My father has been there all my life financially, even after his divorce he supports me and funds my studies. But we don't really have a healthy relationship. He really doesn't teach me anything, even though he is very successful. There's no emotional attachment, he just tells me to work hard and that's it. I had to teach myself how to be a man (am still learning). When I become a father, I will make sure to be transparent with my son and teach him all the things I have learned from my life experiences.
FFK hey brother! Thnx for being here. Be sure to check this out too: th-cam.com/video/DozerwBLXZg/w-d-xo.html You have the right idea. It’d be awesome to have a great dad, but it’s more awesomer to BE a great dad!
Thank you so much. My dad texted me while at work and I dread having conversations with him. I feel compelled to talk to him, because he is my dad, but I always felt like it was more of a stress then anything. I was going to ignore him, but I stumbled upon this video. I watched it and thought about it and it seemed like good wisdom. So I took your advice about understanding that my dad isn’t going to meet certain expectations in my life, but that I can enjoy the things he is willing to give and to run with that. So I called him and we talked. The conversations went way smoother then it normally would. There was much more back and forth, even joking around with each other. And you know what! I actually enjoyed the conversation. You’ve blessed me and I’m sure my dad is thankful too. Love you and bless you
Wow that's awesome stuff Austin! So cool to hear. Thanks for sharing that. Yeah, life is too short to waller in the shortcomings... rather, bask in the good stuff. Glad it went well and I hope there's many more of those exchanges. :)
25 years old & graduating post grad medical school this year; of all the things I have going on, the thing that most upsets me is not feeling wanted by my Dad. Growing up was a mixed bag with him, he ‘was there’ but only superficially when he wanted. Financially supported me through childhood but cut that off the minute I left for undergrad degree (I appreciate that for a lot of people their parents may not be able to do that, but for my dad he definitely could have done and it was a choice - additionally coming from the UK; University loans depend on your parents income… so I received the bare minimum loan, which is no where close to cover living costs, despite the fact he didn’t contribute anything to help me). Cheated on my mum, gaslighting her throughout and till this day, and after my brother left for Uni they’re now rightly getting divorced. He moved 300 miles away as he can work remotely, and I’ve seen him twice in the last 7 years for probably 20 minutes total. More personal stuff behind all that which made the whole relationship difficult, awkward, uncomfortable. I feel like I don’t even know how to speak to my Dad, when I was young he never spoke to me about interests, activities, or really anything. One of the big consequences I see in myself now is I get so nervous making new friendships with other guys as I don’t feel like I know what ‘guys’ talk about. For my whole life, traditional holidays were pretty big deals, it was just the 4 of us but it felt important to be always be there. I will never forget 4 years ago as he just didn’t come at all. Despite everything, I had gone out and bought him a nice jacket and a card and then Christmas Eve my mum sent me a message to say he wasn’t coming. No message to me or my brother, no Christmas present, no Christmas card. I felt angry, upset, lonely as to how you could just seemingly abandon the only family you have. If he couldn’t even send a card after deciding not to come for Christmas then there’s nothing else that would be big enough to warrant his attention. I actually kept his jacket wrapped up, and saved it for next Christmas so that I could give it to him then (it was a really nice jacket). No birthday card in-between, and Christmas was a repeat of the last. In the comments and video a lot of people talk about expectations. I had a mix of expectation and hope; that NEXT Christmas he’d come or send something to then be left disappointed. After the 2nd christmas, I opened my present and wore the jacket for myself. I felt good, I thought there’s no point this cool jacket sitting in my wardrobe in the back of my room/in the back of my mind when I could be wearing it. Looking back the jacket symbolised my expectation/hope and only by letting it go and releasing it could I enjoy it and I’m glad I did (it is a cool jacket). Anyway, my graduation from med school is coming up and he seemingly is expecting to come… I feel conflicted as he hasn’t done anything, financially or emotionally to support me throughout that time. At the end of the day, he’s my Dad. I’ve always wanted his love and for him to be proud of me, I still do. I’m old enough to realise that he was probably going through lots of things throughout my life and we all can make mistakes and feel we can’t reverse them. There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction of being there and feeling like he has been a part of my success. Equally I just want to hear him say he’s proud of me and that he knew I could always do it. I’ve moved my boundaries of expectations hugely over the years but I still hope for that. Whether I receive that is anyone’s guess *maybe you’ll get an update in a few weeks time* but I won’t deny him or myself the chance to share something. The things I’ve learned from it all is that 1. no matter your background situation, giving/receiving love is important 2. Love can be in many forms. Emotional, financial, caring - it’s what makes you feel valued, like you mean something to someone. 3. Love yourself and be proud of yourself. The things you’ve achieved, are the things YOU have achieved. Whether that’s short term (paying rent, cooking good meals, providing for your family) or long term (jobs, degrees, house) people have helped you along the way but YOU make those things happen. 4. In my case - TELL YOUR MUM YOU LOVE HER - she did her best to support me despite my dad. She continues to support me every step of the way, and I’ve been guilty of not giving her enough love myself. It’s impossible to make up for a ‘missing’ parent but so many parents out there do a fantastic job at trying. 5. Break the cycle, I’m never going to leave my future kids and family without love and I’m going to be proud of it. 6. FINALLY, keep hope. Contain expectation but protect your hope. Hope drives me to be a better person and that’s who I want to be. This comment may never reach anyone but if it does reach just one person going through something similar then I hope that you can resonate with something positive from my experience. You’re not alone.
Brother I am so sorry this is your story. You sound wise beyond your years. Most times, it’s loss, suffering, and trials that make us who we are. To the contrary, sometimes a “perfect” life can make us weak, crass, ungrateful, and entitled. I’m so glad to hear you are taking the high road in spite of your situation. Your list is amazing. Yes! Be the dad he chose not to be. Your kids will be the beneficiaries!!
I read this comment today while I was reading I feel like it was me writing this, anyway thank you for sharing this you are not alone I feel you so much because your situation it's like mine exactly the problem is my father doesn't want me.
I appreciate this video. My dad has never been there for me or been supportive of me in really any capacity. Now I'm 28 and really struggle because even though I dont talk to him, I'm still hurt. It's so hard not to be angry! I pray and work toward forgiveness, but even seeing his number on my phone makes me mad. I feel that he wasnt there for me as a kid, or even as an adult when I've reached out to him, now he doesnt get to be part of my life. I've tried to mend things but even a simple conversation makes me sick and I cant do it. I know I have a lot more healing to do. I admire those of you who can accept your parents where they are and have some sort of relationship, but I dont feel I can ever allow myself to be in the position with him to hurt me again. Prayers from anyone who sees my comment would be appreciated!
You are not alone. So many daughters (and sons) are in your shoes. It breaks my heart and at the same time ticks me off that dads can inflict this kind of pain by simply NOT being there, or worse, being a douche. If you're not married, I pray you can find a super husband who will be an awesome dad. And you can give your kids a triple dose of the love you missed out on.
I’m 19 years old meeting my dad for the first time ever in 2 weeks and I’m glad I searched for advice on TH-cam because this is exactly what I needed to hear
Glad ya found me. :) Here's my advice: 1. Go in with optimism for possibility, but stay guarded for disappointment. 2. Know that you are complete through Christ, having a dad or not ain't gonna break ya. 3. Ask a lot of questions but save the deep (hurtful) stuff for future meetings in case this goes further. 4. Try to figure out what he can/will deliver, and don't expect more than that. If you can live with what little he can deliver, then cool. 5. Remember this feeling of fatherlessness and NEVER let your future kids feel it. Keep me posted.
That's good you've resolved that you will NOT be like him. No way to "improve" your dad unless HE wants to improve. That's the sucky part. Have you tried sharing your heart with him? Maybe in person or a letter? Why don't you set up a time to do something he loves to do? Maybe treat hime to his favorite restaurant? Just hang out. Preplan some cool fun interesting things to talk about. Maybe ask about his childhood, his high school days, his favorite memories as a kid. Start out easy cool and slow.. Never come in like a wrecking ball until you have some time of bond already growing. then, maybe you can introduce some tougher conversations. :) Number one tip: go in with NO expectations. Do not set yourself up for disappointment.
Thanks a lot. You delivered a simple solution. I’ve forgiven my father, set boundaries, stood up for myself when I needed, but none of that did the trick. I realize now I needed to cease the expectations I had of him. Thanks. I’m looking forward to that one call a year I get on my birthday.
It’s not easy to do. And it sounds like you’re kind of giving up when you start placing expectations on your dad. But really, you are releasing him and you are releasing yourself. It is very freeing. I hope you can find joy in the small moments y’all share together in the future.
I had an almost inexistent relationship with my dad, even though we were living under the same roof! However, I would never take other healthy or closes relationships from other dad with their daughters as something against me! I'm celebrating all the dads and moms who really care and want to have a relationship with their kids, I literally feel joy seeing other happy, and even if I wish that would've been my case, I celebrate and I'm glad that a lot of people won't go through things that I went through, and that's just amazing! 😊
@@AdvicefromDad I started following from your daughters and husbands page and the wedding video which is awesome too.I am super challenged to really turn a new leaf and make great choices which I havent always made and to be the best I should be. Thank you
You are awesome! I love to appreciate my dad for what he can provide because he is a great man. He did what he could with what he had. Everyone is trying to find happiness for themselves. If they think running away will give them that happiness then that’s what they gonna do, not their fault.
My dad sucks, I’m 25 and still live with him and we go weeks and sometimes months at a time without talking. Sometimes it doesn’t bother me, but some days I think about it more than normal and it depresses me. I wish we could just talk and get along, he was an heavy equipment operator and since I was a boy I was set on what I want to do, fast forward that I was I am currently doing and would love to talk about it, but everytime I try to speak up to spark conversation it’s just cut and dry “yup” “yup”. It kills me, my parents are divorced and I think his leftover anger to my mother is the main fuel. I am very thankful that you take the time to make these videos, we are men but deep down we have feelings, I feel hurt by the inability to conversate or bond/hangout. Your children are very lucky you are the way you are. I’d give anything to have a dad half as good as the example you set. Thank you very much sir, take care or yourself.
Man that sux. His loss for sur. You sound like a cool person. Like I did, remember ALL that when you have kids. Be everything you wished he was. THAT will be your payoff. But, your dad may be around a while. Fathers day is coming up. Give it a shot - treat him to a steak dinner, just you and him - NO PHONES. Ask about his childhood, his high school, how he got his first job, what's the craziest day at his big truck job, stuff like that. Keep it positive. Maybe ya'll will share a laugh or too and he'll want more of that. If not, Yeah, he sux.
My dad told me 2 days ago: I know we haven’t talked for the last 20 years (I’m 34) but we can sort of start having a relationship. I let him in and at least he’s trying to get along with me. He’s known for being a pain in the ass, neurotic, and alcoholic… it’s difficult. Wish me luck. Great advice btw. Thanks.
Im a 60 year old man, yes my dad still lives, He is still very critical and negitive of me. I have a great career, not some loser. Treats my sister like an angel. I Don't speak to him anymore !
That sux. But good on you to cut that poison out of your life. Keep him in a position to NOT be able to do things FOR you. Because those who can do things FOR you can also do things TO you.I say that, but also encourage you to pray lovingly for him and his bitter heart. As well, search your heart for any wrong doing or bitterness and come clean with any of it so you can be blameless in the relationship.
If have a crappy dad it was not your fault. It is theirs. And also it is their responsabilty to fix it not yours. Just accept them for what they are and move on. You do not need to be a bad parent too. You can have a good relationship with your son/daughter and for life that is enough
My dad has not wanted me or my sister in his life since he remarried 40 years ago. He has cut us off. There was no argument or conflict that led to him deciding to cut us and his grandchildren out of his life. Sometimes, you are not given a choice no matter how many times you reach out. We do, however, have loving family members, and that is our blessing. I think it is lovely to see dads who truly care for their children and being amazing fathers. I have resigned myself to not being included in my dad's life, and count my numerous other blessings God has given me. You cannot force someone to love you. Forgiveness sets you free.
No. I don't have a crappy dad. My father, whom I call Daddy, is the best guy ever. If you wanna know why I'm still calling my parents Mommy and Daddy at almost 28 years old, that's because I'm autistic. He had a stroke almost 12 years ago, which left the entire family devastated. He now lives in the local nursing home. His little brother, my uncle Andrew, goes to visit him often since he lives near the nursing home. All the way back in 2023, I was asleep in my bed. I woke up to Mommy yelling. When I went downstairs, I went into the porch to check on Daddy. He got diarrhea all over his clothes, his bed, and his teddy bear. His clothes and his teddy bear had to be thrown away along with his mattress. His blanket just got pee all over it, so it had to be washed. When Daddy was a very little boy, he was brought up on unhealthy foods, such as chocolates, cookies, cakes, candies, cupcakes, milkshakes, ice-cream, iced tea, orange soda, fatty meats, and very little fruits and vegetables. That's why he suffered from a heart attack at only 37 years old and had a stroke at only 54 years old. The story of Daddy's stroke. On February 26th, 2013, when I was 16 years old, I was walking home from school with a case full of chocolate chip chocolate cupcakes with chocolate icing and chocolate sprinkles. They were for Daddy as a congratulations on his presentation at his work. When I got home, I saw Daddy's youngest sister, my aunt Becky. She was sitting on the sofa, comforting my youngest brother Jeremiah, who was only 4 years old at the time. Jeremiah was crying. When I asked Becky why she was at my house, she said, "Daddy had a stroke." I began crying and Becky comforted me. She reassured me that Daddy was still alive. When I went to school the next day, lots of teachers came up to me and said, "Hannah, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I heard about what happened to your dad." Since it was my little brother Isaiah's 7th birthday, he was upset because he wanted to celebrate his 7th birthday with Daddy. But he did eat the cupcakes that I made for Daddy. We prayed for him in church. After church, I found my little brother Jed, who was 8 years old at the time, in the back room of the church. He was crying and making a get well soon card for Daddy. The card said, "I love you, Dad. Please come back." Anyway, I visit Daddy every chance I get. He is always happy to see me. On his 66th birthday, I gave him a chocolate milkshake from the ice-cream truck, his new teddy bear, a birthday card, and two Bible verses. I'm now almost 28 years old. I have 6 little brothers. Joseph is 25 years old and is serving in the Navy. Seth is 23 years old. Zach is 22 years old and needs to lose weight so he could join the Navy. Jed is 20 years old. Isaiah is 18 years old and recently graduated from high school. Jeremiah is 15 years old and is going into the 10th grade. I really miss Daddy coming to church with me. I sit in the same place we used to sit together. I usually sit alone, but sometimes my cousin William and his wife Anna sits with me. One time, my paternal aunt Joanne and her husband, my uncle Phet, sat with me. My cousin William and his siblings all have a crappy dad. His name is Scott. He is a mean and abusive man. Even at 70 years old, he is still physically strong, abusive, and violent. He's my aunt Susan's husband. She is still married to him. Scott is that type of man who doesn't believe in divorce. He believes that divorce is evil and that couples should stay married up until death. All the way back in 2007, Daddy and Andrew filed a report against Scott, who was physically hurting their older sister, nieces, and nephews. Susan and Scott got marriage counseling. Scott had to move far away from the family. Even though Scott is my uncle, I am ashamed to call him that. I last saw Scott at his oldest daughter's funeral. Just in case you're wondering, Scott didn't beat my cousin Elizabeth to death. Elizabeth died of breast cancer at only 36 years old. When I saw Scott, I got very nervous and nearly passed out. I got the same way when I saw my 36-year-old cousin dead in her casket. I don't know what was scarier. Was it seeing a physically violent older man or seeing a young lady dead? The funeral was very scary. When I felt Elizabeth, she felt very cold. If Elizabeth were still alive today, she'd be 42 years old now. So, I have the best dad in the world. My cousins have the worst dad in the world.
I love my dad, but we’re just not the same. I feel as if he cares way to much about his other family members, way more than his intermediate family. I want a relationship with him, but at the same time, I’m emotionally drained by him. Edit: Today, I pick number 2
Understood. Hey we all reach a breaking point. Hang on to and appreciate what he CAN give, make your own happy elsewhere, and don't begrudge what he can't/won't give. You'll be happier, and maybe one day he'll come around to what he's missing.
