Gaslighting & Manipulation.. the Narcissist's Favorite Things!
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ส.ค. 2024
- Save up to 10% OFF when you sign up! www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
#mentalhealth #stephanielyncoaching #narcissisticabuse #emotionalabuse #selflove
*** PROGRAMS ****
Self-Parenting Course - (NEW Online Course) www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
9 Weeks to Emotional Healing (online program) - BEST SELLER! www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
The Bootcamp (online program) - Rebuilding and Goal Setting Course! www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
Bundle your Courses - (BEST DEAL!) www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
****** COACHING SERVICES ********
Book an Individual Session! www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
Private Coaching (BEST SELLER!) www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
Coaching Bundle
www.stephanielynlifecoaching....
🎧 iTunes Podcast podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
✔️INSTAGRAM - / stephanielyncoach
✔️TIKTOK - vm.tiktok.com/ZMeg1m9pu/
✔️FACEBOOK - / stephanielyncoaching
Thank you for your love and support! Stephanie
www.StephanieLynLifeCoaching.com
![[Live] : ONE FIGHT NIGHT 24 “จาร์เร็ด vs กุสตาโว”](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/ENNA-fsT67c/mqdefault.jpg)
The worst thing about gaslighting is that you can watch videos, read every article about it on the internet, identify with every example and know that the results on the victim is everything you are feeling and still question if you are overreacting or being too sensitive, still make excuses for their behaviour and feel guilty for thinking about leaving. I don't even know who I am anymore.
I am feeling this right now
Yes yes yes yes .... feeling like this right now! I feel so crazy ...
I hope you found yourself again. It takes time. Sending love
@@melissacrews9981 THIS IS LITERALLY ME TOO. I FEEL SO MANIPULATED AND TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF BUT THEN I QUESTION MYSELF STILL AND TRY TO JUSTIFY THE OTHER PERSON
@@chrisduncan410 I know the feeling.I was with a narc for 18 years.Finally she discarded me an my 15 year old daughter.For a life of party an drugs.She cant have it.I thank GOD she left she used to gaslight me soooooo bad.They make you crazy.They lie,cheat,steal.THEY HAVE NO EMPATHY OR COMPASSION FOR ANYTHING THEY ARE SATANS PRIZED LITTLE MINIONS CREATING HAVOC HERE ON EARTH
I started getting really good at identifying these tactics and protecting myself. My narcissist tried many tactics and became frustrated. I laughed when he said “ You have changed. You are a horrible person. You have gotten much worse since I’ve met you.” In my head I was thinking “ Yeah I’m so terrible for not allowing your behavior.” I knew I was finally standing up for myself and it was confirmation I was pulling away. We both felt it :-)
my wife divorced me, she said I had changed, and yes I did, I found a group of friends that told me that valued me, appreciated me and loved me!!!
I'm so VERY PROUD of you. Good for you-learning to stand up for you! You are all doing so well!
Congratulations to you 🤗😘
I love to hear that you got rid of this person.
I've also been called a horrible person when I showed no interest in the narcissist anymore. I was being accused of talking on my mother's behalf, witch was not true. And I told the person that she could contact my mother directly instead of going trough me.
Then suddenly I was the horrible person 😁😂😂
So ridiculous.
The thing is that would have triggered me cause I struggle with self worth issues
Good for you! Let me know how you don’t cling to words and let them make you feel bad about yourself, I still need a lot of help within myself
YES. My ex told me the last time I talked to him that I've gotten much worse over the past year, because I stopped putting up with his abuse in June of last year, so ***I'M*** the bad person. I hate that this happened to both of us, but I thank you for sharing, because it's so validating, because I am STILL overcoming the gaslighting and psychological damage that was done.
These narcissists don't think they are narcissists, and they don't know they gaslight and manipulate. It's pretty much impossible to get them to see it.
There’s nothing you can say or do to get them to look inward.
Yes, great comment. They believe in a false self so anything that gets in the way of that such as your comment or my comment will be destroyed. At ALL costs! This is where they might get physically violent
Exactly. He just can't see it.
No it’s true they cannot ever see themselves. Ever
The fact is, it doesn’t matter if they recognize their behavior or not. It doesn’t matter if they truly believe their own story. What matters is: what _you_ want *does.* *not.* *matter.* Even if all you want is for them to stop hurting you.
"How dare you not believe me when I'm lying to your face!!!!" lol
Lol ...so true.
😲🤣🤣🤣👍
Yeah that was what she did the most to me
My favorite line was " Here we go with more nonsense. I am not listening to this baloney." 🤔🙄
@@beeznest7679 Oh yes 'the here we go' comment, when you're defending yourself, against their abuse!
Here's another common form I've seen many times from many narcs. When you call them out on something they deny it. Then you say, "You JUST said that. How can you deny it?" They deny 3 more times, then all of a sudden they will say, "The only reason I did that was because YOU..." Denial followed by blame and yet still will not acknowledge that they did do it. When you say, "So now you are admitting that you did it?" They will still say, "NO!" It is absolute insanity.
Angelina Hart Yes!!!!! My Nex was caught trying to get with her ex WHILE WITH ME...she denied denied denied it...then changed the story to needing to meet with her ex to discuss some business issues...and she didnt tell me because she didnt want me to get mad. 🙄🙄🙄
100%
After 3 years of him denying things that happened I started recording on my phone, leaving my phone randomly recording, he once ranted for half an hour, on his own in the bathroom at me, I was silent, he ranted that he’d make me homeless, that I’d lose my children, then he acted out a little scene where I would give strange men oral sex in exchange for a roof! It was vile!! He then left the house for 2 hours at night, when he returned I was in bed, he got into bed as if nothing happened,I calmly repeated his words, he looked shocked, said that never happened, that I was mad for saying that, that I must be delusional, I told him I had it recorded, he said I was lying, he said he would be truly insane if he’d says that as he knew he had not, stupidly I actually thought this would now convince him to get help!! I played it...he was silent a moment...then called me nuts for recording him!!
And that's how my ex made me think I was crazy. I'm so happy to know that I'm not alone.
@@tonytingles4230 Hu? Boy that's wrong.
"It's not our job to convince someone of what we think and how we feel" - you nailed it! I think this one is essential
Every single manipulation tactic all but implies the use of the lying tactic and the gaslighting tactic. I actually dislike it a little calling out gaslighting as a manipulation tactic as it's actually an effect. All manipulation tactics will contribute to it by nature of what manipulation is. Some tactics however certainly take the gaslighting effect to a whole different level. Blatant lies that are so bad they insult your intelligence is one of them. That kind of shit will make you feel like you are in the twilight zone after a while. Here are some of the reasons they do this: To test their control. To feel superior and/or entertainment. This proves to themselves how much control they have over you. In the end, you will give up and you will not leave (trauma bonded). In the process of getting to the giving up stage, you will go through some pretty nasty emotional states ending in massive amounts of cognitive dissonance to swallow all of that. Cognitive dissonance is a trauma defense mechanism where you essentially lie to yourself in various ways so that you can bring back some semblance of equilibrium to the insanity you find yourself unable to escape from. As part of the ‘backing you into an emotional corner’ tactic. This is a tactic where you are manipulated into being emotionally unstable inevitably leading to you losing your shit. This gives the narcissist a big dopamine burst, they feel powerful and superior having so deftly controlled you and manipulated into this emotional state. To finish the little game they play, they make sure to point out how unhinged and unstable you are and suggest that perhaps you need help or medication. Of course, you will internalize all that shame and guilt and the million other raging emotions they have created and swallow all that essentially allowing them to scapegoat their blame and accountability onto you. Bring on some more cognitive dissonance and gaslighting effects. To condition you to expect less respect, and ultimately put up with more abuse. You will tire of the inevitable circular argument trying to convince the narcissist of the blatantly obvious lie and eventually find yourself challenging them less and less as you subconsciously accept the fact that if you do it will just make your life and emotional state more miserable and you will be denied the satisfaction of any kind of ‘win’ even if it is easy to disprove. This is part of the domination process and makes sure all the power in the relationship ends up with them by the end. To turn your mind to mush as the gaslighting effect takes hold more and more over time. This makes you even easier to control.
