If someone sees this, please pray for my difficult relationship with my mother. It has been something I've struggled with all of my life. I so want to honor her, and I always end up failing (not to be pessimistic). I pray God gives me the strength and peace to be able to just be respectful toward her, even when she doesn't seem to take me into account or understand me.
I think we should prayer for all daughters who have a difficult relationship with their mothers. My mother (God rest her soul) had her own problems and although I really do think she loved me she had issues that made that difficult to really believe. Perhaps we are more judgmental about our mothers because - being women - we expect more of them? I don't know - but you have my prayers because this issue doesn't go away when your mother dies - the brokenness needs a lot of prayer. So please lets pray for each other and all other daughters who have this struggle.
How do you do when the majority of their behaviors with you just deserve it, and you need people around you to knpow the truth about them, and to get some support ? :(
I never felt like my mother loved me. I've spent most my life trying to win her love. But the closer I come to God the more he shows me that all I need is him. He has shown me how to love her as my mom and respect her as such but not to put my needs in her.
This is something I really struggled with in 1994-97. Mom was a violent drunk and Dad ran off with literally a very petty controlling blonde bimbo. I was on my own at 14 because they were so dang focused on selves. God bless the elderly women in my town that took me under their wing. If it hadn't been for them I'd never done more then repeat my parents behavior. I'm working on my graduate degree at 40, raised 2 men, held strong to my ethics and grew out of drama/stupidity.
My sister and I were literally discussing how to cope with our divorced, toxic parents and their bad habits. It’s been so difficult to manage since childhood and they are now still refusing to share their new grandchild with each other as they did with their children. Thank you so much Father Mike for dropping this video, it is truly a blessing and provides so much needed guidance. Godspeed always Father Mike and thank you for all you do🙌🏻 -online pew parishioner
You honor your parents by not hating them. To overcome your hatred you need to go and forgive them, they both did the best they knew how. In turn God will forgive you your sins and change your nature. Btw there is no “coping” in God.
@@freshliving4199 Never once said I hated them. With all due respect, i sought Father Mike’s guidance, not yours. This was a thanks to Father Mike because it was a video that we very much needed & I trust his word. I unfortunately do not know you. I do see where you are coming from because that is exactly what we are currently practicing and applying into our daily lives, but the word “coping” was used as a means to express that we are doing our best to follow Gods word & also to set the record straight, we weren’t “coping” in God as you had misconstrued. Please don’t twist my words for your benefit. It’s not very godly as you hope to be.
@@cnguyen5529 I wouldn't trust Mike as far as I can throw him. I trust my Father God only. If you know your parents are so toxic, why would you even want to submit your child to that kind of evil?
Father Mike, I basically did all that you have said. My mother had been quite abusive to me as a child, I still felt obligated to honor her a person and to care for her in her old age. I was actually paying the rent and caring for her when I was 16. I have no regrets. I think that a good thought for parents would be to love and care for their children, someday the parent will need the love and care of their adult child.
For real, like every time on of these videos comes out, they are immediately applicable to something in my life or someone I love. Please pray for the strained relationships my fiance has with her divorced parents!
We will pray for your brother 🕊🤝🤝 Also, it's always readily applicable bc God taught us these things and set up a whole Catholic Church to continue to teach their things throughout the generations.
I love that you mentioned 3 different kinds of respect: basic base line respect for all humans because we were all made in the image of God, then respect for elders and authority (but this may be removed if the person does not fulfill their role responsibly), and finally individual respect which is earned through kindness or accomplishment.
Yes!! Your summary of what was said was just as great too! Wow. Amen. I have one of God's servants explaining the different respects (and other things) in a video and all I can do is be thankful. If someone devoted to God (lifelong) speaks on things in such a way that even feels good to the soul to hear and meaning is good I listen (it hits me spiritually, like, walking into an interview, or going on a "first date" -the Feeling just Before those events and not those events...to Try and describe the closest thing that it provokes lol, but basically my Mind hears good and it pays attention and observes and absorb). Then, on top...great community of people. Amen.🙌
I love my dad, but I feel guilty because I don’t like to be around him. He makes me uncomfortable and I feel intimidated. I do anything and everything for my parents, I’m there for them always, and I love them very much. I enjoy visiting with mom and we’re very close, but I avoid my dad as much as I can. I have good reason for doing so, but have been feeling bad about it. I’ll always be there for him if he needs me, but I can’t be in his company, it takes a lot of effort on my part. I always felt like I was obligated to go see him and visit with him, but lately I just couldn’t bring myself to do it anymore, and it’s been feeling so liberating. Anyway, since yesterday I’ve been feeling like talking about it with our parish priest, and then I see Fr. Mike has made a video about this topic! Wow! God bless everyone.♥️
In my experience Iif I pray before visiting and get my INTENTIONS right with God, I can visit toxic people occasionally, without feeling damaged. If I visit because I’m bored or lonely and I’m hoping they fill that gap for me, it just hurts.
I felt that way about my Dad when I was a young adult. I would visit my parents every Sunday, after I moved out, and there wasn't much interaction between my Dad and myself. I didn't feel bad about it. It was the only way that we could peacefully co-exist. If you limit your time with him, and stick to neutral topics when you are talking with him, it may be easier. You are still honoring him, but you are being realistic and acknowledging that there are limitations on your relationship. My Dad was grateful that I came to see him, even if he ignored me, because he was watching football. That didn't bother me at all. I just brought my laundry over, cooked lunch and used the telephone to talk to my friends. My Mom and I weren't especially close, but we weren't enemies, either. All in all, I still felt good about visiting my parents, instead of blowing them off.
@ Princessa de Dios do not give up hope. I had a difficult dad. I thought he hated me, he wouldn’t speak to me, as he turned the tv up when I visited him. I thought he hated me b/c I love Jesus. And it wasn’t until his recent dying days this year (caught Covid). He called out to me specifically; requested for me to keep the peace amongst my (5) siblings, as he was about to be entubated on a ventilator. I always kept him on a bead of my rosary- prayed for his conversion. I believe it happened. 😉
I have a difficult dad and I have a hard time being around him. My mom passed away recently, she is a Saint. She endured alot from my father. He was awful to her, mentally and physically. I'm trying to help my father as much as I can. I find it difficult to be around him. He is mean, and hates everything and everyone. I pray 🙏 that God changes his heart and so that I am able to take care of him as he ages. Please pray for us.🙏
Both my parents ended up being toxic, narcissistic, living in perpetual mortal sin. Both have abandoned the faith. One has swung between addictions and we kids literally let that person hit rock bottom. It was the best thing we could do. Today they're doing better but has a long road ahead. The other is in a lifestyle we don't like but know there is no openness to change so we love that person by just noting our objections and saying live your best life all things considered and love them as best we can. Not ideal, but we take what we can get, just like Jesus choosing us despite our sinfulness.
Wow I needed this. Not too long ago I learned that my dad cheated on my mom. It’s been so difficult to find forgiveness and still honor him in the same way but this video helped tremendously, thank you.
You were extremely lucky that you had a very loving parents. From just the stories you shared with us and I did watch as you presided over your mom’s funeral. The amount of love that your family has for each other was all there to see in the most personal and private of moments. I hope that you are doing OK.
Bless you Father Mike. I've been struggling with my father for many years, and my mother enables his behavior. I also find Paul's letter to the Ephesians 6:4 helpful, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."
i am caring for my 90-year-old dad, and i find our roles have reversed. i am more like the parent, and he the child. the role of dependence has certainly changed, and i feel i have to walk with him through his golden years. i had a hard time with him when i was growing up, but now i adore him so much.
I’m there with my mom. Grateful to share her last years with her but there are times when her stubbornness gets me. I have to stop, breathe, pray and move forward. God bless!!
I am the same with my mom, who was the rock for me but now I have to care for her and she is so meek now. My mom was always the support in my family it was hard to see the roles change. I always went to her now I accept I need to care for her. My dad was very stubborn Irish man. But, he passed and now look back and we always thought he was too strict but, now realize he was a great dad.
Oh I needed this. I'm processing years of emotional and verbal abuse from my mother. And used the 4th Commandment to make herself the god of our house. That was the most mentioned commandment. Mass on Sunday? Nah. But serving my mother? Oh yes. I'm still a devout Catholic, but I'm on the road to learning who god really is and what parents should be.
Parents are supposed to love and protect. And punish gently, not too harshly when a child messes up. Punishing not out of anger, but out of patience, and also helping the child figure out why what they did was wrong.
"Enabling is not honouring". Thank you Father for this! So true! I gave up on my mother, as her co- dependence and abuse of 30+ years was enough. She was abusing me and my children and I finally put my foot down and said enough. Our lives have been happier and more free. Game changer. I've always told my family that enabling is also abuse and we shouldn't be doing it to anyone.
