20 Ways to Provoke the Narcissist to Meltdown, Tantrum, Apoplexy
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 ก.ย. 2024
- Say this to drive the narcissist to apoplexy, reduce him/her to a quivering heap:
Do this/don’t do this
I agree with you
I disagree with you
I won’t do it
Do you need some help or advice? Directions?
Let me show you how to do it
Maybe, not sure it’s true
Are you sure? Can you prove it? Provide references?
This is one way to look at it/do it
You are wrong, it didn’t happen like that
Maybe s/he is right?
You are among the best
Taking into account … you really did well, look good, are accomplished
I heard this before from someone else
I suggest that you …
I was/am exactly like you, I was thinking precisely the same thing
Together, we will make it
I have the same … like you
Here are a few of the things the narcissist finds devastating:
Any statement or fact, which seems to contradict his inflated perception of his grandiose self.
Any criticism, disagreement, exposure of fake achievements, belittling of "talents and skills" which the narcissist fantasises that he possesses.
Any hint that he is subordinated, subjugated, controlled, owned or dependent upon a third party.
Any description of the narcissist as average and common, indistinguishable from many others.
Any hint that the narcissist is weak, needy, dependent, deficient, slow, not intelligent, naive, gullible, susceptible, not in the know, manipulated, a victim, an average person of mediocre accomplishments.
The narcissist is likely to react with rage to all these and, in an effort to re-establish his fantastic grandiosity, he is likely to expose facts and stratagems he had no conscious intention of exposing.
The narcissist reacts indignantly, with wrath, hatred, aggression, or even overt violence to any infringement of what he perceives to be his natural entitlement.
Narcissists believe that they are so unique and that their lives are of such cosmic significance that others should defer to their needs and cater to their every whim without ado. The narcissist feels entitled to interact or be treated (or questioned) only by unique individuals. He resents being doubted and "ridiculed".
Any insinuation, hint, intimation, or direct declaration that the narcissist is not special at all, that he is average, common, not even sufficiently idiosyncratic to warrant a fleeting interest inflame the narcissist. He holds himself to be omnipotent and omniscient.
Tell the narcissist that he does not deserve the best treatment, that his desires are not everyone's priority, that he is boring or ignorant, that his needs can be catered to by any common practitioner (medical doctor, accountant, lawyer, psychiatrist), that he and his motives are transparent and can be easily gauged, that he will do what he is told, that his temper tantrums will not be tolerated, that no special concessions will be made to accommodate his inflated sense of self, that he is subject to court procedures, etc. - and the narcissist will likely lose control.
The narcissist believes that he is the cleverest, far above the madding crowd.
Contradict him often, disagree with him and criticize his judgement, expose his shortcomings, humiliate and berate him ("You are not as intelligent as you think you are", "Who is really behind all this? It takes sophistication which you don't seem to possess ", "So, you have no formal education", "You are (mistake his age, make him much older)", "What did you do in your life? Did you study? Do you have a degree? Did you ever establish or run a business? Would you define yourself as a success?", "Would your children share your view that you are a good father?", "You were last seen with a certain Ms. … who is (suppressed grin) a stripper (in demeaning disbelief)".
I know that many of these questions cannot be asked outright in a court of law. But you can insinuate them or hurl these sentences at him during the breaks, inadvertently during the examination or deposition phase, etc. Narcissists hate innuendos even more than they detest direct attacks.
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You ignore them
No eye contact
One or 2 word response
Walk away
Block
Don't look back
If someone brings up their names, you respond, "Who"
Proceed to live a happy life.
And it’s so much fun 😂
Need to learn the last second part
Oh.... That's great... "Who"? I'm using this one.😂❤
Yeah after learning it the hardest way imaginable.... through hell. A living nightmarish hell. No words can describe.
I'm going through the bullshit of it & don't wish it on anyone EVER. Leaving it soon because I can't stand it anymore.
you sure are cold
My favorite thing to say to a narcissist is absolutely nothing 😂
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻grey stone always works
I'm finally thoroughly convinced that this is the only way.
Gray rock 🪨 🎸 rocks 😊👍
Me to!
Perfect.
Narcissists use language to impress, NOT to communicate. SPOT ON
Tell them they are wrong.
Tell them NO 😂😂
‘The word No” is generally very effective to produce a meltdown!
