I’m a man and I have BPD. This guy is speaking my language. There is a unique pain to being emasculated, used, objectified, and abused by your mother as a son. I was diagnosed very late. I can’t count how many doctors and therapists I have been in front of that absolutely dropped the ball.
"I'm very self-aware, which is awful." I laughed out loud because I've said this verbatim to my therapist!! Jacob, clearly several of us in the comments relate to you and aspects of how you've felt and experienced life. I share your sense of humor, too. Extending so much compassion and love to you, and I wish you nothing but joys, healing, ease and wellness in your life. 💜💜💜
I really appreciated his vulnerability. I also think BPD in men is underrepresented, so I think he's going to help a lot of people! Amazing interview. 👏
Not only underrepresented. But also highly neglected, almost despised. Since it is a trauma related disorder, and since men are not allowed to be victims, only perpetrators: a traumatized man( if not a " glorious veteran"), is not believed, taken seriously, and is let alone, cause he disrupts the narrative. It is infuriating. Especially if the abuser(s) is/are a woman. Society really have to adress this bias! And hold women predators accountable too: they have way too much access to vulnerable people( from children to the elderly, caregivers are 99%women).
Thank you so much Jake for being vulnerable and open about your story. I know it's not easy. You greatly helped me today and I feel I could be a carbon copy of you.
She really is. I don’t have BPD, but I watch this series to try to understand how to communicate in a way that is more inclusive for people who do. Her gentle, supportive honesty is such a helpful model.
I don't normally comment on here, but yours made me smile. What a kind person you are for even thinking of doing that. I am a 24 year old (he/him) from TN diagnosed with BPD. People like you make me hopeful. Thank you.@@estellesstories7467
I wish someone with her education and experience with bpd would walk with me through these questions so I can better understand myself. I resonate with him and his feelings day to day to a degree.
Read the classic book. “I hate you don’t leave me “. It’s a top book for BPD and people who love and deal with those with BPD or even emotional dysregulation which some people have that exhibits a lot like like BPD Also Marsha linehans books are good ( she’s the therapist that developed DBT for BPD and emotional dysregulation, and over the last years as it turns out suffers with BPD features herself ) Also good videos like this always help-full Important thing with BPD, and emotional dysregulation is those with it have a harder time reviewing, and learning lessons from what has happened before and how to approach things differently. There’s a Blindspot here for those people, but there is hope as long as When is willing to keep track of what happened before and what you are going to try next You found this video So keep going Good Luck
I also wish everyone had access to this level of care.. sadly the world isn't there yet; that's one of the main reasons we are making these vids. Thank you so much for being here, and for commenting. -P
Check out the j. Young schema questionnaire and find out which schemas you have, it's incredibly helpful to point you in the direction of what to work on (hopefully with support!) until you can get assessed. Everyone has some, even people with no DSM dx possible, it's a list of ideas about ourselves and the world that are unhelpful to us. There are some that almost 100% of people with some dx have, but plenty typical people have those same ones. I think "I am defective" schema is really common in low self esteem but then like 100% for BPD. But you probably know already if you have that one, some of the ones on the list blew my mind.. because it was almost like "duh... But that's just how it is!? Isn't it!?" And seeing them on the list and realizing *that's not just how it is* was huge
He’s my absolute favorite client interview SO FAR!!! 100% relate to how he navigates relationship to self and others and I get his self deprecating humor….he’s awesome ❤
My heart breaks for Jacob as I watch this video. I’m a somewhat recovered BPD in my 60s, but I have experienced so much self-loathing in my life. I hated myself for years and could never figure out why I kept screwing up despite having the ability to be successful. I worry that this young man is in danger, and I hope he can get help. ❤
@@JacobLasher you’re a good man. Time to hand back the pain that was never yours, to begin with, and be the wonderful person you are. The humility it took to share as you have shows me how very brave you are and knowing this will help countless others shows you are able to face the darkness and help others be courageous too. I don’t expect anything from you in return other than, I hope you will imagine that I have children your age and always want them to feel safe and loved. I wasn’t a perfect Mum, but I was good enough. I’m still healing from the wounds of my Mum and abusive relationships but I truely hope from the depths of my soul my children don’t suffer too much. I still have therapy too. As we grow and follow our purposes a light shines for others to see too. May your strength in breaking generational patterns help shift other areas in your life, for the better too. God bless you brave heart.
These videos break my heart at the abuse and pain these people went through as children, and the struggle they go though in life, I have C.P.T.S.D and I'm finally at the happiest point in my life at 63. I can understand when Jake says, "he wasn't present", I think that's how we're able to get through life. There are so many predators out there who can just look at us and know we're vulnerable than they do more damage.
a bad situation happened to me, and it took me a year to get over that. This short period i finally understood a dear friend that lives in this drama everyday as BPD. i finally understood what means to live in a constant cronic ptsd. i think. During that period i was constantly anxious for everything, being insicure, taking things personally, feeling ashame even for not washing dishes or being too fat. It's like everything was a reflection of myself, everything was defining me. It took me a while to separate from the world outside me, separate emotions from actions, and finally see dishes as just dirty dishes, not me being slappy, or a friend just being annoyed on me, not me being unbareble. Not funny at all. It's overwhelming and you don't feel in control.
I'm so happy to call you a friend, Jacob. And I'm so proud of you. Vulnerability is the most beautiful thing and your ability to speak so eloquently and honestly about your experiences inspires me on a deep deep level. I love theeee!
What a kind and genuine chap! This channel is doing so much to show the world the human side of BPD. Especially useful for us who want to understand it better. Thank you!!
A take home point aboit BPD in this case is the instability of relationships w others and themselves ( job, identity ) Bec they are constantly trying to fill a hole to make up for a feeling of emptiness and anxiety and a willingness to give up or even ruin good things for the next excitement or epiphany that will fill that hole …. It’s important in that if you notice you will do this amd then regret what you lose or turn away from or ruin you have had made an important step into insight that THIS KEEPS HAPPENING ! Once you see it and you decide you want some ting that lasts for yourself you are ready to start
Yes, awareness is always the first step. It's hard to see the pattern without having lived a bit of life, so sometimes the realization comes late, and then it can be hard to have a positive attitude going forward. Stay strong through it! Wishing lots of positive change to people. And thanks for the comment-- -P
Oh Jacob is such a sweetheart ! ❤ Everything he described makes sense....just your brain using an old pattern to protect itself, but it will catch up ! It really takes time. Keep on loving yourself, you are worth it.
It's just so... expressive do see someone very similar to me, talking about a pain very similar too, and with a open heart. Thank you so much for this interview.
