I’m a pretty sociable person but I don’t have a million friends. It’s weird because at times I wish I had more friends but I think the time I have in solitude is really good for me.
5:45 this is actually helped me alot to socialize with people When you tell the other about how you really feel they will start sharing their real feelings as well I am not very social and i want to get to know more people thank you for your advices I felt heard
ur video really motivated me to text a friend of mine that i kinda lost contact with, we texted for a little bit and idk if were close now again but im gonna see her in class tmrw and try to talk to her :)
This video is definitely one of the most helpful videos I have ever watched in my life! You made this tricky problem of being sociable so clear and making so much sense. Thank you so much!
in my experience, whenever I ask questions about themselves, which I always do, they barely give any information. They have a very short answer and it's like they refuse to open up with me and I believe that's why I find it so hard, especially when I, myself, struggle with even starting a conversation. I do like the people I talk to and I do want to feel valuable to them, not because I just want to show off, but because I want them for them, for what they are. I won't give up and I'll keep trying to reach out to them and try to connect until they actually seem not to want to. I'm thinking of maybe asking some advice or suggesting fun ideas that we could do together
I find it quite hard to meet people who really ask about you back in conversations, many times people just talk about themselves not asking you anything even if you are engaged in the conversation. It's probably because I like to listen and give advice but even if I try to insert some personal stuff it always immediately bounces back to the other person. In my experience it's rare to find people who actually want to engage in back and forth conversations.
As an insecure person who is aware that I, sometimes, am self centered, (Im probably self centered all the time, i just say sometimes cuz I try not to be self centered), my friends started hanging out with new people who I dub are cooler than me. Honestly, I felt really unvalued. I’m a person who always seek validation from others and I really can’t validate myself. I keep trying to confirm what I think is correct with others and would get disappointed when they dont think the same. I know that this all stem from my insecurities and low confidence. So Im on that journey to fix it, though it’ll take a while. Wish me luck!
Heey I was just scrolling through TH-cam to find something to watch that'll help me get calm and relaxed after a busy day but at the same time give me useful information and your video was just IT.Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and help people❤You are one of the trustworty and reliable youtubers for me now!
making friends is not that hard...you only need to asking themselves...i know you must feels scared or even shy but trust me you need to talk first, if they ignore you just get over it and ignore them too. anyways goodluck to those who wants to find friends 💗💗. All the best for yall
I'm starting college in september and this Thursday I've got an induction day where I'll meet my class and I am so scared 😭this was really helpful though thank you :)
I changed schools a month ago, in the middle of the school year. I met a trio of friends, the problem is: one of them is involved in a lot of controversies and rumors and gossip, and I really don't want to be friends with her, only with the other two. I don't know how to cut her off. She's like "Ah sorry for the first impression, I swear I'm nice" but I see that she really isn't. we are very different, and I'm afraid that she'll spread rumors or make fun of me for some reason (my nerdy face maybe...) just because I stopped having contact with her. I don't want enemies, just leave me alone
i've had something similar to this before, just distance yourself from that girl, people that gossip will probably gossip behind your back. don't feel bad about cutting people off, if you're a kind and genuine person... you should be picky!! you could be friends with anyone. why be friends with people that make you feel crap about yourself? don't feel bad, boundaries are good for you
@@ChristinaAaliyah yeah, i've been trying to be not so close but still not cutting her off totally, since she never leaves me alone. i feel more comfortable now, but the moment i graduate, i'm never talking to her again, hopefully. Also, thanks for the tips, you're helping me so much. Such a girl's girl love ya 🫶
My thing is I feel like I lack the social experiences because of my parents when I was younger. They never let me date and never let me feel comfortable to talk about ANYTHING other than surface level stuff with them so we never had the boys talk. I am almost 20 and haven’t ever dated or had a wild crazy teen experience to talk about I feel like all I can do is listen and answer I wish I had a life story to share but I haven’t made any memorable experiences. Covid also killed my social skills and chance to go out during highschool years
It’s hard to say something that people would hear in a group setting when everyone’s commuting with each other and you try to be friendly and say something but you have a low voice so when you ask someone no one hears you, amiright. I’m sorry for being like a victim but man it fucking sucks
i've been there ❤️🩹❤️🩹 i totally feel u it feels like you're being ignored and no one in the room values u, like you're not a priority to the group, i get it :(( it gets better as your confidence gets better i promise
Please don't read I'm serious Hi I'm a boring person, I'm social anxious and I hate myself, I'm useless and I'm scared of confident people because I know that they hate me and I'm trying just to shut up and stop crying
No im just dumb snd i also don't even talk to my family at home so i don't know how to talk to people even my own family members who live in different areas because i never see them and im always in the house
I can't strike up conversations with strangers, though, because that's bad. Confident or not, it's just never a good thing to do, regardless of the circumstances.
hey as a Londoner, it's not very common we do that because it's naturally an introverted society round here but i just wanna hear your reasoning behind why you say that, just curious :]
@@LPzzxz Because you _are_ harassing people, when it comes down to it. You're speaking to people in a space where they expect not to be spoken to or bothered.
@@77Night77Shade77 if someone is annoyingly following them i could see why but it's literally a human being thing to talk to one another. just like how we're strangers online talking, why is it so weird in real life? we're becoming really robotic.
@77Night77Shade77 tbh a lot of friendships start off with that 'harassment' both online and offline like @divacandyful has said b4^. And also I get it, not all of us are open to being addressed in public to strangers, and it could be because of the cultural norms too. As long as the convo is harmless and not interrogating like throwing a bunch of questions at you then yh I think it's alright. Society would be quite uncomfortable if no one can speak to you outdoors tbh.
