"Most people that have been in a long term relationship really would prefer their original partner, but the better version of them"...those words should ease anyone worried about if they would get their ex back...as long as you work on yourself and improve, your chances increase.
Yes, and also, it makes you very wary for being somebody's rebound and aware where you might be with somebody who has just broken out from an other relationship. Not always, but to honestly check where they are.
This made me well up. Thank you for this lesson. Now, let me walk away while I can still bear the pain of being on the losing end, thinking of what might have been if only he was completely over the ex.
“Thinking of what might have been if only he was over his ex.” Thats what hurts the most .I hope things get better for you. I’m currently in the same situation.
Wish I had this information 3 years ago when I started dating a guy who was only 2 months out of a 19 year marriage. Sheesh! What a roller-coaster ride! Thank you for the great info now, so I have the right questions to ask if I ever find myself in a similar situation.
I think it's actually kind of irresponsible of him to be doing this to anybody else out there, knowing that nobody can be ok 2 months after the breakup of such a long relationship/marriage. That's why we have to pay attention ourselves, I guess...
Thank you Susan and all the plp who left comments and shared their wisdom. I wish I'd known this when I entered into a relationship with someone on the rebound. I learned my lesson the hard way.
Yeah, loved a man who had a crush on another but she rejected him so he started seeing me. 6 mo in she knew we were getting close and said she would date him. He left me. I had no idea during the dating he had feelings for her. What could I do, I let him go, I certainly cannot hang onto a man whose heart is elsewhere. Was very painful, I felt blind sighted.
situations like this are transitional... when they get over the breakup they get over you too... just listen to what they have to say and watch their actions... they don't always coincide...
Very welcome Susan... comes from experience... i would highly advise anyone who meets someone in transition to not get too involved... you can't replace what's been lost... you are just a temporary theraputic replacement...
@@calideeholmes6822 Aka "a band aide" until they feel better & then the person moves on to someone new. Unfortunately, I've been a band aide more than once.
@@SusanWinter I have this very important question to you Susan. You said, You've asked your date at that time 2 important questions. 1. If he still love her 2. If it could've work out between your date and his ex at that time, would he wanted to still have that relationship as couple I currently have exact situation right now with my date. I asked him those 2 questions. His answer was. Yes for No. 1 & No for No. 2 What is this mean??. I am confused. He still have feelings (Love & Care) for her but he is sure it won't work out if he would go back. Am I should be aware with his answer that he still love & care for her. Thank you in advance for your answer, x
This is right on time. I’m dating someone who was married for over 20+ years and divorced Less than 5 months. I like them but I have to remind myself to be cautious because of all you’re saying. Great video!
Great Video! Give yourself time to get over your ex. If you're constantly thinking of your ex then It's a red flag. One Step at at time. There's no need to rush. It's gonna happen when It's suppose to happen. Don't rush into one romance then later.
Susan Winter's is so so very wise!!Amazing high value and great insight gained through watching you educate. I am following all of your advice. Much needed for everyone these days. Thank you!
THANK YOU, Sing Your Style Studio. I'm so pleased you find these videos of value. It can be messy out there; people are confused, playing games and hiding their true emotions. At least we can be in right order on our end. Wishing you well in love and life!
As someone suffering after being in this situation , I was looking for a way to just keep going & I found you Susan Winter & the only relief came from listening to your extremely wise advice & clear explanations , I love all your videos & have recommended you to my friend who Is also having a tough time , we agree completely that you are indeed our go to when we need expert advice , love your work xxxxx
You articulate the issues and solutions so well - so much of relating effectively is really about mastering clear thinking and mastering communication. Another wow one!
I’ll never understand why did they leave them if they still had feelings for them, or if they had feelings for them but their partner rejected them or cheated on them, why is that not repulsive enough to lose feelings for them?
Great video about a less commonly covered topic on TH-cam. I can relate to everything you said here and I think you offer some very wise and helpful advice.
I wish I saw this video 5 months ago... ignored all those signs and hindsight, he was just looking for his ex’s replacement and he was trying to fit me in his fantasy. When he looked at me, what he actually was looking at was his ex. I know I’m a good loving person. Will be mindful with my future partners with all costs. Thank you Susan. You are amazing. Was wondering why did they meet again and break up so fast? (The guy you dated) Is because they didn’t take enough time to heal/grow? My ex went back to his ex also and seems like they are in such good terms.
Thank you for the lesson. I too was involved with this rebound relationship, where the man got back with his ex.. The situation was similar like yours too, was dated for a month and suddenly he said that he was going to get in good terms (get back) with his ex. But the problem is he still contacted me. But I also think like you "I don't want to be involved in 2 person, 1 person is enough". So I walked away. Although at first I was shocked and upset and of course cried.... Now I'm enjoying my life as it is although at one or 2 times I might miss him but I quickly make the feelings go away. If he in the future really break up again with his ex and started to look for me, I think I would ask him if his feelings were done of her. But not sure if that's the right thing. But as for now, I walked away and no contact with him.. I applied the no contact rule though hahah. But I was wondering, for your opinion, how is the percentage of couples in the world who get back together and end up married and couple who get back together and break up again a few months later after dating a few months after get back? Thanks!
I sensed a guy I started dating wasn’t over his ex, as he just didn’t seem ready for a full commitment. So I walked away. What are the chances he will come back to me if he ever moves on mentally from his ex? I’m trying really hard to move on, but still hold out hope (like an idiot 🙄)
Most men use rebounds! That is the hard part!!! They never stay single very long. All guys I dated are single for not that long! So how to know you are picking the right one? I was only 6 weeks in, I was clearly his rebound! Thing is I was and still am very in love with him. He as all qualities I am looking for in a man 😢 So I would not have been able to not date him... Most men I know and are dating are still not over their ex. It seems men do not take time to be single and recover... They use 2 or 3 rebounds and girl 3 or 4 is the good one apparently. So now only dating guys that already had their 2 or 3 short time flings
@Nathalie dp I so agree with your comment that there is this strange rebound pattern that most men follow after their breakup from a long term relationship. As sad as it may sound, it is so true that almost all 1st, 2nd and even 3rd girl may all be short flings until he fully recovers from his previous breakup. Ladies you must vett the guy and ask the hard questions to get him to confess truthfully to examine his situation with his ex.