Oooo they lose their shit
yup
The n word😂
When they hear NO
There eyes poke out 😂😂😂😂
Lol this is the best part thank you 😅😮😮😊😊😊
Narcissists are very materialistic so you can exploit that. If you can control their toys, you control them.
Wow so true
Very true
Omg! So true! My father left a lot of tools and other valuable things when he died, my STBX got them because he was the only male. When he cheated on me AGAIN, and final reverse discarded me, my mother said for him to give it all to me. OMG!! That made him lose it.
Their behaviors are so insane, you have to laugh to keep from crying. 🤪😬
💯💯💯this
Yes! Whenever you reach this point it's another level of healing and realization.
So true😂.
Normal boundaries enforced is enough to set them off.
Yeah they've always gotten extremely aggressive around my boundaries increasingly when I won't let them violate them. It sucks because they start acting like a victim and usually get a few people to come along and employ the bandwagon effect. I'm autistic and a little socially inept instinctually so it's incredibly difficult to navigate when people team up against you in a crowd and don't really seem to value or carry about the truth and seem honestly to be actively seeking out tyrannical figures to aid which is perplexing to me. I want to help people do something right not something wrong.
@@dominusbalial835the same for me exactly. Can we be friends?
It's not hard to provoke a narcissist 😂 it's effortless as breathing.
They love to be upset. If they don't have a legitimate reason they will invent it.
This is so spot on. I know someone like this she displays every trait of NPD .
It’s an addiction cycle for them.
They wake up in the morning and their first thought is "how am I going to make them pay today" literally hate filled people. Stay away from them....
💯
it's hilarious how he does no want the help but ask for services 😂😂😂
So true! even when you try to help them, or suggest anything they'll reject it and throw you a task that they just distribute.
@MaryMarietteThis is a good description. They also assign jobs and responsibilities to people against their will. They coerce people into doing tasks. They're entitled to everyone's time, energy and money.
You say it best...when you say nothing at all 🎶
I LOVE that song!
Killing me softly I like to sing two
This cracked me up, despite the seriousness of the topic, humour is never misplaced.
"No" is always a boundary
"No" can be a one word sentence
"No" needs to further explanation
"No" is always a "positive" (because you are saying yes to yourself)😎
💯💯💯🏆
I need that on a t shirt and on my wall. We, the survivers tend to forget and still say yes when we should say no.
We need to get rid of this conditioning.
Saying yes comes often like a reflex, saying yes bevore I even think about the favor asked. That's very hard to get rid of it.
Ase ❤
My ex gf was the narcissist who called me a narcissist who actually introduced me to this man.
😂😂
is she consciously aware that she exhibits a high degree of narcissistic behaviours herself?
Let them hoover you with the grand initial hoover, engage with them briefly and then abruptly disengage from them, and ignore all follow up hoovers, calls and voicemails. Then block them forever. The empowerment is magical 😃
Exactly what I did to my narcissist 😂now she rarely bothers me. Thank GOD
@@kerryfudge8478 excellent 👏
That's one way victims become abusers.
@@thecultofculture5889 spoken like a true narcissist
@@EmmaCroft73 How's that ? I don't fit the criteria at all, you are projecting. And that you have no issue hanging that very serious diagnosis on someone over a very simple and direct comment, says it all about you.
So true. My narcissistic spouse will fly into a terrifying rage if I, or anyone else, tells him, "No." Or, if we offer to help him. You just can't win. After 30 years, I am done with him.
I’m glad you are free of him now…that is horrifying.
wow what a waste of time so sorry
Hugs, freedom finally, ❤
You go, grrl! I'm sorry it took so long, but I understand. There's life on the other side.
31 yrs here and my divorce will be final July 9. Stay safe and healthy 🙏
I used to be so intimidated and afraid of his egregious reactions now, years later, I look at invoking his tantrums as a game. I especially love the silent treatment so I don’t have to hear his bloody mouth for a bit, nor cook, do anything for him it’s brilliant 😂🤣😂🤣🏆
They are dys regulated
Honestly if you're in a relationship with this person it might be best to seperate and focus your efforts towards someone else. If you've gotten to the point where you provoke your abusive partner into tantrums for amusement. He's making you abusive as well even if he treats you horribly as well. He's having a psychological effect on you, it's good that you're standing up for yourself though.