Literally saved this video as a go to guide for when I'm feeling particularly off and insecure. Thank you for your service, I feel like this is truly life saving🫡
Reminder: Even tho we're good at trying to be sociable, still there r ppl who r uninterested to talk to you, but that doesn't mean u shld stop being sociable lol
That's so true!! Sometimes I try to practice my social skills by approaching my classmates but *sometimes* they really are uninterested so I have to leave them
Also some ppl are really bad at it. I had a past roomie always ask about work and I hated talking about work so I said it was okay nothing happened. They would keep asking me like what did you do? I'd be like I went to work and did the same thing I always did. Eventually after a handful of times I asked them to please stop asking me those questions and that I would literally avoid them bc of those questions and they finally admitted they just wanted to get to know me. We never became friends bc he was weird to me and would find other ways to annoy me in conversation but the point is some ppl literally go about it the wrong way. Don't ask people 20 questions about something they don't care about or don't have the desire to talk about bc it will lead no where. Find out what they're into and talk about it or see if you have something in common don't just ask random questions. The more you know 🌈
Exactly. Some people fail to realize that cowering into a hole just because they don't connect with most people is the very thing that's just going to make them less able to connect. Oftentimes not being able to connect with certain people is a strong sign that you're focused on trying to connect with the wrong kind of people. You don't need for everyone to like you, you just need to find your small circle which isn't gonna happen sitting at home all the time sulking about it in whatever echo chambers you can find online. Social skills can be developed.
1. start saying no more often 2. ask people about themselves (moderately) 3. tell people what you are going through 4. start connecting with people online 5. stop taking things personally 6. get a hobby / side hustle 7. follow up
how do I connect with people online if I've simply forgotten to do it? like, it's weird for me to have a friend that I don't talk to often/almost every day (which happens a lot when you're sociable, apparently
its so sad that i actually needed to search for this :( i really hate the way i am boring in a conversation, i try to come up with things to say but my mind goes completely blank. I literally have NOTHING to say i fucking hate myself. I am 20 and think i will never meet my person, the one best friend that everyone has because it feels like at this point everybody has found that one person and they dont really want new friendships.
First I just want to say that this is so relatable, I really struggle to think of what to say in conversations and its often really awkward, but don't give up - this is such a tiny part of your entire life and I've found that social anxiety really ebbs and flows - it will get better. You will meet so many more people that you will connect with. Also don't say you hate yourself, try to disconnect your sociability/social anxiety from you as a person, I'm sure you're really lovely :) It's even harder to be confident when you hate yourself
im literally going through the same thing because im around the same age, and its so frustrating because it feels like nobody ever connects with me that deeply. like i want to go out somewhere with someone and feel like we're sharing one brain cell
I can relate to this as a 22 year old, I don't really interact with people that much and when I do I feel very lacking then it makes hate myself. I thought that this struggle will just be gone on its own as I get older but I was wrong.
Hi, hope you’re doing great :) I felt like this comment could’ve been written by me so I thought I could share this book with you. I’ve been struggling with the exact same things as you and wanted to improve my conversational skills so I started reading « How to Talk to Anyone » by Leil Lowndes. I’ve been loving it so far and there is a whole section tackling the issue of not knowing what to say and your mind going blank. I feel like all the pieces of advice are not good to use but you should give the book a try. And don’t worry too much, everything and everyone who’s meant for you will eventually come your way.
It's really not sad to look up something you struggle with. It's just something we have a hard time doing, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to change that
I totally agree, some people you can not talk to for months and still feel a connection where as other friendships, they need constant watering. If that makes sense. Low effort Vs high effort but I feel that opening up creates a much stronger bond than just small talk with someone.
Follow up! Hit em up once in a while and rekindle it! We stopped interacting for 2 years because of diff schools but them she hit me up for our birthdays as they are 1 week apart and now we're bestie again
I met this girl a couple times through some other associates and thought wow we probably could be friends she's so honest , down to earth, funny, and a young mommy like me. So i said if i saw her again i would take the chance and try to befriend her...tell me why a few weeks later she passed away in a fatal accident. I was stunned 😳 and realized I better seize the moment because you never know. This memory always pushes me to at least try a little harder at befriending people. ❤ RIP K🙏🏾i resonate so much to your thought process and ideation. The actionable steps are solid advice. Some of the things you said are reminders to reestablish and some steps make so much sense to implement. Thanks 😊
who else is tryna make more friends in 2024 ✨ 0:00 intro 1:03 stop saying yes start saying no 3:20 ask people about themselves 4:57 tell people what you’re going through 7:21 connect with people online 8:49 stop taking things personally 11:40 get a hobby or a side hustle 13:57 follow up
If I said no every time I didn’t want to go out I would never go out unfortunately! Whilst I crave social interaction I’m also anxious. Most of the time I really don’t want to go out but when I’m there I realise that it’s not so bad and I can enjoy myself.
I would suggest when you choose to go or not, go all in. If you aren't going, find something else to do and don't be regretfull. If you do go, focus on the positives and try to do the things you want to do on a night out.
@@Kewomii Try to get more hobbies 👍since ur mom is strict it can be something subtle like art or writing. Or find a tv show or movie that u rlly like and talk to people online about it like fandoms :)
This is a refreshing opinion. Most ppl on yt be saying "don't tell ppl ur problems or infos about urself bcoz they might give u evil eye", thus they don't have that much social life bcoz they think everyone is sending them bad energy. Or to be "cold or nonchalant" about things, bcoz they're afraid to be vulnerable towards others.
THISSS being open about some problems, struggles or vulnerabilities doesn't make you 'overshare stuff' or 'weak'. it makes you relatable and real and people prefer speaking to ones who they can relate to
I feel so bad. I spent 6 months with my friend and then I got tired of looking at her. Now everything she does is kinda readable. We don't have anything in common, I've been listening to her problems for 6 months! The longest convos we have is ab her issues and it's so frustrating! I don't have trauma to share, I truly gave it to God and let it go, but her issue is something not so easily healed
Wow I was in a situation like this once. I had to pray for her in my quiet time and tell God thank you that I’m a trust worthy person, and I will keep her secrets; but you weren’t born to be anyone’s emotional sink. Clearly your presence isn’t solving the issue if she’s still emotional dumping, so your absence won’t make it any worse. The relationship will change once you distance, but it’s likely what both of you need. She will probably learn from the situation and hopefully not repeat the mistake in the future.