Thank you for this video! I've been in a relationship with a man for over a year now, and I still cannot shake the feeling that I'm a rebound, or as you put it, simply the compensation for what he lacked. There are things he has mentioned he misses, or which I would do more of, which are all her traits. I've tried addressing the issue, but he denies it. Any advice? I'm in it for the long-haul, but I want to make sure he is invested in us too, not just with an idea of what he thinks he wants.
Met him only 2 wks ago , he was so into me it was alot but I trusted his word. He was married 14 years but apart 2 years . We were getting on so well but after one small issue he cut me off . It was all to gd to be true and I don't think he is over her and her cheating. I'm hurt but I will be ok as found out early days . Thank you x
Fantastic video, I have a close friend, who got out a messy divorce back in September 2015 then 4 months later, January 2016 another man proposed to her then in September 2017, they were married, now she has been separated for 4 months now, then she got into a relationship with a Venezuelan guy, whom she just met, saying how sweet, fun and kind, talking him teaching her his culture.
I wish I would have known this 3 months ago. What if you find out you’re the rebound and he ends it because he realizes he’s not emotionally ready for a relationship but says he doesn’t want his ex back either? Is it possible that he’ll come back to me?
I'm in the same position but 6 weeks in and I'm started to realise before he has said anything, is there an update? I hope all is well and you are OK. I'm so sad about it all xx
Whoever thinking being in a new relationship will help them to move on, please reconsider that. You’re putting someone else’s feelings on a bet. It hurts when you give so much and prioritize them and in their mind the main protagonists aren’t you and them, but the ex and them. It hurts especially because it’s one-sided. You want to fool yourself that they prioritize this relationship but in reality they’re just using this relationship to feel more at ease. And they don’t ever get how much it hurts to be in this one sided relationship.
They would prefer the 1st partner but the better version, wow makes sense and if you throw in Kids attached then only that 1st partner truly knows what they are getting into. How long does it take for rebound Relationship to realize this? appreciate the info
In all fairness I’m a tough nut to crack to because my last relationship I divorced and narcissist. In fact a malignant narcissist which is psychopath and narcissist together so it is like he’s dead to me. I can’t go back ....but you did said something that was very interesting you said we wish we had that last relationship... the good parts and you wish you had a better version. I loved my husband so much and I only wish that I could find someone like him, just like him without all the crazy.
I'm so glad I saw this! I've been dating this guy for a month who broke up with his fiancee two years ago. I'm a little wary because he tells me its uncanny how much I remind him of his ex, personality wise.. which makes him feel a little scared. And in turn, makes me feel me feel a little timid as well. I will definitely ask those key questions. Thank you, Susan! I love your videos!
You're welcome, stormnteacup. Two years is more than enough time to get over and ex. So while he's attaching you to this person, that may not be a totally bad thing...if he liked the personality of his ex. But I'd ask him to think of you as a new, different and unique person. And yes, ask the needed questions so that you have clarity as to how to move forward and feel comfortable! Thanks for your note.
13 years together, engaged,,had a very loving relationship until she emotionally shut down due to menopause and left,,,she didn't see anyone else until she saw me with someone else 2 years after our breakup,,,do you think she could still have strong feelings for me after being apart 2 years?? , we havnt spoken in over a year because every time she saw me she became very angry and unset,,,because of feelings,,I was always there for her honest loyal trustworthy and faithful...And provided very well in every way
Great timing for me to find this video! The new person I am seen now for 3 month is great BUT! But they are still bitter and angry for what has happen in the past. I feel the negative energy in the air and don't want to go through it. I am willing now to ask the 2 questions. On the other side my significant other with which I got closure and we both are good and have improved as individuals are friends and have a great time when we see each other. And the attraction and care never actually disappeared...hmm I have some thinking to do. Thank you for your help in each video you do .
Hi A Life. Isn't it wonderful when 'timing' intersects with our personal needs? Thank you for your note. It's so lovely to hear from somebody that has packaged and processed their relationship. Sounds like you had rewarding relationship with your ex and now the question might be, "Is there more? Or, is the warmth I feel gratitude for what we had?" I feel very confident that you will know what to do, either way. All the best. Susan.
ha ha indeed, I feel here you are continuing helping me. I love your first sentence! Makes a lot of sense! In regards to 'Is there more' or is the warmth I feel gratitude for what we had' ...I can clearly feel that is more from what we had. Thank you again. Great help!
Your story of the man dating you reminds me exactly of a situation I was in. I extracated myself from situation. You are right. It's not worth it especially if they are in and out of the exclusive stage of the relationship. ………………. This is what I don't like about dating. Dating nonsense.
I am pretty sure I was a rebound at the beginning of our relationship. Until I find prove of them being in nice contact behind me. After I asked him to make it clear with her and he did. But this does not make me feel sure that he has processed inside. I knew he would choose his ex if there was a chance if she didnt decide to break up he would still be with her , how can I face this situation I dont know. Dont want to be the second in line. It sucks. I regreted every day that I was not wise enough keep my standard. I should have stopped seeing him since the first day I found out he was still in mixed feeling with her.
Hi Susan I really love the advice that you give I would really appreciate and I'm sure other viewers of your Channel for your thoughts on how to handle a on-and-off relationship that's been going on for a few months or a few years I would really love your Insight on it
Hold the phone here what you saying I went through but the funny thing is he went with his x & I was left crying then came back like nothing happened right now we can't even have a decent convo cause I feel worthless but I really want it to work so I'm still there in silent pain
@@SusanWinter Maybe you can do a video or two about dating widowed people..... What to look for, how to deal with the ex-in-laws, dealing with married adult children..... Sometimes the widowed person NEVER takes the spouse off of a pedestal and neither does the family. That was my experience & it was an awful. experience.
Hi Susan, on and off relationship with an younger man 11 years younger that got no much relationship experience. How to stop the cycle? Is it on or is it off?
Confused partners can create a "loop." You can end it by moving forward (and continuing to walk forward). Focus on stability and consistency. Then you won't want him anymore.
