Single women can have a good life. You can even have a family if you choose. Too many young women marry because they are afraid of being single. I have a friend who screwed her whole life before it even got started good because she was afraid of being single. Don't marry anyone you aren't head over heels in love with and him the same about you. Marriage is challenging at best but impossible if it's not the right person
I'm sorry you never found a person who filled the gaping hole that's left without a lifelong, committed spouse who is wise, kind, loving, helpful, and a provider. That's the ideal we should all strive for. It doesn't mean a single person can't live a fulfilled life, but that's like saying, "Hey I never worked out and I'm still healthy." Well.... yeah, it's possible to still be okay, but you'll never achieve the height of excellence you otherwise would have. Unfulfilled potential is a sad thing. We only get one shot at life: might as well go for it and shoot for the stars! Since our society has largely abandoned traditional Judeo-Christian values, there are fewer "good ones" out there. But there still are some. There are good, solid, Bible-believing Christian men and women who know what it means to love, serve, cherish, and honor another person ahead of themselves. Such a person is worth more than their weight in gold, not only financially, but also emotionally, physically and spiritually. Life's not over yet. Give it consideration and consider taking another look! Otherwise, your partner will be the US Govt when you get older and less able to keep up with life alone.... and they kinda suck!
This is why family issues are addressed by both husband and wife. It’s completely appropriate to have one spouse head up one area and the other spouse head up another but all should be discussed and shared.
At least 2x a year, we have a state of the union money meeting where we share and add up all assets and debts. It's helpful to lay it out, get all on the same page, and set goals.
I have a very similar story, with my marriage on the track of growing HELOC and credit card debt, diminishing income, and empty promises. I just finalized the divorce and hit the life reset button at age 60 last year. I am now proud to have bought my own house, am supporting myself, building back my IRAs, and living 100% debt free. It's so good to be able to just breathe!
It's great that you were able to get out of that situation, but how were you not held liable for 50% of the debt since it was accrued during your marriage?
@FionaGlennanne I made it part of the separation agreement since he was the one using the HELOC. I also stipulated that we were each responsible for the debts in our own names. I never really knew how many credit cards he had. There was one joint account that I demanded paid off closed before the divorce. I guess I had a good lawyer, and did not go after his personal or business assets.
FYI- I know women who have done the same thing to their husband's. This has ZERO to do with gender and everything to do with a poor marriage and relationship dynamics between two people who should have both handled things differently long ago
I never comment on anything, but THIS makes me so glad that I divorced my ex-husband. This is where we were headed. I cut my losses early & have flourished financially and in other ways since. Transparency on finances is a must.
I would never, EVER, co-sign on a home loan with any of my siblings or my husband's siblings. Bad, bad consequences of doing something like that. Just say NO.
This marriage sounds like a disaster. She’s kept in the dark about the finances, and every time she brings it up, he gets so angry that she’s concerned for her own safety. Sounds like she should’ve left him years ago.
But she knew from the beginning something wasn't right. Jade got her to admit that. The wife isn't a victim when she allowed this to happen. They are both responsible.
I'd be separating more than my finances. Out of work for years at a time, running up debt. Oh no. Divorce him, sell the house, get your half of the equity and live your best life.
@MikeBarbarossa it IS all his fault. Her wrong was in trusting him not to commit financial fraud, not leaving him the first time he took a 3 year vacation from working and for not keeping an eye on the money he was wasting.
It sucks to learn that a spouse turned out to be untrustworthy after all those years. But then again, going three years living life, paying bills, raising kids without a job, there were signs.
we were sold the lie that the best way to do things is let each partner do their "specialty". Fun fact happiest division of chores is to do them together ;)
68 retired 8 months married 43 years to the same great women. My role was to do the 401k and making sure we have enough to retire. My wife paid all the bills and ran the household. We both knew about any major purchases or loans and we would both see the 401k statements. Now that we are retired it is important for both of us know the entire picture in detail. This way when one of us dies the other spouse will know everything in detail.
Anger management AND he's in control of all the finances? My sweetie. Divorce his ***, and then he'll never have to worry about your "nitpicking him" again.
@@CurieBohr The longer she stays with him, the more in debt she will go. If the guy can go unemployed for years at a time when he is supposed to be the breadwinner, he has no financial responsibility. He will continue to spend money he doesn't have until there is no equity in the house.
I have a college friend that was upper management his entire career. He got laid off in his fifties, couldn’t find anything but Walmart. He immediately swallowed his pride and went to Walmart. I’m so proud of him! His wife is as well. ❤
@charlafrederick1245 I would expect if the options are work at Walmart or not at all he would choose not at all. If he needs a Walmart wage to stay in the black he messed up.
"Where did you think the money was coming from?" "Well, my husband has anger problems." She didn't answer the question. She buried her head in the dirt.
She's clearly saying he wouldn't answer straight questions and any questions would escalate into an argument. He also was clearly disrespectful in every way.
She's probably afraid of the answer.... he's selling drugs... he's got a sugar mama on the side... etc. Or simply in denial. It used to amaze me the falsehoods people would believe about a spouse or another family member if they were trying to avoid rocking the boat or suffering a "scandal".... you hear it all the time with parent, "Oh my little Timmy would NEVER do something like that!" In her 60s with no retirement and a heap of marriage issues: she's got her work cut out for her to live a happy next 20 years. I hope the help they provide her with the financial coach gets her started.
Glad to see Jade call out the female caller. One of the few Ramsey personalities that will actually do this. Husband has anger management issues and clearly used retirement, savings and credit cards to keep themselves afloat, while being too prideful to take a lower paying job. The lady purposely turned a blind eye, knew what was happening. And did nothing. If their marriage is to survive and they can make smart financial decisions in the future, they should sell the house pay off their debt and they have $400,000 they can immediately put into retirement investments. Then they start to rent a cheap anpa and both work like dogs until they can retire with dignity.
Agreed, she should have left him years ago when he first made her feel afraid. She should have also sought legal advice to get more information about their finances. He's a bum, but it isn't 100% his fault.
@@Intense_Friction Jade's amazing by not jumping to huge conclusions. John would have jumped right into "what happened to you growing up"..😅 And, she absolutely turned a blind eye while figuring oh well we can keep a spending...yippee!!
Not saying it was the case, but it sounds like he was mentally & financially abusive; abuse can cause people to live one day at a time tying not to bring out the "anger" that she mentions. People who are controlled, abused don't talk about it and until u experience abuse, you can't ever know how paralyzing it is. Hope it isn't that!
This story sounds like relatives of mine, very similar. He worked sporadically for the exact same reason, wouldn't take a job unless it was up to his standards. He was forever fired from jobs. He bought a sports car and had another car repossessed. The Irs got involved, the house was in foreclosure, and they were on the brink. I don't know why she didn't leave him then and there, but she stuck him out. She opened another bank account in a relative's name to hide from him and worked her ass off to pay off the debts. First the Irs and then everyone else. She saved the house and eventually put them back on track. She worked from home and was able to work a deadly number of hours...to a point where it did affect her health. But eventually she was able to afford them a second home down south where she goes (and he too sometimes) to get some sun. She still works but not as much. They are both in their 80s. This story happened when they were in their late 50s, early 60s...so same time frame as the caller. I am fairly sure, to this day, he doesn't know about this other account she has had over the years. I don't know if she eventually transferred it into her own name or not. She kept it for her own security later in life. I don't know if he wonders where all the money goes. But, he hasn't worked in years of course and as I mentioned, she still does but she is ok. Frankly, the whole family always thought she should have dumped his ass decades ago. He never changed.
Oh my goodness I feel so bad for your relative in that story. She worked so hard and for a man that did so poorly to her. I sometimes worry my sister is on the same path. How tough
@@xAmaya13x Yes. He has been like that day one. He worked a little then stayed home a lot. Spent lots of $. Bought a really fancy sports car and didn't pay for the economical car they had, and it was repossessed. Then the fancy car was repo'd. The house went into foreclosure, the irs froze their accounts. It was bad. Meanwhile, he was acting like king of the hill. I know she went through major health problems over it. She took on many jobs but was able to be at home...but she worked all day and nite. He did shit. But now, years later they are good money wise. I don't know how she put up with him. No one in the family knows how she did.
My father, God rest his soul, was terrible with money, and would get angry and defensive when confronted. However, he was not a horrible person, quite the opposite otherwise. He had the patience of a saint and he never raised his voice or yelled at anyone . He just had a terrible attitude towards money. My mother eventually separated their finances, and it was no longer an issue and stress for them.
