YES! My life changed when I accepted that we were NOT nor will ever be a “team” finding out about parallel parenting was a lightbulb moment. Society led me to believe co-parenting was necessary. NOT with a narc
@@melindagibson6358 May I ask if you left completely? I am currently going through this with my sons’ father. Actually that entire side of the family. Thank god I didn’t marry the bastard but he’s been an absentee father and he pops up when he needs to save face in front of his buddies. This past Halloween he decided he wanted to save face and ask if the boys could come to a Halloween party he claimed he threw for them. He asked me two days before Halloween and I told him no because it was last minute and a party is not where they need to be with a parent they barely know. I told him he needs to get reacquainted with them to relearn their temperaments first. I would feel horrible leaving them in an unfamiliar place and they’re crying the entire time. He called me names and was just purely disrespectful because he didn’t get what he wanted. Since he’s such an absent father I had been allowing his family to see the boys both physically and through FaceTime. I told the family no to a physical visit a few days ago because of the covid spikes but they spoke on FaceTime. Later in the call they started trying to argue me down about why they haven’t seen my children and thought it was okay to talk to me with a sense of entitlement as if they haven’t been privileged to see these kiddos knowing I am not at all related to them. I blocked EVERYONE. The disrespect is draining and I had to remind myself that I don’t have to deal with such toxic people. The day after I blocked everyone the police showed up to my house talking about a welfare check on my children. I will never forgive them for doing something so unnecessary. So my question is, did you walk away completely or did you take the father to court for custody and hope the judge saw the toxicity for what it was?
Yea I hear it all the time. Just ignore them easier said. The vm are there every chance he gets he reminds me how I’m nothing how I’ll never have him how mental I am, It’s crazy to me when I don’t even contact him. He call me when he’s with his person he is blocked so it goes to vm and tell me he will get a restraining order on me calls me names. They are sick people.
'They might get bored one day!" "You can't ever do enough for them." "Teach your children what is right vs wrong." "Allow your child to be disappointed." Wonderful stuff. Thank you❤
I've just found you after only realising my soon-to-be ex-husband is a Narc 3 weeks ago after 6 years of abuse. I left him 18 months ago whilst 4 months pregnant with my 2nd child to him, but have still been hoovered, gaslighted, verbally abused and triangulated regularly. I am now 16 days no contact. You are amazing! Thank you! I'll be binge watching your videos tonight. Much Love. xxx
It’s difficult dealing with narc and parenting. I’m about two years divorced with a toddler. I’m glad I found this video! I’m going to subscribe to her!! You’re right they don’t have any emotions, belittling, verbal abusive and just don’t have any regards to their actions. Now add parenting into it..one day my son will see I was strong enough to leave that toxic relationship/ marriage and he’s going to see for himself how his father really is.
Wow, my situation, now 5 moths pregnant with second child, the side girl found me she’s one month pregnant behind me; a whole 1.5 year affair right up under my nose! He continually blames and justifies saying I wasn’t there for him emotionally ! I had to research his traits and learned about narcissism; unreal; now dealing with getting over hurt, getting myself healthy for me and kids! I have to take the emotion out because I’m too triggered and still get extremely anger; I’m at beginning of this thing!
@@stayconsistent its amazing how somehow it is ALWAYS our fault they cant be faithful. Sad part is for 11 years part of me believed it. F**** him and his side chicks! We both deserve better then this BS. And I just keep telling my self my girls deserve better! To know that men like him are unhealthy! I'm thankful I didnt have boys. The man I have children with has zero business raising a man! But the good news is, boys or girls. . They have strong mamas to teach them how to survive in this world. Because I feel like it I just survived this man I can survive anything!!! Hang in there. I could only imagine how hard it is being pregnant. You and your babies deserve soooo much better and will find it!❤
I'm going through this right now and it is heartbreaking. I didn't realize how unwell my ex-wife was until I left her. The abuse, gaslighting, criticism, and judgements feel crippling.
@benjamin bessette The harshness of her actions towards me and through the kids has reduced, as she has a new husband. We have 50/50 custody. She is a multimillionaire and I am still embroiled in a court battle to get child support. She denies her wealth regardless of her bank statements etc clearly showing it.
I’m so glad that I’m not crazy to think this way about dealing with my child’s father. Nobody was believing me when I kept saying I didn’t need to stay with him for the child! Very helpful informations here! 🙌🏻♥️
Not even 2 days out of trial they already tried to get me to agree to change the judge’s orders. It was amazing (sarcastic). I put my foot down and said no. Tried multiple times, tried to guilt me, but I was stone and It was very effective.
I really love how you said you can't be a team with them. I have tried to be a team for so long but it has gotten me no where, if anything it has set me back because I let him control things because I am so afraid of the fighting and emotional abuse. This is so helpful.
im afarid of judgement because if you arent allowing the abuse people say you are bitter ...i tried being amicable but made it worse ...its true ...no good deed goes unpunished
Preach! Great advice! I’m 3-4 years divorced from a narc. And I had to learn the hard way. But I fought and was very fortunate to have a very good lawyer. Thanks to my family. I’ve heard and seen the opposite with other similar divorces. My case is not the majority. And for me that’s so infuriating. The sad thing is that our society can’t punish emotional abuse. I’ve called child protective services and the police to try to help my kids. And they both told me, we can’t do anything because the other parent is an asshole. It broke my heart. I thought,”Isn’t this why we have these services?” Our mental health system is so broke .
i want to cry just listening to this ... i feel defeated ...its hard coparenting with an abusive person ... ive tried over and over to be kind but he always becomes emotionally and verbally abusive
I absolutely feel your pain through the phone. I am experiencing the same thing. I was with my kids dad for 8 years before we had kids and now... i just feel trapped. Unable to move on. So discouraging 😞
I needed this! I’m a easygoing person. My ex won’t see my daughter unless it’s at my house. But I’ve set boundaries and he doesn’t like that. I’ve told him anytime he wants to see my daughter I will drop her off at his sisters. Makes my life easier. I won’t budge for his sick ways
Sis, that’s right! My ex partner thinks that he can choose everything. He thinks I need to take my son to him. Hell no! You can see my son when I say and where. Keep it going girl!💯
Omg parallel parenting instead of co-parenting, treat it like a business! The 💡 just went off in my head!!! I can not say enough about how helpful your videos are! It's like you know exactly what I have been and are going through. My goal is to be as knowledgeable as possible about dealing with this type of individual to keep down any emotions when coming into contact with them (I have two in my life 🤦🏾♀️) Thank you, so much!
I agree with the no emotions theory. I had to master that for a long while when my ex did things to me or said things. I just vent to other people and not let her see any emotions at all. Petty!
That's also a good point. Never read them immediately and don't reply when you read them, practice taking your power back and replying when you feel ready.
I slipped up several times in the past year. But you nailed it. I am doing so much better and never speaking ill of their mother. It is helping so so much. Thank you.
Yup. I've been going thru this for 7 yrs. I very rarely get to c my 14 yr old. It's a difficult road. My ex manipulates me with everything. I mean everything. About a year ago I stopped engaging him. What's sad is he turned on my son and is now doing it to him. Can't stress enough that helping yourself is so important. In the future hopefully I'll b able to help my son. Good message. Thank you!
Yup, because if we don’t stay with them we’re horrible parents because we’re separating children from spending as much time as they can with both parents. Going through that rn, but what’s the point in having both parents around if al they do is fight? Worst part is, he’s in my house and won’t leave & of course I can’t call the police because he’s not white and I don’t wanna do that to my kids I still want them to be able to have a father etc. I’m just so confused, I’m being forced to live with him and he’s just such a miserable human being who finds a reason to be angry about anything and everything and be obnoxiously loud and involve us in his problems constantly til he turns it into an argument against me and all of a sudden all his problems are my fault. Wtf I was just minding my own business now I have to be shouted at for an hour straight. Oh god, I just don’t know how to approach this situation to overcome it finally and make a healthy lifestyle for my children.
Souky Bird I can relate to so much of what you said. I stayed for so long. Over 13 years. I stayed out of fear of him, and thinking my children absolutely needed their mother and father together. It took every ounce of courage I could muster, and one of my family members finally seeing his true colors and helping me, to finally leave. The police were called many times by others hearing him hurt me, or yelling at me. I always lied for him. I was loyal to a fault. I thought my extreme dedication to him and loyalty would be returned and one day he’d see it. He isn’t capable of that. I’ll tell you, it’s the right decision to leave when you absolutely know he is truly a narcissist. No matter what we do, a true narcissist will never truly appreciate our devotion to them. Nothing will ever be good enough while you’re together, or apart. I did not want divorce. I did not believe in it, and he knew that. I still don’t, but there are evils that go beyond what we can let our children and selves go through. The longer I stayed, the more he indoctrinated my daughter into his line of thinking about me and generally. I played the role of uplifting him in her eyes bc I wanted her to love him and boy, was that the worst decision. Of course I want her to love him, but I made every excuse for him, and now she’s put him on a pedestal. I’m always the bad guy. Thankfully she is very smart, has a true heart, and myself and family to balance his bs. All this to say...if you’re here, you are taking a step. Find a friend or family member who you can 100% trust. Plan everything down to the smallest detail. If you have to do this for months, that’s ok. This is a game that you have to be 10 steps ahead of him on. Don’t let him suspect you’re leaving bc he’ll start planning your ruin in every way. He may have already. Don’t let him suspect anything. If you can afford an attorney, get one right away who is familiar with this. If not, there are legal advocates at the women’s domestic violence shelters who can help you and you don’t have to live in the shelter to seek their help. Sorry this is so long. I wish I could say more, but listening and watching her videos, and those alike will help a lot. Delete your search history and anything he can use against you in court off your phone now. Only save what shows him in his true form. Please be careful no matter what you do bc sometimes it’s not just words. Some will try to kill you. Intentionally, or not. And the children. I’m certain there were times if he could’ve killed me, he would have while violent. There were times where I could’ve died from the physical part. He was one who rarely was violent physically, but over 14 years I had concussions that caused damage for years. Broken finger, black eye. His favorite was grabbing me by the hair and slamming my head. This happened maybe 5 times in those years, but once is too many times. Be safe. Take care of yourself and little ones. If you need anyone to talk to, you can message me on here. May God protect you and your children through all steps you take.
