That be good a good thing. Unfortunately the way society at large sees dating isn't with intent to marry. I did and I told each guy. I was only looking for long term relationship leading to marriage and kids. 😂 Some of the responses. If I guy said he was looking for fun it was an instant strike. My husband is the second person I dated. We clicked straight away. Been married years and 2 kids. Someone told me I was being too fussy. None smoker, none drinker, not abusive, no sex out of marriage and, family focused. I don't think that's fussy. Be good to have a Chaperone/mediator when dating.
Exactly my thoughts as well. It's so difficult to meet someone who shares your views and values without being called too fussy or being insulted in some other way. The worst thing I've been told is that I have too high standards and that I'm not really worth someone like that because I'm not that pretty and I shouldn't think too highly of myself. It hurts because indeed I'm still single at 31 and I know I'm not getting any younger or prettier, not that I ever were pretty to begin with in my younger years. But I suppose it's better to be alone than in bad company. It's definitely not easy in this modern world. If we could only go back in time...
@@Nothingbutdust_ and if you were to choose just anyone and you wound up unhappy or he turned out abusive. It's your fault you should have chosen better. I do hope someone comes along soon. I'll pray for you. Best of luck and God bless. (And yes it is better to be alone then used and abused. That's what happened to my mother. Now she's a broken and bitter woman).
@@hollysmith1347 Exactly! I agree a d thank you for your prayers. I'm sorry about your mom though. My mom also said she sensed some red flags with my dad but was tired of looking around for other people. She felt like he was the best option regardless. But now she's also divorced, bitter and regretful.
Sometimes I wish I was Jewish. My culture doesn't even have an equivalent to an intermediary like that. In fact, it's a shame here to need someone to hook you up. You're expected to figure it out on your own.
The dynamic of asking 'why' they chose to stop dating you is destructive. There's no way for it to be productive or useful. What? A person should change to be like what they want so they can get married to them? Like there's something wrong with you because they want something you're not or the chemistry is off or whatever the reason? Let's all be comfortable moving on.
@@nomorecensoringme Do you know of any instance where the man has tried to trick a woman into marrying him, and succeeded? And on the average, how many men attempted this, compared to women?
@@emanuellegrace7616 yes. Happens more than men admit since they don't want to admit being 'needy' Men string women along acting like they'll possibly marry them, only to learn he only wanted his physical needs met. Is this acceptable? How about the men who don't reveal that they're involved with multiple women, causing complications including diseases and possible pregnancies? There's enough deceit to go around, with people who follow societal "norms" instead of choosing to be G-dly. Is any of it "acceptable"? "Preferable"? To be "emulated"?
@@emanuellegrace7616 No. The trick unhealthy men pull is to try to get a woman into bed without any commitment or honesty. Different trick but equally deceitful.
For anything to work people have to be honest, including the matchmaker, about what they're doing, why they're doing it, what they hope to get out of it. That happens in mainstream dating as well. Everything is as successful as people allow it to be. When humans are involved, we have the human element of deceit, which causes 'downfalls and failures, true or not?
Great advice! However, getting non-Orthodox Jews to buy into the Shadhan (matchmaker) system is difficult. It's considered very old-fashioned and East European. Also, it reminds people of "Fiddler on the Roof"! What to do? Be honest upfront and tell the other party you are only dating to find a spouse and for no other reason. If at any point, either party determines that marriage is not in the cards, then it's easier to tell the other party and move on without hurting their feelings.
I wished My parents did this. I think it would have be very good parenting, because the parents are usually wiser and would perhaps pick a good spouse for their marriage aged children. * Darlene. I would have loved it if my parents did this. Thank you for your comments. May His Peace be with you.
Why say generalizations? A Jew is a Jew. The conservative community I was in had them. Maybe not so finalized though it was there. 'Orthodoxy' is an illusion. A pomposity. And a wall that divides instead of uniting us.
@@hallranch548 My parents were hands-off. They didn't want to get blamed for any marriages that didn't work out. I wish they told me what they thought about the women I was dating.
You were recommended by a Rabbi in California. I don't know anything on the topic of marriage even though I'm an adult woman...I don't know if any man would want to marry me when I have a mental health condition which I think will prevent me from having any children...this mental disease consumes me with feelings of stress, fears, etc...Anyways, what do you recommend me?
'Deserve'? What's with 'deserve'? None of us 'deserve' anything. All we have are gifts from G-d, both joyful and not so joyful, challenges and easy situations, no 'deserving' involved.
