Baby mamá here. Hey little sisters👋🏾. If he not ready to marry you, he’s not ready to be a father. Being a baby mom ain’t fun. It ain’t cute. Protect your womb at all cost. A life long tether to a person who didn’t want to commit to spending the rest of their life with you, ain’t it. And know there’s a big difference between a man who WANTS a kid and a man who is READY to be a father. All men want a kid. Not all men are ready to be fathers. Clock it.
I don’t know anything about your situation but I’m proud of you. Hope you and your child(ren) are doing ok. Thank you for sharing these words of wisdom.
Great comment! Also make sure you know who you're getting married to. My ex boyfriend ended up marrying a girl within weeks of our breakup. They got married very quickly and had a kid not too long later. He turned out to be a physically abusive adulterer and now she is a baby mama. Of course she loves her baby but that poor babywill someday grow up and realize who her father was. Some of these men will promise to you that they want marriage and kids and still cheat and take their anger out on you once they have you trapped! Her and I are friends now and trying to press DV charges but this is just a cautionary tale that a ring won't protect you from a fist. Being married entitles you to certain benefits which you wouldn't get otherwise, that's great and all, but you still need to know who you are marrying. So don't rush into marriage or parenthood with a man immediately! Give it some time. And if he ever puts his hands on you, he will do it again. Leave. Don't wait til it's too late.
In addition to my previous comment this man was very good at convincing her that he loved her very much and that they should add a baby to the family. Always talked about being a girl dad and how excited he was to be a father. It wasn't until she was pregnant that he started putting his hands on her. And he continued to after that. Some of these men are excellent liars. Don't fall for it!
A baby is more of a commitment than marriage. That's why I get super irritated when black people ask me when am I going to have kids knowing good and well I'm not married.
Even if a baby wasn't more of a commitment than marriage, it's still weird for the black community to expect woman(primary) to want to raise a child by themselves or raise a child without a intentional stable foundation of two parents in the home first. Maybe I'm old school..idk
Baby this comment and IT'S ALWAYS ALWAYS😂THE ONES WHO ARE STRUGGLING OR HAVE A NEW BABY EVERY YEAR BY A DIFFERENT MAN THAT THEY MOVED IN THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME LOVE A MAN ENOUGH TO BE A BABY MAMA
My friend's boyfriend (soon to be ex) has been asking my friend for a baby. My friend is 22 and just started working so she isn't ready for that, but she also told him that she'd rather they get married first before popping out a kid, and he said he didnt have money for a wedding yet, and me and my friend have been asking ourselves if he doesn't have money for a wedding, where is he going to get the money for a child? The sad part is he has gotten her pregnant before, seemingly intentionally (started saying he wanted a baby, stopped using condoms, and boom) but she had a miscarriage, unfortunately or fortunately. Yesterday, he even sent her bible verses about having kids and i think that's so manipulative to try to use the bible to justify your wants. Especially when you clearly don't want to marry that person first
So glad that you and your friend recognize the emotional abuse!! Tell your friend to run and don’t look back. I’ll never say that a woman having a miscarriage is a fortunate thing to happen, but what I will say is to look at the positive side of things. She could’ve potentially had a baby by a man and been stuck or tethered to him for life. I hope your friend goes on to marry a man that she loves and and that he loves her equally and I have a beautiful family💕💕
Wow, as a Christian that is disturbing. These men will always use the Bible but will never live by it. Do not let these men manipulate you using the word of God. Because God himself will NEVER force you to have a child you do not want. To be in a relationship you do not want, or that you're not ready for. Tell your friend to leave that relationship immediately because he might try it again.
We don’t talk about how men are trapping women enough! You’ve heard it with women trapping men but you never hear about the other side. He wants to tie himself to her permanently and marriage isn’t permanent enough. Why is she still with that scrub 😂 we saw how smug Offset was when he told Cardi B that “he won” “he’s the baby daddy” it’s sickening.
I hate when folks say marriage isnt for everyone--why not? So buying a house, renting an apartment, having babies, comingling money is for everyone but god forbid you make it official?! LOL
I personally have 0 interest in being legally tied to someone like that. Its just not cute to me. To each their own..we dont all think the same about life and some people really need to accept that.
@@SnozBerryQueen So you arent going to buy a house, rent an apartment or have children with someone I presume? Because those are all legally binding yourself to someone.
usually people that say this are one one accord. rationally, i think people that share this sentiment don’t have any interest in creating a family unit in any regard or they are aspiring DINKS
@@SnozBerryQueen so you don't mind being legally tied when your both on the lease or the deed to the house, or when you both buy a big purchase, or when your both on the birth certificate but it's a problem when you're both legally married to each other. i just don't get it
I'm with you on this one. Tying yourself to a human by having a baby is nothing but marriage is too much? Bringing someone into this world in a broken environment is okay? The truth of it all is that people are selfish. They want to enjoy themselves and do what they want to do without commitment and irregardless of the well-being of others.
I understand that marriage isn’t for everyone, but I’m so sick of seeing baby mama/baby daddy culture being normalized and glorified in society. Why are we normalizing creating broken homes? This isn’t to say that marriages can’t end, but I just will never understand people having kids with multiple women or men but not getting married. Edit: to the people in the comments, I understand that children born to married couples can still be born in a broken situation, I’m also aware that 50% of marriages end in divorce. However, I still think that it’s unwise to have a child out of wedlock, but I do understand that everyone is allowed to make their own decisions, but I do think that normalizing having children out of wedlock is a bad thing
mind you 72% of black kids grow up in broken homes then wonder why do they struggle in relationships because EVERYTHING EVERYTHING starts at home EVERYTHING you don’t see a healthy relationship you don’t have one to mirror so you prolly won’t get into one and the cycle continues…
NO but this! Some people are truly against getting married in the eyes of the law for their own beliefs and have some type of ceremony to solidfy their love and family but let's be real. A lot of the women becoming baby mothers either 1) Had an aspiration of being a wife or 2) would marry the person they got pregnant by if asked and now have to default to "Not everyone wants to be married," but will gladly sport a promise ring. It's less of a marriage issue and more of a foundational and family planning issue.
One time I was at a bar and this man asked me if I had kids. I said no and he immediately asked me my age (I’m 27) and when I told him he was like “damn, you need a kid”. I said I want to be married first and he immediately thought I was delusional for wanting that BEFORE a kid. This is the mindset nowadays, granted this was in ATL sooo😭😂
YEP. I have three different cousins who conceived kids either the same day they met someone or within a week of meeting them 😬 Another cousin who is currently pregnant by her boyfriend, another one who has three kids and still hasn’t married their mother even though they all live together. I knew from a young age I was not about that life! I’ve actually been made fun of for waiting until I was married to have kids, people have told me that I must think I’m better for doing it that way. No I don’t think I’m better than anyone, but I saw the struggles my friends and family members went through and decided not to go that route ✌🏻
Yeah, and all of the married people are getting divorces. Y’all love to just pick and choose what to be mad about. When there is a whole Other side to the story.
Or use the multitude of options of birth control. Plan B is super easy. Take one pill and done. There’s also spermicide for women that don’t want to deal with or can’t take hormones. It’s so easy now that it even comes in a film, similar to a breath strip. As long as you insert it about 15 minutes before intercourse, it’s very reliable. It’s also easy to take on the go if you’re into one night stands. I personally advocate for having a child when you are giving them a two parent household, but I also wish people would talk about adoption more. I was adopted and I have connected to my biological family. Now, I know how incredibly blessed I am because I was raised by a mom and dad who’ve now been married 56 years. My biological half siblings that my bio mom kept have always had terrible lives because she likes to party and has always put herself above them. My parents are financially stable and were able to pay all of my exorbitant medical bills all my life. They’ve been the most incredible parents anyone could ask for. My half siblings are jealous that they weren’t given up for adoption so they could have a better life and it breaks my heart. Adoption is an option and there are millions of people wanting to give babies a good home and family.
The number one reason why I’m refusing sex before marriage. I’m 18 and have watched every woman in my life be a single mother, and I refuse that for myself. My boyfriend encourages the decision to wait, there are men out there who will respect that choice, however rare they are. Don’t disrespect yourself for love, because someone who loves you would not let you lower yourself.
@ And is not always effective, and the pill comes with physical side effects. Abstinence is the best way to prevent pregnancy. Why would I have sex with a man who wouldn’t marry me or raise children with me? I respect myself, so I’m not going to open my legs for anyone until they’re legally committed to me.
Eh, contraceptives exist for a reason. As long as women are safe (and educated) they won’t have to worry about having a pregnancy scare. I refuse to have a baby out of wedlock (I’m 25) but that doesn’t mean I can’t have fun with my boyfriend.
I agree with everything you said. I'm 30 and have been a single mother for 11 years. I DON'T wish this on nobody. Being a baby moma/single parent is not fun. Thanks be to God, because he has seen me through all the ups and downs. I refused to get pregnant again to another man I'm not married to. Thank You Toni for being so blunt and honest on this topic.
oooooh when she said "He can still leave when you're married tho. Duh!!! You can still die in a car accident with your seat belt on right?" oooh I felt that. Great logical comparison.
The situation with Skai Jackson hits very close to home for me because I have a relative who is in almost the exact same situation. The part that really gets me is that sometimes it’s not about your background or upbringing when it comes to becoming a baby mama, it’s about the way that you carry yourself as a woman and how much you value yourself. I don’t believe that a woman that values herself would choose to get involved with men who have a history of not having any moral compass or any good principles that they stand on.
At least Kim married before having 3 other kids it's khole, kourtney, and Kylie that chose the baby mama life at least kourtney married Travis barker before having a baby with him
It was def a problem before them...the NBA was literally warning athletes about using protection and disposing of their condoms properly so they don't get baby trapped.
@@dwoesir1Kim is the exception. The rest were proud baby mamas. Kourt had like 3 kids by Scott knowing that marriage wasn’t in the cards and Scott had money.
Technically she is a baby mama, however, Asap’s strong commitment to her makes her look less like a baby mama because he actually wants to be with her and be a father to their children. I think the key difference between considering someone a baby mama or not is how committed their partner is to them.
38:20 marriage does not have to be awful. It can be beautiful, fulfilling, and a dream. My 15 year wedding anniversary is tomorrow. It hasn’t always been fun or easy. We fought to our marriage for many years. We are now in a beautiful, healthy, and loving marriage. We grew individually and together and worked on our marriage. It’s now a literal fairytale and I couldn’t imagine ever being in a happier or healthier marriage.
I found out yesterday that an old classmate is pregnant. We are both 21 and I am shocked. The thought that she will be a mom soon and I didn’t even have my first boyfriend is so absurd. I can’t imagine myself being a mom later and definitely not now
Please enjoy your 20s before you have a baby!! I am so thankful I waited until my early 30s to have my child. I might have a little less energy than in my 20s, but the positive tradeoff is immense. The process of bringing a baby into the world can be extremely difficult, having maturity and stability will make a huge difference.