I didn't watch the video yet but your comment makes it sounds like he's pretending to be the owner of a lot and is selling cars that he doesn't own or that won't be there in two days
There’s nothing wrong with being a car salesperson, don’t conflate that with being a financial cheater who stole his wife’s retirement. There’s plenty of good people who sell cars
This is similar to my sister's marriage- My garbage brother-in-law handles all the finances and nothing else, and keeps my sister completely in the dark. They keep their finances separate, but when money comes to them as a married couple, like a tax refund, it goes into HIS bank account. For example, during covid when we were getting the child covid payments from the government, my sister had no clue that the government was sending out money. He kept all that secret from her, and she didn't find out until I asked her what they were doing with the money. Her response - "What covid payments?" He used that money as a down payment for a Jeep, btw. Another example - whenever he spends money on his family (they have 2 kids), he expects her to pay him back. They went to disney land a few years ago, which she had to pay for, and if he paid for anything, he had her pay him back. Since they keep finances separate, she's responsible for paying for all the groceries. Whenever she doesn't have enough money to go to the grocery store, he covers it and then she pays him back. Another example - since money that is meant for them as a couple, like a tax refund, goes into HIS bank account, he keeps an iron fist on that money and she doesn't see any of it. What does he do with money like that? He purchases cars behind her back. His purchased three cars behind her back in their 10 year marriage, the latest example being a tesla one month ago. He goes and purchases cars behind her back while demanding that he get paid back if he has to buy groceries for his kids. After he got the Tesla, my sister had a divorce lawyer all picked out but then decided not to call. She'll give that lawyer a call someday though. This situation is as much her fault as it is his fault, though, so I don't feel bad for her anymore. I used to.
Omg this sounds almost exactly like my sister and brother-in-law situation ! My parents keep bailing them out. Then I keep bailing my parents out. It’s the worst thing that has ever happened. He lies. He gets fired and doesn’t tell anyone. Good luck with your sis. I hope you are far removed form it!!
@@oneupper7602 Christmas Vacation movie. The caller said her husband was out of work for two or three years at a time and refused to take a job unless it was an upper management position.
@@bernicemorrissey1533She was aware he was out of work for years at a time and didn’t care where the money was coming from. She doesn’t get to suddenly care and play victim.
@@ST-rj8iu I don't care how good of a money manager you are. If you don't work for 3 years and the wife isn't suspicious then she is even dumber than he is
@ listen to the call. She asked and he said don't worry about it. She has been pestering him to know what is going on. She couldn't get a straight answer.
I will say this type of situation sucks. Hearing stories like this are horrible. I know a lot of people are saying this is why a woman needs to protect herself and I you know this is why you don't come by in finances and I'm just like feels like people just don't talk to their spouses. You got to make everything open and honest. That's how you make a successful marriage
She’s not safe. Bottom line. This isn’t a time for a financial coach, this is a time for a counselor because she’s going to need a safety plan and start divorce proceedings.
I'm glad you said this because I thought the same thing. She can't just go to him and say the things they told her to say because of his history. Rage. That's what will happen.
@@janlange3839 Sounds very worrisome for her. Don't want to judge on so little information, but sounds like financial abuse and intimidation. I wish her the best outcome.
Where is the retirement saving from her career? All she said basically is he failed to save up any retirement from HIS job. Sounds like she relied on him for retirement, without doing anything herself
30 years marriage…. Did she start working for the last 10 after the kids were older? Consumer debt was probably accumulated by both of them, and the 401k was spent on living expenses… not “behind her back”… He might not be a good husband, but she is not blameless in the financial mess. ..
If I lost my job my focus would be making sure my bills get paid and would know how long I had to get a job before hitting savings. He's out of work 3 years and u never wonder how to make ends meet? It's really a passive attitude.
At this point theres nothing you can do but downsize and learn to live on social security. Theres no point of the call. You cant amass a retirement once your 62.
You can if you are healthy and have a real good job and little to no debt. But you’ll need to resign yourself to working another 8 to 10 years fulltime.
@@jaengen agreed. People used to work up until 2-5 years before they died because they had no other options other than living with their children. It's only within the past 60-80 years that 1st world countries could generate enough surplus revenues to fund social retirement accounts. Now, most people retire and live 20-30 years. There's no reason she CAN'T work so far as we know. Her lack of proactive agency in this case cost her that luxury of early retirement, and it will be paid for with 10-15 more years of HARD work and diligent investing. She should still be able to retire though, but it's going to be mid-late 70s.... and then she should still have 5-10 more years to enjoy. I hope that's the happy ending to this otherwise sad tale.
I'm so happy they tailored the advice to her life. George Hamel told a disabled 86 year old to get a job because he's not allowed to recommend government assistance and a reverse mortgage. If finance was one size fits all, it would all work for all of us.
So many of these shows trigger me. I’m. 66, been battling terminal cancer for 13 years. My husband sounds so much like this man. We have nothing. If it weren’t for our kids, I don’t know where I’d be. I’m living in a tiny house. My daughter financed it, we pay it. He’s a wonderful caretaker and many other good qualities, I’ll die with my dignity. But I get so angry, so disgusted. I miss having space. I’m grateful for what I do have but man I miss, missing out my dreams.
Divorce and force the sale of the house. There is still equity there to give OP a start at trying to get ready for retirement. She will need to work full-time and she needs to divorce fast before the husband spends the rest of the equity in the house.
yeah, good luck her going out and getting a job. She wont. Between her health and never working over the marriage she isnt going to start now in her 60s
And if she hadn't been afraid of him, the first job loss would have been when she found out a) he wasn't good with money b) he wouldn't 'lower himself' to make money without a management title c)their retirement fund wasn't being pumped up. Ideally at that point, she would have insisted they have transparent household finances they are both involved in, avoid all the debts, etc etc etc... But she never could push it because *he was angry*
She never worked outside the home. The retirement savings came from his paycheck. She’s pissed he used it to support them. Should he have been off several years between jobs, no. Should she have gotten a job, yes. How the heck did she think the bills were getting paid? This woman sounds delusional and entitled to me.
I mean according to her he would go 2 or 3 years without working. Where did she think the money was coming from to live? It doesnt sound like he was doing stuff like gambling or anything. Sounds like these people were living above their means and she had her head in the sand for the 30 years and over that time the debt ballooned to what it is today. This doesnt happen over night. A great comparison is the "10 calorie/ 40 year" rule. If you just have 10 calories a day more than you burn (basically 1 M&M) and do that everyday for 40 years, you will be 40 pounds heavier. Dont agree with the separate account thing unless she was filing for divorce, but its women talking to women so the rule is whats hers is hers and whats his is ours.
She's complicit too. Sticking your head in the sand for decades is not a smart life or financial plan. It's a challenge that she had a health crisis, but not working, not paying attention to finances is recipe for disaster. It's pretty late to right this ship, they will likely sink.
I felt physically ill listening to this... Geeze. 😮Buddies #1 priority should be the safety of his wife and himself! Take what you can get! I know too many people like this.
I'll cheer you up. 1964 was the first female majority vote. Progressively 60 years of the majority slanting the law to benefit themselves. That is fine. But men today will lose half plus for no fault and against their will, rather common to do so. Something like 60% of college grads are female, making college money. These will be the consequences as men progressively respond to math and risk. They are just going to spend the money and live in the moment. Zero of 50% is the opposite side men stare at. Might as well get their part of that by spending it now. He did. He will sell cars now.
They said at the end that he had been lying to her, but I didn't hear anything to suggest that. He didn't want to talk about their money problems. That's different to lying about them. She knew perfectly well that there was no income but they were still spending money, so obviously they were going into debt and/or spending their savings. There was no dishonesty here. It doesn't sound like he's been a good husband, but she's allowed all of this to happen for thirty years. Your husband being someone you can't have difficult conversations with is a reason to divorce him, not a reason to sit back and let him manage your finances into the ground.
Living life and paying bills for 2-3 years and NO ONE thought, hey maybe one of us needs to get a job?? Geesh. The husband is special though. Complicitness has consequences folks!
The caller needs to leave her husband. He’s been lying and hiding things from her for decades. He had plenty of time to come clean. The caller needs to realize that it’s going to get worse once they can’t work due to old age.
Yup, she won't be able to make him go sell cars. She might have to get a job herself. She's part of the problem and making him sound abusive for sympathy points to hide her shared culpability. And these ladies partly fell for it. Dave would have given better advice and a reality check.
Separating finances?!? I'd DIVORCE his @ss! I tell my kids that there is one, over-arching societal reason for marriage, and it can be summed up with one question: "Does this person make my life easier, or harder?" I'm not discounting normal struggles and disagreements. But if your marriage fundamentally is making you THIS unhappy, it is no longer serving its purpose. She'll be better off alone.
I am in a similar situation not allowed to see any statements from banks (he hides them) the only time he tells me anything is when it is very dire & he has to admit their is a serious problem it's too late to correct what he has done do I ride this out or get a divorce?
