1. Know your non-negotiables- ie someone who doesnt drink heavily. 2. Know your standards- ie someone who loves traveling. 3. Connection qualities- ie emotional depth. 4. Vetting 2-3 months- asking meaningful questions about 1-3 above. 5. Subconscious mind- work to become secure so you attract a secure
Feels like looking up from a screen and engaging with the people around you to the point of actually knowing the people you spend your life around feels like huge obvious missing link that is unique to modern women specifically. People are hiding in their screens because they’re uncomfortable talking to strangers. So those strangers never become friends or relationships. We’re more isolated than ever
So often I find myself jealous of people in their 20s now, able to access and learn this stuff now. 30 years later it's not too late in relationship terms, but it is in terms of family.
Personal growth, working on conflict are 2 most important thing I’m looking for. I love this video Thais. Thank you for hitting this topic. I appreciate you so much
I loveeee this video!! It's so important to properly vet people to make sure you share similar relationship goals and values as well as have boundaries and non-negotiables in place ahead of time. It took me until my 40's to realize this. Anyone who shows too much affection and starts future planning or talking about love too fast needs to slow down a bit. I'm only doing friendship first moving forward so there are no mixed messages.
😂 Thais, I finally feel like I'm Healing, I'm feeling forward movement........... I'm questioning the Stories. I felt Stuck in Freeze n Fawn because of NPD ABUSE. QUESTIONING THE STORIES IS EVERYTHING, YOU ARE WONDERFUL, THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!❤
I feel like this channel more importantly than finding a partner has given me the tools to love myself and by extension these steps become natural. Will forever be thankful for finding this last year and seeing just how much my life has changed thanks to all this advice.
Stage 3~ Dating I am known for being the queen of questions. I tend to dig deep day 1. ( I lean heavy FA). 😳 Only ONE meaningful question, Thais?! 🤣 Quality vs. Quantity… Thank you so much for your daily content.
The subconscious mind portion is so spot on and I didn’t realize that until you just mentioned it. I’m glad I’ve been working on being more available for me and being aware of it with my counterpart ❤
Information that is powerful.. watch so many relationships coaches and they all are beneath you. Thankyou for giving me useful information to be ready as I find my true love
Great video. I binge watched this channel 2020 / 2021 and I can honestly say has been a major contributor to my personal growth. I feel and am much more securely attached now. I was previously anxiously attached 4 years ago.I have had 4 dates and enjoying them wry much but I am in no rush to jump into a relationship as happy single. So grateful to this channel 🙏🏻
And what if they lie when you are checking to see if you are compatible and have the same values. I’ve had many men pretend to be something they aren’t and I end up attached and then finding out three months later they are not who they said they were.
I completely disagree that you won't find people with those qualities in a nightclub. A nightclub is simply one of the ways people blow off steam through socializing, dancing to music etc. I don't see the connection with it and being emotionally available or not, or having/lacking relationship skills. I think it's a stigma, and honestly not the best examples to use. There are good people everywhere, and jerks everywhere. Sometimes you will find people with better morals in the club than in the church.
@@dejustomariel8305 Exactly - Trying to do us BOTH a favor here :) I understand my needs can seem excessive to DAs, but to other APs they’re perfectly reasonable… even reassuring!
This is interesting...my dating coach had me go through a very similar process in the early 2000s. I remember I started looking at book stores (Borders was a hot one back then) and the gym. Unfortunately I let people talk me out of going to places like that in my early 20s because they enjoyed the bar/club scene and told me I'd have more options. They were right, but the quality was rarely there. I went back to my original places in my late 20s after someone told me something profound: "When things aren't happening as fast as you expect, remember it takes 13 hours to make a Toyota and six months to make a Rolls Royce." I couldn't agree more!
I have two non-negotiables that are at odds with each other, and it doesn't seem possible that I can find someone in my local area that will satisfy both. At least I'm happy being single, because this is going to be like finding a needle in a haystack (and I might have to go look in some other haystack because there's a distinct possibility that mine doesn't have a needle in it at all!)