"stop thinking about the past" "most of the time I'm not thinking about the past I'm just trying to go to work without having a panic attack"... man, my heart felt this. I just discovered this TH-cam channel and these interviews are bringing me so much peace and understanding. I've never not felt alone. Thanks for your vulnerability.
Jacob have you been assessed for ptsd or cptsd? The vigilance, the fearful expectations sound so hard. Then seeing yourself as bad, unworthy. Thinking to self punish preemptively. This is so relatable.
@@JacobLasher I wish you well in life, love, and healing. Stay cool. Pretty certain I have CPTSD too. I like this saying by Jerry Wise, for when I get nervous, "Calmness is everything" .
@@JacobLasher thank you for your candid interview. I have a similar background and similar struggles. I hear you. I hear me in you. I'm glad your healing. Keep up the good fight. You deserve to love yourself, your whole beautiful self.
Thank you so much, the struggles with the social paranoia for lack of a better word...work persona...what drinking did for you...intuition..thanks, made me feel better to hear it. It's why I love this channel stuff like that
Everyone who agreed to do these is extremely courageous for sharing and being vulnerable. Especially with BPD, I can imagine how difficult this must be. This person was groomed by the older partner when he was very young. I'm so so sorry that happened to him because no one deserves that.
It’s true I was groomed by my ex and didn’t realize it until a couple years ago. It’s wild how time goes by and you learn. Thanks for this comment. Sending love your way oxox
We love you, Jake. Keep your head up. So far, you and Charlotte are my favs. I can relate so much to the paranoia of someone coming to get me. Thank you so much for sharing your story, this channel is helping me so much. I'm even looking for a TFP therapist. Also, I don't know who it is, but whoever created this channel I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Jacob, you are such a wonderful person. It breaks my heart you never take credit for what you have achieved and how good-hearted you are. I wish you a very happy and fulfilling life because you completely deserve this!
Three Amazing Resources for anyone struggling with similar issues: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents - Lindsay C. Gibson Healing the Shame that Binds You - John Bradshaw Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving - Pete Walker
Thank you so much for sharing so, honestly. You're helping so many people. I am so grateful, and I completely understand you. This is so relatable. Thank you 🙏🙏
This interview was so helpful I have seen other ones with Charlie and Regina which were great but the customer service thing really helped me as I never could have any career but I was so drawn to customer service it was the one thing I was so good at. I would make it my mission to please the customer and give them everything they could possibly need it was the only place that I had any self esteem. I wish my current psychologist would ask me these questions 🙄
thank you Jake for being vulnerable and telling your story. I've only just been diagnosed with BPD. I share a general set of experiences with you and it helps me to see the BPD. since diagnosis I've struggled more than before diagnosis, lots of confusion and grief. I believe and hope that there is a way through for me but it's a matter of finding my way through my own 'version' of BPD. I only wish that it was easier to find the right type of therapy in some sort of timely fashion (structured therapy wait times are over 12 months! Good luck in your own journey Jake!
This is a message for Dr. Choi-Kain, this is a key insight. As ironic as this might sound, given one of the criteria for BPD is "Idealization devaluation"., ALL triggers can be linked to devaluation of someone with BPD. invalidation, rejection, denegrate, diminuate, lie, blame, undermining etc, are just different forms and expressions for the same thing, devaluation. I am telling Dr. Choi-Kain this, because unlike other psychologists and psychiatrists, she has been very understanding in relation to people with BPD, and therefore is deserving of this key insight. TRY IT! see with your patients, if all their triggers dont boil down to somehow they felt devalued. It makes sense, since they are already devaluing people...I have BPD just in case anyone wants to say I'm criticizing(devaluing) people with BPD. I'm not criticizing people with BPD, god knows they get enuff criticism. when I say they already devalue people, I'm stating a fact..it's included in the criteria for BPD under idealization/devaluation. Notice, Marsha Linehan had to use "radical acceptance" to avoid devaluing her patients. That is the proof of wht I'm saying. She knew instinctively, because she has BPD. "Know thine enemy and you will be victorious in battle" - Sun Tsu, The Art of War
I love their chemistry 💗💗💗 kudos to the doc and Jake. I also love the way your channel not only shares experiences of people w borderline but showcases top notch clinicians. We get to see how they think and respond to the person in front of them.
Thank you! I’m terrible at opening up. It felt like someone was talking to the therapist for me. This is why I dnt get any where with anyone. Then again no one has been as thoughtful at sitting back, listening and asking the rt questions. Thank you again for this, both of you. I’m sharing this with my bf and telling him tht this rt here is what goes on in my head
So, I'm 30 and a man and I'm very new to all of this. I'm not diagnosed, but I've never identified more with anything in my life. I want to go about seeking a potential diagnosis, but I won't lie, I'm scared to death. I don't want my friends or family to judge me or to worry about me. Not to mention the fear that it could be nothing and this is all in my head. I feel stuck.
This is so interesting thank you Jacob for being brave enough to share, its never easy to feel vulnerable. I am so glad that you have found someone that is good for you, I wish you joy, love and happiness. Much love from Australia
Jake comes across as a loving, bright. self-aware person who had an extremely difficult start to life, and who through no fault of his own has developed emotional burns that make it hard to trust. Jake - my hope for you is that you can see yourself for the fullness of who you are, good parts and all- and feel safe in your world. You are immediately likeable. You are smart. You are perceive and so witty. I imagine knowing you would be quite lovely. May you know yourself. May you know you’re good. May you trust yourself to learn how to feel safe around people who have a pattern of being trustworthy. And may you find deep, lasting satisfaction in every area of your life. You have everything it takes. For what it’s worth, this stranger on the internet is cheering for you to succeed. All the best. Now is YOUR time.
And Jake - if you’re reading this - keep at your writing! It sounds like a passion for you, a real creative outlet. I imagine you have a way with telling stories that is exactly what many people need.
Fascinating interview. Any possibility of a follow up on anything and everything in the interview but also possible transference and potential countertransference? Thank you for all the amazing content!
I really value and respect Dr. Choi and at the same time found myself unsettled at the lack of matching with Jake's endearing humor, and wondering if the seriousness is clinically intentional? It reads not as warm to me as other interviews, but maybe I'm misreading. I just want him to be met and held with attunement!
It depends on what the person is laughing at. Often people laugh describing something awful, or attacking themselves, so the therapist stays with the bit in pain instead of the bit laughing
I wonder if Jacob was pushing people away not to protect them, but because he didn't think they could truly be there for him in the long run -- that they were not capable of holding the problems he was bringing to the table.