This is a hill I will die on, I really do hate to see it. I’m 21, I also went to a predominantly white school. The amount of weddings I’ve seen is insane. The basis of it I feel is we were raised being told different things. Most black women hear “focus on school, don’t worry about a man, a man will come later” which does hold some truth when it comes to the school aspect but ultimately it’s not really sound advice. Most white women are told to go out and find a good man, they are shown what to look for. That’s not to say their marriages can’t or don’t fail but intentionality is so important. If a goal of yours is to be married, don’t have anybody make you think it isn’t worth it. Never settle for less than what YOU want. Baby mama culture is not cute and it never will be. Get that ring! Or don’t, but don’t bring these babies into broken homes, they deserve better.
I just want to add that that's pretty sad if all the white girls are being told is to find a good husband. There's more to life than getting married and having babies. I hope they're also being encouraged to pursue their careers and passions.
What you said is so true. I’ve seen it too. Many white women get married pretty early and in some circles it’s quite the stigma to be pregnant and unwed. In university, a few times I heard stories of some girls choosing certain studies so they’d be in the same faculties as guys who’d make a lot of money in the future. Marry rich and all that
@@Coolcatmel08I agree, but some don’t want traditional jobs. In some communities it’s seen as “prestigious” to not have to work. Being a rich stay at home mom (with a nanny), and able to go to the gym, play tennis, go to the country club etc. is all the rage
@@Coolcatmel08 it’s not the only things being told to them tho. The point is a lot of black women are being made to believe that they can’t maintain a relationship while going to school, meanwhile a lot of white women are told to find a husband while in school. It’s important to be taught to do both, maintain relationships and maintain your schoolwork.
@@RenniferRobyn yes this happens a lot. You’ll notice the freshman and sophomore year of college a lot of white women will be in what is considered their “hoe phase” then around junior and senior year, they completely make a 360 switch. Start going to libraries and things like that because that’s where the type of men they want hang out. Meanwhile a lot of black women will keep up the “hoe phase” all 4 years of college. It really is a big difference.
There needs to be a conversation had about the black community and our perception of sex and more importantly unprotected sex. Because a lot of these “baby mamas” are stemming from one night stands or just having unprotected sex and not being prepared. We know the consequences we just don’t seem to care but then get upset when conversations like this are had.
When a woman is into a man she loses her inhibitions. Masculine men have more control in the heat of passion. This is why I personally think we should be held more responsible for unplanned pregnancies in marriage but the woman is more responsible outside of it. Nothing happens if the legs are never opened. She must hold herself to that standard. Unfortunately without the discipline of a father she almost never will be able to do that. It's her love and respect for him that drives her to value her chastity.
Great video. I’m 36 and unfortunately I am a baby mama sigh but I teach my daughter not to have kids until marriage. My niece is 25 and got married with no kids in October. The generation under me is doing so good and I’m so proud. You’re so wise to be so young. Keep teaching. I always say your generation will be the one that changes things.
My mom was a single mom for 13 years of my life and once she married my step dad, they had my brother when i was 18. She told me she was not having another kid without being married because as much as she loved me and cared for me, she didn’t want to struggle or do it alone anymore. Even with me being 29 now, my dad ( yes I call him my dad) still helps me and has cared for me and loved me since they got together.
I had my baby at 20. Believed him when he said he would work 3 jobs and be there. I was young, broken and gullible. He was never present and I ended up being a single mom. Minimal support. I had to figure it out on my own and it was draining and super depressing. She’s 22 now and went to college and is in a stable rship. I’m glad she’s doing things different than me. Young Ladies please choose and love you because it’s hard. You deserve more and better. ♥️
I just wanna tell you that you are on the right track. I got married at 23 and have been with my husband for 8 years known him for 12 years. We are just NOW gonna start trying for a baby in February now that we're stable. Even when married, women should still vet their partner before having a child. The 1st 3 years of marriage is the true test and no baby should come before that. Even though we've been together for as long I have never been pregnant because we are very big on Condom use. He's been very adamant about my sexual health and wellness since the 1st time we were intimate.
@@yungembarrassment619 thank you! I don't understand how folks don't think about this. We needed time for us to go through the motions of life.. Job loss Sickness Money issues We needed to see how the other person dealt with issues like this. It was important for us to see how we would deal on both ends. Would this bend and break us? Or would it bend,test, and ultimately make us stronger? We came out strong and even more in love each time and that makes me confident that not only could we provide a stable home for a baby but we could also set a loving example of what they should strive for.
@@jordanwilliams1546 and you shall have it. As long as you move with your intentions being clear. I ask that you treat that woman with kindness and compassion. She will repay it 10 fold.
If you had to vet him after marriage you shouldn't have gotten married SMH. Clearly you union is based on superficiality and not true love under Yahuah. A faithless marriage is mediocre at best. Prayers up for your "partner". No husband would ever tolerate your manipulation and lack of respect. -50 yr old married BM almost 14 years to a BW with 5 kids.
“not everyone wants to be married” but not everyone is obligated to have kids not everyone can be a parent not everyone can raise functioning members of society…. like
I’m married and had my baby in 2023 when I was 32. I never understood what’s so proud about being a baby mama. I wanted to have fun in my teens and 20s not be tied down with a baby.
I love when other young, educated black women like to discuss these types of topics. I really appreciate the fact that you took the time to tell the history of baby mama culture, and how it was actually forced on us as a people. Even though my parents are immigrants, my family still was separated by the justice system. And at the end of the day, I grew up in a single parent household, but I definitely learned as I traveled around the country that I did not want to be a single parent. Literally, the first time I saw someone planning for their baby was my white coworker at my first big girl job post college. And it was such an amazing thing to see that I told myself that’s exactly how I wanted to be going about having children. And I’ve actually been blessed to have been to way more weddings than baby showers at this point. It’s truly amazing to see another win for God‘s kingdom and how he blesses them once they have made that true commitment and unified themselves as one.
@@zakiyahsamad tbf, Rihanna a baby mother but she doesn't appear in these videos about black women glorifying it I've seen several videos mentioning Skai, Keke, etc but there's less outrage about Rihanna cause her man isn't broke or constantly embarrassing her.
My grandparents are married still after 65 years ❤️ my grandfather is 90 and sick right now and it has been so beautiful seeing how much they love each other after all these years (grandmother is 89). Every night she would leave him while he was in the hospital she would say “don’t go anywhere without me” and every day he would ask for her. So idc what society says marriage is NOT a piece of paper THAT is what marriage is to me and it’s worth trying to achieve. I’m married and I pray we make it that long! I love my hubby ❤.
For the ones running around saying "marriage aint for me" but popping out kids and playing housewife, has society improved over the years from this lifestyle and mindset? Hell naw!
This is a serious problem with white people too. At least in my area. The amount of girls i went to school with who purposely got pregnant to dead beat men with no jobs, who can't provide for their children and don't even want kids to begin with, is so heart breaking. If you have children don't you want to be able to provide for them? For them to have the best quality life possible? It should be common sense but it isn't
Most of them keep having kids because of the government.... if the government wasn't spoiling and rewarding for having all of these kids I'm 99.9 percent sure these lazy heffas wouldn't keep having kids
The white people who I knew that did it were usually from poorer backgrounds. Out of wedlock births are more common for low income households across all races, especially if they live in a rural area where sex ed is frowned upon.
A lot of it has to do with normalization. I am Chinese-American and went to predominantly Chinese-American churches. In those kind of churches divorce was completely unheard-of and I never met anyone who got pregnant out of wedlock. After I married a black woman we decided to go to a predominantly black church, here it is almost common for people to be divorced or have kids with multiple people.
A lot of Chinese women are also unhappy. I grew up in an Asian community in California alot of the women were oppressed so I can only imagine how it is in their countries… a lot of Asian community are raised to show no emotion…. Which results in a lot of mental health issues… alot of self erasure due to the pressure of societal expectations… including marriage and staying in a healthy relationship…
We’re the same age ( I think, I’m 22 ) but you are so ahead of the game, not being afraid of doing what you want to and doing it honestly. I’ve love your content ( like this, because this NEEDS to be discussed) and especially the verses of the day!! Keep going and hopefully I can catch up one day 🤣🤣🤣
Omg this was so incredibly sweet🥹❤️ I’m sure you are so wise!!! Comparison is the thief of joy…you are wonderful in your own right!! Even leaving this compliment, it says so much about your character ❤️
I’m tired of being lumped in with these people just because I’m black. I don’t care how much money you have ghetto is ghetto and I simply cannot relate…
Proverbs 18:22 says, 'He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.' A good man will find you-don’t feel like you need to search. Focus on being the best version of yourself, and the right partner will value you and marriage in time my sisters.💛💍💐
Not without a strong father to raise you it won't. If you didn't have that daily to keep you in check then follow the Apostle Paul's advice and stay single. 1 Corinthians 7:8-32 New King James Version (NKJV) But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am ( single)
I am a biracial 25 yo woman whose black father was not in my life. My mom raised me and my sister on her own- she wasn’t college educated and struggled to pay the bills and the water or lights got cut off many times. I went to college got my degree and met my fiancé who is a doctor. We just bought our first house and are getting married in June- then hopefully having a baby. We have plans to travel the world and live a good life. This is a reminder that what you come from does not define you. Know your worth and want better for your future and your future children. You can be the change. My life is not perfect but I’m proud of what I have become and made for myself. ❤️
It’s sad how so many people miss the point. If you don’t want to be tied to someone forever, then don’t have kids with them. It’s really that simple. When you look at the divorce rate, I understand why people feel like it doesn’t make sense to get married. However, I think people do a terrible job at picking partners and ignore red flag. And/or they don’t have good communication skills so they don’t know how to resolve issues. They also don’t have conversations about how they want to raise/ discipline kids, about finances, sex,etc before hand. Then they get married and everything falls apart. There is so much work that needs to be done before and during the marriage, but people would rather take the easy way out and get divorced. When I decided that I wanted to be with my husband, I decided I wanted to be with him until death do us part. I don’t expect it to always be sunshine and rainbows, but I also know that he is just as invested in making things work as I am. If both parties aren’t going in with that mindset then it will be very easy to take the easy way out when it gets hard.
While that may be true, one thing I will say is that DDG wanting to be an active father to his son and still choose to have the upmost respect for Halle (aside from the occasional embarrassment when he talks too much) is really refreshing to see. I feel like we don’t see that very often in black fathers. Even though they are broken up, I still believe that DDG is going to do whatever he can to make sure that Halle is good, so that Halo is good.
@@dynastyandrews2416 this is so sad and such low standards… 😂 he should have respect for the mother of his child (whether they are together or not AND be an active farther). He doesn’t get points for that. 😂
@@dynastyandrews2416We never hear or see this narrative being used for other communities of men … only in the black community are black men praised for the bare minimum…
Long time viewer, FIRST time commentor lol I am freshly 26 and for a long time I aspired to be a mom (not a wife) but a mom. I grew up in a single parent household and even though my mom and grandmother and grandfather pushed for marriage, just looking around I felt that was impossible for me. I have been with my boyfriend now for almost 5 years and when I met him, I finally felt that I had a chance to get married prior to having childeren, he felt the same way too (he also grew up in a single parent household). Me and him both met in our early 20's and don't have any childeren at all. Throughout this relationship we have taken every precaution to not have children. Sure I get picked on for being a woman, in my late 20's, without a ring or a baby, after 5 years in a relationship with the same person, but I am happy where I am. I had no business being married or being a mother at 21 (he was 23) when we met. We are now 26 and 28 and are having a discussion about marriage, the childeren wil come later. I just wish people would take their time. We have time to build towards marriage, we have time to build toward parenthood. We have time.