I think they love when you say "I agree with you." If you want to get their goat say "yeah, I know." Say it like they just said something stupid and boring and leave the room, and then watch them follow you all around the house saying "what do mean you know?!" It's awesome.
I shall try this.
😂😂I will have to try this one next time!!
Why not just being a healthy relationship
@@paulettelamontagne6992 Ideally... duh. If you are so smart, and in a healthy relationship why are you here, Paulette?
@@QuiteContrary14 I'm here because I raised my grandson from the time I cut his cord until he was 6 years old then his malignant covert narcissistic father got out of prison he went when my daughter was 4 months pregnant. She refused to parents and was neglectful so I took custody when he was 3 months old and threw her out of my house I believe she's an over narcissist she's look at me look at me look at me and I blame myself because she's my only child and I spoiled her doted on her and was a helicopter mom she took off to Vegas to do girls gone wild videos and strip. So after a lengthy Court battle with the covert father and a lot of money after a year and a half he ended up with sole custody. 7 months into visits I saw welts and cuts on my grandson's rear end I called the police who did not show DCF the pictures left them on an Evidence disc and spoke to my grandson in front of a convict that has F the police tattooed on his back. Nothing was done except for he cut me off and I haven't seen my grandson in 4 years and I cry everyday. So I'm trying to figure out his mind how I could do this to his kid. The last time I see my grandson is at CVS Pharmacy when he was hanging out the window screaming my man and my nana. POS said shut the f up and roll up the window. I didn't know about this disorder really so me I printed up all kinds of his pornographic pictures from his website I sent him to his father the church is employer I called his PO I took pictures of him smoking blunts they've done nothing to this dude I haven't seen my grandbaby in 4 years and he lives 10 minutes from me put 100 sign out on his birthday that I hand painted I beg and plead with this guy kiss his ass and he just does not care so I'm trying to figure out if there's a way to make him forgive me for something I never did wrong I wasn't trying to be mean or critical I just don't understand being in a romantic relationship with a human like this God bless you
You agree with them, causes injury. You disagree, causes injury
They are just pathetic and fucked up
Oh Sam - how you make me laugh about my insanely ridiculous relationship frustrations. Thanks for a wonderful summary of a typical day spent with my narcissist.
"MY narcissist"? Why don’t you just leave?
Sam has the cutest giggle😊
On a serious note, this information is so poignatly truthful.I have experienced the wrath of a wuonded child by disagreeing with him, it is hell like.
The joy in that giggle is genuine.
I was working with one I think. She was the Queen. She could only be the one to make decisions in the office. She was a coworker not a boss but could not see it that way. Unfortunately the employers were not helpful in dealing with her tantrums so I asked to make the schedule out so I would never work with her again. They did and now I’m in peace.
I am grateful for my mothers narc meltdowns because it enabled those around me to see her for who she really is and not the act she puts on.
Just say "No!" 😅
@@ginnyrigg9288literally, just say no. Shows you have no experience 😅
@@audionerdlilcuz saying no will result in them getting pissed, yes. And they will take ir on... the person who said no. Thats what he meant. Saying no doesnt work if you have narc family members, only on strangers on the street
@@deadwolf3607 you dont understand the meaning in telling them no. It’s not to poke them, they know that, but don’t want you to know. Look at in a way of setting boundaries and sticking to them. Or continuing goals you’ve set for yourself and not stopping to complete those goals after you’re done with the narc. I was literally married to one, I know what I’m talking about 🤭
@@audionerdlilcuz and I was a child of one. You had the law behind you, the narc knows this. Thats what causes the diference in threatment, or so I think
Yessss, say NO.
I said NO to my narc-mother. Since 14 years i live in peace without her.
Yessss, I said NO
Love your sense of humor in this subject Sam. Thanks for the light you bring.
I don't want anything from the narcissist ....except for him to leave...lol... I promise I will worship the ground he walks away from...
They want you to jump through a window screaming pulling your hair out and running down the street like you're on fire 🔥 that's what they want😂 unspeakable joy knowing
Spread the truth they loose it!!!