@@rosameijering5161 "fe" "iron" males with real uterus. A virtueous woman is one that fears God. : ) Forgive my wordiness, and my lack of humour if it offends.
Look a person should know how to say no. I am not saying that ideally you are correct but in my stage of the game, a 58-year-old looking for his third wife which is half his age, no shadchan wants to help me, and I am pretty successful on my own.
How are you things which means it Must Have Been Love we let you know that is a hard hat is the one that choose not giving you the truth only hurts where you where you had appointed to the way you have it to be thank you so much but we are there because the way we choose your ready happy with that's why we still be together and we still constantly still
To me the non jewish western beliefs and views i understand cause ive been raised in Western civilization all my life i have no need for Jewish thinkings which dont make sense to me with all due respect
This is very typical of men all over the world D) Typical Turkish man, cannot even handle one phone call. He believes, he is getting married and when the girl doesn't respond, he start blaming with imaginary memories "Why did you say yes then?". Nobody said nothing idiot. The girl remained silent not to experience any physical violence in face of rejection, while you were in your own mind dreaming how wonderful you are!
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Thanks!
Hey just thank you! You are legitimately the best thing since sliced bread. No, honestly I sincerely love you my friend thank you for your spirit !!
Yep, i agree
That be good a good thing. Unfortunately the way society at large sees dating isn't with intent to marry.
I did and I told each guy. I was only looking for long term relationship leading to marriage and kids. 😂 Some of the responses.
If I guy said he was looking for fun it was an instant strike.
My husband is the second person I dated.
We clicked straight away. Been married years and 2 kids.
Someone told me I was being too fussy.
None smoker, none drinker, not abusive, no sex out of marriage and, family focused.
I don't think that's fussy.
Be good to have a Chaperone/mediator when dating.
Exactly my thoughts as well. It's so difficult to meet someone who shares your views and values without being called too fussy or being insulted in some other way. The worst thing I've been told is that I have too high standards and that I'm not really worth someone like that because I'm not that pretty and I shouldn't think too highly of myself. It hurts because indeed I'm still single at 31 and I know I'm not getting any younger or prettier, not that I ever were pretty to begin with in my younger years. But I suppose it's better to be alone than in bad company.
It's definitely not easy in this modern world. If we could only go back in time...
@@Nothingbutdust_ and if you were to choose just anyone and you wound up unhappy or he turned out abusive. It's your fault you should have chosen better.
I do hope someone comes along soon. I'll pray for you. Best of luck and God bless.
(And yes it is better to be alone then used and abused. That's what happened to my mother. Now she's a broken and bitter woman).
@@hollysmith1347 Exactly! I agree a d thank you for your prayers. I'm sorry about your mom though. My mom also said she sensed some red flags with my dad but was tired of looking around for other people. She felt like he was the best option regardless. But now she's also divorced, bitter and regretful.
Wow this is an eye opening insight. The rules are really there to protect us.
👉🏽🤴🏽
Thank you Rabbi Friedman!!
✡️🙏❤️🔥
Wish you and everybody here a great day and week!!
💪Shavua Tov!!👍
A good week for all.
Thank you
"People treat their dates better than their husband"
THATS IT RIGHT THERE!!
Not only 'husband'. Wife too.
The rabbis advice is good for everybody.
Sometimes I wish I was Jewish. My culture doesn't even have an equivalent to an intermediary like that. In fact, it's a shame here to need someone to hook you up. You're expected to figure it out on your own.
There are similar matchmaking services all over the place. How valid each is is up to the participants to decide.
I really enjoy and take comfort in.your wisdom. Shalom fro a nice anglican woman.
So correct. I wish this knowledge gonna be obvious already
Thank you Rabbi.❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Thank you rabbi
Well explained
The dynamic of asking 'why' they chose to stop dating you is destructive. There's no way for it to be productive or useful. What? A person should change to be like what they want so they can get married to them? Like there's something wrong with you because they want something you're not or the chemistry is off or whatever the reason? Let's all be comfortable moving on.
"What are you trying to do, trick him into marrying you?"
Sad to say, a lot of women do that nowadays and get away with it. Men are blind.
Any and everyone can be dishonest. It's not a gender issue. One might consider that women learned that deceit from men. Or not.
@@nomorecensoringme Do you know of any instance where the man has tried to trick a woman into marrying him, and succeeded? And on the average, how many men attempted this, compared to women?
