention that it sounds like the girl in the anecdote is perfectly active and doesn't eat *enough* for her activity level -- which may well mean that she's already got some body issues in the other direction (e.g. anorexia), and the girlfriend telling her she's fat might do serious harm if she's already struggling to attain a healthy self-image. Girlfriend definitely wouldn't be allowed near my daughter unsupervised ever again. And without an apology, probably not around my daughter at all.
I saw a post yesterday . The bio Mom sent HER bio daughter to public school & sent her stepdaughter to private school . She told her daughter that her step had more potential than her . Can y'all believe that ??😢
@@alexismyers6053 same here . My older&younger sister was more loved then me,and everyone could see it . I just left after i married,and haven't seen them since . It's not just the fact that my sisters were treated better,but how "mom" acted towards me too.. it was so sick . And stealing our money etc,too . I have three kids,and could never treat any of them differently from ech other..
@@alexismyers6053 I would either go NC or act like she did towards her now. I mean lay it on thick. Do nice things for other people and let her know what you did. If she complains and says you should do that for her give her the same excuses she used. I am sorry she did that, it was wrong.
@@minnarosenqvistmr Have your parents come back asking you for anything? Like I wrote to Alexis, I would use their old excuses and words right back at them. I know this was hard on you, and you had to explain to your kids why they do not see Grandma. My MIL was mean, and my kids knew it, no happy memories there.
Birthday Story: the whole story screams narcissistic tendencies and OP is minimizing the red flags because he is giving her the silent treatment to manipulate her into falling back in line.
No kidding. He was basically doing a combination of expecting her to read his mind and deliberately trapping her. She had no way of winning. It's pathetic on his part.
@@akl2k7this. This is a control thing, so OP always feels "she owes him". I'm someone who say "I don't mind, as long as its not clothes and it's practical and under £20". If you don't give parameters, don't complain what you are given. If you want to specify exactly what you want, don't couch it in BS. Say it. Boyfriend here deliberately does this so he can act hurt, but he can say to OP about her present "I tried my best"
No, what I’m thinking is he isn’t close or comfortable with her friends and didn’t want to fell left out when gf only conversed with them and ignored him. This way he has friends to converse with himself. GF is being self-absorbed.
9:26 I was 12 and had just started to develop breasts. I had shorts and a t-shirt and was rollerskating around our driveway, like a kid, because I was 12. When my father told my mother right in front of me that i "looked like a prostitute". 😢😮. How could he??! I was so embarrassed and upset as, even at that age, I could tel it was an insult. I have never forgotten those words and I'm now 59. Words hurt.
Cruel Girlfriend: OP, you did the right thing in correcting the girlfriend’s behavior. Your child shouldn’t be bullied in her own house!😠 Don’t listen to your husband about your son’s education. You’re responsible for your kids education, as he is responsible for his. Move out and divorce before before you get pregnant😟
Birthday dinner - Um, a person's birthday dinner would be a reasonable time for them to be "selfish". Dude doesn't respect OP and wants to throw the party he wants. If I were OP, I'd dump him and plan the dinner I wanted.
Years ago I had a boyfriend want to do something special for my birthday. I got the feeling he was going to do something I knew he couldn’t afford and I would not like it even if he could so I told him I liked simple, no limo. I hate limos. Lo and behold he hired a limo. Took me to a restaurant of his choice rather than my favorite and invited his best friends that I had only met one time and didn’t really like them. They mocked me because I had just in case money to take myself home from a date. They thought it was rude. Anyways, we all ended up going on a big adventure after dinner to some famous place in the city for cocktails, then a drive down the coast for dessert. Quite a distance from where I lived. Out of nowhere they started mocking me about mad money and laughed and said let’s see you take a cab from here. My date just looked at them and told them I had the cash on me and could do exactly that. Was not fun for me and blew boyfriends budget. He didn’t have enough to tip the driver so I had to do it. I was so mad. I just wanted simple, affordable celebration.
Girl: I hate limos; no limos. Boy: Sure thing. Boy: Here's a limo. Girl: Yeah, you didn't think about me at all while planning this; enjoy your celebration without me. --probably would've saved you a lot of grief, but then, I expect you already worked that one (and it takes a while to develop that kind of self-assuredness, so expecting it of a teen or young adult is unreasonable)
1 - NTA, your dad & stepmom need to look into that kind of care for her on their own. It's not your responsibility to take her, and you're not even close. Let your mom handle this, the adults can hash it out among themselves. Yazmin isn't your sister just because they want her to be.
