I came to this video to look at a different perspective towards the OfflineTV drama, but i did not expect to come out learning how to be a better man and build healthier relationships. Thank you for this video. The part about how women and men are raised to react to things in our society, was definitely an eye opener.
People who think it is so easy to say no, I wonder if you ever have been put into that sort of situation, where you just don't know what's going on and you freeze up. It's a really scary thing.
Don't you think theres some value in learning how to say no though? I know it's not a clear cut idea of when or how to say no, but it seems like if someone is able to properly teach themselves and give themselves guidelines as to how to say no, they won't find themselves in as many painful moments. It's easier said than done, but it genuinely seems like proper implementation of saying no can save people a lot of pain and dilemma
@@robertwelch2843 Of course there's SOME value in learning how to better say no, but you also have to realize even the most rational persons can freeze up in moments like that. It's like wilderness training and then coming up against a bear in the woods, alone. It's not as easy as just learning techniques and situations and empowerment, you feel SO SMALL in the moment, and so many things can go wrong. And in a lot of situations saying no doesn't do a whole lot. You can see in some of Yvonnes previous videos featuring Fed that he plays most of his interactions off as a joke or being playful. So even when he's told no, or to stop, he says "What's the big deal I'm just playing" and continues. This is how a lot of awkward situations occur, because they are friends, and he's already established these 'quirky' boundary pushes and blurred lines, so occasionally pushing a toe past the line can more easily be played off as innocent, until it's not.
@@robertwelch2843 I'm not talking about this situation specifically (since it probably wouldn't come to that), but in many cases you have to say no to complete strangers that you don't know how they would react. I'm not a submissive person and don't really care about the social consequences of saying no, but I'm not sure I can learn to not fear for my life when a stranger man approaches me in an aggressive manner. And seeing how men are usually threatened by the idea of gay guys hitting on them (which is a situation where they can't be sure they are physically strong enough to defend themselves), I don't understand how it's so hard to see a woman's perspective.
@@robertwelch2843 I said no yet still got sexually assaulted. This whole “say no” bullshit is stupid because the majority of the time people just do it anyway. Especially in this situation because to him it was clearly acceptable and not crossing boundaries. NEVER tell a girl she needs to learn how to say no, some girls freeze as a form of protection, some girls blame themselves for their rape because they “didn’t say no” so must’ve “led the guy on”.
Masters in psychology here, and he is hitting the nail perfectly. Especially on the gender role aspect. Yvonne(depending on she was raised) is even more susceptible to "not making scene" because in traditional Asian culture the female has been taught for generations to be the submissive one. Like I said it depends on her upbringing but it is quite obvious she was raised with some of these aspects with how submissive she is to the males of the house. On the flip side FED is extremely insecure. That has been known by any who watches them, this just shows how his insecurities pushed him to try and act. This whole joke of "Fed can't get a gf" really fuels that insecurity and pushed him to do something that shouldn't be done. People are so fast to judge yvonnne but fail to realize the centuries social norm/standards have made it almost impossible to "just say no"
On a related note (same scene in the video), when he said that girls are taught not be emotional: I'm raised in a (slightly ) different culture, German, but here everything is basically catered towards girls being emotional. "Don't upset a girl" "Girls are always right" Especially the part of "Girls are emotional and see things in a different light" confused me so much, because I'm also a very emotional person. So when I have a problem with something a girl does it goes (usually, not generalizing) "you don't get, you're a guy" and they get mad and angry about miniscule things. Why do they think that just because I'm a guy that I DON'T get mad about little things? I do. But I second guess WHY I feel that way and try to express it without getting angry in a way that I think is constructive and not destructive. Why is it okay when girls sabotage perfectly healthy relationships because of a misunderstanding and not second guessing theirselves? So what I'm saying here is that in Germany it is basically the opposite problem of girls not second guessing themselves enough
i never thought about this! But you're so right. I grew up in a latin American culture and the women are typically meant to be quiet and if something happens to them (like rape or harassment) it's their fault for "letting it happen." its more old school and times are changing, but its still definitely around. another thing is that the fight or flight reaction kicks in sometimes. in my personal experience, I've always frozen when all of the sudden a situation takes a turn for the worse or just starts to make me uncomfortable. I've always gotten angry at myself afterward bc of it, and in some of those situations that anger for not reacting or removing myself before it turned bad was what stopped me from going to other people for help after the fact.
@@HeresorLegacy This just sounds like a toxic relatinship dynamic. Whether people complain about minuscule things is entirely unrelated to sex, it just arises from some mental deficiancy or an unhealthy dynamic. I don't think it makes sense to view this from a point of gender-analysis, everyone gets emotional and can complain about little things. This guy was talking about bigger issues like harrassment and sexual misconduct, which ARE hugely influenced by gender. Of course, when a girl says "you don't get it, ur a guy", this is at best misguided and at worst toxic. But i'm austrian, and i have never heard a girl say that, so probably this is a problem that pertains to your close socual circle rather than our culture at large.
Yes that is such a great explanation another example is I was raised around (not in) Mormon culture and women are seen as homemakers and mothers not workers or anything like that so they see themselves in that old stereotypes and see everything as find a husband then please him and they are raised not to displease someone. One of my friends was very cautious in our own neighborhood going for a run and I asked why she said we could be in danger and I said something like I have things to defend ourselves so as long as we are careful we'll be fine but she saw it as we would injure that person and that was a almost more important that our safety. As someone who saw this from a outside perspective I was worried and perplexed but I talked to another girl raised Mormon about something similar and they reacted the same (disclaimer I only asked 2-4 people this and one had answered differently so it does depend on parents and maybe it isnt necessary Mormon and more w diffent environmental factor) also another thing that affects me this way is how some men use pmsing as an excuse to belittle a woman's feeling no matter what they are I'm on mobile so I didn't punctuate, spell, or use Grammer to the extent of my abilities, apologies.
Yeah they were really mean to him. I'm not trying to defend him though. What he did was bad, but the things they said to him before all of this must have fed (not a pun) his insecurities in some way. I had a friend at a previous job, where people always called him fat. They did it right to his face. I know he pretended to not get hurt but I also know it did hurt him. People can be really mean sometimes.
Again. Anthony SEES. He sees things from womens perspective. And understands. My mind is blown. I love this guy, men and women needs to see all his vids. Thank you
@@Proger-sj8cj fucking yes, sometimes I feel like humans forget that other people have thoughts and feelings. Sometimes you need to change your perspective and understand multiple points of view. And it's also surprising to see so many relationships that have to deal with a couple that just.... None of them seem to really understand, you must understand the other to.
Matheus Wendt Yeah. I relistened to “The Dark Side of Streaming” today and at 16:40 Yvonne started talking about how she felt like there were things streamers wished they could share but they just couldn’t. Don’t know if it was about this, but I think it was.
another thing that really ate at me was the whole Fed/ Yvonne "banter" thing. There were a few instances on lily's stream where you could hear them shouting at each other in the background ending with yvonne slamming the door on him. Felt weird at the time even before we knew
Especially when he has an established pattern of ignoring her "no." When the situation is so clearly boundary-stomping and inappropriate, "don't do that" feels like a hilariously meaningless thing to say. You know that you both already know he's way over the line. He doesn't need to be told - he knows, and he's doing it anyway. Imagine someone pulling down their pants in the middle of a party and taking a shit on your couch in front of everyone. Would *anyone* respond to that story with, "Well, did you tell him not to do that? It's kind of your fault if you didn't?"
As a woman, I really do think, so many men need to watch your videos. I met a lot of men, who thinks like the "red pill community"- men and it's disgusted. Nice guys are the worst for me, they don't even realise how toxic their behaviour can be. You explains it so well, thank you very much for your videos. I hope more men will see them and change their thinking about this.
A red pill man would never go after girls in the house he lives. It’s called “shitting where you eat”. We would be going for girls outside the house. Stop trying to push fed-creep on us now. He’s a “male feminist nice guy”, thing is this is what a male feminist really thinks
the women not being able to say "no" is something real, and it hurts so much, I hate how people could just say " just say no" like...... its a horrible thing to say, and its hard to heal from that
I’m not going to lie this is causing some very serious self reflection on my part on the type of behavior I have inhibited in my life and the relationships I’ve been in thank you for helping me root out what drives my behavior first step to fixing a problem is acknowledging there is one
There's also the fear that when you say no to a guy that he will not listen and instead escalate his behaviour. I see men thinking that the sexual assault is the worst case scenario when women are often thinking of how to get out of it without getting killed or seriously injured. Of course sexual assault also happens to men and women can be perpetrators but I see a lot of 'If you said no this bad thing wouldn't have happened to you're going around.
I am very thankful to how you understand women's conditioning in our society. You are sort of my example of what I would look for in a man. Because, even though I have a lot of great men around me, they don't have the same understanding as you do.
Omg yes I’ve thought this. I’ve been watching them both the last couple weeks , I don’t know anything about this gaming community I just like their takes lol I recommenced my mom drk last night cause she’s going to start therapy soon!
Last time I screamed "no! dont touch me. You've gone too far" the drunk man didn't listen. It only took another stranger to stand between me and the drunk so I can leave.
