WARNING: The English language is a weird thing, and these tips won't apply to all situations. Don't hesitate to test out today's advice, but be aware that these techniques will work in some situations while failing in others. I actually had many other examples in this video but I had to cut them out to keep the video short and engaging (and seriously, who wants to listen to me for 14-20 minutes?). If you have any questions about starting better sentences, don't be afraid to reach out. Always happy to help.
Your tips are less theoretical than those of other writers. You give examples, which is great. I watched a lot writer helps writers videos and thought that there is not much more that I can learn but you showed me in at least 3 instances something new. Thanks, Brandon.
I’ve been binge watching your videos after a rough critique, and I just want to say thank you for how you present your information. It’s always in a calm, uplifting way and never feels condescending. I’m excited to implement some of your advice to become a better, stronger writer!
Glad the videos are helping! And thrilled to hear you bounced back from a rough critique. Back in 2015 I attended a writing workshop called Taos Toolbox and my manuscript got absolutely SHREDDED by a dozen other writers. I was seriously rethinking my writing career at that point (and again in mid-2016), but I hung on and survived. Just stay persistent no matter what
Despite writing in a different language, this video is incredibly useful and now I can stop saying "He did this, she did that. Then, he did the other thing."
I am excellent at dialogue, but not quite as good at narrative. I had one part of my manuscript in particular where almost every sentence, for like three paragraphs, started with ‘she’. I knew this was undesirable, but I wasn't sure how to fix it. Thanks for making this video, I found it quite helpful.
Love your vlog. I'm writing my first novel and, as someone who's not trained in creative writing (I'm an attorney), I've learned a lot just watching you. Just started Bad Parts, by the way.
Thrilled to hear the videos are helping! I met an attorney on a flight home from LA once, and I asked the guy some questions about police procedures and such--we must've talked for about half the flight and I could tell he had a really creative mind because he was throwing out a bunch of different scenarios that could happen in my upcoming horror novel. Thanks for picking up a copy of BP btw! Hope you enjoy it, and when you finish, please consider leaving a review on Amazon!
Some advanced sensory details sentence examples (If this helps you're most welcome :) **Smell** Example 1: As I headed down the trail, graceful pollens hit this season with each inhale. Example 2: During the day, sewer gas fumed of putrid waste. Example 3: Somewhere through a cold breeze as arbory and autumn leaves, rain cascaded its whiff of dampness. **Touch** Example 1: Stony and sharp, bricks could cause a scrape if my fingers ran along it forever. Example 2: What sharpness the blade has-enough to cut skin-with the appropriate edge. Example 3: The bed's softness plumped in skillets of its fabric if it were a dish. **Sight** Example 1: Through darkness, someone trudged into view. Example 2: Where the winds pointed appeared as a white mist like spirit's fingers. Example 3: The cake baked in the oven until the flour rose. **Hear** Example 1: Tremors of a jackhammer shook the walls and into my ears. Example 2: Above, the roaring of a plane engine split the sky. Example 3: Like clockwork, the large hand ticked twelve by the time I arrived at the red carpet; tick-tick-tick. **Taste** Example 1: An explosion of bitter, sweet, and salt savored within each crunch. Example 2: From a point above the water, the sea's saltiness rushed by within gulps. Example 3: Given the salt, it somehow has sweet sugar when it's licked. **Bonus: what's a sentence with five senses?** Sloshing in my boots, water squeezes underneath as rain patters my umbrella, droplets hitting my tongue with its damp yet mossy scent.
im at the point where i need to know what actually makes a sentence good haha, everythings done now im actually writing the book and wow. there are hardly any videos in youtube about actual *word* *look*. i found one other helpful video in this regard about someone editing their own first draft which was helfpul but as always you supplied it just the right way. excellent delivery thank you sir
Thanks Brandon! I’m going to show this to my 6th graders… they need better sentences! 😁 And ty for mentioning editing - most kids think one draft and I’m done! 😂
I feel like "over the hurdle I jumped" has a lyrical quality to it. It CAN work, but it's better if it's a character quirk or something. "Hop, skip, and a jump; and over the hurdle I went!"