@@t206kid No we aren't but that has been the issue he received a large inheritance & he has blown thru all of it never offering me anything from it he kept his bank statements going to his business & now he is broke & seems to be in dire straights I am just disgusted with the whole situation!
@cynthiawilliams737 that is a bad situation. I will say thought that if it was an inheritance left to only him and not to the 2 of you then you wouldn't have much of a leg to stand on in terms of the inheritance
You sit down together and exhaustively go through all the finances. Current and past. He shows where all the money went, how, when. You, together, baseline the household expenses and create a budget. You sit down for 30 minutes every week to confirm any upcoming bills, check the budget is on track, have full access together to everything. If he won't do A) Baselining B) Budget C) Sharing D) Weekly catchups E) Reveal how he (hasn't) handled his money F) Reveal how he (hasn't) handled the household's money Then he's not going to be honest about his mistakes, he's not going to be a partner, he's not going to work on the problem, he's not going to trust you with your life. Then you know. And then you can allow yourself to wallow in some disgust for him, and let that show you you don't really like this guy, this guy who lies and hides won't trust you. And you leave.
You work for 42yrs to have $2m in your retirement, Meanwhile some people are putting just $20k in a meme coin for just few months and now they are multi millionaires I pray that anyone who reads this will be successful in life
Well explain thank you for bringing up this video Financial education is indeed required for more than 80% of the society in the country as very few are literate on the subject. The value of the US🇺🇲 dollar is declining due to inflation, but it is increasing in comparison to other currencies and commodities such as gold and real estate. I'm worried that rising inflation will cause my 550k in my retirement funds to lose value, But with the help of Mrs Maria Coley I hit 220k this week from my investment of 45k, I am truly grateful for all the knowledge and nuggets you have given me over the past few months.
There was no betrayal. She had unrealistic expectations. She complicity ignored reality for 30 years and want to blame him for no pot of gold sitting at the end of her rainbow.
NEVER let just one partner handle the finances! Not just because malicious intent, but also because something could happen to that one person responsible. And then you find yourself in stressful hospital visits, or you're grieving and on top of that you need to learn all about your finances during those tough times.
chickens have come home to roost, she was perfectly fine for 30 years not knowing what was going on. All she knew was she was at home taking care of the home and kids. Even when he wasnt working for 2 or 3 years at a time she didnt care in the sense that somehow bills were getting paid and she didnt have to go work. 100% if he said to her she had to go get a job she would be looking more into the situation that they were really in. She was really sick too, so she says and Im sure that took a lot of money and time that the husband had to pick up the slack on at home. What I see here is a situation where this was an old fashion couple, she didnt work, the bills were higher than his income and it snowballed (didnt help that he would go 2 or 3 years wihout work). I dont see any financial infidelity here though. Sounds like the debt was just covering the cost of living. There was no expensive hobbies that she talked about, no gambling, no other issues. They had champaign taste on a beer budget and only after 30 years has this caught up to them.
My old man was exactly the opposite. When he got his hands on a penny, it was a prisoner. He even did the grocery shopping. My mother would hand him a list and he would bring home the bacon. ZERO on credit, always paid cash. When my mother took out a department store credit card, he had a fit. He was an architect, but despised Frank Lloyd Wright because he heard FLW was a deadbeat who didn't pay his bills. Sounds caveman but he and my mother worked it out and it wasn't a problem.
That is awful! I can't imagine the stress in that situation. My husband and I have always had 100% separate finances. Our own savings, checking, stocks, etc.... and for us, it's worked great. But everyone needs to do what is best for them. Absolutely.
I'm just curious how that is best in your situation? I would think that not having access to or transparency into what is one-half yours (community property) or allowing your husband to amass his own set of assets separate than you (in a separate property state) is best for a marriage. Unless of course you are anticipating a divorce and want to keep everything clean and easy to separate.
@@neutralcommenter7800 not sure I understand what you mean. No. Not anticipating a divorce. We have a house. He pays the mtg., and its our house. I guess I wasn't clear and I'm sorry for that. It is actually best for us, because it's what we want. It's no different that those who decide to have their assets together. It's what they want. It's whatever works, as I said before. We've been doing it this way, for a few years, coming up on 21. (To add: I looked up separate property state. I actually have a house that is mine (in my name), that I inherited from my mother, after we lost her in 2019. The stocks, etc. I also got from her. So, those are inheritance that would be mine anyway).
@@BethAldermanRochelle Setting aside inheritance as that is separate in any state, what I'm asking is how it benefits your martial partnership from a financial perspective for each spouse to have their own separate finances. The fact that it is what you both prefer to do, does not mean it is best. Basically, what specific aspects of having separate finances improve management of your finances as a partnership versus having all of your assets owned jointly with each spouse having transparency and access (assuming there is no lack of trust issues)?
@@neutralcommenter7800 there are no trust issues at all, but it's simply what we both wanted to do. I don't understand why some folks have issues with others who don't do as they do, or as they think they should do. It works just fine for us. I have no problem with those who have some things together, or even everything together. I think that is great, and very smart. For them.
@@neutralcommenter7800For her it’s best because she has a house she inherited that is solely in her name. She did not add her husband to deed/title, did not sell it to payoff the loan on the house they live in, didn’t add it to marital assets. Her husband pays for the house they live in, but he put her name on the deed/title. So apparently what’s hers is hers, what’s his is theirs. So yeah, it works for her LOL.
We as women HAVE to stop putting all our financial future into a man. And I say this as a married woman. You cannot be a passive participant in your retirement and financial future. You MUST have something of your own. This is horrible.
If you're going to be married, you need to be together on everything. It's not about making sure you have yours and they have theirs for just in case. Why do people get married with always a thought in their head while I need to protect myself then just don't get married to somebody. Find the right one
This is the reason 401ks dont build up. Job losses force you to spend the 401k or lose the house. A man not having a job for three years is completely irresponsible.
@@desertcountryliving2357because she was committed to the marriage and men know women are weakened when they're pregnant and also stigmatized for being single moms so they stay. Womwn also know kids need dads so they stay with idiots. Men love bomb since forever then their destructive side comes out and has irreversible consequences. Divorce would have been worse for the children. How is she supposed to do everything? Isn't that what marriage is for? 2 adults working together for the good of the entire family unit? It is!
Bet a lot of debt came from that. They did a horrible job on this call asking questions and figuring out the whole story. 100% if Dave was on this call the comment section here would probably more against her than the husband.
One should support one's spouse not risk her financial ruin. Of course, we can all make mistakes but to make repeated and consciously making mistakes which can bring huge financial hardship to one's spouse then all alarm bells should be going off continuously until this issue has been solved imo.
I'm really fascinated investing in this 2025, but I haven't put in a lot of money yet, despite seeing news of people making millions, because I'm always concerned about the risks involved. What are the best strategies for less risk and more gains?
Diversifying your investments can help you manage risk while aiming for solid returns. It might be a good idea to explore sectors that tend to do well during inflation, like bonds or utilities. Also, seeking the help of a financial advisor could be really beneficial. They can provide you with tailored guidance and help you develop a strategy that aligns with your goals.
I totally agree with you. I started out investing on my own too and lost quite a bit. After the 2020 crash, I managed to pull out about $160k. I then invested that money with an analyst, and in just seven months, I made almost $580,000. It's amazing how having the right guidance can turn things around!
Wow. I am so happy that my husband let’s me handle all the finances. I know where every single penny goes. He trusts me implicitly and I can stretch a dollar so far I can make it scream.
You heard it hear people, have seperate accounts. What's good for the goose is good for the gander! There's no need to let things escalate this far to be able to manage and have control of your own finances. Of course, if possible, have good communication with your spouse!
You don't need separate accounts if you both have full access to them. If your spouse isn't willing to give you financial access, that should be a deal breaker. As Dave would say, otherwise your just glorified roommates with benefits.
I've been divorced for over twenty years. I started following Ramsey about seven years ago. I love living alone and having my own autonomy. I'm on baby step 7, and I won't marry again.
This woman is completely full of crap. She pretends to not know what’s going on when it’s convenient for her to do so, but then all of a sudden she can give exact numbers later on in the call. We aren’t getting the real story at all.
And she claims a man she successfully forced to go sell cars was intimidating her with his anger when she asked about the money. She's a revisionist historian.
She is partially to blame. How do you not know about your finances? You go your whole marriage with no idea and no plan? How did you not know exactly how much he makes and how much savings and retirement you have? Why would you stay if he wouldn’t get a job right away?
It’s good to hear Rachel recommend separate accounts. It provides personal accountability resulting in better money management. You marry a person, not a bank account.
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They would have a much happier marriage now if they had kept separate accounts from the beginning of their marriage.
Separate accounts? This woman had no money. And she has very little now. What is going to go into her account?
