*Your self awareness is truly a beautiful gift and a blessing. The most important conversations you'll ever have are the ones you'll have with yourself. We have to be our own best friend. We must Coach ourselves, talk though our problems. I never know how I feel until I listen to myself. Then you can hear weather you are being rational with yourself or not! 🤭 I appreciate you Adam. 💗🤗*
Adam... gotta tell you. I'm 58 years old. I've had a less than conventional life. But one thing I can tell you for certain, is that your entire life will be filled with transitional seasons. They change as you age, but we are basically still learning and figuring ourselves out for our lifetime. Especially those of us who are so extremely self aware. Journaling is so helpful. But also, don't be too hard on yourself. 21 is just the beginning! You might consider counseling at some point... maybe even look for peer counseling. Just to have that outlet. I never married, never had kids, which was hard at first. But I've learned that my life just took different trajectory than most of the people I grew up with, AND my 6 older siblings. Just know thT there is nothing wrong with you. Your singleness isn't a death sentence. It just means you are still trying to figure out what you really want. Live strong in your singleness, and it will fortify any relationships you have in the future. If you ever want to message me for an objective opinion, don't hesitate. You are doing great...give yourself some credit.
This is the comment I needed to read today. I'm 42, youngest of 5 siblings and I've never married or had kids either (my decision). Sometimes it's hard to see everyone "moving forward" and I feel stuck but I have no regrets about saying no to what everyone else is doing. Still trying to figure it out and be kind to myself. Thank you for helping me feel less alone ❤
@@QueenC1981 I'm glad it was helpful. Some of us just have a different type of path in life. It doesn't make us any less of a valuable person than anyone else. If you would like to chat in private, I'm here!
Can we be friends? I feel like at 35 I'm needing to hear the same advice. I've been single 3 years and engaged 2 times. I feel like a giant failure. Seeing this was really refreshing and validating. I keep feeling like I should be married. Like my life wasn't supposed to be like this. But that's just part of growing up right? Questioning everything.
@@DeePeeZee I question EVERYTHING. But that's what its about. Once you feel you have nothing left to learn, your life may as well be over at that point. "For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven." I've figured out that I'm supposed to do something unconventional... that's who I am. I almost died in the hospital last month. I had a horrible infection due to severe salmonella poisoning. The very night I bought and ate that tainted shrimp, I had literally JUST been at the cemetery, crying to my parents that I was done here and ready to be with them in Paradise. I begged to die. I got incredibly sick for 2 days and then went to the ER. My kidneys were trying to shut down. Thinking I could be dying freaked me the hell out. But I fought...hard...had a lot of needles in me. I realized I'm not done yet. There has to be something more. It's just HARD. life is better if you don't try and compare real life to the idea that you have of what it's SUPPOSED to be. Sure... I'd be happy to talk to you. My moods go all over the place. I am living through a pretty major depression. I am in a huge state of Flux with everything in my life too. I am staring my age dead in the face. Thats another transition...when you suddenly see that your body is OLD. One more step towards maturation. Anyway, I'm on Facebook.
You have been through a lot of trauma and I think giving yourself time and space to process your feelings as your values shift is important. Sometimes those protective mechanisms are there for a reason, but sometimes they can go overkill and I think you're doing an incredible job of knowing the difference. Be patient and gentle with yourself, you have been hurt and betrayed by a lot of people and you're putting your heart back together, piece by piece as you learn what a trustworthy/untrustworthy person looks like. I'm early 30s and trust me, you always have moments where you feel like an inexperienced kid.. no matter your age 😅 Sending ❤
In my mid 30s, married and have a kid, and I relate to the way your mind works so much. Life is a little harder and more rich as people who understand themselves, and their relationships with others, so well. You’re working at embracing that superpower. I’m still working on it, too.
It’s never too late to connect with your siblings. Life is rough and fast. For my brother and I we never connected until we found something we both shared a love for. Find that thing and use it to bridge the gap between just being brothers to being equals and friends. Love you Adam.
What helped me to connect with my siblings is that I stopped waiting for them to make the first step toward me. I started to think about what would I want from them and reached out first. It started with sending funny memes, and cheesy quotes about being siblings. Showed more interest and support in them. Felt really stupid at first lol, but step by step we started to talk. Probably won't be the closest relationships, but at least I can say I tried.
Also if they don’t reciprocate, don’t let it get you down. My sister cut us all off. Sometimes she sends me pictures or memes randomly, maybe once or twice a year, but if I try send something back, she still goes quiet. I try reach out I get a yes or no, or no reply at all. We used to be really close before this. I didn’t even do anything to be cut off. I miss her a lot.
And being an empath, you can easily burn the candle at both ends, making you feel burnt out or get in your head or feel wired, sleepy but stimulated. Empaths also can give too much of themselves as we like to inspire or make others feel good and often see their needs more readily than our own. Also likely being an enpath you have learned to protect yourself because you've had to and that's not a bad thing at all when you feel called to open up, do so, always trust your intuition and don't date someone if your instinct is telling you it won't work out. It's good to feel that way it means you aren't just going to settle out of loneliness or for matter of the ego rather than the heart. It means you've grown more solid in who you are. It sounds like you're as open as you should be and are listening to yourself, which is lovely. Sometimes, being an empath feels a bit like you're on the path of the lone wolf. Because to care for the pack we do often have to have periods of isolation and introspection to really both understand ourselves, and those in our community so that we can mediate with those who might see things from opposing sides, and to connect on a deeper level. The isolation periods can feel really tough at one end, but when we pour into ourselves and appreciate the journey, we transmute that pain into a deep well of knowledge and peace. I love you, Adam. 🙏✨️🪷
Growing up is hard, it truly is. However as for as dating goes. You will know when you find someone that you want to spend more time with and that will allow you to open yourself up more to being with that person more and more. There's no manual to growing up or making friends or things like that. Not everyone's the same. We are all different and that's what makes us so interesting 😊
You're doing it. We often think we have to do more, but forget all we are doing. Keep doing what you're doing...being. I was like this when I was 21 - now 42 and it has served me so well. It's so amazing to see you being and connecting to who you truly are, Adam. This is our life's purpose and the best way to spend time. Your community is so honoured to know you.
Hon, please remember to cut yourself some slack. When you moved to Brighton I can remember how sick you were with long covid - on top of everything else. Casual dating may not be your thing. And that's neither good nor bad. I think you'd be surprised to know how many people are impressed with the life you've allowed yourself, especially at such a young age. To be able to come home to a quiet space with your girls is priceless. Thank you for talking with us. Rest well
This is such a cosy video. Im like 10 years older than you but i remember having a lot of these same thoughts and experiences, only i handled everything so poorly in comparison to you lol. I wish i had the self awareness you have. ❤
1) I love the camera angles following you. It definitely increases the production value. 2) Also I love that you are so open and candid about your feelings and experiences. I know you may feel lonely because its hard for you to relate to those directly around you but by putting this content out there many people will feel seen. Your sincerety reads through the screen and thats so rare nowadays on TH-cam as I'm sure you know. 3) You're doing great and its incredibly mature of you to process your feelings (especially for the world to see) so whole heartedly. There is no shame in not being ready to date and very empowering, to not only know that, but to embrace it as well. Your content is great 👍 Keep up the good work. There are many people cheering you on from the sidelines. Second channel for the win
As someone who is 30 and married with kids but love your channels 😂 don’t worry about age as far as feeling like your missing something, take your time and it’s so much better once you learn yourself first before everything else ❤ also be safe/careful dating nowadays!
For me, I just give myself the option of saying no to invitations whenever I am feeling overwhelmed from being around too many people. It gives me the space and time that I need to rest and regroup
Hey Adam, im 30, and I felt the same way at your age. Dating suuucks in your early twenties. Everyone is still figuring out what they want, just like you. So dont be so hard on yourself. It takes a few years to figure out what you want and to find someone who will respect your boundaries and want to fulfill your needs as a partner. You have plenty of time :)
I feel left behind cuz I'm not allowed to date and I don't have friends and I'm not allowed to go out by myself. I am 19 later this year :( I feel like I'm missing out and I'm so sad
I'm the same way. I'm a lone wolf in a lot of ways. My circle is incredibly small, but i know those people love me for me. And I do LOVE my people back, but I need space and time away from social interactions. It's how I recharge my mind, body and soul.