I recently started watching your videos and like what I'm finding. Taking your advice is what I'm trying here since what I'm working on is not from a first party POV.
Watching your videos for inspiration, advice to better my writing. In college I enjoyed writing poetry, so thought I would give a book a go. I have just finished going over the only 5 pages that I have written and had not noticed how often I started a sentence with I. Thank you.
very helpful thanks. I like that you explain simple things like verb and noun, bc as a non native english speaker I can not for the love of god, remember which is which
Gratitude was the first feeling I felt towards Brandon for his video, but it wasn't that which compelled me to comment on his video. Having turned my hand to writing for many hours whose fruits could be seen as somewhat debatable, in that I had harvested a great deal of pleasure yet almost nothing of printable quality, I felt I was in a position to give something of my own thoughts on the matter. The two cents I wished to add to Brandon's proverbial treasure trove of wisdom, were that an author must find a unique voice, and that, more than anything else, should dictate the character of their prose. I had no doubt that Brandon's tips would prove an effective starting point in experimenting with voices, I believed it prudent to add that originality is not something that can be tought. As such, I was at that juncture unable to offer any advice on how to go about this other than to parrot Brandon's closing line of 'keep on writing' and hope that in doing so, the secret of wiritng in a unique voice should be bestowed upon the any who chose to read and head my advice.
There are many helpful and interesting examples here. Thank you. Moving prepositional phrases to be the beginning of sentences is great for variety, but this high school English teacher would want to see commas after the prepositional phrase. For instance, "In the evening, I hunt vampires." Perhaps these comma placements are somewhat optional (?), but writing reads awkwardly to me without them.
"Jack was met by me at the mall." The mall was a silent witness to the meeting of Jack and me." The jack/me meeting was planned for, and occurred at, the mall."
The section on "prepositional phrases" is especially interesting to me, because I teach English in China, and when you give the examples about moving "At night" or "After the game", I actually specify these as "time phrases" rather than calling them prepositional phrases (not to say I was even aware of this broader term being applicable to time phrases... thanks for that info!) I just think it makes it way easier to generalize the rule by saying "time phrases can be moved around in the sentence" (I usually specify these are better placed at the end or beginning), rather than saying "some prepositional phrases can be moved around, but others sound very awkward" Anyway, considering how many of your videos I watch, if I ever get back to North America I'd better buy a copy of Bad Parts!
Thanks for these tips, and the reminder of what all these weird parts of speech thingies are about, lol. I think it's also effective to vary the length of your sentences so that your work doesn't sound like an instruction manual or a dry corporate report. For example, the driving half asleep sentence could be part of: _Half asleep, I drove to work, narrowly missing vehicles and pedestrians in my stupor. I was late._ So you've solved the I-I-I problem and kept the pace interesting.
Great guidelines. Thankfully I don’t have this problem but it’s useful to see these principles organized. I’ll now have a way to use these principles intentionally instead of just instinctively.
if you start a sentence with an object and start a new sentence saying the same object then it is like we already know and it sounds like a robot.like for example,a ball is very round.a ball is really shiny.a ball is bouncy.a ball is meant to be kicked
@@potatomanboooi3105 Yep, definitely. Also, just so you're aware, you're talking about the SUBJECT of the sentence (what performs the action), not the OBJECT
@@potatomanboooi3105 Yeah, as long as you understand how to write a good sentence, the terminology doesn't matter...but it helps to be able to label things when discussing them.
@@WriterBrandonMcNulty yeah i understand.i also learned to make it interesting even if it is correct is to describe it.instead of saying the ball say the bounciest ball
A lot of these are considered "filtering" where the subject "senses" something. This is one thing that many new writers do, and every creative writing class discourages its use since it cheapens the prose. Unfiltering a sentence can often drastically improve the quality of the text. "I smelled cotton candy", can be unfiltered by writing "The unmistakable sugary scent of cotton candy greeted my nose as I walked through the main concourse of the fair."