I think the problem with your friendship is that it heavily relies on only talking about bad things that are going on between you two. Also if you truly think that the issues that she has is that severe maybe you should try asking her to find a therapist so that she can work on them. Relationships of any kind outside of work are supposed to be flexible and expandable, if you aren't having the hangouts you want or want to talk about different things then you have to change it. Lastly, if someone's going through a lot of mental issues and it's draining on you you have the right to bring it up, tell them you feel like it's more than you can handle. It's okay to admit you can't give them the emotional support they need all the time, ppl are supposed to have more than one person for that. And if they ever want to hang out so they can go on a really long rant about all the things that their dealing with and you're not in the right place you can just tell them that. A good friend will respect that you're not in the right head space and maybe don't have that energy. Hope it helps 😇
the last point is what I'm challenging with. I'd speak to ppl and never speak to them again (sometimes they don't even talk to me again) for sometime and it would be a once in a while thing, this is why I feel like I have acquaintances but not friends
same 😭 i just never have any idea what to say to them afterwards! i’m also introverted so it takes me a bit to feel up to going out again and by then i feel like i’ve lost my chance to connect with them or invite them out anywhere
I also suffer ‘cause of this, and it’s mainly due to me showing less effort that’s required to form strong friendships. I wish u well cause that situation is no joke
For me I’m bad with conflict. I have a habit of ghosting friends because I felt a certain way about an argument we had and after an argument I would ghost them cause I would be so mad and end that friendship. It’s hard for me to be confrontational and handle conflict for me, I would rather just ghost them than deal with it, but I’m trying to change that habit
I hope you overcome this habit♡ always remember that clarity and honesty between friends/close people is very essential and you will feel better that way
same lollll most of my friendships ended bc i don’t speak up in the moment and then i build it all up and ghost… 😅 im also trying to stop bc it’s soo toxic
I really needed this video because my social anxiety has been vicious lately 😭🙏. I’m also going to college soon and I want to reinvent myself and make a lot of friends because I was being held back by my insecurities in high school.
I open up quite easily regarding even traumatic parts of my life. My now my trusted friend opened up to me because of this and shared traumatic parts of his life he doesn't usually share. This resulted in us being very honest about how we feel and supporting each other in the most human way I can think of. Just don't go down the trauma bonding rabbit hole. Sincerity and confidence are passed down to people. I've also had people tell me I had inspired them to dye their hair or dress the way they've always wanted when they saw how confidently I wore alternative fashion even back in middle school. Being yourself helps people be themselves, and these moments are unforgettable.
This is so true cause usually fake ppl have a way of making us feel discomfort socially. I spent most of my highschool trying to be someone I’m not and I wonder why I felt so lonely-
I’m 23 & is kinda like isolated , especially at home , I’m a supervisor at a 5 star hotel so you can only imagine the anxiety I feel when people want to make small talk staring in my face , can admit that I am attractive, get plenty of compliments so my question is why why is my communication skills lacking ? Shouldn’t it be easy
my parents homeschool me to shelter me so i dont have any friends at the moment. in a year i go to college so im watching this and taking notes in hopes of being able to make friends a bit more easier when the time comes so thank u for this
I also homeschool and its hard to befriend people as well, but I'm grateful my parents put my clubs n stuff, so I'm decently social. But i have a hard time making close friends..
@@Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxi yeah my parents are in their 50s/60s so they dont have energy to take me to anything social but most homeschooled kids in my area are homopboic so i dont end up wanting to b friends w them
@juliahooper554 awe, that's too bad... I hope you find good friends, though when you get to college, I find when communicating sometimes you just don't click, and you don't have to push it. Because some people just aren't compatible as friends. Also, when meeting new people, I find that it's important to be authentic with others you wanna be friends with 😌
so real on the i'm she but once you get to know me im the best i guess it's a lot harder because i was used to my old friends and i guess i got too comfortable when i forgot how to make friends so now i moved 9 hours away and it feels SO much harder
This video helped me a lot. The "see things more open" just text people, just get in that relationship, just be nice and compliment others, dont be so picky. I have no friends since 5years. I have to get my confidence up and start to make me feel good and get hobbys, complimenting strangers. Thank you Christina.
I didn't think this viodeo would be as accurate as it was lol. im usually not that shy but i have a lot of acquaintances and surface level friendships so i still wanted to watch this video and it ended up resonating with me a lot more than i expected. thanks for making this video!
I just realized my problem isnt starting a conversation, but keeping it. All the people I’ve met went to another school and just ghosted me. All the friends I had are gone because they found their best friend and even though I texted them to meet up they just made excuses. Its super hard to find your person now
Being happy with yourself. Focusing on your hobbies. Like you could spend a week just by yourself but you tried a new recipe, watched that movie you wanted to watch for months, cycled to the park and bought an ice cream to treat yourself. You might still feel a little lonely but also happy and eventually you'll meet one or two friends that you can share your hobbies with. I think no matter how many friends you make, or how good the friends are, there will be moments you feel lonely. I genuinely think that's everyone. But it's important to do things that make you happy and interested in your life. The lonely moments will come and go.
@@zk8051 I already do that though, I meant what’s the point in making friends, not what’s the point in being alone. I appreciate the effort in your response though. You’re saying loneliness is inevitable, but then why would I bother trying to make friends if I’ll just feel the same after?
@@spook6394 okay let me rephrase it a little. I think moments of loneliness are inevitable. I think being happy by yourself is the most important thing. However making connections, friendships and even just acquaintances are also important. You should be able to be happy by yourself but it's always easier to be happy with other people. Sure you can and should do things by yourself but having someone to share your life with is necessary too. Right now I have a few friends. We don't always get each other. We don't share the same interests. Sometimes things can even get awkward between us but I'm still happy getting a text from them or hanging out on the weekends. Being alone is important but so is making friends. And I genuinely think, even if you're the most introverted person (like me) and you enjoy being by yourself, it's still a lot of fun being with other people (in small doses). Idk if I'm explaining it well but I think at the heart of it all, human beings are social creatures. And if you completely cut away having friends, it's not good for you in the long term. Being happy with yourself is no.1 but there's a difference between being happy with yourself and being by yourself. You can be with friends and be miserable and lonely. You can be happy with your own company and that's great but honestly it'll still be lonely sometimes. The best in my opinion is to have friends but be okay by yourself too. It's a balance. Sorry if this is too long, random stranger on the Internet.
