Rebbe your work on this channel is really extraordinary. You're thinking and presenting about these topics at such a high level. As someone with a sibling with BPD, I can't thank you enough. You're not only creating a genuinely helpful tool for the lay person (and I would think the expert as well), but something beautifully crafted as well. Well-done! And thank you!
So glad the work we are doing is resonant and helpful. From the amazing work of Pascal (editor / meaning -maker) to the amazing people will film, this channel really is a deep collaboration and I feel lucky to have the access I have so that we can bring this material to people. Thank you for the awesome feedback.
Love this channel . I worry though with NPD we forget in the domestic violence space many abusers are NPD and because they are successful in one area such as work then their NPD gets dismissed as not dysfunctional, meanwhile , children and spouses are living a tortuous existence with someone who thinks their personality brings success . There has to be a way to help people understand what is healthy and what is toxic without rewarding toxicity in society. Maybe we need to be teaching empathy to the very young and cast a wide net to focus on empathy with healthy narcissism .
The more I study NPD and BPD as an amateur, the more aware I am about myself and my ways when reacting to everyday life/work situations involving others. This awareness makes me walk that fine line and mastery of my emotions. As long as I check myself how/when to utilize my grandiose/vulnerable traits, I hope to avoid self-sabotage, as well as hurt others directly or unintentionally.
Grandiosity is not specific to narcissism, and indeed not the worst of the characteristics; I would focus on exploitative, entitled, and patterns of behaviors, that in and of themselves are common to neurotipical people
What I hear from you is a Maternal point of view,yet, with all due respect,the other end of the Spectrum is what is causing the problems that others are forced to learn and contend with, and all the damage that is done until you understand just what you have been dealing with, (fire is useful,as long as you Understand and respect fire). But we know that those who have wrong motives are not easily Stopped, when they want something.Thanks.
Thank you Dr. Choi!!!! Traits are not necessarily pathological in an of themselves, they do serve a purpose in all personalities, "disordered" or not. They are human traits.
I think Kernberg's view of the underlying borderline personality organisation tells more about narcissism, than just focusing on grandiosity. That its a defensive posture against the poorly differentiated self. I also don't see the benefit for the society to celebrate rich people, because we have millions of researches constantly changing how we see things. And we never hear their names. Then we have few of these people who demand the spotlight, like Elon Musk for example. Who just wants to be seen as some genius. That the motivation of the actions is important, are you doing it because you need other people to perceive you as something. Narcissism mainly affect interpersonal relationship, if i continue on Elon, he has divorced 3 times already. So i think instead, we should ask the children of the person.. instead of how "successful" they are. I think it was Winnicott sho said, that the independent person should be taken care by nurses, in a mental hospital.
I feel you... my ex was psychopath and a control freak... I ran after one year... it's been ten years... and I am still in pain... it took me six years to acknowledge the abuse... for six years I was in denial... I suffered a major abuse and all memories came back... our society and law do not do justice to the victims... not enough support and resources are provided to the victims... I just finished therapy at a hospital and there were only female patients... all abused by their partners.... it is an epidemic to another scale and our society fails women and children...
"Our society fails women and children". Please stop there .. that is one of the major problems that keeps the abuse going. Our society and the family / legal systems fail women, children AND men.
Super points here and a really valuable perspective. On narcissism as a creative necessary force (and/with delusion) distinct from the pathological, i.e., the disorder(ed). And the sum-up point that references the complexities and feat of personality is so well put also. I think that the extent of that, i.e., personality as accomplishment (of lets just say 'integrated' or normal personality ongoing functioning) can be best understood and appreciated through the existence and study of personality disorder(s). Especially NPD, I feel. And if we go with the explanation - as I do - of the early developmental deficit (account of NPD, in attachment, self/other processes, etc.), it just shows you the difficulty or impossibility of retrofitting, making up for it again, or treating it, the personality - disordered. I'd call it the Humpty Humpty of mental disorders. The early personality fell off the wall, and all the Kings horses and men can't put Humpty together again. And watch out for him because you won't for a while know, nor might he know ever. Look out, not to care for him (as he wont care about or for you) but to avoid. And when you think about it, the destructive effects of Humpties en masse in the world are a direct contrast to the swell of positive, creative, prosocial and downstream effects of the healthy narcissism people. It's not always a straight line to say or see where they're directly pitted against each other. But for me at least, I do view them as a clash between forces. Constructive v. Destructive. Or even 'good' and 'evil.' I see evil purely as personality distorted.
