i have had it on and off for years. It wasnt a priority to manage since it only came about during depression drops. But would extend from, i want to be loved, i want a girlfriend, not achieving a girlfriend, must be something wrong with me, everything is wrong with me. Then it was getting out of hand today, where i worry about liking anything with a passion, because i fear rejection. Its dependant on reciprocating statements to support my liked thing, or simply, i need validation. I do enjoy the explanation, and i subscribed for more brain hacking marterials. ADD is just way more complex than anyone understood in the 90s.
I know that my rsd has kept me from ending relationships because I knew how much it would hurt. This is the only solace in can find when I have suffered being rejected. Because of my empathy I don't want to make anyone feel bad. Yet - no one can be so agreeable as to accept all things and all people and not reject things. It is the nature of life. It is the cycle of life. It is life ever changing. When one door closes another will open. If it is saying goodbye to you, it might hurt, but it is right to let it go so. It helps me to find things I am grateful for in what that time or person has been to me. Then I consciously try to only hold onto those gratitudes, as a replacement for for negative thoughts that are more about me and what hurt me. Ruminating is hard to let go, you have to work at it with purpose, and be diligent to continually shift your thoughts to the gratitude, to the positive, towards the future. It's tricky - you want to feel those feelings so they don't get stuck inside you - so give yourself grace and self care and let yourself just feel the feelings and let them flow. Journaling also helps me connect a lot is dots when it comes to introspection and rumination. If i can get it all the way written out, then it is like I don't have to keep thinking about it, I can leave it in the book and come back and deal with it when I need to again. (((Hugs)))
I have been laid off via phone 3 times.. everytime I get email from a boss or management type person - I automatically assume the worst. Today, I had that VERY experience. I volunteer @ a local animal shelter and I forgot that I had to do retraining to walk blue & purple level dogs and I was just accused by the volunteer person that I don't follow safety protocols coming in and out of the building. She is completely wrong, and I only walked 1 dog this past weekend. They let me go. This is the only socialization I get during the week because I work from home. I sent her a bunch of emails explaining stuff and how the retraining slipped my mind because I was switching roles at work, and the times she supplied for the training didn't jive with my schedule.
This is so helpful. I never knew what all of these feelings were called. Can you do a video on navigating romantic breakups when you have adhd? Such as effective methods for coping when RSD is magnified in the loss of a romantic partner.
I was born with mild spastic hemiplegia cerebral palsy, with scoliosis and hemiparesis, as well as AAD inattentive. Parents being old school, refused help and decided to deal with me their own way, never wanted me to know anything. Well I got to 25, and lost dozens of jobs for not keeping up with able body workers. I people pleased and could not help myself agreeing with what I knew to be wrong but still went along with them. I got to 52 and found out I was diagnosed with add inattentive at age 8. My sister getting married for first time set a date. My mother decided to invite my sister to go your lunch and discuss me. My sister for gbe first time hears about me having cerebral palsy. And wanted to know if my sister husband to be will be ok with me. My sister was horrified that this had been kept from her all her life. I do not take rejection very well.
I waste a lot of my life and energy ruminating and circling around and around about the various times I've been rejected. It was traumatizing for me to have a hateful, abusive and rejecting older brother. I chased that love and validation my whole life and since it was unhealed trauma I married it. I found myself in a sexless marriage that had me facing rejection over and over. Until my self esteem was non existent. Self image that was self loathing. 3.5 years I've been free of this toxic relationship cycle. I was severely dissociated. It took me a long time to just take a full deep breath. I clench my teeth so tightly abd for so long that my teeth are loose and i have to be fitted for a bite guard. I am eating tums on the daily with stomach acid filling my belly. My jaw aches and I've had a tension headache for three weeks. It gets like this, like an ever increasing level of tension building up inside my body. Until it forces me to shut back down. I am a single mom of two amazing teens and in holding things together with spit and good luck. I really don't give myself any credit, it is all happenstance. Nothing of substance. Fluff n stuff.
Rejected in my overthinking senerio, and then physically Rejected... at least i let some of tears out b4 the real rejection. And already accepted of only being friends, no emotions in our interaction, but still have thoughts pop in head, while driving or alone, then stop self b4 1st tear... other night i let it out and stayed up all night and 3hrs of tears, just drained all dopamine took 2 days to recover.
Unfortunately, my ADHD was not diagnosed until I was 54 years old. And it took another 4 years until an ASD (autism spectrum disorder) was diagnosed. But all the symptoms described that I had researched were somehow still missing something. I found this 2 years later in RSD. And today. I just feel tired and exhausted.
