The TRUTH About Pro-Anorexia Forums
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ก.ย. 2024
- If all you know are the dark, sinister stories that circulate in the media, here's the truth. If you were one of the early generation of forum users, you may well have known me by my old net-handle. If you're a modern era user, you've probably seen stolen pictures of me in thinspo threads - they're happily too old & too bony to be recognisable, but 15 years on I still see them posted! While I am fully recovered now, for many years the pro-anorexia board was the one place I felt accepted, loved, & understood - it shaped my latter teenage era so much, & while there is undeniably an alluring darkness to disappearing into a world where insanity is normalised & everyone gets what you mean about purging marshmallows, or a thousand other silly-gross in-jokes that no one in the outside world would think were funny - despite all of this, the forum did not MAKE us sick. We were the first generation: our EDs started YEARS before the internet booted up, & we finally found each other. We knew what it was to suffer alone, & we were the last generation to experience that depth of loneliness in disorder. Banning & censoring a vast swathe of people is never the answer to anything; just look at the war on drugs.
I will very likely talk more about the differences between original forums and the modern day, because the culture has really shifted from the Prozac Nation, Girl Interrupted era to the modern world of neo-grunge models, Instagram & Generation Anxiety. And maybe talking about that will rev me back up to unearth my started manuscript & actually finish it!
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My old pro ana forum slowly became a recovery forum. When one of us posts about eating a full meal, we all get really excited, and when someone new joins, we try to keep them from developing one.
That’s amazing! I’m really so happy for you all xx
I dont really get how a forum works :) is it like a group chat?
@@blkbarbie2671 Not really
exactly. this is what ed tumblr has kind of done over the years, at least from all i’ve seen in my three years being in it, and i’m so much better and closer to recovery then when i was before. i’d still never recommend someone uses any of those sites; there really isn’t any ed communities that i know of that don’t have anything toxic, but there is definitely less of it.
@@blkbarbie2671 Hmmm, a forum holds subforums an in those subforums you have threads. A subforum can be "videogames" and the thread would be "What do you think is the most influential game of 2020?" So forum holds many different active discussions/conversations that are separated by their themes/topics. I'd say it's like a discord server, but not as quick and with longer answers.
i met my best friend from an ed forum. we are helping each other recovery
Best of luck to your both. I'm 8+ years out of mine ❤
hope you're both doing fine now bless u its hard
2 years late to this comment, but please be careful. Trauma bonding can be both healing and damaging. ❤️
i met one of my bestfriends through pro ana instagram, we helped eachother recover
Hope everything went well and you guys recovered. I’m so proud of you!
Tumblr is the one exception to what she's saying about pro-ana forums. They give out tips like nobody's business, people partner up to encourage each other to starve. I used to be part of it, it's really REALLY bad on tumblr. Or at least it was like 4-5 years ago.
I'm still bulimic, having a hard time recovering, but I do remember the amount of crazies tumblr had. What's fucked up is that I remember that they hid all these tips as weight loss. They even had pretty graphics and pictures with them
Exactly what I was thinking! Pro-Ana tumblrs were awful and addicting. My “Ana buddy” was my best friend at the time and once I started wanting to get better, she stopped talking to me. Now almost 10 years later, I still see her every now and then in my town and it’s so strange to remember what we “bonded” over
Tumblr taught me how to not eat infront of my parents, how to fast, how to cut calories, how to hide an eating disorder. Sure, i already had a mental illness but tumblr made it so much worse
tumblr was my home at age 16, i'd been in and out of different forums since 11 but the abundance of tips made it SO much easier to perpetuate what i'd started. i still go on there once in a while, there's still blogs like that but they're mostly younger kids, 13-16ish. i follow other adults who i find are much more irritated by tips.
I just searched and yeah it's so bad
I feel like the pro-Ana community on tumblr is completely different from what you’re describing. I was involved in it for most of high school because i was mildly bulimic, until I finally developed severe anorexia due to an abusive relationship. It almost killed me on my 18th birthday. Which was when I left tumblr.
But the pro-anorexia community literally lives up to the name. They are promoting and glorifying eating disorders and trying to convince other girls to get involved and telling girls they need to be skinnier and you can even search the tag “pro-Ana tips” and they will give you lists of tips of how to starve and purge and hide your disorder. Sometimes they even get so insanely extreme that they sound like sociopaths who genuinely want everyone to be bone thin and dying. They’ll post pictures of obese women and say “you don’t want to look like this” and other things to encourage their followers to starve. It’s disgusting and it never made me feel comfortable with discussing my weight or my struggles or my depression regarding my disorder. I was slightly overweight and it made me depressed because I got bullied for it but I couldn’t talk about that on tumblr because they’d bully me for not trying hard enough to be skinny and not trying hard enough to b anorexic. It’s an extremely toxic community out there on tumblr.
Tumblr doesn't trigger me enough anymore
Yeah proana tumblr back in the day (can't speak for how it is now) was definitely into sharing tips, bonespo, 'inspirational' perfectionist fantasies about how good life will be once you stop eating and live off green tea, and harmful shit like that. Im sure people also found support networks in that space but for me it definitely fuelled disordered eating and body image.
Pro-ana tumblr is rough. It's very much not healthy helping people decide to recover. Its tips and tricks and BONESPO. :/ proana forums may be a way to find people to relate to. But proana tumblr is not.
Yes, so much this. I agree with healthier, moderated pro-ana forums like the one that she is talking about. Tumblr, however, was very unmoderated and it was a community based on hashtags where people could easily find really harmful information that would have been moderated on any other pro-ana forum.
I do agree with the overarching idea though that support is necessary, especially from people who understand personally and can have honesty over their struggles.
i feel like there's two factions on tumblr in that regard. i've definitely seen the toxicity you're describing, but i also see a lot of people who just don't have anyone to talk to about their EDs and it's isolating, and there's a lot of memes that embody coping with dark humour, and while i'm sick of TiPs aND tRiCKs posts about weightloss, i've seen genuinely helpful damage reduction posts as well. i do still go on sometimes, mostly just to talk to mutuals. everyone i've ever spoken to has been adamantly pro-recovery and body positive and encouraged others to eat, just sick themselves and unable to stop. the other thing i seek out is the memes because humour is a big coping mechanism for me, and generally these are also, they're not romanticising ed behaviour, yk? they generally acknowledge what we're doing is harmful but it helps to have a chuckle.
the same kind of divide i see on tiktok, and twitter as well. there's really toxic people, and of course a lot of lost kids looking for an "ana coach" and an easy fix who are so new to the disorder, they really glamourise it. but there's also a lot of recovery-minded people and funny content.
"...your body just keeps going much as you go to bed at night thinking, 'I don't wanna fucking wake up', your body keeps going, and it's the mind that says 'I can't live like this anymore'." THANK you Dorian, for putting this into words. You give incredibly accurate insight into the mind of an anorexic. I want to show this to my mom to help explain because it is just so damn hard to explain to people, especially now that my body appears healthier than it used to.
I wish you all the best in getting your mum to understand where you are coming from. I know how tough that can be... Good luck. 🖤
Unff, sympathies - it does get so hard when your body starts to look healthier, & everyone acts like everything HAS to be totally fine now, when it's like...dude, you can't SEE an eating disorder! One of the girls I knew, who died, she started out morbidly obese. She then swung between emaciation & obesity, over & over, until it killed her. She was never ok, but most of the time that didn't show - I think she was a 'healthy' weight when she died :-/ Also, people tend to think it's fine to comment on your weight once you look healthy, & even if it's a 'wow, you look so good now!' or worse, a 'You look great with curves!' type comment, oof...no, dude. Just, no. Person is ED'd, or has been ED'd, weight comments are a baaaad thing for a long, long time, sometimes forever - you can't guess what their mind will warp that comment into... Good luck with your mom!