Charlotte -I write this to write it. In all honesty, I do hope that you read it. I don't know you but I feel like I do. We have different stories but the mutual "scars" are understood. I too am a giver, pleaser, excuse maker (for others), humble yet still proud, a desire for intense empathy, bottling things up until I can no longer contain my tongue. Not out of anger but out of intense sadness, etc.. ...Trying to make this short... I'm not sure why your videos hit the feed, but again, I feel like I know you, from "somewhere in time". People say opposites attract but I'm convinced that, in some cases, especially later in life, some of us need people that are more similar to ourselves. One thing that seems to carry over from year to year in your videos is the still hidden, somewhat unexplainable, sadness that only similar people can understand. I write this from my reality. Things are what they are and we're not delusional. That said, please hear me when I say that you are beautiful. I see it and I hear it. I remember back to youth, It rings true. I hope, for us, and those like us, that we find healthy relationships. We need to limit how much Input we take from the advice givers , they mean well but only some of them are truly helpful. I'm not writing these things with "pity" you, but only for myself. 😊 You're so brave, so kind, and so pretty. I sincerely hope that you, we, can find that fulfilling love, the mutually understanding embrace, the warmth and kindness that we all deserve. Peace to you.
I don't have any disorders and have never been to a therapist. But I can relate to some things Jacob says on a smaller level. I just want to say he's a very likable person. I don't like compliments either, but I'm hoping if he reads this he can accept it. 😂
People tell me I seem very calm sometimes too and I have no idea how I'm exuding any calm but that's sooo delightful to hear. I think part of what they pick up on is the non-judgment, the lack of surprise or judgment when someone says or does something unexpected. That's a type of calm too
Thank you. It is so so so so important to have this trauma informed insight to men and BPD. ( women too. Of course ). But there is no gender divide to trauma.
Omg!! I used to do the same thing as a young teen and write my own “fake” diary. How I wanted my life to be. I had a different name, was pretty, had a family and friends in my diary… I did that more often than writing my own diary. That must be a borderline thing 😮
I just recently got diagnosed with bpd and have a child I'm so scared that she has it but she is only 2 I am trying to be a good parent but I feel I have to almost lock my self away is this normal
Getting my needs met feels illegal! My mother all previous partners were very unhealthy and guilted me constantly to focus on their needs and ignore my own. I have stopped letting people do that but it's really hard and uncomfortable!
As someone who has BPD, when someone acts as if they like me and is not abusive, I assume it's a trick or it's just a matter of time before they change their mind. If I sense that I am actually beginning to believe a person likes me and might actually be the type who will stay in my life, it's almost worse than when I doubt them or their ability to maintain an interest in me. I get turned off, I start feeling like I am suffocating and as if I am trapped, and I begin to wonder what must be wrong with a person to like me so much, which then leads me to a sort of devaluing of them that isn't quite the same as when I am devaluing someone because they hurt me. It seems like a much more mild and permanent playing-out of splitting which leads me to feeling empty and bored by the individual, eventually. They will leave once I become this way, and if they don't, I will. It is so difficult to even understand the feelings, because I know, on a logical level that I want someone who is secure and who will stay with me, and I also know on a logical level that this person will struggle to stay with me, eventually, so why I do this is beyond me. I can never leave good enough alone, because I feel empty is all I can say. I used to prefer being in a relationship with someone who was behaving badly but telling me they weren't. That way I could live in denial and be happy until I didn't want to, or couldn't because I'd come across the evidence they betrayed me, which gave me a free pass to treat them horribly, proceed to blame them for everything I felt that was negative, and play victim. And I could stay in a relationship like that and feel somewhat satisfied when I was younger.. it felt right to me, I knew how to do that very well. But after finding a good man (father of my kids) and ruining that relationship out of boredom/emptiness, I really just prefer to not have relationships, for the second time in my life, and that way no one gets hurt. I feel beneath all 3 ways I react to how intimate partners treat me lies a very deep, intense self-loathing that I don't believe I can ever overcome, and it makes me feel completely unlovable. When someone reminds me of that, it fuels a rage in me that I once believed was strength when it was exactly the opposite.
Felt this... it really sux being raised by hurt people as parents and several cluster B family members. I aim to trust people, but ironically, my bad picker continually picks the wrong people to trust reinforcing our paranoia. It's It's amazing how this phenomenon can be so pervasive in one's life.
I have watched a few of this contents now(borderlinernotes-btw-SUPER INSIGHTFUL),after yesterdays life streem on psych2go with a BPD lady,and I can deffinetly confirm(after being told in the past by my psych she thaught I was BPD ) I now certainly dont feel like my tune inside is of what is being portrait here(by those few people whom bravely enough opened up to the extend they did)....deffo not BPD.Thanks for Your input,knowledge,and putting me straight.Keep up the good fight!
Dbt therapy. Also I’m going to try ketamine therapy and hopefully in the future mdma therapy. Our condition is trauma based so we need medicine that can create new neuropathways
So much reflects my experience, so much... and I dare say the same for many more. Mind you I see BPD now as a predictable outcome to these types of experiences. I think the way out is emotional and not cognitive and incredibly difficult and sadly unlikely as a gay man.
if you could get some black women on this channel it would be great! we get diagnosed and often misdiagnosed often so it would be amazing to see the black experience
Firstly, thank you for being here. We are SO with you on this and working on it. It is one of our top priorities. We fully understand that representation breeds connection with those who are and feel represented. Thank you for this comment - we value it and are in total agreement and are working on it.
The worst thing, when I was trying therapy, was to have to tell AGAIN the sh*tty story of my life..I've always tried to make it short, concise and kind of funny.. I am VERY AWARE of my traumas and their impacts on my life. And I have always HATED when the " therapist" was "explaining" to me why I was acting like this: " you know, what happened in your childhood..blabla.." I ALREADY KNOW!!! What are they really paid for?? Aside of having the official right to diagnose and prescribe meds??? I mean a good dbt book and the experiences of other pwbpd are more efficient for me. Edit: I am very angry, it is not related tp this vid. So sorry. I know good tjerapists are helpful. And this one asked very good question and made pertinent points.
I understand that whole punishing yourself and the way that I've looked at it but I know it's not right no one else can punish me more than myself I know it hurts me and I know what punishment to give myself in generally my therapist says it's a bit much
At 21mn thats what makes me workaholic and social butterfly but im introverted. I put on an armour most times but its sad when i don't get busy coz i feel like a p.o.s.
