Reminder: Even tho we're good at trying to be sociable, still there r ppl who r uninterested to talk to you, but that doesn't mean u shld stop being sociable lol
That's so true!! Sometimes I try to practice my social skills by approaching my classmates but *sometimes* they really are uninterested so I have to leave them
Also some ppl are really bad at it. I had a past roomie always ask about work and I hated talking about work so I said it was okay nothing happened. They would keep asking me like what did you do? I'd be like I went to work and did the same thing I always did. Eventually after a handful of times I asked them to please stop asking me those questions and that I would literally avoid them bc of those questions and they finally admitted they just wanted to get to know me. We never became friends bc he was weird to me and would find other ways to annoy me in conversation but the point is some ppl literally go about it the wrong way. Don't ask people 20 questions about something they don't care about or don't have the desire to talk about bc it will lead no where. Find out what they're into and talk about it or see if you have something in common don't just ask random questions. The more you know 🌈
Exactly. Some people fail to realize that cowering into a hole just because they don't connect with most people is the very thing that's just going to make them less able to connect. Oftentimes not being able to connect with certain people is a strong sign that you're focused on trying to connect with the wrong kind of people. You don't need for everyone to like you, you just need to find your small circle which isn't gonna happen sitting at home all the time sulking about it in whatever echo chambers you can find online. Social skills can be developed.
1. start saying no more often 2. ask people about themselves (moderately) 3. tell people what you are going through 4. start connecting with people online 5. stop taking things personally 6. get a hobby / side hustle 7. follow up
how do I connect with people online if I've simply forgotten to do it? like, it's weird for me to have a friend that I don't talk to often/almost every day (which happens a lot when you're sociable, apparently
its so sad that i actually needed to search for this :( i really hate the way i am boring in a conversation, i try to come up with things to say but my mind goes completely blank. I literally have NOTHING to say i fucking hate myself. I am 20 and think i will never meet my person, the one best friend that everyone has because it feels like at this point everybody has found that one person and they dont really want new friendships.
First I just want to say that this is so relatable, I really struggle to think of what to say in conversations and its often really awkward, but don't give up - this is such a tiny part of your entire life and I've found that social anxiety really ebbs and flows - it will get better. You will meet so many more people that you will connect with. Also don't say you hate yourself, try to disconnect your sociability/social anxiety from you as a person, I'm sure you're really lovely :) It's even harder to be confident when you hate yourself
im literally going through the same thing because im around the same age, and its so frustrating because it feels like nobody ever connects with me that deeply. like i want to go out somewhere with someone and feel like we're sharing one brain cell
I can relate to this as a 22 year old, I don't really interact with people that much and when I do I feel very lacking then it makes hate myself. I thought that this struggle will just be gone on its own as I get older but I was wrong.
Hi, hope you’re doing great :) I felt like this comment could’ve been written by me so I thought I could share this book with you. I’ve been struggling with the exact same things as you and wanted to improve my conversational skills so I started reading « How to Talk to Anyone » by Leil Lowndes. I’ve been loving it so far and there is a whole section tackling the issue of not knowing what to say and your mind going blank. I feel like all the pieces of advice are not good to use but you should give the book a try. And don’t worry too much, everything and everyone who’s meant for you will eventually come your way.
It's really not sad to look up something you struggle with. It's just something we have a hard time doing, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to change that
I totally agree, some people you can not talk to for months and still feel a connection where as other friendships, they need constant watering. If that makes sense. Low effort Vs high effort but I feel that opening up creates a much stronger bond than just small talk with someone.
Follow up! Hit em up once in a while and rekindle it! We stopped interacting for 2 years because of diff schools but them she hit me up for our birthdays as they are 1 week apart and now we're bestie again
I’m a pretty sociable person but I don’t have a million friends. It’s weird because at times I wish I had more friends but I think the time I have in solitude is really good for me.
I met this girl a couple times through some other associates and thought wow we probably could be friends she's so honest , down to earth, funny, and a young mommy like me. So i said if i saw her again i would take the chance and try to befriend her...tell me why a few weeks later she passed away in a fatal accident. I was stunned 😳 and realized I better seize the moment because you never know. This memory always pushes me to at least try a little harder at befriending people. ❤ RIP K🙏🏾i resonate so much to your thought process and ideation. The actionable steps are solid advice. Some of the things you said are reminders to reestablish and some steps make so much sense to implement. Thanks 😊
It's crazy how no one is talking about Women’s Magic Truths on Borlest. This book has secrets that could change everything, but people seem blind to it. Wake up and see for yourself!
@@Kewomii Try to get more hobbies 👍since ur mom is strict it can be something subtle like art or writing. Or find a tv show or movie that u rlly like and talk to people online about it like fandoms :)
This is a refreshing opinion. Most ppl on yt be saying "don't tell ppl ur problems or infos about urself bcoz they might give u evil eye", thus they don't have that much social life bcoz they think everyone is sending them bad energy. Or to be "cold or nonchalant" about things, bcoz they're afraid to be vulnerable towards others.
THISSS being open about some problems, struggles or vulnerabilities doesn't make you 'overshare stuff' or 'weak'. it makes you relatable and real and people prefer speaking to ones who they can relate to
If I said no every time I didn’t want to go out I would never go out unfortunately! Whilst I crave social interaction I’m also anxious. Most of the time I really don’t want to go out but when I’m there I realise that it’s not so bad and I can enjoy myself.
I would suggest when you choose to go or not, go all in. If you aren't going, find something else to do and don't be regretfull. If you do go, focus on the positives and try to do the things you want to do on a night out.