Many times while easy to disprove it requires some kind of concession of some obvious truth that the narcissist can just doggedly refuse to agree with or remember (‘the intentional forgetting’ tactic and the ‘feigned confusion or ignorance’ tactics are often employed for this). So, in fact, it is not so easy to prove when the narcissist refuses to correctly remember what happened 10 min ago or accept sound logic or reasoning. You will just turn blue in the face trying. Of course, in some cases it is indisputable. A phone log or something. My experience is when this kind of stuff happens it wasn’t their intention typically, although sometimes it was. But in these scenarios, you will typically get some sort of angry ‘invalidating’ tactic, with some good old ‘manufactured rage’ and ‘intimidation’ tactics to ‘put you on the defensive’ and get you more susceptible to further manipulation. Maybe something like: “Get over yourself already” followed up by some ‘blame-shifting’ tactics with some good old ‘guilt’ and ‘shame’ tactics, like “Why the hell are you spying on my phone records anyway? What kind of relationship is this? I don’t have any privacy? I don’t know if I can do this anymore! You have major jealousy issues! You need help!” You will walk away as the loser either way. There are resistance tactics that can be used but this is a very difficult tactic to deal with and it is one of their favorites. I won’t get into the counter-tactics here though. The only way to really win in a relationship with a narcissist is to leave them and go no contact. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done *Metaspyhub@gmail. com* ,
The “you’re too sensitive” was the real kicker for me. So sad I lived with that as long as I did. And that’s the horrific part of gaslighting - it’s BLINDING.
Been there myself sister! I hope you are doing awesome today! 💜👊
When I showed any weakness or sadness, I was told "you are such a victim". This is while she is cheating on me and I am supporting her in every way possible.
Same- and I was just staying silent instead of validating myself and who I am. I did occasion say " so go date a jerk".
Mine would flat out like, deny the reality and come up with lies about me then tell me. Then he'd okay the victim and say I'm falsely accusing him of things he actually did while he's blaming and gaslighting me. Then he would invalidate reality while twisting facts about things I said. He sounded so convincing at times but I still up for myself. He still believed his own lies.
@@JoshPaterson I'm glad you're saying this in the past tense. It's over, right?
I hate it when someone tells me I'm too sensitive
Yes! It’s a way of invalidating your feelings and gaslighting you. They don’t acknowledge your experience and dismiss it with an excuse instead of validating what you’re saying.
I feel that
My spouse says, the “the problem is not that he is gaslighting me, but I have lost my ability to differentiate when he is joking.” UGH
I've been told I'm too emotional.
@@carrieannkouri2151 I notice that when some people say things that are offensive and then follow it up with "I am just kidding" then I realize that the person is an evil manipulator.
Ending a 29 year marriage now. I totally lost myself. I am so thankful for finally recognizing this!!
So glad your ok
Your blessed I'm disabled no where to go he knows this
Currently separated after 28 years. Cant take one more minute. Thanks for these videos and explanations they are giving strength.
Good for you. I hope you're happy 💕
Renee Evans
hey, there’s always help somewhere. I’m a human service student. There’s a victims of domestic violence center I work at now. Keep reaching out in your area!
When someone you Love starts telling you these horrible things, like your crazy and such. It cuts so deep. When it's the person you wanted to grow old with, it really cuts deep. Like a bullet to the heart.
Nailed it at around 15:00
I just want to say to everyone on this thread - YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I’ve recently broken up with a narc friend, sister and father and it almost broke me, but I promise there’s light on the other side ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thats me right now. My whole family are narcs and my sons father. I used to hate being alone (codependency from all the abuseeee) but now im happy to not have any of them in my life ! Embrace being alone !!!!
Trying to get away from a covert narc friend now. She is do cruel. Mask came off. Hope you are ok . Xx
As much as it hurt listening to this video...now i know theres a name to what was happenjng to me and feel a peace knowing that im NOT crazy or sensitive or delusional....THANK YOU
it's not your fault. it really is all them.
AG B 100% ur not alone.
It’ll be hard, but worth it. It only gets better
--good luck
Isn’t it terrible how they make you feel like you’re the crazy one? They make you feel like you’re the awful one? And you question yourself even though you know you’re not crazy or awful.
Me also
AG B I’m so sorry it had to go through that. I wish you will power to pull through babe. Whatever you do don’t let it change you. That’s when you have really lost.
I was told I’m being “too emotional” and need to “manage my emotions” lol. The person didn’t even ask if I’m okay! Lol
Same! I was told I should manage my emotions as a woman...coming from a man who could not control his raging words. Yet when I was pregnant and during the post partum stage did he care to even ask how I felt....nope instead he used my vulnerability and love as a way to hurt my feelings even more.
It's Isabell aw sorry you went through that, that was so patronising.
Oh yeah, how dare you react to being abused, you must hold Still and freeze like a robot , and never defend yourself while they abuse you. Organizations have these , as well as marriages. These people are so sick , and I'm so sick of them.
@@IsabellRegisteredNurse Vulnerable women are their favorite targets. It's like a quick game they can win and get a rush off of. If you had been stronger at the time, He would have been jealous and probably tried another way to knock you down. Such a jerk.
geez,,, i got those same exact words from her and lots of other red flags to boot LOL. good thing i figured it out too soon and what makes me think to RUN.
no more confusion, asking myself WHY? there's pain of course but just realizing that she's the real problem,,,,, now i know she doesn't have the worth chasing after.
get lost you,,,,,,,,
Whenever I tried to discuss anything with my EXTREMELY narcissistic ex wife, she would respond with any of these: you didn't hear me correctly; I never said that; you're crazy; you're senile; you have brain fog; you're hormonal; you always over-react; are we doing this again?; you're always playing the victim; you're just too sensitive. Too many others to list here. I became afraid to say anything about anything, or do anything at any time out of fear that it would be ridiculed, questioned, argued about, or told that it should have been done differently. Walking on pins and needles, talking on pins and needles, thinking on pins and needles, existing solely on pins and needles.
Hope you’re happy now….check out Dads Surviving Divorce channel too…..his videos are so encouraging!
I have filed a restraining order on my emotionally and physically abusive husband of 10 years just last week. We have two children and a home. I've built my entire life around him. This is a huge step for me. I've always just come back to him after a couple days away. I'm heartbroken because I love him but I know I'm doing the right thing.
I'm very glad I have found your channel! Thank god
Sending you love and strength 💚
Hopefully you didnt go back I almost did thank God also❤
Stay strong and Never trust them! They blame you for their actions. Crazy will make you crazy and unhealthy will make you unhealthy. God will heal us be patient.
He would always say"your over analyzing stuff again" or focus on a specific word
Yes, then tells me I’m micro optic... what?
yeah your causing drama, stop hurting yourself, you'll only cause more drama and quit over analyzing. haha yeah yet you caused all this??? ummm no i didn't...righhhht.
OMG, yes, the focusing on a specific word to completely derail the conversation. So. Many. Times.
Yes they always say you're over analyzing things! No I know what I saw!
My ex used to turn my words around so it sounds like I meant something else. And he would add to it and tell me I said things I never said! Constant state of confusion! Frustrating!
"get over it already it's in the past"
hello do you need help on how to get your ex back or restore someone you love
there is a love specialist who helped me get my ex back after 2years of divorce
+1⃣2⃣0⃣4⃣5⃣0⃣0⃣1⃣6⃣6⃣2⃣
This is the craziest shit I've ever heard and I've been going through it for the last 9-no 11 years and had no clue. Psychology education is a serious thing.
When we become aware we can plan our escape.
I wish I'd had this explained to me years ago. A 30 year marriage of gaslighting me to my knees. Pay attention and get out if they won't validate you.
Sun Tzu II I’m sorry to hear that, my wife’s the same way. I’m sorta stuck also.
41 years. She dies, lil blonde con nailed me within 6 months, ran off $200k of dead wife's jewelry , coin collection etc...females...Relationship Management training should begin in pre school.
Thank you, great advice. I like it.
Great word "validate". Invalidation is as damaging as gaslighting, they're intertwined tactics by abusive people. It can tear you down to the core if you're unaware and vulnerable.. You're not stupid, you're a decent person who can't fathom treating someone else in this way, so their behavior induces denial and repression of our own intuition. There are so many of these people out there these days, it's epidemic. And you're right. Pay attention, then don't doubt yourself, LEAVE THEM.
When will you people learn! VALIDATION IS MANIPULATION! forcing a person to validate the things you value about yourself is manipulation. If you're not compatible, don't blame them. Get out! Gas lighting is reading someone's diary and punishing them for it(secretly), putting their friends against them, intentionally creating problems to take up their energy and resources. This woman is delusional.
I hear “you’re in one of your moods again” when i was in a perfectly good mood until a certain person criticized me or acted hostile towards me.
Yuck
Wow
I feel you there
Lol I've had this recently. Being told I'm in a mood when I'm not... Until I am in a mood because im being told I'm in a mood.. Then it's "see your moods are horrible" wtf
Wow so what i get from her.