2023 has humbled me with friendships, I’m safer alone. I made friends with a secret hater and getting out of that friendship in one piece was hard. I learned that I need to feel out people’s intentions when they’re befriending me. I realized I’m my favorite person and I love being alone bc I can’t stand others
You are 21. It is not too late to become closer to your brothers. Call them once a week and maybe that'll grow to a daily call. My family member has siblings who are seventeen years a part and they are very, very close. It's never too late make the effort.❤
Honestly the older you get the more you understand what you from life and how you want to live it and that includes friendships and relationships as you are more sure and secure within yourself. As 28 years old, I can count on one hand how many friends I have and I love that, it’s less drama filled and the friendships are more meaningful. ❤❤
It is NEVER too late to improve your relationship with youth siblings. Start by calling more often. At first you may not know what to say. So you can start with asking about their day, how work is going, what they are going to eat for dinner. After a few conversations you will know more about them and it will help easier to have a conversation with them. If it was between making friends or making your sibling relationship stronger, I personally would choose to start working on the sibling relationship first. You’re a wonderful person Adam and I know you will find your way through these relationship difficulties. 🙏🏻 ❤
Adding to my prior comment, you could make the first step by going and visiting your brothers for a few days. I am hopeful that once they see you making them a priority in your life that they will return the favor and come visit you. If you start working on your relationship with them now, by next Christmas, you will be amazed at how much closer you are to your brothers.
I relate so much to this Adam, dating is terrifying. I had a different experience I met my ex at 16 and we dated through high school and college. We broke up suddenly and it broke me. I spent the last 2 and a half years alone and I'm starting dating in the new year and I'm terrified I don't want to lose my independence, but I also want to find someone Thank you so much for posting this I'm so glad I'm not alone
I think people also put so much pressure on themselves to be something they are not, if your internal feeling is saying you need space after some socializing...that is OKAY. Everyone is different. Sometimes I need a day alone after spending even a few hours out with people. I really value and enjoy my private time ❤ I think being able to enjoy your own company is the greatest blessing
I have a sister that’s 16 years older than me and I totally get the sibling thing!! She had two kids by the time I was 14 and then when I was old enough to go to her about adult things she moved away. I told myself I would try to stay close to her but it’s been very difficult. I’m really busy with school and I don’t really know what to talk with her about.
Wait, I'm kind of obsessed with the chill vibes of turning on your lights and cleaning. Also, I completely relate to having alone time at night. There's something about the uninterrupted solitude.
Nothing you said was stupid. I can relate. Something I've learned i they don't like you for who you are they don't deserve you. I spent vast majority of my life being someone other people wanted me to be for a fear of abandonment or not being liked. After my dad died i promised myself I'd figure out who i was and anyone didnt like they could bite me.
Wild how so many of us in the comments relate to your experiences. I'm 31 & really never been in a 'serious' relationship & I still don't care to be LOL. We're all just moving as best as we can in life.
Adam…I have been thoroughly enjoying your second channel. (Of course, your main channel is great as well!) We are quite different - I am a straight woman in NYC and older - but when I first moved out I was just like you in so many ways. I had my apartment and my little dog, was very protective of my space and keeping my apartment clean and decorated, very content being alone, and late in romantic experiences compared to the people I knew. (I also loved being up at night when everyone was not lol. It’s so cool!) I have to tell you, I am so proud and happy watching you navigate this time of your life. Your 20s are meant for enjoying life while building your career and your boundaries, so you are doing amazing things there. You’re awesome…and my goodness the girls are too cute!❤
This was so lovely. Gonna condense these thoughts...ur not dependent on urself, ur independent. Still a double-edged sword. U have insight. Again, a slippery slope. Ignorance is bliss. That said, u got this. Ive dealt w/ tha same. It's a thin line, tho. Understand so much and thanks for sharing this stuff. Much love from Chicago 💖⭐
There IS a book to read! Before you asked that I was thinking “I should recommend Brene Brown to him…” and then you literally asked what book to read. Brene’s writing on bravery and vulnerability and letting yourself be open to scary changes is incredible. She literally covers the topic of closing yourself off In Order to preempt pain that you’re anticipating even though it hasn’t happened yet. Her writing speaks directly to how you’re feeling. Start with “the power of vulnerability” and do “daring greatly” after that! Sending love.
Those who aren’t absolute sweethearts like you, Adam, will more often than not mistake your kindness for weakness…and this signs you up for loneliness a lot of the time, as a result. You will come to an understanding, in time, that solitude is its own special brand of gold. Seize your golden moments alone…you learn far more from them than you will from time spent with scores of other people. And don’t let any a holes bring you down or kill your vibe.❤❤❤❤
Babe, you are doing so well!! I just got out of a 4 year relationship (27 now, almost 28) and I realized a lot of the same things you are experiencing now. Until we feel safe and loved in a relationship, we don't realize the things we need to work on that may or may not have anything to do with the relationship. I wanted so badly to find that "real love" until I had it then I realized I wasn't ready. It was more knowing that I COULD have someone, now that I have the option to be in a relationship or not.
Adolescents used to be the last stage before adulthood at about 19 ( in my country). Psychologists and colleagues have renamed the stages of life and consider an extra stage of life. Between 18 to 25 is called "emerging adulthood." As someone who is older I can consider this very appropriate as I've known super mature 18 year olds and super immature, 25 year olds. So I think it takes time. It's nice to see you so self aware of who you are and so honest with yourself. You have expressed it so eloquently. Continue to not be pressured into social trends just because all your friend circle is doing it.❤ P.s. I kow tons, I mean tons of people who didn't have any sexual experiences or date until they were married. You said your dating and stuff now but, you're not behind
Listening to the way you break down your thoughts and feelings is so relatable to me, living away from your family and not having strong connections to those who matter most. To a certain degree I sometimes feel the same way since I live two states away from my family. My hope is that though right now you are at times it seems lonely that you give yourself and maybe someone else you find that you trust a chance to see if you can have someone in your life in a more permanent every day way. I'm thankful I got my hubs and I miss my family like crazy, especially during the holidays. My younger sister is 9 years my junior but I can say that I'll never regret (middle child here lol) that even though she was a terror growing up that I made room for her in my life so maybe if your interested see if your brothers are interested in making more of an effort into visiting. You never know unless you ask, it seems to me you truly miss that connection with them so i hope that if its something you truly want that they are open visiting you. In the grand scheme of things there is nothing like your family, you may add to said family by bringing friends in and your wonderful furry family but the core family will always be number one. I wish nothing but good moments and happiness for you, you deserve that and more. And if you ever want to add another long distance friend I volunteer as tribute lol! Try not to be so hard on yourself, your doing awesome and don't need it all figured out today. :)
Me and my brothers had a bipolar relationship while I lived at home😂fighting one day and bestfriends the next. I’m the oldest daughter (22) then i have two younger brothers (16&12) and after moving out yeah there was a disconnect but we all do stay in contact and especially since i only live 30 minutes from my parents i go there like once a week. Id die without my brothers 🤍
Being close with a small amount of people is wayyyy better than being 'kinda' friends with a lot of people. I went through the same thing at 21 and I'm 26 now and i have 2 close friends. Less drama and I'm so much happier. Its okay to take time to figure it out and figure yourself out. Its good to talk about it too! Its fulfilling for me to see that it is normal for these thing to happen and I'm sure it will be for others too/
Adam, thank you for sharing with us. You probably already watched but Peter had a good video out recently I think on his peterisms channel about not trusting people that I found really helpful. You probably don't realise how self aware you are- some people don't recognise their needs ie about coming home when you reach your limits on a night out and seeking quality friends rather than quantity until much later or even at all. You've done amazingly well this year and sending you so much love ❤️
Can I say I was exactly the same with feeling inexperienced and stuff... and nowerdays I WISH I waited more, don't ever feel like "You're behind" or anything, it'll happen when its meant to happen
I feel like as I’ve gotten older, I’ve been more picky with whom I allow into my space, even on a surface level. I still wonder if that’s to my benefit or not.
Hi Adam, thank you for sharing your feelings so honestly. I am a licensed Therapist in the USA and it is my hope you are able to find a good Therapist to assist you in working through your thoughts and feelings. It may not be the same Therapist you are using/used to work through past/current traumatic issues caused by a horrible person (we know whom I refer to) but someone else cld be a good fit. Please continue to express your thoughts/feelings and provide yourself good self care.
So relatable, thank you! If I was as well-rounded as you when I was 21 I wonder what kind of adult I would be now days. I'm a 33 year old queer loner with my cat... moved across the country from my family and it has been hard and I don't really know what I'm doing with life. But one good and actually genuine thing that Trisha said in that recent Shane video was about how everything somehow works out eventually (don't know how it does it just does) and that actually made me feel better and hopeful. So yeah... love your videos and insightful discussions. You go Glen Coco.
