Disgusting might be underplaying it here. Why is the fiance so angry that he won't be removing his sister's wedding dress from his new bride on their wedding night?
OP's fiancé must be from a rich family. He seems to be worried about appearances. He gave OP the cold shoulder after the engagement party. Obviously he doesn't love OP and she should run.
It was likely one of many steps to make OP stop seeing her family as hers and they as her only family unit. That way when fiancé’s behavior is in its true and final form, she’ll have no true support network.
Imagine how hard on OP it would be if she announced that she was keeping her maiden name. Some in laws can be a cult. Better freedom and single than repression and servitude.
@mavis4801 And the SIL „allowing“ the bride to wear what she (the bride) wants for the reception? Isn’t SIL generous! /s But of course we don’t want to go too far letting the bride choose for herself. She has to wear what SIL and groom dictate her to wear during the ceremony. 🤮
I cannot comprehend what's going on here. Why would OP want a recently used dress with no sentimental value to her over the dress her blood mother used (presumably to her bio dad). No just that, it's obvious all the "in laws" were in the loop about this... I'd at very least pause wedding planning until all this gets sorted out
Story 1... I'm a 68 year old bachelor, and even I know that the bride (unless the dress is $100,000.00) gets to pick their own wedding dress without being a "Bridezilla". As other commenters in the post said: this is an obvious dominance play by the fiancé's family, and a humongous bright red flag for OP to run as fast and as far away as she can.
if she married the weirdo she would probably be their servant and any kids would be taken away and raised by the sill or something to make sure they are raised right and of course she will be seen as a failure if she does not produce a son
My mother played it really smart. She took me to the best bridal dress place in 3 home counties, to choose a dress. Little did I know, she'd been there before and already had one picked out for me. I tried on loads of dresses and hated them all - off the shoulder, bare shoulders with tit's hanging out. Just horrible. The finally, my mother's choice came out and I tried on an extremely modest dress with a higher scooped neck, lots of embroidery and pearls everywhere and long sleeves with pearls too. It was gorgeous, with a stiff, bodice. "This one" I said. "It's fabulous".
Wouldn't it be a WHITE flag in this case since it's a wedding dress? But yes, I completely agree that that demanding OP to wear the SIL's wedding dress is really nasty. SIL offering the dress could have been sweet, but only if done in private and as a suggestion: "Hey, you know, if you want to I'd be honoured if you'd wear my wedding dress. If not, that's fine too". If SIL absolytely wanted OP to wear something from her own wedding attire, maybe there was jewellery she could have offered? Or OP could have a similar bouquet or whatever (probably not, depending on the wedding colours etc. Plus OP might have found her bouquet to be butt ugly. Who knows).
If your partner is abusive, you do not owe them a proper breakup. Do not have a final conversation. The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when you are trying to leave. People have been injured or worse because they wanted to do the right thing. The only people you need to involve are the police, let them know you left and this person might not take it well.
Uncle Mike's Advise literally laid it out that this was as nice as he was ever gonna get now that he thinks she's locked down and she still tries? Eye freaking roll.
If OP is having her brother pick her up because she is worried her now ex-fiancé will do something, there is a lot she has been making excuses for over the years.
SIS would “allow” her to wear her mother’s dress at the reception? OMG, I’d have laughed in his face at that and told him to bugger off with his precious SIS!
Still it would have been nice to hear one more update after she dumped him, at least to find out she wasn’t kidnapped by his family or worse that they did something to her for the “dishonor”….. 😱 (shivers).
Violet isnt bullying anyone, Id have loved a bully like that growing up, one who just left me alone. Instead I was actually bullied verbally and violently, my brothers and sisters even worse than me. Theres nothing more pathetic than someone who trivialising bullying.
First OP’s SIL had absolutely zero good intentions w her stunt. She was trying to make the wedding all about her, and her fiancée and his garbage family all showed their true colors.
Yes and that was only the beginning. Sil is the golden child everyone in the family worships like the sun shines out of her butt. Everything was going to be about her and what she wants. She would pick their babies name and I wouldn't be surprised if any gifts, even for op's birthday would be for sil.
Tessa/Violet story: NTA. Tessa is just entitled and spiteful. I feel like she is uber jealous of Violet and wants something to not go her way. Hence the attempt to label her via lies. Is Violet a nice person? Nope. But not wanting to be buddy buddy or even friendly isn't a crime. If she didn't feel it, she would basically be forcing herself to behave out of character just to please someone else. For what? And how the heck is Tessa still holding on to this? She had a life, or should have, before OP got married. Didn't she have friends too? What about now? She is a whole adult? WTF is she holding on to a perceived slight just because one person in the whole universe doesn't like her? SMH.
@@velvety2006Violet only talks to 4 people. That is not bullying the other 7 billion people in the world, she just doesn't like talking. Tessa needs to grow up and stop letting Violet live rent free in her head.
Story 1: A wedding dress is something that a bride should choose for herself. Still your future SIL did you a favor. You got to see your fiancé’s true colors before you married and had children with him. Please believe me that this kind of behavior won’t stop with the wedding dress. OP, please RUN!!!! Story 2: A relationship is what it is. Maybe stepmom should just settle for friend instead of mom🙁 Story 3: Maybe your stepdaughter wasn’t interested in developing a relationship with her stepsister, who tried to hang out with her only so she could be with the popular kids. It’s not bullying behavior not to speak to people😒 Story 4: OP, continue with your singing and keep the wife at home next time😏
"It’s not bullying behavior not to speak to people" It is when you won't even acknowledge their existence or stare at them like they are stupid when they try and talk to them. Even the dad called it out as rude but Violet ignored him too. There's keeping to yourself, and there's being rude.
How much you wanna bet The Opie's wedding dress would end up "accidentally" getting destroyed or stained beyond repair? Best to cut and run with the dress intact, vs doing so after it's been destroyed.
Story ONE: All together kids: THE SILENT TREATMENT IS ABUSE. No matter what their argument was about, whether it was the dress or the cake or whatever, beyond a short "I need to go take a walk around the block and cool down," NO partner should unilaterally refuse to communicate. It's a juvenile power play and the biggest red flag ever. Scrolling on his phone during an important conversation? Hell nah, what is he, twelve?!? And yeah, you don't announce in front of everyone "this is the dress you're wearing!" if this sister had really cared about OP, she would have asked her in private first about her own plans and then ONLY offered it if OP didn't already have a dress in mind. I'd love to see more stories updated here, thanks for doing this!!!
@@arii1987 There's a big difference between the silent treatment and going no contact. The Silent Treatment is used by someone who's still maintaining a relationship and stops talking to the other person while still sharing the same space, as a "punishment." It's done with the intention of manipulating the other person into doing things your way. The intention is not to end the relationship, but to control it. Conversely, going No Contact is distancing yourself from an abuser and no longer sharing the same space with them. One removes oneself from the abusive environment, in order to protect oneself. There's no manipulation going on with going no contact. The intention here is to end the relationship and escape the control. In story one, when the fiance refused to speak to OP because she didn't want to wear his sister's dress, he was giving her the silent treatment, but was still in the same apartment, and was using the silent treatment as a punishment. She was not being abusive, and he was not going no contact.