I have friends but the moment we stop hanging out the lonely feeling comes back. That means problem is me and no friend can fix that. So i think what they meant was if you have the same problem friends can make you feel better yes but they won't fix the problem.
@@imfinetysm tell me something idk lol 😆 I didn't take it personally but a lot of people would just wanna tell you for future reference straight up calling people insecure is just plain rude
Omg yes! When someone says they can’t hang out with me and apologies, or they don’t reply to me, how I usually go about it is “oh, don’t worry! Everyone has their own life, I get it” and it’s been my go-to ^^ they thank me for being understanding, but it’s simple just.. the truth
I don’t need nor do I want friends. Friends always just try to copy off of me and use me in group projects because I won’t settle for anything under 95%. I’ve always had 0 interest in social interactions and parties.
I feel so sad that I have to watch this video . I don’t think I’m boring I feel like I have a lot of interesting things about me I think it’s just how i look or how I sound tha makes people uninterested . I did a study abroad learning a language for 2 weeks and at the end we have a little graduation . the whole time I was there I was hanging with this group of girls about 8 of them . Well only 1 out of the 8 told me congratulations. now ever since that day I’ve been beating myself up because I just don’t understand what I need to change about myself to be liked or to have friends
Your vids are lowkey more effective than therapy 😂 I started a new job and moved to a new city about a few months ago. Ever since I graduated college, it's like I forgot how to talk to people and it's hurt my social life. It's even affected the way I percieve myself, bc I used to be so much more confident and extroverted. I had no idea that the way people percieved me was directly affecting my self image so much. After watching some of your vids yesterday, my conversations have improved so much already, even during work meetings! 😊 I'll rewatch everytime I need a pep-talk and reminder that I have these skills within me already, and it's safe to bring them out/be myself. Thanks for making these videos! 🩵🩵🩵
I wouldn’t say I’m particularly good or bad at socialising with people, but I think you still made some really good points in this video that made me reconsider some of the things I do in my relationships with people. I also love your “trivial and often” approach because far too often I see people hyper-analysing relationship prospects etc. I also wanted to say I think you’re really well spoken and clear, and that your videos are really well done. Hope you have a great day! :)) 💖
It would be over for y’all if I was born with conversational skills
tell em 😤
frrr
fr🥲
No one is tho 🙃
You can always work on it. I have been social since elementary and still can be when I want
basically don’t be a people pleaser
I’m a pretty sociable person but I don’t have a million friends. It’s weird because at times I wish I had more friends but I think the time I have in solitude is really good for me.
I'm the exact same lol
enjoying your own company >>>
So helpful
Hey can you do next video how to get girls? Thankd@@ChristinaAaliyah
quality over quantity
This was such a wake up call honestly
5:45 this is actually helped me alot to socialize with people
When you tell the other about how you really feel they will start sharing their real feelings as well
I am not very social and i want to get to know more people thank you for your advices I felt heard
facts! people connect way more when u open up
Gotta identify your feelings first
It feels so heartwarming see so many people struggle with the same thing and that I am not alone in this😭💖
Thank you girl, tomorrowıll gp and try to talk with people instead of gettin anxious by sitting by myself in my desk❤
u got this!! 😎
ur video really motivated me to text a friend of mine that i kinda lost contact with, we texted for a little bit and idk if were close now again but im gonna see her in class tmrw and try to talk to her :)
i hope you guys reconnect 🥹
This video is definitely one of the most helpful videos I have ever watched in my life! You made this tricky problem of being sociable so clear and making so much sense. Thank you so much!
I really like this video and I totally see myself coming back to this over and over just to remind myself what I can do!
sure thing!
in my experience, whenever I ask questions about themselves, which I always do, they barely give any information. They have a very short answer and it's like they refuse to open up with me and I believe that's why I find it so hard, especially when I, myself, struggle with even starting a conversation. I do like the people I talk to and I do want to feel valuable to them, not because I just want to show off, but because I want them for them, for what they are. I won't give up and I'll keep trying to reach out to them and try to connect until they actually seem not to want to. I'm thinking of maybe asking some advice or suggesting fun ideas that we could do together
I find it quite hard to meet people who really ask about you back in conversations, many times people just talk about themselves not asking you anything even if you are engaged in the conversation. It's probably because I like to listen and give advice but even if I try to insert some personal stuff it always immediately bounces back to the other person. In my experience it's rare to find people who actually want to engage in back and forth conversations.
Making FRIENDS is easy but making the RIGHT FRIENDS is hard
As an insecure person who is aware that I, sometimes, am self centered, (Im probably self centered all the time, i just say sometimes cuz I try not to be self centered), my friends started hanging out with new people who I dub are cooler than me. Honestly, I felt really unvalued. I’m a person who always seek validation from others and I really can’t validate myself. I keep trying to confirm what I think is correct with others and would get disappointed when they dont think the same. I know that this all stem from my insecurities and low confidence. So Im on that journey to fix it, though it’ll take a while. Wish me luck!
i am literally so thankful for you
Heey
I was just scrolling through TH-cam to find something to watch that'll help me get calm and relaxed after a busy day but at the same time give me useful information and your video was just IT.Thank you so much for sharing your experiences and help people❤You are one of the trustworty and reliable youtubers for me now!
Thanks for the video Christina. It was a balance of compassion, honesty, and practical tips. It helped me.