For me I’m bad with conflict. I have a habit of ghosting friends because I felt a certain way about an argument we had and after an argument I would ghost them cause I would be so mad and end that friendship. It’s hard for me to be confrontational and handle conflict for me, I would rather just ghost them than deal with it, but I’m trying to change that habit
I hope you overcome this habit♡ always remember that clarity and honesty between friends/close people is very essential and you will feel better that way
same lollll most of my friendships ended bc i don’t speak up in the moment and then i build it all up and ghost… 😅 im also trying to stop bc it’s soo toxic
who else is tryna make more friends in 2024 ✨ 0:00 intro 1:03 stop saying yes start saying no 3:20 ask people about themselves 4:57 tell people what you’re going through 7:21 connect with people online 8:49 stop taking things personally 11:40 get a hobby or a side hustle 13:57 follow up
the last point is what I'm challenging with. I'd speak to ppl and never speak to them again (sometimes they don't even talk to me again) for sometime and it would be a once in a while thing, this is why I feel like I have acquaintances but not friends
same 😭 i just never have any idea what to say to them afterwards! i’m also introverted so it takes me a bit to feel up to going out again and by then i feel like i’ve lost my chance to connect with them or invite them out anywhere
I also suffer ‘cause of this, and it’s mainly due to me showing less effort that’s required to form strong friendships. I wish u well cause that situation is no joke
I feel so bad. I spent 6 months with my friend and then I got tired of looking at her. Now everything she does is kinda readable. We don't have anything in common, I've been listening to her problems for 6 months! The longest convos we have is ab her issues and it's so frustrating! I don't have trauma to share, I truly gave it to God and let it go, but her issue is something not so easily healed
Wow I was in a situation like this once. I had to pray for her in my quiet time and tell God thank you that I’m a trust worthy person, and I will keep her secrets; but you weren’t born to be anyone’s emotional sink. Clearly your presence isn’t solving the issue if she’s still emotional dumping, so your absence won’t make it any worse. The relationship will change once you distance, but it’s likely what both of you need. She will probably learn from the situation and hopefully not repeat the mistake in the future.
I think the problem with your friendship is that it heavily relies on only talking about bad things that are going on between you two. Also if you truly think that the issues that she has is that severe maybe you should try asking her to find a therapist so that she can work on them. Relationships of any kind outside of work are supposed to be flexible and expandable, if you aren't having the hangouts you want or want to talk about different things then you have to change it. Lastly, if someone's going through a lot of mental issues and it's draining on you you have the right to bring it up, tell them you feel like it's more than you can handle. It's okay to admit you can't give them the emotional support they need all the time, ppl are supposed to have more than one person for that. And if they ever want to hang out so they can go on a really long rant about all the things that their dealing with and you're not in the right place you can just tell them that. A good friend will respect that you're not in the right head space and maybe don't have that energy. Hope it helps 😇
I open up quite easily regarding even traumatic parts of my life. My now my trusted friend opened up to me because of this and shared traumatic parts of his life he doesn't usually share. This resulted in us being very honest about how we feel and supporting each other in the most human way I can think of. Just don't go down the trauma bonding rabbit hole. Sincerity and confidence are passed down to people. I've also had people tell me I had inspired them to dye their hair or dress the way they've always wanted when they saw how confidently I wore alternative fashion even back in middle school. Being yourself helps people be themselves, and these moments are unforgettable.
This is so true cause usually fake ppl have a way of making us feel discomfort socially. I spent most of my highschool trying to be someone I’m not and I wonder why I felt so lonely-
I really needed this video because my social anxiety has been vicious lately 😭🙏. I’m also going to college soon and I want to reinvent myself and make a lot of friends because I was being held back by my insecurities in high school.
As an insecure person who is aware that I, sometimes, am self centered, (Im probably self centered all the time, i just say sometimes cuz I try not to be self centered), my friends started hanging out with new people who I dub are cooler than me. Honestly, I felt really unvalued. I’m a person who always seek validation from others and I really can’t validate myself. I keep trying to confirm what I think is correct with others and would get disappointed when they dont think the same. I know that this all stem from my insecurities and low confidence. So Im on that journey to fix it, though it’ll take a while. Wish me luck!
5:45 this is actually helped me alot to socialize with people When you tell the other about how you really feel they will start sharing their real feelings as well I am not very social and i want to get to know more people thank you for your advices I felt heard
Omg yes! When someone says they can’t hang out with me and apologies, or they don’t reply to me, how I usually go about it is “oh, don’t worry! Everyone has their own life, I get it” and it’s been my go-to ^^ they thank me for being understanding, but it’s simple just.. the truth
This video helped me a lot. The "see things more open" just text people, just get in that relationship, just be nice and compliment others, dont be so picky. I have no friends since 5years. I have to get my confidence up and start to make me feel good and get hobbys, complimenting strangers. Thank you Christina.
I’m 23 & is kinda like isolated , especially at home , I’m a supervisor at a 5 star hotel so you can only imagine the anxiety I feel when people want to make small talk staring in my face , can admit that I am attractive, get plenty of compliments so my question is why why is my communication skills lacking ? Shouldn’t it be easy
I just realized my problem isnt starting a conversation, but keeping it. All the people I’ve met went to another school and just ghosted me. All the friends I had are gone because they found their best friend and even though I texted them to meet up they just made excuses. Its super hard to find your person now
My mom said I was boring 😭😭 it’s okay. I’ve notice people with lots of friends tend to make people laugh. I’m not really funny but I think I’m nice enough and I’ll keep trying to make more friends
Your vids are lowkey more effective than therapy 😂 I started a new job and moved to a new city about a few months ago. Ever since I graduated college, it's like I forgot how to talk to people and it's hurt my social life. It's even affected the way I percieve myself, bc I used to be so much more confident and extroverted. I had no idea that the way people percieved me was directly affecting my self image so much. After watching some of your vids yesterday, my conversations have improved so much already, even during work meetings! 😊 I'll rewatch everytime I need a pep-talk and reminder that I have these skills within me already, and it's safe to bring them out/be myself. Thanks for making these videos! 🩵🩵🩵
my parents homeschool me to shelter me so i dont have any friends at the moment. in a year i go to college so im watching this and taking notes in hopes of being able to make friends a bit more easier when the time comes so thank u for this
I also homeschool and its hard to befriend people as well, but I'm grateful my parents put my clubs n stuff, so I'm decently social. But i have a hard time making close friends..
@@Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxi yeah my parents are in their 50s/60s so they dont have energy to take me to anything social but most homeschooled kids in my area are homopboic so i dont end up wanting to b friends w them
@juliahooper554 awe, that's too bad... I hope you find good friends, though when you get to college, I find when communicating sometimes you just don't click, and you don't have to push it. Because some people just aren't compatible as friends. Also, when meeting new people, I find that it's important to be authentic with others you wanna be friends with 😌
I didn't think this viodeo would be as accurate as it was lol. im usually not that shy but i have a lot of acquaintances and surface level friendships so i still wanted to watch this video and it ended up resonating with me a lot more than i expected. thanks for making this video!
ur video really motivated me to text a friend of mine that i kinda lost contact with, we texted for a little bit and idk if were close now again but im gonna see her in class tmrw and try to talk to her :)
God i needed to hear all of these Thank you so much I always feel like I'm boring and i find myself thinking of what to say instead of being in the moment and actually listening when people talk to me cus i scared I'll say something stupid or boring I'm also one to leave things to chance and it's something I'm really working on no Like it's really exhausting having so kuch anxiety because I'm get carried away trying to make sure I'm not awkward or boring so hard and i end up forgetting to enjoy and live in the moment I'm so glad I've found you ...