I wonder would it be possible to ask this Dr to speak about BPD versus complex trauma? Like they say BPD is prone to suicide. But CPTSD isn't. But then there r studies by Michigan school of medicine speaking about CPTSD and suicide. So I wonder how to distinguish .. Please consider a video that clarifies these things. Thank you
These podcasts are so vitally important!!!!! If I don't look and listen from a professionals life work perspective then am I really sincere about learning, or am I just playing on "feeling good." My wife, I believe suffers from NPD in the extreme (to the expense of operating and at the expense of anyone else's life) and the one's closest to her pay dearly. How does a person love another, knowing Dr. Jeckyl at one level, worried Mr. Hyde may show up whether invited or not? The world has shown me once again, I know nothing!!!!! My heart is so destroyed, God watch over me and keep sending these teachers. 🙏🔥💪
@@ESumner Thank-you Mrs. E.S. very thoughtful of you to respond. I am not at 2 years since police intervened. There was much violence and rage. The police were well aware I was desperate for help and I would have done anything for my wife. Unfortunately, some "flying monkey's" from church, also decided to intervene and now my wife has not recieved any true help and a marriage has been left broken and the cycle has just perpetuated. Mrs. E.S. you are in my prayers and with much sincerity and courage for you. 🙏🏼🔥💪🏽 🌱
@@kentburge6701 very similar situation here, the pastor at our church actually was the one to make a fatal blow to our marriage by enabling my soon to be Ex to keep abusing, and then silenced me and ridiculed me during the counselling session. Anytime it was my turn to talk he’d just get up and walk out of the room. I had another couple from church there to help support me because I was very afraid... and they were gobsmacked and horrified by what happened. Their church has just split as it’s been revealed that the pastor and his wife are both wolves in sheep’s clothing... God is revealing all the Judas’s in his children’s lives. Separating the wheat and the tares... God has provided for me in ways I can’t begin to describe or thus message would be too long.... Don’t worry about what anyone thinks. God knows the truth. You and Jesus know the truth. God came before you, knew that all of this would happen to you. God says that he has no plans to harm you, but only has plans to prosper you, to give you hope and a future. God absolutely provides. God says that if animals don’t need to worry about life necessities... we certainly don’t need to either. We are more special than an animal. God also takes everything bad and uses it for good.... to bless you and to be a testimony of his holiness, power and glory. Everything was taken away from Job, yet due to his faithfulness, God rewarded him with 2x what he lost. My situation has brought me so much closer to Jesus and the supernatural ways he has provided, kept me from striking my foot on a stone, made a table for me in front of my enemies, and has allowed me to watch him inflict justice on those who mean evil against me... I’ve never felt more safe, loved and supported. I walk every day with more joy than I’ve ever had, peace that surpasses understanding, and just pure ease of mind knowing He is in control... and that all of our worries are already solved. Trust God with your wife’s future... and be thankful that He is so righteous that he allows even divorce, which he hates... to bless everyone involved. Thank you Jesus! God bless you! I’ll be praying for you brother!
Regarding content the video was extremely informative and interesting. But the TV-technique of changing camera angles every few seconds was annoying. TH-camrs all over the world have proven that the TV-myth of angle changes being neccessary to keep the viewers attention is false. TH-camrs have the attention of audiences of up to several million spectators while just speaking into a fixed and unchanging camera for 10, 20 minutes or even for hours. Would the video have been longer I might have stopped watching, that's how much I was triggered. That's, of course, just my point of view, but I doubt you gain a single spectator by using this technique, and I also doubt you would've lost any if you haven't been using it.
Oh they do distress and dysfunction , thats why we have projective identification and cognitive dissonance on various scales. Emotions that they unable to hold they apply make others feel.
