lol worth $500 dollars? i'll continue with the common google search for information or simply asking the people I know and don't know on the topics xD And not expecting to be $500 out of pocket out of 3 hours of genuine attempts of learning from others.
Not certain about the points made but ,if anyone else wants to learn about best books for getting over shyness try Wiltapar Simple Shyness Secrets (should be on google have a look ) ? Ive heard some super things about it and my cousin got excellent results with it.
Charisma on Command The where are you from question guessing game pisses me off. It stereotype based and in my opinion it can get rude if not careful. Talk about yourself and if they want, they will engage and talk about themselves.
Mias Vera yea you have a good point miss, in directly conversation that kinda guessing game can be misunderstood as assuming their origin based on stereotype. I never practice it in real life, but I did ever have this kinda game while talking to people online, I was initiative to make them guessing where am I come from, but I think I should consider about implementing it irl 🤔
Quantum Leap Funnily enough, you just asked one. A question that takes more to answer than just a standard "yes", "no" "I think", etc. A question that can be answered with either a fact, opinion, or guess.
5. Realise that is't not only your responsibility to keep the conversation going. The other one has to put some effort in it too. So if a conversation turns out into an akward silence, it's not only your fault, but also his/hers. Don't blame yourself too much if it doesn't work out every now and then.
@@the_kleetus-yeeyee48 "theirs" will be either a "his" or a "hers". very occasionally there might be a "him" or "her" that has a physiological deformity, but exceptions do not create the rule, they prove the rule.
Someone once asked me what my passion was. Told them I couldn't think of anything and they proceeded to talk about their love of photography. That's my experience of smalltalk, it's a gateway for people to talk about themselves.
I tell ppl my hobby is watching youtube videos and constantly learning things. Like dafuq good for you Judy who likes to paint, I watch psychology and social based videos out of curiosity.
This is what helped me: The main solution to conversate without it being awkward is not over analyzing so much. Stop focusing on small things like “how to talk to people” and stuff and you will naturally become more good at speaking to other people because the reason we are so awkward is, our head goes blank and you end not knowing what to say, if we do have something to say we overthink that its not a good question or response so we sit their silent or we have serious social anxiety that makes us think everything we say or do is wrong and every one is judging us. We over analyze people so much but if you really help yourself realize these are just humans they are not superior for you to get nervous to just talk to them the conversation will literally flow as if you were talking to a close friend. I remember watching this video a long while ago and I was binge watching videos on how to act in public and all and non of the advice stuck in my head when it was time to talk or something I literally forgot what to do and how to act and than I realized if I just stop over analyzing everything, everything wouldn’t be so fu**ing hard! YOU GUYS DONT NEED HELP TALKING TO PEOPLE YOH NEED HELP BEING MORE CONFIDENT🤎
I don’t get it, how to you carry a conversation? When I’m around people, I’m usually the quiet one, and when they talk, it usually either goes 1. *friend says something* Me: why didn’t I think of that Or 2. *thinks of something potentially funny to say after conversation has ended*
U just legit ask about everything. They say something that could be built more in conversation, you ask about it. You see something they wore that interests u or could have an impact on the other person, ask them about it
@@LukeSkyblocker I think the problem is that we just don't know _what_ to ask on the spot. For instance, if I find out that my classmate plays Super Smash Bros Ultimate, I ask them what character they main, how far have they gotten in the game... and that's about it. We're like robots, we need a script of questions to ask instead of improvising. xD
Luaxon it’s funny that you mention improvising, I’ve thought about joining or making an improv group to help myself be more creative in the moment. I struggle to respond to people, but if I can sharpen my mind, things will come more naturally, instead of me thinking of something 12 hours later 😂
Im pretty a quiet person myself. But u actually can learn something about them by watching them too. Like what they like to do, what hobby they love to do, their behaviour and their body language, their dislike and likes. Observe that n u can actually trigger a conversation. People loves it when u actually notice a little thing about them or compliment them. Even if you not good in talking , u can always be a good listener. From there, u can actually converse to help them out or creating a simple joke to help them out.
haven't you learned anything? you don't do awkward silence. do this... Creepy Stranger: tells a joke Me: 'Sarcastically laughs' Wow you're so funny, are you a comedian? Creepy Stranger: No. Me: Thank god. don't give up your day job.
Most of it is obvious ofc, buy when you get nervous talking to people you forget about this natural stuff, and focus on how scared you are, which results in silence and instead now, you can think more clearly
Try - Thank you for the compliment. Would you like to hear a joke? or Would you like to (insert activity here - go for walk/coffee) so I can make you laugh even more? or, tell me about your brother. This allows her to mention things that you might share with her brother - which allows her to get to know you a little more and you might find that some of those things are qualities or interests she shares as well. Like, well he likes to create his own funny lyrics to songs... and she might say we do that together (tells you something about her). Asking about someone in her world, that she brought up, allows you to learn more about her and the people she likes. Opportunity to find shared interests or things that she gets animated about - when someone becomes animated talking about something, that is a great topic to start asking questions about.
@@TravelCoachClara "Would you like to go for a walk so I can make you laugh even more?" has to be the creepiest conversational response I've read this week.
@@jaroslavsvaha6065 DEADASS 🤣 like bruh I dont see ppl actually saying this in real life without coming off as cocky u don't say let's hangout so I can make you laugh more that just sounds cocky
me tho. I am awful at talking to people. The main way I make friend is essentially by someone "adopting" me into their group of friends like a stray puppy.
Improve small talk 0:56 Why is small talk needed? 1:37 Compliment + Cold Read 2:59 Avoid one word answer question. Ask an open ended question so they can give their opinion, thoughts and ideas. 3:55 Long answer questions 4:36 Guessing game 5:44 Asking others advice/opinion
People should stop thinking awkward silences are undesirable. Live with it. Russians never worry about awkward silences, it's basically a part of conversation.
What are you talking about? Have you met any Russians like that? I'm just asking because I've never ever experienced that in my entire life, maybe it has to do with my personality but still.. Russians seems to be outgoing
Russians, both men and women, can be very talkative when talking is interesting to them, but they don't mind keeping silent otherwise. They don't need to keep talking continuously no matter what.
Sam Knaip you see this in inexperienced public speakers. They feel like they have to fill every second of their speech time with them talking or making noises. They end up using more vocal fillers, speaking too quickly when they do that. The real expert speakers and storytellers use silence and pauses as a device to command control of the audience and punctuate their strong points.
I have been recovering from social phobia and have been finding these videos incredibly helpful. Practicing talking to people time and time again and walking away most of the time feeling like I was boring or could have done significantly better can be really discouraging, thank you for expanding my tool belt in this process!