Using -ing words, called gerunds, at the start of a sentence usually leads to weak sentences; at least, that's what I was told by teachers. It's not that you can't do that (I just did), but I've been told to avoid them when possible at the start of a sentence.
Ones I struggle with when writing is whenever I'm trying to describe something or someone, I have a habit of starting a lot of sentences or paragraphs with words like "However" or "Additionally/In addition" and "Besides that"
Your videos are always really good, but this one was 'really' good. There's not enough advice on this kind of 'micro' level of writing. The majority of people seem to hyper-fixate on high level 'macro' stuff (plot, arch, etc.), which I get the importance of, but it leads to a huge lack of quality advice and conversation on topics like these. Again, great video. Thanks.
I do think this is good advice but I've always used "less is more" as my guiding star. Even books I've loved tend to have far too many wordy sentences. I aim to get the point across in the fewest amount of words as possible without compromising emotional impact.
I have been watching also your videos and enjoy them very much. Today you’re covering the first person in sentence writing. Can you do the third person. Or is it done the same way?
They're basically the same. You just need to swap out the 1st person pronoun for a 3rd person pronoun. 1st Example: I answered the comment. 3rd Example: He answered the comment.
Building tension from that one sentence: I've been limping ever since that dog bit me -> It's not just me. We're all a bit scared. But finally being on great terms with the guy next door, I'm not the one who's going to tell him, to keep his rottweiler on a leash. Even though I very much wish he would. Without anyone telling him to, he won't. And I know the other residents won't do it because they're more scared of him than they are of his dog. Well, maybe I'm the one affected the most. Limping, ever since that dog bit me, my whole body tenses up whenever the neighbor lets that damn monster roam free. (English is not my first language, but thought I might give it a try anyway)
I have this issue where I tend to repeat (not all the time, but more than with other words) stuff like "then they went to..." Or "Suddenly it started to..." as the beggining of my sentences.
Thanks for your channel, Brandon, I really get quite a bit from your tips. I'd like to get your feedback on a starting sentences debate that I've had with a friend and fellow writer. Occasionally, I use the word "And" to begin one; he's adamant that I should never open a sentence with a conjunction, while I think he's being a bit of a grammar grouch. Your take?
the video was made 2 years ago so person prob won't answer. Anyways I guess you could probably use "then" instead of "and" which would work similarly and be more grammatical.
This has little to do with the video, but I'm playing with the idea of writing down random variations of some these sentences. I guess I'll give it a shot. - Jack waved me down right outside the mall's entrance. - There isn't a single thing about winter which doesn't set me off. - Jack smirked as my punch whistled past his ears. - The painting's multifold hues stopped me in my tracks. - My body seized to the clangorous boom of nearby gunshots. - A barrage of cheap perfume assaulted my nostrils. - Zesty mint complimented the toasty flavor of coffee. - Chills shook my muscles as I entered shower. - With a pitiful attempt to muffle my stomach's roars, I reluctantly succumbed to exhaustion. - My grip loosened on the steering wheel each time I dozed off on my way to work. - Failure felt inevitable as I struggled to crack this insufferable safe. I swear I could hear its cackles. - The stars blanketed the sky as I walked to the local gym.
Just a note: I’d beware of the starting with -ing verbs. I was doing this until I saw a professional editors video talking about how you should only be doing it once every 50,000 words. Yes, I double checked, she said 50,000, not 15,000 haha I thought this was crazy until I realized my writing sounded better by always putting them in the second half of or later on in sentences.
I also went and checked famous books. No one ever uses them. 🤷♂️ and if they do it’s sparingly. Panicking, I edited them all out of my novel 😉😂 Regardless, huge subscriber here! Thought I’d just mention my experience with this
I think I ditched the habit with my first successful resume. Outside of a career in writing, that's when you most have to keep something interesting to read.
After watching this video, I understand why the following is perhaps the greatest opening paragraph in English literature: "In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort."