I wouldn’t say I’m particularly good or bad at socialising with people, but I think you still made some really good points in this video that made me reconsider some of the things I do in my relationships with people. I also love your “trivial and often” approach because far too often I see people hyper-analysing relationship prospects etc. I also wanted to say I think you’re really well spoken and clear, and that your videos are really well done. Hope you have a great day! :)) 💖
i just watch your video today and this realise me to my subconcious body and mind 😭 when you start to mention how im seeking connection and not friends could be too true. I went to a highschool thats the people were so different from my last jhs, its like wanting to have people that can go deep conversation with but im trapped by wanting the validation so i start to talk with every single person and still got nothing but feel pathetic, new subscriber btw
I feel so sad that I have to watch this video . I don’t think I’m boring I feel like I have a lot of interesting things about me I think it’s just how i look or how I sound tha makes people uninterested . I did a study abroad learning a language for 2 weeks and at the end we have a little graduation . the whole time I was there I was hanging with this group of girls about 8 of them . Well only 1 out of the 8 told me congratulations. now ever since that day I’ve been beating myself up because I just don’t understand what I need to change about myself to be liked or to have friends
I used to be a lot more social anxious, and while I'm better now, I still have a way to go if I want to be fully confident meeting new people. I have a habit of REFUSING to put myself out there, because unless I find someone I really click with (rare chance) I won't want to go out on a limb and slowly get to know the people around me that don't immediately stick out to me, which caused me to not really make any good friends last year (tho I was able to strengthen a couple friendships.) Over the summer I want to challenge myself to get out there more! Make a bigger effort to talk and get to know strangers! My goal is to have a smoother social life and be more friendly at school. PS I know yall clicked on this video for whatever reason! I hope yall also reach your social goals, we in this togetherrrr ✊💜
Thank you so much for this video. I don’t really have social skills because for most of my life I’ve been homeschooled. I have a dance group after but I only speak when they talk to me and it just didn’t make me feel included. And every time I’m in a group I just feel left out because I don’t know what to say.. Sometimes I don’t even know how to talk to my cousin unless it’s all of us together like me, my sister, and the two other cousins around our age. I hope I can see myself making close friends in the future 🤞🏾
hey evie, i understand how you're feeling, i feel like i only learnt how to develop social skills at 18 when i went to university. on reflection i think it made me more emotionally mature and empathetic. but it also came with very very lonely times, just know they won't last forever i promise.
in my experience, whenever I ask questions about themselves, which I always do, they barely give any information. They have a very short answer and it's like they refuse to open up with me and I believe that's why I find it so hard, especially when I, myself, struggle with even starting a conversation. I do like the people I talk to and I do want to feel valuable to them, not because I just want to show off, but because I want them for them, for what they are. I won't give up and I'll keep trying to reach out to them and try to connect until they actually seem not to want to. I'm thinking of maybe asking some advice or suggesting fun ideas that we could do together
no if someone says no after not going to ur bday party is a PROBLEM it’s not being insecure it just shows where ur friendship lands especially since they kept saying no every time..
so real on the i'm she but once you get to know me im the best i guess it's a lot harder because i was used to my old friends and i guess i got too comfortable when i forgot how to make friends so now i moved 9 hours away and it feels SO much harder
This video is so informative. I’ve always wanted to help people like the ones you mentioned.i used to be like that myself. However I now that if I say it I would make it sound condescending. I sometimes talk to shy and quiet people and think it they had slightly better social skills they would have woman friends and she many people would realise that
I had this issue with a girl I work with. I would come in and say hi to her and she would say hi back but whenever we started talking the conversation was always one sided - all about her. She would never ask about me or how was my day, I was the one doing that which I found incredibly rude, so one day I stopped. I would say hi to her like always because I’m not rude, BUT I wouldnt ask her anything or engage in conversation if she didn’t ask me first or at least ask how (my day) was going. Everytime she randomly starts talking about herself I just knob or say “how nice” depending on what she says but I don’t follow up. Because it’s like talking to a wall.
This video is definitely one of the most helpful videos I have ever watched in my life! You made this tricky problem of being sociable so clear and making so much sense. Thank you so much!
When I ran into this video I was shocked, because this is literally EXACTLY what happened in my life. When I used to be reserved and not very social I had practically a total of 2-3 friends, mind you these people were definitely not "close" friends, but as soon as I started faking my confidence which made me believe i'm confident, I took up more space in a room, was a person people began to want to come next to and I finally started living out my true self in everything I did, no matter how loud or "out there" I was being. I now have a huge friend group with 6-7 close friends that I adore and a bunch of other friends that love me for me. I went from introvert to extrovert (in terms of being friendly and open to meeting new people) in a year and I wouldn't change it for anything! ps. this is in no way shaming introverts, its just my experience
Gaining Social Skills is hard. You can only learn them by being social and making mistakes. My problem is learning to be social only allows you to be more social which gets me nothing tangible. When i am alone i create things that are unique and sometimes valuable. Its hard to convince myself to spend my time talking to people rather than expressing myself and making money.
I was sociable enough in my middle & high school years, going to parties, hanging out with friends daily. We still keep in contact but i’d like to think we don’t hangout much because of how much time we did spend together back then. I’ve come to really appreciate catching up every few weeks or months as oppose to constant visits.