@@spikeoramathonit could just be that Violet only feels comfortable with specific people. It's a very slippery slope calling it manipulation because we don't know the situation. I was incredibly shy in school and I only really talked to a handful of people it doesn't mean I was manipulative 😂
@@itsjustmaddisen I wasn't talking about that story, but the first one, where OP is being manipulated by her boyfriend because she doesn't want to wear her sister's wedding gown. I have no idea what to make of Violet and was not commenting on that. IMO, we haven't been given enough info to know what's going on in that story. But, no, you definitely weren't being manipulative to be shy. :)
Story 1: love how people jump on the ops for not immediately breaking up that second. It's 6 years. It sounds like she's going down the route of breaking it off. But if that is the first time he's acted that way ofc she's going to have some hesitation. Ofc she's gonna know why. Hopefully he doesn't turn violent but damn give the girl a moment to process.
Story 1 + All Updates: I’m glad you got out of there. I’m sorry you were insulted so much, I think people were just scared you’d still go back to him even though he doesn’t even qualify as a Flag anymore. Women have a tendency to excuse behavior like this as an isolated incident only to see the suffer. We just didn’t want that to happen to you. You deserve a man who is eager to see you in your Mom’s dress.
11:40 - NTA You're right. Violet isn't bullying her. Tessa needs to grow up already. Violent didn't have to be friends with her stepsister, and it can be annoying when a sibling tries to push their way into your friend group and you don't want them there. Violet talks to whoever she wants to talk to, Tessa needs to let it go.
Last story: As a big, bearded masculine guy (who happens to be gay, but that's truly irrelevent) who enjoys singing, ive gotten up at karaoke and sung songs like "I Feel Pretty" and "Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair," to much acclaim and rousing laughter. It's a hoot! OPs wife is truly a sourpussed killjoy🙄 Life's too damned short and painful to not laugh as much as you can, and it's also too damned short to care about what others, including SOs, think about truly trivial things. ETA: I just reread my comment and realized maybe the fact im gay is NOT so irrelevent after all😂😂😂😂
Voilet is wrong for shutting up??? What the hell is wrong with redditors?? 😂😂😂😂 Its clear that violet hated the new family, so instead of being a brat or mean she shuts up.... Reddit doesn't like it 😂
Congratulations, the fiancé showed you his true colors six years throughout the relationship. It’s amazing how toxic partners like this are good at hiding their true selves I’m questioning how could someone like Violet be so successful if she’s such an antisocial person and only speaks to a few people. And no I, choosing not to engage or communicate with people is not bullying. It really does seem like this Violet person never wanted to be a part of the new family to begin with
There's a few reasons why Violet may be like she is. She might be an extreme introvert who saves her energy for a limited amount of people. She may be grey rocking people for legitimate reasons. She may be adhering to the mantra of "if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all" and dislikes all but a few people. It might even be a combination of ALL of those things and they all point to her being just a genuine, nice, charismatic person with a limited style of direct contact. And you know what they say: the forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest. That's why she's so popular. And whatever skills she had make whatever work she does lucrative. Tessa is not ALLOWED to be in Violet's circle. So this lashing out and talk of bullying? All jealousy. Tessa is a grown up mean girl taking out her jealousy on the popular kids who won't let her into their clique and since she cannot actively be a victim of bullying because she's not being mistreated she just claims she is. Tessa is a bad person and Op is probably not amazing either if she let all this just happen for over 12 years before speaking up to Tessa in defense of Violet.
First story: it's men like this is why it's so important for your dad and your brother to be cleaning their guns when they first meet him. It helps to scare the bad ones away.
OMG!! My younger brother "just happened" (he says) to do this at least twice for 1 of my younger sisters! My hubby said uh huh ''just happened". How many days before did he go out shooting?? Lol
This Crap Show of a Story 1: NTA NTA NTA ABSOLUTELY NOT RUN FROM THIS CRAP SHOW OP. Jesus, cancel your engagement speedrun any% on the part of your fiance. Calls you a witch, tears a family tradition to shreds both figuratively and literally if he could. Screw that absolute trash bucket and find somebody who actually loves you and wants to marry you. Update 1: God, you're such a good woman solely based on your ability to sit down and talk things out. Thats SO rare these days. This guy has no idea what he is pissing away. You have gone out of your way to try and get him to see your side of things and ultimately choose you. He wont. Ditch him while you can. Update 2: You're not stupid. At all. You felt for this guy. Truely and deeply. And then he showed you his true colors. I cant tell you how many people I've dated who I gave my whole self to only for them to reveal themselves. It hurts at first...give it some time and you'll be wondering why you didnt leave him sooner.
Story 1,along with updates: Either the fiancee really did change for the worst or he was just a very good actor until he knew for sure that he had OP "trapped" Glad OP is leaving him
Oh honey, he didn't change, he just finally took the mask off. I get her point about people calling her stupid. Calling someone who is in an abusive situation, stupid, helps nobody. It does make one look like a pathetic ass.
Story 1: It sounds like SIL's new husband of 2 years is just a beard for her true romantic partner...her brother. The unmitigated gall and audacity to think you have the right to tell the bride she will wear your/your sister's wedding dress for the ceremony and she can wear her chosen wedding dress for a little bit at the reception. You just know that one of their family members would have "accidentally" spilled red wine all over OP at the reception to destroy the dress permanently so any future daughters couldn't wear it. While he is at work OP needs to pack up everything that belongs to her, take pictures of the entire apartment/house so he cannot claim any damage or theft, leave her engagement ring on the counter, and house keys through the mail slot. This controlling abusive behavior will only get worse after the marriage certificate is signed and children come into the picture. The moment she leaves the apartment for good she needs to write and post a comprehensive social media message on why she left and why reconciliation will never happen. Warn that any negative comments or flying monkeys will immediately be blocked, and legal procedures for continued harassment will be started! You don't have to like or accept my decision but this is the way it is! mic drop!
The mask often comes off after the wedding is in the works. OP's fiancé is abusive and follows what his family wants, not what OP wants. She's well rid of the whole lot.
Story 1: girl if you don’t grow a spine and leave that man. He already said he can’t believe he agreed to marry a b like you……that was fighting words right there. And now he is unapologetic AND telling you what the sister in law has agreed for you to wear at YOUR wedding. Girl bye with all of that. Idk why you are waiting to just walk away from it all. And I am in agreement with the one commenter that said there is no way ole dude was fine for all fhese years and has never acted this way. No girl you have just been ignoring the behavior.
Thank you. I am so sick of these brainless idiots going for red flag creeps that are dating what amounts to mentally, a teenager then being all surprise pikachu face when the mask finally comes off. Like, what did you expect to happen when dating a red flag?
Final Story: NTA. What’s wrong with your Wife? Because even if you were crap at singing, people would enjoy it. In the Wise words of Maple Pines “It’s about sounding bad together”.