MY NAME IS TINA OWEN FROM HOUSTON,TEXAS.I NEVER BELIEVED IN LOVE SPELLS OR MAGIC UNTIL I MET THIS SPELL CASTER ONCE WHEN I WENT TO AFRICA IN DECEMBER LAST YEAR ON A BUSINESS SUMMIT. HE IS REALLY POWERFUL AND COULD HELP CAST SPELLS TO BRING BACK ONE'S GONE,LOST,MISBEHAVING LOVER LOOKING FOR SOME ONE TO LOVE YOU, BRING BACK LOST MONEY AND MAGIC MONEY SPELL OR SPELL FOR A GOOD JOB.I'M NOW HAPPY & A LIVING TESTIMONY COS THE MAN I HAD WANTED TO MARRY LEFT ME 2 WEEKS BEFORE OUR WEDDING AND MY LIFE WAS UPSIDE DOWN COS OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN ON FOR 4YEARS... I REALLY LOVED HIM, BUT HIS MOTHER WAS AGAINST US AND HE HAD NO GOOD PAYING JOB. SO WHEN I MET THIS SPELL CASTER, I TOLD HIM WHAT HAPPENED AND EXPLAINED THE SITUATION OF THINGS TO HIM..AT FIRST I WAS UNDECIDED,SKEPTICAL AND DOUBTFUL, BUT I JUST GAVE IT A TRY. AND IN 7 DAYS WHEN I RETURNED TO TEXAS, MY BOYFRIEND (NOW HUSBAND) CALLED ME BY HIMSELF AND CAME TO ME APOLOGIZING THAT EVERYTHING HAD BEEN SETTLED WITH HIS MOM AND FAMILY AND HE GOT A NEW JOB INTERVIEW SO WE SHOULD GET MARRIED..I DIDN'T BELIEVE IT COS THE SPELL CASTER ONLY ASKED FOR MY NAME AND MY BOYFRIENDS NAME AND ALL I WANTED HIM TO DO... WELL WE ARE HAPPILY MARRIED NOW AND WE ARE EXPECTING OUR LITTLE KID,AND MY HUSBAND ALSO GOT THE NEW JOB AND OUR LIVES BECAME MUCH BETTER. IN CASE ANYONE NEEDS THE SPELL CASTER FOR SOME HELP, CELL PHONE NUMBER IS: +2348151554550....HOPE HE HELPS YOU OUT. HURRY NOW AND CONTACT HIM NOW VIA G MAIL :UGOCHUKWUTEMPLEOFMERCY@GMAIL.COM
You talk about how guys are not emotionally ready to get into another relationship if they just broke up with their girlfriend but make a video on guys who might not be emotionally ready to get into a relationship if he is widowed. How long should a person wait before they get involved with a guy who is widowed?
I was in a rebound relationship with my ex girlfriend,when her ex boyfriend came back to her and she dumped me.and went back to him.leaving heart broken and he dumped her again for the second time,and she moved on,am dating someone else but would never go back to her. Am not fully over her yet but I will never accept her again.
go see the videos of coach corey wayne - he explains it . But in short - she just had more time and stronger emotional bond with him than with you. Its not really personal.
Hi Susan. You made an interesting point in this video. You said if the woman was with an (unfaithful) alpha male, she might try to rebound with a boring and reliable beta male. What would you say the success rate is on those particular rebound relationships? Does the woman and the boring rebound beta male live happily ever after? Or does the woman usually just use him for a while to make herself feel better emotionally?
Terrific question! Pedaissance, the woman normally tires of the Beta male once she feels grounded and healed. He's a Band-Aid. And as a Band-Aid he is the extreme of what she is trying to eradicate. I have seen these rebound relationships work when the Beta male has dimension, passion and charisma. For example, a man with artistic or humanitarian virility.
Susan you are sooooo fucken right you are amazing !!! That's me right now except I'm the original gf and his dating the rebound and she is the total opposites of me. You should make a video of how to know if it's love or jealousy when you see your ex dating someone new and you want him back .You don't know what you have until It's gone that's my situation right now. Why do I feel this way?
I could've used this video years ago. I could've used this video a year ago. I have had a few rebound situations and they can suck. What if the guy knows it is over? How do you know they are over them to give you a fair shot? I have had a few situations where i was burned by guys that broke up with their partners.
The guy I like broke up the same time as me I feel so much feelings towards him he keeps saying he wants to be loved we do flirt most days I have told him I love him and he did say it but now I’m panicking because I’m scared he’s not gonna feel the same we have had long talks about our relationship status and other personal stuff he messages me all day every day even when he’s working but m scared it’s gonna be a dead end 😞😞😞😞
I’m assuming my patience would be exponentially more tolerant if she were honest with me that she was on a rebound as opposed to me not knowing anything and feeling like she’s playing me for her narcissist supply.
Seems I'm a rebound and desperately I wanna be the only one he desires but he even trying to shape me in similar of his ex and maybe other girls also... All I want is his loyalty and affection but Im not hopeful any more..(sorry for my grammar, my native language isn't English😅)
My ex’s rebound has ended. She is upset and trying hard to get her rebound back. What should I do?. I want her back. I have been texting and calling her a lot more. But she isn’t responding properly.
How long were u together and how long the rebound? Did u kiss her or have sex when together and what caused the break up? Cause she need to see u better than him on an emotional level. Especially I think if this rebound gave her new experiences! Stay strong
Hi..my ex boyfriend met a new lady and they dating now.but he still contacts me saying he is confused and he loves me and misses me but is scared I might hurt him again..I really love him but am not sure if it's best if give up cause am scared he just wanna make me his back up plan..what do i do
Sethina Esther honey cut all contacts with him! I promise you that is the best for you! You can’t let him just come in and out of your life. And if you’ve given him an ultimatum to choose (which you shouldn’t even have to in the first place fyi) and he still replies with the fact that he’s “confused”. Yeah, even more of a reason to cut his ass off.
not sure if anyone can answer but what if the person said that he will always love her since she's the mother of her kids? at one point, he said that if his ex will ask him back, he will consider it for his kids.