Well, here's one person I know never to listen to on your channel. I don't know; it's so obvious to me when a person bears no actual relevant insight that I can't help but be frustrated that people like this lady are even given any recognition for what they're saying. Forget the logic - just listen to the place it's coming from. She's obviously clueless and has no idea about anything through herself.
I think she understands what she means, but has trouble explaining it in a consistent way. She seems to mean that a certain level of _confidence_ , courage, boldness, and maybe even grandiosity itself, is healthy even if it not based on 100% knowing what you're doing. Narcissists tend to portray themselves as though they possess those traits, while they're usually really anxious, insecure, clueless or self-deluding and try to compensate for that. People often mistake this mask of confidence and hypergrandiosity as being real, and may think narcissists "love themselves", while they can also be very arrogant, rude, troublesome, immature, impatient, easily frustrated, indulgent, unempathic, confused, soaked in fantasy, so sometimes people also mix up having a certain level of confidence, boldness and grandiosity ("narcissism") that is healthy as being a sign of defensiveness ("narcissism"). I know a girl who's very mature, gentle, empathic and intelligent with a "I'm the best" sort of atittude. At age 19~20 she started her own business after travelling to a different state by herself and taking a course which she paid for using money she saved from having worked from the age of 15 to 18. Everybody has good things to say about her, and how she is supportive of family and other people around her, and she really never comes across as phony, or fake, condescending, entitled, controlling, or displaying out-of-place "niceness" or "charisma", but on a quick glance one could mistake her confidence for an inflated sense of self, and vice-versa, many people mistake narcissists for being well-put together genuinely charismatic, nice, confident people. I believe Dr. Choi-Khan is trying to explain that, but ends up stumbling over the words.
Rebbe your work on this channel is really extraordinary. You're thinking and presenting about these topics at such a high level. As someone with a sibling with BPD, I can't thank you enough. You're not only creating a genuinely helpful tool for the lay person (and I would think the expert as well), but something beautifully crafted as well. Well-done! And thank you!
So glad the work we are doing is resonant and helpful. From the amazing work of Pascal (editor / meaning -maker) to the amazing people will film, this channel really is a deep collaboration and I feel lucky to have the access I have so that we can bring this material to people. Thank you for the awesome feedback.
Love this channel . I worry though with NPD we forget in the domestic violence space many abusers are NPD and because they are successful in one area such as work then their NPD gets dismissed as not dysfunctional, meanwhile , children and spouses are living a tortuous existence with someone who thinks their personality brings success . There has to be a way to help people understand what is healthy and what is toxic without rewarding toxicity in society. Maybe we need to be teaching empathy to the very young and cast a wide net to focus on empathy with healthy narcissism .
well said!
This person can lead through example and leave the other person. It’s difficult but staying in the situation only shows others it’s bearable
I think pathological narcissists won't admit there is a problem until all the people they really care about start leaving them.
The more I study NPD and BPD as an amateur, the more aware I am about myself and my ways when reacting to everyday life/work situations involving others. This awareness makes me walk that fine line and mastery of my emotions. As long as I check myself how/when to utilize my grandiose/vulnerable traits, I hope to avoid self-sabotage, as well as hurt others directly or unintentionally.
Grandiosity is not specific to narcissism, and indeed not the worst of the characteristics; I would focus on exploitative, entitled, and patterns of behaviors, that in and of themselves are common to neurotipical people
This man is an answered prayer 🙏
What I hear from you is a Maternal point of view,yet, with all due respect,the other end of the Spectrum is what is causing the problems that others are forced to learn and contend with, and all the damage that is done until you understand just what you have been dealing with, (fire is useful,as long as you Understand and respect fire). But we know that those who have wrong motives are not easily Stopped, when they want something.Thanks.
Thank you Dr. Choi!!!! Traits are not necessarily pathological in an of themselves, they do serve a purpose in all personalities, "disordered" or not. They are human traits.
I think Kernberg's view of the underlying borderline personality organisation tells more about narcissism, than just focusing on grandiosity. That its a defensive posture against the poorly differentiated self.
