The pageantry part really irks me sometimes. Why do I have to copy someone like a monkey to get them to like talking to me? I still don't really get it. That kinda thing just makes me think the person's a potential sycophant.
@@matturner6890the reason the US at least has so many of the cultural and just blatantly corrupt behaviors and institutions we have is because we prioritize sociopathic and intelligent people who can do what you said, copy them like a monkey, and be likeable. It's why so many people have no actual useable knowledge or wisdom because they just pretend every second of every day
These videos lose me when they frame someone not enjoying social interaction or having a higher social battery with being shy, afraid, or just incompetent. No I just despise talking with strangers about nothing
That jack black intro is actually what i do going into every job interview the past few years. I may still be unemployed but there isnt an interviewer that will ever forget my interview with them.
I had a drug test for a grocery store job years ago and wore a huge pot leaf t shirt in to give my pee sample. A sassy black nurse said “oh suga’ I hope yo pee dont come out too clear or you gonna be back in here for a repeat”. And we both just laughed.
These conversation shut-down tips are fantastic, as there's nothing more annoying than when someone tries to have a conversation with you, and you really want to be left alone.
"sometimes the thing that most makes someone like you is not when you look smart or funny, but when you make them feel smart or funny" that line hit me
true but also kind of sad cuz it highlights the fact that some people have to be given enough attention in order for a relationship to work out. lmao. Pick your friends wisely.
This video is biased very much. Many people feel happy for someone else´s happiness, because it maintains peace in the world. Only sociopaths think other wise. They feel an inspiration from happy successful people. The author of this video thinks that everybody wants to manipulate and not being authentic and live in the moment.
5 common mistakes that make you seem boring : 1- Energy ducking * trick: answer with an absurd non-literal answer *trick: set a fun , playful tone first, then continue to answer the question. 2- assuming interest *trick:start your story with a story gap 3- giving bland one to five word answer *trick:share enough to make conversation easy for the other person. But then Create space for them to speak as well . 4-ask the same default boring questions *trick:ask somthing that the other person will be excited to answer *trick ask fun hypotheticals 5- being a passive listener *trick: mirroring by repeating a pattern of behavior of the person you're talking to. *trick: listening to laugh
Man I’m cringing at all the opportunities I missed to make great friends and get myself into rooms with great ppl all because I lacked charisma. Like it was said in this video, I didn’t make a good or bad first impression. Just a bland one. Missed out on making a lot of potentially life changing connections
I see a lot of people mentioning that they don't like small talk. Everything in life is as fun as you allow it to be. When people ask me what I do for a living, I find that to be a boring question. So I just make up a ridiculous job and next thing you know we're having fun. If they mention the weather, I make up an imaginary weather type that sounds horrible or hilarious and next thing you know the conversation is fun. You can turn anything into a good time, but first you have to decide to enjoy yourself instead of passing judgement on what the other person is saying. People who say boring small talk stuff don't want to be boring, they're just in a low energy mood, or afraid to say something that would make things awkward or uncomfortable. Someone has to take a risk in order for good things to happen, and if the other person doesn't do it, that means it's on you. It's fun to practice, you've got nothing to lose.
@@johnp.johnson1541Everyone is judgemental, and everyone needs a sense of control in their life, sometimes we're able to make friendships or just be happy due to having similar/shared standards of judgement with someone
Its also important, especially for people who get nervous in social situations, to know that sometimes boring conversations just happen. Maybe its the mood, maybe its the energy between the two people. Whatever the case, dont sweat it if it does happen. Youll have other chances to have good conversations.
Also worth noting it isn't always necessary, you don't have to make every interaction with every coworker some extravagant affair. This is especially true for those you're around often, it is true for those you'll never see again as well but in that case you have an opportunity to improve everyone's day with a pleasant interaction so it's still worth the effort imo.
Craig Ferguson has always been vastly underrated. He's one of the best talk show hosts of all time. If you have time, watch him with Robin Williams. Craig is the only person I've seen keep up with him.
Yeah Craig is the best. He's the only night show host that ever made me actually laugh. Coco got a few chuckles out of me but Craig would have me guffawing uncontrollably. Very underrated.
1. stand out (rip introverts), answer absurd things 2. dont assume interest, start stories with a story gap 3. dont give too short answers 4. dont ask boring questions, ask exciting or fun hypothetical questions 5. dont be a passive listener, repeat things the other one says, laugh authentically
Also in addition to this video .... Make your yourself NOT boring by doing various things that get you excited or motivate YOU in life, like hobbies, reading, going to movies, Martial arts, Comic-Con, woodworking, whatever.... and relay that excitement about those things to people you talk to and they might just get up caught up in that genuine excitement you feel or you may find you have something in common. Plus it just makes you a more well rounded human being when interacting with multiple types of peoples out in the world and allows that natural YOU to come out.
This. exploring new stuff and doing what makes you fulfilled & being authentic is just, well, so FULFILLING wouldnt trade doing that stuff for the world
Don't allow red pill or self-improvement videos to overcomplicate your life. Starting a conversation shouldn't be complicated. I've been in your position back in middle and high school.
Facts. If you did things you enjoy you would have energy talking about them with other people they would like you and you’d be friends. If you have no life you have nothing to say
Sorry. Not pulling punches. Might be projecting. Sounds like the personality you present to everyone is boring and bland because you're too afraid of them not liking you and damaging your already fragile self esteem. And you think the secret to connecting with people and getting the validation you need is through cool stories and life experiences because that's what you subconsciously perceive as value. Of course, since you have absolutely nothing you perceive to be valuable, and you can't risk saying anything *not* valuable (because remember everyone has to like you), there is nothing left to say. In reality nobody gives a flying crap about what you've done, and the only time it matters is as support for something else you've said. So put the other person first. Ask questions, be interested in them. Offer your own opinion and be open. Openness invites openness. Thats how you get people to like you. Make them feel valuable and comfortable. When you get out of your own head and think of what the other person values, the problem will sort itself out. Of course, if youre not interested in people and would prefer to talk about what you wanna talk about, that's your own issue. Nobody else's.
What you've written is only half-true. If you only ask questions of other people and simply provide opinions, people will like you but they won't know you. People need to know you in order to build a relationship with you. You need to share things about yourself, too. And as I said, if all you do is stay home and browse TH-cam you're not really going to have anything to say or share. People need to get out of the house and start experiencing what life has to offer so they may share those experiences as part of building a relationship.
I was feeling insecure, so I started binge watching these advice videos. I don't know if I will ever use them or even remember them when the time comes, but just knowing that there is a possibility, a hope that I can get better at this thing really cheered me up. I needed this. Thank you.
You may be feeling insecure but to be honest, most of the best conversations and laughs I've ever had were with people that sometimes deemed themselves insecure. Matter of fact is that "insecurity" often renders you very introspective, and once you open up, it's kind of a positive, fun, engaging pandora's box. Cheer up! You are great, use it to your advantage.
There's two kinds of learning. Conscious learning and subconscious learning. Most people think subconscious learning is like, listening to "how to speak Spanish" tapes while you sleep at night and waking up knowing how to speak Spanish. Which is actually a real thing. Not that you'll go to sleep not knowing how to speak Spanish, and then magically wake up being a fluent speaker. But more along the lines of, after you do that, when you go to Spanish class it won't feel completely foreign to you. You'll feel a sense of familiarity with the material. Learning new things are like solving a puzzle, and suddenly you'll be like "I know this piece goes here. I don't know why I know that, but that's where this puzzle piece goes." But subconscious learning isn't just about listening to learning material in your sleep. Subconscious learning actually happens all the time, at all times of the day, all throughout your life, morning noon and night. You spend all your time hanging out with negative people, you subconsciously learn to be negative and look at the world negatively. You spend all your time hanging out with motivated people, watching and listening to motivational material, you subconsciously start being more motivated. You wake up and even if you aren't motivated, you somehow know how to get motivated. Being motivated doesn't feel completely foreign to you, there's some sense of familiarity. If you keep binge watching videos like these, even if you just have them on in the background while you're doing homework, or doing dishes or folding laundry, and you keep putting yourself into social situations where you have opportunities to practice positive social habits, what will begin to happen is that having positive social interactions will start to feel familiar. You'll start complimenting people in authentic ways and being playful when you talk to them and feeling more relaxed in conversation without even realizing it. It will feel natural and unforced. It's all about taking something that isn't your comfort zone, and turning it into your comfort zone. It's like starting out feeling like the gym is the intimidating place you feel uncomfortable going to, and turning it into a place that feels like your second home. It doesn't happen because you consciously said one day "step one, I do this, step two I do that. step three, then this happens and then step four..." It's more like you are brainwashing yourself. You get brainwashed everyday whether you like it or not. You get brainwashed by how people treat you. You get brainwashed by the news. You get brainwashed by social media. The trick is to stop letting the world brainwash you how they see fit and to start brainwashing yourself as you see fit. Purposely make an effort to hang out with people you look up to and want to be like, their personality will start to rub off on you. Purposely seek out content online that you want to learn more about. Even if it's just background noise while you're doing chores. It WILL have a positive effect on you even if you don't realize it. You don't have to worry about memorizing every bullet point or looking at it as a step by step process. That's actually not necessary. People who sit around watching people beat each other up on worldstar hiphop all day may just think it's harmless entertainment, but what they're actually doing is subconsciously conditioning themselves to think that the world is a violent dangerous place full of horrible people. And without even trying they become more fearful and defensive around strangers. Swap those videos out with content like this and you'll be subconsciously conditioning yourself to think that conversating with people is a fun, relaxing, and enjoyable experience. And without even trying you'll become more charming and likable. All that "look in the mirror and tell yourself how confident and talented and happy you are every morning" stuff isn't actually just a bunch of motivational nonsense. It's actually one of many techniques for brainwashing yourself into having self confidence.
Best advice I ever heard was about Mr. Rogers and why he was so wonderful. It's because he ALWAYS gave you 100% of his attention and he felt VERY interested in what YOU had to say. No matter what it was. Let them talk. REALLY listen to them and BE interested. People like to talk about themselves. LET THEM! And let THEM be the hero of the conversation. Meaning, don't try to out due them but trying to say something that sounds better than what they did. Let them feel good about themselves. They will think you are the best person on the planet and love you for it.
I have been following you since 2020 & now I realize why people used to call me so boring and why I always used to feel as if people barely wanted to talk to me. I used to be pretty boring I used to-never initiate conversations, would always try to compete with people, filled with jealousy, but Damn! Introspection and guidance from your channel and some other great channels have made me a better person. I will forever be grateful to you and of course, keep on learning from you. Thank you so much Charisma on Command!!!🤩💜
I started changing when I understood that it's selfish to "wait" for some extravert that would be interested in me , and start this funny conversation . I should be myself that one interesting person . And also I understood why although there such interesting people in my life wich I really liked, they left me very fast. Because they had all responsibility for the conversation and how it will go , or if it will begin in the first place. so yeah , I was the passive listener
Watching this channel makes me realise that I am naturally doing a lot of this stuff, and that the times I have failed to make good conversation or have a deeper interaction with people might be more attributable to their effort (or lack thereof) than what I thought might be my own lack of skill.
Don’t ask questions which can be answered with just yes or no. Ask how, when where or why questions. When they answer, ask a follow up question about what they just said. Only after that, respond with your own parallel story, don’t reply to what they said by topping it with your story, or worse, jumping to an unrelated question.