Thank you for this! My soon to be ex husband is a narcissist and there is a good personality and a very dark personality and I just do not trust him picking our 4 year old up bc that evil side comes out in the blink of an eye! Literally. We were recently standing together and for a few moments it felt like we were a happy family then literally in the blink of an eye that evil personality turned on and the meeting went straight to hell from there but I was still able to keep calm. As of right now, I tell him that he can visit our son by himself bc he likes to bring his new girlfriend around that he had in triangulation with me and yet another woman and our son doesn’t even know him! He’s been in jail, prison, and other women’s homes this entire time! All our son knows is that that is his dad. He does nothing for him financially except for birthdays. But tries to make others believe that I want him so badly when he’s the perpetrator. I was smh when you said they are someone we will have to deal with for life! Ugh! A real life demon!
Ugh I know what you mean. I'm sorry that nonsense keeps happening. You have superhuman strength. Sending you sisterly love from the other side of the internet
Wow! This video was exactly what I needed!! I’m a great father and do everything for my kids. My ex and her husband constantly put me down to my kids. I own my own business, am very successful. Pay $1800 a month in child support. My ex never makes anything easy. Everything is always difficult and in an attempt at her control always! I have tried everything in my power to have a cordial co-parenting relationship. Nothing ever works and I can’t do anything right in her eyes. Her bitterness towards me is over the top and this video opened my eyes. I have more control than I thought I had. Thank you!!
I'm 4 years out from my divorce and still have to actively employ these tactics. It works but is definitely not easy. I fall back on the agreement all the time. I decided a long time ago to never ask my ex to change the schedule. I always find my own help for the exact reasons you describe. This video is awesome.
Thanks lol first few sentences are so true. They are not on your team or the childrens. It is very difficult to do in the same househild. In fact they not only behave like children they have more basic needs then toddlers.
Ive tried co-parenting but i noticed that it was being used to be back in a relationship just to be abused once again. Now i dont believe in co parenting and am now learning parallel parenting and it works for me. Thank you.
I've been fighting for 3 yrs to be in my son's life. Finally I filled the papers to go to family court. After all the threats to be taken to court I filed. First day in court I was given split custody and no more child support. Dont fear the court system. Stay true and listen to this lady's tips and you will be ok.. I was stalked and harrassed for 3 yrs and told I was emotionally abusive. GO TO COURT take your power back !!!! Thanks for the video. Funny how it's like you know my story. So sad how much the child suffers in the beginning. The switching days omg you really been there. 💚🕉
glad you got split custody. sadly most court systems are not as good as apparently yours was. Most will give primary to the mother regardless of what is actually in the best interest of the child because of the old stereotype that mother's are caretakers. So if the woman is a covert narc, the state helps her take your child away because of the laws and judges. This is exactly what the narc wants is to deprive you of what you want most, to be in the child's life. They are wicked and evil people and they think they are the best thing since sliced bread and the ONLY ones who can properly care for the children.
Something I didn't realize at first, was that he was going to continue to bully and hurl his abuse at me, even after we weren't together anymore... and yeah, learning to take the high road, not get angry, pretend it doesn't bother you. Texting and messages - say what you need to with the minimal amount of words. Eg, "Thank you for your response", "I have received your message", "I will reflect on that and respond tomorrow". etc. My kids are teens now... and the kids went through their own experiences with him, unfortunately. But in the end, they know Mom is the one they trust, Mom loves them, Mom is the person I talk to, Mom is the one who provides for them. :)
THIS VIDEO EXPLAINS MY SITUATION SO PERSONALLY!!! 😫😫😫 thank you for brings such clear awareness to this type of “co-parenting”. I have a lot of work to do personally so that I won’t continue to lose my mind with this individual that I have to deal with for the next 14 years 🥴🥴
Ugh thank you so much for this. My abuser was just granted 30 min phone convo with my kids .. We fled from him with only 2 suitcases. He's the most evil, narcissistic creature ever to live and my children and I are still healing from what we suffered at his hands. This video helped me tremendously! Thank you thank you! Praying he screws it up so I don't have to have him psychologically affect them! So happy and FREE to be gone from his grasp. He almost killed me the day before I left. I have nightmares that he's choking me and I can't breathe. Tomorrow I have to have my children talk to him due to court order and it's making me want to break the law and say NO!
I'm two years late! But this touched me.. o hope you finally got away from him for good and have a better life now. I commend you for your bravery! This give s me hope!
I agree with everything you said. We had a parenting plan in place and I thought of us as a team. I was flexible; I let him change the schedules on his own terms and allowed him to cross a lot of my boundaries. I even tried to get back together with him, but my reality is that we don't have a healthy relationship. I have to apply parallel parenting for the best interests of my children. Thank you so much for this video!
Something that you said was very poignant that its almost like they are not human. This vid great advice, but we who have survived these people and still have to deal with them need to understand the spiritual undercurrent. Its not only an emotional and mental battle but a spiritual one. Narcissists are under the total influence of evil spirits and if you are not spiritually strong they will destroy you. Those who are spiritually aware know that through Jesus Christ, these forces within this person are subject to the power of God. So I pray and read my Bible as well as seek out counseling and vids like yours to stay vigilent.
Can someone give me advice about how to deal with my narcissistic father of my child and his gf. He’s manipulated her to believing that when I call in where abouts regarding my child. She thinks I want to talk to him. She thinks it’s bc of him. His whole life revolves around himself. She has been programmed to believe what he believes. He’s an abusive person. I want nothing to do with him. How do I put my foot down with her for her to know I want nothing to do with him?
Thank you 🙏 ... this was very helpful. Parallel parenting - that describes it well. Makes it very clear. It is like getting water from a rock. You cannot make them feel feelings or teach them how to parent with love. There was a constant effort to diminish my light in the entire relationship.... I am exhausted, you are right. Bullying is all he seems to know. He yelled at my 11 yr old and scared him so much he peed in his pants. I have to be business like, with no emotional investment, just strategy. I have to keep reminding myself I am dealing with a bully who is arrested at a 2 year old emotional level. I keep cycling back between self confidence and anger and rage and resentment. It is emotionally depleting.
Stephanie, would enjoy a video on how to cope with our fears of retaliation from the abusive person. Already has acted out in an aggressive way to my property and there is always a fear in the back of my mind of physical harm to me or my child as a way to get back at me, especially since we just came out of trial that went in my favor.
Call on the name of Jesus (Yeshuah) and get in the word. In these times that’s going to have to be your invisible army. We are dealing with some wicked people in this world.
Definitely notify the police for property damage, pursue a restraining order, and take self-defense measures. You def want this on law enforcements radar; but also, make sure you have all tools necessary to protect yourself because the cops can't always get there in time to save you from an escalation of violence.
What do you do when the narcissist uses the child as a tool/weapon? For example, instead of them (the narcissist) asking Me if I would be willing to switch weekends or give up time, they will first tell the child about whatever the reason for the weekend switch, let's say, a concert or tickets to the fair, basically getting the child excited about the event thats on my time and THEN they will have the CHILD call and ask.... So now the narcissist has put me in a lose lose situation where if I say yes, I lose MY time or MY potential plans, and if I say no, I'm the bad parent that crushes the child for saying no....this happens all the time.
If that was me I would have told my child "unfortunately dad should not put you in the middle and he needs to come to me first before making plans." If my ex was right there I would have said to the child the same thing and would have said "we can schedule a time to discuss this over the phone or via email if you prefer but going forward you are to ask me a week in advance" or whatever the ground rules you have for switching. It is like managing another child.
Thank you for your timely response. I'm actually speaking for my husband. He has a narcissistic ex wife and they have an darling 8 year old together who I have had the pleasure of being the step Mom to for almost 6 years now so I have seen the craziness and terror of the ex. It's been a rollar coaster and continues. Watching this video especially, It really helped me with checking my natural and instinctual responses that I want to give her (especially today)...so thank you for that. I look forward to watching/learning from your future videos and hope to be able to reach out to you with more questions if... I mean WHEN I have more wall crashing instances/experiences with this "person"... She NEVER seizes to amaze me. :/
Im been there. So difficult. They are never going to be fair. You must understand that. I had to learn that. Trust me, my daughter knows the truth. Kids will see the truth in time. All you have to do is just do the right thing(At all times). Even in the fuckery. My daughter is my only weakness. So i have to prepare myself for whatever may come so that i wont react in a negative behavior. You must do the same. You will get stronger!
This is exactly what my ex started doing since the start of trying to negotiate custody agreements. Then when I say he can't keep taking the kids on my weekends he claims I am not willing to coparent and be cooperative. He says because I'm not willing to work with him he wouldn't work with me and give me one of the holidays of Thanksgiving or Christmas since they both ended up falling on his weeks this year.
Such wisdom Stephanie, thank you. It's been 6 years since my divorce from the toxic ex. They never change and their abusive behaviour continues. I check in on narc support channels to keep myself on track, maintain my equilibrium and reinforce what I know to be true. Thanks again🙏
I’m in this weird place where I am moving forward with contacting divorce lawyers...years of emotional abuse with the narc. He wants a divorce but won’t move forward (as far as I know)... he is now trying to be “sweet” and do things for me. Its absolutely awful...but this video is helpful and I am so glad you are making these!!