Agreed, karaoke is supposed to be fun, went to karaoke for my 26th birthday at this tiny little dive bar near my old house with friends [we grabbed burgers at Islands after] to get our karaoke on and there was no judgement [tiny bar plus a few people were too drunk to care to channel an inner Simon Cowell] It was a great night all around
The Violet and Tessa story doesn't make any sense. Something is definitely missing here. But, with the info given my vote is ETA. Ppl needs to stop creating blended families with kids that don't want to be in those unions. It's a guaranteed recipe 4 disaster.
Story 1: This a family that thinks they can just "eat" the bride's family out of her existence simply because she's "the bride" and will be taking their surname. But she'll NEVER stop being someone else's daughter and sister.
Please do NOT marry that man. That was not a kind gesture with the dress. NTA, unless you marry him. He should have stood up for you, not abuse you when you didn't. Edit, a word.
Last story: oh boy the jealous wife bit. This woman is just jealous Op is getting so much attention. Then she's even angrier that he didn't obey her and not sing. Why the heck did she agree to go to a kareokie bar if she didn't want to see or hear her husband sing? I too love to sing. My partner and I go out to some of these places and have a ball. She can't sing a lick. I've won a contest or two but do it for fun. She loves to hear me sing. Heck it helps when we get home, if you know what I mean, lol Yes, like someone said main character syndrome.
I feel so sorry for the 1st OP. She's such a pushover that she keeps saying it's over, but she keeps dragging her feet leaving. She needs to hurry up and call her brother. Maybe him mopping the floor with her ex because he called her a b""ch will finally get through to her. Why wait till he verbally abuses their future children?
S1, there is no way in hell I would be putting up with any of these peoples BS. My fiancee would be out on his ass for that behaviour on that night, no 2nd chances.
Story 2: OP NTA: Sorry but the comment about OP needs to give more to the relationship because stepmom is putting in so much effort is ridiculous. It’s like saying someone who wants to be your friend but you don’t want to be friends, but you should be more reciprocal just because they want to be. OP didn’t choose stepmom, if she doesn’t want that close a relationship, its up to OP not the amount of effort stepmom puts in.
@@jaymeVosT-posing is slang for “showing authority over someone or something”, meaning SIL was attempting to show her authority over op for some reason.
Silence story: how many times have we heard of a kid in a blended family being forced to take new siblings into their social circle? How many times have parents berated a kid for not wanting to bring an unwelcome intrusion? And Reddit always sides with them. Now we get it from the other side and everyone calls this kid a bully??? Reddit is wild sometimes.
It's ESH in my books. The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse. Violet's fiance confirms that Violet seems to get off on doing it to people. OP seems to think that abuse has to be physical so she ignored her daughter's pain. There's nothing that OP could have done about Violet's behavior but acknowledging that it hurt her daughter to be completely ignored by someone in her own household might have helped Tessa move on and find herself. However, Tessa was never owed a relationship with Violet. And Tessa seems to have mostly upset that she couldn't be part of the popular crowd, because Violet was in that group and refused to have anything to do with her. So everyone is an AH in this story.
Story 1: I'm curious whether or not the family was truly involved with the ambush or if the ex spun a yarn hoping to pressure OP with the whole family. The whole family being so invested in OP wearing the sisters wedding dress is bizarre.
Story 1: Ya i agree with that commentor, there is NO WAY her fiancée was a “sweet” and “decent guy” before all this. He was always toxic and manipulative but Op just didn’t pick up on it as much. What a vile man he is. Hope Op RUNS
Story 1: yikes. That wedding is canceled, if an SO showed such true colours to me. My rule of thumb is to go out to various restaurants. How the SO treats the staff is how they'll be treating you in about five months...
Violet is an introvert. She is the life of the party with people she is close to and enjoys being around…everyone else drains her. As an introvert she has no use for small talk, meeting new people, etc. Maybe her sister could get a hobby…Violet is not her emotional support person…Violet has a very rich, full and meaningful life…it’s just that the OP is not a part of it. PERIOD.
I closed my eyes, drew back the curtain To see for certain, what I thought I knew Far, far away, someone was weeping But, the world was sleeping Any dream will do Now OP got me wanting to sing that song. Just got to make sure no hiphop or metal heads are around. Gotta maintain my tough, street image.
Tessa needs to get a life. Violet wouldn't speak to Tessa so Tessa compares her to Regina George? Regina would NOT have given Tessa the silent treatment and the whole world would have known Regina's scathing opinion of Tessa.
Tessa needs to grow a spine. She is giving Violet free rent inside her head. Violet has problems and she's not going to change. Tessa needs to cultivate some friends, find some hobbies and concentrate on her career. If her mother had married a man with no kids, Tessa would have been an only child and she would have managed somehow.
Last Story: OP's singing voice is very good, by all accounts...maybe his wife wants him to sing *only 'for her',* and worries other women will 'hit' on him, as attracted to his singing as she is (but she doesn't want to admit to any of it)...and *that* might be why she's *really* upset.
Last story, woman suffers from second hand embarrassment syndrome (if there is such a thing!) she is embarrassed on op’s behalf even though there’s nothing embarrassing about it and OP himself is not embarrassed. Basically, hubby singing karaoke makes her uber uncomfortable, she really can’t explain why, she just knows she doesn’t like it, so projects and insists that it can’t possibly be her problem, so it must be OP’s fault.
For the first story- To the OP: Your 'fiancée' knew beforehand that you were going to wear your mother's wedding dress- so obviously, your soon to be SIL knew this in advance as well, yet they publicly gifted you her used wedding dress without warning, so you would not have a chance to school your reaction. Honey, you were set up...
Nta. The gesture was nice, but you had every right to pick what dress you want. He is cheating already. Do not marry that abusive ahole? He is letting the mask fall. See the person or should I say monster behind it.
story 1 your not the idiot here you’re fiancé and his family are the jerks here because you didn’t want sister in law wearing dress and you insulted you and thank god you decide to leave your fiancé if he and his family are this controlling now it would of gotten worse and you can find someone else who will appreciate you and your mothers wedding dress 🤬🤬😡😤
Story 3: NTA. Look, that is generally (W)itchy behavior, but it’s not bullying. She doesn’t have to like her but spreading rumors about non existent conflicts just makes her the bad guy.
I agree which I feel the YTA commenters gloss over. Yes Violet isn’t winning any Miss Congeniality awards but Tessa is more of a bully. She’s trying to insert herself in a dynamic she’s not welcomed. And she only wants to be friends with them because they’re popular and not because they seem nice and share her interests. She also approaches Violet knowing she doesn’t like her instead of giving her space. It doesn’t sound like Violet ever approaches Tessa and provoke conflict. Then when she can’t get what she wants, she starts gossip and name calling.
OP NTA. You promised that you would wear your mother's wedding dress. It is nice that your Sil offered her wedding dress to you, but I think she should have asked you first and not in front of everyone. Every Bride has tge right to pick which dress she gets married in. The way OP'S fiance reacted and tge things he said to her would have be canceling the wedding and breaking off engagement and kicking him out in the streets. Run don't walk. Don't waste anymore money on this wedding. He and his family aren't worth being locked to and don't get pregnant..