Not sure if this helps but I'll tell you my experience. I've been divorced from the mother of my children for many years. They are adults now and I have no desire to speak with their mother, haven't had any contact with her in years. To be honest I can't say I even know who she is. However, I was having a conversation with my son recently, he's having some sort of problem with his mother. I told my son that I appreciated his mother for giving me him and his two sisters. The second part of your question is what I'd be concerned about. Its one thing to appreciate someone from your past but acknowledging that you'd get back together with them for any reason is a red flag. He was honest enough to tell you so I believe you should believe him.
Hello Susan its Frank lujan from Newport beach ca again your the best #1 I'm learning alot from your videos dam if I was dating you I treat you like a queen lol😊 keep up your great videos
Susan, Men... shall we say "misrepresent" themselves often. Many will be less than forthcoming initially especially when they encounter a woman with whom they are infatuated. It's unfortunate and unfair. Thank you for stressing the need to AND sharing the skill set of HOW to accurately assess. You're a gem.
Do you have anything on a widower. I’m sure it falls into the same category only they can’t go back because their spouse is dead. But let me tell you that’s a tough nut to crack. In fact I’m not gonna I don’t have time.
I don't have anything specific for widowers-but the two hallmarks of a deceased person are that they become aggrandized in the mind of their mate, and that there will always be comparison. It's more a transit of readiness.
If you’re dating someone who’s fresh out of a LTC with kids and you ask the question you posed “if it could’ve worked out would you have wanted it to?” I would imagine most would say yes because otherwise it looks like you weren’t that committed. So what’s the right answer here? Obviously no, but what reasoning am I to be looking for? The guy I am interested in told me that he realized that people don’t really change at least not at their core and when he finally came to terms with that he left. To me that’s a decent answer.
1. General comment. Awesome and wise advice Susan. All should take heed 2. Personal. If I may be so bold - he (your suitor) made a huge mistake in not choosing you. But you know this ;)
Hi Susan. I was dumped and went into no contact ever since. 3 months later she texted me ( " Hi . Hope your doing ok " ) I was shocked so I replied back the following day. We had a great casual conversation. Nothing about missing anyone etc. Just simple stuff. So the following day I reached out in text and got no response, my heart was telling me to drive to her house to see if she was home. She was and I walked to her bedroom window outside and overheard her arguing with another man 😢.. I'm confused and hurt again. My question to you is.. Do I confront her about her rebound if there's any hope reconnecting again.. I feel like even though we are not together. The truth should've been told instead of me finding out.. Please help me with any advice. Thank you ✌
Helo Jeff hope you are ok now Im dumped too with my 7months bf just last month after the break up few days he message me and told me sorry he has another relationship he was inlove and happy and you know whom a friend of mine to what i did is i congratulate them and say a litle prayer im shocked hurt traumatized but i need to help myself overcoming the situation for now i distant myself to him and no social media watching motivating vdeos ....frend you need to help yourself be better and forgive.
This video got me thinking. Susan, what is a boring Beta male? A.) Is it a guy that is not sexually adventurous? B.) Or is it a guy that is not mysterious? C.) Or a guy that has nothing going for him in his life? D.) All of the above?
That means my silly ex who immediately met some other dude...that and her having absolutely no free time and a crushing work schedule has zero chance of success! Excellent.....
I've been a close, casual friend to a woman for a year and a half now. She has been married for 33 years and separated for a few years now (they live four hours apart). There is a clear attraction between us (lots of hugs and kisses, and other IOIs), but she still wears her wedding ring. I haven't heard anything about a divorce, although it may in the works. I wonder if a separation allows any processing of the relationship and if maybe she's checked out of the marriage a long time ago. Although I really like this girl (she's in her early 50s; I'm in my early 60s), it's probably not a good situation for me. I wonder if there is any chance here if I keep things slow and casual. I could walk if I need to.
Why don't you try increasing the contact and meetings. See if there's interest in creating more conversations, coffee, movies, spending the day together, etc. You'll have your answer by the willingness and amount of emotional sharing. Best wishes.
Follow My Logic come on ur 60 shes 50 if i were in ur shoes i would b worry about my life,health a place to stay .. NOT LOVE ..UR 60 N STILL STRUGGLING FOR LOVE ! Wow some people are real STUPID !
"Most people that have been in a long term relationship really would prefer their original partner, but the better version of them"...those words should ease anyone worried about if they would get their ex back...as long as you work on yourself and improve, your chances increase.
Yes, and also, it makes you very wary for being somebody's rebound and aware where you might be with somebody who has just broken out from an other relationship. Not always, but to honestly check where they are.
yes but i’m the rebound to my ex. now what
I've been watching many "are you a rebound?" videos and this is by far the best one.
Men cant hide feelings... They will tell without knowing and their actions will say alottttt
This made me well up. Thank you for this lesson. Now, let me walk away while I can still bear the pain of being on the losing end, thinking of what might have been if only he was completely over the ex.
any update?
“Thinking of what might have been if only he was over his ex.” Thats what hurts the most .I hope things get better for you. I’m currently in the same situation.
Same thing happened to me. I love him but I’m not gonna waste my time anymore chasing someone who doesn’t want me back.
Wish I had this information 3 years ago when I started dating a guy who was only 2 months out of a 19 year marriage. Sheesh! What a roller-coaster ride! Thank you for the great info now, so I have the right questions to ask if I ever find myself in a similar situation.
I think it's actually kind of irresponsible of him to be doing this to anybody else out there, knowing that nobody can be ok 2 months after the breakup of such a long relationship/marriage. That's why we have to pay attention ourselves, I guess...
how long did that last?
@5:26 The best advice about knowing if someone has moved on. Thanks for this.❤️
This is the BEST advice for my uncertainty right now.
Thank you Susan and all the plp who left comments and shared their wisdom. I wish I'd known this when I entered into a relationship with someone on the rebound. I learned my lesson the hard way.
Yeah, loved a man who had a crush on another but she rejected him so he started seeing me. 6 mo in she knew we were getting close and said she would date him. He left me. I had no idea during the dating he had feelings for her. What could I do, I let him go, I certainly cannot hang onto a man whose heart is elsewhere. Was very painful, I felt blind sighted.
situations like this are transitional... when they get over the breakup they get over you too... just listen to what they have to say and watch their actions... they don't always coincide...
Wise counsel, Calidee. Thanks for this!