Also...this incredible speaker has me constantly smiling...if not laughing out loud...because I'm pretting much surrounded by narcissists and they are truly how they are depicted here. But once you understand how they tick it gets much easier to stand them. The ones who aren't family of course have got kicked out of my life.
Sam, I love your laugh!
😂😂😂😂😂 a person could watch just this video and have an excellent synapsis of what is happening inside the mind of the narcissist. I never understood why innocuous things I said caused a tantrum not unlike a Cat 5 hurricane.
If you're overwhelmed, I can come help you. Boom
Yeah, I know. I read an article recently that said what you just said. In addition, did you know....(expounding on what he said)? Boom
If you are experiencing these kind of things in your relationship, get out NOW. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Mine parked illegally, then asked me to sit in the driving seat while went shopping. I refused. He didn't like it.
I like your laugh 😊
You don't have to do anything to provoke them. You can't avoid provoking them, whatever you do or say, you can't win. You become a mute hollowed-out shell of your former self, diminished and broken. All you can do to save yourself is walk away and hide, if you can.
Dr. Gaining. You made me laugh so hard! I love your sense of humor.
*Vaknin. Dr. Vaknin
Amazing to hear this insight. I had NO idea why some people reacted so aversely to normal interaction. It’s actually quite funny!
Things that caused my narcissist ex to explode with anger:
1. I ordered coffee and donuts for us to his house.
2. He thought I deleted a text in our chat when I didn't.
3. I didn't respond to him for a few hours while I was eating and going to a movie with my sister and daughter.
4. I ignored him after he called me a bitch.
5. I ignored him after he screamed at me 1 inch from my face because I wore a shirt that he said was too revealing. (He bought me the shirt btw)
6. His mom paid for dinner and I should have been more aggressive in grabbing the check
7. I didn't respond to him while I was at work
And many more...
It is not a good idea to provoke them, you get it back in buckets 😂
Fortunately for me , my legs are growing back .
…do you know my sister?
….everything you said ; fit’s perfectly….!!!
“Eternal enemy in the shape of the narcissist “ 😂 I have two!
Or 3
This is the funniest truths about the narcissist. Wish that I had seen this video 3 or 4 years ago while I was still married to my ex-husband.
He was a religious extremist..."I have the truth". I laughed straight out in front of the kids. It was all coming to a end....
Hilarious. You were torturing me with your humorous ways of showing the world within.
... I had to laugh a lot - but actually it's sad. But permanent silence is not a solution....
Thank you Sam - greetings from Germany.
It’s been my experience that all you have to do to touch off an off-the-scale reaction from a narcissist is to tell the truth. However, don’t be surprised if you become a target, an exile &, a “bad object.” It took me awhile to realize that if I was going to open my mouth & let the truth fly out, I’d have to get used to the blowback.
Thanks! Prof, I am laughing seriously!
OMG.... I said it all 🤭..aaaaannnd.😱..Got discarded.😂😂😂.. Thank you God🙏🙏🙏
Well, I was making him angry all that time for agreeing with him. This is very satisfying!
I exposed him SOCIALLY on his circle of acquaintances. I'm sure no one really believe what I said... but at least there's DOUBT now... next time he might not be so lucky
No.
A complete sentence.
That is all.❤
ChatGPT told me not to do this and you go and make a video. BASED Thanks Sam!
Such a brilliant scientist
Dr Sam Vaikin ~ As usual at his Best... Thanks Dr 👍
I said to my friend's obnoxious narcissistic mother, (who is 83), 'For God's sake, you're 84'. She very angrily replied 'No I'm not'.
In other words, just don't do it. Don't engage. Don't try--its impossible.
If I ask my narc fake spouse to please keep it around the speed limit (70 mph instead of 90 mph) when my one year-old grandson is riding with us, he becomes enraged and drives 95, or he slows down to 45. He NEVER asks me to do anything for him because he expects me to KNOW what he's thinking and what he needs. One time this sap said to ME, "I'm going to get Mike from work to come and talk to you! He will put you in your place." 😂😂😂 Does he sound llike a true narc?
You need to be super ignorant with zero life experience to genuinely believe that you are the best, you know the best!
That’s the part I don’t get.
As for my own experience, I proved my narcissist wrong in everyway possible but it seemed like the proofs made him lose his mind even more, he started hallucinating and his speech changed, his whole personality changed but in a bad way. He withdrew inside more which is a good thing for society. I would love Dr. Sam to talk about this phenomena of a narcissist starting hallucinating and withdraw from society after him being proven wrong and humiliated.