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She’s old enough to collect retirement money (including Social Security) if she’s 62. It would also be good for her to consider at least a part time job.
True. And my comment should have been directed to the person who posted the couple should have had separate accounts from the beginning. That is what I was thinking about when I said she had no money. But you are right, since she is 62 she could collect social security and put it in a separate account. Let’s not forget, though, that she will be collecting on his social security. And he is paying the mortgage. So he would be supporting her, she would draw and his social security, and she would keep that money separate?
Hi, I’m disabled and had to retire 7 years earlier than expected. Can you give advice on where I can continue to invest. I can no longer contribute to my 401K. I have 2 pensions and social security disability benefits that I live off of. I’m not using any of my money from my 401K. Any advice would be appreciated.
Depends on when you want to use the money. You may want to consult with a financial advisor to determine the best strategy for your specific situation. One option to consider is a target date fund (5 yrs, 10 yrs from now or whatever), which typically holds a diversified mix of indexed stock and bond funds. The target date fund will automatically adjust its asset allocation to become more conservative as the target date approaches. A financial advisor can help you choose the right target date fund or other investment solutions tailored to your needs. Good luck!
I think I'll consider a target date fund since I don't plan on using the money for at least 10 years. Can you recommend a financial advisor who can help me make the right decision?
Yes sure! My CFA, Rebecca Dolva Watson, is an experienced, knowledgeable and independent expert. she works primarily with brokerages, allowing her to act as a fiduciary, and can provide the same level of expertise and objectivity to you. look her up and thank me later
Yes sure! My CFA, Rebecca Dolva Watson, is an experienced, knowledgeable and independent expert. she works primarily with brokerages, allowing her to act as a fiduciary, and can provide the same level of expertise and objectivity to you.
Owing my own jewelry store in Chicago has always been a dream, and now that I've expanded to to three store, earing $24k weekly has not only Transformed my business operations but also enabled me to give back to my community and support the church in ways I never through possible. All thanks to God ✝️❤️❤️
She was willingly uninformed. She had to know there was nowhere to get the money, but she kept spending. She is just as guilty for the spending as he is.
I’m 58 hoping to end the rat race by 60 with above $1M. I know money is a liability to be exchanged for assets with real value like real estate (properties for rent) stocks (dividends) bonds (interest) But, what is it with bitcoin? I hear a lot about it and I'd love to diversify.
With Trump's session and recent economic shifts, the markets face volatility, especially amid potential rate cuts and tighter bank lending. This environment highlights the importance of a diversified portfolio with stocks and cryptocurrencies to hedge risks. Bitcoin's recent surge to over $100k underlines its role as a resilient asset. Personally, I’ve grown my portfolio highly significantly, thanks to Dorian j Townsend expertise, which has been invaluable during these unpredictable times.
Surprised to see her mentioned here! She tailors trading courses to suit beginners’ needs and really knows her stuff. Her advice has been invaluable to my trading journey-definitely worth it!
Kicking off this year with such high hopes, especially with Bitcoin, has been a journey. Let’s be real while hodling has its place, those waiting for only the big skyrocket moments might be missing out. Day trading has given me more steady, consistent growth thanks to Dorian Townsend guidance and her daily signals. Couldn’t have done it without her!
"I took care of everything but the finances" is some wild phrasing, taking care of kids is good but finances are a big deal, and lots of women do that while having part time work. Not having a job or even being checked into whats going on for decades is insane. I dont have any sympathy here honestly.
I wonder how she FINALLY realized that the retirement money was gone. Did she check the account on her own, or was he forced to fess up when he had no more money to give to her? He probably thought she'd be dead before she realized what he'd done.
Whenever I feel sorry for myself that I am unmarried, I watch episodes like this and feel MUCH better.
I 1000% agree with you !!
Single women can have a good life. You can even have a family if you choose. Too many young women marry because they are afraid of being single. I have a friend who screwed her whole life before it even got started good because she was afraid of being single. Don't marry anyone you aren't head over heels in love with and him the same about you. Marriage is challenging at best but impossible if it's not the right person
No better deterrent to marriage than hearing stories from married people 🥴
I'm sorry you never found a person who filled the gaping hole that's left without a lifelong, committed spouse who is wise, kind, loving, helpful, and a provider. That's the ideal we should all strive for. It doesn't mean a single person can't live a fulfilled life, but that's like saying, "Hey I never worked out and I'm still healthy." Well.... yeah, it's possible to still be okay, but you'll never achieve the height of excellence you otherwise would have. Unfulfilled potential is a sad thing. We only get one shot at life: might as well go for it and shoot for the stars!
Since our society has largely abandoned traditional Judeo-Christian values, there are fewer "good ones" out there. But there still are some. There are good, solid, Bible-believing Christian men and women who know what it means to love, serve, cherish, and honor another person ahead of themselves. Such a person is worth more than their weight in gold, not only financially, but also emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Life's not over yet. Give it consideration and consider taking another look! Otherwise, your partner will be the US Govt when you get older and less able to keep up with life alone.... and they kinda suck!
I had exactly the same thought…
This is why family issues are addressed by both husband and wife. It’s completely appropriate to have one spouse head up one area and the other spouse head up another but all should be discussed and shared.
💯 This
At least 2x a year, we have a state of the union money meeting where we share and add up all assets and debts. It's helpful to lay it out, get all on the same page, and set goals.
After I was widowed, my dad was decent enough to coach me that if I ever remarry, don’t let any man take mine and my kids inheritance, ever!
I have a very similar story, with my marriage on the track of growing HELOC and credit card debt, diminishing income, and empty promises. I just finalized the divorce and hit the life reset button at age 60 last year. I am now proud to have bought my own house, am supporting myself, building back my IRAs, and living 100% debt free. It's so good to be able to just breathe!
@@marikkajames4772 SO PROUD OF YOU AND HAPPY FOR YOU LOVE!
It's great that you were able to get out of that situation, but how were you not held liable for 50% of the debt since it was accrued during your marriage?
Good for you. Stay healthy and keep it going!
@FionaGlennanne I made it part of the separation agreement since he was the one using the HELOC. I also stipulated that we were each responsible for the debts in our own names. I never really knew how many credit cards he had. There was one joint account that I demanded paid off closed before the divorce. I guess I had a good lawyer, and did not go after his personal or business assets.
Congratulations! That’s impressive. 🎉
My dad did this to my mom & her inheritance. Ladies make sure you protect yourself !!!
THAT'S why I believe in separate bank accounts. I see nothing wrong having 1 shared account, but also maintain your own individual account. Period.
Agreed.
@@jdstep97don’t let Dave see this
FYI- I know women who have done the same thing to their husband's. This has ZERO to do with gender and everything to do with a poor marriage and relationship dynamics between two people who should have both handled things differently long ago
Or my mom let my dad do it to her....... takes two etc
I never comment on anything, but THIS makes me so glad that I divorced my ex-husband. This is where we were headed. I cut my losses early & have flourished financially and in other ways since. Transparency on finances is a must.
Awe, I'm glad you're doing well.
Wish I would have cut my loses sooner. I’m too starting over and I am paying pay of the debt.
Me too! It’s been 16 years and I’m doing so much better financially and otherwise without him!
And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery - Jesus Christ
@@Steven-hq3goVery true, Steven.
Getting his sister involved in these shenanigans. My, my!
I would never, EVER, co-sign on a home loan with any of my siblings or my husband's siblings. Bad, bad consequences of doing something like that. Just say NO.
@@carmarasmussen8118I wouldn't cosign for an offspring.
He will never change, and people need to stop enabling people like him.
@@poolmilethirty2859it can be difficult with narcissists / abusers.
Why was a cosigner needed if the house was collateral?
This marriage sounds like a disaster. She’s kept in the dark about the finances, and every time she brings it up, he gets so angry that she’s concerned for her own safety. Sounds like she should’ve left him years ago.
@@blongshanks77 Some ppl are loyal to a FAULT!!
But she knew from the beginning something wasn't right. Jade got her to admit that. The wife isn't a victim when she allowed this to happen. They are both responsible.
She is 62, she is not modern woman.
She picked him, all on her
Or, got a job
I'd be separating more than my finances. Out of work for years at a time, running up debt. Oh no. Divorce him, sell the house, get your half of the equity and live your best life.
She's 62 and hasn't worked in decades. She'll be more screwed if she divorces him.
@@VictoriaInamorati1 She is working part time, so not completely out of the work force. That makes a big difference.
Typical take. BOTH parties failed financially, but it's all his fault
@MikeBarbarossa it IS all his fault. Her wrong was in trusting him not to commit financial fraud, not leaving him the first time he took a 3 year vacation from working and for not keeping an eye on the money he was wasting.
It sucks to learn that a spouse turned out to be untrustworthy after all those years. But then again, going three years living life, paying bills, raising kids without a job, there were signs.