All these tips make sense to me, but the annoying thing is that Hemingway is constantly telling me that I'm writing in the passive voice and suggesting I do otherwise. If I was to follow Hemingway, many of my sentences would start off very similar. 😐
In 1st-P, it becomes a bit more critical. The only nounal descriptor to describe an action by the protagonist is the pronoun 'I'. in 3rd-P, it's less critical, bc there are two nounal descriptors, the pronoun 'he' or 'she', and the character name. Consequently, it's much more difficult to begin action sentences with variety in 1st-P than it is in 3rd-P. Just one of the built-in limitations of 1st-P (which could still be the better choice due to inherent advantages over 3rd-P, of course). So writing in 1st-P takes a little more skill in the category of beginning sentences with variety. You have to be a bit more creative to overcome that appearance of repetition. Brandon's reversal tips help.
Mine are fairly the same. Though I have improved on cleaning it up. It also depends on the age group and your tone. If you use pronouns a great deal this character should be important. I can see more of the same with main characters while the secondaries should vary. You do not see the non-MCs a great deal of the time too much. If the SCs are drooling with anticipation or swooping from the sky. He, the MC, might noticed it or not.
I suppose different things irritate different readers. I get tired of wind descriptions at the start of chapters real fast,just because they are soo cliche. On the other hand,i don,t mind always starting with a name,it,s the fastest way to get what is going on,especially when you have many points of view.
@ABadClock AnotherBadClock like literally every wheel of time first chapter. Describing a far away enviroment and then zooming in a character or event. Sorrry if i couldn,t explain well,english is not my first language.
@@rodrigo3732 Yeah, repeatedly opening up a chapter with weather or the setting can get boring. Not sure if you saw my video on 7 Ways To Open Your Chapters, but it might help give you ideas: th-cam.com/video/rNZSDJFD4F0/w-d-xo.html
After watching this video and reading some comments, I can't help but think everyone here is consciously or unconsciously trying to apply the techniques from the video while writing their comments...
Wait. I've heard from multiple sources you aren't supposed to begin sentences with -ing verbs in writing because it sounds amateurish, and in fact you are supposed to cut them as much as possible. I'm getting mixed messages here.
I think better advice is never try to write fiction in first person. Writing is hard enough without trying something very few are good at and most of the greats never tried.
WARNING: The English language is a weird thing, and these tips won't apply to all situations. Don't hesitate to test out today's advice, but be aware that these techniques will work in some situations while failing in others. I actually had many other examples in this video but I had to cut them out to keep the video short and engaging (and seriously, who wants to listen to me for 14-20 minutes?).
If you have any questions about starting better sentences, don't be afraid to reach out. Always happy to help.
I wouldn't mind this for 15-20 minutes, actually.
@@lordfawful2329 Haha thanks! Next time I'll have to release an extended cut
Maybe a second video like a part two
Your tips are less theoretical than those of other writers. You give examples, which is great. I watched a lot writer helps writers videos and thought that there is not much more that I can learn but you showed me in at least 3 instances something new. Thanks, Brandon.
@@thakiusmuckfeather1103 Thrilled to hear it--thanks!
I’ve been binge watching your videos after a rough critique, and I just want to say thank you for how you present your information. It’s always in a calm, uplifting way and never feels condescending. I’m excited to implement some of your advice to become a better, stronger writer!
Glad the videos are helping! And thrilled to hear you bounced back from a rough critique. Back in 2015 I attended a writing workshop called Taos Toolbox and my manuscript got absolutely SHREDDED by a dozen other writers. I was seriously rethinking my writing career at that point (and again in mid-2016), but I hung on and survived. Just stay persistent no matter what
Recently in my writing I observed that many sentences start with "I", so this was a good video to come across. Much to learn, I still have. :)
Despite writing in a different language, this video is incredibly useful and now I can stop saying "He did this, she did that. Then, he did the other thing."
Same here.
I am excellent at dialogue, but not quite as good at narrative. I had one part of my manuscript in particular where almost every sentence, for like three paragraphs, started with ‘she’. I knew this was undesirable, but I wasn't sure how to fix it. Thanks for making this video, I found it quite helpful.