True, but I don’t see why it is so difficult for someone to elaborate on what others might call a yes or no question. I always try to help the other person out to avoid the awkward moment in the first place.
@@ChatGPT1111 people are lazy. At least I am, lol. If someone asks me a yes or no question, I usually answer simply, assuming they are small-talking. If they ask me an open ended question though, I assume they are genuinely interested and will give them a more quality answer.
Honestly I’m an introvert but when I’m with someone who’s more shy than me I feel the need to do what an extrovert would, I feel that has helped a lot thinking (what would so and so do) whilst still being true to yourself above all else. So thanks to those akward shy people that had seemingly boring conversations I was able to elaborate on what they couldn’t because from an outsiders point of view it’s clear to me that they aren’t boring they’re just not good at talking and that to me is interesting in it’s own way and when you actually get to have a nice conversation with these so called shy people, it becomes so rewarding to me like I unlocked something idk. No one is boring honestly and if you think that you’re probably the shallow one ☺️
This!! Just last week I had a conversation with my unit mate who just moved into the apartment. She technically initiated it first, asking a simple question of “where can I hang these?” While holding up damp laundry, so I offered to let her borrow the dryer my sister and I had. There were five minutes to wait, and I didn’t want it to be filled with awkward silence, so I asked a bunch of questions and slowly learned a thing or two about her
Same here! When I'm with people that are more shy than me, I don't even recognize myself :D Like, who is this bubbly, talkative, social, fun-loving person?? Hahah.
6th common mistake: Talking too much or too long, especially about yourself. A conversation is not a monologue. Quick tip for conversations that get too deep, serious or even boring: Intersect the conversation with quick unrelated questions or comments that steer the whole thing in a new, lighter or more funnier direction. Like, you've been discussing the Holocaust way too long on your first date, simply insert something like "I never liked Hitler's moustache anyway" or "Btw, what exactly are these flower patterns on your dress ?" or "Your nose just moved", this way being able to change topics before they become too serious or boring.
Not sure I'd put it as a hard rule, I guess it depends on the time of day, like you wouldn't want to open with it first in the morning but in the evening it's a great pick up line to say, have you been wondering why they wanted to shave them if they were going to kill them anyway?
Im an introvert whos quite happy to have indepth conversation on thing that are interesting and matter. What i dont do is small talk for the sake of talking and socialising. Social status or validation from others mean nothing to me. Id sooner sit by a fire in the woods listening to the sounds of nature than poinless babble for the sake of appearing social.
I'm with you. I have no problems socially but I am coming to a point in my life where I'd see something pointless coming and I feel way more inclined to just dodge it.
Kindred spirit here. When i have to listen for 1000th time how someone’s football team should have played their most recent losing game, my eye glaze over and mind exits the room.
I have similar values as you, yet I also have come to learn to enjoy playful banter. Unfortunately the majority of people fail to appreciate the nuances of the world.
Or, people who find themselves in social situations who are “energy ducking”, are not boring, but have other things on their mind, like they just lost their job and don’t want to share right now, are suffering from depression, or anxiety, but they brave enough to be out and about for distraction but didn’t want to get involved in conversation. Sometimes I go out and walk my dog and people sit next to me on the park bench to make conversation and I make a new friend, sometimes I just nod and smile.
Or; people who have grown up learning that people around them don’t appreciate their energy and thoughts, because it isn’t ‘appropriate’ for your perceived position in society. Fairly common in hierarchical cultures, as it is the far safer default to fit in. In that case you need to get the person in a more personal and non-social setting to see their real energy.
Getting my first job at BK when I was 18 also helped me personally in coming out of my shell. Because you have to communicate with many different backgrounds of people to keep things moving.
Yep I did 3 years hard time at KFC and it was simultaneous the best and worst job I’ve ever had given the fact that I couldn’t speak on the phone to close friends or relatives at the point I was hired due to social anxiety. Safe to say I learnt a lot!
Ever since i started my new job I've been following Craig Ferguson's typical habits when he welcomes a new guest and even how he talks to his crew. Obviously he does things with much more ridiculously but it can still apply. For example, i work in clothing retail and the ladies have to come in a particular (but chosen) uniform, i compliment them on their appearance almost exactly like Craig does. "you look sensational!" or "you look absolutely stunning today, i love ..." I also genuinely mean it and i put a lot of umph in my voice to truly express that, i even do it with the men, I'll tell them that they look great or compliment their grooming if they can grow a thick beard or have a cool haircut. Then when it comes to conversation i always try to keep it light hearted and relaxed so that they can feel the same way, even if the conversation may be a little more serious. For example, my feet were hurting the other day and i was closing the store, i mentioned this to one of my managers and she replied that i should bring some sneakers or slides or thong sandals, i cut her off with "oh trust me you don't wanna see me in a thong" she burst out laughing and that made our night closing that much more fun.
I don’t care to be liked by people nor am I interested in building relationships but it is so uncomfortable being boring while in a conversation with someone and it makes me feel bad the (uncomfortable feeling )is the reason behind that so I am learning these things just to not feel this way plus humans survive and thrive being a community so I can never deny that learning how to deal with people isn’t important just because I am an introvert!
One of the best conversation questions I have asked is this: “Tell me about a time when you thought your life was in danger.” I wouldn’t do this on a first date or anything. Maybe make sure you already have some intimacy established. I’ve heard the most interesting answers to this question. I even heard stories from close relatives that I’ve never heard before!
Asked my budtender to smoke some day and she said she'll let me know whatever that means I guess she wants to know me better or something but Everytime I see her it's just how was your day I don't know what else to ask her
Asking this on a first date is a big red flag! I can see the potential to this question, I myself have asked it while drinking with friends, but I didn't ask because I had to keep the conversation going, I was literally curious. Also, I don't think it's a good idea to simply ask this with low levels of intimacy or anything.. the question itself has some trigger words for some people. Still, with great questions comes great responsibilities. "Amarite"? 😂
@@DimitriMoreira true I’m going to ask my friends this not because I wanna keep conversation but I’m actually curious cause this is an interesting question even if a stranger asked me this I’d be excited to answer it because just las week my life was in danger and it wasn’t the first time I can think of many stories but ik not everybody is the same and I wouldn’t ask a random person this question.
Although it is an interesting question, it is one I would NEVER ask. I think it is such a sensitive thing that I would wait for someone to volunteer it on their own once they felt close enough to me.
For me these conversation skills come very naturally, but sometimes I'm nervous about meeting some people privately, because I know that the person will not help me out in carrying the conversation. I can manage it, but it's very draining for me. So this is why I don't want to meet some people, unless there is going to be a bigger group. Also this is why I like parties, in parties it's easyer to hop in and out of conversations
One on one convos is what I struggled the most with since starting my turnaround 5 months ago. In a one on one convo, you are more often forced to carry the convo, and the social techniques are different altogether. Coming from a background where I would physically shake when I tried talking in front of others, it wasn’t until recently that I could find easiness in one on one convos. I trust myself to follow through, and no matter what happens it’s all good. The person I’m talking to isn’t THAT important. If you are like me and don’t know what to talk about in any conversation, start living a more interesting life! Take pathways that you know will make interesting stories. And again- don’t take yourself too seriously, because people often want someone to listen to them!
I agree. As introvert all people arround me think they know me. And I'm automatically labeled in very short period as he's quiet, shy, doesn't talk much, he's a good lad, won't hurt a fly and so on. It's true I dont talk much and I accept that it's not who I am and will never try to become something I'm not just to fit in. So in parties it's easier for me and them to communicate because I can choose when to jump in and out of convo. To me trying/forcing the convo going is hell of a burden. And as people leave convo I notice the hype of the subject that we were talking about is slowly dying. In some cases they just ghost me and move to other chatting group. And I dont blame them, they THINK they know me and they don't know what to talk about when they're arround me. The reality is we are not like extroverts who fuel themselfts with talking, while I after work/party/meetings/friends etc. usually come home and freaking rest from all the activities. I just dont feel the need to waist my energy on someone who doesn't deserve it or try to maintain the level of conversational activity. Hell I give everybody a chance and if they want to slide away for no reason I'm just cool with it. I also respect and enjoy people who understand me, our conversation can be very interesting and long with awsome subjects also they know when I'm not talking they know I'm cool with it and together our souls are in chill mode communicating in silance, just our presence is enough to feel good. And together we can both strike back to convo at the same level of excitement when we took a brek and let our souls take from there.
I'm very much the opposite. I can be very charming in groups smaller than 5 or so people but as soon the group grows beyond that I begin to withdraw and only interact with the 1 or 2 people I am most comfortable and familiar with.
A mandatory class like that would be nice in every school. I would've definitely benefited from a class like that instead of slowly coming out of my shell through college and the following years. Might even make people feel less visible, less likely wanting to shoot up the school because they "don't fit in".
I meant, might make people feel less "invisible", like being a part of something, less "alone". Because a lot of people feel like they're the "only one" going through something or feeling a certain way when in fact a lot of people feel the same way, not just you. But because nobody talks about it, you don't know.
Maybe let your students know that rarely, if ever, is anything on this channel sourced or annotated, whatever you want to call it. They can use it as an opportunity to compare things like tone and voice in material that has its research sources revealed, and material where someone sounds really certain they're correct.
1)Make energetic first moves 2)Create interest by giving the ending then elaborating the middle. 3)Give elaborate answers for others to follow up instead on small answer 4)Ask questions according to listener instead of generic ones, or ask hypothetical fantasy questions 5)Be an active listener repeating and laughing.
The energy ducking, mirroring, and being ready to laugh are probably the most easily applied of these tips (the others require the kind of quick-thinking that a lot of us socially awkward types already have difficulty with). Thanks for these.
This video is amazing and very accurate! As someone who considers themselves a great conversationalist, I’ve been doing all of these naturally since I was a kid and now I know why and what they’re called, they work!
you are not an introvert because you never learned conversations, you are when you pull energy from beeing alone, stop abusing that term for your own convenience.
@@rail7646that’s exactly the case most people here aren’t introverted they’re just antisocial because they lack the necessary experience to have the confidence to hold these conversations
@@rail7646 Since introverts socialize less, they have less opportunities to develop their social skills. He's not abusing that term and you're just attacking him for no reason.
I love this channel. Its helped me as I'm an introvert and a super empath. I've been depressed and got help professionally and feel great but when I'm at home like I've been for a while but this helps me to get ready for work again. I'm gonna get a hold of myself and move on. I now feel good and feel like I'm returning to myself again but stronger with healthy boundaries for outsiders who can drain me.
@@jjaybourne4734 thank you sir. I do feel like the end of this year is edgy for everyone and this whole world situation has messed with people's lives and freedom and whatever.. But I'm good I just want this year to end and have a spiritual fresh start. It's my boundaries I hadn't ever honoured for myself.. But yeah I'm good and hope u have a fantastic Christmas if its what u celebrate 🎄😊God bless you 🙏
@@jjaybourne4734 Thank you soo much. Merry Christmas to you and yours. I am actually really good. I can break things down and understand why I ended been hurt by something I've worked thru it and I'm back in work doing great and moving on not looking back in the past. Onward and upwards 😊🌟🎄
I’m only boring when I’m in conversations I desperately don’t want to be in, so it’s on purpose. Ppl who im obligated to see/appease and would not be that fruitful/potentially risky if I tried to really entertain or connect. Happens way too often. Or even when I am mildly interested in the person, but was thrown into socializing w them off guard. I can energy duck when I’m anxious.
