I appreciate this conversation so deeply. I am extremely troubled and triggered by the growing narrative from counselors-turned-content- creators who are so adamant about supporting cut offs! And what has turned into this new wave toxic positivity narrative that “every relationship has to be healthy.” It is dogmatic and does not speak to tolerance, acceptance or problem-solving. Speaking from someone who comes from a fractured family bc my mother’s main problem solving method was cutting off/estranging….(mainly bc she perceives anything that doesn’t fit her thoughts as “abuse”…she cannot tolerate difference…) I digress….this way of being is incredibly damaging to family systems and I swear, these counselors do not get it. I too do not suggest that abuse (emotional or otherwise) should be brushed over to keep a family intact, but what I am seeing is so many people feeling validated that they are experiencing abuse and having a green light to go no contact. If someone spent their whole life unsure if they were abused, what is the likelihood that what they experienced was abuse? Is difference of values abuse? This sudden expectation for parents to be (or have been) perfect and flip their roles and have no thoughts or discussion around adult children, and calls to “apologize and get therapy” but often times when that is done and the parent reaches out, then the estranged children are angered that they are being bothered and their boundaries have been broken….. It’s a power/control moving goalpost 😢
Thank you for the comment. Yes I have tried so hard to tread that line and I am often at two minds. Personally I have not chosen to cut off my parents even they have their limitations, but then I am always horrified with the amount of toxic family dynamics and silent abuse that goes on in society and have dedicated my career to calling those out. So it has been really difficult to communicate a more ‘realistic’ (don’t like the word ‘balance’) approach where on the one hand ‘please, everyone know they have the right to call out abuse, gaslighting, scapegoating, passive aggressiveness etc but at the same time these days 99% of the content seems to be about ‘energy shielding’ ‘cutting off’ ‘ no contact’ in a way that is lacking in nuances sometimes There is beauty in accepting limits of the world and humans and living with grief whilst finding a way to love the world/ people as it is too. Anyway, thank you for taking the time to listen to this and to comment.
I'm so glad I found your channel! Such an insightful talk. Thank you Imi and Amy 👍
I am so glad!! I know this approach may not apply to everyone but when it does it can be powerful. Thank you for your overly comment. X
I appreciate this conversation so deeply.
I am extremely troubled and triggered by the growing narrative from counselors-turned-content- creators who are so adamant about supporting cut offs!
And what has turned into this new wave toxic positivity narrative that “every relationship has to be healthy.”
It is dogmatic and does not speak to tolerance, acceptance or problem-solving.
Speaking from someone who comes from a fractured family bc my mother’s main problem solving method was cutting off/estranging….(mainly bc she perceives anything that doesn’t fit her thoughts as “abuse”…she cannot tolerate difference…) I digress….this way of being is incredibly damaging to family systems and I swear, these counselors do not get it.
I too do not suggest that abuse (emotional or otherwise) should be brushed over to keep a family intact, but what I am seeing is so many people feeling validated that they are experiencing abuse and having a green light to go no contact.
If someone spent their whole life unsure if they were abused, what is the likelihood that what they experienced was abuse?
Is difference of values abuse?
This sudden expectation for parents to be (or have been) perfect and flip their roles and have no thoughts or discussion around adult children, and calls to “apologize and get therapy” but often times when that is done and the parent reaches out, then the estranged children are angered that they are being bothered and their boundaries have been broken…..
It’s a power/control moving goalpost 😢
Thank you for the comment.
Yes I have tried so hard to tread that line and I am often at two minds.
Personally I have not chosen to cut off my parents even they have their limitations, but then I am always horrified with the amount of toxic family dynamics and silent abuse that goes on in society and have dedicated my career to calling those out.
So it has been really difficult to communicate a more ‘realistic’ (don’t like the word ‘balance’) approach where on the one hand ‘please, everyone know they have the right to call out abuse, gaslighting, scapegoating, passive aggressiveness etc but at the same time these days 99% of the content seems to be about ‘energy shielding’ ‘cutting off’ ‘ no contact’ in a way that is lacking in nuances sometimes
There is beauty in accepting limits of the world and humans and living with grief whilst finding a way to love the world/ people as it is too.
Anyway, thank you for taking the time to listen to this and to comment.
Similarly, I think the opposite happens as well and is incredibly damaging.
Actually a blessing to stumble across your work and Intergifted after finding Neurodivergent Eating Disorders Australia
Thanks for stopping by 🫶🏻 imi