Love your vlog. I'm writing my first novel and, as someone who's not trained in creative writing (I'm an attorney), I've learned a lot just watching you. Just started Bad Parts, by the way.
Thrilled to hear the videos are helping! I met an attorney on a flight home from LA once, and I asked the guy some questions about police procedures and such--we must've talked for about half the flight and I could tell he had a really creative mind because he was throwing out a bunch of different scenarios that could happen in my upcoming horror novel.
Thanks for picking up a copy of BP btw! Hope you enjoy it, and when you finish, please consider leaving a review on Amazon!
Some advanced sensory details sentence examples (If this helps you're most welcome :)
**Smell**
Example 1: As I headed down the trail, graceful pollens hit this season with each inhale.
Example 2: During the day, sewer gas fumed of putrid waste.
Example 3: Somewhere through a cold breeze as arbory and autumn leaves, rain cascaded its whiff of dampness.
**Touch**
Example 1: Stony and sharp, bricks could cause a scrape if my fingers ran along it forever.
Example 2: What sharpness the blade has-enough to cut skin-with the appropriate edge.
Example 3: The bed's softness plumped in skillets of its fabric if it were a dish.
**Sight**
Example 1: Through darkness, someone trudged into view.
Example 2: Where the winds pointed appeared as a white mist like spirit's fingers.
Example 3: The cake baked in the oven until the flour rose.
**Hear**
Example 1: Tremors of a jackhammer shook the walls and into my ears.
Example 2: Above, the roaring of a plane engine split the sky.
Example 3: Like clockwork, the large hand ticked twelve by the time I arrived at the red carpet; tick-tick-tick.
**Taste**
Example 1: An explosion of bitter, sweet, and salt savored within each crunch.
Example 2: From a point above the water, the sea's saltiness rushed by within gulps.
Example 3: Given the salt, it somehow has sweet sugar when it's licked.
**Bonus: what's a sentence with five senses?**
Sloshing in my boots, water squeezes underneath as rain patters my umbrella, droplets hitting my tongue with its damp yet mossy scent.
Good stuff. Thanks for sharing!
im at the point where i need to know what actually makes a sentence good haha, everythings done now im actually writing the book and wow. there are hardly any videos in youtube about actual *word* *look*. i found one other helpful video in this regard about someone editing their own first draft which was helfpul but as always you supplied it just the right way. excellent delivery thank you sir
Glad this one helped. Thanks!
Thanks Brandon! I’m going to show this to my 6th graders… they need better sentences! 😁
And ty for mentioning editing - most kids think one draft and I’m done! 😂
This info is so invaluable 😭
Loved the video. Glad to find somethings I already do. I have watched now 50 videos. LOVE THIS CHANNEL!
Thanks so much for the kind words. Thrilled the videos are helping!
I feel like "over the hurdle I jumped" has a lyrical quality to it. It CAN work, but it's better if it's a character quirk or something. "Hop, skip, and a jump; and over the hurdle I went!"
I recently started watching your videos and like what I'm finding. Taking your advice is what I'm trying here since what I'm working on is not from a first party POV.
Great channel. Thank you for posting these videos!
Thanks for the kind words!
Watching your videos for inspiration, advice to better my writing. In college I enjoyed writing poetry, so thought I would give a book a go. I have just finished going over the only 5 pages that I have written and had not noticed how often I started a sentence with I. Thank you.
This is brilliant. So simple, yet so effective
Yeah, when I am not feeling particularly poetical but have a bunch of story ideas, I do tend to do that a lot.
This was an incredibly helpful TH-cam video, and I want to express my gratitude to you, Brandon, for helping me become a better writer!
very helpful thanks. I like that you explain simple things like verb and noun, bc as a non native english speaker I can not for the love of god, remember which is which
Your video sounds informative.