Word for word ! My husband would say "here we go again " "you make things up" "you make up memories" "you're too sensitive" "everyone is afraid to speak around you it's like walking in eggshells" I really started to think it was true
Ashley Lauren, Hope you are not with a narc 😈 cause you are too pretty!🌷🌷🌹🌷
My wife does the same stuff, but I'm the only one she does it to. There is almost no point in even telling her anything because I ALWAYS end up feeling worse than I did to begin with. But if I hold stuff in, then I end up blowing up and that don't work either.
Omg here we go ‘ was definitely one he recently said I say the dumbest thing, mind you were 18-17 yrs old he’s a manipulative narcissist person
Same here... sorry you went throught this... we all deserve better
My narcissistic husband said word to word like you wrote. I was doubting myself come here to learn, I get it. His mentally psychologically abuse causes me sick with high blood pressure, breast cancer and sleeplessness, to save my own life I need cut off this relationship , this is now I am doing.
My ex wife was a covert narcissist. She withheld affection, made me feel like a crazy person. I contemplated suicide often. Ive been divorced and away from her for a year and the effects still linger. My self confidence is trashed and I still really can't trust people anymore. My therapist said I have PTSD and it's symptoms (like anhedonia aka. emtional flatlining, you feel robotic) as part of the manipulation I was subjected to. These people are slow poison and you need to be so careful of them.
Dead inside. I hear you.
Me too my friend , me too. Stay tough 💪
Suicide feels like my only way out.
@@terralynnkesselring1682 it takes a long time to heal from these people, but it does happen. I didn't appreciate how LONG it would take. But I can promise it does happen, time does heal all wounds. First thing to do is to immediately remove them from your life. Change your locks, block them on social media, block them on your phone. Block them out of your mind. Unlearn all the terrible things they planted in there. You can do it. Please reach out to somebody in your life if you feel like this, see a therapist if you can. Sending some hugs.
Please don’t give up. There are a lot of us in your position. Have a look at CBT. It’s getting me there along with a lot of videos like this.
They are adult bullies
Exactly!
Vania Thomas exactly
So absolutely true! My bully narc mother is very proud to tell everybody that she's a fighter... I want to say no you're not mother you're a bully !.... but of course that would bring out a full on rage, and retribution... So I just say that in my head....... Lol!
Yes
Vania Thomas they are low lifes
When my partner says that their yelling is not yelling, and that we just have two different views on what is yelling?...Oh, and they're screaming this at me.
He says as he’s yelling “ we’re not arguing we’re just having an adult conversation “
Yep that's gaslighting right there!!
Mine says, " I'm not yelling ! I'm just speaking loud enough so you can hear me!" FYI I'M not hard of hearing. 😑
@@amyis486 mine too...
My son is definitely a nar
I can't believe this wow. The symptoms totally resonated with me but I subconsciously didn't want to believe that it was happening because I loved the guy so much and wanted to see the best in him. Man.. we really need to stop giving too much to people who can't give back.
IM EXACTLY THE SAME
Same
I truly think that psychology should be taught in middle and high school. It's very helpful. It could possibly change the way children that are becoming adults behave in the future. Psychology taught in school can definitely be a game changer.
Completely agree
It is. At least in my middle school and high school. You don’t fully grasp it until you really live it and take a step back for yourself.
My ex-fiance took back the ring on Christmas Eve 2017. It was a blessing in disguise. I knew he was very insecure and manipulative. Flip floppy. Never took accountability for his actions. Never answered a question, directly. My intuition was on its max level that the relationship was unhealthy. I was being gas-lighted. But now I am free to rebuild myself. Thank you for this video. You were spot on.
Anchor'd Soul thank you and yay to rebuild! Your attitude is amazing! Great outlook!
Anchor & Soul That was a blessing and the best gift he could give you! You got out the relationship before it got any deeper I am so happy for you! Keep growing and healing ❤️
Everyday gets a little easier or maybe I get a little stronger.
Anchor & Soul good for u well done
Anchor & Soul glad u got rid of him
so so so many times i was left with my jaw dropped, unsure how he effortlessly turned a situation around on me... total refusal to see things from my eyes, wouldn't let me speak most of the argument... he HATED when i would ask a questions, and i would always say, "i'm trying to understand you better"... he would say, "you could never understand, so stop trying"... YEAH NO DUH! what an insane way to spend 3 years.
Wow this is what I'm going through, as recently as a couple hours ago
aidansmamaa a year later and I still think back on those moments... it has a lasting effect on you, be strong and take care of yourself
Omg I asked questions to understand him too but he gets so mad. He thinks I'm accusing him lol
This hurts, we never really resolved any issues cause everytime I open up what's not okay with me with what he is doing, he just simply tell me "STOP! STOP!!! THAT IS YOUR FAULT THERE'S NOTHING TO BE SENSITIVE ABOUT!! THAT'S NOT EVEN VALID!! YOU CAN OPEN UP TO ME ONCE IT IS VALID, ALL YOU KEPT SAYING IS NONSENSE! IT'S ALL IN YOUR MIND, YOU'RE DUMB TO THINK OF THAT WAY!! STUPID PEOPLE WILL ONLY BELIEVE WHAT YOUR SAYING!"
Well I'm not even arguing with him, I'm just opening up what makes me uncomfortable and what's not okay with me, if he truly cares about me he should listen whether he agree to disagree right? Made me feel doubtful, am I being too sensitive? It all happened when we built his PC, I helped him with his dream of becoming a streamer, even though I helped him a lot, during live he constantly saying that he only did it alone, he even lies about his real identity during live and I don't know why is he doing that, he always says - "STOP BEING IN MY WORLD STOP PUSHING YOURSELF TOWARDS MY WORLD I'M CREATING MY OWN NAME NOT OURS" this is awful right? After everything I have sacrificed, for him, to support him, then all he does is to hurt my feelings that he kept telling that it is not valid. Now he asked for space cause he said he's tired of the dramas and made him feel exhausted.
Going through this now. 😥
I had a friend gaslight me. That was the end . I blocked her from me on all
Social media and my phone . Problem solved . Don’t have time for toxic people .
Elizabeth Claire,You look gorgeous 🌷,Hope you are not with a narcissist!
Always being told I'm delusional, too sensitive, overreacting, exaggerating, being ridiculous, having a breakdown...... It is so frustrating!!!
Learning what this is and stepping away from the confrontation and just putting myself into an the protective bubble!!
Really wish there was more education out there as this has happened since childhood and I'm now 40 and finally realising what is happening!!!! (narcissistic mother) hard to know who I really am as it's been going on for so long. I need to find my identity and build up a new sense of self.
He acted like he was better than me too! ripped me to shreds as a person, mom, friend, as if I should not be alive. I began to feel so badly about myself I was having dark thoughts. I was addicted to his approval and to gain his validation.
Cheryl Stewart I have also had to research Trauma Bonds. It kinda sounds like that. I personally sorta hate my ex, but miss him and it’s very confusing.
Definitely learn more about Trauma bonding! It’ll definitely start putting more of the pieces together. Just dive into learning as much as you can about narcissism, codependency, self-love, trauma bonding and you will begin to heal.
Cheryl Stewart My older Sister did this to me for years, until I got educated to this type of abuse. No sense in trying to make them see what they are doing. They will always flip it on you then they get to always be the victim. I went no contact, for good.
He nearly drove me to suicide. If I couldn’t be the person he wanted then there was no point in living anymore...he became my only reason. I had no confidence in myself. But I’m glad to say I’m mostly recuperated emotionally and now in a loving respectful relationship.
When I'm wronged somehow it always comes back to me. Their action is never addressed it can't even be mentioned. Then the character assassination and threats begin. All their actions are fine. All of mine are the worst possible even if they are reactions to an offensive person. I just wish this person wasn't my wife.
My husband is just like that. He's a narcissist. We're separated for a year. I am feeling more like myself with him out my presents.
JSM my husband was a narcissistic and since we’ve been separated I have been so much happier I now know I don’t want the marriage because he refuses to admit he has a problem and I won’t get trapped back into his manipulation anymore
Sending love 💚
Mine said “ Who you’ve been talking to?” Another thing they do is that they try to isolate you. Working on loving myself! Thank you so much for your videos 🙏
“Feeling this person was healthier than me” or “feeling the person is better than you”, insane stuff. So relatable !