It’s scary how ACCURATE your descriptions are and honestly your solutions sound pretty logical. I’m so glad that I found your channel :D oh and btw I’ve been meaning to ask you do you do podcasts?
the trivial and often thing is so real. i have this one friend who im close with but we werent always this close, shes part of my friendship group, i frequently reply to her stories and we send eachother reels/tiktoks when were not around, we both always reply to almost every video sent in a thoughtful way or just some sort of reaction, its not usually a lot of text at all but just something showing that you watched the video or whatever they sent and that you pay attention/care
I really want to have a relatable kind of friend and this video made me realize that I really need to open up more to attract that kind of people. Btw tysm for talking about this❤
I absolutely love that you made this video, usually i never comment but i really feel connected when watching this video, i understand the problem and all but just too afraid to get rejected n lowkey self-centred ）Hope i'll get the confidence and courage to speak upppp omg🙌🏻🙌🏻😭
Another tip is if they do something that bothers you or makes you feel upset you have to tell them. A friendship is better when you know what your friends dislike. If they get offended by you telling them, they were never a good friend in the first place.
14:37 if you don't folow up you can't make friends i swr it's easier send than done espesicially when your parents are very strict when it comrs to social media
I‘m in the middle phase of begin shy but confident. I‘m more scared of what people think of me i see as cool but then again don‘t care what other thinks when i wear what i like
this came up in my recommended and just confirmed that what I’m trying to do to be more myself to have friends that are real is working! God literally led me to u girl
Girl I so much needed this thank you!! Plus I would never DARE to comment but you inspired me to reach out and be more active online. Actually, I never thought about it but it makes just so much sense that being active online and reaching out, leaving comments, etc. helps you to open up, as I've always felt like "Why should I bother to comment if there are thousands of other people making the same comment". But you made me realise I'm out here, an interesting person who has so much to offer
Im going to a new school soon with completely different people and with no friends joining me so this is helping me a lot. Honestly I go straight to talking like we’re good friends bc I don’t like the first steps of friendships 😅. But of course I still ask about themselves and share some thing about me.
I really needed this video. I am in the exact situation as you described throughout the video. I subscribed and will be an active viewer in the coming. Thank You❤😊
11:55 Oh my God I literally had to just stop and take a minute to process that because that's really highlighted how isolated I am now because of spending time numbing on things like tiktok
recently i've tried to get to know more people by talking more often and going out of my comfort zone but my problem is that i can ask them like 3 questions then i'm out of questions to ask and it becomes quiet and awkward but the thing is that nowadays normal questions like ''do you have any hobbies'' etc isn't normalized anymore, its more like weird also since im not english normal conversations sound weird in my language
I wasn't searching for this video, but I sure needed it! Everything that was going through my mind, you basically covered here. A little perspective is sometimes all we need. So appreciative for this. Thank you!!
I don’t need nor do I want friends. Friends always just try to copy off of me and use me in group projects because I won’t settle for anything under 95%. I’ve always had 0 interest in social interactions and parties.
Chapter 6 is for me bro. It's summer and I have nothing to do and I never even got involved in any school clubs or anything and yet I want friends and girls and whatnot. I'm gonna be more involved next year because I'm tired of this bum lifestyle anyways
Basically I've done everything that you've said in this video except for saying "no" when I'm not comfortable with 'em. Maybe I just have to start saying no from now on.
making friends is not that hard...you only need to asking themselves...i know you must feels scared or even shy but trust me you need to talk first, if they ignore you just get over it and ignore them too. anyways goodluck to those who wants to find friends 💗💗. All the best for yall
list of things to consider: be friends with actually proactive, people- be selctive and dont make mitakes-getting rid of bad infulences are hard and waste time and energy and resource
It would be over for y’all if I was born with conversational skills
tell em 😤
frrr
fr🥲
No one is tho 🙃
You can always work on it. I have been social since elementary and still can be when I want
Reminder: Even tho we're good at trying to be sociable, still there r ppl who r uninterested to talk to you, but that doesn't mean u shld stop being sociable lol
Good note. 👍
That's so true!! Sometimes I try to practice my social skills by approaching my classmates but *sometimes* they really are uninterested so I have to leave them
Also some ppl are really bad at it. I had a past roomie always ask about work and I hated talking about work so I said it was okay nothing happened. They would keep asking me like what did you do? I'd be like I went to work and did the same thing I always did. Eventually after a handful of times I asked them to please stop asking me those questions and that I would literally avoid them bc of those questions and they finally admitted they just wanted to get to know me. We never became friends bc he was weird to me and would find other ways to annoy me in conversation but the point is some ppl literally go about it the wrong way. Don't ask people 20 questions about something they don't care about or don't have the desire to talk about bc it will lead no where. Find out what they're into and talk about it or see if you have something in common don't just ask random questions.
The more you know 🌈
Facts!!! I honestly struggle with accepting the fact that not every one wants to be my friend 😂
Exactly. Some people fail to realize that cowering into a hole just because they don't connect with most people is the very thing that's just going to make them less able to connect.
Oftentimes not being able to connect with certain people is a strong sign that you're focused on trying to connect with the wrong kind of people. You don't need for everyone to like you, you just need to find your small circle which isn't gonna happen sitting at home all the time sulking about it in whatever echo chambers you can find online.
Social skills can be developed.
1. start saying no more often
2. ask people about themselves (moderately)
3. tell people what you are going through
4. start connecting with people online
5. stop taking things personally
6. get a hobby / side hustle
7. follow up
Comments like urs that summarise the vids main points rlly help, thx bestiee
thamks!!!
i love you
Thank you ❤
how do I connect with people online if I've simply forgotten to do it? like, it's weird for me to have a friend that I don't talk to often/almost every day (which happens a lot when you're sociable, apparently
its so sad that i actually needed to search for this :( i really hate the way i am boring in a conversation, i try to come up with things to say but my mind goes completely blank. I literally have NOTHING to say i fucking hate myself. I am 20 and think i will never meet my person, the one best friend that everyone has because it feels like at this point everybody has found that one person and they dont really want new friendships.
First I just want to say that this is so relatable, I really struggle to think of what to say in conversations and its often really awkward, but don't give up - this is such a tiny part of your entire life and I've found that social anxiety really ebbs and flows - it will get better. You will meet so many more people that you will connect with. Also don't say you hate yourself, try to disconnect your sociability/social anxiety from you as a person, I'm sure you're really lovely :) It's even harder to be confident when you hate yourself
im literally going through the same thing because im around the same age, and its so frustrating because it feels like nobody ever connects with me that deeply. like i want to go out somewhere with someone and feel like we're sharing one brain cell
I can relate to this as a 22 year old, I don't really interact with people that much and when I do I feel very lacking then it makes hate myself. I thought that this struggle will just be gone on its own as I get older but I was wrong.