I am mind blown. You just brought to my attention my actions and how I deal with situations as a female. I do just hope things will be over soon. If something makes me uncomfortable, I don't make my emotions known, and apologize for those emotions. Thank you for making this video! It's truly opened my eyes
This guy has single handedly, not only educated me on the oppression that female face, but he has also taught me things that apply to day to day life that genuinely I feel like makes me a better person. I've learned that the need for power over other people is because of my lack in self confidence, and many other things. I honestly would want to thank this man from the bottom of my heart cause I'm 14 and I recently had a breakdown because of a phase of confusion that I was in and this really helped me understand multiple things that I didn't understand before.
Thank you for speaking about the fact that women are raised to please people, specifically men and how they're told to not cause a scene. All of this is so true and it makes a woman feel so alone and unsafe. This video is so informative and really important. You really did a great job with this.
Man. Rarely I would be inclined to listen to someone's raw reaction to a situation for more than 20 mins. Thanks for this man. Not only am I happy that you'd be giving clarity to a content creator/personality that I care about but I'm also learning about people to help and convey to my own friends.
Woah. I just found out about Anthony a few days ago and I gotta say. Wow, hes an incredible life coach. Being able to talk in such a relaxing and understanding tone, being able to understand how others feel and their perspectives. It's honestly amazing. Much respect, I wanna the taking the things he says to heart to better me and those around me
Another reason we don't just say "no"... that uncomfortable feeling is there to tell you "something is wrong" "you're in a bad situation" if you're already picking up that energy from someone, do you really think telling them "no" would even have an impact?
No, it's more like saying "well, why didn't you try to get out of the way of that car, since you saw it coming towards you?" I get that some people just freeze up in a situation like that, but don't try to justify it with these stupid fucking excuses.
@@TheRedHaze3 I mean, saying no isn't just gonna solve the problem and can even make it worse for the person if taken in the wrong context, with the way fed was manipulating, it could've just gotten even worse for her because now he had some proof he could twist around. Saying no can actually be difficult and hard, not just from freezing up.
@@titaniafae4114 Saying no *can* solve the problem. At least, the immediate problem. Especially with a person like Fed, who doesn't seem like the kind of person to escalate something into direct conflict. He seems to prefer subtler methods. Hence the whole pushing boundaries thing, and manipulating narratives. Also, Fed was always manipulating. How can "he'll just manipulate things" be a valid reason for not saying no? In what world would things not get worse if she kept quiet? This whole thing *reeks* of running away from your problems. Putting them off because you don't want to deal with them, even though you're just letting them fester and get worse. That said, there's more you can do than just say no, if they won't take no for an answer. Like physically fight back. Like scream for help. Do you really think Fed would have *any* way of manipulating the situation when everyone comes running to find them in her bed, late at night, with her screaming and fighting him? There is absolutely *no way* he could turn that around. I sympathise with not knowing what to do or freezing up or feeling like things will just get worse if you do anything. That's exactly the kind of person I am and exactly the kind of response I've had in bad situations (physical abuse from a family member). The problem is, wallowing in self-pity, or thinking those responses are "correct" or something is just wrong. It's not helpful. It's not going to allow you to get over your trauma and it's not going to get you out of bad situations in the future. Please don't make excuses. You aren't helping anyone.
@@hannahpan4816 "female" has been frequently used by redpill, incel, "nice guys" people to dehumanize women or even look at them objectively/physically. It gives me, and many other women a big yikes. If people wanna use female/women interchangeablely go off, but its gives off the same vibes as transexual/transgender. Different connotations yah know, using female will give a different reaction than using women.
Honestly I cried the whole way during the video. I went through a painful breakup and after that my ex tried to help me cope with my mental problems. Seeing this video I can spot similarities between me and Fed and I find it really hard to deal with (how could I be a bad person?). I find happiness in knowing the ex moved on and could cope with my behavior by just moving on. admitting what I'v done and who I've been and what I've done is hard but I believe it leads to good things so thanks for the vid!
I find it interesting how he was possessive over imane and tried making moves on Yvonne... and furthermore there is also the lily situation. All at the same time.
zainab *Moe said that we only know 10-20% of it which is scary to know what else he has done* Fed fanboys think they know Fed more than his closest friends
After Lily do Yassuo/Moe's response to it. Its a good perspective of someone outside of OTV who is friends with all them but especially Fed. Also make sure you find the full thing, the ones on TH-cam sometimes have some information cut out.
I’m glad you posted this, I had to learn about this the hard way with someone I really liked. Afterwards I apologized and stated that I wouldn’t be in a relationship till I was more mature as I felt that my immature actions fractured our relationship. I believe through that experience I learned to be a better man and am finally in a better mindset and place for having relationships. I believe that high school and early college is when men or teenage boys need to learn about the points you made, thank for sharing all the amazing advice you do!
I'm not aware about your channel before, but I must say, as a woman, you hit the nail head on about what women think/feel. My mind was blown listening to this. Then I see that you're a dating coach LOL. Well, at least you will impart good advice to those seeking out help in dating world.
This was refreshing and cathartic. I think that this is the first time in my life I have EVER heard a man *understand* that saying NO or reversing consent is *not* easy. This made me cry with happiness, relief and sadness; that someone understands but that it’s taken so long for me to see a man who understands. And explains why this is how it is. I say this from the bottom of my heart, Thank you, sincerely, I thank you.
i wanna say the worst experience i had with a guy was when i was actually trying to be nice to him because i could tell he was trying hard to get a girlfriend. I didn't want to immediately reject him or anything so I just kept talking to him and tried to be as polite as possible. I think i accidentally came off as being flirty though because when he asked me out I said that I'm sorry and I wasn't interested and he flipped out and got aggressive towards me. I understand being hurt that the person you like doesn't like you back but you have to just do the adult thing and walk away. the person doesn't deserve to be attacked. I encourage guys like this to really build their self esteem, make really good friends, and just spend time mediating and maybe working on your hobbies and your career. you can't just make women the end all be all of your worth as a human.
Trying to see humor in this, we made the same face reacting to the same part. Honestly, I feel sad for Fed in a way because he's gone this far without getting help. This kind of behavior manifests over many years of unhealthy thinking. The "Just say no" thing, yes you should be firm if you feel something is off, but that's hindsight. In the moment it sounds like Fed always positioned himself in scenarios where he minimizes the "simple yes/no" function of social dynamics. Which is incriminating in itself, because he KNOWS what he's doing to a certain level. Kind of like a "If I do this directly, it'll be a problem, but if I just ease this it'll probably be tolerated". He's aware of boundaries and is trying to bypass them. That's abusive manipulation and that does raise the warning flag for potentially further abuse.
I mean, I was taught that, as a woman, you must please others. For instance, if I were to be with someone on a plane and the oxygen masks came down, I would be a horrible person if I didn't help the ones beside me with their masks before I put mine on. I was taught that by society. Kind of like how it's my fault if teachers or male students are distracted if I wear a tank top during a hot day in class, therefore I am not allowed to. My female friend in 11th grade was invited to a party, and she invited me. A guy I had a crush on was hosting the event. When we got to the apartment, all the beds were out. There was no food in the fridge or cupboards. The toilet didn't work. There was only alcohol and drugs. A 40 year old man greeted us at the door, with the 16 year old guy I had a crush on. My friend and I said we had to pee, went to the bathroom, and we decided that if we left too early they might force us to stay. A 30 year old man was the only other person there. 2 adults, 3 guys, two underaged high school girls. I refused to parttake in alcohol or drug use to the best of my ability, until the 40 year old man opened a bottle of beer and stuck it in my hands. It was already hard for me to say no, because when I say no, as a woman, no one takes me seriously. "Are you sure?" "Come on, lighten up!" "Just go with the flow." I was able to get myself out an hour later, saying my mom worked with the government and she'd be looking for me with her squad if I didn't get home in 30 mins. I grabbed my friend and the 40 year old stopped me. He told me I could go but she had to stay. She had been drinking, because as a woman, you can't simply say no. If you say no, you open the door for being forced to do something. The fear in both of our eyes showed. The man saw it, he didn't care and he grabbed her wrist. I said she was spending the night at my house, and because she was my mother's responsibility the same thing would happen. He relunctantly let her go. I told my mom what happened nonchalantly, we share almost everything with each other so I didn't see much difference between sharing that and sharing other school drama I went thru. The following monday, I went to school and got called into the counselor's office. I found out it was supposed to be a prostitution set up. Cops were handling it, and they needed me to make a statement. All of my school friends hated me at that point. I was a rat for breaking down a party. No one wanted to be associated with me anymore. Saying no to drinking and doing drugs and getting raped and becoming a prostitute and saving my friend from the same thing cost me my social life. The worst part? This happens more often than any man thinks. Saying no costs you your social life, your credibility, the trust others have in you, if you are a woman. I tried to say no when I was raped when I was 19. You know what he said? It'll be fine, stop worrying. Once he was done, he looked at me and said I guess this means we're dating. I didn't say anything. I didn't smile. He left. He came back every night. I became his girlfriend for 2 months. He broke up with me. Simply saying no and being assertive has never worked. Not in any situation I've been in. I've had to overthink things, find loop holes, and make the others more uncomfortable than they make me to be able to get out of nasty situations. No one takes no seriously unless a man is saying it.