Do therapist ever get past having you tell your story and relive it over and over and over and over do they ever get to a point that it does something for the individual
Hey there! Jacob here. Let's try to remember mental illness looks different for everyone. I was very nervous when the cameras were turned on and I had never shared much of my truth to anyone before. I hit 9 out of the 9 traits when diagnosing BPD. Was a truly beautiful and scary moment when finally feeling validated after many years of doctors and myself trying to calculate my brain chemistry lol. For many years, I kept getting various diagnoses and continued to search for something else because nothing felt right. Finally, I accepted the idea of BPD because for so many years we suspected my mother to have it, and I didn't want to be associated with anything to do with her and the fear of "becoming like my parents" was terrifying. But I did research about BPD and never felt more seen. It was spot on and there we go. I def plan on talking more about it on my channel and hopefully even more on Borderline Notes! But truthfully, I was pretty nervous and didn't know what to expect when filming. :). Thanks for watching
@@JacobLasher Hey Jacob! I meant no offence. I suppose I was a bit too informed by my own agenda in watching your interview. I will say you have a lot of strength doing this kind of thing. I could never do it. Good for you! Nervous or not, you should know that you come off really well here. Best of luck!
I am not a psychologist but it seems more like DPD than BPD or maybe come kind of overlap between both. I might be mistaken since I am not in the mental health field.
Dude, black and white thinking: everyone has good intentions. It can b hard not to think that. It's such a nice thing to think, I'd rather if it was true
I've liked many of your other videos on this channel. However, the way the therapist is interviewing the guy it seems like she is projecting her opinions or theories onto his life. She keeps asking him questions when he seems to want to move on. It doesn't sound like she is really hearing what he is saying, but already has her mind made up. I think the danger this causes with borderlines (myself included) is we struggle to believe our own truths anyway. I could just be triggered by her and maybe she was super enlightening for him. I don't know.
She certainly is steering the conversation, but isn't it part of a therapist's job, to offer counter narratives to the patient's self-talk and trying to come back to points the patient evades talking about? Regarding the projection of her own opinions / asumptions: Can anyone not do this? Really just "listening" would be mere voice recording - any attempt to "understand" involves building connections (relate) with the own imagination of the other person's mind. Even if an assumption doesn't perfectly fit, e.g. if pushing away helpful people isn't (soley) based in a feeling of being unworthy, it's a starting point to ask if it might fit and "track" the reaction. Especially with a patient like Jake, who is actually showing a lot of self awareness (and can apparently assess if an explanation fits him or not), yet struggles to change maladaptive behavioural patterns. Are there specific points in the interview where you had the impression that Dr. Choi-Kain is sticking to own assumptions about Jake despite him showing evidence that her assumptions would need to be revised? I personally perceived her as compassionate towards Jake, and I think she did very well in addressing both his toxic relationship experiences and his way of "finding a way to end" what was apparently not a toxic but a quite supportive relationship. I found this very helpful, seeing both Jake as a lovely and helpful person with very understandable struggles, while also addressing how he endured toxic relationships yet pushed away someone who was loving and kind to him. And trying to find an explanation for this behaviour in Jake's case. (Helpful because it makes BPD very challenging to other people, not knowing how to deal with a kind and loving person who seeks being close yet [suddenly] switch to rejective when encountering actual nearness).
I was diagnosed with BPD then a Psychiatrist thought no you have Bipolar 1. Lol! How about it's all bs? How about that? Sorry but as I age I'm gonna have to say no to all of these mental health diagnosis. How about I meet a lot of jerks and gas lighters and am over it? How about that? God forbid I want to stay in my house and do nothing and not have to work for anyone else and basically be an introvert. God forbid I want to be away from gas lighters, codependents, and people who's jokes are awful. lol! I don't want to get to know anyone I just want to not live in this crap world anymore. Think Theodore Finch...."Bone charred cookies" quote from All The Bright Places book and that is exactly how I feel but then I feel as if our brains aren't broken but Idk maybe they actually are from whatever we went through when we were younger. I'm tried of all these mental health diagnosis this guy seems nice don't want to say their is nothing wrong about him he clearly is a writer and artist who's had a bad life and that's it. Simple as that.
Same old same old it's a cluster b personality disorder!!¡ It's not a mental illness best of luck to people who are most likely codependents in these relationships do you need the pain???
I’m a man and I have BPD. This guy is speaking my language. There is a unique pain to being emasculated, used, objectified, and abused by your mother as a son. I was diagnosed very late. I can’t count how many doctors and therapists I have been in front of that absolutely dropped the ball.
"I'm very self-aware, which is awful." I laughed out loud because I've said this verbatim to my therapist!! Jacob, clearly several of us in the comments relate to you and aspects of how you've felt and experienced life. I share your sense of humor, too. Extending so much compassion and love to you, and I wish you nothing but joys, healing, ease and wellness in your life. 💜💜💜
Then he described being hyperviligent of others 😂
I really appreciated his vulnerability. I also think BPD in men is underrepresented, so I think he's going to help a lot of people! Amazing interview. 👏
Agreed.
Not only underrepresented.
But also highly neglected, almost despised.
Since it is a trauma related disorder, and since men are not allowed to be victims, only perpetrators: a traumatized man( if not a " glorious veteran"), is not believed, taken seriously, and is let alone, cause he disrupts the narrative.
It is infuriating.
Especially if the abuser(s) is/are a woman.
Society really have to adress this bias! And hold women predators accountable too: they have way too much access to vulnerable people( from children to the elderly, caregivers are 99%women).
Thank you so much Jake for being vulnerable and open about your story. I know it's not easy. You greatly helped me today and I feel I could be a carbon copy of you.
Love this. Thanks for the supportive comment. -P
Love Dr Lois Choi-kain. I can tell she is one highly skilled therapist. ❤
She really is. I don’t have BPD, but I watch this series to try to understand how to communicate in a way that is more inclusive for people who do.
Her gentle, supportive honesty is such a helpful model.
I don't normally comment on here, but yours made me smile. What a kind person you are for even thinking of doing that. I am a 24 year old (he/him) from TN diagnosed with BPD. People like you make me hopeful. Thank you.@@estellesstories7467
Probably highly expensive too.
She is amazing. The presence, the attention, the reflexive listening. I'm in awe.
When he said "I'm just trying to go to work and not have a panic attack " man biggest mood.
I've known Jake for years. Since he was still in school and he's dealt with a lot in life. To see him still here and thriving is amazing.
Hi Corey! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
@@JacobLasher Hello 👋 ☺️
I wish someone with her education and experience with bpd would walk with me through these questions so I can better understand myself. I resonate with him and his feelings day to day to a degree.