Gratitude was the first feeling I felt towards Brandon for his video, but it wasn't that which compelled me to comment on his video. Having turned my hand to writing for many hours whose fruits could be seen as somewhat debatable, in that I had harvested a great deal of pleasure yet almost nothing of printable quality, I felt I was in a position to give something of my own thoughts on the matter.
The two cents I wished to add to Brandon's proverbial treasure trove of wisdom, were that an author must find a unique voice, and that, more than anything else, should dictate the character of their prose. I had no doubt that Brandon's tips would prove an effective starting point in experimenting with voices, I believed it prudent to add that originality is not something that can be tought. As such, I was at that juncture unable to offer any advice on how to go about this other than to parrot Brandon's closing line of 'keep on writing' and hope that in doing so, the secret of wiritng in a unique voice should be bestowed upon the any who chose to read and head my advice.
There are many helpful and interesting examples here. Thank you. Moving prepositional phrases to be the beginning of sentences is great for variety, but this high school English teacher would want to see commas after the prepositional phrase. For instance, "In the evening, I hunt vampires." Perhaps these comma placements are somewhat optional (?), but writing reads awkwardly to me without them.
brilliant crystal clear summary of the grammar! Great tips too!!
Amazing advice, thank you!!
Glad to hear! Thanks for watching
I'm currently typing a book called "beneath the surface" and this helps a lot
"Jack was met by me at the mall." The mall was a silent witness to the meeting of Jack and me." The jack/me meeting was planned for, and occurred at, the mall."
The section on "prepositional phrases" is especially interesting to me, because I teach English in China, and when you give the examples about moving "At night" or "After the game", I actually specify these as "time phrases" rather than calling them prepositional phrases (not to say I was even aware of this broader term being applicable to time phrases... thanks for that info!)
I just think it makes it way easier to generalize the rule by saying "time phrases can be moved around in the sentence" (I usually specify these are better placed at the end or beginning), rather than saying "some prepositional phrases can be moved around, but others sound very awkward"
Anyway, considering how many of your videos I watch, if I ever get back to North America I'd better buy a copy of Bad Parts!
Congratulations on 1k subs!!!
Thanks for being a part of the journey!
With this issue I struggle :)
Good advice!
Thanks for these tips, and the reminder of what all these weird parts of speech thingies are about, lol.
I think it's also effective to vary the length of your sentences so that your work doesn't sound like an instruction manual or a dry corporate report. For example, the driving half asleep sentence could be part of:
_Half asleep, I drove to work, narrowly missing vehicles and pedestrians in my stupor. I was late._
So you've solved the I-I-I problem and kept the pace interesting.
Great guidelines. Thankfully I don’t have this problem but it’s useful to see these principles organized. I’ll now have a way to use these principles intentionally instead of just instinctively.
Thanks I learned a lot! 😎👍👍
Thrilled to hear! Thanks, as always, for watching!
Are you someone who starts their sentences with the same word again and again? Let us know!
if you start a sentence with an object and start a new sentence saying the same object then it is like we already know and it sounds like a robot.like for example,a ball is very round.a ball is really shiny.a ball is bouncy.a ball is meant to be kicked
@@potatomanboooi3105 Yep, definitely. Also, just so you're aware, you're talking about the SUBJECT of the sentence (what performs the action), not the OBJECT
@@WriterBrandonMcNulty oh ok
@@potatomanboooi3105 Yeah, as long as you understand how to write a good sentence, the terminology doesn't matter...but it helps to be able to label things when discussing them.
@@WriterBrandonMcNulty yeah i understand.i also learned to make it interesting even if it is correct is to describe it.instead of saying the ball say the bounciest ball
A lot of these are considered "filtering" where the subject "senses" something. This is one thing that many new writers do, and every creative writing class discourages its use since it cheapens the prose. Unfiltering a sentence can often drastically improve the quality of the text. "I smelled cotton candy", can be unfiltered by writing "The unmistakable sugary scent of cotton candy greeted my nose as I walked through the main concourse of the fair."