@@Beanasaurus thanks for sharing your stories, it must be hard, I believe we have a lot to work on as a society, we aren't taught how to respect others or have boundaries which should be very important for all humans and these people who do that stuff are really sick and they need help.
I’m sorry, I haven’t been commenting much on your videos, but your a TRUELY an amazing person. I only found OfflineTV through Michael Reeves about a day before all of this even happened. You do an amazing job at understanding people’s emotions, and going through things in a mature manner. Your very honest, and very nice. Thank you for helping me understand more and more of this situation, and I’m really happy that you have. Cheers friend!
I agree with this being about impressing other men and making oneself seem more important or powerful. I used to be like Fed and it was like a badge of honor to be THE GUY who all these attractive women spent their time with and trusted. If anyone stepped in it was like my territory was being threatened. I’m so glad I took some time to fix those traits I used to rely on.
Mathias Jossen No man, I honestly think Toxic masculinity is a real thing but it’s more like a lack of real masculinity, it’s posing and trying to have “game” and be confident when ur just an insecure creep, earning women’s trust but to only take advantage of them. I don’t see how femininity has any part in this.
Hey! Another TH-camr I watch, Dominic Noble, forced himself through reading a pickup-artist book and it was really, really funny. Here's the link to the first video if you'd like to watch it! th-cam.com/video/J9dI6CoNSrc/w-d-xo.html
I feel like anyone who says "you could have just said no" has never been in a situation like that. When it happens its so sudden that your brain and your body just freeze in shock. Your brain is trying to figure out what the hell is happening and your body wont respond to your brain screaming "GET IT OFF. GET IT AWAY. STOP." I cant explain it but when it happens you can physically feel your body and muscles repulse away from the touch. It feels disgusting. Your brain is screaming bloody murder and to get away from that disgusting feeling but your body is so in shock you can't respond. "caught like a deer in headlights" and "scared stiff" is a REAL thing. Trust me, in the moment you are powerless to do anything. POWERLESS!
@Mathias Jossen this is off-topic. men face that as well. your argument has a lot of fallacies and faults. blaming someone for something they can't help isn't good. it's like I'm explaining something to a toddler.
what i love about your videos is that some people (mostly men) have spoken up about their past mindsets about relationships and women because of you. as a girl it makes me feel safer to know that there are people changing the way men think about us and the way they would treat us
thank you man. hearing these girls stories really touched me since I can relate to that violation and manipulation from what you considered a friend. and hearing a man talk about their experiences with such respect is truly making me feel so much better about my own experiences. I'm really grateful for this series, and that I found your channel. thanks again Anthony.
Great video! Can't wait for the other half of the series There is so many pov's of this drama and fed experiences. One that completely changed my mind was the one from his ex bestfriend.
I really love hearing your thoughts on a lot of these relationships. I haven’t looked through all your older videos so you might have done this already, but if you haven’t already, I’d love to hear your thoughts on the a game called Super Seducer, it’s a scenario-based dating game where a pickup artist tries to “teach” players how to pick up women. It’s got some comedy to it but the guy tries to teach these - in my opinion at least - fairly toxic and manipulative ways of meeting and “seducing” women.
That's the second time the phrase "just a fed thing to do" popped up. Pokimane used that exact phrase word for word in her video when she talked about how Fed would just go into people's rooms without knocking. First going into their rooms and now sleeping in their beds...
I think it would be helpful to give tips on how to have practical improvements to your own or a man's character in general, not just explaining the behavior, I think explaining the behavior is great, but a better way to build relationships would progress the value of the videos even more to me. As a man who struggles with building deeper/more mutually valuable fulfilling relationships with women, I would like to learn how to do this without tricking, or hurting another person.
10:10 ok so this whole "just say no" thing has been going around my head for quite some time, im a man and i've been assaulted by another man (not gonna tell the whole story unless its requested) and while i've seen so many people, even professionals make the argument of being in a "catatonic" state, like, i get it, i was there too, but atleast after a few seconds i was able to push back, i can't say i dont understand just being in a permanent catatonic state but i also can't say that not an irresponsible thing to do, even if when involuntary, BUT, here is the but, I personally do find the explanations you've (Anthony Recenello) given make alot of sense and are probably atleast one of the causes, maybe a combination of everything i've said before, but i do commend you having this reasonable explanation, i'm not sure if that finishes scratching my itch about this, if you'd like to know what my issue in understanding this is (whoever reading) im more than glad to have a conversation about it, but it has to do with a "duty to retreat" this is obviously aside from everything else fed has done including the full ivvone confession where she explains he did this multiple times even after she had expressed her uncomfortableness
I have been in a similar situation where I got bullied, I agree with you, I understand the women's perspective but I also understand that mental health issues could cause you to do really shitty stuff even if you don't want or mean to, I hope we can communicate and understand each other and help both sides with what's needed
Honestly, it is so helpful to see the dynamic between couples. Social needs are incredibly important, and, from an early age (maybe adolescence) we should be learning about healthy relationship dynamics. There should be a class for healthy relationships taught at school ✨✨😅
Stayed tune for this video and my good sir u earned a sub. I believe it is important for everyone to understand these situations and u are here to help clarify and unify our thoughts. Much respect
The first part of the URLs are twitch.tv/videos/. Yassuo - former Fed best friend, feels betrayed, Fadressing fed begins at 00:minute and goes for under an hour. url = 666159333 Lilypichu - Yvonne and Lilypichu put out written statements on twitter regarding Fed and Lilypichu specifically about her former manager. There's a lot of drama as Lily felt she had to retract her statements regarding Chris Chan. Chris apologized for violating Lilypichu's trust and felt blindsided when these accusations came out years later. It would be an interesting angle to see how to move on and repair relationships after violation of space and trust. Entire vid: 666420681 Angelskimi - A member of Just Friends, the sister streamer house to OfflineTV, disbanded multiple times while OfflineTV stayed together, recounts history and sexual assaults by Fed: 666620861 Fuslie - Head of Just Friends house, has stories of amnipulation by Fed, /665439116 Written statements by Yvonne, Lily, Fed, Chris Chan: url starts with reddit(dot)com/r/Destiny/comments/hh7nxy/fedmeyster_removed_from_offlinetv/ Timeline: Yvonne goes on Dr. K, tells story of assault without names, Yvonne later releases twitlonger with story along with Lilypichu, then Fed and Chis Chan reply, then Yvonne and Lily come out with twitch videos followed by Pokiemane, then Yassuo and Angelskimi plus numerous other members of the stream community, followed by CNN coverage of situation.
Maybe you can make a video telling women HOW to speak up to men, say no, deal with men who ignore micro expressions, and so on...or even how to in a good way decline a man, and of he persist; how to deal. Generally maybe even in friendsships, how to take up space, dissagree. We need it. I need it.
Putting on the side how evil and terrible this was, holy hell how much tought and planning went into this, like, oh my, slowly and carefuly taking chances, having a response, creating a power dynamic... Those things are not casually created in this situations
When I hear Yvonne, lily and poki's stories I remember the first time someone was ever interested in me. It wasn't on the same level. I was 17 and started hanging out with a guy. At one point we were sitting on the couch and he decided to lay his head on my chest. This made me super uncomfortable and I didn't say anything but tried to naturally push the situation towards something else with little give. My heart was pounding out of anxiety and he even commented on it. In this situation I don't blame either of us. It was just an uncomfortable situation and I'm sure he just misunderstood and thought I was nervous because I liked him. It still wasn't an okay situation for me to go through though and now I'm more comfortable assuring when I'm uncomfortable and pushing people to ask before they touch me and asked before I touch others aswell. I hope others learn to be more careful with making sure people are comfortable with what they're doing before they do it aswell because it shouldn't always be put on the recipient to say they don't want something.
I don't know anything about this particular situation, but I wanted to sincerely thank you for raising awareness on this kind of issue!! It is so important :)
I was in a relationship with this type of person before and I never knew how to explain why it was toxic, why it felt wrong sometimes, and a big part of that past I felt I was the one in the wrong, maybe I was the bad person but there was nothing I could do about it, its just who I was and it really made it impossible to explain to him why I wanted to break up, its a pile up of stuff I couldn't really explain, and now as I watch you explain whats wrong with this one person, don't get me wrong, most of this behavior is inconscient sometimes but it's toxic and controlling as well. In any case it helped me know what to call it and give names to the things that actually happened. Thank you Anthony
Really glad you’re out here trying to educate on how to have healthier relationships, & I feel like talking about what makes relationships unhealthy is just as important as talking about the opposite. It takes both people to choose to treat each other with respect, but what about when that doesn’t happen? Boundaries are so important, but I feel like often we as women (& as a society) have never been taught that it’s ok the put parameters in place. My mama always tells me that if I’m genuinely upset by someone, that means my boundaries have been crossed. It’s so helpful even realizing that I have the authority to say “no, sorry, you’ve crossed a boundary & that’s not ok with me.” All that’s to say thanks for doin what you’re doin. I think it’s important.
it's sad how common this power dynamic is and how many men feel the way fed probably did. i'm glad you made this video to explain it so that people can see it more, both in themselves and others.
I'm glad you're reacting to these vids because since you're coming from an outsider perspective, maybe the dudes defending Fed dismissing his behavior will understand why he had to get kicked out of the house
Women tend to overthink. They're uncomfortable. They don't like it. But the mind contemplating of a hundred scenarios from it's probably not a knowing fault to maybe it's me, just sidelines the No. It just gets buried and it's too late until we really wanna say no.
