As an outpatient therapist, I have worked with many people on the letting go and the forgiveness and it’s not so much about forgiving anybody else. It’s about being able to forgive yourself, because something bad happened to you by somebody that harmed you many of the people carry guilt about the way have they have been treated and they had no control over the abuser or who had been mistreating them, it’s more about being able to say I’m OK bad things may have happened to me but I’m not going to let it ruin my life. Another important thing to remember is that while we may have these thoughts go around and around in our head the people that you are angry at or that have hurt you or abused you are not thinking about you every day, so don’t let them take up your bandwidth as Dr. Knuppel said.
Much needed these days, thank you. I think a lot of it has to do with the notion that angry emotions always have to come from past wrongdoings, that it always has to be about someone else that (apparently or actually) did you wrong. What's helped me throughout life is understanding that anger can come from anything that comes your way, minor inconviniences. It doesn't have to make you explode or anything, and with that said, it helps you not constantly blame that other person or event for your anger whenever it shows up. It gives you ownership, a sense that it's probably as normal as breathing; "it's just me", "I'm just having a bad day, that's all".
Another mistake people make (and I've been there myself a couple of times) is that people get obsessed with letting go and forgiveness, and that only perpetuates the anger. What you resist, persists. I've had to allow myself to be angry to any extent I had to for any amount of time, and then of course in the meantime take action. I've had a few milestones, sometimes involving the parties involved, but for the most part it was just time and daily habits. And most importantly, finding purpose in all the events and its aftermath, cause (at least in my experience) most of the anger comes from not the event itself, but an external echo of how it all started, and being unable to change the environment or replace it with something better. I've had to take the good with the bad most often, especially as a teenager of course. Even in recent years I've had to be lonely because of things, but only because I preferred it this time, being 33 in post-Covid. That wasn't an option in the past. But speaking of the past, I've had many minor incidents that I forgot the next day. It's only a few that truly leave an imprint, I dare say for decades now. I'm at peace now, but now I feel docile instead. I had purpose before, but now all I do is scroll and take walks around the neighborhood without seeing anyone. I'm not miserable, but also not truly alive.
Thanks for your comment. You didn't miss anything. My intent in creating this video was to raise awareness of something I've observed as a psychiatrist -- that the word forgiveness often gets in the way of a forgiveness-like process of letting go and moving on that can but doesn't necessarily need to involve telling anyone they're forgiven or letting anyone off the hook. I had not intended to give practical steps of how to do this. Letting go of past hurts is a complex and deeply personal process and "the how" really varies a lot from person to person. For some people who successfully move on, it might involve the passage of time and reflection. For others, it may take years of being angry and miserable and eventually therapy to figure out how to do it. I could consider creating a video about this if people think it would be helpful.
@@JeffreyKnuppelMD Cheers for your reply. I think it would help people. As a separate issue. I've tried various SSRIs and duloxetine (that brought my tinnitus back). And they worsen my tinnitus. I tried mirtazapine (that seemed to make me agitated and sedated, pregablin felt kinda zombiefied . What's your suggestions? I don't want to feel worse or have lasting effects Ps. I have ME and fibromyalgia and very sensitive to tablets and everything it seems. Thanks. Jason
I don't understand your question -- what you're being treated for. I heard you say that you've tried various meds that you've had trouble tolerating, but I don't understand what you're looking for treatment for. To be clear, I don't give individual medical advice on youtube. I can't give you specific suggestions, but if you can clarify your question, I'll see if I can give you answer in a general way.
Jason, without knowing you and just based on the info you gave, there are a lot of factors that a doctor would have to consider in your situation before considering prescribing anything else. When I meet with new patients, I spend 45-60 minutes trying to get to know as much as I can about them as a person, family history, medical history, mental health history, etc. So, my point is, I don't want to shoot from the hip on this. I think that based on what you said, although the situation isn't simple or straightforward, you're far from being out of options. I don't know if you've seen any of my anxiety meds videos, but I created one that was about medications for GAD (th-cam.com/video/3uBWrAJDsuI/w-d-xo.html), benzodiazepines for anxiety (I'm not suggesting benzos but created the video to explain the pros/cons (th-cam.com/video/IMzpreS4xaw/w-d-xo.html) and gabapentin/pregabalin for anxiety (th-cam.com/video/r44PDcP-roQ/w-d-xo.html) -- I know you said that pregabalin was sedating for you and I'm not suggesting that you should take gabapentin but thought you might want to check it out if you're interested in the info. The other thing, and psychiatrists don't talk about this enough, is that non-medication options really do work, too (adequate exercise and clean/low-carb eating really do help). Mindfulness meditation. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is very effective although I realize many people lack access to it or are unwilling to do it. Whatever you decide to do, I sincerely wish you well!