In a marriage you do things TOGETHER!
we were sold the lie that the best way to do things is let each partner do their "specialty".
Fun fact happiest division of chores is to do them together ;)
Well, they both ignored this together 😂
68 retired 8 months married 43 years to the same great women.
My role was to do the 401k and making sure we have enough to retire.
My wife paid all the bills and ran the household.
We both knew about any major purchases or loans and we would both see the 401k statements.
Now that we are retired it is important for both of us know the entire picture in detail.
This way when one of us dies the other spouse will know everything in detail.
Yeah, 30 yrs ? She should have been calling some audibles a loooong time ago.
Like country clubs and fancy vacations. 😅
Anger management AND he's in control of all the finances? My sweetie. Divorce his ***, and then he'll never have to worry about your "nitpicking him" again.
And she’ll be 2x as broke.
If he was still making bank divorce wouldn't be on the table huh?
Even if he was making money, best thing is to leave this person.@djpuplex
@@CurieBohr The longer she stays with him, the more in debt she will go. If the guy can go unemployed for years at a time when he is supposed to be the breadwinner, he has no financial responsibility. He will continue to spend money he doesn't have until there is no equity in the house.
Aht aht!!! Thats not how those vowels go.
I have a college friend that was upper management his entire career. He got laid off in his fifties, couldn’t find anything but Walmart. He immediately swallowed his pride and went to Walmart. I’m so proud of him! His wife is as well. ❤
He's a good man!
@@CatherineGoodrichupper management his entire career all the way into his fifties and a Walmart wage makes a financial difference in his life?
@@superblump87anything is better than zero? What do you expect him not to work at all?
@charlafrederick1245 I would expect if the options are work at Walmart or not at all he would choose not at all. If he needs a Walmart wage to stay in the black he messed up.
@@superblump87 maybe her just likes to earn money and not spend it?
"Where did you think the money was coming from?" "Well, my husband has anger problems." She didn't answer the question. She buried her head in the dirt.
She's clearly saying he wouldn't answer straight questions and any questions would escalate into an argument. He also was clearly disrespectful in every way.
@@CynthiaWithLoveClearly I mean you were in the room right?
@@CynthiaWithLoveSo what if he wouldn’t answer. Where do you THINK the money is coming from to pay the bills? Why do women have no agency?
Goes through her whole marriage completely oblivious to “their” finances… that’s 100% on her
She's probably afraid of the answer.... he's selling drugs... he's got a sugar mama on the side... etc.
Or simply in denial. It used to amaze me the falsehoods people would believe about a spouse or another family member if they were trying to avoid rocking the boat or suffering a "scandal".... you hear it all the time with parent, "Oh my little Timmy would NEVER do something like that!"
In her 60s with no retirement and a heap of marriage issues: she's got her work cut out for her to live a happy next 20 years. I hope the help they provide her with the financial coach gets her started.
This is why WE are to review OUR finances TOGETHER. Marriage is about doing things together.
He’s controlled her through his rage fits. Sad.
AMEN!!!!
“He lied and stole your money,”he will make a great used car salesman.
😅😅😅😅😂😂
You win. Best comment I have seen today.
He lied and made all of the money and paid all the bills
Or run for a political office..good credentials hopefully he also cheated on you then he's a shoe in..
He’ll be an even better Democrat politician, banker or insurance agent
His 170 and her 30 is not a retirement anyway, this isn’t a now problem, it started decades ago.
Unfortunately a decent retirement nowadays is at least 2 million. Sad but true.
Depends when it was 170k ... because if it was in their 30's early 40's it would be MUCH more now.
$200,000 is not enough, but it is a lot better than nothing.
I am 40 and don’t ever have that!
Yeah, but when one keeps digging the debt hole, even separating with zero is better.
Glad to see Jade call out the female caller. One of the few Ramsey personalities that will actually do this. Husband has anger management issues and clearly used retirement, savings and credit cards to keep themselves afloat, while being too prideful to take a lower paying job. The lady purposely turned a blind eye, knew what was happening. And did nothing. If their marriage is to survive and they can make smart financial decisions in the future, they should sell the house pay off their debt and they have $400,000 they can immediately put into retirement investments. Then they start to rent a cheap anpa and both work like dogs until they can retire with dignity.
Agreed, she should have left him years ago when he first made her feel afraid. She should have also sought legal advice to get more information about their finances. He's a bum, but it isn't 100% his fault.
And the younger guy will be faithful 🙄
Agreed, 100%.
@@Intense_Friction Jade's amazing by not jumping to huge conclusions.
John would have jumped right into "what happened to you growing up"..😅
And, she absolutely turned a blind eye while figuring oh well we can keep a spending...yippee!!
Not saying it was the case, but it sounds like he was mentally & financially abusive; abuse can cause people to live one day at a time tying not to bring out the "anger" that she mentions. People who are controlled, abused don't talk about it and until u experience abuse, you can't ever know how paralyzing it is. Hope it isn't that!
“Not a good money manager” BUT wants to be a manager 😂😂😂 sounds like a lot of managers that I know.
Not a good anger manager either. I wouldn't want him as a manager
Didn't she say he was in finance at one point? oh boy
Or a politition😂
This story sounds like relatives of mine, very similar. He worked sporadically for the exact same reason, wouldn't take a job unless it was up to his standards. He was forever fired from jobs. He bought a sports car and had another car repossessed. The Irs got involved, the house was in foreclosure, and they were on the brink. I don't know why she didn't leave him then and there, but she stuck him out. She opened another bank account in a relative's name to hide from him and worked her ass off to pay off the debts. First the Irs and then everyone else. She saved the house and eventually put them back on track. She worked from home and was able to work a deadly number of hours...to a point where it did affect her health. But eventually she was able to afford them a second home down south where she goes (and he too sometimes) to get some sun. She still works but not as much. They are both in their 80s. This story happened when they were in their late 50s, early 60s...so same time frame as the caller. I am fairly sure, to this day, he doesn't know about this other account she has had over the years. I don't know if she eventually transferred it into her own name or not. She kept it for her own security later in life. I don't know if he wonders where all the money goes. But, he hasn't worked in years of course and as I mentioned, she still does but she is ok. Frankly, the whole family always thought she should have dumped his ass decades ago. He never changed.
Oh my goodness I feel so bad for your relative in that story. She worked so hard and for a man that did so poorly to her. I sometimes worry my sister is on the same path. How tough
@@xAmaya13x Yes. He has been like that day one. He worked a little then stayed home a lot. Spent lots of $. Bought a really fancy sports car and didn't pay for the economical car they had, and it was repossessed. Then the fancy car was repo'd. The house went into foreclosure, the irs froze their accounts. It was bad. Meanwhile, he was acting like king of the hill. I know she went through major health problems over it. She took on many jobs but was able to be at home...but she worked all day and nite. He did shit. But now, years later they are good money wise. I don't know how she put up with him. No one in the family knows how she did.
My father, God rest his soul, was terrible with money, and would get angry and defensive when confronted. However, he was not a horrible person, quite the opposite otherwise. He had the patience of a saint and he never raised his voice or yelled at anyone . He just had a terrible attitude towards money. My mother eventually separated their finances, and it was no longer an issue and stress for them.
She needs an attorney. A good attorney. A "Rebuilding Her Life" counselor also. And a great tax advisor as she needs to protect herself.
Attorney won’t do anything. She’d get embarrassed in court.
@Bigbossman12624 why? 😅
@@Bigbossman12624 Good Attorney speaks and she does not have to.
He's selling cars. How many cars do you have? No, he's literally selling cars from a car lot. 😅
I didn't watch the video yet but your comment makes it sounds like he's pretending to be the owner of a lot and is selling cars that he doesn't own or that won't be there in two days
There’s nothing wrong with being a car salesperson, don’t conflate that with being a financial cheater who stole his wife’s retirement. There’s plenty of good people who sell cars
This is similar to my sister's marriage-
My garbage brother-in-law handles all the finances and nothing else, and keeps my sister completely in the dark. They keep their finances separate, but when money comes to them as a married couple, like a tax refund, it goes into HIS bank account.
For example, during covid when we were getting the child covid payments from the government, my sister had no clue that the government was sending out money. He kept all that secret from her, and she didn't find out until I asked her what they were doing with the money. Her response - "What covid payments?" He used that money as a down payment for a Jeep, btw.
Another example - whenever he spends money on his family (they have 2 kids), he expects her to pay him back. They went to disney land a few years ago, which she had to pay for, and if he paid for anything, he had her pay him back. Since they keep finances separate, she's responsible for paying for all the groceries. Whenever she doesn't have enough money to go to the grocery store, he covers it and then she pays him back.