Making friends is hard… it’s because in this generation people fake their personality just to be friends with you, which isn’t a REAL friend.
making friends is not that hard...you only need to asking themselves...i know you must feels scared or even shy but trust me you need to talk first, if they ignore you just get over it and ignore them too. anyways goodluck to those who wants to find friends 💗💗. All the best for yall
I'm starting college in september and this Thursday I've got an induction day where I'll meet my class and I am so scared 😭this was really helpful though thank you :)
I changed schools a month ago, in the middle of the school year. I met a trio of friends, the problem is: one of them is involved in a lot of controversies and rumors and gossip, and I really don't want to be friends with her, only with the other two. I don't know how to cut her off. She's like "Ah sorry for the first impression, I swear I'm nice" but I see that she really isn't. we are very different, and I'm afraid that she'll spread rumors or make fun of me for some reason (my nerdy face maybe...) just because I stopped having contact with her. I don't want enemies, just leave me alone
i've had something similar to this before, just distance yourself from that girl, people that gossip will probably gossip behind your back. don't feel bad about cutting people off, if you're a kind and genuine person... you should be picky!!
you could be friends with anyone. why be friends with people that make you feel crap about yourself? don't feel bad, boundaries are good for you
@@ChristinaAaliyah yeah, i've been trying to be not so close but still not cutting her off totally, since she never leaves me alone. i feel more comfortable now, but the moment i graduate, i'm never talking to her again, hopefully.
Also, thanks for the tips, you're helping me so much. Such a girl's girl love ya 🫶
very valuable video
thanks bud
My thing is I feel like I lack the social experiences because of my parents when I was younger. They never let me date and never let me feel comfortable to talk about ANYTHING other than surface level stuff with them so we never had the boys talk. I am almost 20 and haven’t ever dated or had a wild crazy teen experience to talk about I feel like all I can do is listen and answer I wish I had a life story to share but I haven’t made any memorable experiences. Covid also killed my social skills and chance to go out during highschool years
thanks! i'm autistic
I really like this vid, it's helpful.
"I'm sorry but, screw the peace!"😂😂😂so real.
Your editing style is really creative and engaging. I love it!
that damn crescendoing cymbal sound effect is going to make me rip my hair out no shade
Pls do podcasts it’s really helpful
you abuse the fuck outta that suspense sound effect
For me it’s not about what I do,I’m just socially awkward and people in my school are so racist.imagine being racist in 2024.
🍇
Time to watch this video 1906521 times and forget everything 0.05 seconds after I click off
what if i am autistic
Me watching this knowing damn well I'm not gonna do it
Making Fack friends. Yes. Who needs friends.
It’s hard to say something that people would hear in a group setting when everyone’s commuting with each other and you try to be friendly and say something but you have a low voice so when you ask someone no one hears you, amiright. I’m sorry for being like a victim but man it fucking sucks
i've been there ❤️🩹❤️🩹 i totally feel u
it feels like you're being ignored and no one in the room values u, like you're not a priority to the group, i get it :((
it gets better as your confidence gets better i promise
Please don't read I'm serious
Hi I'm a boring person, I'm social anxious and I hate myself, I'm useless and I'm scared of confident people because I know that they hate me and I'm trying just to shut up and stop crying
i love you
love u more
No im just dumb snd i also don't even talk to my family at home so i don't know how to talk to people even my own family members who live in different areas because i never see them and im always in the house
Ok but it’s hard to make REAL friends
Woww! How do you talk so fast 😫❤
the 7th part...
I can't strike up conversations with strangers, though, because that's bad. Confident or not, it's just never a good thing to do, regardless of the circumstances.
hey as a Londoner, it's not very common we do that because it's naturally an introverted society round here but i just wanna hear your reasoning behind why you say that, just curious :]
@@LPzzxz Because you _are_ harassing people, when it comes down to it. You're speaking to people in a space where they expect not to be spoken to or bothered.
@@77Night77Shade77 if someone is annoyingly following them i could see why but it's literally a human being thing to talk to one another. just like how we're strangers online talking, why is it so weird in real life? we're becoming really robotic.
@@77Night77Shade77in my country it’s completely normal! 🇯🇲 you’re supposed to speak and chat with people around you /)
@77Night77Shade77 tbh a lot of friendships start off with that 'harassment' both online and offline like @divacandyful has said b4^. And also I get it, not all of us are open to being addressed in public to strangers, and it could be because of the cultural norms too. As long as the convo is harmless and not interrogating like throwing a bunch of questions at you then yh I think it's alright. Society would be quite uncomfortable if no one can speak to you outdoors tbh.
Literally saved this video as a go to guide for when I'm feeling particularly off and insecure. Thank you for your service, I feel like this is truly life saving🫡
Reminder: Even tho we're good at trying to be sociable, still there r ppl who r uninterested to talk to you, but that doesn't mean u shld stop being sociable lol
Good note. 👍
That's so true!! Sometimes I try to practice my social skills by approaching my classmates but *sometimes* they really are uninterested so I have to leave them
Also some ppl are really bad at it. I had a past roomie always ask about work and I hated talking about work so I said it was okay nothing happened. They would keep asking me like what did you do? I'd be like I went to work and did the same thing I always did. Eventually after a handful of times I asked them to please stop asking me those questions and that I would literally avoid them bc of those questions and they finally admitted they just wanted to get to know me. We never became friends bc he was weird to me and would find other ways to annoy me in conversation but the point is some ppl literally go about it the wrong way. Don't ask people 20 questions about something they don't care about or don't have the desire to talk about bc it will lead no where. Find out what they're into and talk about it or see if you have something in common don't just ask random questions.
The more you know 🌈
Facts!!! I honestly struggle with accepting the fact that not every one wants to be my friend 😂
Exactly. Some people fail to realize that cowering into a hole just because they don't connect with most people is the very thing that's just going to make them less able to connect.
Oftentimes not being able to connect with certain people is a strong sign that you're focused on trying to connect with the wrong kind of people. You don't need for everyone to like you, you just need to find your small circle which isn't gonna happen sitting at home all the time sulking about it in whatever echo chambers you can find online.
Social skills can be developed.
1. start saying no more often
2. ask people about themselves (moderately)
3. tell people what you are going through
4. start connecting with people online
5. stop taking things personally
6. get a hobby / side hustle
7. follow up
Comments like urs that summarise the vids main points rlly help, thx bestiee
thamks!!!
i love you
Thank you ❤
how do I connect with people online if I've simply forgotten to do it? like, it's weird for me to have a friend that I don't talk to often/almost every day (which happens a lot when you're sociable, apparently
its so sad that i actually needed to search for this :( i really hate the way i am boring in a conversation, i try to come up with things to say but my mind goes completely blank. I literally have NOTHING to say i fucking hate myself. I am 20 and think i will never meet my person, the one best friend that everyone has because it feels like at this point everybody has found that one person and they dont really want new friendships.
