I appreciate you listening to this rather personal story, I hope that it helps you perhaps understand better how cross-cultural relationships can be difficult, baffling, heart-breaking and unexpected. When it does work out however, it's something hard won! Thank you for your support, you're all incredibly awesome! Also a huge thank you to Ekster for sponsoring this video: Grab the most badass wallet in the world (massive discount link): shop.ekster.com/serpentza Support Sasha and I on Patreon: www.patreon.com/serpentza Bitcoin - bc1qxfjp2t6x5dpslv59u0jl89m6k643hcn8h2jsvp Ethereum - 0x6Da150a2A8529110017Ed4db68B3dF0084900280 Paypal: paypal.me/winstonsterzel
Your adventures of travel hase helped me out a lot. I'm sure many others have also discovered that your experience has giving them an edge when wheeling n dealing in China. The cultural differences between different countries can sometimes be surprising & even difficult to understand or except. There isn't many people that have your experiences that are able to share it with such a large group of people. A valuable resource is your videos & stories. Thx.
This channel is one of most influencial and comprehasive personal anti-China propaganda, welcomed by 1+ million ppl. However, as Mr. Serpentza's wife is a chinese, I appreciated her by far much more.
One of the most bizarre thing that ever happened to me in Asia, not in China (Malaysia); my girlfriend disappeared one day because she got married. She even had requested a "loan" last day I saw her, which (I later found out) basically went to pay for her part of the wedding. Of course, her marriage collapsed shortly after, but I was with someone else; a) she called and wanted to get back together, b) her brother calls and begged me to take her back, and c) her ex-husband called and warned me that she was coming for my money...
Imagine leaving someone at their lowest to then dare to show your face again once they have it good. Personally, I'd tell such person to leave immediately and not spend a second talking
You know, the fact that you can hold attention for a long period of time and speak so fluid without using a script and a bunch of cuts and edits is very impressive.
Always remember the three types of people. The ones that helped you during your hard times. The ones who left you during your hard times. The ones who put you in hard times.
U can reduce that to 2. Also making the right reference to The good, the bad and the ugly. Because those who drop u in hard times (and therefor make things harder). There are only 2 kind of people in the world. The ones that helped you during your hard times. And those who dig.
Exactly the type of person you don’t want in your life. Good work Bro. Glad it worked out and that you have a great relationship now. It’s so hard to find and trust people anywhere in the world.
oh my god is this really karl rock here i never thought you would be watching other peoples vlogs(because you are already busy doing your own & person who spend most of the time doing adventures with police lol XD). But it was amazing knowing you do to like rest of us you both are my favourite vloggers who share really good information through their videos
Hey Guys, yeap, I’m here. Been a subscriber for a long time. China has always interested me because it’s kind of out there with that society credit system and alternative internet. It seems like another world. Plus they’re our neighbour in India.
I met a chinese girl on an app, she seemed lovely, we met she was really nice. And the moment i told her i was truck driver she got up and just walked out. Didn't even say goodbye lol. Ruthless some of them.
@TheMysteryDriver Seriously. You don't call ANY girl your "girlfriend" after only 3 days. Usually, you meet someone, hang out a few times, go on a few dates, talk on the phone, and see if you actually LIKE each other first.
Yet he couldn't get another female after his first "girlfriend" dumped him. Very odd. Also very odd that he took the "girlfriend" back. I've lost respect for him.
@@honeyfungus4774 No-one cares who you respect. He clearly cared for her and gave her a second chance because he's a good man, even when she didn't deserve it. And stop calling women 'females', you're not a Ferengi.
Thanks mate - I am a Brit that has visited RSA for 20 years but working in Asia for 15 years. In love with a Vietnamese woman for 5 years. Can't believe how kind and hard working she is. Your story resonated. Please keep up the great content - Ian
ever think that those who would be ""fall in love" types would have been among the millions executed during the commy revolution and even more by the cultural revolution?!
@Tony Montana Western women are not so different from China's women at all!!! They also go for $$$ and for "full-head-of-hair" and what part of the city he lives in, and job-title and ego evil power, and even if he has a yacht. Divorce rate comes from many factors, including a drop from any of those characteristics, and unforgiving stiff inflexibility of principles -- also about "status" and ego idolatry. The English language lumps too many versions or sub-definitions together into one overloaded word "Love". Love must include affinity though, or else your definition of "duty & loyalty" can be just an employment contract, or an abusive psych/social arrangement (eg- narcissist with a "supply"). Its not love if there is no positive *Affect* (not to be confused with Effect) or affinity happening 2-way traffic, or taking turns at "duty", not just a 1-way street.
@Tony Montana Love is not a myth. I have had extreme, and real, albeit unrequited love. The miracle isn't love, but to have it mutual and of a high caliber.
I am married to a Chinese woman, I remember giving her a birthday present, she told me very directly that it’s not what she wanted and told me to take it back to the shop, wow that was a slap in the face, same happened at the our first Christmas together, she told me that she would buy her own gift, from that day on I hv never bought her anything 32 years have passed, she is happy when I take her out for a nice meal but definitely no gifts. Nice blog, thanks.
@@serpentza a culture gap? I mean to be fair, there's two sides to this and i sort of question an industry where it might be implied white boy finds China exotic, white boy seeks to embrace China, white boy realises huge culture incompatibilities exist, white boy trashes China. I'm not saying not to make political or cultural criticism but is it fair to put women from a different culture on a pedestal of idealism and then knock them off again once they fail to be like us? Don't get me wrong, an analysis of economy-driven behaviour in intercultural or Chinese romance is fair enough. In another way, maybe what you're seeing is a culture that a) never went through second wave feminism but b) is in late capitalism but following massively accelerated growth from a communist economy. It's just not really an ordinary situation. Utility - look i'm at the start of the video, what i object to online is personal attacks on the reputations of individuals who have no way to defend themselves. If i were ever to have a date with you and you were just awful, i would never plaster up your image with your face pixellated out. I think that's out of order. I mean, certain Chinese customs may certainly seem rough/rude from the perspective of Western habits. But there's almost certainly a reverse of this. I wonder what Chinese expats think of white dudes fresh off the boat making it with all the local girls, do you know what i'm saying? I'm not attacking white dudes, i'm saying your own behaviour could seem rude, ungrateful or frustrating in ways where the perception of this possibility could be something you're unaware of, blind to. Culture gaps go both ways. The fact is that yes, Westerners may receive favour because of perceived utility. And, at the end of the day, this is how men have traditionally been assessed before second wave feminism, as the provider or bread winner. This element may be considered as or, as we see, far more important than romance. For you, this crushes your sense of romance: the woman only wants you for your wallet. But to her, she might not understand such offence, in that overall and in the new economy, in China, a country of billions, the need to find a reliable provider may be drilled into the heads of some people since day one. Should we judge this behaviour as ignorant and rude? I think it's more complicated than that, given that other aspects of this lifestyle quickly seduced you in direct comparison to the West. I dunno, i just question an industry of the turned China-fancier. I think that's what this is and i'm just not sure if it's fair because you may have exoticised China. A bunch of people have travelled there without much background knowledge on the history and culture whatsoever, but the idea there wouldn't be cultural gaps in a relationship betwedn a mainland Chinese lady and a Westerner, dude maybe it's neither of your faults if the average attempt meets some sharp stumbling blocks. Yes, we might find the Chinese relationship with economy somewhat alienating but again, not much need for a Pikachu face there either, i think what would be unusual is if you had no problems in your relationship of an economic nature. I also guess that _class_ would be a huge factor in a post-communist, totalitarian-capitalist China. The position of a woman whose parents are poor farmers who came to the city to work in a factory or something is going to be pretty different to a rich girl whose father is a doting merchant who happens to be doing very well. Just a devil's advocate to consider. As a woman i would strongly discourage you from using a pixellated image of a real person you're dissing in a thumbnail. Unless you are happy for your image to be used by others in such ways. Just saying. It's pretty rough. I assume it's not that she tried to murder you or anything but that she was greedy and ungrateful by your standards. I mean if everyone took this approach about people they dated who failed to impress them...
OP, to be honest, i think some men would consider that scenario an absolute blessing! But i am not a man so cannot confirm. You mean you just never buy your wife gifts and she has been happy with that for over three decades? On an economic level, what is there to complain about? Maybe her parents were taught that gift giving was imperialist nonsense? Then if an economic token of personal affection is warranted, don't they usually give money? I suppose a person who may have been brought up with frugal ideals would hate waste. And if besides the matter of ritual, the truth was that a gift wasn't that suitable in reality - a frugal sort might rather you don't waste your money, and have been raised to believe that sacrificing the need for economic niceties is an act of love, and therefore romantic. So that's a different reading of the same norms. She can probably go without just as easily as you can live without having to celebrate Chinese New Year. Do you know what i mean? That's a ritual but it's unlikely to have quite the same import to you.
@@mothratemporalradio517 Wao. I would like to seat down and listen to you give a lecture. Your observation is quite frankly interesting. And insightful.
I dated a Chinese girl and learnt this the hard way. It isn't about love. And I realized that this is probably a cultural thing as well. Because even her interaction with her family was very transactional, not very loving. It was very sad actually.
@@rollinghippo2940 A money obsessed culture stems out of a scarcity culture. If a nation is either very poor or rich but with very low social safety nets (high stakes culture), then life very easily becomes such where financial issues will always be the main issues to which everything else is subjugated. This money obsessed culture can last a long time after things in society change, since at that point it may have become just the general culture without any second thought about where it originally came from. If every day is a struggle and/or you are constantly reminded of how easy it is to lose everything and become dirt poor with extremely low quality of life, then it's really hard to genuinely enjoy your life, relationships or anything really. This is not a China problem, this is in varying degrees in many many countries. Maybe it's very visible in China, but the essence of this behaviour isn't unique at all.
A good friend of mine married a Chinese, many years later he was told by her best friend that the only reason she married him was so their son would look more European and for her to get citizenship. That revelation and alcohol destroyed him.
Holy shit i died when you said "I wound up homeless for awhile but things were looking up, i got a job at the rapists school" hahahah bro you killed me
"Talent is a pursued interest. Anything that you're willing to practice, you can do." Winston clearly shows that he wants to talk about things if said things could actually teach people about something.
Sometimes when you break up, you develop a wound that is difficult to heal. Then attempts to return (unsuccessful) make sense - they burn away the diseased tissue. You get a scar, but a healthy one. Then each time it becomes easier to never come back.
My Vietnamese girlfriend once told me that if I bought her a diamond ring, she'd be really mad. I suggested a bag of fertilizer instead and we still laugh over that forty years later and I've bought her a few.
The diamond merchants in New York invented and marketed the idea of an engagement plus wedding ring, a diamond being a girl's best friend, and spending at least a month's salary on the ring. That was about 70 years ago. Advertising agents:go F yourselves.
Been in China 5 years already… In China every relationship and friendship is a transaction most likely based on money or advantages they can gain from you . Real feelings and friendship almost hardly exist . And this is why most foreigners who come here can’t live their lives in China for a long time . They get frustrated and exhausted quickly.
Sorry to hear that. Hope things work out for you. I wonder if this is akin to 'i want to keep the relationship professional' feeling I and others have with work people? Things just go more smoothly without personal encumbrance in work relationships, IMHO.
@@metricmoo I assume you are talking about Chinese people rather than dealing with people like me? 😉 Yeah, they are quite a bit more racially prejudiced than western people , middle of the bell curve people that is, so I imagine that would be a huge factor for some.
I'm still in China (who knows for how long), and this account told me so much about relationships here. Serpentza's compassion is at the heart of his discussions about China and about people in general. Without compassion and empathy, what are we? He taught me a lesson here: recognize the social dangers in China but also keep in mind that the Chinese have been suffering for a long time and are not yet healed. Wise words.
I suppose the question is “how long should it be before there’s a reasonable expectation for of being healed?” unfortunately from my experience of other traumatized cultures and subcultures, the answer is at times “healing never happens to a far degree.” If that is the case here, then it leads to an even more unfortunate question which would be “if there’ll never be fully healed and it’ll always be like this, is there a point where it’s no longer a good enough “excuse” warranting such a level of understanding?”
They met in Shanghai. Married five years and first chance to go to the USA. Arrived at SFO Airport. He had to drop some mail off at the Airport Post Office. He went in. She took off. He never saw her again. True story. Some reading this will know about it, most likely, or will know who he is.
I had dated a few Chinese women in the past and you are correct, it really felt like a business contract. To even discuss love felt weird and one sided
Okay but how many relationships break down in the West when money becomes scarce or one party loses their job, etc? Maybe East Asian people are just more realistic
@@DessieTots Agreed. "Love" - haha. An invention of Hollywood. Okay - that's an exaggeration. But it does contain a kernel of truth. I would also argue that the mythos of western 'romantic love' is even more responsible for the breakdown of marriages than is economic hardship. Love wears off - the vast majority of the time. Five years later and it's a case of "what was I thinking???"
@@Unfunny_Username_389 Well..... it´s complicated I guess. Maybe the rate of breakdown of marriages is a natural, yet conveniently ignored result of choosing a partner based on emotions, rather than economic factors and social rung of your own family and that of your future spouse. And maybe we should look more at the bright side: Despite the insecurities of changing emotions and personalities over time, approx. 50% of marriages stay together. Choice of partner based on emotions is less a result of Hollywood, and much more a result of changes in the socioeconomic fabric beginning in the sixties: Women were no longer dependent on their husbands to attain social standing and an attractive standard of living, and men no longer needed a wife to run the household and cook, something which required serious knowledge before the availability of fridges, microwave ovens, laundromats, vacuum cleaners, frozen food, etc. The term batchelor scurvy ring a bell? Though not precisely causative, the disconnect between sex and pregnancy was the icing on the cake in this development: The pill became available in the sixties, and Roe v Wade - well, you can understand why some of the news media speak of a seismic shift after the leaked draft of the SCOTUS re. abortions. On a sidenote re. the expected ruling on Roe v Wade: Once people begin to understand the far reaching socioeconomic ramifications I wouldn´t be surprised if the (g)rabbed (o)bedient (p)ussies will at some point begin to curse the decision to shake hands with the devil - meaning the evangelicals - based on a deal of evangelical votes in exchange for anti-abortion judges. What IS an invention of Hollywood (and the entire romance racket) is the conflation of the religious underpinning of marriage ("What God has joined together let no man put asunder") with personal emotions and feelings. For some odd reason humans seem to think that somehow their rush of emotions is so overwhelming that it must be divine in origin, or at the very least a stroke of fate, in the sense of: "It is meant to be". The irony is that before the sixties, the religious and socioeconomic straitjacket around marriage was meant to achieve what the lack of an emotional bond between partners couldn´t do to keep two people together, and after the sixties personal emotions and feelings were expected to replace this religious and socioeconomic straitjacket with the same amount of force and effectiveness. The latter notion was and is - shall we say: unrealistic?! At any rate, we humans seem to like the notion that choice of partner is something taken out of our hands and responsibilities because it is ordained by some ever so elusive higher force, when in fact it is deep down much more a form of negotiation between "What do I hope to get, and what opportunities (if any) have chance and coincidence currently dealt to me?". Finally: What is probably more important than the initial rush of emotions is the simple day to day workings of a relationship: Are you a good team? Are you loyal to each other? Do you support and complement each other? Etc....