Thanks for your insight in this matter. This gives me a lot of knowledge about the matter. Cause this kind of problem happened to my group of friends too. I was the first person whom my friend(girl) opened up to. The guy friend I have before acted like fed too. I was the first person who the girl (like Yvonne) have seek help to the matter. I was just a teenager that time and the moment I got hold of the abuse that was happening. I acted on emotions and confronted my guy friend. Things badly escalated and people on my friends circle started picking sides. But eventually the matter was settled. I was hoping if you could give insight on this while reacting on DisguisedToast's statement video about the matter with Fed. Because while watching disguised toast video I felt the same way he did as the person that discovered the matter first. As to what Disguisedtoast said "I should have done more". If possible I would love to hear your insights on how should these kinds of issues to be handled by the first person who discovered the issue. Thanks.
th-cam.com/video/d4t-RU6rPd0/w-d-xo.html this was Disguised Toast statement of the matter, who was a good friend of Fed. And was living with them on the otv house.
So, when this all first happened, I did genuinely think that, while Fed was obviously in the wrong, Yvonne really should have said, "no." I'm gay; I've had men sometimes make unwanted advancements, and when that happens I usually say something along the lines of "dude what the fuck are you doing?" Now, though, after having time to reflect on the situation and having started this series, I realize, thanks to you, it really is way more nuanced than that. Fed was a friend they all trusted whole-heartedly, and he took advantage of it by slowly pushing how far he could go. I know everyone involved is an adult, but I can't help thinking it sounds a lot like someone being groomed. Fed very slowly made what should have been inappropriate and uncomfortable something that seemed normal. I very much remember Poki mentioning in a stream a while back that Fed just unzipped his pants near her and started peeing in front of her, using alcohol as an excuse. Fed wasn't just some dude, he was everybody's friend who betrayed their trust until he put them in incredibly difficult and uncomfortable situations, and I feel bad for ever thinking she bore any responsibility as well in any way.
It is so so SO important that the explanation and message about the saying no complex. That what is going here, with the expressing what women have to grow up. It is so so so important that the message of power dynamic is with the female and make gender. Thank you so much!! God bless you for your videos.
You should definitely react to yassuos video. He is also know as moe. Hearing it from a guys perspective and what was even done to him I think will help you understand more
I have been the person that just lets things happen to them. Yes, it's not okay that guys do this and should get shit for it but I think there's a bigger conversation about that. Women shouldn't be raised with this mindset that we have to eventually grow out of. The bigger conversation is about raising women and men to be rounded individuals and not "Men" and "Women". Those titles hold a lot of limitations. I was always bothered by it even as a small child. My mom taught me at a young age that no one should touch me in certain ways and where they shouldn't touch. At the same exact time she would be extremely mad when I would deny someone who is a stranger to me a hug or a kiss(we do la bise where im from). So she was teaching me to have boundaries only as long as they weren't blatantly sexual. That's an issue. I should not have to allow someone to touch me because if i didn't, I was being rude. My brother was always very anti social. She would never ask him to even interact with people.
So at first, I was sus about you because I thought you were like the 'alpha male' youtubers but then here you are proving me wrong. I'm going to watch a few more videos of you but I'm subscribing
I think it's worryingly telling how the first time I've heard something in one of these videos about Fed where I haven't done something like it was the blatant emotional manipulation of "Oh I'm a horrible person" guilt tripping thing. The worst part is that I _could_ see myself doing something similar to that, though not that obvious. I'm just glad I got here before I reached that point.
Hmm when he talked about men feeling worthless around women, about how men think women are not attracted to them, Sykkuno come into mind. Hope he’s not Fedmyster 2.0
There's one thing I think about when I watch these videos, and that's Fed saying, "I'm a confident guy," when he was responding to being called ugly on the Austin Show. I'm no expert, but I don't think confidence is a quality that you have to convince people of.
I had a similar issue with a guy. He’s by NO MEANS as bad as Fed, blatantly talking crap about me to other people. I know he wouldn’t do that. But he guilted me a lot into staying in a relationship/try to make the relationship work. He also made me look bad in front of my friends, but probably not intentionally. It’s just the way he was pushing me to the limit made me lash out in a really ugly way, and my best friends had to see a really ugly side of me that I’m not usually (or ever) like. I felt really isolated during the situation, and it was tough for me because I thought he was the only person who would ever like me or the only person I would have that connection with, and I wanted to be comforted by him because he was initially one of my best friends and during the situation he didn’t judge me for lashing out like my other best friends did, but paradoxically he was the person I was breaking up with he so I couldn’t do that. Overall, I just felt like he was the only person I could be with, who wouldn’t judge me, and who understood me, but in reality it’s just because of how he reacted to my reaction to him pushing me to the limit. First his actions and words caused me to lash out (he probably didn’t mean to push me to my limits) but then he reacted kindly to me even though I was rude. It ended up making him the victim and me the bad person, and I had to deal with excruciating guilt about hurting him and breaking up with him, and I almost did give in and say “maybe I should just go along with it.” Because it was so hard to say “no” to him. Every time I tried it just became a really messy situation because he would look pitiable and I would look like a witch. He’s such a great person, and I really did feel horrible for breaking up with him, but at the moment I didn’t realize I wasn’t obligated to be in a relationship I didn’t want to be in. I didn’t have to force myself. I think I understand better about WHY I went through my situation the way I did now.
I can’t believe people say to victims “just say no!” But as a woman I can’t even say no to someone offering me food! And I get genuinely uncomfortable when someone does but people don’t see those cues. Same goes for sexual assault, people can get so uncomfortable and not say no but the person giving the action should know boundaries. Like people are so heartless when it’s not them in the situation
I think all the points you made were on the dot, but also I think when he does these acts like taking his jeans off, I think he's actively looking for a reaction without considering their level of comfort with what he's doing
fed needs to get the bandaid ripped off and told “Women will not like you if you treat them horribly after you learn that they don’t like you romantically.” i would say it in a harsh manner, i’m in no way qualified to be a therapist or something. it’s just how i would do it.
I came to this video to look at a different perspective towards the OfflineTV drama, but i did not expect to come out learning how to be a better man and build healthier relationships. Thank you for this video. The part about how women and men are raised to react to things in our society, was definitely an eye opener.
Check his part 1 video too. I personally learned from that aswell.
it's nice to know that you learned from this. It important to know how destructive toxic masculinity is
I’m glad I have learned from this too I feel like I have a new perspective on life. I really hope Fed can heal and become a better person also!
It’s so weird to actually hear a man understanding this type of situation from a women’s point of view, and not just talking nonsense they don’t get
Fr!! There are def men who think they get women and they don’t 🙄
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
stfu
@@yalldumbnoobs.16yearsago73 you good buddy?
People who think it is so easy to say no, I wonder if you ever have been put into that sort of situation, where you just don't know what's going on and you freeze up. It's a really scary thing.
Don't you think theres some value in learning how to say no though? I know it's not a clear cut idea of when or how to say no, but it seems like if someone is able to properly teach themselves and give themselves guidelines as to how to say no, they won't find themselves in as many painful moments. It's easier said than done, but it genuinely seems like proper implementation of saying no can save people a lot of pain and dilemma
@@robertwelch2843 Of course there's SOME value in learning how to better say no, but you also have to realize even the most rational persons can freeze up in moments like that. It's like wilderness training and then coming up against a bear in the woods, alone. It's not as easy as just learning techniques and situations and empowerment, you feel SO SMALL in the moment, and so many things can go wrong. And in a lot of situations saying no doesn't do a whole lot. You can see in some of Yvonnes previous videos featuring Fed that he plays most of his interactions off as a joke or being playful. So even when he's told no, or to stop, he says "What's the big deal I'm just playing" and continues. This is how a lot of awkward situations occur, because they are friends, and he's already established these 'quirky' boundary pushes and blurred lines, so occasionally pushing a toe past the line can more easily be played off as innocent, until it's not.
@@robertwelch2843 I'm not talking about this situation specifically (since it probably wouldn't come to that), but in many cases you have to say no to complete strangers that you don't know how they would react. I'm not a submissive person and don't really care about the social consequences of saying no, but I'm not sure I can learn to not fear for my life when a stranger man approaches me in an aggressive manner. And seeing how men are usually threatened by the idea of gay guys hitting on them (which is a situation where they can't be sure they are physically strong enough to defend themselves), I don't understand how it's so hard to see a woman's perspective.
@@robertwelch2843 I said no yet still got sexually assaulted. This whole “say no” bullshit is stupid because the majority of the time people just do it anyway. Especially in this situation because to him it was clearly acceptable and not crossing boundaries. NEVER tell a girl she needs to learn how to say no, some girls freeze as a form of protection, some girls blame themselves for their rape because they “didn’t say no” so must’ve “led the guy on”.
Have been put in a situation like that and did say no.