Hi, hope you’re doing great :)
I felt like this comment could’ve been written by me so I thought I could share this book with you. I’ve been struggling with the exact same things as you and wanted to improve my conversational skills so I started reading « How to Talk to Anyone » by Leil Lowndes. I’ve been loving it so far and there is a whole section tackling the issue of not knowing what to say and your mind going blank. I feel like all the pieces of advice are not good to use but you should give the book a try.
And don’t worry too much, everything and everyone who’s meant for you will eventually come your way.
It's really not sad to look up something you struggle with. It's just something we have a hard time doing, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to change that
I totally agree, some people you can not talk to for months and still feel a connection where as other friendships, they need constant watering. If that makes sense. Low effort Vs high effort but I feel that opening up creates a much stronger bond than just small talk with someone.
for sure, i think a combo of both of these friendships is good
Yes! And both are valid friendships.
In my experience the first time I said no to someone they actually treated me like a more valuable friend than they did before.
it's so counterintuitive but it works
when i said no to someone, she became my most consistent hater
ymmv
Making friends is not the problem. Keeping them is.
literallyyyy😭😭😭😭 somehow i lost like most of my friendships by now lmfao
Follow up! Hit em up once in a while and rekindle it! We stopped interacting for 2 years because of diff schools but them she hit me up for our birthdays as they are 1 week apart and now we're bestie again
Exactly I fall out of friendships quickly or it just never sticks
basically don’t be a people pleaser
Not just social skills but overall self esteem. It usually goes hand in hand.
I’m a pretty sociable person but I don’t have a million friends. It’s weird because at times I wish I had more friends but I think the time I have in solitude is really good for me.
I'm the exact same lol
enjoying your own company >>>
So helpful
Hey can you do next video how to get girls? Thankd@@ChristinaAaliyah
quality over quantity
I met this girl a couple times through some other associates and thought wow we probably could be friends she's so honest , down to earth, funny, and a young mommy like me. So i said if i saw her again i would take the chance and try to befriend her...tell me why a few weeks later she passed away in a fatal accident. I was stunned 😳 and realized I better seize the moment because you never know. This memory always pushes me to at least try a little harder at befriending people. ❤ RIP K🙏🏾i resonate so much to your thought process and ideation. The actionable steps are solid advice. Some of the things you said are reminders to reestablish and some steps make so much sense to implement. Thanks 😊
That is so sad to hear :( I hope she's doing well where she is now
And for you, I hope you're meeting new friends! :)
@@kiararenea2985do you believe in the afterlife
It's crazy how no one is talking about Women’s Magic Truths on Borlest. This book has secrets that could change everything, but people seem blind to it. Wake up and see for yourself!
Im so awkward and don’t know how to have fun its one of my biggest insecurities cuz im always seen as boring😭
this is us😭 but we are not boring, we just don’t have social skills (like the title says lol)
@@ariya2040 the sad truth🥲
@@ariya2040 my strict mom not letting me do nothing dont help lol
@@Kewomii Try to get more hobbies 👍since ur mom is strict it can be something subtle like art or writing. Or find a tv show or movie that u rlly like and talk to people online about it like fandoms :)
Found my people 😂
This is a refreshing opinion. Most ppl on yt be saying "don't tell ppl ur problems or infos about urself bcoz they might give u evil eye", thus they don't have that much social life bcoz they think everyone is sending them bad energy. Or to be "cold or nonchalant" about things, bcoz they're afraid to be vulnerable towards others.
THISSS
being open about some problems, struggles or vulnerabilities doesn't make you 'overshare stuff' or 'weak'. it makes you relatable and real
and people prefer speaking to ones who they can relate to
If I said no every time I didn’t want to go out I would never go out unfortunately! Whilst I crave social interaction I’m also anxious. Most of the time I really don’t want to go out but when I’m there I realise that it’s not so bad and I can enjoy myself.
i feel u on this
I would suggest when you choose to go or not, go all in. If you aren't going, find something else to do and don't be regretfull. If you do go, focus on the positives and try to do the things you want to do on a night out.
Congrats on aiming for a balance despite it! 🙂
Try online chatting？ U r cute Ellie，could we start a chat on ins or somewhere
For me I’m bad with conflict. I have a habit of ghosting friends because I felt a certain way about an argument we had and after an argument I would ghost them cause I would be so mad and end that friendship. It’s hard for me to be confrontational and handle conflict for me, I would rather just ghost them than deal with it, but I’m trying to change that habit
i can totally relate
I hope you overcome this habit♡ always remember that clarity and honesty between friends/close people is very essential and you will feel better that way
same lollll most of my friendships ended bc i don’t speak up in the moment and then i build it all up and ghost… 😅 im also trying to stop bc it’s soo toxic
You sound tiring to be around
reall i lost my bsf bc of this
who else is tryna make more friends in 2024 ✨
0:00 intro
1:03 stop saying yes start saying no
3:20 ask people about themselves
4:57 tell people what you’re going through
7:21 connect with people online
8:49 stop taking things personally
11:40 get a hobby or a side hustle
13:57 follow up
THANKKKSSS QUEEN
Good video, but girly I couldn’t stand the transition sound lol
Tysm ily💞
the last point is what I'm challenging with. I'd speak to ppl and never speak to them again (sometimes they don't even talk to me again) for sometime and it would be a once in a while thing, this is why I feel like I have acquaintances but not friends
yeah it's a hard one, the follow up is 🔑
i promise it's never as scary as u think!
I’m also terrible with the follow up 😭 And if I leave it too long (say a few months) I’ll feel even weirder trying to touch base again.
same 😭 i just never have any idea what to say to them afterwards! i’m also introverted so it takes me a bit to feel up to going out again and by then i feel like i’ve lost my chance to connect with them or invite them out anywhere
@@lilacfields right its like we're strangers all over again
I also suffer ‘cause of this, and it’s mainly due to me showing less effort that’s required to form strong friendships. I wish u well cause that situation is no joke
The way this video humbled me is actually scary, I'll actually do the tips in this video and see how things go
me too, hopefully we can do better!
