How to Portray Memory Loss with Music and Art
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 9 ก.ค. 2024
- In this episode, I try and help the audience further understand Alzheimer's and dementia by having them experience it through the mediums of music and art. I analyze the self-portraits of William Utermohlen and the albums "Everywhere At The End Of Time" and help explain to the audience how the tone and overall structure of the music helps the listener feel as if their mind is withering away due to dementia. I believe this is an important topic to talk about since Alzheimer's is currently the 6th leading cause of death in the US, which means we will all come into contact with it sooner or later, whether we get Alzheimer's, or someone we know.
NOTE: In a section of this video, I trace a certain tune throughout the album, and I found a video published after this one that does a better job of tracking the tune, and the video even points out some details that I missed. Check it out here: • The Caretaker - It's j...
For further research:
www.nia.nih.gov/health/alzhei...
boicosfinearts.com/exhibitions...
• The Caretaker - Everyw...
People often say you don't know what you've got until it's gone.
But Alzheimer's doesn't grant you even that consolation.
Man...you should be writing the scripts for these videos...that was horrifyingly beautiful yet terrifying...
well said
More like you don't even know what is gone
its so terrifying and so comforting at the same time. obviously losing everything you have ever loved is the scariest thing possible but there is comfort in knowing that no matter what horrible things happen to you they will be washed away by memory loss as if they never happened at all. all good and bad is set back to zero
did you just come up with this or was it a quote?
It's going to be horrifyingly meta for those of us who get Alzheimer's and this album is the one we remember.
Wouldn't be too bad if it was just back there Benjamin, that one is pretty enjoyable
See, Alzheimer’s runs in my family, so now I want to kill my self
@@evaneaton8426 dont please enjoy life while you can
@@Ayyem93 hidden sea buried deep is good too imo
They break the 4th wall
People with demnetia almost always will remember their favorite song, reason why all of them had the same song in a different energy
This is one of my favorite interpretations of the similarities between the songs dood!
50 years from now, gonna be a ton of old folks humming Megalovania
@@Extramrdo Thanks you for your comment! It actually helped reduced the anxiety I got from watching the video.
ALL THE OTHER KIDS WITH THE PUMPED UP KICKS BETTER RUN BETTER RUN FASTER THAN MY BULLE................
@@gustavolemonke ... whispered the quiet kid in his 90s in the nursing home
The very last picture/cover art is actually supposed to be a painting, flipped backwards. Making the art literally "unreachable"
Illuminati: *stay right where you are*
Wow, I never thought about it that way, dang.
That actually makes a lot of sense. It's a nice way to interpret it.
To me, it depicted some sort of window, where nothing that actually makes a window is actually there. No glass, tape instead of wooden frames, hinges for window covers, but no cover to to be seen. Maybe it's to depict that there was a window there, possibly a window into the person's mind that is not only gone, but replaced with a bare skeletal structure of what was a window with seemingly random items, thrown together into a structure that resembles something, something common, something seen all the time, but now unrecognizable and decaying. What if it's to show how family members of this person see them? The window showing who they were, their personality, gone. The person they once knew died long ago and they don't even know it.
To me, the last picture is clearly blue artist's tape on a drawing board in a manner suggesting that its holding up paper, except there there is no paper. No canvas to draw on, nothing is left.
My grandpa has had Alzheimer's since before I was born. A few years before to be exact. When I was young he was still very cognitive, he even drove. When my brother and I were about 6-7 he would take us to parks and he would play with us. He was exactly who I knew him as, my fun and loving grandpa. It wasn't until I was about 13 that I even started to understand the disease my grandpa had. I remember him forgetting minor things but other then that nothing too bad. When I became an adult I finally started to think about how scary it would be to have Alzheimer's. At this point my grandpa was in pretty bad shape. He no longer remembered who I was or even who his children were. Some nights I would think about how terrifying it would be. Seeing your grandchildren grow and knowing you may never remember them again. To this day he is 80 years old. When I visit him he greets me like I am an old friend, though he does with everyone. I try myself to talk to him like I used to when he was still cognitive. But I know that I also am speaking with an old friend, someone I had lost years ago. Though his memories of me are gone, he will always be my fun and loving grandpa to me.