Masters in psychology here, and he is hitting the nail perfectly. Especially on the gender role aspect. Yvonne(depending on she was raised) is even more susceptible to "not making scene" because in traditional Asian culture the female has been taught for generations to be the submissive one. Like I said it depends on her upbringing but it is quite obvious she was raised with some of these aspects with how submissive she is to the males of the house. On the flip side FED is extremely insecure. That has been known by any who watches them, this just shows how his insecurities pushed him to try and act. This whole joke of "Fed can't get a gf" really fuels that insecurity and pushed him to do something that shouldn't be done. People are so fast to judge yvonnne but fail to realize the centuries social norm/standards have made it almost impossible to "just say no"
On a related note (same scene in the video), when he said that girls are taught not be emotional: I'm raised in a (slightly ) different culture, German, but here everything is basically catered towards girls being emotional. "Don't upset a girl" "Girls are always right" Especially the part of "Girls are emotional and see things in a different light" confused me so much, because I'm also a very emotional person. So when I have a problem with something a girl does it goes (usually, not generalizing) "you don't get, you're a guy" and they get mad and angry about miniscule things. Why do they think that just because I'm a guy that I DON'T get mad about little things? I do. But I second guess WHY I feel that way and try to express it without getting angry in a way that I think is constructive and not destructive.
Why is it okay when girls sabotage perfectly healthy relationships because of a misunderstanding and not second guessing theirselves? So what I'm saying here is that in Germany it is basically the opposite problem of girls not second guessing themselves enough
i never thought about this! But you're so right. I grew up in a latin American culture and the women are typically meant to be quiet and if something happens to them (like rape or harassment) it's their fault for "letting it happen." its more old school and times are changing, but its still definitely around.
another thing is that the fight or flight reaction kicks in sometimes. in my personal experience, I've always frozen when all of the sudden a situation takes a turn for the worse or just starts to make me uncomfortable. I've always gotten angry at myself afterward bc of it, and in some of those situations that anger for not reacting or removing myself before it turned bad was what stopped me from going to other people for help after the fact.
@@HeresorLegacy This just sounds like a toxic relatinship dynamic. Whether people complain about minuscule things is entirely unrelated to sex, it just arises from some mental deficiancy or an unhealthy dynamic. I don't think it makes sense to view this from a point of gender-analysis, everyone gets emotional and can complain about little things. This guy was talking about bigger issues like harrassment and sexual misconduct, which ARE hugely influenced by gender.
Of course, when a girl says "you don't get it, ur a guy", this is at best misguided and at worst toxic. But i'm austrian, and i have never heard a girl say that, so probably this is a problem that pertains to your close socual circle rather than our culture at large.
Yes that is such a great explanation another example is I was raised around (not in) Mormon culture and women are seen as homemakers and mothers not workers or anything like that so they see themselves in that old stereotypes and see everything as find a husband then please him and they are raised not to displease someone. One of my friends was very cautious in our own neighborhood going for a run and I asked why she said we could be in danger and I said something like I have things to defend ourselves so as long as we are careful we'll be fine but she saw it as we would injure that person and that was a almost more important that our safety. As someone who saw this from a outside perspective I was worried and perplexed but I talked to another girl raised Mormon about something similar and they reacted the same (disclaimer I only asked 2-4 people this and one had answered differently so it does depend on parents and maybe it isnt necessary Mormon and more w diffent environmental factor) also another thing that affects me this way is how some men use pmsing as an excuse to belittle a woman's feeling no matter what they are
I'm on mobile so I didn't punctuate, spell, or use Grammer to the extent of my abilities, apologies.
Yeah they were really mean to him. I'm not trying to defend him though. What he did was bad, but the things they said to him before all of this must have fed (not a pun) his insecurities in some way.
I had a friend at a previous job, where people always called him fat. They did it right to his face. I know he pretended to not get hurt but I also know it did hurt him. People can be really mean sometimes.
This guy is hitting the nail on the head with these videos, and he doesn’t even know that much about Fed. Great work!
I want to like this video multiple times
Subscribed!
Again. Anthony SEES. He sees things from womens perspective. And understands. My mind is blown. I love this guy, men and women needs to see all his vids. Thank you
*Anyone with a brain cell or 2 or just logic can understand that , but what should be common knowledge isn't common as people think*
@@Proger-sj8cj fucking yes, sometimes I feel like humans forget that other people have thoughts and feelings. Sometimes you need to change your perspective and understand multiple points of view. And it's also surprising to see so many relationships that have to deal with a couple that just.... None of them seem to really understand, you must understand the other to.
AND IT'S SOMETHING THAT REQUIRES LOGIC NOT 4 YEARS OF ACADEMIC EXPERIENCE. I'm just happy I learned this and more at a younger age.
@@biot7175 he doesnt say "whatever women want to hear" he actually understands and knows they are humans and not something lesser
Empathy is not nearly valued enough in our capitalist societies and I truly fear it's gonna bring mankind's eventual downfall
The story really hits harder when you've watched all of them before all of this unfortunately happened
Even more when you watch now and notice a lot of clues about what was happening that seemed to bejokes just for content! =/
Matheus Wendt Yeah. I relistened to “The Dark Side of Streaming” today and at 16:40 Yvonne started talking about how she felt like there were things streamers wished they could share but they just couldn’t. Don’t know if it was about this, but I think it was.
same
another thing that really ate at me was the whole Fed/ Yvonne "banter" thing. There were a few instances on lily's stream where you could hear them shouting at each other in the background ending with yvonne slamming the door on him. Felt weird at the time even before we knew
@@jduchiha4656 didnt know that was going on definitely makes sense tho
And for those who also have the comment of "why didn't she just say no," saying no and even fighting back doesn't always work!!
Especially when he has an established pattern of ignoring her "no." When the situation is so clearly boundary-stomping and inappropriate, "don't do that" feels like a hilariously meaningless thing to say. You know that you both already know he's way over the line. He doesn't need to be told - he knows, and he's doing it anyway. Imagine someone pulling down their pants in the middle of a party and taking a shit on your couch in front of everyone. Would *anyone* respond to that story with, "Well, did you tell him not to do that? It's kind of your fault if you didn't?"
If someone comments that Yall dumb
youre exactly right brosci!
Evan de Guzman no.
@@KatVlogsThings tf does that mean
As a woman, I really do think, so many men need to watch your videos. I met a lot of men, who thinks like the "red pill community"- men and it's disgusted. Nice guys are the worst for me, they don't even realise how toxic their behaviour can be. You explains it so well, thank you very much for your videos. I hope more men will see them and change their thinking about this.
A red pill man would never go after girls in the house he lives. It’s called “shitting where you eat”. We would be going for girls outside the house. Stop trying to push fed-creep on us now. He’s a “male feminist nice guy”, thing is this is what a male feminist really thinks
the women not being able to say "no" is something real, and it hurts so much, I hate how people could just say " just say no" like...... its a horrible thing to say, and its hard to heal from that
Some women say no but no one listens, it's kinda sad now 😔
I’m not going to lie this is causing some very serious self reflection on my part on the type of behavior I have inhibited in my life and the relationships I’ve been in thank you for helping me root out what drives my behavior first step to fixing a problem is acknowledging there is one
Good on you, fam. I wish you well on your journey.
Very cool, gamers
Same. Everytime I see stuff like this it makes me backtrack my past if I ever did anyone wrong. Kudos to you, bro. Good luck on that.
There's also the fear that when you say no to a guy that he will not listen and instead escalate his behaviour. I see men thinking that the sexual assault is the worst case scenario when women are often thinking of how to get out of it without getting killed or seriously injured. Of course sexual assault also happens to men and women can be perpetrators but I see a lot of 'If you said no this bad thing wouldn't have happened to you're going around.
I am very thankful to how you understand women's conditioning in our society. You are sort of my example of what I would look for in a man. Because, even though I have a lot of great men around me, they don't have the same understanding as you do.
Anthony and Dr.K should collab
Anthony should try live-streaming on twitch 💀
Truuuue
Yes
Omg yes I’ve thought this. I’ve been watching them both the last couple weeks , I don’t know anything about this gaming community I just like their takes lol I recommenced my mom drk last night cause she’s going to start therapy soon!
he could very well go on healthygamergg. i think that'd be very insightful
Last time I screamed "no! dont touch me. You've gone too far" the drunk man didn't listen. It only took another stranger to stand between me and the drunk so I can leave.
im getting you new camera batteries for christmas, antonio
Im not all the way through yet, do they die? Or they just old or something
@@TwinbornMist yeah, the camera has died in the end part of the video in both of the parts so far haha
@@usernamesarelame5334 I know this was a year ago don't @ me about it but it appears I haven't watched the part 1 💀
when the camera died in this one too LMFOAOAOA 😭😭
😔
Anthony Recenello it’s okay it made me laugh
Anthony Recenello i literally love ur videos so much i think you make me wanna be a dating coach when i’m older
Nice profile picture
I am mind blown. You just brought to my attention my actions and how I deal with situations as a female. I do just hope things will be over soon. If something makes me uncomfortable, I don't make my emotions known, and apologize for those emotions. Thank you for making this video! It's truly opened my eyes
This guy has single handedly, not only educated me on the oppression that female face, but he has also taught me things that apply to day to day life that genuinely I feel like makes me a better person. I've learned that the need for power over other people is because of my lack in self confidence, and many other things. I honestly would want to thank this man from the bottom of my heart cause I'm 14 and I recently had a breakdown because of a phase of confusion that I was in and this really helped me understand multiple things that I didn't understand before.