Read the classic book. “I hate you don’t leave me “. It’s a top book for BPD and people who love and deal with those with BPD or even emotional dysregulation which some people have that exhibits a lot like like BPD
Also
Marsha linehans books are good ( she’s the therapist that developed DBT for BPD and emotional dysregulation, and over the last years as it turns out suffers with BPD features herself )
Also good videos like this always help-full
Important thing with BPD, and emotional dysregulation is those with it have a harder time reviewing, and learning lessons from what has happened before and how to approach things differently.
There’s a Blindspot here for those people, but there is hope as long as
When is willing to keep track of what happened before and what you are going to try next
You found this video
So keep going
Good Luck
I also wish everyone had access to this level of care.. sadly the world isn't there yet; that's one of the main reasons we are making these vids. Thank you so much for being here, and for commenting. -P
Check out the j. Young schema questionnaire and find out which schemas you have, it's incredibly helpful to point you in the direction of what to work on (hopefully with support!) until you can get assessed. Everyone has some, even people with no DSM dx possible, it's a list of ideas about ourselves and the world that are unhelpful to us. There are some that almost 100% of people with some dx have, but plenty typical people have those same ones. I think "I am defective" schema is really common in low self esteem but then like 100% for BPD. But you probably know already if you have that one, some of the ones on the list blew my mind.. because it was almost like "duh... But that's just how it is!? Isn't it!?" And seeing them on the list and realizing *that's not just how it is* was huge
He’s my absolute favorite client interview SO FAR!!! 100% relate to how he navigates relationship to self and others and I get his self deprecating humor….he’s awesome ❤
My heart breaks for Jacob as I watch this video. I’m a somewhat recovered BPD in my 60s, but I have experienced so much self-loathing in my life. I hated myself for years and could never figure out why I kept screwing up despite having the ability to be successful. I worry that this young man is in danger, and I hope he can get help. ❤
Thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️ I’m doing my best. Your kind words mean a lot. I hope you’re doing well oxoxo
@@JacobLasher You’re very welcome, Jacob. I wish you all the best, and please know that recovery is possible. Take care of yourself. ❤️🩹
@@JacobLasher Hi, Jacob! I think you can make it and build a better life for you!
@@JacobLasher you’re a good man. Time to hand back the pain that was never yours, to begin with, and be the wonderful person you are. The humility it took to share as you have shows me how very brave you are and knowing this will help countless others shows you are able to face the darkness and help others be courageous too.
I don’t expect anything from you in return other than, I hope you will imagine that I have children your age and always want them to feel safe and loved. I wasn’t a perfect Mum, but I was good enough. I’m still healing from the wounds of my Mum and abusive relationships but I truely hope from the depths of my soul my children don’t suffer too much. I still have therapy too. As we grow and follow our purposes a light shines for others to see too. May your strength in breaking generational patterns help shift other areas in your life, for the better too. God bless you brave heart.
You are a lovely person❤
These videos break my heart at the abuse and pain these people went through as children, and the struggle they go though in life, I have C.P.T.S.D and I'm finally at the happiest point in my life at 63. I can understand when Jake says, "he wasn't present", I think that's how we're able to get through life. There are so many predators out there who can just look at us and know we're vulnerable than they do more damage.
a bad situation happened to me, and it took me a year to get over that. This short period i finally understood a dear friend that lives in this drama everyday as BPD. i finally understood what means to live in a constant cronic ptsd. i think. During that period i was constantly anxious for everything, being insicure, taking things personally, feeling ashame even for not washing dishes or being too fat. It's like everything was a reflection of myself, everything was defining me. It took me a while to separate from the world outside me, separate emotions from actions, and finally see dishes as just dirty dishes, not me being slappy, or a friend just being annoyed on me, not me being unbareble. Not funny at all. It's overwhelming and you don't feel in control.
I'm so happy to call you a friend, Jacob. And I'm so proud of you. Vulnerability is the most beautiful thing and your ability to speak so eloquently and honestly about your experiences inspires me on a deep deep level. I love theeee!
What a kind and genuine chap! This channel is doing so much to show the world the human side of BPD. Especially useful for us who want to understand it better. Thank you!!
I am so glad to see Dr. Lois again, thanks for this video and Jake for your vulnerability, I suspect it will help a lot of people.
A take home point aboit BPD in this case is the instability of relationships w others and themselves ( job, identity ) Bec they are constantly trying to fill a hole to make up for a feeling of emptiness and anxiety and a willingness to give up or even ruin good things for the next excitement or epiphany that will fill that hole …. It’s important in that if you notice you will do this amd then regret what you lose or turn away from or ruin you have had made an important step into insight that THIS KEEPS HAPPENING ! Once you see it and you decide you want some ting that lasts for yourself you are ready to start
Yes, awareness is always the first step. It's hard to see the pattern without having lived a bit of life, so sometimes the realization comes late, and then it can be hard to have a positive attitude going forward. Stay strong through it! Wishing lots of positive change to people. And thanks for the comment-- -P
Watching these videos has inspired so much compassion inside for both the person you’re interviewing/treating and therefore myself.
this is the best interview on BPD ive seen on the internet do far. i feel seen
Thank you for writing this; makes us feel great. -P
Oh Jacob is such a sweetheart ! ❤ Everything he described makes sense....just your brain using an old pattern to protect itself, but it will catch up ! It really takes time. Keep on loving yourself, you are worth it.
As someone diagnosed with cptsd and bpd he should definitely be screened for the former option
Jacob's ability to express his trauma is amazing. It made me feel his pain. I really hope he gets the help he needs x 😢❤
It's just so... expressive do see someone very similar to me, talking about a pain very similar too, and with a open heart. Thank you so much for this interview.
"stop thinking about the past" "most of the time I'm not thinking about the past I'm just trying to go to work without having a panic attack"... man, my heart felt this. I just discovered this TH-cam channel and these interviews are bringing me so much peace and understanding. I've never not felt alone. Thanks for your vulnerability.
Jacob have you been assessed for ptsd or cptsd? The vigilance, the fearful expectations sound so hard. Then seeing yourself as bad, unworthy. Thinking to self punish preemptively. This is so relatable.
Yes I have been told I have CPTSD. Thank you so much. I am grateful for your kind words
@@JacobLasher I wish you well in life, love, and healing. Stay cool. Pretty certain I have CPTSD too. I like this saying by Jerry Wise, for when I get nervous, "Calmness is everything" .
@@JacobLasher thank you for your candid interview. I have a similar background and similar struggles. I hear you. I hear me in you. I'm glad your healing. Keep up the good fight. You deserve to love yourself, your whole beautiful self.