@@AdvicefromDad you’re so right. I’ve cried and cried over my Daddy not having anything to do with me or my three girls. It breaks my heart.. he has a new family with a new wife, and a daughter, and she has kids and he lives for them. I’m trying to accept this and not expect much from him bc I know I will always get hurt or disappointed. It’s just so hard. I hate lying to my kids that their grandfather called them to wish them Happy Birthday. My eldest flat out asked him when we went to see him at Christmas why they didn’t have any pictures of them that we sent…she also told me she didn’t want to go around him again because she noticed how he treats us all so differently and I tried to make excuses for him. But, you are right, I can’t keep holding on knowing it’s only pain and disappointment when I could be having other people and relationships that are so easy and healthy, and that love me and my family back. Thanks for the video. God sent me to it. I was crying thinking about me lying to my 11 and 16 year old when their birthdays just came in August and July… I won’t lie to them anymore. I’m not going to run him down to my kids, but I am going to pray and hopefully I gain the wisdom of what words to use for them to understand they are loved no matter what.
@@hollyharvey1986 dang holly. Your story is sadly shared by many. Can I assume he is weak and your step mom is strong? Is it her leading this and he’s just falling in line? Either way, it sucks and he is the loser. I’m sure you and your beautiful family are amazing. How are your in laws? Hopefully they make up for the gap. Yes, it’s best not to keep lying and covering. Your kids will develop strong character from reality.
@@AdvicefromDad my Father is very involved with my step mother’s family. And being a woman, mother, and Aunt.. I know the man is the “the head” of the house hold, but the woman, in my opinion, is the neck..which means the woman can suggest things to her husband, do things to have her husband follow her footsteps.. basically, I feel that my Stepmother makes no attempt to encourage my father to see me, or my children. But my half sister, who is their daughter, has three kids and they live right next to them..in the same land..even my step brother’s and their wife’s and kids are seen and spend more time with my father.. they have cookouts, lots of get togethers…but we are hardly ever invited except for around Christmas, and my father’s new wife, her children..one being my half sister, they never come over when we come down to see my Dad and family for Christmas, and they live next door. So, something just tells me she doesn’t want my father to have anything to do with me..she claims to be a very Christian woman, as does my Father..he even converted to Judaism.. but the kind that believe Jesus is the Savior, but I do not get a loving, caring vibe the few times we’ve been around each other.. it feels like she feels idk, odd, when’ another female family member is around my father, other than her own family. My Dad even knows his step-son’s wife’s , her daughter..from a previous marriage not with my step brother, he know her child more than his own firstborn grandchild, which is my 16 year old daughter. I was kinda shocked when my daughter asked “Pawpaw, why aren’t their any pictures of me in your home…I know Mama sends them to you”…my heart sunk, of course I had noticed it before but just tried not to let it bother me… but my heart broke for my daughter. I know this is such a long comment, but I have never had a positive relationship with a man, other than my own husband and my brother, we have the same Mother and Father…but I never knew my Grabdfathers.. I went to stay with my Mother’s father, Pawpaw Jerry, over the summer several times but not more than ten I would say, and I met my paternal grandfather maybe three times, and I was very young and really don’t remember much.. so I always hoped if I had kids one day, they would have something I never did. And, believe it or not I was a Daddy’s girl as a child.. I would wait for him to get off work so I could remove his boots and socks, I always tried to prove to him I was great at basketball, softball, swimming.. but he is a recovering addict that has not used in over 10 years, he’s a Christian man, but he just wants to forget about me I think because he wants to forget of all “the bad years” which included the time of my teen years up until my early 20s, and maybe they just include me period. I don’t know what happened. I thought he loved my Mother, and brother and I, but after he came home from prison, I already had my first child, he asked my Mother to get back with him and she wouldn’t, she knew what it could lead to and she had straightened her life out and prioritized my brother and I, and her entire family, she lived next to her Mom, my Mawmaw, both who are dead now.. my Mother passed away in November of 2017, and my Mawmaw..my Mama’s Mother, followed three and a half year later, which surprised me she made it that long bc my Mother, my Mawmaw, and I were all so very close. So after my Mother turned him down he remarried the woman, whom he had a child with while separated with my Mother, and he gave his rights away and I know even my Mother asked him not to do that, that she was his daughter, but he did to try and win my Mother back, in which they remarried again, they were married three times I think, but when I was 20, by then they had divorced and separated for good, and by the time I was 26..pregnant with my third daughter, my Father remarried the woman he had a child with that he gave his rights away too, and I was happy for him, thought things were going to be great. Sure, I hadn’t gotten to see him like I did in the past, once he remarried my Stepmother, who did cut my long, naturally curly hair to me ears, I remember my Mother cried.. I was just a kid trying to accept the changes and agreed to the hair cut, but looking back.. I don’t think my step mother ever like me or my Mother, and especially bc I look exactly like my Mother. So, I do feel she could ask him or talk to him about being better grandparents and a father and stepmother to me and my girls, they are to all of her kids and their families that come with them! They act like they’re just too busy for me and my family and never come to see us. But I always take my girls to see them when I get invited, usually once at most twice..if even, to see him. I’m a part of his past that he wants to never remember or acknowledge, but I didn’t do anything during that time, I was a loving daughter. But, once my Mother turned him down after he came home from prison, he chose to live a Christian life and chose to marry the Godly woman he had a child with while in a relationship with my mother and with us two kids..my brother and I, and I’m a Christian too, but I pray All the time that God will Open their hearts and minds to see how they’ve shut me out for no reason, and they could have such great fun relationships with my girls but they choose not to. And my girls are involved in so many sports, they’re very athletic, and smart.. but they never come to their games, they just make excuses that they’re so tired from work and getting old yet I can hear about their get togethers from people all the time and I know my step mother and her kids see each other every day…. which is fine, I would my Mother too if she were alive, but she makes no attempt to really be a stepmom and get to know me or be a grandmother to my girls..it just aggravates me bc she claims to be this woman of Faith, but she wants nothing to do with my children.. And her daughter is my thee girls Aunt, so you would think she would want to see some type of relationship out of that but no, she doesn’t.. or that’s how I see it. So I have decided to just stay away, but also answer if they call and speak, and it’s very seldom and he always says something so out of line about my deceased Mother so I choose to make healthy boundaries and until he can control his mouth and be a better grandfather, I don’t put my energy towards him that much. I do pray every day that the Lord will make us a family again, a true family, not fake. I pray he opens my father’s eyes.. but I stay away, and I pray for him and love him from a distance.
I have always been very abusive to my father. I have always looked at him as a failure. He was/is a short-tempered man who always used to beat us up and yell at the slightest inconvenience. This along with not providing enough for us emotionally, financially ( when I used to compare our lives with our peers constantly )made me develop this deep hatred while growing up. My mind is filled with so much guilt and pain. He is a good man, but growing old. I love him but this deep-rooted hatred always makes our conversation loud and abusive. I still care about him and want to stop this behaviour. I honestly believe he deserves all the love in the world But it's just so hard to communicate
Aw dang Pranav. That's a bad situation and very unfortunate. BUT it's fixable. You both can heal from this. Sounds like DEEP in your hearts you want to resolve this and move forward by enjoying each other. I bet if you opened your heart and shared with him, he'd be open to it. 1. I want a relationship with you, I want to enjoy your company, and I want to be able to share life with you. 2. I don't want anything from you other than a pleasant relationship. 3. I am deeply sorry for the past and how we have hurt each other and have lost many years. 4. I NEVER want to bring up any past argument, I ONLY want to enjoy from this day and forward. 5. Are you willing to forgive and forget the past and live in the present and future? 6. I KNOW this won't be easy and we will more than likely have stressful times, but let's agree to set our selfishness aside, think of the other person, and work through it with love, forgiveness, and respect.
@@AdvicefromDad thank you for those words even though they weren’t directly to me. You just laid out for me steps to getting a relationship back with my stepdad. He’s a narcissist with anger issues that hit and yelled at me, or simply didn’t talk to me. (Didn’t talk to me for 2 months straight at one point and I can’t remember why) Once I couldn’t handle him taking his daily anger out on me anymore, I decided to move in with my biological dad. But that’s leaving my stepdad who can’t parent to be with my amazing mom who won’t stand up to him and my 3 younger siblings who I’ve already seen slapped in the face by him. The reason I want to make things okay with my stepdad is so I can save my siblings or at least be in there lives. It’s been over two years, almost 3 since I’ve seen my stepdad and he somehow decides if my siblings can see me or not so I hardly see them. He holds all the power in the situation and it sucks. Any feedback would be much appreciated.
@@GTA6LEAKZ dang Gavin that sucks bad. Your step dad sounds like he’s got major issues. And sadly, he’s passing those issues down to you and your siblings. In the end, don’t inherit his crap. You and your siblings have to stay strong in truth and love and what you KNOW to be right. I wish your mom had the strength to say, “fix your crap or we are out!” But in order to do so she would need: 1. To know she and the kids would be safe and able to make it, 2. To know that he would not retaliate with something way bad. Not easy. She needs friends (girls and guys) she can trust who can help and support her. Encourage her to find that. And NOT a guy who could possibly become an interest. That would make matters worse. How come your real dad won’t step in? Your siblings are HIS kids. You’d better believe I’d be all up in that guy’s face if he touched my kids.
Thank you! I am 51 and only over the past few years have I began to understand how the way I was parented shaped me. I am trying to grow and get healthier and your video helped.
Thank you, this was just what I needed today, yes, we have to make the choice, are we going to treat our children the same or are we going to rise above, with God's help, and be a better parent thanks for sharing this
I never thought I could have a better relationship with my dad I had no hope but now watching this video you have given me hope I will remember this till the day I die
thankyou. so much. I'm gonna lower my expectations. the only conversion my dad and i seem to have these days is when i need something and he just orders/ buys it for me. wish i could buy his time . I don't even get why he doesn't ever want to spend time with his own daughter but i'm done feeling bad about it. atleast im gonna try
@@ur_favourite._ the sad truth is sometimes people suck. And sometimes one of those people is our dad. You probably won’t ever get the dad you want or deserve, so love him for what he can give. Then, Marry a guy who will be the dad for your kids that you didn’t have.
I currently live with my dad and he's not always bad but he gets angry for the dumbest things. And one day he'll baby me about something and then bad mad at me for the same thing the next day. Along other things, thank God he doesn't hit my mom or I, but I feel myself being angry all of the time. I have moment of pure angry where I scream and shout to myself when my dad isn't home. But I'm done feeling sorry for myself, after I save up enough money I'm going to move out and refuse to take his verbal abuse. And I understand that I'm extremely lucky with him, I know a lot of other people have it way worse than I do with thier parent(s). That's way I'm trying to not complain as much, I'm going to accept it for what it is for now and when I move out I'll put my foot down and demand respect and I'll pull away if I don't get it.
Mine gets mad at my dad and I drink and smoke and am only 16 I get high and get over the pain this hurts me but I wanna be so successful and never let him see his my kids
Alo, I'm sad to hear this. It'd be awesome if you guys could work things out. Yes, you are lucky to have a dad at home. Lots of people don't. Always take a look at yourself and ask yourself if you are being the best YOU can be. You can control YOU, but you can't control HIM. One day when you have children and they grow up to be teens, you'll see just how hard it is on parents. We worry a lot. We always want the best for you. And (in your teens) we are sad inside because we know you will be leaving soon. I pray you two can find common ground and build a nice relationship before you leave and it's too late.
Daniel, you're smarter than that. Drinking, smoking and getting high never made anyone successful. Actually just the opposite. If your dad sux, and you are doing these things.. guess what? He's winning. If you rise above it and live your best life IN SPITE of his crap.. YOU win. And thinking to grow up, have kids and never let him see them is short-sighted and vengeful. That kind of thinking never paid off for anyone. It's like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. Bitterness can slowly kill a person. Rise above it. Surround yourself with solid, positive friends. You'll be glad ya did.
Growing up my dad had a bad anger problem and would be physically abusive and emotionally absent. Now I still live in the home but he uses the silent treatment against me. It’s very hurtful and hard to accept but I know I want to be a different type of parents one day.
That’s all ya can do. Make a plan to be the dad you never had. That’s what i did. Now I have an amazing relationship with my grown daughters and sons in law. Lovin life.
Good advice and something good to hold on to when thinking about and learning about how my siblings and I dont have a good relationship with our dad. My sis and I did find good, Godly men, which helped open our eyes and see the lack of respect towards our mom and each other. We can also always pray for change, while being not bitter about a not great relationship.
I don’t have a good relationship with my dad. Never ever actually, I don’t remember bonding with him that much growing up. I didn’t feel his love, fatherly protection, or support in anyway. But yet I do see it in him and his dad - (my grandpa) which I had a better relationship with him than my own dad. Anyways I’ll be 21 soon and things are not getting any better. I’ve forgiving him to find more peace with myself but he keeps on behaving in ways that hurt me and makes me basically not like him, or feel any type of bonding or trust towards him. Anyways again, I’ll keep on praying about it, and putting my trust in God to see if this can ever be fixed.
Hey Chabeli - This is more common than not. Overall, dads can just kinda suck. I am so sorry for you. Maybe grow closer to your grandad.. and that'll make your dad see what he's missing out on? The truth is.. this is your dad's loss. yours too of course, but mostly his. I could not imagine not being close with my girls. They are, along with their husbands and my grandkids, the biggest blessing BY FAR in my life.
@@AdvicefromDad Thank you for the advice.! Sadly my grandpa lives in another country he comes to visit barely because of his age. But all I can do is just accept how things are between us too, I can’t change him. I can just pray about it. And I’m happy for all your blessings in your family and relationships. God bless.
I'll normally go through videos like this until I'm sleepy. Yours was the first one I clicked on and I'm done. No need to listen to video after video. Thank you for this.
Glad to be of assistance. I would imagine you keep that quip on your notepad and copy and paste it when you are feeling witty. Have a great night and thanks for stopping by.
My dad is living alone 500 miles away in a nursing home. He's not a believer, and neither of my siblings visit him but for holidays. I'm a believer and it's hard for me to emotionally maintain a connection with him based on how he did when I was growing up. I'm torn between trying to love him Like Jesus would, and keeping the status quo of calling when I feel like it.
I have a really bad relationship with my dad. I respect everything he done for my life in my younger years from when i was a baby to about 12 years old. But he then turned very negative and rude and disrespectful to me and my mom. I’ve had numerous arguments with him and they have turned physical and he’s emotionally really hurt me. My siblings all don’t get on his nerves like i do apparently so he’s never had arguments with them. it makes it look like i’m the bad person when in reality none of my siblings see the type of person he truly is. i’m 17 and today we had a really bad argument and i needed comfort which is why i’m typing this message in this video. i’ve said to myself many times that i will try and make it right.. make sure i don’t react to his behaviour.. but it’s so so hard and i lost it today. i’m just worried for my mum as he always takes out his anger on her and he probably will now because of what happened between us.. i don’t think we can ever be close... i just feel safe writing this message as it doesn’t make me think too much about my dad.. there’s so much more i could go into but we will leave at that great video btw, thank you!
Thanks for sharing that. I know it's not easy. Especially the physical part. Not good at all. I'd love to know what you guys argue about. You say you're 17. Most arguments at that age are about you wanting more freedom and independence, and him reminding you he's the boss, since he pays for everything you enjoy. Tough times for sure. I'd be interested to hear some specifics. I bet if you really spell it out, you'll realize that in general, the arguments are about stupid stuff. Hopefully, you only have another year in the house, then you are out on your own. I suggest to lay low, find things you have in common, and try to laugh a lot. UNLESS, the physical stuff is too much and alcohol is involved. THEN, safety is your first priority.
My dad just yells at me and tells me I’m not good enough and he just causes depression, stress and Anxiety. I hate that I have to go to his house half the time.
Hey Corbin. That sux. Try to keep other positive men in your life... teachers, coaches, neighbors, youth pastors, bosses, etc. it’s very important for whom you’ll become.
You are so right about not letting a bad relationship with your Dad make you miserable. When I was up to 12 years old, I was really sad about never getting to meet my father. I would cry and be depressed about it. But as I have walked more With Jesus through my life, I realized that I ALREADY have the best Father in the world. In existence!!!!!! A Father who died for me on an old rugged cross and was thinking about me. Who loved me before I even knew what was love. Who knew me since the verg beginning of time and the best thing is, that he will be my Father for ever. I had trouble under this before. I felt like even though God was my Father, it wasn't the same as having an earthly Dad. But as I continued to embrace myself in being God's Daughter, I realized no earthly father can give me what Jesus has given me, is giving me and will give me. Although Earthly Dad's are TOTALLY AWESOME ( such as Sutton's Dad), they are only here to hide us for a temporary time. But one day, they will complete their earthly job, and we will live for with our Eternal father, Almighty God. Who loves us in a way that our minds can't even fully comprehend. So werger you don't have a Dad like myself, have one and a great relationship with him, or have one but he treats you like dirt on a road, remember your Father in Heaven. And I always tell myself that one day, I will make sure I find a sweet, loving man to marry and Father my children. Thanks Sutton's Dad for this wonderful video❤❤❤.