@@flo-we9wu we will
I feel so bad. I spent 6 months with my friend and then I got tired of looking at her. Now everything she does is kinda readable. We don't have anything in common, I've been listening to her problems for 6 months! The longest convos we have is ab her issues and it's so frustrating! I don't have trauma to share, I truly gave it to God and let it go, but her issue is something not so easily healed
Wow I was in a situation like this once. I had to pray for her in my quiet time and tell God thank you that I’m a trust worthy person, and I will keep her secrets; but you weren’t born to be anyone’s emotional sink. Clearly your presence isn’t solving the issue if she’s still emotional dumping, so your absence won’t make it any worse. The relationship will change once you distance, but it’s likely what both of you need. She will probably learn from the situation and hopefully not repeat the mistake in the future.
@@koolteacher9 that is absolutely correcttt
I think the problem with your friendship is that it heavily relies on only talking about bad things that are going on between you two. Also if you truly think that the issues that she has is that severe maybe you should try asking her to find a therapist so that she can work on them. Relationships of any kind outside of work are supposed to be flexible and expandable, if you aren't having the hangouts you want or want to talk about different things then you have to change it. Lastly, if someone's going through a lot of mental issues and it's draining on you you have the right to bring it up, tell them you feel like it's more than you can handle. It's okay to admit you can't give them the emotional support they need all the time, ppl are supposed to have more than one person for that. And if they ever want to hang out so they can go on a really long rant about all the things that their dealing with and you're not in the right place you can just tell them that. A good friend will respect that you're not in the right head space and maybe don't have that energy.
Hope it helps 😇
as an autistic person with agoraphobia, the title is so true thank you for reaffirming that i suck at socializing
as an autistic person myself, sending you lots of love
I’m also autistic 🩷🩷
This was such a wake up call honestly
I open up quite easily regarding even traumatic parts of my life. My now my trusted friend opened up to me because of this and shared traumatic parts of his life he doesn't usually share. This resulted in us being very honest about how we feel and supporting each other in the most human way I can think of. Just don't go down the trauma bonding rabbit hole. Sincerity and confidence are passed down to people. I've also had people tell me I had inspired them to dye their hair or dress the way they've always wanted when they saw how confidently I wore alternative fashion even back in middle school. Being yourself helps people be themselves, and these moments are unforgettable.
this is so beautiful 🥹
This is so true cause usually fake ppl have a way of making us feel discomfort socially. I spent most of my highschool trying to be someone I’m not and I wonder why I felt so lonely-
I really needed this video because my social anxiety has been vicious lately 😭🙏. I’m also going to college soon and I want to reinvent myself and make a lot of friends because I was being held back by my insecurities in high school.
sounds like a plan, u got this 😎
same
we are literally twinning, when college start we will be social butterflies
U got this!! And me too, all I need is a fresh start
As an insecure person who is aware that I, sometimes, am self centered, (Im probably self centered all the time, i just say sometimes cuz I try not to be self centered), my friends started hanging out with new people who I dub are cooler than me. Honestly, I felt really unvalued. I’m a person who always seek validation from others and I really can’t validate myself. I keep trying to confirm what I think is correct with others and would get disappointed when they dont think the same. I know that this all stem from my insecurities and low confidence. So Im on that journey to fix it, though it’ll take a while. Wish me luck!
"I have no social life haha" hit too close to home. Time to change!
5:45 this is actually helped me alot to socialize with people
When you tell the other about how you really feel they will start sharing their real feelings as well
I am not very social and i want to get to know more people thank you for your advices I felt heard
facts! people connect way more when u open up
Gotta identify your feelings first
Omg yes! When someone says they can’t hang out with me and apologies, or they don’t reply to me, how I usually go about it is “oh, don’t worry! Everyone has their own life, I get it” and it’s been my go-to ^^ they thank me for being understanding, but it’s simple just.. the truth
This video helped me a lot. The "see things more open" just text people, just get in that relationship, just be nice and compliment others, dont be so picky. I have no friends since 5years. I have to get my confidence up and start to make me feel good and get hobbys, complimenting strangers. Thank you Christina.
I’m 23 & is kinda like isolated , especially at home , I’m a supervisor at a 5 star hotel so you can only imagine the anxiety I feel when people want to make small talk staring in my face , can admit that I am attractive, get plenty of compliments so my question is why why is my communication skills lacking ? Shouldn’t it be easy
I just realized my problem isnt starting a conversation, but keeping it. All the people I’ve met went to another school and just ghosted me. All the friends I had are gone because they found their best friend and even though I texted them to meet up they just made excuses. Its super hard to find your person now
Currently going to be a junior with only one best friend who I don’t even talk to that much. This year I will make some friends ❤
My mom said I was boring 😭😭 it’s okay. I’ve notice people with lots of friends tend to make people laugh. I’m not really funny but I think I’m nice enough and I’ll keep trying to make more friends
Your vids are lowkey more effective than therapy 😂 I started a new job and moved to a new city about a few months ago. Ever since I graduated college, it's like I forgot how to talk to people and it's hurt my social life. It's even affected the way I percieve myself, bc I used to be so much more confident and extroverted. I had no idea that the way people percieved me was directly affecting my self image so much. After watching some of your vids yesterday, my conversations have improved so much already, even during work meetings! 😊 I'll rewatch everytime I need a pep-talk and reminder that I have these skills within me already, and it's safe to bring them out/be myself. Thanks for making these videos! 🩵🩵🩵
my parents homeschool me to shelter me so i dont have any friends at the moment. in a year i go to college so im watching this and taking notes in hopes of being able to make friends a bit more easier when the time comes so thank u for this
I also homeschool and its hard to befriend people as well, but I'm grateful my parents put my clubs n stuff, so I'm decently social. But i have a hard time making close friends..
@@Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxi yeah my parents are in their 50s/60s so they dont have energy to take me to anything social but most homeschooled kids in my area are homopboic so i dont end up wanting to b friends w them
@juliahooper554 oh rlly lmao 😭 that suckss, where I live, they are homophobic but they kinda keep their opinions to themselves, typa thing
@@Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxi yeah it sucks everytime i see them they say homophobic things
@juliahooper554 awe, that's too bad... I hope you find good friends, though when you get to college, I find when communicating sometimes you just don't click, and you don't have to push it.
Because some people just aren't compatible as friends. Also, when meeting new people, I find that it's important to be authentic with others you wanna be friends with 😌
It feels so heartwarming see so many people struggle with the same thing and that I am not alone in this😭💖
Guys, dont forget to not overshare to much. Especially if they're a person you just met or you don't trust too much.