Just found out i have this…. Not only do I have RSD I have trauma from past abuse from a job. From a sadistic “dark empath” who enjoyed playing with people’s mind. At the time he had me convinced we were friends, but every other day he would gaslight me. He figured out how to control large groups of people by starting rumors directed at whoever. He figured out he could control others like tools to set off triggers. He also used his so called friends as shields. It’s been 3 years and still recovering and I can barely talk to others as of right now. :/
Every time i am awake emotions are up and down, but always analyzing if i should talk to people, fear of emotions taking over... been fired so many times. I stop learning people names, and just expect to be fired.
Don't expect. Try to find a motivation. No matter which one. As long it helps and makes You feel happy and motivated. Believe in yourself. You are not alone. 🙂
I don’t know exactly in your situation but I had to cut my adhd friend out of my life as it was going a bit too far with her jealousy and causing problems between me and my other friends and my workplace colleagues I think that was the limit for me I did address it but it dint change and I am sorry it’s a bit too much for us also to handle all this .
I have it and its excruciating.. im trying to be kind to myself , thoigh its hard. I feel huge fear my partner wil leave me. Does this get easier with help
Yes, managing ADHD is easier when you have help (like coaching), it is important to look a situations through an ADHD lens. If you are female we could hop on a call if you'd like. Here is my booking link, there is no charge for the call:) www.adhdmindsetmastery.com/BookACall
Have I felt RSD? Oh yes, I call that "my childhood thru 30s." 😅 (I still struggle with it, but I learned how to trick myself into moving thru it quicker.)
Dissociation, denial and suppression are dysfunctional coping mechanisms and lead to more dysfunction later on in life, when anger and grudge accumulate as dangerous dam to burst at any moment or small crack.
I don't have a clue if I have ADHD or not. However, I think I have been "stepping back" for most of my adult life and it feels like I'm going to explode.
Have you ever felt the effects of RSD?
i have had it on and off for years. It wasnt a priority to manage since it only came about during depression drops. But would extend from, i want to be loved, i want a girlfriend, not achieving a girlfriend, must be something wrong with me, everything is wrong with me. Then it was getting out of hand today, where i worry about liking anything with a passion, because i fear rejection. Its dependant on reciprocating statements to support my liked thing, or simply, i need validation. I do enjoy the explanation, and i subscribed for more brain hacking marterials. ADD is just way more complex than anyone understood in the 90s.
The only thing is...what if you are being rejected and its not imaginary? I'm having a full melt down
There are some real jerks who are harsh and can reject us for sure!
I know that my rsd has kept me from ending relationships because I knew how much it would hurt. This is the only solace in can find when I have suffered being rejected. Because of my empathy I don't want to make anyone feel bad. Yet - no one can be so agreeable as to accept all things and all people and not reject things. It is the nature of life. It is the cycle of life. It is life ever changing. When one door closes another will open. If it is saying goodbye to you, it might hurt, but it is right to let it go so. It helps me to find things I am grateful for in what that time or person has been to me. Then I consciously try to only hold onto those gratitudes, as a replacement for for negative thoughts that are more about me and what hurt me. Ruminating is hard to let go, you have to work at it with purpose, and be diligent to continually shift your thoughts to the gratitude, to the positive, towards the future. It's tricky - you want to feel those feelings so they don't get stuck inside you - so give yourself grace and self care and let yourself just feel the feelings and let them flow. Journaling also helps me connect a lot is dots when it comes to introspection and rumination. If i can get it all the way written out, then it is like I don't have to keep thinking about it, I can leave it in the book and come back and deal with it when I need to again. (((Hugs)))
I think I can remember every single RSD event that has happened my entire life at the age of 66...
I have been laid off via phone 3 times.. everytime I get email from a boss or management type person - I automatically assume the worst. Today, I had that VERY experience. I volunteer @ a local animal shelter and I forgot that I had to do retraining to walk blue & purple level dogs and I was just accused by the volunteer person that I don't follow safety protocols coming in and out of the building. She is completely wrong, and I only walked 1 dog this past weekend.
They let me go.
This is the only socialization I get during the week because I work from home.
I sent her a bunch of emails explaining stuff and how the retraining slipped my mind because I was switching roles at work, and the times she supplied for the training didn't jive with my schedule.
This is so helpful. I never knew what all of these feelings were called. Can you do a video on navigating romantic breakups when you have adhd? Such as effective methods for coping when RSD is magnified in the loss of a romantic partner.
That is a great idea! Yes, breakups can be really hard for us.
@@sarakellyADHDCoach thanks! I have always struggled with this more than my friends. Needless to say, I have been clingy in the past.
I once got bad RSD from chatting with a AI bot...
Oh my, how did that happen?