Search the channel for "mortification".
never say 'yeah ok, youre boring me now' 😂
That's a good one.
Don't "mmhmm" them, they'll just keep. Talking. Forever.
YES, Let's do this.
This explains so many rages by my ex! I had the audacity to be honest lol.
Thank You, explained so throughly, lol u bring humor to a serious subject!
Years ago, I was in a group of friends that actually were “frenemies”, because they were narcissists.
They have gone since.
One of them, I was hurt by considerably,
so I joked with the others,
“ The reason I never had a pool party,
was, how was I going to say
‘-R-, You swim in the water.
Not walk on top of it!!!”
🤣 🤣 🤣
This is halarious good job here
This was hysterical. Thanks, Sam; you are THE best. ;)
This is so very, very SPOT ON. 👌💪
One of the best videos on understanding the narcissist i have seen to date. ! I thoroughly enjoyed your lecture and your tone od presentation. After listening to countless discussions on this topic, you are a trusted resource of facts for me.
Another brilliant words 👏..i am so bored of not talking to narcist for long time may be for some fun i will try all u said ..i may say " let me show how to do it " or " i think u need help "
It can be a tragedy if someone has parents with such disorders. It seems ridiculous, but these people will ruin the life of even their own child. In my case, my father became strangely furious when he lost control of something. When everything went too far and I reported the matter to the police, he ridiculed and humiliated me and the fact that I had evidence. He lost control after he found out that his control wasn't working and I took the matter to court (I remember him talking to himself after he received a summons: "me, he's taking me to court with his stupid evidence." They truly consider themselves Gods). The guy started destroying his property in the house, claiming that it was me who did it, ... even the police were amazed what this man was doing and saying. These people cannot accept facts and manipulate their surroundings to draw others into their imaginary world.
Yeah my mom made me loose a full ride scholarship. Long story
These people are dangerous. Dont poke the beast. If you know what they are....get away from them.
Sadly, if you deliver some truth to a narcissist, you need to be physically superior - otherwise you'll just get the head punched off you as most are quite violent when provoked. Being "physically superior" can be tricky because your average narcissist is quite narcissistic = ergo they spend ages on themselves, which often(usually) includes gym-time. You being busy, may not get time to spend 3 hours a day in the gym... They do as their self is their favorite thing.
Telling a slight-framed male or female how to "provoke" a narc can be very bad advice for them. Chances are it will lead to severe physical abuse. You can bore on about how the narc is insecure or weak inside blah blah - but chances are they're still going to be well able to knock your face in when enraged.
Be Machiavellian when dealing with a narc - driving them into a rage ain't too bright unless you are stronger - which you might not be. Be smarter. They ain't that bright - despite how often they will tell you they are.
I love your laugh!😂 Uhhh, so let me get this straight; probably best not to deliberately provoke the narcissist. The intelligent strategy is to quietly walk away. 😊
Let them live that dull ridiculous existence. Gosh they are so mind numbingly boring. Get on with having fun and stuff.
They also keep track of the "love" they give - the dinners, gifts, trips - and expect you to comply and do as they want/say because of it. They won't tell you that but if there is any form of transgression on their part they have the love-bombing they've done to warrant it. You are merely a character in their lives.
This is so so so true 💯 Thank You for bringing awareness to this matter 🙏🏻✨
The worst realisation is when your put in pedestal from day one by the eyes of a daughter you realise your dad has narcisistic traits.
The pain he can cause opened my eyes and closed my heart. I feel I lived a fairy tale unnavare 36 years my dad is not that pure even though he was my hero.
It is one of the saddest revelations in my life second to leaving my narcisistic partner , my love and best friend.
I actually think my relation was better with him when I knew nothing about narcisism. I could cope and manage his sudden, terryfing anger outbursts, mean and hurtful comments, his making me feel guilty when he did not hlget his way, talking over me.
Now since i know who he is i set boundaries and it only escalated.
Sometimes not knowing is actually better for you.
