The way the professor describes it is almost scary. I'm usually good at reading people and spotting narcissists-until I met a covert narcissist. I got played like a child. I started worrying about her more than anyone, even my son and myself. I had to regulate her depression and extreme insecurities. The professor makes valid points about the stories we tell ourselves. We end up playing along with the narcissist, but after some time-three months after the discard-it becomes easier to zoom out and see the bigger picture. The time after the discard was pure hell, but after a while, I started to sense what was really going on and planned my escape as she began her smear campaign. If you ever meet a covert narcissist, don't make the mistake of confronting them. No one will believe you anyway. Play their game with no reaction, followed by strict no-contact. I even moved to a different country.
Being a borderline who was discarded by a covert narcissist has been the most brutally destabilizing thing I've ever experienced. Sometimes the grief and pain was so deep and unreleting that it felt like I'd never recover. My mind was failing...sometimes I'd have out of body experiences in the middle of work, just suddenly, like I was a ghost controlling a machine. I'd write long deranged screeds in my journals just trying to make sense of everything and yet never getting any closer, only digging nyself deeper into psychosis and confusion. My health was deteriorating... my blood pressure became nearly stroke-leveks even though there is nothing physically wrong with me that would cause it. Just stress. Just my own mind. I thought I was going to die. I felt like my body was just going to kill me. It probably would have. There is nothing but death in ignominity at the end of this road. Finding this channel has really been the only thing that has helped me after years of this prolonged inewcapable grief. Because now I understand, and if I understand, then there are clear paths forward that will provide predictable results. Inside of me there is chaos, but I know with certainty that it seeks to organize...if only it can figure out how. For once I feel that it will.
@themindafterdark7201 I am a Borderline too...I almost drank myself to death after. I went into a horrible depression. I would dissociate at work all the time. I became numb while I was deep in thought. Like I would be off in another world trying to make sense of everything. I would get drunk and write crazy, unhinged posts on the fb of the "new supply" who was an old high school aquintence. She would post memes about me, publicly humiliating me to people I grew up with. The thing is, it eventually helped me understand the abuse I endured in childhood. My family used these tactics on me and scapegoated me as a child. I seek narcissistic men because I am trying to correct my childhood relationship with my parent. My mother and father were both malignant in their own way. My mom used lavish gifts and lived in a fantasy world of grandiosity. My father is stingy and creepy. He is closed off and incapable of love. What a horrible pair. Now I can spot it a mile away. As a matter of fact, as soon as my nervous system becomes disregulated around a person and I find myself obsessively longing for them sexually and romantically, I stand back and watch very closely. My dysregulation is my alarm system now. I am still isolating as of yet. But I know I need to get back out in the world. It's been 2 years to recover!!! I'm still afraid of others. Only now, I can see actually see the evil in humans and can finally use my discernment, not to get too close.
Checked them all, tins of therapy and now the greatest gift; release from the trauma and years of not truly understanding the dynamics of how insidious and sick these ppl are. It takes a shit ton of Intestinal fortitude to get through. Not surprised I had a Sigmoid resection, it's all connected. Holy shite balls. Have a fantastic day everyone. Don't forget to hugs tree.
Being biologically bound to an absence is the cruelest curse. I’m on the right path thanks to you. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, your insights are tremendously helpful 💙💙💙
Thank you 💡 A male student was introduced to our German class full of women. He talked and "explained" so much and was so loud that an introverted female student almost lost it. She often rolled her eyes and showed funny facial expressions. So he felt bullied and started criticizing her. I defended her and made it clear that I wouldn't let him control or manipulate me. He was gone after one session 🕳🤷🏻♀️
I used your no contact rules which were very useful and worked well for me. Thank you, Professor for all the knowledge you share, and I hope you feel better soon. ❤
I fell in love with a narcissist with bipolar who lost his mom when she died young. He switched Tx and meds and became very moody and irritable. When he began to yell and scream at me blaming me for things I did not do. I left. He begged to come back. I gave another chance. He yelled again and I called him on it! He then called with a list blaming me for break up. Yet, why can’t I get over him? I miss him. It’s been over 2 mos now. I do feel it’s harder to get over him even thought I am in no contact. I do feel prolonged grief and rumination! I feel broken!