I don't like that so many comments here focus on Ben's appearance, so I just want to say: Your video is really helpful and I like that you became a part of this channel :)
maggithepink thank you! I think I underestimated the amount of critique I was opening myself up to by starting to contribute to the channel, so thanks for saying so :-)
1: Compliment and then a guess based on that compliment 2: Avalanche of words (open questions) •Avoid one word answer questions instead use questions the other person can say things other than yes/no/5 years/ •Ask questions the other person wants to answer, about things that he enjoys. Eg: what's exciting these days at work, not how is work - what do you do for fun. Questions about themselves, their characters/personality. 3: Guessing game. Eg: Where are you from? -> Where are you from? Wait, give me two hints to guess. Use this technique with caution, best suited for situations you want the conversation to be enjoyable and funny. Not with your boss. 4: -
@@noeliarte6783 For me it would be kind of a bad question, since I don't like the same music genre as the majority of people here. But while I'm at it what kind of music do you like? :) haha
Say something like oh wow, i find(whatever you found interesting in the story) and then talk about it? You could then switch it and ask them things like why did that happen, or has it happened before?
As a person that hasn’t been actively social every day, I found almost all of your videos to contain extremely useful information that I didn’t know where I’d find otherwise. Now I know so much more. I’ve literally spent all night now just watching your vids.
Here's my advice: don't overthink it, just go out and socialize. I swear you learn more naturally just by doing it. also understand that not every joke will land and sometimes it will be awkward, you're just trying your best to minimize that. some of this is good advice though. For example, the guessing game thing is actually really good advice. Don't be afraid to be playful with it too. Asking for their advice/opinion is really good advice too. If you overthink it and treat a conversation like a math equation you probably will come across poorly though. Imo practice is the most important thing here. These are good things to have in the back of your mind but they shouldn't dominate the conversation. OmeTv and similar places are a good place to get actual practice too edit: just realized this comment is 6 years old. hope things turned out alright for you in the end
Hey Ben, I just want to say that you are really good at what you do. A lot of people have been commenting about them missing Charlie; but that's probably because of them being more used to him - I can understand that. Nevertheless, you are doing an equally amazing job. Introducing a new face to the audience is never easy, but you DO fit in this channel's theme as if you've been here since the very beginning. Great work and keep it up!
Thanks Alex! I really appreciate your comment :-) I totally get the growing pains and understand where they’re coming from, but it isn’t always fun to read. Comments like yours really bring me up and inspire me to try to make great videos for you :-)
@@benjaminaltman4895 I am new to this channel and I would have never said that you were new to the channel either. I appreciate what this channel provides to those as myself who are feeling trapped by not being able to socialize. I was only able to socialize easily when I was drinking and when I stopped drinking I started feeling stuck, shy and unconfident like I have no personality. I am learning so much from you and this channel thank you, you are an a amazing soul.
What always impresses me about COC videos is that the hosts always clearly do the video in one (or just a couple) take(s). This proves that they know what they're on about, because they have the confidence to happily speak for 10 minutes at a time on a topic.
As someone who struggles with their social filter and for that reason loathes small talk because of the accompanying awkwardness, I appreciate this video.
Me: *comes up with a joke that matches the situation, nah, no one will laugh* My Friend: Tells the exact joke I'm thinking of Everyone Else: *dying of laughter* Me: *dies inside*
That's why you have to just say it anyways. If you're in a group of friend nobody with actually judge you that much, so if it's not actually that funny then it's whatever. How do you expect to become confident in your abilities if you never showcase them?
Me : Actually say it but with a low voice My friend who heard it : *Repeats the joke right after like it was his own* Everybody : *Laughs* Me : *Dies inside* Actually it helped me noticing my jokes were funny, if only I could say them louder with commitment. That's a great way to start safe : saying a context joke to one person that concerns an entire group. He will in most cases repeat it to the group when it's funny (except if they're like you), and you'll get confident
Funnily enough, I have tried some of the things in the video and I didn't have much success. There was this girl I met once via a mutual friend that I swear was (and is) the most boring person around. Here's a little bit of how it went: She learned from our mutual friend that I play music, so she asked me about it. I explained that it's the most interesting thing to happen to my life and that it's imperative for people to have an "escape" from reality, where they can do their own thing . In a small amount of time I had given her my thoughts about it, plus a general opinion about people and their life. Plenty of stuff to go about right? Wrong. She didn't have anything to say to that, so I naturally followed it up with: "And what do you do for fun? What gets your life going?" She gave me a half answer: "Not much. Maybe a walk here and there. Maybe hanging out with friends." And that was it. I tried asking her a bit more. I tried giving my own examples, while also trying not to talk too much as to "overpower" her. Then, I remembered that, one day we had gathered with a bunch of friends (herself included) to play card games. So I told her: "Oh, but you were so good at poker at [that time]! I bet you work half-time at a casino or something. She just told me "No I don't." At that point I realized that no matter how good you are at conversation and how much you try to improve, there are people that you just can't seem to get a word out of. It is kind of disheartening, but it is what it is!
Nick Thorpe hahaha thanks Nick. So I’m just gonna out myself here, I do drink coffee but I use a Koffee Straw (from Amazon). I feel like a goofball doing it but it keeps my teeth from going brown haha
I mean, this is fixable. Just try to find a way to angle the question to the month they were born. Go like: So how long have you been 23? I want to see if our astral signs/birthdays line up. Maybe add a joke in after about your perception of people born that month.
In the beginning, you said "Merry Christmas" and I was like "Oh this again..." But then you said "If you celebrate it", and I felt included and considered. Thank you.
@@mrcool2107 and it's also their fault if there is somehow awkward silence. Anyways, that is inevitable and therefore take it as a learning experience and learn to be comfortable.
they have already a somewhat similiar video. It's called "why you don't feel good enough" . highly recommend it, although he doesn't explicity dive into that topic, it's part of the lesson there
romantic jealousy isn't any different from jealousy in general, correct me if I'm wrong I'm not and expert, but the root cause of jealousy is first our need for comparison to someone else which comes from the feeling of you not being enough and not having enough self-love. Insted of comparing you to yourself only. Cultivate self-love and the jelaousy shall go slowly away. Now I know, easier said than done, it takes time for sure, but that's the jist of it IMO. Because the inner voices that stir our thoughts when jealousy kicks in are horrible, and if we confront it, they can even grow stronger initially and that's why it is also scarry to do that. But it is also what we must do. These guys explain it way better, but I also fuse the lessons from their videos and combine them because the massages containt a whole variaty of useful information
All such emotions come from fear of something. Track that fear down then rationalize your way into thinking that it is okay to fear that thing. Basically, just accept the fear and move on
I liked your tips. I would add "be fully present during the conversation" because many times I feel like we just don't pay attention to someone so there's just some strange "energy" going on that shows you might be not real interested because you are worring if you are doing right and trying to think about the next question so you end up being disconnected, which is the opposite of what you wanted. A big hello from Brazil. Thanks!
Just today I had a very nice conversation with someone I didn't know very well and it's hilarious as almost all the points mentioned were present at the time. I'm watching this video just 6 hours after that conversation, and I find it funny to identify each point as a reason why I enjoyed it so much xD Great job dude
and yet you are engaging in a small talk on youtube... don't delude yourself. You don't hate small talks, you can't hate small talks (that's like hating the fact you need food to survive), you just hate the fact you suck at small talks, that your social skills are shit. If you think you hate it then you don't understand what small talk is and what is its function in society. Stop that "new-edge" crap that you are a lost individual in this stupid world in which nobody gets you, everybody else is stupid, rules suck, adults are idiots and stuff like that. There are evolutionary reasons, written deep in your essence of being, for why small talks exist. So stop that crap and take control over your steering wheel. I recommend reading "Selfish Gene" by Richard Dawkins. It puts your life in perspecitve.