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Thank you for speaking about the fact that women are raised to please people, specifically men and how they're told to not cause a scene. All of this is so true and it makes a woman feel so alone and unsafe. This video is so informative and really important. You really did a great job with this.
You could also react to Yassuo (Moe) , AngelsKimi, Fuslie (Leslie) with PeterParkTV (Peter) and Lily's response after this
The Dr. K Yvonne interview clip too!
This one
Toast too
Man. Rarely I would be inclined to listen to someone's raw reaction to a situation for more than 20 mins.
Thanks for this man. Not only am I happy that you'd be giving clarity to a content creator/personality that I care about but I'm also learning about people to help and convey to my own friends.
When he said relationship coach i got hella sketched out but wow hes very eloquent and is very good in dissecting seemingly abstract concepts
Woah. I just found out about Anthony a few days ago and I gotta say. Wow, hes an incredible life coach. Being able to talk in such a relaxing and understanding tone, being able to understand how others feel and their perspectives. It's honestly amazing. Much respect, I wanna the taking the things he says to heart to better me and those around me
Another reason we don't just say "no"... that uncomfortable feeling is there to tell you "something is wrong" "you're in a bad situation" if you're already picking up that energy from someone, do you really think telling them "no" would even have an impact?
It's almost like saying "well why didn't you tell that car to stop before it hit you?" It doesn't work like that.
It will help but it will also open up a REALLY uncomfortable confrontation and that is very very scary.
No, it's more like saying "well, why didn't you try to get out of the way of that car, since you saw it coming towards you?"
I get that some people just freeze up in a situation like that, but don't try to justify it with these stupid fucking excuses.
@@TheRedHaze3 I mean, saying no isn't just gonna solve the problem and can even make it worse for the person if taken in the wrong context, with the way fed was manipulating, it could've just gotten even worse for her because now he had some proof he could twist around. Saying no can actually be difficult and hard, not just from freezing up.
@@titaniafae4114 Saying no *can* solve the problem. At least, the immediate problem.
Especially with a person like Fed, who doesn't seem like the kind of person to escalate something into direct conflict. He seems to prefer subtler methods. Hence the whole pushing boundaries thing, and manipulating narratives.
Also, Fed was always manipulating. How can "he'll just manipulate things" be a valid reason for not saying no? In what world would things not get worse if she kept quiet? This whole thing *reeks* of running away from your problems. Putting them off because you don't want to deal with them, even though you're just letting them fester and get worse.
That said, there's more you can do than just say no, if they won't take no for an answer.
Like physically fight back. Like scream for help.
Do you really think Fed would have *any* way of manipulating the situation when everyone comes running to find them in her bed, late at night, with her screaming and fighting him?
There is absolutely *no way* he could turn that around.
I sympathise with not knowing what to do or freezing up or feeling like things will just get worse if you do anything. That's exactly the kind of person I am and exactly the kind of response I've had in bad situations (physical abuse from a family member). The problem is, wallowing in self-pity, or thinking those responses are "correct" or something is just wrong. It's not helpful. It's not going to allow you to get over your trauma and it's not going to get you out of bad situations in the future.
Please don't make excuses. You aren't helping anyone.
Dude, just gotta learn that females don't owe him anything and accept it!
*women
Sydney Rosant what’s wrong with using females?
@@hannahpan4816 "female" has been frequently used by redpill, incel, "nice guys" people to dehumanize women or even look at them objectively/physically. It gives me, and many other women a big yikes.
If people wanna use female/women interchangeablely go off, but its gives off the same vibes as transexual/transgender. Different connotations yah know, using female will give a different reaction than using women.
Rose ThePanda Hey man some people just speak differently
@@ilitardo160 yeah? I never said they couldnt? Do yall wanna know why people dont vibe with it or? Lmao
Honestly I cried the whole way during the video. I went through a painful breakup and after that my ex tried to help me cope with my mental problems. Seeing this video I can spot similarities between me and Fed and I find it really hard to deal with (how could I be a bad person?).
I find happiness in knowing the ex moved on and could cope with my behavior by just moving on. admitting what I'v done and who I've been and what I've done is hard but I believe it leads to good things so thanks for the vid!
I find it interesting how he was possessive over imane and tried making moves on Yvonne... and furthermore there is also the lily situation. All at the same time.
Cameron Ernst Almost like serial manipulation
zainab
*Moe said that we only know 10-20% of it which is scary to know what else he has done*
Fed fanboys think they know Fed more than his closest friends
Yeah its because as the coach said, he doesn't look at them as people who are real. He looks at them as objects for his own pleasure.
After Lily do Yassuo/Moe's response to it. Its a good perspective of someone outside of OTV who is friends with all them but especially Fed. Also make sure you find the full thing, the ones on TH-cam sometimes have some information cut out.
*Fed, if youre watching, take note*
I’m glad you posted this, I had to learn about this the hard way with someone I really liked. Afterwards I apologized and stated that I wouldn’t be in a relationship till I was more mature as I felt that my immature actions fractured our relationship. I believe through that experience I learned to be a better man and am finally in a better mindset and place for having relationships. I believe that high school and early college is when men or teenage boys need to learn about the points you made, thank for sharing all the amazing advice you do!
I'm not aware about your channel before, but I must say, as a woman, you hit the nail head on about what women think/feel. My mind was blown listening to this. Then I see that you're a dating coach LOL. Well, at least you will impart good advice to those seeking out help in dating world.
This was refreshing and cathartic. I think that this is the first time in my life I have EVER heard a man *understand* that saying NO or reversing consent is *not* easy. This made me cry with happiness, relief and sadness; that someone understands but that it’s taken so long for me to see a man who understands. And explains why this is how it is.
I say this from the bottom of my heart,
Thank you, sincerely, I thank you.
🙏🏻
i wanna say the worst experience i had with a guy was when i was actually trying to be nice to him because i could tell he was trying hard to get a girlfriend. I didn't want to immediately reject him or anything so I just kept talking to him and tried to be as polite as possible. I think i accidentally came off as being flirty though because when he asked me out I said that I'm sorry and I wasn't interested and he flipped out and got aggressive towards me. I understand being hurt that the person you like doesn't like you back but you have to just do the adult thing and walk away. the person doesn't deserve to be attacked. I encourage guys like this to really build their self esteem, make really good friends, and just spend time mediating and maybe working on your hobbies and your career. you can't just make women the end all be all of your worth as a human.
Trying to see humor in this, we made the same face reacting to the same part.
Honestly, I feel sad for Fed in a way because he's gone this far without getting help. This kind of behavior manifests over many years of unhealthy thinking.
The "Just say no" thing, yes you should be firm if you feel something is off, but that's hindsight. In the moment it sounds like Fed always positioned himself in scenarios where he minimizes the "simple yes/no" function of social dynamics. Which is incriminating in itself, because he KNOWS what he's doing to a certain level.
Kind of like a "If I do this directly, it'll be a problem, but if I just ease this it'll probably be tolerated". He's aware of boundaries and is trying to bypass them. That's abusive manipulation and that does raise the warning flag for potentially further abuse.
I mean, I was taught that, as a woman, you must please others. For instance, if I were to be with someone on a plane and the oxygen masks came down, I would be a horrible person if I didn't help the ones beside me with their masks before I put mine on.
I was taught that by society. Kind of like how it's my fault if teachers or male students are distracted if I wear a tank top during a hot day in class, therefore I am not allowed to.
My female friend in 11th grade was invited to a party, and she invited me. A guy I had a crush on was hosting the event. When we got to the apartment, all the beds were out. There was no food in the fridge or cupboards. The toilet didn't work. There was only alcohol and drugs. A 40 year old man greeted us at the door, with the 16 year old guy I had a crush on. My friend and I said we had to pee, went to the bathroom, and we decided that if we left too early they might force us to stay. A 30 year old man was the only other person there. 2 adults, 3 guys, two underaged high school girls. I refused to parttake in alcohol or drug use to the best of my ability, until the 40 year old man opened a bottle of beer and stuck it in my hands. It was already hard for me to say no, because when I say no, as a woman, no one takes me seriously. "Are you sure?" "Come on, lighten up!" "Just go with the flow." I was able to get myself out an hour later, saying my mom worked with the government and she'd be looking for me with her squad if I didn't get home in 30 mins. I grabbed my friend and the 40 year old stopped me. He told me I could go but she had to stay. She had been drinking, because as a woman, you can't simply say no.
If you say no, you open the door for being forced to do something.
The fear in both of our eyes showed. The man saw it, he didn't care and he grabbed her wrist. I said she was spending the night at my house, and because she was my mother's responsibility the same thing would happen. He relunctantly let her go.
I told my mom what happened nonchalantly, we share almost everything with each other so I didn't see much difference between sharing that and sharing other school drama I went thru.
The following monday, I went to school and got called into the counselor's office. I found out it was supposed to be a prostitution set up. Cops were handling it, and they needed me to make a statement. All of my school friends hated me at that point. I was a rat for breaking down a party. No one wanted to be associated with me anymore.
Saying no to drinking and doing drugs and getting raped and becoming a prostitute and saving my friend from the same thing cost me my social life. The worst part? This happens more often than any man thinks. Saying no costs you your social life, your credibility, the trust others have in you, if you are a woman.