The chances of finding a Chinese girl that will love you for you and be with you through good and bad times is as rare as spotting a donkey screwing a dragon.
Hey mate, I made a similar experience with a Chinese girl in terms of that she let me down when not having money. She bluntly said to me that we can get back together when i saved some money. That learned me a lesson for all other relationships I had in China after. Thanks for telling your story so clear and openly.
@Sean Lander essential is how much money you have for some. I personally didn’t consider myself as poor but for Shanghainese standards it was too little. That’s how some the women here evaluating men.
@Sean Lander I got ride of my ex wife. After experiencing some difficulties she turned on me in every ugly way. My financial problems only lasted a couple of months. Now I make money like never before. But I don't plan to get a women. I'm done with this. It's only me, my daughter (She lives with me), my father and mother, my siblings, my friends. No women will ever have the chance to interfere, disturb my life.
I'm an Australian and went on a similar adventure when I was a young fella, I was in Beijing / Tianjin, I can completely relate with your experiences with Chinese women and looking for a job in CH, but I've found in life you need to eat many bad meals before you finally taste something awesome. Life has a funny way of working out for us all.
@@j.r.r.tolkien8724 sms talaq, talaq, talaq and that muslim marriage is over. But you are right, many muslims and also many christians don't behave in the way chinese do.
@@winkekatze5593 Yes...and there you don't have to eat many bad meals... You can start and taste something awesome❣ Was erwarten Maenner von Asiaten...👀 Dummheit wird leider oft bestraft. 🐑
Great video. I have a malaysian chinese wife and can honestly say she is the best thing that ever gappened to me. We have two beautiful grown up children here in Britain. Her family are fabulous ,hard wirking decent people ,im blessed
Hahaha... my ex-wife is the same way. She's Chinese, I was with her for 3 months in China before I felt constant pressure from the government, so I found a way to bring her to the USA. Once she found a good job (which I helped her get), and once she found she was admired and desired by other men, she found a 'rich' man and left me for him, taking everything I bought for us. Later, she found out he was not rich, and tried to come back to me. I really thought she was one kind of person, and found out she was the exact opposite... It's a shame, really. I know a lot of Chinese people... my job brings me in contact with many. They aren't all bad people... most are good people. But, you really have to be careful.
That’s eerily similar to the response from a narcissistic girlfriend.. they don’t like personal gifts because they represent intimacy. If they reject it casually they think they can regain a sense of control : both avoiding their own emotions and controlling yours.
Thanks for speaking your mind, I'll keep my eyes peeled for this. I sort of hate christmas and gifts. People stare me and await a reaction from my slow-processing-ass. I will only know after a while if the thing is good or fun, I have to look at it thoroughly first for at least 5 minutes. I think I didn't buy almost anything for myself until after 24 years. Now I know what has value in my life. My neutral face is tired. I will never know what people think when they inspect my face when I inspect their gift.
To be honest it is simply because it is a huge waste of money. Western ways of gift giving is very wasteful. Plus it's like you expect thanks for giving people things they don't like - maybe it would be best to ask people what they enjoy rather than to expect thanks for something they won't even use. Who is the narcissist? The gift giver perhaps is more so of a narcissist because they want to gain a sense of control and elicit gratitude. It does not work for Chinese people because we are not only frugal, but also blunt. Hence pragmatic. I hate when people buy me flowers, because it only causes me to have to put it in a vase, wash the vase, and throw out the rotting flowers. I hate jewelry because I work a lot with my hands and I will never use it, plus I am just very down to earth. Why waste money. Put it to good use. It's that simple.
Crazy how accurate you are about everything you said about Chinese culture. I experienced all of that, too. About the cheating topic, when I first arrived in China Sept/Oct 2009, I was invited to a Hot Pot dinner at a restaurant. There were about two other men there and the rest were women(if memory serves, about seven). I got into a conversation with 2-3 of them I was single and asking if any of them had boyfriends. All did. I asked why they didn't bring them to the dinner and I was surprised by the answer. They all said they didn't want to bring them because they were afraid to lose them to other ladies at the dinner. I had to ask, would any of you actually try to steal someone else's boyfriend? And 100% of the single ladies said "yes".
Thanks, Winston, for sharing your experiences. I made the same discovery after over a decade of marriage to a Chinese woman. I had always wondered why I had to advocate and bargain for my own needs and desires in life and relationships, and eventually i figured out it really was bargaining in the business sense; I was a cog in the machine of her goals. "Your feelings are useless," and "marriage is a financial contract" are some of the things she told me near the end of the relationship and didn't seem to understand why it was such a turn-off for me. Once i knew how she really felt, there was no going back. However, it was another Chinese woman, now my 2nd wife, that gave me her empathy and support when I lost pretty much everything in the divorce, and now continues to stick with and support me while I am battling cancer. Never judge an individual solely based on their culture. It is true that there are many Chinese women who are after utilitarian marriage contracts, but it is also true that there are genuinely loving, faithful, and gracious Chinese women who will appreciate you for who you are.
I met my wife from China while we were both working in Thailand as teachers. We've been married for ten years. Anyone who meets a woman in the first three days needs to be on guard.
I was in a relationship for about 7 years with a Chinese woman - but with UK citizenship. I completely agree with your summing. She was a Beijing ‘princess’ and while she was 43 when she first came to stay as a couch surfer, I believe she had never been in a relationship - focused totally on work and saving for her pension. She was highly intelligent and was head hunted out of her job in China and moved to the UK - taking citizenship there after a few years. In her own words, she lived a solitary, Chinese life there, not speaking with many people in case her poor English gave people the impression that she wasn’t as clever as she was. She’d taken a three month break from her job to travel. She was brave in that sense and traveled as economically as was possible - hours on Couchsurf website and looking for the one pound deal some bus companies offered. I didn’t have a lot of money but supported us well enough - asking nothing of her. She did have a pretty horrible temper though. After about five years, she topping up her pension fund from one of several UK bank accounts, it was becoming apparent that we couldn’t go on and that the next time she visited her parents in Beijing, she would probably return to the UK. The pandemic gave us two years of separate room - she in the master and me in the guest room - for a quiet life. Inscrutable - it was probably about four years into the relationship that I learned from her that she was probably a multi millionaire in China - a two bedroom apartment in downtown Beijing as well as the two floor apartment she would eventually inherit - not far away. A Chinese first world problem is that there’s a limit to the amount of money she can take out annually - or a once off taking of all your assets. Not possible as she couldn’t do that while her parents were alive as she’d lose out on her inheritance. When we eventually parted, she wished me luck on meeting the right person for me, she contacted me only when she needed help or advice - i believe I’m probably the only person that got close to even knowing her - her only friend that she didn’t need to lose her ‘mask’ for - including her parents. When I told her that I had met someone, she said she was happy for me but when I told her that it was serious, she said she never wanted to talk to me again - ever. Poor little rich girl.
She’s better than most. Other than she is quite naive in thinking that selfishness could trade selflessness forever, she is quite clever. At least she gets to be a millionaire.
Boys let’s be real…most women, anywhere in the world are almost always the same. The relationship with women is where us men are the wallet, gopher, and bodyguard. The men who have the greatest need to seed will be their downfall. Be patient, be disinterested, and take your time assessing your lady’s personality. You must be diligent like MI-6 levels before you marry your mate. 😂good day and god bless.
@@cubancigarman2687 this video has revealed that, too, for sure. But there are those who’ve chosen to embark on the warrior’s path and face the darkness within 😈
I can't believe it. Being raised in Taiwan, I never understood how different the cultures between China and Taiwan really were. Until, I actually went there for vacation and see some things that were abnormal imo. To think that Mao did something so horrendous that not only the cultures have been reversed, but also people's morality.
Coming from a Taiwanese household now living in the US, there's still a few cultural overlaps where the Taiwanese are still somewhat utilitarian-focused when it comes to marriage. Love is at best secondary, but a stable income and being able to eat should always come first, and this shocked my westerner friends even till this day. I don't think all the wacky ideals happen solely because of awful CCP policies, but moreso we have learned to phase out some of the archaic cultural ideals over time especially after all the western influence. For example, the idea of cheating being "normal" has been an assumption and less of a shock because of fiction, folklore, and just that being the norms for many generations especially among the wealthy. There's always a saying where if a married man is wealthy, we automatically assume he would have mistresses because of the power he has. However, that is definitely frowned upon by the Taiwanese.
I once dated a Chinese girl during my 20s. I had a job with a good salary. Everything was perfect until I lost my job. After being unemployed for 5 months, she suddenly lost feeling for me. Not all Chinese women are like that but the majority of them are exactly like you said.
Edit. Incels and lazy ducks got mad in the comments😂 Honestly i would loose feelings too. Unless you have savings to support yourself while unemployed thats fine. Otherwise I cannot imagine paying for two people with my salary.
I don't understand the Pikachu face and explained why in my other comments. In the West, yes. I would feel you. In China, no. They never had second wave feminism and have a completely dissimilar economic history and reality. There was never any gender role revolution per se. I think what a lot of dudes don't realise about feminism is where it benefitted men (including the introduction of "the pill"). Usually only its perceived detriment is noted. But in fact differing gender relations, for better or worse, led to a technically more egalitarian approach towards heterosexual relationships in the West. Even if elements of these changes also may have backfired in certain ways for both genders here. So, as reductive examples, in the West, the guy may be less likely to expect it's the woman's job to cook.. Altho stats suggest that women working hasn't necessarily take away trad housework or childcare expectations. Conversely, the woman may be less likely to expect the guy to be the breadwinner. More than that, economic changes have meant a male breadwinner is usually impossible in most Western households these days, except for the very wealthy. Because you often can't support two people, much less a family, on an average single wage these days. Jobs used to be much more secure. In the eyes of someone raised to narrow them about breadwinning - who was taught to privilege this attribute as a motive when selecting who to date and when - this job loss of yours was unfortunately likely perceived as "happening within only a few months of dating". And therefore was seen as the dreaded Red Flag, Zhongguo style. But, were there advantages to dating such a woman generally not connected with Western dating? Maybe this woman seemed to find your jokes terribly funny and to coo and massage your neck as soon as you come in from work, without fail, every time? It's perhaps just not an unconditional arrangement in reality.. and the illusion may have been that the more alluring treatment was nothing to do with money. I don't know as a woman how people feel when they act like that (conditional in that way) so i can't comment. But since i'm apparently playing devil's advocate, maybe it doesn't read as unromantic to them? They want economic security and are willing to go the extra mile for it, and associated behaviour might be ritualistic. They might still feel emotionally connected somehow as long as those circumstances act as a mechanism? I dunno. I couldn't be like that but i've been conditioned in our culture. Economic security is nothing to sniff at though.
By the way, in case that sounds a bit cold, i'm sorry you had a hurtful experience. Better you found out relatively quickly while still young, rather than years into the relationship and needing to depend on her. It left you open for other more suitable relationships based on mutuality but might have rattled your confidence a bit, understandably. A learning experience, i guess.
So real, so raw. A part of me is sad that you hadn't been clever enough to think to rent an apartment rather than firehose your money away on a hotel, but another part of me is glad that you had the ups and downs that led you to your badass brilliant beautiful biker wife. I wish you both as close to a real Happily Ever After as we're allowed to have in this world!
You're 100% correct about the pirated software . The average Chinese (so called) 'software specialist' doesn't have a clue about writing software and to be honest they don't need to as they paste and copy everything from the Internet . All they do is go into the special sites and take what they need. We had a female Chinese IT person who was so useless that she spent 3 years retaking her 2nd year exams in her Computer Degree till finally the company told her to -"Get out ,you're useless". With the Chinese and their mentality it's a case of -"Why should i learn it when i can steal it".
It's sad that so many marriages in China are loveless. A number of years ago I read a book by Dianne Wei Liang called "Lake with No Name". It's about her life as a university student during the time of the Tiananmen Square incident and the story of her love of a fellow student. That story, and especially the poem at the front of the book is the most powerful description of a love affair that I have ever encountered in my life. This includes books, songs, movies, anything. So, as you say, it does happen. I'm glad you found Sasha.
@@devrusso This was an informative video, with some entertaining stories, it was not a shaming video. I am sure this was educational for people. I experienced very similar things to Winston when I was in similar circumstances.
I lived in Vietnam and this story is very similar to the culture there. People get married very young, buy a house, have a kid, then fall out of love with each other and start cheating on each other. Very common thing there too.
Well, the best thing you can have with women is fun. Buying presents is ok but don't buy stupid expensive things for her or don't go out for dinner, it's a different thing if YOU like going out for dinner. Just have fun, go dancing, s*x, movie, explore nature, meet new people..... Live life the best you can. If you want a long relationship, that is your choice and if you want fun, go for it....
As a Chinese Canadian who spent their childhood in China I definitely agree on the bluntness part. China runs on a very myopic and antiquated definition of survival where people choose short-term solutions at the expense of their medium to long-term well-being. Stuff like "I don't have to care for your feelings if I just straight up don't ever see you again :)," don't work well in the long-term.
I agree. In fact, the same thoughts continue to cross my mind after a traumatic experience with a Chinese girl from the mainland: she didn't do herself a favour WHATSOEVER in letting me go. But she did it because she didn't get the short-term gains she "expected" from her man (her longterm prospects were excellent with me). So she decided to look for another guy. But her value on the market already started to go down (at age 33); and this market is governed by Nature and not by men; so, I ask my female readers her to get real and not blame us. The whole thing about heterosexual relations is quite messed up. We all could go on forever discussing this here, but in the end, some get lucky, the majority does not. Schopenhauer explained it all in his "Metaphysics of heterosexual love."
We expats who escaped China have so many of the same experiences in China. Thank you for documenting it. I love seeing your videos. They are spot on, and bring back very fond and not so fond memories of my years in China. Shenzhen, HK, GZ, 2005-2017. Thank you.
Just got to watch your video. I'm a female American expat (married) who moved to Singapore the first time in 2001 (returned in 2006 for good). At that time, my younger local female friends lamented about finding someone to date. They didn't want to date Singaporeans. They said that most women preferred to meet expats, and the Five Cs were important: Cash, Car, Condo, Country Club and Credit Card. I also heard "Carat" was one of them. I just checked recently that now, the women who are more financially independent, the Five Cs are now: Commitment, Confidence, Chivalry, Courtship and Compassion.
They want an awful lot from a man, but can they offer the same amount, or is it a one way street? Well, it'll work out somehow. They'll either meet someone who fits the bill, or end up alone. Either way, the world keeps spinning. I just want to point out though that even the lower level 5 Cs that you listed are pretty damn shallow, except for "Commitment" and "Compassion".
You're truly a great story teller. Would love to hear you share more stories if you have about things you experienced. It's like listening to a really good audio book!
Yes a good story teller but it really complete honesty? Why would he take back someone who dumped him when he had nothing left? i saw his video he met his current wife when she was still in an unhappy marriage why didnt he mention that here since he said he is telling the truth? why did he stay with this callous woman again if he didnt love her cos he said in China he only loved his current wife?