‘cheapens the prose’ aka, earns you less in a payment by word scenario.😂
Using -ing words, called gerunds, at the start of a sentence usually leads to weak sentences; at least, that's what I was told by teachers. It's not that you can't do that (I just did), but I've been told to avoid them when possible at the start of a sentence.
Ones I struggle with when writing is whenever I'm trying to describe something or someone, I have a habit of starting a lot of sentences or paragraphs with words like "However" or "Additionally/In addition" and "Besides that"
Your videos are always really good, but this one was 'really' good.
There's not enough advice on this kind of 'micro' level of writing. The majority of people seem to hyper-fixate on high level 'macro' stuff (plot, arch, etc.), which I get the importance of, but it leads to a huge lack of quality advice and conversation on topics like these.
Again, great video. Thanks.
Thanks for watching!
Thanks man ❤
To the Star Command Center, take me!
Hahaha better get that copyrighted before someone steals it
I do think this is good advice but I've always used "less is more" as my guiding star. Even books I've loved tend to have far too many wordy sentences. I aim to get the point across in the fewest amount of words as possible without compromising emotional impact.
I have been watching also your videos and enjoy them very much. Today you’re covering the first person in sentence writing. Can you do the third person. Or is it done the same way?
They're basically the same. You just need to swap out the 1st person pronoun for a 3rd person pronoun.
1st Example:
I answered the comment.
3rd Example:
He answered the comment.
If I became a successful author. I won't forget you
Best of luck!
Maybe "over the hurdle I jumped" sounds weird, but how about "over each hurdle I hurled my outstretched legs?"😅
Haha I'm sure Shakespeare would be proud
Building tension from that one sentence: I've been limping ever since that dog bit me ->
It's not just me. We're all a bit scared.
But finally being on great terms with the guy next door, I'm not the one who's going to tell him, to keep his rottweiler on a leash. Even though I very much wish he would. Without anyone telling him to, he won't. And I know the other residents won't do it because they're more scared of him than they are of his dog.
Well, maybe I'm the one affected the most.
Limping, ever since that dog bit me, my whole body tenses up whenever the neighbor lets that damn monster roam free.
(English is not my first language, but thought I might give it a try anyway)
I love your channel.
And I love your comment. Thanks for watching!
I have this issue where I tend to repeat (not all the time, but more than with other words) stuff like "then they went to..." Or "Suddenly it started to..." as the beggining of my sentences.
Thanks for your channel, Brandon, I really get quite a bit from your tips. I'd like to get your feedback on a starting sentences debate that I've had with a friend and fellow writer. Occasionally, I use the word "And" to begin one; he's adamant that I should never open a sentence with a conjunction, while I think he's being a bit of a grammar grouch. Your take?
the video was made 2 years ago so person prob won't answer.
Anyways I guess you could probably use "then" instead of "and" which would work similarly and be more grammatical.
"over the hurtle i jumped" - yoda mcnulty haha!!
For your comment I am thankful
This has little to do with the video, but I'm playing with the idea of writing down random variations of some these sentences. I guess I'll give it a shot.
- Jack waved me down right outside the mall's entrance.
- There isn't a single thing about winter which doesn't set me off.
- Jack smirked as my punch whistled past his ears.
- The painting's multifold hues stopped me in my tracks.
- My body seized to the clangorous boom of nearby gunshots.
- A barrage of cheap perfume assaulted my nostrils.
- Zesty mint complimented the toasty flavor of coffee.
- Chills shook my muscles as I entered shower.
- With a pitiful attempt to muffle my stomach's roars, I reluctantly succumbed to exhaustion.
- My grip loosened on the steering wheel each time I dozed off on my way to work.
- Failure felt inevitable as I struggled to crack this insufferable safe. I swear I could hear its cackles.
- The stars blanketed the sky as I walked to the local gym.
This is something I struggle with. Often time when I try to move the subject, the language sounds awkward.
Just a note: I’d beware of the starting with -ing verbs. I was doing this until I saw a professional editors video talking about how you should only be doing it once every 50,000 words. Yes, I double checked, she said 50,000, not 15,000 haha I thought this was crazy until I realized my writing sounded better by always putting them in the second half of or later on in sentences.