I have a go-to that fits in with the not asking boring questions part. I found myself regularly interacting with people who were just out of school. unemployed or working go nowhere jobs. So instead of asking people "what do you do for a living" I asked them "what are you passionate about?" Gives them the opportunity to talk about their hobby, dream job or interest.
That is a terrific way of starting an interesting conversation.Also,people who can't work because of disabilities,be it invisible disabilities like myself detest with a passion being asked"What do you do for a living a living?" when first meeting someone.It's like that is the only worthwhile aspect of being an adult.
There is a difference between comfortable and boring. Not sure I can define it, but I know it when I see it. "Have you tried the club sandwich here?" or "I think I'll try the club. There is only so much damage anyone can do to a club sandwich." Very safe and comfortable topic, but the second way one bounces a little and the first just sort of splats and lays there.
To anyone like me who struggles to pick up on social cues and reading the room, these videos are a tremendous help, I find it hard to learn social nuances through experience alone, watching these videos helps me think back on conversations I’ve had so I’m able to point out exactly how people I already know use the concepts in the video.
For example, I wondered why it is no one wants to seem to get to know me and its because I make mistake #3 literally every time I’m asked something about myself.
"Leave space for the other person to talk"- 99% of the people that come up to talk to my husband and me when we go out don't do this and it drives me nuts!!!
I’m truly confused. I’m an introvert but I’m very nice to people, I always try to be friendly. I look people in the eyes when they speak and I listen. Yet I’m always overlooked by everyone around me. And more frustratingly I notice so many people who are pretty rude, don’t listen, arrogant and seemingly dull having tons of friends and constantly popular with those around them. So I just don’t understand what people see with those types of personalities rather than someone who actually acts like they care about others. Seems to me like being a nice person doesn’t gain friends but being self absorbed makes people drawn to you.
Popularity doesn't define you, right.. I was both nice and popular, but as I remember, I was lucky to have companions who truly cared about me, as I cared about them.. Popularity changes, and as you said, self abdorbed people with rude behaviour and selfish deeds may get popularity, but it isn't worth a life. So work for your success and help other people in a way.. 👍👍👍
I can relate! But I feel as if it has more to with energy than it does with manners. In my experience most of these self obsessed people are quite intense and can have a charismatic energy around them. They have the confidence to act that way, also towards new people, since they are so self centered. I myself am less confident and my energy also is lower because of this.
People don't want nice, not long term, not for a conversation, they want someone to be interesting and someone to be entertaining. Nice is boring because nice is predictable. Nice is inoffensive. If you passionately assert your opinions on what interests you and what you like even if it risks disagreement you'll be perceived as more interesting and more important. If you're being ignored in a conversation challenge someone's assertion "there's no way that happened, I can't believe that" or "Well it couldn't be entirely their fault could it have?" Always take the risk of making self deprecating jokes if you feel awkwardness or tension growing, but don't make that the only thing you do or you'll come off as insecure. As long as your delivery and tone is playful you'll be turning the conversation into a game, and games are fun. People aren't looking for you, you have to shove yourself in their faces.
You actually understand why they have “tons of friends”, it is because they have no standards. You said that many people who are “rude, don’t listen, arrogant, and seemingly dull” have tons of friends. Well, like attracts like, so their friends are exactly the same. You are picky and want friends who “actually act like they care about others”, so you don’t allow just anyone to be your friend. You have chosen to surround yourself with people with qualities you value, it is a good thing.
Sean Evans is arguably my favorite host ever. I love how he's very respectful and kind to all his guests, and let them take their time to answer his questions; he never cuts them or undermine their responses in any way. And he definitely makes the most creative questions in a way that even throws the guests out of balance because they're so used to the same stuff.
quick note about giving short answers. This is usually a good baseline. In a lot of everyday situations, people don't WANT to have conversations with you. They just need to know what they can help you with so you can both move on with your lives. Because of that, they're gonna want you to be as concise as possible.
This video is a huge eye opener. I'm one of those types that think "in order to be a good conversationalist you have to talk about yourself a lot". But usually that ends up ultimately making you look self-obsessed and uninterested in the other person. And it means I usually put a lot of the burden of "making conversation" on myself. So learning more about approaching a conversation in a way that gets others to talk more about themselves is a big one for me.
@@kelliepatrick519 Good that you're subbed to this channel then. Hopefully you pick up some tools in terms of guiding the conversation and being a conversation leader.
I often start laughing to encourage other people even if they are not really trying to be funny, but they always look disappointed and tell me that mortician should be more professional.
I am being humble when I am telling you that I am the most powerful strongest coolest smartest most famous greatest funniest Y*uTub3r of all time! That's the reason I have multiple girlfriends and I show them off all the time! Bye bye fe
Just a heads up. If you've had too many life experiences that make all this seem out of reach, if you can't relate to "normal" ppl, just keep what works for you. I've had a good bit of traumatic experience, I hardly find anything funny anymore, conversations I WANT to have, seem to always go a direction I didn't want them to. What the vid doesn't discuss is anxiety and how the amygdala shuts down. ☝🏻
I've been watching this channel for some years now and I noticed a huge improvement. You changed how you direct the videos, there're more animations and generally more liveliness(?) in them. They are fun to watch independently of the topic. Nice job.
I've never heard it said as a "story gap" but seriously this is just how writing a paper works. Your first point should be what the entire purpose is and if it worked, and then go about showing why and how. Then the person has an excellent framework for understanding each detail you present.
I felt really down, have very low self esteem, and not very social, but I wanted to say this: thank you so much for this video. I really need to be more social in life and this really help.
I suffer from depression and going to work every day is a struggle, let alone trying to be a social person while there. I hear coworkers easily talking and laughing and it really makes me feel low.
I feel like the pandemic really made everybody a lot more introverted, including myself. What I have always done is push myself out of my comfort zone and create/find opportunities to start conversation. Dont force your way into one. The more you do it, the easier it will get, and you will eventually love talking with people. For me this has had a 100% success rate.
Are you sure? I would definitely lose count before 7000. Maybe you should check again? Currently waiting for the answer and will check back until I get it.
"You already know what is gonna happen, you wanna know how and why". This is exactly why I am not so much bothered by spoilers for movies or TV shows. As long as you don't spoil me the how, I'm usually fine
1. Call people by their name. 2. Be humble. 3. Show vulnerability in conversation. 4. Compliment the person to whom you are talking. 5. I have back up default questions of interest to generate conversation …”What’s your “death row” meal 😂😂 …the last food you would want to eat if you were going to die? Or your favorite…? Your best vacation? Your proudest accomplishment, etc… people LOVE talking about themselves and I am happy to listen.
I’d say the key is to find a strong and positive sense of who you are and just be that. If some people don’t like it then dod them. That’s what I’ve concluded after decades of struggling with this stuff.
Mistake #3: reminds me of most online dating conversations. So many times the burden of carry on the conversation lies with me and life is too short for that.
I generally have much of these charisma tricks down but I recently found out that I struggled to understand that making a girl feel safe with you is half the battle. It would be nice to have a video on how to make a girl feel safe with you.
As a girl, this is super accurate. Here's my tips off the top of my head: -leading a girl through a crowd or busy restaurant by placing a hand on her back or holding her hand. Don't make her lead -stick up for her. If someone is rude to her in public. Don't just stand by awkwardly. Either escort her away from the situation and verbally tell her that the person was rude or tell the person that they have no business talking to a lady like that. -do not laugh at her. If she embarrasses herself, brush it off and assure her it's no big deal. If you do something that accidentally embarrasses her (like my bf tripped me in public once), apologize. -be confident and a leader in social interactions. If you're insecure in public, she won't feel safe and secure with you. -most gentlemanly rules apply like opening doors, walking on the street side of the sidewalk, etc.
Always keep one hand on the back of a girl's head. It makes her feel safe. Always keep your other hand on a thing of mace or a knife (hidden in your pocket) so as to protect your girl.
but Charlie had made a video about this . There were things like "give the girl always room to "escape" like physically , take always the seat near to the wall ,
As a woman, if she doesn't feel safe with you, it's probably not you, it's her and she needs to visit her therapist because assuming that the dude you've elected to go out on a date with wants to hurt you is a her problem, not a you problem. Also, why would you need to ask this is you're NOT dangerous? Don't make women's insecurity, YOUR insecurity. 🙄
I realize my prior comment was crass, even though it is quite true. So rhetorically speaking if you want a girl to feel comfortable on a date with you, make your dates daytime events with plenty of people present in the general vicinity and once she suggests something more private and at a different time, then generally, it means she's comfortable enough with you to be alone. On a more serious note, you don't want to make a woman's insecurities your own because they will smell that like blood in the water and lose interest in you quickly. While they'll appreciate your empathy, they won't take kindly to you walking on eggshells FOR them. Lead confidently. That being said, women tend to confuse confidence with arrogance and assume it with the later. YOU, on the other hand KNOW your motivations. If the woman has difficulty understanding your motivations after you've given her ample reasons to accept your decisions, drop her like it's hot. She will not be there for you when YOU NEED HER THE MOST. A woman like that will kick you while you're down and has no interest in the relationship growing simply for the sake of having that security that she desperately looks for in another. Run, the moment she says she is a feminist. They are ideologically driven and will not give YOU, their partner the benefit of the doubt at all. Sorry if I came across as horrible, but I am tired of seeing good men assume the position of the monster because they want to be better for women who haven't proven they themselves are even worth the title. I've seen it so many times. And I have many friends who are constantly complaining about how all the good men are taken, and why they can't be married like I am. They have more issues than they know how to deal with and men shouldn't lower themselves to make them feel better. Instead, they should rise to the occasions by showing them the issue, suggest a few fixes and let them decide how they will deal with it. This is how I got married. My husband and I were on and off because I "didn't know what I wanted" and the day he finally said, "if you walk out that door, it'll be the last time because I can't keep letting you do this to me" was when I realized the problem was with me and that I was hurting him. Don't sell yourself short.
I once heard the advice: your life story is one you'll have to tell over and over, and over, and over, and over again - so make it fun for you to tell it! :D
Remember that you can be doing all of this correctly while receiving little response to whoever you're talking to. In these situations, it's best to recognize that whoever is sitting across from you is the one without the conversational skills, not you.
The big problem is not me who's boring, it's the person who I'm talking to who's boring so that I lost interest in that conversation suddenly. I have a great conversation with a person who knows HOW to not be boring
This is the video I never knew I needed. I never knew there was a right or wrong way to conduct a conversation. I never realized conversation was a skill that could be learned. I literally had an a-ha moment watching this and realized how I've been scared of social settings because I just don't know how to hold a conversation. Partly is because I'm self conscious, and not good at opening up to people, but now that I have this tid bit of knowledge I will be able to practice and get better at conversing. Game changer! Thank you!
i hate how its so hard, like im a questions person and ofton ONLY way to know to make conversation is question question question question. small talk is like "a waste of brath" i ALLREADY KNOW its raining outside dawg!
@@NightmareRex6 Small talk is rarely the goal itself, but rather a way to naturally segue into more substantive conversation topics. Having some immediate shared experience to open up with makes it easy, particularly with strangers.