I've had a girlfriend from China many years ago who cheated on me with some rich Chinese dude. Of course I broke up with her when I found out but it hurt me a lot at that time. Your explanation about how dating in China works directly correlates with her behaviour. The more I see your videos, the more I understand about certain things that happened in my life and that are currently happening in China.
The funny thing about that Chinese story is that it happens in Europe and the U.S. depending on if the female has some extensive gold digging tendencies and this guy is a traveler who barely speaks the local language... why is anyone surprised or generalizing? Lmaooo
@KrO Its not as though you can find a real relationship in the US anyway. They are ALL gold diggers. The only difference is women in the US are way more entitled than those in Asia and expect you to just put out and offer nothing in return. Whereas in Asia, you can at least get your money's worth if you know how to play your cards right.
You Winston are a true gentleman and good person! The world needs more like you! Thanks for sharing your experiences with us, and I'm glad it worked out well for you in the end mate. Cheers 🍻
I can totally relate to this. In the UK I arranged to go on a date with a Chinese girl when I worked near London. A day before the date I didnt like the vibe I got from our text chat so I gracefully bowed out, sending her a tactful message saying I had to cancel and wishing her the best. That did not go down well, I got a livid phone call back, being shouted at with things like “YOU ARE LITTLE GIRL, YOU LITTLE GIRL.” I immediately started to get phone calls throughout the day to my work mobile, from phone boxes around her village, from a guy who was clearly her best mate and got a kick out of putting on silly voices. I reported it to the police and they did nothing. It went on for about 6 months so I changed my number, then after a year they somehow got hold of my new number and it started up again so I had to change it again. All that from texting a girl for a week and not even meeting her once. Anyway, I learnt a lesson - never even consider going on a date with a Chinese girl unless you know exactly what you’re in for.
Ohhhh… as a gay dude mine was a Brazilian. They all want to get married to get their papers. I went on ONE date …. No sex… one date. We went to Greek fest , that’s it. I didn’t like the vibe so I texted him and said kindly , thanks but no thanks . I got text message calling me a fa$$ot. How I was a player, how I was ugly , how badly he needed the papers. CRAZY BITCH
China is the most populated country in the world, so I don't know where you get off trying to generalize so wildly after ONE date (that you didn't even have).. imagine what other countries could generalize about English men considering the population..
I had a Taiwanese girlfriend and I decided to end the relationship when one time she told me "you are almost 30 with no degree and do not own a house". The writing was on the wall, it was time to move on. She was going to dump me if I didn't dump her first anyway, haha. Good times though, you live, you learn.
"you are almost 30 with no degree and do not own a house" sounds like the worst curse in China when you quarrel with someone, I can't even look at this sentence it's way too humiliating, we don't usually use this strong words.
@@AlreadyShort I understood where she was coming from. Cultural differences and what not. It was still pretty fucked up, but I learned from it. Today I make almost 6 figures and still have no degree, yup... Good thing I am getting my chemical engineering degree in a year.
@@ChenLinYu323 pretty much par for the course in Australia given a literal hole in a ground can now cost millions. To be honest, foreign investment by mainland Chinese nouveau riche has been a pivotal factor in prices skyrocketing. It must be noted that our government is responsible for allowing it.
you seem like and honest, strong, solid dude. i appreciate you and your videos. its good in this world to stay grounded and be yourself. in some ways its harsh the way a lot of things happened and unfolded during your time in China but I'm a strong believer in that everything happens for a reason. take it easy spud.
I just recently found your channel and have been going through each video of yours and ADVchina, I have loved each one. Both yours and laowhy’s perspectives are so valuable, my family immigrated from the USSR right when it collapsed and the things you describe are so familiar to what they describe yet so alien and interesting. Very thankful I found your channel, you have yourself a new viewer
@@peterseth3296 How so? I feel that Serpentza has been really straight forward, the love he has for regular people there is clear, as well as the natural beauty of the country and the remaining history that hasn’t been destroyed. If anything he has gotten more outspoken about how bad the Chinese government is and his hatred for how they operate, which should be covered and should be hated and I 100% agree with. They are (the CCP) some scary Orwellian shit
@@peterseth3296 That is patently unfair. It's the CCP everyone despises, not the Chinese. We're just getting the unfiltered version of reality now. Have YOU been to China? I have. These guys lived there for years.
Relationship utility is a very Asian thing. It’s quite normal in Asian cultures and why they have sappy romantic dramas. They live their romantic dreams vicariously through celebrity dramas because a true love affair isn’t what they all get.
Wow way to go homogenising East, West, South, Southeast, and Southwest Asians in one big "Asian" category. You literally lumped billions of people as though they're the same. Damn bro
@@gutenmorgen9626 When americans say asians they mean east asians (chinese, japanese, koeans) whereas when british people say asians they mean south asians (pakistanis, indians, nepalese, bengalis, sri lankans). no one actually menas all asians
@@overdose8329 I dunno if this is worse, erasing other Asians from the category because predominantly white people from Europe or America don't know these other Asians are also included in that very same "Asian" category. Seems pretty dumb and arbitrary tbh. Now how about studying geography for a start. 👍
Thank you for sharing your story and doing so in such an articulate and intelligent manner Winston. I know a Beglian man who had a horrid experience. He was sent to China by his company for 2 years and met a Chinese woman - he married her and they returned to Belgium where she fleeced him and his family. She was dismissive of the kindness her elderly parents-in-law showed her and was incredibly materialistic and cold. Needless to say it ended in divorce.
Remember, the Chinese are not a single unified race/ethic/ culture to be exact. It depends on the region. It should be obvious. Just look at the landmass. Do you think they are all the same? Heck, even though the US has only 200+ years of history, people speak slightly different dialects, and behave and think differently. Imagine what 2000+ years would be like, not to mention some Chiese cannot even speak Mandarin even within the "Huns". So are you still going to consider them "Chinese"? What is the definition of Chinese to be exact? Of coz you would adopt the CCP's definition because they want to tell the world and their own people that they are all the same, but nah, anthropology wouldn't allow that.
I never had any of the horror stories with dating Chinese, but even the "higher class" women can be brutally honest, especially with gifts. I've had that same reaction with gifts. And then she wondered why I stopped buying her stuff.
That’s just being rude honesty like no even honest it’s just rude if someone buys you a gift it’s having compassion and telling them yes thank you even if you do like then .
You da man Winston! Laying it out there it all it's unvarnished glory. I arrived in China only a couple of months apart from you (BJ 5 years then SH 4 years), and though I didn't have direct experiences with relationships like you had (I met my Chinese born wife in the US before moving there), your observations ring true. It really isn't a criticism of the people; when you're in competition with literally millions and millions of others in your exact same generation, one has to make adjustments, and this is something people from the West won't understand until seeing it up close. Btw, I saw your friend Laowhy86 on David Pakman, and it was a great interview; I really hope he'd have you on too. All the best to you and your lovely wife and family.
Adjustments ? Love of money is the root of all evil. The point is.. ? There's Natural laws, and Social programable laws by men/dictatorships. When a nation is raised Unbalanced to Natural law, of Creations order ? You have a Disfuncional Society based on Doctrination. Can't justify that dude. Society has learn not be Ideologically lead by forms of Artificial constructs to achieve a Righteous code, of lifestyle. Everyone wants peace, and prosperity. But at what coast ? And did you Qualify for that prosperity an peace. Most people are sheep. And afraid to agaisnt the conditioned norm. In which case ? True Peace will never be achieved out of fear an ignorance.
When I first moved to China in 1989-1981, having a GF was out of the question. People, especially women, were afraid to be seen talking to you, for fear of being thought to be spies.
I worked with a guy who married a Thai girl. It just went without saying that he would pay for EVERYTHING. For her and for her entire family, including trips to the UK, money to send back home etc.
I have so many friends and colleagues who have ended up in similar situations. ..I'm afraid I have zero sympathy. They're idiots for being taken in by these girls ...they're ruthless
They deserve that because they always insult their own women and then go to poorer countries looking for a girl they can control... the girl always controls them though!
@@decorDD Yeah. I watched a couple of my cousins get on that train... The women didn't seem to realise, that it doesn't take that much money to present yourself as being well off for a few weeks in Thailand. So they were severely disappointed when they arrived, already married, and saw what kind of situation they were really going to live in. So it goes both ways... But I do feel sorry for the kids, though...
Wasn't there a recent movie where the gangster marries a Thai girl and then when she has children, she asks her brother to kill her husband and the gang? It was an emotionally brutal movie!
Whoa. As a woman, that's not uncommon when it comes to dudes, but i don't know i've actually learned of a woman doing this before. Sorry you had that experience, dude.
You should write a biography, Winston. You've had a lot of experiences and have a lot of wisdom. The story about the attack on your family in S. Africa is terrifying - and this story about a cold-hearted woman is disconcerting.
"The essence of Hell is the absence of love." Perhaps the "cold-hearted" woman, as you put it, truly was in love with Winston, but the social/cultural pressures resulted in resorting to doing what her culture had taught her--think back to how long she stayed with him as he was looking for work. With pressure building up behind her with every failed attempt. She's a human being and so are you, so please be careful with passing judgment before taking the time necessary to think through the situation. God bless.
@@Cyric1983. The issue here is how cold hearted jmmoral to dump ghost sum1 after emotionally attached and invested in. That's wrong in most traditional societies, but modern Western ideals, feminism, and communism, have brainwashed most women into entitled behaviour, not about Survival, but about a moue luxurious opulent life. Most women leave, when they see that high life doesn't look like its gonna happen. But some good women don't think like that. They have traditional values of morals, ethics, character, integrity. These are rare these days. Women today always try justify their immoral behaviour with financial excuses. That's feminism. Cultural Marxism social engineering. Brain washed robots with no Empathy. They see men as always a exist, chauvinist, though they're not, and as the enemy, unless they serve the women's interests. This toxic attitude is backfiring though... As all the decent good men, will have nothing to do with these nasty minded whores. Hence going abroad for traditional women not affected by feminism and materialism. So in the end, women of that ilk lose, for being feminist. Materialism is incompatible with Morality. Gain vs Give .. Love is about Giving. Materialism is about Gain and Get. Women have lost sight of that fact. They think Hollywood romance is real, when it's just fantasy and never lasts, bcoz the woman sabotages the relationship, out of dissatisfied reality, when her fantasy is not realised, so leaves, looking elsewhere for the golden unicorn of luxury life, in the man who can give that to her... Only realising that, in the end, that vacuous empty selfish materialism has no meaning, depth, or truth and she destroyed all that really mattered in her brainwashed pursuit of that delusional fantasy thinking it would give her true happiness, when it just gives her temporary fixes of Dopamine, she's addicted to, and ends in misery, as materialism only feeds the monster, never satisfies the soul or heart, spirit or mind.
my chinese wife left me and our daughter without notice to pursue a rich man, turns out she done me a favour, im back in the UK started a new life and daughter is very happy.. we all like money but chinese women all chase men for money. their parents first stipulation is do they have money, not do you love this guy or does he love you.
@@jia2001 Lol. meanwhile, men abandon their children and don't even pay child support. And you here complain about women. In fact, women stay with children way more than men do
You basically were dating a Chinese massage parlor girl. Best to just pay the girl for the massage and walk away than to think there are actually any feelings in between. Thank you for this video which does convey exactly what the mentality is like.
I'm an old man... a very old man. I've been following you for a long time. I'm a fan of South Africans. Don't know why, I just think they're "simpatico". So the more I watched your channel the more I knew you delivered from the heart. Your story is compelling and you have a gift for delivery. Your photo/library is invaluable. Your ability to communicate on a human level is so refreshing. Keep up the good work 'cause you're in for a great future... That being said... watch your back.
I've been in Taiwan for more than 30 years. Back in the 90s we had to do visa trips to Hong Kong every few months to renew our Taiwan visas. I got bored with Hong Kong and went to Shenzhen for a couple of days on a few visa runs. Macau too. I found that if you went to the "English Corner" of the main park people went there to practice English, it was easy to pick up work.Without even trying I got work translating documents and brochures into decent English. So a few visa runs paid for themselves. Every city in China has an "English Corner" in a park where people go to chat in and practice English and if you are a native speaker of English everyone is lining up to speak to you. As regards relationships between men and women I think China and Taiwan are more or less the same. For years my Taiwanese wife assumed I was cheating on her because , as she said all Chinese men cheat on their wives if they can afford it. It took her several years to realize that I was a one woman guy and that I was faithful because I was not a hypocrite. We've been married about 27 or 8 years . I forget. We have two grown up children.What a great and honest video ! Telling it is like it is in Chinese society.
Thx for another great story. I have observed the same things when I was in China. It always made me chuckle how my Chinese friends and acquaintances liked to talk about how promiscuous Americans and foreigners are. Stay awesome Winston!
Well tbf i think that's the other side of this. Expat men that seem like they're on the cruise everywhere in Asia? Not everyone cares for it - local men can resent it and this would be especially understandable where there literally aren't enough women to go around.
@@mothratemporalradio517 Yes, there are certain expats, that have a promiscuous lifestyle, but I disagree with the assumption that gender inbalance is the biggest reason making the locals upset. From personal experiences in Mongolia, China, S-Korea and Japan, there is a dislike for foreigners dating local woman. Everything is based on preservation of culture and identity (In Japan a mixed kid can't get elected into office and has fewer rights) In these countries my female friends/students would get scolded on the street 'to stick with their own kind', as they would just walk next to me on the street. I think another reason of resentment to expats comes from the fact that in many asian countries they have an elevated status, and earn more than the locals. This will automatically attract people who want to get out of their situation and have a better life. The expats you are talking about will also abuse this. With my experience as an english teacher and export manager in China, I completely agree with the culture that Winston describes. I had numerous offers from married women and girls that were in a relationship. When I went to the KTV, some students or businessmen even brought their escorts along. Being involved with import/export, I also met the businessmen who I had to chauffeur around in Dongguan... I was in a stable relationship at the time, and it got tested hard in China and survived.
@@belgiansurealism5865 This is every culture. No man likes seeing women of his race go with other men. I certainly don’t like seeing white female hook up with blacks because of entertainment and big dick status. I doubt Asian men enjoy foreign men trolling their countries as well. Thankfully white men still hold their own in their own countries so while some white female like to date out it’s not prolific. In foreign Asian communities you see 50% date out with non-Asian men… that is extreme.
Great story - I had a relationship with a Chinese girl in Shanghai for a year and this re-frames several things I had already noticed in these areas. Sorry for any personal anguish, but thanks for sharing!
I had relationships with both kinds of Chinese women. It all rings true. You learn so much about China if you're in live with a Beautiful Chinese girl, particularly if they're educated. Very good story, Winston.
Horrible and hurtful thing for her to do Winston. I'm so sorry. I made some stupid joke in chat about this incident while being unaware of the situation you've experienced and that was stupid and wrong of me. You're clearly a good man and deserve better. I'm honestly in awe of what you've done and have nothing but respect for you and Matt.
i remember 97 in hong kong. crash went the cash, 1000's of men left in bunkered housing. once the money went the wife followed. if you make money your god you are doomed.
I think it's very telling that you guys lived in China, married Chinese women, got out on your bikes to see things for yourself, talked to people, and basically gave the country every opportunity to put its best foot forward- and still you ended up leaving with a dim view of China.