I also don't see the benefit for the society to celebrate rich people, because we have millions of researches constantly changing how we see things. And we never hear their names. Then we have few of these people who demand the spotlight, like Elon Musk for example. Who just wants to be seen as some genius. That the motivation of the actions is important, are you doing it because you need other people to perceive you as something. Narcissism mainly affect interpersonal relationship, if i continue on Elon, he has divorced 3 times already. So i think instead, we should ask the children of the person.. instead of how "successful" they are.
I think it was Winnicott sho said, that the independent person should be taken care by nurses, in a mental hospital.
Exactly. Well said.
I feel you... my ex was psychopath and a control freak... I ran after one year... it's been ten years... and I am still in pain... it took me six years to acknowledge the abuse... for six years I was in denial... I suffered a major abuse and all memories came back... our society and law do not do justice to the victims... not enough support and resources are provided to the victims... I just finished therapy at a hospital and there were only female patients... all abused by their partners.... it is an epidemic to another scale and our society fails women and children...
"Our society fails women and children". Please stop there .. that is one of the major problems that keeps the abuse going. Our society and the family / legal systems fail women, children AND men.
Super points here and a really valuable perspective. On narcissism as a creative necessary force (and/with delusion) distinct from the pathological, i.e., the disorder(ed).
And the sum-up point that references the complexities and feat of personality is so well put also.
I think that the extent of that, i.e., personality as accomplishment (of lets just say 'integrated' or normal personality ongoing functioning) can be best understood and appreciated through the existence and study of personality disorder(s). Especially NPD, I feel.
And if we go with the explanation - as I do - of the early developmental deficit (account of NPD, in attachment, self/other processes, etc.), it just shows you the difficulty or impossibility of retrofitting, making up for it again, or treating it, the personality - disordered.
I'd call it the Humpty Humpty of mental disorders. The early personality fell off the wall, and all the Kings horses and men can't put Humpty together again.
And watch out for him because you won't for a while know, nor might he know ever. Look out, not to care for him (as he wont care about or for you) but to avoid.
And when you think about it, the destructive effects of Humpties en masse in the world are a direct contrast to the swell of positive, creative, prosocial and downstream effects of the healthy narcissism people. It's not always a straight line to say or see where they're directly pitted against each other. But for me at least, I do view them as a clash between forces.
Constructive v. Destructive. Or even 'good' and 'evil.' I see evil purely as personality distorted.
I wonder would it be possible to ask this Dr to speak about BPD versus complex trauma? Like they say BPD is prone to suicide. But CPTSD isn't. But then there r studies by Michigan school of medicine speaking about CPTSD and suicide. So I wonder how to distinguish .. Please consider a video that clarifies these things. Thank you
I really love this woman! Dr Choi-Kain you're awesome I love the way you explain things and your attitude. Thank you so much Rebbe for this channel🙏💜
These podcasts are so vitally important!!!!!
If I don't look and listen from a professionals life work perspective then am I really sincere about learning, or am I just playing on "feeling good."
My wife, I believe suffers from NPD in the extreme (to the expense of operating and at the expense of anyone else's life) and the one's closest to her pay dearly.
How does a person love another, knowing Dr. Jeckyl at one level, worried Mr. Hyde may show up whether invited or not?
The world has shown me once again, I know nothing!!!!!
My heart is so destroyed, God watch over me and keep sending these teachers. 🙏🔥💪
I hope God can deliver you from this evil, as He is for me with my BPD husband
@@ESumner Thank-you Mrs. E.S. very thoughtful of you to respond.
I am not at 2 years since police intervened. There was much violence and rage. The police were well aware I was desperate for help and I would have done anything for my wife.
Unfortunately, some "flying monkey's" from church, also decided to intervene and now my wife has not recieved any true help and a marriage has been left broken and the cycle has just perpetuated.
Mrs. E.S. you are in my prayers and with much sincerity and courage for you.