Would you do a video on attachment styles and suicide? Which attachment styles have highest rate? Reaction of survivors. Lost my ex March 2nd. Never could figure out his attachment style. Seemed he was secure.
First date is meeting. I like how in Goodwill Hunting. The love interest suggests meeting for coffee and he replies or bunch caramels as coffee if just arbitrary as caramels. That scene just makes me laugh because it's so true. That and I don't coffee, can't stand it.
Great content, as usual. But all those words and quick cuts in the overlays are jarring and distracting. Please consider changing that part of the new format.
Is not wanting my partner to have friends of the opposite sex a healthy non-negotiable? I know my reasons are based on my own personal trauma so I genuinely want to know is this a non negotiable or is this an insecurity?
As a man, I would say that most women are uncomfortable with their partner's female friend. So, I think it's human nature, and there's often some truth to her fear. Also, if the man is putting the friend before the girlfriend or wife, that's a problem that needs to be addressed.
@@GeoffreyAngapawoman here. I think it really depends. A couple of my male friends have a lot of female friends. I wouldn't describe these guys as womanizers at all, they just enjoy emotionally meaningful conversations, talking about their feelings and such, and that's something guys generally struggle to have in male friendships (or so they tell me). If it's a guy like this with a lot of female friends, I wouldn't have any issue with it. That's also how I operate in my friendships - I have both male friends and female friends, and I know I'm never going to develop romantic feelings for a male friend any more than I would for a female friend. There is literally no difference for me, friends are friends. So I can believe that other people can be this way, too. On the other hand, many guys are "guys" guys. They only have other men as close friends. These are usually guys who don't particularly enjoy talking about their feelings, emotions, problems, etc. They might discuss these things with their wife or girlfriend, but that's about it. If a guy like that suddenly makes a female friend, I would get suspicious. The difference is that guys with lots of female friends have lots of sources of emotional intimacy and so they are unlikely to fall in love with any particular female friend. But a guy with hardly any sources of emotional intimacy in his life has a very high chance of falling in love with a woman who is just being friendly and connecting in a "female" friendship style.
I don't think it's a healthy non-negotiable. It's normal and healthy for people to have friends of different genders. I think you need to work on overcoming this fear in yourself, rather than looking for a partner with no opposite-sex friends. Even if you do find someone with no such friends now, they can always make new friends later on, and those friends might well be of the opposite sex. What are you going to do then, dictate who they can and can't be friends with? That surely wouldn't be very healthy, would it?
@@spikygreen I think you hit the nail on the head about a female friend out of the blue and confiding in her alone. If he already has a girlfriend or wife, it's a recipe for disaster, and affairs often form this way. And then there are others who tend to have female friends innocently. For my part, I don't know why, but I've often gained female friendships. Perhaps it's because I listen and give advice. Even my aunty confides in me. So, arguably, it depends on one's temperament. At the end of the day, it comes down to trust and transparency. If you disclose everything, then it's less likely for suspicion to form. However, if my girlfriend or wife were uncomfortable, I would step back a little. It's a matter of priority.
You're entitled to your opinion but for it to be relevant at all, you may want to include-- in a constructive way-- what you don't like about it. Otherwise your opinion has no substance, therefore no value. As an aside, just by commenting you are making her more money bc thats how the algorithm works. It doesn't matter if it's positive or negative ;)
1. Know your non-negotiables- ie someone who doesnt drink heavily.
2. Know your standards- ie someone who loves traveling.
3. Connection qualities- ie emotional depth.
4. Vetting 2-3 months- asking meaningful questions about 1-3 above.
5. Subconscious mind- work to become secure so you attract a secure
Feels like looking up from a screen and engaging with the people around you to the point of actually knowing the people you spend your life around feels like huge obvious missing link that is unique to modern women specifically.
People are hiding in their screens because they’re uncomfortable talking to strangers. So those strangers never become friends or relationships.
We’re more isolated than ever
So often I find myself jealous of people in their 20s now, able to access and learn this stuff now. 30 years later it's not too late in relationship terms, but it is in terms of family.