They still love China as a country and a region of people. Whenever they talk, there is this underlying sadness of what's happening there. The government and the struggle of the people, combined with some culture dynamics produced an absolute hell hole and it's getting worse.
@@KarttiboneIt's the Godless marxist society. It produces people who's only love is money and it results in all kinds of evil. Communism is a religion that worships money and power, and which accuses its opponent (Capitalism) of its own crimes.
but that the same in America so its probably the same planet-wise. all cultures erode overtime or morphed into the concerns of the day.... we live in monetary economic times now, so money is the metric of good living. before, I'm sure, being a strong warior was. so being able to fight may have been the metric then, everyone was battling in those times. Perhaps in the future it will be something else but the principles dont change.....@@Karttibone
I am a Chinese who grew up in a foreign country. When I was young, I liked China very much and liked its history. Finally, when I came to China, I liked China and finally understood its true history, everything that happened in it, and its humanity. Finally I found it would be safer to stay away from China.
These are some absolutely fascinating cultural experiences. Thank you for sharing. I think I'll go back and watch some of your older videos because after watching this one it helped me understand the relationship my wife and I had with a Chinese American from Taiwan. She was really blunt about almost everything and it took a while for me to understand that this was part of her personality now although she had lived in the US for several years at that point. We were the focus of much of her free time right after she was divorced from her American husband but as soon as she met her current husband, we didn't even get a phone call after that point. At least she invited us to the wedding. 😐 We haven't seen her since.
Always love your stories Winston, I could genuinely listen to them for days and days. Also congrats on the 1 mil subs. You and C-Milk are heros for what you do. I believe you two are major contributing factors to the west opening it's eyes to whats really going on in China.
Sorry you went through that. Your wife is absolutely precious. A real treasure. You have a chance every day to make her happy, feel loved and fulfilled. and i think you are the kind of guy that knows that already :) I hope the two of you spend the rest of your lives together. The way you talk about her, and isn't even much info, but you can just tell you cherish her and she makes you happy.
Dear Serpentza . Thank you for sharing this past if your life with your TH-cam audience. As an old mother with previous obvious “ pretty privilege “ coming from a lower income single mother household after our father suddenly left taking his income and our lifestyle with him… this is definitely more of a female phenomenon coming from lower income households. I also lived in many countries as a child owing to my father’s work and travelled young single person living and working in countries owing to my work … so your video speaks a universal truth about growing up poor with fragmented family members … being desperate to create a different reality as a female. It is good that your life is what you have made it and better because of choices you made. Thanks again
I always enjoy listening to your stories and experiences. I've been watching your videos for three years now. You're a great storyteller. Greetings from Italy, serpentza :)
Yes agree he is great story teller! But Is it really complete honesty? Why would he take back someone who dumped him when he had nothing left? i saw his video he met his current wife when she was still in an unhappy marriage why didnt he mention that here since he said he is telling the truth? why did he stay with this callous woman again if he didnt love her cos he said in China he only loved his current wife?
I've met and known many Chinese women in NYC, some were very flirtatious when I was in a power position (i.e. an executive at a company, or a professor), however I've always been mystified about what their true feelings were - like maybe they were only interested if they thought I could do something for them. Whereas with hispanic women, they wear their feelings on their sleeves, you always know exactly how they feel, and they are very emotional, sexual, and loyal - they will not always tell you in words when they are angry, but it's not hard to figure out. Hispanic women will also fall in love with a penniless man. Strange how humans from different cultures can be so different.
America is lucky to have Latinos. Much better than what Europe wound up with. China basically needs immigrants to power it's economy in the future but doesn't really have and immigration pool like America has with Latin America. Latinos are great people.
It’s also why Asian under free market economies are always rich and Hispanics are often poor. Asians are very practical and calculating. They plan ahead and scheme to optimize for their long term success. Hispanics live in the moment and enjoy life and that often leaves you poor.
I have been waiting patiently for you to tell this story. Her being married when she came back to you was a twist I never could have foreseen. Thanks for sharing.
I'm glad you're with a woman you love and who loves you and have a beautiful child Winston, you certainly deserve it after the way this other girl treated you...all the best for you and your family mate.
The first girl that I was interested in was from China, and indeed she refused to go out with me as I didn't have a lot of money as I was still doing my PhD. The funny thing is this happened in the UK. 12 years later, I met my wife in Hong Kong who was also from China. The reason I knew that she liked me only, is that she never asked me for money ever and even when we got married, she, and her parents, never asked about financial matters in any way. They did quiz me however to make sure that I did indeed have a PhD even asking me maths questions lol:). The reality is that certain families in China are not at all motivated by money and really respect academic excellence and fidelity.
My sense from having friends with HK parents is that the culture is completely different from mainland China despite still sharing some Han Chinese traditions. Different language, different religious orientation where relevant, different government, even a different sense if humour if you ask me, HK cinema often had a flair for wacky slapstick.. HK was never communist and so never snapped into accelerated totalitarian capitalism with growth of development outpacing other areas of life. HK though Chinese and overpacked is arguably much more attuned with certain Western sensibility including democracy and resistance to "communism". It has no impoverished rural areas although there's extreme poverty, so, there's many less daughters of poor farmers. I'm really glad you found a person who loves you for you. Congrats! And it's great you were not pressured by her family. I know less about that because some Confucian ideals could still apply in Asian culture outside mainland China, but this probably varies significantly.
Oh wait! Sorry, i wrote all that only to realise you said she actually comes from China anyway. Duh. Well that's interesting. Could it be that her familial background was mercantile or involved international business that included travelling or international dealings? I'm guessing there was at the minimum economic security in her background. I do like the maths test factor (: Btw, what was your thesis about? I might not understand well, i'm just curious (:
@@mothratemporalradio517 no worries. Yes she is entirely Chinese with no HK background or international travel before going to HK from China, and they are no wealthier than the average family in the cities, but were very academic. They even accepted that she became a Christian and we got married in church. They certainly wouldn't have accepted me however if they thought I wasn't good enough academically (she is extremely strong in maths).
@@thisismonitor4099 You are lucky. If you ever meet a woman, and the first thing she asks is how much you make, or if you live by yourself, then you should run away.
@@thisismonitor4099 Your case is the exception. Wealth will always be the priority for women no matter what culture they are from. It's a symptom of an ultra-competitive modern society.
Excellent talk, I learned all the lessons you described the hard way. For those of you that want a relationship with a Chinese woman make sure you understand what serpentza is telling you. It can be so much fun but can be so cold in the end.
There’s been many, many TH-cam channels and videos I’ve watched over the years where the person doing the video yammers on and on about silly nonsense that I have to fast forward through most of them. Yours on the other hand, I watch from beginning to end, always. You are so thoughtful, respectful, insightful and you’ve lived a great life. Also, I’ve learned much about Chinese AND South African culture in an honest and truthful way. It’s fascinating. Thank You!
Your story sounds similar to mine, but it took place in South Korea. 7 years in South Korea. 3 as an ESL teacher 2 as a graduate student. 2 as an U.S. soldier. The ex dumped me during my 3rd semester of grad school in Seoul after 3 years. Needless to say, I decided to join the army since she told me I was too old to do it. She never came back when the army sent me back to Korea, but it was for the better because I know the man she left me for ended things with her 1.5 years later. When the army offered me Germany as my next assignment, I thought to myself, "I need a break from East Asia." It was the best decision I have ever made. I have nothing but love for Korea, but my friends in Seoul have told me repeatedly how lucky I am that I got to go to Europe. Korean culture suffocates their own and they refuse to acknowledge it. That is why the birthrate is lower than Japan's and the suicide rate is the highest in the industrialized world. I am two hours away from Switzerland and just being able to hike around the Swiss Alps is nature's version of therapy. Getting dumped hurts initially, but you can dust yourself off and bounce back if you have your wits about you.
Been two years there, personally South Korea is hell on earth. I can't trust korean girls anymore (and if i was girls also korean boys, i saw too many cheaters that pretend to not see the problems..), i discovered racism there, i saw a "rape culture" I never heard so many rapes in my life than in South Korea... And if you are a foreigner girl or man, know that in front the police or the justice you will automatically lose or they will try to protect the korean first. Being nationalist and protecting your people against foreigner, ok sure, But protecting the one that are rapists or lying abotu rape to take money from men?!! wtf is this police? wtf is this country? Do never tell me again SK is a democratic country. They have lot of money but they are not civilized like Japan for example. There mind is closer to chinese: Corruption, money over humanity, stupid nationalism that doesnt make any sense at some point, thinking they are the best in the world while they hate their life and drink like they wanna die from it... There life is sad as fuck, their mind is stuck in 1960, im so glad i wasn't born there. I will never go back there.
"honor" in east asia is only applied in Japan. China and South Korea have no honor left, they can sell their parents for money. especially the girls. WIth the right amount, they ready to do everything for having their new louis vuitton bag and have their instagram pictures in fancy restaurants they can't afford..
I appreciate you listening to this rather personal story, I hope that it helps you perhaps understand better how cross-cultural relationships can be difficult, baffling, heart-breaking and unexpected. When it does work out however, it's something hard won! Thank you for your support, you're all incredibly awesome!
Also a huge thank you to Ekster for sponsoring this video: Grab the most badass wallet in the world (massive discount link): shop.ekster.com/serpentza
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You and C milk hit the jackpot eventually with your wives...thanks to you both for sharing your experiences
I just wanted to say i love your channel.
Your adventures of travel hase helped me out a lot. I'm sure many others have also discovered that your experience has giving them an edge when wheeling n dealing in China. The cultural differences between different countries can sometimes be surprising & even difficult to understand or except. There isn't many people that have your experiences that are able to share it with such a large group of people. A valuable resource is your videos & stories. Thx.
This channel is one of most influencial and comprehasive personal anti-China propaganda, welcomed by 1+ million ppl. However, as Mr. Serpentza's wife is a chinese, I appreciated her by far much more.
❤️👍
One of the most bizarre thing that ever happened to me in Asia, not in China (Malaysia); my girlfriend disappeared one day because she got married. She even had requested a "loan" last day I saw her, which (I later found out) basically went to pay for her part of the wedding. Of course, her marriage collapsed shortly after, but I was with someone else;
a) she called and wanted to get back together,
b) her brother calls and begged me to take her back, and
c) her ex-husband called and warned me that she was coming for my money...
Hahaha at c!
Hypergamy has no borders!
That's a bro over there.
What a good ex- husband!!
@@pebblepod30 I didn't need to be convinced/warned...
Imagine leaving someone at their lowest to then dare to show your face again once they have it good. Personally, I'd tell such person to leave immediately and not spend a second talking
I know quit a few girls in Europe that do that too...
Well .. thats not only a chinese thing.. the girls and woman in europe also do this trick...
@@Islandwaterjet
Same for me.
It's difficult finding genuine people these days.
Oh, imagine women being women. You need to accept it and adapt. Go look up the term "hypergamy". Women are hypergamous.
Rich Cooper says it well: " women don't care about your struggles, they wait at the finish line and bang the winners"...
You know, the fact that you can hold attention for a long period of time and speak so fluid without using a script and a bunch of cuts and edits is very impressive.
Thanks mate, I don’t like scripting, especially since it’s a personal story, if someone is scripting their stories then you know it’s not genuine
He would be a better president for these united states
I think the video background and interesting topic n b-rolls helps
@@serpentza You're an important lighthouse, please don't lead us astray!
I had a lots of 18-19yr olds on rural China but man the big bush just wasn’t my thing. They wouldn’t even let me trim it down
Always remember the three types of people. The ones that helped you during your hard times. The ones who left you during your hard times. The ones who put you in hard times.
There are two kinds of people, ones who like reducing everything into pithy aphorisms and those who don't 😂
@@Replicant-by1eh That's right. It makes it easier for most people understand
U can reduce that to 2. Also making the right reference to The good, the bad and the ugly. Because those who drop u in hard times (and therefor make things harder).
There are only 2 kind of people in the world. The ones that helped you during your hard times. And those who dig.
Repay honour with honour, and treachery with treachery.
I love that, what a great thought.
Exactly the type of person you don’t want in your life. Good work Bro. Glad it worked out and that you have a great relationship now. It’s so hard to find and trust people anywhere in the world.
aha fancy seeing u here. ji
oh my god is this really karl rock here i never thought you would be watching other peoples vlogs(because you are already busy doing your own & person who spend most of the time doing adventures with police lol XD). But it was amazing knowing you do to like rest of us you both are my favourite vloggers who share really good information through their videos
O.o You're here!
Hey Guys, yeap, I’m here. Been a subscriber for a long time. China has always interested me because it’s kind of out there with that society credit system and alternative internet. It seems like another world. Plus they’re our neighbour in India.
@@KarlRock :D
I met a chinese girl on an app, she seemed lovely, we met she was really nice. And the moment i told her i was truck driver she got up and just walked out. Didn't even say goodbye lol. Ruthless some of them.
Should've lied 😂
That would pertain to all races
Joke's on her; truckers can make good money and if you like lots of alone time, it really works out 😅🥰
@@Heavenlysky89 nah
You could have said "Materials Movement Manager" or "Freight Travel Director"
The fact that you had a "girlfriend" 3 days after arriving in China should have been your first clue.
I'm sure deep down he knew something was off. But sometimes being a foreigner gets you girls for no reason other than being a novelty.
@TheMysteryDriver Seriously.
You don't call ANY girl your "girlfriend" after only 3 days.
Usually, you meet someone, hang out a few times, go on a few dates, talk on the phone, and see if you actually LIKE each other first.
@@TheMysteryDriver He have mutt chidren , destroyed his bloodline. Who the big fool , him .
Yet he couldn't get another female after his first "girlfriend" dumped him. Very odd. Also very odd that he took the "girlfriend" back. I've lost respect for him.
@@honeyfungus4774 No-one cares who you respect. He clearly cared for her and gave her a second chance because he's a good man, even when she didn't deserve it. And stop calling women 'females', you're not a Ferengi.
Thanks mate - I am a Brit that has visited RSA for 20 years but working in Asia for 15 years. In love with a Vietnamese woman for 5 years. Can't believe how kind and hard working she is. Your story resonated. Please keep up the great content - Ian
The wisdom of Edna Krabappel: “Oh, don’t worry children. Most of you will never fall in love, but will marry out of fear of dying alone.”
ever think that those who would be ""fall in love" types would have been among the millions executed during the commy revolution and even more by the cultural revolution?!
@Tony Montana Western women are not so different from China's women at all!!! They also go for $$$ and for "full-head-of-hair" and what part of the city he lives in, and job-title and ego evil power, and even if he has a yacht. Divorce rate comes from many factors, including a drop from any of those characteristics, and unforgiving stiff inflexibility of principles -- also about "status" and ego idolatry. The English language lumps too many versions or sub-definitions together into one overloaded word "Love". Love must include affinity though, or else your definition of "duty & loyalty" can be just an employment contract, or an abusive psych/social arrangement (eg- narcissist with a "supply"). Its not love if there is no positive *Affect* (not to be confused with Effect) or affinity happening 2-way traffic, or taking turns at "duty", not just a 1-way street.
lol tony never read any classic or ancient literature.