Merry Christmas! I have a nagging issue that I know you could make a video about. You do a lot of videos about how to be more attractive and escape the friend zone but what I need, as a female is how to be friendly without people thinking I'm interested in a relationship. I am naturally a people person and have never struggled with conversations or charisma, but what I find happens a lot is that it's often mistaken for me being "into" them, when I'm just being nice. I hate having friend zone people, because they ask me out and say I was giving them signs I like them. it makes me feel really bad and I wonder how many times I can get away with saying no before someone takes it badly and something bad happens. Thank you for your time, I hope this gives you a new video topic, have a great day :)
Opheliacinthelake hi! Did you see the Wonder Woman video? Charlie and I don’t have firsthand experience being a woman so to be candid we have to imagine or ask female friends for something like this, but Charlie included something on this when talking about Gal Gadot that will hopefully be helpful!
Hi Benjamin Altman no I didn't see that one, I don't think it was in my feed :/ thank you so much for your reply, it's greatly appreciated for you to take time to read and reply. I will do and check out the video now. 😁 sorry for late reply, wasn't feeling well over the last week. Have a fabulous new year BTW Gratitude and best wishes from England
Benjamin Altman Also, a video about how to tell the difference between a girl just being nice versus her actually liking you would be very, VERY helpful. Keep up the good work, man. You're awesome.
I love when I learn that I'm already doing something good without even thinking about it and although I'm already doing said thing, I can develop it now that I'm aware.
I am a project manager's assistant at an architect company, and sometimes I have to go with her to construction sites in her car. I had to learn to hold a small talk VERY quickly. At first, it was awkward, and I felt as if I was in a social experiment (she is my boss and it made everything even more awkward). Thank god she usually has a lot to say, and in the meantime, I can think about questions and what to add to this conversation. It is like a real-life IQ test. It is hard and it is a skill I certainly need to master. Nobody told me that I would have to handle small talk situations when I applied to this job :D
Just listening to you talk made me feel better today. You remind me of a guy I used to work with and with him small talk was super natural and I loved talking with him. I'm 17 and he was around 20 years old but we talked as if we already knew each other and I must have used all the tips you gave in this video without knowing! I guess it comes naturally with some people?
A pretty good conversation question is “what’s a favourite book of yours?” Either you get some good book recs or you can give some book recs if they don’t have an answer
It's refreshingly different and wonderful when I come across an advice video on youtube that's actually helpful. Thank you for sharing your knowledge about small talk with us, it truly has helped me broaden my social skills and therefore raised my chances of social success. Keep up the great work!
I like videos like this, everyone wants to get past small talk but I always see it as an avenue to cool and interesting topics about the person. You have to start somewhere and small talk, if done right is a great way to do it.
Katie M my pleasure :-). I love the guessing game, not just because of the game itself - in general I think it changes the conversation to a more fun friendly vibe
That first tip actually works. And I did it before without even thinking. I took English classes and there was a beautiful Korean girl I really liked, I said to her that she looked really cute in her clothes and asked her if she was a model. That absolutely made the conversation really open and without any problem I asked her for a date. It really works!
I appreciate the effort to be much more enthusiastic and extroverted. Definitely giving me ideas of how to chill out not be so nervous and keep it light and fun like I was talking to a friend. It seems like it’s about being really relaxed and taking those thoughts we have in our heads and saying them out loud.
Step 1: Be good looking and have a tolerable voice, so their ears don’t start bleeding. Step 2: Have enough self confidence, so you can approach them, without being afraid and running away or stutter/freeze, the second you open your mouth. Step 3: Step 4:
I once saw my friends play and when it was done I didn’t even notice but I gave him a compliment and a cold read by saying “The play was really good!(compliment) you should become a actor(cold read)”
The moment when you realise despite everybody saying wow you're and extrovert you must be great at socializing... Then they talk you...and now everybody thinks you're annoying or just hate you for being you so now you're here to become better at socializing despite being and extrovert just so that a fracture of the people u know won't completely hate u.
A listing: 1. Compliment + Cold Read 2. Open ended questions they might be passionate about 3. Ask for points of view or interests or opinions on subjects
I've been trying to talk to this girl and she is really hard to talk to. Me: What exciting things have you done this break? Her: nothing She aknowleges that she doesn't talk a lot. Her sister says she doesn't dislike me. I don't know what to do when she does this.
I’d advise that you keep trying. It might take her some time to open up if she’s shy and/or introverted. She might enjoy listening to what you find interesting, what you do for fun, etc.
I ran into a similar problem. What worked for me was to tell her stuff instead of asking. If we go with your example: Me/you: what'd you do last week? Her: nothing Me/you: *make eye contact and giggle* okay, that's exciting haha. I went to.... Her: oh really? How was it? This keeps the conversation going even if she is a little shy. If you make sure she knows that you want to have a conversation she will most likely be more engaging
Tell her a interesting or funny story that happened to you over the break or whenever, eg talk about pets or what you did in the snow (if it snowed their that is) anything that exited you?
I’m 34 years old, recently been diagnosed with ASD and after all these years I am still learning how to have conversations with people, except at this point it’s more about getting by each day than making friends.
Nice tips! Do you have any advice on how not to feel fake while you are actively manipulating interactions with strangers and loved ones with these methods and other similar methods?
Anthony J. DiPasqua Keep practicing until you aren't faking. After consistently doing it for a long time it will become your default mode. Also, wouldn't say you're manipulating people as much as you're learning how not to be boring to talk to or be around. Interacting with people is a skill that can be learned and improved upon. If you are already good at these things, that's great, but many people struggle in these areas and want to improve. Videos like these help them.
Hmmm. Im usually quite nervous talking with other strangers. But whenever i talk to one, i always start with a smile and looked directly to their eyes and just asked. It actually need your courage and confident. There are billions of people in this world. Watch their body language and how they replied back , that would be very important to prolong a conversation. If they don't have the interest to converse back, its fine. Don't get taken back. Just slowly ended the conversation in a good way such as " it was nice talking to u n if u need anyone to talk with, be happy to listen anytime" . Its to show that u are friendly even if they are not. Easy tips to start a convo:- 1. Said hi 2. Eyes contact n a smile is a must. Handshake if u want. 3. Introduce yourself. 4. Start asking how is your day? What is your major , etc 5. Prolong your conversation. But dispute all of this, dont judge them at first conversation. U need a few conversation before you can get along with strangers to become friends. Just be patience n always be positive.😘😘
First-time viewer here. I'm a very social person and meet a lot of people, but often find myself lacking in this area. Found this to be insightful and helpful and very easy to follow. Thanks for your efforts!
Hey Ben and Charlie! I love watching your videos. I’ve seen a huge difference in my charisma and confidence since watching your videos. I’d love it if you could make a video about how to converse with and brighten a customer’s day when your interaction with them is very short (under 1-2 minutes). I work at Chipotle and while I usually converse and joke with our regulars, I often run out of questions for the average guest apart from “how’s your day going” or “how are you going to enjoy this beautiful day” or compliments. What are some good questions to make a connection with our guests? Thanks and Merry Christmas!