Story 3: Violet isn't TA. Tessa is TA because of the rumors she spread and how she just refuses to leave Violet alone She wanted to be friends with Violet and her group in high school simply because they were popular. If someone doesn't want to be in a relationship (platonic or otherwise) with you,for any reason,then that's it. Not much you can do but move on. Because Tessa refuses to give up, she's stomping on Violet's boundaries and just acting like someone that most people wouldn't want to be friends with in general.
To be fair, the silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse so Violet is an AH, but so is Tessa for her insistence on being part of Violet's life and friend group. OP is an AH as well for not recognizing that abuse does not have to be physical. If OP had acknowledged her daughter's pain of being rejected, maybe Tessa could have moved on with her life. That Regina George comparison was wild - Regina would NOT have given Tessa the silent treatment!
@hrobinson9701 that's a slippery slope. Some people are just really that introverted. I was selectively mute as a kid and only spoke to very specific people at rare times.
@@itsjustmaddisen Violet did not come off as introverted though. She was part of the popular kids' clique in HS and now is quite successful in her work (which apparently adds to Tessa's irritation). And Violet's bf states that she seems to get real enjoyment from giving some people the silent treatment. That does not sound like someone who is debilitatingly introverted.
@hrobinson9701 I disagree. Violet could absolutely be introverted or socially awkward. I knew popular girls in my high school that were the same say. This whole thing seems kind of suspect to me when we haven't heard anything from Violet herself.
Plenty of people use silence and noids as a weapon though. Prime example in my family... relative didn't speak to his wife or child for over forty years. Sat there and never spoke again after an argument at work. They never knew what had happened. Tragic.. nothing was ever resolved. It can be if one side refuses to communicate. I have worked with children with selective mutusm and it presents very differently than chosen silence... it is pretty easy to see the difference!
If you are invited to do karaoke and you don't feel like you sing well, choose the song "Rainy Day Woman #23". How could anyone tell if you were singing it wrong? "Ev'rybody must get stoned!"
I really need OP people to list their ethnicity in these stories. The wedding dress she wants sounds like it would be embarrassing to the fiance and his people so he talked to his sister-in-law to giving her dress
Last story: not the AH, but I think that OP and his wife arent really compatible when it comes to Fun. Also if OP can sing to Phantom of the Opera, his voice range must be amazing
1 - While it was nice of SIL to offer, it was gross to essentially force the "present" on OP. Fiancee' is an asshole for getting on OP about it, too. I'd have told him to go to hell. Cancel the wedding. This isn't going to get better. Talk about an overreaction from that family. Uncle Mike's right. NTA (Post update, RUN. Fuck that 'permission' shit. RUNNN.)
Story 1: when she initially brought the dress out at the party, you probably should have declined in private. Other than that, they're the ones acting crazy.
Violet sounds like she may have Aspergers ie on the Spectrum. Her story sounds so familiar, because I lived through it. Even the part of other people judging me and being so $hitty to me. I have Aspergers, am very, very, very introverted and could have done anything I had set my mind to doing, if people hadn't been so judgemental and shunned me. I ended up hating being around people and rarely go out anywhere anymore. I have my few close friends and family members, that I enjoy being around and doing things with. Things are different now, and there is much more understanding/support for Autistic people. Whether Violet is or is not on the spectrum, I wish her great success in all she does. ❤
Story 1: NTA. SIL and her family INCLUDING fiance are disgusting. Glad he's now an ex.
I can already hear the Ex's family spinning a tale about how their son is innocent and the OP is a Gold Digging Snake
And hopefully the wedding dress OP wanted to wear was at her mom’s. I see the fiancé destroying it.
Disgusting might be underplaying it here. Why is the fiance so angry that he won't be removing his sister's wedding dress from his new bride on their wedding night?
And who was the brainless idiot that decided dating an older man at 21 was a good idea?
Stop babying her!
That bs is how she got in this situation.
OP's fiancé must be from a rich family. He seems to be worried about appearances. He gave OP the cold shoulder after the engagement party. Obviously he doesn't love OP and she should run.
Who tf thinks it’s ok to pick out a wedding dress for someone else? What is wrong with them?
It was likely one of many steps to make OP stop seeing her family as hers and they as her only family unit. That way when fiancé’s behavior is in its true and final form, she’ll have no true support network.
Yeah, that family is crazy, along with the fiancé.
Imagine how hard on OP it would be if she announced that she was keeping her maiden name. Some in laws can be a cult. Better freedom and single than repression and servitude.
@mavis4801
And the SIL „allowing“ the bride to wear what she (the bride) wants for the reception?
Isn’t SIL generous! /s
But of course we don’t want to go too far letting the bride choose for herself. She has to wear what SIL and groom dictate her to wear during the ceremony.
🤮
I cannot comprehend what's going on here. Why would OP want a recently used dress with no sentimental value to her over the dress her blood mother used (presumably to her bio dad). No just that, it's obvious all the "in laws" were in the loop about this... I'd at very least pause wedding planning until all this gets sorted out
He hasn’t changed, he’s just not hiding who he is anymore.
And now he’ll be mad that he has to hide himself again since he’s going to be single and looking for new prey
@@lorilancaster5917This!
Story 1... I'm a 68 year old bachelor, and even I know that the bride (unless the dress is $100,000.00) gets to pick their own wedding dress without being a "Bridezilla".
As other commenters in the post said: this is an obvious dominance play by the fiancé's family, and a humongous bright red flag for OP to run as fast and as far away as she can.
if she married the weirdo she would probably be their servant and any kids would be taken away and raised by the sill or something to make sure they are raised right and of course she will be seen as a failure if she does not produce a son
My mother played it really smart. She took me to the best bridal dress place in 3 home counties, to choose a dress. Little did I know, she'd been there before and already had one picked out for me. I tried on loads of dresses and hated them all - off the shoulder, bare shoulders with tit's hanging out. Just horrible. The finally, my mother's choice came out and I tried on an extremely modest dress with a higher scooped neck, lots of embroidery and pearls everywhere and long sleeves with pearls too. It was gorgeous, with a stiff, bodice. "This one" I said. "It's fabulous".
This never would have been an issue if she actually used her damn brain and not dated the creep to begin with.
Wouldn't it be a WHITE flag in this case since it's a wedding dress?
But yes, I completely agree that that demanding OP to wear the SIL's wedding dress is really nasty. SIL offering the dress could have been sweet, but only if done in private and as a suggestion: "Hey, you know, if you want to I'd be honoured if you'd wear my wedding dress. If not, that's fine too". If SIL absolytely wanted OP to wear something from her own wedding attire, maybe there was jewellery she could have offered? Or OP could have a similar bouquet or whatever (probably not, depending on the wedding colours etc. Plus OP might have found her bouquet to be butt ugly. Who knows).