Thank you Fr. Mike!!! I so needed this. My widowed 90 yr old mother is still trying to manipulate and bully me into her way of thinking. And now she is trying to turn my young adult children against me. She is beyond exhausting and I have spoken with my parish priest many times about her. Thank you for putting this out there. This is a huge issue and the covid crisis made things exponentially worse. God Bless you!
I'm so sorry. I know EXACTLY what you are going through. Prayers your way. I will admit that when my mother finally died, it was like a ton of bricks off my shoulders.
My mother iis awful at the moment caring for her. Nothing is good enough or right for her. Organised carers for her etc. I will pray for you too when I pray for myself.
If you don't already, be honest with your children about your mother's behavior and put in boundaries. My husband's family can dissolve into screaming and conflict. First I always protected my children when they were small but now they are older teens and young adults I tell them they have my full permission to LEAVE if at any time things get uncomfortable. They can tell their dad that they want to go. I love my husband very much but because he was raised in this environment he needs us to help him put in boundaries at times.. He wasn't given permission to leave or say "no" when things got toxic. They are not always like this, so that's why our children still visit and I think having boundaries has helped them control themselves somewhat as they know they won't see their grandchildren/younger relatives as often.
My mother was schizophrenic. My siblings were and I were put in a foster home. Oh boy what a hard time that was too!! Didn’t know for 22 years if she was dead or alive, none of did. I prayed for her every day. We reunited after 22 yeas. I always was always respectful and kind. She was in a nursing home 3 states away 😢 she was transferred to my state. When her behavior was bad, while I was visiting with her. I would leave. I would tell her that I would come back when she was feeling better. I cared for her and was never mean. Yes, it is hard.
Whenever I have a rough day, I always find myself here. When I argue with family, I'm always here. Thank you, Fr. Mike Schmitz and the entire Ascension Presents team. Thank you for being there when I need you the most.
What happens if you have a psychopathic mother who has abused you and broken you so badly that you develop C-PTSD, fybromialgya, ect, as a result? I believe sometimes going no contact is what you have to do in order to protect your mental health and your integrity as a person. You can still love and honor your parents (if they are narcissists or psychopaths) by praying for them and willing their good, but not necessarily by having a relationship with them if they have abused you badly and continue to do so giving the opportunity. Thanks for all the good you are doing Fr. Mike, and blessings to all. It is truly devastating to have parents that instead of loving you as they should, they harm you badly…
@Marie Pierre Wembo God Bless You infintely! God loves you deeply and He is the only one who can heal your wounds, He is Our Healer, Our Peace Maker Our joy our strength our true friend! I am a survivor of a narcissists mother and I feel you and just know that HE OUR LORD HEALED MY WOUNDS , HE HAS MADE ME STRONG HE HEALED MY HEART MY MIND MY SPIRIT MY SOUL MY LIFE! IN THIS ONE OCCASION IN A DESPERATE MOMENT I TURNED TO HIM WITH ALL MY HEART AND I SAYS " lORD HELP ME!!!!!! HE HEARD MY CRY MY PAIN MY SUFFERING , AND HE DID IT MISS MARIE , I GO TO HIM IN ADORATION , I TURN TO HIM IN PERSONAL PRAYER , I RECIEVE HIM IN THE HOLY EUCHARIST WHERE HE IS TRUELY PRESENT IN BODY BLOOD AND DIVINITY.... I BELIEVE IN HIM WITH ALL MY HEART AND HE IS WITH ME DIVINELY ITS A GRACE HE HAS GIVEN ME AND JUST WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE , MOTHER MARY HAS BEEN WITH ME TOO , SHE HAS BEEN MY MAMA MY MOTHER ! I BELIEVE IF YOU ATTEND HEALING RETREATS IT BE OF GREAT BLESSING TO YOU , SPECIALLY MISS MARIE GO TO HIM IN ADORATION AND SPEND TIME WITH HIM , I GO EVERY OPPORTUNITY I CAN , RECEIVE HIM DAILY IF POSSIBLE , READ HIS WORD DAILY , PRAYTHE ROSARY AND ASK MOTHER MARY TO HELP YOU AND TO EMBRACE YOU TO HUG YOU AND DONT LET GO ! AND MOST IMPORTANTLY MISS MARIE I ASK MY LORD TO GIVE ME THAT TRUE GRACE TO FORGIVE AND THE GRACE TO LOVE WHO HAVE DONE ME WRONG , I LOVE MY MOTHER BUT I DONT LET HER HURT ME ANYMORE , I PRAY FOR HER SOUL TO BE SAVED AND FOR HER TRUE CONVERSION , I THINK THAT IS A SIGN OF LOVE, PRAYING FOR THE ONES THAT DONT LOVE US.....AND IF THEY REFUSE TO GET PROFFESIONAL HELP I BELIEVE KEEPING A DISTANCE IS BEST FOR OUR OWN WELL BEING , SPECIALLY IF WE HAVE CHILDREN. MISS MARIE YOU ARE LOVED ! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND STRONG! MAY OUR LORD HEAL YOUR WOUNDS WITH LOVE , HIS LOVE HAS CONQUERED DARKNESS , LOVE IS STRONGER AND ALWAYS WINS! NEVER STOP PRAYING AND BELIEVING! GO TO HIM ALWAYS! GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY MISS MARIE!
My parents are (Baptist) believers, but are being super influenced by my secular brother. I’m trying to be an example and good influence, but I need prayers. He’s now out of their house, and that may be a great help regarding his influence.
What does love like to a parent who has subjected me to emotional/spiritual abuse and denies ANY of it. Not just deny, but calls me a liar & mentally unstable because I have challenged her behaviour towards me. And has come up with a 10-point plan of how I can reflect and ask God to intervene in life. And bonus, what if said parent is seen by everyone as a very devout Catholic & daily Mass goer? I have refused to meet for the next 10wks to go through the 10-point plan and at this moment am barely able to be in their company.
Seek peace. Look for the “Surrender Novena” and pray it. Do your best within your human limitations. Invite Our Lady to assist you. We are all wounded and imperfect. God understands this and is merciful. Know that you are loved. I will pray for you and your mom. Peace be with you. 🕊
@@zuzuspetals8323 Thank you so much x This is helpful. I'm looking for practical options. My emotional energy is completely depleted. Thank for your kindness 🙏
@@zuzuspetals8323 I have just found the Novena!! I am reading a book on Mary by Fr Ruotolo!!! I only discovered him a few weeks ago!!!! God absolutely wanted me on this channel today. God spoke to me through you today 🙏
In my opinion, I’d say the vocation of marriage is the most difficult one. You must learn and love another to live in daily communion as one. Thank you for this Fr. Mike. 🥰
My mother’s narcissistic and toxic behavior has ruined her relationship with my wife, and caused me to recently go non-contact with her. A situation that will undoubtedly affect my relationship with the rest of my family due to blind loyalty and the mindset of “That is your mother.” But I can’t deal with it. I love her, but not who she has become. She intentionally said things to hurt/disrespect my wife and I. And I can’t tolerate that, regardless of our relation. I am working towards forgiveness for her. I love her with all of my heart. But until the time comes that she is willing to change her behavior, if that day ever comes, our relationship will be strained. I will still love her, and give honor to the roll she holds in my life, but I cannot subject myself to the level of heartache and pain she recently caused me.
Fr. Mike, you are truly blessed; oh how many times the Lord spoke to me through your videos, thank you! I have been struggling with this as I am daily enduring abuses from my parents as an adult child. Their abuses have been so insidious (daily gaslighting) that for years I have not realized and kept thinking that it might have been an illusion/fragment of my imagination. I studied psychology to try to find answers but have only been given the insight by the Lord only very recently. God has literally been my Dad, St. Joseph my foster dad, and Mary as my own mom because my own parents are not like parents to me at all, so for years I have always attached myself to the Lord and yearn to enter the convent but each time I broached the topic, my parents would explode in rage threatening to disown me. Recently, the Lord has been reigniting this calling in my heart to discern the religious/consecrated life which I am excited to discern and explore. Yet, I have not been able to begin the real discernment because of financial problems but I aim to do so as soon as these are resolved. Your bible in year podcast gave me so much strength through these trying times as well. Thank you and please pray for me. God bless you!
Can you go visit convents? Volunteer for them? Get an idea of their prayer schedule and work schedule so you can integrate those into your life. May God Bless you! An Ave for you!
@@granmabern5283 thank you, that's a great idea, I've tried multiple times to reach out to the Missionary of Charity sisters which I'm particularly drawn towards (Mother Teresa's convent) but haven't gotten any replies from one of their convents in the city where I live. I've sought guidance from priests and confessors who told me that the financial aspect will be a barrier to beginning discernment so I'm working on resolving that now. I will try reaching out to other convents as well, thank you for the suggestions and prayer. Really needed it ♡ God bless you!