Thank you so much, the struggles with the social paranoia for lack of a better word...work persona...what drinking did for you...intuition..thanks, made me feel better to hear it. It's why I love this channel stuff like that
Thank you Jake for sharing your story! And thank you Borderliner Notes for your great content!!
Thanks for being here!
Thank you for watching!!!
WOW, kudos to Jake for stepping up to help spread the light for others to find.
Everyone who agreed to do these is extremely courageous for sharing and being vulnerable. Especially with BPD, I can imagine how difficult this must be.
This person was groomed by the older partner when he was very young. I'm so so sorry that happened to him because no one deserves that.
It’s true I was groomed by my ex and didn’t realize it until a couple years ago. It’s wild how time goes by and you learn. Thanks for this comment. Sending love your way oxox
I find this very moving.
I see aspects of myself in Jake.
Best wishes to you Sir.
We love you, Jake. Keep your head up. So far, you and Charlotte are my favs. I can relate so much to the paranoia of someone coming to get me. Thank you so much for sharing your story, this channel is helping me so much. I'm even looking for a TFP therapist.
Also, I don't know who it is, but whoever created this channel I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Thanks for your positivity and for your comments -- it means a lot to hear the channel is helping you! -P
Jacob, you are such a wonderful person. It breaks my heart you never take credit for what you have achieved and how good-hearted you are. I wish you a very happy and fulfilling life because you completely deserve this!
I can relate far more with this client, thank you for sharing. ❤
I was so excited to see the video up. I feel I get a lot out of watching these. Thanks to all involved. You’re doing good things here!
Three Amazing Resources for anyone struggling with similar issues:
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents - Lindsay C. Gibson
Healing the Shame that Binds You - John Bradshaw
Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving - Pete Walker
Thank you so much for sharing so, honestly. You're helping so many people. I am so grateful, and I completely understand you. This is so relatable. Thank you 🙏🙏
Thanks for watching, and for the supportive response. -P
Thank you for watching. I'm grateful
This interview was so helpful I have seen other ones with Charlie and Regina which were great but the customer service thing really helped me as I never could have any career but I was so drawn to customer service it was the one thing I was so good at. I would make it my mission to please the customer and give them everything they could possibly need it was the only place that I had any self esteem. I wish my current psychologist would ask me these questions 🙄
What an amazing exchange. They are both brilliant. I really admire his capacity for vulnerability and she is so respectful. Excellent.
I wish I could give Jacob a hug.
thanks to Jake, Dr. and BN for making this possible!
thank you Jake for being vulnerable and telling your story. I've only just been diagnosed with BPD. I share a general set of experiences with you and it helps me to see the BPD. since diagnosis I've struggled more than before diagnosis, lots of confusion and grief. I believe and hope that there is a way through for me but it's a matter of finding my way through my own 'version' of BPD. I only wish that it was easier to find the right type of therapy in some sort of timely fashion (structured therapy wait times are over 12 months! Good luck in your own journey Jake!
Jake !you are amazing....keep the power! x
Amen. -P
Wow!!! Thank you so much!!!
@@BorderlinerNotes ❤
@@JacobLasher IF YOU SHARE YOUR NIGHTMARES ....THEY LOOSE POWER OVER YOU X your a star in my eyes...love is all
I can so fully understand and identify with everything he's saying
So much in what Jake said resonates with me. I learned so much about myself from this interview.
That makes me so happy. Thanks for sharing! -P
You have no idea how much that means to me. I'm grateful
Thank you Jake & Dr. Lois
This is a message for Dr. Choi-Kain, this is a key insight. As ironic as this might sound, given one of the criteria for BPD is "Idealization devaluation"., ALL triggers can be linked to devaluation of someone with BPD. invalidation, rejection, denegrate, diminuate, lie, blame, undermining etc, are just different forms and expressions for the same thing, devaluation. I am telling Dr. Choi-Kain this, because unlike other psychologists and psychiatrists, she has been very understanding in relation to people with BPD, and therefore is deserving of this key insight. TRY IT! see with your patients, if all their triggers dont boil down to somehow they felt devalued. It makes sense, since they are already devaluing people...I have BPD just in case anyone wants to say I'm criticizing(devaluing) people with BPD. I'm not criticizing people with BPD, god knows they get enuff criticism. when I say they already devalue people, I'm stating a fact..it's included in the criteria for BPD under idealization/devaluation. Notice, Marsha Linehan had to use "radical acceptance" to avoid devaluing her patients. That is the proof of wht I'm saying. She knew instinctively, because she has BPD. "Know thine enemy and you will be victorious in battle" - Sun Tsu, The Art of War
I love their chemistry 💗💗💗 kudos to the doc and Jake.
I also love the way your channel not only shares experiences of people w borderline but showcases top notch clinicians. We get to see how they think and respond to the person in front of them.
wow. Jacob, you are so likeable and relatable. thanks so much 💟 THIS IS SO GOOD
it`s so true... Thank you guys, thank u Jakob
And thank you for being here with us. -P
Thank YOU!!!!
Thank you! I’m terrible at opening up. It felt like someone was talking to the therapist for me. This is why I dnt get any where with anyone. Then again no one has been as thoughtful at sitting back, listening and asking the rt questions. Thank you again for this, both of you. I’m sharing this with my bf and telling him tht this rt here is what goes on in my head
So, I'm 30 and a man and I'm very new to all of this. I'm not diagnosed, but I've never identified more with anything in my life. I want to go about seeking a potential diagnosis, but I won't lie, I'm scared to death. I don't want my friends or family to judge me or to worry about me. Not to mention the fear that it could be nothing and this is all in my head. I feel stuck.
This is so interesting thank you Jacob for being brave enough to share, its never easy to feel vulnerable. I am so glad that you have found someone that is good for you, I wish you joy, love and happiness. Much love from Australia
Jake comes across as a loving, bright. self-aware person who had an extremely difficult start to life, and who through no fault of his own has developed emotional burns that make it hard to trust.
Jake - my hope for you is that you can see yourself for the fullness of who you are, good parts and all- and feel safe in your world. You are immediately likeable. You are smart. You are perceive and so witty. I imagine knowing you would be quite lovely.
May you know yourself. May you know you’re good. May you trust yourself to learn how to feel safe around people who have a pattern of being trustworthy. And may you find deep, lasting satisfaction in every area of your life.
You have everything it takes. For what it’s worth, this stranger on the internet is cheering for you to succeed.
All the best. Now is YOUR time.
*perceptive, not perceive
And Jake - if you’re reading this - keep at your writing!
It sounds like a passion for you, a real creative outlet.