Very welcome Susan... comes from experience... i would highly advise anyone who meets someone in transition to not get too involved... you can't replace what's been lost... you are just a temporary theraputic replacement...
@@calideeholmes6822 Aka "a band aide" until they feel better & then the person moves on to someone new. Unfortunately, I've been a band aide more than once.
@@calideeholmes6822 how can you see the signs that you are a rebound?
@@SusanWinter I have this very important question to you Susan.
You said, You've asked your date at that time 2 important questions.
1. If he still love her
2. If it could've work out between your date and his ex at that time, would he wanted to still have that relationship as couple
I currently have exact situation right now with my date. I asked him those 2 questions. His answer was. Yes for No. 1 & No for No. 2
What is this mean??. I am confused. He still have feelings (Love & Care) for her but he is sure it won't work out if he would go back. Am I should be aware with his answer that he still love & care for her.
Thank you in advance for your answer, x
This is right on time. I’m dating someone who was married for over 20+ years and divorced Less than 5 months. I like them but I have to remind myself to be cautious because of all you’re saying. Great video!
Great Video! Give yourself time to get over your ex. If you're constantly thinking of your ex then It's a red flag. One Step at at time. There's no need to rush. It's gonna happen when It's suppose to happen. Don't rush into one romance then later.
Even if you ask the questions they lie to keep you around.
Susan Winter's is so so very wise!!Amazing high value and great insight gained through watching you educate. I am following all of your advice. Much needed for everyone these days. Thank you!
THANK YOU, Sing Your Style Studio. I'm so pleased you find these videos of value. It can be messy out there; people are confused, playing games and hiding their true emotions. At least we can be in right order on our end. Wishing you well in love and life!
As someone suffering after being in this situation , I was looking for a way to just keep going & I found you Susan Winter & the only relief came from listening to your extremely wise advice & clear explanations , I love all your videos & have recommended you to my friend who
Is also having a tough time , we agree completely that you are indeed our go to when we need expert advice , love your work xxxxx
I agree, there is the word rebound for a reason. I don't mess with rebound people for this reason.
I know I’m a rebound and it hurts
It does suck when a taken person starts talking to you
You articulate the issues and solutions so well - so much of relating effectively is really about mastering clear thinking and mastering communication. Another wow one!
That is so true. Thanks for your insight, Jeanne-Ann
You are a wonderful human being Susan! 😀. I appreciate so very much that you always try to help your audience by giving us such great advices! 😊
I’ll never understand why did they leave them if they still had feelings for them,
or if they had feelings for them but their partner rejected them or cheated on them, why is that not repulsive enough to lose feelings for them?
Seriously it’s so pathetic and foul
Not easy to find. I think males hold on longer in bad relationships in which they are not happy.
Lots of half men.
Great video about a less commonly covered topic on TH-cam. I can relate to everything you said here and I think you offer some very wise and helpful advice.
I wish I saw this video 5 months ago... ignored all those signs and hindsight, he was just looking for his ex’s replacement and he was trying to fit me in his fantasy. When he looked at me, what he actually was looking at was his ex. I know I’m a good loving person. Will be mindful with my future partners with all costs. Thank you Susan. You are amazing.
Was wondering why did they meet again and break up so fast? (The guy you dated) Is because they didn’t take enough time to heal/grow? My ex went back to his ex also and seems like they are in such good terms.
Thank you for the lesson. I too was involved with this rebound relationship, where the man got back with his ex.. The situation was similar like yours too, was dated for a month and suddenly he said that he was going to get in good terms (get back) with his ex. But the problem is he still contacted me. But I also think like you "I don't want to be involved in 2 person, 1 person is enough". So I walked away. Although at first I was shocked and upset and of course cried.... Now I'm enjoying my life as it is although at one or 2 times I might miss him but I quickly make the feelings go away. If he in the future really break up again with his ex and started to look for me, I think I would ask him if his feelings were done of her. But not sure if that's the right thing. But as for now, I walked away and no contact with him.. I applied the no contact rule though hahah.
But I was wondering, for your opinion, how is the percentage of couples in the world who get back together and end up married and couple who get back together and break up again a few months later after dating a few months after get back?
Thanks!
What if we’re both rebounds for each other 🤔
Doomed to fail.
Update?
@@mayrachavez4979 yeah it failed don’t do it
@@leahrowe2571 oh wow! How long did that last?
@@mayrachavez4979 a year and than I found someone who actually cared about me more than for sex and moved on. Always know your worth
This helped me I had to let her go… she still wanted to work things out with her ex.
How are you now, girl?
Thanks it was painful to listen to but I needed that ❤
I love her , her advices give inner peace in me ..god bless u susan
I sensed a guy I started dating wasn’t over his ex, as he just didn’t seem ready for a full commitment. So I walked away. What are the chances he will come back to me if he ever moves on mentally from his ex? I’m trying really hard to move on, but still hold out hope (like an idiot 🙄)
update
Most men use rebounds! That is the hard part!!! They never stay single very long. All guys I dated are single for not that long!
So how to know you are picking the right one?
I was only 6 weeks in, I was clearly his rebound! Thing is I was and still am very in love with him. He as all qualities I am looking for in a man 😢
So I would not have been able to not date him...
Most men I know and are dating are still not over their ex.
It seems men do not take time to be single and recover... They use 2 or 3 rebounds and girl 3 or 4 is the good one apparently. So now only dating guys that already had their 2 or 3 short time flings
@Nathalie dp I so agree with your comment that there is this strange rebound pattern that most men follow after their breakup from a long term relationship. As sad as it may sound, it is so true that almost all 1st, 2nd and even 3rd girl may all be short flings until he fully recovers from his previous breakup. Ladies you must vett the guy and ask the hard questions to get him to confess truthfully to examine his situation with his ex.
I 💯% agree with you on this one and i speak from experience👌
Thank you for this video!
I've been in a relationship with a man for over a year now, and I still cannot shake the feeling that I'm a rebound, or as you put it, simply the compensation for what he lacked. There are things he has mentioned he misses, or which I would do more of, which are all her traits. I've tried addressing the issue, but he denies it. Any advice? I'm in it for the long-haul, but I want to make sure he is invested in us too, not just with an idea of what he thinks he wants.