He is just screwing with your head and doing the opposite to what you want trying to create cognitive dissonence. The other thing is narcs play nice if they havn't planned their discard so that you won't expect it. Tie down all finances immediately and do not let him spend your money because he will try and bankrupt you. Hide it somewhere if you have to, change all passwords, e-mails, bank codes etc. If he has been planning this for a while he will move cars and even property ownership to his narc family, have a secret bank account where he syphons off money and if they plan a discard without your knowledge they choose a day on the calender that is important to you. A birthday, a kids birthday to cause as much harm and distress as possible and prolong the trauma in the future- at least mother's day has passed. Do not let him borrow visa cards or make you pay for things. I hope you have a safety network and friends that are looking out for you. When the narc plays nice they are up to something and it is never good. Keep greyrocking.
blank blank Trust me, if he is in fact a Narcissist (displaying most, if not all of the traits commonly assigned to them) then you are much better off without him. It may not feel like it just now, but it will eventually. Again, if he is in fact a Narc, then his "sweet" behaviour is nothing more than an act. Why do I say this? My verified narc ex use to behave like this when he too would learn that I too was making preparations to leave him for good, BEFORE going back to his old belittling ways. In the end, when he finally had a new "supply" all prepped and ready to be used (and unbeknownst to me at the time as well), his mask was now completely off, at least when communicating with me that is. Which was really scary at first, as I never could have thought that this was the real him all along. Anywho, while I still must communicate with him every now and then for the sake of our child (often via text and email only as he'll completely lie about something we both agreed to over the phone otherwise) I can honestly say that life is far better than it was with him in it. No more contemplating suicide, falling deep into depression and hating every minute of life that went by. As now, it's like I can finally breath again!! So please do continue to get everything that needs to be in order sorted. Never underestimate these people. #narcabusefree #lifeisgood
Wow, amazing! Welcome to my battle that I'm constantly working on. Parenting with him has been my biggest anxiety throughout the entire process. My daughter is a toddler now, and he is a very poor example for her - and making such bad decisions (starting with leaving us for another woman when she was 11 weeks old after being a preemie in the NICU). Treating him business-like is my goal. I've gotten pretty good at being a neutral, non-emotional, ice queen with him. Showing no signs of reaction. He definitely doesn't deserve it.
Sounds like my my daughters X except for the fact that he left her when she was pregnant and after and after almost 5 years he just he decided that he wants to have joined custody and the courts will just grant it to him. It's absolutely ridiculous and the person who suffers is the child. And then you add alcohol into the mix and it's even worse, but the courts are all for Joint custody now no matter how bad it affects the child.
Wow! Thank you so much I really needed to hear this… Narcissists are so scary and they feed off of weakness and they love drama… I am working on getting stronger so I am not susceptible to being controlled or dominated by my narcissistic ex. Your words are so accurate ,thank you for sharing
wow...it's like you are talking about my life...I am glad I'm instinctively choosing the right things to do. Your videos makes me feel like I am sane again. Thank you
Thanks Stephanie. 2 day trial and the judge did his best to make the best arrangement for our child, clearly realizing and documenting that there is no real coparenting but still have shared parental responsibility. Luckily on a day to day basis I don’t even see this person, I only see his grandparents during pick ups/drop offs. I keep things very superficial during communications and this is best for our child.
Omgosh, this is my ex & some of these things you've said is what ive been dealing with my ex. I refuse to let him make me feel like anything other than a Queen👸🏽💅🏽. What doesn't help is good girlfriend coming in but none of them will even make me feel any kind of way about myself. #period
I know there’s far worst things in the world, but co-parenting with a narcissist is tough. It’s exhausting. This video is 10000000% accurate. Every example. Wow.
3 years with someome and 2 children. He ditched on rent for the second time and hasn't had any contact. Good for me but not the children. Signed up for counseling and I was watching one of your videos the last night we talked about things. From the name calling and abuse I have gained a lot of anxiety and hope to continue moving forward in life. For me and my beautiful babies. Thanks for your insight.
This video was pure Gold for me right now. I'm an empath, he's a narc and we have an 8 year old son together. I've been meditating for months and regaining my self-worth, my confidence and my self-love and I'm finally ready for the next step. I'm going to be 'business like' about this, thank you!
I just got done crying after reading an abusive message from my child’s father, feeling like “I left him for a reason, THIS REASON.. so why is he still able to abuse me like this?” I’ve tried and tried to be amicable and understanding, but he’s insane. He’s manipulating everything and attacking me as a mother. My children love me. I just want to be able to live again - be at peace - so I can be the best mother I can be. Your words felt so supportive and encouraging. It’s hard to talk about with friends and family because it feels so negative and horrible and it doesn’t even feel good to talk about. I cannot thank you enough for sharing this, for people like me, who really dont have support in such a difficult and heartbreaking situation. Thank you, thank you. Everything you speak about really lands for me, and my heart feels supported.
VIDS2013 Trust me, it's only a matter of time before family courts catch on to them also and definitely with all the lobbying that is going on in support of these changes being passed. #Justice #AChangeGonnaCome
Family Court is full of Narcissists--(especially) including the judges. They support other sociopaths. Until such people are removed from the judiciary, nothing will change.
the courts thought i was pretty crazy because he denied every damn thing i said. EVERYTHING, because he put on a good front. Oh, mr.nice guy *eye roll*
OMG! You spoke directly to me! This is the best advice I have heard in the past year while going through my divorce. Truly life changing for me and my son- ✌🏼
What you described is exactly what I experience over and over. It’s been a few years and I’m only just beginning to connect the dots to narcissism. I resisted that label for a long time but my experience has been the textbook experience. The courts tell us never to talk about the other parent; it’s a really difficult line to walk.
You speak directly to me. My ex puts all his energy into trying to hurt me rather than be there for his own children. His excuse for his absence in their lives is "this is what you deserve". I just can't believe the words that come out of his mouth. He constantly says " Im not their babysitter." Im dumbfounded that a father chooses the thought of punishing the mother of their children rather than stepping up and being their father.
Thank you so much. Your videos help a lot. All the situations are true and experienced so many times. It's just impossible to cooperate. Everything is about her, children are kept like hostages, used everytime she needs anything. All means are at use. My head is just blowing everytime she acts like that, feels like I'm loosing my sanity. Everytime I wonder how that's possible and why I haven't aknowledged that for so long. Thanks!
As I scroll through every video this amazing lady has to offer is exactly the questions I have in my head. How I found this was just through pain and research. I am the luckiest man right now. hours and hours of listening and embarrassing every word.
@@StephanieLynCoaching no problem I just broke up with my daughters narcissitic father and he just doesn't want to let go. He's in that stage of "hoovering" wanting to take all my free time, take me out to nice places, buy me nice things, gosh I got 5 bouquets of flowers in one week.. Something he never did when I actually loved him. It's like he's being extremely superficial and sometimes he gets me where he wants me but then I snap out of it and watch videos like these and it puts things back into perspective for me. I wish I can go no contact but with a kid involved it's impossible. Anyway, your video really helped your amazing 😘 Take care.
Thank you for this. We meet with a child therapist twice a month. Initially it was to stop the alienation crap he was trying with our two (now three year old) and now it's to discuss our disagreements. He looked me in the eye at the last session and said he didn't want to put a bigger more comfortable diaper size on our daughter because he had given in to me too much already. That I didn't discuss anything in regards to our daughter with him and he was holding his ground with the too small diaper size. When I pointed out all the things that I did include him on which are all the major decisions he just declared you only include me on some things. It's good to be reminded exactly what i am dealing with.
You explained my life in this one video! I’ve been struggling for 3 yrs now and I feel like I’m slowly killing myself. I just want peace back and to be done with this situation. I decided to do some research and your video was the first one I saw. I felt like you were speaking to me directly! I’m so glad I found your channel🙏🏻♥️
Stephanie is bang-on! I have been going through EXACTLY what she has described (4 yrs separated). No joke! Anyone struggling with this type of person. You must listen to her carefully and follow her advice. Parallel parenting is the only way to get through this. Don’t forget to breathe once in a while. Thank you Stephanie! God bless my two children.
I have been told this several times: "you cannot teach him how to parent Norma". How many times have I heard that very same thing. Wow. This hit close to home.
I so appreciate your videos! You continue to put into words my feelings and experiences over the last 12 years. I'm a man who's just getting out of a destructive marriage and learning how to get back emotionally and mentally healthy. She didn't break me but Im definitely damaged goods at this point. Im subscribed. Thank you so much!!! 🤗 #GodIsLove
ddraft234 Damaged goods?? Not!! If anything you have become a very knowledgeable person. And, know the behaviours of this dysfunctional person. Stronger is what you've become? Stand, walk with your head up and be loved. You deserve the very best
Thank you so much for making this video! I have been at a loss because I am devoting my whole life to ensure my 5 yr old does not become a narcessist like him. We split custody 50/50 but I make sure that she has structure here. I shower her with love and affection. But I also, do not feed into her narcessistic traits. She has rules, consequences, rewards & chores. It has been 5 yrs since I left him and I have been working on myself the whole time. Coparenting with him brings me back to ground zero periodically. I know I am doing better but he still has the power to bring me back to that feeling of worthlessness. It took me 40 yrs to finally love and accept myself but he can knock me down so low, I consider letting him have custody just so I'll never have to hear from him again. But I could never allow him that satisfaction. And I could NEVER allow that monster full control over my daughter's fragile mind. I'm her only defense. He also uses our daughter for his own self gain. He hasn't worked in years. He lives off of her benefits and his 86 yr old grandmother. Even though we split custody 50/50, he refuses to share the costs even though it is court ordered for him to do so. He doesn't even use them for her. He uses them on himself and has gained 200 lbs off of her food stamps alone. So, I focus on being better for her. I got a better job so that I do not need the benefits or to ask him for anything. He didn't even want her to go to school because it meant his grandmother would make him get a job. So then, he poisoned her against school so bad, that she has full blown panic attacks before school. It's taken me 4 months for him to finally participate in her getting educated. Today it took he and I, as well as three patient teachers, to get her to go to class today. The teacher kept me updated all day that she had an awesome day. But of course, she told her dad that she hated it (even though the teacher sent a video of her smiling & dancing with the kids). She is so smart & deserves the best education. How can he not see that? I will be subscribing to your page because I need all the help I can get. I know that my daughter needs me to be strong. Do you have any tips for 5 yr olds that are showing narcessistic traits? Because my greatest fear is that if it keeps up, she will eventually end up just like him. But I feel if I catch it this early, I can fix it before it takes root. I am devoting my whole life to her and making sure she has a positive parent to battle the negativity that is 50 percent of her life. She lives with her father; his cruel, narcessistic sister; his sister's daughter (that is just as cruel as her mother at 11); and their grandmother that raised them to be the way they are. The grandmother is great so I don't know how they came out so awful when she is so kind. That house is so toxic and I fear for my child. Sadly, the courts take his side because his family has money and a shady lawyer on a retainer. I would never fully take my daughter from her father. Kids need both parents. But I'm so scared that that environment causes my daughter's reality to be as askewed as all of theirs. After spending her five days with me, she is happy and her behavior improves immensely. She begs to not go back there. After her 5 days there, we have to start at ground zero with her behavior. All this and they still blame me. When she is here, she tries hard to be a good girl but she says it's too hard to be good. His sister actually filed a police report against my 5 yr old for ACCIDENTALLY spilling water on her daughter's Xbox. What type of human being calls the cops on a five year old that was clearly unsupervised at the time? His sister thought "I should know what was happening in case I got a call from the police." I was flabbergasted! I told her that what happens at their house is their responsibility & that my daughter does not touch my electronics because she has boundaries here. She kept saying "someone was gonna have to pay." I told her to talk to her brother and her brother pointed her back in my direction. I have her blocked because I do not feed into her insanity. Parenting is between he and I ONLY. His grandmother & I talk periodically because she is the only reasonable person in their whole house. But she is 85 and not in the best of health these days. They are biding their time until she passes so they can inherit the money she worked hard, her whole life for. Neither of the grand kids work even though they are in their 30s. I'm sorry that this comment is so long but this is the first time I have hope that maybe, with your help, I can make sure my daughter grows up to be a happy, healthy little girl. She is so amazing and deserves so much better than the hand she has been dealt. Thank you for giving me hope after years of feeling helpless against a whole narcessistic family. God Bless You 💖💖💖
I am just so happy that people like you put out videos like this. For someone going through this for the first-time it's difficult but this advice helps navigate through it peaceful. God bless!