🙏🏼🔥💪🏽 🌱
@@kentburge6701 very similar situation here, the pastor at our church actually was the one to make a fatal blow to our marriage by enabling my soon to be Ex to keep abusing, and then silenced me and ridiculed me during the counselling session. Anytime it was my turn to talk he’d just get up and walk out of the room. I had another couple from church there to help support me because I was very afraid... and they were gobsmacked and horrified by what happened. Their church has just split as it’s been revealed that the pastor and his wife are both wolves in sheep’s clothing... God is revealing all the Judas’s in his children’s lives. Separating the wheat and the tares... God has provided for me in ways I can’t begin to describe or thus message would be too long....
Don’t worry about what anyone thinks. God knows the truth. You and Jesus know the truth. God came before you, knew that all of this would happen to you. God says that he has no plans to harm you, but only has plans to prosper you, to give you hope and a future. God absolutely provides. God says that if animals don’t need to worry about life necessities... we certainly don’t need to either. We are more special than an animal. God also takes everything bad and uses it for good.... to bless you and to be a testimony of his holiness, power and glory. Everything was taken away from Job, yet due to his faithfulness, God rewarded him with 2x what he lost. My situation has brought me so much closer to Jesus and the supernatural ways he has provided, kept me from striking my foot on a stone, made a table for me in front of my enemies, and has allowed me to watch him inflict justice on those who mean evil against me... I’ve never felt more safe, loved and supported. I walk every day with more joy than I’ve ever had, peace that surpasses understanding, and just pure ease of mind knowing He is in control... and that all of our worries are already solved. Trust God with your wife’s future... and be thankful that He is so righteous that he allows even divorce, which he hates... to bless everyone involved. Thank you Jesus!
God bless you! I’ll be praying for you brother!
Regarding content the video was extremely informative and interesting.
But the TV-technique of changing camera angles every few seconds was annoying. TH-camrs all over the world have proven that the TV-myth of angle changes being neccessary to keep the viewers attention is false. TH-camrs have the attention of audiences of up to several million spectators while just speaking into a fixed and unchanging camera for 10, 20 minutes or even for hours. Would the video have been longer I might have stopped watching, that's how much I was triggered. That's, of course, just my point of view, but I doubt you gain a single spectator by using this technique, and I also doubt you would've lost any if you haven't been using it.
They don’t have distress and dysfunction. They are causing others to have it.
Oh they do distress and dysfunction , thats why we have projective identification and cognitive dissonance on various scales. Emotions that they unable to hold they apply make others feel.
Well, here's one person I know never to listen to on your channel. I don't know; it's so obvious to me when a person bears no actual relevant insight that I can't help but be frustrated that people like this lady are even given any recognition for what they're saying. Forget the logic - just listen to the place it's coming from. She's obviously clueless and has no idea about anything through herself.
I think she understands what she means, but has trouble explaining it in a consistent way.
She seems to mean that a certain level of _confidence_ , courage, boldness, and maybe even grandiosity itself, is healthy even if it not based on 100% knowing what you're doing.
Narcissists tend to portray themselves as though they possess those traits, while they're usually really anxious, insecure, clueless or self-deluding and try to compensate for that. People often mistake this mask of confidence and hypergrandiosity as being real, and may think narcissists "love themselves", while they can also be very arrogant, rude, troublesome, immature, impatient, easily frustrated, indulgent, unempathic, confused, soaked in fantasy, so sometimes people also mix up having a certain level of confidence, boldness and grandiosity ("narcissism") that is healthy as being a sign of defensiveness ("narcissism").
I know a girl who's very mature, gentle, empathic and intelligent with a "I'm the best" sort of atittude. At age 19~20 she started her own business after travelling to a different state by herself and taking a course which she paid for using money she saved from having worked from the age of 15 to 18. Everybody has good things to say about her, and how she is supportive of family and other people around her, and she really never comes across as phony, or fake, condescending, entitled, controlling, or displaying out-of-place "niceness" or "charisma", but on a quick glance one could mistake her confidence for an inflated sense of self, and vice-versa, many people mistake narcissists for being well-put together genuinely charismatic, nice, confident people.
I believe Dr. Choi-Khan is trying to explain that, but ends up stumbling over the words.