Fourth reason for small talk: to baseline somebody. To find out about their behaviour, tone, movements, etc. so that you can figure out when they act strangely later on.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Ben & Charlie! I hope that you had a great holiday! ...I just thought I'd share this with you... People on the autism spectrum could really benefit from some of the life lessons that you guys teach, especially in regard to conversational etiquette. Autistic people often have an inability to judge what kinds of interactions are appropriate, and which are not. They have to learn the appropriate responses to each individual situation, and often have trouble applying what they've learn to other situations. I think that the format you have might be helpful to individuals that have trouble interacting on the fly. This'd be especially true if they have difficulty reading facial expressions. Obviously, it's not going to fix all of the challenges that autism comes with, but it could be a step in the right direction towards living a fuller life. Workplace etiquette, appropriate social interactions, how to know when someone isn't interested in your chosen topic of conversation, etc. You guys give very specific suggestions that may help people with autism, for whom simple interactions can be confusing and intimidating. I don't know how you would attract this particular audience, or how (or if) the focus of the company would change if you did. But, it's a whole new target market that might really benefit from the work you do. Could even be an opportunity to do some non-profit work. Just throwing the idea out there.
Thank you so much for subscribing and the Like, guys! We really appreciate it! :D
lol worth $500 dollars? i'll continue with the common google search for information or simply asking the people I know and don't know on the topics xD And not expecting to be $500 out of pocket out of 3 hours of genuine attempts of learning from others.
I want to work with you just so badly man. Let me in as your VA.
Not certain about the points made but ,if anyone else wants to learn about best books for getting over shyness try Wiltapar Simple Shyness Secrets (should be on google have a look ) ? Ive heard some super things about it and my cousin got excellent results with it.
Charisma on Command The where are you from question guessing game pisses me off. It stereotype based and in my opinion it can get rude if not careful. Talk about yourself and if they want, they will engage and talk about themselves.
Mias Vera yea you have a good point miss, in directly conversation that kinda guessing game can be misunderstood as assuming their origin based on stereotype. I never practice it in real life, but I did ever have this kinda game while talking to people online, I was initiative to make them guessing where am I come from, but I think I should consider about implementing it irl 🤔
"oh my god you're so funny are you a comedian"
i can't say that without coming of as sarcastic
Bin al-Flecki, that’s not just you
Same ppl think I’m sarcastic even if I’m not 😂
IKR
😂😂
I tried saying this line soooo many times and it always comes out weird
1. Compliment + Cold Read
2. Open-ended Questions
3. Turn it Into a Game ("Hang on, let me guess")
4. Elicit their Advice or Opinion
jeffersfilms you just saved me 9 minutes
What is an open ended question?
Anything that isn't answered with yes/no
Quantum Leap Funnily enough, you just asked one. A question that takes more to answer than just a standard "yes", "no" "I think", etc. A question that can be answered with either a fact, opinion, or guess.
Kyle Harmieson I think you nearly cought on to my subtle humor.
that moment when you're so awkward you need to watch a tutorial on how to socialize
Bridget E. I’m worse. I’m awkward and also have a stutter. Pls pray for me 😂
lol me too mate
do u wanna to be my friend? :v
Cole Parker ..... you and I both lmao and I have a phone interview in like 13 minutes. Yayyyyy lol!
There's nothing wrong with that some people just aren't born with the ability to socialise well don't worry about it at least you're trying to improve
5. Realise that is't not only your responsibility to keep the conversation going. The other one has to put some effort in it too. So if a conversation turns out into an akward silence, it's not only your fault, but also his/hers. Don't blame yourself too much if it doesn't work out every now and then.
Thanks
😊
You can get ANY PERSON to talk if ur social enough
Not His/Hers, They/them
@@the_kleetus-yeeyee48 "theirs" will be either a "his" or a "hers".
very occasionally there might be a "him" or "her" that has a physiological deformity, but exceptions do not create the rule, they prove the rule.
@@Ghryst bro came back 4 years later to correct someone 💀
I hate when people ask what I do for fun. I have to tell them I watch youtube videos.
Pretty obvious solution. Get a hobby
Pik Osyris sounds boring
rbg 1827 then... go find yourself a sport or start drawing or get yourself a pet or start a diary or try at photography
Someone once asked me what my passion was. Told them I couldn't think of anything and they proceeded to talk about their love of photography. That's my experience of smalltalk, it's a gateway for people to talk about themselves.
I tell ppl my hobby is watching youtube videos and constantly learning things. Like dafuq good for you Judy who likes to paint, I watch psychology and social based videos out of curiosity.
This is what helped me:
The main solution to conversate without it being awkward is not over analyzing so much. Stop focusing on small things like “how to talk to people” and stuff and you will naturally become more good at speaking to other people because the reason we are so awkward is, our head goes blank and you end not knowing what to say, if we do have something to say we overthink that its not a good question or response so we sit their silent or we have serious social anxiety that makes us think everything we say or do is wrong and every one is judging us. We over analyze people so much but if you really help yourself realize these are just humans they are not superior for you to get nervous to just talk to them the conversation will literally flow as if you were talking to a close friend. I remember watching this video a long while ago and I was binge watching videos on how to act in public and all and non of the advice stuck in my head when it was time to talk or something I literally forgot what to do and how to act and than I realized if I just stop over analyzing everything, everything wouldn’t be so fu**ing hard! YOU GUYS DONT NEED HELP TALKING TO PEOPLE YOH NEED HELP BEING MORE CONFIDENT🤎
I've to thank you for this, felt like a huge burden just lifted off from my shoulders.
I can't agree more with you.
effing true
Woah that is a lot of words.
Thanks so much!
Facts!
If you are real confident you don't mind about silence, just talk when you feel like it!
I don’t get it, how to you carry a conversation? When I’m around people, I’m usually the quiet one, and when they talk, it usually either goes
1. *friend says something*
Me: why didn’t I think of that
Or
2. *thinks of something potentially funny to say after conversation has ended*
U just legit ask about everything. They say something that could be built more in conversation, you ask about it. You see something they wore that interests u or could have an impact on the other person, ask them about it
@@LukeSkyblocker I think the problem is that we just don't know _what_ to ask on the spot.
For instance, if I find out that my classmate plays Super Smash Bros Ultimate, I ask them what character they main, how far have they gotten in the game... and that's about it.
We're like robots, we need a script of questions to ask instead of improvising. xD
Luaxon it’s funny that you mention improvising, I’ve thought about joining or making an improv group to help myself be more creative in the moment. I struggle to respond to people, but if I can sharpen my mind, things will come more naturally, instead of me thinking of something 12 hours later 😂
Very funny
Im pretty a quiet person myself. But u actually can learn something about them by watching them too. Like what they like to do, what hobby they love to do, their behaviour and their body language, their dislike and likes. Observe that n u can actually trigger a conversation. People loves it when u actually notice a little thing about them or compliment them. Even if you not good in talking , u can always be a good listener. From there, u can actually converse to help them out or creating a simple joke to help them out.
All these comments are really funny
Wish we could be like this irl...