I imagine you have a way with telling stories that is exactly what many people need.
I think this man is very charismatic. 😊
Fascinating interview. Any possibility of a follow up on anything and everything in the interview but also possible transference and potential countertransference? Thank you for all the amazing content!
What a great guy!
I really value and respect Dr. Choi and at the same time found myself unsettled at the lack of matching with Jake's endearing humor, and wondering if the seriousness is clinically intentional? It reads not as warm to me as other interviews, but maybe I'm misreading. I just want him to be met and held with attunement!
It seems to improve later to be fair, just hard to watch the first stretch like this!
It depends on what the person is laughing at. Often people laugh describing something awful, or attacking themselves, so the therapist stays with the bit in pain instead of the bit laughing
@@therabbithat Sure sure, I just found it a little stone faced during the first stretch where you'd be building trust and rapport through warmth :\
She looks angry .
I wonder if Jacob was pushing people away not to protect them, but because he didn't think they could truly be there for him in the long run -- that they were not capable of holding the problems he was bringing to the table.
Great interview
Wow. what a great video.
Charlotte -I write this to write it. In all honesty, I do hope that you read it.
I don't know you but I feel like I do. We have different stories but the mutual "scars" are understood. I too am a giver, pleaser, excuse maker (for others), humble yet still proud, a desire for intense empathy, bottling things up until I can no longer contain my tongue. Not out of anger but out of intense sadness, etc..
...Trying to make this short...
I'm not sure why your videos hit the feed, but again, I feel like I know you, from "somewhere in time".
People say opposites attract but I'm convinced that, in some cases, especially later in life, some of us need people that are more similar to ourselves.
One thing that seems to carry over from year to year in your videos is the still hidden, somewhat unexplainable, sadness that only similar people can understand.
I write this from my reality. Things are what they are and we're not delusional. That said, please hear me when I say that you are beautiful. I see it and I hear it. I remember back to youth, It rings true.
I hope, for us, and those like us, that we find healthy relationships.
We need to limit how much Input we take from the advice givers , they mean well but only some of them are truly helpful.
I'm not writing these things with "pity" you, but only for myself. 😊
You're so brave, so kind, and so pretty. I sincerely hope that you, we, can find that fulfilling love, the mutually understanding embrace, the warmth and kindness that we all deserve. Peace to you.
I don't have any disorders and have never been to a therapist. But I can relate to some things Jacob says on a smaller level. I just want to say he's a very likable person. I don't like compliments either, but I'm hoping if he reads this he can accept it. 😂
❤️
Thanks Rebbie
and Pascal! - R
Rebbie gives off a cool vibe of a rock star, always! It’s pretty much what I wish I were like. 😊
I'll take that complement.... smile emoticon - R
People tell me I seem very calm sometimes too and I have no idea how I'm exuding any calm but that's sooo delightful to hear. I think part of what they pick up on is the non-judgment, the lack of surprise or judgment when someone says or does something unexpected. That's a type of calm too
Thank you. It is so so so so important to have this trauma informed insight to men and BPD. ( women too. Of course ). But there is no gender divide to trauma.
Omg!! I used to do the same thing as a young teen and write my own “fake” diary. How I wanted my life to be. I had a different name, was pretty, had a family and friends in my diary… I did that more often than writing my own diary. That must be a borderline thing 😮
She is an amazing therapist!
wish I could have a wonderful therapist like Lois.
I just recently got diagnosed with bpd and have a child I'm so scared that she has it but she is only 2 I am trying to be a good parent but I feel I have to almost lock my self away is this normal
wow. what i wouldn’t give for a session with dr choi-kain.
Thank you 🙏
Getting my needs met feels illegal! My mother all previous partners were very unhealthy and guilted me constantly to focus on their needs and ignore my own. I have stopped letting people do that but it's really hard and uncomfortable!
wonderful work
As someone who has BPD, when someone acts as if they like me and is not abusive, I assume it's a trick or it's just a matter of time before they change their mind.
If I sense that I am actually beginning to believe a person likes me and might actually be the type who will stay in my life, it's almost worse than when I doubt them or their ability to maintain an interest in me. I get turned off, I start feeling like I am suffocating and as if I am trapped, and I begin to wonder what must be wrong with a person to like me so much, which then leads me to a sort of devaluing of them that isn't quite the same as when I am devaluing someone because they hurt me. It seems like a much more mild and permanent playing-out of splitting which leads me to feeling empty and bored by the individual, eventually. They will leave once I become this way, and if they don't, I will. It is so difficult to even understand the feelings, because I know, on a logical level that I want someone who is secure and who will stay with me, and I also know on a logical level that this person will struggle to stay with me, eventually, so why I do this is beyond me. I can never leave good enough alone, because I feel empty is all I can say.
I used to prefer being in a relationship with someone who was behaving badly but telling me they weren't. That way I could live in denial and be happy until I didn't want to, or couldn't because I'd come across the evidence they betrayed me, which gave me a free pass to treat them horribly, proceed to blame them for everything I felt that was negative, and play victim. And I could stay in a relationship like that and feel somewhat satisfied when I was younger.. it felt right to me, I knew how to do that very well. But after finding a good man (father of my kids) and ruining that relationship out of boredom/emptiness, I really just prefer to not have relationships, for the second time in my life, and that way no one gets hurt.
I feel beneath all 3 ways I react to how intimate partners treat me lies a very deep, intense self-loathing that I don't believe I can ever overcome, and it makes me feel completely unlovable. When someone reminds me of that, it fuels a rage in me that I once believed was strength when it was exactly the opposite.
Thank you for this. Wishing you well. -P
This is very relatable.
is there group therapy for CBPD in Boston
Felt this... it really sux being raised by hurt people as parents and several cluster B family members. I aim to trust people, but ironically, my bad picker continually picks the wrong people to trust reinforcing our paranoia. It's It's amazing how this phenomenon can be so pervasive in one's life.
I have watched a few of this contents now(borderlinernotes-btw-SUPER INSIGHTFUL),after yesterdays life streem on psych2go with a BPD lady,and I can deffinetly confirm(after being told in the past by my psych she thaught I was BPD ) I now certainly dont feel like my tune inside is of what is being portrait here(by those few people whom bravely enough opened up to the extend they did)....deffo not BPD.Thanks for Your input,knowledge,and putting me straight.Keep up the good fight!
I have the diagnosis. But how do I make it go away?
I am tired of fighting this battle everyday. So... what's the course of action to make it go away?