I was in a relationship like this. They would twist things that I wanted and would believe, I started to doubt myself and everything. They would make me feel so confused about everything. I felt like the bad guy when I didn’t actually have anything to feel bad about. If I had a problem with the way they were acting they would turn it around so it was actually me with the problem. They isolated me from my friends, family and job, and made me completely dependent on them. Things would happen that I remembered clearly but they would state that it didn’t happen like that. If I ever stood up for myself they would attack me for it. I started feeling afraid to tell them anything that I knew they wouldn’t like to hear, for the way they would treat me after. They would ignore me and make me feel so bad.they treated me like an extension of themselves, not my own person. They weren’t interested about hearing about me but about me listening to them all the time. And then when I took space away from them they claimed that I had ruined them, ruined the love they had for me and that it was an unforgivable thing to do. And then they dropped me completely, even though they claimed to have loved me. They told me they were in love with someone else straight after, and that’s when I knew they never really valued me even though I loved and gave up so much for them. I still feel so much guilt about everything. Like it’s all my fault and I was the bad one. Im still so confused and feel like if I had tried harder they would have stayed, when I gave up so much just to be with them. Luckily I have people that are supporting me and helping me see that actually I wasn’t the bad one, this wasn’t my fault, and the way they were treating me wasn’t right. If anyone else is out there going through this, being made to feel like the bad one in the relationship; just know that it’s not your fault. Someone is mistreating you and doesn’t see it or want too. It’s hard as you doubt yourself so much but you will get through it. It’s not right to treat someone as a possession, you should be treated as another human being with your own side to things, not just their side. I hope reading this can help you identify that there is a problem and it’s not just you.
I am going through this. 17 years and I should've read the signs better. I try to see the good in people because i grew up believing hit first ask questions later. I have kids now so I have to be a better person and teach them right from wrong. And still be real with them. I don't trust a lot but when I do I hold on to that trust and it better not be broken. I changed my whole life for this man just to be abandoned and only get his attention when it is good for him. He cheats I know it but somehow that's my fault I quit drinking and went through a cancer scare and if you asked him about it he really wouldn't know what you were asking because he pays no attention to me. I really don't even know who I am anymore. I changed my job, my home, everything I used to be is now buried deep in me and I don't know how to talk to him. He turns everything around on me when I have an issue with him. Its always my fault I'm not loveable and constantly puts me down or belittles me. The main problem is I moved from Cali to Oklahoma for him and our family and now I am scared that I will never get away and get my life back. I am literally 14 miles from anything, the country means the country, with 2 kids no money and a broke down car. He gives me money now and then and hes an ok father but I cant live like this. Its prison with a nicer shower. how does this crap stop I need help.
I completely relate it's been hell . I'm disabled no where to go suicidal
Renee Evans How are you doing?
Im ok dont want to do that today just feel stuck im disabled dependant depressed i live in Sacramento ca . I have a hard time with friendships my daughter says you push everyone away mom . i dont know why i do that i adore people & our differences thats what keeps life interesting . i love to sing i dont even have any friends musicly in common my confidence & selfesteem are affected alot
Ive learned staying calm helps while hes blaming twisting to be my fault if he could just be compassionate loving understanding . thank you for asking how i am very nice . how are you??
I've been emotionally abused by someone whom I thought was a great friend for 15 years and my father for more than 30 years...I am moving out of state to get some much needed healing!
This video was confirmation that I needed to trust my strong intuition that has been there since I was a child. I thank God for waking me and day by day I am moving towards self-love and higher self esteem
You are so blessed you have that option i think if i had options he might get better i would be a higher value woman
That’s huge. They can’t sit in a space for you… I get the “here we go again” every single time I say something and he’s had too much to drink.
I love how you said we should look in the mirror because at the end of the day it’s not about them but us becoming better men and women for ourselves, careers and community
Wow. This video is a mayor wakeup call. Glad I left my ex. I did feel confused and crazy after the relationship ended. He looked so quiet and innocent 🤮
SAME 😏
Recently left a decades long relationship with a NPD. I married my father, I kept hoping he'd change, I kept wearing the mask, I kept living in denial...they never do change. I am in a much better place now. Working on loving myself first and foremost. No longer searching on the outside, finally, it's never too late:). Thanks Stephanie Lyn!
Yes, he would always tell me I'm crazy and he would always say, "Here we go again"....that was his signature crazy making line! 🤪
I frickin hate that....grrrrr🤯🤬
Mine did that too! When he was the crazy liar
Yes, mine has lines like "Here we go again, you need help, you hv issues, you hv negative attitude, I don't know what you are talking about, I didn't say that, fuck you, bitch, I am not going to apologize, don't drive my car, move out of the house, go stay at a hotel..."
Yup same here
Same here. “Here we go again”, “have you got a problem?!”
I just started realizing that I am in emotional abusive relationship...I thought I was going out of my mind. To the point that I'm starting to have so much anxiety... I just hope that this is the first step in getting my confidence and trust in myself
Wow! Exactly what I went through! He said these same statements "here we go again, going in circles, you're crazy, everyone sees how you are, you're a train wreck an alcoholic".... he could not stay on topic no matter what. He'd have a full on rage whether I was calm or defending myself. He ostracized me in front of others. It has been 5 mo since I left him and still in pain from his humiliation, harmful words and actions. He's been hoovering I finally got the nerve to block him. It was a difficult decision because I feel guilt for doing it.
Cheryl Stewart Great job for blocking. It’s a huge step. I am true no contact and complete block since December. It’s hurtful. But I am thinking necessary.
Good for you! Even though recovery is difficult you did and are doing the right things!
Don't feel guilty on validating and respecting youself
Yes blocking does the trick! People may say that’s childish aka the person who I blocked said that! But don’t ever lose yourself or let anyone else make you lose it. So stick to no contact until his opinion and even his presence doesn’t phase you. ❤️
protect your peace. I have had to block my own husband for a day. Kept texting me inappropriate stuff. Sorry Dude.
This is amazing. I was with a person just like this. Just manipulative, deceptive, shaming, blaming, guilting, twisting things. There were times she would try and make me feel like i was scum. Then when I learned and spoke logically, she'd discard. It was awful. The most toxic time in my life. Anyone going through this get out. It's the only option
Wow. I had no idea that the verbal abuse and making me feel crap was a form of gaslighting!! I think I was meant to see these videos 100%
Wow, I never knew that what he was doing was gas lighting. You are describing what I go through every time I try and bring up our relationship or talk to him about something that is bothering me. What's sad is that he doesn't see anything wrong in what he is doing. He flips it around and says I'm confusing him or I'm crazy and need to get over it or he rubs his face and goes "ugh again" and walks out of the room. It's incredibly disheartening to know that my feelings don't matter to this person.
Monica F i’m sorry… I am happy though that you are realizing that this is what is going on. Until we educate ourselves on these things we don’t always understand why people are behaving in certain ways.
Omg this video says exactly what I been going through for over the last year. I feel so much better that it wasn’t me. Thank you 🙏
Next time when he start to talk even like good morning tell him u r crazy Nd deserve better
it is not love when they won't listen to you. It is silent treatment. Not being heard is the most hurtful thing. Mine would say 'have you finished? great now shut up and kiss me' ...yup...totally heard...not.
@@Goldgirl1978
Yes, I totally relate! Before I knew that all the crazy stuff my husband was putting me through was narcissistic Abuse, I was so confused and frustrated. I would spend hours in a monologue with myself trying to make him "get it"! I actually thought that if I could explain all the ways in which he was treating me, responding in a weird ways and creating unnecessary drama, that he would go "Oh, I see now, I'm so sorry! I completely get where you're coming from and see the things I need to work on for the betterment of our relationship. I'm so happy that you've explained to me how to be a decent human being! I'll knock off all my bullshit so that we can finally move forward."
Um no.
And as you mentioned, the kiss! He will still to this day behave horribly, attempt to gaslight me and when I don't react, go into his tantrums/rages (going on for hours) and like if it happens say, before bedtime.... He will come over to me and want his goodnight kiss! WTF?
I realized that in giving in and letting that kiss occur, I was essentially *rewarding* him for his bad behavior, emotional & mental mind fuckery!
Finally I stopped allowing him that kiss. I refuse to reward ANYone for treating me as a sub-par human being! No way, It's just crazy!
Take care of you 💪💞
The no J.A.D.E. I need to remember to quit justifying myself. No arguing with a fool. Quit defending myself, no matter how guilty I feel about whatever and screw the explaining, because emotionally abusive jerks won’t get it anyway. I am trying to learn. Thank you for your videos.
Barb B Absolutely! It’s a process and it takes time it takes practice I’m learning how to do these things because you’re not used to doing them.
Barb B Amen Sister!!!!!!!!!
Barb B this is a great Acronym. Thank for that helpful tool.
Yes. They are ignorant, along with being unteachable. Nor do the have the capacity to live outside their own world and patterns.
It's nice if we just share our perceptions thoughts and feelings and listen to each other. There are justifications and defenses sometimes when we are accused. We have a right to know what the accusations are and to defend ourselves so the truth may be established.