Ikr
mood
i thought you would say we should all be comedians
I had to pause the video because the comment are so funny...I’m just scrolling through dying of laughter.
I wish 😭
How it'd actually go down:
Stranger: *tells joke*
Me: *laughs* Wow you're so funny, are you a comedian?
Stranger: No.
Awkward Silence
That's when you say: "You really should be. You'd do well."
yoyoheads lol
hey, are you a comedian?
haven't you learned anything? you don't do awkward silence. do this...
Creepy Stranger: tells a joke
Me: 'Sarcastically laughs' Wow you're so funny, are you a comedian?
Creepy Stranger: No.
Me: Thank god. don't give up your day job.
@@WolfofNightMusic Looool
i gotta say this works much more better lol.. because of...sarcasm. man! i love sarcasm!
This is like learning how to be a human being im fcked lmaoo
Xdd
Most of it is obvious ofc, buy when you get nervous talking to people you forget about this natural stuff, and focus on how scared you are, which results in silence and instead now, you can think more clearly
😂😂
wow, you're so relatable(compliment)
are you a virgin?(cold read)
did i do it correctly?
@@donoto2457 no mate, he got fcked so he's not virgin
This is my #1 goal to master in the next year. I’m not necessarily shy but I NEVER know what to say and I come off so awkward and shy when I’m not
Omg you’re not alone, same here actually!
Great goal.
How did it go?
How did it go?
Going well??
The moment I realized that I've done some weird "interview" instead of conversation. Thank you for the tips
Yeah I either ask to many questions or none at all
Dont ask too many questions because the person can feel irritated
I should be studying but somehow mastering the art of small talk just feels more important at the moment
@Joe Mama 3 days later but same
@@oDuckology one month later but same
@@Jk-qd4yr 2 months later but same
@Hari one month later but the same
@@IXGIGACHADXI 9 days later but same
Her: you’re so funny, like my brother!
Me: so why do you have a Brother??
Try - Thank you for the compliment. Would you like to hear a joke? or Would you like to (insert activity here - go for walk/coffee) so I can make you laugh even more? or, tell me about your brother. This allows her to mention things that you might share with her brother - which allows her to get to know you a little more and you might find that some of those things are qualities or interests she shares as well. Like, well he likes to create his own funny lyrics to songs... and she might say we do that together (tells you something about her). Asking about someone in her world, that she brought up, allows you to learn more about her and the people she likes. Opportunity to find shared interests or things that she gets animated about - when someone becomes animated talking about something, that is a great topic to start asking questions about.
@@TravelCoachClara "Would you like to go for a walk so I can make you laugh even more?" has to be the creepiest conversational response I've read this week.
Omg 😂😭
I love the comments
@@jaroslavsvaha6065 DEADASS 🤣 like bruh I dont see ppl actually saying this in real life without coming off as cocky u don't say let's hangout so I can make you laugh more that just sounds cocky
Me irl
"Wow your dress is nice, you must be a swimmer"
me tho. I am awful at talking to people. The main way I make friend is essentially by someone "adopting" me into their group of friends like a stray puppy.
@@Lycan_the_deerdog sameeeeee
Therese
Exactly, you have to be super self aware to use that technique
Your profile pic is nice. Hmm...let me guess....your an...uh, artist? 😂
BORC I’m sorry that made me lol but in a good way
Therese Cadalzo Wow are you a comedian
Improve small talk
0:56 Why is small talk needed?
1:37 Compliment + Cold Read
2:59 Avoid one word answer question. Ask an open ended question so they can give their opinion, thoughts and ideas.
3:55 Long answer questions
4:36 Guessing game
5:44 Asking others advice/opinion
People should stop thinking awkward silences are undesirable. Live with it. Russians never worry about awkward silences, it's basically a part of conversation.
Sam Knaip good thing over there
What are you talking about? Have you met any Russians like that? I'm just asking because I've never ever experienced that in my entire life, maybe it has to do with my personality but still.. Russians seems to be outgoing
Yep, Russians have a saying "if you dont have anything to say, then don't"
Russians, both men and women, can be very talkative when talking is interesting to them, but they don't mind keeping silent otherwise. They don't need to keep talking continuously no matter what.
Sam Knaip you see this in inexperienced public speakers. They feel like they have to fill every second of their speech time with them talking or making noises. They end up using more vocal fillers, speaking too quickly when they do that. The real expert speakers and storytellers use silence and pauses as a device to command control of the audience and punctuate their strong points.
Everyone’s a introvert here....
I'm not, I just love learning more things about communicating with people :D
No
Yes I'm
:D
Ambivert actually, just socially awkward :)
I have been recovering from social phobia and have been finding these videos incredibly helpful. Practicing talking to people time and time again and walking away most of the time feeling like I was boring or could have done significantly better can be really discouraging, thank you for expanding my tool belt in this process!
I don't like that so many comments here focus on Ben's appearance, so I just want to say:
Your video is really helpful and I like that you became a part of this channel :)
maggithepink thank you! I think I underestimated the amount of critique I was opening myself up to by starting to contribute to the channel, so thanks for saying so :-)
Benjamin Altman I guess people just need time to adjust, so don't take it personal :) Merry Christmas btw :D
Nobody cares what you think MEGAN >:(
Yeah, it seems that most things are based on appearance as you try to appeal to certain people, yet fail when you lack appearance.
Compliment + cold read “oh my god ur shoes are so nice, are u illegal?”
umm :D
Is it legit or fake? xD
Sounds underage
Me: Hi
Her: Hi
Me: so, how you doin?
Her: pretty well
Me: .. ok
Her: ok
Me:...bye
Her: bye
Daniel Felipe in that case, it’s the girls fault lmao 😂
Oblivion dialogue system
A minute of silence for the fallen brother...
Daniel Felipe me in 6th grade 😂
Daniel Felipe right???? Like what are you supposed to say after that?? I don’t understand how people carry conversations
1: Compliment and then a guess based on that compliment
2: Avalanche of words (open questions)
•Avoid one word answer questions instead use questions the other person can say things other than yes/no/5 years/
•Ask questions the other person wants to answer, about things that he enjoys. Eg: what's exciting these days at work, not how is work - what do you do for fun. Questions about themselves, their characters/personality.
3: Guessing game. Eg: Where are you from? -> Where are you from? Wait, give me two hints to guess. Use this technique with caution, best suited for situations you want the conversation to be enjoyable and funny. Not with your boss.
4: -
"what do you do for fun" is an annoying question. It's right up there with, what kind of music do you like?
Why are you always quiet?
Is the most annoying question to me
the only thing I would like people to ask me about would be: What kind of music do you like and I would never stop talking.
@@linked3970 why are you so quiet
@@noeliarte6783 For me it would be kind of a bad question, since I don't like the same music genre as the majority of people here. But while I'm at it what kind of music do you like? :) haha
When I hear questions like this I forget who I am and just say " idk"
I'm always practising when I take an Uber or Lyft. I'd say that's the best place to practise.
Aku brilliant idea, great way to practice
Oh my gosh! I use it for practice too lol Its great, I've gotten into really good conversations before too
practiCe
Dr. Marvel, it's both. Practise is British English, whereas practice is American.