Kat Barlow saw you on sv3rige channel, the illness makes more sense now
Blessings
Yes that was me!!! Wish you well
@@ofherbsandaltars do you offer proana coaching? Please.
I feel like there's a difference between the forums you're talkning about and those "thinspo" "pro ana" tumblr blogs where people encourage each other and give each other tips
She's speaking from a much earlier perspective as well. I was on the cusp of those forums and tumblr/twitter being a thing and the culture on those platforms is completely different.
i met my best friend there :(
@@NeichaUnagi edtwt is super vanilla its almost boring, nothing comes close to tumblr when its comes to toxic ed communities, i was very active on tumblr during heyday of pro ana but my ed wasnt that bad back then so i didnt interacted with them but i would see posts on my dashboard here and there i remember girls dying doing the abc diet
@@TheBrcylmz Oh I wasn't trying to equate the tumblr community to the twitter one, just pointing out that those platforms were very different from the forums of the early days.
@@NeichaUnagi srry for the misunderstanding
I wish more therapists were actual recovered addicts or eating disordered people. I feel like they would have actual insight and know how to actually *help* instead of just telling addicts or people with EDs to just stop. Addiction and eating disorders are really complex. My partner was an addict and I had an ED. We both wanted to die; we weren't going to die because of vomiting or not eating or drugs. We were gonna die from our own hands. I didn't use forums, but my friends had EDs and we helped each other, they went the therapy and friends supporting him to quit route. The tips in pro-ana tumblr is garbage though. Don't "try to convert" people. We need to say "this is NOT something you want, but recovering is not always a right now sort of thing" because we know we're hurting ourselves but recovery is hard, dude, you have to be ready to do it.
Alisa a lot these people do get into therapeutic careers, though. Certainly not enough of them but there is a professional boundary that, in most therapeutic environments/schooling, is not to be crossed. I know plenty of addicts with recovery based careers, but I know that these people are addicts because I do not know them via treatment center, as a patient. I know them as my peers. I can't speak for ED's and ED counsellors, but I assume it may be a similar deal. Its why so many addictions counsellors suggest 12 step programs, because even they know that someone else's experience, strength, and hope of recovery is more impactful than anything they could do from behind professional lines.
I'm currently in my undergrad with the plan of becoming a mental health counselor, and I've been considering specializing in eating disorders because i think it's really helpful to have someone who isn't just taking their info from a book and actually knows what it's like, ya know?
it’s so nice when i’m on my forums and i see posts like that about giving the truth about eds and that it isn’t “trendy” or fun at all and that it’s horrible and dangerous, and then teaching them that they deserve recovery and help.
Years and years ago i used to be on a "pro ana" website and my experience was very different. Everything was contest of whose stomach was flatter or who ate the least amount of calories that day. And there were tips, oh yes there were tips. I left when someone posted children refugee victims as "thinspiration." That was enough. Apparently the other boards are not like this. I'm glad to hear that you and others have a place to be open about this stuff. I think the name is the source of a lot of confusion.
i was super skinny and trying to gain weight when i was younger, friends would invite me places like this because i was "so skinny!", they would call me "thinspo", it's... it ick.
these do exist too, ive seen em, ive been dragged into em, i second your sightings.
I have seen a pamphlet on how to inject properly. They hand them out at a local mental health and addictions resource centre. I agree, it's better to inform on how to do it correctly if you're going to do it anyway.
Neurotypical, non-disordered, non-disabled people really, truly underestimate the unbearable loneliness of having no one to talk to about your problems that can understand you. They take for granted that they can talk to anyone at their job or school about a breakup or a fight with their average parents. They don't understand what it's like to be in agony, or to absolutely despise yourself, and not have anyone to talk to who understands what it feels like to experience what you're experience, even laterally.
I think there has to be some way, somehow, there can be groups or people out there similarly struggling who CAN understand you and hear you out. I hope so.
You worded what Iv thought for so long. You put it into words perfect. I need to screenshot this because Iv been agonizing over the thoughts that these people are simply very other person and I’m an alien with zero worth. I’m so glad this was worded here. I wish I could give the ten dozen for likes. It’s plainly true.
I agree with what you are saying 100%. As someone who never lived with an ED, I can only look in the window to the world of those with an eating disorder. I am learning about EDs and feel caring and sympathy for those with them. These videos are important for my understanding and learning about the disorders. This month I saw a video on Eugenia Cooley and feel like I need to learn more about them. I pray that everyone suffering from EDs can get the help they want and can find happiness, love and care in their lives.
You’re bitter. I am not neurotypical and I recognize you are bitter.
This is the one
Honestly i agree with you. I can see how they do harm buuuut when i was young and out of control i needed that space. It helped me realize i wasnt alone in my disorder and it also helped me realize it WAS a disorder. I had friends in my real life who struggled too and we bonded over binging and purging but we never talked about the ugly bits. That was for the forums. It was the only way i could open up enough to even process what was going on in my head. I fell out of the forums when i watched so much of the community turn into nearly a religion with the whole idea of personifying "ana" which even my disordered drug addled crazy brain realized was wack lol. Aaaaalso on a different note i LOVE LOVE LOVE this makeup combo the green and purple are beautiful together and im obsessed with that lip colour.
I agree with your reasons and the reasons Dorian gave for why websites should exist, but my concern with the proanoxeria forums or content I've found is that I primarily see it on platforms that have guidelines that say they don't allow harmful content. So my main issue as of now with it is that platforms don't follow their own procedures, so while any corporation can decide how much they will censor things (that's a different topic in itself) like they have a screwed version of censorship. Based on the video they were specifically referring to an entire website dedicated to the topic and I think that's fine because if someone does want to find it they'd have to look for it themselves, whereas me scrolling on IG doesn't have much warning while I do. Anyway I started rambling
Oh god yes, I do get really wigged out by the younger kids who even just use the WORDS ana & mia, particularly in a very personified sense, like 'So, I'm gonna stick with ana this week, but if I binge I'll go to mia & then it'll all be fine!', or something - urkk, I'm shuddering just typing that! Wtf, man, it's not a little friend in your pocket, it's you, alone, in a bathroom, splattered with stomach acid. But honestly that mentality has existed even before pro anorexia came along - some of the very old books on anorexics, from the 70s, those anorexics would refer to their disorder as Ed, like a person, 'Ed won't shut up today, he's telling me not to eat 'til Tuesday', or whatever, but yeah, internet culture's gone mad with that - the craziest one is seeing Instagram profiles where people's bio reads 'ana, mia, sue', & it's like...Sue?? When did 'suicide' become a cute friend you could hang out with? X'D She's kind of a one-time deal, that one! And I don't even know WHAT 'Deb' is supposed to stand for, apparently I'm too old to be down wit dat lingo, but as soon as our forum got to our late teens, anyone even using the abbreviations 'ana' or 'mia' were basically laughed into the abyss!
i made good friends in proana forums, but they were not a good place.
Where can you find these websites?