A line in this reminded me of some piece of wisdom I heard before that made me take an interest in developing charismatic behavior in the first place. "Charm is the characteristic of making OTHER people feel good just by being around you." That notion sort of busted a lock off a closed door inside my brain, and inside was the idea that basically every relationship I have is based on how I make people FEEL. A stupidly obvious and simple notion, but one that had never occurred to me before that as I always considered relationships to be some version of merit and transactional in exchanging interests, time, and support. It still sort of is that. But mostly people think of you based on a general way of how you make them feel, not what you do or how you think of yourself. When I started being more mindful about how the ways I act and talk to people must make them feel, it became way easier to find ways to connect and those connections often led to genuine bonds and interests. This channel has helped me make so many positive changes in my own confidence, social interactions, life ambition, and overall happiness. It helped me pull myself out of depression from the brink of suicide and has even helped me to help other people who were struggling with various problems related to topics I've learned about here. Thank you so much for this.
1. Link interest - expose the ending, but make people want to hear more about it 2. No short answers - leave them open-minded, also ask questions that can't be answered Yes/No 3. Don't ask the same boring questions - ask them about a thing they'll be happy to talk about, for example, their hobby 4. Mirroring - repeat a pattern of somebody's gesture or last words they said in a sentence - make them feel smart and funny while they're telling you bout something 5. No Fake Laugh - Don't fake laugh when something doesn't seem that funny to you, feel free to laugh anytime you want in the conversation, the great thing is to watch something you find funny before talking to someone which gets you to a better mood
I was a shy guy. Introvert. Really bad at conversations. But as I got older I would say that I was getting better and better only for doing it. At highschool I tried being the guy that raised his hand when the teacher wanted someone to participate, even when I didn't know the answers, just to force myself to participate and speaknin public, to get practice on sustaining an argument or whatever. Soon I got used to exposition and today I don't consider myself shy anymore. Actually now I consider myself confident and atractive, and it tottally reflects on how people see me. I'm not saying fake it till you make it. I'm saying practice makes perfect.
It's great that I've spent 13 minutes watching this just to completely forget everything when I'm in an actual social situation (probably in the far future).
What helped me was to write down what was said in the video. Just typing up the 5 mistakes and remedies on my notes app and I was as able to remember it 100x better. Try it and see if it works :)
Same here brother. I've watched half a dozen of these video's and can never remember the exact lessons. Many of these behaviors come more naturally while having a few alcoholic beverages though. I'm naturally introverted but working in the service industry for years has forced me to practice a lot. At this point, half the town knows who I am. What's odd is, I have a really hard time being charming with strangers when there is no pretext for our interaction.
I have ADHD and it messed with my social skills suffered from it. This made me realize I can just be myself because all of these things are things I want to do but have avoided because I thought it would be a faux pas
I relate so much!! It can go really deep… I actually have been doing this more and more recently, but I got the feedback today that after all this time this person still doesn’t know the person I am 🫠 So I’m super curious how your new perspective has been going for you! Maybe you have some tips
Sean Evans: "So Emily, you've been known to be the "Queen of Karaoke" in your circle of friends. Tell me about that time you sang "Don't stop believing" with your high school teacher Miss Islington." Emily: "Who are you?? GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!!!!"
5:05: Kanye only gave one word answers but you can see his charisma shine through by how quickly he responds and the tone of his voice which indicate that he is engaged in the conversation and willing to go into further detail.
I'm only a school kid but I have social anxiety and get nervous when trying to start a conversation with a group of classmates and actually get noticed. How do I get through that?
Don’t go into a conversation trying to impress people. Just ask them questions and listen. Mediate everyday, it helps I promise. Practice practice practice. It’s hard at first, but your comfort zone will eventually expand and it won’t be a big deal for you.
I hate story gaps. All it does is hold you hostage to the other person dominating the conversation for as long as they like (including endless side notes and tangents), because they can always claim they haven't finished the story, yet. F that.
Yes! Everyone I interact with only wants to talk about themselves. And they're not very interesting. Why would I want to give them even more opportunities to talk about themselves? lol.
I'm diagnosed with autism but funnily enough, because I'm a good masker I already observed all of these things and oftentimes use them to end conversations. I'd rather people think I'm boring and weird when in reality I'm doing it on purpose because they're actually boring me (or creeping me out cause they're hitting on me at work). In the rare instances I like someone we'll talk and joke nonstop for hours, sometimes till 5 am without realizing until the sun rises. Before I was diagnosed I used to feel terrible about feeling this way because my mom would berate me for being antisocial. Turns out it's just my pesky neurological wiring that I can't do anything about! My point is basically, if you don't enjoy talking to most people, don't force yourself to. Focus your energy on forming meaningful connections with the people you do like rather than trying to please everyone to make them think they like you. You'll burn yourself out being a people pleaser, trust me.
If you live your life to please others that’s a miserable life. I say build confidence and just be yourself. It doesn’t matter what they think about you or your conversation. If you do that believe me you will have a peaceful life just remember to be self sufficient enough to avoid needing this bs
6:08 I feel like all these videos, while they help many, probably just make some people even more nervous and unsure to do the right thing and how to go about it lol
I think it also helps to have great stories, old and recent. You need to give them a break once in a while from taking about themselves and learn something about you (assuming that's half the goal). The only way to get great stories is to go out and do things.
I do totally see your point about going out and engaging in activity in order to create good stories however most of my great stories happen to me alone at home I engage in meditative activities and I loosely dream I am a lucid dreamer these are stories worth telling it depends on the kind of person you are
![BOWKYLION - วิงวอน (ex-change) [Official MV]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/cLdnZWDaO-w/mqdefault.jpg)
After watching this, I realize I don't just dislike small-talk, I dislike conversation altogether.
..... HAHAHAHAHAH
Hahaa, there's honesty.. The only sentence welcome is "what would you like to eat?"
The pageantry part really irks me sometimes. Why do I have to copy someone like a monkey to get them to like talking to me? I still don't really get it. That kinda thing just makes me think the person's a potential sycophant.
@@matturner6890the reason the US at least has so many of the cultural and just blatantly corrupt behaviors and institutions we have is because we prioritize sociopathic and intelligent people who can do what you said, copy them like a monkey, and be likeable. It's why so many people have no actual useable knowledge or wisdom because they just pretend every second of every day
These videos lose me when they frame someone not enjoying social interaction or having a higher social battery with being shy, afraid, or just incompetent. No I just despise talking with strangers about nothing
That jack black intro is actually what i do going into every job interview the past few years. I may still be unemployed but there isnt an interviewer that will ever forget my interview with them.
Though they try.
Become a corporate jester
I had a drug test for a grocery store job years ago and wore a huge pot leaf t shirt in to give my pee sample. A sassy black nurse said “oh suga’ I hope yo pee dont come out too clear or you gonna be back in here for a repeat”. And we both just laughed.
LOL
@@chrishouse7522You're saying that as though most of these places aren't already filled with clowns
These conversation shut-down tips are fantastic, as there's nothing more annoying than when someone tries to have a conversation with you, and you really want to be left alone.
Yeah, really. That's why I came here, too.
Yup and telling someone that you don't wanna talk will often offend them, whereas being a
boring person to talk to, is just way easier of an escape.
Telling someone you don't want to talk gives them a cue to start a conversation about it
@Skelterbane69 sometimes people will still talk at you, whether you give them any responses or not
Almost as annoying as people that are too scared to just be direct.
I love silence with people. There is nothing better than feeling seperate and in silence shared with another in total comfort.
That's a thing?
It's a thing
Has to be earned.
Very underrated
One word, one country: Japan.
"sometimes the thing that most makes someone like you is not when you look smart or funny, but when you make them feel smart or funny" that line hit me
true but also kind of sad cuz it highlights the fact that some people have to be given enough attention in order for a relationship to work out. lmao. Pick your friends wisely.
This video is biased very much. Many people feel happy for someone else´s happiness, because it maintains peace in the world. Only sociopaths think other wise.
They feel an inspiration from happy successful people.
The author of this video thinks that everybody wants to manipulate and not being authentic and live in the moment.
I never would have thought of that. That’s so funny.
I see what you did there.
Great way to attract narcissists into your life.
*My fellow Introverts, we meet again*
Lmaooo
Yessssir
Lmao
*my fellow socially inept people, being bad at socializing is not always equivalent to being an introvert
@@takeuchi5760 I am seen 🥺☺️
5 common mistakes that make you seem boring :
1- Energy ducking
* trick: answer with an absurd non-literal answer
*trick: set a fun , playful tone first, then continue to answer the question.
2- assuming interest
*trick:start your story with a story gap
3- giving bland one to five word answer
*trick:share enough to make conversation easy for the other person. But then Create space for them to speak as well .
4-ask the same default boring questions *trick:ask somthing that the other person will be excited to answer
*trick ask fun hypotheticals
5- being a passive listener
*trick: mirroring by repeating a pattern of behavior of the person you're talking to.
*trick: listening to laugh
Appreciated! :)
I always search for the answer key. Thank you for your service.
Yes
@@jasjas8232 And now I know what that's called. Thankyou.
#3 is very important to keep a conversation rolling longer
Not me thinking this was a guide on how to make someone dislike you quickly
I mean you can use it as that by just doing the opposite of whatever he talked about
I honestly wanted a video to tell me what to do, to quickly be disliked. Guess I'll have to find another....
Just be yourself.
@@Tomm192This would... Actually be amazing.
Are you and Tomm being stalked?? 😛
I feel like a robot trying to understand how humans behave
I feel ya there
Be around real humans , not online
😂
Same lol
Beep boop beep boop
I have mild autism and this channel is so helpful for understanding human behavior. Thank you!
same this channel is so greattt
Good story!
As someone with tourettes this helps me as well.
Titty sprinkles
@The CurvedPeen That's awesome! I'm also bad at math. Between this and Khan Academy, I can catch up to everyone else.
@@emmanollan3517 Maybe I will, thanks! :)
Man I’m cringing at all the opportunities I missed to make great friends and get myself into rooms with great ppl all because I lacked charisma. Like it was said in this video, I didn’t make a good or bad first impression. Just a bland one. Missed out on making a lot of potentially life changing connections
for me, it's the lack of charisma coupled with shyness. but i am getting better
Same here
Missed opportunities are life lessons if you allow yourself to view them that way. It's better you know now and learn from them (and this) 👍
Never too late friend!
Maybe anxiety 🧐
I see a lot of people mentioning that they don't like small talk. Everything in life is as fun as you allow it to be. When people ask me what I do for a living, I find that to be a boring question. So I just make up a ridiculous job and next thing you know we're having fun. If they mention the weather, I make up an imaginary weather type that sounds horrible or hilarious and next thing you know the conversation is fun. You can turn anything into a good time, but first you have to decide to enjoy yourself instead of passing judgement on what the other person is saying. People who say boring small talk stuff don't want to be boring, they're just in a low energy mood, or afraid to say something that would make things awkward or uncomfortable. Someone has to take a risk in order for good things to happen, and if the other person doesn't do it, that means it's on you. It's fun to practice, you've got nothing to lose.
@@johnp.johnson1541Everyone is judgemental, and everyone needs a sense of control in their life, sometimes we're able to make friendships or just be happy due to having similar/shared standards of judgement with someone
@@johnp.johnson1541 No, he or she really doesn't.
True, when people say small talk is boring, its because youre not making it fun.
This is good advice. Everything is what you make it
Nothing to lose except a job.
-Hi
-Hi?
-how are you
-good and you?
-what if you had a million dollar what would you do?
-....
Hi
How are you?
Hypothetically, if you could kill one person on the planet, who would it be and why?