Sadly doesn't work if you own a car and therefore have no need for such a peasant lifestyle
my friend:*tells an interesting story*
me
"öhh"
Lmao that's so me
Drab Lad, same, I’m getting better with it though
That's me
Same but I say “Damn that’s Crazy” After I payed absolutely no attention...Lmao
Say something like oh wow, i find(whatever you found interesting in the story) and then talk about it? You could then switch it and ask them things like why did that happen, or has it happened before?
As a person that hasn’t been actively social every day, I found almost all of your videos to contain extremely useful information that I didn’t know where I’d find otherwise. Now I know so much more. I’ve literally spent all night now just watching your vids.
Here's my advice: don't overthink it, just go out and socialize. I swear you learn more naturally just by doing it. also understand that not every joke will land and sometimes it will be awkward, you're just trying your best to minimize that. some of this is good advice though. For example, the guessing game thing is actually really good advice. Don't be afraid to be playful with it too. Asking for their advice/opinion is really good advice too. If you overthink it and treat a conversation like a math equation you probably will come across poorly though. Imo practice is the most important thing here. These are good things to have in the back of your mind but they shouldn't dominate the conversation. OmeTv and similar places are a good place to get actual practice too
edit: just realized this comment is 6 years old. hope things turned out alright for you in the end
* me as a doctor in hospital *
Me: how are you? What brings you here todayy? Oh no, actually I want to guess!!
Hey Ben, I just want to say that you are really good at what you do. A lot of people have been commenting about them missing Charlie; but that's probably because of them being more used to him - I can understand that. Nevertheless, you are doing an equally amazing job. Introducing a new face to the audience is never easy, but you DO fit in this channel's theme as if you've been here since the very beginning. Great work and keep it up!
Thanks Alex! I really appreciate your comment :-)
I totally get the growing pains and understand where they’re coming from, but it isn’t always fun to read. Comments like yours really bring me up and inspire me to try to make great videos for you :-)
@@benjaminaltman4895 I am new to this channel and I would have never said that you were new to the channel either. I appreciate what this channel provides to those as myself who are feeling trapped by not being able to socialize. I was only able to socialize easily when I was drinking and when I stopped drinking I started feeling stuck, shy and unconfident like I have no personality. I am learning so much from you and this channel thank you, you are an a amazing soul.
What always impresses me about COC videos is that the hosts always clearly do the video in one (or just a couple) take(s). This proves that they know what they're on about, because they have the confidence to happily speak for 10 minutes at a time on a topic.
As someone who struggles with their social filter and for that reason loathes small talk because of the accompanying awkwardness, I appreciate this video.
This helps because I am an introvert. I DISLIKE small talk but talk to me about life, what makes you happy, etc & ill be talking for hours.
Me: *comes up with a joke that matches the situation, nah, no one will laugh*
My Friend: Tells the exact joke I'm thinking of
Everyone Else: *dying of laughter*
Me: *dies inside*
Such an underrated comment
That's why you have to just say it anyways. If you're in a group of friend nobody with actually judge you that much, so if it's not actually that funny then it's whatever. How do you expect to become confident in your abilities if you never showcase them?
VERY RELATABLE
Me : Actually say it but with a low voice
My friend who heard it : *Repeats the joke right after like it was his own*
Everybody : *Laughs*
Me : *Dies inside*
Actually it helped me noticing my jokes were funny, if only I could say them louder with commitment.
That's a great way to start safe : saying a context joke to one person that concerns an entire group. He will in most cases repeat it to the group when it's funny (except if they're like you), and you'll get confident
Maybe you need to express it more? Because who want to laugh if you tell them a joke while your face expression is flat
Funnily enough, I have tried some of the things in the video and I didn't have much success. There was this girl I met once via a mutual friend that I swear was (and is) the most boring person around. Here's a little bit of how it went:
She learned from our mutual friend that I play music, so she asked me about it. I explained that it's the most interesting thing to happen to my life and that it's imperative for people to have an "escape" from reality, where they can do their own thing . In a small amount of time I had given her my thoughts about it, plus a general opinion about people and their life. Plenty of stuff to go about right? Wrong. She didn't have anything to say to that, so I naturally followed it up with: "And what do you do for fun? What gets your life going?" She gave me a half answer: "Not much. Maybe a walk here and there. Maybe hanging out with friends." And that was it. I tried asking her a bit more. I tried giving my own examples, while also trying not to talk too much as to "overpower" her. Then, I remembered that, one day we had gathered with a bunch of friends (herself included) to play card games. So I told her: "Oh, but you were so good at poker at [that time]! I bet you work half-time at a casino or something. She just told me "No I don't." At that point I realized that no matter how good you are at conversation and how much you try to improve, there are people that you just can't seem to get a word out of. It is kind of disheartening, but it is what it is!
Ben’s teeth are whiter than his shirt!!! Do you drink coffee/ wine?
Nick Thorpe hahaha thanks Nick. So I’m just gonna out myself here, I do drink coffee but I use a Koffee Straw (from Amazon). I feel like a goofball doing it but it keeps my teeth from going brown haha
did u just use the first technique
Compliment plus cold read
Damn, boy, you learn fast 😁
I didn’t even realize I did it 😂
So how long have you been 23?
Wait no
Shite
Nvm
Lmao
😂
“ wait no gimme hints “
I mean, this is fixable. Just try to find a way to angle the question to the month they were born. Go like: So how long have you been 23? I want to see if our astral signs/birthdays line up. Maybe add a joke in after about your perception of people born that month.
In the beginning, you said "Merry Christmas" and I was like "Oh this again..."
But then you said "If you celebrate it", and I felt included and considered.
Thank you.
“So... How long have you been 24? Ooh, no wait lemme guess... 24 years?”
🤔
1 year? You're 24 only once😂
@@alexx9058 LMAOOOO
I hate socializing but I realized I need it to network.Glad I landed here.
~ Glad you found our channel, Maryanne! Hopefully, we'll have lots more good stuff for you :-)
"No more awkward silences."
Step 1: stop thinking silence is awkward.
It's not akward but according to script they should talk to us more when we talk to them
@@mrcool2107 and it's also their fault if there is somehow awkward silence. Anyways, that is inevitable and therefore take it as a learning experience and learn to be comfortable.
As an 27 yo legit introvert, I have learned that small talk is SUPER important.
I'm glad I'm getting better at it, props to CoC for the help!
~ That's awesome to hear!
What about a video on how to deal with Jealousy? That'd be cool. (Not somebody else's necessarily, but your own.)
they have already a somewhat similiar video. It's called "why you don't feel good enough" . highly recommend it, although he doesn't explicity dive into that topic, it's part of the lesson there
romantic jealousy isn't any different from jealousy in general, correct me if I'm wrong
I'm not and expert, but the root cause of jealousy is first our need for comparison to someone else which comes from the feeling of you not being enough and not having enough self-love. Insted of comparing you to yourself only. Cultivate self-love and the jelaousy shall go slowly away. Now I know, easier said than done, it takes time for sure, but that's the jist of it IMO. Because the inner voices that stir our thoughts when jealousy kicks in are horrible, and if we confront it, they can even grow stronger initially and that's why it is also scarry to do that. But it is also what we must do.
