Always hated confrontations for fear of exposing my inner weaknesses and shame. My healing yourney began when i confessed to all my shortcomings and 'sins' liberating my soul from the grip of self condemnation and freedom to live a new life of openness ond truth telling. When confronted about my failures i agree and and take full responsibility and use the confrontation to do better next time. Its been 5 years of very difficult growth but and i will never give up. My believe in God's Mercy is my hope and motivation as i surrender EVERYTHING to him each day. Maranatha!
Dr. Cloud it is so inspiring to me to hear not only what you say, but how you say it. I have chosen to not limit myself by saying I can never approach a conversation or situation in the kind, compassionate way you do. What that means is that I have opened my mind to realize, through your teachings, that this is a skill I can learn like any other skill. Thank you for using the word skill in this video! I am trying to learn how to say hard things in a soft way. Do you have a book on that? 😊
Sane people you can confront. We have learned not to confront some people because they are criminals. Checkout who works for you and new neighbors. Some are not safe to confront. Confronting the people around us is horrid because most are narcissists and it isn't worth the trouble you cause yourself.
I started working on my "people pleaser" tendencies this year, especially with my roommate. My goal is peace, but to get there I need us both to be honest about what the issues are.
Dr. Henry Cloud I need so much help with this . I have learned from my parents that confrontation is a terrible thing. Im 56 years old and just went through a terrible divorce after 36 years. He was a passive aggressive narcissist and gaslighted me on every issue we ever had, including the affair he was having. It was bad enough going through all that, and then I had to move back in with my parents for a while. That was the hardest thing because of all the dysfunction. They hurt me so badly how they handled the situation. First hurt then anger and it had to be addressed. I’d learned as a child that confrontation with them led to them turning everything around and making it about them, and then the harsh words, and then the abandonment. It left me feeling even worse. So basically it was not allowed because they couldn’t handle admitting they ever did anything wrong. This caused more hurt and pain and now I want nothing to do with them. They would rather throw their kids away then say they are sorry and admit they did anything wrong. This has been my life lesson growing up in this family. I have learned how to just exist and put up with so much pain and dysfunction because when I have tried to speak up, it only made things worse. So today I have a problem with confrontation and allowing people to walk all over me. It’s affecting my health.
Well, it's been 3 months since my last comment, and now it is time to face him in court while seeking a restraining order. The temporary was granted, but I need a move out order. In the meantime, he loudly enumerates my transgressions from his room, continuing to traumatize me. I've contacted the sheriffs on his disturbing my peace, an item forbidden on the TRO, but the sheriff let me know that he has the right by the 1st Amendment to express himself as loudly and viciously as he wants from his room. Never mind the unenforceable TRO. If this is what I have to look forward to in court, it will be the end of me. The only takeaway I have about confronting the difficult and the dangerous is to do it in love. I pray God gives me the ability to do that.
Confrontation becomes difficult when dealing with narcissists. They just go on the attack. Especially when it is immediate family, it turns into a choice between compliance or walking away. Healthy confrontation only works in Christian community.
Always hated confrontations for fear of exposing my inner weaknesses and shame. My healing yourney began when i confessed to all my shortcomings and 'sins' liberating my soul from the grip of self condemnation and freedom to live a new life of openness ond truth telling. When confronted about my failures i agree and and take full responsibility and use the confrontation to do better next time. Its been 5 years of very difficult growth but and i will never give up. My believe in God's Mercy is my hope and motivation as i surrender EVERYTHING to him each day. Maranatha!
Amen! To every word you said! 🙏🏻✌🏻
I wrote out a confrontation today. I'm shaking again. I start shaking when I have to have one. Looking forward to learning this skill.
It gets better each time you do. It s like going to the gym. First day is the most difficult. Kongragts!
This could not be more true @drcloud. Confrontation is the key to healing and success
I'm going through a autoimmune issue so I totally understand what you're saying.
thank you, Dr Cloud, for the encouragement to face our fears and the wisdom to know how to do so 😊🙏🥳 victory!
It’s my hearts desire to teach the way you do and help people. Teach me Lord and give me the confidence , the courage and Your Spirit of wisdom 🙏🏻🎁
Are you in a counseling program?
Of not look at Liberty University's programs
Thank you Dr Henry Cloud
Thank You Dr Cloud!
1 down, three to go!!
Dr. Cloud it is so inspiring to me to hear not only what you say, but how you say it. I have chosen to not limit myself by saying I can never approach a conversation or situation in the kind, compassionate way you do. What that means is that I have opened my mind to realize, through your teachings, that this is a skill I can learn like any other skill. Thank you for using the word skill in this video! I am trying to learn how to say hard things in a soft way. Do you have a book on that? 😊
Thank you
Good video, thx Dr. Cloud. 👍🏻🙂 Just finished reading, ‘Why I Believe?’ I loved reading it. Thank you for sharing your story/testimony.
Sane people you can confront. We have learned not to confront some people because they are criminals. Checkout who works for you and new neighbors. Some are not safe to confront. Confronting the people around us is horrid because most are narcissists and it isn't worth the trouble you cause yourself.
Thank you! You have brought up a very important topic
I’m in health & wellness and I call this “building resilience”.
I started working on my "people pleaser" tendencies this year, especially with my roommate. My goal is peace, but to get there I need us both to be honest about what the issues are.
Very good .. useful ..
Great info/ advice
Dr. Henry Cloud I need so much help with this . I have learned from my parents that confrontation is a terrible thing. Im 56 years old and just went through a terrible divorce after 36 years. He was a passive aggressive narcissist and gaslighted me on every issue we ever had, including the affair he was having.
It was bad enough going through all that, and then I had to move back in with my parents for a while.
That was the hardest thing because of all the dysfunction. They hurt me so badly how they handled the situation. First hurt then anger and it had to be addressed. I’d learned as a child that confrontation with them led to them turning everything around and making it about them, and then the harsh words, and then the abandonment. It left me feeling even worse. So basically it was not allowed because they couldn’t handle admitting they ever did anything wrong. This caused more hurt and pain and now I want nothing to do with them. They would rather throw their kids away then say they are sorry and admit they did anything wrong. This has been my life lesson growing up in this family. I have learned how to just exist and put up with so much pain and dysfunction because when I have tried to speak up, it only made things worse. So today I have a problem with confrontation and allowing people to walk all over me. It’s affecting my health.
Wow! I appreciate this sooo much!
Well, it's been 3 months since my last comment, and now it is time to face him in court while seeking a restraining order. The temporary was granted, but I need a move out order. In the meantime, he loudly enumerates my transgressions from his room, continuing to traumatize me. I've contacted the sheriffs on his disturbing my peace, an item forbidden on the TRO, but the sheriff let me know that he has the right by the 1st Amendment to express himself as loudly and viciously as he wants from his room. Never mind the unenforceable TRO. If this is what I have to look forward to in court, it will be the end of me. The only takeaway I have about confronting the difficult and the dangerous is to do it in love. I pray God gives me the ability to do that.
Hi Dr Cloud, what are tools or real life examples of these conversations?
Tks
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Confrontation becomes difficult when dealing with narcissists. They just go on the attack. Especially when it is immediate family, it turns into a choice between compliance or walking away. Healthy confrontation only works in Christian community.
However. don't use these normal rules for abnormal behavior.
Jesus "be reconciled with adversary on the way (to court)..the best way to love at peace with everyone as far as it is possible with you
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