I think you are over thinking all this at such a young age. As a married 57 yo I didn’t get married until much later. And I am happy with my decision. It was more important to me to make friendships because you need to be a friends first with your partner. I get it you want to gather experience with relationships but sometimes it best to go with the flow rather than consciously seek it out. When it’s right you’ll know it as you’ll want to spend all your time with your best friend. However being able to enjoy your time alone should be mastered first. I was an only child so I love my peace and quiet. Adam you are amazing and have a lot to offer a friend partner. Enjoy the for babies, the travel and enjoy the adventure of being young and what life offers. ❤️
I felt the same way when i was 19-22 I was meeting all kinds of new people trying to get everyone to like me then it hit me that well I didnt even really like them. its important to surround yourself with people you genuinely like and make you feel safe and happy. it also sounds like you are craving connection with your brothers. It is never too late to reach out for advice from them and letting them know that you want to connect with them more! im sure they would be happy to, you are their little brother afterall :)
I am around the same age as you, and personally I'm also struggling with this same issue. My main issue that I have on my own is feeling as if I'm boring or a 'loser' just because of how lonely I have become. I have online friends, but I have 0 irl and it feels a little odd, especially knowing that those around you have many and many they have possibly known for so long. I understand the feeling of being burnt out too, you've done something so much that you're kinda tired of doing again. Either it could be because of finding yourself/pos, or it could be that you don't want to dig another hole you can't get out of for a few years again. I'm still struggling to find myself, honestly. But I know ill get there eventually, at least I hope. Ive watched you for so long, Ive seen you grow and it's amazing how we are technically going through the same issue. It's honestly very comforting. I really hope things get better!! You deserve it💛💛💛💛
25 feels no different from 21. Cant speak for 29 but I'm genuinely convinced nothing feels like it changes. No more big milestones through childhood, everything just becomes flatline and samey 😅
This is so cathartic to listen to, because you are saying so many things that I can relate very closely to. I recently moved to a new place too and am faced with these things all over again, but listening to you makes me feel less alone. you have so much wisdom and I thank you so much for sharing your random can't-sleep thoughts with us, it means a lot.
You feel so old, I know, but you have your whole life ahead of you! Having the realizations you are having are some people don't have till late late in life. You are truly ahead, you have time with family to get closer! The fact you know you don't have life figured out and KNOW that, you will be okay❤❤
the introoooo omg omg adam !! vlog of the year i didn't have my first drink until i was 25? 26?? so having a kiss late isn't something to feel shame for at all, i think. i'm making oatmeal and wishing i had a camera to vlog with, and i do not want to use my phone because it has no storage space from all the pictures i've taken... lol problem for future me i guess. so instead im writing a long comment and hoping that you'll read it at the very least! i was so happy to see bonnie & dolly in their bed! i love the girls. opening up and trusting people is very difficult. the adults in my life always said, only time will tell. which, i guess is supposed to mean that with time, you may find someone that you choose to be the one you talk to. i hope that you find someone you can feel that level of trust with, as this is such a personal thing to go through. since you have stated that you feel protective of yourself, maybe there's a lack of boundaries? having boundaries and being able to assert them is huge, and since you're 21 it may take a few years before you even know the rest of what you really feel. i hope that makes sense. it's just easy to think you've got it down and then something charges in to blindside you. i hope the people you meet treat you with the level of grace and respect you have. i wasn't very mature at 21, and made really bad decisions because i had no good role models in my life. i wasn't good at holding boundaries because i was too used to being a people pleaser. i didn't start saying NO more to my own family until i was 27. please be kinder to yourself than i was.
I used to find it hard to have the motivation to clean all the time. I hated cleaning so much. Now that im a mom of a two year old and renovating our home, it feels so different. Now I feel like I can't sit down until my house is clean. I am a night owl and love the piece and quit/ alone time when my husband and son go to sleep. There's just this relaxing feeling laying down, with a clean house, and no screaming toddler that I have to run after😂
When you're in your early twenties and you're actually right where you're supposed to be. Single and thriving. 😂 Don't let others make you feel less than. They probably are just projecting on you.
I related to so much of this especially the part about your siblings and age versus life experience! I have two sisters and we are all about the same ages as you and your brothers! I’m the middle child not the youngest tho lol I have always felt this too, that it sucks feelings like I could be so much closer to my siblings if we were closer in age because we are all always at such different stages in our lives than each other. Also I have heard a lot that it’s important to be comfortable by and with yourself first before dating. Your independence is a good thing because it will allow you to find some that you don’t NEED but that compliments the life you already built and makes it even better. I also struggled with relationships and needing time away from them at first but I promise the feeling goes away once you feel entirely comfortable in their presence. Now my bf is the only person I can stand having around when I need to recharge and in some ways I think HE recharges me with his presence. You got this ❤️
Don't feel bad or guilty about taking things in stride and doing them in your own time. I've felt a lot of pressure over the years to be someone that I'm not, or to handle things in ways that aren't me. To feel like in order to be better l have to be someone other than myself. You are young. Life comes in stages and there will always be something to tackle or ponder how to get through it. I think it's normal and we should normalize just letting people be who they are, and grow into who they are at their own pace. It's not to say we shouldn't challenge ourselves but it shouldn't be out of pressure to look like how we feel everyone else is. You seem like a grounded, kind and intelligent young man. Enjoy your life and don't rush too much. You are actually doing a lot more than l ever did at your age. Wishing the best for you Adam! I'm glad you are sharing your experiences so others can know they are not alone and perhaps you can know you are not either.
I felt similar when I was 19/20 when it came to relationships but then I met Nic and now we've been together for 10 years, married for 5. My point is that when you meet the right person you'll think fuck it and your relationship will progress. It's hard but try not to over think it.
For me, I’m traveling for the first time with my bf next week and my parents don’t approve of it. It’s always weird to hear how other people’s parents are like they let their children experience life early on compared to my parents who don’t even want me to go traveling with my bf. It’s like they don’t want me to enjoy life too much, they just want me to be more successful in their eyes. And, I’m the middle child and me and my older sister don’t really talk, however I am more closer with my little sister. So, I do kind of know where you’re coming from Adam as I do find myself a little sad when I think about it. Overall, great video, and keep it up! 💕
Start getting closer to your brothers today. It’s as simple as giving them a call. Me and my brothers are close in age but we have no personal relationship, same as what you describe. But it could be resurrected as easily as a first step of a phone call… truly some people you click with better than others.
Ok as the youngest in my family, and being a little older than you, it’s not too late to connect with them. My oldest sister is 12.5 years older than me and my other sister is 3 years older than me. I have had those same feelings of being in different eras of our lives and not feeling close, but you also have the power to change that. I realized I can just…. reach out to them lol. Like I can just text my sisters without any real reason. I don’t have to have anything specific to talk about or have something happen to reach out. My advice is to just text them more or call to catch up. Also tell them your feelings if you’re comfortable. Just my experience being in a similar position to you, but a couple years older. ❤️
I love the intro and the part where you are putting on the kettle, kinda nice and artsy instead of jumping immediately into the video. I like your normal way too just was a nice little change
Well.. just like many others, I come from a broken family, i dont see eye to eye with my mum or sisters, and i havent seen my dad in years, nor do i know of his wereabouts... sometimes you have to build your own family, its a hard thing to do, closure with family doesnt happen to everyone and i might be in a case of that... its hard to create a family of your own, but its possible, my family right now consist of my partner, my cat and I... im bad at making and keeping friends but i havent lost hope about having new friends in the future, you got this Adam.
I've been playing catch up with the Ballinger thing and I'm sorry that you had to deal with that and the aftermath. Just to add, Brighton has been my calling all my life, I fully intend to end up living there, partly because it's my late father's home town and we spent many cool summers there. I have a lot of family there, my grandfather was one out of eight children who all ended up as bakers. You have a great outlook on life and clearly are a genuine gentle soul. I sincerely wish you all the best in the future.
I had my first kiss at 19, and married at 36. My sister married her high school sweetheart in their early 20's. Took me a long time to stop comparing us, but not everyone has the same wants/needs/timeline!