These guys explain it way better, but I also fuse the lessons from their videos and combine them because the massages containt a whole variaty of useful information
All such emotions come from fear of something. Track that fear down then rationalize your way into thinking that it is okay to fear that thing. Basically, just accept the fear and move on
I liked your tips. I would add "be fully present during the conversation" because many times I feel like we just don't pay attention to someone so there's just some strange "energy" going on that shows you might be not real interested because you are worring if you are doing right and trying to think about the next question so you end up being disconnected, which is the opposite of what you wanted.
A big hello from Brazil. Thanks!
Just today I had a very nice conversation with someone I didn't know very well and it's hilarious as almost all the points mentioned were present at the time. I'm watching this video just 6 hours after that conversation, and I find it funny to identify each point as a reason why I enjoyed it so much xD Great job dude
That was a great video! It felt like a 1 minute video. Thanks for sharing the knowledge
~ Awesome! Glad you like it. :-)
i hate small talk
Same, same.
Perhaps that's why we watch such videos.
I'd rather avoid small talk than "get better at it". I was just curious what he was going to say.
Noblesse Oblige same but it's hard to avoid it
and yet you are engaging in a small talk on youtube... don't delude yourself. You don't hate small talks, you can't hate small talks (that's like hating the fact you need food to survive), you just hate the fact you suck at small talks, that your social skills are shit.
If you think you hate it then you don't understand what small talk is and what is its function in society. Stop that "new-edge" crap that you are a lost individual in this stupid world in which nobody gets you, everybody else is stupid, rules suck, adults are idiots and stuff like that. There are evolutionary reasons, written deep in your essence of being, for why small talks exist. So stop that crap and take control over your steering wheel.
I recommend reading "Selfish Gene" by Richard Dawkins. It puts your life in perspecitve.
I'm a new direct seller and I just had the worst conversation I've ever been through of my life.
And I'm here
Merry Christmas!
I have a nagging issue that I know you could make a video about. You do a lot of videos about how to be more attractive and escape the friend zone but what I need, as a female is how to be friendly without people thinking I'm interested in a relationship.
I am naturally a people person and have never struggled with conversations or charisma, but what I find happens a lot is that it's often mistaken for me being "into" them, when I'm just being nice. I hate having friend zone people, because they ask me out and say I was giving them signs I like them. it makes me feel really bad and I wonder how many times I can get away with saying no before someone takes it badly and something bad happens. Thank you for your time, I hope this gives you a new video topic, have a great day :)
Opheliacinthelake hi! Did you see the Wonder Woman video? Charlie and I don’t have firsthand experience being a woman so to be candid we have to imagine or ask female friends for something like this, but Charlie included something on this when talking about Gal Gadot that will hopefully be helpful!
fart in front of them
Hi Benjamin Altman no I didn't see that one, I don't think it was in my feed :/ thank you so much for your reply, it's greatly appreciated for you to take time to read and reply.
I will do and check out the video now. 😁 sorry for late reply, wasn't feeling well over the last week. Have a fabulous new year BTW
Gratitude and best wishes from England
DJ Woof lmao good idea 😉
Benjamin Altman Also, a video about how to tell the difference between a girl just being nice versus her actually liking you would be very, VERY helpful.
Keep up the good work, man. You're awesome.
Lmao, I'll end up saying- *"why are you 23 years old?"*
@What a beast lmao
It was a leap year.
*why aren't you 60!?!?*
Could make it fun
Lmaoooo
I love when I learn that I'm already doing something good without even thinking about it and although I'm already doing said thing, I can develop it now that I'm aware.
Great video thats something I was always wanting to know. Thank you!
Sarah A. My pleasure! Glad you liked it :-)
I'm so bad at talking
Hey
Hey
How are you?
Good, you?
Good
Cool
Yeah
Ok
Bye
Bye
I am a project manager's assistant at an architect company, and sometimes I have to go with her to construction sites in her car. I had to learn to hold a small talk VERY quickly. At first, it was awkward, and I felt as if I was in a social experiment (she is my boss and it made everything even more awkward). Thank god she usually has a lot to say, and in the meantime, I can think about questions and what to add to this conversation. It is like a real-life IQ test. It is hard and it is a skill I certainly need to master. Nobody told me that I would have to handle small talk situations when I applied to this job :D
i find it helpful to talk about dreams with people bc dreams are weird and people love to talk about them
Merry Christmas Ben! I'll be seeing family today so I'm excited to use these tips!
Jennifer Micek Merry Christmas to you too Jennifer! Hope you have fun with this :-)
J
H.e.l.l.o
Just listening to you talk made me feel better today. You remind me of a guy I used to work with and with him small talk was super natural and I loved talking with him. I'm 17 and he was around 20 years old but we talked as if we already knew each other and I must have used all the tips you gave in this video without knowing! I guess it comes naturally with some people?
A pretty good conversation question is “what’s a favourite book of yours?” Either you get some good book recs or you can give some book recs if they don’t have an answer
how else is watching this on Christmas 2022 crazy how i searched this up and its the same month still tells you how advanced yt has gotten
It's refreshingly different and wonderful when I come across an advice video on youtube that's actually helpful. Thank you for sharing your knowledge about small talk with us, it truly has helped me broaden my social skills and therefore raised my chances of social success. Keep up the great work!
~ Glad you found it helpful!
I like videos like this, everyone wants to get past small talk but I always see it as an avenue to cool and interesting topics about the person. You have to start somewhere and small talk, if done right is a great way to do it.
Wow I love the idea of the guessing game. In certain situations I can see that working really well!
Always learn so much from your videos! Thanks :
Katie M my pleasure :-). I love the guessing game, not just because of the game itself - in general I think it changes the conversation to a more fun friendly vibe
@@benjaminaltman4895 It seems you could answer the clues with goofy guesses.
That first tip actually works. And I did it before without even thinking. I took English classes and there was a beautiful Korean girl I really liked, I said to her that she looked really cute in her clothes and asked her if she was a model. That absolutely made the conversation really open and without any problem I asked her for a date. It really works!
~ That's awesome!
I appreciate the effort to be much more enthusiastic and extroverted. Definitely giving me ideas of how to chill out not be so nervous and keep it light and fun like I was talking to a friend.
It seems like it’s about being really relaxed and taking those thoughts we have in our heads and saying them out loud.
ಹೆಚ್ಚಿನದಕ್ಕಾಗಿ ಕ್ಷಮೆಯಾಚಿಸಿ, ನನ್ನಿಂದ ಸ್ನೇಹಕ್ಕಾಗಿ ಶುಭಾಶಯಗಳು. ಆರೋಗ್ಯಕರ ಮತ್ತು ಯಶಸ್ವಿ ನನ್ನ ಎಲ್ಲ ಸ್ನೇಹಿತರನ್ನು ಹೌದು ಎಂದು ಮುಂದುವರಿಸಿದೆ
Step 1: Be good looking and have a tolerable voice, so their ears don’t start bleeding.
Step 2: Have enough self confidence, so you can approach them, without being afraid and running away or stutter/freeze, the second you open your mouth.