Stephanie thank you so much for this video!! I went through this in my past, and throughout the years I learned that I was literally dealing with a Narcissist. So I've been telling to whoever listens to PLEASE, learn all they can about self-love/knowing and "believing" their worth. Also, and more importantly, Narcissism and emotional intelligence because these two things are like "kryptonite" to Narcissists. And once they learn these they will save themselves so much headache, heartache, emotions, energy, and grief.💖🙏🏼🙏🏼
This video has given me so much mental freedom and I am so thankful to watch this. My therapist stated my ex-husband is Narcissistic with Parasitic Tendencies. He has to have a host to feed off of and likes to utilize me as the host he wants to feed off of.
Thank you for this. I think I've been wanting this type of help. I started calling her "the coparent" in my mind. I've dropped (my) Parallel explains better better but it's a mouthful. I have a challenge even texting. Short replies get turned into me being a jerk. I've noticed she gives me extra time with the kids only if it helps her. I pity her current next ex bf he has no idea the crazy he's getting into. She's great at being so nice, decent, ... Wish I could tell him to run, to say dude EVERYTHING is about her in the end
Thank You for this video. I've been dealing with this for over 6 years with my daughter's mother and have done research before, got a hold of my sanity and was able to have a healthy life for a while in the past. But, lately, I feel like that knowledge of how to cope was slipping away and she was starting to get at me mentally again and getting me so frustrated. I got to the point of not being able to sleep for hours last night wrapped up in all of my emotions with this situation and, thankfully, found this video this morning as I went searching for help again. So, I appreciate this more than you know and I think I will watch this as a reminder every month or so to keep myself healthy and to be the best father I can be through this difficulty.
It is hard......I CAN'T WAIT for my kids to start driving, which won't be until 10 years from now. They can drive to their father's place and drive back home. Will not have to see their father multiple times a week.....Oh what a joyful day that will be!
Everything said was so on point! I fought for 50/50 and showed multiple police reports and still didn't get 50/50 custody..I've been flexible on alot of days and yet I can't get 1 day of flexibility from "mom" Keeping focused on our kids is so hard when dealing w someone who's a narcissist! I need more breathing techniques..
Thank you for your video. I have a son by a Narc. I just recently learned about what kind of person I am dealing with. The hard part is when my son says he misses his father, he speaks with his father and he makes all of these promises. I literally feel sick to my stomach because how can you see your child every 3 months and claim that you love him so much. I used to call and ask him when he was going to pick up his son...only to be met with a long laundry lists of all the things he had to do. He uses my son as a pawn when he is trying to get new supply. It is truly sickening. His inconsistency really bothers me..I would rather he just leave us alone...my son is 4 and when he is older he will learn the truth. In the meantime, I need help in this area.
Our son was more useful to ex when he was little and cute. Now he is hitting puberty, not so useful in holding onto new supply, who is getting wise to him anyway at this point. It's sad, the kid's needs have nothing to do with anything. Oh, and of course ex has a story. I 'm sure he told new supply a huge sob story about what a witch I was. That doesn't mean it is true.
I came across the video recently. And it has changed my life since I am going through a harsh seperation phase with an extremely difficult ex-partner. I am forever grateful and thankful to you Steph.
thank you for making this video. i have a 9 year old. i ran away from his father when he was a baby but i've had to co-parent with him ever since. and thank god i've healed a lot from the trauma of that relationship but still i have to deal with his daddy. thanks for all the great advice.
This has really given me some insight. I’m currently expecting a child with my ex who’s definitely a narcissist and it has been hell. I’ve gone through a lot during this entire pregnancy with him and I’m afraid it’s just going to get worse. But this video has given me some good insight. Thank you.
@@brittanyx8968 I know I’m late but I’m currently going through that , how is the No contact going ? I’m thinking about going no contact as well .. I get stressed every time he contacts me ( currently 5 months pregnant)
@@alexandriaderamus1660 Nearly a year in from making that very difficult decision, I am happier and relieved. I am still trying to recooperate and HEAL from the trauma. I refuse to look back. A good man will come along for myself and children. Run girl!
Dear Stephanie. I cant express to you how grateful I felt when I first came across this video a few days ago!! You saved me!! I ve been suffering with my ex the mother of my 3 daughters on each and every manipulative chance lack of health communication that she had with me. I really want to thank you for your insightful video and it really guided me on how to respond to the bagful of manipulation and stop it from consuming me like before.
This video feels so safe, to know you are not alone and others deal with the same thing. Thank you so much for making this video. I’ve been struggling for so many years and it’s hard to feel like anyone understands you. Reading these comments I feel like we can all relate. I can only hope my child doesn’t feel or deal with what I’ve dealt with from the narcissist, it’s so hard.
Stephanie, the judge has mandated that we only use one of the parenting apps to communicate. It’s great for documentation, legally. For the most part I think it’s good.
Spot on! My ex wife is classic, text book NPD. She keeps talking about co-parenting bit videos like this show me this is not possible. I put my barriers up against her and it works but requires strength because narcs are relentless.
You Described my children’s father so so so very well. Enough is enough I give up on making him happy at this point, I have decided that is no longer my job!! This video was very helpful and helped me realize that I am not going insane. To him everything is my fault ALWAYS. He had me believing it for so long but this video really has opened my eyes!
I love this. I need this. No one around me understand what that narcissist trauma I was left with. Now I have to learn to parallel parent. He wants to just throw hurt and jabs I’ve heard it all from him. I refuse to talk back to him I refuse to give him a reaction. Who know what the future has for me. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with
YES! My life changed when I accepted that we were NOT nor will ever be a “team” finding out about parallel parenting was a lightbulb moment. Society led me to believe co-parenting was necessary. NOT with a narc
Wats parallel parenting
Yes what is parallel parenting?
@@queentrayce2851 Basically, parenting with VERY limited contact, which is necessary when co-parenting with narcissists.
Do you guys get any sort of help financially from your narc parent?
Yes! Such good advice for dealing with a true narcissist . It feels like you're describing my situation to a T!
It’s crazy how I feel like you are talking to me directly. So helpful
I hear that a lot!
Me too. Thank you,
Omg yes!!!! Insane how accurate this is.
They are all the same!! They think they are so unique but not hardly..
Same for me.
Why can’t we just block them forever 😭 it makes me sad that we don’t stop getting the emotional abuse we just have to ignore it
You are so right. They abuse you as the child's mother, they abuse the child too. They need to be blocked
Yes, it is so wearying. While I first wondered if I’d done the right thing in leaving, years later I am now so glad I got out.
@@melindagibson6358 May I ask if you left completely? I am currently going through this with my sons’ father. Actually that entire side of the family. Thank god I didn’t marry the bastard but he’s been an absentee father and he pops up when he needs to save face in front of his buddies. This past Halloween he decided he wanted to save face and ask if the boys could come to a Halloween party he claimed he threw for them. He asked me two days before Halloween and I told him no because it was last minute and a party is not where they need to be with a parent they barely know. I told him he needs to get reacquainted with them to relearn their temperaments first. I would feel horrible leaving them in an unfamiliar place and they’re crying the entire time. He called me names and was just purely disrespectful because he didn’t get what he wanted. Since he’s such an absent father I had been allowing his family to see the boys both physically and through FaceTime. I told the family no to a physical visit a few days ago because of the covid spikes but they spoke on FaceTime. Later in the call they started trying to argue me down about why they haven’t seen my children and thought it was okay to talk to me with a sense of entitlement as if they haven’t been privileged to see these kiddos knowing I am not at all related to them. I blocked EVERYONE. The disrespect is draining and I had to remind myself that I don’t have to deal with such toxic people. The day after I blocked everyone the police showed up to my house talking about a welfare check on my children. I will never forgive them for doing something so unnecessary. So my question is, did you walk away completely or did you take the father to court for custody and hope the judge saw the toxicity for what it was?
Yea I hear it all the time. Just ignore them easier said.
The vm are there every chance he gets he reminds me how I’m nothing how I’ll never have him how mental I am, It’s crazy to me when I don’t even contact him. He call me when he’s with his person he is blocked so it goes to vm and tell me he will get a restraining order on me calls me names. They are sick people.
Yes been attacked again today. How do you put up with the emotional abuse over and over?
'They might get bored one day!"
"You can't ever do enough for them."
"Teach your children what is right vs wrong."
"Allow your child to be disappointed."
Wonderful stuff. Thank you❤
April Monday,You look stunning,hope you are not with a narcissist ....
I've just found you after only realising my soon-to-be ex-husband is a Narc 3 weeks ago after 6 years of abuse. I left him 18 months ago whilst 4 months pregnant with my 2nd child to him, but have still been hoovered, gaslighted, verbally abused and triangulated regularly. I am now 16 days no contact. You are amazing! Thank you! I'll be binge watching your videos tonight. Much Love. xxx
I'm in your exact situation right now. How is everything going at this time?
How did you get the no contact?
It’s difficult dealing with narc and parenting. I’m about two years divorced with a toddler. I’m glad I found this video! I’m going to subscribe to her!! You’re right they don’t have any emotions, belittling, verbal abusive and just don’t have any regards to their actions. Now add parenting into it..one day my son will see I was strong enough to leave that toxic relationship/ marriage and he’s going to see for himself how his father really is.
