I was assertive to a client last week. He got very angry with me and told me to stop arguing. He was verbally abusive. I no longer can take anxiety meds because my new doctor won’t let me. As soon as I get insurance again I will fix that hopefully. I got upset enough to leave. Now everyone else there is upset with him. They are all supporting me 100%. They can’t remove him from the board without an election or a recall. But he will be taken off all committees. Apparently he was run off and sold at his last place. This isn’t just a case of the entire community not liking him. It’s the entire city of the community
Great video! Assertiveness is something schools need to teach. It's such a vital skill that many people (including me) struggle with. Boundaries are healthy, not rude. I'm definitely a serial apologiser! 😂
I am Canadian, so I am a serial apologizer. I have apologized to inanimate objects when I've bumped into them by reflex 😂 I agree, I wish it was in secondary school curriculum to hold boundaries and even conflict resolution. I think boundaries, assertiveness and conflict management all go hand in hand. I think instead a lot of us are raised to be agreeable even when it's not in the best interest of the situation, being assertive and be a crucial catalyst for awesomeness (at least IMHO).
Key Points 1. Know your Awesomeness 2. Offer to Help 3. Know what to say No to 4. Be a Clear Communiactor 5. Stop Apologizing 6. Be Ready to Navigate and Diffuse conflict 7. Be Confident
Thank you for a great video Jennifer. I think the magical phrase in "make it based on facts". We cannot expect to get what we want in our career without assertively asking for it and saying no to tasks that are not in alignment with our highest goals. However, we can easily get confused between what just appears to be in alignment with our interests and what is actually in alignment with our interests. The only way around this is by constantly returning back to the facts. Early in my career, I remember doing many seemingly menial tasks, which seemed to be completely out of alignment with my goals but looking back actually gave me valuable experience from which I draw back on till this day.
Yes! All of this 💯💯💯. Especially when it comes to menial tasks early in your career; so often later on you look back and see how they mapped to something much bigger.
The B word they used for me was "bad egg," back in my construction job. I was a site manager, so I had some authority. I called out site supervisors and our operations manager when they weren't solving health and safety issues. No bathroom on site, skimping on materials to create a stable work surface (earth works) - simple, obvious things. The "bad egg" comment came from a higher up in the consulting company we worked with, and she sent that complaint over to my boss. My boss brought that to me, and we had a discussion about it. Even after explaining the whole situation and having my boss agree with me about the issues, he told me to stand down and start being "nice." I quit that day. Some people - and the companies they work for - just suck. Profits over people. Gotta know when to abandon ship.
There is nothing more worthy of being assertive when health and safety is a concern! An immediate exit strategy is needed in those siutations where the company is toxic and just doesn't care. I'm glad you escaped! Did you have another option lined up before you quit?
Is there lots of Asian, Indian, or African workers there? They usually gang up on Canadians if they are called out on anything. At my job they would up and go on breaks whenever they want to. I called them out on that and a few other things and they all basically said I was being a bully.
I said no to a task that a coworker pushed onto me that it’s not my responsibility. After I rejected her, she kept nitpicking on me, and said really mean things towards me. She even yelled at me once for something else. I didn’t directly confront her because she clearly has anger issues, also this one guy that was trying to pursue her to be his girlfriend was in the same group. We only had 4 people in that group excluding the supervisor, so I have to watch out for both of their retaliation. I documented her behaviors, wrote her a long email and cc’ed the supervisor. She stopped being verbal to me, but kept rolling her eyes whenever I talked. I leave the environment couple months ago, but will there be a better to solve it? Would confront her direct be the better option?
I have similar situation. But I didnt quit. I have one coworker and she is so aggressive and rude. I used to conflict avoid and then she became more aggressive till she gathered a young her best friends as group Begin bully. I did self reflection and I thought that I should be more assertive when she showed aggressive and rude first time, Not till bully became more and more and effect my mental health and then I began to record their bullies.
I've learned to say no . I've spent years being saying yes and watching others get rewarded . I've tried to communicate better but it's hard when your dealing with bosses that don't know the job they just want a bigger pay day .