You are doing well!!! Totally ignore the haters. I got married at 27, 1st baby at 31, and 2nd baby on the way at 37. Married almost 10 years and happy. Absolutely blissful and I'm happy that I planned my life this way!
@@Trilldayz4436 I try my best to ignore them and let my relationship bloom at its own pace for sure. I’m still young and can get caught up on FOMO but I have to remind myself, my turn is coming.
I had a girl tell me her goal in life was to be a rappers baby mama. when I asked her why this girl looked me dead in my face and said “because do you know how much child support that is?” There’s just…. So much to unpack there, starting with the fact she had zero intentions of having a family with any man she straight up just wanted to be a single baby mama. And it was her GOAL IN LIFE.
In my experience i got more “i want you to have my baby” than “i want to marry you” Same men turned around & married someone that is more lighter than me in just a short amount of time and i have to wait years for a ring??? Is crazy. Makes me lose hope sometimes cause i let em know i want the family & marriage but they see me as just a bm, & i want more than that & me wanting more for myself keeps me single or lonely & that sucks. Getting off my soap box 😭
THANK YOU! Ugh! I hate how being a baby mama is glorified and if you think otherwise YOU'RE the wrong one. Like I don't get it! Having a baby with someone who doesn't love you enough to actually marry you, or being baby mama number whatever is a flex!? Make it make sense. And the biggest argument that passes me off when they say that "marriage is just a piece of paper" or "marriage is too much commitment"......A BABY IS A WHOLE HUMAN SOUL!? That is a LIFETIME committed! At least if you get divorced you may never have to see that ex again. But a WHOLE baby!? Like why is that so complicated to understand? That thinking is so backwards it is painful
Thank you so much for using your platform to spread awareness on disparities marginalized communities face, caused by repetitive systemic racism and oppression. This culture is not just stemming from nowhere. Ps: I would love to see the sources you use and refer to when planning your videos.
I’m with my lady rn. She’s pregnant now and we are getting married next year. I choose to break the generational curses of my family and God willing we can extend that to our child and future children.
I'm 23 and I'll graduate uni very soon. My parents don't want me to think about any relationship or marriage in this moment, although i think they're being very strict with me i get they're scared that I'll get pregnant if I touch any guy😂. They want me to focus on myself first.
Congratulations on graduating soon. A lot of BW are told to “focus on education and the men would come later” but the problem I see in that is dating/relationships are like a muscle you need to work on and develop. Mr. Wonderful is not going to arrive when YOU’RE ready. I wish you much success when that time comes for you to find your partner
Yeah that's what alot of BW are told, and then they end up wondering why it's so hard to date when they're finally ready, or they end up getting knocked up by the wrong man because their lack of dating experience didn't teach them discernment. I know parents like that have good intentions, but there's a healthy balance between keeping your studies a priority and dating with intention. Other races have been doing this.
Bl parents telling their daughters this is why so many bl wmn are single or bby mmas. It’s best to start vetting for husband material NOW while you are in your 20’s. Once you get into your 30’s it becomes exponentially harder to find a suitable husband.
And this is why I only had one! I had my son at 18, I truly didn’t know any better. I’m 31 now and still only have one child. I learned my lesson. I’m engaged now, and we’re talking about kids, but I’ve told him before until the marriage certificate is signed, we will not be having a child or doing anything to make one! Single motherhood is hard, I do not suggest it
I think it’s because not only were there African slaves but there were other slaves from around the world in America. Which is not talked about sadly. But the government helps single parents rather than helping married families. And this is aimed more for the poor community.
We call DDG a dusty because of his behavior not his money. Overall he seems like a decent dude and father, but he's disrespected and embarrassed the mother of his child on several occasions. That's why he gets dragged, no amount of money can buy class
i love your content! you don’t just add obvious commentary like, “ohh these girls have no self respect so sad!” but you add content, history, research and causes that lead to the issues. Keep up the great work!!❤
It’s definitely alarming and it makes me think a bit like when they’re actually ready to leave. I think in their head is easier because they don’t have to go through that divorce papers but still why do you get yourself in that situation if you know he will never wanna see you as a wife.
U was spot on im always so eager to hear your thought because i have a 23yr old son and i was a teen mom at 16. I always tell him and my nieces my story. I never talked bad about his dad cuz i said he will see on his own. My husband been there for him since he was 4. I waited 13 yrs b4 i had another child and baby its a big difference i hate for any woman to be fooled to think its not. My husband is a great father and Husband and im so grateful and thankful for him. Ladies plz pick carefully
Nothing is trendy about having a kid with no partner to help (having your mom and sister is nice but it would be BETTER to have the person who also made the child help). It’s silly and irresponsible on both parties.
I just don't know another way of doing it. My parents have been married 37 years, my husband's parents have been married 35 years. They were all marier before they had us kids. In both our families, it would have been a shock if any of us kids and cousins have gotten pregnant without first getting married. In our little bubble, children are planned, wanted and born into stable marriage. We could not break the mold, my husband and I. We were raised to follow it.
girl i love your videos but why are you using an AI graph at 3:47 😭😭 it's barely even readable and just so you know it makes the info seem a lot less legit so I'd recommend using a real graph or making your own next time!!
this ^^^ making an infographic for free in a program like canva is so quick and easy. Using an AI graph really makes the subject tackled seem less credible!!!
Honestly, I can’t even be mad at DDG. He said he was jealous of her, talked shit about her costars during the little mermaid press tour, he admitted his feelings. It’s Halle’s fault for thinking she could change him. After that ruby rose bullshit she should’ve been gone. And unpopular opinion, but I think Halle was about to leave him for real after that, and DDG changed his tune and got her pregnant not even a month after. He made sure she couldn’t leave without him marking her.
I’m 30 and there’s nothing I desire more than being a mother and I’m done waiting for marriage. I’ll not give up my dream of being a mother just because I’m not married/ can’t find someone to marry. Marriage unfortunately don’t depend on one party
Being a mother is more than being financial stable ! Do you really think that taking care of a human alone is easy ? This will cause trauma to the child ! Do you think a child wants to be raised only by her mother? Of course, the child will ask for the father ans question about marriage @princess555o4
My mother thought like this…. think of your children. Do not just think about how you feel. Children want a dad because we are shown that from the world. What happens when Father’s Day comes around? What happens if they grow up around people who have dads? What happens when they feel suffocated by you because they have no one else to go to.
Be patient when it come to marriage and kids i waited to start family/marriage when i was 25. Now 28 and im so glad i didn't have my son any earlier than i did
I remember avoiding boys in high school and men in early adulthood b/c I didn't want to end up as a bm. People do things backwards to me. I want to have a courtship and marry first then expand our family with children. 🙏🏾💝
I hope Halle sees that clip of Ddg and she hides her womb like her life depends on it cause whaaaaa. U want another kid quick before halo is 10, so u want a family wit Halle 😂, u JUST don’t want commitment. RUNNNNNNN 🏃🏿♀️🏃🏿♀️🏃🏿♀️🏃🏿♀️
Omg so true. That’s one thing I do not want and that it to be someone’s baby mama. I’m looking to be a great wife and have a great husband than a child. But I’m currently 33 so hopefully it’s in the cards for me.
Yes, don’t give in and it’s not too late. If you want kids put your focus on finding a husband. Don’t give in to just being a baby mama. Especially if your black it’s embarrassing and you will forever be tied to man who you are not with.
It’s not too late. Plus IVF and so many other options are there for conceiving a baby. If you look at housewives-most of them don’t start having kids until after 30+. Some are able to after 40 as well- they just have to prioritize health/low stress life.
Hey girl, CAPRICORN SISTER HERE (my bday is January 4th). This was a great topic you talked about. I agree with you on the point that we need to start holding the men in our community responsible!!! I also would like to add that black women definitely have to see themselves as valuable and that will help them to date better. That’s what turned the tide for me. I know what I want and what i believe God wants better for me and my future family. We definitely need to pray for our community. Black men have way more opportunities now than they did back then.
Girl yes and it keeps getting worse I saw a young lady brag about dating her EX HUSBAND 😂😂AND HAD THE AUDACITY TO PUT POV H03S ARE MAD THAT YOU ARE DATING YOUR EX HUSBAND LIKE MA'AM WEREN'T YOU JUST SO CALLED TELLING THE GIRLIES TO LOVE THEMSELVES AND NOT SETTLE 😂😂😂LIKE THAT'S NOT A FLEX
Baby mamá here. Hey little sisters👋🏾. If he not ready to marry you, he’s not ready to be a father. Being a baby mom ain’t fun. It ain’t cute. Protect your womb at all cost. A life long tether to a person who was never ready ain’t it. And know there’s a big difference between a man who WANTS a kid and a man who is READY to be a father. All men want a kid. Not all men are ready to be fathers. Clock it.
Thank you for creating this video! I also learned that the main reason why black household declined rapidly was due to President Nixon’s family plan established in 1969 for welfare if you were a black mother with children they would give you more government assistance than if you were a two parent household with the father present. This begun many black fathers moving out of the home in order for their children and families to get better welfare benefits and social security! Many fathers weren’t signing birth certificates and living at home with their children which I also think was a major contributor to the amount of two parent households decline!!
More black women need to start dating outside of their race. I started at 27 after YEARS of trying with black men or "dating down" (for references I am a doctor) and now I am married and have a beautiful child with my Asian king : ) . I'm not saying it will be better because they are not black but dating outside expands your options and other races tend to place a higher value marriage and a traditional family. Stop waiting around and explore because a lot of the "high value" black men don't think twice about dating outside their race.
29 year old black man here I’ll be 30 on Jan 4th and I’m childless and believe in marriage before children and I also exclusively date in my race guys like myself do exist out here
Same!! Been married for 6 years to a white man with a 3 year old and about to have our second child. My husband is a provider and great father and husband. Yes there are good black men out there but they are hard to find (and even statistics back this). I don’t worry about anything and I’m A SAHM. I do understand if black women want to date within our race, no problem with that, but too many want to turn these pookies into Carltons or ignore the Carltons and complain about their men not stepping up. I see it with some of my cousins who are single moms same age as me 30 or younger settling and procreating with these no good dudes and then call my husband or men like him lame.
My wife has a family history of broken homes, substance abuse, regular abuse and infidelity. Her way of breaking the generational curse was to not marry a black man.
as a BM I agree more. The problem is that BM don't really require marriage so the BM aren't going to prioritize it generally. My mom was s single mom telling me that I needed to get married before having kids. You know how crazy that sounded to me? If it was the better option, I still didn't want to listen to her.
I’ll just share some advice as a 34 year old childfree single woman. If you want marriage you need to find your husband in your 20s. Yes your 20s should be spent having fun and figuring out life. But also you need to get serious about your relationship and marriage goals in your 20s. There is a very small amount of black men who desire marriage and it’s easier to find a quality marriage minded black man when you are younger. There are men out there who will marry you. Just choose wisely. Dating is a bit harder as black woman you really have to be strict when choosing a partner that has the same values as you. I just wish I spent my early to mid 20s dating more strategically to find a partner. But finding a married minded black man is a tougher after 29.