You are SO right! My mom actually prayed that prayer over me and my siblings after my dad left us. She prayed that God step in and be our father. I'll never forget that prayer or that day. So powerful. Thanks for sharing your story!
So true and good points. Accept parents for being human. Don’t expect more than they can offer. Be better parents than yours were. Parent yourself and do some inner child work. To those who did or do have crappy parents. God bless and don’t despair. You will get through. Love and nurture yourself and don’t give up.
Thank you so much for talking about this!! Unfortunately, my parents aren't that great either and it's so hard to look past all that they've never done for me and be happy for people who have amazing parents. But I realize that God works all things for good. And not that He wants us to be miserable, but maybe that is one way through which He can really help us grow. And although I don't really have an example for how to be a good mother, now I know what didn't work and what I should do of I have kids in the future.
I reached out to my dad three years ago and he never reached back. Not worth his time I guess. If you have no expectations you'll never be disappointed!
My dad disowned me for coming out as trans over a decade ago. Growing up, he was abusive, intolerant, and instilled fear and control in my siblings and i. As a result, the entire family has effectively shut me out. He hasnt reached out in almost 15 years, and he couldn't care less about what happens to me as a person. I cant have kids, so i dont get the choice in being a great parent to fix that painful past. Its not a one size fits all box for people. Not everyone gets to be a parent, but ultimately, we do have choices to make.
I cried too on that dancing video. I cried and not because of I have no dad in my life, he was just never there for me, yet along dancing , not any other time as well. I cried cause I am hurt to see that somebody has so lucky. But I never envy this kind of thing from anyone. Its always a Dad’s choice... how do they want to be present in their child’s life. Some ppl doesn’t have the right to call themselves ‘Dad’, but You have every reason to do it! So thank you. I’m always happy when I see that the world is not full of my kind of dad. 😘❤️❤️
So well said, Kriszta. I am so sorry your dad didn't/doesn't excel in his dad role. Mine didn't either. But my lack of a dad made me strive to be the best dad I could be. I pray you can give your kids that gift one day.. awesome parents. It's priceless.
Advice from Dad I am working on it, really hard. I have a 6 years old son. He is my everything and I am always there for him no matter what. Thank You for you kind words. Meant a lot to me. Happy New Year! 😊
I had my share of issues with my late pop, over both the crummy way he would verbally treat my mom, and his basic indifference to most our problems growing up. Thing is, His mean drunk brother was married to my moms sister, and seeing firsthand how incredibly crappy he would treat my aunt and cousins, made me grateful that he was not my father.
I firmly believe you just misunderstood people who commented on the dancing video, saying that she or he cried her/his eyes out. Because you dont know that people can move on with their life while their dad is just not a good one, but when such people see such a video you made with your daughters, that makes us emotional, realizing that wow there are good, such good dads in this world. We dont even know what is to have a really good dad. So for me it is obvious that you misunderstood the person whom you quoted, although it wasnt me. :) I am glad to know that there are good and caring dads in this world, but any time I see one, I am just wondering, that wow, wow, how good to his children... Thats it.
Hi Zsuzsanna, that sounds like a great assumption. And for several, you are right. There certainly are people out there who thought that. "Wow, there ARE good dads out there. She is blessed." I was not referring to those people at all. Between the two videos, they now have over 20 million views. I read A LOT of the comments. I was referring to exactly what I quoted, "So glad you have a loving father. My dad sucks." Hard to take that the wrong way. Every daughter wants a close relationship with their dad. People react in all kinds of ways. This video was specifically helping those who do not have a great dad (Like ME - I did not have a great dad either - so I get it.) I was sharing ideas about how to deal with that fact. You can grow from it. You can get strength from it. You can break the cycle. I'm sorry if I did not make that clear. Have a super day and I really appreciate you being here.
I love my dad absolutely yes . We get into arguments even to the point I once said him that I'm not his daughter. I know I hurt him and I feel so guilty. He's the superman of my life . I am so sorry dad . 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Today hurts more than normal but I know I have my father in heaven and the gives me hope thank father for loving me I appreciate the texts and messages I have with my dad Thank you so sir for this message very encouraging
* once upon a time I a had* a good relationship with my father, and today today I have just realized that all that has changed I said hi to my dad when he had come home e from work-today he ignored me and yesterday he seemed to be interested in what I was doing he would only talk to me when he was telling me to do something for him and I tried to ask if I could say hi to the people on the zoom he cut me off, Honestly am really scared cause if God forbid anything Bad happens to my mom my life would become a living hell if I am living with him cause he’s probably disowned me I noticed something was wrong so I went to look through my photo album and I found a video and in it he was going going to work and I said “bye love you” and dad said “bye love you too.” 😭 That was last year when I was 11. Over-the course of this year after that big fight it’s just gotten worse and worse. This is most likely to bad to fix. I appreciate my childhood and when I *had* a Dad I am glad I still have me and my mom ❤️. I’ll be turning 13 in four months and I’ll just have to raise myself in the place of my Dad throughout my teenage years.
I am so sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, good dads are rare these days. But like you said, he has shown you he CAN be a good and loving dad. Live with no regrets. If you sense an issue, find a time when you two are alone and tell him you miss his attention. Tell him you want to want to schedule a night once a month for just you and him to go do something (with NO phones). Tell him as a soon-to-be teen you NEED a great dad. DO not simply take the "victim / drama" route and rollover without fighting for a great relationship. Give him at least three strikes to prove himself as a suck dad. Approach this with love, genuine concern, and NO expectations. Let me know how it goes over time.
Advice from Dad I should be worried I *cant* talk to him he’s narcissistic and if I just try to have a simple conversation he gets upset with me, I don’t think I can it will probably ask it worse and I’ll be punished, and to make it worse he and my mom were being sexist today. 😕
Keep up the good work. Praying the Lord blesses this. God knows we need it in this world. Also look up Embrace Legacy for single dads. We need that! We need Godly men to rise up and #1, if God has given you the first calling of being a dad, WALK IN your calling. Be a good dad. In Jesus name, amen.
My dad did some really bad stuff to me that damaged me a lot and it hurts to keep him around because of that. It stings when I see him but at the same time I feel like avoiding him won’t resolve the problem, you know? I recently cut ties with him and I feel less bad, but it got replaced with emptiness instead. It’s so confusing... I really enjoy the message you’re spreading by the way. You’re a great guy!
My family is from china, when me and my mom comes to the U.S we barely know any English 3-4 years ago, we lived in my uncles house and work at their restaurant, my mom brings me to U.S for education and also have hopes and dreams that our family can be financial free, during this period of 4 years, we are done of 80% of the debt, purchasing a house in china and rent it to someone and hoping it would become a passive income in the future, everything is going upward and my mom and my uncles have a talk during one night and decided that bring my dad here’s to all the way from china, so he don’t felt lonely,( my grandma and grandpa died during this period, which is something that we all upset about.) not only that, since he always in debt and don’t know how to manage his money. We think that this is a good idea that we can meet each other everyday and helping him out of the cycle of debt. We all seems pretty chills the first year(still have argument between parents but I think is not a big deal), we focus on what ever we need to focus, getting out of debt, focus on the school work. But things just get offhand after we help my dad out of the debt he previously made, he loves to go to online casinos because covid and also have another women all the way in china, because of this he always have more and more debt, and my mom always have a big argument with him and always lead up to a fight and not just effecting me, also my uncles family. I’m sad but shame at the same time because you know, family stuff. Until few month ago they got into another argument again because he thinks that it is too harsh to work here and after pandemic is over, he wants to go back to china, and we know that he got a girl outside the family(even though he said that he deleted the contract between him and her and we can’t trust him again because of the many lies that lied years over years), this time I have a conversation with my mom on social media, and I said that if he can’t handle this stuff, then we should just kick him out of the house and you should divorce him, and somehow he founds that conversation in my mom’s phone after they get back together, and now we are in a very awkward spots, every time he was drunk and my mom is not around he would said that don’t needs me to say something like that, he will go back to china anyway, and also tells me about that he raised me the first 3-5 years of my life when I was horned. And is being like that a couple month now, even though we act normal when he’s not drunk and stuff, but deep down I know there just something that’s broken, I don’t really know what should I do and how do I handle this because I have no one to talk to, my uncle knows about this and he say divorce is something thats good for both of them, and I can’t have a conversation with my mom because she likes to tell everyone else what I said on this types of topic as her weapon to against my dad, I know divorce is something that should consider but I just can’t handle this, I know I’m already gifted compare to other children out there, but can someone really tells me what I should do? And how can I handle this fucked up relationships.
First, your English is amazing! Second, yeah divorce sucks. The most important thing for you to know is that your parents’ relationship is NOT your responsibility. You should honor and love both parents. That’s your job. You can and should also give advice to either if asked… which would be “do what you know to be right.” For your dad, that would include no more drunkenness, no more gambling, and no more adultery. He’s in the wrong and he knows it deep down. I’m a Christian, so it’s hard for me to offer advice without recommending Christian family counseling. But, Christian principles apply to all. They’re just good teachings. Congratulations on your good school work, your mature thoughts, and your desire to help the family. But again, their relationship problems are not for you to solve. Your dad needs to grow up. He needs to feel the weight of his sins and be embarrassed. He’s acting like a teenager with no discipline. I wish your uncle could speak to him about honor and doing what is right. And, what your dad did when you were 0-3 years old is great, but his responsibility as a dad lasts a lifetime. So he needs to stop acting like that was a great thing. He is failing as a dad and a husband. He needs to acknowledge that and then make a decision to fight for what’s right, Or continue to fall prey to his selfishness and pride. And if he does continue to fall without remorse, maybe moving back to China is best.
I appreciate this so much! I remembered you prayer for me and my fathers relationship. Just this week I had a heartfelt conversation with him. I am very thankful that he called me and listened to me. I am over holding bitterness towards him. Praise God for the work he is doing! You mentioned how you have gotten a better relationship with your father over the years. I was wondering if you could make a video on some tips to growing a closer relationship with parents. Thank you for your wisdom :)
SO glad to hear this. Just take one step at a time. Don't let your expectations exceed his ability to willingness to deliver. I'll certainly put your idea on the list of upcoming videos!!
I am being raised by my grandma and grandpa and we have screaming matches and I am afraid I will lose my relationship with them because of it. Earlier he called me dumb and stupid and I broke down and had another screaming match. I am 12 years old and my grandma screamed at me and I couldn’t help but breaking down I am scared to death to lose them. I just wanna fix my relationship with them
Hey Lexie - dang, I'm so sorry to hear this. That can't be easy being raised by grandparents. But, you aren't the first.. and you won't be the last. Couple of observations: 1. You're 12, so you have a lot of growing to do, a lot of life to live, and a lot of maturity to develop. 2. Screaming matches take two parties, which includes you. 3. SOMETHING has to initiate the screaming. Ask yourself, is it YOU? 4. If the words "dumb and stupid" came out of their mouths, they need to own that and apologize sincerely. 5. You seem to love them and want to salvage the relationship and maybe develop it into an actual loving relationship. My 2 cents. All you can change is YOU. YOU can't change them, but YOUR ACTIONS possibly can. A kind word turns away wrath. Really check yourself and how you live your life in their presence. I assume it's their house, their food, their central air, their room that you sleep in, they buy your clothes, ... See where I'm going? I'd guess they are in their 70/80's. They are old school thinkers.. respect, no talking back, gratitude... When was the last time you thanked them for all they give you? When was the last time you offered to help around the house? Just asking. Maybe you do all these things. Maybe they are 100% to blame. But you know what, they didn't ask me for advice, you did. Lexie, I'm sure you are an awesome kid. And I bet you can get a piece of paper and list 20 things you can do to better ya'lls relationship. Make that list. Honor that list. At the end of each day, you can lay down and know you did your part... no matter how they respond. this will not be an overnight fix. It'll take time. You have to earn their trust and respect. Once you do, love will be the bond. UNLESS they are just sucky people. If so, then carry your own weight and politely stay out of their way. :)
My dad isn't in my life anymore as I got completely cut off from him and my family for choosing to marry my husband. He's really controlling so isn't letting my mum and siblings see me either. His last words to me were that I'm not their child anymore and they never want to see me again... Thanks a lot for the encouragement!
@@AdvicefromDad There's nothing horrible about him. He's a better husband than my dad could ever be and dad doesn't even know him much as he's refused to even talk to my husband. Dad's biggest issue is that we didn't meet the "right way" and a few smaller things that aren't even true at all. Things like age, job, beliefs etc
My father couldn't care less about me all my life and now, in his 70's, being alone he expects me to entertain him and visit him and take care of him - which I do - but it's bothering me. He expects a lot from me and I wish I could ask him "why? why do you need me now, where have you been all my life?". If I could afford it, I would totally drop him in an old foster care place.
Dang. I hear ya. Sounds like you’re an awesome son. If you believe in the afterlife, you’re selfless deeds are storing great treasures for you in Heaven.
Well.. my mom and Dad are Divorced (i go one week at my moms, and one at my dads) and my dad turned into a Alcoholic and i feel like every time i talk to him he just kinda of ignores me. I feel like we never spend time together, talk, or just anything. I mean like when we get home from school he doesnt even talk on the way home.
That stinks. His loss. Sounds like he’s wallowing in self pity. He should be hanging on to what he DOES HAVE (you) and not getting lost in what he doesn’t have. Sounds like you will hafta be the initiator of conversations, activities, and laughter. Consider it as serious character building for yourself.
My relationship with my dad has been severely strained for quite some time. I actually am in the process of reconciling a relationship with my mother and I’ve been trying to navigate the resentment I carry for my dad. I think option number 2 is going to be my best. I hope that I can keep that mindset and let go of my discomfort around him.
What would really be helpful is a video discussing techniques and how to approach having a discussion with your father about past issues. To leave or accept are two choices, yes, however that is very black and white thinking. I want to have a discussion with my father about my expereince growing up. That conversation would serve as my sharing my feelings and if he wants to adress them, we can have a relationship, if he refuses to speak about it. I probably won't talk to him again. Effectively communicating is the most important thing in any relationship. How about tackling how to have that tough talk with your dad.
My dad didnt really show me love he does. Growing up was hard i wasn't taught life skills or hard work my dad wasnt there for me i struggle with it through my high school. My upbringing what made me today I was in a special ed class when i was 8. Had a learning disability what made it hard for me i was a quite kid and shy they say a kid is how your parent's raise you after i left high school i was on unemployment check for years my dad never motivate me or help teach me how to do things. Its a fathers job to raise a son to be a man 😢 he didnt my dad is a hard worker he fix cars when i was kid he never tell me to come learn from him or other things like gardening but no. I was always had mental health theres time i give up i think i cant do it why isnt my dad aint around 😢 my mum was the one that always love me for who i am
Make me cry thinking about how I haven’t seen my dad since last May for my brothers birthday and We the last time we saw him it’s just really sad because we’re still go to see his mom but we don’t see him at all
How can i talk to him, he's changed after his divorce. He immediately threw himself into another relationship and they are getting married in a month. He doesn't seem to see me as anything other than a child, he doesn't respect my opinions and to be fair i don't really respect his either. I feel like he's doesn't know how to process his emotions and he let's it out sporadically. He's hit me, called me things, made fun of me for believing different things. And i fear that he will take the things i hold dear and use them against me if i try to set some kind of boundary. I'm just stuck, he's brought me up in a family with a wolf pack ideology, family is everything that matters, nothing is more important than the family, but what if the family is dysfunctional. I can't make more than two friends due to my location, i can't get in a relationship due to my issues, and I'm not happy.
I am so sorry. Thanks for the courage to share. My biggest advice is to not get your identity from your family, or specifically from your father. You are your own person. The sky is the limit for who you can become and what you can accomplish in life. Having a great dad is a blessing, but we don't all get to enjoy that. Figuring out how to have at least some kind of healthy relationship is good, but not all always possible. If he has been physically and verbally abusive, it's definitely best that he moved on. Can I assume that you live with your mom? If so, that makes it a little easier because your dad is not right there with you causing problems.
