Pressure to reconcile can inhibit the ability to forgive, as well as cause further injury. Sadly, it seems common for people to be accused of being unforgiving when they remove themselves from harmful relationships.
I hear ya! So much pressure to forgive definitely hinders the process. It's not like you aren't trying to forgive but the pressure makes it worse and made me feel even more defeated.
Forgiveness is when God changes you! Woohoo! It is the most awesome indescribable experience I've ever had from my Father and we are working on me getting to that place of REST IN Jesus again. Thank You LORD God
I have found that forgiveness does not mean forgetting. Forgiving really has to do with how you remember that person’s transgressions against you. If we remember with bitterness or resentment, we have not truly forgiven. It takes the power of the Holy Spirit dwelling within us to enable us to remember without bitterness. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean that I have to continue in a relationship with the person who offended me. Forgiveness is a very powerful gift from Jesus!
Perfectly said! I have been gifted in this way from Fatger God and am praying asking in Jesus name name to bestow these gifts upon me again 🙇♀️ Hallelujah 🔥 hallelujah O' God Almighty I give You all Glory honor and praise in Jesus name Amen and Amen
You do an excellent job of explaining this topic. I wish I had someone explain this to me years ago. Thank you for making these videos. I'm glad to finally be learning this even if it is late.
One thing that always bamboozled me was whether to forgive someone who didn't want to be forgiven or ask for forgiveness. Have decided to err on the side of forgiveness. I figured out that resentment just kept me bound up in it, and, like you just said, forgiveness is free. I let go of the resentment (which means 'feeling again' btw) whether I'm asked for forgiveness or not. One thing that helped me with this was realizing that we have to feel pretty bad ourselves to be doing things to hurt people. So the person who hurt me had to have felt pretty bad to do that to begin with. Another thing I learned was to tell the other person how what they did hurt me, and I've had some relationships restored after that and v.v. Now, trust....a whole new ballgame.
I have chosen to forgive, but the same thing keeps happening. They won’t own their manipulation, abuse, etc. when I let them know they’re hurting me. When can I walk away? If I’m loving and want them to feel good, I keep getting hurt… how does this work? I’m on the crazy cycle.
Sometimes it’s ok to step away from others that want to stay in an unhealthy cycle. Forgiveness dosnt mean to stick around and keep being treated the same. For me forgiveness means, I am not holding you accountable for my hurt even though you caused it. I am releasing the hurt and you and God is filling it with His mercy. That’s forgiveness for me. But when others don’t see they are hurting you, it’s a problem they have and when we stay in that relationship or situation it will soon be our problem also. I hope things work out for you.
Thank you Dr Cloud for further refining my understanding of forgiveness & providing it in the context of the Bible. You have been very instrumental in my growth, of course with God's immense & amazing help. I really appreciated how clear you made the difference between forgiveness & trust. In my few remaining cases, I still question if I have fully forgiven some things because sometimes there are still remnants of anger, fear, & pain when dealing in some way with the persons or events. I came across information once that said that if you still had a negative emotional response to a person or event that you have not forgiven. What are your thoughts on this Dr Cloud? Admittedly it is still difficult for me to fully acknowledge the root events, but I have made a lot of progress. Could it be that I will not be able to forgive fully if I do not process all my negative emotions or completely acknowledge the full extent of the wrong? Even if my fear & anxiety make it feel like I can't go all the way there, have memory blocks, or I may not be physically healthy enough to do it?
How does one go about forgiving when the offense is perpetual and never ending?? Does one just have to perpetually forgive and repeat yhe process over and over again?? It's one thing if the Perpetrator has committed a grave act of sin towards another and it's a one time, maybe 2nd time event but when their destructive behaviors (even from a great distance and going no contact) and repeated offenses are a pattern that never ceases how does one go about this arduous process of letting go and releasing the debt as to fully and completely forgive as to no longer be tethered??
Good question . Ask Your Father in Heaven with me and then read His word. He will answer this question for us, In Jesus name Amen and Amen Thank You Father God for answering us... we need you and the guidance and comfort of Your Holy Spirit In Jesus name Amen
AWESOME. Questions: How do I know I forgave someone if what they did to me still hurts when thoughts come across or triggers Come cross. I know forgiving is not to forget I understand that. I feel like the pain just easy up with the time. What if I don't wanna have connections with that person To the point that I don't wanna be in the same room with them is that because I didn't forgive them? Even though I do not wish revenge or evil towards them.