Your videos are suddenly all up in my feed. Youve been blessed by YT algos. Im already employed and generally content with ny situation lol. The topics are interesting though.
You imitated a teammate of mine to perfection on 2:30. Every time she gets a rejection on her take in a meeting, she almost starts to cry. I try to help her out but she is insecure, even though she is one of the seniors.
This is a great video! To the point and motivating. I work in the IT industry and have been told I'm being a "B" or I have an RBF face in this and past jobs. It's just my face!! Being factual and solutions driven in your response is worth more than the weight of gold. How do you suggest, or is there a video that will help women combat aggressive male, dominant conversations where you're cut off from speaking? The techniques I've used do not appear to work well in all settings or all careers. Also, sometimes I get so angry that I feel my eyes swell up like I'm about to cry. I can't stand this! I'm angry and trying not to blow up at you, but it appears I'm weak and about to cry because my feelings are hurt - but that's the furthest from the truth! Again, thank you for the video(s)!
Do You really want men to respect You? Most men are submissive...give them a chance to please You, give constant criticism, and act like they are beneath You.
I’m not a people pleaser. Being assertive at least for me is not rushing to assist a co worker while I’m doing another task(s) or letting extremely bitchy do worker walk over me
What do you do when you know you're right, but being asked to do something the wrong way? I've been with my company 32 years and in more recent years the company does not train people properly due to cutting corners. So, a lot of people have the wrong idea of how something should be done, including managers. I've been told to do a particular task the wrong way and I've refused to do it that way. Now, in an hour, my manager wants to have a one-on-one discussion about it. I'm so tired of this. I'm just trying to survive 3 more years so I can retire with the full benefit of my pension. I'm a guy, by the way, but I'm not like some guys who come across as a "might as right" persona that is over-confident even if they are wrong. Even if trying to be assertive, you can't reason with that type of personality.
Hi. Actually I am confused between "Saying straight up NO vs saying I'll try my best". I read that the later is politer, but I am not sure if it's a good idea or where should I draw the line.
Ok it interesting you mention about being aggressive, What about general appearance with men's hair. I am in my late 50s and i have hair past my shoulders some say a mullet but its not i flick it back.. I haven't always had long hair . I had an interview and one of the interviewers didn't care but the older guy who was older than me didn't like my appearance. So he cut the interview short. I was fine with that because i have not had an issue finding work. we haven't stopped unvaccinated people from working yet. When they do i will stop working.
how about if you just want to do your job that you were hired to do? i get you should put in some ideas and input. but what if you are too young and just want to learn how the business works? the reason i ask is because my job can be easily performed remote or even after hours. i just need to be assigned work and i can run with it. but too many times in the past i get called in for meetings, phone calls, etc that eat into my 40h work week. like i just want to be a good employee.
This should align your work life boundaries, your companys goals and you own professional goals and the overall priorities. I don't encourage saying no or pushing back just to do so; this is really for when you know you're saying no to the right thing. It sounds like you are gaining value through your efforts, you have to learn and be knowledgable to contribute meaningfully and will have long term payoff.
I love your videos, but telling people to be okay with gender bias in the workplace just perpetuates the problem. As someone who works on a Culture & Diversity team, I would never want to hear anyone in HR tell associates to just be okay with it.
How are you going to be assertive when it's needed?
I was assertive to a client last week. He got very angry with me and told me to stop arguing. He was verbally abusive. I no longer can take anxiety meds because my new doctor won’t let me. As soon as I get insurance again I will fix that hopefully. I got upset enough to leave.
Now everyone else there is upset with him. They are all supporting me 100%. They can’t remove him from the board without an election or a recall. But he will be taken off all committees. Apparently he was run off and sold at his last place.
This isn’t just a case of the entire community not liking him. It’s the entire city of the community
Great video! Assertiveness is something schools need to teach. It's such a vital skill that many people (including me) struggle with. Boundaries are healthy, not rude. I'm definitely a serial apologiser! 😂
I am Canadian, so I am a serial apologizer. I have apologized to inanimate objects when I've bumped into them by reflex 😂
I agree, I wish it was in secondary school curriculum to hold boundaries and even conflict resolution. I think boundaries, assertiveness and conflict management all go hand in hand. I think instead a lot of us are raised to be agreeable even when it's not in the best interest of the situation, being assertive and be a crucial catalyst for awesomeness (at least IMHO).