1-NTA. You are not heartless at all. Dad and step mother are delulu. 2-NTA OMG You're living in a nightmare. I've reached that point where I don't want any gifts at all. I've asked family to make a donation to their church tree gift or to the local food bank. James in a whole other problem. He's an idiot and ungrateful and a major ahole! 3-NTA bf's gf is persona non grata from your home effective immediately. It wasn't a joke it was cruel and mean spirited. If she's still in HS I'd report her. Your son wasn't going to handle it, obviously since he was the one who said it was a joke. What a POS. 4-NTA Red flag. He's an idiot. If he doesn't get your feelings now he never will. 5-NTA. You husband and his ex need to pony up $$$ or shut up. You should talk to a lawyer about protecting what is yours and your son's.
Story 5: OP did your "husband" hide his gold-digging and controlling-side until recently, or is this the first you are noticing? NTA, of course, you are not responsible for paying for his children to private school.
Story #1: NTA!! I feel sorry for the poor kid but it's not your responsibility to take care of her. I guaranteed if you said yes then they would start telling you to babysit! Kudos to your mom for standing up for you!!
3: NTA. Why is the 18 y/o's girlfriend allowed to come over to the house unattended, especially when she was only introduced to the parents 2 months prior? I certainly wouldn't want her over constantly like this, less so after she insulted a young teen (which was likely out of jealousy and not some "trend"). OP did the right thing in confronting her but, honestly, don't allow her back in the house.
“Big back” girlfriend needs to own her behavior and authentically apologize. She may have been kidding, but the remark wasn’t taken well. An apology should correct the relationship’s course and allow everyone to move forward.
Yeah, that's the test for me. If you've hurt someone's feelings, it doesn't matter what your intentions are, you should be taking steps to minimize the hurt. I see two types of people: the kind who focus on the effects ("I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, it was a thoughtless comment, how can I make it up to you?") and the kind who focus on *themselves* ("I didn't mean anything, it's not my fault, you're overreacting, stop being such a crybaby, can't you take a joke?"). The latter is not good-hearted and not worth a relationship.
And he drops rather specific hints then complains when he gets it. I would just go with a "no gifts" policy or cash. Truly OP needs to see where else these red flags are popping up, because I doubt he only waits till Xmas for this crap.
Story 1 NTA: this situation is happening to my nieces, except they are sisters by blood (same parents) My youngest niece has developmental, learning, and physical disabilities. She has the mind of a 5-6 year old despite being a teen (almost adult). My sister has forced my oldest niece to be her sister's caregiver her entire life. The only difference is that my sister and her ex-husband never set up any funds or made plans for my youngest niece's future, other than that her older sister is expected to sacrifice her life for her younger sister. My oldest niece isn't allowed to do anything without her sister and is forced to "share" anything and everything with her. When my oldest niece turns 18 this year and has applied to colleges out of state (her parents don't know) and plans to move out as soon as she graduates in May and cut contact. OP needs to be firm with his father and stepmom that he will never be his stepsister's caregiver and he should know that he can't be forced to either. Wills can not be used to force someone to be the caregiver of a disabled relative and he also needs to have a plan in case something happens to his dad/stepmom so that some relative or other doesn't just drop his stepsister off at his house with a suit case (I've seen this happen). Good luck OP
Offer to store keepsakes for your neice. Have her gradually bring things to you (like yearbooks) that she won't have room for in a dorm. If she goes through with going low or no contact, and parents are really angry over her "abandoning" her "responsibilities", she might lose things that are special to her.
Story 2: OP, your husband is either a moron, or is doing this intentionally to get you mad and to file for divorce (so he can claim the be the victim).
The gift story- sounds like my ex. I could tell him EXACTLY what I'd like for whatever occasion and he would get me something I didn't need/ask for that cost more money than what I asked for. When it came to his gifts he would check his phone for different/better versions within 5 minutes of opening it. Example, he wanted a PS5 (gave no details), I got him the one with the most memory and the package that came with a game and extra controller(so one would always be fully charged). 30 seconds of excitement followed by the phone coming out and him telling me that I could have gotten him the package that came with a better game (that he never mentioned wanting). I told him I picked the package I did for the memory and extra wireless controller (that he always wants). After that he acted let down.