😢😢😢
I have had the same experience. Learning about narcissism lately in life. Thinking I had a fairytale life because I saw their grandiose behavior as confidence. Trying so hard to please them because I have found out I am a fixer and an empath. And now realizing all they really want is your constant supply and total agreement. Mine also made big promises but never delivered....breadcrumbing. All part of their manipulation. Just take what they say or do with a grain of salt. Never show them they get to you emotionally. Set the expectations bar really low. While I am thankful to be enlightened to this disorder, it has just made me want to know more in order to to protect myself. And explain their very weird behaviors that I used to always give the benefit of doubt to.
@MaryMariette what an interesting insight. I never thought of it that way. I was prretty little girl , one of the best in school. There was no reason to be bad to me.
I just had a loving dad.
But I see the narcisistic traits here and there after 20 years of living abroad i was regressed to a 7 year old in one second when he raged at me when I was eating breakfast.
How screwed up..
My brother on a contrary did not learn good. My dad screamed at him. Also beat him up.
He had no mother and no closesness with dad.
He is heavily drinking and I have no idea where he is.
I blame my dad for in in a way.
But for my dad ' tennis lessons private schools and skiing holidays and sailing' all the upper class things was a 'great childchood'.
Nothing further from the truth
Its great to have comfort but most important is stability and safety specially emotional , at home.
How sąd to realise we had a disfunctional family where we all believe it is normal.
On a contrary other have much worse
I had a similar experience. It seemed that because I'd already behaved one way... submissive, subdued etc. the Narc in my life wouldn't accept my new boundaries once I learnt how best to react. It was like he felt he still owned me and refused to let go. He saw me for whom I really was first and wasn't convinced by my new behaviour at the later time. I think it's best to hold boundaries from the get go so they know that that's who you really are!
Exhausting
Thanks so much, Prof - great lectures xox. Love the humour too!!!🤩
7:40 min in. And I did the first two things to the last Narcissist 😂 Now it all makes sense why he hated me with his heart hahaha
This is great advice and I’m going to try your phrases on my narcissistic mother! Wrote them all down. Thank you professor. Btw love your laugh it’s contagious ❤️😂✌️😊👍
be sure to pat her hand and smile blandly and nod like a sympathetic mother to an incorrigible toddler while doing so.
That closing statement🎉
Curious if ya’ll see this as a “reactive abuse “ expression?
At times when a partner is so deflated by a narcs persistent projected provocations, they may respond with a deep well of emotion that may look like some of Sam’s descriptions here. The NPD may stand over the partner with an internal smile saying “see you’re the narc, the crazy person” and dismiss their every word in order to stay in control.
I watch all of your videos...i think this is my favorite 😂
Professor Vaknin... You are the best! ❤
She NEEDED what I was using, said she bought it and wants to use it now, had other stuff like it to use, i gave it to her and I said ME ME ME ME ME ME ME, she totally lost it, even heard some of THEM words, it was fun, I now know who she is.
My ex covert always offended or irritated, even with the minimal comment or answer. I did evetything I shouldnt… when I did not know, but after I did it sometimes for fun, and told him 😅 dont start !! They are ridicoulisly funny 😂😂😂
Wow! That klickt a light on.. Thank you.
Your laugh is great😊
No wonder I annoyed him so much, I did almost all these.
Dr Vaknin rocks my box
Thank u, Sam❤
Another good one: I know you need my help.
Totally understand everything hou are saying.Cannot help it but you do laugh like Mr.Bean.😂.
So sorry I didn't know that. All the fun I missed with his nonsense EVERYTHING you said is soooo true. Just discarded,not angel anymore, I wish I knew it.
I love your laugh, Sam-contagious😂
Wow that explains so much about my former collegue ... that REALLY caused me learning about narcissism few years ago. And all things considering i can consider myself lucky that after his innitial behavior targeted at ME revealed him quickly. And the 4 free days i spent googling how the hack can someone behave like that ! Foolishy expecting my new collegue is a regular person i commited many points mentioned in the video, including the things such as offering help if needed, actually remembering what happened etc ;-)
Say yes and then do the opposite.
I love your laughs and humor😂
The introduction of the video is. quite funny!
My ex narc was an expert on every subject ever known to man! I’d sit there completely lost for words sometimes listening to his utter rubbish coming out of him!
This is the best video of u prof.Sam that best described my ex..
It feels like u are descibing him😂🤣..