Personal growth, working on conflict are 2 most important thing I’m looking for. I love this video Thais. Thank you for hitting this topic. I appreciate you so much
I loveeee this video!! It's so important to properly vet people to make sure you share similar relationship goals and values as well as have boundaries and non-negotiables in place ahead of time. It took me until my 40's to realize this. Anyone who shows too much affection and starts future planning or talking about love too fast needs to slow down a bit. I'm only doing friendship first moving forward so there are no mixed messages.
😂 Thais, I finally feel like I'm Healing, I'm feeling forward movement........... I'm questioning the Stories. I felt Stuck in Freeze n Fawn because of NPD ABUSE. QUESTIONING THE STORIES IS EVERYTHING, YOU ARE WONDERFUL, THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!❤
I feel like this channel more importantly than finding a partner has given me the tools to love myself and by extension these steps become natural. Will forever be thankful for finding this last year and seeing just how much my life has changed thanks to all this advice.
Stage 3~ Dating
I am known for being the queen of questions. I tend to dig deep day 1. ( I lean heavy FA). 😳
Only ONE meaningful question, Thais?! 🤣
Quality vs. Quantity…
Thank you so much for your daily content.
I love the one question a date. Great idea!
The subconscious mind portion is so spot on and I didn’t realize that until you just mentioned it. I’m glad I’ve been working on being more available for me and being aware of it with my counterpart ❤
Love this and feels like the delivery is slower, easier...thank you Thais
Information that is powerful.. watch so many relationships coaches and they all are beneath you. Thankyou for giving me useful information to be ready as I find my true love
It's the best information heard , also ready to find a true love
Great video. I binge watched this channel 2020 / 2021 and I can honestly say has been a major contributor to my personal growth. I feel and am much more securely attached now. I was previously anxiously attached 4 years ago.I have had 4 dates and enjoying them wry much but I am in no rush to jump into a relationship as happy single. So grateful to this channel 🙏🏻
And what if they lie when you are checking to see if you are compatible and have the same values. I’ve had many men pretend to be something they aren’t and I end up attached and then finding out three months later they are not who they said they were.
Love you girl thanks for slowing it down so I can figure out what you are saying!!
Yes perfect
Thank you once again, thais! This is such an incredibly helpful video, you explained things so easily and gave such clear steps to follow!
Love your videos. Thank you
I completely disagree that you won't find people with those qualities in a nightclub. A nightclub is simply one of the ways people blow off steam through socializing, dancing to music etc. I don't see the connection with it and being emotionally available or not, or having/lacking relationship skills. I think it's a stigma, and honestly not the best examples to use. There are good people everywhere, and jerks everywhere. Sometimes you will find people with better morals in the club than in the church.
She didn’t say that
@@Karolina-vi2wt She very clearly alluded to it.
@@MyAkachiit’s usually true though
Thank you Thais. Much needed video
My only non-negotiable: No more DAs.
Hahaha yes, I approve 😅
And no more needy and emotionally dysregulated anxious preoccupied😂
@@dejustomariel8305 APs are fine with me! If you don't want them, give them all to me hahaha :)
@@dejustomariel8305 Exactly - Trying to do us BOTH a favor here :)
I understand my needs can seem excessive to DAs, but to other APs they’re perfectly reasonable… even reassuring!
😂😂😂😂
This is interesting...my dating coach had me go through a very similar process in the early 2000s. I remember I started looking at book stores (Borders was a hot one back then) and the gym. Unfortunately I let people talk me out of going to places like that in my early 20s because they enjoyed the bar/club scene and told me I'd have more options. They were right, but the quality was rarely there. I went back to my original places in my late 20s after someone told me something profound:
"When things aren't happening as fast as you expect, remember it takes 13 hours to make a Toyota and six months to make a Rolls Royce."
I couldn't agree more!