If you want the narcissistic parent out of your head, stay out of theirs. Stop trying to react to them. Stop trying to argue with them about their reality. That's you being in their head and in their inner dialogue. It is not going to go anywhere and it is not going to work. You have to think about yourself.
Any suggestions when the narcissist is a coworker who is occasionally granted power over other team members, using it to abuse them? But doing it in dark, sneaky manners so the supervisor has a hard time proving it?
Does this list apply to abuse from borderlines as well? I would assume so based on your previous assertion that borderline/narcissism are different iterations of a post traumatic condition.
Professor Vaknin, would you consider making a video completely dedicated to adult men who were raised by a malignant/violent narcissist male? And the path to move forward when they never experienced a "normal" before encountered them. Thank you
There are no psychological differences between male and female narcissists, only cultural ones. So, everything in the From Child to Narcissist applies.
Professor. My partner after 4 years says I need to cancel my Russian citizenship because he hates Russians, can’t watch videos in Russian and I can’t drink tea because Russians drink it. Otherwise he won’t marry me. If I behave good he buys me stuff, plans dates, idolise me, when I try to speak to him he puts headphones and ignores me. Is he a narcissist? At the beginning he was love bombing me calling his future wife. Almost 4 years later I am still not and he I put this citizenship requirement lately
The way the professor describes it is almost scary. I'm usually good at reading people and spotting narcissists-until I met a covert narcissist. I got played like a child. I started worrying about her more than anyone, even my son and myself. I had to regulate her depression and extreme insecurities.
The professor makes valid points about the stories we tell ourselves. We end up playing along with the narcissist, but after some time-three months after the discard-it becomes easier to zoom out and see the bigger picture. The time after the discard was pure hell, but after a while, I started to sense what was really going on and planned my escape as she began her smear campaign.
If you ever meet a covert narcissist, don't make the mistake of confronting them. No one will believe you anyway. Play their game with no reaction, followed by strict no-contact. I even moved to a different country.
Being a borderline who was discarded by a covert narcissist has been the most brutally destabilizing thing I've ever experienced. Sometimes the grief and pain was so deep and unreleting that it felt like I'd never recover. My mind was failing...sometimes I'd have out of body experiences in the middle of work, just suddenly, like I was a ghost controlling a machine. I'd write long deranged screeds in my journals just trying to make sense of everything and yet never getting any closer, only digging nyself deeper into psychosis and confusion. My health was deteriorating... my blood pressure became nearly stroke-leveks even though there is nothing physically wrong with me that would cause it. Just stress. Just my own mind. I thought I was going to die. I felt like my body was just going to kill me. It probably would have. There is nothing but death in ignominity at the end of this road.
Finding this channel has really been the only thing that has helped me after years of this prolonged inewcapable grief. Because now I understand, and if I understand, then there are clear paths forward that will provide predictable results. Inside of me there is chaos, but I know with certainty that it seeks to organize...if only it can figure out how. For once I feel that it will.
@themindafterdark7201 I am a Borderline too...I almost drank myself to death after. I went into a horrible depression. I would dissociate at work all the time. I became numb while I was deep in thought. Like I would be off in another world trying to make sense of everything.
I would get drunk and write crazy, unhinged posts on the fb of the "new supply" who was an old high school aquintence. She would post memes about me, publicly humiliating me to people I grew up with.
The thing is, it eventually helped me understand the abuse I endured in childhood. My family used these tactics on me and scapegoated me as a child. I seek narcissistic men because I am trying to correct my childhood relationship with my parent. My mother and father were both malignant in their own way. My mom used lavish gifts and lived in a fantasy world of grandiosity. My father is stingy and creepy. He is closed off and incapable of love. What a horrible pair.
Now I can spot it a mile away. As a matter of fact, as soon as my nervous system becomes disregulated around a person and I find myself obsessively longing for them sexually and romantically, I stand back and watch very closely. My dysregulation is my alarm system now.
I am still isolating as of yet. But I know I need to get back out in the world. It's been 2 years to recover!!! I'm still afraid of others. Only now, I can see actually see the evil in humans and can finally use my discernment, not to get too close.
Thank You, Sir; as You said: zero tolerance. no second chances.
Thanks for your time sharing such expertise.