Gift story: my brother, who is a legit diagnosed narcissist, does this kind of crap. You can get him whatever it is he asked for down to the exact specifications, and even get him the next step up or a top of the line item and one of two things will happen: 1) he will scrutinize it and find some minuscule & inconsequential “flaw” & will fixate on it, or 2) he will initially be grateful & excited about the gift, but within a few days-weeks he will find something wrong with it or will claim it is worn out and in need of replacement far sooner than it actually needs to be.
Story 4: NTA, it is your birthday, so it is your invite list not his.... Luckily it has been less than a year, dump him and move on, as he clearly doesn't understand just how bad this is, even after you explained it.
Story 1: OP's father needs to get someone to be the power of attorney for his stepdaughter. Something tells me OP is going to go No Contact once Dad starts pestering him to babysit and run errands for his sister. Story 2: OP should have just given hubby a gift card and told him to buy his own presents. If he objected, she should have had him write what he wanted on a piece of paper and sign it. Or better yet, just dump his manipulative a**. Story 3: Something tells me OP's brother is the kind of guy who will favor his future step-kids over his future bio-kids because he doesn't want to upset his future bedwarmer second wife. He sounds thirsty and cowardly. Story 4: OP should have said: I know you invited your friends, but just tell them that I'll be happy to meet and have dinner with them at some other time. A big party isn't the time to get introduced to someone new. Also, it's clear that OP's boyfriend thinks her friends and family are boring and that he wants his friends around to liven things up. Story 5: Altering the terms of a marriage after marriage sounds like a huge red flag. Also, it looks like OP's husband isn't willing to sacrifice his own comfort to send his kids to the better school, - he was just hoping he could rope his new rich wife into doing it. Another big red flag.
Sounds like the trash took itself out. I'd tell my son that his "mean girl" girlfriend was NOT allowed over to our house again. He can go visit her at HER house.
S 1: So basically, in these situations they are telling a young person "Give up your freedom, hopes, dreams, future career, romance, let alone marriage and any potential children they might want." They are the selfish ones. OP might make a list of all the things they are demanding he sacrifice for a kid he doesn't have a bond with. I'd emphasize the wife and kids of his own.
First story. OP, Your Dad has neglected his child in favor of someone else's child, who they now want him to take care of. That is OP' s step-mom and his dad's problem. You should ask for a meeting between you, your Mom, and your Dad only to discuss this matter. You and your Mom need to make it clear that you are his child not his wife's child's unpaid caregiver. He needs to not only back off, but tell his wife to back off, and look out for what is best for you his actual child. If they continue to try to guilt trip you, go low or no contact. If this is an example of your relationship, other than the legally mandated support do not expect anything from your father. It is perhaps best to prepare for yiur relationship to not get any better, and infact get worse from here. It seems that you lost your father when his wife and her child entered his life. Hope for the best prepare for the worst.
Birthday story - commenters here are ignoring the fact his self-absorbed GF only wanted her friends around, which basically would leave OP ignored during the dinner he arranged. So what if he wants some of his friends there so he isn’t left holding everyone else’s purses so to speak.
Story 3: "you should have let me handle it", how exactly he had already tried to excuse his AH girlfriends behavior? NTA... His girlfriend deliberately insulted your daughter, and this kind of insult can quickly lead to an eating disorder.
It's sad that girl doesn't have family on either parents side. No aunts or uncles? Where I'm from we'd take care of a niece or nephew in a heartbeat should something happen
Something tells me that the father is going to have OP be the permanent caregiver for his stepsister when he and his new wife passes away in the first story and it will be a written will without consulting op
I don't think they actually want OP to take care of her stepsister this is all a manipulation on the stepmother's part to drive OP away from her father.
2 - NTA. Your husband sounds super annoying. He's got some sort of weird control issue over this. I'd just axe gifts between the two of you entirely. Are you sure this marriage is even worth it?
Birthday party-YTA. So you say no one has planned a party, and he plans his and you are mad he invited firends? You are mad anyone close to him is not invited (not even his parents?) if I was the bf I would leave her. She is acting like if she was 18-21, not almost 35. She cabt even haggle and let him invite a friend or two? So much for carying about your partner
Sulking is a behaviour not an emotion. Men are allowed to have emotions, but like everyone else they are culpable for what they do with those emotions if they choose to be an ah over them.
"I thought I'd change your mind" always means "I ignored your words and feelings because I wanted what I wanted and didn't care and hoped I could be mean or clever enough to persuade you once I had you locked down".