As an outpatient therapist, I have worked with many people on the letting go and the forgiveness and it’s not so much about forgiving anybody else. It’s about being able to forgive yourself, because something bad happened to you by somebody that harmed you many of the people carry guilt about the way have they have been treated and they had no control over the abuser or who had been mistreating them, it’s more about being able to say I’m OK bad things may have happened to me but I’m not going to let it ruin my life. Another important thing to remember is that while we may have these thoughts go around and around in our head the people that you are angry at or that have hurt you or abused you are not thinking about you every day, so don’t let them take up your bandwidth as Dr. Knuppel said.
Thanks for your comment. I appreciate your perspective!
Thank you for this video. Helps make sense…
You’re welcome! I’m glad it was helpful. Thanks for watching.
Much needed these days, thank you. I think a lot of it has to do with the notion that angry emotions always have to come from past wrongdoings, that it always has to be about someone else that (apparently or actually) did you wrong. What's helped me throughout life is understanding that anger can come from anything that comes your way, minor inconviniences. It doesn't have to make you explode or anything, and with that said, it helps you not constantly blame that other person or event for your anger whenever it shows up. It gives you ownership, a sense that it's probably as normal as breathing; "it's just me", "I'm just having a bad day, that's all".
Thanks for your thoughtful comment. Have a great day.
Another mistake people make (and I've been there myself a couple of times) is that people get obsessed with letting go and forgiveness, and that only perpetuates the anger. What you resist, persists. I've had to allow myself to be angry to any extent I had to for any amount of time, and then of course in the meantime take action. I've had a few milestones, sometimes involving the parties involved, but for the most part it was just time and daily habits. And most importantly, finding purpose in all the events and its aftermath, cause (at least in my experience) most of the anger comes from not the event itself, but an external echo of how it all started, and being unable to change the environment or replace it with something better. I've had to take the good with the bad most often, especially as a teenager of course. Even in recent years I've had to be lonely because of things, but only because I preferred it this time, being 33 in post-Covid. That wasn't an option in the past. But speaking of the past, I've had many minor incidents that I forgot the next day. It's only a few that truly leave an imprint, I dare say for decades now. I'm at peace now, but now I feel docile instead. I had purpose before, but now all I do is scroll and take walks around the neighborhood without seeing anyone. I'm not miserable, but also not truly alive.
Did i miss something? You didn't say how to do it at end?
Thanks for your comment. You didn't miss anything. My intent in creating this video was to raise awareness of something I've observed as a psychiatrist -- that the word forgiveness often gets in the way of a forgiveness-like process of letting go and moving on that can but doesn't necessarily need to involve telling anyone they're forgiven or letting anyone off the hook. I had not intended to give practical steps of how to do this. Letting go of past hurts is a complex and deeply personal process and "the how" really varies a lot from person to person. For some people who successfully move on, it might involve the passage of time and reflection. For others, it may take years of being angry and miserable and eventually therapy to figure out how to do it. I could consider creating a video about this if people think it would be helpful.
@@JeffreyKnuppelMD Cheers for your reply. I think it would help people.
As a separate issue. I've tried various SSRIs and duloxetine (that brought my tinnitus back). And they worsen my tinnitus. I tried mirtazapine (that seemed to make me agitated and sedated, pregablin felt kinda zombiefied . What's your suggestions? I don't want to feel worse or have lasting effects
Ps. I have ME and fibromyalgia and very sensitive to tablets and everything it seems.
Thanks.
Jason
I don't understand your question -- what you're being treated for. I heard you say that you've tried various meds that you've had trouble tolerating, but I don't understand what you're looking for treatment for. To be clear, I don't give individual medical advice on youtube. I can't give you specific suggestions, but if you can clarify your question, I'll see if I can give you answer in a general way.
@@JeffreyKnuppelMD for gad (I think maybe I have OCD (more the ruminating one). Plus for depression. Thanks
Jason, without knowing you and just based on the info you gave, there are a lot of factors that a doctor would have to consider in your situation before considering prescribing anything else. When I meet with new patients, I spend 45-60 minutes trying to get to know as much as I can about them as a person, family history, medical history, mental health history, etc. So, my point is, I don't want to shoot from the hip on this. I think that based on what you said, although the situation isn't simple or straightforward, you're far from being out of options. I don't know if you've seen any of my anxiety meds videos, but I created one that was about medications for GAD (th-cam.com/video/3uBWrAJDsuI/w-d-xo.html), benzodiazepines for anxiety (I'm not suggesting benzos but created the video to explain the pros/cons (th-cam.com/video/IMzpreS4xaw/w-d-xo.html) and gabapentin/pregabalin for anxiety (th-cam.com/video/r44PDcP-roQ/w-d-xo.html) -- I know you said that pregabalin was sedating for you and I'm not suggesting that you should take gabapentin but thought you might want to check it out if you're interested in the info. The other thing, and psychiatrists don't talk about this enough, is that non-medication options really do work, too (adequate exercise and clean/low-carb eating really do help). Mindfulness meditation. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is very effective although I realize many people lack access to it or are unwilling to do it. Whatever you decide to do, I sincerely wish you well!