Right on time Vaknin! I am in the final stages of recovery. It's been a wild ride
Checked them all, tins of therapy and now the greatest gift; release from the trauma and years of not truly understanding the dynamics of how insidious and sick these ppl are.
It takes a shit ton of Intestinal fortitude to get through.
Not surprised I had a Sigmoid resection, it's all connected.
Holy shite balls.
Have a fantastic day everyone.
Don't forget to hugs tree.
Being biologically bound to an absence is the cruelest curse. I’m on the right path thanks to you. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, your insights are tremendously helpful 💙💙💙
Good morning! 💜📚💜
Thank you so much!!! Your videos found me when I needed them the most. Your knowledge of narcissistic tendencies is amazing!
I actually think I can start getting better listening to you. It’s hard but I believe your practicality ideas make sense.
Thank you 💡 A male student was introduced to our German class full of women. He talked and "explained" so much and was so loud that an introverted female student almost lost it. She often rolled her eyes and showed funny facial expressions. So he felt bullied and started criticizing her. I defended her and made it clear that I wouldn't let him control or manipulate me. He was gone after one session 🕳🤷🏻♀️
Appreciate all your content ... so very important to hear , absorb and digest!
Professor I needed this video. Thank you.
Thank you, spot on
Thank you Prof. Vaknin, for your crucial guidelines.
I used your no contact rules which were very useful and worked well for me. Thank you, Professor for all the knowledge you share, and I hope you feel better soon. ❤
Good morning. Thank you 🙏🏾
Excellent, Thank you Sam
Pleasure listening you always.. Smile in struggle 😊
Thank you ❤
I fell in love with a narcissist with bipolar who lost his mom when she died young. He switched Tx and meds and became very moody and irritable. When he began to yell and scream at me blaming me for things I did not do. I left. He begged to come back. I gave another chance. He yelled again and I called him on it! He then called with a list blaming me for break up. Yet, why can’t I get over him? I miss him. It’s been over 2 mos now. I do feel it’s harder to get over him even thought I am in no contact. I do feel prolonged grief and rumination! I feel broken!
A Great Good Morning Sir !Wow! early Sir😂..
Get well soon ❤
I think this is one of your best videos. Thank you so much. Priceless advice. I'd love a couple of pints in the pub with you! ❤
Thank you for your support in getting me through the four-year recovery process!
You made me cry, but in a good way.
Thank you, Professor Vaknin!
excellent video
¿Trabajando un sabado? Bien venido profesor
Priceless 🙏❤️
If you want the narcissistic parent out of your head, stay out of theirs. Stop trying to react to them. Stop trying to argue with them about their reality. That's you being in their head and in their inner dialogue. It is not going to go anywhere and it is not going to work. You have to think about yourself.
Hello Sam Vaknin! When is the video about healing from a BPD partner tips coming out? I seriously need it 😂
Search the BPD and the NA Healing playlists.
@@samvaknin Thank you. Do you offer talks with people? I would love to have a few words with you but sadly I can't make it to Ohrid in time.
Any suggestions when the narcissist is a coworker who is occasionally granted power over other team members, using it to abuse them? But doing it in dark, sneaky manners so the supervisor has a hard time proving it?
Search the channel.
Does this list apply to abuse from borderlines as well? I would assume so based on your previous assertion that borderline/narcissism are different iterations of a post traumatic condition.
Not fully, but most of it would.
Professor Vaknin, would you consider making a video completely dedicated to adult men who were raised by a malignant/violent narcissist male? And the path to move forward when they never experienced a "normal" before encountered them. Thank you
There are no psychological differences between male and female narcissists, only cultural ones. So, everything in the From Child to Narcissist applies.
Professor. My partner after 4 years says I need to cancel my Russian citizenship because he hates Russians, can’t watch videos in Russian and I can’t drink tea because Russians drink it. Otherwise he won’t marry me. If I behave good he buys me stuff, plans dates, idolise me, when I try to speak to him he puts headphones and ignores me. Is he a narcissist? At the beginning he was love bombing me calling his future wife. Almost 4 years later I am still not and he I put this citizenship requirement lately
I don't think it matters if he is or isn't a narcissist. He's clearly an abuser and if possible you should seek to leave.
Sam is a scary man
Thank you so much.
Thank you!