If you want to care for a disabled kid after your death, you need to talk to a lawyer who specializes in this kind of situation ASAP. OP is the easy way out.
And the cheapest.
Stepmom needed to look into programs as soon as Yasmin was diagnosed. Their poor planning on their end doesn’t constitute a sacrifice on his end
no, he's neither the easiest nor the cheapest. he's the laziest option. they haven't actuality thought about real care if they pass away. they didn't mention anything about op other than that he should be a better brother to a random person he doesn't know and isn't related to.
Story 4: This guy gave you the best present: The truth of who he is. Take it to heart. He can go have dinner with his friends and his newly single self.
He sounds like one of those guys who invite his best friends on the honeymoon.
Story 1: NTA. She is not OP's family. Any stranger on the street has as much obligation as OP does.
Story 1: I have 2 disabled kids. OP is absolutely NTA. What dad and stepmother are asking is huge. He also doesn't know her. He's not qualified to take care of her. And he deserves his own life. They need to make suitable arrangements for their daughter.
"I thought I could change you." *instant* divorce papers or nullify marriage.
Especially after making her give up her house.
The girlfriend would never step foot in my house again. If the son doesn’t like it tough ……I’d be disgusted if my son wanted to date a person like that. Even if daughter was 600 pounds it’s not this persons business.
I hope OP has security which alerts her phone when she has guests so she’ll know when Emily comes over. He will bring Emily over again
Well said! Proud of OP for stepping up to protect their child. Enough being nice to @ssholes.
I wouldn't be allowing them in the house, practically alone, together to start with...
@@kateemma22 yeah,no one ,not even my kids, would get away with behaving like this, towards their sis/bros .
I don’t understand? It’s really normal to call someone a big back, there’s a whole song on TikTok. It doesn’t mean fat
My Mother was one of those always disappointed gift recipients. I had moved away from home and worked one full-time and three part time jobs. I chose to buy my Mother Perfume, something she really loves. I decided to splurge and buy her the most expensive perfume in the world (at the time" Joy by Jean Patou. Along with it was a gift with purchase of Femme by Rochas.
My Mother of course immediately told me that she liked the Femme. It wasn't a particularly successful scent in the US so it became hard to find. Every year that I couldn't find it, the heavy sighs and "I wish I still had Femme, it's all I want" .
Naturally, she gave thoughtless gifts grabbed at Walgreen's at the last minute.
Mean girl GF - If I were OP, after telling her that how she spoke to my child wasn't acceptable in my house, I'd also forbid her from coming over again. I'd also have a serious talk with my son, about how troubling it is for him to date someone who is bullying his sister, and how he's OK with that.
Story #1 Dad and stepmom had better start looking into a care home now.
Exactly! People have been waitlisted for years!
If he can't send his kids to a better school, that's on him. You agreed to separate finances and laid it out before you married him. If he doesn't like it, leave him and keep focusing on your son.
OP has somewhat of a pre-nup in that these assets are protected pre-marriage. He's trying to grind away at that for the benefit of *his* kids. Just nope. He'll be pressuring OP to sell her house to fund years of school for his kids. It's coming, best to leave now. Being alone is far better than being pillaged by his company.
This is why I wouldn’t remarry to someone with kids if I inherited anything because people act entitled to what you had before the marriage. It’s insane to think this way
That's why you never marry someone with kids who's not on your economic stand
The body shaming story: The dad should tell his son that his girlfriend insulting his little sister's weight is the same as if another guy insulted his size downstairs. Both of those insults hits personally.
You can't control your size downstairs but you can control your weight. It is also a health hazard to be overweight as opposed to being undersized.
@saran.4001 you may have more control over your weight, but the shame and emotions are the same. Also, women's bodies tend to hold onto fat more than men's do, so it's more of a personal insult to our gender. To many women holding into weight seems to be just as permanent as a man's situation. Some of us can never get rid of our weight, and when we lose it it always seems to come right back. This is why many women have a lot of clothing, for our skinny and fat seasons.
@@saran.4001 You can't always control your weight; there are various conditions that make that either impossible or excessively difficult. And a lot of the health hazards are caused by doctors routinely *overlooking symptoms* because they're too fixated on the weight. But that aside, most of the time people who body shame aren't actually concerned about the health and well-being of the one they're shaming. They ignore the underlying psychological issues that contribute to weight issues and ignore the fact that the body-shaming *itself* just piles up additional psychological burden that makes it that much harder to make progress.