Thais you come with videos at the pefect time ❤
I have two non-negotiables that are at odds with each other, and it doesn't seem possible that I can find someone in my local area that will satisfy both. At least I'm happy being single, because this is going to be like finding a needle in a haystack (and I might have to go look in some other haystack because there's a distinct possibility that mine doesn't have a needle in it at all!)
Hear, hear! The hogwash in romantic films, novels, and Disney has caused catastrophe in the world of relationships.
Ive never got to do this before but "1st" 😊 feels selfish
Would you do a video on attachment styles and suicide? Which attachment styles have highest rate? Reaction of survivors. Lost my ex March 2nd. Never could figure out his attachment style. Seemed he was secure.
I usually visit the local animal shelter to find my most compatible companion. Woof !
woof!
I really need a companion
LOL Good idea
First date is meeting. I like how in Goodwill Hunting. The love interest suggests meeting for coffee and he replies or bunch caramels as coffee if just arbitrary as caramels. That scene just makes me laugh because it's so true. That and I don't coffee, can't stand it.
Great content, as usual. But all those words and quick cuts in the overlays are jarring and distracting. Please consider changing that part of the new format.
Is not wanting my partner to have friends of the opposite sex a healthy non-negotiable? I know my reasons are based on my own personal trauma so I genuinely want to know is this a non negotiable or is this an insecurity?
As a man, I would say that most women are uncomfortable with their partner's female friend. So, I think it's human nature, and there's often some truth to her fear. Also, if the man is putting the friend before the girlfriend or wife, that's a problem that needs to be addressed.
I think you can have the non negotiables you like. There'll definitely be someone out there who has no friends of the opposite sex.
@@GeoffreyAngapawoman here. I think it really depends. A couple of my male friends have a lot of female friends. I wouldn't describe these guys as womanizers at all, they just enjoy emotionally meaningful conversations, talking about their feelings and such, and that's something guys generally struggle to have in male friendships (or so they tell me). If it's a guy like this with a lot of female friends, I wouldn't have any issue with it. That's also how I operate in my friendships - I have both male friends and female friends, and I know I'm never going to develop romantic feelings for a male friend any more than I would for a female friend. There is literally no difference for me, friends are friends. So I can believe that other people can be this way, too.
On the other hand, many guys are "guys" guys. They only have other men as close friends. These are usually guys who don't particularly enjoy talking about their feelings, emotions, problems, etc. They might discuss these things with their wife or girlfriend, but that's about it. If a guy like that suddenly makes a female friend, I would get suspicious. The difference is that guys with lots of female friends have lots of sources of emotional intimacy and so they are unlikely to fall in love with any particular female friend. But a guy with hardly any sources of emotional intimacy in his life has a very high chance of falling in love with a woman who is just being friendly and connecting in a "female" friendship style.
I don't think it's a healthy non-negotiable. It's normal and healthy for people to have friends of different genders. I think you need to work on overcoming this fear in yourself, rather than looking for a partner with no opposite-sex friends. Even if you do find someone with no such friends now, they can always make new friends later on, and those friends might well be of the opposite sex. What are you going to do then, dictate who they can and can't be friends with? That surely wouldn't be very healthy, would it?
@@spikygreen I think you hit the nail on the head about a female friend out of the blue and confiding in her alone. If he already has a girlfriend or wife, it's a recipe for disaster, and affairs often form this way. And then there are others who tend to have female friends innocently. For my part, I don't know why, but I've often gained female friendships. Perhaps it's because I listen and give advice. Even my aunty confides in me. So, arguably, it depends on one's temperament.
At the end of the day, it comes down to trust and transparency. If you disclose everything, then it's less likely for suspicion to form. However, if my girlfriend or wife were uncomfortable, I would step back a little. It's a matter of priority.
👍
I don’t like this new style of videos.
You're entitled to your opinion but for it to be relevant at all, you may want to include-- in a constructive way-- what you don't like about it. Otherwise your opinion has no substance, therefore no value.
As an aside, just by commenting you are making her more money bc thats how the algorithm works. It doesn't matter if it's positive or negative ;)
Love you work!!!!