Story 1: cancel the wedding, he and his whole family are controlling.
The personality flip was scary af.
And OP is a brainless idiot.
If your partner is abusive, you do not owe them a proper breakup. Do not have a final conversation. The most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is when you are trying to leave. People have been injured or worse because they wanted to do the right thing. The only people you need to involve are the police, let them know you left and this person might not take it well.
This. Like 10 to the 100th power times.
Uncle Mike's Advise literally laid it out that this was as nice as he was ever gonna get now that he thinks she's locked down and she still tries? Eye freaking roll.
Well she was trying to find his logic behind his bs but as she made it clear in the second update, she’s ready to leave him and planning an exit.
@@lorilancaster5917i really hope she does/did and that she is safe
Uncle Muke is right, dude is only going to get worse.
You do realize just cuz this TH-camr saw that comment doesn't mean OP did, right? You'd think that'd be common sense but here we are
Wish an Uncle Mike had that bit of gold 4 me. My XH is just like OPs hideous bf. UM is absolutely right✌️
If OP is having her brother pick her up because she is worried her now ex-fiancé will do something, there is a lot she has been making excuses for over the years.
Story 1: I'm glad to hear in the updates that she's leaving him. Everything about him and his family just sounds terrible.
SIS would “allow” her to wear her mother’s dress at the reception? OMG, I’d have laughed in his face at that and told him to bugger off with his precious SIS!
Still it would have been nice to hear one more update after she dumped him, at least to find out she wasn’t kidnapped by his family or worse that they did something to her for the “dishonor”….. 😱 (shivers).
But did she actually leave him?
@@catherinep2034did the story actually happen?
@vincentlucario5450 who knows
Violet isnt bullying anyone, Id have loved a bully like that growing up, one who just left me alone. Instead I was actually bullied verbally and violently, my brothers and sisters even worse than me. Theres nothing more pathetic than someone who trivialising bullying.
First OP’s SIL had absolutely zero good intentions w her stunt. She was trying to make the wedding all about her, and her fiancée and his garbage family all showed their true colors.
Yes and that was only the beginning. Sil is the golden child everyone in the family worships like the sun shines out of her butt. Everything was going to be about her and what she wants. She would pick their babies name and I wouldn't be surprised if any gifts, even for op's birthday would be for sil.
I think SIL was hurt because fiance hyped it to her.
Tessa/Violet story: NTA. Tessa is just entitled and spiteful. I feel like she is uber jealous of Violet and wants something to not go her way. Hence the attempt to label her via lies. Is Violet a nice person? Nope. But not wanting to be buddy buddy or even friendly isn't a crime. If she didn't feel it, she would basically be forcing herself to behave out of character just to please someone else. For what? And how the heck is Tessa still holding on to this? She had a life, or should have, before OP got married. Didn't she have friends too? What about now? She is a whole adult? WTF is she holding on to a perceived slight just because one person in the whole universe doesn't like her? SMH.
i am not quickly on the mental issue train but i wonder if Violet has some sort of selective mutism that has never been checked out
@@velvety2006Violet only talks to 4 people. That is not bullying the other 7 billion people in the world, she just doesn't like talking. Tessa needs to grow up and stop letting Violet live rent free in her head.
@@velvety2006it is definitionally selective mutism.
Violet and Tessa story: yeah, ignoring is not bullying. Does it suck? Yes. But that's just boundaries at that point.
Story 1: A wedding dress is something that a bride should choose for herself. Still your future SIL did you a favor. You got to see your fiancé’s true colors before you married and had children with him. Please believe me that this kind of behavior won’t stop with the wedding dress. OP, please RUN!!!!
Story 2: A relationship is what it is. Maybe stepmom should just settle for friend instead of mom🙁
Story 3: Maybe your stepdaughter wasn’t interested in developing a relationship with her stepsister, who tried to hang out with her only so she could be with the popular kids. It’s not bullying behavior not to speak to people😒
Story 4: OP, continue with your singing and keep the wife at home next time😏
"It’s not bullying behavior not to speak to people" It is when you won't even acknowledge their existence or stare at them like they are stupid when they try and talk to them. Even the dad called it out as rude but Violet ignored him too. There's keeping to yourself, and there's being rude.
Nah it's rude yes. But why was the step sis not making her own friends. She's just angry she couldn't use her new sister popularity.
@@kureaz Compared to the toxic behavior that sometimes goes on between members of blended families, not speaking is pretty mild🙂
@@darkmask5933If that’s the case, then the stepsister should have just stopped trying to talk to her😒
How much you wanna bet The Opie's wedding dress would end up "accidentally" getting destroyed or stained beyond repair?
Best to cut and run with the dress intact, vs doing so after it's been destroyed.
Story ONE: All together kids: THE SILENT TREATMENT IS ABUSE. No matter what their argument was about, whether it was the dress or the cake or whatever, beyond a short "I need to go take a walk around the block and cool down," NO partner should unilaterally refuse to communicate. It's a juvenile power play and the biggest red flag ever. Scrolling on his phone during an important conversation? Hell nah, what is he, twelve?!?
And yeah, you don't announce in front of everyone "this is the dress you're wearing!" if this sister had really cared about OP, she would have asked her in private first about her own plans and then ONLY offered it if OP didn't already have a dress in mind.
I'd love to see more stories updated here, thanks for doing this!!!
Silent treatment is not abuse. Its called going no contact. Don't turn into a monster
@@arii1987 There's a big difference between the silent treatment and going no contact.
The Silent Treatment is used by someone who's still maintaining a relationship and stops talking to the other person while still sharing the same space, as a "punishment." It's done with the intention of manipulating the other person into doing things your way. The intention is not to end the relationship, but to control it.
Conversely, going No Contact is distancing yourself from an abuser and no longer sharing the same space with them. One removes oneself from the abusive environment, in order to protect oneself. There's no manipulation going on with going no contact. The intention here is to end the relationship and escape the control.
In story one, when the fiance refused to speak to OP because she didn't want to wear his sister's dress, he was giving her the silent treatment, but was still in the same apartment, and was using the silent treatment as a punishment. She was not being abusive, and he was not going no contact.
@@spikeoramathonit could just be that Violet only feels comfortable with specific people. It's a very slippery slope calling it manipulation because we don't know the situation. I was incredibly shy in school and I only really talked to a handful of people it doesn't mean I was manipulative 😂
@@itsjustmaddisen I wasn't talking about that story, but the first one, where OP is being manipulated by her boyfriend because she doesn't want to wear her sister's wedding gown.
I have no idea what to make of Violet and was not commenting on that. IMO, we haven't been given enough info to know what's going on in that story. But, no, you definitely weren't being manipulative to be shy. :)
Story 1: love how people jump on the ops for not immediately breaking up that second. It's 6 years. It sounds like she's going down the route of breaking it off. But if that is the first time he's acted that way ofc she's going to have some hesitation. Ofc she's gonna know why. Hopefully he doesn't turn violent but damn give the girl a moment to process.