As a member of a "pro-ana" forum, I can safely say half the time we're talking about totally unglamorous and embarrassing stuff. Like having breakdowns in supermarkets and shitting ourselves after taking laxatives. Or how badly we wanna poop (there's actually a surprising amount of poop talk haha). Or railing against crappy Lifetime eating disorder movies. Or posting relatable memes. Legit once I was on there and wrote up a summary of a novel I'd read to help some girl do a college paper that she'd procrastinated lol. Really, there are no glamorizing eating disorders. There's hardly any glamour at all, tbh. We share SO many cringe-worthy and gross stories and relatable feelings. It's just a place to vent with people who understand. I definitely agree with some comments that it can become an echo chamber and there are toxic elements (ex. weight loss challenges). I think it really depends on the site and it's specific members. But every site or app I've used has been more focused on supporting each other and finding friends who can relate to you. I think a lot of people believe we're, like, the type who give tricks and tips and worship "ana" but the only tips I've seen are harm reduction. And I swear by harm reduction. You can't force people to recover when they're not ready. You can weight restore them (if they suffer from a restriction-based ED) or get them physically healthy, but if they don't want to recover mentally, they'll keep on suffering. That's why harm reduction is key. And on these sites, no one's preachy or judgmental if you aren't ready to recover. The only people I do see that are judged and shamed are those who DO try and glamourize eating disorders and offer tips on how to develop one.
I find the glamorizing takes place in the face to face cliques that surround ED and self harm. Not online, really. These little gangs thrive in youth's psych wards
You seem extremely smart. Keep believing in yourself and your capabilities never stop
When you say Lifetime movies I know for a fact you mean Starving in Suburbia lmao
That is truly sad and I hope you and everyone on the forum get better and find help
For real, last night on an ED discord we were talking about our assholes being painful because of shitting and wiping too much xD absolutely no glamour and it's the only people we can talk to about that
I understand this perspective 100%. As a cult survivor, I can’t force people who are still in to leave-they have to do so on their own and when they decide to, there’s support for them. And them discussing their doctrine can be triggering, but it will not make me return. I imagine it’s a similar mindset with addiction and eating disorder recovery. People have to be READY for recovery in order for it to be successful. Brilliant message Dorian.
i'm a cult survivor too! an exjw. what about you?
@@destroyer6945 same!
The minute you said cult I though of Jehova’s Witnesses. They’re absolutely controllingly horrific. Best of luck to you!
I think proana goes hand in hand with self harm communities. Like we aren’t encouraging each other, we are just there to support one another, which a lot of people don’t understabd
Can you please point me to a group
@@AngelPrimsepski I hope I’m not encouraging self harm by telling you this but here we go. On Twitter look up “shtwt” and all the tags that come up with it have pics of sh and just rants and stuff. I basically made a bunch of friends there and joined a discord someone made where there’s a bunch of us. There’s also groups on apps like Reddit but they are 10x stricter and not fun.
@@Zero-cw4qj Ill look it up ty. I tried to find some stuff and i guess i just dont like how twitter is compared to FB. Maybe i couldnt figure it out but it just didnt seem very interactive unless you already have people following you
@@AngelPrimsepski it is kind of a clique that you have to get into. And I might be wrong but I don’t think there’s much on FB lol. And np
Zero I remember there was stuff on facebook (italian) and tumblr when I kinda self-harmed as a teen but they definitely glamourized it, I believe when people talk about this stuff they have very different environments in mind and that’s why opinions are so strongly different. This was I think around the end of the prominence of pro-ana stuff and I remember looking and finding old blogs and posts ect and they were literally just tips and “you want to be skinny you don’t want to be disgustingly fat” ect and (sorry if this comes out wrong, just trying to share my experience but I must say I fortunately never developed an ED) they made me feel like I was guilty for not being good enough at stuff, they made me want an ED (ofc there were definitely underlying problems on my part)
She’s giving me spooky daphne and I LOVE it
Y
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S
I’m an addict in recovery and I completely go by the harm reduction method. AA and NA are bullshit to me, like my accomplishments don’t matter anymore if I mess up once, and especially with the whole religious connotation- it just doesn’t vibe with me.
Colour of Sulfur same. i was told in rehab if i didn’t work the program i wouldn’t stay clean. well i haven’t gone to one meeting in a year and a half and i haven’t relapsed once. but if i did it really would delete everything i worked for? really? cause of one day or one weekend? there’s such thing as a blip in the timeline, for any part of life, addiction/recovery-related or just career/relationship/whatever-related. and meeting talk triggers the fuck out of me, i hear any type of detailed story about drinking or my drugs of choice from a stranger and then hear several similar ones too, especially if they’re relapse stories, i just wanna walk out of there and go spend some major cash if you know what i mean. it just isn’t my thing, every meeting in rehab left me worse for wear leaving than when i first walked in and sat down. and the steps, they’re important sure, but they can be done naturally, not necessarily off a checklist with pressure to keep going or worry about doing it right. they say there’s no right or wrong way but i beg to differ, as it’s not rare to hear someone talk about how they’ve done it with a counselor or sponsor or whatever and have the person tell them how to do it better or do it differently. i just can’t stand it. the steps are common sense for being a good person when fixing your life in sobriety, and don’t NEED a program to be done. just need to be a good person, good friend, good family member, and stay clean. too many rules in this rehab culture for staying clean/sober to be halfway enjoyable; i think if you find your own way to do it it doesn’t matter as long as you’re not replacing addictions or continuing to hurt yourself or others, and it doesn’t discount everything if you mess up a couple times along the way. recovery isn’t linear and i don’t need anyone to force me to make it that way. it just makes me wanna get high so. if it works for u it works for u and that’s great and if it don’t it’s fine. congrats on recovery xox more power to yaa
MICKIE GEE YESSS!!!! 🧡🧡🧡
So much agreement... I loathe the 12 Step approach, & it doesn't even have the success ratings to back it up - statistically you're JUST as likely to succeed on your own, as with a 12 step program. If I'd gone into rehab last year, as I nearly did, it would've been a disaster - total sobriety is just not for me, it never will be. Why is it ok for someone to take a mood altering substance like prozac or prescription xanax, but it's not ok to smoke a little weed? Why is it ok for AA/NA meeting people to GUZZLE coffee & smoke like a chimney, but you can't have a single alcoholic drink ever again or OMG RELAPSSSEEEE!! And how is anyone supposed to succeed at anything when the first step is saying 'I'm useless, dude, I can't control shit, I'm POWERLESS OVER MY ADDICTION & only god can help me...even if I'm an atheist' O_o I'm so incredibly glad I did it all myself, in a way that suits me - I have my prescription methadone, I vape a little weed, I have 2 drinks when I go clubbing then have no problem putting it down, & right now life couldn't be better, I'm literally unrecognisable compared to a year ago, but by 12 step standards I'm a failure. Go figure O.o People really need to realise AA/NA is only ONE method, & one method will NEVER fit everybody - addicts vary, & one size will never fit all. You do you, dude!