Hey Adam! I can't explain how much I relate to you, and want you to know that you're definitely not alone in your experiences. I left my home country Mauritius to come to Europe for uni at 19, and since then I live on my own. In that situation I feel like most of us feel pressured to make friends quickly in terms of making parents happy, because obviously they worry about us and they are hoping we are doing good socially right? And it of course helps to keep expanding my network of friends just for the sake of it if you know what I mean. Similar to you, after spending time in social environments after a while, my social battery definitely drains and I want to be alone... When I'm back at home it feels like my safe, comfortable space. But as humans we need to socialize as well because if we don't at all we get depressed hahah. Ah and also, I just turned 20 and still haven't even had my first kiss yet and tbh I feel like every single person around me has made it waay past that, and yeah it's hard. But it's not the end of the world and totally normal, I've come to terms with that😊So yeah, moral of the story, don't worry your feelings are valid ❤ Sitting with your thoughts this way is always a healthy exercise:)
You know Adam, I’m 24 and I haven’t dated yet and I hear myself now, but even more so my younger self in some of the things you’re saying. Me personally, I’ve had a lot of health issues that have led me to be a little bit overweight (not a lot, but more than I’d like) as well as other things that kind of make me feel like a birden/unattractive on a regular basis. I also got diagnosed with ADHD recently which, I found out, impacts not only things like habit-forming, procrastination etc etc, but also ENERGY LEVELS. I’m working with what we call a ”work therapist” (arbetsterapeft) in swedish, dk what it’s called in english but basically a life coach/therapist in one, and she’s taught me a lot, like looking at your week and colouring in the things you’ve done or are gonna do that ”take energy” in red and things that ”give you energy” in green, then try to ideally balance it out so that you have approximately half of each, or just some red here and there if you’re burned out… Sorry I think I’ve gone on a side tangent here, I’ll try to get to the point😆Basically, some people take more energy to be around for me than others, and that sometimes depends on them, but it sometimes depends on who I feel like I have to ACT LIKE around them. So being more true to yourself, wearing more comfortable clothes etc can help reduce that friction. Honestly though, the part about you feeling like you need to work on yourself, that’s so valid. I’m actually very happy and content with the person I’ve become these past few years by focusing solely on myself - that said, some things you can’t know till you know, like you said. Sometimes I think we tell ourselves we’re not ready cause we’re scared of rejection, so that way we reject ”them” first, with a very noble reason (excuse). It’s hard to give advice on this topic though I feel because no one can know you or what you want or need better than you. I’ve always felt like everyone has their own inner compass in their chest that seeks to guide them right. We usually know what we want to do in a situation, and we know if we’re avoiding thinking about or doing something, we do. So I guess keep soul searching, try shadow work if you want, try to become the you you want to become and if someone amazing shows up along the way (and they will, bc once you’re who you’ve always wanted to be you’ll be magnetic, it’ll show and attract people) then that’s great, but think of it this way; us introverts are blessed in a way, because we enjoy our own company so much that we’ll only accept someone that we feel adds something to our lives. Otherwise, this is just my personal opinion but… don’t chase. Be open to the possibility of meeting people, but if something doesn’t click then don’t force it to bc you know deep down that you’ll be happier and more comfortable alone. My cousin is an even bigger introvert than me but she says that being with her current boyfriend is like being alone with added benefits, it doesn’t drain her like other ppl do, which seems really sweet to me. Otherwise I just wanna say too that PLEASE don’t stress about the age thing. I honestly forget my age at this point, I feel the same as I did when I was 22 and 18, I’m still me, my brain is still capable of the same things, my body hasn’t changed much - but the years of experience and time to think and contemplate life and try new things that have made a difference. I remember that I used to tress about that stuff at 16 and 18 too, but I still haven’t done much more than kissing for fun because I haven’t found anyone that I felt comfortable enough to do more with, and I swear, 30 year old me isn’t gonna care if I waited a year or two longer or shorter, and 60 year old me would just encourage me to live life the way I want to. Honestly, why flrce yourself to do something bc everyone else has or hasn’t, I guarantee that nobody is thinking about you in their day to day life, no one is thinnking that you’re pathetic for not having dated at 21. (Except for the inevitable internet trolls I suppose, but we all know they’ve got no lives). Anyways, gosh I don’t even know if this comment makes any sense or is helpful at all, probably not😂But on the off chance that it is and that you read this, you’re normal, you’re ok and I hope that you take care of yourself first. Trust me, as a reformed-ish insomniac, you’ll feel so much better once you dedicate your time to at least getting a consistent sleep schedule. If you’ve anxiety every night ( like I had) maybe ask yourself what in your life it is that you’re so afraid of facing? Are you avoiding the morning or next day for some reason? What habits can you implement that would make going to sleep feel like a luxury and/or something you look forward to doing, and the same goes for the morning? Hope this helps, much love ❤
Do you still have a therapist to talk to? This kind of question could be fabulous for them. For me, I'm an adult who doesn't date. I don't care to, and it's fine. I enjoy having friends, and don't want a relationship. However it's each persons choice to decide that, and you can date for a while if you want- then take a break for a while if you don't like it. There's no right way to adult. Just take your time. Don't force things.
it's such a misconception that introverts aren't ever social and extroverts love to be social all the time when in actuality they're just the different ways we recharge our mental energy
29yo woman here, it’s gonna sound so cliche but don’t worry too much about not having those experiences earlier in life. I put finding love really low on my priority list due to not feeling ready, combined with having my own problems and not wanting to burden somebody else with them. I had the mindset of “if someone does come along, great. If not, whatever”. Thinking that maybe someday someone might walk into my life, and he did. At 27, I had my first serious adult relationship and we’re still together to this day. I met him at an interesting time in my life when everything was finally falling into place and starting to go right for me. When things began to fall apart, I started to get really depressed again and thought “ok he’s seen me at my best, and now he’s gonna see me at my worse. He’s going to leave me.” For some reason, he hasn’t lol. I guess I must be doing something right. He makes me want to be a better person. Anyway, the point is, don’t worry about not having those firsts earlier on. It’s not a race or a competition, and pressure from media doesn’t really help either lol. You’ve got time, lord knows you’ve had to deal with so much in your life so far, love might not be at the top of your priority list either. I wish you all the luck and manifesting the same energy that came my way for finding your person 🥰
I have always been a lot like you describe yourself to be. I very much need my own space, and being with and around someone so much would always lead to making me feel suffocated and eventually resentful if I felt like I didn’t get a wide berth of space. I thought I just wasn’t mean for relationships really. It took a long time, but I eventually found someone who’s company feels just as enjoyable as being alone to me. I can feel alone with him. And not in a bad way. I never knew that was possible. I got so frustrated with myself and dating. I wish that I had someone to give me this advice. It is possible to find someone that you can feel like you’re alone with. Wait for that. I got so down on myself about my need for alone time and my own space and that I felt like I needed a retreat from someone I thought I liked. They just weren’t the right person. ❤
I’m nearly 30. Had one serious boyfriend and we broke up in 2013. Been single since. I messed around for years after, but last 3ish years, I haven’t even bothered with that side of things. I’m happy in my own company. I like to do my own thing or be spontaneous, which is hard to do in a relationship. Plus I’ve been by myself so long now, I don’t think I’d know how to in relationship anymore. I’m harsh enough on myself with normal interactions, never mind being myself around a partner. The dream is a cabin with my dogs, cats and other pets.
I've been dating since I was 14. I'm 23 now and I'm in my first relationship that I actually feel mature enough for, ready for, happy in. I had no business having boyfriends and girlfriend at age 14 15 16 17 18 19 come onnn. You absolutely should wait until feeling very ready. Little kid relationships are dumb.
idk if you have the cleaner Comet where you live, but it works wonders on stove tops like yours. It's what I always use. I sprinkle a little all over the top, spritz it with water, let it sit a moment, and wipe clean. Sometimes I do have to scrub a little harder, but it's not bad. Hope this helps! [ETA: I hope you don't mind the suggestion. I was in my 40s when someone told me & it was a total game changer.]
*Your self awareness is truly a beautiful gift and a blessing. The most important conversations you'll ever have are the ones you'll have with yourself. We have to be our own best friend. We must Coach ourselves, talk though our problems. I never know how I feel until I listen to myself. Then you can hear weather you are being rational with yourself or not! 🤭 I appreciate you Adam. 💗🤗*
Adam scrubbing the stove and questioning wtf is crusted on to it is incredibly relatable
literally just got done doing it lmao
Adam... gotta tell you. I'm 58 years old. I've had a less than conventional life. But one thing I can tell you for certain, is that your entire life will be filled with transitional seasons. They change as you age, but we are basically still learning and figuring ourselves out for our lifetime. Especially those of us who are so extremely self aware. Journaling is so helpful. But also, don't be too hard on yourself. 21 is just the beginning! You might consider counseling at some point... maybe even look for peer counseling. Just to have that outlet. I never married, never had kids, which was hard at first. But I've learned that my life just took different trajectory than most of the people I grew up with, AND my 6 older siblings. Just know thT there is nothing wrong with you. Your singleness isn't a death sentence. It just means you are still trying to figure out what you really want. Live strong in your singleness, and it will fortify any relationships you have in the future. If you ever want to message me for an objective opinion, don't hesitate. You are doing great...give yourself some credit.
This is the comment I needed to read today. I'm 42, youngest of 5 siblings and I've never married or had kids either (my decision). Sometimes it's hard to see everyone "moving forward" and I feel stuck but I have no regrets about saying no to what everyone else is doing. Still trying to figure it out and be kind to myself. Thank you for helping me feel less alone ❤
@@QueenC1981 I'm glad it was helpful. Some of us just have a different type of path in life. It doesn't make us any less of a valuable person than anyone else. If you would like to chat in private, I'm here!