Wow, my situation, now 5 moths pregnant with second child, the side girl found me she’s one month pregnant behind me; a whole 1.5 year affair right up under my nose! He continually blames and justifies saying I wasn’t there for him emotionally ! I had to research his traits and learned about narcissism; unreal; now dealing with getting over hurt, getting myself healthy for me and kids! I have to take the emotion out because I’m too triggered and still get extremely anger; I’m at beginning of this thing!
@@stayconsistent its amazing how somehow it is ALWAYS our fault they cant be faithful. Sad part is for 11 years part of me believed it. F**** him and his side chicks! We both deserve better then this BS. And I just keep telling my self my girls deserve better! To know that men like him are unhealthy! I'm thankful I didnt have boys. The man I have children with has zero business raising a man! But the good news is, boys or girls. . They have strong mamas to teach them how to survive in this world. Because I feel like it I just survived this man I can survive anything!!! Hang in there. I could only imagine how hard it is being pregnant. You and your babies deserve soooo much better and will find it!❤
I'm going through this right now and it is heartbreaking. I didn't realize how unwell my ex-wife was until I left her. The abuse, gaslighting, criticism, and judgements feel crippling.
@benjamin bessette The harshness of her actions towards me and through the kids has reduced, as she has a new husband. We have 50/50 custody.
She is a multimillionaire and I am still embroiled in a court battle to get child support. She denies her wealth regardless of her bank statements etc clearly showing it.
Been going through this myself .I'm actually about to discard her completely out of my life and use a 3rd party.
I’m so glad that I’m not crazy to think this way about dealing with my child’s father. Nobody was believing me when I kept saying I didn’t need to stay with him for the child! Very helpful informations here! 🙌🏻♥️
Not even 2 days out of trial they already tried to get me to agree to change the judge’s orders. It was amazing (sarcastic). I put my foot down and said no. Tried multiple times, tried to guilt me, but I was stone and It was very effective.
Katie LeVeen,You are beautiful,hope you are not with a narcissist.....
@@jamesarmstrong4179 no love bombing in here please
I really love how you said you can't be a team with them. I have tried to be a team for so long but it has gotten me no where, if anything it has set me back because I let him control things because I am so afraid of the fighting and emotional abuse. This is so helpful.
I am so glad. Just having that way of thinking allows you to protect yourself and not engage with someone who does not want to work well together.
Omg it's never now I lost it
I can relate.
Right only wants to be nice wen it accommodates her if we dnt accommodate the bashing starts no more being nice
im afarid of judgement because if you arent allowing the abuse people say you are bitter ...i tried being amicable but made it worse ...its true ...no good deed goes unpunished
Preach! Great advice! I’m 3-4 years divorced from a narc. And I had to learn the hard way. But I fought and was very fortunate to have a very good lawyer. Thanks to my family. I’ve heard and seen the opposite with other similar divorces. My case is not the majority. And for me that’s so infuriating. The sad thing is that our society can’t punish emotional abuse. I’ve called child protective services and the police to try to help my kids. And they both told me, we can’t do anything because the other parent is an asshole. It broke my heart. I thought,”Isn’t this why we have these services?” Our mental health system is so broke .
i want to cry just listening to this ... i feel defeated ...its hard coparenting with an abusive person ... ive tried over and over to be kind but he always becomes emotionally and verbally abusive
I absolutely feel your pain through the phone. I am experiencing the same thing. I was with my kids dad for 8 years before we had kids and now... i just feel trapped. Unable to move on. So discouraging 😞
Dealing with this now. What makes it worse is that outsiders don't understand this and it's like you're wrong for your feelings.
@@Letisha1235 Same Here. Gotta make the best of it...
Same
I totally feel you
I needed this! I’m a easygoing person. My ex won’t see my daughter unless it’s at my house. But I’ve set boundaries and he doesn’t like that. I’ve told him anytime he wants to see my daughter I will drop her off at his sisters. Makes my life easier. I won’t budge for his sick ways
You actually doing something wrong to ur own daughter!!
Sis, that’s right! My ex partner thinks that he can choose everything. He thinks I need to take my son to him. Hell no! You can see my son when I say and where. Keep it going girl!💯
@@destinyharris3488 yess
What he do he can’t be with his kids like you can ? Weird
I've put boundries in and I am being punished, he has gone full blown...
I swear I’m crying just watching this video because it’s something that I don’t want to hear, but need! It’s so unfair
Omg parallel parenting instead of co-parenting, treat it like a business! The 💡 just went off in my head!!! I can not say enough about how helpful your videos are! It's like you know exactly what I have been and are going through. My goal is to be as knowledgeable as possible about dealing with this type of individual to keep down any emotions when coming into contact with them (I have two in my life 🤦🏾♀️) Thank you, so much!
doredo329 you have two?
@@adrianrosas5741 I have two individuals to co-parent with, is what I meant.
A year later and I'm proud to report that through prayer things have tremendously changed for the better 🙌🏾
I agree with the no emotions theory. I had to master that for a long while when my ex did things to me or said things. I just vent to other people and not let her see any emotions at all. Petty!
Mr. Duane Sharpe super petty!😂
Not funny when it happens tho
I literally feel like you are talking straight to me about exactly what I’m going through. This was so so helpful. Thank you so much
Change the narc ring tone to calming zen music, my kids have done the same.
E-mails are better but a narcissist will never follow an agreement.
C Forest lol good tip. I have the texts on do not disturb lol i read them when i choose
That's also a good point. Never read them immediately and don't reply when you read them, practice taking your power back and replying when you feel ready.
Tina Horattas I have an app called App Close, in my state the judge or attorney can see the conversations. (If you’re dealing with that)
No, of course not because they need to control everything.
What's the best way to communicate text or phone call?
I slipped up several times in the past year. But you nailed it. I am doing so much better and never speaking ill of their mother. It is helping so so much. Thank you.
Yup. I've been going thru this for 7 yrs. I very rarely get to c my 14 yr old. It's a difficult road. My ex manipulates me with everything. I mean everything. About a year ago I stopped engaging him. What's sad is he turned on my son and is now doing it to him. Can't stress enough that helping yourself is so important. In the future hopefully I'll b able to help my son. Good message. Thank you!
Wendy Crayon your story sounds nuts!
Omg! This is so true. I shake my head with wrapping my mind around why my children father act the way he does
And now he's the greatest person/father ever....and I'm the bad/devil one.
Eva Borkowska yep! ain’t that about a bitch.
Eva Borkowska Yep. It's so awful.
Going through this right now too.
Can't cope.
Yup, because if we don’t stay with them we’re horrible parents because we’re separating children from spending as much time as they can with both parents. Going through that rn, but what’s the point in having both parents around if al they do is fight? Worst part is, he’s in my house and won’t leave & of course I can’t call the police because he’s not white and I don’t wanna do that to my kids I still want them to be able to have a father etc. I’m just so confused, I’m being forced to live with him and he’s just such a miserable human being who finds a reason to be angry about anything and everything and be obnoxiously loud and involve us in his problems constantly til he turns it into an argument against me and all of a sudden all his problems are my fault. Wtf I was just minding my own business now I have to be shouted at for an hour straight. Oh god, I just don’t know how to approach this situation to overcome it finally and make a healthy lifestyle for my children.
Souky Bird I can relate to so much of what you said. I stayed for so long. Over 13 years. I stayed out of fear of him, and thinking my children absolutely needed their mother and father together. It took every ounce of courage I could muster, and one of my family members finally seeing his true colors and helping me, to finally leave. The police were called many times by others hearing him hurt me, or yelling at me. I always lied for him. I was loyal to a fault. I thought my extreme dedication to him and loyalty would be returned and one day he’d see it. He isn’t capable of that. I’ll tell you, it’s the right decision to leave when you absolutely know he is truly a narcissist. No matter what we do, a true narcissist will never truly appreciate our devotion to them. Nothing will ever be good enough while you’re together, or apart. I did not want divorce. I did not believe in it, and he knew that. I still don’t, but there are evils that go beyond what we can let our children and selves go through. The longer I stayed, the more he indoctrinated my daughter into his line of thinking about me and generally. I played the role of uplifting him in her eyes bc I wanted her to love him and boy, was that the worst decision. Of course I want her to love him, but I made every excuse for him, and now she’s put him on a pedestal. I’m always the bad guy. Thankfully she is very smart, has a true heart, and myself and family to balance his bs. All this to say...if you’re here, you are taking a step. Find a friend or family member who you can 100% trust. Plan everything down to the smallest detail. If you have to do this for months, that’s ok. This is a game that you have to be 10 steps ahead of him on. Don’t let him suspect you’re leaving bc he’ll start planning your ruin in every way. He may have already. Don’t let him suspect anything. If you can afford an attorney, get one right away who is familiar with this. If not, there are legal advocates at the women’s domestic violence shelters who can help you and you don’t have to live in the shelter to seek their help. Sorry this is so long. I wish I could say more, but listening and watching her videos, and those alike will help a lot. Delete your search history and anything he can use against you in court off your phone now. Only save what shows him in his true form. Please be careful no matter what you do bc sometimes it’s not just words. Some will try to kill you. Intentionally, or not. And the children. I’m certain there were times if he could’ve killed me, he would have while violent. There were times where I could’ve died from the physical part. He was one who rarely was violent physically, but over 14 years I had concussions that caused damage for years. Broken finger, black eye. His favorite was grabbing me by the hair and slamming my head. This happened maybe 5 times in those years, but once is too many times. Be safe. Take care of yourself and little ones. If you need anyone to talk to, you can message me on here. May God protect you and your children through all steps you take.
I can not believe how spot on you were in this entire video. I’m so glad someone gets it.
Thank you for this! My soon to be ex husband is a narcissist and there is a good personality and a very dark personality and I just do not trust him picking our 4 year old up bc that evil side comes out in the blink of an eye! Literally. We were recently standing together and for a few moments it felt like we were a happy family then literally in the blink of an eye that evil personality turned on and the meeting went straight to hell from there but I was still able to keep calm. As of right now, I tell him that he can visit our son by himself bc he likes to bring his new girlfriend around that he had in triangulation with me and yet another woman and our son doesn’t even know him! He’s been in jail, prison, and other women’s homes this entire time! All our son knows is that that is his dad. He does nothing for him financially except for birthdays. But tries to make others believe that I want him so badly when he’s the perpetrator. I was smh when you said they are someone we will have to deal with for life! Ugh! A real life demon!