So true I’m glad i went through that relationship it helped me learn so much about myself and about unhealthy people. I’m really kind and that use to be a weakness now it’s a strength!!! I trust myself so much more and everyday I can feel my heart mending back it feels so good . Thanks Stephanie ❤️
My husband says always "what are you talking about"
Corina Noah,You don't deserve to be with a narc 😈!
Corina Noah,You deserves a good man 👨
Holy crap. Everything you're saying sounds like my partner. I can't believe he could be emotionally manipulating me and making me feel like I'm crazy
U better believe it before it's too late they don't change
Can gaslighting also include behavioral flip flops? One minute they are nice as pie (especially when hey think you’re pulling away) and the next they’re tearing your head off for some minor infraction. And when you confront them they point out the areas in which they’ve been “good” to you to make you feel guilty. This happens to me all the time.
Gina Thorne pointing out the “good” sounds like manipulation. Even the nice one minute tearing my head off the next to me seems more of emotional manipulation than gaslighting.
Gina Thorne I suffer the same exact thing!! It’s crazy, you literally start to feel so confused and crazy??
That is absolutely manipulation, I'm not sure if it's gaslighting because that makes you feel insecure and crazy. But I have experience the flip flopping and the thing I did wrong to make me feel guilty. That keeps us under their control. We may have different experiences, because the Narcissist I dealt with was my mother.
Sounds like BPD. Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissism
I constantly receive a false sense of security from my partner. Always threatening to split with me - telling me what a bad person I am. Apparently I am selfish, self-absorbed, tight with money, he has self diagnosed me with psychosis. He has also told me how stupid I am - not clever or intellectual.....and then he turns the tables...he wants to work things out, he tells me that he loves me....and then he goes at it again.....I need to get the strength to get out of this cycle of fog and nastiness 😪
All these things happen because we allow it, and its not like we have to think " its all my fault" its just keep in mind that we give them the permission to treat us that way, remember: "you show others how you wanna be treated for the things that you tolerate". I know that when you are in this situation its really difficult clean up your mind and get back in your own feets again, but we had to. Thanks great video!
I kicked my narcissist out of my life... They really don't like to lose
Or when they say.. “so what you’re saying is” OR “what I’m getting from you is” then twist your words.
Yup!
OMG YES!!
That’s the worst!
Gosh! this happened to me a week ago I felt horrible and cursed the hell out of him because I felt frustrated. I’m ignoring him with a purpose to move on. It hurts my feelings. I know I deserve better than him. He can kiss my ass this time
Wow....that is soooooo true.
To this day, after almost 2 years of being out of an abusive relationship, people close to me don't even seem to believe that it happened. They seem to think I am making all this up for attention. Or, something like that. They say things like, but, it's over now and aren't you glad it is over yet? Are you still talking about that?
I rearely talk about it but, once in a while when I do mention gaslighting or anything to do with abuse, they don't seem to believe me.
And, you know what? THAT'S OKAY. Just because they don't believe me or think I am making it up, I still have the right to talk openly about what happened to me.
I've been silenced too long anyway and if I choose to say I was gaslighted, that is my free will.
They could be narcissistic too. But, whatever. The experience was real for me but, it isn't my job to convince them.
I still, however, have the right to talk about it if I choose. No more silencing the victims.
corrolla You just absolutely nailed it! It was real for you! There are millions of people that experience the same things as you and unfortunately sometimes our family and friends do not and they don’t understand.
My response to those statements when people have made them to me are " I hope and pray you will never have to go through or truly understand what I went through". And that is the TRUTH . No one should have to go through that experience!
Most people won’t understand. It can be annoying from the other end to hear a story especially negative brought up. I’ve had multiple people tell me in the past I talked too much about my exes. I let them make me feel like I needed to be quiet, but after further study I read it’s actually what we NEED to come to terms with the fact that we are indeed not crazy and not imagining things. After being made to feel like you are crazy, it helps to get your thoughts off your mind. I also think at some point it’s good to work on accepting the past and learning from your mistakes, not beating yourself up for allowing it anymore, and to be in a peaceful place where you hardly ever think about your evil ex & all the manipulation they used. I even had a narc friend that was also traumatized by a worse narc than she was and we shared stories & at one point it was nice to get it out there, examine it, and move forward, but she prefers to linger in darkness & tries to bring me down with her by bringing up my past. It doesn’t work anymore, I choose positivity & she chooses to be negative and complain over every and anything without logic. I have been effectively using the “gray rock” method to keep her at bay and out of my hair.
I know exactly how you feel! It's been a almost a year after my abusive relationship and people get angry if I bring up how I was treated so I know the feeling
And when everyone in your life say wow your so lucky. Hes such an amazing guy, hes such a great guy! Didn't help. It added to doubting and made me think, oh maybe I'm just over thinking things maybe I'm being too sensitive. Everyone things hes so nice and kind.
That’s how coverts keep you confused and stuck. I hope you’re finding light and love 💚
@@FoodTrucksForDummies thank you for your well wishes. You as well... I had one relationship after that one, and there were small similarities...so I jumped ship. I have been single a year now. And I have finally found peace and happiness. For the first time in my 39 years of life, I feel happy alone. Yes...there are bouts of loneliness sometimes, but it passes after a few tears. I think that's just normal. I know its better than being with the wrong guy.
@@tisha2297 yessss Warrior goddess! You’ve returned to self love and your loving and supporting yourself. I needed to hear that. I’m learning to the same and I’m trying to help others so I started my own channel. I think there’s so much power in our stories. Well find love when we know we’re ready for it. Take all the time you need. Don’t let society rush you or feel like your alone. You have us this loving community of the conscious collective. We all have a huge capacity for love and we care so much everyone who’s here for healing and recovery. Sending so you more love 💚
@@FoodTrucksForDummies awww😊. THANK YOU so much 💓. And thank you for all you do!! Definitely other people's stories and experiences help. It definitely makes you realize you're not alone in realizing who people really are. And you can be free from them. Its an AWAKENING. If I may add, Maya Angelou's interviews with Oprah helped. "When people tell (or show) you who they are, believe them the first time." One of my favorite quotes from her. Now, I may be forever changed by the experiences I have been through, but I know for sure that I am stronger, I am wiser, and I can definitely see red flags, and will not question myself, OR my intuition again. Miss Maya Angelou talks about there will be little whispers, listen to them. Thats the universe or your intuition talking to you. If you don't, there will be earth shattering experiences (hurt, and pain) that will make you listen. I know now, looking back at my experiences I did hear whispers...life is about learning and growing, and to pass that on to the next person, so hopefully their life won't be so full of pain, and they can learn from our experiences. You do have a choice, you can be free, you can be happy... have courage! You can do it. Break those chains! You are not bound, not meant to be unhappy and live life under control of someone else. Don't give them that power. TAKE IT BACK!.
@@tisha2297 I was not expecting a response from you at all. I’m so grateful I just sent love. You’ve been a huge gift for me today. I have not watched this interview with Miss Maya Angelou and Oprah. I’m about to do so now and get the downloads of wisdom. I can relate to the little whisper and ignoring my intuition. You’re definitely off your karmic cycle in my humble opinion and using the lessons as a guide. Your amazing and your soul is to be thanked also 💚💚
Omggg I think I have been mentally abused by people my whole life
Me too, it's a terrible life, omg I'll pray for you
Thank you for this video! I left an emotional abusive relationship a few months ago and I really struggled with the break up at first. He made me feel that I was asking for too much and was trying to change/control him, when the reality was that I was asking to be respected in the relationship. He wanted me to accept that him being 30-60 minutes (consistently) late for a date was acceptable and “not a big deal”.... or that him screaming at me when he was upset at me was him speaking “passionately ” about the topic. Apparently I did not know the difference from being yelled at and I was sensitive and “needed help”. I was also told that I would never find anyone because I was so ‘messed up’ and that I would be single forever unless I changed 🙄. The list goes on and on but I actually started to question myself even though I knew his actions were unacceptable. He always made it seem as though I was over reacting when I would mention things that were bothering me. I’m so glad I’m out of that situation and this video just confirms that I was right to leave. More people need to talk about this because it can really hold you mentally hostage. Break free people!!! I’m so glad I did. Once again, great video!
I realized I was being cheated on and he started making me feel like I was crazy. Everything I called him out on he tried to make it seem as though it were untrue. I realized at that point the man had some psychological issues and I am soooo truly thankful I recognized the signs and ended things immediately. Thank you for the confirmation!
Alia Hatchett wow. Same here.
I never felt I was going mad at his gaslighting. I didn't doubt myself because I knew very well that he was lying, avoiding, blaming, trying to play mind games. I didn't know the term for it then though.