My mom was a baby mama at 18 but when she met my dad, him and her got married BEFORE they had me a few years later but now my sister is a baby mama at 25. It really is an epidemic.
My body my choice also means, choosing to demand protection, OR NO SEX! If he can’t respect that, he doesn’t respect you! It also means! The choice to abstain! It means choice of birth control! It means if things are not stable, you have the choice to terminate! If you aren’t ready to take care of a child alone, (meaning, a parent can pass, become injured/sick, have traveling jobs, etc etc,) then you are NOT ready to be a parent. Children are not cute little accessories. Nor are they a means to control another person! Lastly, YOU CAN NOT FORCE ANYONE TO LOVE YOU! We all as human being have free will’
This was an excellent breakdown! As someone who has had two traumatic pregnancies I wouldn't have been able to get through if my Husband wasn't there. It got to the point where I was told I shouldn't have another child even though I'd like lots of children. So yes take pregnancy seriously because it's not always easy. Follow God and your life choices will be a lot better is the overall advice I'd give❤
I was talking to a woman in the gym that was 21 with 4 kids. Shes not married. I couldn’t imagine being 21 years old with one kid let alone with 4. My daughters are 26 and 23 they are both college graduates. One just got married. What I hate is there’s no shame no more. When I was growing up it’s was shameful to walk around pregnant at a young age and no husband. Our communities are destroyed because of all this glorified baby mama crap! Now they wondering why no man wants to marry them. It’s just not women, it brings down your value. We were told not to spread our seeds around carelessly. It’s a disgusting movement!
9:30 A woman becoming a single mother due to the circumstances the father faced such as drugs, being a drug dealer, being sent to jail doesn’t make a woman a baby mother. It makes her a single mother. And no one had to use drugs, they sold or used to escape because that’s what drugs do. They didn’t “have to” as you mentioned. They could have stayed sober and struggled through it and used the little money they had to support the family. They were victims to the way the system was set up.
exactly! just like a lot of people from that time in the blaxk community who chose not to touch it did. thats the real reason our community will never learn: lack of accountability
I stopped looking for a good partner in our community. My yt boyfriend is the reason I believe there are still good men out there, I almost gave up before him
So happy for you 🫶🫶🫶 I think it’s insane that black women are shamed for wanting to date outside of the black community. It’s like have you seen black men?? Have you seen the mothers who raise them ?? Have you seen the fathers who are absent and NOT raising them?? We are literally watching generational trauma persist in black men and it’s frustrating and disappointing
My black boyfriend is an engineer and comes from a well to do two parent household. We both love and trust each other and frequently discuss marriage before any type of child. You really have to do what’s best for you.
@@PrincessYonna1this is false rhetoric, there are tons of good Black Men in the world. There has been many examples of BW being abused by WM for example the Chad Wheeler incident.
I don't have any kids of my own and I'll never allow this to happen to me. Why bring another life into the world to gain fame or stuff from the father? It's gross and degrading. The dad can go off with who he pleases and gets other women pregnant for what?! Nothing about this culture is cute nor beautiful. I feel more sorry for the child that's gonna grow up to see this and therefore either copy or become what their parents have done. Glorifying something that is gross and not cute.
Y’all can be baby mamas, but I refuse to have kids unless I’m a wife and married for years. I’m not the type to get married and immediately turn my womb into a house. I want to enjoy married life, travel with my husband, and experience the security and stability that marriage provides. I deserve a wedding, a honeymoon, and the life I envision. It’s about knowing your worth, and unfortunately, many women only see themselves as baby mamas. Times have changed, and it’s wild to me. As a kid, I would’ve never believed that having children out of wedlock would become the norm, especially when so many claim Christianity until it’s inconvenient. That hypocrisy is why I’m no longer religious like that. I’m spiritual, not tied to man-made religions or cherry-picked beliefs. Too many people want Black women to accept the bare minimum and settle just to become mothers. I’m not one to think having kids is my sole purpose. I have interests beyond that, and if I never have kids, I’ll still be fulfilled. I wouldn’t mind just being married and living freely with my husband. Women need to be selective in their choices. Stop rushing, stop settling for less, and stop moving out of desperation.
Marriage is a big commitment, and I want that commitment. Having kids is easy because people have sex so easily. Abstinence and celibacy aren’t prioritized anymore, but they are to me. Dating, going on real dates, being courted, and truly liking the person beyond just them being male that’s what matters. Too many refuse to put effort into what really requires it. People just wanna rush & say they did it instead of being intentional about the things they do like this is your life, your intentions are you setting your path more should be serious about it. For some, kids feel like an easy accomplishment, a symbol of connection or purpose. But thinking kids are a bigger commitment than marriage shows how backward things have become. People take marriage lightly, yet it’s the ultimate form of stability and intention. The contradictions are loud, especially in the Black community. And honestly, there isn’t even much of a community left.
This was an excellent explanation about this! Seeing the narrative shift so drastically was something I wondered about. The historical context is so important too!
Well done video, and you look beautiful. I’m currently pregnant and even in the early stages I can’t imagine not having my husband here everyday. I’m not saying your partner won’t be there if you’re unmarried, and being married guarantees a present partner, but when we say get married, it’s not just about a piece of paper. It’s a warning that it’s not ideal for you to procreate with someone who barely cares about you and isn’t committed through thick and thin. Having a REAL marriage, a good foundational marriage, has made the nausea, fatigue, and stress of pregnant more bearable. You’re not just creating a baby, you’re creating a whole person and personally I think if you can give them the best shot at having a two parent family, that’s the best thing.
Exactly!! And the real stuff starts after the baby gets here!!! I have a toddler and about to have my second. I would lose it if I didn’t have my husband around to help. Our son is very active and in the third trimester, it’s hard to move around and I’m tired as all get out. So do this by myself? I can’t imagine it and I applaud those who do, but yes, why not give your child the best overall outcome for their well being off the bat?
I'm 14. The only babies I have are my ocs ( original characters), my plushies and my two adorable beautiful cats, Pearl and Abby. Anyways, I was born out of wedlock, i think that's what you call it, and my parents got married when I was 11.
On one hand, I’m happy that you are learning positive things on the Internet so that you can learn how to make better decisions for yourself and your future, but at the same time please be careful on this Internet🙏🙏. There are way too many adults who do and say reckless things with no regard as to how children also share the same Internet and could also watch, imitate, or even be inspired by them.
At what point can we start asking mwn to take accountability tho? No one begged them to do crack or abandon their children or do crime and go to prison.
I have watched several videos on this topic but only you start from historical aspect which I appreciate as I am not American nor do I live in America ❤
Same here. Cause on Tiktok and YT, you hear all these think pieces on baby mama culture and why it's wrong but never really how it came to be especially with how prevalent it is in the black community. It was interesting to learn how a lot of it was born through slavery and later on, systematic oppression.
Baby mamá here. Hey little sisters👋🏾. If he not ready to marry you, he’s not ready to be a father. Being a baby mom ain’t fun. It ain’t cute. Protect your womb at all cost. A life long tether to a person who didn’t want to commit to spending the rest of their life with you, ain’t it. And know there’s a big difference between a man who WANTS a kid and a man who is READY to be a father. All men want a kid. Not all men are ready to be fathers. Clock it.
I don’t know anything about your situation but I’m proud of you. Hope you and your child(ren) are doing ok. Thank you for sharing these words of wisdom.
Great comment! Also make sure you know who you're getting married to. My ex boyfriend ended up marrying a girl within weeks of our breakup. They got married very quickly and had a kid not too long later. He turned out to be a physically abusive adulterer and now she is a baby mama. Of course she loves her baby but that poor babywill someday grow up and realize who her father was. Some of these men will promise to you that they want marriage and kids and still cheat and take their anger out on you once they have you trapped! Her and I are friends now and trying to press DV charges but this is just a cautionary tale that a ring won't protect you from a fist. Being married entitles you to certain benefits which you wouldn't get otherwise, that's great and all, but you still need to know who you are marrying. So don't rush into marriage or parenthood with a man immediately! Give it some time. And if he ever puts his hands on you, he will do it again. Leave. Don't wait til it's too late.
In addition to my previous comment this man was very good at convincing her that he loved her very much and that they should add a baby to the family. Always talked about being a girl dad and how excited he was to be a father. It wasn't until she was pregnant that he started putting his hands on her. And he continued to after that. Some of these men are excellent liars. Don't fall for it!
Truuuth.
@@ariyuh she’s not a baby mama she’s an ex wife. Why do y’all purposely mix this up together. If they were married then she’s an ex wife!!!!!
A baby is more of a commitment than marriage. That's why I get super irritated when black people ask me when am I going to have kids knowing good and well I'm not married.
This!!!!
Even if a baby wasn't more of a commitment than marriage, it's still weird for the black community to expect woman(primary) to want to raise a child by themselves or raise a child without a intentional stable foundation of two parents in the home first. Maybe I'm old school..idk
Nicki said it best 🎶Ain't pushing out his baby til he buy da rock🎶 💍 👰🏿♀️👩🏿🍼
(Unfortunately she chose a trash bag predator 😵💫)
Same
Baby this comment and IT'S ALWAYS ALWAYS😂THE ONES WHO ARE STRUGGLING OR HAVE A NEW BABY EVERY YEAR BY A DIFFERENT MAN THAT THEY MOVED IN THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME LOVE A MAN ENOUGH TO BE A BABY MAMA
My friend's boyfriend (soon to be ex) has been asking my friend for a baby. My friend is 22 and just started working so she isn't ready for that, but she also told him that she'd rather they get married first before popping out a kid, and he said he didnt have money for a wedding yet, and me and my friend have been asking ourselves if he doesn't have money for a wedding, where is he going to get the money for a child? The sad part is he has gotten her pregnant before, seemingly intentionally (started saying he wanted a baby, stopped using condoms, and boom) but she had a miscarriage, unfortunately or fortunately. Yesterday, he even sent her bible verses about having kids and i think that's so manipulative to try to use the bible to justify your wants. Especially when you clearly don't want to marry that person first
It really is a lot of these men are manipulative af like you want a baby but not a wedding baby I say nextttt😂
So glad that you and your friend recognize the emotional abuse!! Tell your friend to run and don’t look back. I’ll never say that a woman having a miscarriage is a fortunate thing to happen, but what I will say is to look at the positive side of things. She could’ve potentially had a baby by a man and been stuck or tethered to him for life. I hope your friend goes on to marry a man that she loves and and that he loves her equally and I have a beautiful family💕💕
Wow, as a Christian that is disturbing. These men will always use the Bible but will never live by it. Do not let these men manipulate you using the word of God. Because God himself will NEVER force you to have a child you do not want. To be in a relationship you do not want, or that you're not ready for. Tell your friend to leave that relationship immediately because he might try it again.