Ugh I know what you mean. I'm sorry that nonsense keeps happening. You have superhuman strength. Sending you sisterly love from the other side of the internet
damn this sounds just like my step-daughter's father.
Wow! This video was exactly what I needed!! I’m a great father and do everything for my kids. My ex and her husband constantly put me down to my kids. I own my own business, am very successful. Pay $1800 a month in child support. My ex never makes anything easy. Everything is always difficult and in an attempt at her control always! I have tried everything in my power to have a cordial co-parenting relationship. Nothing ever works and I can’t do anything right in her eyes. Her bitterness towards me is over the top and this video opened my eyes. I have more control than I thought I had.
Thank you!!
I promise it’s therapeutic just listen to this, I hate to feel like a victim but I feel like you are speaking to me!!!!!!
I'm 4 years out from my divorce and still have to actively employ these tactics. It works but is definitely not easy. I fall back on the agreement all the time. I decided a long time ago to never ask my ex to change the schedule. I always find my own help for the exact reasons you describe. This video is awesome.
Thanks lol first few sentences are so true. They are not on your team or the childrens. It is very difficult to do in the same househild. In fact they not only behave like children they have more basic needs then toddlers.
I recently said to the "diagnosed narc" I am trying to co-parent with you. She replied "I do not want to co-parent" I said to myself no shit.
Thank you thank you for validating what I have put up with for far too long.
Ive tried co-parenting but i noticed that it was being used to be back in a relationship just to be abused once again. Now i dont believe in co parenting and am now learning parallel parenting and it works for me. Thank you.
What is parallel parenting?
Straight ahead focusing great comment.
Wow 😯 you hit it right on the nail, “ WE ARE NOT A TEAM” 💯
It took me time...but I got there and do everything you said and now my life is so peaceful, happy and drama free...
I've been fighting for 3 yrs to be in my son's life. Finally I filled the papers to go to family court. After all the threats to be taken to court I filed. First day in court I was given split custody and no more child support. Dont fear the court system. Stay true and listen to this lady's tips and you will be ok.. I was stalked and harrassed for 3 yrs and told I was emotionally abusive. GO TO COURT take your power back !!!! Thanks for the video. Funny how it's like you know my story. So sad how much the child suffers in the beginning. The switching days omg you really been there. 💚🕉
glad you got split custody. sadly most court systems are not as good as apparently yours was. Most will give primary to the mother regardless of what is actually in the best interest of the child because of the old stereotype that mother's are caretakers. So if the woman is a covert narc, the state helps her take your child away because of the laws and judges. This is exactly what the narc wants is to deprive you of what you want most, to be in the child's life. They are wicked and evil people and they think they are the best thing since sliced bread and the ONLY ones who can properly care for the children.
Something I didn't realize at first, was that he was going to continue to bully and hurl his abuse at me, even after we weren't together anymore... and yeah, learning to take the high road, not get angry, pretend it doesn't bother you.
Texting and messages - say what you need to with the minimal amount of words. Eg, "Thank you for your response", "I have received your message", "I will reflect on that and respond tomorrow". etc.
My kids are teens now... and the kids went through their own experiences with him, unfortunately. But in the end, they know Mom is the one they trust, Mom loves them, Mom is the person I talk to, Mom is the one who provides for them. :)
Thank you for sharing 💕
The ending of your comment made me feel a little better ❤️Thankyou
The end of your comment gives ne so much hope. I have a 5 yr old. I fear for what he faces.
I’m 2 years Narc free but since we have kids I still deal w it all... so glad for the videos and support and tools !!!
It’s crazy how we have to refer to people, I’m newly understanding this personality trait; I see this is real
Wow!!!! This is spot on what I’m dealing with. Last week I was in a state of depression and anxiety. It’s so exhausting right now.
The hardest part is our kids going through this drama. They don't deserve that.
THIS VIDEO EXPLAINS MY SITUATION SO PERSONALLY!!! 😫😫😫 thank you for brings such clear awareness to this type of “co-parenting”. I have a lot of work to do personally so that I won’t continue to lose my mind with this individual that I have to deal with for the next 14 years 🥴🥴
Ugh thank you so much for this. My abuser was just granted 30 min phone convo with my kids .. We fled from him with only 2 suitcases. He's the most evil, narcissistic creature ever to live and my children and I are still healing from what we suffered at his hands. This video helped me tremendously! Thank you thank you! Praying he screws it up so I don't have to have him psychologically affect them! So happy and FREE to be gone from his grasp. He almost killed me the day before I left. I have nightmares that he's choking me and I can't breathe. Tomorrow I have to have my children talk to him due to court order and it's making me want to break the law and say NO!
I'm two years late! But this touched me.. o hope you finally got away from him for good and have a better life now. I commend you for your bravery! This give s me hope!
I agree with everything you said. We had a parenting plan in place and I thought of us as a team. I was flexible; I let him change the schedules on his own terms and allowed him to cross a lot of my boundaries. I even tried to get back together with him, but my reality is that we don't have a healthy relationship. I have to apply parallel parenting for the best interests of my children. Thank you so much for this video!
Something that you said was very poignant that its almost like they are not human. This vid great advice, but we who have survived these people and still have to deal with them need to understand the spiritual undercurrent. Its not only an emotional and mental battle but a spiritual one. Narcissists are under the total influence of evil spirits and if you are not spiritually strong they will destroy you. Those who are spiritually aware know that through Jesus Christ, these forces within this person are subject to the power of God. So I pray and read my Bible as well as seek out counseling and vids like yours to stay vigilent.
Yes!!!
🙏🙏🙏
Von Amen !
Amen!!
Can someone give me advice about how to deal with my narcissistic father of my child and his gf. He’s manipulated her to believing that when I call in where abouts regarding my child. She thinks I want to talk to him. She thinks it’s bc of him. His whole life revolves around himself. She has been programmed to believe what he believes. He’s an abusive person. I want nothing to do with him. How do I put my foot down with her for her to know I want nothing to do with him?
Thank you 🙏 ... this was very helpful.
Parallel parenting - that describes it well.
Makes it very clear. It is like getting water from a rock.
You cannot make them feel feelings or teach them how to parent with love.
There was a constant effort to diminish my light in the entire relationship.... I am exhausted, you are right.
Bullying is all he seems to know. He yelled at my 11 yr old and scared him so much he peed in his pants.
I have to be business like, with no emotional investment, just strategy.
I have to keep reminding myself I am dealing with a bully who is arrested at a 2 year old emotional level.
I keep cycling back between self confidence and anger and rage and resentment.
It is emotionally depleting.
Stephanie, would enjoy a video on how to cope with our fears of retaliation from the abusive person. Already has acted out in an aggressive way to my property and there is always a fear in the back of my mind of physical harm to me or my child as a way to get back at me, especially since we just came out of trial that went in my favor.
MyOwn ThineOwn good question
I hope everything has been going okay so far xx
Call on the name of Jesus (Yeshuah) and get in the word. In these times that’s going to have to be your invisible army. We are dealing with some wicked people in this world.
I am afraid of this as well. We have trial coming up in March.
Definitely notify the police for property damage, pursue a restraining order, and take self-defense measures. You def want this on law enforcements radar; but also, make sure you have all tools necessary to protect yourself because the cops can't always get there in time to save you from an escalation of violence.
What do you do when the narcissist uses the child as a tool/weapon? For example, instead of them (the narcissist) asking Me if I would be willing to switch weekends or give up time, they will first tell the child about whatever the reason for the weekend switch, let's say, a concert or tickets to the fair, basically getting the child excited about the event thats on my time and THEN they will have the CHILD call and ask.... So now the narcissist has put me in a lose lose situation where if I say yes, I lose MY time or MY potential plans, and if I say no, I'm the bad parent that crushes the child for saying no....this happens all the time.
If that was me I would have told my child "unfortunately dad should not put you in the middle and he needs to come to me first before making plans." If my ex was right there I would have said to the child the same thing and would have said "we can schedule a time to discuss this over the phone or via email if you prefer but going forward you are to ask me a week in advance" or whatever the ground rules you have for switching. It is like managing another child.
Thank you for your timely response. I'm actually speaking for my husband. He has a narcissistic ex wife and they have an darling 8 year old together who I have had the pleasure of being the step Mom to for almost 6 years now so I have seen the craziness and terror of the ex. It's been a rollar coaster and continues. Watching this video especially, It really helped me with checking my natural and instinctual responses that I want to give her (especially today)...so thank you for that. I look forward to watching/learning from your future videos and hope to be able to reach out to you with more questions if... I mean WHEN I have more wall crashing instances/experiences with this "person"... She NEVER seizes to amaze me. :/
Im been there. So difficult. They are never going to be fair. You must understand that. I had to learn that. Trust me, my daughter knows the truth. Kids will see the truth in time. All you have to do is just do the right thing(At all times). Even in the fuckery. My daughter is my only weakness. So i have to prepare myself for whatever may come so that i wont react in a negative behavior. You must do the same. You will get stronger!
🎯
This is exactly what my ex started doing since the start of trying to negotiate custody agreements. Then when I say he can't keep taking the kids on my weekends he claims I am not willing to coparent and be cooperative. He says because I'm not willing to work with him he wouldn't work with me and give me one of the holidays of Thanksgiving or Christmas since they both ended up falling on his weeks this year.
Such wisdom Stephanie, thank you. It's been 6 years since my divorce from the toxic ex. They never change and their abusive behaviour continues. I check in on narc support channels to keep myself on track, maintain my equilibrium and reinforce what I know to be true. Thanks again🙏
I’m in this weird place where I am moving forward with contacting divorce lawyers...years of emotional abuse with the narc. He wants a divorce but won’t move forward (as far as I know)... he is now trying to be “sweet” and do things for me. Its absolutely awful...but this video is helpful and I am so glad you are making these!!