@@mtlicq Communism: the main reason for atheism's spread.
@Tony Montana Love is not a myth. I have had extreme, and real, albeit unrequited love. The miracle isn't love, but to have it mutual and of a high caliber.
I am married to a Chinese woman, I remember giving her a birthday present, she told me very directly that it’s not what she wanted and told me to take it back to the shop, wow that was a slap in the face, same happened at the our first Christmas together, she told me that she would buy her own gift, from that day on I hv never bought her anything 32 years have passed, she is happy when I take her out for a nice meal but definitely no gifts. Nice blog, thanks.
That’s what I’m warning people about
@@serpentza I am married to a Chinese woman and not buying her birthday gift or anniversary gift is great. She doesn’t care.
@@serpentza a culture gap? I mean to be fair, there's two sides to this and i sort of question an industry where it might be implied white boy finds China exotic, white boy seeks to embrace China, white boy realises huge culture incompatibilities exist, white boy trashes China. I'm not saying not to make political or cultural criticism but is it fair to put women from a different culture on a pedestal of idealism and then knock them off again once they fail to be like us? Don't get me wrong, an analysis of economy-driven behaviour in intercultural or Chinese romance is fair enough. In another way, maybe what you're seeing is a culture that a) never went through second wave feminism but b) is in late capitalism but following massively accelerated growth from a communist economy.
It's just not really an ordinary situation. Utility - look i'm at the start of the video, what i object to online is personal attacks on the reputations of individuals who have no way to defend themselves. If i were ever to have a date with you and you were just awful, i would never plaster up your image with your face pixellated out. I think that's out of order. I mean, certain Chinese customs may certainly seem rough/rude from the perspective of Western habits. But there's almost certainly a reverse of this. I wonder what Chinese expats think of white dudes fresh off the boat making it with all the local girls, do you know what i'm saying? I'm not attacking white dudes, i'm saying your own behaviour could seem rude, ungrateful or frustrating in ways where the perception of this possibility could be something you're unaware of, blind to. Culture gaps go both ways.
The fact is that yes, Westerners may receive favour because of perceived utility. And, at the end of the day, this is how men have traditionally been assessed before second wave feminism, as the provider or bread winner. This element may be considered as or, as we see, far more important than romance. For you, this crushes your sense of romance: the woman only wants you for your wallet. But to her, she might not understand such offence, in that overall and in the new economy, in China, a country of billions, the need to find a reliable provider may be drilled into the heads of some people since day one.
Should we judge this behaviour as ignorant and rude? I think it's more complicated than that, given that other aspects of this lifestyle quickly seduced you in direct comparison to the West.
I dunno, i just question an industry of the turned China-fancier. I think that's what this is and i'm just not sure if it's fair because you may have exoticised China. A bunch of people have travelled there without much background knowledge on the history and culture whatsoever, but the idea there wouldn't be cultural gaps in a relationship betwedn a mainland Chinese lady and a Westerner, dude maybe it's neither of your faults if the average attempt meets some sharp stumbling blocks. Yes, we might find the Chinese relationship with economy somewhat alienating but again, not much need for a Pikachu face there either, i think what would be unusual is if you had no problems in your relationship of an economic nature.
I also guess that _class_ would be a huge factor in a post-communist, totalitarian-capitalist China. The position of a woman whose parents are poor farmers who came to the city to work in a factory or something is going to be pretty different to a rich girl whose father is a doting merchant who happens to be doing very well.
Just a devil's advocate to consider. As a woman i would strongly discourage you from using a pixellated image of a real person you're dissing in a thumbnail. Unless you are happy for your image to be used by others in such ways. Just saying. It's pretty rough. I assume it's not that she tried to murder you or anything but that she was greedy and ungrateful by your standards. I mean if everyone took this approach about people they dated who failed to impress them...
OP, to be honest, i think some men would consider that scenario an absolute blessing! But i am not a man so cannot confirm. You mean you just never buy your wife gifts and she has been happy with that for over three decades? On an economic level, what is there to complain about? Maybe her parents were taught that gift giving was imperialist nonsense? Then if an economic token of personal affection is warranted, don't they usually give money? I suppose a person who may have been brought up with frugal ideals would hate waste. And if besides the matter of ritual, the truth was that a gift wasn't that suitable in reality - a frugal sort might rather you don't waste your money, and have been raised to believe that sacrificing the need for economic niceties is an act of love, and therefore romantic.
So that's a different reading of the same norms. She can probably go without just as easily as you can live without having to celebrate Chinese New Year. Do you know what i mean? That's a ritual but it's unlikely to have quite the same import to you.
@@mothratemporalradio517 Wao. I would like to seat down and listen to you give a lecture. Your observation is quite frankly interesting. And insightful.
I dated a Chinese girl and learnt this the hard way. It isn't about love. And I realized that this is probably a cultural thing as well. Because even her interaction with her family was very transactional, not very loving. It was very sad actually.
True, same thing.
Ya for a lesbian but not for a man dream come true
wat i dont understand
Agree. Chinese culture is too materialistic. Everything needs to involve money.
@@rollinghippo2940
A money obsessed culture stems out of a scarcity culture.
If a nation is either very poor or rich but with very low social safety nets (high stakes culture), then life very easily becomes such where financial issues will always be the main issues to which everything else is subjugated.
This money obsessed culture can last a long time after things in society change, since at that point it may have become just the general culture without any second thought about where it originally came from.
If every day is a struggle and/or you are constantly reminded of how easy it is to lose everything and become dirt poor with extremely low quality of life, then it's really hard to genuinely enjoy your life, relationships or anything really. This is not a China problem, this is in varying degrees in many many countries. Maybe it's very visible in China, but the essence of this behaviour isn't unique at all.
A good friend of mine married a Chinese, many years later he was told by her best friend that the only reason she married him was so their son would look more European and for her to get citizenship. That revelation and alcohol destroyed him.
Beware of foreign women. If you are American, all they need is a green card after three years, and they're gone.
"Married a Chinese"? You talk like you think you are better than her.
lmao so offended @@oh_k8
@oh_k8 are you a Chinese
Judging by the story he obviously was
Holy shit i died when you said "I wound up homeless for awhile but things were looking up, i got a job at the rapists school" hahahah bro you killed me
I laughed at that point too... haha
😂😂😂😂
The brutal honesty and directness of this guy when telling stories or giving opinions, is so damn refreshing. Been a huge fan of you for many years
"Talent is a pursued interest. Anything that you're willing to practice, you can do."
Winston clearly shows that he wants to talk about things if said things could actually teach people about something.
and of course the money he gets for anti-Chinese propaganda...lol
Honest and smart
@@costamarques3900 spambot
South Africans are usually very direct
Never give anyone a second chance. It's like giving them more ammo because they missed you the first time.
👍
Damn, that's a very true way to put it
Sometimes when you break up, you develop a wound that is difficult to heal. Then attempts to return (unsuccessful) make sense - they burn away the diseased tissue. You get a scar, but a healthy one. Then each time it becomes easier to never come back.
Gosh! What a metaphor. Surely, I will never forget that saying while alive...
Fact..never go backwards
My Vietnamese girlfriend once told me that if I bought her a diamond ring, she'd be really mad. I suggested a bag of fertilizer instead and we still laugh over that forty years later and I've bought her a few.
They don't like wasting money! Diamond rings are a western thing. At least some Viet girls think like that, maybe the more traditional ones.
can't grow shit with diamonds...🤣🤣🤣🤣
The diamond merchants in New York invented and marketed the idea of an engagement plus wedding ring, a diamond being a girl's best friend, and spending at least a month's salary on the ring. That was about 70 years ago. Advertising agents:go F yourselves.
Youre a lucky man. I hope a can find a wife like that 😄
And what is your ethnicity?
This man can talk about anything for hours and I would still listen.
Id love to speak to him about Suits one day.
你很喜欢听他撒谎
Winston is very good at this. Never boring.
@@billchris3810 go home bot
@@billchris3810 他看到并体验过，他讲实话，只是你自己不知道。
Been in China 5 years already… In China every relationship and friendship is a transaction most likely based on money or advantages they can gain from you . Real feelings and friendship almost hardly exist . And this is why most foreigners who come here can’t live their lives in China for a long time . They get frustrated and exhausted quickly.
Sorry to hear that. Hope things work out for you. I wonder if this is akin to 'i want to keep the relationship professional' feeling I and others have with work people? Things just go more smoothly without personal encumbrance in work relationships, IMHO.
@@CentristDad155 not exactly. there's a lot of passive aggression and racism added into the mix.
@@metricmoo I assume you are talking about Chinese people rather than dealing with people like me? 😉
Yeah, they are quite a bit more racially prejudiced than western people , middle of the bell curve people that is, so I imagine that would be a huge factor for some.
Westerners also worship money. Asians are just more ridiculously obvious about it.
You mean to say that relationships anywhere else are not transactions and based on finances?
Its the same everywhere man !!
I'm still in China (who knows for how long), and this account told me so much about relationships here. Serpentza's compassion is at the heart of his discussions about China and about people in general. Without compassion and empathy, what are we? He taught me a lesson here: recognize the social dangers in China but also keep in mind that the Chinese have been suffering for a long time and are not yet healed. Wise words.
Get out.
I suppose the question is “how long should it be before there’s a reasonable expectation for of being healed?” unfortunately from my experience of other traumatized cultures and subcultures, the answer is at times “healing never happens to a far degree.” If that is the case here, then it leads to an even more unfortunate question which would be “if there’ll never be fully healed and it’ll always be like this, is there a point where it’s no longer a good enough “excuse” warranting such a level of understanding?”
@@yousaywhatnow2195 That's why decoupling from this country is the best course of action in the long term.
@@advicepirate8673 I hear you.
@@yousaywhatnow2195 Good point.
They met in Shanghai. Married five years and first chance to go to the USA. Arrived at SFO Airport. He had to drop some mail off at the Airport Post Office. He went in. She took off. He never saw her again. True story. Some reading this will know about it, most likely, or will know who he is.
do tell do tell!!!
I had dated a few Chinese women in the past and you are correct, it really felt like a business contract. To even discuss love felt weird and one sided
Okay but how many relationships break down in the West when money becomes scarce or one party loses their job, etc? Maybe East Asian people are just more realistic
@@DessieTots Agreed. "Love" - haha. An invention of Hollywood. Okay - that's an exaggeration. But it does contain a kernel of truth. I would also argue that the mythos of western 'romantic love' is even more responsible for the breakdown of marriages than is economic hardship. Love wears off - the vast majority of the time. Five years later and it's a case of "what was I thinking???"
@@Unfunny_Username_389 Well..... it´s complicated I guess. Maybe the rate of breakdown of marriages is a natural, yet conveniently ignored result of choosing a partner based on emotions, rather than economic factors and social rung of your own family and that of your future spouse. And maybe we should look more at the bright side: Despite the insecurities of changing emotions and personalities over time, approx. 50% of marriages stay together.
Choice of partner based on emotions is less a result of Hollywood, and much more a result of changes in the socioeconomic fabric beginning in the sixties: Women were no longer dependent on their husbands to attain social standing and an attractive standard of living, and men no longer needed a wife to run the household and cook, something which required serious knowledge before the availability of fridges, microwave ovens, laundromats, vacuum cleaners, frozen food, etc.
The term batchelor scurvy ring a bell?
Though not precisely causative, the disconnect between sex and pregnancy was the icing on the cake in this development: The pill became available in the sixties, and Roe v Wade - well, you can understand why some of the news media speak of a seismic shift after the leaked draft of the SCOTUS re. abortions.
On a sidenote re. the expected ruling on Roe v Wade: Once people begin to understand the far reaching socioeconomic ramifications I wouldn´t be surprised if the (g)rabbed (o)bedient (p)ussies will at some point begin to curse the decision to shake hands with the devil - meaning the evangelicals - based on a deal of evangelical votes in exchange for anti-abortion judges.
What IS an invention of Hollywood (and the entire romance racket) is the conflation of the religious underpinning of marriage ("What God has joined together let no man put asunder") with personal emotions and feelings. For some odd reason humans seem to think that somehow their rush of emotions is so overwhelming that it must be divine in origin, or at the very least a stroke of fate, in the sense of: "It is meant to be".
The irony is that before the sixties, the religious and socioeconomic straitjacket around marriage was meant to achieve what the lack of an emotional bond between partners couldn´t do to keep two people together, and after the sixties personal emotions and feelings were expected to replace this religious and socioeconomic straitjacket with the same amount of force and effectiveness. The latter notion was and is - shall we say: unrealistic?!
At any rate, we humans seem to like the notion that choice of partner is something taken out of our hands and responsibilities because it is ordained by some ever so elusive higher force, when in fact it is deep down much more a form of negotiation between "What do I hope to get, and what opportunities (if any) have chance and coincidence currently dealt to me?".
Finally: What is probably more important than the initial rush of emotions is the simple day to day workings of a relationship: Are you a good team? Are you loyal to each other? Do you support and complement each other? Etc....
@@pixelpusher1393 I appreciate you and the time you took to write this.
@@DessieTots love you until we die or your bank account runs out of money and/or whichever comes first
The chances of finding a Chinese girl that will love you for you and be with you through good and bad times is as rare as spotting a donkey screwing a dragon.
🤣🤣🤣
Too bad we don't live in the world of Shrek
so basically, in movies only?😆
So 100% if you’re a Shrek fan?
allow me to raise my hand and be the exception 😊😊
Hey mate, I made a similar experience with a Chinese girl in terms of that she let me down when not having money. She bluntly said to me that we can get back together when i saved some money. That learned me a lesson for all other relationships I had in China after. Thanks for telling your story so clear and openly.
Why do you need a "partner" like that?
It's not limited to China. Not by a long shot.
@Sean Lander essential is how much money you have for some. I personally didn’t consider myself as poor but for Shanghainese standards it was too little. That’s how some the women here evaluating men.
@Sean Lander I got ride of my ex wife. After experiencing some difficulties she turned on me in every ugly way. My financial problems only lasted a couple of months. Now I make money like never before. But I don't plan to get a women. I'm done with this. It's only me, my daughter (She lives with me), my father and mother, my siblings, my friends. No women will ever have the chance to interfere, disturb my life.
Ha! Yeah right.
I hope you and your wife stay loving each other and stay well!
I'm an Australian and went on a similar adventure when I was a young fella, I was in Beijing / Tianjin, I can completely relate with your experiences with Chinese women and looking for a job in CH, but I've found in life you need to eat many bad meals before you finally taste something awesome.
Life has a funny way of working out for us all.
Wise advice.
I'm learning that now.
@@j.r.r.tolkien8724 sms talaq, talaq, talaq and that muslim marriage is over. But you are right, many muslims and also many christians don't behave in the way chinese do.
CH is country code for Switzerland not China.
@@winkekatze5593 Yes...and there you don't have to eat many bad meals...