I've always really struggled with respecting how my parents treat each other and how they handle disagreements. It's turned into one of those things where I've thought to myself "I hope my husband and I will be different". This video definitely helped both with the advice that it gave and with the validation that I'm not alone. Sometimes I see how my family is and fall into comparing them to other people's families and honestly would fall into wishing my family were like other families. But now I have a new way of thinking about it. Thank you Father Mike!!
Wow this was so needed. Thank you. This commandment has actually been thrown in mine and my siblings (all adults with our own children) faces all the time too. And this has brought a lot of healing and clarification. Please pray for me and my family, and all families who have parents like this. Its a huge cross!
This was exactly on time, praise God. This showed me that I took the right decision regarding my elder brother. You just have to let them suffer because helping them will encourage their bad behaviour 🙁. It will be really difficult watching them tackle their issues on their own and we will feel like running to help them but we have to stay put with God and pray for them. It's called tough love. May God bless all of you. Jesus loves you all. ❤
I live 1,200 miles away from my parents. 20 years ago, when they were in their 70's, I begged them to move close to me so I could care for them when they got old. For 20 years, they refused - and insisted they stay in their own home. Now they need my help and Mom has demanded that I move across the country to be their live in care taker... she has no regard for how this would impact my finances and my marriage. (also - I am a 62 year old disabled vet - certainly not strong enough to lift my father out of bed or carry him down the stairs). Please pray for me friends... I am at a complete loss. I don't think it's right for my mother to demand I jeopardize my future and my marriage so that she can stay in her house.
This is one of the most important videos I have ever seen. Both of my parents acted (mom) or act (dad) in a dishonorable way. Yet I gave up a lot to honor them- including, unfortunately, the ability to produce grandchildren and keep the family going. But having just finished Sirach, I know that I must honor my father in his old age. Thank you for the encouragment, Fr. Schmitz.
Thank you so much for this clarification, for many years my husband and I did not have a child since my parents, mainly my mother did not want me to have any children. Now I am finding it difficult to have any children, and I regret it so much. She and my brother both feel that we should not have any children. It still hurts at times, that I had listened so heartedly to what my mother has told me.
Thank you Fr. Mike for this video, I have been struggling about this for awhile. I have been beating myself up for not providing what my parents expected from me. My parents are good people but there is just this subtle but heavy pressure on me based on familial and cultural expectations. I know I have to talk with God more on this, but thank you for giving me comfort.
So happy some one finally addressed the issues surrounding the 4th commandment and abusive parents. Thank you! As a teacher. I regularly have to address this question with suffering students.
Right on time. For many years I have been doing what is right to God and they just don't care if I fall, fail or am destroyed in my selflessness. I was going to disappear. How can one run away in their 30's? Crazy...especially when you're the only one helping them....the pressure, no life and struggle to try to forge my own family and being held back because they do not follow God but the world. God is so good. This is my comfort in my affliction as it is not the only thing. But...it IS the only thing I could decide to stop being an enabler for (by my doing everything they are complacent and now I feel taken advantage of, which is no good). My conscience is heavy, therefore I have not left. This video is a good reminder. God is with you. Amen.
L.K. I offer prayers for you tonight 🙏 I completely understand where you are coming from. That phrase spoke to me too..."you don't have to be an enabler". A phrase I heard this week quoted from.the Bible... "don't throw your pearls in front of swine". I don't know the chapter but I heard it on a Catholic podcast conversation. You are in my prayers 🙏
@@kathrynsuch Matt 7:6 for your quote, thank you for that, it is funny in a ironic why that I highlighted that very verse last night! I appreciate your words very much and am very humbled by your prayer. I do believe the power of prayer, the heart condition matters (our intention and our motives) and our intentions are good with why we would like to seperate as even the bible says 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 (basically what does righteousness and unrighteousness have in common? Or even good and bad, or even what is right and what is not right in action/word/or thoughts when it could take us away from our Lord and His Begotten even if for a moment. We love God so much we do not even want "that brief moment"). Romans 9:15 reminds us of God's underserved loving-kindness and mercy in the Fact that He will have mercy on who HE shall have mercy and HE shall have compassion for those He chooses to have compassion and who are we to question the Father? A good father will help His children, even us who want to BE good and refine our ways to prove our good to a God who knew us from the womb and all that we can be. May God grant us all the will to press on or move on if that is best, may His will be done. And I Thank you! Know I'm not alone in this struggle is also comforting (not in the sense of misery, but that our understanding of each others situations however different is similar and we are strong in the Lord even in our imperfection. God is with us, to strengthen us when we are weak and to guide us when we are "lost" in decisions that we must make in order to stay on the path to the Lord with dignity, honor and faith...amen🙏. Sorry for the novel...I felt inclined and it just felt right to reply this way. Real. 🙏
I just commented on another person's post above asking Fr. Mike about what she could read on this topic. Here's what I shared: BOUNDARIES by Henry Cloud and John Townsend is incredibly awesome, available at Amazon, Kindle and Audible. After listening to it on Audible, I had to get it on Kindle just to read, highlight, and reread specific sections to help remind me about how to handle the difficult issues I had. One BONUS, which I was not aware of until I first listened to it, is the authors' abundant use of quotes from Holy Scripture to support the use of boundaries. It is a gem to me, and worth considering for handing difficult, impossible relationships with parents and others as well. Hope this can help you in your pain as it helped me🙏🏼
I can say many great things about this video and Fr. Mike's advice, but ultimately I would just like to ask everyone to pray for vocations and for Fr. Mike's wellbeing. I know there's a battle coming for me concerning my vocation, but that just means I must "brandish my sword". As Fr. Mike suggests in BIAY, let's pray for each other
Mine are both abusive alcoholics. No shame in admitting that. What a chance this pops up in my feed the night I'm re-contemplating moving out as my relationship with the one I live with continues to crumble as it's like living with a bipolar person. Thank you Fr. Mike and God Bless with His mercy all those who struggle similarly. 🙏
You know I read an article that said forgive your parents for the wrong they did becuase they possibly saw some of the things in their childhood that was wrong and they could have followed the same path. So I guess have compassion and forgiveness for them.
Needed this. Haven’t talked to my MIL for a couple years. I struggled really hard on that decision but have found peace. I respect her as my husbands mom. I pray she gets the help she needs.
Father Mike, thank you for the good advice, yes we ought to Love God above all and Obey God first, and certainly do what is right and just, and answer the call of duty and above all Love...🙏! Pls pray for my mum to be healed and have the grace to turn to God in all needs and for security 4rather then go to seek human attention who reject and leave us broken.. but may God heàl and renew us in the holy Spirit and protect us. 🙏
Man, I’m watching this at the end of 2022 and I will probably keep watching this video until the info sticks in my head and heart. Thank you for recording this message
I thank God, every day for my younger sister and her husband. Not only did they spend 13 years of their life taking care of our much miss and love deeply brother Mark she then came home to take care of my dad when he had lung cancer, and it was six months from diagnosis to the funeral parlor. She came to say goodbye to Richard, my brother who is my Irish twin. He died seven years ago, but Lisa and Mom went back west before he died. His wife and I stayed by his side to the bitter end. We’re not talking about a good man. Here he was a bad man he did terrible things. And his wife, who is my best friend, and who brought me back to church to Catholicism, everything that I hold, dear and important, we stood there each, holding a hand, and didn’t let go until his heart stopped. And I don’t wanna say we cried from relief, but that’s not too far from the truth. She was set free from just a horrible horrible situation. I was saying goodbye to the brother I knew as a little boy, my first friend my first playmate, the brother who I decided we should help mom by giving Mark a bath. Course she was in the buggy at the time and we were outside and grandma was yelling Arlene they’re drowned in the baby. And now Lisa has given up the last 10 years of her life since dad died to take care of mom she moved her west to be by her. She is blessed that she has a husband who is so adores her that he would do anything that she asked Lisa will see everyone through, that is who she is that is her soul ,mom and I have fought for almost 66 years . I was her oldest I still am. She had all her hopes and dreams penned on me and I didn’t achieve one of them in her eyes. I am a total failure. This is really gonna sound horrible but I’ve said it before so I am ill, and I cannot travel anymore, so no I will not be there when she dies. I know she’s being cremated and I do not believe she’s having any services but I was told flat out that I am not allowed to get on that plane under any circumstances. I am so relieved, guilty big-time, but relieved. I love her through it all. I have always loved her, but there have been serious times in both of our lives when we did not like each other, and that doesn’t mean that I don’t honor her and respect her and pray for her because I do every single day sometimes multiple times a day and for Lisa to because she needs it more than anybody. But parenting is hard. I am a parent. I know how hard it is. I know the consequences it has. I do love her. We just can’t be in the same room together anymore and when I talk to her on the phone and she’s in one of her states 1750 miles is not enough room to be apart. I hope the Lord understands this. I believe he does , I’ve made so many mistakes, let her down in so many ways. But I have a therapist, a cardiologist, and a priest, who all understand the circumstances and are helping me.