Good stuff. My problem is not that my dad isn't present or doesn't call me it is that he deeply hurt me and my family and my mom also has her issues too. I don't know where to go from here my parents are divorcing because of sexual immorality and abuse and I feel that there's some way I should respond or treat my dad. I wish we could get counseling together or something but I'm just grasping for some kind of direction. He has pretty bad mental health issues and bad social skills so a girl just wonders what can I possibly do. Maybe at this point it's just to be left up to God. I don't want him to be alone but I don't want to allow him to hurt me anymore
Yeah, that's a tricky line. Somehow you hafta figure out what he CAN give (time, communication, support, advice, laughter, etc). Then, figure out how much of that he CAN give. Make sure you eliminate the toxic stuff. Have no part of it. Then, figure out if what he CAN is worth pursuing. This is NOT to ignore what you CAN GIVE HIM. He may need you more than you know. Just don't condone his BS. Always hold on to what is right and wrong. :)
If you didn’t get one, and there’s no chance of it happening, then your NEW dream should be to BE a great father. Or marry one... depending on your gender. 😏
Sir I am 14 years old and I don't think so that my dad is crappy but he is just Annoying and he gives a kind of annoy that gives me anger in the past 2 months i have been through a very harsh conversation with my dad about very very important academics now whenever i see him i feel that i shouldn't have spoke those harsh words to him and now i am here living in misery i want to build a happy relation with my dad that should be warm but now i feel that it is possible but i don't know how to start the conversations even though we live under the same roof we have dinner at the same tables and lunch too but he and my mom lives on the ground flor and i am on the first one so we don't get to talk pretty much I said very harsh things please tell me how to fix this I am from INDIA. I got tears in my eyes while writing this :((
Hey brother. It’s all good. Here’s one thing to know for sure. Your parents will love you until the end of time. No matter what. They may not approve of certain actions, but they will ALWAYS love you. Since you are feeling remorse for your words, you should initiate the next conversation. Please watch my video about how to do an authentic apology. Follow it step by step. Your relationship will be restored IF you are sincere and IF he’s not a mean person. Let me know how it goes.
Thank you, this was encouraging. I watched the wedding video it was so sweet it made me happy and mixed emotions. I think your girls are so blessed. I am happy for them. What you said reminded me of the parable of the talents where they where all given different amounts of talents and the guy who got one buried his😂. We are alloted different lots in life. But it as you say its what we do, with what we have. not what we do not have. For me I scared I would like to choose the right guy when the time comes. I already made a mistake. So it making the right choice.
Colton, oh man, that sux bad. I pray he was a great dad until then. Until I was in my 20's, my dad was all but dead. When I was in the fifth grade, my single mom took me and my two siblings out of that town (where they had divorced) and we moved away. We moved into a trailer park several hours away. I can remember vividly, my mom having me and my siblings kneel down on the floor while she stood and prayed over us. She prayed that we would understand that we no longer had the dad we had before. She the asked the Holy Trinity to be our father; that the Holy Spirit would guide us, Jesus would save us, and God would protect us. SO, first off, I'd lean into God as your dad. Then, I'd intentionally seek mentors who could be in my life to fill some of the role. NOBODY will ever be your dad, or replace your dad 100%. But there are some good people waiting on the bench to serve in his position, you just have to seek and find them.
What if you are trying to have a healthy relationship but everytime you try to do it in a positive way it ends badly from the other side? I feel like my boundaries trust and respect is constantly being broken, I want to have a healthy relationship but I feel angry because I’m tired of trying and being hurt.
I don't speak to my dad at all anymore,he was a great dad when we were kids but he has absolutely no interest in us so I have cut him and that side of the family off, it's broken down over the years, he never really liked me or my brother and never wanted to spend any quality time with us, all he has time for is his other family, just because you are related by blood does not mean you have to maintain a relationship if you don't want to.
no doubt! YOU hold the decision. And, if either of you ever do care to resolve, it has to be both of you. One of you can not make it happen. And, if it never does happen, it's sad for sure, but life goes on with the people we CHOOSE to have in our lives.
My Real Dad Did The Same To Me He Was Being Good A Long Time Ago And He Wasn’t Being Too Mean And Now He Chose To Be Worst But I Don’t Want Any Real One’s If Step One’s Can Do The Same Thing As My Old Real One Then I Have To Forget About It
I really doubt if a relationship based on 1 call per year is worth any kind of emotion, especially "being OK with it". I don't see how it helps me as a kid to "be OK with it". I am not angry, but I am also not OK, I don't APPRECIATE never being talked to. It's not OK. I am not angry. My mom would sometimes ask me if I'm OK or sth, but I never talked with her about any problems in my entire life. How could I feel OK to share anything with her as a 35 year old guy? I would need a lot of together time to build trust and relationship to where I am ready to say sth meaningful. There was time for it when i was a kid, not there's no time for it. My das never asked me about anything meaningful. I feel sorry for him, there were many good things about him, but having no personal connection is sth you cannot ignore.
My dad is living, I am 29. My dad lives on the other side of the country, and we have no method to communicate. He just lost interest due to having a busy career, and has told me via email he feels he failed as a parent. He communicates with my sisters though. Could you make a video of how to repair our relationship?
Hey Jake - you're not alone. Man, that story is all too common.. and it sux. I'll sure try to make a video with some ideas for reparation. But, it all starts with a willingness from both parties. Sometimes, only one wants it. Thanks for the suggestion. Happy new year my friend.
When ever I want to see my dad I'll text him but it's always a hit or miss because he either won't reply or wait hours or days on end to reply. I'm always the one one making the effort to see him, Dad only wants to see me when he's bored shitless or when it's one his terms. I he won't let me into his house because of the relationship between my father and grandpa, because I get to different Stories from my mum and Dad and it's always the opposite, Dad says that mum has all these secrets and mum says dads just messing your head, but I don't know whos lying.
I'd suggest figuring out what your dad CAN contribute "healthily" to the relationship and somehow be ok with that. Be your own person... content and whole without what's missing. Most people fall into the trap of always waiting and hoping for what their parent never gives. If they haven't displayed it by now, probably not gonna. Resolve that you will be the parent they're not. And enjoy the short interactions you do have with him... while staying in the driver's seat of the relationship.
In my case, I believe I have a great dad. But our relationship is not very good and I believe I am the one to blame. I rarely talk to him, dislike helping or working with him at home, get very emotional when he´s trying to approach me and give me helpful advice. And not only that, but I feel like I´m a dissapointment and constantly do or say things that hurts him. I don´t know what to do, but finding helpful advice for bad sons that want to get better is so difficult.
Hey Esau! Brother, you have already WON half the battle. In your short message, you: 1. Acknowledged there's a problem 2. Admitted you are the main problem 3. Confessed want to do better The simple answer is: Let him in. Apologize for being distant and tell him you want to try again and move forward without clinging on to past hurts. Listen to his advice. (use what's good / ignore what's bad) Respect him as your dad and elder. Try working with him on a few things (with no grandiose expectations Try not to intentionally do or say things that are hurtful or hateful. Be very transparent and open with how you'd like to move forward. Set healthy rules for your relationship if you have to. And agree to them. Relationships start with a desire to have one. They move forward with mutual respect. They last with forgiveness and grace.
This is a great video, but as someone who comes from a messed up home and ends up always dating other people from the same background LOL I must say you have forgotten the third option: to live in complete denial, act like everything is perfect and there anyone that disapproves of your abusive family is manipulative/wrong. Sadly many people choose this option
My father is like the " perfect stranger" he is home but we don't talk i think he hates me he is there but he isn't you know he doesn't like talking to me we haven't talked in 4 weeks and it sucks I hate it im so scared to open up he loves my sister but I'm not on the list for love I guess I dont forgive my dad at all I feel like a waste of space
Aaryn, let me assure you... YOU are NOT a waste of space. I don't know anything about you or your dad other than what you just told me. Let me encourage you to embrace the fact that YOU are in control of YOU, nobody else. AND, embrace the challenge to live by the fruits of the spirit (look'em up). Once you are happy with you (apart from anyone else), then you can invite your dad more sincerely into your life and have open discussions of your feelings and allow HIM to speak his mind. Great relationships depend on self-accountability from both parties. All you can handle is yourself. If that day comes, and he still refuses to love you like a REAL dad should, then lean into the Heavenly Father as your dad. And look for solid mentors in your life. :)
My dad and me have a broken relationship. I'm only 10 😢. My dad won't forgive me. He won't take me on vacations or what. He won't even talk to me ever again in my whole life.
I wouldn’t say it’s bad it’s just I’m afraid of what he will think he just is very hard to talk to he’s very tough and I can’t talk to him heart to heart I see my friends talk and hangout with there dad but I don’t know how to break free and build up the courage to do more stuff and I don’t know if he wants to, my dad never really grew up with a good dad he’s so hard to approach and talk to and he just looks at me like I’m some shy little kid but I’m really not I can talk to my step mom my mom even a stranger but not him any advice on how I could get out of this bubble I’m sorry I just threw a bunch of sentences but I really just need someone’s help
Hi Vzeray - you’re dad may have lost out on a relationship with his dad but one thing is for sure, he’d rather have had a great dad he could talk to. So rather than repeating the problem, he should give you what he never got. BUT my first suggestion would be to subtly bring it up to your step mom. She will tell him for sure. I wouldn’t make a big focused discussion about it at first. Just a little line, “yeah I wish I could talk to sad about that.” Or, “you know what makes me sad? Seeing my friends have great relationships with their dads.” Then move on to another subject. She will tell him for sure. If that doesn’t work, you’ll have to try a more direct approach.
#AdviceFromDad Me and my dad have not been getting along for a very long time. He’s always mad and puts the unhappy triggers on me. He says stuff that is super hurtful I know that he doesn’t love me and care about me because he always said some hurtful nasty names to me. I have told my dad that I don’t care about you I don’t love you until you change your behavior maybe later in the month we can become a father and daughter relationship again
You're certainly not alone. Lots of dad/daughter relationships are broken sadly. If/when the day ever comes, tell him you want a better relationship and are sad that you guys often fight. Write a list of things YOU can change/do to make the relationship better. As that he do the same for himself after he reads yours. Then, when you get together to talk about the lists, also share what he does that upsets you. Ask that he does the same about you. BUT, do this in a loving way with the GOAL being a stronger relationship. Be willing to OWN your contributions to the problem. If this doesn't or can't work... look forward to the day you can have a family of your own to become the parents for your children that you never had. :)
I was thinking that my dad was an ass but when I have a hard time at anything I always find him in my said I know he don't like to say good things or having fun and stuff but the time showed me I have great dad
I know this is an old video but I just need advice. My father and I have been close actually. And he was/is a great guy. My situation now is that my dad has become more and more extreme in his political views. He has become more discriminatory to people like me. I have already told him how it affects me and that I prefer him to just not say anything around me but he continues to make snide comments and such. He generalizes and makes hurtful biases. Other then that, he is actually cool, we have the same sense of humor, music etc etc. Now he has been viewing me and every little thing as annoying and I view him as exhausting. I am living with him and my family now because it's cheaper to split the rent so I can't leave. Our relationship has been so close and it does suck that we are just falling out slowly. What do I do?
Hey thanks for writing and sharing. That’s a tough one. In general, as parents, we try to instill values and belief systems into our children to provide them what we believe to be the best life. This is what’s happening to your dad. As you grow up and become more independent with your thoughts, he feels as if he is losing the battle. And, he feels that you are making a huge mistake and are misinformed. So he turns to sarcasm and little digs to get at you because he doesn’t know how to deal with his loss. Politics divides can run deep. Sadly our nation is a reflection of this. So it’s not a new and unique problem. I have a nephew with strong differences in political beliefs than me. But I love him. He’s funny. He’s a musician. He’s brilliantly smart. He loves history. He’s a father of two girls. Not only that, we also differ in religious beliefs. Double whammy. But… we have a lot more in common than in opposition. We have agreed that our relationship will be based upon our family connection and the things we agree on. However we do have healthy debates every now and then but we keep them civil and stop before they get heated. With your dad, I’d suggest you first have a private sit down conversation about how much you miss him as a dad and friend and mentor. And how you feel that political beliefs have caused the separation. Try to agree for one year to not talk about politics. Plead with him that you want this and that your time of living under the same roof is fleeting. “Let’s embrace this short remaining chapter, and grow closer together, not further apart.” If he is one who insists on not letting go of his desire to “show you the way”… I’d maybe suggest to have a one hour scheduled conversation where both of you can share your sides and reasons for your beliefs.. but have rules to not get heated and not leave mad. This MIGHT get it out of his system where he lays all his instruction and wisdom on the table as a dad. You as well. It’ll also offer insight into why each of you believe the way you believe. But agree to let TRUTH win. FACTS. Not hearsay, opinions, or narratives, or group think. When in doubt, look it up and research the true answer. I say all that to say: You need to let your dad know you honest feelings about not wanting to lose him. In the end, you may agree to bury it and never talk about politics.
I’m a good dad, not a bad dad. My daughter is a teen and her attitude is starting to get horrible, even with the mother. That’s why I need black advice.
Man, raising teen girls is no joke. You hafta maintain boundaries but also allow their freedom. Find time to look her in the eye and let her know she is loved and cherished. Not only by you, but God. Try to prevent her from seeking love and approval from friends, boys, or social media. The seeds you sow now won’t flourish until she is in her mid 20’s. Stay the course and know she WILL make stupid decisions. The more you love her and keep open communication, the less stupid decisions she will make.
@@willlane0913 you gotta stay in the winning position. If you’ve done everything right, it’s her loss. Hopefully this is a rebellious stage that will pass. Keep loving. Keep teaching. Keep standing firm on what’s right. Her mistakes will lead to falls. And those falls will bring her back.
My father has been there all my life financially, even after his divorce he supports me and funds my studies. But we don't really have a healthy relationship.
He really doesn't teach me anything, even though he is very successful. There's no emotional attachment, he just tells me to work hard and that's it.
I had to teach myself how to be a man (am still learning). When I become a father, I will make sure to be transparent with my son and teach him all the things I have learned from my life experiences.
FFK hey brother! Thnx for being here. Be sure to check this out too: th-cam.com/video/DozerwBLXZg/w-d-xo.html
You have the right idea. It’d be awesome to have a great dad, but it’s more awesomer to BE a great dad!
This happened to me
“Work hard”. What an asshole
Same
Thank you for your self awareness and your willingness to be a better father.
Thank you so much. My dad texted me while at work and I dread having conversations with him. I feel compelled to talk to him, because he is my dad, but I always felt like it was more of a stress then anything. I was going to ignore him, but I stumbled upon this video. I watched it and thought about it and it seemed like good wisdom. So I took your advice about understanding that my dad isn’t going to meet certain expectations in my life, but that I can enjoy the things he is willing to give and to run with that. So I called him and we talked. The conversations went way smoother then it normally would. There was much more back and forth, even joking around with each other. And you know what! I actually enjoyed the conversation. You’ve blessed me and I’m sure my dad is thankful too. Love you and bless you
Wow that's awesome stuff Austin! So cool to hear. Thanks for sharing that. Yeah, life is too short to waller in the shortcomings... rather, bask in the good stuff. Glad it went well and I hope there's many more of those exchanges. :)
This is amazing this is how it’s supposed to be. So happy for you because that means it’s realistic
25 years old & graduating post grad medical school this year; of all the things I have going on, the thing that most upsets me is not feeling wanted by my Dad.
Growing up was a mixed bag with him, he ‘was there’ but only superficially when he wanted. Financially supported me through childhood but cut that off the minute I left for undergrad degree (I appreciate that for a lot of people their parents may not be able to do that, but for my dad he definitely could have done and it was a choice - additionally coming from the UK; University loans depend on your parents income… so I received the bare minimum loan, which is no where close to cover living costs, despite the fact he didn’t contribute anything to help me). Cheated on my mum, gaslighting her throughout and till this day, and after my brother left for Uni they’re now rightly getting divorced. He moved 300 miles away as he can work remotely, and I’ve seen him twice in the last 7 years for probably 20 minutes total. More personal stuff behind all that which made the whole relationship difficult, awkward, uncomfortable. I feel like I don’t even know how to speak to my Dad, when I was young he never spoke to me about interests, activities, or really anything. One of the big consequences I see in myself now is I get so nervous making new friendships with other guys as I don’t feel like I know what ‘guys’ talk about.