I hope she ran from him he wants access to her without the commitment
We don’t talk about how men are trapping women enough! You’ve heard it with women trapping men but you never hear about the other side. He wants to tie himself to her permanently and marriage isn’t permanent enough. Why is she still with that scrub 😂 we saw how smug Offset was when he told Cardi B that “he won” “he’s the baby daddy” it’s sickening.
I hate when folks say marriage isnt for everyone--why not? So buying a house, renting an apartment, having babies, comingling money is for everyone but god forbid you make it official?! LOL
I personally have 0 interest in being legally tied to someone like that. Its just not cute to me. To each their own..we dont all think the same about life and some people really need to accept that.
@@SnozBerryQueen So you arent going to buy a house, rent an apartment or have children with someone I presume? Because those are all legally binding yourself to someone.
usually people that say this are one one accord. rationally, i think people that share this sentiment don’t have any interest in creating a family unit in any regard or they are aspiring DINKS
@@SnozBerryQueen so you don't mind being legally tied when your both on the lease or the deed to the house, or when you both buy a big purchase, or when your both on the birth certificate but it's a problem when you're both legally married to each other. i just don't get it
I'm with you on this one. Tying yourself to a human by having a baby is nothing but marriage is too much? Bringing someone into this world in a broken environment is okay?
The truth of it all is that people are selfish. They want to enjoy themselves and do what they want to do without commitment and irregardless of the well-being of others.
I understand that marriage isn’t for everyone, but I’m so sick of seeing baby mama/baby daddy culture being normalized and glorified in society. Why are we normalizing creating broken homes? This isn’t to say that marriages can’t end, but I just will never understand people having kids with multiple women or men but not getting married.
Edit: to the people in the comments, I understand that children born to married couples can still be born in a broken situation, I’m also aware that 50% of marriages end in divorce. However, I still think that it’s unwise to have a child out of wedlock, but I do understand that everyone is allowed to make their own decisions, but I do think that normalizing having children out of wedlock is a bad thing
Yes, it’s just carelessness and selfishness at this point.
Absolutely it is and very selfish and it seems like the same ones are pregnant every year that's sad and embarrassing @shan6283
Right. It’s a demonic mix of blatant selfishness, self rationalized ignorance and pride.
mind you 72% of black kids grow up in broken homes then wonder why do they struggle in relationships because EVERYTHING EVERYTHING starts at home EVERYTHING you don’t see a healthy relationship you don’t have one to mirror so you prolly won’t get into one and the cycle continues…
NO but this! Some people are truly against getting married in the eyes of the law for their own beliefs and have some type of ceremony to solidfy their love and family but let's be real. A lot of the women becoming baby mothers either 1) Had an aspiration of being a wife or 2) would marry the person they got pregnant by if asked and now have to default to "Not everyone wants to be married," but will gladly sport a promise ring. It's less of a marriage issue and more of a foundational and family planning issue.
One time I was at a bar and this man asked me if I had kids. I said no and he immediately asked me my age (I’m 27) and when I told him he was like “damn, you need a kid”. I said I want to be married first and he immediately thought I was delusional for wanting that BEFORE a kid.
This is the mindset nowadays, granted this was in ATL sooo😭😂
This JUST happened to my sister in Atlanta as well and she is also 27😂
@ and that’s why I don’t date ATL men😂😂😂 I’m from ATL
Girl I’m 27 in Georgia and I stay AWAY from Atlanta!
That’s 💯 normal girl don’t let that bum tell u different 😂
I had a hairstylist ask me the same thing at 28. She looked at me like I had 3 heads when I said I wanted to be married first. 🤦🏾♀️
The sad part is, people are just having kids from one night stands 😭😭 nobody is even trying to get married or even a relationship at this point.
what’s a one night stands ?? like when you have sex once then NEVER EVER talk again
YEP. I have three different cousins who conceived kids either the same day they met someone or within a week of meeting them 😬 Another cousin who is currently pregnant by her boyfriend, another one who has three kids and still hasn’t married their mother even though they all live together. I knew from a young age I was not about that life! I’ve actually been made fun of for waiting until I was married to have kids, people have told me that I must think I’m better for doing it that way. No I don’t think I’m better than anyone, but I saw the struggles my friends and family members went through and decided not to go that route ✌🏻
Yeah it’s the lack of effort that’s killing me😭😭😭
Yeah, and all of the married people are getting divorces. Y’all love to just pick and choose what to be mad about. When there is a whole Other side to the story.
Or use the multitude of options of birth control. Plan B is super easy. Take one pill and done. There’s also spermicide for women that don’t want to deal with or can’t take hormones. It’s so easy now that it even comes in a film, similar to a breath strip. As long as you insert it about 15 minutes before intercourse, it’s very reliable. It’s also easy to take on the go if you’re into one night stands. I personally advocate for having a child when you are giving them a two parent household, but I also wish people would talk about adoption more. I was adopted and I have connected to my biological family. Now, I know how incredibly blessed I am because I was raised by a mom and dad who’ve now been married 56 years. My biological half siblings that my bio mom kept have always had terrible lives because she likes to party and has always put herself above them. My parents are financially stable and were able to pay all of my exorbitant medical bills all my life. They’ve been the most incredible parents anyone could ask for. My half siblings are jealous that they weren’t given up for adoption so they could have a better life and it breaks my heart. Adoption is an option and there are millions of people wanting to give babies a good home and family.
The number one reason why I’m refusing sex before marriage. I’m 18 and have watched every woman in my life be a single mother, and I refuse that for myself. My boyfriend encourages the decision to wait, there are men out there who will respect that choice, however rare they are. Don’t disrespect yourself for love, because someone who loves you would not let you lower yourself.
birth control exists.
@ And is not always effective, and the pill comes with physical side effects. Abstinence is the best way to prevent pregnancy. Why would I have sex with a man who wouldn’t marry me or raise children with me? I respect myself, so I’m not going to open my legs for anyone until they’re legally committed to me.
Eh, contraceptives exist for a reason. As long as women are safe (and educated) they won’t have to worry about having a pregnancy scare. I refuse to have a baby out of wedlock (I’m 25) but that doesn’t mean I can’t have fun with my boyfriend.
@ I have no right to tell you what to do, so I’m not. It’s not a risk I’m willing to take
@@Not_Alwaysabstinence is a type of birth control.
I was so happy to see Martin Lawrence and Eddie Murphys children get ENGAGED before popping out pregnant. Loved to see it
Girl yes I absolutely love that for them ❤
I love that for them too!!
Girl being engaged doesn’t mean your are married or guaranteed marriage
this. The bench mark is so so low. And they're children of privilege@@Chrissyaman02
@@Chrissyaman02 it’s a step in the right direction lol.
I agree with everything you said. I'm 30 and have been a single mother for 11 years. I DON'T wish this on nobody. Being a baby moma/single parent is not fun. Thanks be to God, because he has seen me through all the ups and downs. I refused to get pregnant again to another man I'm not married to. Thank You Toni for being so blunt and honest on this topic.
🫸🫷
Some of them become single mothers for zaddy government
God bless you ❤
oooooh when she said "He can still leave when you're married tho. Duh!!! You can still die in a car accident with your seat belt on right?" oooh I felt that. Great logical comparison.
You get it, you get it 👏
The situation with Skai Jackson hits very close to home for me because I have a relative who is in almost the exact same situation. The part that really gets me is that sometimes it’s not about your background or upbringing when it comes to becoming a baby mama, it’s about the way that you carry yourself as a woman and how much you value yourself. I don’t believe that a woman that values herself would choose to get involved with men who have a history of not having any moral compass or any good principles that they stand on.
Is the guy with your relative violent
Conversation to be had- self worth.
I agree, and too many BW don't value themselves. Hence we have the current state of things...
I wasn't thinking about rapper gfs popularizing baby mama culture. My first thought was the Kardashians...
Clock it! 🫰🏾🫰🏾
At least Kim married before having 3 other kids it's khole, kourtney, and Kylie that chose the baby mama life at least kourtney married Travis barker before having a baby with him
after she learned from a decade of being with scott disick
It was def a problem before them...the NBA was literally warning athletes about using protection and disposing of their condoms properly so they don't get baby trapped.
@@dwoesir1Kim is the exception. The rest were proud baby mamas. Kourt had like 3 kids by Scott knowing that marriage wasn’t in the cards and Scott had money.
Nobody talks about Rih being a baby mama too, quiet as its kept
Girl facts and I saw a video the other day with Rihanna saying I love my baby daddyyyy😂😂😂 like girl that is not a flex
Technically she is a baby mama, however, Asap’s strong commitment to her makes her look less like a baby mama because he actually wants to be with her and be a father to their children. I think the key difference between considering someone a baby mama or not is how committed their partner is to them.
Personally until I see long term results I don't stamp any celeb relationships. All relationships start off good
I thought her and asap had a court wedding
@@dynastyandrews2416she is a baby mama
38:20 marriage does not have to be awful. It can be beautiful, fulfilling, and a dream. My 15 year wedding anniversary is tomorrow. It hasn’t always been fun or easy. We fought to our marriage for many years. We are now in a beautiful, healthy, and loving marriage. We grew individually and together and worked on our marriage. It’s now a literal fairytale and I couldn’t imagine ever being in a happier or healthier marriage.
Happy 15 anniversary GOD BLESS YOUR MARRIAGE 🙏🙏💗💗
amen, exactly what i want
That is beautiful, I believe something that beautiful and rare takes work. I hope you have another beautiful 15 years ❤
I found out yesterday that an old classmate is pregnant. We are both 21 and I am shocked. The thought that she will be a mom soon and I didn’t even have my first boyfriend is so absurd. I can’t imagine myself being a mom later and definitely not now
Comrade Mitkov?
Please enjoy your 20s before you have a baby!! I am so thankful I waited until my early 30s to have my child. I might have a little less energy than in my 20s, but the positive tradeoff is immense. The process of bringing a baby into the world can be extremely difficult, having maturity and stability will make a huge difference.
This is a hill I will die on, I really do hate to see it. I’m 21, I also went to a predominantly white school. The amount of weddings I’ve seen is insane. The basis of it I feel is we were raised being told different things. Most black women hear “focus on school, don’t worry about a man, a man will come later” which does hold some truth when it comes to the school aspect but ultimately it’s not really sound advice. Most white women are told to go out and find a good man, they are shown what to look for. That’s not to say their marriages can’t or don’t fail but intentionality is so important. If a goal of yours is to be married, don’t have anybody make you think it isn’t worth it. Never settle for less than what YOU want. Baby mama culture is not cute and it never will be. Get that ring! Or don’t, but don’t bring these babies into broken homes, they deserve better.
I just want to add that that's pretty sad if all the white girls are being told is to find a good husband. There's more to life than getting married and having babies. I hope they're also being encouraged to pursue their careers and passions.
What you said is so true. I’ve seen it too. Many white women get married pretty early and in some circles it’s quite the stigma to be pregnant and unwed. In university, a few times I heard stories of some girls choosing certain studies so they’d be in the same faculties as guys who’d make a lot of money in the future. Marry rich and all that
@@Coolcatmel08I agree, but some don’t want traditional jobs. In some communities it’s seen as “prestigious” to not have to work.