-Hi
-hi
-HahahAHAHAHAHA
@@ark14700 google asking if I want this translated to English has me WEAK
@@BunkerSquirrel it only adds an extra A to the hahas and removed the - ... Google's so impressive
Pay you to leave me alone ...
Its also important, especially for people who get nervous in social situations, to know that sometimes boring conversations just happen. Maybe its the mood, maybe its the energy between the two people. Whatever the case, dont sweat it if it does happen. Youll have other chances to have good conversations.
That’s highly underrated advice. Can’t expect things to go a certain way every time, gotta just move on and not worry about it
Sometimes it's the other person. Maybe they're shy, preoccupied with something, or just had a long day and is tired.
Also worth noting it isn't always necessary, you don't have to make every interaction with every coworker some extravagant affair. This is especially true for those you're around often, it is true for those you'll never see again as well but in that case you have an opportunity to improve everyone's day with a pleasant interaction so it's still worth the effort imo.
I can be charming as hell. Some days I can be boring as hell. It comes down to my own mood and energy levels. Alcohol helps
Craig Ferguson has always been vastly underrated. He's one of the best talk show hosts of all time. If you have time, watch him with Robin Williams. Craig is the only person I've seen keep up with him.
Same with russel brand, both of them together was total insanity
He's way better than those shills Kimmel and Colbert. Late night comedy is dead, it's just big pharma pushing propoganda.
Kimmel was funny back when he was working with Adam Carrolla. Those Karl Malone skits were hilarious.
Norm was great. Celebrity jeopardy as Burt Reynolds, and of course as Bob Dole. SNL fired him now they're a dumpster fire.
Yeah Craig is the best. He's the only night show host that ever made me actually laugh. Coco got a few chuckles out of me but Craig would have me guffawing uncontrollably. Very underrated.
1. stand out (rip introverts), answer absurd things
2. dont assume interest, start stories with a story gap
3. dont give too short answers
4. dont ask boring questions, ask exciting or fun hypothetical questions
5. dont be a passive listener, repeat things the other one says, laugh authentically
It's so annoying
Introverts can stand out, and even enjoy it, just not too much or too often. Saying this as an introvert.
ty chadcat
They have vids on how to stand out while still having a more quiet, subtle personality. Go watch them y'all, and stop complaining.
no.
Also in addition to this video .... Make your yourself NOT boring by doing various things that get you excited or motivate YOU in life, like hobbies, reading, going to movies, Martial arts, Comic-Con, woodworking, whatever.... and relay that excitement about those things to people you talk to and they might just get up caught up in that genuine excitement you feel or you may find you have something in common. Plus it just makes you a more well rounded human being when interacting with multiple types of peoples out in the world and allows that natural YOU to come out.
I think this is better advice than that given in the video. Quite simply, the more stuff you've done, the more you have to talk about.
This. exploring new stuff and doing what makes you fulfilled & being authentic is just, well, so FULFILLING
wouldnt trade doing that stuff for the world
I do various hobbies but I don’t want to carry the conversation just talking about what I do.
Bro, you’re basically telling me to quit depression
Also stop hanging around people who do things that you don’t like (such as drugs/alcohol) just to be accepted.
Too complicated, Imma stay home
Facts, fck these fooz
This is the way
I'm gonna die alone with my pets. Who cares.
My hobbies are way more giving, that other people are, anyway.
Don't allow red pill or self-improvement videos to overcomplicate your life. Starting a conversation shouldn't be complicated. I've been in your position back in middle and high school.
Me: “So you like stuff?”
Stuff is cool!
Yes, yes I do, what's your favorite stuff?
Stuff is good
Mm hmmm.
" Yea I like stuff" (laughs)
I think the real problem is not having a life. Annnd not wanting to explain why. Doesn’t allow for very fruitful or fun conversations.
Facts. If you did things you enjoy you would have energy talking about them with other people they would like you and you’d be friends. If you have no life you have nothing to say
can relate
Get off the internet and go make a life????????????
Sorry. Not pulling punches. Might be projecting.
Sounds like the personality you present to everyone is boring and bland because you're too afraid of them not liking you and damaging your already fragile self esteem. And you think the secret to connecting with people and getting the validation you need is through cool stories and life experiences because that's what you subconsciously perceive as value.
Of course, since you have absolutely nothing you perceive to be valuable, and you can't risk saying anything *not* valuable (because remember everyone has to like you), there is nothing left to say.
In reality nobody gives a flying crap about what you've done, and the only time it matters is as support for something else you've said.
So put the other person first. Ask questions, be interested in them. Offer your own opinion and be open. Openness invites openness. Thats how you get people to like you. Make them feel valuable and comfortable.
When you get out of your own head and think of what the other person values, the problem will sort itself out.
Of course, if youre not interested in people and would prefer to talk about what you wanna talk about, that's your own issue. Nobody else's.
What you've written is only half-true. If you only ask questions of other people and simply provide opinions, people will like you but they won't know you. People need to know you in order to build a relationship with you.
You need to share things about yourself, too. And as I said, if all you do is stay home and browse TH-cam you're not really going to have anything to say or share.
People need to get out of the house and start experiencing what life has to offer so they may share those experiences as part of building a relationship.
I was feeling insecure, so I started binge watching these advice videos. I don't know if I will ever use them or even remember them when the time comes, but just knowing that there is a possibility, a hope that I can get better at this thing really cheered me up. I needed this. Thank you.
Same boat here, never thought I'd be this awkward, but I might just get better 😂
You may be feeling insecure but to be honest, most of the best conversations and laughs I've ever had were with people that sometimes deemed themselves insecure. Matter of fact is that "insecurity" often renders you very introspective, and once you open up, it's kind of a positive, fun, engaging pandora's box. Cheer up! You are great, use it to your advantage.
There's two kinds of learning. Conscious learning and subconscious learning. Most people think subconscious learning is like, listening to "how to speak Spanish" tapes while you sleep at night and waking up knowing how to speak Spanish. Which is actually a real thing. Not that you'll go to sleep not knowing how to speak Spanish, and then magically wake up being a fluent speaker. But more along the lines of, after you do that, when you go to Spanish class it won't feel completely foreign to you. You'll feel a sense of familiarity with the material. Learning new things are like solving a puzzle, and suddenly you'll be like "I know this piece goes here. I don't know why I know that, but that's where this puzzle piece goes."
But subconscious learning isn't just about listening to learning material in your sleep. Subconscious learning actually happens all the time, at all times of the day, all throughout your life, morning noon and night. You spend all your time hanging out with negative people, you subconsciously learn to be negative and look at the world negatively. You spend all your time hanging out with motivated people, watching and listening to motivational material, you subconsciously start being more motivated. You wake up and even if you aren't motivated, you somehow know how to get motivated. Being motivated doesn't feel completely foreign to you, there's some sense of familiarity.
If you keep binge watching videos like these, even if you just have them on in the background while you're doing homework, or doing dishes or folding laundry, and you keep putting yourself into social situations where you have opportunities to practice positive social habits, what will begin to happen is that having positive social interactions will start to feel familiar. You'll start complimenting people in authentic ways and being playful when you talk to them and feeling more relaxed in conversation without even realizing it. It will feel natural and unforced. It's all about taking something that isn't your comfort zone, and turning it into your comfort zone. It's like starting out feeling like the gym is the intimidating place you feel uncomfortable going to, and turning it into a place that feels like your second home.
It doesn't happen because you consciously said one day "step one, I do this, step two I do that. step three, then this happens and then step four..." It's more like you are brainwashing yourself. You get brainwashed everyday whether you like it or not. You get brainwashed by how people treat you. You get brainwashed by the news. You get brainwashed by social media. The trick is to stop letting the world brainwash you how they see fit and to start brainwashing yourself as you see fit. Purposely make an effort to hang out with people you look up to and want to be like, their personality will start to rub off on you. Purposely seek out content online that you want to learn more about. Even if it's just background noise while you're doing chores. It WILL have a positive effect on you even if you don't realize it. You don't have to worry about memorizing every bullet point or looking at it as a step by step process. That's actually not necessary.
People who sit around watching people beat each other up on worldstar hiphop all day may just think it's harmless entertainment, but what they're actually doing is subconsciously conditioning themselves to think that the world is a violent dangerous place full of horrible people. And without even trying they become more fearful and defensive around strangers. Swap those videos out with content like this and you'll be subconsciously conditioning yourself to think that conversating with people is a fun, relaxing, and enjoyable experience. And without even trying you'll become more charming and likable.
All that "look in the mirror and tell yourself how confident and talented and happy you are every morning" stuff isn't actually just a bunch of motivational nonsense. It's actually one of many techniques for brainwashing yourself into having self confidence.
@@danielalejandro8045 Yooo!! Great comment! I was going to write this haha. Nice.
@@TenthElementGraphics fabulous information. Thank you!
Best advice I ever heard was about Mr. Rogers and why he was so wonderful. It's because he ALWAYS gave you 100% of his attention and he felt VERY interested in what YOU had to say. No matter what it was. Let them talk. REALLY listen to them and BE interested. People like to talk about themselves. LET THEM! And let THEM be the hero of the conversation. Meaning, don't try to out due them but trying to say something that sounds better than what they did. Let them feel good about themselves. They will think you are the best person on the planet and love you for it.
and wind up becoming best friends with a narcissist
I have been following you since 2020 & now I realize why people used to call me so boring and why I always used to feel as if people barely wanted to talk to me. I used to be pretty boring I used to-never initiate conversations, would always try to compete with people, filled with jealousy, but Damn! Introspection and guidance from your channel and some other great channels have made me a better person. I will forever be grateful to you and of course, keep on learning from you.
Thank you so much Charisma on Command!!!🤩💜
I started changing when I understood that it's selfish to "wait" for some extravert that would be interested in me , and start this funny conversation . I should be myself that one interesting person .
And also I understood why although there such interesting people in my life wich I really liked, they left me very fast.
Because they had all responsibility for the conversation and how it will go , or if it will begin in the first place.
so yeah , I was the passive listener
See the preceding.
What other channels Aneesha?
Watching this channel makes me realise that I am naturally doing a lot of this stuff, and that the times I have failed to make good conversation or have a deeper interaction with people might be more attributable to their effort (or lack thereof) than what I thought might be my own lack of skill.
Don’t ask questions which can be answered with just yes or no. Ask how, when where or why questions. When they answer, ask a follow up question about what they just said. Only after that, respond with your own parallel story, don’t reply to what they said by topping it with your story, or worse, jumping to an unrelated question.
True, but I don’t see why it is so difficult for someone to elaborate on what others might call a yes or no question. I always try to help the other person out to avoid the awkward moment in the first place.
@@ChatGPT1111 people are lazy. At least I am, lol. If someone asks me a yes or no question, I usually answer simply, assuming they are small-talking. If they ask me an open ended question though, I assume they are genuinely interested and will give them a more quality answer.
@@massages_for_world_peace8909 ....a more quality answer? What does that mean? Genuinely curious
@@manher4335 I mean quality as in containing interesting details. Adding in something I’m passionate about or emoting more. Does that make sense?
@@massages_for_world_peace8909 Wouldn't a cut to the chase with the essential details method be more efficient?