Prudence, prudence, prudence! Read St. Thomas Aquinas, particularly the Summa Theologica. You will see how thorough he explains honor of parents as well as just about every other virtue in utterly Catholic, orthodox language. Highly recommend!
I needed to hear this today. I struggle with guilt as both my parents have passed away with addiction issues. Guilty feelings thinking I couldn’t have done more as I didn’t enable and let them hit rock bottom. Thank you.
Ahhh!!! Finally, I get a clear, clean and concise explanation about the 4th commandment! Thank you, Lord and Father Mike! 😁❤ been waiting for this a loooong time!
My father ditched me when I was 8 and my mom told me she hates me and that I’m her least favorite child. I’m tired of wanting to love people who will never love me.
People who can’t love don’t love them selves. So, forgive them, and pray for them. And learn to love yourself as Jesus loved you when you were still brought to this Earth. You have a special purpose, you can love others for who they are, you have it in you. ✌️
Thank you Fr. Mike for the valuable insight. I so much needed this as my aging parents who I have had the greatest love and respect for have had what appears to be some changes in their behaviors that have been very difficult and even hurtful to me that may reflect early onset of dementia. Please pray for them and myself.
So funny this came out yesterday, I’ve been in a terrible fight with my mother this whole week, really need it, thankyou father mike,God bless you I love you❤️❤️❤️❤️
I am so glad and grateful that ny parents love me however imperfect I am. We live in a middle class family, where I've been raised not always getting what I want. But they have never ever intentionally wanted to not give me everything that I need. If they have to borrow money from other people to sustain for my school, they would do it, just so I can catch up with all my projects. But here is where I need to work on about myself growing up, it's that as tine goes by I'm becoming more and more aware that they are imperfect too. They make mistakes. They sometimes fail in making decisions. But yiu know what, even though they are not the best parents in the world, they are still the parents God thinks that is best for me. I love them. So much. Because of every single thing we had whilst I'm growing up, and because God used them to show me this beautiful world, and to honor Him. It's just... being poor isn't always the case. It's always about Jesus.
Father Mike, have you spoken on Narcissism and Gas Lighting? My mother has both of those toxic traits. I desperately want a relationship with her, but every time I try to open up to her it goes south.
Thank you for explaining this to me. I honor, respect,and love my parents; but I could never figure out how each of the intertwined with each other. I really appreciate you taking this time to make these videos
Thank you so much for this topic as we are deep in the struggles & difficulties with a parent who is not financially stable & abuses & sells MJ. We have already assisted him financially & may need to support him in the future. I resent this as I do not want him to live with us because of his MJ use as we do not agree with it & have a young son who we are trying to raise virtuously as well as trying to raise our family & save for the future. My FIL is a sweet man, but I do not agree morally with what he does & how careless he has been financially over the years. Naturally, our son adores him & this makes it all the harder. Thank you for the support on this topic. It made me feel not alone
Can't thank you enough Fr. Mike. God bless you. You've answered so many of my questions through this message and reduced a lot of turmoil in my life because this is exactly what I've been going through and couldn't get any definitive answers. I couldn't tell anyone the stuff I've been through because I felt I'd be tearing my parents down and dishonoring them by speaking out, and speaking directly to them just fell on deaf ears and they denied everything. Thank you so much! Can't wait to hear today's Bible reading as well 😊. Praying for you, please pray for me 🙏🏼.
Thank you, Father! Very timely message for our family as my mom is angry at me. I do not support the political party that she supports because they are extremely pro-abortion. She feels that as long as she, personally, is not pro-abortion that it is okay to vote for them. I can't seem to convince her that by voting for people in that party she is still supporting what the party believes in. She is 91 years old and feels that her party is the same as it was in the 50s and 60s. I cannot convince her otherwise. All I can do is pray about it and ask that her mind and heart become open to the truth. God bless!
Ft. Mike - I really appreciate you mentioning and assuring adult children the part that your parent doesn't get to choose your vocation for you. My parents only wanted us to go to Catholic universities no matter what even though they did not have the programs we dreamt of completing/felt called to do. My dad was also forcing me to get married while my mom kept forcing me to be a nun (because I considered it at one point in my teenage years). I still struggle today with the notion that I will need to care for them someday, even though they really messed with my sister and It's brain and we're really controlling and I absolutely cannot trust my son with them - which is why I distance myself from them and live elsewhere despite financial hardship. I don't want him to learn their behaviours or see a lot of fighting (often I am not given good advice for myself or son, but they make issues when I don't follow their advice). I am not sure what to do. It is hard to keep them at a distance but I feel bad for ignoring or blocking them, but it is not a healthy environment for my 10month old.
This really answered my question as I am going through a fallout with my father who isn't particularly religious and the culture in my family is to apologise and brush things under the rug for the sake of peace despite not agreeing with him-enabling basically. I find myself being guilty of also not acting honourably in response and need to go to confession but also having the courage to stand firmly with my beliefs. Thank you so much
Hi Fr. Mike! How do we clearly avoid detraction? I've heard you speak on this a bit but I'd love to hear you go into it more. Thank you for all you do! God bless you!
Change the subject. Or, like Thumper’s Mother said, « If you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all. » These thoughts coming to you from a daughter who committed détraction far too many times, and has to do a lot of Penance if she wants to avoid Purgatory.... I learned eventually to only complain to someone who had the authority to actually help. I also eventually learned to politely object to what seemed wrong,nrather than stewing and spewing....
I really needed to hear this. I feel like this can be applied to family who try to parent as well. My aunts and grandparents have tried to get in the way of my vocation process.
![BOWKYLION - วิงวอน (ex-change) [Official MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/cLdnZWDaO-w/mqdefault.jpg)
If someone sees this, please pray for my difficult relationship with my mother. It has been something I've struggled with all of my life. I so want to honor her, and I always end up failing (not to be pessimistic). I pray God gives me the strength and peace to be able to just be respectful toward her, even when she doesn't seem to take me into account or understand me.
I think we should prayer for all daughters who have a difficult relationship with their mothers. My mother (God rest her soul) had her own problems and although I really do think she loved me she had issues that made that difficult to really believe. Perhaps we are more judgmental about our mothers because - being women - we expect more of them? I don't know - but you have my prayers because this issue doesn't go away when your mother dies - the brokenness needs a lot of prayer. So please lets pray for each other and all other daughters who have this struggle.
@Chicana SC, I feel ya. I am and have been in the same boat! Maybe we can pray for each other! 🙏🏻
@@paulinebrooks3221 I’ll pray for you too, Pauline
@@pennybrooks9038 God bless you
I understand. This is one of my biggest struggles.
I was so blessed to have holy and loving parents. I will pray for those that did not.
Hey guys pray for me and for my parents and brothers and sisters. And we are praying for you ❤️✝️🙏🏼
God bless you and your family as well 🙏 stay safe🙂
Praying for all of you.
praying for you!!
Thank you brother. God bless 🙌
I am sending my prayers, with strength and healing. For all of you.
Sometimes honoring them might just be not talking poorly about them, that’s often the best that I can do.
How do you do when the majority of their behaviors with you just deserve it, and you need people around you to knpow the truth about them, and to get some support ? :(
I never felt like my mother loved me. I've spent most my life trying to win her love. But the closer I come to God the more he shows me that all I need is him. He has shown me how to love her as my mom and respect her as such but not to put my needs in her.
🙏🏽
I'm not even Christian but this made so much sense and was very comforting to hear as a person of faith. Thank you!
This is something I really struggled with in 1994-97.
Mom was a violent drunk and Dad ran off with literally a very petty controlling blonde bimbo. I was on my own at 14 because they were so dang focused on selves. God bless the elderly women in my town that took me under their wing. If it hadn't been for them I'd never done more then repeat my parents behavior. I'm working on my graduate degree at 40, raised 2 men, held strong to my ethics and grew out of drama/stupidity.
My sister and I were literally discussing how to cope with our divorced, toxic parents and their bad habits. It’s been so difficult to manage since childhood and they are now still refusing to share their new grandchild with each other as they did with their children. Thank you so much Father Mike for dropping this video, it is truly a blessing and provides so much needed guidance. Godspeed always Father Mike and thank you for all you do🙌🏻 -online pew parishioner
Riight...💯
The lord says to honour our mother and father and I put this to God, in fact a few times I have, so yes Thanks Fr Mike I needed to understand this
You honor your parents by not hating them.
To overcome your hatred you need to go and forgive them, they both did the best they knew how.