Met him only 2 wks ago , he was so into me it was alot but I trusted his word. He was married 14 years but apart 2 years . We were getting on so well but after one small issue he cut me off . It was all to gd to be true and I don't think he is over her and her cheating. I'm hurt but I will be ok as found out early days . Thank you x
How are you feeling about this situation? All this time later?
Fantastic video, I have a close friend, who got out a messy divorce back in September 2015 then 4 months later, January 2016 another man proposed to her then in September 2017, they were married, now she has been separated for 4 months now, then she got into a relationship with a Venezuelan guy, whom she just met, saying how sweet, fun and kind, talking him teaching her his culture.
I really enjoy listening to you Susan, learning your knowledge and wisdom. Thank you for sharing this.
Hi MrCaskel. Thank you!! How kind of you to write to me. Wishing you the very best.
Omg this is a tough one, when you invested thinking it was over..
Ugh. This guy wants to date me yet said he’s not ready for a relationship because he broke up 6 months ago with his ex who he considered marrying
That's more than enough time to start again.
How about an update, Ella Rice?
any updates?
I wish I would have known this 3 months ago.
What if you find out you’re the rebound and he ends it because he realizes he’s not emotionally ready for a relationship but says he doesn’t want his ex back either? Is it possible that he’ll come back to me?
I'm in the same position but 6 weeks in and I'm started to realise before he has said anything, is there an update? I hope all is well and you are OK. I'm so sad about it all xx
@@kourtneykerrell5855 how are you now?? Im in the same situation
How are you now?
I'm in the exact same position, how scary.
Thank you Susan, wise words, you made my day ❤
Whoever thinking being in a new relationship will help them to move on, please reconsider that. You’re putting someone else’s feelings on a bet.
It hurts when you give so much and prioritize them and in their mind the main protagonists aren’t you and them, but the ex and them.
It hurts especially because it’s one-sided. You want to fool yourself that they prioritize this relationship but in reality they’re just using this relationship to feel more at ease.
And they don’t ever get how much it hurts to be in this one sided relationship.
Sorry you had to go through that, I'm sure it was an unpleasant situation, and Thank you for sharing.
They would prefer the 1st partner but the better version, wow makes sense and if you throw in Kids attached then only that 1st partner truly knows what they are getting into. How long does it take for rebound Relationship to realize this? appreciate the info
Hi Berserk. There's no set time frame. Each person is different.
It's so hard on the one being rebounded with
Can you explain what she means by "but the better version"
In all fairness I’m a tough nut to crack to because my last relationship I divorced and narcissist. In fact a malignant narcissist which is psychopath and narcissist together so it is like he’s dead to me. I can’t go back ....but you did said something that was very interesting you said we wish we had that last relationship... the good parts and you wish you had a better version. I loved my husband so much and I only wish that I could find someone like him, just like him without all the crazy.
I'm so glad I saw this! I've been dating this guy for a month who broke up with his fiancee two years ago. I'm a little wary because he tells me its uncanny how much I remind him of his ex, personality wise.. which makes him feel a little scared. And in turn, makes me feel me feel a little timid as well. I will definitely ask those key questions. Thank you, Susan! I love your videos!
You're welcome, stormnteacup. Two years is more than enough time to get over and ex. So while he's attaching you to this person, that may not be a totally bad thing...if he liked the personality of his ex. But I'd ask him to think of you as a new, different and unique person. And yes, ask the needed questions so that you have clarity as to how to move forward and feel comfortable! Thanks for your note.
Susan Winter - This is a great video, thank you.
What if they were married for years?
13 years together, engaged,,had a very loving relationship until she emotionally shut down due to menopause and left,,,she didn't see anyone else until she saw me with someone else 2 years after our breakup,,,do you think she could still have strong feelings for me after being apart 2 years?? , we havnt spoken in over a year because every time she saw me she became very angry and unset,,,because of feelings,,I was always there for her honest loyal trustworthy and faithful...And provided very well in every way
Great timing for me to find this video! The new person I am seen now for 3 month is great BUT! But they are still bitter and angry for what has happen in the past. I feel the negative energy in the air and don't want to go through it. I am willing now to ask the 2 questions. On the other side my significant other with which I got closure and we both are good and have improved as individuals are friends and have a great time when we see each other. And the attraction and care never actually disappeared...hmm I have some thinking to do. Thank you for your help in each video you do .
Hi A Life. Isn't it wonderful when 'timing' intersects with our personal needs? Thank you for your note. It's so lovely to hear from somebody that has packaged and processed their relationship. Sounds like you had rewarding relationship with your ex and now the question might be, "Is there more? Or, is the warmth I feel gratitude for what we had?" I feel very confident that you will know what to do, either way. All the best. Susan.
ha ha indeed, I feel here you are continuing helping me. I love your first sentence! Makes a lot of sense! In regards to 'Is there more' or is the warmth I feel gratitude for what we had' ...I can clearly feel that is more from what we had. Thank you again. Great help!
You're welcome, A Life. Sincerely wish you well in your discovery.
Your story of the man dating you reminds me exactly of a situation I was in. I extracated myself from situation. You are right. It's not worth it especially if they are in and out of the exclusive stage of the relationship. ………………. This is what I don't like about dating. Dating nonsense.
Thank you, I'll remember to donate to you when my finances are okay
I am pretty sure I was a rebound at the beginning of our relationship. Until I find prove of them being in nice contact behind me. After I asked him to make it clear with her and he did. But this does not make me feel sure that he has processed inside. I knew he would choose his ex if there was a chance if she didnt decide to break up he would still be with her , how can I face this situation I dont know. Dont want to be the second in line. It sucks. I regreted every day that I was not wise enough keep my standard. I should have stopped seeing him since the first day I found out he was still in mixed feeling with her.
Hi Susan I really love the advice that you give I would really appreciate and I'm sure other viewers of your Channel for your thoughts on how to handle a on-and-off relationship that's been going on for a few months or a few years I would really love your Insight on it
Oh, that's good. I'm writing this down Richard.
Yup I’m breaking up with him
I don’t play that shit at all
Hold the phone here what you saying I went through but the funny thing is he went with his x & I was left crying then came back like nothing happened right now we can't even have a decent convo cause I feel worthless but I really want it to work so I'm still there in silent pain
I was someone’s rebound … now I’m pregnant
Wonderful
Hi Susan ...What if you want someone who lost a Loved to Death? What is the right move after That?? Please help!!