Can we be friends?
I feel like at 35 I'm needing to hear the same advice. I've been single 3 years and engaged 2 times. I feel like a giant failure.
Seeing this was really refreshing and validating. I keep feeling like I should be married. Like my life wasn't supposed to be like this. But that's just part of growing up right? Questioning everything.
@@DeePeeZee I question EVERYTHING. But that's what its about. Once you feel you have nothing left to learn, your life may as well be over at that point. "For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven." I've figured out that I'm supposed to do something unconventional... that's who I am. I almost died in the hospital last month. I had a horrible infection due to severe salmonella poisoning. The very night I bought and ate that tainted shrimp, I had literally JUST been at the cemetery, crying to my parents that I was done here and ready to be with them in Paradise. I begged to die. I got incredibly sick for 2 days and then went to the ER. My kidneys were trying to shut down. Thinking I could be dying freaked me the hell out. But I fought...hard...had a lot of needles in me. I realized I'm not done yet. There has to be something more. It's just HARD. life is better if you don't try and compare real life to the idea that you have of what it's SUPPOSED to be.
Sure... I'd be happy to talk to you. My moods go all over the place. I am living through a pretty major depression. I am in a huge state of Flux with everything in my life too. I am staring my age dead in the face. Thats another transition...when you suddenly see that your body is OLD. One more step towards maturation.
Anyway, I'm on Facebook.
literally feels like i'm on facetime with adam and he gives me the tea 😭❤️
Sitting with your thoughts is a very healthy mental exercise 🥰
You have been through a lot of trauma and I think giving yourself time and space to process your feelings as your values shift is important. Sometimes those protective mechanisms are there for a reason, but sometimes they can go overkill and I think you're doing an incredible job of knowing the difference. Be patient and gentle with yourself, you have been hurt and betrayed by a lot of people and you're putting your heart back together, piece by piece as you learn what a trustworthy/untrustworthy person looks like. I'm early 30s and trust me, you always have moments where you feel like an inexperienced kid.. no matter your age 😅 Sending ❤
In my mid 30s, married and have a kid, and I relate to the way your mind works so much. Life is a little harder and more rich as people who understand themselves, and their relationships with others, so well. You’re working at embracing that superpower. I’m still working on it, too.
It’s never too late to connect with your siblings. Life is rough and fast. For my brother and I we never connected until we found something we both shared a love for. Find that thing and use it to bridge the gap between just being brothers to being equals and friends. Love you Adam.
Me and my sisters had a big fight 😕 I dont know what to do please help
@@buttercup86900 what happened girl lol
What helped me to connect with my siblings is that I stopped waiting for them to make the first step toward me. I started to think about what would I want from them and reached out first. It started with sending funny memes, and cheesy quotes about being siblings. Showed more interest and support in them. Felt really stupid at first lol, but step by step we started to talk.
Probably won't be the closest relationships, but at least I can say I tried.
@@rienfeels905 it's a long story and I'm scared that if I write it here they might see lol
Also if they don’t reciprocate, don’t let it get you down. My sister cut us all off. Sometimes she sends me pictures or memes randomly, maybe once or twice a year, but if I try send something back, she still goes quiet. I try reach out I get a yes or no, or no reply at all.
We used to be really close before this. I didn’t even do anything to be cut off. I miss her a lot.
When you meet the right person you’ll want to share your life Adam. Take your time ❤
And being an empath, you can easily burn the candle at both ends, making you feel burnt out or get in your head or feel wired, sleepy but stimulated. Empaths also can give too much of themselves as we like to inspire or make others feel good and often see their needs more readily than our own. Also likely being an enpath you have learned to protect yourself because you've had to and that's not a bad thing at all when you feel called to open up, do so, always trust your intuition and don't date someone if your instinct is telling you it won't work out. It's good to feel that way it means you aren't just going to settle out of loneliness or for matter of the ego rather than the heart. It means you've grown more solid in who you are. It sounds like you're as open as you should be and are listening to yourself, which is lovely. Sometimes, being an empath feels a bit like you're on the path of the lone wolf. Because to care for the pack we do often have to have periods of isolation and introspection to really both understand ourselves, and those in our community so that we can mediate with those who might see things from opposing sides, and to connect on a deeper level. The isolation periods can feel really tough at one end, but when we pour into ourselves and appreciate the journey, we transmute that pain into a deep well of knowledge and peace.
I love you, Adam. 🙏✨️🪷
Growing up is hard, it truly is. However as for as dating goes. You will know when you find someone that you want to spend more time with and that will allow you to open yourself up more to being with that person more and more. There's no manual to growing up or making friends or things like that. Not everyone's the same. We are all different and that's what makes us so interesting 😊
You're doing it. We often think we have to do more, but forget all we are doing. Keep doing what you're doing...being.
I was like this when I was 21 - now 42 and it has served me so well. It's so amazing to see you being and connecting to who you truly are, Adam. This is our life's purpose and the best way to spend time. Your community is so honoured to know you.
Hon, please remember to cut yourself some slack. When you moved to Brighton I can remember how sick you were with long covid - on top of everything else. Casual dating may not be your thing. And that's neither good nor bad. I think you'd be surprised to know how many people are impressed with the life you've allowed yourself, especially at such a young age. To be able to come home to a quiet space with your girls is priceless. Thank you for talking with us. Rest well
This is such a cosy video. Im like 10 years older than you but i remember having a lot of these same thoughts and experiences, only i handled everything so poorly in comparison to you lol. I wish i had the self awareness you have. ❤
I’m 24 and I completely get it. This is a super cozy video I can’t believe how mature he is I was a mess at his age 😂
1) I love the camera angles following you. It definitely increases the production value.
2) Also I love that you are so open and candid about your feelings and experiences. I know you may feel lonely because its hard for you to relate to those directly around you but by putting this content out there many people will feel seen.
Your sincerety reads through the screen and thats so rare nowadays on TH-cam as I'm sure you know.
3) You're doing great and its incredibly mature of you to process your feelings (especially for the world to see) so whole heartedly. There is no shame in not being ready to date and very empowering, to not only know that, but to embrace it as well.
Your content is great 👍 Keep up the good work. There are many people cheering you on from the sidelines.
Second channel for the win
As someone who is 30 and married with kids but love your channels 😂 don’t worry about age as far as feeling like your missing something, take your time and it’s so much better once you learn yourself first before everything else ❤ also be safe/careful dating nowadays!
For me, I just give myself the option of saying no to invitations whenever I am feeling overwhelmed from being around too many people. It gives me the space and time that I need to rest and regroup
Hey Adam, im 30, and I felt the same way at your age. Dating suuucks in your early twenties. Everyone is still figuring out what they want, just like you. So dont be so hard on yourself.
It takes a few years to figure out what you want and to find someone who will respect your boundaries and want to fulfill your needs as a partner.
You have plenty of time :)
still feeling behind at 28 because i never had a relationship/been on a date and went back to college after my first degree.
I feel left behind cuz I'm not allowed to date and I don't have friends and I'm not allowed to go out by myself. I am 19 later this year :( I feel like I'm missing out and I'm so sad
I'm the same way. I'm a lone wolf in a lot of ways. My circle is incredibly small, but i know those people love me for me. And I do LOVE my people back, but I need space and time away from social interactions. It's how I recharge my mind, body and soul.
2023 has humbled me with friendships, I’m safer alone. I made friends with a secret hater and getting out of that friendship in one piece was hard. I learned that I need to feel out people’s intentions when they’re befriending me. I realized I’m my favorite person and I love being alone bc I can’t stand others
You are 21. It is not too late to become closer to your brothers. Call them once a week and maybe that'll grow to a daily call. My family member has siblings who are seventeen years a part and they are very, very close. It's never too late make the effort.❤
When I was 21 I had to live by myself, due to childhood abuse.
🤗🩷xx hugs to you.
Adam is so relatable!!!! But so unique and literally the coolest at the same time ❤
Honestly the older you get the more you understand what you from life and how you want to live it and that includes friendships and relationships as you are more sure and secure within yourself. As 28 years old, I can count on one hand how many friends I have and I love that, it’s less drama filled and the friendships are more meaningful. ❤❤
Just turned 26 in October and unfortunately I'm still going through this. Being an adult sucks emotionally
27, same
It is NEVER too late to improve your relationship with youth siblings. Start by calling more often. At first you may not know what to say. So you can start with asking about their day, how work is going, what they are going to eat for dinner. After a few conversations you will know more about them and it will help easier to have a conversation with them. If it was between making friends or making your sibling relationship stronger, I personally would choose to start working on the sibling relationship first.