For my whole life, traditional holidays were pretty big deals, it was just the 4 of us but it felt important to be always be there. I will never forget 4 years ago as he just didn’t come at all. Despite everything, I had gone out and bought him a nice jacket and a card and then Christmas Eve my mum sent me a message to say he wasn’t coming. No message to me or my brother, no Christmas present, no Christmas card. I felt angry, upset, lonely as to how you could just seemingly abandon the only family you have. If he couldn’t even send a card after deciding not to come for Christmas then there’s nothing else that would be big enough to warrant his attention. I actually kept his jacket wrapped up, and saved it for next Christmas so that I could give it to him then (it was a really nice jacket). No birthday card in-between, and Christmas was a repeat of the last.
In the comments and video a lot of people talk about expectations. I had a mix of expectation and hope; that NEXT Christmas he’d come or send something to then be left disappointed.
After the 2nd christmas, I opened my present and wore the jacket for myself. I felt good, I thought there’s no point this cool jacket sitting in my wardrobe in the back of my room/in the back of my mind when I could be wearing it. Looking back the jacket symbolised my expectation/hope and only by letting it go and releasing it could I enjoy it and I’m glad I did (it is a cool jacket).
Anyway, my graduation from med school is coming up and he seemingly is expecting to come… I feel conflicted as he hasn’t done anything, financially or emotionally to support me throughout that time. At the end of the day, he’s my Dad. I’ve always wanted his love and for him to be proud of me, I still do. I’m old enough to realise that he was probably going through lots of things throughout my life and we all can make mistakes and feel we can’t reverse them. There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction of being there and feeling like he has been a part of my success. Equally I just want to hear him say he’s proud of me and that he knew I could always do it. I’ve moved my boundaries of expectations hugely over the years but I still hope for that. Whether I receive that is anyone’s guess *maybe you’ll get an update in a few weeks time* but I won’t deny him or myself the chance to share something.
The things I’ve learned from it all is that
1. no matter your background situation, giving/receiving love is important
2. Love can be in many forms. Emotional, financial, caring - it’s what makes you feel valued, like you mean something to someone.
3. Love yourself and be proud of yourself. The things you’ve achieved, are the things YOU have achieved. Whether that’s short term (paying rent, cooking good meals, providing for your family) or long term (jobs, degrees, house) people have helped you along the way but YOU make those things happen.
4. In my case - TELL YOUR MUM YOU LOVE HER - she did her best to support me despite my dad. She continues to support me every step of the way, and I’ve been guilty of not giving her enough love myself. It’s impossible to make up for a ‘missing’ parent but so many parents out there do a fantastic job at trying.
5. Break the cycle, I’m never going to leave my future kids and family without love and I’m going to be proud of it.
6. FINALLY, keep hope. Contain expectation but protect your hope. Hope drives me to be a better person and that’s who I want to be.
This comment may never reach anyone but if it does reach just one person going through something similar then I hope that you can resonate with something positive from my experience. You’re not alone.
Brother I am so sorry this is your story. You sound wise beyond your years. Most times, it’s loss, suffering, and trials that make us who we are. To the contrary, sometimes a “perfect” life can make us weak, crass, ungrateful, and entitled. I’m so glad to hear you are taking the high road in spite of your situation. Your list is amazing. Yes! Be the dad he chose not to be. Your kids will be the beneficiaries!!
I read this comment today while I was reading I feel like it was me writing this, anyway thank you for sharing this you are not alone I feel you so much because your situation it's like mine exactly the problem is my father doesn't want me.
I appreciate this video. My dad has never been there for me or been supportive of me in really any capacity. Now I'm 28 and really struggle because even though I dont talk to him, I'm still hurt. It's so hard not to be angry! I pray and work toward forgiveness, but even seeing his number on my phone makes me mad. I feel that he wasnt there for me as a kid, or even as an adult when I've reached out to him, now he doesnt get to be part of my life. I've tried to mend things but even a simple conversation makes me sick and I cant do it. I know I have a lot more healing to do. I admire those of you who can accept your parents where they are and have some sort of relationship, but I dont feel I can ever allow myself to be in the position with him to hurt me again. Prayers from anyone who sees my comment would be appreciated!
You are not alone. So many daughters (and sons) are in your shoes. It breaks my heart and at the same time ticks me off that dads can inflict this kind of pain by simply NOT being there, or worse, being a douche. If you're not married, I pray you can find a super husband who will be an awesome dad. And you can give your kids a triple dose of the love you missed out on.
I’m 19 years old meeting my dad for the first time ever in 2 weeks and I’m glad I searched for advice on TH-cam because this is exactly what I needed to hear
Glad ya found me. :) Here's my advice:
1. Go in with optimism for possibility, but stay guarded for disappointment.
2. Know that you are complete through Christ, having a dad or not ain't gonna break ya.
3. Ask a lot of questions but save the deep (hurtful) stuff for future meetings in case this goes further.
4. Try to figure out what he can/will deliver, and don't expect more than that. If you can live with what little he can deliver, then cool.
5. Remember this feeling of fatherlessness and NEVER let your future kids feel it.
Keep me posted.
How was it
But I want my father to improve. I already know that I won’t be like him. How can I improve the relationship with my father?
That's good you've resolved that you will NOT be like him. No way to "improve" your dad unless HE wants to improve. That's the sucky part. Have you tried sharing your heart with him? Maybe in person or a letter? Why don't you set up a time to do something he loves to do? Maybe treat hime to his favorite restaurant? Just hang out. Preplan some cool fun interesting things to talk about. Maybe ask about his childhood, his high school days, his favorite memories as a kid. Start out easy cool and slow.. Never come in like a wrecking ball until you have some time of bond already growing. then, maybe you can introduce some tougher conversations. :) Number one tip: go in with NO expectations. Do not set yourself up for disappointment.
Thanks a lot. You delivered a simple solution. I’ve forgiven my father, set boundaries, stood up for myself when I needed, but none of that did the trick. I realize now I needed to cease the expectations I had of him. Thanks. I’m looking forward to that one call a year I get on my birthday.
It’s not easy to do. And it sounds like you’re kind of giving up when you start placing expectations on your dad. But really, you are releasing him and you are releasing yourself. It is very freeing. I hope you can find joy in the small moments y’all share together in the future.
I had an almost inexistent relationship with my dad, even though we were living under the same roof! However, I would never take other healthy or closes relationships from other dad with their daughters as something against me! I'm celebrating all the dads and moms who really care and want to have a relationship with their kids, I literally feel joy seeing other happy, and even if I wish that would've been my case, I celebrate and I'm glad that a lot of people won't go through things that I went through, and that's just amazing! 😊
My dad just disrespects me and wonders why I don’t advance in life he literally destroyed my self confidence
How 🥺 this hurt me crying it feels like I can actually talk to you if you were my dad 🥺
Thanks Daniel! I'm glad you are here. Just don't turn into the guy your dad is. It's your choice to BE who he won't (or couldn't) be.
Beautiful message beautiful challenge ... very encouraging God bless you
Thank you so much! I know my life changed for the better when I went from choice #1 to choice #2. I hope this video encourages others to do the same.
@@AdvicefromDad I started following from your daughters and husbands page and the wedding video which is awesome too.I am super challenged to really turn a new leaf and make great choices which I havent always made and to be the best I should be. Thank you
You are awesome! I love to appreciate my dad for what he can provide because he is a great man. He did what he could with what he had. Everyone is trying to find happiness for themselves. If they think running away will give them that happiness then that’s what they gonna do, not their fault.
Very true! Thanks for tuning in!
@@AdvicefromDad she’s definitely a woman
My dad sucks, I’m 25 and still live with him and we go weeks and sometimes months at a time without talking. Sometimes it doesn’t bother me, but some days I think about it more than normal and it depresses me. I wish we could just talk and get along, he was an heavy equipment operator and since I was a boy I was set on what I want to do, fast forward that I was I am currently doing and would love to talk about it, but everytime I try to speak up to spark conversation it’s just cut and dry “yup” “yup”. It kills me, my parents are divorced and I think his leftover anger to my mother is the main fuel. I am very thankful that you take the time to make these videos, we are men but deep down we have feelings, I feel hurt by the inability to conversate or bond/hangout. Your children are very lucky you are the way you are. I’d give anything to have a dad half as good as the example you set. Thank you very much sir, take care or yourself.
Man that sux. His loss for sur. You sound like a cool person. Like I did, remember ALL that when you have kids. Be everything you wished he was. THAT will be your payoff.
But, your dad may be around a while. Fathers day is coming up. Give it a shot - treat him to a steak dinner, just you and him - NO PHONES. Ask about his childhood, his high school, how he got his first job, what's the craziest day at his big truck job, stuff like that. Keep it positive. Maybe ya'll will share a laugh or too and he'll want more of that. If not, Yeah, he sux.
My dad told me 2 days ago: I know we haven’t talked for the last 20 years (I’m 34) but we can sort of start having a relationship. I let him in and at least he’s trying to get along with me. He’s known for being a pain in the ass, neurotic, and alcoholic… it’s difficult. Wish me luck. Great advice btw. Thanks.
Go in with NO expectations, but with an open mind and a guarded heart.
Im a 60 year old man, yes my dad still lives, He is still very critical and negitive of me. I have a great career, not some loser. Treats my sister like an angel.
I Don't speak to him anymore !
That sux. But good on you to cut that poison out of your life. Keep him in a position to NOT be able to do things FOR you. Because those who can do things FOR you can also do things TO you.I say that, but also encourage you to pray lovingly for him and his bitter heart. As well, search your heart for any wrong doing or bitterness and come clean with any of it so you can be blameless in the relationship.
If have a crappy dad it was not your fault. It is theirs. And also it is their responsabilty to fix it not yours. Just accept them for what they are and move on. You do not need to be a bad parent too. You can have a good relationship with your son/daughter and for life that is enough
My dad has not wanted me or my sister in his life since he remarried 40 years ago. He has cut us off. There was no argument or conflict that led to him deciding to cut us and his grandchildren out of his life. Sometimes, you are not given a choice no matter how many times you reach out. We do, however, have loving family members, and that is our blessing. I think it is lovely to see dads who truly care for their children and being amazing fathers. I have resigned myself to not being included in my dad's life, and count my numerous other blessings God has given me. You cannot force someone to love you. Forgiveness sets you free.
No. I don't have a crappy dad. My father, whom I call Daddy, is the best guy ever. If you wanna know why I'm still calling my parents Mommy and Daddy at almost 28 years old, that's because I'm autistic. He had a stroke almost 12 years ago, which left the entire family devastated. He now lives in the local nursing home. His little brother, my uncle Andrew, goes to visit him often since he lives near the nursing home. All the way back in 2023, I was asleep in my bed. I woke up to Mommy yelling. When I went downstairs, I went into the porch to check on Daddy. He got diarrhea all over his clothes, his bed, and his teddy bear. His clothes and his teddy bear had to be thrown away along with his mattress. His blanket just got pee all over it, so it had to be washed. When Daddy was a very little boy, he was brought up on unhealthy foods, such as chocolates, cookies, cakes, candies, cupcakes, milkshakes, ice-cream, iced tea, orange soda, fatty meats, and very little fruits and vegetables. That's why he suffered from a heart attack at only 37 years old and had a stroke at only 54 years old.
The story of Daddy's stroke.
On February 26th, 2013, when I was 16 years old, I was walking home from school with a case full of chocolate chip chocolate cupcakes with chocolate icing and chocolate sprinkles. They were for Daddy as a congratulations on his presentation at his work. When I got home, I saw Daddy's youngest sister, my aunt Becky. She was sitting on the sofa, comforting my youngest brother Jeremiah, who was only 4 years old at the time. Jeremiah was crying. When I asked Becky why she was at my house, she said, "Daddy had a stroke." I began crying and Becky comforted me. She reassured me that Daddy was still alive. When I went to school the next day, lots of teachers came up to me and said, "Hannah, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I heard about what happened to your dad." Since it was my little brother Isaiah's 7th birthday, he was upset because he wanted to celebrate his 7th birthday with Daddy. But he did eat the cupcakes that I made for Daddy. We prayed for him in church. After church, I found my little brother Jed, who was 8 years old at the time, in the back room of the church. He was crying and making a get well soon card for Daddy. The card said, "I love you, Dad. Please come back."
Anyway, I visit Daddy every chance I get. He is always happy to see me. On his 66th birthday, I gave him a chocolate milkshake from the ice-cream truck, his new teddy bear, a birthday card, and two Bible verses. I'm now almost 28 years old. I have 6 little brothers. Joseph is 25 years old and is serving in the Navy. Seth is 23 years old. Zach is 22 years old and needs to lose weight so he could join the Navy. Jed is 20 years old. Isaiah is 18 years old and recently graduated from high school. Jeremiah is 15 years old and is going into the 10th grade. I really miss Daddy coming to church with me. I sit in the same place we used to sit together. I usually sit alone, but sometimes my cousin William and his wife Anna sits with me. One time, my paternal aunt Joanne and her husband, my uncle Phet, sat with me. My cousin William and his siblings all have a crappy dad. His name is Scott. He is a mean and abusive man. Even at 70 years old, he is still physically strong, abusive, and violent. He's my aunt Susan's husband. She is still married to him. Scott is that type of man who doesn't believe in divorce. He believes that divorce is evil and that couples should stay married up until death. All the way back in 2007, Daddy and Andrew filed a report against Scott, who was physically hurting their older sister, nieces, and nephews. Susan and Scott got marriage counseling. Scott had to move far away from the family. Even though Scott is my uncle, I am ashamed to call him that. I last saw Scott at his oldest daughter's funeral. Just in case you're wondering, Scott didn't beat my cousin Elizabeth to death. Elizabeth died of breast cancer at only 36 years old. When I saw Scott, I got very nervous and nearly passed out. I got the same way when I saw my 36-year-old cousin dead in her casket. I don't know what was scarier. Was it seeing a physically violent older man or seeing a young lady dead? The funeral was very scary. When I felt Elizabeth, she felt very cold. If Elizabeth were still alive today, she'd be 42 years old now. So, I have the best dad in the world. My cousins have the worst dad in the world.
I love my dad, but we’re just not the same. I feel as if he cares way to much about his other family members, way more than his intermediate family. I want a relationship with him, but at the same time, I’m emotionally drained by him.
Edit: Today, I pick number 2
Understood. Hey we all reach a breaking point. Hang on to and appreciate what he CAN give, make your own happy elsewhere, and don't begrudge what he can't/won't give. You'll be happier, and maybe one day he'll come around to what he's missing.
@@AdvicefromDad thanks dude, you saying that, puts things into perspective
@@AdvicefromDad you’re so right. I’ve cried and cried over my Daddy not having anything to do with me or my three girls. It breaks my heart.. he has a new family with a new wife, and a daughter, and she has kids and he lives for them. I’m trying to accept this and not expect much from him bc I know I will always get hurt or disappointed. It’s just so hard. I hate lying to my kids that their grandfather called them to wish them
Happy Birthday. My eldest flat out asked him when we went to see him at Christmas why they didn’t have any pictures of them that we sent…she also told me she didn’t want to go around him again because she noticed how he treats us all so differently and I tried to make excuses for him. But, you are right, I can’t keep holding on knowing it’s only pain and disappointment when I could be having other people and relationships that are so easy and healthy, and that love me and my family back. Thanks for the video. God sent me to it. I was crying thinking about me lying to my 11 and 16 year old when their birthdays just came in August and July… I won’t lie to them anymore. I’m not going to run him down to my kids, but I am going to pray and hopefully I gain the wisdom of what words to use for them to understand they are loved no matter what.
@@hollyharvey1986 dang holly. Your story is sadly shared by many. Can I assume he is weak and your step mom is strong? Is it her leading this and he’s just falling in line? Either way, it sucks and he is the loser. I’m sure you and your beautiful family are amazing. How are your in laws? Hopefully they make up for the gap. Yes, it’s best not to keep lying and covering. Your kids will develop strong character from reality.