@@emanuellegrace7616 yes. Happens more than men admit since they don't want to admit being 'needy'
Men string women along acting like they'll possibly marry them, only to learn he only wanted his physical needs met. Is this acceptable? How about the men who don't reveal that they're involved with multiple women, causing complications including diseases and possible pregnancies? There's enough deceit to go around, with people who follow societal "norms" instead of choosing to be G-dly. Is any of it "acceptable"? "Preferable"? To be "emulated"?
@@emanuellegrace7616 No. The trick unhealthy men pull is to try to get a woman into bed without any commitment or honesty. Different trick but equally deceitful.
Lot of the downfall and failures are also kept hidden!
For anything to work people have to be honest, including the matchmaker, about what they're doing, why they're doing it, what they hope to get out of it. That happens in mainstream dating as well. Everything is as successful as people allow it to be. When humans are involved, we have the human element of deceit, which causes 'downfalls and failures, true or not?
Great MashaAllah
To be honest 'you are so skinny you remind me of holocaust pictures' is a brutal roast.
Great advice! However, getting non-Orthodox Jews to buy into the Shadhan (matchmaker) system is difficult. It's considered very old-fashioned and East European. Also, it reminds people of "Fiddler on the Roof"! What to do? Be honest upfront and tell the other party you are only dating to find a spouse and for no other reason. If at any point, either party determines that marriage is not in the cards, then it's easier to tell the other party and move on without hurting their feelings.
I wished My parents did this. I think it would have be very good parenting, because the parents are usually wiser and would perhaps pick a good spouse for their marriage aged children. * Darlene. I would have loved it if my parents did this. Thank you for your comments. May His Peace be with you.
Ahhh did not the English Victorians do something similar? I am all for it, anyone that is not is just looking for sex which is really most people.
Why say generalizations? A Jew is a Jew. The conservative community I was in had them. Maybe not so finalized though it was there. 'Orthodoxy' is an illusion. A pomposity. And a wall that divides instead of uniting us.
@@hallranch548 I would disagree. Parents want certain things for their children. A matchmaker focuses on what their child says. A bit different.
@@hallranch548 My parents were hands-off. They didn't want to get blamed for any marriages that didn't work out. I wish they told me what they thought about the women I was dating.
So who are the matchmakers?😊
You were recommended by a Rabbi in California. I don't know anything on the topic of marriage even though I'm an adult woman...I don't know if any man would want to marry me when I have a mental health condition which I think will prevent me from having any children...this mental disease consumes me with feelings of stress, fears, etc...Anyways, what do you recommend me?
🤔🤔🤔… Interesting.
🤣
Any man who can't be nice during the dating phase really doesn't deserve to be with any woman at all.
'Deserve'? What's with 'deserve'? None of us 'deserve' anything. All we have are gifts from G-d, both joyful and not so joyful, challenges and easy situations, no 'deserving' involved.
A man who 'isn't nice' shouldn't pretend to be nice to trick a woman into marrying him by presenting a false face.
Most females don’t like dating especially since we found out about Bundy. There’s better things to do to get to know someone.
Females?
@@rosameijering5161 "fe" "iron" males with real uterus.
A virtueous woman is one that fears God. : )
Forgive my wordiness, and my lack of humour if it offends.
Look a person should know how to say no. I am not saying that ideally you are correct but in my stage of the game, a 58-year-old looking for his third wife which is half his age, no shadchan wants to help me, and I am pretty successful on my own.
My grandma used to tell me-when looking for a wife, open your eyes wide and after you get married close one eye
So what if you are not jewish how can you ever get a jewish matchmaker
How are you things which means it Must Have Been Love we let you know that is a hard hat is the one that choose not giving you the truth only hurts where you where you had appointed to the way you have it to be thank you so much but we are there because the way we choose your ready happy with that's why we still be together and we still constantly still
'Love', 'happiness' isn't why we're to marry. It's to create a family.
To me the non jewish western beliefs and views i understand cause ive been raised in Western civilization all my life i have no need for Jewish thinkings which dont make sense to me with all due respect
This is very typical of men all over the world D) Typical Turkish man, cannot even handle one phone call. He believes, he is getting married and when the girl doesn't respond, he start blaming with imaginary memories "Why did you say yes then?". Nobody said nothing idiot. The girl remained silent not to experience any physical violence in face of rejection, while you were in your own mind dreaming how wonderful you are!
Thank you, Rabbi Friedman, for sharing your knowledge and wisdom with us.
One question. What color eyes do you have?
👍🙌🧿😇