Another example - since money that is meant for them as a couple, like a tax refund, goes into HIS bank account, he keeps an iron fist on that money and she doesn't see any of it. What does he do with money like that? He purchases cars behind her back. His purchased three cars behind her back in their 10 year marriage, the latest example being a tesla one month ago. He goes and purchases cars behind her back while demanding that he get paid back if he has to buy groceries for his kids.
After he got the Tesla, my sister had a divorce lawyer all picked out but then decided not to call. She'll give that lawyer a call someday though.
This situation is as much her fault as it is his fault, though, so I don't feel bad for her anymore. I used to.
Sad story. Hopefully she will leave him with a divorce.
He's probably cheating on her as well. Hope she wakes up soon and gets out.
Omg this sounds almost exactly like my sister and brother-in-law situation ! My parents keep bailing them out. Then I keep bailing my parents out. It’s the worst thing that has ever happened. He lies. He gets fired and doesn’t tell anyone. Good luck with your sis. I hope you are far removed form it!!
She doesn't have to divorce the husband, but she should sue him over hiding marital assets! It's not a healthy marriage & he is financially abusive.
She does not have to but she should get everything documented and file for divorce asap. @bernicemorrissey1533
Both of them are complicit in this.
Indeed.
B-but, this is a western marraige, so the man is to blame for all financial woes, even when both don't produce
Just read all the comments
Like Ellen Griswold said about Cousin Eddie, "Catherine says he's holding out for a management position" lol
What’s this referring to?
@@oneupper7602 Christmas Vacation movie. The caller said her husband was out of work for two or three years at a time and refused to take a job unless it was an upper management position.
Immediately thought of this scene 😂😂
@@oneupper7602Christmas Vacation movie
The movie Christmas Vacation
A guy with anger management issues telling her to relax...
@@vegaswalking 😹 The irony
Narcissistic gaslighting.
@@vegaswalking Wonder what her temperament is when nag mode is engaged.
@@djpuplex That's a cheap shot.
@@bernicemorrissey1533She was aware he was out of work for years at a time and didn’t care where the money was coming from. She doesn’t get to suddenly care and play victim.
She pretended not to know and is responsible too.. how did she think bills would magically pay themselves
exactly. I mean according to her he would go years in-between jobs so how did she think they were living?
well men keep saying they are great money managers. she asked and he told her to shut up (in a nice way)
@@ST-rj8iu I don't care how good of a money manager you are. If you don't work for 3 years and the wife isn't suspicious then she is even dumber than he is
@ listen to the call. She asked and he said don't worry about it. She has been pestering him to know what is going on. She couldn't get a straight answer.
Manipulation & gaslighting. He's a narcassists (NPD) is soo real.
I will say this type of situation sucks. Hearing stories like this are horrible. I know a lot of people are saying this is why a woman needs to protect herself and I you know this is why you don't come by in finances and I'm just like feels like people just don't talk to their spouses. You got to make everything open and honest. That's how you make a successful marriage
One person can't "make everything open and honest" it takes two.
She’s not safe. Bottom line. This isn’t a time for a financial coach, this is a time for a counselor because she’s going to need a safety plan and start divorce proceedings.
I'm glad you said this because I thought the same thing. She can't just go to him and say the things they told her to say because of his history. Rage. That's what will happen.
@@janlange3839 Sounds very worrisome for her. Don't want to judge on so little information, but sounds like financial abuse and intimidation. I wish her the best outcome.
Where is the retirement saving from her career? All she said basically is he failed to save up any retirement from HIS job. Sounds like she relied on him for retirement, without doing anything herself
What a mess. I think divorce is the answer here. He bullies and she submits. She will be better off single.
Most men I know wouldn't go sell cars because their wife made them. He doesn't sound like an abuser.
30 years marriage…. Did she start working for the last 10 after the kids were older? Consumer debt was probably accumulated by both of them, and the 401k was spent on living expenses… not “behind her back”… He might not be a good husband, but she is not blameless in the financial mess. ..
30 years. She should have left 30years ago.
If I lost my job my focus would be making sure my bills get paid and would know how long I had to get a job before hitting savings. He's out of work 3 years and u never wonder how to make ends meet? It's really a passive attitude.
He couldn't get a cash-out refi or a HELOC without her approval. She doesn't want to admit it, but SHE KNEW.
She knew about the cash out refi, that was for the 80k paid off years ago, it's the 120k since then she didn't know about.
@@huskydawg44 She said $50K of that was the HELOC, and $30K was credit cards in HER name. You can bet she knew about the other $47K, too.
Super easy for a spouse to take out cards in your name. Mine did.
Maybe the wife’s name is not on the house. 🤔
Jade, always asking the good questions.
At this point theres nothing you can do but downsize and learn to live on social security. Theres no point of the call. You cant amass a retirement once your 62.
You can if you are healthy and have a real good job and little to no debt. But you’ll need to resign yourself to working another 8 to 10 years fulltime.
@@jaengen agreed. People used to work up until 2-5 years before they died because they had no other options other than living with their children. It's only within the past 60-80 years that 1st world countries could generate enough surplus revenues to fund social retirement accounts. Now, most people retire and live 20-30 years. There's no reason she CAN'T work so far as we know.
Her lack of proactive agency in this case cost her that luxury of early retirement, and it will be paid for with 10-15 more years of HARD work and diligent investing. She should still be able to retire though, but it's going to be mid-late 70s.... and then she should still have 5-10 more years to enjoy. I hope that's the happy ending to this otherwise sad tale.
@@jaengenI'd rather retire early on ss. You'll past on the job
I noticed she made him go sell cars, but she's didn't go out to greet customers at Walmart.
@@MrJacksspleenWalmart doesn’t hire greeters or elderly people anymore.
I'm so happy they tailored the advice to her life. George Hamel told a disabled 86 year old to get a job because he's not allowed to recommend government assistance and a reverse mortgage. If finance was one size fits all, it would all work for all of us.
I hope someone laid him out for that advice. How effing insensitive and out of touch that douche is
So many of these shows trigger me. I’m. 66, been battling terminal cancer for 13 years. My husband sounds so much like this man. We have nothing. If it weren’t for our kids, I don’t know where I’d be. I’m living in a tiny house. My daughter financed it, we pay it. He’s a wonderful caretaker and many other good qualities, I’ll die with my dignity. But I get so angry, so disgusted. I miss having space. I’m grateful for what I do have but man I miss, missing out my dreams.
Divorce and force the sale of the house. There is still equity there to give OP a start at trying to get ready for retirement. She will need to work full-time and she needs to divorce fast before the husband spends the rest of the equity in the house.
yeah, good luck her going out and getting a job. She wont. Between her health and never working over the marriage she isnt going to start now in her 60s
Before THEY spend the rest of the equity.
I feel so sorty for this lady.
And if she hadn't been afraid of him, the first job loss would have been when she found out a) he wasn't good with money b) he wouldn't 'lower himself' to make money without a management title c)their retirement fund wasn't being pumped up.
Ideally at that point, she would have insisted they have transparent household finances they are both involved in, avoid all the debts, etc etc etc... But she never could push it because *he was angry*
She's not afraid of him. She bullied him into becoming a used car salesman. This woman is a text book manipulator.
She never worked outside the home. The retirement savings came from his paycheck. She’s pissed he used it to support them. Should he have been off several years between jobs, no. Should she have gotten a job, yes. How the heck did she think the bills were getting paid? This woman sounds delusional and entitled to me.
Why do you guys always say you don’t have the time? It’s your show. TAKE THE TIME.
They try to squize in as many people as they can . Just like the doctors do. Time is money and they can't spend all on one person.
Spouses should know that is their retirement funds as well. They don’t need permission from their spouse to understand the balances.
I mean according to her he would go 2 or 3 years without working. Where did she think the money was coming from to live? It doesnt sound like he was doing stuff like gambling or anything. Sounds like these people were living above their means and she had her head in the sand for the 30 years and over that time the debt ballooned to what it is today. This doesnt happen over night. A great comparison is the "10 calorie/ 40 year" rule. If you just have 10 calories a day more than you burn (basically 1 M&M) and do that everyday for 40 years, you will be 40 pounds heavier. Dont agree with the separate account thing unless she was filing for divorce, but its women talking to women so the rule is whats hers is hers and whats his is ours.
Exactly, women talking to women... hence going against "Dave's rule."
She's complicit too. Sticking your head in the sand for decades is not a smart life or financial plan. It's a challenge that she had a health crisis, but not working, not paying attention to finances is recipe for disaster. It's pretty late to right this ship, they will likely sink.
I felt physically ill listening to this... Geeze. 😮Buddies #1 priority should be the safety of his wife and himself! Take what you can get! I know too many people like this.
Use them then lose them is the best mantra for men
That’s why I won’t ever get married again
I'll cheer you up.