That is a good question because I’m in the same spot. I believe that forgiveness is a process. I forgive and remain willing to forgive the person, but I still have too many thoughts of them. When it becomes overwhelming I pray and ask the Lord to please help me forgive completely and cancel out this person’s supposed debt to me. I want to be free and let this person go even though I know she is not really sorry. She goes to the same church I go to and is friends with some of my son in laws family and I do not want to be in the same room with her right now either. Maybe at a later date when I have healed a little more but I am not ready for that right now. I will never trust her again because she is very narcissistic yet says everyone else is a narcissist, including her own adult daughters and half the people in church. Does that mean I have not forgiven her?
@@blessmyheart9388 cancel out this persons supposed debt to me... I like the way you stated that in your comment❤️🙏 Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us in Jesus name name Amen and Amen
I know that I can only control my actions and my words. I can choose to name the hurt someone has caused me and forgive. How do I work through a situation where the one who has hurt me chooses not to acknowledge the hurt? Is it okay to "name the hurt" to this person, in a loving way? Confront them by speaking the truth with love? Or would that be jumping from the chess board of grace and love over to the board of punishment and the law?
Sometimes you can't even get that far (to name the hurt). I think, as you said, we contol our side. We don't want to live upset and bitter, ie we make every mental effort to let it go. Then as Dr. Cloud said we have the trust side to deal with. In my experience that truly is a separate issue. There is no opportunity to trust when the other person won't even talk to you. I have a very long relationship issue with an only sibling (never told what exactly the grievance is). All I can tell you is I was abruptly dismissed from her life after years of close relationship, the phone number was changed ??? Cut off. No reason given. I have made every effort to unravel the problem, to ascertain (heal) whatever it is wrong..sent Christmas and birthday cards . We're talking 12 years here. No response back. I can truly tell you...I bear no grudge, only sorrow for the loss. As you can see sometimes we can't always get to a place of talking, making ironing it out not an option. It does take both parties caring, communicating. I don't think there is anything else to do do but, pray for that person, let it go, and move on with your own days. So....I can only "trust" that the good Lord knows what this is all about and keep walking.
I have failed many many times in my life. How many times do we say sorry or opologize and own our bad behavior or mistakes in life? How many? The one person I love the most will not forgive. I’ve repeatedly questioned my whole life on what I’m accused of. Now that person hurts me on purpose. There are boundaries and there are destructive boundaries. I don’t ever remind her of her past. That’s not my heart. She has an Army to support her feelings toward me. Need I say more. It’s like a slow death.
Oh WOW!! Sounds like me and my daughter and now sisters. IS IT REALLY ME? My sisters will not even tell me what I've done. But then I've heard "EVERYONE cannot be against you!"
What about a restraining order constantly and consistently, blatantly violated, even with the police on his side only because he has a good lie in place to deceive everyone? First off, I was adamant about never having him arrested or any restraining orders. HE did it to HIMSELF EVERY TIME, only to blame and shame me because of HIS hatred and greed and desire for martyrdom. Set me up to frame me for HIS mistakes and crimes. I do NOT want or need to be tethered to him in this way. I have already forgiven the atrocities. Yet, he continues to control my life after 2 years w/o him. HE continues. IF I dismiss the order he will be free to stalk me again as he's done in the past. Destruction of my property and self. Now what? What do I do with this? I dismiss, he gets away with murder. My murder. I'll never get another order again. He's already proven to be a danger to me through proxy. I'm not safe now, I'll never be safe. Dismiss and I sign my death warrant. What now, Dr. Cloud? I want him gone and his followers. They have all been forgiven already, yet they keep it up. What then? If I dismiss? Dangerous people. My murder.
And also, other than forgiving these atrocities and praying for this person's salvation, how do you wish "blessings" for someone who is actively destroying lives?
I believe in forgiveness, but I don't believe in forgiveness and the person or people that I have forgiven is using it has a license or permission for the person, that I have forgiven, for them to keep on disrespecting me or abusing me & on top of all that.they are not sorry and they don't see how their actions or behavior affects me nor do they care. But they still want me to be okay with the things that they do & it's not up for discussion. But they want me & others to "act" as if everything is okay and not address issues in the relationship.
Pressure to reconcile can inhibit the ability to forgive, as well as cause further injury.
Sadly, it seems common for people to be accused of being unforgiving when they remove themselves from harmful relationships.
Need to choose ones battles . Also for everything it has its own timing
I hear ya! So much pressure to forgive definitely hinders the process. It's not like you aren't trying to forgive but the pressure makes it worse and made me feel even more defeated.
Thank you for your videos. I know I have grown so much the last few years with all your advice and perspectives. ❤
Amen
Forgiveness is when God changes you! Woohoo! It is the most awesome indescribable experience I've ever had from my Father and we are working on me getting to that place of REST IN Jesus again. Thank You LORD God
Dr Cloud your pod casts have been life giving Thankyou. Your wonderful explanations of scriptures and healing and human behavior. Incredible
I have found that forgiveness does not mean forgetting. Forgiving really has to do with how you remember that person’s transgressions against you. If we remember with bitterness or resentment, we have not truly forgiven. It takes the power of the Holy Spirit dwelling within us to enable us to remember without bitterness. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean that I have to continue in a relationship with the person who offended me. Forgiveness is a very powerful gift from Jesus!