Step 3:
Step 4:
I once saw my friends play and when it was done I didn’t even notice but I gave him a compliment and a cold read by saying
“The play was really good!(compliment) you should become a actor(cold read)”
Damn thanks for that, because, well, Introvert things like small talk, right?!
I had some nervous meeting with my boss, then I decide to search for this in TH-cam. It never disappoints me.
Lol, perfect video for Christmas reunions.
The fact that I’m not alone makes me feel better. Thought it was just me who can’t human properly
Wow you really like breathing i think! Do you like oxygen?
Yeah.
I prefer helium. Im on an oxygen free diet.
No. You should go with "Why do you like oxygen"?
I think that'd be funny to see someone say to someone who had just gotten through an intense workout. xD
@@squeegy254 *Continues to suffocate*
The moment when you realise despite everybody saying wow you're and extrovert you must be great at socializing... Then they talk you...and now everybody thinks you're annoying or just hate you for being you so now you're here to become better at socializing despite being and extrovert just so that a fracture of the people u know won't completely hate u.
Interviewer: tell me a little about yourself
Me: I like apples
I hate sand
Jay Ahmed a girl literally asked me what I like and i said “I like water, a lot”
A listing:
1. Compliment + Cold Read
2. Open ended questions they might be passionate about
3. Ask for points of view or interests or opinions on subjects
PLS guys! Make a video about 'How to meet people when you just moved', I actually need it :D
Easy for you. I lost attention at first sight. No time, I need to finish my work. Programming. In my world.
I've been trying to talk to this girl and she is really hard to talk to.
Me: What exciting things have you done this break?
Her: nothing
She aknowleges that she doesn't talk a lot. Her sister says she doesn't dislike me. I don't know what to do when she does this.
I’d advise that you keep trying. It might take her some time to open up if she’s shy and/or introverted. She might enjoy listening to what you find interesting, what you do for fun, etc.
I ran into a similar problem.
What worked for me was to tell her stuff instead of asking. If we go with your example:
Me/you: what'd you do last week?
Her: nothing
Me/you: *make eye contact and giggle* okay, that's exciting haha. I went to....
Her: oh really? How was it?
This keeps the conversation going even if she is a little shy.
If you make sure she knows that you want to have a conversation she will most likely be more engaging
What to do: Find someone who's actually fun. You're welcome.
Tell her a interesting or funny story that happened to you over the break or whenever, eg talk about pets or what you did in the snow (if it snowed their that is) anything that exited you?
lucky bastard.
The compliment+cold read is something i do sarcastically to my friends all the time
Me: What do you do for fun?
Stranger: Read *walks away*
Me: Well that didn't work...
Lmao
These kind of videos really do help if you apply them. I can for the most part hold a conversation and not be awkward.
This seems way too hard. I would never remember any of this in the high stress situation of interacting with a human being.
I’m 34 years old, recently been diagnosed with ASD and after all these years I am still learning how to have conversations with people, except at this point it’s more about getting by each day than making friends.
Small talk is difficult because there is not a real subject and goal.
“Merry Christmas or happy holidays if you celebrate something else.” That’s so transparent
cant believe i had to search this up
Me too
for real I can't handle this anymore
This is the kind of video I like. Brief enough. Knows his stuff. Review at the end. Good, useful material. 👑
Nice tips! Do you have any advice on how not to feel fake while you are actively manipulating interactions with strangers and loved ones with these methods and other similar methods?
Anthony J. DiPasqua Keep practicing until you aren't faking. After consistently doing it for a long time it will become your default mode.
Also, wouldn't say you're manipulating people as much as you're learning how not to be boring to talk to or be around. Interacting with people is a skill that can be learned and improved upon. If you are already good at these things, that's great, but many people struggle in these areas and want to improve. Videos like these help them.
Anthony J. DiPasqua lmao
Just didnt be fake
*dont
Hmmm. Im usually quite nervous talking with other strangers. But whenever i talk to one, i always start with a smile and looked directly to their eyes and just asked. It actually need your courage and confident. There are billions of people in this world. Watch their body language and how they replied back , that would be very important to prolong a conversation. If they don't have the interest to converse back, its fine. Don't get taken back. Just slowly ended the conversation in a good way such as " it was nice talking to u n if u need anyone to talk with, be happy to listen anytime" . Its to show that u are friendly even if they are not. Easy tips to start a convo:-
1. Said hi
2. Eyes contact n a smile is a must. Handshake if u want.
3. Introduce yourself.
4. Start asking how is your day? What is your major , etc
5. Prolong your conversation.
But dispute all of this, dont judge them at first conversation. U need a few conversation before you can get along with strangers to become friends. Just be patience n always be positive.😘😘
A breakdown of Gary Vaynerchuk would be awesome.
Carl Wane I agree! I’ll try to get this out in January or February :-)
Benjamin Altman PLEASE DUDE MAKE IT HAPPEN HE IS SOO INSPIRING AND CHARISMATIC!
egotistic
First-time viewer here. I'm a very social person and meet a lot of people, but often find myself lacking in this area. Found this to be insightful and helpful and very easy to follow. Thanks for your efforts!
~ Glad you're finding it helpful Jacob!
Hey Ben and Charlie! I love watching your videos. I’ve seen a huge difference in my charisma and confidence since watching your videos. I’d love it if you could make a video about how to converse with and brighten a customer’s day when your interaction with them is very short (under 1-2 minutes). I work at Chipotle and while I usually converse and joke with our regulars, I often run out of questions for the average guest apart from “how’s your day going” or “how are you going to enjoy this beautiful day” or compliments. What are some good questions to make a connection with our guests? Thanks and Merry Christmas!
This is the first video on small talk that has actually helped me
Oh okay, so small talk is essentially turning a question into a statement.
I feel good about this video because it is useful at the same time i feel embarrassing because I'm watching a tutorial about how to talk to people.
Me: *Makes a Joke*
Girl: Loughs a little
*Achievement: How did we get here?*
Fourth reason for small talk: to baseline somebody. To find out about their behaviour, tone, movements, etc. so that you can figure out when they act strangely later on.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Ben & Charlie! I hope that you had a great holiday! ...I just thought I'd share this with you...
People on the autism spectrum could really benefit from some of the life lessons that you guys teach, especially in regard to conversational etiquette. Autistic people often have an inability to judge what kinds of interactions are appropriate, and which are not. They have to learn the appropriate responses to each individual situation, and often have trouble applying what they've learn to other situations. I think that the format you have might be helpful to individuals that have trouble interacting on the fly. This'd be especially true if they have difficulty reading facial expressions. Obviously, it's not going to fix all of the challenges that autism comes with, but it could be a step in the right direction towards living a fuller life. Workplace etiquette, appropriate social interactions, how to know when someone isn't interested in your chosen topic of conversation, etc. You guys give very specific suggestions that may help people with autism, for whom simple interactions can be confusing and intimidating. I don't know how you would attract this particular audience, or how (or if) the focus of the company would change if you did. But, it's a whole new target market that might really benefit from the work you do. Could even be an opportunity to do some non-profit work. Just throwing the idea out there.
Silence is seriously under rated.