In turn God will forgive you your sins and change your nature.
Btw there is no “coping” in God.
@@freshliving4199 Never once said I hated them. With all due respect, i sought Father Mike’s guidance, not yours. This was a thanks to Father Mike because it was a video that we very much needed & I trust his word. I unfortunately do not know you.
I do see where you are coming from because that is exactly what we are currently practicing and applying into our daily lives, but the word “coping” was used as a means to express that we are doing our best to follow Gods word & also to set the record straight, we weren’t “coping” in God as you had misconstrued.
Please don’t twist my words for your benefit. It’s not very godly as you hope to be.
@@cnguyen5529 I wouldn't trust Mike as far as I can throw him. I trust my Father God only.
If you know your parents are so toxic, why would you even want to submit your child to that kind of evil?
Father Mike, I basically did all that you have said. My mother had been quite abusive to me as a child, I still felt obligated to honor her a person and to care for her in her old age. I was actually paying the rent and caring for her when I was 16. I have no regrets. I think that a good thought for parents would be to love and care for their children, someday the parent will need the love and care of their adult child.
For real, like every time on of these videos comes out, they are immediately applicable to something in my life or someone I love. Please pray for the strained relationships my fiance has with her divorced parents!
God bless you for supporting your fiancé. I know it must mean the world to her!
I am sending prayers, with strength and healing, to both her and the parents.
I agree with Naomi. Your fiance is blessed to have your support as she navigates this very difficult part of her life. Praying for her right now.
We will pray for your brother 🕊🤝🤝
Also, it's always readily applicable bc God taught us these things and set up a whole Catholic Church to continue to teach their things throughout the generations.
I love that you mentioned 3 different kinds of respect: basic base line respect for all humans because we were all made in the image of God, then respect for elders and authority (but this may be removed if the person does not fulfill their role responsibly), and finally individual respect which is earned through kindness or accomplishment.
Yes!! Your summary of what was said was just as great too! Wow. Amen. I have one of God's servants explaining the different respects (and other things) in a video and all I can do is be thankful. If someone devoted to God (lifelong) speaks on things in such a way that even feels good to the soul to hear and meaning is good I listen (it hits me spiritually, like, walking into an interview, or going on a "first date" -the Feeling just Before those events and not those events...to Try and describe the closest thing that it provokes lol, but basically my Mind hears good and it pays attention and observes and absorb). Then, on top...great community of people. Amen.🙌
I love my dad, but I feel guilty because I don’t like to be around him. He makes me uncomfortable and I feel intimidated. I do anything and everything for my parents, I’m there for them always, and I love them very much. I enjoy visiting with mom and we’re very close, but I avoid my dad as much as I can. I have good reason for doing so, but have been feeling bad about it. I’ll always be there for him if he needs me, but I can’t be in his company, it takes a lot of effort on my part. I always felt like I was obligated to go see him and visit with him, but lately I just couldn’t bring myself to do it anymore, and it’s been feeling so liberating. Anyway, since yesterday I’ve been feeling like talking about it with our parish priest, and then I see Fr. Mike has made a video about this topic! Wow! God bless everyone.♥️
In my experience Iif I pray before visiting and get my INTENTIONS right with God, I can visit toxic people occasionally, without feeling damaged. If I visit because I’m bored or lonely and I’m hoping they fill that gap for me, it just hurts.
I felt that way about my Dad when I was a young adult. I would visit my parents every Sunday, after I moved out, and there wasn't much interaction between my Dad and myself. I didn't feel bad about it. It was the only way that we could peacefully co-exist. If you limit your time with him, and stick to neutral topics when you are talking with him, it may be easier. You are still honoring him, but you are being realistic and acknowledging that there are limitations on your relationship. My Dad was grateful that I came to see him, even if he ignored me, because he was watching football. That didn't bother me at all. I just brought my laundry over, cooked lunch and used the telephone to talk to my friends. My Mom and I weren't especially close, but we weren't enemies, either. All in all, I still felt good about visiting my parents, instead of blowing them off.
@ Princessa de Dios do not give up hope. I had a difficult dad. I thought he hated me, he wouldn’t speak to me, as he turned the tv up when I visited him. I thought he hated me b/c I love Jesus. And it wasn’t until his recent dying days this year (caught Covid). He called out to me specifically; requested for me to keep the peace amongst my (5) siblings, as he was about to be entubated on a ventilator. I always kept him on a bead of my rosary- prayed for his conversion. I believe it happened. 😉
I have a difficult dad and I have a hard time being around him. My mom passed away recently, she is a Saint. She endured alot from my father. He was awful to her, mentally and physically. I'm trying to help my father as much as I can. I find it difficult to be around him. He is mean, and hates everything and everyone. I pray 🙏 that God changes his heart and so that I am able to take care of him as he ages. Please pray for us.🙏
"Every Christian vocation has its difficulties", you got that right!! 😂
"I can respect the role that they did not live up to" with God's grace 🙏🏿
Both my parents ended up being toxic, narcissistic, living in perpetual mortal sin. Both have abandoned the faith. One has swung between addictions and we kids literally let that person hit rock bottom. It was the best thing we could do. Today they're doing better but has a long road ahead. The other is in a lifestyle we don't like but know there is no openness to change so we love that person by just noting our objections and saying live your best life all things considered and love them as best we can. Not ideal, but we take what we can get, just like Jesus choosing us despite our sinfulness.
I feel you 😭😭😭 abandonment is very difficult and heartbreaking. Praying for you, love ❣
Wow I needed this. Not too long ago I learned that my dad cheated on my mom. It’s been so difficult to find forgiveness and still honor him in the same way but this video helped tremendously, thank you.
You were extremely lucky that you had a very loving parents. From just the stories you shared with us and I did watch as you presided over your mom’s funeral. The amount of love that your family has for each other was all there to see in the most personal and private of moments. I hope that you are doing OK.
I just finished my therapy session and this topic is what I’m dealing with right now. 🙏🏽❤️
Bless you Father Mike. I've been struggling with my father for many years, and my mother enables his behavior. I also find Paul's letter to the Ephesians 6:4 helpful, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."
Amen
Beautiful ❤
Yes, my dad was absent the day they taught that.
i am caring for my 90-year-old dad, and i find our roles have reversed. i am more like the parent, and he the child. the role of dependence has certainly changed, and i feel i have to walk with him through his golden years. i had a hard time with him when i was growing up, but now i adore him so much.
Thanks for sharing. That gives me hope for my own family.
Beautiful that you can appreciate him now. I don’t have my dad anymore, he died b/c of Covid. Enjoy🙏 😇
@@elained9363 so sorry for your loss.
I’m there with my mom. Grateful to share her last years with her but there are times when her stubbornness gets me. I have to stop, breathe, pray and move forward. God bless!!
I am the same with my mom, who was the rock for me but now I have to care for her and she is so meek now. My mom was always the support in my family it was hard to see the roles change. I always went to her now I accept I need to care for her. My dad was very stubborn Irish man. But, he passed and now look back and we always thought he was too strict but, now realize he was a great dad.
Oh I needed this. I'm processing years of emotional and verbal abuse from my mother. And used the 4th Commandment to make herself the god of our house. That was the most mentioned commandment. Mass on Sunday? Nah. But serving my mother? Oh yes.
I'm still a devout Catholic, but I'm on the road to learning who god really is and what parents should be.
My mom used to say “I’m entitled, I’m your mother!”
Parents are supposed to love and protect. And punish gently, not too harshly when a child messes up. Punishing not out of anger, but out of patience, and also helping the child figure out why what they did was wrong.
Prayers for peace and healing and delierence in the mighty name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth threw out the whole world 🙏🏽 and 🙏🏽 alleluia
"Enabling is not honouring". Thank you Father for this! So true! I gave up on my mother, as her co- dependence and abuse of 30+ years was enough. She was abusing me and my children and I finally put my foot down and said enough. Our lives have been happier and more free. Game changer. I've always told my family that enabling is also abuse and we shouldn't be doing it to anyone.
Thank you Fr. Mike!!! I so needed this. My widowed 90 yr old mother is still trying to manipulate and bully me into her way of thinking. And now she is trying to turn my young adult children against me. She is beyond exhausting and I have spoken with my parish priest many times about her. Thank you for putting this out there. This is a huge issue and the covid crisis made things exponentially worse. God Bless you!
I'm so sorry. I know EXACTLY what you are going through. Prayers your way. I will admit that when my mother finally died, it was like a ton of bricks off my shoulders.
@@plantagenant6789 Thank you for your kind words and prayers. It means a lot. Prayers for you also!
My mother iis awful at the moment caring for her. Nothing is good enough or right for her. Organised carers for her etc. I will pray for you too when I pray for myself.