I also went and checked famous books. No one ever uses them. 🤷♂️ and if they do it’s sparingly. Panicking, I edited them all out of my novel 😉😂
Regardless, huge subscriber here! Thought I’d just mention my experience with this
I think I ditched the habit with my first successful resume. Outside of a career in writing, that's when you most have to keep something interesting to read.
After watching this video, I understand why the following is perhaps the greatest opening paragraph in English literature: "In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort."
All these tips make sense to me, but the annoying thing is that Hemingway is constantly telling me that I'm writing in the passive voice and suggesting I do otherwise. If I was to follow Hemingway, many of my sentences would start off very similar. 😐
It's best to avoid passive tense unless a character is being acted upon ("I was struck from behind by...")
In 1st-P, it becomes a bit more critical. The only nounal descriptor to describe an action by the protagonist is the pronoun 'I'. in 3rd-P, it's less critical, bc there are two nounal descriptors, the pronoun 'he' or 'she', and the character name. Consequently, it's much more difficult to begin action sentences with variety in 1st-P than it is in 3rd-P. Just one of the built-in limitations of 1st-P (which could still be the better choice due to inherent advantages over 3rd-P, of course).
So writing in 1st-P takes a little more skill in the category of beginning sentences with variety. You have to be a bit more creative to overcome that appearance of repetition. Brandon's reversal tips help.
Mine are fairly the same. Though I have improved on cleaning it up. It also depends on the age group and your tone. If you use pronouns a great deal this character should be important. I can see more of the same with main characters while the secondaries should vary. You do not see the non-MCs a great deal of the time too much. If the SCs are drooling with anticipation or swooping from the sky. He, the MC, might noticed it or not.
The only sentence I didn't like was the first one because it sounded passive.
At the beginning of your sentences, prepositions you should put. More interesting than if you started them with "I did a thing" they will sound.
Yoda, is that you?
@@domusavires19 Correctly guessed you have. Sharp your senses are for picking up on that.
I thought I was the only one cleaning this up in the edit
Nope. My first-draft prose is as boring and straight-forward as it gets. But that's okay--makes it much easier to cut things later
I suppose different things irritate different readers. I get tired of wind descriptions at the start of chapters real fast,just because they are soo cliche. On the other hand,i don,t mind always starting with a name,it,s the fastest way to get what is going on,especially when you have many points of view.
@ABadClock AnotherBadClock like literally every wheel of time first chapter. Describing a far away enviroment and then zooming in a character or event. Sorrry if i couldn,t explain well,english is not my first language.
@@rodrigo3732 Yeah, repeatedly opening up a chapter with weather or the setting can get boring. Not sure if you saw my video on 7 Ways To Open Your Chapters, but it might help give you ideas: th-cam.com/video/rNZSDJFD4F0/w-d-xo.html
Especially in my first drafts, all my sentences sound like a groceries’ list 😅
After watching this video and reading some comments, I can't help but think everyone here is consciously or unconsciously trying to apply the techniques from the video while writing their comments...
sentences be like, protag name verbed noun
I'm noticing i lean too heavily on prepositional phrases
so hard T.T
Though, and although...ugh.
Wait. I've heard from multiple sources you aren't supposed to begin sentences with -ing verbs in writing because it sounds amateurish, and in fact you are supposed to cut them as much as possible. I'm getting mixed messages here.
Approve this video, Yoda does.
Hahah!
yeah yeah nagging on and on I'm a teacher
You zoomed through your presentation. Slow down so listeners can absorb what you’re saying.
I think better advice is never try to write fiction in first person. Writing is hard enough without trying something very few are good at and most of the greats never tried.
Bro, wtf is that intro? Are you going to give writing advice or tell us how to slam 360 noquickscopes in Call of Duty?
Isn't "Jack met me at the mall" in the passive voice? Why would I introduce such horrid writing into my work?
Tennyson might disagree with you.