First I just want to say that this is so relatable, I really struggle to think of what to say in conversations and its often really awkward, but don't give up - this is such a tiny part of your entire life and I've found that social anxiety really ebbs and flows - it will get better. You will meet so many more people that you will connect with. Also don't say you hate yourself, try to disconnect your sociability/social anxiety from you as a person, I'm sure you're really lovely :) It's even harder to be confident when you hate yourself
im literally going through the same thing because im around the same age, and its so frustrating because it feels like nobody ever connects with me that deeply. like i want to go out somewhere with someone and feel like we're sharing one brain cell
I can relate to this as a 22 year old, I don't really interact with people that much and when I do I feel very lacking then it makes hate myself. I thought that this struggle will just be gone on its own as I get older but I was wrong.
Hi, hope you’re doing great :)
I felt like this comment could’ve been written by me so I thought I could share this book with you. I’ve been struggling with the exact same things as you and wanted to improve my conversational skills so I started reading « How to Talk to Anyone » by Leil Lowndes. I’ve been loving it so far and there is a whole section tackling the issue of not knowing what to say and your mind going blank. I feel like all the pieces of advice are not good to use but you should give the book a try.
And don’t worry too much, everything and everyone who’s meant for you will eventually come your way.
It's really not sad to look up something you struggle with. It's just something we have a hard time doing, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to change that
I totally agree, some people you can not talk to for months and still feel a connection where as other friendships, they need constant watering. If that makes sense. Low effort Vs high effort but I feel that opening up creates a much stronger bond than just small talk with someone.
for sure, i think a combo of both of these friendships is good
Yes! And both are valid friendships.
In my experience the first time I said no to someone they actually treated me like a more valuable friend than they did before.
it's so counterintuitive but it works
Making friends is not the problem. Keeping them is.
literallyyyy😭😭😭😭 somehow i lost like most of my friendships by now lmfao
Follow up! Hit em up once in a while and rekindle it! We stopped interacting for 2 years because of diff schools but them she hit me up for our birthdays as they are 1 week apart and now we're bestie again
Exactly I fall out of friendships quickly or it just never sticks
I met this girl a couple times through some other associates and thought wow we probably could be friends she's so honest , down to earth, funny, and a young mommy like me. So i said if i saw her again i would take the chance and try to befriend her...tell me why a few weeks later she passed away in a fatal accident. I was stunned 😳 and realized I better seize the moment because you never know. This memory always pushes me to at least try a little harder at befriending people. ❤ RIP K🙏🏾i resonate so much to your thought process and ideation. The actionable steps are solid advice. Some of the things you said are reminders to reestablish and some steps make so much sense to implement. Thanks 😊
That is so sad to hear :( I hope she's doing well where she is now
And for you, I hope you're meeting new friends! :)
@@kiararenea2985do you believe in the afterlife
who else is tryna make more friends in 2024 ✨
0:00 intro
1:03 stop saying yes start saying no
3:20 ask people about themselves
4:57 tell people what you’re going through
7:21 connect with people online
8:49 stop taking things personally
11:40 get a hobby or a side hustle
13:57 follow up
THANKKKSSS QUEEN
Good video, but girly I couldn’t stand the transition sound lol
Tysm ily💞
Not just social skills but overall self esteem. It usually goes hand in hand.
The way this video humbled me is actually scary, I'll actually do the tips in this video and see how things go
me too, hopefully we can do better!
@@flo-we9wu we will
If I said no every time I didn’t want to go out I would never go out unfortunately! Whilst I crave social interaction I’m also anxious. Most of the time I really don’t want to go out but when I’m there I realise that it’s not so bad and I can enjoy myself.
i feel u on this
I would suggest when you choose to go or not, go all in. If you aren't going, find something else to do and don't be regretfull. If you do go, focus on the positives and try to do the things you want to do on a night out.
Congrats on aiming for a balance despite it! 🙂
Try online chatting？ U r cute Ellie，could we start a chat on ins or somewhere
Im so awkward and don’t know how to have fun its one of my biggest insecurities cuz im always seen as boring😭
this is us😭 but we are not boring, we just don’t have social skills (like the title says lol)
@@ariya2040 the sad truth🥲
@@ariya2040 my strict mom not letting me do nothing dont help lol
@@Kewomii Try to get more hobbies 👍since ur mom is strict it can be something subtle like art or writing. Or find a tv show or movie that u rlly like and talk to people online about it like fandoms :)
Found my people 😂
This is a refreshing opinion. Most ppl on yt be saying "don't tell ppl ur problems or infos about urself bcoz they might give u evil eye", thus they don't have that much social life bcoz they think everyone is sending them bad energy. Or to be "cold or nonchalant" about things, bcoz they're afraid to be vulnerable towards others.
THISSS
being open about some problems, struggles or vulnerabilities doesn't make you 'overshare stuff' or 'weak'. it makes you relatable and real
and people prefer speaking to ones who they can relate to
I feel so bad. I spent 6 months with my friend and then I got tired of looking at her. Now everything she does is kinda readable. We don't have anything in common, I've been listening to her problems for 6 months! The longest convos we have is ab her issues and it's so frustrating! I don't have trauma to share, I truly gave it to God and let it go, but her issue is something not so easily healed
Wow I was in a situation like this once. I had to pray for her in my quiet time and tell God thank you that I’m a trust worthy person, and I will keep her secrets; but you weren’t born to be anyone’s emotional sink. Clearly your presence isn’t solving the issue if she’s still emotional dumping, so your absence won’t make it any worse. The relationship will change once you distance, but it’s likely what both of you need. She will probably learn from the situation and hopefully not repeat the mistake in the future.