Being a rich stay at home mom (with a nanny), and able to go to the gym, play tennis, go to the country club etc. is all the rage
@@Coolcatmel08 it’s not the only things being told to them tho. The point is a lot of black women are being made to believe that they can’t maintain a relationship while going to school, meanwhile a lot of white women are told to find a husband while in school. It’s important to be taught to do both, maintain relationships and maintain your schoolwork.
@@RenniferRobyn yes this happens a lot. You’ll notice the freshman and sophomore year of college a lot of white women will be in what is considered their “hoe phase” then around junior and senior year, they completely make a 360 switch. Start going to libraries and things like that because that’s where the type of men they want hang out. Meanwhile a lot of black women will keep up the “hoe phase” all 4 years of college. It really is a big difference.
As someone who had a child before getting married, please secure that ring first y’all.
There needs to be a conversation had about the black community and our perception of sex and more importantly unprotected sex. Because a lot of these “baby mamas” are stemming from one night stands or just having unprotected sex and not being prepared. We know the consequences we just don’t seem to care but then get upset when conversations like this are had.
Yep, the way raw sex is bragged about in music is so gross to me.
Literally, why is everyone so hyper sexual
With the way Hiv rates have increased nationwide, that is playing with fire.
When a woman is into a man she loses her inhibitions. Masculine men have more control in the heat of passion. This is why I personally think we should be held more responsible for unplanned pregnancies in marriage but the woman is more responsible outside of it. Nothing happens if the legs are never opened. She must hold herself to that standard. Unfortunately without the discipline of a father she almost never will be able to do that. It's her love and respect for him that drives her to value her chastity.
Your last sentence alone is the answer to your question. They say they’re grown. So let them be grown.
Great video. I’m 36 and unfortunately I am a baby mama sigh but I teach my daughter not to have kids until marriage. My niece is 25 and got married with no kids in October. The generation under me is doing so good and I’m so proud. You’re so wise to be so young. Keep teaching. I always say your generation will be the one that changes things.
You live and you learn hey.
I'm sure you're a fantastic Mum❤
You older than me and 36 is still young, but a least you now got clarity nah
My mom was a single mom for 13 years of my life and once she married my step dad, they had my brother when i was 18. She told me she was not having another kid without being married because as much as she loved me and cared for me, she didn’t want to struggle or do it alone anymore. Even with me being 29 now, my dad ( yes I call him my dad) still helps me and has cared for me and loved me since they got together.
I had my baby at 20. Believed him when he said he would work 3 jobs and be there. I was young, broken and gullible. He was never present and I ended up being a single mom. Minimal support. I had to figure it out on my own and it was draining and super depressing. She’s 22 now and went to college and is in a stable rship. I’m glad she’s doing things different than me. Young Ladies please choose and love you because it’s hard. You deserve more and better. ♥️
I just wanna tell you that you are on the right track. I got married at 23 and have been with my husband for 8 years known him for 12 years. We are just NOW gonna start trying for a baby in February now that we're stable.
Even when married, women should still vet their partner before having a child. The 1st 3 years of marriage is the true test and no baby should come before that.
Even though we've been together for as long I have never been pregnant because we are very big on Condom use. He's been very adamant about my sexual health and wellness since the 1st time we were intimate.
So glad some people still are responsible like this and think of the child’s quality of life ❤️
@@yungembarrassment619 thank you! I don't understand how folks don't think about this. We needed time for us to go through the motions of life..
Job loss
Sickness
Money issues
We needed to see how the other person dealt with issues like this. It was important for us to see how we would deal on both ends. Would this bend and break us? Or would it bend,test, and ultimately make us stronger?
We came out strong and even more in love each time and that makes me confident that not only could we provide a stable home for a baby but we could also set a loving example of what they should strive for.
As a young black man in school with no baby mama what you explained is what I want to experience with a black woman
@@jordanwilliams1546 and you shall have it. As long as you move with your intentions being clear.
I ask that you treat that woman with kindness and compassion. She will repay it 10 fold.
If you had to vet him after marriage you shouldn't have gotten married SMH. Clearly you union is based on superficiality and not true love under Yahuah.
A faithless marriage is mediocre at best. Prayers up for your "partner". No husband would ever tolerate your manipulation and lack of respect.
-50 yr old married BM almost 14 years to a BW with 5 kids.
“not everyone wants to be married” but not everyone is obligated to have kids not everyone can be a parent not everyone can raise functioning members of society…. like
“How y’all have gender reveal parties before house warmings?”whew she spitting facts.
I’m married and had my baby in 2023 when I was 32. I never understood what’s so proud about being a baby mama. I wanted to have fun in my teens and 20s not be tied down with a baby.
I love when other young, educated black women like to discuss these types of topics. I really appreciate the fact that you took the time to tell the history of baby mama culture, and how it was actually forced on us as a people. Even though my parents are immigrants, my family still was separated by the justice system. And at the end of the day, I grew up in a single parent household, but I definitely learned as I traveled around the country that I did not want to be a single parent.
Literally, the first time I saw someone planning for their baby was my white coworker at my first big girl job post college. And it was such an amazing thing to see that I told myself that’s exactly how I wanted to be going about having children. And I’ve actually been blessed to have been to way more weddings than baby showers at this point. It’s truly amazing to see another win for God‘s kingdom and how he blesses them once they have made that true commitment and unified themselves as one.
Kylie really took being a baby mama worldwide 🤰🏻🌍
& there was no outrage either
Glorified baby mamas 😂😂
@@zakiyahsamad tbf, Rihanna a baby mother but she doesn't appear in these videos about black women glorifying it
I've seen several videos mentioning Skai, Keke, etc but there's less outrage about Rihanna cause her man isn't broke or constantly embarrassing her.
Rihanna is a billionaire I think that plays a factor
@@lauren-ashleyblack8610 She's a billionaire. Marriage is a whole other playing field for the ultra-wealthy, as a legal minefield.
"Let women be happy" at the expense of innocent kids??
It was never bout the kid for them… lol
That part but that’s the culture when it comes to women and children. Children are lower than pet dogs these days. It’s so sad.
Yesss so crazy! @@savannastarlet
My grandparents are married still after 65 years ❤️ my grandfather is 90 and sick right now and it has been so beautiful seeing how much they love each other after all these years (grandmother is 89). Every night she would leave him while he was in the hospital she would say “don’t go anywhere without me” and every day he would ask for her. So idc what society says marriage is NOT a piece of paper THAT is what marriage is to me and it’s worth trying to achieve. I’m married and I pray we make it that long! I love my hubby ❤.
That is so very beautiful I love it God bless you and your grandparents ❤❤❤
24:17 you and your baby sharing the bedroom you grow up in is CRAZY😂😂😂
My cousin is 18 and lives in her Mom’s house with her 6 month old. I’m
About to have my second and I live in a house with my Husband!
That is crazy!!!
Lmfaooooooo
You killed this video Toni! Love the context and the historical background. This topic is so important to our community.
For the ones running around saying "marriage aint for me" but popping out kids and playing housewife, has society improved over the years from this lifestyle and mindset? Hell naw!
This is a serious problem with white people too. At least in my area. The amount of girls i went to school with who purposely got pregnant to dead beat men with no jobs, who can't provide for their children and don't even want kids to begin with, is so heart breaking. If you have children don't you want to be able to provide for them? For them to have the best quality life possible? It should be common sense but it isn't
Most of them keep having kids because of the government.... if the government wasn't spoiling and rewarding for having all of these kids I'm 99.9 percent sure these lazy heffas wouldn't keep having kids
Yes! Talk about it!! 🎯
The white people who I knew that did it were usually from poorer backgrounds. Out of wedlock births are more common for low income households across all races, especially if they live in a rural area where sex ed is frowned upon.
Any idea as to why they would do that on purpose?
Of course! Most of the people featured on teen moms were white w/ a few diverse stories sprinkled in.
A lot of it has to do with normalization. I am Chinese-American and went to predominantly Chinese-American churches. In those kind of churches divorce was completely unheard-of and I never met anyone who got pregnant out of wedlock. After I married a black woman we decided to go to a predominantly black church, here it is almost common for people to be divorced or have kids with multiple people.
A lot of Chinese women are also unhappy. I grew up in an Asian community in California alot of the women were oppressed so I can only imagine how it is in their countries… a lot of Asian community are raised to show no emotion…. Which results in a lot of mental health issues… alot of self erasure due to the pressure of societal expectations… including marriage and staying in a healthy relationship…
We’re the same age ( I think, I’m 22 ) but you are so ahead of the game, not being afraid of doing what you want to and doing it honestly. I’ve love your content ( like this, because this NEEDS to be discussed) and especially the verses of the day!! Keep going and hopefully I can catch up one day 🤣🤣🤣
Omg this was so incredibly sweet🥹❤️ I’m sure you are so wise!!! Comparison is the thief of joy…you are wonderful in your own right!! Even leaving this compliment, it says so much about your character ❤️
You're so beautiful lol I'm 16 and I also rly enjoy Toni's content ❤🥳
I’m tired of being lumped in with these people just because I’m black. I don’t care how much money you have ghetto is ghetto and I simply cannot relate…
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Proverbs 18:22 says, 'He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.' A good man will find you-don’t feel like you need to search. Focus on being the best version of yourself, and the right partner will value you and marriage in time my sisters.💛💍💐
Amen 🙏
Not without a strong father to raise you it won't.
If you didn't have that daily to keep you in check then follow the Apostle Paul's advice and stay single.
1 Corinthians 7:8-32 New King James Version (NKJV) But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am ( single)
I am a biracial 25 yo woman whose black father was not in my life. My mom raised me and my sister on her own- she wasn’t college educated and struggled to pay the bills and the water or lights got cut off many times.
I went to college got my degree and met my fiancé who is a doctor. We just bought our first house and are getting married in June- then hopefully having a baby. We have plans to travel the world and live a good life.
This is a reminder that what you come from does not define you. Know your worth and want better for your future and your future children. You can be the change. My life is not perfect but I’m proud of what I have become and made for myself. ❤️
Hopefully all these women will be an example for child free girls like you in their 20s not to follow the TERRIBLE decisions of these celebrity girls
Women* not girls
It’s sad how so many people miss the point. If you don’t want to be tied to someone forever, then don’t have kids with them. It’s really that simple. When you look at the divorce rate, I understand why people feel like it doesn’t make sense to get married. However, I think people do a terrible job at picking partners and ignore red flag. And/or they don’t have good communication skills so they don’t know how to resolve issues. They also don’t have conversations about how they want to raise/ discipline kids, about finances, sex,etc before hand. Then they get married and everything falls apart. There is so much work that needs to be done before and during the marriage, but people would rather take the easy way out and get divorced.
When I decided that I wanted to be with my husband, I decided I wanted to be with him until death do us part. I don’t expect it to always be sunshine and rainbows, but I also know that he is just as invested in making things work as I am. If both parties aren’t going in with that mindset then it will be very easy to take the easy way out when it gets hard.
DDG got a lot to say about family for a man that was never married to who he had made a child with.