I was born with mild spastic hemiplegia cerebral palsy, with scoliosis and hemiparesis, as well as AAD inattentive. Parents being old school, refused help and decided to deal with me their own way, never wanted me to know anything. Well I got to 25, and lost dozens of jobs for not keeping up with able body workers. I people pleased and could not help myself agreeing with what I knew to be wrong but still went along with them. I got to 52 and found out I was diagnosed with add inattentive at age 8. My sister getting married for first time set a date. My mother decided to invite my sister to go your lunch and discuss me. My sister for gbe first time hears about me having cerebral palsy. And wanted to know if my sister husband to be will be ok with me. My sister was horrified that this had been kept from her all her life. I do not take rejection very well.
I waste a lot of my life and energy ruminating and circling around and around about the various times I've been rejected. It was traumatizing for me to have a hateful, abusive and rejecting older brother. I chased that love and validation my whole life and since it was unhealed trauma I married it. I found myself in a sexless marriage that had me facing rejection over and over. Until my self esteem was non existent. Self image that was self loathing. 3.5 years I've been free of this toxic relationship cycle. I was severely dissociated. It took me a long time to just take a full deep breath. I clench my teeth so tightly abd for so long that my teeth are loose and i have to be fitted for a bite guard. I am eating tums on the daily with stomach acid filling my belly. My jaw aches and I've had a tension headache for three weeks. It gets like this, like an ever increasing level of tension building up inside my body. Until it forces me to shut back down. I am a single mom of two amazing teens and in holding things together with spit and good luck. I really don't give myself any credit, it is all happenstance. Nothing of substance. Fluff n stuff.
Rejected in my overthinking senerio, and then physically Rejected... at least i let some of tears out b4 the real rejection. And already accepted of only being friends, no emotions in our interaction, but still have thoughts pop in head, while driving or alone, then stop self b4 1st tear... other night i let it out and stayed up all night and 3hrs of tears, just drained all dopamine took 2 days to recover.
Unfortunately, my ADHD was not diagnosed until I was 54 years old. And it took another 4 years until an ASD (autism spectrum disorder) was diagnosed.
But all the symptoms described that I had researched were somehow still missing something. I found this 2 years later in RSD. And today. I just feel tired and exhausted.
Just found out i have this…. Not only do I have RSD I have trauma from past abuse from a job. From a sadistic “dark empath” who enjoyed playing with people’s mind. At the time he had me convinced we were friends, but every other day he would gaslight me. He figured out how to control large groups of people by starting rumors directed at whoever. He figured out he could control others like tools to set off triggers. He also used his so called friends as shields. It’s been 3 years and still recovering and I can barely talk to others as of right now. :/
Very sad to read... I hope You feel better soon. Better days will come and better people.
So good! Your teachings are so beneficial and sensitive to the nature of how our brains work.
Glad you think so!
Every time i am awake emotions are up and down, but always analyzing if i should talk to people, fear of emotions taking over... been fired so many times. I stop learning people names, and just expect to be fired.
Don't expect. Try to find a motivation. No matter which one. As long it helps and makes You feel happy and motivated. Believe in yourself. You are not alone. 🙂
These seem like great tips for perceived rejection but what about when you’re actually rejected and someone cuts you out of their life?
I don’t know exactly in your situation but I had to cut my adhd friend out of my life as it was going a bit too far with her jealousy and causing problems between me and my other friends and my workplace colleagues I think that was the limit for me I did address it but it dint change and I am sorry it’s a bit too much for us also to handle all this .
That sounds more like borderline personality disorder, or something in the cluster B suite of mental disorders? @mannumadan8971
I have it and its excruciating.. im trying to be kind to myself , thoigh its hard. I feel huge fear my partner wil leave me. Does this get easier with help
Yes, managing ADHD is easier when you have help (like coaching), it is important to look a situations through an ADHD lens. If you are female we could hop on a call if you'd like. Here is my booking link, there is no charge for the call:) www.adhdmindsetmastery.com/BookACall
@@sarakellyADHDCoach hey thank you for the reassurance and the link I appreciate it
Have I felt RSD? Oh yes, I call that "my childhood thru 30s." 😅
(I still struggle with it, but I learned how to trick myself into moving thru it quicker.)
That is awesome! ❤️🧠
@@sarakellyADHDCoach I love your videos! Thank you for putting 'em out for us to see.
Dissociation, denial and suppression are dysfunctional coping mechanisms and lead to more dysfunction later on in life, when anger and grudge accumulate as dangerous dam to burst at any moment or small crack.
What did you do to trick your mind??
I don't have a clue if I have ADHD or not. However, I think I have been "stepping back" for most of my adult life and it feels like I'm going to explode.
I only feel it in my stomach