@@AdvicefromDad my Father is very involved with my step mother’s family. And being a woman, mother, and Aunt.. I know the man is the “the head” of the house hold, but the woman, in my opinion, is the neck..which means the woman can suggest things to her husband, do things to have her husband follow her footsteps.. basically, I feel that my Stepmother makes no attempt to encourage my father to see me, or my children. But my half sister, who is their daughter, has three kids and they live right next to them..in the same land..even my step brother’s and their wife’s and kids are seen and spend more time with my father.. they have cookouts, lots of get togethers…but we are hardly ever invited except for around Christmas, and my father’s new wife, her children..one being my half sister, they never come over when we come down to see my Dad and family for Christmas, and they live next door. So, something just tells me she doesn’t want my father to have anything to do with me..she claims to be a very Christian woman, as does my Father..he even converted to Judaism.. but the kind that believe Jesus is the Savior, but I do not get a loving, caring vibe the few times we’ve been around each other.. it feels like she feels idk, odd, when’ another female family member is around my father, other than her own family. My Dad even knows his step-son’s wife’s , her daughter..from a previous marriage not with my step brother, he know her child more than his own firstborn grandchild, which is my 16 year old daughter. I was kinda shocked when my daughter asked “Pawpaw, why aren’t their any pictures of me in your home…I know Mama sends them to you”…my heart sunk, of course I had noticed it before but just tried not to let it bother me… but my heart broke for my daughter. I know this is such a long comment, but I have never had a positive relationship with a man, other than my own husband and my brother, we have the same Mother and Father…but I never knew my Grabdfathers.. I went to stay with my Mother’s father, Pawpaw Jerry, over the summer several times but not more than ten I would say, and I met my paternal grandfather maybe three times, and I was very young and really don’t remember much.. so I always hoped if I had kids one day, they would have something I never did. And, believe it or not I was a Daddy’s girl as a child.. I would wait for him to get off work so I could remove his boots and socks, I always tried to prove to him I was great at basketball, softball, swimming.. but he is a recovering addict that has not used in over 10 years, he’s a Christian man, but he just wants to forget about me I think because he wants to forget of all “the bad years” which included the time of my teen years up until my early 20s, and maybe they just include me period. I don’t know what happened. I thought he loved my Mother, and brother and I, but after he came home from prison, I already had my first child, he asked my Mother to get back with him and she wouldn’t, she knew what it could lead to and she had straightened her life out and prioritized my brother and I, and her entire family, she lived next to her Mom, my Mawmaw, both who are dead now.. my Mother passed away in November of 2017, and my Mawmaw..my Mama’s Mother, followed three and a half year later, which surprised me she made it that long bc my Mother, my Mawmaw, and I were all so very close. So after my Mother turned him down he remarried the woman, whom he had a child with while separated with my Mother, and he gave his rights away and I know even my Mother asked him not to do that, that she was his daughter, but he did to try and win my Mother back, in which they remarried again, they were married three times I think, but when I was 20, by then they had divorced and separated for good, and by the time I was 26..pregnant with my third daughter, my Father remarried the woman he had a child with that he gave his rights away too, and I was happy for him, thought things were going to be great. Sure, I hadn’t gotten to see him like I did in the past, once he remarried my Stepmother, who did cut my long, naturally curly hair to me ears, I remember my Mother cried.. I was just a kid trying to accept the changes and agreed to the hair cut, but looking back.. I don’t think my step mother ever like me or my Mother, and especially bc I look exactly like my Mother. So, I do feel she could ask him or talk to him about being better grandparents and a father and stepmother to me and my girls, they are to all of her kids and their families that come with them! They act like they’re just too busy for me and my family and never come to see us. But I always take my girls to see them when I get invited, usually once at most twice..if even, to see him. I’m a part of his past that he wants to never remember or acknowledge, but I didn’t do anything during that time, I was a loving daughter. But, once my Mother turned him down after he came home from prison, he chose to live a Christian life and chose to marry the Godly woman he had a child with while in a relationship with my mother and with us two kids..my brother and I, and I’m a Christian too, but I pray All the time that God will
Open their hearts and minds to see how they’ve shut me out for no reason, and they could have such great fun relationships with my girls but they choose not to. And my girls are involved in so many sports, they’re very athletic, and smart.. but they never come to their games, they just make excuses that they’re so tired from work and getting old yet I can hear about their get togethers from people all the time and I know my step mother and her kids see each other every day…. which is fine, I would my Mother too if she were alive, but she makes no attempt to really be a stepmom and get to know me or be a grandmother to my girls..it just aggravates me bc she claims to be this woman of Faith, but she wants nothing to do with my children.. And her daughter is my thee girls Aunt, so you would think she would want to see some type of relationship out of that but no, she doesn’t.. or that’s how I see it. So I have decided to just stay away, but also answer if they call and speak, and it’s very seldom and he always says something so out of line about my deceased Mother so I choose to make healthy boundaries and until he can control his mouth and be a better grandfather, I don’t put my energy towards him that much. I do pray every day that the Lord will make us a family again, a true family, not fake. I pray he opens my father’s eyes.. but I stay away, and I pray for him and love him from a distance.
Its so true . I had so many high expectations about my father. Can't force him to be in my life. I will love him for ever.
You're not alone. Great dads seem to be a rarity these days. :(
I have always been very abusive to my father.
I have always looked at him as a failure.
He was/is a short-tempered man who always used to beat us up and yell at the slightest inconvenience. This along with not providing enough for us emotionally, financially ( when I used to compare our lives with our peers constantly )made me develop this deep hatred while growing up. My mind is filled with so much guilt and pain.
He is a good man, but growing old.
I love him but this deep-rooted hatred always makes our conversation loud and abusive. I still care about him and want to stop this behaviour.
I honestly believe he deserves all the love in the world
But it's just so hard to communicate
Aw dang Pranav. That's a bad situation and very unfortunate. BUT it's fixable. You both can heal from this. Sounds like DEEP in your hearts you want to resolve this and move forward by enjoying each other. I bet if you opened your heart and shared with him, he'd be open to it. 1. I want a relationship with you, I want to enjoy your company, and I want to be able to share life with you. 2. I don't want anything from you other than a pleasant relationship. 3. I am deeply sorry for the past and how we have hurt each other and have lost many years. 4. I NEVER want to bring up any past argument, I ONLY want to enjoy from this day and forward. 5. Are you willing to forgive and forget the past and live in the present and future? 6. I KNOW this won't be easy and we will more than likely have stressful times, but let's agree to set our selfishness aside, think of the other person, and work through it with love, forgiveness, and respect.
@@AdvicefromDad thank you for those words even though they weren’t directly to me. You just laid out for me steps to getting a relationship back with my stepdad. He’s a narcissist with anger issues that hit and yelled at me, or simply didn’t talk to me. (Didn’t talk to me for 2 months straight at one point and I can’t remember why) Once I couldn’t handle him taking his daily anger out on me anymore, I decided to move in with my biological dad. But that’s leaving my stepdad who can’t parent to be with my amazing mom who won’t stand up to him and my 3 younger siblings who I’ve already seen slapped in the face by him. The reason I want to make things okay with my stepdad is so I can save my siblings or at least be in there lives. It’s been over two years, almost 3 since I’ve seen my stepdad and he somehow decides if my siblings can see me or not so I hardly see them. He holds all the power in the situation and it sucks. Any feedback would be much appreciated.
@@GTA6LEAKZ dang Gavin that sucks bad. Your step dad sounds like he’s got major issues. And sadly, he’s passing those issues down to you and your siblings. In the end, don’t inherit his crap. You and your siblings have to stay strong in truth and love and what you KNOW to be right. I wish your mom had the strength to say, “fix your crap or we are out!” But in order to do so she would need: 1. To know she and the kids would be safe and able to make it, 2. To know that he would not retaliate with something way bad. Not easy. She needs friends (girls and guys) she can trust who can help and support her. Encourage her to find that. And NOT a guy who could possibly become an interest. That would make matters worse. How come your real dad won’t step in? Your siblings are HIS kids. You’d better believe I’d be all up in that guy’s face if he touched my kids.
Thank you! I am 51 and only over the past few years have I began to understand how the way I was parented shaped me. I am trying to grow and get healthier and your video helped.
You are so welcome! Thanks for being here!
Thank you, this was just what I needed today, yes, we have to make the choice, are we going to treat our children the same or are we going to rise above, with God's help, and be a better parent thanks for sharing this
Amen! Thanks for the kind words and I hope you embrace the challenge to be an amazing parent!
I never thought I could have a better relationship with my dad I had no hope but now watching this video you have given me hope I will remember this till the day I die
Great to hear! Please keep me posted. I love action and updates.
thankyou. so much. I'm gonna lower my expectations. the only conversion my dad and i seem to have these days is when i need something and he just orders/ buys it for me. wish i could buy his time . I don't even get why he doesn't ever want to spend time with his own daughter but i'm done feeling bad about it. atleast im gonna try
@@ur_favourite._ the sad truth is sometimes people suck. And sometimes one of those people is our dad. You probably won’t ever get the dad you want or deserve, so love him for what he can give. Then, Marry a guy who will be the dad for your kids that you didn’t have.
I currently live with my dad and he's not always bad but he gets angry for the dumbest things. And one day he'll baby me about something and then bad mad at me for the same thing the next day. Along other things, thank God he doesn't hit my mom or I, but I feel myself being angry all of the time. I have moment of pure angry where I scream and shout to myself when my dad isn't home. But I'm done feeling sorry for myself, after I save up enough money I'm going to move out and refuse to take his verbal abuse. And I understand that I'm extremely lucky with him, I know a lot of other people have it way worse than I do with thier parent(s). That's way I'm trying to not complain as much, I'm going to accept it for what it is for now and when I move out I'll put my foot down and demand respect and I'll pull away if I don't get it.
Mine gets mad at my dad and I drink and smoke and am only 16 I get high and get over the pain this hurts me but I wanna be so successful and never let him see his my kids
Alo, I'm sad to hear this. It'd be awesome if you guys could work things out. Yes, you are lucky to have a dad at home. Lots of people don't. Always take a look at yourself and ask yourself if you are being the best YOU can be. You can control YOU, but you can't control HIM. One day when you have children and they grow up to be teens, you'll see just how hard it is on parents. We worry a lot. We always want the best for you. And (in your teens) we are sad inside because we know you will be leaving soon. I pray you two can find common ground and build a nice relationship before you leave and it's too late.
Daniel, you're smarter than that. Drinking, smoking and getting high never made anyone successful. Actually just the opposite. If your dad sux, and you are doing these things.. guess what? He's winning. If you rise above it and live your best life IN SPITE of his crap.. YOU win. And thinking to grow up, have kids and never let him see them is short-sighted and vengeful. That kind of thinking never paid off for anyone. It's like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. Bitterness can slowly kill a person. Rise above it. Surround yourself with solid, positive friends. You'll be glad ya did.
@@AdvicefromDad 💯❤️am glad this makes me feels better and that things can change.🙏❤️
Aww I think you are a great dad I saw your video with your daughter. Thanks for sharing
It isnnt from malice but people who have a bad relationship with their father , seeing your videos will be painful. IT doesnt mean they wish you bad .
Growing up my dad had a bad anger problem and would be physically abusive and emotionally absent. Now I still live in the home but he uses the silent treatment against me. It’s very hurtful and hard to accept but I know I want to be a different type of parents one day.
That’s all ya can do. Make a plan to be the dad you never had. That’s what i did. Now I have an amazing relationship with my grown daughters and sons in law. Lovin life.
Good advice and something good to hold on to when thinking about and learning about how my siblings and I dont have a good relationship with our dad. My sis and I did find good, Godly men, which helped open our eyes and see the lack of respect towards our mom and each other. We can also always pray for change, while being not bitter about a not great relationship.
I don’t have a good relationship with my dad. Never ever actually, I don’t remember bonding with him that much growing up. I didn’t feel his love, fatherly protection, or support in anyway. But yet I do see it in him and his dad - (my grandpa) which I had a better relationship with him than my own dad. Anyways I’ll be 21 soon and things are not getting any better. I’ve forgiving him to find more peace with myself but he keeps on behaving in ways that hurt me and makes me basically not like him, or feel any type of bonding or trust towards him. Anyways again, I’ll keep on praying about it, and putting my trust in God to see if this can ever be fixed.
Hey Chabeli - This is more common than not. Overall, dads can just kinda suck. I am so sorry for you. Maybe grow closer to your grandad.. and that'll make your dad see what he's missing out on? The truth is.. this is your dad's loss. yours too of course, but mostly his. I could not imagine not being close with my girls. They are, along with their husbands and my grandkids, the biggest blessing BY FAR in my life.
@@AdvicefromDad Thank you for the advice.! Sadly my grandpa lives in another country he comes to visit barely because of his age. But all I can do is just accept how things are between us too, I can’t change him. I can just pray about it. And I’m happy for all your blessings in your family and relationships. God bless.
I'll normally go through videos like this until I'm sleepy. Yours was the first one I clicked on and I'm done. No need to listen to video after video. Thank you for this.
Glad to be of assistance. I would imagine you keep that quip on your notepad and copy and paste it when you are feeling witty. Have a great night and thanks for stopping by.
My dad is living alone 500 miles away in a nursing home. He's not a believer, and neither of my siblings visit him but for holidays. I'm a believer and it's hard for me to emotionally maintain a connection with him based on how he did when I was growing up. I'm torn between trying to love him Like Jesus would, and keeping the status quo of calling when I feel like it.
You can only be responsible for your actions. You are not responsible for his reactions. ❤️
I have a really bad relationship with my dad. I respect everything he done for my life in my younger years from when i was a baby to about 12 years old. But he then turned very negative and rude and disrespectful to me and my mom. I’ve had numerous arguments with him and they have turned physical and he’s emotionally really hurt me. My siblings all don’t get on his nerves like i do apparently so he’s never had arguments with them. it makes it look like i’m the bad person when in reality none of my siblings see the type of person he truly is. i’m 17 and today we had a really bad argument and i needed comfort which is why i’m typing this message in this video. i’ve said to myself many times that i will try and make it right.. make sure i don’t react to his behaviour.. but it’s so so hard and i lost it today. i’m just worried for my mum as he always takes out his anger on her and he probably will now because of what happened between us.. i don’t think we can ever be close... i just feel safe writing this message as it doesn’t make me think too much about my dad.. there’s so much more i could go into but we will leave at that
great video btw, thank you!
Thanks for sharing that. I know it's not easy. Especially the physical part. Not good at all. I'd love to know what you guys argue about. You say you're 17. Most arguments at that age are about you wanting more freedom and independence, and him reminding you he's the boss, since he pays for everything you enjoy. Tough times for sure. I'd be interested to hear some specifics. I bet if you really spell it out, you'll realize that in general, the arguments are about stupid stuff. Hopefully, you only have another year in the house, then you are out on your own. I suggest to lay low, find things you have in common, and try to laugh a lot. UNLESS, the physical stuff is too much and alcohol is involved. THEN, safety is your first priority.
My dad just yells at me and tells me I’m not good enough and he just causes depression, stress and Anxiety. I hate that I have to go to his house half the time.
Hey Corbin. That sux. Try to keep other positive men in your life... teachers, coaches, neighbors, youth pastors, bosses, etc. it’s very important for whom you’ll become.
@@AdvicefromDad thanks 🙏
You are so right about not letting a bad relationship with your Dad make you miserable. When I was up to 12 years old, I was really sad about never getting to meet my father. I would cry and be depressed about it. But as I have walked more With Jesus through my life, I realized that I ALREADY have the best Father in the world. In existence!!!!!! A Father who died for me on an old rugged cross and was thinking about me. Who loved me before I even knew what was love. Who knew me since the verg beginning of time and the best thing is, that he will be my Father for ever. I had trouble under this before. I felt like even though God was my Father, it wasn't the same as having an earthly Dad. But as I continued to embrace myself in being God's Daughter, I realized no earthly father can give me what Jesus has given me, is giving me and will give me. Although Earthly Dad's are TOTALLY AWESOME ( such as Sutton's Dad), they are only here to hide us for a temporary time. But one day, they will complete their earthly job, and we will live for with our Eternal father, Almighty God. Who loves us in a way that our minds can't even fully comprehend. So werger you don't have a Dad like myself, have one and a great relationship with him, or have one but he treats you like dirt on a road, remember your Father in Heaven. And I always tell myself that one day, I will make sure I find a sweet, loving man to marry and Father my children. Thanks Sutton's Dad for this wonderful video❤❤❤.
You are SO right! My mom actually prayed that prayer over me and my siblings after my dad left us. She prayed that God step in and be our father. I'll never forget that prayer or that day. So powerful. Thanks for sharing your story!
So true and good points. Accept parents for being human. Don’t expect more than they can offer. Be better parents than yours were. Parent yourself and do some inner child work. To those who did or do have crappy parents. God bless and don’t despair. You will get through. Love and nurture yourself and don’t give up.
Well said!
Thank you so much for talking about this!! Unfortunately, my parents aren't that great either and it's so hard to look past all that they've never done for me and be happy for people who have amazing parents. But I realize that God works all things for good. And not that He wants us to be miserable, but maybe that is one way through which He can really help us grow. And although I don't really have an example for how to be a good mother, now I know what didn't work and what I should do of I have kids in the future.