Not to mention that it sounds like the girl in the anecdote is perfectly active and doesn't eat *enough* for her activity level -- which may well mean that she's already got some body issues in the other direction (e.g. anorexia), and the girlfriend telling her she's fat might do serious harm if she's already struggling to attain a healthy self-image.
Girlfriend definitely wouldn't be allowed near my daughter unsupervised ever again. And without an apology, probably not around my daughter at all.
I saw a post yesterday . The bio Mom sent HER bio daughter to public school & sent her stepdaughter to private school . She told her daughter that her step had more potential than her . Can y'all believe that ??😢
Can I believe that? Unfortunately: yes
Considering this is how my mom acted with me and my younger half sister (she never said it, but she made me feel it), yes.
@@alexismyers6053 same here . My older&younger sister was more loved then me,and everyone could see it . I just left after i married,and haven't seen them since . It's not just the fact that my sisters were treated better,but how "mom" acted towards me too.. it was so sick . And stealing our money etc,too . I have three kids,and could never treat any of them differently from ech other..
@@alexismyers6053 I would either go NC or act like she did towards her now. I mean lay it on thick. Do nice things for other people and let her know what you did. If she complains and says you should do that for her give her the same excuses she used. I am sorry she did that, it was wrong.
@@minnarosenqvistmr Have your parents come back asking you for anything? Like I wrote to Alexis, I would use their old excuses and words right back at them. I know this was hard on you, and you had to explain to your kids why they do not see Grandma. My MIL was mean, and my kids knew it, no happy memories there.
Gift story: if spouse wants to be surprised, how about you regift all the crap he gave you? Surprise 🎉
is she sure he 39 and not just 3 because that sounds like a 3 year old
I'd get him the most random and stupid crap I could come up with.... but I'm petty af sometimes.
I'd wrap up a nice big box with all the frills and confetti, only to reveal DIVORCE PAPERS INSIDE THE BOX!
I like this. It's very petty!
Birthday Story: the whole story screams narcissistic tendencies and OP is minimizing the red flags because he is giving her the silent treatment to manipulate her into falling back in line.
Simple solution: gift cards.
Since he always throws controlling hissy fits, get him a $100 Visa gift card and say, "now you can buy your own present."
Gift story: how do people live with this rubbish so long they snap. People need to grow up and address issues before walking down the aisle.
I hate it too. Decent and direct communication is critical for these issues to resolve.
I don’t understand why their together. They don’t even seem to like each other.
No kidding. He was basically doing a combination of expecting her to read his mind and deliberately trapping her. She had no way of winning. It's pathetic on his part.
@@akl2k7this. This is a control thing, so OP always feels "she owes him". I'm someone who say "I don't mind, as long as its not clothes and it's practical and under £20". If you don't give parameters, don't complain what you are given. If you want to specify exactly what you want, don't couch it in BS. Say it. Boyfriend here deliberately does this so he can act hurt, but he can say to OP about her present "I tried my best"
Birthday party story: anyone else betting the bf didn’t invite OPs friends and family?
i see him having forgotten his wallet during the dinner so op has to pay for it and he will say he will pay her back but never does
@@velvety2006the best gift OP can give herself is removing him from her life
No, what I’m thinking is he isn’t close or comfortable with her friends and didn’t want to fell left out when gf only conversed with them and ignored him. This way he has friends to converse with himself. GF is being self-absorbed.
Who want a bday party w none of their friends? That's not true gift, it's gaslighting & control.
@@jpbaley2016 well you enjoy a bday with none of your friends and a bunch of strangers! I’m sure you’d throw a tantrum big bâbÿ 😭😢
Jasmine needs to go into care. Not your concern. Oh my. Disillusioned father.
My surprise would be ZILCH.
GF needs to be forbidden in your home. Call her yourself. Lay down the law. Dating MEAN GIRL.
33yo is quite immature. He's throwing himself a party & calling it yours.
You've planned a great future for your son. Not new hubbys choice. Be careful of this guy. He resents YOU. Move out.
9:26 I was 12 and had just started to develop breasts. I had shorts and a t-shirt and was rollerskating around our driveway, like a kid, because I was 12. When my father told my mother right in front of me that i "looked like a prostitute". 😢😮. How could he??! I was so embarrassed and upset as, even at that age, I could tel it was an insult.
I have never forgotten those words and I'm now 59.
Words hurt.