Of Herbs and Altars 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡 (don’t get me started on the people who can’t fathom how I’d ever dare still drink now that I have a chronic illness)
Of Herbs and Altars EXACTLY! I take Rx suboxone and with that I’m perfectly fine it doesn’t get me high but some/a lot of people without the actual understanding of opiates as more than once in a while recreation consider it not counting as being clean lol. like fuck off, I’m doing my own thing and you can do yours. I was addicted to everything under the sun, opiates just being number one, so yeah I had some trouble avoiding cravings for a while but I figured out what worked for me and it should be nobody’s fucking business to tell me I’m *doing it wrong* ¿? and I don’t smoke weed (I’m on probation) but if I could I would do the same thing and that shit should not count especially when your most recent often-used drugs of choice before getting clean were crack and heroin lmao (obviously speaking for no one but myself but the same goes for any other bad addiction, weed is fine in general but if you’re gonna count it as a relapse don’t count it to someone who has opiates speed benzos cocaine or alcohol to compare it to lmaooo. weed should only be advised to be used cautiously if said person is the type
to take a hit & be triggered to have their other drug of choice instead. i’m rambling like fuck and although english is my best subject, youtube comments are not my strong suit lmao. I just love your subscriber community & you so much, so easy to talk to & be open with.. more power to you Dorian, you’re fucking awesome, glad you’re doing even better again, stay strong as always 🖤🦇🕸💕
Also i just want to say i so much appreciate your talks on eating disorder and drug stuff, the fact that youre recovered but still have fond memories i suppose. I feel there us such a pressure for recovered people to completely hate the entire time they were addicted or eatig disordered but the reality is; we find some joy or at least comfort in it. Barely anyone will adress that though so thank you. Helps me not feel so alone in still having positive memories from my "dark" times
It's like an abusive relationship. If it was bad all the time it would be easier to leave. It's because there are positives in toxic situations that changing them seems scary.
omg this whole comment! it is EXACTLY my thoughts on the subject. i get why “war stories” (as they’re called in the us at least) aren’t allowed in rehab as they’re triggering; i couldn’t even handle mentions of specific rituals related to drugs i used for that time period. but in general recovery for either drugs or EDs it can be totally necessary, as a way of closure to say goodbye to what you knew and held onto for so long and laugh at some of it or just be real about some of those moments so that you can tell it and them be like “okay, i lived enough of it, and it’s over now, and i’m okay with it.” it’s important. and that’s why forums are so important too, whether you’re recovered/recovering or not (depending on what you can handle, just avoiding the parts you need to avoid and shit) so that you can do all that & have a community to “come home to” at the end of the day + process your recovery or your struggle or reminisce + just know others are there to feel it all with you. it’s not the same as a meeting or a struggling irl friend. we think exactly alike aha
best wishes to ya
I have never understood the whole "I quit so I have to hate it" mentality a lot of recovered people have. Personally never been addicted to drugs but I know a lot of people who have, my dad, uncle, brother, and my partner for example. My mum died from an OD when I was 4. my dad and my uncle are "DRUGS ARE BAD NEVER DO THEM" and my brother is still working on it, but my partner is "some drugs are bad but in the right amounts and the right atmosphere most are good" he doesn't hate the entire thing, in fact, he misses it and he always said that if he wasn't with me and in the army he would still be doing it. He has some of the craziest weird and wonderful stories and experiences because of drugs. I have a similar outlook but nothing has ever really appealed to me, i smoke weed from time to time and that's not even really a drug.
Honestly this. I’m recovered now, but I find myself wishing I could just snap my fingers and return to my low weight/restrict for a week, and then go back to being recovered. This is because there were some positive things about my eating disorder, and in particular, starving myself was such a high. But obviously I can’t do that, because the majority of the things that come with having anorexia are so shitty and I don’t want to go back there. But yeah, I feel this pressure to never talk about the positives about being sick, and the truth is I miss it sometimes.
Ok, so I spent nearly 14 years denying to everyone, even myself that I have an eating disorder. You know what finally got me to stop that and even remotely trying to recover (I struggle a lot but that's besides the point), watching videos like Dorian's that talked about their eating disorders in this more kind of grey area where it wasn't "eating disorders are terrible and horrible things that should be hated with all your being," but instead "yes, eating disorders are bad, but it wasn't all bad. Some days were pretty alright"
It's funny how the news is so up in arms over the proana sites giving tips when in reality most of the 'tips' I got were from Seventeen magazine and news articles covering girls who had EDs. On the proana sites I was on, I was able to talk more about the issues I was dealing with personally outside of an ED.
That’s why I’m on edtwt they are seriously so supportive, we literally just make piccrews and vent to each other lol. Every time we see someone on there saying “I wanna start anorexia” we tell them to leave cause it’s not a diet 🗣 we are mentally ill.
exactly!! and ppl want to get our acc's suspended smh, they know nothing ✌
i've seen hard edtwt
i always have the urge to say edtwts toxic but i just dont like the way most people interact on twt tbh lmAO. generally edtwt, besides the ANTI fatspo side is very positive
besides the horrible fat shaming and drama side of edtwt , rest part is cool and chill .
Exactly!!
I first heard of pro ana forums when I was searching for tips.
A normal news webside was saying how bad those forum where then gave exemple of the thing that were said in those forums.
Giving me the tips...A news webside gave me my first tips...
drug addiction forums have been the most helpful thing. i'd probably be dead without r/opiates and bluelight.
Nina C i love that im so glad you harm reduced
Exx
You and me both. Let's not forget erowid either.
Best thing I ever got was a private message from a dude in my area who then hooked me up with a pills. But only for a little while. More importantly, he gave me the name of a forget clinic i have now gone to for like 6+(ish) years, and gave me a starting point for when I was ready to recover. And now I can say I've been clean long enough that I can't remember how long it's even been.
This is bcause drug addicts (people that understand in some way that addiction hurts a lot) know well that they are destroying themselfs. It is very different with twitter-tumblr pro ana, they try to normalize alimentary dissorders
I wasn't expecting this to make me cry but something about it... fuck, just knowing people are actually supportive out there, neither "yay let's be anorexic" or "you're pathetic for being ill." I'm not good with food, I've never been good at balance. I snack constantly coz I have an aversion to food, like nothing I can make seems worth it. I think it ties into other issues (PTSD etc), but I dunno where to turn really, especially as a man I feel like it'll be when I've looked for help as a male survivor of rape and abuse, it's just.. not out there for men, I don't feel like I'd belong anywhere coz so much of what's said about eating disorders is how it's a thing that only affects women, yknow? Anyway.. shit this hit me harder than expected. Thanks, Dorian.. I'll share this, more people need to know about it.
Daniel Gould I can relate to this, I don’t have an ED but I am an abuse survivor and there is just a lot more available for abuse victims who happen to be women and nearly nothing available for guys.
Astronomical Arts
Totally start a support group! You already have 2 members. You and Daniel.👥
Now I see I totally will, thanks 🙏😘
The only tips I remember being shared were safety tips, like making sure that when people were posing about bulimia, they were minimising damage. As I got older I also liked to make sure other people were being as safe as possible. These people were already doing things, we just wanted to make sure they weren't hurting themselves.
I like this video as an alternative perspective on these forums
Very true. I remember us just trying to keep each other alive through the worst times of our lives
@@cassafrassbloodshred9551 1st
when you said late 20's early 30's my heart dropped a bit - eugenia cooney is 26 currently
Me too :( I came to this video bc someone recommended it on eugenia’s channel. I think her age is why the community on youtube is so serious about her getting real help but it’s getting scary. I really do hope the best for her.
It’s interesting that my experience was so different from yours. I was on ED Tumblr during the early 2010s to about 2 years ago, and all I’ve gotten was negativity, tips, encouragement, meanspo etc. I feel like the culture you’re describing is really different from what is happening today. On Pro Ana Tumblr it was ALL about triggering yourself and other people. Glamorising and glorifying the horrible truth, and I guess I would’ve gotten myself help way faster if I wasn’t that deep into Pro Ana Internet forums. They really sucked me in to a point it felt like a a necessity to be deathly sick otherwise you would be shamed or rejected by other people on tumblr. I do not know what it was like in pro ana forums back in the day In the 2000s. But from my own experience the pro ana side of the Internet is not positive or helpful in any way.
this was my experience as well. modern ED forums / communities are definitely very different to the original forums
Pro ana tumblr has always been a toxic cess-pool. The sites she is referring to are private communities/independent websites.