While that may be true, one thing I will say is that DDG wanting to be an active father to his son and still choose to have the upmost respect for Halle (aside from the occasional embarrassment when he talks too much) is really refreshing to see. I feel like we don’t see that very often in black fathers. Even though they are broken up, I still believe that DDG is going to do whatever he can to make sure that Halle is good, so that Halo is good.
@@dynastyandrews2416 this is so sad and such low standards… 😂 he should have respect for the mother of his child (whether they are together or not AND be an active farther). He doesn’t get points for that. 😂
@@dynastyandrews2416this is the bare minimum. The fact that you’re praising him for also taking care of HIS baby.
@@dynastyandrews2416I fear that’s his responsibility bc he chose to impregnate her
@@dynastyandrews2416We never hear or see this narrative being used for other communities of men … only in the black community are black men praised for the bare minimum…
"Marry before you carry" isn't there in every cultures since billions of years for nothing.
Exactly! The difference among most ppl who even came from divorced parents vs baby mama/daddy homes was astounding.
Long time viewer, FIRST time commentor lol I am freshly 26 and for a long time I aspired to be a mom (not a wife) but a mom. I grew up in a single parent household and even though my mom and grandmother and grandfather pushed for marriage, just looking around I felt that was impossible for me. I have been with my boyfriend now for almost 5 years and when I met him, I finally felt that I had a chance to get married prior to having childeren, he felt the same way too (he also grew up in a single parent household). Me and him both met in our early 20's and don't have any childeren at all. Throughout this relationship we have taken every precaution to not have children. Sure I get picked on for being a woman, in my late 20's, without a ring or a baby, after 5 years in a relationship with the same person, but I am happy where I am. I had no business being married or being a mother at 21 (he was 23) when we met. We are now 26 and 28 and are having a discussion about marriage, the childeren wil come later. I just wish people would take their time. We have time to build towards marriage, we have time to build toward parenthood. We have time.
You are doing well!!! Totally ignore the haters. I got married at 27, 1st baby at 31, and 2nd baby on the way at 37. Married almost 10 years and happy.
Absolutely blissful and I'm happy that I planned my life this way!
@@Trilldayz4436 I try my best to ignore them and let my relationship bloom at its own pace for sure. I’m still young and can get caught up on FOMO but I have to remind myself, my turn is coming.
I had a girl tell me her goal in life was to be a rappers baby mama. when I asked her why this girl looked me dead in my face and said “because do you know how much child support that is?” There’s just…. So much to unpack there, starting with the fact she had zero intentions of having a family with any man she straight up just wanted to be a single baby mama. And it was her GOAL IN LIFE.
In my experience i got more “i want you to have my baby” than “i want to marry you”
Same men turned around & married someone that is more lighter than me in just a short amount of time and i have to wait years for a ring??? Is crazy. Makes me lose hope sometimes cause i let em know i want the family & marriage but they see me as just a bm, & i want more than that & me wanting more for myself keeps me single or lonely & that sucks. Getting off my soap box 😭
THANK YOU! Ugh! I hate how being a baby mama is glorified and if you think otherwise YOU'RE the wrong one. Like I don't get it! Having a baby with someone who doesn't love you enough to actually marry you, or being baby mama number whatever is a flex!? Make it make sense. And the biggest argument that passes me off when they say that "marriage is just a piece of paper" or "marriage is too much commitment"......A BABY IS A WHOLE HUMAN SOUL!? That is a LIFETIME committed! At least if you get divorced you may never have to see that ex again. But a WHOLE baby!? Like why is that so complicated to understand? That thinking is so backwards it is painful
Thank you so much for using your platform to spread awareness on disparities marginalized communities face, caused by repetitive systemic racism and oppression. This culture is not just stemming from nowhere.
Ps: I would love to see the sources you use and refer to when planning your videos.
I’m with my lady rn. She’s pregnant now and we are getting married next year. I choose to break the generational curses of my family and God willing we can extend that to our child and future children.
Why did you not marry her before she was pregnant.
@ I was planning our engagement with her friends when we found out she was.
@@dstov9544 oh ok
Hurry up to make it to the altar.
I'm 23 and I'll graduate uni very soon. My parents don't want me to think about any relationship or marriage in this moment, although i think they're being very strict with me i get they're scared that I'll get pregnant if I touch any guy😂. They want me to focus on myself first.
What are you studying
Congratulations on graduating soon. A lot of BW are told to “focus on education and the men would come later” but the problem I see in that is dating/relationships are like a muscle you need to work on and develop. Mr. Wonderful is not going to arrive when YOU’RE ready. I wish you much success when that time comes for you to find your partner
Yeah that's what alot of BW are told, and then they end up wondering why it's so hard to date when they're finally ready, or they end up getting knocked up by the wrong man because their lack of dating experience didn't teach them discernment. I know parents like that have good intentions, but there's a healthy balance between keeping your studies a priority and dating with intention. Other races have been doing this.
@@LovePanda-n4tThank you for putting this in words!!!
Bl parents telling their daughters this is why so many bl wmn are single or bby mmas. It’s best to start vetting for husband material NOW while you are in your 20’s. Once you get into your 30’s it becomes exponentially harder to find a suitable husband.
And this is why I only had one! I had my son at 18, I truly didn’t know any better. I’m 31 now and still only have one child. I learned my lesson. I’m engaged now, and we’re talking about kids, but I’ve told him before until the marriage certificate is signed, we will not be having a child or doing anything to make one! Single motherhood is hard, I do not suggest it
I hate when women who get cheated on keep saying everyone cheats. No they don’t! Them men YALL get with cheat. Stop the false information.
Very informative video! Baby momma culture is very prevalent in Mexican culture as well, but I don’t know where that stems from.
I think it’s because not only were there African slaves but there were other slaves from around the world in America. Which is not talked about sadly. But the government helps single parents rather than helping married families. And this is aimed more for the poor community.
Yeah I lot of people only focus on black people but all other races do this as well
@@salkeri- not on the same scale though.
People look at me crazy because Ive been single for five years and don't have kids at 30 years old but...ima just leave it at that...
Thank you for not sugar coating this topic🔥
We call DDG a dusty because of his behavior not his money. Overall he seems like a decent dude and father, but he's disrespected and embarrassed the mother of his child on several occasions. That's why he gets dragged, no amount of money can buy class
Turning 32 in October with no kids this whole time even surprises me! I refuse to be a baby mama just for the stigma of being black alone.
i love your content! you don’t just add obvious commentary like, “ohh these girls have no self respect so sad!” but you add content, history, research and causes that lead to the issues. Keep up the great work!!❤
I love that you get it! There’s always a why! Thank you so much for the support, means a lot!! 🥰
Very insightful video once again!
Thank you so much for watching!
ohhhh “not everyone wants to get married” you said yes when you had the baby LETS STOP this☠️☠️
Because they knew he wouldn’t propose. You have to make yourself feel better.
It’s definitely alarming and it makes me think a bit like when they’re actually ready to leave. I think in their head is easier because they don’t have to go through that divorce papers but still why do you get yourself in that situation if you know he will never wanna see you as a wife.
U was spot on im always so eager to hear your thought because i have a 23yr old son and i was a teen mom at 16. I always tell him and my nieces my story. I never talked bad about his dad cuz i said he will see on his own. My husband been there for him since he was 4. I waited 13 yrs b4 i had another child and baby its a big difference i hate for any woman to be fooled to think its not. My husband is a great father and Husband and im so grateful and thankful for him. Ladies plz pick carefully
Nothing is trendy about having a kid with no partner to help (having your mom and sister is nice but it would be BETTER to have the person who also made the child help). It’s silly and irresponsible on both parties.
I appreciate your passion and anger over this subject. It breaks my heart when I see women steep so low when they themselves know they can do better.
Thanks
Thank you!!!
❤❤
“i didn’t know he was like that” then why did you have his child???? like i don’t get it? you didn’t know him but laid down to have his baby
I just don't know another way of doing it. My parents have been married 37 years, my husband's parents have been married 35 years. They were all marier before they had us kids. In both our families, it would have been a shock if any of us kids and cousins have gotten pregnant without first getting married. In our little bubble, children are planned, wanted and born into stable marriage. We could not break the mold, my husband and I. We were raised to follow it.
girl i love your videos but why are you using an AI graph at 3:47 😭😭 it's barely even readable and just so you know it makes the info seem a lot less legit so I'd recommend using a real graph or making your own next time!!
this ^^^ making an infographic for free in a program like canva is so quick and easy. Using an AI graph really makes the subject tackled seem less credible!!!
DDG humiliated Halle and ruined her career on purpose.
Honestly, I can’t even be mad at DDG. He said he was jealous of her, talked shit about her costars during the little mermaid press tour, he admitted his feelings. It’s Halle’s fault for thinking she could change him. After that ruby rose bullshit she should’ve been gone. And unpopular opinion, but I think Halle was about to leave him for real after that, and DDG changed his tune and got her pregnant not even a month after. He made sure she couldn’t leave without him marking her.
@@aribaby5586so you’re blaming the woman 😂😂😂 yall are sad.
I’m 30 and there’s nothing I desire more than being a mother and I’m done waiting for marriage. I’ll not give up my dream of being a mother just because I’m not married/ can’t find someone to marry. Marriage unfortunately don’t depend on one party
As long as you're financially secure and have a support system, you're fine
@ very true
Being a mother is more than being financial stable ! Do you really think that taking care of a human alone is easy ? This will cause trauma to the child ! Do you think a child wants to be raised only by her mother? Of course, the child will ask for the father ans question about marriage @princess555o4
My mother thought like this…. think of your children. Do not just think about how you feel. Children want a dad because we are shown that from the world. What happens when Father’s Day comes around? What happens if they grow up around people who have dads? What happens when they feel suffocated by you because they have no one else to go to.
Be patient when it come to marriage and kids i waited to start family/marriage when i was 25. Now 28 and im so glad i didn't have my son any earlier than i did
I remember avoiding boys in high school and men in early adulthood b/c I didn't want to end up as a bm. People do things backwards to me. I want to have a courtship and marry first then expand our family with children. 🙏🏾💝
I hope Halle sees that clip of Ddg and she hides her womb like her life depends on it cause whaaaaa. U want another kid quick before halo is 10, so u want a family wit Halle 😂, u JUST don’t want commitment. RUNNNNNNN 🏃🏿♀️🏃🏿♀️🏃🏿♀️🏃🏿♀️
Honestly I want a wife and kids, but ain't shit outside for my age group right now. I'm cooked
Omg so true. That’s one thing I do not want and that it to be someone’s baby mama. I’m looking to be a great wife and have a great husband than a child. But I’m currently 33 so hopefully it’s in the cards for me.
Yes, don’t give in and it’s not too late. If you want kids put your focus on finding a husband. Don’t give in to just being a baby mama. Especially if your black it’s embarrassing and you will forever be tied to man who you are not with.
It’s not too late. Plus IVF and so many other options are there for conceiving a baby. If you look at housewives-most of them don’t start having kids until after 30+. Some are able to after 40 as well- they just have to prioritize health/low stress life.
Hey girl, CAPRICORN SISTER HERE (my bday is January 4th). This was a great topic you talked about. I agree with you on the point that we need to start holding the men in our community responsible!!! I also would like to add that black women definitely have to see themselves as valuable and that will help them to date better. That’s what turned the tide for me. I know what I want and what i believe God wants better for me and my future family. We definitely need to pray for our community. Black men have way more opportunities now than they did back then.