He is just screwing with your head and doing the opposite to what you want trying to create cognitive dissonence. The other thing is narcs play nice if they havn't planned their discard so that you won't expect it. Tie down all finances immediately and do not let him spend your money because he will try and bankrupt you. Hide it somewhere if you have to, change all passwords, e-mails, bank codes etc. If he has been planning this for a while he will move cars and even property ownership to his narc family, have a secret bank account where he syphons off money and if they plan a discard without your knowledge they choose a day on the calender that is important to you. A birthday, a kids birthday to cause as much harm and distress as possible and prolong the trauma in the future- at least mother's day has passed. Do not let him borrow visa cards or make you pay for things. I hope you have a safety network and friends that are looking out for you. When the narc plays nice they are up to something and it is never good. Keep greyrocking.
I am so sorry. That is frustrating and confusing and common for this type of abuse. As hard as it is you are doing the right thing!
blank blank Trust me, if he is in fact a Narcissist (displaying most, if not all of the traits commonly assigned to them) then you are much better off without him. It may not feel like it just now, but it will eventually. Again, if he is in fact a Narc, then his "sweet" behaviour is nothing more than an act. Why do I say this? My verified narc ex use to behave like this when he too would learn that I too was making preparations to leave him for good, BEFORE going back to his old belittling ways. In the end, when he finally had a new "supply" all prepped and ready to be used (and unbeknownst to me at the time as well), his mask was now completely off, at least when communicating with me that is. Which was really scary at first, as I never could have thought that this was the real him all along. Anywho, while I still must communicate with him every now and then for the sake of our child (often via text and email only as he'll completely lie about something we both agreed to over the phone otherwise) I can honestly say that life is far better than it was with him in it. No more contemplating suicide, falling deep into depression and hating every minute of life that went by. As now, it's like I can finally breath again!! So please do continue to get everything that needs to be in order sorted. Never underestimate these people. #narcabusefree #lifeisgood
C Forest very well said.
I am a changed man and promise to do better if you tske me back
Wow, amazing! Welcome to my battle that I'm constantly working on. Parenting with him has been my biggest anxiety throughout the entire process. My daughter is a toddler now, and he is a very poor example for her - and making such bad decisions (starting with leaving us for another woman when she was 11 weeks old after being a preemie in the NICU).
Treating him business-like is my goal. I've gotten pretty good at being a neutral, non-emotional, ice queen with him. Showing no signs of reaction. He definitely doesn't deserve it.
Sounds like my my daughters X except for the fact that he left her when she was pregnant and after and after almost 5 years he just he decided that he wants to have joined custody and the courts will just grant it to him. It's absolutely ridiculous and the person who suffers is the child. And then you add alcohol into the mix and it's even worse, but the courts are all for Joint custody now no matter how bad it affects the child.
I cried watching this but I’m so happy I watched it
I wish I have seen this video 2yrs ago, you change my life for good really appreciate
Wow! Thank you so much I really needed to hear this… Narcissists are so scary and they feed off of weakness and they love drama… I am working on getting stronger so I am not susceptible to being controlled or dominated by my narcissistic ex.
Your words are so accurate ,thank you for sharing
Julie Dean,You look stunning,hope you are not with a narcissist .....
wow...it's like you are talking about my life...I am glad I'm instinctively choosing the right things to do. Your videos makes me feel like I am sane again. Thank you
Gen Onishi,You look stunning,hope you are not with a narcissist....
Thanks Stephanie. 2 day trial and the judge did his best to make the best arrangement for our child, clearly realizing and documenting that there is no real coparenting but still have shared parental responsibility. Luckily on a day to day basis I don’t even see this person, I only see his grandparents during pick ups/drop offs. I keep things very superficial during communications and this is best for our child.
Omgosh, this is my ex & some of these things you've said is what ive been dealing with my ex. I refuse to let him make me feel like anything other than a Queen👸🏽💅🏽. What doesn't help is good girlfriend coming in but none of them will even make me feel any kind of way about myself. #period
I know there’s far worst things in the world, but co-parenting with a narcissist is tough. It’s exhausting. This video is 10000000% accurate. Every example. Wow.
3 years with someome and 2 children. He ditched on rent for the second time and hasn't had any contact. Good for me but not the children. Signed up for counseling and I was watching one of your videos the last night we talked about things. From the name calling and abuse I have gained a lot of anxiety and hope to continue moving forward in life. For me and my beautiful babies. Thanks for your insight.
This video was pure Gold for me right now. I'm an empath, he's a narc and we have an 8 year old son together. I've been meditating for months and regaining my self-worth, my confidence and my self-love and I'm finally ready for the next step. I'm going to be 'business like' about this, thank you!
Wow, I can relate to nearly every single word said. This is invaluable advice. Thank you ❤️
Keep strong and stay cool people.
I just got done crying after reading an abusive message from my child’s father, feeling like “I left him for a reason, THIS REASON.. so why is he still able to abuse me like this?” I’ve tried and tried to be amicable and understanding, but he’s insane. He’s manipulating everything and attacking me as a mother. My children love me. I just want to be able to live again - be at peace - so I can be the best mother I can be. Your words felt so supportive and encouraging. It’s hard to talk about with friends and family because it feels so negative and horrible and it doesn’t even feel good to talk about. I cannot thank you enough for sharing this, for people like me, who really dont have support in such a difficult and heartbreaking situation. Thank you, thank you. Everything you speak about really lands for me, and my heart feels supported.
Miserable selfish people do childish things on purpose. It’s like parenting with the devil. This was a great video thank you 🙏🏾
The biggest problem with a Narcissistic parent in divorce? Family Court enables them at every turn.
VIDS2013 Trust me, it's only a matter of time before family courts catch on to them also and definitely with all the lobbying that is going on in support of these changes being passed. #Justice #AChangeGonnaCome
so goddamn true... and criminal in and of itself!
Family Court is full of Narcissists--(especially) including the judges. They support other sociopaths. Until such people are removed from the judiciary, nothing will change.
Result of my last court appointment: nutt'n. Judge kept saying "we can't handle this here and now". Then why are we even here?
the courts thought i was pretty crazy because he denied every damn thing i said. EVERYTHING, because he put on a good front. Oh, mr.nice guy *eye roll*
OMG! You spoke directly to me! This is the best advice I have heard in the past year while going through my divorce. Truly life changing for me and my son- ✌🏼
What you described is exactly what I experience over and over. It’s been a few years and I’m only just beginning to connect the dots to narcissism. I resisted that label for a long time but my experience has been the textbook experience. The courts tell us never to talk about the other parent; it’s a really difficult line to walk.
This video is everything! It sums up every one of my issues in just over 20 mins. I can't thank you enough for this Stephanie, it is so relevant ❤
You speak directly to me. My ex puts all his energy into trying to hurt me rather than be there for his own children. His excuse for his absence in their lives is "this is what you deserve". I just can't believe the words that come out of his mouth. He constantly says " Im not their babysitter." Im dumbfounded that a father chooses the thought of punishing the mother of their children rather than stepping up and being their father.
Thank you so much. Your videos help a lot. All the situations are true and experienced so many times. It's just impossible to cooperate. Everything is about her, children are kept like hostages, used everytime she needs anything. All means are at use. My head is just blowing everytime she acts like that, feels like I'm loosing my sanity. Everytime I wonder how that's possible and why I haven't aknowledged that for so long. Thanks!
Sterkte Rens! Don´t forget to take care of yourself first! It´s difficult, I know.
As I scroll through every video this amazing lady has to offer is exactly the questions I have in my head. How I found this was just through pain and research. I am the luckiest man right now. hours and hours of listening and embarrassing every word.
Wow what an amazing video. I've watched videos on narcissism but they were never this good.. You gained a new subscriber 💓👍
Thank you so much!
@@StephanieLynCoaching no problem I just broke up with my daughters narcissitic father and he just doesn't want to let go. He's in that stage of "hoovering" wanting to take all my free time, take me out to nice places, buy me nice things, gosh I got 5 bouquets of flowers in one week.. Something he never did when I actually loved him. It's like he's being extremely superficial and sometimes he gets me where he wants me but then I snap out of it and watch videos like these and it puts things back into perspective for me. I wish I can go no contact but with a kid involved it's impossible. Anyway, your video really helped your amazing 😘 Take care.
Thank you for this. We meet with a child therapist twice a month. Initially it was to stop the alienation crap he was trying with our two (now three year old) and now it's to discuss our disagreements. He looked me in the eye at the last session and said he didn't want to put a bigger more comfortable diaper size on our daughter because he had given in to me too much already. That I didn't discuss anything in regards to our daughter with him and he was holding his ground with the too small diaper size. When I pointed out all the things that I did include him on which are all the major decisions he just declared you only include me on some things. It's good to be reminded exactly what i am dealing with.
You explained my life in this one video! I’ve been struggling for 3 yrs now and I feel like I’m slowly killing myself. I just want peace back and to be done with this situation. I decided to do some research and your video was the first one I saw. I felt like you were speaking to me directly! I’m so glad I found your channel🙏🏻♥️
That’s EXACTLY how I’ve felt as well. I hope your situation has gotten better!! I’m in the same battle with a toxic ex and step father.
Stephanie is bang-on! I have been going through EXACTLY what she has described (4 yrs separated). No joke! Anyone struggling with this type of person. You must listen to her carefully and follow her advice. Parallel parenting is the only way to get through this. Don’t forget to breathe once in a while. Thank you Stephanie! God bless my two children.
I really needed to hear this. I had the idea in my head but couldn't find the words. Thanks.
I have been told this several times: "you cannot teach him how to parent Norma". How many times have I heard that very same thing.
Wow. This hit close to home.
I so appreciate your videos! You continue to put into words my feelings and experiences over the last 12 years. I'm a man who's just getting out of a destructive marriage and learning how to get back emotionally and mentally healthy. She didn't break me but Im definitely damaged goods at this point. Im subscribed. Thank you so much!!! 🤗 #GodIsLove
ddraft234 Damaged goods?? Not!! If anything you have become a very knowledgeable person. And, know the behaviours of this dysfunctional person. Stronger is what you've become? Stand, walk with your head up and be loved. You deserve the very best
I agree! You are not damaged 💚
Thank you so much for making this video! I have been at a loss because I am devoting my whole life to ensure my 5 yr old does not become a narcessist like him. We split custody 50/50 but I make sure that she has structure here. I shower her with love and affection. But I also, do not feed into her narcessistic traits. She has rules, consequences, rewards & chores.