I have never touched tumblr, but I have been a part of pro-ana sites since I first developed an eating disorder. I have only ever received support and kindness from other users.
If you want to experience the support communities that she talks about, find a website that’s like what I described. They exist.
I really hope you do finish the book because your perspective on addiction and mental illness changed my mind about a lot of things and I think what you have to say is really important for people to know about. Besides I would just love to read it 🌜
Her contour is interesting, I can’t stop starring at it! It’s an illusion.
His makeup is so good, I wish I was as good as them 🥺
@@hailbones6663 me and you both! lol
I have a problem with binge eating, right now it's the only thing that makes me happy (for a while). I don't purge, just binge, so I don't know if anyone will take me seriously. I know it's bad, especially with my type 1 diabetes (I was born with it) but it's one of the few things that make me happy, besides sleep.
Like, I won't eat all day, and then around like six PM I just go crazy! When I bring with up to my therapist, she just brushes it off! Sorry for the mini rant!
Child Of Bhaal I used to binge a lot. I had an overeating disorder but people don’t like to view it that way they see it as a person without willpower. Sad. I had surgery to force weight loss. That is when I realized the overeating was a coping mechanism. Please don’t be too hard on yourself. We give more kindness to others and too hard on ourselves. The holidays are not the time to be hard on ourselves. It is so emotionally charged. Be well.
@@lightheidi9009 Thank you for the reply. I'll try not to be hard on myself, I know that's easier said than actually done, but I'll try.
Do you cover for your carbs when you do it?
@@janapetersen5225 Most of the time, yes. This may "trigger" a few people, and I'm not entirely sure how to word this, but I'm not actively suicidal, but I am passively suicidal. I think that's a part of it, It's a release of whatever the happy chemical is called, and then afterwards when I start to feel like shit again I think, "Well, all I have to do is not cover for this."
Binge eating isn't my only problem, and it's certainly not the biggest. I know I have a problem, and part of me does want to fix it, but the other, bigger, part just wants to lay down and die.
@@shadows-sweet-embrace is it because you are diabetic, or other things? I was diagnosed a year and a half ago, so your comment caught my eye.
As a girl who has anorexia and is part of the ana community, I would have probably died over a toilet a long time ago if it wasn't for the community. The crazy shit is what people pay attention to. I've never seen anything like "skip the dinner, wake up thinner. It's more managing anorexia in a relatively safe way than encouraging each other to starve. We try to keep each other happy. And we preach getting recovery. It should not even be called "proana" because no one is actually pro anorexia. It's a safe space. Like I said, I would be dead without the amazing strong people in their.
i really agree with you
What are some websites?
@@jemymaemery9804 myproana
@@jemymaemery9804 twitter
i couldn’t agree more, my experience was very similar and i’m so happy for it.
This was such an eye-opener. I'll say now that I've never had an eating disorder and I can't relate to all the intricacies of having one, but when I was twelve I was sucked into ana-mia content on Tumblr and it completely distorted my idea of eating disorders and people who live with eating disorders for the worse. Knowing now that 1) that shit isnt the norm and is generally frowned upon in the community, and 2) what pro-ana really is is a candid and open support group for something that the typical person wouldn't be able to talk about and the typical therapist would send you to psych for, I feel it's easier for me to empathize and understand that these forums could easily be the light that illuminates someone's dark tunnel. I have diagnosed clinical depression and PTSD which has fluctuated in severity throughout my life, and if I didn't have anyone to talk to who was in the same boat I'd probably be dead. A listening ear does more than people think.
there's fourums like this and then there's thinspo, meanspo and tips
Kudos to all that have recovered💖
I’ve never had an eating disorder, but when I found out my sister was struggling with bulimia, I began lurking on a “pro ana” forum and also the pro ana tag on tumblr. There’s a huge difference between the two. I remember actually beginning to feel uncomfortable with my own body when reading through tumblr, because they are encouraging it, saying things to make you feel ashamed of your body, and tips after tips after tips, making eating disorders seem like nothing but a quick easy way to lose weight. It’s disgusting
I was also on the early forums. Stopped in 2006 and kept in contact with my friends via msn and MySpace. Then Facebook. I've dipped in and out anorexia and bulimia from 02. I now have 2 toddlers and a husband. The only time I've not had an ED is when I was pregnant with my children. I lost contact with all my forum friends ( They recovered ) I had a friend though who I was so entwined with it felt like we could read each other's minds. She told me 2 weeks ago she just couldn't do me anymore. I know I'm selfish, I know my anorexia is selfish. But she let go of my hand. And I am a mother, a wife. Covered in acne and yellow. I still love her. Sorry for my waffle. I'm just hurting. Thank you for your video, hopefully it will make people understand a bit better.
*cyberhug*
I'm so sorry. It's no wonder you're hurting. Just because you can understand the reasons why, doesn't make your grief any less over the loss of your friend.
💔
@@AetherIdol I think it's kind of like a break up? Her last messages to me hurt me so much I couldn't breathe. But I understand. She was all I had in the form of comfort and understanding. We're both 29 and I shouldn't be a burden to anyone.
@@jessicaward4714 most definitely like a break-up. My only female friend turned on me several years ago and it took me a long time to get over the hurt of that. I'm so sorry you're going through all that.
i’m so sorry about the friend :( friend breakups, especially friendships created in this way, can be fucking devastating. stay strong
I love your channel. Watching you is like therapy to me. These past few days have been extremely dark for me, watching you helps me feel better.
In the early to mid 90’s, when I was a teenager, I was entrenched with bulimia and anorexia. I met a girl in my French 2 class and we hit it off, she was on an early proana forum. She and I would do our AP homework, or projects and then binge or purge, if it was that cycle...or we would starve and count calories; if it was that particular cycle. I still struggle with eating issues. My ED comes back to visit when life is stressful, or I’m majorly depressed or anxious.
You said something about the mind not wanting to live that way anymore. That suicide is common among anorexics. You have such good insight and you say everything with such grace and tact. I just wanted to say thank you for this video.
I’m sorry this is disjointed. Chemotherapy is messing with my brain, and thought pattern. 💜
2:40 choked me up. I struggled with severe anorexia 16-25 and still struggle at 33. Thank you for your videos you’ve made me feel much less alone these past few weeks since discovering you.
I was a moderator on The Lunchbox forums and loved this video. I just found your channel and adore your insights on the ED community. Like you I'm still in touch with my forum members even after eighteen years. 🖤🖤
hi, i was on LB too, even a mod for a while. it was a good place for me, and basically where i went through recovery. then stuff happened in my life, and i kind of ghosted on everybody. and then LB was gone. and sometimes i really miss the people... ...is there still a group around? is there some way to reconnect? i was diss, or dissociated (heck, i still am diss)...
@cassafrass bloodshred
(i so hope you'll see this)
@@mrsdiss hi!!! Yes!! We are still around!! If you're able please find the lb on the faceplace group. And I totally remember Diss!!!
@@cassafrassbloodshred9551 is that on fb? i'm trying to find the group now!