If you don't already, be honest with your children about your mother's behavior and put in boundaries. My husband's family can dissolve into screaming and conflict. First I always protected my children when they were small but now they are older teens and young adults I tell them they have my full permission to LEAVE if at any time things get uncomfortable. They can tell their dad that they want to go. I love my husband very much but because he was raised in this environment he needs us to help him put in boundaries at times.. He wasn't given permission to leave or say "no" when things got toxic. They are not always like this, so that's why our children still visit and I think having boundaries has helped them control themselves somewhat as they know they won't see their grandchildren/younger relatives as often.
My mother was schizophrenic. My siblings were and I were put in a foster home. Oh boy what a hard time that was too!! Didn’t know for 22 years if she was dead or alive, none of did. I prayed for her every day. We reunited after 22 yeas. I always was always respectful and kind. She was in a nursing home 3 states away 😢 she was transferred to my state. When her behavior was bad, while I was visiting with her. I would leave. I would tell her that I would come back when she was feeling better. I cared for her and was never mean. Yes, it is hard.
Even when hurt, we can always treat others as we would want them to treat us.
Whenever I have a rough day, I always find myself here. When I argue with family, I'm always here. Thank you, Fr. Mike Schmitz and the entire Ascension Presents team. Thank you for being there when I need you the most.
♡
What happens if you have a psychopathic mother who has abused you and broken you so badly that you develop C-PTSD, fybromialgya, ect, as a result?
I believe sometimes going no contact is what you have to do in order to protect your mental health and your integrity as a person. You can still love and honor your parents (if they are narcissists or psychopaths) by praying for them and willing their good, but not necessarily by having a relationship with them if they have abused you badly and continue to do so giving the opportunity.
Thanks for all the good you are doing Fr. Mike, and blessings to all. It is truly devastating to have parents that instead of loving you as they should, they harm you badly…
@Marie Pierre Wembo God Bless You infintely! God loves you deeply and He is the only one who can heal your wounds, He is Our Healer, Our Peace Maker Our joy our strength our true friend! I am a survivor of a narcissists mother and I feel you and just know that HE OUR LORD HEALED MY WOUNDS , HE HAS MADE ME STRONG HE HEALED MY HEART MY MIND MY SPIRIT MY SOUL MY LIFE! IN THIS ONE OCCASION IN A DESPERATE MOMENT I TURNED TO HIM WITH ALL MY HEART AND I SAYS " lORD HELP ME!!!!!! HE HEARD MY CRY MY PAIN MY SUFFERING , AND HE DID IT MISS MARIE , I GO TO HIM IN ADORATION , I TURN TO HIM IN PERSONAL PRAYER , I RECIEVE HIM IN THE HOLY EUCHARIST WHERE HE IS TRUELY PRESENT IN BODY BLOOD AND DIVINITY.... I BELIEVE IN HIM WITH ALL MY HEART AND HE IS WITH ME DIVINELY ITS A GRACE HE HAS GIVEN ME AND JUST WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE , MOTHER MARY HAS BEEN WITH ME TOO , SHE HAS BEEN MY MAMA MY MOTHER ! I BELIEVE IF YOU ATTEND HEALING RETREATS IT BE OF GREAT BLESSING TO YOU , SPECIALLY MISS MARIE GO TO HIM IN ADORATION AND SPEND TIME WITH HIM , I GO EVERY OPPORTUNITY I CAN , RECEIVE HIM DAILY IF POSSIBLE , READ HIS WORD DAILY , PRAYTHE ROSARY AND ASK MOTHER MARY TO HELP YOU AND TO EMBRACE YOU TO HUG YOU AND DONT LET GO ! AND MOST IMPORTANTLY MISS MARIE I ASK MY LORD TO GIVE ME THAT TRUE GRACE TO FORGIVE AND THE GRACE TO LOVE WHO HAVE DONE ME WRONG , I LOVE MY MOTHER BUT I DONT LET HER HURT ME ANYMORE , I PRAY FOR HER SOUL TO BE SAVED AND FOR HER TRUE CONVERSION , I THINK THAT IS A SIGN OF LOVE, PRAYING FOR THE ONES THAT DONT LOVE US.....AND IF THEY REFUSE TO GET PROFFESIONAL HELP I BELIEVE KEEPING A DISTANCE IS BEST FOR OUR OWN WELL BEING , SPECIALLY IF WE HAVE CHILDREN. MISS MARIE YOU ARE LOVED ! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND STRONG! MAY OUR LORD HEAL YOUR WOUNDS WITH LOVE , HIS LOVE HAS CONQUERED DARKNESS , LOVE IS STRONGER AND ALWAYS WINS! NEVER STOP PRAYING AND BELIEVING! GO TO HIM ALWAYS! GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY MISS MARIE!
Rose, I have CPTSD and fibromyalgia. If you would ever like to talk let me know - I know no others who have this.
My parents are (Baptist) believers, but are being super influenced by my secular brother. I’m trying to be an example and good influence, but I need prayers. He’s now out of their house, and that may be a great help regarding his influence.
God bless you Melissa, and May GOd circle His love around you and your family
@@sme7385 thanks 🙏☺️
Today Fr Mike Our Lord has answered a prayer through you x
What does love like to a parent who has subjected me to emotional/spiritual abuse and denies ANY of it. Not just deny, but calls me a liar & mentally unstable because I have challenged her behaviour towards me. And has come up with a 10-point plan of how I can reflect and ask God to intervene in life. And bonus, what if said parent is seen by everyone as a very devout Catholic & daily Mass goer? I have refused to meet for the next 10wks to go through the 10-point plan and at this moment am barely able to be in their company.
Seek peace. Look for the “Surrender Novena” and pray it. Do your best within your human limitations. Invite Our Lady to assist you. We are all wounded and imperfect. God understands this and is merciful. Know that you are loved. I will pray for you and your mom. Peace be with you. 🕊
@@zuzuspetals8323 Thank you so much x This is helpful. I'm looking for practical options. My emotional energy is completely depleted. Thank for your kindness 🙏
@@zuzuspetals8323 I have just found the Novena!! I am reading a book on Mary by Fr Ruotolo!!! I only discovered him a few weeks ago!!!! God absolutely wanted me on this channel today. God spoke to me through you today 🙏
@@zuzuspetals8323 You're in my prayers too xx God Bless x
Dealing with a self absorbed mother and a ungrateful father. God bless
"Honor thy father and thy mother." Thanks Father Mike. God bless you.
In my opinion, I’d say the vocation of marriage is the most difficult one. You must learn and love another to live in daily communion as one.
Thank you for this Fr. Mike. 🥰
My mother’s narcissistic and toxic behavior has ruined her relationship with my wife, and caused me to recently go non-contact with her. A situation that will undoubtedly affect my relationship with the rest of my family due to blind loyalty and the mindset of “That is your mother.” But I can’t deal with it. I love her, but not who she has become. She intentionally said things to hurt/disrespect my wife and I. And I can’t tolerate that, regardless of our relation. I am working towards forgiveness for her. I love her with all of my heart. But until the time comes that she is willing to change her behavior, if that day ever comes, our relationship will be strained. I will still love her, and give honor to the roll she holds in my life, but I cannot subject myself to the level of heartache and pain she recently caused me.
I’m going through the same thing ❤
Also for me & my husband too because we can’t parent the same & believe the same with our kids 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🌍🌍
Fr. Mike, you are truly blessed; oh how many times the Lord spoke to me through your videos, thank you! I have been struggling with this as I am daily enduring abuses from my parents as an adult child. Their abuses have been so insidious (daily gaslighting) that for years I have not realized and kept thinking that it might have been an illusion/fragment of my imagination. I studied psychology to try to find answers but have only been given the insight by the Lord only very recently. God has literally been my Dad, St. Joseph my foster dad, and Mary as my own mom because my own parents are not like parents to me at all, so for years I have always attached myself to the Lord and yearn to enter the convent but each time I broached the topic, my parents would explode in rage threatening to disown me. Recently, the Lord has been reigniting this calling in my heart to discern the religious/consecrated life which I am excited to discern and explore. Yet, I have not been able to begin the real discernment because of financial problems but I aim to do so as soon as these are resolved. Your bible in year podcast gave me so much strength through these trying times as well. Thank you and please pray for me. God bless you!
Can you go visit convents? Volunteer for them? Get an idea of their prayer schedule and work schedule so you can integrate those into your life. May God Bless you! An Ave for you!
@@granmabern5283 thank you, that's a great idea, I've tried multiple times to reach out to the Missionary of Charity sisters which I'm particularly drawn towards (Mother Teresa's convent) but haven't gotten any replies from one of their convents in the city where I live. I've sought guidance from priests and confessors who told me that the financial aspect will be a barrier to beginning discernment so I'm working on resolving that now. I will try reaching out to other convents as well, thank you for the suggestions and prayer. Really needed it ♡ God bless you!