You can start and taste something awesome❣
Was erwarten Maenner von Asiaten...👀
Dummheit wird leider oft bestraft. 🐑
Great video. I have a malaysian chinese wife and can honestly say she is the best thing that ever gappened to me. We have two beautiful grown up children here in Britain. Her family are fabulous ,hard wirking decent people ,im blessed
Hahaha... my ex-wife is the same way. She's Chinese, I was with her for 3 months in China before I felt constant pressure from the government, so I found a way to bring her to the USA. Once she found a good job (which I helped her get), and once she found she was admired and desired by other men, she found a 'rich' man and left me for him, taking everything I bought for us. Later, she found out he was not rich, and tried to come back to me. I really thought she was one kind of person, and found out she was the exact opposite... It's a shame, really.
I know a lot of Chinese people... my job brings me in contact with many. They aren't all bad people... most are good people. But, you really have to be careful.
Is that her in your profile picture? If yes, why are you still using her photo?
@@onlygameplay134 yeah she's cute. What's her OnlyFans?
@@xxpatrick204xx come on man, don't do this
These kind of actions require a special kind of personality.. universally they are called gold diggers.
11
That’s eerily similar to the response from a narcissistic girlfriend.. they don’t like personal gifts because they represent intimacy. If they reject it casually they think they can regain a sense of control : both avoiding their own emotions and controlling yours.
Thanks for speaking your mind, I'll keep my eyes peeled for this.
I sort of hate christmas and gifts. People stare me and await a reaction from my slow-processing-ass. I will only know after a while if the thing is good or fun, I have to look at it thoroughly first for at least 5 minutes. I think I didn't buy almost anything for myself until after 24 years. Now I know what has value in my life.
My neutral face is tired. I will never know what people think when they inspect my face when I inspect their gift.
Or they just don't like the gift that you bought them.
Try buying a 1 carat diamond necklace for her.
To be honest it is simply because it is a huge waste of money. Western ways of gift giving is very wasteful. Plus it's like you expect thanks for giving people things they don't like - maybe it would be best to ask people what they enjoy rather than to expect thanks for something they won't even use. Who is the narcissist? The gift giver perhaps is more so of a narcissist because they want to gain a sense of control and elicit gratitude. It does not work for Chinese people because we are not only frugal, but also blunt. Hence pragmatic. I hate when people buy me flowers, because it only causes me to have to put it in a vase, wash the vase, and throw out the rotting flowers. I hate jewelry because I work a lot with my hands and I will never use it, plus I am just very down to earth. Why waste money. Put it to good use. It's that simple.
@@sindywei bullshit. Chinese love wasting a lot of money on gifts.
Crazy how accurate you are about everything you said about Chinese culture. I experienced all of that, too. About the cheating topic, when I first arrived in China Sept/Oct 2009, I was invited to a Hot Pot dinner at a restaurant. There were about two other men there and the rest were women(if memory serves, about seven). I got into a conversation with 2-3 of them I was single and asking if any of them had boyfriends. All did. I asked why they didn't bring them to the dinner and I was surprised by the answer. They all said they didn't want to bring them because they were afraid to lose them to other ladies at the dinner. I had to ask, would any of you actually try to steal someone else's boyfriend? And 100% of the single ladies said "yes".
wow. crazy
Talk about a cat fight. Chinese women must despise each other.
How can any of them trust each other when everyone just cheats on one another?
@@Thesamurai1999 It's what those particular ladies are used to I guess. Perhaps you can call it a "norm" amongst those ladies.
That's horrifying. Cat fights must happen quite often then.
Thanks, Winston, for sharing your experiences. I made the same discovery after over a decade of marriage to a Chinese woman. I had always wondered why I had to advocate and bargain for my own needs and desires in life and relationships, and eventually i figured out it really was bargaining in the business sense; I was a cog in the machine of her goals. "Your feelings are useless," and "marriage is a financial contract" are some of the things she told me near the end of the relationship and didn't seem to understand why it was such a turn-off for me. Once i knew how she really felt, there was no going back.
However, it was another Chinese woman, now my 2nd wife, that gave me her empathy and support when I lost pretty much everything in the divorce, and now continues to stick with and support me while I am battling cancer. Never judge an individual solely based on their culture. It is true that there are many Chinese women who are after utilitarian marriage contracts, but it is also true that there are genuinely loving, faithful, and gracious Chinese women who will appreciate you for who you are.
I hope you get better. Your wife needs you.
truth
Well written. It may sound like I'm making it up but that last line brought tears to my eyes.
So true, wish you and your wife all the best.
I met my wife from China while we were both working in Thailand as teachers. We've been married for ten years. Anyone who meets a woman in the first three days needs to be on guard.
You meet her when you meet her, she doesn't know it's your first three days, that's a stupid argument!
I was in a relationship for about 7 years with a Chinese woman - but with UK citizenship.
I completely agree with your summing.
She was a Beijing ‘princess’ and while she was 43 when she first came to stay as a couch surfer, I believe she had never been in a relationship - focused totally on work and saving for her pension.
She was highly intelligent and was head hunted out of her job in China and moved to the UK - taking citizenship there after a few years.
In her own words, she lived a solitary, Chinese life there, not speaking with many people in case her poor English gave people the impression that she wasn’t as clever as she was.
She’d taken a three month break from her job to travel. She was brave in that sense and traveled as economically as was possible - hours on Couchsurf website and looking for the one pound deal some bus companies offered.
I didn’t have a lot of money but supported us well enough - asking nothing of her.
She did have a pretty horrible temper though.
After about five years, she topping up her pension fund from one of several UK bank accounts, it was becoming apparent that we couldn’t go on and that the next time she visited her parents in Beijing, she would probably return to the UK.
The pandemic gave us two years of separate room - she in the master and me in the guest room - for a quiet life.
Inscrutable - it was probably about four years into the relationship that I learned from her that she was probably a multi millionaire in China - a two bedroom apartment in downtown Beijing as well as the two floor apartment she would eventually inherit - not far away.
A Chinese first world problem is that there’s a limit to the amount of money she can take out annually - or a once off taking of all your assets.
Not possible as she couldn’t do that while her parents were alive as she’d lose out on her inheritance.
When we eventually parted, she wished me luck on meeting the right person for me, she contacted me only when she needed help or advice - i believe I’m probably the only person that got close to even knowing her - her only friend that she didn’t need to lose her ‘mask’ for - including her parents.
When I told her that I had met someone, she said she was happy for me but when I told her that it was serious, she said she never wanted to talk to me again - ever.
Poor little rich girl.
She’s better than most. Other than she is quite naive in thinking that selfishness could trade selflessness forever, she is quite clever. At least she gets to be a millionaire.
Quite revealing that she can be rich in money but it scorns her she can’t be in what you may have found
Boys let’s be real…most women, anywhere in the world are almost always the same. The relationship with women is where us men are the wallet, gopher, and bodyguard. The men who have the greatest need to seed will be their downfall. Be patient, be disinterested, and take your time assessing your lady’s personality. You must be diligent like MI-6 levels before you marry your mate. 😂good day and god bless.
Or just don’t get married
@@cubancigarman2687 this video has revealed that, too, for sure.
But there are those who’ve chosen to embark on the warrior’s path and face the darkness within 😈
I can't believe it. Being raised in Taiwan, I never understood how different the cultures between China and Taiwan really were. Until, I actually went there for vacation and see some things that were abnormal imo. To think that Mao did something so horrendous that not only the cultures have been reversed, but also people's morality.
🇺🇲🇯🇵🇹🇼
it's communism. look at the former soviet states.
@@motionpictures21 well china, Taiwan, Mongolia all boring countries, except for the fast rail
South Korea and Japan are better
@@tiestokygoericprydz3963 That's true. Mainly it's the lack of morality and empathy.
Coming from a Taiwanese household now living in the US, there's still a few cultural overlaps where the Taiwanese are still somewhat utilitarian-focused when it comes to marriage. Love is at best secondary, but a stable income and being able to eat should always come first, and this shocked my westerner friends even till this day.
I don't think all the wacky ideals happen solely because of awful CCP policies, but moreso we have learned to phase out some of the archaic cultural ideals over time especially after all the western influence. For example, the idea of cheating being "normal" has been an assumption and less of a shock because of fiction, folklore, and just that being the norms for many generations especially among the wealthy. There's always a saying where if a married man is wealthy, we automatically assume he would have mistresses because of the power he has. However, that is definitely frowned upon by the Taiwanese.
I once dated a Chinese girl during my 20s. I had a job with a good salary. Everything was perfect until I lost my job. After being unemployed for 5 months, she suddenly lost feeling for me. Not all Chinese women are like that but the majority of them are exactly like you said.
Edit. Incels and lazy ducks got mad in the comments😂 Honestly i would loose feelings too. Unless you have savings to support yourself while unemployed thats fine. Otherwise I cannot imagine paying for two people with my salary.
@@kattodoggo3868 Meanie. You should tell prospective partners that on your first dates.
I don't understand the Pikachu face and explained why in my other comments. In the West, yes. I would feel you. In China, no. They never had second wave feminism and have a completely dissimilar economic history and reality. There was never any gender role revolution per se. I think what a lot of dudes don't realise about feminism is where it benefitted men (including the introduction of "the pill"). Usually only its perceived detriment is noted. But in fact differing gender relations, for better or worse, led to a technically more egalitarian approach towards heterosexual relationships in the West. Even if elements of these changes also may have backfired in certain ways for both genders here.
So, as reductive examples, in the West, the guy may be less likely to expect it's the woman's job to cook.. Altho stats suggest that women working hasn't necessarily take away trad housework or childcare expectations. Conversely, the woman may be less likely to expect the guy to be the breadwinner. More than that, economic changes have meant a male breadwinner is usually impossible in most Western households these days, except for the very wealthy. Because you often can't support two people, much less a family, on an average single wage these days. Jobs used to be much more secure.
In the eyes of someone raised to narrow them about breadwinning - who was taught to privilege this attribute as a motive when selecting who to date and when - this job loss of yours was unfortunately likely perceived as "happening within only a few months of dating". And therefore was seen as the dreaded Red Flag, Zhongguo style.
But, were there advantages to dating such a woman generally not connected with Western dating? Maybe this woman seemed to find your jokes terribly funny and to coo and massage your neck as soon as you come in from work, without fail, every time? It's perhaps just not an unconditional arrangement in reality.. and the illusion may have been that the more alluring treatment was nothing to do with money.
I don't know as a woman how people feel when they act like that (conditional in that way) so i can't comment. But since i'm apparently playing devil's advocate, maybe it doesn't read as unromantic to them? They want economic security and are willing to go the extra mile for it, and associated behaviour might be ritualistic. They might still feel emotionally connected somehow as long as those circumstances act as a mechanism? I dunno. I couldn't be like that but i've been conditioned in our culture. Economic security is nothing to sniff at though.
By the way, in case that sounds a bit cold, i'm sorry you had a hurtful experience. Better you found out relatively quickly while still young, rather than years into the relationship and needing to depend on her. It left you open for other more suitable relationships based on mutuality but might have rattled your confidence a bit, understandably. A learning experience, i guess.
@@kattodoggo3868 you dont know what love is I guess
So real, so raw. A part of me is sad that you hadn't been clever enough to think to rent an apartment rather than firehose your money away on a hotel, but another part of me is glad that you had the ups and downs that led you to your badass brilliant beautiful biker wife. I wish you both as close to a real Happily Ever After as we're allowed to have in this world!
Thanks mate!
You're 100% correct about the pirated software . The average Chinese (so called) 'software specialist' doesn't have a clue about writing software and to be honest they don't need to as they paste and copy everything from the Internet . All they do is go into the special sites and take what they need. We had a female Chinese IT person who was so useless that she spent 3 years retaking her 2nd year exams in her Computer Degree till finally the company told her to -"Get out ,you're useless".
With the Chinese and their mentality it's a case of -"Why should i learn it when i can steal it".
It's sad that so many marriages in China are loveless. A number of years ago I read a book by Dianne Wei Liang called "Lake with No Name". It's about her life as a university student during the time of the Tiananmen Square incident and the story of her love of a fellow student. That story, and especially the poem at the front of the book is the most powerful description of a love affair that I have ever encountered in my life. This includes books, songs, movies, anything. So, as you say, it does happen. I'm glad you found Sasha.
Could u tell me the name of that poem?
I truly admire your openess in detailing your life's journey...you fell down once but got up twice.
he just a salty old fart
Imagine making a 25 minutes video for your million people audience to see... Talking bad about your EX.
That's not "openess", that's just childish.
@@devrusso This was an informative video, with some entertaining stories, it was not a shaming video. I am sure this was educational for people. I experienced very similar things to Winston when I was in similar circumstances.
@@CentristDad155 Pay no attention to Gabriel Dantas...he probably has a wife that looks like a water-buffalo and is bitter coz he can't skip town.
I lived in Vietnam and this story is very similar to the culture there. People get married very young, buy a house, have a kid, then fall out of love with each other and start cheating on each other. Very common thing there too.
I dated a Chinese woman in America - Everything he said is true - Nothing is good enough for them - It's all about how much money you have
Disgusting, superficial culture and people.
That's about every woman around the world
@@Gokusaiyan. yeah true but for almost 90% some 10% are exceptions !
Well, the best thing you can have with women is fun. Buying presents is ok but don't buy stupid expensive things for her or don't go out for dinner, it's a different thing if YOU like going out for dinner. Just have fun, go dancing, s*x, movie, explore nature, meet new people..... Live life the best you can. If you want a long relationship, that is your choice and if you want fun, go for it....
@@Gokusaiyan. hypergamy is a bitch.
As a Chinese Canadian who spent their childhood in China I definitely agree on the bluntness part. China runs on a very myopic and antiquated definition of survival where people choose short-term solutions at the expense of their medium to long-term well-being. Stuff like "I don't have to care for your feelings if I just straight up don't ever see you again :)," don't work well in the long-term.
I agree. In fact, the same thoughts continue to cross my mind after a traumatic experience with a Chinese girl from the mainland: she didn't do herself a favour WHATSOEVER in letting me go. But she did it because she didn't get the short-term gains she "expected" from her man (her longterm prospects were excellent with me). So she decided to look for another guy. But her value on the market already started to go down (at age 33); and this market is governed by Nature and not by men; so, I ask my female readers her to get real and not blame us. The whole thing about heterosexual relations is quite messed up. We all could go on forever discussing this here, but in the end, some get lucky, the majority does not. Schopenhauer explained it all in his "Metaphysics of heterosexual love."
@TheREALTyreeSneed2 It's suddenly a hit and the manosphere thinks he's a genius for telling them what they already believe.
We expats who escaped China have so many of the same experiences in China. Thank you for documenting it. I love seeing your videos. They are spot on, and bring back very fond and not so fond memories of my years in China. Shenzhen, HK, GZ, 2005-2017. Thank you.
jews.......
Just got to watch your video. I'm a female American expat (married) who moved to Singapore the first time in 2001 (returned in 2006 for good). At that time, my younger local female friends lamented about finding someone to date. They didn't want to date Singaporeans. They said that most women preferred to meet expats, and the Five Cs were important: Cash, Car, Condo, Country Club and Credit Card. I also heard "Carat" was one of them. I just checked recently that now, the women who are more financially independent, the Five Cs are now: Commitment, Confidence, Chivalry, Courtship and Compassion.
They want an awful lot from a man, but can they offer the same amount, or is it a one way street? Well, it'll work out somehow. They'll either meet someone who fits the bill, or end up alone. Either way, the world keeps spinning. I just want to point out though that even the lower level 5 Cs that you listed are pretty damn shallow, except for "Commitment" and "Compassion".