Story 1 + All Updates: I’m glad you got out of there. I’m sorry you were insulted so much, I think people were just scared you’d still go back to him even though he doesn’t even qualify as a Flag anymore. Women have a tendency to excuse behavior like this as an isolated incident only to see the suffer. We just didn’t want that to happen to you. You deserve a man who is eager to see you in your Mom’s dress.
11:40 - NTA You're right. Violet isn't bullying her. Tessa needs to grow up already. Violent didn't have to be friends with her stepsister, and it can be annoying when a sibling tries to push their way into your friend group and you don't want them there. Violet talks to whoever she wants to talk to, Tessa needs to let it go.
Story5: Wife lost her karaoke privileges. Go with people who will celebrate and be positive.
Yeah if karaoke isn’t her vibe then she shouldn’t go. I’m also sure no one was looking at her whenever OP sung.
Last story: As a big, bearded masculine guy (who happens to be gay, but that's truly irrelevent) who enjoys singing, ive gotten up at karaoke and sung songs like "I Feel Pretty" and "Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair," to much acclaim and rousing laughter. It's a hoot! OPs wife is truly a sourpussed killjoy🙄 Life's too damned short and painful to not laugh as much as you can, and it's also too damned short to care about what others, including SOs, think about truly trivial things.
ETA: I just reread my comment and realized maybe the fact im gay is NOT so irrelevent after all😂😂😂😂
Upvote for the ETA 🤣
Imagine calling someone selfish for wanting to chose their own wedding dress
Voilet is wrong for shutting up??? What the hell is wrong with redditors?? 😂😂😂😂 Its clear that violet hated the new family, so instead of being a brat or mean she shuts up.... Reddit doesn't like it 😂
A future SIL gifts her used two year old wedding dress for OP to wear? I’d be insulted!
S1 - This story should be told by the groom and entitled "How to make your bride call off the wedding."
Congratulations, the fiancé showed you his true colors six years throughout the relationship. It’s amazing how toxic partners like this are good at hiding their true selves
I’m questioning how could someone like Violet be so successful if she’s such an antisocial person and only speaks to a few people. And no I, choosing not to engage or communicate with people is not bullying. It really does seem like this Violet person never wanted to be a part of the new family to begin with
There's a few reasons why Violet may be like she is. She might be an extreme introvert who saves her energy for a limited amount of people. She may be grey rocking people for legitimate reasons. She may be adhering to the mantra of "if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all" and dislikes all but a few people.
It might even be a combination of ALL of those things and they all point to her being just a genuine, nice, charismatic person with a limited style of direct contact.
And you know what they say: the forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest. That's why she's so popular. And whatever skills she had make whatever work she does lucrative.
Tessa is not ALLOWED to be in Violet's circle. So this lashing out and talk of bullying? All jealousy. Tessa is a grown up mean girl taking out her jealousy on the popular kids who won't let her into their clique and since she cannot actively be a victim of bullying because she's not being mistreated she just claims she is.
Tessa is a bad person and Op is probably not amazing either if she let all this just happen for over 12 years before speaking up to Tessa in defense of Violet.
Am I the only one being icked out that brother wants his fiancee wearing the same dress as his sister wore?
Or did I mess up the relations?
Riiiight... and it's not even his family's heirloom
First story: it's men like this is why it's so important for your dad and your brother to be cleaning their guns when they first meet him. It helps to scare the bad ones away.
OMG!! My younger brother "just happened" (he says) to do this at least twice for 1 of my younger sisters! My hubby said uh huh ''just happened". How many days before did he go out shooting?? Lol
More like it is why it's important to raise people well so they don't abuse others and can recognise when they are being abused and leave.
@@SilverMKIexactly 👏
This Crap Show of a Story 1: NTA NTA NTA ABSOLUTELY NOT RUN FROM THIS CRAP SHOW OP. Jesus, cancel your engagement speedrun any% on the part of your fiance. Calls you a witch, tears a family tradition to shreds both figuratively and literally if he could. Screw that absolute trash bucket and find somebody who actually loves you and wants to marry you.
Update 1: God, you're such a good woman solely based on your ability to sit down and talk things out. Thats SO rare these days. This guy has no idea what he is pissing away. You have gone out of your way to try and get him to see your side of things and ultimately choose you. He wont. Ditch him while you can.
Update 2: You're not stupid. At all. You felt for this guy. Truely and deeply. And then he showed you his true colors. I cant tell you how many people I've dated who I gave my whole self to only for them to reveal themselves. It hurts at first...give it some time and you'll be wondering why you didnt leave him sooner.
Story 1,along with updates: Either the fiancee really did change for the worst or he was just a very good actor until he knew for sure that he had OP "trapped"
Glad OP is leaving him
A lot of people take their masks off when they think they've trapped them, either through marriage or a child or both
Oh honey, he didn't change, he just finally took the mask off.
I get her point about people calling her stupid. Calling someone who is in an abusive situation, stupid, helps nobody. It does make one look like a pathetic ass.
Story 1: It sounds like SIL's new husband of 2 years is just a beard for her true romantic partner...her brother. The unmitigated gall and audacity to think you have the right to tell the bride she will wear your/your sister's wedding dress for the ceremony and she can wear her chosen wedding dress for a little bit at the reception. You just know that one of their family members would have "accidentally" spilled red wine all over OP at the reception to destroy the dress permanently so any future daughters couldn't wear it. While he is at work OP needs to pack up everything that belongs to her, take pictures of the entire apartment/house so he cannot claim any damage or theft, leave her engagement ring on the counter, and house keys through the mail slot. This controlling abusive behavior will only get worse after the marriage certificate is signed and children come into the picture. The moment she leaves the apartment for good she needs to write and post a comprehensive social media message on why she left and why reconciliation will never happen. Warn that any negative comments or flying monkeys will immediately be blocked, and legal procedures for continued harassment will be started! You don't have to like or accept my decision but this is the way it is! mic drop!
The mask often comes off after the wedding is in the works. OP's fiancé is abusive and follows what his family wants, not what OP wants. She's well rid of the whole lot.
Uncle coming through with the best advice ever here.
Story 1: girl if you don’t grow a spine and leave that man. He already said he can’t believe he agreed to marry a b like you……that was fighting words right there. And now he is unapologetic AND telling you what the sister in law has agreed for you to wear at YOUR wedding. Girl bye with all of that. Idk why you are waiting to just walk away from it all. And I am in agreement with the one commenter that said there is no way ole dude was fine for all fhese years and has never acted this way. No girl you have just been ignoring the behavior.
Thank you.
I am so sick of these brainless idiots going for red flag creeps that are dating what amounts to mentally, a teenager then being all surprise pikachu face when the mask finally comes off.
Like, what did you expect to happen when dating a red flag?
Final Story: NTA. What’s wrong with your Wife? Because even if you were crap at singing, people would enjoy it. In the Wise words of Maple Pines “It’s about sounding bad together”.