Forgive them so Our Father who is in Heaven can forgive you. 🙏🏻🛡⚔️🕊✌🏻🤟🏻
I've always really struggled with respecting how my parents treat each other and how they handle disagreements. It's turned into one of those things where I've thought to myself "I hope my husband and I will be different". This video definitely helped both with the advice that it gave and with the validation that I'm not alone. Sometimes I see how my family is and fall into comparing them to other people's families and honestly would fall into wishing my family were like other families. But now I have a new way of thinking about it. Thank you Father Mike!!
Wow this was so needed. Thank you. This commandment has actually been thrown in mine and my siblings (all adults with our own children) faces all the time too. And this has brought a lot of healing and clarification. Please pray for me and my family, and all families who have parents like this. Its a huge cross!
Thank you for covering this topic.
This was exactly on time, praise God. This showed me that I took the right decision regarding my elder brother. You just have to let them suffer because helping them will encourage their bad behaviour 🙁.
It will be really difficult watching them tackle their issues on their own and we will feel like running to help them but we have to stay put with God and pray for them. It's called tough love.
May God bless all of you. Jesus loves you all. ❤
What an amazing video Father Mike! Seriously!
I live 1,200 miles away from my parents. 20 years ago, when they were in their 70's, I begged them to move close to me so I could care for them when they got old. For 20 years, they refused - and insisted they stay in their own home. Now they need my help and Mom has demanded that I move across the country to be their live in care taker... she has no regard for how this would impact my finances and my marriage. (also - I am a 62 year old disabled vet - certainly not strong enough to lift my father out of bed or carry him down the stairs). Please pray for me friends... I am at a complete loss. I don't think it's right for my mother to demand I jeopardize my future and my marriage so that she can stay in her house.
Remember to take care of yourself and be pragmatic about the situation.
How to love your difficult parents?
Love them from a distance 💪🤘
I sent cards, called, sent gifts, and so on, but it's halfway across the country... which is not so bad.
"At a distance relationship" needs to work both ways. 💅
This is one of the most important videos I have ever seen. Both of my parents acted (mom) or act (dad) in a dishonorable way. Yet I gave up a lot to honor them- including, unfortunately, the ability to produce grandchildren and keep the family going. But having just finished Sirach, I know that I must honor my father in his old age. Thank you for the encouragment, Fr. Schmitz.
God bless you for doing the right thing
Love the Sinner hate the 'sin'.
Just had a flaming row with my Dad. It got physical but I was able not to raise my hand against him. Now I just want him out of my home.
"The Gift of Life".. I shared that with someone important to me for their parents. It seemed to help.
Is that a book Rita?
I have always wanted to know this and never heard anyone preach on it. Thank you Fr. Mike!
Thank you so much for this clarification, for many years my husband and I did not have a child since my parents, mainly my mother did not want me to have any children. Now I am finding it difficult to have any children, and I regret it so much. She and my brother both feel that we should not have any children. It still hurts at times, that I had listened so heartedly to what my mother has told me.
Idols are hollow.
Thank you Fr. Mike for this video, I have been struggling about this for awhile. I have been beating myself up for not providing what my parents expected from me. My parents are good people but there is just this subtle but heavy pressure on me based on familial and cultural expectations. I know I have to talk with God more on this, but thank you for giving me comfort.
So happy some one finally addressed the issues surrounding the 4th commandment and abusive parents. Thank you! As a teacher. I regularly have to address this question with suffering students.
I'm a Muslim and found this video very helpful, thank you!
Right on time. For many years I have been doing what is right to God and they just don't care if I fall, fail or am destroyed in my selflessness. I was going to disappear. How can one run away in their 30's? Crazy...especially when you're the only one helping them....the pressure, no life and struggle to try to forge my own family and being held back because they do not follow God but the world. God is so good. This is my comfort in my affliction as it is not the only thing. But...it IS the only thing I could decide to stop being an enabler for (by my doing everything they are complacent and now I feel taken advantage of, which is no good). My conscience is heavy, therefore I have not left. This video is a good reminder. God is with you. Amen.
L.K. I offer prayers for you tonight 🙏 I completely understand where you are coming from. That phrase spoke to me too..."you don't have to be an enabler". A phrase I heard this week quoted from.the Bible... "don't throw your pearls in front of swine". I don't know the chapter but I heard it on a Catholic podcast conversation. You are in my prayers 🙏
@@kathrynsuch Matt 7:6 for your quote, thank you for that, it is funny in a ironic why that I highlighted that very verse last night! I appreciate your words very much and am very humbled by your prayer. I do believe the power of prayer, the heart condition matters (our intention and our motives) and our intentions are good with why we would like to seperate as even the bible says 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 (basically what does righteousness and unrighteousness have in common? Or even good and bad, or even what is right and what is not right in action/word/or thoughts when it could take us away from our Lord and His Begotten even if for a moment. We love God so much we do not even want "that brief moment"). Romans 9:15 reminds us of God's underserved loving-kindness and mercy in the Fact that He will have mercy on who HE shall have mercy and HE shall have compassion for those He chooses to have compassion and who are we to question the Father? A good father will help His children, even us who want to BE good and refine our ways to prove our good to a God who knew us from the womb and all that we can be. May God grant us all the will to press on or move on if that is best, may His will be done. And I Thank you! Know I'm not alone in this struggle is also comforting (not in the sense of misery, but that our understanding of each others situations however different is similar and we are strong in the Lord even in our imperfection. God is with us, to strengthen us when we are weak and to guide us when we are "lost" in decisions that we must make in order to stay on the path to the Lord with dignity, honor and faith...amen🙏. Sorry for the novel...I felt inclined and it just felt right to reply this way. Real. 🙏
I just commented on another person's post above asking Fr. Mike about what she could read on this topic. Here's what I shared:
BOUNDARIES by Henry Cloud and John Townsend is incredibly awesome, available at Amazon, Kindle and Audible. After listening to it on Audible, I had to get it on Kindle just to read, highlight, and reread specific sections to help remind me about how to handle the difficult issues I had. One BONUS, which I was not aware of until I first listened to it, is the authors' abundant use of quotes from Holy Scripture to support the use of boundaries. It is a gem to me, and worth considering for handing difficult, impossible relationships with parents and others as well.
Hope this can help you in your pain as it helped me🙏🏼
Thank you, Father Schmitz, for your wise words. They bring light into my life and give me comfort.
Please, pray for me.
I can say many great things about this video and Fr. Mike's advice, but ultimately I would just like to ask everyone to pray for vocations and for Fr. Mike's wellbeing. I know there's a battle coming for me concerning my vocation, but that just means I must "brandish my sword". As Fr. Mike suggests in BIAY, let's pray for each other
Mine are both abusive alcoholics. No shame in admitting that. What a chance this pops up in my feed the night I'm re-contemplating moving out as my relationship with the one I live with continues to crumble as it's like living with a bipolar person. Thank you Fr. Mike and God Bless with His mercy all those who struggle similarly. 🙏
My mother says terrible things about me to everyone she can. How am I suppose to love that?
Thank You Father Mike God Bless You!
You know I read an article that said forgive your parents for the wrong they did becuase they possibly saw some of the things in their childhood that was wrong and they could have followed the same path. So I guess have compassion and forgiveness for them.
Needed this. Haven’t talked to my MIL for a couple years. I struggled really hard on that decision but have found peace.
I respect her as my husbands mom.
I pray she gets the help she needs.
Father Mike, thank you for the good advice, yes we ought to Love God above all and Obey God first, and certainly do what is right and just, and answer the call of duty and above all Love...🙏! Pls pray for my mum to be healed and have the grace to turn to God in all needs and for security 4rather then go to seek human attention who reject and leave us broken.. but may God heàl and renew us in the holy Spirit and protect us. 🙏
Man, I’m watching this at the end of 2022 and I will probably keep watching this video until the info sticks in my head and heart.