What's with with the "expat" word? You're damn immigrants lol
Shout out to Simon, the one dude in China who does not cheat on his wife.
ouch. really? i hope you dont mean what i think you do.
Yes Simon is a great guy, there are a few like him in China, I have 2 friends there very similar to him.
@@jondo3817 whatchu think he meant?
And shout out to all virgins in the world for never cheating either
Gay?
You're truly a great story teller. Would love to hear you share more stories if you have about things you experienced. It's like listening to a really good audio book!
Yes a good story teller but it really complete honesty? Why would he take back someone who dumped him when he had nothing left? i saw his video he met his current wife when she was still in an unhappy marriage why didnt he mention that here since he said he is telling the truth? why did he stay with this callous woman again if he didnt love her cos he said in China he only loved his current wife?
I've had a girlfriend from China many years ago who cheated on me with some rich Chinese dude. Of course I broke up with her when I found out but it hurt me a lot at that time. Your explanation about how dating in China works directly correlates with her behaviour. The more I see your videos, the more I understand about certain things that happened in my life and that are currently happening in China.
The funny thing about that Chinese story is that it happens in Europe and the U.S. depending on if the female has some extensive gold digging tendencies and this guy is a traveler who barely speaks the local language... why is anyone surprised or generalizing? Lmaooo
@KrO Its not as though you can find a real relationship in the US anyway.
They are ALL gold diggers.
The only difference is women in the US are way more entitled than those in Asia and expect you to just put out and offer nothing in return.
Whereas in Asia, you can at least get your money's worth if you know how to play your cards right.
@KrO Thailand is not "South China"
@@lagalaxy5537 They are pretty similar, once you scratch past the flashy paint job in Thailand.
@KrO I will be careful about dating with Thai women as well.
Its better to just pump and dump.
You Winston are a true gentleman and good person! The world needs more like you! Thanks for sharing your experiences with us, and I'm glad it worked out well for you in the end mate. Cheers 🍻
I can totally relate to this. In the UK I arranged to go on a date with a Chinese girl when I worked near London. A day before the date I didnt like the vibe I got from our text chat so I gracefully bowed out, sending her a tactful message saying I had to cancel and wishing her the best. That did not go down well, I got a livid phone call back, being shouted at with things like “YOU ARE LITTLE GIRL, YOU LITTLE GIRL.” I immediately started to get phone calls throughout the day to my work mobile, from phone boxes around her village, from a guy who was clearly her best mate and got a kick out of putting on silly voices. I reported it to the police and they did nothing. It went on for about 6 months so I changed my number, then after a year they somehow got hold of my new number and it started up again so I had to change it again. All that from texting a girl for a week and not even meeting her once. Anyway, I learnt a lesson - never even consider going on a date with a Chinese girl unless you know exactly what you’re in for.
The same applies to indian women (only 10x worse)
@@RJ-dw4jw I don't know if they'd harass you this bad... they are very shallow though.
Omg what a stalker that girl is, so sorry you had to go through all of this
Ohhhh… as a gay dude mine was a Brazilian. They all want to get married to get their papers. I went on ONE date …. No sex… one date. We went to Greek fest , that’s it. I didn’t like the vibe so I texted him and said kindly , thanks but no thanks . I got text message calling me a fa$$ot. How I was a player, how I was ugly , how badly he needed the papers. CRAZY BITCH
China is the most populated country in the world, so I don't know where you get off trying to generalize so wildly after ONE date (that you didn't even have).. imagine what other countries could generalize about English men considering the population..
I had a Taiwanese girlfriend and I decided to end the relationship when one time she told me "you are almost 30 with no degree and do not own a house". The writing was on the wall, it was time to move on. She was going to dump me if I didn't dump her first anyway, haha. Good times though, you live, you learn.
"you are almost 30 with no degree and do not own a house" sounds like the worst curse in China when you quarrel with someone, I can't even look at this sentence it's way too humiliating, we don't usually use this strong words.
@@ChenLinYu323 I understood the relationship wasn't going anywhere at that point. Never stay where you are no longer wanted. Life is too short.
you should of said why do I need a degree?
@@AlreadyShort I understood where she was coming from. Cultural differences and what not. It was still pretty fucked up, but I learned from it. Today I make almost 6 figures and still have no degree, yup... Good thing I am getting my chemical engineering degree in a year.
@@ChenLinYu323 pretty much par for the course in Australia given a literal hole in a ground can now cost millions. To be honest, foreign investment by mainland Chinese nouveau riche has been a pivotal factor in prices skyrocketing. It must be noted that our government is responsible for allowing it.
That dynamic of marriage is like how it was in middle ages in villages. It was all about surviving.
Never knew about this, thanks for helping me find my next rabbit hole.
you seem like and honest, strong, solid dude. i appreciate you and your videos. its good in this world to stay grounded and be yourself. in some ways its harsh the way a lot of things happened and unfolded during your time in China but I'm a strong believer in that everything happens for a reason. take it easy spud.
I just recently found your channel and have been going through each video of yours and ADVchina, I have loved each one. Both yours and laowhy’s perspectives are so valuable, my family immigrated from the USSR right when it collapsed and the things you describe are so familiar to what they describe yet so alien and interesting. Very thankful I found your channel, you have yourself a new viewer
Check out his Dad's channel too! Surviving Africa! Welcome to the subs! 😊
Welcome to the channel mate!
@@peterseth3296 How so? I feel that Serpentza has been really straight forward, the love he has for regular people there is clear, as well as the natural beauty of the country and the remaining history that hasn’t been destroyed. If anything he has gotten more outspoken about how bad the Chinese government is and his hatred for how they operate, which should be covered and should be hated and I 100% agree with. They are (the CCP) some scary Orwellian shit
@@serpentza Thank you! Will surely check out surviving Africa as well
@@peterseth3296
That is patently unfair.
It's the CCP everyone despises, not the Chinese. We're just getting the unfiltered version of reality now.
Have YOU been to China? I have. These guys lived there for years.
Relationship utility is a very Asian thing. It’s quite normal in Asian cultures and why they have sappy romantic dramas. They live their romantic dreams vicariously through celebrity dramas because a true love affair isn’t what they all get.
Wow way to go homogenising East, West, South, Southeast, and Southwest Asians in one big "Asian" category. You literally lumped billions of people as though they're the same. Damn bro
@@gutenmorgen9626 When americans say asians they mean east asians (chinese, japanese, koeans) whereas when british people say asians they mean south asians (pakistanis, indians, nepalese, bengalis, sri lankans). no one actually menas all asians
@@overdose8329 I dunno if this is worse, erasing other Asians from the category because predominantly white people from Europe or America don't know these other Asians are also included in that very same "Asian" category. Seems pretty dumb and arbitrary tbh. Now how about studying geography for a start. 👍
Thank you for sharing your story and doing so in such an articulate and intelligent manner Winston. I know a Beglian man who had a horrid experience. He was sent to China by his company for 2 years and met a Chinese woman - he married her and they returned to Belgium where she fleeced him and his family. She was dismissive of the kindness her elderly parents-in-law showed her and was incredibly materialistic and cold. Needless to say it ended in divorce.
根据北京市法院的统计，现在大约80％的离婚由女方提出，而且男方很少能争取到孩子的抚养权。
中国的离婚率越来越高。根据北京市法院的统计，现在80％的离婚由女方提出，而且男方很少能争取到孩子的抚养权。
You're slowly becomming my favourite channel. I appreciate your honesty. 🔥
The more I learn about Chinese. The more I wish I didn't.
my god 😂😂
Governments have an effect on peoples culture. Try Taiwan!
Remember, the Chinese are not a single unified race/ethic/ culture to be exact. It depends on the region. It should be obvious. Just look at the landmass. Do you think they are all the same? Heck, even though the US has only 200+ years of history, people speak slightly different dialects, and behave and think differently. Imagine what 2000+ years would be like, not to mention some Chiese cannot even speak Mandarin even within the "Huns". So are you still going to consider them "Chinese"? What is the definition of Chinese to be exact? Of coz you would adopt the CCP's definition because they want to tell the world and their own people that they are all the same, but nah, anthropology wouldn't allow that.
The Rapist School? 6:11 Didn't know they had schools for that. The Chinese guy in the pic was the headmaster?
Chi-nuh sucks
I never had any of the horror stories with dating Chinese, but even the "higher class" women can be brutally honest, especially with gifts. I've had that same reaction with gifts. And then she wondered why I stopped buying her stuff.
"The privileges without the responsibility"
If you dished some brutal honesty do you think those women could handle it?
@@ashharkausar413 , oh, hell no.
@@ashharkausar413 yes Chinese men are very honest when they speak English . It’s weird with the women always wanting gifts
That’s just being rude honesty like no even honest it’s just rude if someone buys you a gift it’s having compassion and telling them yes thank you even if you do like then .
You da man Winston! Laying it out there it all it's unvarnished glory. I arrived in China only a couple of months apart from you (BJ 5 years then SH 4 years), and though I didn't have direct experiences with relationships like you had (I met my Chinese born wife in the US before moving there), your observations ring true. It really isn't a criticism of the people; when you're in competition with literally millions and millions of others in your exact same generation, one has to make adjustments, and this is something people from the West won't understand until seeing it up close. Btw, I saw your friend Laowhy86 on David Pakman, and it was a great interview; I really hope he'd have you on too. All the best to you and your lovely wife and family.
You did blowjobs for 5 years in China? :O was SH an upgrade? What does it mean?
Yellow fever is a real disease.
Every country is different not about east and west
Adjustments ? Love of money is the root of all evil.
The point is.. ? There's Natural laws, and Social programable laws by men/dictatorships. When a nation is raised Unbalanced to Natural law, of Creations order ? You have a Disfuncional Society based on Doctrination. Can't justify that dude. Society has learn not be Ideologically lead by forms of Artificial constructs to achieve a Righteous code, of lifestyle.
Everyone wants peace, and prosperity. But at what coast ? And did you Qualify for that prosperity an peace. Most people are sheep. And afraid to agaisnt the conditioned norm. In which case ?
True Peace will never be achieved out of fear an ignorance.
No, it's morally apprehensive no matter what.
When I first moved to China in 1989-1981, having a GF was out of the question. People, especially women, were afraid to be seen talking to you, for fear of being thought to be spies.
I worked with a guy who married a Thai girl. It just went without saying that he would pay for EVERYTHING. For her and for her entire family, including trips to the UK, money to send back home etc.
I have so many friends and colleagues who have ended up in similar situations. ..I'm afraid I have zero sympathy. They're idiots for being taken in by these girls ...they're ruthless
They deserve that because they always insult their own women and then go to poorer countries looking for a girl they can control... the girl always controls them though!
@@decorDD Yeah. I watched a couple of my cousins get on that train...
The women didn't seem to realise, that it doesn't take that much money to present yourself as being well off for a few weeks in Thailand. So they were severely disappointed when they arrived, already married, and saw what kind of situation they were really going to live in.
So it goes both ways... But I do feel sorry for the kids, though...
Wasn't there a recent movie where the gangster marries a Thai girl and then when she has children, she asks her brother to kill her husband and the gang? It was an emotionally brutal movie!
@@0anant0sounds like the plot of star wars
"I'd rather cry in the back of a Mercedes than laugh on the back of a bicycle." - Chinese women's proverb
Really? How long?
That's mint
that's like saying better rich than happy. Makes no sense
I'd rather laugh on the back or front of a bicycle. It's not even close.
@@miquelmarti6537 make sense or not. almost all the chinese women think that way
I had a similar experience here in Canada. Dated a woman for 3 months before she revealed to me she was married the whole time. That ended that.
Whoa. As a woman, that's not uncommon when it comes to dudes, but i don't know i've actually learned of a woman doing this before. Sorry you had that experience, dude.
@@mothratemporalradio517 I don't think that's fair to say it's only men cheating, history/statistics shows that there's plenty of it in both genders.
@@mothratemporalradio517 it's really common and I went along with it in Japan for quite a while
Why do you think this woman deside to tell you 3 monhts later that she was married?
I might change my name to Toaster. Because the women only come around when the bread pops out
lol
Facts brother, I will use this quote in life. Thanks for this.
damn LOL
I will steal this also.
Well said
You should write a biography, Winston. You've had a lot of experiences and have a lot of wisdom. The story about the attack on your family in S. Africa is terrifying - and this story about a cold-hearted woman is disconcerting.
This is his biogr
"The essence of Hell is the absence of love." Perhaps the "cold-hearted" woman, as you put it, truly was in love with Winston, but the social/cultural pressures resulted in resorting to doing what her culture had taught her--think back to how long she stayed with him as he was looking for work. With pressure building up behind her with every failed attempt. She's a human being and so are you, so please be careful with passing judgment before taking the time necessary to think through the situation. God bless.
Well China is taking over Africa. So, why would his family be safe in South Africa?
@@Cyric1983. The issue here is how cold hearted jmmoral to dump ghost sum1 after emotionally attached and invested in. That's wrong in most traditional societies, but modern Western ideals, feminism, and communism, have brainwashed most women into entitled behaviour, not about Survival, but about a moue luxurious opulent life. Most women leave, when they see that high life doesn't look like its gonna happen.
But some good women don't think like that. They have traditional values of morals, ethics, character, integrity. These are rare these days.
Women today always try justify their immoral behaviour with financial excuses. That's feminism. Cultural Marxism social engineering. Brain washed robots with no Empathy. They see men as always a exist, chauvinist, though they're not, and as the enemy, unless they serve the women's interests. This toxic attitude is backfiring though...
As all the decent good men, will have nothing to do with these nasty minded whores. Hence going abroad for traditional women not affected by feminism and materialism. So in the end, women of that ilk lose, for being feminist. Materialism is incompatible with Morality. Gain vs Give ..
Love is about Giving.
Materialism is about Gain and Get.
Women have lost sight of that fact.
They think Hollywood romance is real, when it's just fantasy and never lasts, bcoz the woman sabotages the relationship, out of dissatisfied reality, when her fantasy is not realised, so leaves, looking elsewhere for the golden unicorn of luxury life, in the man who can give that to her...
Only realising that, in the end, that vacuous empty selfish materialism has no meaning, depth, or truth and she destroyed all that really mattered in her brainwashed pursuit of that delusional fantasy thinking it would give her true happiness, when it just gives her temporary fixes of Dopamine, she's addicted to, and ends in misery, as materialism only feeds the monster, never satisfies the soul or heart, spirit or mind.
New vocabulary item for you. Autobiography.
Thanks!
You did a really great job, thanks for sharing！👍😄👏
Your story is just the tip of the iceberg of how many foreigners have been scammed into bankruptcy!
Wow, great to hear more about how you ended up in China.. such a unique experience, so up the keep sharing :)
my chinese wife left me and our daughter without notice to pursue a rich man, turns out she done me a favour, im back in the UK started a new life and daughter is very happy.. we all like money but chinese women all chase men for money. their parents first stipulation is do they have money, not do you love this guy or does he love you.
Oh man! Dude!
One things is to leave the partner, but their own child??????
Child over money is insane even for Chinese standards.