NO! Is a complete sentence. Love it
Exactly. Ends the conversation right then and there.
Key Points
1. Know your Awesomeness
2. Offer to Help
3. Know what to say No to
4. Be a Clear Communiactor
5. Stop Apologizing
6. Be Ready to Navigate and Diffuse conflict
7. Be Confident
Thank you for a great video Jennifer. I think the magical phrase in "make it based on facts". We cannot expect to get what we want in our career without assertively asking for it and saying no to tasks that are not in alignment with our highest goals. However, we can easily get confused between what just appears to be in alignment with our interests and what is actually in alignment with our interests. The only way around this is by constantly returning back to the facts. Early in my career, I remember doing many seemingly menial tasks, which seemed to be completely out of alignment with my goals but looking back actually gave me valuable experience from which I draw back on till this day.
Yes! All of this 💯💯💯. Especially when it comes to menial tasks early in your career; so often later on you look back and see how they mapped to something much bigger.
The B word they used for me was "bad egg," back in my construction job. I was a site manager, so I had some authority. I called out site supervisors and our operations manager when they weren't solving health and safety issues. No bathroom on site, skimping on materials to create a stable work surface (earth works) - simple, obvious things. The "bad egg" comment came from a higher up in the consulting company we worked with, and she sent that complaint over to my boss.
My boss brought that to me, and we had a discussion about it. Even after explaining the whole situation and having my boss agree with me about the issues, he told me to stand down and start being "nice."
I quit that day. Some people - and the companies they work for - just suck. Profits over people. Gotta know when to abandon ship.
There is nothing more worthy of being assertive when health and safety is a concern! An immediate exit strategy is needed in those siutations where the company is toxic and just doesn't care. I'm glad you escaped! Did you have another option lined up before you quit?
@@JenniferBrick . That time, nope! It was 2015 and I was more involved in music, so I tried my hand at being a full-time musician for a while.
Is there lots of Asian, Indian, or African workers there? They usually gang up on Canadians if they are called out on anything. At my job they would up and go on breaks whenever they want to. I called them out on that and a few other things and they all basically said I was being a bully.
@@Destroyer_13 well deserved for being a rat snitch.
I said no to a task that a coworker pushed onto me that it’s not my responsibility. After I rejected her, she kept nitpicking on me, and said really mean things towards me. She even yelled at me once for something else. I didn’t directly confront her because she clearly has anger issues, also this one guy that was trying to pursue her to be his girlfriend was in the same group. We only had 4 people in that group excluding the supervisor, so I have to watch out for both of their retaliation. I documented her behaviors, wrote her a long email and cc’ed the supervisor. She stopped being verbal to me, but kept rolling her eyes whenever I talked.
I leave the environment couple months ago, but will there be a better to solve it? Would confront her direct be the better option?
I have similar situation. But I didnt quit. I have one coworker and she is so aggressive and rude. I used to conflict avoid and then she became more aggressive till she gathered a young her best friends as group Begin bully. I did self reflection and I thought that I should be more assertive when she showed aggressive and rude first time, Not till bully became more and more and effect my mental health and then I began to record their bullies.
I've tried this where I work. It doesn't work. The egos there are too big.
I'm a fan of yours. I'm starting my accounting career and I find your videos helpful though thinking how to apply that in reality.
I've learned to say no . I've spent years being saying yes and watching others get rewarded . I've tried to communicate better but it's hard when your dealing with bosses that don't know the job they just want a bigger pay day .
Your videos are suddenly all up in my feed. Youve been blessed by YT algos. Im already employed and generally content with ny situation lol. The topics are interesting though.
You imitated a teammate of mine to perfection on 2:30. Every time she gets a rejection on her take in a meeting, she almost starts to cry.
I try to help her out but she is insecure, even though she is one of the seniors.
You had me at: Do you ever feel like a doormat at work?? 😭
I love your videos, they help me a lot ❤
Would be great to get a video on how to say no in your professional space
If it's for the best result of the whole team, it's okay to be aggressive. Empathy must always be on the radar when being assertive or aggressive.