Honestly I’m an introvert but when I’m with someone who’s more shy than me I feel the need to do what an extrovert would, I feel that has helped a lot thinking (what would so and so do) whilst still being true to yourself above all else. So thanks to those akward shy people that had seemingly boring conversations I was able to elaborate on what they couldn’t because from an outsiders point of view it’s clear to me that they aren’t boring they’re just not good at talking and that to me is interesting in it’s own way and when you actually get to have a nice conversation with these so called shy people, it becomes so rewarding to me like I unlocked something idk. No one is boring honestly and if you think that you’re probably the shallow one ☺️
this is exactly how i am around people more shy than me
This!! Just last week I had a conversation with my unit mate who just moved into the apartment. She technically initiated it first, asking a simple question of “where can I hang these?” While holding up damp laundry, so I offered to let her borrow the dryer my sister and I had. There were five minutes to wait, and I didn’t want it to be filled with awkward silence, so I asked a bunch of questions and slowly learned a thing or two about her
This is a really good comment. Thank u for saying this
Same here! When I'm with people that are more shy than me, I don't even recognize myself :D Like, who is this bubbly, talkative, social, fun-loving person?? Hahah.
6th common mistake: Talking too much or too long, especially about yourself. A conversation is not a monologue. Quick tip for conversations that get too deep, serious or even boring: Intersect the conversation with quick unrelated questions or comments that steer the whole thing in a new, lighter or more funnier direction. Like, you've been discussing the Holocaust way too long on your first date, simply insert something like "I never liked Hitler's moustache anyway" or "Btw, what exactly are these flower patterns on your dress ?" or "Your nose just moved", this way being able to change topics before they become too serious or boring.
This is very helpful, thanks
but what if I don't 100% believe in the Holocaust, aren't I supposed to explain why?
@@toobalkain Never talk about the holocaust on a date.
Not sure I'd put it as a hard rule, I guess it depends on the time of day, like you wouldn't want to open with it first in the morning but in the evening it's a great pick up line to say, have you been wondering why they wanted to shave them if they were going to kill them anyway?
@@toobalkain sure, if you want that person to know you’re 100% just some idiotic kook, then definitely, go right ahead
Im an introvert whos quite happy to have indepth conversation on thing that are interesting and matter. What i dont do is small talk for the sake of talking and socialising. Social status or validation from others mean nothing to me. Id sooner sit by a fire in the woods listening to the sounds of nature than poinless babble for the sake of appearing social.
SAME.
I'm with you. I have no problems socially but I am coming to a point in my life where I'd see something pointless coming and I feel way more inclined to just dodge it.
Kindred spirit here.
When i have to listen for 1000th time how someone’s football team should have played their most recent losing game, my eye glaze over and mind exits the room.
I have similar values as you, yet I also have come to learn to enjoy playful banter. Unfortunately the majority of people fail to appreciate the nuances of the world.
“Hey, are you working hard or hardly working!”
Never heard of the term “energy ducking” but I immediately recognized it as what a boring person does
Or, people who find themselves in social situations who are “energy ducking”, are not boring, but have other things on their mind, like they just lost their job and don’t want to share right now, are suffering from depression, or anxiety, but they brave enough to be out and about for distraction but didn’t want to get involved in conversation. Sometimes I go out and walk my dog and people sit next to me on the park bench to make conversation and I make a new friend, sometimes I just nod and smile.
Or; people who have grown up learning that people around them don’t appreciate their energy and thoughts, because it isn’t ‘appropriate’ for your perceived position in society. Fairly common in hierarchical cultures, as it is the far safer default to fit in. In that case you need to get the person in a more personal and non-social setting to see their real energy.
You didn’t have to come at us like that 😅
@@nurainiarsad7395 wow I've never seen a more spot on answer than that👏👏👏
@@Playboyy1985 of course this typical extrovert that never had self esteem and social anxiety issues would be ignorant what did you expect?
Getting my first job at BK when I was 18 also helped me personally in coming out of my shell. Because you have to communicate with many different backgrounds of people to keep things moving.
Yep I did 3 years hard time at KFC and it was simultaneous the best and worst job I’ve ever had given the fact that I couldn’t speak on the phone to close friends or relatives at the point I was hired due to social anxiety. Safe to say I learnt a lot!
"You want mayonnaise or ketchup with your fries"
Working at bk made me hate people even more and thus less sociable
Ever since i started my new job I've been following Craig Ferguson's typical habits when he welcomes a new guest and even how he talks to his crew. Obviously he does things with much more ridiculously but it can still apply. For example, i work in clothing retail and the ladies have to come in a particular (but chosen) uniform, i compliment them on their appearance almost exactly like Craig does. "you look sensational!" or "you look absolutely stunning today, i love ..." I also genuinely mean it and i put a lot of umph in my voice to truly express that, i even do it with the men, I'll tell them that they look great or compliment their grooming if they can grow a thick beard or have a cool haircut. Then when it comes to conversation i always try to keep it light hearted and relaxed so that they can feel the same way, even if the conversation may be a little more serious. For example, my feet were hurting the other day and i was closing the store, i mentioned this to one of my managers and she replied that i should bring some sneakers or slides or thong sandals, i cut her off with "oh trust me you don't wanna see me in a thong" she burst out laughing and that made our night closing that much more fun.
You came here to tell us how proud you are of that joke, and you know it 😂
@@simkesims6345 dammit, read me like a headline
@@twoohhunoh it was still a sensational joke
🤣😂😁 I’d like to work with you! ☺️
I don’t care to be liked by people nor am I interested in building relationships but it is so uncomfortable being boring while in a conversation with someone and it makes me feel bad the (uncomfortable feeling )is the reason behind that so I am learning these things just to not feel this way plus humans survive and thrive being a community so I can never deny that learning how to deal with people isn’t important just because I am an introvert!
Ehh. Extroverts should learn how to stay in quiet and be comfortable around it.
One of the best conversation questions I have asked is this: “Tell me about a time when you thought your life was in danger.”
I wouldn’t do this on a first date or anything. Maybe make sure you already have some intimacy established. I’ve heard the most interesting answers to this question. I even heard stories from close relatives that I’ve never heard before!
Asked my budtender to smoke some day and she said she'll let me know whatever that means I guess she wants to know me better or something but Everytime I see her it's just how was your day I don't know what else to ask her
Maybe if you're a psycho introvert who doesn't know how to socialize with other humans
Asking this on a first date is a big red flag!
I can see the potential to this question, I myself have asked it while drinking with friends, but I didn't ask because I had to keep the conversation going, I was literally curious.
Also, I don't think it's a good idea to simply ask this with low levels of intimacy or anything.. the question itself has some trigger words for some people.
Still, with great questions comes great responsibilities. "Amarite"? 😂
@@DimitriMoreira true I’m going to ask my friends this not because I wanna keep conversation but I’m actually curious cause this is an interesting question even if a stranger asked me this I’d be excited to answer it because just las week my life was in danger and it wasn’t the first time I can think of many stories but ik not everybody is the same and I wouldn’t ask a random person this question.
Although it is an interesting question, it is one I would NEVER ask. I think it is such a sensitive thing that I would wait for someone to volunteer it on their own once they felt close enough to me.
For me these conversation skills come very naturally, but sometimes I'm nervous about meeting some people privately, because I know that the person will not help me out in carrying the conversation. I can manage it, but it's very draining for me. So this is why I don't want to meet some people, unless there is going to be a bigger group. Also this is why I like parties, in parties it's easyer to hop in and out of conversations
One on one convos is what I struggled the most with since starting my turnaround 5 months ago. In a one on one convo, you are more often forced to carry the convo, and the social techniques are different altogether.
Coming from a background where I would physically shake when I tried talking in front of others, it wasn’t until recently that I could find easiness in one on one convos. I trust myself to follow through, and no matter what happens it’s all good. The person I’m talking to isn’t THAT important.
If you are like me and don’t know what to talk about in any conversation, start living a more interesting life! Take pathways that you know will make interesting stories. And again- don’t take yourself too seriously, because people often want someone to listen to them!
Some people are just not worth talking to. If you find it draining, just stop.
I agree. As introvert all people arround me think they know me. And I'm automatically labeled in very short period as he's quiet, shy, doesn't talk much, he's a good lad, won't hurt a fly and so on. It's true I dont talk much and I accept that it's not who I am and will never try to become something I'm not just to fit in. So in parties it's easier for me and them to communicate because I can choose when to jump in and out of convo. To me trying/forcing the convo going is hell of a burden. And as people leave convo I notice the hype of the subject that we were talking about is slowly dying. In some cases they just ghost me and move to other chatting group. And I dont blame them, they THINK they know me and they don't know what to talk about when they're arround me. The reality is we are not like extroverts who fuel themselfts with talking, while I after work/party/meetings/friends etc. usually come home and freaking rest from all the activities. I just dont feel the need to waist my energy on someone who doesn't deserve it or try to maintain the level of conversational activity. Hell I give everybody a chance and if they want to slide away for no reason I'm just cool with it. I also respect and enjoy people who understand me, our conversation can be very interesting and long with awsome subjects also they know when I'm not talking they know I'm cool with it and together our souls are in chill mode communicating in silance, just our presence is enough to feel good. And together we can both strike back to convo at the same level of excitement when we took a brek and let our souls take from there.
I'm very much the opposite. I can be very charming in groups smaller than 5 or so people but as soon the group grows beyond that I begin to withdraw and only interact with the 1 or 2 people I am most comfortable and familiar with.
I've started a Conversation Club at my high school, and my students are loving your videos! Thank you for sharing such useful material.
I find the vast majority of high school kids to be brain dead zombies - maybe they are just lacking these skills?
A mandatory class like that would be nice in every school. I would've definitely benefited from a class like that instead of slowly coming out of my shell through college and the following years.
Might even make people feel less visible, less likely wanting to shoot up the school because they "don't fit in".
What a great idea!
I meant, might make people feel less "invisible", like being a part of something, less "alone".
Because a lot of people feel like they're the "only one" going through something or feeling a certain way when in fact a lot of people feel the same way, not just you. But because nobody talks about it, you don't know.
Maybe let your students know that rarely, if ever, is anything on this channel sourced or annotated, whatever you want to call it. They can use it as an opportunity to compare things like tone and voice in material that has its research sources revealed, and material where someone sounds really certain they're correct.
You give examples of ppl talking on Camera. Thats a whole other world dude
Still earth, still people. For sure there is an theatrical element that isn't there for most of us in real life but the tips still work
How tf would he give examples of people talking not on camera?
It's not a whole other world. I do this stuff without realizing and socialize just fine, like initiating conversation with an absurd answer.
That and these examples are talk show hosts who are literal pros at conversation and trying to keep conversations flowing plus practiced interviews.
I mean if you’re holding court with a few people it can be pretty similar
1)Make energetic first moves
2)Create interest by giving the ending then elaborating the middle.
3)Give elaborate answers for others to follow up instead on small answer
4)Ask questions according to listener instead of generic ones, or ask hypothetical fantasy questions
5)Be an active listener repeating and laughing.
Being yourself is the best personality. It brings out your real conversations.
Right:)
What if your real self is just boring though?
@@msl1689Was gonna say that. What if people don't like me when I'm myself lol?
The energy ducking, mirroring, and being ready to laugh are probably the most easily applied of these tips (the others require the kind of quick-thinking that a lot of us socially awkward types already have difficulty with). Thanks for these.
This video is amazing and very accurate! As someone who considers themselves a great conversationalist, I’ve been doing all of these naturally since I was a kid and now I know why and what they’re called, they work!