Perfectly said! I have been gifted in this way from Fatger God and am praying asking in Jesus name name to bestow these gifts upon me again 🙇♀️
Hallelujah 🔥 hallelujah O' God Almighty I give You all Glory honor and praise in Jesus name Amen and Amen
You do an excellent job of explaining this topic. I wish I had someone explain this to me years ago. Thank you for making these videos. I'm glad to finally be learning this even if it is late.
Yes
One thing that always bamboozled me was whether to forgive someone who didn't want to be forgiven or ask for forgiveness. Have decided to err on the side of forgiveness. I figured out that resentment just kept me bound up in it, and, like you just said, forgiveness is free. I let go of the resentment (which means 'feeling again' btw) whether I'm asked for forgiveness or not. One thing that helped me with this was realizing that we have to feel pretty bad ourselves to be doing things to hurt people. So the person who hurt me had to have felt pretty bad to do that to begin with. Another thing I learned was to tell the other person how what they did hurt me, and I've had some relationships restored after that and v.v. Now, trust....a whole new ballgame.
Dr. Cloud, thank you so much for this!
So good! This talk helped me learn the right way to forgive. Thank You
I have chosen to forgive, but the same thing keeps happening. They won’t own their manipulation, abuse, etc. when I let them know they’re hurting me. When can I walk away? If I’m loving and want them to feel good, I keep getting hurt… how does this work? I’m on the crazy cycle.
Set boundaries. Dr. Henry Cloud has a book called “Boundaries”. Best wishes your way! 🥰
Sometimes it’s ok to step away from others that want to stay in an unhealthy cycle. Forgiveness dosnt mean to stick around and keep being treated the same. For me forgiveness means, I am not holding you accountable for my hurt even though you caused it. I am releasing the hurt and you and God is filling it with His mercy. That’s forgiveness for me. But when others don’t see they are hurting you, it’s a problem they have and when we stay in that relationship or situation it will soon be our problem also. I hope things work out for you.
@@BecnJ17 thank you for sharing your view and wisdom. It's much appreciated. God bless. 😊
PRAISE GOD!! Praise God Almighty 🙌🙌🙌
It’s hard but true. Thankyou.
Thank you Dr Henry Cloud. How do you know you have forgiven someone.
I feel I have grown so much in my faith. Because I have forgotten any one that has hurt me. And I'm so happy with myself now.
ALL Glory be to God In Jesus name Amen
What’s the difference between showing grace continually and being codependent?
Thank you Dr Cloud for further refining my understanding of forgiveness & providing it in the context of the Bible. You have been very instrumental in my growth, of course with God's immense & amazing help. I really appreciated how clear you made the difference between forgiveness & trust. In my few remaining cases, I still question if I have fully forgiven some things because sometimes there are still remnants of anger, fear, & pain when dealing in some way with the persons or events. I came across information once that said that if you still had a negative emotional response to a person or event that you have not forgiven. What are your thoughts on this Dr Cloud? Admittedly it is still difficult for me to fully acknowledge the root events, but I have made a lot of progress. Could it be that I will not be able to forgive fully if I do not process all my negative emotions or completely acknowledge the full extent of the wrong? Even if my fear & anxiety make it feel like I can't go all the way there, have memory blocks, or I may not be physically healthy enough to do it?
I would love to hear the answers to these questions also!
How does one go about forgiving when the offense is perpetual and never ending?? Does one just have to perpetually forgive and repeat yhe process over and over again?? It's one thing if the Perpetrator has committed a grave act of sin towards another and it's a one time, maybe 2nd time event but when their destructive behaviors (even from a great distance and going no contact) and repeated offenses are a pattern that never ceases how does one go about this arduous process of letting go and releasing the debt as to fully and completely forgive as to no longer be tethered??
Good question . Ask Your Father in Heaven with me and then read His word. He will answer this question for us, In Jesus name Amen and Amen
Thank You Father God for answering us... we need you and the guidance and comfort of Your Holy Spirit In Jesus name Amen
AWESOME.
Questions:
How do I know I forgave someone if what they did to me still hurts when thoughts come across or triggers Come cross.
I know forgiving is not to forget I understand that.
I feel like the pain just easy up with the time.
What if I don't wanna have connections with that person To the point that I don't wanna be in the same room with them is that because I didn't forgive them? Even though I do not wish revenge or evil towards them.