Cruel Girlfriend: OP, you did the right thing in correcting the girlfriend’s behavior. Your child shouldn’t be bullied in her own house!😠
Don’t listen to your husband about your son’s education. You’re responsible for your kids education, as he is responsible for his. Move out and divorce before before you get pregnant😟
story 3: "he thinks he should have handled it"
OP told him to do so, but he didn't want to get into a fight with his gf. this freaking douche...
Birthday dinner - Um, a person's birthday dinner would be a reasonable time for them to be "selfish". Dude doesn't respect OP and wants to throw the party he wants. If I were OP, I'd dump him and plan the dinner I wanted.
This, he thinks he will be bored and wants to entertain himself.
She can't even haggle though, let him bring a friend or two? Or does it only have to be 100 percent people she wants?
"i thought you would change your mind" equals a liar. i would divorce over this, it means his word is worthless
Years ago I had a boyfriend want to do something special for my birthday. I got the feeling he was going to do something I knew he couldn’t afford and I would not like it even if he could so I told him I liked simple, no limo. I hate limos. Lo and behold he hired a limo. Took me to a restaurant of his choice rather than my favorite and invited his best friends that I had only met one time and didn’t really like them. They mocked me because I had just in case money to take myself home from a date. They thought it was rude. Anyways, we all ended up going on a big adventure after dinner to some famous place in the city for cocktails, then a drive down the coast for dessert. Quite a distance from where I lived. Out of nowhere they started mocking me about mad money and laughed and said let’s see you take a cab from here. My date just looked at them and told them I had the cash on me and could do exactly that. Was not fun for me and blew boyfriends budget. He didn’t have enough to tip the driver so I had to do it. I was so mad. I just wanted simple, affordable celebration.
Girl: I hate limos; no limos.
Boy: Sure thing.
Boy: Here's a limo.
Girl: Yeah, you didn't think about me at all while planning this; enjoy your celebration without me.
--probably would've saved you a lot of grief, but then, I expect you already worked that one (and it takes a while to develop that kind of self-assuredness, so expecting it of a teen or young adult is unreasonable)
#1: NTA. "No, I will not sacrifice my life to take care of your disabled daughter."
1 - NTA, your dad & stepmom need to look into that kind of care for her on their own. It's not your responsibility to take her, and you're not even close. Let your mom handle this, the adults can hash it out among themselves. Yazmin isn't your sister just because they want her to be.
1-NTA. You are not heartless at all. Dad and step mother are delulu. 2-NTA OMG You're living in a nightmare. I've reached that point where I don't want any gifts at all. I've asked family to make a donation to their church tree gift or to the local food bank. James in a whole other problem. He's an idiot and ungrateful and a major ahole! 3-NTA bf's gf is persona non grata from your home effective immediately. It wasn't a joke it was cruel and mean spirited. If she's still in HS I'd report her. Your son wasn't going to handle it, obviously since he was the one who said it was a joke. What a POS. 4-NTA Red flag. He's an idiot. If he doesn't get your feelings now he never will. 5-NTA. You husband and his ex need to pony up $$$ or shut up. You should talk to a lawyer about protecting what is yours and your son's.
Story 5: OP did your "husband" hide his gold-digging and controlling-side until recently, or is this the first you are noticing? NTA, of course, you are not responsible for paying for his children to private school.
Story #1: NTA!! I feel sorry for the poor kid but it's not your responsibility to take care of her. I guaranteed if you said yes then they would start telling you to babysit! Kudos to your mom for standing up for you!!
3: NTA. Why is the 18 y/o's girlfriend allowed to come over to the house unattended, especially when she was only introduced to the parents 2 months prior? I certainly wouldn't want her over constantly like this, less so after she insulted a young teen (which was likely out of jealousy and not some "trend"). OP did the right thing in confronting her but, honestly, don't allow her back in the house.
“Big back” girlfriend needs to own her behavior and authentically apologize. She may have been kidding, but the remark wasn’t taken well. An apology should correct the relationship’s course and allow everyone to move forward.
Yeah, that's the test for me. If you've hurt someone's feelings, it doesn't matter what your intentions are, you should be taking steps to minimize the hurt. I see two types of people: the kind who focus on the effects ("I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, it was a thoughtless comment, how can I make it up to you?") and the kind who focus on *themselves* ("I didn't mean anything, it's not my fault, you're overreacting, stop being such a crybaby, can't you take a joke?"). The latter is not good-hearted and not worth a relationship.