@@koolteacher9 that is absolutely correcttt
I think the problem with your friendship is that it heavily relies on only talking about bad things that are going on between you two. Also if you truly think that the issues that she has is that severe maybe you should try asking her to find a therapist so that she can work on them. Relationships of any kind outside of work are supposed to be flexible and expandable, if you aren't having the hangouts you want or want to talk about different things then you have to change it. Lastly, if someone's going through a lot of mental issues and it's draining on you you have the right to bring it up, tell them you feel like it's more than you can handle. It's okay to admit you can't give them the emotional support they need all the time, ppl are supposed to have more than one person for that. And if they ever want to hang out so they can go on a really long rant about all the things that their dealing with and you're not in the right place you can just tell them that. A good friend will respect that you're not in the right head space and maybe don't have that energy.
Hope it helps 😇
the last point is what I'm challenging with. I'd speak to ppl and never speak to them again (sometimes they don't even talk to me again) for sometime and it would be a once in a while thing, this is why I feel like I have acquaintances but not friends
yeah it's a hard one, the follow up is 🔑
i promise it's never as scary as u think!
I’m also terrible with the follow up 😭 And if I leave it too long (say a few months) I’ll feel even weirder trying to touch base again.
same 😭 i just never have any idea what to say to them afterwards! i’m also introverted so it takes me a bit to feel up to going out again and by then i feel like i’ve lost my chance to connect with them or invite them out anywhere
@@lilacfields right its like we're strangers all over again
I also suffer ‘cause of this, and it’s mainly due to me showing less effort that’s required to form strong friendships. I wish u well cause that situation is no joke
For me I’m bad with conflict. I have a habit of ghosting friends because I felt a certain way about an argument we had and after an argument I would ghost them cause I would be so mad and end that friendship. It’s hard for me to be confrontational and handle conflict for me, I would rather just ghost them than deal with it, but I’m trying to change that habit
i can totally relate
I hope you overcome this habit♡ always remember that clarity and honesty between friends/close people is very essential and you will feel better that way
same lollll most of my friendships ended bc i don’t speak up in the moment and then i build it all up and ghost… 😅 im also trying to stop bc it’s soo toxic
You sound tiring to be around
reall i lost my bsf bc of this
I really needed this video because my social anxiety has been vicious lately 😭🙏. I’m also going to college soon and I want to reinvent myself and make a lot of friends because I was being held back by my insecurities in high school.
sounds like a plan, u got this 😎
same
we are literally twinning, when college start we will be social butterflies
U got this!! And me too, all I need is a fresh start
as an autistic person with agoraphobia, the title is so true thank you for reaffirming that i suck at socializing
as an autistic person myself, sending you lots of love
I’m also autistic 🩷🩷
I open up quite easily regarding even traumatic parts of my life. My now my trusted friend opened up to me because of this and shared traumatic parts of his life he doesn't usually share. This resulted in us being very honest about how we feel and supporting each other in the most human way I can think of. Just don't go down the trauma bonding rabbit hole. Sincerity and confidence are passed down to people. I've also had people tell me I had inspired them to dye their hair or dress the way they've always wanted when they saw how confidently I wore alternative fashion even back in middle school. Being yourself helps people be themselves, and these moments are unforgettable.
this is so beautiful 🥹
This is so true cause usually fake ppl have a way of making us feel discomfort socially. I spent most of my highschool trying to be someone I’m not and I wonder why I felt so lonely-
"I have no social life haha" hit too close to home. Time to change!
tysmm! i always said yes to ppl bc i thought that if i said no, they wouldnt like me but its the opposite
yes!!
People dont like Nice or pleaser, because they want attention.
Guys, dont forget to not overshare to much. Especially if they're a person you just met or you don't trust too much.
I’m 23 & is kinda like isolated , especially at home , I’m a supervisor at a 5 star hotel so you can only imagine the anxiety I feel when people want to make small talk staring in my face , can admit that I am attractive, get plenty of compliments so my question is why why is my communication skills lacking ? Shouldn’t it be easy
getting this recomended as is a person with autism is so ironic😭
my parents homeschool me to shelter me so i dont have any friends at the moment. in a year i go to college so im watching this and taking notes in hopes of being able to make friends a bit more easier when the time comes so thank u for this
I also homeschool and its hard to befriend people as well, but I'm grateful my parents put my clubs n stuff, so I'm decently social. But i have a hard time making close friends..
@@Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxi yeah my parents are in their 50s/60s so they dont have energy to take me to anything social but most homeschooled kids in my area are homopboic so i dont end up wanting to b friends w them
@juliahooper554 oh rlly lmao 😭 that suckss, where I live, they are homophobic but they kinda keep their opinions to themselves, typa thing
@@Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxi yeah it sucks everytime i see them they say homophobic things
@juliahooper554 awe, that's too bad... I hope you find good friends, though when you get to college, I find when communicating sometimes you just don't click, and you don't have to push it.
Because some people just aren't compatible as friends. Also, when meeting new people, I find that it's important to be authentic with others you wanna be friends with 😌
lord ive resorted to youtube videos on how to make friends I've legit hit rock bottom
Same bro
Currently going to be a junior with only one best friend who I don’t even talk to that much. This year I will make some friends ❤
your channel is like a diamond in the rough IM SO GLAD I FOUND YOU I LOVE UR CONTENT
IM SO GLAD MY CHANNEL FOUND UUU
@@ChristinaAaliyah OMGG U REPLIED 🥹🥹
so real on the i'm she but once you get to know me im the best i guess it's a lot harder because i was used to my old friends and i guess i got too comfortable when i forgot how to make friends so now i moved 9 hours away and it feels SO much harder
girl no i am just autistic
real
This video helped me a lot. The "see things more open" just text people, just get in that relationship, just be nice and compliment others, dont be so picky. I have no friends since 5years. I have to get my confidence up and start to make me feel good and get hobbys, complimenting strangers. Thank you Christina.
I didn't think this viodeo would be as accurate as it was lol. im usually not that shy but i have a lot of acquaintances and surface level friendships so i still wanted to watch this video and it ended up resonating with me a lot more than i expected. thanks for making this video!
i've been there, so i know exactly what it's like
This was pretty insightful! As a girl who struggles bonding with her classmates; just know tou gave me some confidence lol
I just realized my problem isnt starting a conversation, but keeping it. All the people I’ve met went to another school and just ghosted me. All the friends I had are gone because they found their best friend and even though I texted them to meet up they just made excuses. Its super hard to find your person now
“You think that making friends will cure your loneliness, but it really won’t.”