My difficulty was more that I didn't know why he was doing it. I felt there was something I could do to make it better. I never felt not good enough, despite his efforts, I just didn't know what he needed because it just felt like a bottomless pit. I am an optimist. This is obviously great for a narcissist because they'll know that people like me just think the bad times will pass. Things will be better. Look for a way to make everything happy.
I did that for over 20 years! It doesn't get better. Your happy nature and hopeful outlook just creates a marvelous challenge for them to crack you. And it's a high place to fall from. When he was able to bring me down I hit the floor hard. He then realised me for not holding onto my resilience. Lucky for me I bounce. And I built myself up with the Bible, and other powerful inputs from the likes of Zig Ziglar, Anthony Robbins, etc. But just because I didn't think I was going mad it didn't mean he wasn't gaslighting me. It was the lack of understanding the problem that kept me trying to find new ways of approaching that problem. I now know my attentiveness to trying to sort it was just feeding the monster. And what a poor sad monster he is. When he moved back in with his parents they were obviously annoyed at me. (In 20 years they could barely manage a conversation with me!)
I just said to his mother when she whittered at me that I should stand by my husband, "You created the monster, you tame it!"
Hehehe 😁
Sorry but it did feel good saying that to her.
And they definitely did create that monster. Poor little lad growing up with extreme snobbery and foul tempers, including having one golden child the others could never, and still can't, live up to.
Ah well. Sorry for so many comments. I was just needing to get my thoughts down as I was listening to this video. I loved the last bit. I don't need others to agree with my opinions. I just need to be able to express them without fear. To know I'm okay thanks and I don't need approval from him or his parents. I'm doing nothing wrong and still even care about him...but from a safer place.
This sounds like every relationship I've had. Looks like most people are narcissistic. Thank God I finally have someone that is sane and normal like me and doesn't do any of this. When the red flags show up, we usually choose to brush it off. THEY NEVER CHANGE! You can't change them. The only thing you can change is the situation and get out!
natsen04,You deserves better
Why would anyone thumbs down? (They must be trying to gas light us) 😉
Jen Robinson
Because she's giving bad advice. She's an untrained, self-styled relationship guru.
She's basically saying that your feelings and intuition are always correct, reality and facts be damned. You've never been wrong about anything? You've never made a mistake, miscalculated a situation, or just plain behaved badly? Think about it.
Her entire channel is about being (and remaining) a victim, and not claiming responsibly for anything in life.
That's crazy.
@@jonathanrandall4140 you're an idiot.
Those are the narcissists that thumbs down the video. They hate it when their manipulative tactics are revealed!
Jonathan is one of the gaslighting narcissists that thumbs downed this video because she’s exposing his tactics.
@@jonathanrandall4140 she could NOT have been more spot on In describing my ex/current woman dude.. i know it's anecdotal and my opinion blah blah, but it's on point. TRUST ME.... my "altruistic world Champion GF, filled of only light + love on da inside, and an uncanny yet infallible recollection of EVERY single nefarious duplicitous attempt to 'deceive/trick/lie' I've been CAUGHT engaged in when I was literally doing things I thought SHE would like aka buying flavor or brands she enjoyed etc..." it's fuuuucking MADDENING... UNTIL I get my wits about me n am back to AWARENESS of WHO/WHAT I'm dealing with, just like this lady says I swear lol!.... I'm "cruel, mean, emotionally abusive a liar an ALWAYS prone to INCORRECT memories erc" n THEN I remember "dis chick has NO credibility and ignore ALL her foolishness WITHOUT losing my temper"... it's HARD when they will NOT. EVERY. NO MATTER WHAT. I MEAN NEVER... Admit they ARE WRONG. Nor apologize.
This is exactly my life with my ex. It's so sad. He would say I'm overreacting, I take everything personally, he would joke about me in public then say it's just a joke. He said I argue over dumb things but it's because I took the bait. So very sad.
The issues with memory loss from all the verbal and emotional abuse brought me to my knees. You totally lose yourself and totally lose your ability to make basic decisions
Teresa Lussier,You look pretty,Hope you are not with a narcissist!
I've cried through most of this video. I've been gaslighted and emotionally abused by my partners. I'm just coming out of the latest relationship, confused and conflicted as you so accurately described! This video has helped a lot to try and make sense of what's happening to me, thank you 💜🙏
I went through falsifying facts, gaslighting, projecting, escalating arguments and three dumps before the hovering began. no contact.
There you go! Good job!
I just went through this last night with a "friend"! After being unfair to me regarding an agreement, she lashed out at me after I reiterated what our separate parts of said agreement was saying,"It's always the same bullshit! " So, I asked her what "bullshit" she was referring to? Instead of staying on subject, she said, "The miscommunication." Lol Basically, she was trying to say I had a problem with comprehension. I remember the last time something like this happened and she referred to the past where she blatantly wronged me, as me having been too sensitive. I didn't get angry though. I have previously. I just looked her in the eye and walked away. She still kept talking and asked me to drop it. I told her,"I did drop it, just now when I walked away." I just know who she is and I will not continue to have her in my life in any capacity any longer. Talking to her did not go well. It went from anger, to her in a puddle of tears (because she's the real victim)instead of taking responsibility, or even discussing what transpired. I don't think she'll change. I have had my sneaking suspicion she was a Narcissist. She pulled out all the stops and showed herself. SMH I paid full attention this time. I grew up with Narcs and so I guess I was ripe for this stupidity. The only thing is I am on the road to healing thank goodness. I don't this the drama nor the disrespect.
Maldives Baby Wow. Love how you put it as "ripe for this stupidity". That totally resonates with me. I realize my mother is/was a narcissist. So, of course, I was ripe for a narcissistic man when I was 19. Married to him for 28 years. I almost always let him have his way, just because it wasn't worth the battle. Got sick of it after discovering his infidelity and withdrawal of 45k from the retirement account. And the last 3 years we were married (divorcing him) he amped up the gaslighting, the finger pointing and the excuse making. Free, at last. I'm still trying to find my own way. Tried to help my sister twice through her homelessness, only to realize she is a narcissistic alcoholic. There is just too much drama with these "people".
My 82 year old narc-X mother, she practiced gaslighting to destroy my life, for 5 years, along with her psychopathic husband, her felonious husband, #4, and the two of them, made a game of me, for years. They were cruel and unusual. This forum, is great! Any education, any help you can get, to get your life back, is so essential. My mother, is someone who I only now view, as a biological mother. I plan to be as far away from her, and her life is no longer my business. My life is my business. Life is good! I am creating children's books, illustrating them, and starting my life anew. A new beginning! And now, I am clear. No contact!
Wow! Lightbulb moment...Thanks Steph and all those who have commented in her vids, especially this one. It all comes down to being " Unapproachable" intricate lies woven into intense head games that not only leave them completely unaccountable, but leave you doubting your own reality and sanity. The ironic thing is that i was told that i am the one who was a hopeless narcissist! When I tried on the shoe, it just didnt fit! My thoughts, my feelings and most importantly any solutions to finalize this divorce were met with constant arguments that could never be won.Sticking up for any bounderies or having mutual respect so we could finish this were deemed" verbally ,emotionally, and mentally abusive! What? Really? Finally came to the conclusion that no matter what i am not going to get a fair shake. If thats the price i have to pay for my serenity, my future happiness and joy, hope for a better future... Then so be it! I am free to go anywhere i choose from here on out. No more pulling others dead weight. Since i am responsible for my life alone...there is no blame or being a victim. Victims never heal. Its a Great day to be free. Thanks again for helping connect the final dots to this complicated puzzle
I have such a hard time mastering my emotions........I'm too sensitive and forgiving!,
I tell him " I dont like when you do this or that to me" ie, I dont like when you put your feet on me... he says , well what if I like it. Then starts in on how much he does for me and how I don't take anything he likes into consideration. I have learned so much from you and want to thank you for your videos. I cant tell you how much they are helping me understand that the feelings I have aren't because I'm crazy.
Start recording conversations openly and offer to play back the recording when they try to manipulate you and say "You said XXXXX." When you don't think you did. It nipped it in the bud really quick. My ex would actually stop trying to argue or manipulate me as soon as I got my phone out because she knew the game was over from the beginning.
If I ever tried to talk to her about something she was doing she would just say, "I don't know what to say." And the conversation ended there. But if she had an agenda she would wake me up in the middle of the night in bed or chase me from room to room in the house. I lost many nights sleep circling the same conversation over and over until I finally caved in.
Don't let these people wear you down. Run
That's how I was able to get my divorce , finally.