You’re a wonderful person Adam and I know you will find your way through these relationship difficulties. 🙏🏻 ❤
Adding to my prior comment, you could make the first step by going and visiting your brothers for a few days. I am hopeful that once they see you making them a priority in your life that they will return the favor and come visit you.
If you start working on your relationship with them now, by next Christmas, you will be amazed at how much closer you are to your brothers.
22:27 sounds like you’re an outgoing introvert!!! Me too!!
“I’m not a party pooper!!! I’m just pooped after the party.” Hahahah
Okay but that entrance is iconic, truly
I relate so much to this Adam, dating is terrifying.
I had a different experience I met my ex at 16 and we dated through high school and college. We broke up suddenly and it broke me. I spent the last 2 and a half years alone and I'm starting dating in the new year and I'm terrified I don't want to lose my independence, but I also want to find someone
Thank you so much for posting this I'm so glad I'm not alone
I think people also put so much pressure on themselves to be something they are not, if your internal feeling is saying you need space after some socializing...that is OKAY. Everyone is different.
Sometimes I need a day alone after spending even a few hours out with people. I really value and enjoy my private time ❤ I think being able to enjoy your own company is the greatest blessing
I have a sister that’s 16 years older than me and I totally get the sibling thing!! She had two kids by the time I was 14 and then when I was old enough to go to her about adult things she moved away. I told myself I would try to stay close to her but it’s been very difficult. I’m really busy with school and I don’t really know what to talk with her about.
Wait, I'm kind of obsessed with the chill vibes of turning on your lights and cleaning. Also, I completely relate to having alone time at night. There's something about the uninterrupted solitude.
putting this on whole decorating for christmas 🫶🏽🫶🏽
Nothing you said was stupid. I can relate. Something I've learned i they don't like you for who you are they don't deserve you. I spent vast majority of my life being someone other people wanted me to be for a fear of abandonment or not being liked. After my dad died i promised myself I'd figure out who i was and anyone didnt like they could bite me.
Wild how so many of us in the comments relate to your experiences. I'm 31 & really never been in a 'serious' relationship & I still don't care to be LOL. We're all just moving as best as we can in life.
Adam…I have been thoroughly enjoying your second channel. (Of course, your main channel is great as well!) We are quite different - I am a straight woman in NYC and older - but when I first moved out I was just like you in so many ways. I had my apartment and my little dog, was very protective of my space and keeping my apartment clean and decorated, very content being alone, and late in romantic experiences compared to the people I knew. (I also loved being up at night when everyone was not lol. It’s so cool!) I have to tell you, I am so proud and happy watching you navigate this time of your life. Your 20s are meant for enjoying life while building your career and your boundaries, so you are doing amazing things there. You’re awesome…and my goodness the girls are too cute!❤
This was so lovely. Gonna condense these thoughts...ur not dependent on urself, ur independent. Still a double-edged sword. U have insight. Again, a slippery slope. Ignorance is bliss. That said, u got this. Ive dealt w/ tha same. It's a thin line, tho. Understand so much and thanks for sharing this stuff. Much love from Chicago 💖⭐
There IS a book to read! Before you asked that I was thinking “I should recommend Brene Brown to him…” and then you literally asked what book to read. Brene’s writing on bravery and vulnerability and letting yourself be open to scary changes is incredible. She literally covers the topic of closing yourself off In Order to preempt pain that you’re anticipating even though it hasn’t happened yet. Her writing speaks directly to how you’re feeling. Start with “the power of vulnerability” and do “daring greatly” after that! Sending love.
Those who aren’t absolute sweethearts like you, Adam, will more often than not mistake your kindness for weakness…and this signs you up for loneliness a lot of the time, as a result. You will come to an understanding, in time, that solitude is its own special brand of gold. Seize your golden moments alone…you learn far more from them than you will from time spent with scores of other people. And don’t let any a holes bring you down or kill your vibe.❤❤❤❤
So not relevant but omg Bonnie and Dolly are sooo cute 🥰 🐶
You are so brave and mature for handling things in the way you have. You got this, Adam!
Thinking bout how you set up the camera and walked out to walk back in. And that’s a slay. Love you Adam!!! I’m so early
Babe, you are doing so well!! I just got out of a 4 year relationship (27 now, almost 28) and I realized a lot of the same things you are experiencing now. Until we feel safe and loved in a relationship, we don't realize the things we need to work on that may or may not have anything to do with the relationship. I wanted so badly to find that "real love" until I had it then I realized I wasn't ready. It was more knowing that I COULD have someone, now that I have the option to be in a relationship or not.
Adam is so relatable. I was very protective of myself.....but I still am. But I'm not scared of getting hurt
Adolescents used to be the last stage before adulthood at about 19 ( in my country). Psychologists and colleagues have renamed the stages of life and consider an extra stage of life. Between 18 to 25 is called "emerging adulthood." As someone who is older I can consider this very appropriate as I've known super mature 18 year olds and super immature, 25 year olds. So I think it takes time.
It's nice to see you so self aware of who you are and so honest with yourself. You have expressed it so eloquently. Continue to not be pressured into social trends just because all your friend circle is doing it.❤
P.s. I kow tons, I mean tons of people who didn't have any sexual experiences or date until they were married. You said your dating and stuff now but, you're not behind
Wow…. Everything you are saying is SO freaking relatable, man.
Didn’t even realize how much I needed to watch this- you are DESCRIBING how I FEEL!
loved the editing in this vid adam!! made the whole thing even more poetic :) sending love!
Im going through a tough time right now and just want to say how much these videos have helped me as we are going through similar things❤
Listening to the way you break down your thoughts and feelings is so relatable to me, living away from your family and not having strong connections to those who matter most. To a certain degree I sometimes feel the same way since I live two states away from my family. My hope is that though right now you are at times it seems lonely that you give yourself and maybe someone else you find that you trust a chance to see if you can have someone in your life in a more permanent every day way. I'm thankful I got my hubs and I miss my family like crazy, especially during the holidays. My younger sister is 9 years my junior but I can say that I'll never regret (middle child here lol) that even though she was a terror growing up that I made room for her in my life so maybe if your interested see if your brothers are interested in making more of an effort into visiting. You never know unless you ask, it seems to me you truly miss that connection with them so i hope that if its something you truly want that they are open visiting you. In the grand scheme of things there is nothing like your family, you may add to said family by bringing friends in and your wonderful furry family but the core family will always be number one. I wish nothing but good moments and happiness for you, you deserve that and more. And if you ever want to add another long distance friend I volunteer as tribute lol! Try not to be so hard on yourself, your doing awesome and don't need it all figured out today. :)
Me and my brothers had a bipolar relationship while I lived at home😂fighting one day and bestfriends the next. I’m the oldest daughter (22) then i have two younger brothers (16&12) and after moving out yeah there was a disconnect but we all do stay in contact and especially since i only live 30 minutes from my parents i go there like once a week. Id die without my brothers 🤍
Being close with a small amount of people is wayyyy better than being 'kinda' friends with a lot of people. I went through the same thing at 21 and I'm 26 now and i have 2 close friends. Less drama and I'm so much happier. Its okay to take time to figure it out and figure yourself out. Its good to talk about it too! Its fulfilling for me to see that it is normal for these thing to happen and I'm sure it will be for others too/
Adam, thank you for sharing with us. You probably already watched but Peter had a good video out recently I think on his peterisms channel about not trusting people that I found really helpful.
You probably don't realise how self aware you are- some people don't recognise their needs ie about coming home when you reach your limits on a night out and seeking quality friends rather than quantity until much later or even at all. You've done amazingly well this year and sending you so much love ❤️
Can I say I was exactly the same with feeling inexperienced and stuff... and nowerdays I WISH I waited more, don't ever feel like "You're behind" or anything, it'll happen when its meant to happen
I feel like as I’ve gotten older, I’ve been more picky with whom I allow into my space, even on a surface level. I still wonder if that’s to my benefit or not.
Adam I’m literally going through such a similar time right now. One day we will look back and realize everything worked out.
Hi Adam, thank you for sharing your feelings so honestly. I am a licensed Therapist in the USA and it is my hope you are able to find a good Therapist to assist you in working through your thoughts and feelings. It may not be the same Therapist you are using/used to work through past/current traumatic issues caused by a horrible person (we know whom I refer to) but someone else cld be a good fit. Please continue to express your thoughts/feelings and provide yourself good self care.
So relatable, thank you! If I was as well-rounded as you when I was 21 I wonder what kind of adult I would be now days. I'm a 33 year old queer loner with my cat... moved across the country from my family and it has been hard and I don't really know what I'm doing with life. But one good and actually genuine thing that Trisha said in that recent Shane video was about how everything somehow works out eventually (don't know how it does it just does) and that actually made me feel better and hopeful. So yeah... love your videos and insightful discussions. You go Glen Coco.