Naturally? Dang nice
As an introvert, having to adapt to this kind of social circus just to get included thus respected feels so exhausting!
you are not an introvert because you never learned conversations, you are when you pull energy from beeing alone, stop abusing that term for your own convenience.
@@rail7646ayyy that’s a good point
@@rail7646that’s exactly the case most people here aren’t introverted they’re just antisocial because they lack the necessary experience to have the confidence to hold these conversations
@@rail7646 Since introverts socialize less, they have less opportunities to develop their social skills. He's not abusing that term and you're just attacking him for no reason.
Even if you are an introvert, that doesn't mean you should be unpleasant to be around. Make sure you understand what you can do better as you are now.
I love this channel. Its helped me as I'm an introvert and a super empath. I've been depressed and got help professionally and feel great but when I'm at home like I've been for a while but this helps me to get ready for work again. I'm gonna get a hold of myself and move on. I now feel good and feel like I'm returning to myself again but stronger with healthy boundaries for outsiders who can drain me.
Infj?
Thanks for sharing man!
And good on you for getting help.
@@jjaybourne4734 thank you sir. I do feel like the end of this year is edgy for everyone and this whole world situation has messed with people's lives and freedom and whatever.. But I'm good I just want this year to end and have a spiritual fresh start. It's my boundaries I hadn't ever honoured for myself.. But yeah I'm good and hope u have a fantastic Christmas if its what u celebrate 🎄😊God bless you 🙏
@@P.willow ahh I appreciate it my man. Merry Christmas and I hope you achieve all you set out to and work towards in the new year.
@@jjaybourne4734 Thank you soo much. Merry Christmas to you and yours. I am actually really good. I can break things down and understand why I ended been hurt by something I've worked thru it and I'm back in work doing great and moving on not looking back in the past. Onward and upwards 😊🌟🎄
I’m only boring when I’m in conversations I desperately don’t want to be in, so it’s on purpose. Ppl who im obligated to see/appease and would not be that fruitful/potentially risky if I tried to really entertain or connect. Happens way too often. Or even when I am mildly interested in the person, but was thrown into socializing w them off guard. I can energy duck when I’m anxious.
I have a go-to that fits in with the not asking boring questions part.
I found myself regularly interacting with people who were just out of school. unemployed or working go nowhere jobs. So instead of asking people "what do you do for a living" I asked them "what are you passionate about?" Gives them the opportunity to talk about their hobby, dream job or interest.
That is a terrific way of starting an interesting conversation.Also,people who can't work because of disabilities,be it invisible disabilities like myself detest with a passion being asked"What do you do for a living a living?" when first meeting someone.It's like that is the only worthwhile aspect of being an adult.
Not everyone knows what their passion is or even has one
That is good. Although if someone asked me that, i woukd have no idea how to respond. 😂
Yeah, except try and find another word to substitute for 'passionate'.
Severely overused these days, to cringe levels.
There is a difference between comfortable and boring. Not sure I can define it, but I know it when I see it.
"Have you tried the club sandwich here?" or "I think I'll try the club. There is only so much damage anyone can do to a club sandwich." Very safe and comfortable topic, but the second way one bounces a little and the first just sort of splats and lays there.
To anyone like me who struggles to pick up on social cues and reading the room, these videos are a tremendous help, I find it hard to learn social nuances through experience alone, watching these videos helps me think back on conversations I’ve had so I’m able to point out exactly how people I already know use the concepts in the video.
For example, I wondered why it is no one wants to seem to get to know me and its because I make mistake #3 literally every time I’m asked something about myself.
"Leave space for the other person to talk"- 99% of the people that come up to talk to my husband and me when we go out don't do this and it drives me nuts!!!
I watched this video a year ago. And I can gladly say that it made a huge difference in my ability and confidence in holdinging a conversation.
I’m truly confused. I’m an introvert but I’m very nice to people, I always try to be friendly. I look people in the eyes when they speak and I listen. Yet I’m always overlooked by everyone around me. And more frustratingly I notice so many people who are pretty rude, don’t listen, arrogant and seemingly dull having tons of friends and constantly popular with those around them. So I just don’t understand what people see with those types of personalities rather than someone who actually acts like they care about others. Seems to me like being a nice person doesn’t gain friends but being self absorbed makes people drawn to you.
Popularity doesn't define you, right.. I
was both nice and popular, but as I remember, I was lucky to have companions who truly cared about me, as I cared about them.. Popularity changes, and as you said, self abdorbed people with rude behaviour and selfish deeds may get
popularity, but it isn't worth a life.
So work for your success and help other people in a way.. 👍👍👍
I can relate! But I feel as if it has more to with energy than it does with manners. In my experience most of these self obsessed people are quite intense and can have a charismatic energy around them. They have the confidence to act that way, also towards new people, since they are so self centered. I myself am less confident and my energy also is lower because of this.
This is all generals charisma + energy skill set. Not what you said. They matter more
People don't want nice, not long term, not for a conversation, they want someone to be interesting and someone to be entertaining. Nice is boring because nice is predictable. Nice is inoffensive. If you passionately assert your opinions on what interests you and what you like even if it risks disagreement you'll be perceived as more interesting and more important. If you're being ignored in a conversation challenge someone's assertion "there's no way that happened, I can't believe that" or "Well it couldn't be entirely their fault could it have?" Always take the risk of making self deprecating jokes if you feel awkwardness or tension growing, but don't make that the only thing you do or you'll come off as insecure. As long as your delivery and tone is playful you'll be turning the conversation into a game, and games are fun. People aren't looking for you, you have to shove yourself in their faces.
You actually understand why they have “tons of friends”, it is because they have no standards. You said that many people who are “rude, don’t listen, arrogant, and seemingly dull” have tons of friends. Well, like attracts like, so their friends are exactly the same. You are picky and want friends who “actually act like they care about others”, so you don’t allow just anyone to be your friend. You have chosen to surround yourself with people with qualities you value, it is a good thing.
Sean Evans is arguably my favorite host ever. I love how he's very respectful and kind to all his guests, and let them take their time to answer his questions; he never cuts them or undermine their responses in any way. And he definitely makes the most creative questions in a way that even throws the guests out of balance because they're so used to the same stuff.
I have ADHD and I am an extrovert, so I can come across strong to people. This channel is so helpful
quick note about giving short answers. This is usually a good baseline. In a lot of everyday situations, people don't WANT to have conversations with you. They just need to know what they can help you with so you can both move on with your lives. Because of that, they're gonna want you to be as concise as possible.
This video is a huge eye opener. I'm one of those types that think "in order to be a good conversationalist you have to talk about yourself a lot". But usually that ends up ultimately making you look self-obsessed and uninterested in the other person. And it means I usually put a lot of the burden of "making conversation" on myself. So learning more about approaching a conversation in a way that gets others to talk more about themselves is a big one for me.
Nearly everyone I interact with only wants to talk about themselves. And they're not very interesting. I find it really tedious.
@@kelliepatrick519 Good that you're subbed to this channel then. Hopefully you pick up some tools in terms of guiding the conversation and being a conversation leader.
I often start laughing to encourage other people even if they are not really trying to be funny, but they always look disappointed and tell me that mortician should be more professional.
*“Make things as simple as possible but no simpler.” - Albert Einstein*
I am being humble when I am telling you that I am the most powerful strongest coolest smartest most famous greatest funniest Y*uTub3r of all time! That's the reason I have multiple girlfriends and I show them off all the time! Bye bye fe
@@AxxLAfriku are you okay?
@@AxxLAfriku Not my style, but I love your energy.
The fact that I’m watching this is concerning
Same
Just a heads up. If you've had too many life experiences that make all this seem out of reach, if you can't relate to "normal" ppl, just keep what works for you. I've had a good bit of traumatic experience, I hardly find anything funny anymore, conversations I WANT to have, seem to always go a direction I didn't want them to. What the vid doesn't discuss is anxiety and how the amygdala shuts down. ☝🏻
Relinquish any expectations. Expectations are predetermined resentments. In this way you will enter new situations and convos. unencumbered.
So are you going back home to see your family this Christmas?
*uh oh*
I've been watching this channel for some years now and I noticed a huge improvement. You changed how you direct the videos, there're more animations and generally more liveliness(?) in them. They are fun to watch independently of the topic. Nice job.
I've never heard it said as a "story gap" but seriously this is just how writing a paper works.
Your first point should be what the entire purpose is and if it worked, and then go about showing why and how. Then the person has an excellent framework for understanding each detail you present.
I felt really down, have very low self esteem, and not very social, but I wanted to say this: thank you so much for this video. I really need to be more social in life and this really help.
Have confidence, many people rather rationalize saying they don't need it just to avoid it. I feel that you're in good direction! Good luck!!!
@@nvliaen thank you!
I suffer from depression and going to work every day is a struggle, let alone trying to be a social person while there. I hear coworkers easily talking and laughing and it really makes me feel low.
I feel like the pandemic really made everybody a lot more introverted, including myself. What I have always done is push myself out of my comfort zone and create/find opportunities to start conversation. Dont force your way into one. The more you do it, the easier it will get, and you will eventually love talking with people. For me this has had a 100% success rate.
You know being self quarantined isn't even that boring
But I am surprised that there are 7884 grains of rice in one pack, and 7892 in another.
Cool
Lol
I am not actually sure you're joking...
@@FlamingManofIron Only God may know.
Are you sure? I would definitely lose count before 7000. Maybe you should check again? Currently waiting for the answer and will check back until I get it.
"You already know what is gonna happen, you wanna know how and why". This is exactly why I am not so much bothered by spoilers for movies or TV shows. As long as you don't spoil me the how, I'm usually fine
1. Call people by their name.
2. Be humble.
3. Show vulnerability in conversation.
4. Compliment the person to whom you are talking.
5. I have back up default questions of interest to generate conversation …”What’s your “death row” meal 😂😂 …the last food you would want to eat if you were going to die? Or your favorite…? Your best vacation? Your proudest accomplishment, etc… people LOVE talking about themselves and I am happy to listen.
I’d say the key is to find a strong and positive sense of who you are and just be that. If some people don’t like it then dod them. That’s what I’ve concluded after decades of struggling with this stuff.
Mistake #3: reminds me of most online dating conversations. So many times the burden of carry on the conversation lies with me and life is too short for that.
I generally have much of these charisma tricks down but I recently found out that I struggled to understand that making a girl feel safe with you is half the battle. It would be nice to have a video on how to make a girl feel safe with you.
As a girl, this is super accurate. Here's my tips off the top of my head:
-leading a girl through a crowd or busy restaurant by placing a hand on her back or holding her hand. Don't make her lead
-stick up for her. If someone is rude to her in public. Don't just stand by awkwardly. Either escort her away from the situation and verbally tell her that the person was rude or tell the person that they have no business talking to a lady like that.
-do not laugh at her. If she embarrasses herself, brush it off and assure her it's no big deal. If you do something that accidentally embarrasses her (like my bf tripped me in public once), apologize.
-be confident and a leader in social interactions. If you're insecure in public, she won't feel safe and secure with you.
-most gentlemanly rules apply like opening doors, walking on the street side of the sidewalk, etc.
Always keep one hand on the back of a girl's head. It makes her feel safe. Always keep your other hand on a thing of mace or a knife (hidden in your pocket) so as to protect your girl.
but Charlie had made a video about this . There were things like "give the girl always room to "escape" like physically , take always the seat near to the wall ,
As a woman, if she doesn't feel safe with you, it's probably not you, it's her and she needs to visit her therapist because assuming that the dude you've elected to go out on a date with wants to hurt you is a her problem, not a you problem.