It has been 5 yrs since I left him and I have been working on myself the whole time. Coparenting with him brings me back to ground zero periodically. I know I am doing better but he still has the power to bring me back to that feeling of worthlessness. It took me 40 yrs to finally love and accept myself but he can knock me down so low, I consider letting him have custody just so I'll never have to hear from him again. But I could never allow him that satisfaction. And I could NEVER allow that monster full control over my daughter's fragile mind. I'm her only defense.
He also uses our daughter for his own self gain. He hasn't worked in years. He lives off of her benefits and his 86 yr old grandmother. Even though we split custody 50/50, he refuses to share the costs even though it is court ordered for him to do so. He doesn't even use them for her. He uses them on himself and has gained 200 lbs off of her food stamps alone. So, I focus on being better for her. I got a better job so that I do not need the benefits or to ask him for anything.
He didn't even want her to go to school because it meant his grandmother would make him get a job. So then, he poisoned her against school so bad, that she has full blown panic attacks before school. It's taken me 4 months for him to finally participate in her getting educated. Today it took he and I, as well as three patient teachers, to get her to go to class today. The teacher kept me updated all day that she had an awesome day. But of course, she told her dad that she hated it (even though the teacher sent a video of her smiling & dancing with the kids). She is so smart & deserves the best education. How can he not see that?
I will be subscribing to your page because I need all the help I can get. I know that my daughter needs me to be strong. Do you have any tips for 5 yr olds that are showing narcessistic traits? Because my greatest fear is that if it keeps up, she will eventually end up just like him. But I feel if I catch it this early, I can fix it before it takes root. I am devoting my whole life to her and making sure she has a positive parent to battle the negativity that is 50 percent of her life. She lives with her father; his cruel, narcessistic sister; his sister's daughter (that is just as cruel as her mother at 11); and their grandmother that raised them to be the way they are. The grandmother is great so I don't know how they came out so awful when she is so kind. That house is so toxic and I fear for my child.
Sadly, the courts take his side because his family has money and a shady lawyer on a retainer. I would never fully take my daughter from her father. Kids need both parents. But I'm so scared that that environment causes my daughter's reality to be as askewed as all of theirs. After spending her five days with me, she is happy and her behavior improves immensely. She begs to not go back there. After her 5 days there, we have to start at ground zero with her behavior. All this and they still blame me. When she is here, she tries hard to be a good girl but she says it's too hard to be good.
His sister actually filed a police report against my 5 yr old for ACCIDENTALLY spilling water on her daughter's Xbox. What type of human being calls the cops on a five year old that was clearly unsupervised at the time? His sister thought "I should know what was happening in case I got a call from the police." I was flabbergasted! I told her that what happens at their house is their responsibility & that my daughter does not touch my electronics because she has boundaries here. She kept saying "someone was gonna have to pay." I told her to talk to her brother and her brother pointed her back in my direction. I have her blocked because I do not feed into her insanity. Parenting is between he and I ONLY. His grandmother & I talk periodically because she is the only reasonable person in their whole house. But she is 85 and not in the best of health these days. They are biding their time until she passes so they can inherit the money she worked hard, her whole life for. Neither of the grand kids work even though they are in their 30s.
I'm sorry that this comment is so long but this is the first time I have hope that maybe, with your help, I can make sure my daughter grows up to be a happy, healthy little girl. She is so amazing and deserves so much better than the hand she has been dealt. Thank you for giving me hope after years of feeling helpless against a whole narcessistic family. God Bless You 💖💖💖
Excellent content. Clear, concise, and relevant. Thank you!
Oh and distractingly pretty too. ☺️
I am just so happy that people like you put out videos like this. For someone going through this for the first-time it's difficult but this advice helps navigate through it peaceful. God bless!
I love this! I felt like you was talking directly to me! This helped me so much. Thank you so much!
Stephanie thank you so much for this video!! I went through this in my past, and throughout the years I learned that I was literally dealing with a Narcissist. So I've been telling to whoever listens to PLEASE, learn all they can about self-love/knowing and "believing" their worth. Also, and more importantly, Narcissism and emotional intelligence because these two things are like "kryptonite" to Narcissists. And once they learn these they will save themselves so much headache, heartache, emotions, energy, and grief.💖🙏🏼🙏🏼
THANK YOU for this video!!! Wow!!
It’s insane how on point this video is!!! Especially word from word what the narcissistic parent says
Omg I’m going through the beginning stages of this and it’s exactly how you are saying! I’m losing my shit!
This video has given me so much mental freedom and I am so thankful to watch this. My therapist stated my ex-husband is Narcissistic with Parasitic Tendencies. He has to have a host to feed off of and likes to utilize me as the host he wants to feed off of.
Thank you for this. I think I've been wanting this type of help. I started calling her "the coparent" in my mind. I've dropped (my) Parallel explains better better but it's a mouthful.
I have a challenge even texting. Short replies get turned into me being a jerk. I've noticed she gives me extra time with the kids only if it helps her. I pity her current next ex bf he has no idea the crazy he's getting into. She's great at being so nice, decent, ... Wish I could tell him to run, to say dude EVERYTHING is about her in the end
Thank You for this video. I've been dealing with this for over 6 years with my daughter's mother and have done research before, got a hold of my sanity and was able to have a healthy life for a while in the past. But, lately, I feel like that knowledge of how to cope was slipping away and she was starting to get at me mentally again and getting me so frustrated. I got to the point of not being able to sleep for hours last night wrapped up in all of my emotions with this situation and, thankfully, found this video this morning as I went searching for help again. So, I appreciate this more than you know and I think I will watch this as a reminder every month or so to keep myself healthy and to be the best father I can be through this difficulty.
I am so glad you found the video and that it helped!
Amazing information! Thank you 🙏🏼 thank you.. it’s hell on earth co-parenting with them! You described my ex to a tee! Best advice I’ve heard 👏🏼
It is hard......I CAN'T WAIT for my kids to start driving, which won't be until 10 years from now.
They can drive to their father's place and drive back home. Will not have to see their father multiple times a week.....Oh what a joyful day that will be!
Everything said was so on point! I fought for 50/50 and showed multiple police reports and still didn't get 50/50 custody..I've been flexible on alot of days and yet I can't get 1 day of flexibility from "mom"
Keeping focused on our kids is so hard when dealing w someone who's a narcissist! I need more breathing techniques..
Thank you for your video. I have a son by a Narc. I just recently learned about what kind of person I am dealing with. The hard part is when my son says he misses his father, he speaks with his father and he makes all of these promises. I literally feel sick to my stomach because how can you see your child every 3 months and claim that you love him so much. I used to call and ask him when he was going to pick up his son...only to be met with a long laundry lists of all the things he had to do. He uses my son as a pawn when he is trying to get new supply. It is truly sickening. His inconsistency really bothers me..I would rather he just leave us alone...my son is 4 and when he is older he will learn the truth. In the meantime, I need help in this area.
Our son was more useful to ex when he was little and cute. Now he is hitting puberty, not so useful in holding onto new supply, who is getting wise to him anyway at this point. It's sad, the kid's needs have nothing to do with anything. Oh, and of course ex has a story. I 'm sure he told new supply a huge sob story about what a witch I was. That doesn't mean it is true.
I came across the video recently. And it has changed my life since I am going through a harsh seperation phase with an extremely difficult ex-partner. I am forever grateful and thankful to you Steph.
I really appreciate this video I’m 19 and dealing with this 🙌🏻
Hang in there and keep doing whats right for the kids!
thank you for making this video. i have a 9 year old. i ran away from his father when he was a baby but i've had to co-parent with him ever since. and thank god i've healed a lot from the trauma of that relationship but still i have to deal with his daddy. thanks for all the great advice.
This has really given me some insight. I’m currently expecting a child with my ex who’s definitely a narcissist and it has been hell. I’ve gone through a lot during this entire pregnancy with him and I’m afraid it’s just going to get worse. But this video has given me some good insight. Thank you.
Congratulations on your baby!! Wrap them with love
Me too. Im moving and cutting off all contact before my baby is born.
@@brittanyx8968 I know I’m late but I’m currently going through that , how is the No contact going ? I’m thinking about going no contact as well .. I get stressed every time he contacts me ( currently 5 months pregnant)
@@alexandriaderamus1660 Nearly a year in from making that very difficult decision, I am happier and relieved. I am still trying to recooperate and HEAL from the trauma. I refuse to look back. A good man will come along for myself and children. Run girl!
@@brittanyx8968 whew thank you ! I’m definitely going to run for the hillls !!!!
Excellent guidance from somebody who understands the difficulties of dealing with a narcissistic personality. Thank you.
The things you communicate in this video is so on point and true! Thank you so much for giving us this information!
Dear Stephanie. I cant express to you how grateful I felt when I first came across this video a few days ago!! You saved me!! I ve been suffering with my ex the mother of my 3 daughters on each and every manipulative chance lack of health communication that she had with me.
I really want to thank you for your insightful video and it really guided me on how to respond to the bagful of manipulation and stop it from consuming me like before.
Thank you for sharing this information! Extremely helpful!
Annette Smith,You are beautiful,hope you are not with a narcissist....
This video feels so safe, to know you are not alone and others deal with the same thing. Thank you so much for making this video. I’ve been struggling for so many years and it’s hard to feel like anyone understands you. Reading these comments I feel like we can all relate. I can only hope my child doesn’t feel or deal with what I’ve dealt with from the narcissist, it’s so hard.
Great video, thank you!
Stephanie, the judge has mandated that we only use one of the parenting apps to communicate. It’s great for documentation, legally. For the most part I think it’s good.
Spot on! My ex wife is classic, text book NPD. She keeps talking about co-parenting bit videos like this show me this is not possible. I put my barriers up against her and it works but requires strength because narcs are relentless.
You Described my children’s father so so so very well. Enough is enough I give up on making him happy at this point, I have decided that is no longer my job!! This video was very helpful and helped me realize that I am not going insane. To him everything is my fault ALWAYS. He had me believing it for so long but this video really has opened my eyes!
I really needed this, thank you!
I love this. I need this. No one around me understand what that narcissist trauma I was left with. Now I have to learn to parallel parent. He wants to just throw hurt and jabs I’ve heard it all from him. I refuse to talk back to him I refuse to give him a reaction. Who know what the future has for me. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with