Amen! You are on the right track with that way of thinking. You will be an amazing mom. Just do the things you wished were done for you. :)
You helped me see I haven’t forgiven him for not being there, and he might not be a great dad , I wouldn’t forgive myself if he died and I didn’t try❤
I like it man, it's what we can spend more time with our kids, and not leave them.
Yup! It's simple. BE the dad you wanted for yourself.
I reached out to my dad three years ago and he never reached back. Not worth his time I guess. If you have no expectations you'll never be disappointed!
Dang. I am so sorry. Some people just suck. And when they do, everybody winds up losing in someway.
My dad disowned me for coming out as trans over a decade ago. Growing up, he was abusive, intolerant, and instilled fear and control in my siblings and i. As a result, the entire family has effectively shut me out. He hasnt reached out in almost 15 years, and he couldn't care less about what happens to me as a person. I cant have kids, so i dont get the choice in being a great parent to fix that painful past. Its not a one size fits all box for people. Not everyone gets to be a parent, but ultimately, we do have choices to make.
I cried too on that dancing video. I cried and not because of I have no dad in my life, he was just never there for me, yet along dancing , not any other time as well. I cried cause I am hurt to see that somebody has so lucky. But I never envy this kind of thing from anyone. Its always a Dad’s choice... how do they want to be present in their child’s life. Some ppl doesn’t have the right to call themselves ‘Dad’, but You have every reason to do it! So thank you. I’m always happy when I see that the world is not full of my kind of dad. 😘❤️❤️
So well said, Kriszta. I am so sorry your dad didn't/doesn't excel in his dad role. Mine didn't either. But my lack of a dad made me strive to be the best dad I could be. I pray you can give your kids that gift one day.. awesome parents. It's priceless.
Advice from Dad I am working on it, really hard. I have a 6 years old son. He is my everything and I am always there for him no matter what. Thank You for you kind words. Meant a lot to me. Happy New Year! 😊
@@swiftlanderella Awesome! Pour love into him and build his confidence and life balance. Make sure he also has strong male influences. :)
Thank you so much for this video!
Thank you for sharing your personal experience with your dad.
I had my share of issues with my late pop, over both the crummy way he would verbally treat my mom, and his basic indifference to most our problems growing up. Thing is, His mean drunk brother was married to my moms sister, and seeing firsthand how incredibly crappy he would treat my aunt and cousins, made me grateful that he was not my father.
Dang. That sux. Man. I hope you step up to be the dad they wouldn’t be. Btw, what is jmen?
I firmly believe you just misunderstood people who commented on the dancing video, saying that she or he cried her/his eyes out. Because you dont know that people can move on with their life while their dad is just not a good one, but when such people see such a video you made with your daughters, that makes us emotional, realizing that wow there are good, such good dads in this world. We dont even know what is to have a really good dad. So for me it is obvious that you misunderstood the person whom you quoted, although it wasnt me. :) I am glad to know that there are good and caring dads in this world, but any time I see one, I am just wondering, that wow, wow, how good to his children... Thats it.
Hi Zsuzsanna, that sounds like a great assumption. And for several, you are right. There certainly are people out there who thought that. "Wow, there ARE good dads out there. She is blessed." I was not referring to those people at all. Between the two videos, they now have over 20 million views. I read A LOT of the comments. I was referring to exactly what I quoted, "So glad you have a loving father. My dad sucks." Hard to take that the wrong way. Every daughter wants a close relationship with their dad. People react in all kinds of ways. This video was specifically helping those who do not have a great dad (Like ME - I did not have a great dad either - so I get it.) I was sharing ideas about how to deal with that fact. You can grow from it. You can get strength from it. You can break the cycle. I'm sorry if I did not make that clear. Have a super day and I really appreciate you being here.
I love my dad absolutely yes .
We get into arguments even to the point I once said him that I'm not his daughter. I know I hurt him and I feel so guilty. He's the superman of my life . I am so sorry dad . 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Today hurts more than normal but I know I have my father in heaven and the gives me hope
thank father for loving me
I appreciate the texts and messages I have with my dad
Thank you so sir for this message very encouraging
You can forgive and still Choose to walk away from ANY TOXIC relationships that don't serve you.
Amen!!
I am in love with your mentality ❤️❤️❤️❤️ thank you for sharing wisdom!
Thanks Candice! You’re too kind!
Im 35 , and im realizing i need to handle that. Its been the reason why ive picked the wrong men . And i have to face it. And deal with it.
💪🏼 Live with no regrets.
I want you to be my dad now
I’ll be your online dad. 😏
* once upon a time I a had* a good relationship with my father, and today today I have just realized that all that has changed I said hi to my dad when he had come home e from work-today he ignored me and yesterday he seemed to be interested in what I was doing he would only talk to me when he was telling me to do something for him and I tried to ask if I could say hi to the people on the zoom he cut me off,
Honestly am really scared cause if God forbid anything Bad happens to my mom my life would become a living hell if I am living with him cause he’s probably disowned me
I noticed something was wrong so I went to look through my photo album and I found a video and in it he was going going to work and I said “bye love you” and dad said “bye love you too.” 😭 That was last year when I was 11.
Over-the course of this year after that big fight it’s just gotten worse and worse. This is most likely to bad to fix. I appreciate my childhood and when I *had* a Dad I am glad I still have me and my mom ❤️. I’ll be turning 13 in four months and I’ll just have to raise myself in the place of my Dad throughout my teenage years.
I am so sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, good dads are rare these days. But like you said, he has shown you he CAN be a good and loving dad. Live with no regrets. If you sense an issue, find a time when you two are alone and tell him you miss his attention. Tell him you want to want to schedule a night once a month for just you and him to go do something (with NO phones). Tell him as a soon-to-be teen you NEED a great dad. DO not simply take the "victim / drama" route and rollover without fighting for a great relationship. Give him at least three strikes to prove himself as a suck dad. Approach this with love, genuine concern, and NO expectations. Let me know how it goes over time.
Advice from Dad Okay I’ll try thanks for the advice 🙂
Advice from Dad I should be worried I *cant* talk to him he’s narcissistic and if I just try to have a simple conversation he gets upset with me, I don’t think I can it will probably ask it worse and I’ll be punished, and to make it worse he and my mom were being sexist today. 😕
Shali Kui so sorry to hear that. Pls keep me posted.
Keep up the good work. Praying the Lord blesses this. God knows we need it in this world. Also look up Embrace Legacy for single dads. We need that! We need Godly men to rise up and #1, if God has given you the first calling of being a dad, WALK IN your calling. Be a good dad. In Jesus name, amen.
Embrace legacy, is actually a program. We need many more dads rising up and helping lead others. Lord give us direction. Lead us.
My dad did some really bad stuff to me that damaged me a lot and it hurts to keep him around because of that. It stings when I see him but at the same time I feel like avoiding him won’t resolve the problem, you know? I recently cut ties with him and I feel less bad, but it got replaced with emptiness instead. It’s so confusing... I really enjoy the message you’re spreading by the way. You’re a great guy!
My family is from china, when me and my mom comes to the U.S we barely know any English 3-4 years ago, we lived in my uncles house and work at their restaurant, my mom brings me to U.S for education and also have hopes and dreams that our family can be financial free, during this period of 4 years, we are done of 80% of the debt, purchasing a house in china and rent it to someone and hoping it would become a passive income in the future, everything is going upward and my mom and my uncles have a talk during one night and decided that bring my dad here’s to all the way from china, so he don’t felt lonely,( my grandma and grandpa died during this period, which is something that we all upset about.) not only that, since he always in debt and don’t know how to manage his money. We think that this is a good idea that we can meet each other everyday and helping him out of the cycle of debt. We all seems pretty chills the first year(still have argument between parents but I think is not a big deal), we focus on what ever we need to focus, getting out of debt, focus on the school work. But things just get offhand after we help my dad out of the debt he previously made, he loves to go to online casinos because covid and also have another women all the way in china, because of this he always have more and more debt, and my mom always have a big argument with him and always lead up to a fight and not just effecting me, also my uncles family. I’m sad but shame at the same time because you know, family stuff. Until few month ago they got into another argument again because he thinks that it is too harsh to work here and after pandemic is over, he wants to go back to china, and we know that he got a girl outside the family(even though he said that he deleted the contract between him and her and we can’t trust him again because of the many lies that lied years over years), this time I have a conversation with my mom on social media, and I said that if he can’t handle this stuff, then we should just kick him out of the house and you should divorce him, and somehow he founds that conversation in my mom’s phone after they get back together, and now we are in a very awkward spots, every time he was drunk and my mom is not around he would said that don’t needs me to say something like that, he will go back to china anyway, and also tells me about that he raised me the first 3-5 years of my life when I was horned. And is being like that a couple month now, even though we act normal when he’s not drunk and stuff, but deep down I know there just something that’s broken, I don’t really know what should I do and how do I handle this because I have no one to talk to, my uncle knows about this and he say divorce is something thats good for both of them, and I can’t have a conversation with my mom because she likes to tell everyone else what I said on this types of topic as her weapon to against my dad, I know divorce is something that should consider but I just can’t handle this, I know I’m already gifted compare to other children out there, but can someone really tells me what I should do? And how can I handle this fucked up relationships.
First, your English is amazing! Second, yeah divorce sucks. The most important thing for you to know is that your parents’ relationship is NOT your responsibility. You should honor and love both parents. That’s your job. You can and should also give advice to either if asked… which would be “do what you know to be right.” For your dad, that would include no more drunkenness, no more gambling, and no more adultery. He’s in the wrong and he knows it deep down. I’m a Christian, so it’s hard for me to offer advice without recommending Christian family counseling. But, Christian principles apply to all. They’re just good teachings. Congratulations on your good school work, your mature thoughts, and your desire to help the family. But again, their relationship problems are not for you to solve. Your dad needs to grow up. He needs to feel the weight of his sins and be embarrassed. He’s acting like a teenager with no discipline. I wish your uncle could speak to him about honor and doing what is right. And, what your dad did when you were 0-3 years old is great, but his responsibility as a dad lasts a lifetime. So he needs to stop acting like that was a great thing. He is failing as a dad and a husband. He needs to acknowledge that and then make a decision to fight for what’s right, Or continue to fall prey to his selfishness and pride. And if he does continue to fall without remorse, maybe moving back to China is best.
@@AdvicefromDad thanks for the talk sir, I think I know what should I do now. What ever happens is going to happens. Hope everything comes out fine 🙂
Awesome advice! Thank you.
I appreciate this so much! I remembered you prayer for me and my fathers relationship. Just this week I had a heartfelt conversation with him. I am very thankful that he called me and listened to me. I am over holding bitterness towards him. Praise God for the work he is doing!
You mentioned how you have gotten a better relationship with your father over the years. I was wondering if you could make a video on some tips to growing a closer relationship with parents. Thank you for your wisdom :)
SO glad to hear this. Just take one step at a time. Don't let your expectations exceed his ability to willingness to deliver. I'll certainly put your idea on the list of upcoming videos!!
Thank You :)
I am being raised by my grandma and grandpa and we have screaming matches and I am afraid I will lose my relationship with them because of it. Earlier he called me dumb and stupid and I broke down and had another screaming match. I am 12 years old and my grandma screamed at me and I couldn’t help but breaking down I am scared to death to lose them. I just wanna fix my relationship with them
Hey Lexie - dang, I'm so sorry to hear this. That can't be easy being raised by grandparents. But, you aren't the first.. and you won't be the last. Couple of observations: 1. You're 12, so you have a lot of growing to do, a lot of life to live, and a lot of maturity to develop. 2. Screaming matches take two parties, which includes you. 3. SOMETHING has to initiate the screaming. Ask yourself, is it YOU? 4. If the words "dumb and stupid" came out of their mouths, they need to own that and apologize sincerely. 5. You seem to love them and want to salvage the relationship and maybe develop it into an actual loving relationship.
My 2 cents. All you can change is YOU. YOU can't change them, but YOUR ACTIONS possibly can. A kind word turns away wrath. Really check yourself and how you live your life in their presence. I assume it's their house, their food, their central air, their room that you sleep in, they buy your clothes, ... See where I'm going? I'd guess they are in their 70/80's. They are old school thinkers.. respect, no talking back, gratitude... When was the last time you thanked them for all they give you? When was the last time you offered to help around the house? Just asking. Maybe you do all these things. Maybe they are 100% to blame. But you know what, they didn't ask me for advice, you did. Lexie, I'm sure you are an awesome kid. And I bet you can get a piece of paper and list 20 things you can do to better ya'lls relationship. Make that list. Honor that list. At the end of each day, you can lay down and know you did your part... no matter how they respond. this will not be an overnight fix. It'll take time. You have to earn their trust and respect. Once you do, love will be the bond. UNLESS they are just sucky people. If so, then carry your own weight and politely stay out of their way. :)
@@AdvicefromDad thank you so much! This really helps I will consider all these things moving forward!
My dad isn't in my life anymore as I got completely cut off from him and my family for choosing to marry my husband. He's really controlling so isn't letting my mum and siblings see me either. His last words to me were that I'm not their child anymore and they never want to see me again...
Thanks a lot for the encouragement!
Rebecca Oushana wow! What the heck. Just curious.... what is so horrible about your husband that they are willing to cut you out of their lives??
@@AdvicefromDad There's nothing horrible about him. He's a better husband than my dad could ever be and dad doesn't even know him much as he's refused to even talk to my husband. Dad's biggest issue is that we didn't meet the "right way" and a few smaller things that aren't even true at all. Things like age, job, beliefs etc
How to call your father as 'dad' without feeling any overthinking feeling?
My father couldn't care less about me all my life and now, in his 70's, being alone he expects me to entertain him and visit him and take care of him - which I do - but it's bothering me. He expects a lot from me and I wish I could ask him "why? why do you need me now, where have you been all my life?". If I could afford it, I would totally drop him in an old foster care place.
Dang. I hear ya. Sounds like you’re an awesome son. If you believe in the afterlife, you’re selfless deeds are storing great treasures for you in Heaven.
Well.. my mom and Dad are Divorced (i go one week at my moms, and one at my dads) and my dad turned into a Alcoholic and i feel like every time i talk to him he just kinda of ignores me. I feel like we never spend time together, talk, or just anything. I mean like when we get home from school he doesnt even talk on the way home.
That stinks. His loss. Sounds like he’s wallowing in self pity. He should be hanging on to what he DOES HAVE (you) and not getting lost in what he doesn’t have. Sounds like you will hafta be the initiator of conversations, activities, and laughter. Consider it as serious character building for yourself.
@@AdvicefromDad thank you ❤️ at least i have a kind and loving mom, but me and my dad dont really talk so im kinda used to it.
@@lizzspo don’t miss the last part of my reply earlier. It’s the most important part.
@@AdvicefromDad okay thanks 🙏🏼
My relationship with my dad has been severely strained for quite some time. I actually am in the process of reconciling a relationship with my mother and I’ve been trying to navigate the resentment I carry for my dad. I think option number 2 is going to be my best. I hope that I can keep that mindset and let go of my discomfort around him.
What would really be helpful is a video discussing techniques and how to approach having a discussion with your father about past issues. To leave or accept are two choices, yes, however that is very black and white thinking. I want to have a discussion with my father about my expereince growing up. That conversation would serve as my sharing my feelings and if he wants to adress them, we can have a relationship, if he refuses to speak about it. I probably won't talk to him again. Effectively communicating is the most important thing in any relationship. How about tackling how to have that tough talk with your dad.
You genuinely look like my dad and im stressing
haha really? He must be one good looking... (jk)
My dad didnt really show me love he does. Growing up was hard i wasn't taught life skills or hard work my dad wasnt there for me i struggle with it through my high school. My upbringing what made me today I was in a special ed class when i was 8. Had a learning disability what made it hard for me i was a quite kid and shy they say a kid is how your parent's raise you after i left high school i was on unemployment check for years my dad never motivate me or help teach me how to do things. Its a fathers job to raise a son to be a man 😢 he didnt my dad is a hard worker he fix cars when i was kid he never tell me to come learn from him or other things like gardening but no. I was always had mental health theres time i give up i think i cant do it why isnt my dad aint around 😢 my mum was the one that always love me for who i am
Make me cry thinking about how I haven’t seen my dad since last May for my brothers birthday and We the last time we saw him it’s just really sad because we’re still go to see his mom but we don’t see him at all
I’m so sorry. It’s his loss. And yours unfortunately. I don’t understand some guys. Being a dad a such a blessing.