That is a good question because I’m in the same spot. I believe that forgiveness is a process. I forgive and remain willing to forgive the person, but I still have too many thoughts of them. When it becomes overwhelming I pray and ask the Lord to please help me forgive completely and cancel out this person’s supposed debt to me. I want to be free and let this person go even though I know she is not really sorry. She goes to the same church I go to and is friends with some of my son in laws family and I do not want to be in the same room with her right now either. Maybe at a later date when I have healed a little more but I am not ready for that right now. I will never trust her again because she is very narcissistic yet says everyone else is a narcissist, including her own adult daughters and half the people in church. Does that mean I have not forgiven her?
@@blessmyheart9388 cancel out this persons supposed debt to me... I like the way you stated that in your comment❤️🙏
Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us in Jesus name name Amen and Amen
I needed to hear this. Do you think though that someone can be nasty knowing, expecting forgiveness and grace?
Thank you… Need this.
I know that I can only control my actions and my words. I can choose to name the hurt someone has caused me and forgive.
How do I work through a situation where the one who has hurt me chooses not to acknowledge the hurt? Is it okay to "name the hurt" to this person, in a loving way? Confront them by speaking the truth with love? Or would that be jumping from the chess board of grace and love over to the board of punishment and the law?
Punishment and law?????
are you confused about my question or sharing an answer? Would love to understand (genuinely). Thank you. :) @@beyondandback
Sometimes you can't even get that far (to name the hurt). I think, as you said, we contol our side. We don't want to live upset and bitter, ie we make every mental effort to let it go. Then as Dr. Cloud said we have the trust side to deal with. In my experience that truly is a separate issue. There is no opportunity to trust when the other person won't even talk to you.
I have a very long relationship issue with an only sibling (never told what exactly the grievance is). All I can tell you is I was abruptly dismissed from her life after years of close relationship, the phone number was changed ??? Cut off. No reason given. I have made every effort to unravel the problem, to ascertain (heal) whatever it is wrong..sent Christmas and birthday cards . We're talking 12 years here. No response back.
I can truly tell you...I bear no grudge, only sorrow for the loss. As you can see sometimes we can't always get to a place of talking, making ironing it out not an option. It does take both parties caring, communicating. I don't think there is anything else to do do but, pray for that person, let it go, and move on with your own days. So....I can only "trust" that the good Lord knows what this is all about
and keep walking.
When I forgave all, my fibromyalgia went away almost immediately.
I have failed many many times in my life. How many times do we say sorry or opologize and own our bad behavior or mistakes in life? How many? The one person I love the most will not forgive. I’ve repeatedly questioned my whole life on what I’m accused of. Now that person hurts me on purpose. There are boundaries and there are destructive boundaries. I don’t ever remind her of her past. That’s not my heart. She has an Army to support her feelings toward me. Need I say more. It’s like a slow death.
Oh WOW!! Sounds like me and my daughter and now sisters. IS IT REALLY ME? My sisters will not even tell me what I've done.
But then I've heard "EVERYONE cannot be against you!"
I rebuke you satan in the mighty name of Jesus and bring that last thought into captivity according to Gods' word in 2Corinthians 10:3-5
Forgiveness does not mean that there are not consequences.
Who do you talk to?
What about a restraining order constantly and consistently, blatantly violated, even with the police on his side only because he has a good lie in place to deceive everyone? First off, I was adamant about never having him arrested or any restraining orders. HE did it to HIMSELF EVERY TIME, only to blame and shame me because of HIS hatred and greed and desire for martyrdom. Set me up to frame me for HIS mistakes and crimes. I do NOT want or need to be tethered to him in this way. I have already forgiven the atrocities. Yet, he continues to control my life after 2 years w/o him. HE continues. IF I dismiss the order he will be free to stalk me again as he's done in the past. Destruction of my property and self. Now what? What do I do with this? I dismiss, he gets away with murder. My murder. I'll never get another order again. He's already proven to be a danger to me through proxy. I'm not safe now, I'll never be safe. Dismiss and I sign my death warrant. What now, Dr. Cloud? I want him gone and his followers. They have all been forgiven already, yet they keep it up. What then? If I dismiss? Dangerous people. My murder.
Yes Dr. Cloud, please answer this question.
And also, other than forgiving these atrocities and praying for this person's salvation, how do you wish "blessings" for someone who is actively destroying lives?
@@carolb2539excellent
I believe in forgiveness, but I don't believe in forgiveness and the person or people that I have forgiven is using it has a license or permission for the person, that I have forgiven, for them to keep on disrespecting me or abusing me & on top of all that.they are not sorry and they don't see how their actions or behavior affects me nor do they care. But they still want me to be okay with the things that they do & it's not up for discussion. But they want me & others to "act" as if everything is okay and not address issues in the relationship.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Are we required to forgive those who do not repent? Or work to be ready if and when they repent? Does God forgive those who never repent?