Thank you for recording this message
Back here in Sept 2024 and I guess needed it again!! LOL
I thank God, every day for my younger sister and her husband. Not only did they spend 13 years of their life taking care of our much miss and love deeply brother Mark she then came home to take care of my dad when he had lung cancer, and it was six months from diagnosis to the funeral parlor. She came to say goodbye to Richard, my brother who is my Irish twin. He died seven years ago, but Lisa and Mom went back west before he died. His wife and I stayed by his side to the bitter end. We’re not talking about a good man. Here he was a bad man he did terrible things. And his wife, who is my best friend, and who brought me back to church to Catholicism, everything that I hold, dear and important, we stood there each, holding a hand, and didn’t let go until his heart stopped. And I don’t wanna say we cried from relief, but that’s not too far from the truth. She was set free from just a horrible horrible situation. I was saying goodbye to the brother I knew as a little boy, my first friend my first playmate, the brother who I decided we should help mom by giving Mark a bath. Course she was in the buggy at the time and we were outside and grandma was yelling Arlene they’re drowned in the baby. And now Lisa has given up the last 10 years of her life since dad died to take care of mom she moved her west to be by her. She is blessed that she has a husband who is so adores her that he would do anything that she asked Lisa will see everyone through, that is who she is that is her soul ,mom and I have fought for almost 66 years . I was her oldest I still am. She had all her hopes and dreams penned on me and I didn’t achieve one of them in her eyes. I am a total failure. This is really gonna sound horrible but I’ve said it before so I am ill, and I cannot travel anymore, so no I will not be there when she dies. I know she’s being cremated and I do not believe she’s having any services but I was told flat out that I am not allowed to get on that plane under any circumstances. I am so relieved, guilty big-time, but relieved. I love her through it all. I have always loved her, but there have been serious times in both of our lives when we did not like each other, and that doesn’t mean that I don’t honor her and respect her and pray for her because I do every single day sometimes multiple times a day and for Lisa to because she needs it more than anybody. But parenting is hard. I am a parent. I know how hard it is. I know the consequences it has.
I do love her. We just can’t be in the same room together anymore and when I talk to her on the phone and she’s in one of her states 1750 miles is not enough room to be apart. I hope the Lord understands this. I believe he does , I’ve made so many mistakes, let her down in so many ways. But I have a therapist, a cardiologist, and a priest, who all understand the circumstances and are helping me.
Prudence, prudence, prudence! Read St. Thomas Aquinas, particularly the Summa Theologica. You will see how thorough he explains honor of parents as well as just about every other virtue in utterly Catholic, orthodox language. Highly recommend!
Thank you for that recommendation. Actually hovered over that book on Amazon this afternoon.
Perfect timing 👌
I needed to hear this today. I struggle with guilt as both my parents have passed away with addiction issues. Guilty feelings thinking I couldn’t have done more as I didn’t enable and let them hit rock bottom. Thank you.
I'm sorry for your loss.
So sorry for your loss, so not blame yourself you did the best you could
Great explanation as always Father Mike. Thank you and God bless you in your ministry in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour.🙏🏻
Ahhh!!! Finally, I get a clear, clean and concise explanation about the 4th commandment!
Thank you, Lord and Father Mike! 😁❤ been waiting for this a loooong time!
My father ditched me when I was 8 and my mom told me she hates me and that I’m her least favorite child. I’m tired of wanting to love people who will never love me.
They don't deserve a minute of your attention. Move on with your life.
People who can’t love don’t love them selves. So, forgive them, and pray for them. And learn to love yourself as Jesus loved you when you were still brought to this Earth. You have a special purpose, you can love others for who they are, you have it in you. ✌️
That's extremely hurtful I'm sorry, I'm glad you found this video 😊
Im praying for your well being
Fr. Mike's breakdown of this complex issue is both incredibly helpful and reassuring-- thank you, Father! Praying for all of you in the comments.
Thank you Father Mike
Wow! Great video and timing! Trying to deal with a parent with some dementia. 🙏 thank you for this timely talk!
Thank you Fr. Mike for the valuable insight. I so much needed this as my aging parents who I have had the greatest love and respect for have had what appears to be some changes in their behaviors that have been very difficult and even hurtful to me that may reflect early onset of dementia. Please pray for them and myself.
So funny this came out yesterday, I’ve been in a terrible fight with my mother this whole week, really need it, thankyou father mike,God bless you I love you❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for this video. I needed to hear this and listen to God! Love you Father Mike you are Great!
I am so glad and grateful that ny parents love me however imperfect I am. We live in a middle class family, where I've been raised not always getting what I want. But they have never ever intentionally wanted to not give me everything that I need. If they have to borrow money from other people to sustain for my school, they would do it, just so I can catch up with all my projects. But here is where I need to work on about myself growing up, it's that as tine goes by I'm becoming more and more aware that they are imperfect too. They make mistakes. They sometimes fail in making decisions. But yiu know what, even though they are not the best parents in the world, they are still the parents God thinks that is best for me. I love them. So much. Because of every single thing we had whilst I'm growing up, and because God used them to show me this beautiful world, and to honor Him. It's just... being poor isn't always the case. It's always about Jesus.
You sound like a wonderful child.
@@granmabern5283 ahmmm... thanks?
Thank you, Reverend, for your Godly advice.
My parents are crazy and abusive. Why did God give me such a challenge when others have it so good.
My mom just sent this to me and I’m about to watch it! Always praying for you Fr. Mike! The Bible in a Year Podcast is ground breaking, thank you.
Father Mike, have you spoken on Narcissism and Gas Lighting? My mother has both of those toxic traits. I desperately want a relationship with her, but every time I try to open up to her it goes south.
Thank you for explaining this to me. I honor, respect,and love my parents; but I could never figure out how each of the intertwined with each other. I really appreciate you taking this time to make these videos
The algorithm is getting a little creepy..But thank you for this Fr. Mike!
😁
This is exactly what I needed to hear from you, Father Mike. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for all you do for us as Catholics!
Love and kindness are very valid when we are dealing with others most of the times, however I still believe is wasted on some.
Thank you so much for this topic as we are deep in the struggles & difficulties with a parent who is not financially stable & abuses & sells MJ. We have already assisted him financially & may need to support him in the future. I resent this as I do not want him to live with us because of his MJ use as we do not agree with it & have a young son who we are trying to raise virtuously as well as trying to raise our family & save for the future. My FIL is a sweet man, but I do not agree morally with what he does & how careless he has been financially over the years. Naturally, our son adores him & this makes it all the harder. Thank you for the support on this topic. It made me feel not alone
Can't thank you enough Fr. Mike. God bless you. You've answered so many of my questions through this message and reduced a lot of turmoil in my life because this is exactly what I've been going through and couldn't get any definitive answers. I couldn't tell anyone the stuff I've been through because I felt I'd be tearing my parents down and dishonoring them by speaking out, and speaking directly to them just fell on deaf ears and they denied everything. Thank you so much! Can't wait to hear today's Bible reading as well 😊. Praying for you, please pray for me 🙏🏼.
It’s so good that You are here Father Mike ❤ God bless u
This is what I soooo need to listen to right now. Thanks father.
Really having a hard time with my parents...But gotta keep moving forward.
Thank you Father. You have not clue how I need this message.
I was literally just praying about an answer to this!
Thank you, Father! Very timely message for our family as my mom is angry at me. I do not support the political party that she supports because they are extremely pro-abortion. She feels that as long as she, personally, is not pro-abortion that it is okay to vote for them. I can't seem to convince her that by voting for people in that party she is still supporting what the party believes in. She is 91 years old and feels that her party is the same as it was in the 50s and 60s. I cannot convince her otherwise. All I can do is pray about it and ask that her mind and heart become
open to the truth. God bless!
Father Mike thank you so much for this great video! God bless you! Greetings from italy
Ft. Mike - I really appreciate you mentioning and assuring adult children the part that your parent doesn't get to choose your vocation for you. My parents only wanted us to go to Catholic universities no matter what even though they did not have the programs we dreamt of completing/felt called to do. My dad was also forcing me to get married while my mom kept forcing me to be a nun (because I considered it at one point in my teenage years). I still struggle today with the notion that I will need to care for them someday, even though they really messed with my sister and It's brain and we're really controlling and I absolutely cannot trust my son with them - which is why I distance myself from them and live elsewhere despite financial hardship. I don't want him to learn their behaviours or see a lot of fighting (often I am not given good advice for myself or son, but they make issues when I don't follow their advice). I am not sure what to do. It is hard to keep them at a distance but I feel bad for ignoring or blocking them, but it is not a healthy environment for my 10month old.
This really answered my question as I am going through a fallout with my father who isn't particularly religious and the culture in my family is to apologise and brush things under the rug for the sake of peace despite not agreeing with him-enabling basically. I find myself being guilty of also not acting honourably in response and need to go to confession but also having the courage to stand firmly with my beliefs. Thank you so much
needed this so badly, thank you
Hi Fr. Mike! How do we clearly avoid detraction? I've heard you speak on this a bit but I'd love to hear you go into it more. Thank you for all you do! God bless you!
Change the subject. Or, like Thumper’s Mother said, « If you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all. »
These thoughts coming to you from a daughter who committed détraction far too many times, and has to do a lot of Penance if she wants to avoid Purgatory....
I learned eventually to only complain to someone who had the authority to actually help. I also eventually learned to politely object to what seemed wrong,nrather than stewing and spewing....
I really needed to hear this. I feel like this can be applied to family who try to parent as well. My aunts and grandparents have tried to get in the way of my vocation process.
Ugh I’m so grateful I found this. Sheesh, thank you Father Mike 🙏🏾