That's tough. Firstly, they have to be ready and open to loving again. Secondly, they need to have removed their deceased partner from their pedestal.
@@SusanWinter Maybe you can do a video or two about dating widowed people..... What to look for, how to deal with the ex-in-laws, dealing with married adult children..... Sometimes the widowed person NEVER takes the spouse off of a pedestal and neither does the family. That was my experience & it was an awful. experience.
Hi Susan, on and off relationship with an younger man 11 years younger that got no much relationship experience. How to stop the cycle? Is it on or is it off?
Confused partners can create a "loop." You can end it by moving forward (and continuing to walk forward). Focus on stability and consistency. Then you won't want him anymore.
MY NAME IS TINA OWEN FROM HOUSTON,TEXAS.I NEVER BELIEVED IN LOVE SPELLS OR MAGIC UNTIL I MET THIS SPELL CASTER ONCE WHEN I WENT TO AFRICA IN DECEMBER LAST YEAR ON A BUSINESS SUMMIT. HE IS REALLY POWERFUL AND COULD HELP CAST SPELLS TO BRING BACK ONE'S GONE,LOST,MISBEHAVING LOVER LOOKING FOR SOME ONE TO LOVE YOU, BRING BACK LOST MONEY AND MAGIC MONEY SPELL OR SPELL FOR A GOOD JOB.I'M NOW HAPPY & A LIVING TESTIMONY COS THE MAN I HAD WANTED TO MARRY LEFT ME 2 WEEKS BEFORE OUR WEDDING AND MY LIFE WAS UPSIDE DOWN COS OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN ON FOR 4YEARS... I REALLY LOVED HIM, BUT HIS MOTHER WAS AGAINST US AND HE HAD NO GOOD PAYING JOB. SO WHEN I MET THIS SPELL CASTER, I TOLD HIM WHAT HAPPENED AND EXPLAINED THE SITUATION OF THINGS TO HIM..AT FIRST I WAS UNDECIDED,SKEPTICAL AND DOUBTFUL, BUT I JUST GAVE IT A TRY. AND IN 7 DAYS WHEN I RETURNED TO TEXAS, MY BOYFRIEND (NOW HUSBAND) CALLED ME BY HIMSELF AND CAME TO ME APOLOGIZING THAT EVERYTHING HAD BEEN SETTLED WITH HIS MOM AND FAMILY AND HE GOT A NEW JOB INTERVIEW SO WE SHOULD GET MARRIED..I DIDN'T BELIEVE IT COS THE SPELL CASTER ONLY ASKED FOR MY NAME AND MY BOYFRIENDS NAME AND ALL I WANTED HIM TO DO... WELL WE ARE HAPPILY MARRIED NOW AND WE ARE EXPECTING OUR LITTLE KID,AND MY HUSBAND ALSO GOT THE NEW JOB AND OUR LIVES BECAME MUCH BETTER. IN CASE ANYONE NEEDS THE SPELL CASTER FOR SOME HELP, CELL PHONE NUMBER IS: +2348151554550....HOPE HE HELPS YOU OUT. HURRY NOW AND CONTACT HIM NOW VIA G MAIL :UGOCHUKWUTEMPLEOFMERCY@GMAIL.COM
You talk about how guys are not emotionally ready to get into another relationship if they just broke up with their girlfriend but make a video on guys who might not be emotionally ready to get into a relationship if he is widowed. How long should a person wait before they get involved with a guy who is widowed?
If you were a rebound, do they usually come back?
I was in a rebound relationship with my ex girlfriend,when her ex boyfriend came back to her and she dumped me.and went back to him.leaving heart broken and he dumped her again for the second time,and she moved on,am dating someone else but would never go back to her.
Am not fully over her yet but I will never accept her again.
go see the videos of coach corey wayne - he explains it . But in short - she just had more time and stronger emotional bond with him than with you. Its not really personal.
Hi Susan. You made an interesting point in this video. You said if the woman was with an (unfaithful) alpha male, she might try to rebound with a boring and reliable beta male. What would you say the success rate is on those particular rebound relationships? Does the woman and the boring rebound beta male live happily ever after? Or does the woman usually just use him for a while to make herself feel better emotionally?
Terrific question! Pedaissance, the woman normally tires of the Beta male once she feels grounded and healed. He's a Band-Aid. And as a Band-Aid he is the extreme of what she is trying to eradicate. I have seen these rebound relationships work when the Beta male has dimension, passion and charisma. For example, a man with artistic or humanitarian virility.
This is so helpful to know
Thanks S
Intuitive
Just my sit at the mo.
Susan you are sooooo fucken right you are amazing !!! That's me right now except I'm the original gf and his dating the rebound and she is the total opposites of me. You should make a video of how to know if it's love or jealousy when you see your ex dating someone new and you want him back .You don't know what you have until It's gone that's my situation right now. Why do I feel this way?
What if I've seen her block and unblock her ex bf fb page snooping like once a month or 2? Bad sign even though she dumped him?
Wish i watch this video 6 months ago :)
i wish i saw this video a month and a half ago
Not necessarily true for a break up of the first teen love after 20+ years. In that case the ex was chosen based on attraction mostly
I could've used this video years ago. I could've used this video a year ago. I have had a few rebound situations and they can suck. What if the guy knows it is over? How do you know they are over them to give you a fair shot? I have had a few situations where i was burned by guys that broke up with their partners.
Very mature I should of done this with my last gf.
she did come back and hes been rejecting her but the relationship was so recent i have no standing
The guy I like broke up the same time as me I feel so much feelings towards him he keeps saying he wants to be loved we do flirt most days I have told him I love him and he did say it but now I’m panicking because I’m scared he’s not gonna feel the same we have had long talks about our relationship status and other personal stuff he messages me all day every day even when he’s working but m scared it’s gonna be a dead end 😞😞😞😞
Thank you so much!
I’m assuming my patience would be exponentially more tolerant if she were honest with me that she was on a rebound as opposed to me not knowing anything and feeling like she’s playing me for her narcissist supply.