I think you are over thinking all this at such a young age. As a married 57 yo I didn’t get married until much later. And I am happy with my decision. It was more important to me to make friendships because you need to be a friends first with your partner. I get it you want to gather experience with relationships but sometimes it best to go with the flow rather than consciously seek it out. When it’s right you’ll know it as you’ll want to spend all your time with your best friend. However being able to enjoy your time alone should be mastered first. I was an only child so I love my peace and quiet. Adam you are amazing and have a lot to offer a friend partner. Enjoy the for babies, the travel and enjoy the adventure of being young and what life offers. ❤️
We are here for you and you being raw and real is so beautiful to me ❤ your a great human being 😊 your a person who can open up that is special
I felt the same way when i was 19-22 I was meeting all kinds of new people trying to get everyone to like me then it hit me that well I didnt even really like them. its important to surround yourself with people you genuinely like and make you feel safe and happy. it also sounds like you are craving connection with your brothers. It is never too late to reach out for advice from them and letting them know that you want to connect with them more! im sure they would be happy to, you are their little brother afterall :)
Hi! Your other video about Trish just came up! I wanna go watch it now! 🤣 But first, I'm watching this! 😁
I am around the same age as you, and personally I'm also struggling with this same issue. My main issue that I have on my own is feeling as if I'm boring or a 'loser' just because of how lonely I have become. I have online friends, but I have 0 irl and it feels a little odd, especially knowing that those around you have many and many they have possibly known for so long.
I understand the feeling of being burnt out too, you've done something so much that you're kinda tired of doing again. Either it could be because of finding yourself/pos, or it could be that you don't want to dig another hole you can't get out of for a few years again. I'm still struggling to find myself, honestly. But I know ill get there eventually, at least I hope.
Ive watched you for so long, Ive seen you grow and it's amazing how we are technically going through the same issue. It's honestly very comforting. I really hope things get better!! You deserve it💛💛💛💛
25 feels no different from 21. Cant speak for 29 but I'm genuinely convinced nothing feels like it changes. No more big milestones through childhood, everything just becomes flatline and samey 😅
This is so cathartic to listen to, because you are saying so many things that I can relate very closely to. I recently moved to a new place too and am faced with these things all over again, but listening to you makes me feel less alone. you have so much wisdom and I thank you so much for sharing your random can't-sleep thoughts with us, it means a lot.
You feel so old, I know, but you have your whole life ahead of you! Having the realizations you are having are some people don't have till late late in life. You are truly ahead, you have time with family to get closer! The fact you know you don't have life figured out and KNOW that, you will be okay❤❤
the introoooo omg omg adam !! vlog of the year
i didn't have my first drink until i was 25? 26?? so having a kiss late isn't something to feel shame for at all, i think. i'm making oatmeal and wishing i had a camera to vlog with, and i do not want to use my phone because it has no storage space from all the pictures i've taken... lol problem for future me i guess.
so instead im writing a long comment and hoping that you'll read it at the very least!
i was so happy to see bonnie & dolly in their bed! i love the girls.
opening up and trusting people is very difficult. the adults in my life always said, only time will tell. which, i guess is supposed to mean that with time, you may find someone that you choose to be the one you talk to. i hope that you find someone you can feel that level of trust with, as this is such a personal thing to go through. since you have stated that you feel protective of yourself, maybe there's a lack of boundaries? having boundaries and being able to assert them is huge, and since you're 21 it may take a few years before you even know the rest of what you really feel. i hope that makes sense. it's just easy to think you've got it down and then something charges in to blindside you. i hope the people you meet treat you with the level of grace and respect you have. i wasn't very mature at 21, and made really bad decisions because i had no good role models in my life. i wasn't good at holding boundaries because i was too used to being a people pleaser. i didn't start saying NO more to my own family until i was 27. please be kinder to yourself than i was.
I used to find it hard to have the motivation to clean all the time. I hated cleaning so much. Now that im a mom of a two year old and renovating our home, it feels so different. Now I feel like I can't sit down until my house is clean.
I am a night owl and love the piece and quit/ alone time when my husband and son go to sleep. There's just this relaxing feeling laying down, with a clean house, and no screaming toddler that I have to run after😂
When you're in your early twenties and you're actually right where you're supposed to be. Single and thriving. 😂
Don't let others make you feel less than. They probably are just projecting on you.
Watching this as soon as I finished prancing around my kitchen table... feeling very seen and understood !!!!
I related to so much of this especially the part about your siblings and age versus life experience! I have two sisters and we are all about the same ages as you and your brothers! I’m the middle child not the youngest tho lol
I have always felt this too, that it sucks feelings like I could be so much closer to my siblings if we were closer in age because we are all always at such different stages in our lives than each other.
Also I have heard a lot that it’s important to be comfortable by and with yourself first before dating. Your independence is a good thing because it will allow you to find some that you don’t NEED but that compliments the life you already built and makes it even better. I also struggled with relationships and needing time away from them at first but I promise the feeling goes away once you feel entirely comfortable in their presence. Now my bf is the only person I can stand having around when I need to recharge and in some ways I think HE recharges me with his presence. You got this ❤️
I love when you just clean a lil on camera it’s so soothing for me and it helps me be active on my phone while listening bc we both jus cleaning :))
Don't feel bad or guilty about taking things in stride and doing them in your own time. I've felt a lot of pressure over the years to be someone that I'm not, or to handle things in ways that aren't me. To feel like in order to be better l have to be someone other than myself. You are young. Life comes in stages and there will always be something to tackle or ponder how to get through it. I think it's normal and we should normalize just letting people be who they are, and grow into who they are at their own pace. It's not to say we shouldn't challenge ourselves but it shouldn't be out of pressure to look like how we feel everyone else is. You seem like a grounded, kind and intelligent young man. Enjoy your life and don't rush too much. You are actually doing a lot more than l ever did at your age. Wishing the best for you Adam! I'm glad you are sharing your experiences so others can know they are not alone and perhaps you can know you are not either.
I felt similar when I was 19/20 when it came to relationships but then I met Nic and now we've been together for 10 years, married for 5. My point is that when you meet the right person you'll think fuck it and your relationship will progress. It's hard but try not to over think it.
Comparing how you would react in Brighton vs Manchester to certain situations feels like growth more than a change in venue. Love to see it❤
My favorite thing you say is "Hello??!" Every time you say it I laugh 😂💙
For me, I’m traveling for the first time with my bf next week and my parents don’t approve of it. It’s always weird to hear how other people’s parents are like they let their children experience life early on compared to my parents who don’t even want me to go traveling with my bf. It’s like they don’t want me to enjoy life too much, they just want me to be more successful in their eyes. And, I’m the middle child and me and my older sister don’t really talk, however I am more closer with my little sister. So, I do kind of know where you’re coming from Adam as I do find myself a little sad when I think about it. Overall, great video, and keep it up! 💕
Can we just acknowledge how respectful your dogs are of their toys? Mine would never. 😂
Start getting closer to your brothers today. It’s as simple as giving them a call. Me and my brothers are close in age but we have no personal relationship, same as what you describe. But it could be resurrected as easily as a first step of a phone call… truly some people you click with better than others.
Ok as the youngest in my family, and being a little older than you, it’s not too late to connect with them. My oldest sister is 12.5 years older than me and my other sister is 3 years older than me. I have had those same feelings of being in different eras of our lives and not feeling close, but you also have the power to change that. I realized I can just…. reach out to them lol. Like I can just text my sisters without any real reason. I don’t have to have anything specific to talk about or have something happen to reach out. My advice is to just text them more or call to catch up. Also tell them your feelings if you’re comfortable. Just my experience being in a similar position to you, but a couple years older. ❤️
I love the intro and the part where you are putting on the kettle, kinda nice and artsy instead of jumping immediately into the video. I like your normal way too just was a nice little change
Well.. just like many others, I come from a broken family, i dont see eye to eye with my mum or sisters, and i havent seen my dad in years, nor do i know of his wereabouts... sometimes you have to build your own family, its a hard thing to do, closure with family doesnt happen to everyone and i might be in a case of that... its hard to create a family of your own, but its possible, my family right now consist of my partner, my cat and I... im bad at making and keeping friends but i havent lost hope about having new friends in the future, you got this Adam.
I've been playing catch up with the Ballinger thing and I'm sorry that you had to deal with that and the aftermath.
Just to add, Brighton has been my calling all my life, I fully intend to end up living there, partly because it's my late father's home town and we spent many cool summers there. I have a lot of family there, my grandfather was one out of eight children who all ended up as bakers.
You have a great outlook on life and clearly are a genuine gentle soul. I sincerely wish you all the best in the future.