@@cassafrassbloodshred9551 sorry for another ping. i can't find it. is there a link, or a specific search term? there are so many groups about lb's! :D i didn't expect today to become so emotional! ...i have to go to bed soon-ish, but i'll keep looking ^^
Thank you for being honest about this. Like..when my ED creeps up on me and I start to restrict myself, I often go to Tumblr and vent my feelings. I feel like if I bottled them up with no place to vent, I'd go mental.
In my early teens I came across this website with a really cute design and back then I LIVED for a good graphic design lol however, looking deeper into the site's content, I figured it was all pro-ana tips. That was the first time I ever heard of that term. I was weirdly fascinated and 15 years later I still think about these tips. (btw, I never had an ED, I'm just very interested in the dark and weird sides of the internet and the human mind)
I have a feeling that the bookcases are.really curtains. While watching the video, I thought there were heat vapors from a candle behind you distorting the picture, but it's probably waving fabric! 😂
Seiferboy omg good observation haha I didn’t even notice
Seiferboy Gaming yes the bookcase is fake
Unfortunately my pro-ana experience was very different to the supportive community of friends you're describing. I was sucked into the pro-ana scene on Tumblr and it was exactly like the horrible scary stereotype you've described. Every day I got worse and worse for years until I was made inpatient in a hospital and my access to tech was taken away. It wasn't until I was finally free from that Tumblr community that I was able to start taking steps toward recovery. I honestly fully expected to be gone before I was an adult, but here I am near 25 with a healthy mind and healthy body against all odds. Of course there can still be ups and downs and I still have some side effects that affect my life and body, but I'm still here!
Its so interesting how different hosting platforms had such different communities, thank you for sharing your insight
I remember the forums from the early 2000s. I don't know if that counts as "the early days" or not but whatever. I have 3 boys now and I'm chubby but that's ok because I don't want them to learn disordered eating from me like I learned it from my mother
I learned my disordered eating from my mother too.. it's so unfortunate and im sorry you went through that!
As someone who has never had an eating disorder, I'm so glad I watched this video from a credible, primary source, before encountering any of the media coverage on this topic. Thank you for making this video, and all of your other videos on Anorexia.
I agree. Though, there ARE some toxic people on those sites, at least now-a-days (Lol) everyone shuns ‘tips n trixxxx’ and ‘wannarexics’. I’ve had both good and horrible experiences on pro Ana sites. But, from what I’ve gathered, it definitely can be used as a form of emotional support. And I used to use pro Ana forums for emotional support (before the experience turned on me and it just got really bad via cyber bullying)
I'm very anti censorship. Let people decide for themselves what they want to listen to or to tune out because once something is censored or made taboo, people will want it even more.
That is true BUT I think there‘s a difference between websites like Tumblr where you just stumbled across eating-disordered content without looking for it and very specific websites like whole anorexia-forums where you probably consciously searched for it.
Thank you so much for talking about this. Been a lurking watcher for a while and this video just sang to me. Good for you for strength and getting over it and being able to talk about this sort of thing. Support is amazing. Community is so important.
I can’t get enough of your videos about eating disorders and drugs💜
Unfortunately the pro Ana sites I stumbled across in high school were the toxic ones where people would give tips and tricks, encouraging each other to engage in eating disorder behaviour and in a lot of cases helping each other get sicker. I did see a lot of the ones you are talking about, but I never stayed. I was addicted to the "thinspo" sites. I have managed to get out of that, but it was crazy
What’s scary isn’t these forums it’s the tumble ‘thinspiration’ posts which do need to be taken down
It’s unfortunate that they are banned now . :/
Don’t you think they should change the name though?
It’s very misleading to outsiders.
it’s crazy because when i first fell into my eating disorder there weren’t so many restrictions on the ed tumblr blogs snd now you can’t find them anywhere and people are having to come up with their own code names and tags just to keep those groups from getting removed from tumblr
The way you speak about addiction as a whole is very realistic for someone in their thirties. The recovery community Im a part of is filled with much older people (I'm mid thirties) and I'm literally the youngest person there at times. Your perspective is valuable, stay safe out there y'all.
I hate how now when some one hears the term "pro ana" now they think of you telling some one who is perfectly fine and not in an ed to starve them selfs. I myself am pro-ana, but in the sense that I just want someone who I can talk to about my ed and relate to.
Yes I've been waiting for this vid!! And the movie you were thinking of is Starving in Suburbia
Tumblr was a very different place. I truly do believe it encouraged my eating disorder.
I may have talked to some of those teen you mentioned who glamorize ED on LiveJournal way back in the day. Really, they may have just been pretending to have ED because there was never talk of getting better or being depressed about your situation. But, I didn't know that. They actually did offer tips and my little eating disordered ass was just taking notes! It's funny you should make this video today as I was massively triggered just this morning and had to explain my whole eating disorder years to my clueless boyfriend.
Omg someone that remembers livejournal. I ended up going there after 43 things was closed. There was a lot of posers on there that just wanted tips. As time went on people didn't approve of them, but at the start it was the more the better.
I just realised your comment was 2 years ago lol
That's so cool. I just watched your Eugenia video the other day. It's the same with depression. They need a support group as well. They help more ppl than they hurt. Love you💕
Jadebrooklyn I would love to see that video. Can you post the link please? I’m too lazy to look for it lol
If someone finds a pro forum and develops an eating disorder from that, they would have developed one anyway.
exactly, i feel like a lot of people don't realize if someone "wants" an eating disorder they're probably already doing things that are extremely disordered
I spent 12 years living with ED (I still have it, as well as drugs and alcohol addiction - it doesn‘t magically dissapeared, but I am much healthier now) and I started recovering when I lost my friends (they didnt leave me, I left them), long-term partner and relations with parents. Now I listen to you and feel that I am finally at peace.
Thank you so much, I didn't know about this at all, without having struggled with an eating disorder myself or been close with someone who had. I really had no idea how wrong my pre-constructed ideas of pro-anorexia websites.
Side note : your eye makeup is AMAZING!
I feel like if *anyone* needs to help someone through an eating disorder it should absolutely be someone who’s experienced it before themselves. They know what the basic mindset is for one suffering (though it is different for everyone) and they know what to say to them to help them through tougher times in that experience. You’d make a great therapist on this topic, I feel and I have mad respect for your ambition and drive in life and how strongly you feel about others and their issues. You have a realistic stance which most seem to be lacking simply because you actually understand.
I’m low key sad MyProAna disappeared. It seemed like a glitch that was messing up postings and such at first, then it was just gone. I wonder if someone hacked their way in to take it down but now it’s back up under a super vague domain. It could be a triggering place and a very healing place. The community was very supportive no matter where you were at in your ED.
Edit: as I do more research it looks like it might be back up
This makes me feel a bit better. I sent my best friend a link to skinny gossip back in the day because I knew she was developing unhealthy eating habits and I wanted her to see how crazy she was being. She told me years later she started reading it every day and it actually encouraged her to fall deeper into her ED. I was heartbroken.
Honestly, I wouldn't want my own blog to be taken down, but I definitely got into my eating disorder due to these forums. It does lure people in, there is no denying that.
Wow no idea how much I needed this. I ran a popular pro anorexia blog and the guilt has always haunted me. But the truth is I also made so many friends through it. We were competitive but loving. We found comradeship. Watching all the people I know recovering while steal struggling with it keeps me going, to. We will always have each other
I know that you love to write fiction Dorian, but you'd be great at writing non-fiction as well. Just the way you can express your opinions in an open-minded way.