Story #2: Give him what he deserves!! Nothing!! I wouldn't even give him a Vanilla gift card!!
Gift story: Surprise him with something you want to get girl 😂
And he drops rather specific hints then complains when he gets it. I would just go with a "no gifts" policy or cash. Truly OP needs to see where else these red flags are popping up, because I doubt he only waits till Xmas for this crap.
Just give him money 🤑😂
Story 1 NTA: this situation is happening to my nieces, except they are sisters by blood (same parents)
My youngest niece has developmental, learning, and physical disabilities. She has the mind of a 5-6 year old despite being a teen (almost adult). My sister has forced my oldest niece to be her sister's caregiver her entire life.
The only difference is that my sister and her ex-husband never set up any funds or made plans for my youngest niece's future, other than that her older sister is expected to sacrifice her life for her younger sister.
My oldest niece isn't allowed to do anything without her sister and is forced to "share" anything and everything with her.
When my oldest niece turns 18 this year and has applied to colleges out of state (her parents don't know) and plans to move out as soon as she graduates in May and cut contact.
OP needs to be firm with his father and stepmom that he will never be his stepsister's caregiver and he should know that he can't be forced to either.
Wills can not be used to force someone to be the caregiver of a disabled relative and he also needs to have a plan in case something happens to his dad/stepmom so that some relative or other doesn't just drop his stepsister off at his house with a suit case (I've seen this happen).
Good luck OP
Offer to store keepsakes for your neice. Have her gradually bring things to you (like yearbooks) that she won't have room for in a dorm. If she goes through with going low or no contact, and parents are really angry over her "abandoning" her "responsibilities", she might lose things that are special to her.
Story one: the entitlement of some step families/ parents are beyond belief!
The " right gift" story, just surprise him with cash !
I don’t like getting gifts 😂. I like buying my own, because I get easily disappointed, Lol!
Story 2: OP, your husband is either a moron, or is doing this intentionally to get you mad and to file for divorce (so he can claim the be the victim).
The gift story- sounds like my ex. I could tell him EXACTLY what I'd like for whatever occasion and he would get me something I didn't need/ask for that cost more money than what I asked for. When it came to his gifts he would check his phone for different/better versions within 5 minutes of opening it. Example, he wanted a PS5 (gave no details), I got him the one with the most memory and the package that came with a game and extra controller(so one would always be fully charged). 30 seconds of excitement followed by the phone coming out and him telling me that I could have gotten him the package that came with a better game (that he never mentioned wanting). I told him I picked the package I did for the memory and extra wireless controller (that he always wants). After that he acted let down.
Gift story: my brother, who is a legit diagnosed narcissist, does this kind of crap. You can get him whatever it is he asked for down to the exact specifications, and even get him the next step up or a top of the line item and one of two things will happen: 1) he will scrutinize it and find some
minuscule & inconsequential “flaw” & will fixate on it, or 2) he will initially be grateful & excited about the gift, but within a few days-weeks he will find something wrong with it or will claim it is worn out and in need of replacement far sooner than it actually needs to be.
Why aren’t you just stop buying gifts for him? It’s ridiculous.
Story 4: NTA, it is your birthday, so it is your invite list not his.... Luckily it has been less than a year, dump him and move on, as he clearly doesn't understand just how bad this is, even after you explained it.
Story 1: OP's father needs to get someone to be the power of attorney for his stepdaughter. Something tells me OP is going to go No Contact once Dad starts pestering him to babysit and run errands for his sister.
Story 2: OP should have just given hubby a gift card and told him to buy his own presents. If he objected, she should have had him write what he wanted on a piece of paper and sign it. Or better yet, just dump his manipulative a**.
Story 3: Something tells me OP's brother is the kind of guy who will favor his future step-kids over his future bio-kids because he doesn't want to upset his future bedwarmer second wife. He sounds thirsty and cowardly.
Story 4: OP should have said: I know you invited your friends, but just tell them that I'll be happy to meet and have dinner with them at some other time. A big party isn't the time to get introduced to someone new. Also, it's clear that OP's boyfriend thinks her friends and family are boring and that he wants his friends around to liven things up.
Story 5: Altering the terms of a marriage after marriage sounds like a huge red flag. Also, it looks like OP's husband isn't willing to sacrifice his own comfort to send his kids to the better school, - he was just hoping he could rope his new rich wife into doing it. Another big red flag.