1964 was the first female majority vote. Progressively 60 years of the majority slanting the law to benefit themselves. That is fine.
But men today will lose half plus for no fault and against their will, rather common to do so.
Something like 60% of college grads are female, making college money.
These will be the consequences as men progressively respond to math and risk.
They are just going to spend the money and live in the moment.
Zero of 50% is the opposite side men stare at. Might as well get their part of that by spending it now. He did.
He will sell cars now.
@@HOLDXSTEEL and the best mantra for women is "take what you can get".
@@steve8803 🤮🤮🤮🤮
They said at the end that he had been lying to her, but I didn't hear anything to suggest that. He didn't want to talk about their money problems. That's different to lying about them. She knew perfectly well that there was no income but they were still spending money, so obviously they were going into debt and/or spending their savings. There was no dishonesty here. It doesn't sound like he's been a good husband, but she's allowed all of this to happen for thirty years. Your husband being someone you can't have difficult conversations with is a reason to divorce him, not a reason to sit back and let him manage your finances into the ground.
It’s called “lying by omission.”
@andreawales1938 What did he omit? She knew the situation.
I must agree! It’s sad but true!
"I had no idea how he was handling the finances" "we took out a HELOC, I'm not even sure what that means" "I have zero responsibility for anything..."
Living life and paying bills for 2-3 years and NO ONE thought, hey maybe one of us needs to get a job?? Geesh. The husband is special though. Complicitness has consequences folks!
OMG
Interesting how Rachel goes against Dave’s teachings and thinks outside the box. This was good advice to this woman.
This is horrible advice
The caller needs to leave her husband. He’s been lying and hiding things from her for decades. He had plenty of time to come clean. The caller needs to realize that it’s going to get worse once they can’t work due to old age.
@@HoustonTomshe won’t be better on her own at this point tho
Yup, she won't be able to make him go sell cars. She might have to get a job herself. She's part of the problem and making him sound abusive for sympathy points to hide her shared culpability. And these ladies partly fell for it. Dave would have given better advice and a reality check.
@@Gplrhrhuc6677 She will get $150k or so from house sale. She can move somewhere cheaper and try and survive.
Separating finances?!? I'd DIVORCE his @ss! I tell my kids that there is one, over-arching societal reason for marriage, and it can be summed up with one question: "Does this person make my life easier, or harder?" I'm not discounting normal struggles and disagreements. But if your marriage fundamentally is making you THIS unhappy, it is no longer serving its purpose. She'll be better off alone.
I am in a similar situation not allowed to see any statements from banks (he hides them) the only time he tells me anything is when it is very dire & he has to admit their is a serious problem it's too late to correct what he has done do I ride this out or get a divorce?
Are you on the accounts? If you are you can just call or go into the bank.
@@t206kid No we aren't but that has been the issue he received a large inheritance & he has blown thru all of it never offering me anything from it he kept his bank statements going to his business & now he is broke & seems to be in dire straights I am just disgusted with the whole situation!
@cynthiawilliams737 that is a bad situation. I will say thought that if it was an inheritance left to only him and not to the 2 of you then you wouldn't have much of a leg to stand on in terms of the inheritance
YOU ALREADY KNOW EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW. MOVE ON FROM THAT LOSER, YOU DESERVE BETTER
You sit down together and exhaustively go through all the finances. Current and past. He shows where all the money went, how, when. You, together, baseline the household expenses and create a budget. You sit down for 30 minutes every week to confirm any upcoming bills, check the budget is on track, have full access together to everything.
If he won't do A) Baselining B) Budget C) Sharing D) Weekly catchups E) Reveal how he (hasn't) handled his money F) Reveal how he (hasn't) handled the household's money
Then he's not going to be honest about his mistakes, he's not going to be a partner, he's not going to work on the problem, he's not going to trust you with your life.
Then you know. And then you can allow yourself to wallow in some disgust for him, and let that show you you don't really like this guy, this guy who lies and hides won't trust you. And you leave.
My father stopped working and forced my mom to work 2jobs to support her 4 kids. Women shouldn’t rely on men.
Her 4 kids? Did she have them from a different man?
@ no. We were all his kids, he never cared. She married someone she did not really know, that’s back in the 70s
@@Chet_24what sort of stupid ass incel question is this? Tf do you think this is
Was your dad Oscar for Hey Arnold? @@alluringbliss4165
@@alluringbliss4165 Sounds like it worked out great for her!
NO ONE else was confused when she said sell cars...
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He's screaming you dont trust him? A real man cares if you are in fear, and he will want to reassure you.
He’s going to end up on a TH-cam video living in Thailand with a young lady smiling
Good for him, sometimes all you need is peace and this lady will be better for it.
NEVER EVER listen to a man who says RELAX!!!!!
My thoughts exactly.
Never listen to a woman who can't relax.
I wouldn't listen to anyone who says Relax, regardless of which gender the person was.
Even Frankie?
@@giantfatberg Yes, even Frankie.
Upper management but no retirement at 62 that is crazy.
Poor lady ,betrayal at this age will feel like she lived through a fake marriage all her life
She was also complicit.
There was no betrayal. She had unrealistic expectations. She complicity ignored reality for 30 years and want to blame him for no pot of gold sitting at the end of her rainbow.
NEVER let just one partner handle the finances! Not just because malicious intent, but also because something could happen to that one person responsible. And then you find yourself in stressful hospital visits, or you're grieving and on top of that you need to learn all about your finances during those tough times.
I would say to sell the house, pay off all bills, and buy a house in cash . You say financial planner to deal with the rest of the money..
Yep, idiot tax on both of them, and hope that the husband has learned his lesson!
STOP doing this. You don't have to handle the finances, but know what's going on! Just look at the account, look at the bills... Occasionally.
He probably doesn’t share the account information/ passwords with her. My best friend is in the same position. I beg her to leave him.
chickens have come home to roost, she was perfectly fine for 30 years not knowing what was going on. All she knew was she was at home taking care of the home and kids. Even when he wasnt working for 2 or 3 years at a time she didnt care in the sense that somehow bills were getting paid and she didnt have to go work. 100% if he said to her she had to go get a job she would be looking more into the situation that they were really in. She was really sick too, so she says and Im sure that took a lot of money and time that the husband had to pick up the slack on at home. What I see here is a situation where this was an old fashion couple, she didnt work, the bills were higher than his income and it snowballed (didnt help that he would go 2 or 3 years wihout work). I dont see any financial infidelity here though. Sounds like the debt was just covering the cost of living. There was no expensive hobbies that she talked about, no gambling, no other issues. They had champaign taste on a beer budget and only after 30 years has this caught up to them.
My old man was exactly the opposite. When he got his hands on a penny, it was a prisoner. He even did the grocery shopping. My mother would hand him a list and he would bring home the bacon. ZERO on credit, always paid cash. When my mother took out a department store credit card, he had a fit. He was an architect, but despised Frank Lloyd Wright because he heard FLW was a deadbeat who didn't pay his bills. Sounds caveman but he and my mother worked it out and it wasn't a problem.
That is awful! I can't imagine the stress in that situation. My husband and I have always had 100% separate finances. Our own savings, checking, stocks, etc.... and for us, it's worked great. But everyone needs to do what is best for them. Absolutely.
I'm just curious how that is best in your situation? I would think that not having access to or transparency into what is one-half yours (community property) or allowing your husband to amass his own set of assets separate than you (in a separate property state) is best for a marriage. Unless of course you are anticipating a divorce and want to keep everything clean and easy to separate.
@@neutralcommenter7800 not sure I understand what you mean. No. Not anticipating a divorce. We have a house. He pays the mtg., and its our house. I guess I wasn't clear and I'm sorry for that. It is actually best for us, because it's what we want. It's no different that those who decide to have their assets together. It's what they want. It's whatever works, as I said before. We've been doing it this way, for a few years, coming up on 21. (To add: I looked up separate property state. I actually have a house that is mine (in my name), that I inherited from my mother, after we lost her in 2019. The stocks, etc. I also got from her. So, those are inheritance that would be mine anyway).
@@BethAldermanRochelle Setting aside inheritance as that is separate in any state, what I'm asking is how it benefits your martial partnership from a financial perspective for each spouse to have their own separate finances. The fact that it is what you both prefer to do, does not mean it is best. Basically, what specific aspects of having separate finances improve management of your finances as a partnership versus having all of your assets owned jointly with each spouse having transparency and access (assuming there is no lack of trust issues)?
@@neutralcommenter7800 there are no trust issues at all, but it's simply what we both wanted to do. I don't understand why some folks have issues with others who don't do as they do, or as they think they should do. It works just fine for us. I have no problem with those who have some things together, or even everything together. I think that is great, and very smart. For them.