Thank you girl, tomorrowıll gp and try to talk with people instead of gettin anxious by sitting by myself in my desk❤
u got this!! 😎
I didn't think this viodeo would be as accurate as it was lol. im usually not that shy but i have a lot of acquaintances and surface level friendships so i still wanted to watch this video and it ended up resonating with me a lot more than i expected. thanks for making this video!
i've been there, so i know exactly what it's like
ur video really motivated me to text a friend of mine that i kinda lost contact with, we texted for a little bit and idk if were close now again but im gonna see her in class tmrw and try to talk to her :)
i hope you guys reconnect 🥹
God i needed to hear all of these
Thank you so much
I always feel like I'm boring and i find myself thinking of what to say instead of being in the moment and actually listening when people talk to me cus i scared I'll say something stupid or boring
I'm also one to leave things to chance and it's something I'm really working on no
Like it's really exhausting having so kuch anxiety because I'm get carried away trying to make sure I'm not awkward or boring so hard and i end up forgetting to enjoy and live in the moment
I'm so glad I've found you ...
your channel is like a diamond in the rough IM SO GLAD I FOUND YOU I LOVE UR CONTENT
IM SO GLAD MY CHANNEL FOUND UUU
@@ChristinaAaliyah OMGG U REPLIED 🥹🥹
I wouldn’t say I’m particularly good or bad at socialising with people, but I think you still made some really good points in this video that made me reconsider some of the things I do in my relationships with people. I also love your “trivial and often” approach because far too often I see people hyper-analysing relationship prospects etc.
I also wanted to say I think you’re really well spoken and clear, and that your videos are really well done.
Hope you have a great day! :)) 💖
This was pretty insightful! As a girl who struggles bonding with her classmates; just know tou gave me some confidence lol
i just watch your video today and this realise me to my subconcious body and mind 😭 when you start to mention how im seeking connection and not friends could be too true. I went to a highschool thats the people were so different from my last jhs, its like wanting to have people that can go deep conversation with but im trapped by wanting the validation so i start to talk with every single person and still got nothing but feel pathetic, new subscriber btw
9:13 i agree with that, but when it's a constant no, then it becomes an issue
I feel so sad that I have to watch this video . I don’t think I’m boring I feel like I have a lot of interesting things about me I think it’s just how i look or how I sound tha makes people uninterested . I did a study abroad learning a language for 2 weeks and at the end we have a little graduation .
the whole time I was there I was hanging with this group of girls about 8 of them . Well only 1 out of the 8 told me congratulations. now ever since that day I’ve been beating myself up because I just don’t understand what I need to change about myself to be liked or to have friends
God knew i would be too powerful if i had good social skills 😭😭😭😭🙏🙏
Goooood you guys don’t know how much I needed this vid I’m 30 and I’m in the new friends era
the timing >>>>>
@@ChristinaAaliyah that’s a good thing right?
I used to be a lot more social anxious, and while I'm better now, I still have a way to go if I want to be fully confident meeting new people. I have a habit of REFUSING to put myself out there, because unless I find someone I really click with (rare chance) I won't want to go out on a limb and slowly get to know the people around me that don't immediately stick out to me, which caused me to not really make any good friends last year (tho I was able to strengthen a couple friendships.) Over the summer I want to challenge myself to get out there more! Make a bigger effort to talk and get to know strangers! My goal is to have a smoother social life and be more friendly at school. PS I know yall clicked on this video for whatever reason! I hope yall also reach your social goals, we in this togetherrrr ✊💜
Thank you so much for this video. I don’t really have social skills because for most of my life I’ve been homeschooled. I have a dance group after but I only speak when they talk to me and it just didn’t make me feel included. And every time I’m in a group I just feel left out because I don’t know what to say.. Sometimes I don’t even know how to talk to my cousin unless it’s all of us together like me, my sister, and the two other cousins around our age. I hope I can see myself making close friends in the future 🤞🏾
hey evie, i understand how you're feeling, i feel like i only learnt how to develop social skills at 18 when i went to university.
on reflection i think it made me more emotionally mature and empathetic. but it also came with very very lonely times, just know they won't last forever i promise.
Thank u soo much for this video! I'm starting college next week and I'm looking for ways to improve myself so this was really helpful!! ❤❤
in my experience, whenever I ask questions about themselves, which I always do, they barely give any information. They have a very short answer and it's like they refuse to open up with me and I believe that's why I find it so hard, especially when I, myself, struggle with even starting a conversation. I do like the people I talk to and I do want to feel valuable to them, not because I just want to show off, but because I want them for them, for what they are. I won't give up and I'll keep trying to reach out to them and try to connect until they actually seem not to want to. I'm thinking of maybe asking some advice or suggesting fun ideas that we could do together
no if someone says no after not going to ur bday party is a PROBLEM it’s not being insecure it just shows where ur friendship lands especially since they kept saying no every time..
so real on the i'm she but once you get to know me im the best i guess it's a lot harder because i was used to my old friends and i guess i got too comfortable when i forgot how to make friends so now i moved 9 hours away and it feels SO much harder
ok this is my first year in uni gonna use this
This video is so informative. I’ve always wanted to help people like the ones you mentioned.i used to be like that myself. However I now that if I say it I would make it sound condescending. I sometimes talk to shy and quiet people and think it they had slightly better social skills they would have woman friends and she many people would realise that
lord ive resorted to youtube videos on how to make friends I've legit hit rock bottom
Same bro
I had this issue with a girl I work with. I would come in and say hi to her and she would say hi back but whenever we started talking the conversation was always one sided - all about her. She would never ask about me or how was my day, I was the one doing that which I found incredibly rude, so one day I stopped. I would say hi to her like always because I’m not rude, BUT I wouldnt ask her anything or engage in conversation if she didn’t ask me first or at least ask how (my day) was going. Everytime she randomly starts talking about herself I just knob or say “how nice” depending on what she says but I don’t follow up. Because it’s like talking to a wall.
This video is definitely one of the most helpful videos I have ever watched in my life! You made this tricky problem of being sociable so clear and making so much sense. Thank you so much!