I tried to say no when I was raped when I was 19. You know what he said? It'll be fine, stop worrying. Once he was done, he looked at me and said I guess this means we're dating. I didn't say anything. I didn't smile. He left. He came back every night. I became his girlfriend for 2 months. He broke up with me.
Simply saying no and being assertive has never worked. Not in any situation I've been in. I've had to overthink things, find loop holes, and make the others more uncomfortable than they make me to be able to get out of nasty situations.
No one takes no seriously unless a man is saying it.
@@Beanasaurus thanks for sharing your stories, it must be hard, I believe we have a lot to work on as a society, we aren't taught how to respect others or have boundaries which should be very important for all humans and these people who do that stuff are really sick and they need help.
I’m sorry, I haven’t been commenting much on your videos, but your a TRUELY an amazing person.
I only found OfflineTV through Michael Reeves about a day before all of this even happened. You do an amazing job at understanding people’s emotions, and going through things in a mature manner. Your very honest, and very nice. Thank you for helping me understand more and more of this situation, and I’m really happy that you have. Cheers friend!
lol you got into it right when it's an unstable chaos
I agree with this being about impressing other men and making oneself seem more important or powerful. I used to be like Fed and it was like a badge of honor to be THE GUY who all these attractive women spent their time with and trusted. If anyone stepped in it was like my territory was being threatened. I’m so glad I took some time to fix those traits I used to rely on.
Mathias Jossen No man, I honestly think Toxic masculinity is a real thing but it’s more like a lack of real masculinity, it’s posing and trying to have “game” and be confident when ur just an insecure creep, earning women’s trust but to only take advantage of them. I don’t see how femininity has any part in this.
@@biot7175 Because its still a concept of how male values are treated and valued, being flirty or such, is a male value
Good on you for maturing as a person man
@@biot7175 thats why its called "toxic" masculinity I guess
Hey! Another TH-camr I watch, Dominic Noble, forced himself through reading a pickup-artist book and it was really, really funny. Here's the link to the first video if you'd like to watch it! th-cam.com/video/J9dI6CoNSrc/w-d-xo.html
I feel like anyone who says "you could have just said no" has never been in a situation like that. When it happens its so sudden that your brain and your body just freeze in shock. Your brain is trying to figure out what the hell is happening and your body wont respond to your brain screaming "GET IT OFF. GET IT AWAY. STOP."
I cant explain it but when it happens you can physically feel your body and muscles repulse away from the touch. It feels disgusting. Your brain is screaming bloody murder and to get away from that disgusting feeling but your body is so in shock you can't respond. "caught like a deer in headlights" and "scared stiff" is a REAL thing. Trust me, in the moment you are powerless to do anything. POWERLESS!
@Mathias Jossen this is off-topic. men face that as well. your argument has a lot of fallacies and faults. blaming someone for something they can't help isn't good. it's like I'm explaining something to a toddler.
what i love about your videos is that some people (mostly men) have spoken up about their past mindsets about relationships and women because of you. as a girl it makes me feel safer to know that there are people changing the way men think about us and the way they would treat us
thank you man. hearing these girls stories really touched me since I can relate to that violation and manipulation from what you considered a friend. and hearing a man talk about their experiences with such respect is truly making me feel so much better about my own experiences. I'm really grateful for this series, and that I found your channel. thanks again Anthony.
I hope fed gets as much help as he needs
I'm really enjoying how you're breaking down the whole situation
Great video! Can't wait for the other half of the series
There is so many pov's of this drama and fed experiences.
One that completely changed my mind was the one from his ex bestfriend.
23:50 reminds me of starting a fire to put it out and calling yourself a firefighter
You are doing a saint's job with these videos! Thank you for raising awareness about this problem.
How to deal with men who take advantage of womens insecurities and the way many women are raised...
I really love hearing your thoughts on a lot of these relationships. I haven’t looked through all your older videos so you might have done this already, but if you haven’t already, I’d love to hear your thoughts on the a game called Super Seducer, it’s a scenario-based dating game where a pickup artist tries to “teach” players how to pick up women. It’s got some comedy to it but the guy tries to teach these - in my opinion at least - fairly toxic and manipulative ways of meeting and “seducing” women.
That's the second time the phrase "just a fed thing to do" popped up. Pokimane used that exact phrase word for word in her video when she talked about how Fed would just go into people's rooms without knocking. First going into their rooms and now sleeping in their beds...
Honestly this really hits me I appreciate this video because it really helps you get a different view of these situations
Love how in depth you go into all of the people you cover, shows how passionate you are. Quality content 😊
I think it would be helpful to give tips on how to have practical improvements to your own or a man's character in general, not just explaining the behavior, I think explaining the behavior is great, but a better way to build relationships would progress the value of the videos even more to me.
As a man who struggles with building deeper/more mutually valuable fulfilling relationships with women, I would like to learn how to do this without tricking, or hurting another person.
^second that.
Def
I love how your reactions seem and are so...
Comprehensive, so understanding of how people feel
10:10 ok so this whole "just say no" thing has been going around my head for quite some time, im a man and i've been assaulted by another man (not gonna tell the whole story unless its requested) and while i've seen so many people, even professionals make the argument of being in a "catatonic" state, like, i get it, i was there too, but atleast after a few seconds i was able to push back, i can't say i dont understand just being in a permanent catatonic state but i also can't say that not an irresponsible thing to do, even if when involuntary, BUT, here is the but, I personally do find the explanations you've (Anthony Recenello) given make alot of sense and are probably atleast one of the causes, maybe a combination of everything i've said before, but i do commend you having this reasonable explanation, i'm not sure if that finishes scratching my itch about this, if you'd like to know what my issue in understanding this is (whoever reading) im more than glad to have a conversation about it, but it has to do with a "duty to retreat" this is obviously aside from everything else fed has done including the full ivvone confession where she explains he did this multiple times even after she had expressed her uncomfortableness
I have been in a similar situation where I got bullied, I agree with you, I understand the women's perspective but I also understand that mental health issues could cause you to do really shitty stuff even if you don't want or mean to, I hope we can communicate and understand each other and help both sides with what's needed
This series has left me with a lot to think about with my life and soul
One of the lines that make me wanna break down or attack someone is 'why didn't they say no?','you can just say no,'
Honestly, it is so helpful to see the dynamic between couples. Social needs are incredibly important, and, from an early age (maybe adolescence) we should be learning about healthy relationship dynamics. There should be a class for healthy relationships taught at school ✨✨😅
Yo Bombshell gives me the chills. That elevator scene is everything.
On top of this movie and The Morning Show, I also recommend The Assistant.
Rianne Silorio-Ruizol what scene in the assistant?
Stayed tune for this video and my good sir u earned a sub. I believe it is important for everyone to understand these situations and u are here to help clarify and unify our thoughts. Much respect
The first part of the URLs are twitch.tv/videos/.
Yassuo - former Fed best friend, feels betrayed, Fadressing fed begins at 00:minute and goes for under an hour. url = 666159333
Lilypichu - Yvonne and Lilypichu put out written statements on twitter regarding Fed and Lilypichu specifically about her former manager. There's a lot of drama as Lily felt she had to retract her statements regarding Chris Chan. Chris apologized for violating Lilypichu's trust and felt blindsided when these accusations came out years later. It would be an interesting angle to see how to move on and repair relationships after violation of space and trust. Entire vid: 666420681
Angelskimi - A member of Just Friends, the sister streamer house to OfflineTV, disbanded multiple times while OfflineTV stayed together, recounts history and sexual assaults by Fed: 666620861
Fuslie - Head of Just Friends house, has stories of amnipulation by Fed, /665439116
Written statements by Yvonne, Lily, Fed, Chris Chan: url starts with reddit(dot)com/r/Destiny/comments/hh7nxy/fedmeyster_removed_from_offlinetv/
Timeline: Yvonne goes on Dr. K, tells story of assault without names, Yvonne later releases twitlonger with story along with Lilypichu, then Fed and Chis Chan reply, then Yvonne and Lily come out with twitch videos followed by Pokiemane, then Yassuo and Angelskimi plus numerous other members of the stream community, followed by CNN coverage of situation.
Maybe you can make a video telling women HOW to speak up to men, say no, deal with men who ignore micro expressions, and so on...or even how to in a good way decline a man, and of he persist; how to deal. Generally maybe even in friendsships, how to take up space, dissagree. We need it. I need it.
Putting on the side how evil and terrible this was, holy hell how much tought and planning went into this, like, oh my, slowly and carefuly taking chances, having a response, creating a power dynamic... Those things are not casually created in this situations
When I hear Yvonne, lily and poki's stories I remember the first time someone was ever interested in me. It wasn't on the same level. I was 17 and started hanging out with a guy. At one point we were sitting on the couch and he decided to lay his head on my chest. This made me super uncomfortable and I didn't say anything but tried to naturally push the situation towards something else with little give. My heart was pounding out of anxiety and he even commented on it. In this situation I don't blame either of us. It was just an uncomfortable situation and I'm sure he just misunderstood and thought I was nervous because I liked him. It still wasn't an okay situation for me to go through though and now I'm more comfortable assuring when I'm uncomfortable and pushing people to ask before they touch me and asked before I touch others aswell. I hope others learn to be more careful with making sure people are comfortable with what they're doing before they do it aswell because it shouldn't always be put on the recipient to say they don't want something.