@@jia2001 Happened to someone I know. Left him and her boy.
Not only Chinese women, Filipino and most other Asian. Not so much Korea
Men don't want ugly women, so why would women want broke men? Be realistic
@@jia2001 Lol. meanwhile, men abandon their children and don't even pay child support. And you here complain about women. In fact, women stay with children way more than men do
Thank you for sharing! All the best to you and your family!
I remember you saying in another video you would talk about this in the future, and here it is.
You basically were dating a Chinese massage parlor girl. Best to just pay the girl for the massage and walk away than to think there are actually any feelings in between. Thank you for this video which does convey exactly what the mentality is like.
Nah most chinese just tend to be too materialistic
Exactly.
More like a Japanese hostess
@@cecillec2331these men are sad. Why would you throw away your heritage?
??
I'm an old man... a very old man. I've been following you for a long time. I'm a fan of South Africans. Don't know why, I just think they're "simpatico". So the more I watched your channel the more I knew you delivered from the heart. Your story is compelling and you have a gift for delivery. Your photo/library is invaluable. Your ability to communicate on a human level is so refreshing. Keep up the good work 'cause you're in for a great future... That being said... watch your back.
I've been in Taiwan for more than 30 years. Back in the 90s we had to do visa trips to Hong Kong every few months to renew our Taiwan visas. I got bored with Hong Kong and went to Shenzhen for a couple of days on a few visa runs. Macau too. I found that if you went to the "English Corner" of the main park people went there to practice English, it was easy to pick up work.Without even trying I got work translating documents and brochures into decent English. So a few visa runs paid for themselves. Every city in China has an "English Corner" in a park where people go to chat in and practice English and if you are a native speaker of English everyone is lining up to speak to you. As regards relationships between men and women I think China and Taiwan are more or less the same. For years my Taiwanese wife assumed I was cheating on her because , as she said all Chinese men cheat on their wives if they can afford it. It took her several years to realize that I was a one woman guy and that I was faithful because I was not a hypocrite. We've been married about 27 or 8 years . I forget. We have two grown up children.What a great and honest video ! Telling it is like it is in Chinese society.
Fascinating channel.
Very much enjoying Winston’s intellect and the good heart he brings to every subject.
Thx for another great story. I have observed the same things when I was in China. It always made me chuckle how my Chinese friends and acquaintances liked to talk about how promiscuous Americans and foreigners are. Stay awesome Winston!
Well tbf i think that's the other side of this. Expat men that seem like they're on the cruise everywhere in Asia? Not everyone cares for it - local men can resent it and this would be especially understandable where there literally aren't enough women to go around.
@@mothratemporalradio517 Yes, there are certain expats, that have a promiscuous lifestyle, but I disagree with the assumption that gender inbalance is the biggest reason making the locals upset. From personal experiences in Mongolia, China, S-Korea and Japan, there is a dislike for foreigners dating local woman. Everything is based on preservation of culture and identity (In Japan a mixed kid can't get elected into office and has fewer rights) In these countries my female friends/students would get scolded on the street 'to stick with their own kind', as they would just walk next to me on the street.
I think another reason of resentment to expats comes from the fact that in many asian countries they have an elevated status, and earn more than the locals. This will automatically attract people who want to get out of their situation and have a better life. The expats you are talking about will also abuse this.
With my experience as an english teacher and export manager in China, I completely agree with the culture that Winston describes. I had numerous offers from married women and girls that were in a relationship. When I went to the KTV, some students or businessmen even brought their escorts along. Being involved with import/export, I also met the businessmen who I had to chauffeur around in Dongguan...
I was in a stable relationship at the time, and it got tested hard in China and survived.
@@belgiansurealism5865 This is every culture. No man likes seeing women of his race go with other men. I certainly don’t like seeing white female hook up with blacks because of entertainment and big dick status. I doubt Asian men enjoy foreign men trolling their countries as well. Thankfully white men still hold their own in their own countries so while some white female like to date out it’s not prolific. In foreign Asian communities you see 50% date out with non-Asian men… that is extreme.
What’s great here is that you finally did meet the right woman .. some men … and women never quite find true happiness … kudos Winston 🙏
Great story - I had a relationship with a Chinese girl in Shanghai for a year and this re-frames several things I had already noticed in these areas. Sorry for any personal anguish, but thanks for sharing!
I had relationships with both kinds of Chinese women. It all rings true. You learn so much about China if you're in live with a Beautiful Chinese girl, particularly if they're educated. Very good story, Winston.
Horrible and hurtful thing for her to do Winston. I'm so sorry. I made some stupid joke in chat about this incident while being unaware of the situation you've experienced and that was stupid and wrong of me. You're clearly a good man and deserve better. I'm honestly in awe of what you've done and have nothing but respect for you and Matt.
i remember 97 in hong kong.
crash went the cash, 1000's of men left in bunkered housing.
once the money went the wife followed.
if you make money your god you are doomed.
and if men make pvssy their god, they are also doomed Don't be deceived. Chinese women are expert in manipulating men.
I think it's very telling that you guys lived in China, married Chinese women, got out on your bikes to see things for yourself, talked to people, and basically gave the country every opportunity to put its best foot forward- and still you ended up leaving with a dim view of China.
They still love China as a country and a region of people. Whenever they talk, there is this underlying sadness of what's happening there. The government and the struggle of the people, combined with some culture dynamics produced an absolute hell hole and it's getting worse.
@@KarttiboneIt's the Godless marxist society. It produces people who's only love is money and it results in all kinds of evil.
Communism is a religion that worships money and power, and which accuses its opponent (Capitalism) of its own crimes.
That is a really good summary of these guy's story.
but that the same in America so its probably the same planet-wise. all cultures erode overtime or morphed into the concerns of the day.... we live in monetary economic times now, so money is the metric of good living. before, I'm sure, being a strong warior was. so being able to fight may have been the metric then, everyone was battling in those times. Perhaps in the future it will be something else but the principles dont change.....@@Karttibone
I am a Chinese who grew up in a foreign country. When I was young, I liked China very much and liked its history. Finally, when I came to China, I liked China and finally understood its true history, everything that happened in it, and its humanity.
Finally I found it would be safer to stay away from China.
These are some absolutely fascinating cultural experiences. Thank you for sharing. I think I'll go back and watch some of your older videos because after watching this one it helped me understand the relationship my wife and I had with a Chinese American from Taiwan. She was really blunt about almost everything and it took a while for me to understand that this was part of her personality now although she had lived in the US for several years at that point. We were the focus of much of her free time right after she was divorced from her American husband but as soon as she met her current husband, we didn't even get a phone call after that point. At least she invited us to the wedding. 😐 We haven't seen her since.
That ruins Taiwanese for me. Taiwanese and Chinese are two completely different peoples.
Always love your stories Winston, I could genuinely listen to them for days and days. Also congrats on the 1 mil subs. You and C-Milk are heros for what you do. I believe you two are major contributing factors to the west opening it's eyes to whats really going on in China.
CCP wants to hide the true face of China through its propaganda. But C-Milk and Serpentza have exposed them.
Check out Chris on China Uncovered on YT He's got the skinny on China.
Sorry you went through that. Your wife is absolutely precious. A real treasure. You have a chance every day to make her happy, feel loved and fulfilled. and i think you are the kind of guy that knows that already :) I hope the two of you spend the rest of your lives together. The way you talk about her, and isn't even much info, but you can just tell you cherish her and she makes you happy.
I'm sitting here listening to Serpentza explaining his Chinese relationships.... and it's 26 minutes. Good job man.
Dear Serpentza . Thank you for sharing this past if your life with your TH-cam audience. As an old mother with previous obvious “ pretty privilege “ coming from a lower income single mother household after our father suddenly left taking his income and our lifestyle with him… this is definitely more of a female phenomenon coming from lower income households. I also lived in many countries as a child owing to my father’s work and travelled young single person living and working in countries owing to my work … so your video speaks a universal truth about growing up poor with fragmented family members … being desperate to create a different reality as a female. It is good that your life is what you have made it and better because of choices you made. Thanks again
I always enjoy listening to your stories and experiences. I've been watching your videos for three years now. You're a great storyteller. Greetings from Italy, serpentza :)
Yes agree he is great story teller! But Is it really complete honesty? Why would he take back someone who dumped him when he had nothing left? i saw his video he met his current wife when she was still in an unhappy marriage why didnt he mention that here since he said he is telling the truth? why did he stay with this callous woman again if he didnt love her cos he said in China he only loved his current wife?
I've met and known many Chinese women in NYC, some were very flirtatious when I was in a power position (i.e. an executive at a company, or a professor), however I've always been mystified about what their true feelings were - like maybe they were only interested if they thought I could do something for them. Whereas with hispanic women, they wear their feelings on their sleeves, you always know exactly how they feel, and they are very emotional, sexual, and loyal - they will not always tell you in words when they are angry, but it's not hard to figure out. Hispanic women will also fall in love with a penniless man. Strange how humans from different cultures can be so different.
America is lucky to have Latinos. Much better than what Europe wound up with. China basically needs immigrants to power it's economy in the future but doesn't really have and immigration pool like America has with Latin America. Latinos are great people.
It’s also why Asian under free market economies are always rich and Hispanics are often poor.
Asians are very practical and calculating. They plan ahead and scheme to optimize for their long term success. Hispanics live in the moment and enjoy life and that often leaves you poor.
China has only one god, money. Which is sometimes equal to social status.
Not just Hispanic women are like that.
Chinese women just thinking about money 💰.
I have been waiting patiently for you to tell this story. Her being married when she came back to you was a twist I never could have foreseen. Thanks for sharing.
Now we know where writers for soap operas get their material.
Survival of realperson
i much appreciate your openess and genuineness , it comes across ,keep up the good fight
As someone who lives abroad and has ran into similar relational issues, I appreciated this one. Your wife is beautiful, wish you both the best!
I'm glad you're with a woman you love and who loves you and have a beautiful child Winston, you certainly deserve it after the way this other girl treated you...all the best for you and your family mate.
The first girl that I was interested in was from China, and indeed she refused to go out with me as I didn't have a lot of money as I was still doing my PhD. The funny thing is this happened in the UK. 12 years later, I met my wife in Hong Kong who was also from China. The reason I knew that she liked me only, is that she never asked me for money ever and even when we got married, she, and her parents, never asked about financial matters in any way. They did quiz me however to make sure that I did indeed have a PhD even asking me maths questions lol:). The reality is that certain families in China are not at all motivated by money and really respect academic excellence and fidelity.
My sense from having friends with HK parents is that the culture is completely different from mainland China despite still sharing some Han Chinese traditions. Different language, different religious orientation where relevant, different government, even a different sense if humour if you ask me, HK cinema often had a flair for wacky slapstick..
HK was never communist and so never snapped into accelerated totalitarian capitalism with growth of development outpacing other areas of life.
HK though Chinese and overpacked is arguably much more attuned with certain Western sensibility including democracy and resistance to "communism".
It has no impoverished rural areas although there's extreme poverty, so, there's many less daughters of poor farmers.
I'm really glad you found a person who loves you for you. Congrats! And it's great you were not pressured by her family. I know less about that because some Confucian ideals could still apply in Asian culture outside mainland China, but this probably varies significantly.
Oh wait! Sorry, i wrote all that only to realise you said she actually comes from China anyway. Duh. Well that's interesting. Could it be that her familial background was mercantile or involved international business that included travelling or international dealings? I'm guessing there was at the minimum economic security in her background. I do like the maths test factor (:
Btw, what was your thesis about? I might not understand well, i'm just curious (:
@@mothratemporalradio517 no worries. Yes she is entirely Chinese with no HK background or international travel before going to HK from China, and they are no wealthier than the average family in the cities, but were very academic. They even accepted that she became a Christian and we got married in church. They certainly wouldn't have accepted me however if they thought I wasn't good enough academically (she is extremely strong in maths).
@@thisismonitor4099 You are lucky. If you ever meet a woman, and the first thing she asks is how much you make, or if you live by yourself, then you should run away.
@@thisismonitor4099
Your case is the exception. Wealth will always be the priority for women no matter what culture they are from. It's a symptom of an ultra-competitive modern society.
It's so refreshing to see a man with morals and ethics.
Excellent talk, I learned all the lessons you described the hard way. For those of you that want a relationship with a Chinese woman make sure you understand what serpentza is telling you. It can be so much fun but can be so cold in the end.
There’s been many, many TH-cam channels and videos I’ve watched over the years where the person doing the video yammers on and on about silly nonsense that I have to fast forward through most of them. Yours on the other hand, I watch from beginning to end, always. You are so thoughtful, respectful, insightful and you’ve lived a great life. Also, I’ve learned much about Chinese AND South African culture in an honest and truthful way. It’s fascinating. Thank You!
Your story sounds similar to mine, but it took place in South Korea.
7 years in South Korea.
3 as an ESL teacher
2 as a graduate student.
2 as an U.S. soldier.
The ex dumped me during my 3rd semester of grad school in Seoul after 3 years. Needless to say, I decided to join the army since she told me I was too old to do it. She never came back when the army sent me back to Korea, but it was for the better because I know the man she left me for ended things with her 1.5 years later.
When the army offered me Germany as my next assignment, I thought to myself, "I need a break from East Asia." It was the best decision I have ever made. I have nothing but love for Korea, but my friends in Seoul have told me repeatedly how lucky I am that I got to go to Europe.
Korean culture suffocates their own and they refuse to acknowledge it. That is why the birthrate is lower than Japan's and the suicide rate is the highest in the industrialized world. I am two hours away from Switzerland and just being able to hike around the Swiss Alps is nature's version of therapy. Getting dumped hurts initially, but you can dust yourself off and bounce back if you have your wits about you.
How old were you when you joined?
@@wildones9339 33
@@abdiellawrence397 God bless you for having better life😊
Been two years there, personally South Korea is hell on earth. I can't trust korean girls anymore (and if i was girls also korean boys, i saw too many cheaters that pretend to not see the problems..), i discovered racism there, i saw a "rape culture" I never heard so many rapes in my life than in South Korea... And if you are a foreigner girl or man, know that in front the police or the justice you will automatically lose or they will try to protect the korean first. Being nationalist and protecting your people against foreigner, ok sure, But protecting the one that are rapists or lying abotu rape to take money from men?!! wtf is this police? wtf is this country? Do never tell me again SK is a democratic country. They have lot of money but they are not civilized like Japan for example. There mind is closer to chinese: Corruption, money over humanity, stupid nationalism that doesnt make any sense at some point, thinking they are the best in the world while they hate their life and drink like they wanna die from it... There life is sad as fuck, their mind is stuck in 1960, im so glad i wasn't born there. I will never go back there.
@@JohnnyGuitar50 I try 😊
Thanks
For a culture that claims to value "honor" so highly, it is amazing how little of that quality the people living within that culture seem to have.
"honor" in east asia is only applied in Japan. China and South Korea have no honor left, they can sell their parents for money. especially the girls. WIth the right amount, they ready to do everything for having their new louis vuitton bag and have their instagram pictures in fancy restaurants they can't afford..
they don't
Communism destroyed their culture.
That culture died with the birth of the People's Republic of China.
you are completely confusing China with Japan.