I’m an 18 year old woman and I’ve been dealing with body dysmorphic disorder, OCD, and EDNOS since I was 10/11. I’ve had body image issues since I was like 8!! I’ve wanted to be a psychotherapist for years and I’m in school for it now, and one of the biggest things I want to specialize in is therapy for teens with eating disorders. I hope I can be a good therapist given my personal experience, I know firsthand that dealing with MH professionals who don’t have shared experience is a little bit of a mess.
I completely agree. I come down more on the addiction side of this. It's the same but not the same. If one has an addictive personality it can be food, drugs, sex, gambling, spending/shopping/retail therapy and a host of other behaviors. One thing that you said that needs to be reinforced ~ recovery comes from the inside, not imposed from the outside. The person has to want it, usually after being badly beaten up by their behaviour. Like the mushroom said.
I have binge eating disorder and my first experience going into a program I was SO NOT READY. My ED got way worse, I was fighting it, and none of that was helped by the fact that I felt like the program, which was supposed to be comprehensive and help all eating disorders seemed very dismissive of my struggles, in favor of treating the more common ED behaviors. About a year later I was very depressed, I had adopted a cat, and I felt like I was at an impass where I needed to change something, or I wouldn't be able to fulfill the commitment I made of a loving home to my kitty. It was at this point that I got treatment, started the process of recovery, and while 2 years later it's still a struggle, it's one I work on every day. I 100% agree that people need a safe place to be able to process their emotions and struggles before they even get to a place where they are open to recovery.
It can be hard, and really scary to sit here knowing places exist where people essentially enable harmful behaviors in one another, and I personally don't have experience with these kinds of places online, but other similar situations, and I think in many ways the benefits out way the harms. I think the most important thing is to make sure there are admins who do their best to monitor for folks with malicious intent, or other such problem posts, like you mentioned with "tips". Safe spaces where people can talk about the emotions they are really feeling are important, even when those feelings are self destructive.
Were you talking about that annoying "ana coach" called Lily in that awful "Thin Club" documentary? I often wonder what happened to her. I hope she grew out of that obnoxious phase because, whew...
about the tips topic she was talking about is SO REAL. i tried to tell this to so many people, but the way i used to explain it combined of the idea of extreme self hatred and misery, but also if it was just a diet or something not as extreme as a mental disorder, people just couldn't last or go this far into the darkness of this world that exists within this community, while maintaining it. it as well drives me crazy when people see children being raised into a very healthy (example: always being fed healthy foods and nothing else) household for example and say they likely will develop an eating disorder...when that might be true in some circumstances, i honestly can't see that being so though. it's things like the abuse, trauma, personality, the way you move through life; eating disorders are essentially not only a cooping mechanism, but a way your body tries to survive through the say trauma. i know too many that likely would have been dead by now if it wasn't for their seemingly dangerous or threatening cooping skills. even if it ended their life in the end. people don't realize how much it kept them alive longer than they would have been if they didn't have an ed etc. there will always be a source, a trigger, and always a darker reason within themselves as to why they can carry on "being okay" living like this. as for the tips again, the - mental disorder - aspect gives you the tips, the twisted thinking and that's what works for you, not going on a forum "how do i get xxx" and "what are some tips for ..."
You and Natalie (ContraPoints) are two of my favourite youtubers to talk about these social/metal health issue topics. Both of you are articulate, extremely intelligent, while being down to earth and genuine. You don't sugarcoat anything, and you don't make things sound worse than they actually are. I appreciate that so much!
My favourite thing about the forum I'm on is the memes page. I literally sit there for hours scrolling and giggling to myself.
Pro ana forums make me feel so understood? But I know participating in them isn't exactly encouraging myself to recover. It's a big ol dilemma
do you know any good ones that still exist? i could really use some support tbh, im trying to recover but accepting my body is pretty hard
@@morningbreeze3390 myproana?
@@jasminesummer13 where is it on?
I spent so much time on these in 2003-5, I still remember when kawaii03 went silent and still hope it was because they recovered. I went silent when I went into recovery, so I have hope. You are absolutely right though about them being absolutely not tolerant of tips, the landing page of the forum I went to was completely devoted to links to recovery support options. I feel like the overall purpose was as you said, to connect with people who genuinely empathise with how you feel. PS Loving your content as someone the same age in Australia, it's amazing how similar our experiences have been, just replace goth with punk and hey are you me...could be the overall terrible messages in the media that we grew up with? I remember 2004 as the year of anorexics on the cover of tabloids (Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Richie, the Spice Girls, etc) plus most of the cast of Allie McBeal in the 90s, have been recently realising just how formative all of that was. Waffle waffle
I've found that giving unsolicited "tips" on ED websites is a lot more frowned upon than it is on tumblr. Stay away from tumblr yall.
I think you should do another one of these videos. We have to keep getting this information out there. and since this one is so old it is probably not getting circulated like your newer videos.I too have struggled with disordered eating and often watch videos of women in the throes of their disorder and ones who are recovering or have recovered. even now i find those videos and forums very useful as it keeps me from slipping back into that mindset and reminds me how horrible and miserable it is. i suffer from severe depression and still have body dysmorphia. thank you for such great videos.
if you ever come out with your book, can you do an audio version of it as well pretty please ? Your voice is perfect for that.
I instantly thought of Eugenia when you were talking about forcing people into rehab. I just have had a nagging feeling that the pushing on the end of social media feels instinctively wrong to me. For her vulnerability, for her illness, for what she needs right now - yes she needs help but somehow the public vitriol she receives feels like exactly the wrong "fix".
I definitely think you can never truly help someone unless you’ve been through it yourself
basically, yeah. a happy person who has never once suffered from any mental illness can't help or communicate as well as they'd like to with someone who has experienced a lot of trauma and suffered from mental illnesses.
i agree
Oh my goodness, thank you so much for making this. In 2008, I was part of some of these spaces, and honestly they saved me. What I found was that pro-ana was very focused on harm-reduction rather than total recovery. I remember when I was staring at a bottle of juice and said, "I want my juice, but I can't have those calories," pro-ana people were the first to tell me it was okay to drink the juice, it was okay to eat, etc. They would also dispel a lot of myths (ie: water does not have calories, PLEASE drink water). They kept me safer than I would have been without them, and I am very grateful for that.
I basically found the pro-recovery spaces were controlling to the point where I felt shamed and humiliated by the way the mods talked down to me. I've struggled with feeling like I got more out of pro-ana than I get out of more recovery-focused spaces. Not saying it was perfect, but I was very glad it was there when I found it.
Thank you for making this video!
I'm currently more active in these spheres and it's sometimes kinda scary how many of this users are romantisicizing their illness. I'm in that shit for more than two years now and I knew always how bad it could be to have this illness and that I could probably die from it. It also irritates me when I see big groups where they support each other heavily without even mentioning some of the bad sites and being completely irrational about everything...
TH-cam algorithm lead me here, holy nostalgia! I instantly recognized your purple background, and I was like "omg I know you"! I was Maíre from TF. I haven't kept up with what tf'ers were up to, other than two or three, so it was so cool to see you talk about such a big part of my youth.