How about 5 years ago ...🙈😢
I just found out I was his rebound. What advice can you give
Seems I'm a rebound and desperately I wanna be the only one he desires but he even trying to shape me in similar of his ex and maybe other girls also... All I want is his loyalty and affection but Im not hopeful any more..(sorry for my grammar, my native language isn't English😅)
My ex’s rebound has ended. She is upset and trying hard to get her rebound back. What should I do?. I want her back. I have been texting and calling her a lot more. But she isn’t responding properly.
How long were u together and how long the rebound? Did u kiss her or have sex when together and what caused the break up? Cause she need to see u better than him on an emotional level. Especially I think if this rebound gave her new experiences! Stay strong
Hi..my ex boyfriend met a new lady and they dating now.but he still contacts me saying he is confused and he loves me and misses me but is scared I might hurt him again..I really love him but am not sure if it's best if give up cause am scared he just wanna make me his back up plan..what do i do
Sethina Esther honey cut all contacts with him! I promise you that is the best for you! You can’t let him just come in and out of your life. And if you’ve given him an ultimatum to choose (which you shouldn’t even have to in the first place fyi) and he still replies with the fact that he’s “confused”. Yeah, even more of a reason to cut his ass off.
not sure if anyone can answer but what if the person said that he will always love her since she's the mother of her kids? at one point, he said that if his ex will ask him back, he will consider it for his kids.
Not sure if this helps but I'll tell you my experience.
I've been divorced from the mother of my children for many years. They are adults now and I have no desire to speak with their mother, haven't had any contact with her in years. To be honest I can't say I even know who she is.
However, I was having a conversation with my son recently, he's having some sort of problem with his mother. I told my son that I appreciated his mother for giving me him and his two sisters.
The second part of your question is what I'd be concerned about. Its one thing to appreciate someone from your past but acknowledging that you'd get back together with them for any reason is a red flag.
He was honest enough to tell you so I believe you should believe him.
So now 8 years after this video…is this guy back with that lady?? :)
Hello Susan its Frank lujan from Newport beach ca again your the best #1 I'm learning alot from your videos dam if I was dating you I treat you like a queen lol😊 keep up your great videos
GOOD Talk !
Susan,
Men... shall we say "misrepresent" themselves often.
Many will be less than forthcoming initially especially when they encounter a woman with whom they are infatuated. It's unfortunate and unfair. Thank you for stressing the need to AND sharing the skill set of HOW to accurately assess. You're a gem.
Do you have anything on a widower. I’m sure it falls into the same category only they can’t go back because their spouse is dead. But let me tell you that’s a tough nut to crack. In fact I’m not gonna I don’t have time.
Raven Loguidice that’s intense. Death tends to place the deceased on a pedestal. That means comparison is automatic. Best wishes Raven.
I don't have anything specific for widowers-but the two hallmarks of a deceased person are that they become aggrandized in the mind of their mate, and that there will always be comparison. It's more a transit of readiness.
so accurate thank you
If you’re dating someone who’s fresh out of a LTC with kids and you ask the question you posed “if it could’ve worked out would you have wanted it to?” I would imagine most would say yes because otherwise it looks like you weren’t that committed. So what’s the right answer here? Obviously no, but what reasoning am I to be looking for? The guy I am interested in told me that he realized that people don’t really change at least not at their core and when he finally came to terms with that he left. To me that’s a decent answer.
Sorry, Lost a Loved One who died???
I'm screwed :/
1. General comment. Awesome and wise advice Susan. All should take heed
2. Personal. If I may be so bold - he (your suitor) made a huge mistake in not choosing you. But you know this ;)
Neat
Hi Susan. I was dumped and went into no contact ever since.
3 months later she texted me ( " Hi . Hope your doing ok " ) I was shocked so I replied back the following day. We had a great casual conversation. Nothing about missing anyone etc. Just simple stuff. So the following day I reached out in text and got no response, my heart was telling me to drive to her house to see if she was home. She was and I walked to her bedroom window outside and overheard her arguing with another man 😢.. I'm confused and hurt again. My question to you is.. Do I confront her about her rebound if there's any hope reconnecting again.. I feel like even though we are not together. The truth should've been told instead of me finding out.. Please help me with any advice. Thank you ✌
Helo Jeff hope you are ok now Im dumped too with my 7months bf just last month after the break up few days he message me and told me sorry he has another relationship he was inlove and happy and you know whom a friend of mine to what i did is i congratulate them and say a litle prayer im shocked hurt traumatized but i need to help myself overcoming the situation for now i distant myself to him and no social media watching motivating vdeos ....frend you need to help yourself be better and forgive.
This video got me thinking. Susan, what is a boring Beta male?
A.) Is it a guy that is not sexually adventurous?
B.) Or is it a guy that is not mysterious?
C.) Or a guy that has nothing going for him in his life?
D.) All of the above?
👏🏽
That means my silly ex who immediately met some other dude...that and her having absolutely no free time and a crushing work schedule has zero chance of success! Excellent.....
I've been a close, casual friend to a woman for a year and a half now. She has been married for 33 years and separated for a few years now (they live four hours apart). There is a clear attraction between us (lots of hugs and kisses, and other IOIs), but she still wears her wedding ring. I haven't heard anything about a divorce, although it may in the works. I wonder if a separation allows any processing of the relationship and if maybe she's checked out of the marriage a long time ago. Although I really like this girl (she's in her early 50s; I'm in my early 60s), it's probably not a good situation for me. I wonder if there is any chance here if I keep things slow and casual. I could walk if I need to.
Why don't you try increasing the contact and meetings. See if there's interest in creating more conversations, coffee, movies, spending the day together, etc. You'll have your answer by the willingness and amount of emotional sharing. Best wishes.
She said "Call me anytime...." a few times recently. I think your idea is a good one. Thanks!
So, how all went?
Follow My Logic come on ur 60 shes 50 if i were in ur shoes i would b worry about my life,health a place to stay .. NOT LOVE ..UR 60 N STILL STRUGGLING FOR LOVE ! Wow some people are real STUPID !
@@MuStAnGMach-pg1eq That's really a sh*tty thing to say. Everyone's circumstances are different. Who are you to criticize someone else?