Dbt therapy. Also I’m going to try ketamine therapy and hopefully in the future mdma therapy. Our condition is trauma based so we need medicine that can create new neuropathways
So much reflects my experience, so much... and I dare say the same for many more. Mind you I see BPD now as a predictable outcome to these types of experiences. I think the way out is emotional and not cognitive and incredibly difficult and sadly unlikely as a gay man.
I would love to share my story too
if you could get some black women on this channel it would be great! we get diagnosed and often misdiagnosed often so it would be amazing to see the black experience
Firstly, thank you for being here. We are SO with you on this and working on it. It is one of our top priorities. We fully understand that representation breeds connection with those who are and feel represented. Thank you for this comment - we value it and are in total agreement and are working on it.
@@BorderlinerNotes thanks!
I got cptsd from being with a covert narc / bpd.
Soul destroying shit man... insidious.
The worst thing, when I was trying therapy, was to have to tell AGAIN the sh*tty story of my life..I've always tried to make it short, concise and kind of funny..
I am VERY AWARE of my traumas and their impacts on my life.
And I have always HATED when the " therapist" was "explaining" to me why I was acting like this:
" you know, what happened in your childhood..blabla.."
I ALREADY KNOW!!!
What are they really paid for??
Aside of having the official right to diagnose and prescribe meds???
I mean a good dbt book and the experiences of other pwbpd are more efficient for me.
Edit: I am very angry, it is not related tp this vid. So sorry.
I know good tjerapists are helpful. And this one asked very good question and made pertinent points.
I understand that whole punishing yourself and the way that I've looked at it but I know it's not right no one else can punish me more than myself I know it hurts me and I know what punishment to give myself in generally my therapist says it's a bit much
At 21mn thats what makes me workaholic and social butterfly but im introverted. I put on an armour most times but its sad when i don't get busy coz i feel like a p.o.s.
I would have liked to hear why he thinks he has BPD. That is, what are the symptoms and behaviors that make him believe this
Do therapist ever get past having you tell your story and relive it over and over and over and over do they ever get to a point that it does something for the individual
18:17 is so me
I don't see any BPD in this young man. I see CPTSD, something I struggle with. Just because his mother had BPD doesn't mean he has it.
Hey there! Jacob here. Let's try to remember mental illness looks different for everyone. I was very nervous when the cameras were turned on and I had never shared much of my truth to anyone before. I hit 9 out of the 9 traits when diagnosing BPD. Was a truly beautiful and scary moment when finally feeling validated after many years of doctors and myself trying to calculate my brain chemistry lol. For many years, I kept getting various diagnoses and continued to search for something else because nothing felt right. Finally, I accepted the idea of BPD because for so many years we suspected my mother to have it, and I didn't want to be associated with anything to do with her and the fear of "becoming like my parents" was terrifying. But I did research about BPD and never felt more seen. It was spot on and there we go. I def plan on talking more about it on my channel and hopefully even more on Borderline Notes! But truthfully, I was pretty nervous and didn't know what to expect when filming. :). Thanks for watching
@@JacobLasher Hey Jacob! I meant no offence. I suppose I was a bit too informed by my own agenda in watching your interview. I will say you have a lot of strength doing this kind of thing. I could never do it. Good for you! Nervous or not, you should know that you come off really well here. Best of luck!
@@Jantonov1 Thank you! And no offense taken! I appreciate your kind words, my friend.
I am not a psychologist but it seems more like DPD than BPD or maybe come kind of overlap between both. I might be mistaken since I am not in the mental health field.
how to fix bpd smoke weed and drink beer
This cracked me the hell up at work 😂
❤
This is so me
Dude, black and white thinking: everyone has good intentions. It can b hard not to think that. It's such a nice thing to think, I'd rather if it was true
Trauma therapy is the only therapy
How would you heal a disorder that is the definition of "normal" in narcissistic society?
I've liked many of your other videos on this channel. However, the way the therapist is interviewing the guy it seems like she is projecting her opinions or theories onto his life. She keeps asking him questions when he seems to want to move on. It doesn't sound like she is really hearing what he is saying, but already has her mind made up. I think the danger this causes with borderlines (myself included) is we struggle to believe our own truths anyway. I could just be triggered by her and maybe she was super enlightening for him. I don't know.
She certainly is steering the conversation, but isn't it part of a therapist's job, to offer counter narratives to the patient's self-talk and trying to come back to points the patient evades talking about?
Regarding the projection of her own opinions / asumptions: Can anyone not do this?
Really just "listening" would be mere voice recording - any attempt to "understand" involves building connections (relate) with the own imagination of the other person's mind.
Even if an assumption doesn't perfectly fit, e.g. if pushing away helpful people isn't (soley) based in a feeling of being unworthy, it's a starting point to ask if it might fit and "track" the reaction. Especially with a patient like Jake, who is actually showing a lot of self awareness (and can apparently assess if an explanation fits him or not), yet struggles to change maladaptive behavioural patterns.
Are there specific points in the interview where you had the impression that Dr. Choi-Kain is sticking to own assumptions about Jake despite him showing evidence that her assumptions would need to be revised?
I personally perceived her as compassionate towards Jake, and I think she did very well in addressing both his toxic relationship experiences and his way of "finding a way to end" what was apparently not a toxic but a quite supportive relationship.
I found this very helpful, seeing both Jake as a lovely and helpful person with very understandable struggles, while also addressing how he endured toxic relationships yet pushed away someone who was loving and kind to him. And trying to find an explanation for this behaviour in Jake's case.
(Helpful because it makes BPD very challenging to other people,
not knowing how to deal with a kind and loving person who seeks being close yet [suddenly] switch to rejective when encountering actual nearness).
I was diagnosed with BPD then a Psychiatrist thought no you have Bipolar 1. Lol! How about it's all bs? How about that? Sorry but as I age I'm gonna have to say no to all of these mental health diagnosis. How about I meet a lot of jerks and gas lighters and am over it? How about that? God forbid I want to stay in my house and do nothing and not have to work for anyone else and basically be an introvert. God forbid I want to be away from gas lighters, codependents, and people who's jokes are awful. lol! I don't want to get to know anyone I just want to not live in this crap world anymore. Think Theodore Finch...."Bone charred cookies" quote from All The Bright Places book and that is exactly how I feel but then I feel as if our brains aren't broken but Idk maybe they actually are from whatever we went through when we were younger. I'm tried of all these mental health diagnosis this guy seems nice don't want to say their is nothing wrong about him he clearly is a writer and artist who's had a bad life and that's it. Simple as that.
Gawd that’s some vocal fry.
Same old same old it's a cluster b personality disorder!!¡ It's not a mental illness best of luck to people who are most likely codependents in these relationships do you need the pain???