Thank you for this great video!
How can i talk to him, he's changed after his divorce. He immediately threw himself into another relationship and they are getting married in a month. He doesn't seem to see me as anything other than a child, he doesn't respect my opinions and to be fair i don't really respect his either. I feel like he's doesn't know how to process his emotions and he let's it out sporadically. He's hit me, called me things, made fun of me for believing different things. And i fear that he will take the things i hold dear and use them against me if i try to set some kind of boundary. I'm just stuck, he's brought me up in a family with a wolf pack ideology, family is everything that matters, nothing is more important than the family, but what if the family is dysfunctional. I can't make more than two friends due to my location, i can't get in a relationship due to my issues, and I'm not happy.
I am so sorry. Thanks for the courage to share. My biggest advice is to not get your identity from your family, or specifically from your father. You are your own person. The sky is the limit for who you can become and what you can accomplish in life. Having a great dad is a blessing, but we don't all get to enjoy that. Figuring out how to have at least some kind of healthy relationship is good, but not all always possible. If he has been physically and verbally abusive, it's definitely best that he moved on. Can I assume that you live with your mom? If so, that makes it a little easier because your dad is not right there with you causing problems.
So what you’re trying to say is even if my father is hurting me mentally than I should still try and be positive
Nope. There’s a line. If it get physically or mentally harmful, move on.
Good stuff. My problem is not that my dad isn't present or doesn't call me it is that he deeply hurt me and my family and my mom also has her issues too. I don't know where to go from here my parents are divorcing because of sexual immorality and abuse and I feel that there's some way I should respond or treat my dad. I wish we could get counseling together or something but I'm just grasping for some kind of direction. He has pretty bad mental health issues and bad social skills so a girl just wonders what can I possibly do. Maybe at this point it's just to be left up to God. I don't want him to be alone but I don't want to allow him to hurt me anymore
Yeah, that's a tricky line. Somehow you hafta figure out what he CAN give (time, communication, support, advice, laughter, etc). Then, figure out how much of that he CAN give. Make sure you eliminate the toxic stuff. Have no part of it. Then, figure out if what he CAN is worth pursuing. This is NOT to ignore what you CAN GIVE HIM. He may need you more than you know. Just don't condone his BS. Always hold on to what is right and wrong. :)
Thank u for the advice
my biggest dream was to have a greatful father
If you didn’t get one, and there’s no chance of it happening, then your NEW dream should be to BE a great father. Or marry one... depending on your gender. 😏
Sir I am 14 years old and I don't think so that my dad is crappy but he is just Annoying and he gives a kind of annoy that gives me anger in the past 2 months i have been through a very harsh conversation with my dad about very very important academics now whenever i see him i feel that i shouldn't have spoke those harsh words to him and now i am here living in misery i want to build a happy relation with my dad that should be warm but now i feel that it is possible but i don't know how to start the conversations even though we live under the same roof we have dinner at the same tables and lunch too but he and my mom lives on the ground flor and i am on the first one so we don't get to talk pretty much I said very harsh things please tell me how to fix this I am from INDIA. I got tears in my eyes while writing this :((
Hey brother. It’s all good. Here’s one thing to know for sure. Your parents will love you until the end of time. No matter what. They may not approve of certain actions, but they will ALWAYS love you. Since you are feeling remorse for your words, you should initiate the next conversation. Please watch my video about how to do an authentic apology. Follow it step by step. Your relationship will be restored IF you are sincere and IF he’s not a mean person. Let me know how it goes.
Thank you, this was encouraging. I watched the wedding video it was so sweet it made me happy and mixed emotions. I think your girls are so blessed. I am happy for them. What you said reminded me of the parable of the talents where they where all given different amounts of talents and the guy who got one buried his😂. We are alloted different lots in life. But it as you say its what we do, with what we have. not what we do not have. For me I scared I would like to choose the right guy when the time comes. I already made a mistake. So it making the right choice.
Preach! Well said!
any advice for someone that no longer has their dad in their life? my dad passed away 5 years ago when i was 17 (im 22 now).
Colton, oh man, that sux bad. I pray he was a great dad until then. Until I was in my 20's, my dad was all but dead. When I was in the fifth grade, my single mom took me and my two siblings out of that town (where they had divorced) and we moved away. We moved into a trailer park several hours away. I can remember vividly, my mom having me and my siblings kneel down on the floor while she stood and prayed over us. She prayed that we would understand that we no longer had the dad we had before. She the asked the Holy Trinity to be our father; that the Holy Spirit would guide us, Jesus would save us, and God would protect us. SO, first off, I'd lean into God as your dad. Then, I'd intentionally seek mentors who could be in my life to fill some of the role. NOBODY will ever be your dad, or replace your dad 100%. But there are some good people waiting on the bench to serve in his position, you just have to seek and find them.
What if you are trying to have a healthy relationship but everytime you try to do it in a positive way it ends badly from the other side? I feel like my boundaries trust and respect is constantly being broken, I want to have a healthy relationship but I feel angry because I’m tired of trying and being hurt.
This is good advice thank you
I don't speak to my dad at all anymore,he was a great dad when we were kids but he has absolutely no interest in us so I have cut him and that side of the family off, it's broken down over the years, he never really liked me or my brother and never wanted to spend any quality time with us, all he has time for is his other family, just because you are related by blood does not mean you have to maintain a relationship if you don't want to.
no doubt! YOU hold the decision. And, if either of you ever do care to resolve, it has to be both of you. One of you can not make it happen. And, if it never does happen, it's sad for sure, but life goes on with the people we CHOOSE to have in our lives.
My Real Dad Did The Same To Me He Was Being Good A Long Time Ago And He Wasn’t Being Too Mean And Now He Chose To Be Worst But I Don’t Want Any Real One’s If Step One’s Can Do The Same Thing As My Old Real One Then I Have To Forget About It
My uncle brother didn't show up to his funeral cause his younger brother didn't like him he cut him off.
I really doubt if a relationship based on 1 call per year is worth any kind of emotion, especially "being OK with it". I don't see how it helps me as a kid to "be OK with it". I am not angry, but I am also not OK, I don't APPRECIATE never being talked to. It's not OK. I am not angry. My mom would sometimes ask me if I'm OK or sth, but I never talked with her about any problems in my entire life. How could I feel OK to share anything with her as a 35 year old guy? I would need a lot of together time to build trust and relationship to where I am ready to say sth meaningful. There was time for it when i was a kid, not there's no time for it. My das never asked me about anything meaningful. I feel sorry for him, there were many good things about him, but having no personal connection is sth you cannot ignore.
My dad is living, I am 29. My dad lives on the other side of the country, and we have no method to communicate. He just lost interest due to having a busy career, and has told me via email he feels he failed as a parent. He communicates with my sisters though. Could you make a video of how to repair our relationship?
Hey Jake - you're not alone. Man, that story is all too common.. and it sux. I'll sure try to make a video with some ideas for reparation. But, it all starts with a willingness from both parties. Sometimes, only one wants it. Thanks for the suggestion. Happy new year my friend.
When ever I want to see my dad I'll text him but it's always a hit or miss because he either won't reply or wait hours or days on end to reply. I'm always the one one making the effort to see him, Dad only wants to see me when he's bored shitless or when it's one his terms. I he won't let me into his house because of the relationship between my father and grandpa, because I get to different Stories from my mum and Dad and it's always the opposite, Dad says that mum has all these secrets and mum says dads just messing your head, but I don't know whos lying.
I'd suggest figuring out what your dad CAN contribute "healthily" to the relationship and somehow be ok with that. Be your own person... content and whole without what's missing. Most people fall into the trap of always waiting and hoping for what their parent never gives. If they haven't displayed it by now, probably not gonna. Resolve that you will be the parent they're not. And enjoy the short interactions you do have with him... while staying in the driver's seat of the relationship.
In my case, I believe I have a great dad. But our relationship is not very good and I believe I am the one to blame. I rarely talk to him, dislike helping or working with him at home, get very emotional when he´s trying to approach me and give me helpful advice.
And not only that, but I feel like I´m a dissapointment and constantly do or say things that hurts him. I don´t know what to do, but finding helpful advice for bad sons that want to get better is so difficult.
Hey Esau! Brother, you have already WON half the battle. In your short message, you:
1. Acknowledged there's a problem
2. Admitted you are the main problem
3. Confessed want to do better
The simple answer is:
Let him in.
Apologize for being distant and tell him you want to try again and move forward without clinging on to past hurts.
Listen to his advice. (use what's good / ignore what's bad)
Respect him as your dad and elder.
Try working with him on a few things (with no grandiose expectations
Try not to intentionally do or say things that are hurtful or hateful.
Be very transparent and open with how you'd like to move forward.
Set healthy rules for your relationship if you have to. And agree to them.
Relationships start with a desire to have one.
They move forward with mutual respect.
They last with forgiveness and grace.
@@AdvicefromDad Thank you very much for the great advice! I´ll do my best to do things for the better.
This is a great video, but as someone who comes from a messed up home and ends up always dating other people from the same background LOL I must say you have forgotten the third option: to live in complete denial, act like everything is perfect and there anyone that disapproves of your abusive family is manipulative/wrong. Sadly many people choose this option
No doubt!! Denial is HUGE. But.. it never works.
My father is like the " perfect stranger" he is home but we don't talk i think he hates me he is there but he isn't you know he doesn't like talking to me we haven't talked in 4 weeks and it sucks I hate it im so scared to open up he loves my sister but I'm not on the list for love I guess I dont forgive my dad at all I feel like a waste of space
Aaryn, let me assure you... YOU are NOT a waste of space. I don't know anything about you or your dad other than what you just told me. Let me encourage you to embrace the fact that YOU are in control of YOU, nobody else. AND, embrace the challenge to live by the fruits of the spirit (look'em up). Once you are happy with you (apart from anyone else), then you can invite your dad more sincerely into your life and have open discussions of your feelings and allow HIM to speak his mind. Great relationships depend on self-accountability from both parties. All you can handle is yourself. If that day comes, and he still refuses to love you like a REAL dad should, then lean into the Heavenly Father as your dad. And look for solid mentors in your life. :)
My dad and me have a broken relationship. I'm only 10 😢. My dad won't forgive me. He won't take me on vacations or what. He won't even talk to me ever again in my whole life.
Idk, everytime my dad nags at me for any minor inconvenience I feel like breaking down 😕
@@ranrin_2 I’m sorry to hear that. There’s a fine line in parenting between proper correction and guidance vs belittling and discouraging.
While watching this i was crying
I wouldn’t say it’s bad it’s just I’m afraid of what he will think he just is very hard to talk to he’s very tough and I can’t talk to him heart to heart I see my friends talk and hangout with there dad but I don’t know how to break free and build up the courage to do more stuff and I don’t know if he wants to, my dad never really grew up with a good dad he’s so hard to approach and talk to and he just looks at me like I’m some shy little kid but I’m really not I can talk to my step mom my mom even a stranger but not him any advice on how I could get out of this bubble I’m sorry I just threw a bunch of sentences but I really just need someone’s help
Hi Vzeray - you’re dad may have lost out on a relationship with his dad but one thing is for sure, he’d rather have had a great dad he could talk to. So rather than repeating the problem, he should give you what he never got. BUT my first suggestion would be to subtly bring it up to your step mom. She will tell him for sure. I wouldn’t make a big focused discussion about it at first. Just a little line, “yeah I wish I could talk to sad about that.” Or, “you know what makes me sad? Seeing my friends have great relationships with their dads.” Then move on to another subject. She will tell him for sure. If that doesn’t work, you’ll have to try a more direct approach.
My dad makes me so sick that I don’t want to become a father. So the second part of this vid was no help
#AdviceFromDad
Me and my dad have not been getting along for a very long time. He’s always mad and puts the unhappy triggers on me. He says stuff that is super hurtful I know that he doesn’t love me and care about me because he always said some hurtful nasty names to me. I have told my dad that I don’t care about you I don’t love you until you change your behavior maybe later in the month we can become a father and daughter relationship again
You're certainly not alone. Lots of dad/daughter relationships are broken sadly. If/when the day ever comes, tell him you want a better relationship and are sad that you guys often fight. Write a list of things YOU can change/do to make the relationship better. As that he do the same for himself after he reads yours. Then, when you get together to talk about the lists, also share what he does that upsets you. Ask that he does the same about you. BUT, do this in a loving way with the GOAL being a stronger relationship. Be willing to OWN your contributions to the problem. If this doesn't or can't work... look forward to the day you can have a family of your own to become the parents for your children that you never had. :)
I was thinking that my dad was an ass but when I have a hard time at anything I always find him in my said I know he don't like to say good things or having fun and stuff but the time showed me I have great dad
I know this is an old video but I just need advice.
My father and I have been close actually. And he was/is a great guy. My situation now is that my dad has become more and more extreme in his political views. He has become more discriminatory to people like me.
I have already told him how it affects me and that I prefer him to just not say anything around me but he continues to make snide comments and such. He generalizes and makes hurtful biases. Other then that, he is actually cool, we have the same sense of humor, music etc etc.
Now he has been viewing me and every little thing as annoying and I view him as exhausting. I am living with him and my family now because it's cheaper to split the rent so I can't leave.
Our relationship has been so close and it does suck that we are just falling out slowly.
What do I do?
Hey thanks for writing and sharing. That’s a tough one. In general, as parents, we try to instill values and belief systems into our children to provide them what we believe to be the best life. This is what’s happening to your dad. As you grow up and become more independent with your thoughts, he feels as if he is losing the battle. And, he feels that you are making a huge mistake and are misinformed. So he turns to sarcasm and little digs to get at you because he doesn’t know how to deal with his loss. Politics divides can run deep. Sadly our nation is a reflection of this. So it’s not a new and unique problem. I have a nephew with strong differences in political beliefs than me. But I love him. He’s funny. He’s a musician. He’s brilliantly smart. He loves history. He’s a father of two girls. Not only that, we also differ in religious beliefs. Double whammy. But… we have a lot more in common than in opposition. We have agreed that our relationship will be based upon our family connection and the things we agree on. However we do have healthy debates every now and then but we keep them civil and stop before they get heated. With your dad, I’d suggest you first have a private sit down conversation about how much you miss him as a dad and friend and mentor. And how you feel that political beliefs have caused the separation. Try to agree for one year to not talk about politics. Plead with him that you want this and that your time of living under the same roof is fleeting. “Let’s embrace this short remaining chapter, and grow closer together, not further apart.”
If he is one who insists on not letting go of his desire to “show you the way”… I’d maybe suggest to have a one hour scheduled conversation where both of you can share your sides and reasons for your beliefs.. but have rules to not get heated and not leave mad. This MIGHT get it out of his system where he lays all his instruction and wisdom on the table as a dad. You as well. It’ll also offer insight into why each of you believe the way you believe. But agree to let TRUTH win. FACTS. Not hearsay, opinions, or narratives, or group think. When in doubt, look it up and research the true answer. I say all that to say: You need to let your dad know you honest feelings about not wanting to lose him. In the end, you may agree to bury it and never talk about politics.
This helped me so much 💯❤️ thank you so much 😊
I’m crying because today my dad said he was getting a phone but he still isn’t here and I’m worried about him
?? "still isn't here"... did he get lost at the phone store?
I’m a good dad, not a bad dad. My daughter is a teen and her attitude is starting to get horrible, even with the mother. That’s why I need black advice.
Man, raising teen girls is no joke. You hafta maintain boundaries but also allow their freedom. Find time to look her in the eye and let her know she is loved and cherished. Not only by you, but God. Try to prevent her from seeking love and approval from friends, boys, or social media. The seeds you sow now won’t flourish until she is in her mid 20’s. Stay the course and know she WILL make stupid decisions. The more you love her and keep open communication, the less stupid decisions she will make.
@@AdvicefromDad sometimes it hurts man. I have to be honest with you. She doesn’t answer any of my calls. It’s breaking me down.
@@willlane0913 you gotta stay in the winning position. If you’ve done everything right, it’s her loss. Hopefully this is a rebellious stage that will pass. Keep loving. Keep teaching. Keep standing firm on what’s right. Her mistakes will lead to falls. And those falls will bring her back.
@@AdvicefromDad I will and thank you for the advice. I’m sorry for the insult. I was going through a lot that day.
His presence makes me feel like I’m about to get hit and I can’t shake it, life is so much harder than some people make it seem and I hate all of you
Thx