Agreed, karaoke is supposed to be fun, went to karaoke for my 26th birthday at this tiny little dive bar near my old house with friends [we grabbed burgers at Islands after] to get our karaoke on and there was no judgement [tiny bar plus a few people were too drunk to care to channel an inner Simon Cowell] It was a great night all around
The Violet and Tessa story doesn't make any sense. Something is definitely missing here. But, with the info given my vote is ETA. Ppl needs to stop creating blended families with kids that don't want to be in those unions. It's a guaranteed recipe 4 disaster.
Story 1: This a family that thinks they can just "eat" the bride's family out of her existence simply because she's "the bride" and will be taking their surname. But she'll NEVER stop being someone else's daughter and sister.
Story 1: every aita cliche in the first minute. Every woman that cries when upset, abusive men and hateful in laws that instantly gang up on op
Please do NOT marry that man. That was not a kind gesture with the dress. NTA, unless you marry him. He should have stood up for you, not abuse you when you didn't.
Edit, a word.
Story 1: OP was the victim of a long con. The fiance's mask has FINALLY come off and she should run very far, very fast.
NTA
Well, if she had been raised with a functioning brain she would known not to date a creep.
Last story: oh boy the jealous wife bit. This woman is just jealous Op is getting so much attention. Then she's even angrier that he didn't obey her and not sing. Why the heck did she agree to go to a kareokie bar if she didn't want to see or hear her husband sing? I too love to sing. My partner and I go out to some of these places and have a ball. She can't sing a lick. I've won a contest or two but do it for fun. She loves to hear me sing. Heck it helps when we get home, if you know what I mean, lol Yes, like someone said main character syndrome.
I feel so sorry for the 1st OP. She's such a pushover that she keeps saying it's over, but she keeps dragging her feet leaving. She needs to hurry up and call her brother. Maybe him mopping the floor with her ex because he called her a b""ch will finally get through to her. Why wait till he verbally abuses their future children?
I'm doubting she actually left.
Story 1 - OP's fiance and his entire family showed OP who they are. None of them respect her. She needs to cut ties with the lot of them.
Story 1: NTA and op isn’t the idiot
Someone didn’t listen to Uncle Mike 🤦♀️
For real.
Thank you! 🌻
S1, there is no way in hell I would be putting up with any of these peoples BS. My fiancee would be out on his ass for that behaviour on that night, no 2nd chances.
Why does anyone have a say in the dress but the bride?
They are controlling abusers
I figured if the bride wanted mine or anyone else's opinion on her dress, she'd ask or take them dress shopping.
Story 1. This is not the guy OP should marry, nor is this the family she wants to marry into.
Story 1 want to hear about how OP's move out went
Hopefully with restraining orders against the ex-fiance and his family!
Being ostracized is a form of bullying. The sent treatment is manipulative, controlling and childish
Story 2: OP NTA: Sorry but the comment about OP needs to give more to the relationship because stepmom is putting in so much effort is ridiculous. It’s like saying someone who wants to be your friend but you don’t want to be friends, but you should be more reciprocal just because they want to be. OP didn’t choose stepmom, if she doesn’t want that close a relationship, its up to OP not the amount of effort stepmom puts in.
Haven't even gotten to the updates and I'm saying return the ring and find someone else. Better to be alone or get a dog.
1st story, OP your fiancé has shown you who he really is on that ride home. RUN, RUN FAST. A TOXIC Family to be sure.
This is why so many people don’t want to be step parents.
Why would she want to come to her wedding when she refuses to talk to her? Leave her alone.
Story 2: OP is not the A-hole. OP feels how she feels. Stepmom needs to accept that.
Story 1:
Sister-in-law was T-Posing.
T-posing?
@@jaymeVosI'm posting here to find out what it means
@@jaymeVosT-posing is slang for “showing authority over someone or something”, meaning SIL was attempting to show her authority over op for some reason.
Silence story: how many times have we heard of a kid in a blended family being forced to take new siblings into their social circle? How many times have parents berated a kid for not wanting to bring an unwelcome intrusion? And Reddit always sides with them. Now we get it from the other side and everyone calls this kid a bully??? Reddit is wild sometimes.
It's ESH in my books.
The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse. Violet's fiance confirms that Violet seems to get off on doing it to people. OP seems to think that abuse has to be physical so she ignored her daughter's pain. There's nothing that OP could have done about Violet's behavior but acknowledging that it hurt her daughter to be completely ignored by someone in her own household might have helped Tessa move on and find herself.
However, Tessa was never owed a relationship with Violet. And Tessa seems to have mostly upset that she couldn't be part of the popular crowd, because Violet was in that group and refused to have anything to do with her. So everyone is an AH in this story.
@@hrobinson9701correction, op says that what the fiancé says
Ignoring someone for no reason isn't just not integrating a step-relative into the family it's blatantly rude af and disrespectful
I'm just sitting here with my selective (involuntary) mutism wondering if there's something we don't know from the story.
Story 1: RUN AWAY, BRIDE! RUN AWAY!
Story 1: I'm curious whether or not the family was truly involved with the ambush or if the ex spun a yarn hoping to pressure OP with the whole family. The whole family being so invested in OP wearing the sisters wedding dress is bizarre.
Story 1: Ya i agree with that commentor, there is NO WAY her fiancée was a “sweet” and “decent guy” before all this. He was always toxic and manipulative but Op just didn’t pick up on it as much. What a vile man he is. Hope Op RUNS
Karaoke story,
She didn't want op to sing that song because, she wanted it for herself. Hence her getting mad and storming off.
No, she didn't want OP to sing showtunes because she has it in her head that only 'gay guys' like showtunes.
Story 1: I think he will go back to being the nice guy she will fall for it and marry him and trap herself into a horrible marriage and family
Story 1: OP that was your mother keeping you safe from marrying that dangerous and horrible man.
Last story: went and listened to it.
Wife's got problems.
Story 1: yikes. That wedding is canceled, if an SO showed such true colours to me.
My rule of thumb is to go out to various restaurants. How the SO treats the staff is how they'll be treating you in about five months...
12:34 It sounds like Violet just does not like talking to people. It sounds like social anxiety, not bullying.
Not speaking is NOT bullying. Like get a reality check 🙈
Yeah, 'masculine' doesn't mean what that last guy thinks it means. Or what his wife wants.
Violet is an introvert. She is the life of the party with people she is close to and enjoys being around…everyone else drains her. As an introvert she has no use for small talk, meeting new people, etc. Maybe her sister could get a hobby…Violet is not her emotional support person…Violet has a very rich, full and meaningful life…it’s just that the OP is not a part of it. PERIOD.
Wedding dress: no more wedding if OP has any sense or self respect.
I closed my eyes, drew back the curtain
To see for certain, what I thought I knew
Far, far away, someone was weeping
But, the world was sleeping
Any dream will do
Now OP got me wanting to sing that song. Just got to make sure no hiphop or metal heads are around. Gotta maintain my tough, street image.
Silent Violet Story - I’m sorry but … who the hell is Regina George? 😅😅😅
Its from a movie. Mean girls
Tessa needs to get a life. Violet wouldn't speak to Tessa so Tessa compares her to Regina George? Regina would NOT have given Tessa the silent treatment and the whole world would have known Regina's scathing opinion of Tessa.