18:26 'precedent' is the word you're looking for. Thanks for turning an unfortunate situation into a teachable moment for many of us.
I just learned about all this Fed stuff today, and I can’t believe that the signs were there yet never connected sooner
all in the name of “content”
10:22 him giving me a reason why my brutal honesty is good, thx for that
I'd really appreciate your take on the Katerino situation and her relationship with CallMeCarson when they were together knowing what we know now
That’d actually be pretty interesting.
I don't know anything about this particular situation, but I wanted to sincerely thank you for raising awareness on this kind of issue!! It is so important :)
I was in a relationship with this type of person before and I never knew how to explain why it was toxic, why it felt wrong sometimes, and a big part of that past I felt I was the one in the wrong, maybe I was the bad person but there was nothing I could do about it, its just who I was and it really made it impossible to explain to him why I wanted to break up, its a pile up of stuff I couldn't really explain, and now as I watch you explain whats wrong with this one person, don't get me wrong, most of this behavior is inconscient sometimes but it's toxic and controlling as well. In any case it helped me know what to call it and give names to the things that actually happened. Thank you Anthony
Really glad you’re out here trying to educate on how to have healthier relationships, & I feel like talking about what makes relationships unhealthy is just as important as talking about the opposite. It takes both people to choose to treat each other with respect, but what about when that doesn’t happen? Boundaries are so important, but I feel like often we as women (& as a society) have never been taught that it’s ok the put parameters in place. My mama always tells me that if I’m genuinely upset by someone, that means my boundaries have been crossed. It’s so helpful even realizing that I have the authority to say “no, sorry, you’ve crossed a boundary & that’s not ok with me.” All that’s to say thanks for doin what you’re doin. I think it’s important.
it's sad how common this power dynamic is and how many men feel the way fed probably did. i'm glad you made this video to explain it so that people can see it more, both in themselves and others.
These videos are so amazing. You teach us about so much but it's also very entertaining at the same time! Keep up the good work.
I'm glad you're reacting to these vids because since you're coming from an outsider perspective, maybe the dudes defending Fed dismissing his behavior will understand why he had to get kicked out of the house
Women tend to overthink. They're uncomfortable. They don't like it. But the mind contemplating of a hundred scenarios from it's probably not a knowing fault to maybe it's me, just sidelines the No. It just gets buried and it's too late until we really wanna say no.
Damn, you have a way with words. Teach me your ways.
I KEEP THINKING YOU HAVE A MIL SUBS OH MY, you’re amazing at explaining things btw
I felt Fuslie did a good job at expressing her feelings about her experiences with Fed. Would watch a reaction to her clip.
Thanks for your insight in this matter. This gives me a lot of knowledge about the matter. Cause this kind of problem happened to my group of friends too. I was the first person whom my friend(girl) opened up to. The guy friend I have before acted like fed too. I was the first person who the girl (like Yvonne) have seek help to the matter. I was just a teenager that time and the moment I got hold of the abuse that was happening. I acted on emotions and confronted my guy friend. Things badly escalated and people on my friends circle started picking sides. But eventually the matter was settled. I was hoping if you could give insight on this while reacting on DisguisedToast's statement video about the matter with Fed. Because while watching disguised toast video I felt the same way he did as the person that discovered the matter first. As to what Disguisedtoast said "I should have done more". If possible I would love to hear your insights on how should these kinds of issues to be handled by the first person who discovered the issue. Thanks.
th-cam.com/video/d4t-RU6rPd0/w-d-xo.html this was Disguised Toast statement of the matter, who was a good friend of Fed. And was living with them on the otv house.
Really good to hear your analysis and look at my own behavior and see how I can improve, thank you
Thankyoy, I have been going about dating in the wrong way. I never did anything bad but its better to understand how to get a proper relationship
I wanna see how Anthony would react to Moe's statement
i actually started crying when he was talking about saying no and the role women were taught, because of how true it was.
This reminds me of Jimmy Neutron creating the problem and then “saves the day” at the end of the episode 23:40
So, when this all first happened, I did genuinely think that, while Fed was obviously in the wrong, Yvonne really should have said, "no." I'm gay; I've had men sometimes make unwanted advancements, and when that happens I usually say something along the lines of "dude what the fuck are you doing?" Now, though, after having time to reflect on the situation and having started this series, I realize, thanks to you, it really is way more nuanced than that. Fed was a friend they all trusted whole-heartedly, and he took advantage of it by slowly pushing how far he could go. I know everyone involved is an adult, but I can't help thinking it sounds a lot like someone being groomed. Fed very slowly made what should have been inappropriate and uncomfortable something that seemed normal. I very much remember Poki mentioning in a stream a while back that Fed just unzipped his pants near her and started peeing in front of her, using alcohol as an excuse.
Fed wasn't just some dude, he was everybody's friend who betrayed their trust until he put them in incredibly difficult and uncomfortable situations, and I feel bad for ever thinking she bore any responsibility as well in any way.
It is so so SO important that the explanation and message about the saying no complex. That what is going here, with the expressing what women have to grow up. It is so so so important that the message of power dynamic is with the female and make gender. Thank you so much!! God bless you for your videos.
You should definitely react to yassuos video. He is also know as moe. Hearing it from a guys perspective and what was even done to him I think will help you understand more
I have been the person that just lets things happen to them. Yes, it's not okay that guys do this and should get shit for it but I think there's a bigger conversation about that. Women shouldn't be raised with this mindset that we have to eventually grow out of. The bigger conversation is about raising women and men to be rounded individuals and not "Men" and "Women". Those titles hold a lot of limitations. I was always bothered by it even as a small child. My mom taught me at a young age that no one should touch me in certain ways and where they shouldn't touch. At the same exact time she would be extremely mad when I would deny someone who is a stranger to me a hug or a kiss(we do la bise where im from). So she was teaching me to have boundaries only as long as they weren't blatantly sexual. That's an issue. I should not have to allow someone to touch me because if i didn't, I was being rude. My brother was always very anti social. She would never ask him to even interact with people.
So at first, I was sus about you because I thought you were like the 'alpha male' youtubers but then here you are proving me wrong. I'm going to watch a few more videos of you but I'm subscribing
He will never be the same, and I´m sorry for him
I think it's worryingly telling how the first time I've heard something in one of these videos about Fed where I haven't done something like it was the blatant emotional manipulation of "Oh I'm a horrible person" guilt tripping thing. The worst part is that I _could_ see myself doing something similar to that, though not that obvious. I'm just glad I got here before I reached that point.
Hmm when he talked about men feeling worthless around women, about how men think women are not attracted to them, Sykkuno come into mind. Hope he’s not Fedmyster 2.0
I would really like to hear your take on the zyori (dota 2)incident as well
There's one thing I think about when I watch these videos, and that's Fed saying, "I'm a confident guy," when he was responding to being called ugly on the Austin Show. I'm no expert, but I don't think confidence is a quality that you have to convince people of.
I had a similar issue with a guy. He’s by NO MEANS as bad as Fed, blatantly talking crap about me to other people. I know he wouldn’t do that.
But he guilted me a lot into staying in a relationship/try to make the relationship work. He also made me look bad in front of my friends, but probably not intentionally. It’s just the way he was pushing me to the limit made me lash out in a really ugly way, and my best friends had to see a really ugly side of me that I’m not usually (or ever) like. I felt really isolated during the situation, and it was tough for me because I thought he was the only person who would ever like me or the only person I would have that connection with, and I wanted to be comforted by him because he was initially one of my best friends and during the situation he didn’t judge me for lashing out like my other best friends did, but paradoxically he was the person I was breaking up with he so I couldn’t do that.
Overall, I just felt like he was the only person I could be with, who wouldn’t judge me, and who understood me, but in reality it’s just because of how he reacted to my reaction to him pushing me to the limit. First his actions and words caused me to lash out (he probably didn’t mean to push me to my limits) but then he reacted kindly to me even though I was rude.
It ended up making him the victim and me the bad person, and I had to deal with excruciating guilt about hurting him and breaking up with him, and I almost did give in and say “maybe I should just go along with it.” Because it was so hard to say “no” to him. Every time I tried it just became a really messy situation because he would look pitiable and I would look like a witch. He’s such a great person, and I really did feel horrible for breaking up with him, but at the moment I didn’t realize I wasn’t obligated to be in a relationship I didn’t want to be in. I didn’t have to force myself.
I think I understand better about WHY I went through my situation the way I did now.
Thank you Anthony for the insight of how women thinks about saying no
I can’t believe people say to victims “just say no!” But as a woman I can’t even say no to someone offering me food! And I get genuinely uncomfortable when someone does but people don’t see those cues.
Same goes for sexual assault, people can get so uncomfortable and not say no but the person giving the action should know boundaries.
Like people are so heartless when it’s not them in the situation
I think all the points you made were on the dot, but also I think when he does these acts like taking his jeans off, I think he's actively looking for a reaction without considering their level of comfort with what he's doing
Just subbed keep up the good work
fed needs to get the bandaid ripped off and told “Women will not like you if you treat them horribly after you learn that they don’t like you romantically.”
i would say it in a harsh manner, i’m in no way qualified to be a therapist or something. it’s just how i would do it.
This lobby music tho