All Falsehoods Aren't Lies: What ADHD Tells Us About Deceit

Family, friends, and clinicians working with those with ADHD often remark on both the greater truthfulness AND the greater propensity for telling falsehoods by those with ADHD. Thinking about falsehoods, reflexive (automatic) lies, and reflective (premeditated) lies can help sort out some of this confusion. I promise!

[@Dancestar1981]

We aren’t deceitful even though people accuse us of being so. The only time we might lie is to protect other people’s feelings.

[@lisbethbird8268]

Thanks for this interesting topic. I think when I've encountered falsehoods by people w adhd it had to do with comorbid disorders (personality, autism spectrum, mood) and masking behavior. Pretending to be someone else and that nothing's wrong in order to convince themselves and others. Hidden aggression and oppositionallity seemed to occur too, frequently.

[@ChristianWehner-pv1uj]

At what point does explaining become justifying and in turn become permissive, because lately ADHD seems to give explanations for all kinds of morally concerning behavior: lying, infidelity, aggression, ect. I understand the lack of impulse control can lead to those, but are we to remove all agency from these people? I wonder if no one notices the philosophical and ethical issue with this framework. If they are unable to control themselves (or at the very least their control is lessened) because of their ADHD and their responsibility for their actions is lessened by extension then also by extension their autonomy must be less. Are these those who have less control of themselves less valuable?
To be clear, I don't believe this, personally I have a cognitive disorder and the argument can be made against me. Though pragmatically this problem and question appears inescapable given how the argument is framed. Producing empathy and understanding for a population is laudable but I think it's a disservice to jump from Impulse Control to Lying behavior though the leap seems a logical one. This is an area where I think Logic is less useful and we need Wisdom rather than Intelligence. Just because you can make an argument does not mean it's prudent to.

[@DrJohnKruse]

Thanks for bringing this up. To some it is just semantics, but I think it highlights the distinction between an explanation and an excuse. Although we can understand and explain some of the factors contributing to telling a falsehood, that doesn't make it behavior we need to approve of. But I do think it makes sense to make meaningful distinctions between premeditated manipulations of others, versus automatic denials/rejections/falsehoods, vs. riffing off the top of your head and saying something that isn't true. In our legal system, intentions matter as well as actual behavior. It is why we differentiate planning on murdering someone by running them over with your car, versus hitting and killing someone out of fear or spur of the moment anger, versus accidentally hitting someone because you didn't see them. And even in the latter, we distinguish between whether it was reasonable to not see the individual, or whether even a vigilant human driver would have not noticed them.

[@ChristianWehner-pv1uj]

@@DrJohnKruse While I agree with the desire to distinguish the nuance of motivation in concept, I'm not sure my concern is quite a semantical issue. I am more concerned with the utility of the information and how it can be interrupted. The latest generation seem primed to avoid responsibility and a distinction then feels like an excuse is easily distorted both willingly and without noticing.
I make those distinctions with clients on personal scales when someone is engaging with a person, but when it's applied to a group and given to another group with mixed attachments, the truth of a situation is often lost among it's utility. People will use it as an excuse, others will use it as a point of virtue, it will be twisted around.
To be clear I don't disagree, I just worry how a generalized message with be interrupted but specific individuals with differing values and intentions. I wonder if it does more harm then good is all.

[@Dancestar1981]

I have both ASD and ADHD

[@Dancestar1981]

I also have anxiety and depression ptsd and RSD too

[@Dancestar1981]

Worst thing you can do to me is accuse me of lying, cheating or being stupid as all of these are an insult to my intelligence

[@inetaskrinskaite]

As a kid I used to lie a lot but most of those lies were because I forgot to do smth or didnt do smth that I actually wanted but was too ashamed to admit it and didnt want to dissapoint other person or be punished for it. It was often these white lies where I would get so anxious at the moment and as a way to deal with it I would lie and then after the talk i would run and do. or I was ashamed for doing something or being certain way and would lie to cover it up. It always made me feel aweful but I just couldnt stop myself. It would just slip out bofore i could think over the concequences. sometimes I would lie about something so stupid that I myself would think right after bluring it our:WHAT? Why did I say that? What was the point of saying that… i still sometimes do it but way way less however there are always thing I have to do and cant make myself do and just say yes I did it when asked and run to do it afterwards just like in childhood 🥲