Also, why would you need to ask this is you're NOT dangerous? Don't make women's insecurity, YOUR insecurity. 🙄
I realize my prior comment was crass, even though it is quite true. So rhetorically speaking if you want a girl to feel comfortable on a date with you, make your dates daytime events with plenty of people present in the general vicinity and once she suggests something more private and at a different time, then generally, it means she's comfortable enough with you to be alone. On a more serious note, you don't want to make a woman's insecurities your own because they will smell that like blood in the water and lose interest in you quickly. While they'll appreciate your empathy, they won't take kindly to you walking on eggshells FOR them. Lead confidently.
That being said, women tend to confuse confidence with arrogance and assume it with the later. YOU, on the other hand KNOW your motivations. If the woman has difficulty understanding your motivations after you've given her ample reasons to accept your decisions, drop her like it's hot. She will not be there for you when YOU NEED HER THE MOST. A woman like that will kick you while you're down and has no interest in the relationship growing simply for the sake of having that security that she desperately looks for in another.
Run, the moment she says she is a feminist. They are ideologically driven and will not give YOU, their partner the benefit of the doubt at all.
Sorry if I came across as horrible, but I am tired of seeing good men assume the position of the monster because they want to be better for women who haven't proven they themselves are even worth the title. I've seen it so many times. And I have many friends who are constantly complaining about how all the good men are taken, and why they can't be married like I am.
They have more issues than they know how to deal with and men shouldn't lower themselves to make them feel better. Instead, they should rise to the occasions by showing them the issue, suggest a few fixes and let them decide how they will deal with it.
This is how I got married. My husband and I were on and off because I "didn't know what I wanted" and the day he finally said, "if you walk out that door, it'll be the last time because I can't keep letting you do this to me" was when I realized the problem was with me and that I was hurting him.
Don't sell yourself short.
Them: "Where you from?"
Me: "yeah, imma head out" 😂
I once heard the advice: your life story is one you'll have to tell over and over, and over, and over, and over again - so make it fun for you to tell it! :D
Lol no
@@whiteydiamond but I did though...
Lole that one time you fell in the toilet?
@@TheSultan1470 Lole????
@@najrenchelf2751 Exactly. Laughing out loud empathically. We've all been there.
So we are training to be actors in real life
Yes
Indeed, we all act irl to some extent anyway, might as well have some training under our belts!
Existentially speaking every single little thing that happens is an "act" may as well embrace it. Doesn't mean you gotta act like hollywood.
Yes
Exactly
YES! avoid the same old questions everyone has asked a million times already. Thanks great video.
That last (blink-and-you’ll-miss-it) tip about priming yourself to laugh by watching something funny beforehand is genius.
Remember that you can be doing all of this correctly while receiving little response to whoever you're talking to. In these situations, it's best to recognize that whoever is sitting across from you is the one without the conversational skills, not you.
Awesome tip!
Or they don't wanna talk.
People LOVE fantasy style questions. They're so fun to ask someone and see them instantly light up
Awkward conversation is the worst😂
The big problem is not me who's boring, it's the person who I'm talking to who's boring so that I lost interest in that conversation suddenly.
I have a great conversation with a person who knows HOW to not be boring
This is the video I never knew I needed. I never knew there was a right or wrong way to conduct a conversation. I never realized conversation was a skill that could be learned. I literally had an a-ha moment watching this and realized how I've been scared of social settings because I just don't know how to hold a conversation. Partly is because I'm self conscious, and not good at opening up to people, but now that I have this tid bit of knowledge I will be able to practice and get better at conversing. Game changer! Thank you!
i hate how its so hard, like im a questions person and ofton ONLY way to know to make conversation is question question question question. small talk is like "a waste of brath" i ALLREADY KNOW its raining outside dawg!
@@NightmareRex6 Small talk is rarely the goal itself, but rather a way to naturally segue into more substantive conversation topics. Having some immediate shared experience to open up with makes it easy, particularly with strangers.
A line in this reminded me of some piece of wisdom I heard before that made me take an interest in developing charismatic behavior in the first place.
"Charm is the characteristic of making OTHER people feel good just by being around you."
That notion sort of busted a lock off a closed door inside my brain, and inside was the idea that basically every relationship I have is based on how I make people FEEL.
A stupidly obvious and simple notion, but one that had never occurred to me before that as I always considered relationships to be some version of merit and transactional in exchanging interests, time, and support.
It still sort of is that. But mostly people think of you based on a general way of how you make them feel, not what you do or how you think of yourself.
When I started being more mindful about how the ways I act and talk to people must make them feel, it became way easier to find ways to connect and those connections often led to genuine bonds and interests.
This channel has helped me make so many positive changes in my own confidence, social interactions, life ambition, and overall happiness.
It helped me pull myself out of depression from the brink of suicide and has even helped me to help other people who were struggling with various problems related to topics I've learned about here.
Thank you so much for this.
Yeah...screenshotted. good info thx
My problem is everyone I know never shuts up and if You start a conversation they hi-jack it. Therefore, I am a great listener.
Listening is extremely important in making a good impression. If you can't get a word in you're doing great
This is the absolute best channel for socially-challenged introverts like me. It's like a visual textbook on how to interact and engage with humans.
1. Link interest - expose the ending, but make people want to hear more about it
2. No short answers - leave them open-minded, also ask questions that can't be answered Yes/No
3. Don't ask the same boring questions - ask them about a thing they'll be happy to talk about, for example, their hobby
4. Mirroring - repeat a pattern of somebody's gesture or last words they said in a sentence - make them feel smart and funny while they're telling you bout something
5. No Fake Laugh - Don't fake laugh when something doesn't seem that funny to you, feel free to laugh anytime you want in the conversation, the great thing is to watch something you find funny before talking to someone which gets you to a better mood
Could you do a video on asking good questions for a first date? Being confident is cool and all, but having good topics is crucial imo
"You're a small scared person, in a world full of small scared people..."
Everybody feels the same regardless of how they look, so just go for it... 😀
I was a shy guy. Introvert. Really bad at conversations. But as I got older I would say that I was getting better and better only for doing it. At highschool I tried being the guy that raised his hand when the teacher wanted someone to participate, even when I didn't know the answers, just to force myself to participate and speaknin public, to get practice on sustaining an argument or whatever. Soon I got used to exposition and today I don't consider myself shy anymore. Actually now I consider myself confident and atractive, and it tottally reflects on how people see me.
I'm not saying fake it till you make it. I'm saying practice makes perfect.
It's great that I've spent 13 minutes watching this just to completely forget everything when I'm in an actual social situation (probably in the far future).
What helped me was to write down what was said in the video. Just typing up the 5 mistakes and remedies on my notes app and I was as able to remember it 100x better.
Try it and see if it works :)
The examples are men, are these behaviors as successful for women?
@@yashvangalaimplementing it IRL requires practicing a lot, not just remembering
Same here brother. I've watched half a dozen of these video's and can never remember the exact lessons. Many of these behaviors come more naturally while having a few alcoholic beverages though. I'm naturally introverted but working in the service industry for years has forced me to practice a lot. At this point, half the town knows who I am. What's odd is, I have a really hard time being charming with strangers when there is no pretext for our interaction.
My takeaway from this is that people are entitled snobs unworthy of my effort or attention. Thank you for this realization.
affirmation is for the weak
Same
Keep coming back lol
yeah THEY are the entitled snobs right
I think one big one that’s not covered here, that I’ve seen extroverts do well is that they find a graceful exit to a conversation in social settings.
I have ADHD and it messed with my social skills suffered from it. This made me realize I can just be myself because all of these things are things I want to do but have avoided because I thought it would be a faux pas
I relate so much!! It can go really deep… I actually have been doing this more and more recently, but I got the feedback today that after all this time this person still doesn’t know the person I am 🫠 So I’m super curious how your new perspective has been going for you! Maybe you have some tips
Sean Evans: "So Emily, you've been known to be the "Queen of Karaoke" in your circle of friends. Tell me about that time you sang "Don't stop believing" with your high school teacher Miss Islington."
Emily: "Who are you?? GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!!!!"
lmao XD
5:05: Kanye only gave one word answers but you can see his charisma shine through by how quickly he responds and the tone of his voice which indicate that he is engaged in the conversation and willing to go into further detail.
*Procrastination is like a credit card, it's a lot of fun until you get the bill.*
What’s ur point..
Ahmet spam is everywhere ahhh
The first guy was really awkward. Like he didn't listen to her at all. In his defense, he did look exhausted, like he didn't sleep for 2 nights.
This channel gave me so much confidence in my social interactions. Thank you!
I'm only a school kid but I have social anxiety and get nervous when trying to start a conversation with a group of classmates and actually get noticed. How do I get through that?
alcohol
Search for the charisma on command video on how to start a conversation
Don’t go into a conversation trying to impress people. Just ask them questions and listen. Mediate everyday, it helps I promise. Practice practice practice. It’s hard at first, but your comfort zone will eventually expand and it won’t be a big deal for you.
Maybe it's a fear of being appreciated. I like to watch Richard Grannon on TH-cam for psychological explanations, maybe he'll be useful to you too.
@@memhisrocks45 thank you! That's a great idea!
I hate story gaps. All it does is hold you hostage to the other person dominating the conversation for as long as they like (including endless side notes and tangents), because they can always claim they haven't finished the story, yet. F that.
Yes! Everyone I interact with only wants to talk about themselves. And they're not very interesting. Why would I want to give them even more opportunities to talk about themselves? lol.
Fragile
I'm diagnosed with autism but funnily enough, because I'm a good masker I already observed all of these things and oftentimes use them to end conversations. I'd rather people think I'm boring and weird when in reality I'm doing it on purpose because they're actually boring me (or creeping me out cause they're hitting on me at work). In the rare instances I like someone we'll talk and joke nonstop for hours, sometimes till 5 am without realizing until the sun rises. Before I was diagnosed I used to feel terrible about feeling this way because my mom would berate me for being antisocial. Turns out it's just my pesky neurological wiring that I can't do anything about! My point is basically, if you don't enjoy talking to most people, don't force yourself to. Focus your energy on forming meaningful connections with the people you do like rather than trying to please everyone to make them think they like you. You'll burn yourself out being a people pleaser, trust me.
What a great video! I loved how many different celebrities you covered. Great job with the editing, Andre and team!
If you live your life to please others that’s a miserable life. I say build confidence and just be yourself. It doesn’t matter what they think about you or your conversation. If you do that believe me you will have a peaceful life just remember to be self sufficient enough to avoid needing this bs
My biggest issue is that I am super bad at simple starting conversations; I find it immensely difficult to find something to talk about.
I'm an introvert who's learned to be REALLY good at short engaging conversations. But if it has to last more than 15 minutes....I got nothing, lol.
6:08 I feel like all these videos, while they help many, probably just make some people even more nervous and unsure to do the right thing and how to go about it lol
Exactly. It’s way too easy to overthink basic things like socializing.
I think it also helps to have great stories, old and recent. You need to give them a break once in a while from taking about themselves and learn something about you (assuming that's half the goal). The only way to get great stories is to go out and do things.
I do totally see your point about going out and engaging in activity in order to create good stories however most of my great stories happen to me alone at home I engage in meditative activities and I loosely dream I am a lucid dreamer these are stories worth telling it depends on the kind of person you are