Exceptional solution keys to resolving workplace mind politics and conflicts .
The sign in the back has a misspelling: should be "YOUR".
This is a great video! To the point and motivating. I work in the IT industry and have been told I'm being a "B" or I have an RBF face in this and past jobs. It's just my face!! Being factual and solutions driven in your response is worth more than the weight of gold. How do you suggest, or is there a video that will help women combat aggressive male, dominant conversations where you're cut off from speaking? The techniques I've used do not appear to work well in all settings or all careers. Also, sometimes I get so angry that I feel my eyes swell up like I'm about to cry. I can't stand this! I'm angry and trying not to blow up at you, but it appears I'm weak and about to cry because my feelings are hurt - but that's the furthest from the truth!
Again, thank you for the video(s)!
Do You really want men to respect You? Most men are submissive...give them a chance to please You, give constant criticism, and act like they are beneath You.
How to diffuse conflict. Such a hard thing.
I’m not a people pleaser. Being assertive at least for me is not rushing to assist a co worker while I’m doing another task(s) or letting extremely bitchy do worker walk over me
What do you do when you know you're right, but being asked to do something the wrong way? I've been with my company 32 years and in more recent years the company does not train people properly due to cutting corners. So, a lot of people have the wrong idea of how something should be done, including managers. I've been told to do a particular task the wrong way and I've refused to do it that way. Now, in an hour, my manager wants to have a one-on-one discussion about it. I'm so tired of this. I'm just trying to survive 3 more years so I can retire with the full benefit of my pension. I'm a guy, by the way, but I'm not like some guys who come across as a "might as right" persona that is over-confident even if they are wrong. Even if trying to be assertive, you can't reason with that type of personality.
Hi. Actually I am confused between "Saying straight up NO vs saying I'll try my best". I read that the later is politer, but I am not sure if it's a good idea or where should I draw the line.
You just need to figure out HOW to say no without actually using that word or trying to not use it. Managers do this a lot
Lovely video, amazing explanation
Ok it interesting you mention about being aggressive,
What about general appearance with men's hair. I am in my late 50s and i have hair past my shoulders some say a mullet but its not i flick it back.. I haven't always had long hair . I had an interview and one of the interviewers didn't care but the older guy who was older than me didn't like my appearance. So he cut the interview short. I was fine with that because i have not had an issue finding work. we haven't stopped unvaccinated people from working yet. When they do i will stop working.
That's really a great video. The next time in the end of the video, can you recap whole thing out, it would help to get gist of the lesson
One of the bosses at my work thinks she knows everything.
Thank you!
Also.. Def need help with “the art of saying no” lol.
I am interested in a video that helps you say NO
Good tips!
I hope they help!
Madam Jennifer you are a perfect Mind Manager with Solutions. ☺️
how about if you just want to do your job that you were hired to do? i get you should put in some ideas and input. but what if you are too young and just want to learn how the business works?
the reason i ask is because my job can be easily performed remote or even after hours. i just need to be assigned work and i can run with it. but too many times in the past i get called in for meetings, phone calls, etc that eat into my 40h work week. like i just want to be a good employee.
This should align your work life boundaries, your companys goals and you own professional goals and the overall priorities. I don't encourage saying no or pushing back just to do so; this is really for when you know you're saying no to the right thing.
It sounds like you are gaining value through your efforts, you have to learn and be knowledgable to contribute meaningfully and will have long term payoff.
Yes
I’m British and we apologise more!
Where can I find the UAQ?
Right I had the same question
I'm very good at being Assertive
Ugh, I am the worst apologizer!
If you aren't good at delegating they shouldn't take a job that is all about delegating.
I love your videos, but telling people to be okay with gender bias in the workplace just perpetuates the problem. As someone who works on a Culture & Diversity team, I would never want to hear anyone in HR tell associates to just be okay with it.
Are you an administrative assistant
And it’s not Ok to be called aggressive when you are black.
It’s not ok no matter what race or ethnicity you are
I'm distracted with your shirt and bra strap....🙄
You must be a Patty