I went to so many therapists because I thought I was the problem. I would tell them about how my ex would say things that I dont think happened the way she claimed, and the therapist would just kinda sit there and nod. Very useless. Sad I had to figure it all out myself from TH-cam. A decade of narcisstic abuse and manipulation and 3 months since being discarded and I was a puddle on bathroom floor for the first couple months. Then I started researching and finally figured out what happened to me. I feel much better now and am rebuilding myself, realizing it wasnt all me because I always tried to talk things out and she would just storm off and always put all the blame on me. I would apologize whenever I did something wrong, she never apologized once in 9 years, I would always take the blame and was always the scapegoat for every single little thing. She would withhold intimacy and even when she was intimate (once a month or so when she needed it), there never seemed to be a real connection, just like going thru the motions to get herself off. We could only do things in the certain way she wanted. Eventually I stopped caring about having sex, stopped caring about needing connection, stopped caring about her being upset all the time, started being cold and distant and detached and basically mirroring back how she treated me for years, then she discarded like 9 years was nothing, I guess because it was all fake and was nothing to her. But she made sure to place all the blame on me on the way out, and also was very physically abusive toward the end when I started treating her how she treated me for years. They do a great job devaluing you and fucking up your mind. I was a healthy motivated young 21 year old man when I met her, but over those 9 years it was like I had cancer, I lost my job, lost everything because all my energy went toward trying to keep her happy. I had to stay up super late because I only felt peace after she went to sleep, I could watch a movie or listen to music with my headphones. Then I would sleep for a long period of time, to recharge from all her abuse during the day. Now I sleep half as much and wake up feeling like I'm more rested? Its so weird how much energy they take from us.
I used to make music but she never liked that so I stopped doing it, now I'm getting back into making music. Feeling much more like myself now and not a shell of myself. Remembering who I am. Realizing I can do things (she always made me feel like I couldnt accomplish or do anything she was super controlling, lost all my friends and just everything really that I cared about). I used to encourage her to find friends and do whatever she wanted. I never would want someone to give up everything they care about just for me. Its a 2 way street and people should be able to live their life and then complement and benefit each other. All she ever cared about was financial and material things. I want love and affection and encouragement from a relationship.
Holy shit! You are lifting the veil. Your channel should be blowing up.
seriously ! she awesome
Thank you so much I was born and raised on this form of gaslighting narcissist abuse. I'm sure that's how I because a people pleaser which in turn drawn more narcissist into your life.
Wonderful video. Thank you so much Stephanie.
Love you angel
Namaste
I want to say, that when you first meet some narcissists it can seem like they're holding space for you. They will remember what you're talking about too! Then when they get to the point of "dropping you" they often just regurgitate those shares as shallow, crazy or self-centred, and how they're sick of hearing about your stuff (but before this, they're asking about it, and listening - although most likely not really empathising), So whether I was happy, sad, disappointed, excited or anything else, they're focused on making it all seem trivial in retrospect.
Jacine Rilea, Hope you are not with a narc 😈 cause you are too cute!🌹🌹🌷🌷🌷
Stephanie Lyn is terrific. I've listened to alot of Coaches on this topic, including Lisa Romano, and Stephanie is definitely one of the best. She's knows her stuff and has a great delivery, she clearly explains things and she's interesting to listen to. Thanks, Stephanie!
R Santella,You look cute 🌷,Hope you are not with a narcissist!
I just found your channel. Im at the end of a very emotionally abusive marriage. For a long time i thought i was the issue, and he has made me doubt my sanity. I went from a very happy productive person to a depressive, anxiety ridden person who cant even drive to other places or go places by myself.. depression is so bad that i fight suicidal thoughts almost daily. He went from being a great christian man to a couple years later.. someone i didnt recognize.. calling me crazy..bipolar.. dramatic.. he says.. "your lying, your wrong" ... controls the money and bills.. etc
these videos are keeping me afloat.
C Wish I am so glad you found us!! This community is an amazingly compassionate group of people and channel like mind and many others will 100% help educate yourself and teach you how to overcome these feelings, learn how to love yourself and create the a life of peace and happiness! 💜
I went through something similar and got divorced from my narcissist. I saw a therapist and she told me he is a narc (and probably gay to boot!) I started educating myself. The best book I found is "Psycopath Free". Jackson McKenzie. Explains it all. I am about 2 years away from the divorce and I am happy and my old self again! It takes time. Keep doing the self work. Stay positive and get away from him!
Sounds just like my life currently. He is evil. He controls everything & holds all the cards & HE KNOWS IT. I not in a position to leave, he's made sure of that. It's diabolical. I just hope to make it out alive & sane.
my older sister does this to me, if i am talking, she changes the subject back to her and how she feels, she dismisses my feelings and projects that only she matters...only she is all knowing...and she will tell you what you should do and if you don't listen to her, she rages.
All elders r same
Cathy Ann,You deserve better 🙏🙏🙏
i am 25 years old and i've been gaslighted by parents since birth. I always knew by instinct that something in my life is very wrong but for some reason i couldn't put my finger on it. Actually that reason is because almost all of my relationships were toxic and manipulative. If it weren't for that one ''okay'' relationship i don't know when or if ever i would realise i was being abused all the time..
“They don’t listen”
“Constant Questions”
“Divert From My Point”
“Make me think that what I think isn’t important”
All these things happened to me. And kept happening even though I mentioned and ask him to stop doing it. Which of course made me angry because he kept doing it. Until I finally said, “I’m done,” then I was told “you need to calm down,”
That was our last conversation! 😊
Getting angry is one of the triggers when he's chill and im looked at crazy
Thank you so much for this video!!! You are a wise women! I really appreciate your content.
Shianne Lester, Hope you are not with a narc 😈 cause you are too beautiful!🌹🌷🌷🌷🌹
Excellent points. I feel so bad for people who can’t get themselves out of this unhealthy feelings that others torture them with. I can’t imagine how it is for someone that deals with this long term. I surround myself with kind good hearted people otherwise I walk away. The bad seeds seem to stick out like a sore thumb.
I would sit in space all of the time with my husband. He would try his hardest to make me feel guilty for not believing his view of reality. He even went so far to accuse me of wanting to send him to jail. That broke my heart. He then followed with the silent treatment. I’ll
Never go back to him !
The person who used to gaslight me would scream at the top of his lungs “Quit calling me a liar!” He made me feel so bad because he made me think I was crazy
Projection
All narcissists are liars and the lies get bigger and bigger, the longer they are not challenged and the more they get away with. Eventually you will be so shut out that they will lie to you about things that don’t even remotely matter, just to avoid any inconvenience to them, from you.
Mine did that and I had proof of what he did/is doing... then he said "I'm crazy for finding the proof" ... back to me again 🤣
Wow..mine threw it out there as well during discard yet i never called him a liar...so that said enough
He tries to deflect when I tried to communicate & he would tell me Im repeating myself & he would start counting 1.. 2..3 ..4....etc. I'll ask him a question, he he never wants to answer or talk about any situation or problems..It would be the same thing over & over again .I vicious circle. Oh how he changed!! Jekyll & Hyde Narsacist !My eyes are starting to opening! My not lying but he use to introduce me to his friends as Helen Keller..He was so kind ,so nice ,so giving ..13 years later a totally different person ..So I guess he thought I was the perfect person to capture!! & he did ..I met him when I was emotional drained & exhausted from just coming out of a Hell of a divorce who was a Narsacist & JEKYLL & Hyde .He didn't show me this side to years later ..Wow what a Fool I was .I'm not going to trust anyone ..Thats 2 relationships with these issues. Feels like a Nightmare!!💔
i know this all too well, i’m crazy i’m psycho. this happened just last night.... he put words completely in my mouth that i did not say, and he was swearing up and down that i had said it when i know i never said anything like that. i basically let him argue with himself i just sat there while he went on and on. i have no desire to fight anymore. i never thought i’d be done fighting and able to leave for good. i’ve been gas lighted so many times in this relationship to where i’m questioning physical evidence that i know is correct, but he’s saying i’m crazy and don’t know what i’m talking about and says how much of a good man he is. confused with what i know if the reality and second guessing myself. i feel like i’m constantly trying to please him and he laughs when i get dressed up for him and thinks it’s funny and says i’m trying too hard. how pathetic how cruel. how abusive. but i have been in denial for so long that the person i’m in love with is this abusive man. i always just thought oh we’ve been together for so many years it’s normal for him to not pay attention for me or treat me like a princess like how he did in the beginning of the relationship. i’ve finally woken up to it all, trying to get my happiness back. i’m sick and tired of being depressed and in fear of being alone and not having him in my life. i need to regain how to be happy on my own. this man crushed my soul in too a million pieces. i have a lot of healing to do but i’m looking forward to being able to wake up happy just because of myself not because of someone else. i used to live for this man, i need to live for myself and god now.