When I ran into this video I was shocked, because this is literally EXACTLY what happened in my life. When I used to be reserved and not very social I had practically a total of 2-3 friends, mind you these people were definitely not "close" friends, but as soon as I started faking my confidence which made me believe i'm confident, I took up more space in a room, was a person people began to want to come next to and I finally started living out my true self in everything I did, no matter how loud or "out there" I was being. I now have a huge friend group with 6-7 close friends that I adore and a bunch of other friends that love me for me. I went from introvert to extrovert (in terms of being friendly and open to meeting new people) in a year and I wouldn't change it for anything! ps. this is in no way shaming introverts, its just my experience
Gaining Social Skills is hard. You can only learn them by being social and making mistakes. My problem is learning to be social only allows you to be more social which gets me nothing tangible. When i am alone i create things that are unique and sometimes valuable. Its hard to convince myself to spend my time talking to people rather than expressing myself and making money.
I was sociable enough in my middle & high school years, going to parties, hanging out with friends daily. We still keep in contact but i’d like to think we don’t hangout much because of how much time we did spend together back then. I’ve come to really appreciate catching up every few weeks or months as oppose to constant visits.
It’s scary how ACCURATE your descriptions are and honestly your solutions sound pretty logical. I’m so glad that I found your channel :D oh and btw I’ve been meaning to ask you do you do podcasts?
I really like this video and I totally see myself coming back to this over and over just to remind myself what I can do!
sure thing!
This was so helpful and said in a way that made so much sense, you every clearly got the points across.
Thank you so much❤️
the trivial and often thing is so real. i have this one friend who im close with but we werent always this close, shes part of my friendship group, i frequently reply to her stories and we send eachother reels/tiktoks when were not around, we both always reply to almost every video sent in a thoughtful way or just some sort of reaction, its not usually a lot of text at all but just something showing that you watched the video or whatever they sent and that you pay attention/care
i love this !! it's so true trivial + often >>> rare + crucial
i love your last message is to follow up! yes so many times people don't do it but this is that crucial!
I really want to have a relatable kind of friend and this video made me realize that I really need to open up more to attract that kind of people. Btw tysm for talking about this❤
I'm so thankful that I saw this video in my recommendations 💖 just what I needed!
I absolutely love that you made this video, usually i never comment but i really feel connected when watching this video, i understand the problem and all but just too afraid to get rejected n lowkey self-centred
）Hope i'll get the confidence and courage to speak upppp omg🙌🏻🙌🏻😭
Another tip is if they do something that bothers you or makes you feel upset you have to tell them. A friendship is better when you know what your friends dislike. If they get offended by you telling them, they were never a good friend in the first place.
14:37 if you don't folow up you can't make friends i swr it's easier send than done espesicially when your parents are very strict when it comrs to social media
Girl i could littrally listen to you talk for hours... Your voice is soo cozy
I‘m in the middle phase of begin shy but confident. I‘m more scared of what people think of me i see as cool but then again don‘t care what other thinks when i wear what i like
As someone who just don’t really have friends and can’t even go to someone to talk, this video is perfect.
this came up in my recommended and just confirmed that what I’m trying to do to be more myself to have friends that are real is working! God literally led me to u girl
god always provides
@@ChristinaAaliyah Hello nice video. How old are you if I may ask politely?
Girl I so much needed this thank you!! Plus I would never DARE to comment but you inspired me to reach out and be more active online. Actually, I never thought about it but it makes just so much sense that being active online and reaching out, leaving comments, etc. helps you to open up, as I've always felt like "Why should I bother to comment if there are thousands of other people making the same comment". But you made me realise I'm out here, an interesting person who has so much to offer
Ty this vid help me to open my eyes and helps me understand myself better.
i really needed this during quariantine HAHHH fr that was such a sad insecure time of my life
thank you, this gave me hope :)
if i can do it, so can u
You earned a new subscriber! Thanks for the video!
Same
Im going to a new school soon with completely different people and with no friends joining me so this is helping me a lot. Honestly I go straight to talking like we’re good friends bc I don’t like the first steps of friendships 😅. But of course I still ask about themselves and share some thing about me.
loved that you went straight to the point ❤👏🏻
Girl... honestly I think you get me. everything you said was just pure facts
I really needed this video. I am in the exact situation as you described throughout the video. I subscribed and will be an active viewer in the coming. Thank You❤😊
you're welcome yusuf
11:55 Oh my God I literally had to just stop and take a minute to process that because that's really highlighted how isolated I am now because of spending time numbing on things like tiktok
I'm gonna use a lot of these skills at my college orientation!! thank you for this, i hope i end up making some good friends :D
God bless you all❤ you will be prayed for amen
recently i've tried to get to know more people by talking more often and going out of my comfort zone but my problem is that i can ask them like 3 questions then i'm out of questions to ask and it becomes quiet and awkward but the thing is that nowadays normal questions like ''do you have any hobbies'' etc isn't normalized anymore, its more like weird also since im not english normal conversations sound weird in my language
Making FRIENDS is easy but making the RIGHT FRIENDS is hard
I wasn't searching for this video, but I sure needed it! Everything that was going through my mind, you basically covered here. A little perspective is sometimes all we need. So appreciative for this. Thank you!!
I don’t need nor do I want friends.
Friends always just try to copy off of me and use me in group projects because I won’t settle for anything under 95%.
I’ve always had 0 interest in social interactions and parties.
Then this video is not for you I suppose?
@@bornana269 I’m just explaining my perspective which I am allowed to do
Thank you for this video!! you just motivated me to text the people i find interesting online
do it! you won't regret it
Chapter 6 is for me bro. It's summer and I have nothing to do and I never even got involved in any school clubs or anything and yet I want friends and girls and whatnot. I'm gonna be more involved next year because I'm tired of this bum lifestyle anyways
Basically I've done everything that you've said in this video except for saying "no" when I'm not comfortable with 'em. Maybe I just have to start saying no from now on.
Girl, you helped me a lot, I really needed tips and someone who could really help me with how to better interact with people. Thanks a lot
making friends is not that hard...you only need to asking themselves...i know you must feels scared or even shy but trust me you need to talk first, if they ignore you just get over it and ignore them too. anyways goodluck to those who wants to find friends 💗💗. All the best for yall
list of things to consider:
be friends with actually proactive, people- be selctive and dont make mitakes-getting rid of bad infulences are hard and waste time and energy and resource
making friends is really easy. it’s just difficult finding real ones.