Sounds like the trash took itself out. I'd tell my son that his "mean girl" girlfriend was NOT allowed over to our house again. He can go visit her at HER house.
Sonny boi had the opportunity to handle that; he can't back up his sister
S1: No one has the right to foist a 24/7, possibly lifelong, obligation onto any other person, let alone a young person.
S 1: So basically, in these situations they are telling a young person "Give up your freedom, hopes, dreams, future career, romance, let alone marriage and any potential children they might want." They are the selfish ones. OP might make a list of all the things they are demanding he sacrifice for a kid he doesn't have a bond with. I'd emphasize the wife and kids of his own.
First story. OP, Your Dad has neglected his child in favor of someone else's child, who they now want him to take care of. That is OP' s step-mom and his dad's problem. You should ask for a meeting between you, your Mom, and your Dad only to discuss this matter. You and your Mom need to make it clear that you are his child not his wife's child's unpaid caregiver. He needs to not only back off, but tell his wife to back off, and look out for what is best for you his actual child. If they continue to try to guilt trip you, go low or no contact. If this is an example of your relationship, other than the legally mandated support do not expect anything from your father. It is perhaps best to prepare for yiur relationship to not get any better, and infact get worse from here. It seems that you lost your father when his wife and her child entered his life. Hope for the best prepare for the worst.
9:01 nta about the sons girlfriend people like that are shocked when they finally get confronted about their behavior. And they lash back
Birthday story - commenters here are ignoring the fact his self-absorbed GF only wanted her friends around, which basically would leave OP ignored during the dinner he arranged. So what if he wants some of his friends there so he isn’t left holding everyone else’s purses so to speak.
That was what I thought...what I heard was he invited her friend group and a couple of his friends...that seems fine to me.
Also I am betting that he is paying for the entire thing
Story 3: "you should have let me handle it", how exactly he had already tried to excuse his AH girlfriends behavior? NTA... His girlfriend deliberately insulted your daughter, and this kind of insult can quickly lead to an eating disorder.
It's sad that girl doesn't have family on either parents side. No aunts or uncles? Where I'm from we'd take care of a niece or nephew in a heartbeat should something happen
As sad story 1 is this issue isn’t Op responsibly
How do these people get to marriage stage when they nothing in common and play childish games.
Story 2-ESH. Just get a divorce.
You dont mash.
One like surprises the other doesnt.
❤❤❤
One of sisters bfs called either me or my other sister, i can't remember which, a cow. Know what my sister did? She broke up with him. No question.
Birthday story: Invite the close family/friends yourself. Tell BF to change the reservations.
she can also pick up the bill as well
Last story OP needs that divorce soon.
Something tells me that the father is going to have OP be the permanent caregiver for his stepsister when he and his new wife passes away in the first story and it will be a written will without consulting op
In the US that would be unenforceable.
You cannot force someone to care for your kids just because it’s in your will 🤷♀️
@ nothing changes the fact that the father might put all that responsibility on Op if he can’t handle it all
Last comment on the last story - Hi OP's husband or ex!
I don't think they actually want OP to take care of her stepsister this is all a manipulation on the stepmother's part to drive OP away from her father.
2nd story. Stop dating people you don't like
Nta. His gf is a bully and he can go to her house if he wants to date a troll. Your son is a bully too
Story 3: NTA and ditch the wizard .
Story 4: NTA
2 - NTA. Your husband sounds super annoying. He's got some sort of weird control issue over this. I'd just axe gifts between the two of you entirely. Are you sure this marriage is even worth it?
5:48 break up already. Sigh
Birthday party-YTA. So you say no one has planned a party, and he plans his and you are mad he invited firends? You are mad anyone close to him is not invited (not even his parents?) if I was the bf I would leave her. She is acting like if she was 18-21, not almost 35.
She cabt even haggle and let him invite a friend or two?
So much for carying about your partner
Just give him a gift card
*Sigh* 🙄
NTA, NTA, NTA, NTA, NTA
👎
S1- dad is simp. Wifing a single mother with a disabled kid is ultimate simp. Nta op. You owe them ZERO
Story 1: NTA
Story 2: NTA and op isn’t the idiot
Dont tell a man not to sulk. Men are allowed to have emotions
Sulking is a behaviour not an emotion. Men are allowed to have emotions, but like everyone else they are culpable for what they do with those emotions if they choose to be an ah over them.
It sounds like he's sulking pointlessly though, so more of a pout than anything.
Story 3: The husband is a narcissist