@@RusselXJoycethanks, I was wondering too.
Tessa needs to grow a spine. She is giving Violet free rent inside her head. Violet has problems and she's not going to change. Tessa needs to cultivate some friends, find some hobbies and concentrate on her career. If her mother had married a man with no kids, Tessa would have been an only child and she would have managed somehow.
Hi XO! Hope you are well :)
#1 - The first words out of his nasty mouth would have had my ass out of the car & out of the relationship. Sometimes you gotta take out the trash.
Story 1: SIL gifted her wedding dress, so OP should take it then ghost her now ex and his family. Maybe turn the dress she was gifted into dusters.
Last Story: OP's singing voice is very good, by all accounts...maybe his wife wants him to sing *only 'for her',* and worries other women will 'hit' on him, as attracted to his singing as she is (but she doesn't want to admit to any of it)...and *that* might be why she's *really* upset.
Time to call Whole Man Disposal Services
Next step , cancel wedding, and save your mother's dress for a man worth marrying
Last story, woman suffers from second hand embarrassment syndrome (if there is such a thing!) she is embarrassed on op’s behalf even though there’s nothing embarrassing about it and OP himself is not embarrassed. Basically, hubby singing karaoke makes her uber uncomfortable, she really can’t explain why, she just knows she doesn’t like it, so projects and insists that it can’t possibly be her problem, so it must be OP’s fault.
OP, dump him. Save yourself
For the first story- To the OP: Your 'fiancée' knew beforehand that you were going to wear your mother's wedding dress- so obviously, your soon to be SIL knew this in advance as well, yet they publicly gifted you her used wedding dress without warning, so you would not have a chance to school your reaction. Honey, you were set up...
Nta. The gesture was nice, but you had every right to pick what dress you want. He is cheating already. Do not marry that abusive ahole? He is letting the mask fall. See the person or should I say monster behind it.
It’s unfortunately, so obvious that he was just hiding his narcissistic ass behavior. But I swear to God, he forgot that people can change their mind.
If this first story is real...run girl!!!😟
story 1 your not the idiot here you’re fiancé and his family are the jerks here because you didn’t want sister in law wearing dress and you insulted you and thank god you decide to leave your fiancé if he and his family are this controlling now it would of gotten worse and you can find someone else who will appreciate you and your mothers wedding dress 🤬🤬😡😤
Story 3: NTA. Look, that is generally (W)itchy behavior, but it’s not bullying. She doesn’t have to like her but spreading rumors about non existent conflicts just makes her the bad guy.
I agree which I feel the YTA commenters gloss over. Yes Violet isn’t winning any Miss Congeniality awards but Tessa is more of a bully. She’s trying to insert herself in a dynamic she’s not welcomed. And she only wants to be friends with them because they’re popular and not because they seem nice and share her interests. She also approaches Violet knowing she doesn’t like her instead of giving her space. It doesn’t sound like Violet ever approaches Tessa and provoke conflict. Then when she can’t get what she wants, she starts gossip and name calling.
OP NTA. You promised that you would wear your mother's wedding dress. It is nice that your Sil offered her wedding dress to you, but I think she should have asked you first and not in front of everyone. Every Bride has tge right to pick which dress she gets married in. The way OP'S fiance reacted and tge things he said to her would have be canceling the wedding and breaking off engagement and kicking him out in the streets. Run don't walk. Don't waste anymore money on this wedding. He and his family aren't worth being locked to and don't get pregnant..
Story 3: Violet isn't TA. Tessa is TA because of the rumors she spread and how she just refuses to leave Violet alone
She wanted to be friends with Violet and her group in high school simply because they were popular. If someone doesn't want to be in a relationship (platonic or otherwise) with you,for any reason,then that's it. Not much you can do but move on.
Because Tessa refuses to give up, she's stomping on Violet's boundaries and just acting like someone that most people wouldn't want to be friends with in general.
To be fair, the silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse so Violet is an AH, but so is Tessa for her insistence on being part of Violet's life and friend group. OP is an AH as well for not recognizing that abuse does not have to be physical. If OP had acknowledged her daughter's pain of being rejected, maybe Tessa could have moved on with her life. That Regina George comparison was wild - Regina would NOT have given Tessa the silent treatment!
@hrobinson9701 that's a slippery slope. Some people are just really that introverted. I was selectively mute as a kid and only spoke to very specific people at rare times.
@@itsjustmaddisen Violet did not come off as introverted though. She was part of the popular kids' clique in HS and now is quite successful in her work (which apparently adds to Tessa's irritation). And Violet's bf states that she seems to get real enjoyment from giving some people the silent treatment. That does not sound like someone who is debilitatingly introverted.
@hrobinson9701 I disagree. Violet could absolutely be introverted or socially awkward. I knew popular girls in my high school that were the same say. This whole thing seems kind of suspect to me when we haven't heard anything from Violet herself.
Plenty of people use silence and noids as a weapon though. Prime example in my family... relative didn't speak to his wife or child for over forty years. Sat there and never spoke again after an argument at work. They never knew what had happened. Tragic.. nothing was ever resolved. It can be if one side refuses to communicate. I have worked with children with selective mutusm and it presents very differently than chosen silence... it is pretty easy to see the difference!
If you are invited to do karaoke and you don't feel like you sing well, choose the song "Rainy Day Woman #23". How could anyone tell if you were singing it wrong? "Ev'rybody must get stoned!"
"I can't believe I chose to marry such a [slur]!" Just take off the ring, hand it back and tell him now he's not getting married at all.
You’re wife is jealous 🤦🏽♀️
I really need OP people to list their ethnicity in these stories. The wedding dress she wants sounds like it would be embarrassing to the fiance and his people so he talked to his sister-in-law to giving her dress
Last story: not the AH, but I think that OP and his wife arent really compatible when it comes to Fun. Also if OP can sing to Phantom of the Opera, his voice range must be amazing
Yay XO!
1 - While it was nice of SIL to offer, it was gross to essentially force the "present" on OP. Fiancee' is an asshole for getting on OP about it, too. I'd have told him to go to hell. Cancel the wedding. This isn't going to get better. Talk about an overreaction from that family. Uncle Mike's right. NTA (Post update, RUN. Fuck that 'permission' shit. RUNNN.)
Story 1: when she initially brought the dress out at the party, you probably should have declined in private. Other than that, they're the ones acting crazy.
Violet sounds like she may have Aspergers ie on the Spectrum.
Her story sounds so familiar, because I lived through it. Even the part of other people judging me and being so $hitty to me. I have Aspergers, am very, very, very introverted and could have done anything I had set my mind to doing, if people hadn't been so judgemental and shunned me. I ended up hating being around people and rarely go out anywhere anymore. I have my few close friends and family members, that I enjoy being around and doing things with.
Things are different now, and there is much more understanding/support for Autistic people. Whether Violet is or is not on the spectrum, I wish her great success in all she does. ❤