So hi again
I remember when I was 14 a girl introduced me to diet pills, I jumped for the idea and she went out of her way to get them for me, looking back on it it’s pretty fucked up
i'm a recovered bulimic who, for the past few years, now struggles with cycles of a restrictive eating disorder and trying to recover on my own. censorship and banning forums is DEFINITELY not the way to go. forums have been a massive factor in keeping me on track with my recovery attempts longer and in minimizing the damage i am doing to my body. just a few days ago, being able to post on a forum and get that support from other people who understand what i'm going through struggle stopped me from completely spiralling. if forums were to be banned, so many people would spiral, it's been seen time and time again. you take away the place where disordered people feel safe and most of the time they are going to go even deeper into their disorder.
without pro-ana and pro-acceptance forums, i can say with absolute certainty that i would either be dead or in a vegetative state several times over. i'm not happy to have been encouraged by the pro-ana communities i was in when i was younger, but i am happy to have found the community i am active in now. i wish the media would stop sensationalizing the forums, though. all they really are is a bunch of people dealing with the same fucked up shit trying to find a place of belonging and support.
i'll always hate the term pro-ana because of the things i personally associate it with. it's almost like a trigger that brings back specific quotes and images and tips word-for-word. however, that is only my own personal experience. my pro-ana phase may have been traumatic for me, but that doesn't mean it wasn't better and even therapeutic for others.
I wish I'd found a pro-acceptance forum when I was in the middle of my disordered eating... I really could have used the support. Now, I still don't have a supportive safety net. 😢
the most supportive place I've found is the ed community on twitter. people are really genuine and you'll make friends for life with people who want the best for you but understand your struggles.
I was on a recovery forum a while and ago and I just can't describe how bs it was. You're not allowed to talk about anything incase it bothers someone, you're not allowed to go into a private chat with someone to talk about your problems with them, etc. Even the recovery forums are taken down constantly. I think they should all be up.
Myproana made my ED and self harming so, so much worse. It's the reason I started purging
Myproana was the first ED website I ever used. But the community felt rather cold and isolating to me. Since, I’ve moved on to a smaller, more private community that is infinitely better.
I’m so sorry that it made things worse for you. Sending good vibes and wishes your way.
@@pasteldreams5413 I’m doing pretty well now, but ye it’s an awful place and 100% should be banned imo - it could have killed me. I saw so many (TW for sh description ahead) photos of people cutting patterns into themselves and teaching you how to cut more deeply, and so many tips on how to lose weight faster. Everyone would comment “if you could just lose another 10lbs you’ll be perfect!” on photos of people who were horrendously thin and I’m not sure I saw anyone encouraging people to get better on there... it was all tips and accountability threads
My gosh is that website still around? I haven't logged on since 2012. I think they ended up getting a lot of press from Dr phil or something like that and really turned inward. I'm sure I remember them closing for a bit. Glad you guys are recovering, feels like such an age ago for me
EDIT: I just realised I was talking about pretty thin lol. That was the one that was on TV, I never really got into mpa I deffo got the cold vibe as well
@@TheHistoryPrincess It’s awful, I really do hope the other sites are better because no one should ever ever promote shit like MPA, it’s one of the most toxic places
Being able to talk about the shit you’re going through is a huge step, vitally important and should not be silenced. Whether an ED in particular or whatever you’re going through your voice matters. I’d rather someone say “I’m struggling with ____.” versus the scarier alternative where you say nothing and suffer in silence.
I wrote a fictional book about the forums and the things that go on in them last year. Though the book isnt based on my first hand experience, it does delve deep into a psychotic rabbit hole. Available in US and UK on Amazon. Starving for Perfection by Amanda Pritts. Good luck writing yours! I hope you do! I think they're fascinating as well!!
I know this video like 2 years old but I wanted to say thank you I recently found your videos and have been watching them an I feel it's actually helping me with my recovery. I have had an ed since I was 12 years old. I'm 23 now and my recent relapse was the worst one yet. I hope now as I continue to recover it will be forever this time. As I know I probably won't get another chance. Hearing someone talk about it cause they been through it, is just so refreshing and seeing how well you recovered, gives me even more hope. Again thank you.
I was a member of a pro-ed forum for several years. Watching people I was close to die and having people who understood really helped strengthen my resolve to recover.
I think this is the first time I've run into anyone else that is recovered with this view. I spent all of my teen years on a pro-anorexia forum and on that side of tumblr. The stuff on tumblr was nothing but people sharing tips and triggering content but on the forums I made friends I got genuine advice including people reminding me about the importance of doing things like consuming electrolyte drinks if you purge to avoid being at as high of risk of heart problems. There were parts of the forums unrelated to eating disorder content and some groups would routinely watch movies together on group streaming sites. For a long time these forums were the only place I felt I had friends and it definitely helped me to stay alive and I think seeing the people I cared about on that forum getting worse or better depending on if they were ready to recover before it became too late was a major influence on my ability to recover and work to maintain that.
I think the movie you were talking about with the girl devolding an ed from finding an ed form is called Starving in Suburbia (I might be wrong though!)
I have to disagree. There are SOME pro-ana sites that are what you described, sure. But there are also some really, really fucked up ones. Where they literally will volunteer to bully each other and be bullied (“meanspo”), “Coach” each other, etc. I was so desperate in my eating disorder (and no I wasn’t overweight and trying to look good for prom, I actually missed my prom because I was in an ED unit at the time.) I had one on one discussions with “coaches” from those forums who were literally grown men (between 20-30 usually) while I was 16, and they would tell me how fat I was, tell me what I was allowed to eat, ask for naked or half-naked pictures of me for “updates” on my weight loss. Literally just people with some kind of fetish for young, underweight girls and we fell for it because we were desperate. It’s fucked up, and it’s harmful, in more ways than one. They would literally bully each other in my specific forum (it has since been shut down) to the point where THREE SEPARATE people attempted suicide out of the small group of around 20. Not including myself, because my attempt didn’t happen at the time when I was active in that forum. It was some of the most fucked up, twisted shit I’ve ever experienced. And that was NOT the only forum I went on that was like that. I was on bigger forums that were okay, had discussion boards for recovery, but also had boards for all of the shit I mentioned a minute ago. I’ve actually only been on ONE site that was anything like what you described. Not saying what you’re describing doesn’t exist, but if you’re really looking for one that will actually harm you, you’ll find it. And you’ll find it easily.
"and why they shouldn't be banned" there, i love you. in my experience, loosing weight gave me something to live for, if not, i would have kms right then and there.
very relatable, thank you for making. i personally might not have been through an eating disorder but before i got help for my mental illness knowing i wasn't the only one suffering so deeply meant a lot, especially because life circumstances can be so different, we know we're sick but it only ever really feels like that when someone who's life is the exact opposite of yours is feeling the same way, its not what is in my life that's unbearable, its this filter my brain puts on everything, and back then in that place that knowledge wasn't a relief yet, it was one more frustrating thing out of my control, but i knew i wouldn't wish it on another no matter what, there might even be a chance i didnt deserve it, i wanted my fellow sufferers to get better, we could all catastrophise about our own lives but the chance to work ourselves into the delusion that everybody would agree with our worst views of ourselves wasn't there, even the collective nihilism of no reasons to live was comfortable solidarity than the illusion that anyone would take the chance to stab you once for each sin and genuinely think you deserve it, a pity party competition doesn't have winners, but it sure lasts longer than being trapped in your sole mind, with a voice you know you cant trust but you also cant escape.
Damn I wish I had known this about pro-anorexia forums when I had my eating disorder. I got spooked by the media and didn't want to get triggered.
I wish I could be free from this....it's hard to recover from the strange comfort it brings you. It's really an addiction, you know is wrong, you think you have control but suddenly you lose it...im so tired