@@neutralcommenter7800For her it’s best because she has a house she inherited that is solely in her name. She did not add her husband to deed/title, did not sell it to payoff the loan on the house they live in, didn’t add it to marital assets. Her husband pays for the house they live in, but he put her name on the deed/title. So apparently what’s hers is hers, what’s his is theirs. So yeah, it works for her LOL.
I rode this ship for decades, and now that the ship is finally going down, I'm going to call and complain.
Divorce is the best solution.
I say if women files divorce kids go to dad that would end %90 divorce over night
At 63 working part time.
@@Jaycv-dq3rgNo it wouldn’t 😂 Because the dads wouldn’t be able to handle taking care of kids 24/7. They’d fold quicker than a lawn chair.
I’d love to hear his side. One thing I did notice is she never accepted any not one bit of responsibility for anything
We as women HAVE to stop putting all our financial future into a man. And I say this as a married woman. You cannot be a passive participant in your retirement and financial future. You MUST have something of your own. This is horrible.
AS A MARRIED WOMAN MYSELF, YOU BETTER SAY THIS AGAIN!! WAYYY TOO MUCH VULNERABILITY AND TRUST!!
Indeed say it louder for the folks in the back!
Better to trust but verify. When married you should have all as one, but make sure you are totally involved in all decisions.
If you're going to be married, you need to be together on everything. It's not about making sure you have yours and they have theirs for just in case. Why do people get married with always a thought in their head while I need to protect myself then just don't get married to somebody. Find the right one
Really you wemen steal mens 401k at every divorce
This is the reason 401ks dont build up. Job losses force you to spend the 401k or lose the house. A man not having a job for three years is completely irresponsible.
divorce ... he isn't going to change
The selling cars part had me in stitches
Jade's no rocket scientist, that's for sure.
@matthewgardner2144 ya def not the top brass over there
This is what happens when you marry a fool.
Time always reveals the truth of a person.
He is a fool but she is also a complete fool. She chose to bury her head in the sand for decades and then put all the blame on him and play victim.
Women - take responsibility for your choices please. Amen
Men, take responsibility for yours. Amen. @@panaylorable
@@desertcountryliving2357because she was committed to the marriage and men know women are weakened when they're pregnant and also stigmatized for being single moms so they stay. Womwn also know kids need dads so they stay with idiots. Men love bomb since forever then their destructive side comes out and has irreversible consequences. Divorce would have been worse for the children. How is she supposed to do everything? Isn't that what marriage is for? 2 adults working together for the good of the entire family unit? It is!
Time always reveals the truth of BOTH people in this case 😂
You rarely say this???? All women should have their own money. Period. My goodness.
Thank you! 🙏🏻
Should have asked what her medical expenses were... One side of the story doesn't tell it all.
Bet a lot of debt came from that. They did a horrible job on this call asking questions and figuring out the whole story. 100% if Dave was on this call the comment section here would probably more against her than the husband.
One should support one's spouse not risk her financial ruin. Of course, we can all make mistakes but to make repeated and consciously making mistakes which can bring huge financial hardship to one's spouse then all alarm bells should be going off continuously until this issue has been solved imo.
I'm really fascinated investing in this 2025, but I haven't put in a lot of money yet, despite seeing news of people making millions, because I'm always concerned about the risks involved. What are the best strategies for less risk and more gains?
Diversifying your investments can help you manage risk while aiming for solid returns. It might be a good idea to explore sectors that tend to do well during inflation, like bonds or utilities. Also, seeking the help of a financial advisor could be really beneficial. They can provide you with tailored guidance and help you develop a strategy that aligns with your goals.
I totally agree with you. I started out investing on my own too and lost quite a bit. After the 2020 crash, I managed to pull out about $160k. I then invested that money with an analyst, and in just seven months, I made almost $580,000. It's amazing how having the right guidance can turn things around!
Mind if I ask you to recommend this particular coach you using their service?
Her name is Maureen Finn Austin. I can't divulge much. Most likely, the internet should have her basic info, you can research if you like
Thank you for the lead. I searched her up, and I have sent her an email. I hope she gets back to me soon.
Wow. I am so happy that my husband let’s me handle all the finances. I know where every single penny goes. He trusts me implicitly and I can stretch a dollar so far I can make it scream.
If they do split up I hope 40% of what little is left to them doesnt go to lawyers.
Little deeper than just "my husband spent our retirement behind my back"!!!!!!
Rageful, Gaslighting, deceitfness... He's a narcassists. 2 Tim 3:1-6
You heard it hear people, have seperate accounts. What's good for the goose is good for the gander! There's no need to let things escalate this far to be able to manage and have control of your own finances. Of course, if possible, have good communication with your spouse!
You don't need separate accounts if you both have full access to them. If your spouse isn't willing to give you financial access, that should be a deal breaker. As Dave would say, otherwise your just glorified roommates with benefits.
I've been divorced for over twenty years. I started following Ramsey about seven years ago. I love living alone and having my own autonomy. I'm on baby step 7, and I won't marry again.
This is why if I had life to do over, I would never get married.
You in the same boat?
I did it once, never again. I've been happily divorced for over 20 years.
Glad I did. But you definitely need to be very careful who you marry.
This woman is completely full of crap. She pretends to not know what’s going on when it’s convenient for her to do so, but then all of a sudden she can give exact numbers later on in the call. We aren’t getting the real story at all.
And she claims a man she successfully forced to go sell cars was intimidating her with his anger when she asked about the money. She's a revisionist historian.
She's trolling for sympathy and easy answers.
This happens so often it's crazy. I know two people personally that had this exact thing happen.
She is partially to blame. How do you not know about your finances? You go your whole marriage with no idea and no plan? How did you not know exactly how much he makes and how much savings and retirement you have? Why would you stay if he wouldn’t get a job right away?
Trust NO ONE.
It’s good to hear Rachel recommend separate accounts. It provides personal accountability resulting in better money management.
You marry a person, not a bank account.
They would have a much happier marriage now if they had kept separate accounts from the beginning of their marriage.
Separate accounts? This woman had no money. And she has very little now. What is going to go into her account?
She’s old enough to collect retirement money (including Social Security) if she’s 62. It would also be good for her to consider at least a part time job.
True. And my comment should have been directed to the person who posted the couple should have had separate accounts from the beginning. That is what I was thinking about when I said she had no money. But you are right, since she is 62 she could collect social security and put it in a separate account. Let’s not forget, though, that she will be collecting on his social security. And he is paying the mortgage. So he would be supporting her, she would draw and his social security, and she would keep that money separate?
Hi, I’m disabled and had to retire 7 years earlier than expected. Can you give advice on where I can continue to invest. I can no longer contribute to my 401K. I have 2 pensions and social security disability benefits that I live off of. I’m not using any of my money from my 401K. Any advice would be appreciated.
Buy an index fund and forget about it.
Depends on when you want to use the money. You may want to consult with a financial advisor to determine the best strategy for your specific situation. One option to consider is a target date fund (5 yrs, 10 yrs from now or whatever), which typically holds a diversified mix of indexed stock and bond funds. The target date fund will automatically adjust its asset allocation to become more conservative as the target date approaches. A financial advisor can help you choose the right target date fund or other investment solutions tailored to your needs. Good luck!
I think I'll consider a target date fund since I don't plan on using the money for at least 10 years. Can you recommend a financial advisor who can help me make the right decision?
Yes sure! My CFA, Rebecca Dolva Watson, is an experienced, knowledgeable and independent expert. she works primarily with brokerages, allowing her to act as a fiduciary, and can provide the same level of expertise and objectivity to you.
look her up and thank me later
Yes sure! My CFA, Rebecca Dolva Watson, is an experienced, knowledgeable and independent expert. she works primarily with brokerages, allowing her to act as a fiduciary, and can provide the same level of expertise and objectivity to you.
Great advice for a really bad situation.
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God bless you more abundantly for your generosity
How do you earn that much weekly? I'm genuinely curious
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She was willingly uninformed. She had to know there was nowhere to get the money, but she kept spending. She is just as guilty for the spending as he is.
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"I took care of everything but the finances" is some wild phrasing, taking care of kids is good but finances are a big deal, and lots of women do that while having part time work. Not having a job or even being checked into whats going on for decades is insane. I dont have any sympathy here honestly.
I don’t believe her entire story, no responsibility taken on her end
Willful ignorance.
“Poor me” as she’s the one who cocreated this disaster. No idea how you’re paying for things you purchase yet you keep spending. Poor me
Trust, then verify!
Make sure you have Term life insurance in case he has an “accident”.😂
She needs to be so careful men this controlling don't like to be cornered, they tend to kill.
Yet she made him go sell cars. She isn't scared of him.
I wonder how she FINALLY realized that the retirement money was gone. Did she check the account on her own, or was he forced to fess up when he had no more money to give to her? He probably thought she'd be dead before she realized what he'd done.