Then what’s the point? Genuinely.
Being happy with yourself. Focusing on your hobbies. Like you could spend a week just by yourself but you tried a new recipe, watched that movie you wanted to watch for months, cycled to the park and bought an ice cream to treat yourself.
You might still feel a little lonely but also happy and eventually you'll meet one or two friends that you can share your hobbies with.
I think no matter how many friends you make, or how good the friends are, there will be moments you feel lonely. I genuinely think that's everyone. But it's important to do things that make you happy and interested in your life. The lonely moments will come and go.
@@zk8051 I already do that though, I meant what’s the point in making friends, not what’s the point in being alone. I appreciate the effort in your response though. You’re saying loneliness is inevitable, but then why would I bother trying to make friends if I’ll just feel the same after?
@@spook6394 okay let me rephrase it a little. I think moments of loneliness are inevitable. I think being happy by yourself is the most important thing.
However making connections, friendships and even just acquaintances are also important. You should be able to be happy by yourself but it's always easier to be happy with other people. Sure you can and should do things by yourself but having someone to share your life with is necessary too.
Right now I have a few friends. We don't always get each other. We don't share the same interests. Sometimes things can even get awkward between us but I'm still happy getting a text from them or hanging out on the weekends.
Being alone is important but so is making friends. And I genuinely think, even if you're the most introverted person (like me) and you enjoy being by yourself, it's still a lot of fun being with other people (in small doses).
Idk if I'm explaining it well but I think at the heart of it all, human beings are social creatures. And if you completely cut away having friends, it's not good for you in the long term. Being happy with yourself is no.1 but there's a difference between being happy with yourself and being by yourself.
You can be with friends and be miserable and lonely. You can be happy with your own company and that's great but honestly it'll still be lonely sometimes. The best in my opinion is to have friends but be okay by yourself too. It's a balance.
Sorry if this is too long, random stranger on the Internet.
I have friends but the moment we stop hanging out the lonely feeling comes back. That means problem is me and no friend can fix that. So i think what they meant was if you have the same problem friends can make you feel better yes but they won't fix the problem.
I'm super extroverted with strangers but I can't just talk to people I know well cuz they have bad impressions of me
Thissss
Edit: I also wanted to add.. it’s sooo easy making friends, the hard part is keeping them and the hardest keeping them around! - me 😆
@@copiouscat twin where have you been
you're insecure
@@imfinetysm tell me something idk lol 😆 I didn't take it personally but a lot of people would just wanna tell you for future reference straight up calling people insecure is just plain rude
Thank u soo much for this video! I'm starting college next week and I'm looking for ways to improve myself so this was really helpful!! ❤❤
One time I had a better relationship with a girl I met in the school bathroom than I had with ppl I'd known for more than a year, that is not okay
Omg yes! When someone says they can’t hang out with me and apologies, or they don’t reply to me, how I usually go about it is “oh, don’t worry! Everyone has their own life, I get it” and it’s been my go-to ^^ they thank me for being understanding, but it’s simple just.. the truth
Okay, I don't know how to do but I try : Does anyone want to become friends with me ? I'm from France 🇫🇷
Yo I'll be your friend
I'm from France too! :D
You're cute asf
That’s the best compliment of someone with a xxx profile
God knew i would be too powerful if i had good social skills 😭😭😭😭🙏🙏
broo if i had more social skills yall would be done
Frrrr
I don’t need nor do I want friends.
Friends always just try to copy off of me and use me in group projects because I won’t settle for anything under 95%.
I’ve always had 0 interest in social interactions and parties.
Then this video is not for you I suppose?
@@bornana269 I’m just explaining my perspective which I am allowed to do
I feel so sad that I have to watch this video . I don’t think I’m boring I feel like I have a lot of interesting things about me I think it’s just how i look or how I sound tha makes people uninterested . I did a study abroad learning a language for 2 weeks and at the end we have a little graduation .
the whole time I was there I was hanging with this group of girls about 8 of them . Well only 1 out of the 8 told me congratulations. now ever since that day I’ve been beating myself up because I just don’t understand what I need to change about myself to be liked or to have friends
Your vids are lowkey more effective than therapy 😂 I started a new job and moved to a new city about a few months ago. Ever since I graduated college, it's like I forgot how to talk to people and it's hurt my social life. It's even affected the way I percieve myself, bc I used to be so much more confident and extroverted. I had no idea that the way people percieved me was directly affecting my self image so much. After watching some of your vids yesterday, my conversations have improved so much already, even during work meetings! 😊 I'll rewatch everytime I need a pep-talk and reminder that I have these skills within me already, and it's safe to bring them out/be myself. Thanks for making these videos! 🩵🩵🩵
Me watching this jus before school starts 😭😭
People don’t understand most people won’t be friends with you if you aren’t super skinny and pretty like me ..:(
...
9:13 i agree with that, but when it's a constant no, then it becomes an issue
I wouldn’t say I’m particularly good or bad at socialising with people, but I think you still made some really good points in this video that made me reconsider some of the things I do in my relationships with people. I also love your “trivial and often” approach because far too often I see people hyper-analysing relationship prospects etc.
I also wanted to say I think you’re really well spoken and clear, and that your videos are really well done.
Hope you have a great day! :)) 💖
I thought I was making friends but I was being the insecure person the whole time oh nah
I asked someone to hangout and they left me on delivered… omg i hate everyone
Goooood you guys don’t know how much I needed this vid I’m 30 and I’m in the new friends era
the timing >>>>>
@@ChristinaAaliyah that’s a good thing right?
thank you, this gave me hope :)
if i can do it, so can u
This was so helpful and said in a way that made so much sense, you every clearly got the points across.
Thank you so much❤️
I'm not boring I just don't give a shit about small talk w randos
Yes. Why would I care to hear about someone’s day…I know that makes me sound rude but I genuinely just myself to care and talk about that😅