Thank you for talking this topic! This culture is terrible and toxic.
Girl yes and it keeps getting worse I saw a young lady brag about dating her EX HUSBAND 😂😂AND HAD THE AUDACITY TO PUT POV H03S ARE MAD THAT YOU ARE DATING YOUR EX HUSBAND LIKE MA'AM WEREN'T YOU JUST SO CALLED TELLING THE GIRLIES TO LOVE THEMSELVES AND NOT SETTLE 😂😂😂LIKE THAT'S NOT A FLEX
Baby mamá here. Hey little sisters👋🏾. If he not ready to marry you, he’s not ready to be a father. Being a baby mom ain’t fun. It ain’t cute. Protect your womb at all cost. A life long tether to a person who was never ready ain’t it. And know there’s a big difference between a man who WANTS a kid and a man who is READY to be a father. All men want a kid. Not all men are ready to be fathers. Clock it.
Thank you for creating this video! I also learned that the main reason why black household declined rapidly was due to President Nixon’s family plan established in 1969 for welfare if you were a black mother with children they would give you more government assistance than if you were a two parent household with the father present. This begun many black fathers moving out of the home in order for their children and families to get better welfare benefits and social security! Many fathers weren’t signing birth certificates and living at home with their children which I also think was a major contributor to the amount of two parent households decline!!
More black women need to start dating outside of their race. I started at 27 after YEARS of trying with black men or "dating down" (for references I am a doctor) and now I am married and have a beautiful child with my Asian king : ) . I'm not saying it will be better because they are not black but dating outside expands your options and other races tend to place a higher value marriage and a traditional family. Stop waiting around and explore because a lot of the "high value" black men don't think twice about dating outside their race.
29 year old black man here I’ll be 30 on Jan 4th and I’m childless and believe in marriage before children and I also exclusively date in my race guys like myself do exist out here
Same!! Been married for 6 years to a white man with a 3 year old and about to have our second child. My husband is a provider and great father and husband. Yes there are good black men out there but they are hard to find (and even statistics back this). I don’t worry about anything and I’m
A SAHM. I do understand if black women want to date within our race, no problem with that, but too many want to turn these pookies into Carltons or ignore the Carltons and complain about their men not stepping up. I see it with some of my cousins who are single moms same age as me 30 or younger settling and procreating with these no good dudes and then call my husband or men like him lame.
My wife has a family history of broken homes, substance abuse, regular abuse and infidelity. Her way of breaking the generational curse was to not marry a black man.
@@dominicdeshazo2285- the fact that you need to tell us that men you exist is an oxymoron in itself.
as a BM I agree more. The problem is that BM don't really require marriage so the BM aren't going to prioritize it generally. My mom was s single mom telling me that I needed to get married before having kids. You know how crazy that sounded to me? If it was the better option, I still didn't want to listen to her.
I’ll just share some advice as a 34 year old childfree single woman. If you want marriage you need to find your husband in your 20s. Yes your 20s should be spent having fun and figuring out life. But also you need to get serious about your relationship and marriage goals in your 20s. There is a very small amount of black men who desire marriage and it’s easier to find a quality marriage minded black man when you are younger. There are men out there who will marry you. Just choose wisely. Dating is a bit harder as black woman you really have to be strict when choosing a partner that has the same values as you. I just wish I spent my early to mid 20s dating more strategically to find a partner. But finding a married minded black man is a tougher after 29.
“If marriage is a piece of paper, what is money?” Hello?!
My mom was a baby mama at 18 but when she met my dad, him and her got married BEFORE they had me a few years later but now my sister is a baby mama at 25. It really is an epidemic.
1:50 that’s also a problem, we need to judge them.
My body my choice also means, choosing to demand protection, OR NO SEX! If he can’t respect that, he doesn’t respect you! It also means! The choice to abstain! It means choice of birth control! It means if things are not stable, you have the choice to terminate! If you aren’t ready to take care of a child alone, (meaning, a parent can pass, become injured/sick, have traveling jobs, etc etc,) then you are NOT ready to be a parent. Children are not cute little accessories. Nor are they a means to control another person! Lastly, YOU CAN NOT FORCE ANYONE TO LOVE YOU! We all as human being have free will’
I'm glad you kept the verses in your videos. I hope you will continue to do so. ❤❤❤
This was an excellent breakdown!
As someone who has had two traumatic pregnancies I wouldn't have been able to get through if my Husband wasn't there. It got to the point where I was told I shouldn't have another child even though I'd like lots of children. So yes take pregnancy seriously because it's not always easy.
Follow God and your life choices will be a lot better is the overall advice I'd give❤
I’m 23 my husband is 22 we just had our first marriage anniversary and plan to have kids in 2 years
I was talking to a woman in the gym that was 21 with 4 kids. Shes not married. I couldn’t imagine being 21 years old with one kid let alone with 4. My daughters are 26 and 23 they are both college graduates. One just got married. What I hate is there’s no shame no more. When I was growing up it’s was shameful to walk around pregnant at a young age and no husband. Our communities are destroyed because of all this glorified baby mama crap! Now they wondering why no man wants to marry them. It’s just not women, it brings down your value. We were told not to spread our seeds around carelessly. It’s a disgusting movement!
9:30
A woman becoming a single mother due to the circumstances the father faced such as drugs, being a drug dealer, being sent to jail doesn’t make a woman a baby mother. It makes her a single mother. And no one had to use drugs, they sold or used to escape because that’s what drugs do. They didn’t “have to” as you mentioned. They could have stayed sober and struggled through it and used the little money they had to support the family. They were victims to the way the system was set up.
exactly! just like a lot of people from that time in the blaxk community who chose not to touch it did. thats the real reason our community will never learn: lack of accountability
I stopped looking for a good partner in our community. My yt boyfriend is the reason I believe there are still good men out there, I almost gave up before him
Ooh girl I freaking love this for you fr❤❤❤❤❤
So happy for you 🫶🫶🫶 I think it’s insane that black women are shamed for wanting to date outside of the black community. It’s like have you seen black men?? Have you seen the mothers who raise them ?? Have you seen the fathers who are absent and NOT raising them?? We are literally watching generational trauma persist in black men and it’s frustrating and disappointing
My black boyfriend is an engineer and comes from a well to do two parent household. We both love and trust each other and frequently discuss marriage before any type of child. You really have to do what’s best for you.
@@KAye633im happy for u ….even though it is rare to find good bm. Some start off good and flip on you after a while
@@PrincessYonna1this is false rhetoric, there are tons of good Black Men in the world. There has been many examples of BW being abused by WM for example the Chad Wheeler incident.
I don't have any kids of my own and I'll never allow this to happen to me. Why bring another life into the world to gain fame or stuff from the father? It's gross and degrading. The dad can go off with who he pleases and gets other women pregnant for what?! Nothing about this culture is cute nor beautiful. I feel more sorry for the child that's gonna grow up to see this and therefore either copy or become what their parents have done. Glorifying something that is gross and not cute.
Y’all can be baby mamas, but I refuse to have kids unless I’m a wife and married for years. I’m not the type to get married and immediately turn my womb into a house. I want to enjoy married life, travel with my husband, and experience the security and stability that marriage provides. I deserve a wedding, a honeymoon, and the life I envision.
It’s about knowing your worth, and unfortunately, many women only see themselves as baby mamas. Times have changed, and it’s wild to me. As a kid, I would’ve never believed that having children out of wedlock would become the norm, especially when so many claim Christianity until it’s inconvenient. That hypocrisy is why I’m no longer religious like that. I’m spiritual, not tied to man-made religions or cherry-picked beliefs.
Too many people want Black women to accept the bare minimum and settle just to become mothers. I’m not one to think having kids is my sole purpose. I have interests beyond that, and if I never have kids, I’ll still be fulfilled. I wouldn’t mind just being married and living freely with my husband.
Women need to be selective in their choices. Stop rushing, stop settling for less, and stop moving out of desperation.
Marriage is a big commitment, and I want that commitment. Having kids is easy because people have sex so easily. Abstinence and celibacy aren’t prioritized anymore, but they are to me. Dating, going on real dates, being courted, and truly liking the person beyond just them being male that’s what matters. Too many refuse to put effort into what really requires it.
People just wanna rush & say they did it instead of being intentional about the things they do like this is your life, your intentions are you setting your path more should be serious about it.
For some, kids feel like an easy accomplishment, a symbol of connection or purpose. But thinking kids are a bigger commitment than marriage shows how backward things have become. People take marriage lightly, yet it’s the ultimate form of stability and intention. The contradictions are loud, especially in the Black community. And honestly, there isn’t even much of a community left.
I loooove the quotes and bible verses everytime you start the video, Ma'am. Please don't ever change that, God bless you! ❤️
Thank you!! I love blessing every video before I begin 💖 I will NOT be stopping
And nobody made Black ppl do crack and go to jail. It was a bad choice. I am Black and been down on my luck yet never did crack
This was an excellent explanation about this! Seeing the narrative shift so drastically was something I wondered about. The historical context is so important too!
Well done, Toni. The socio-historical context of social issues must always be exhumed to gain a better understanding.
Well done video, and you look beautiful. I’m currently pregnant and even in the early stages I can’t imagine not having my husband here everyday. I’m not saying your partner won’t be there if you’re unmarried, and being married guarantees a present partner, but when we say get married, it’s not just about a piece of paper. It’s a warning that it’s not ideal for you to procreate with someone who barely cares about you and isn’t committed through thick and thin. Having a REAL marriage, a good foundational marriage, has made the nausea, fatigue, and stress of pregnant more bearable. You’re not just creating a baby, you’re creating a whole person and personally I think if you can give them the best shot at having a two parent family, that’s the best thing.
Exactly!! And the real stuff starts after the baby gets here!!! I have a toddler and about to have my second. I would lose it if I didn’t have my husband around to help. Our son is very active and in the third trimester, it’s hard to move around and I’m tired as all get out. So do this by myself? I can’t imagine it and I applaud those who do, but yes, why not give your child the best overall outcome for their well being off the bat?
I'm 14. The only babies I have are my ocs ( original characters), my plushies and my two adorable beautiful cats, Pearl and Abby.
Anyways, I was born out of wedlock, i think that's what you call it, and my parents got married when I was 11.
On one hand, I’m happy that you are learning positive things on the Internet so that you can learn how to make better decisions for yourself and your future, but at the same time please be careful on this Internet🙏🙏. There are way too many adults who do and say reckless things with no regard as to how children also share the same Internet and could also watch, imitate, or even be inspired by them.
You’re too young to be on here…
At what point can we start asking mwn to take accountability tho? No one begged them to do crack or abandon their children or do crime and go to prison.
I have watched several videos on this topic but only you start from historical aspect which I appreciate as I am not American nor do I live in America ❤
Same here. Cause on Tiktok and YT, you hear all these think pieces on baby mama culture and why it's wrong but never really how it came to be especially with how prevalent it is in the black community. It was interesting to learn how a lot of it was born through slavery and later on, systematic oppression.