Catherine Harris Such powerful words at the end there! You should be so proud of yourself! We should have all learned growing up how to truly love ourselves so we could’ve avoided being in abusive relationships.
You’re doing such powerful work right now and healing will allow you to get to a really amazing place in your life.
Catherine Harris hi this sounds like me I'm married to a Narrcostic for 16 years I think I should do that I can't live in abuse and in the fear of being alone i me I sacrifice my whole life for him and he didn't appreciate
His abuse got worse when I lost my single parent
I wish I could see his true mask earlier.
He admits that he is a cold person and wants to destroy me
I feel trapped
Catherine Harris. I found that keeping a journal as a excellent way to keep things on track in your mind... You can read it back later and know that you're not going crazy...
So glad that you could recognize that. Repeated incidents made me realize that things were not healthy (the nicest possible way to say it) and I was able to break from my gaslighter.
Catherine Harris all too familiar. No one deserves to be treated like this. I was able to leave and find a healthy relationship. I finally found true happiness! You can too. It’s 100% possible. Keep up the positive thoughts! ❤️
I got, “I was joking!” This, after soul deadening hurtful remark about my appearance. “Let it go!” I am letting it go. I will never talk to her again. No contact.
I've listened to several of these videos and this is so my boyfriend. He dropped the love bomb on me when we met, i didn't want to think he was controlling but he was. I downplayed it as dedication and love. He was so good he got me to delete my Facebook and my Instagram accounts. All the arguments about me needing to call and text him when I come and go. His mom treats him like a baby, listening to him and condoning everything he tells her about me negative, calling all day any time of night and he's 43. Now 2 and a half years later, im exhausted and all those things matter no more, the respect for me has gone, im all kinds of names in the book, etc. He's nothing the way he was in the beginning. Im always the blame for everything. He talks about his 5 degrees, knows everything, no one's better than him, everyone is wrong, and God forbid if I try to speak up for myself and explain how wrong he is. He just cursed me out for calling him 2 times on Thanksgiving while he was at work to let him know I was leaving the house and now I have no understanding of his work, he's sick of my sh**, im dumb, stupid, ignorant, retarded, and he doesn't want to have a future with me. I want to leave but both our names are on the lease, my kids and I have no money saved to get away and he won't leave because im paying the rent. He has plenty of money and i don't know how i even ended up being the only one paying rent. I listen to him and his mom on the phone because he speaks very loudly and every woman is no good,, or a sneaky and distrustful. Im and empath and love life, laughter, family, and togetherness. I hate arguing and conflict. Im often shy and never speak up for myself in this relationship.... anyone who knows me will tell you im one of the nicest people you can meet.. Im so tired I can't even cry. But I'm so hurt and miserable, I just cant anymore!. Today for the first time he came home at 6am. Stayed out all night. 😥
I’m in this relationship and there are people out there that understand I’m not crazy. It’s great that there is so much to learn and it’s not normal. And I’ve just waken to it when I lost my job.
Tracye Bergeron,You don't deserve to be with a narc 😈!
It's tough finding out all of this stuff after 30 years of marriage.
David it was 42 years myself, dont beat yourself up over this one, it took one of my wifes friends text me, i had to look it up, l never had a clue, for the past 3 years iv been studying this stuff i have been testing my wife along the way. iv been in my wifes family since i was 15, they are toxic aswell, b prepared to walk away from them. good luck.i toxic wfe never come to her best until i nursed her through 7 years of alcoholism.
58 years!
My wife of 30 years was great in Manipulation I get to understand her and walked and lever her
17 years together and after she cheated i see things for what they truly were. I know I'm better off without this emotional abuse completely controlling my life.
I was angry for so long I was always on the defensive side sometimes for no reason. Some of my family and friends have been gaslighting me my whole life. Especially when I was a child until I was a young adult I felt like I couldn’t make my own decision I felt like something was wrong with me they have taking advantage of of me numerous times. I was so angry and bitter to the world and didn’t understand now i do. I trust no one
The best lecture about the gaslighting and manipulation in TH-cam , clear and simple .Thank you Stephanie .
I'm getting out of a 17 year marriage with a narcissist.Just pure evil what my daughter an me had to deal with.I finally filed for divorce last week.These videos have really helped me out.Thx stephanie your awesome
I hope that you are doing great!
This has always been my biggest weakness. Being subject to gaslighting since childhood has made me never really trust my own perception and opinions
Elana Vital,You deserve better 🙏🙏🙏
Exactly. Another thing I have learned for myself and of course this may not be for everyone, but, if I begin to feel that I am not good enough or that what , say a goal I am trying for and my partner or friend, ect., tells me I am not qualified, or whatever, it helps for me to completely back away and spend some quality alone time with my creator and think everything through without the distractions from whomever is doubting my abilities or whatever. Sometimes they may be sincerely trying to help me, but, most importantly for me, is I myself have to get back in touch with my authentic self and go from there.
Sometimes when we was going through it we may not know we were being Manipulated, and Gaslit, until we got out of it to now understand that that was the tactics they was using and when we have been educated on this and have learned boundaries, then it will be impossible for a Narcissists to gain the control they want over us and there manipulation and games won't work, cause we have learned what to expect and how we must react to it. And also our natural gut instinct starts kicking in and we now know when something not adding up here, with this person. I thank Stephanie and many other coaches who are bringing these things to the surface and to the light 👍👍💯😊.
Hi Stephanie,
This is so true I every time I tried to talk to my ex she would say ( I’ve done nothing wrong it’s all in your head I’ve done nothing to make you feel this way, your crazy you need help!) I used to ask her do you love me she would say not this again your starting to do my head in. She would go out with certain friends and text me all night saying I’ll be home soon can I pick her up from the train station then at the last min she would make an excuse that there was a tube stile on or she’s missed the last train back, this happened every time with these certain friends of her so when I questioned her about this she would divert it back at me saying I’ve done nothing wrong it’s all in your head I told you where I was your crazy, it got to me that much she even said I needed help so I believed her and went to therapy, to help but she remained the same still went out with these friends and never come home that night, was I in the wrong? Or is she right to do this?
Luke
Luke Stockbridge it sounds like she was Gaslighting you to make you doubt yourself so you would deal with her manipulative behavior.
Nope. None of her behavior was ok
My ex was very similar at the start, looking back she was probably cheating, but I thought I was going mad. She stopped playing around, I think, but the emotional behaviour continued, I'd say the sky is blue and she'd say it's green. I ended up being a shell of a person. Leaving her was hard but I'm so glad I did now, time to rebuild myself armed with the knowledge of how to deal with these toxic people. At least you now know how to spot these people, Good luck, Luke.
We (and others) had no idea there were these kinds of people in the world. I watched a true story (documentary ) about a girl who got on heroin and she was constantly playing all the people in her life like this and had absolutely no qualms about the lying etc. Eventually, the good people will come to realize that these evil people have no desire or motivation to change and the only and last resort that we have is to run away from these people and go NO CONTACT. They know they can manipulate us because we do what love does and that is "think no evil". But they ARE evil. And good people need to get away from evil or they will be destroyed by it themselves. NO CONTACT is a self preservation technique.
That is awefull hear, I hope you find somebody that treats you Wright and I think it is important that you know the signs of a negative person so you can stay away from them. A relationship should lift you up not pull you down. Good luck and love
Left feeling confused and crazy! (This is how every conversation with my friends started) What my partner does now is just completely ignores me. Yesterday, he went an entire hour without saying a word to me and he was right in front of me. This not only made me go insane but just made me doubt everything about me and my thoughts. Questioning what he said or didnt say (what i said or didnt say) is SO freaking exhausting! At the beginning i saw it as a joke but as soon as i realized that he kept doing this, i gladly research this on line and found the topic on gaslighting and narcissism. (It sucks that our 6 year relationship ended up like this, I think this is what is the most shocking thing of all of this) I have to admit it was really hard to accept and I have a 'feeling' that he will change. I know he wont. I am glad I am reading and seeing these videos. One of the hardest things to do is not getting angry and defending myself! (I swear, not even my mother pushed my buttons like this man) ha. Yes. I am now working on myself :) I am no longer trying to undrestand him. I never wanted to chang him, i just thought he would see how he is treating me and make him change. Guess, i was trying to change him. :/ Yes. I used to be a different person...he met me at my highest point in my life, I was finally working on overcoming my childhood trauma by my narcissistc mother. =/
Maggie Anonales yes they will always say your trying to change them. I went through this for years