I had my first kiss at 19, and married at 36. My sister married her high school sweetheart in their early 20's. Took me a long time to stop comparing us, but not everyone has the same wants/needs/timeline!
Please be careful about showing out the windows/surrounding of your building ❤️ just want you to be safe, so many weirdos out there
I am like that to, always thinking negative instead of positive. I have been hurt alot to. Take care
That’s a very good thing to protect yourself and take things slow. ❤
Beautiful tree and pups!
that intro was so smooth
Hey Adam! I can't explain how much I relate to you, and want you to know that you're definitely not alone in your experiences. I left my home country Mauritius to come to Europe for uni at 19, and since then I live on my own. In that situation I feel like most of us feel pressured to make friends quickly in terms of making parents happy, because obviously they worry about us and they are hoping we are doing good socially right? And it of course helps to keep expanding my network of friends just for the sake of it if you know what I mean. Similar to you, after spending time in social environments after a while, my social battery definitely drains and I want to be alone... When I'm back at home it feels like my safe, comfortable space. But as humans we need to socialize as well because if we don't at all we get depressed hahah. Ah and also, I just turned 20 and still haven't even had my first kiss yet and tbh I feel like every single person around me has made it waay past that, and yeah it's hard. But it's not the end of the world and totally normal, I've come to terms with that😊So yeah, moral of the story, don't worry your feelings are valid ❤ Sitting with your thoughts this way is always a healthy exercise:)
You know Adam, I’m 24 and I haven’t dated yet and I hear myself now, but even more so my younger self in some of the things you’re saying. Me personally, I’ve had a lot of health issues that have led me to be a little bit overweight (not a lot, but more than I’d like) as well as other things that kind of make me feel like a birden/unattractive on a regular basis. I also got diagnosed with ADHD recently which, I found out, impacts not only things like habit-forming, procrastination etc etc, but also ENERGY LEVELS. I’m working with what we call a ”work therapist” (arbetsterapeft) in swedish, dk what it’s called in english but basically a life coach/therapist in one, and she’s taught me a lot, like looking at your week and colouring in the things you’ve done or are gonna do that ”take energy” in red and things that ”give you energy” in green, then try to ideally balance it out so that you have approximately half of each, or just some red here and there if you’re burned out… Sorry I think I’ve gone on a side tangent here, I’ll try to get to the point😆Basically, some people take more energy to be around for me than others, and that sometimes depends on them, but it sometimes depends on who I feel like I have to ACT LIKE around them. So being more true to yourself, wearing more comfortable clothes etc can help reduce that friction.
Honestly though, the part about you feeling like you need to work on yourself, that’s so valid. I’m actually very happy and content with the person I’ve become these past few years by focusing solely on myself - that said, some things you can’t know till you know, like you said. Sometimes I think we tell ourselves we’re not ready cause we’re scared of rejection, so that way we reject ”them” first, with a very noble reason (excuse). It’s hard to give advice on this topic though I feel because no one can know you or what you want or need better than you. I’ve always felt like everyone has their own inner compass in their chest that seeks to guide them right. We usually know what we want to do in a situation, and we know if we’re avoiding thinking about or doing something, we do. So I guess keep soul searching, try shadow work if you want, try to become the you you want to become and if someone amazing shows up along the way (and they will, bc once you’re who you’ve always wanted to be you’ll be magnetic, it’ll show and attract people) then that’s great, but think of it this way; us introverts are blessed in a way, because we enjoy our own company so much that we’ll only accept someone that we feel adds something to our lives. Otherwise, this is just my personal opinion but… don’t chase. Be open to the possibility of meeting people, but if something doesn’t click then don’t force it to bc you know deep down that you’ll be happier and more comfortable alone. My cousin is an even bigger introvert than me but she says that being with her current boyfriend is like being alone with added benefits, it doesn’t drain her like other ppl do, which seems really sweet to me.
Otherwise I just wanna say too that PLEASE don’t stress about the age thing. I honestly forget my age at this point, I feel the same as I did when I was 22 and 18, I’m still me, my brain is still capable of the same things, my body hasn’t changed much - but the years of experience and time to think and contemplate life and try new things that have made a difference. I remember that I used to tress about that stuff at 16 and 18 too, but I still haven’t done much more than kissing for fun because I haven’t found anyone that I felt comfortable enough to do more with, and I swear, 30 year old me isn’t gonna care if I waited a year or two longer or shorter, and 60 year old me would just encourage me to live life the way I want to. Honestly, why flrce yourself to do something bc everyone else has or hasn’t, I guarantee that nobody is thinking about you in their day to day life, no one is thinnking that you’re pathetic for not having dated at 21. (Except for the inevitable internet trolls I suppose, but we all know they’ve got no lives). Anyways, gosh I don’t even know if this comment makes any sense or is helpful at all, probably not😂But on the off chance that it is and that you read this, you’re normal, you’re ok and I hope that you take care of yourself first. Trust me, as a reformed-ish insomniac, you’ll feel so much better once you dedicate your time to at least getting a consistent sleep schedule. If you’ve anxiety every night ( like I had) maybe ask yourself what in your life it is that you’re so afraid of facing? Are you avoiding the morning or next day for some reason? What habits can you implement that would make going to sleep feel like a luxury and/or something you look forward to doing, and the same goes for the morning? Hope this helps, much love ❤
Do you still have a therapist to talk to? This kind of question could be fabulous for them. For me, I'm an adult who doesn't date. I don't care to, and it's fine. I enjoy having friends, and don't want a relationship. However it's each persons choice to decide that, and you can date for a while if you want- then take a break for a while if you don't like it. There's no right way to adult. Just take your time. Don't force things.
it's such a misconception that introverts aren't ever social and extroverts love to be social all the time when in actuality they're just the different ways we recharge our mental energy
29yo woman here, it’s gonna sound so cliche but don’t worry too much about not having those experiences earlier in life. I put finding love really low on my priority list due to not feeling ready, combined with having my own problems and not wanting to burden somebody else with them. I had the mindset of “if someone does come along, great. If not, whatever”.
Thinking that maybe someday someone might walk into my life, and he did. At 27, I had my first serious adult relationship and we’re still together to this day. I met him at an interesting time in my life when everything was finally falling into place and starting to go right for me. When things began to fall apart, I started to get really depressed again and thought “ok he’s seen me at my best, and now he’s gonna see me at my worse. He’s going to leave me.” For some reason, he hasn’t lol. I guess I must be doing something right. He makes me want to be a better person.
Anyway, the point is, don’t worry about not having those firsts earlier on. It’s not a race or a competition, and pressure from media doesn’t really help either lol. You’ve got time, lord knows you’ve had to deal with so much in your life so far, love might not be at the top of your priority list either. I wish you all the luck and manifesting the same energy that came my way for finding your person 🥰
I have always been a lot like you describe yourself to be. I very much need my own space, and being with and around someone so much would always lead to making me feel suffocated and eventually resentful if I felt like I didn’t get a wide berth of space. I thought I just wasn’t mean for relationships really. It took a long time, but I eventually found someone who’s company feels just as enjoyable as being alone to me. I can feel alone with him. And not in a bad way. I never knew that was possible. I got so frustrated with myself and dating. I wish that I had someone to give me this advice. It is possible to find someone that you can feel like you’re alone with. Wait for that. I got so down on myself about my need for alone time and my own space and that I felt like I needed a retreat from someone I thought I liked. They just weren’t the right person. ❤
I’m nearly 30. Had one serious boyfriend and we broke up in 2013. Been single since. I messed around for years after, but last 3ish years, I haven’t even bothered with that side of things.
I’m happy in my own company. I like to do my own thing or be spontaneous, which is hard to do in a relationship. Plus I’ve been by myself so long now, I don’t think I’d know how to in relationship anymore. I’m harsh enough on myself with normal interactions, never mind being myself around a partner. The dream is a cabin with my dogs, cats and other pets.
Im also a night person. Its so nice and calm.
your videos like this in your second channel are honestly my fav they're sooo insightful
I've been dating since I was 14. I'm 23 now and I'm in my first relationship that I actually feel mature enough for, ready for, happy in. I had no business having boyfriends and girlfriend at age 14 15 16 17 18 19 come onnn. You absolutely should wait until feeling very ready. Little kid relationships are dumb.
Dating stays scary. I was in a relationship for 8 years that ended a year and a half ago and dating still freaks me out
idk if you have the cleaner Comet where you live, but it works wonders on stove tops like yours. It's what I always use. I sprinkle a little all over the top, spritz it with water, let it sit a moment, and wipe clean. Sometimes I do have to scrub a little harder, but it's not bad. Hope this helps! [ETA: I hope you don't mind the suggestion. I was in my 40s when someone told me & it was a total game changer.]