Love you Grandpa
I'm crying
That reminds me of my great grandma, she's a very sweet and kind lady. I remember going to her house during family reunions when I was little and she would always give the little kids treats, but over the last 5 years things have gone downhill rapidly. It started off with her forgetting little things, she was able to drive up until last year even, but recently it has taken a turn for the worse. She doesn't remember my dad, aunt, or uncle, she only remembers my grandpa since he lives with her, but she doesn't remember anyone else. She doesn't even remember her late husband who passed away around 2006. It's heartbreaking every time I go to see her, but I still do it because I want to cherish what time I have left with her.
Oh my god...
This made cry...
Honestly this reminds me of my grandpa he was a serious alcoholic and the day he died I went to see him. And he looked at me and said who are you…… I broke out crying and that happened to be the last time I saw him
The true definition of art " Comforting the disturbed, and Disturbing the comfortable."
Degenerate
@@Cybersharky_ That's Ceasar's quote
More like disturbing the disturbed and disturbing the comfortable lol
@@Cybersharky_ Bruh
@@jwaj just straight up disturbing lmfao
The thought of losing all your memories is extremely anxiety inducing. Like world collapsing until nothing is left. A fate worse than death honestly.
I feel that. A lot of the things in the world can last, but also can be taken away. We must learn to be grateful for what we have while it is still around because we never know when we might lose something.
bruh its not that bad
@@imstupidbut 🦍💫
If I ever get Alzheimer’s I want somebody to kill me I’mma tell my whole family
@@imstupidbut would you like to tell that to someone who has now had a grandma with dementia for 8 years now?
Listening to this alone was a horrible mistake. God
I know, right? When Corona hit, I had to move back home from my university so that I could self-quarantine and do online schooling. The drive was 6 hours long. I listened to the album the entire drive home, and it so seamlessly transitioned into madness that I failed to realize when "I lost my memories" or when the music lost its structure and sense....this album truly is a powerful masterpiece.
I made the horrible mistake listening to most of it by myself and with a migraine
Listening to this alone and at 11:30pm was a bad move
I listened to it now im getting lots of headaches
@@squidyboyproductions1458 I decided to listen to it while going to sleep. I woke up at the beginning of stage 4. I think I might be traumatized. 10/1}0
I think the album cover for stage 6 is supposed to be the back cover of a painting. The painting itself, the sense of self, is completely gone. What remains is just what held the painting. The body is there but the mind is not there any more.
@Demetria Dark Precisely. Like, you know it's there, you try desperately, but there really isn't anything there. It's gone. You know it happened but you just can't see it.
What if the other side of the painting was just the roll of paper from the first stage
@@Lucky-lp8do Or it could be the number 42, because 42 is the answer to the world's greatest questions.
Okay I'll stop.
Its actually a representation of a blank canvas so very Similad
now this becomes a little bit harder in stage 3, ad: "i love it when you call me señorita"
my best friend hates that song, I would have gladly added that into the video had i thought of it umu
I don't remember that
@@geekface7567 i hate it too tbh
@@FyFanNollan who are you?
@@hathead7385 when are you?
Terminal lucidity is where a dementia patient sees a sudden improvement in function right before death. This makes the ending all the more terrifying when you think about it, because the patient returns for just a moment just before they die, and they remember everything. That's why the music from the beginning plays again. That must be incredibly terrifying, suddenly waking up and realizing that you've been gone all these years, and the only thing that you have left in your life is the distant memories from the past.
I think it’s some of the strongest evidence we have of the soul, because such a situation shouldn’t be possible due to a good portion of their brain being literally gone.
@@TheNightWatcher1385 True that, and I hope my grandmother thought of me
Sonny vonShark I hope so too
Me and the boys waiting for 2040 to see if this man becomes president
@@Stewtrooper69 I won't let you guys down.
I can’t get through the first 30 minutes without feeling immense sadness and anxiety. To think that everything I know now can dwindle into nothing scares and saddens me beyond words.
Thanks 02, very cool
Same-
You are going to lose it anyways, might as well use this album to prepare.
I fucking love your profile picture
Hm. I always thought the album cover for part 6 was the *back* of the canvas
To me, the last picture is clearly blue artist's tape on a drawing board in a manner suggesting that its holding up paper, except there there is no paper. No canvas to draw on, nothing is left.
It is the back of a canvas
then why does it have door hinges?
it is a drawing board! the type of stuff you fix paper to to keep the paper level and have a steady surface to draw on. it has a hinge likely because that is either the folding mechanism that holds the board together, or maybe the drawing board in question doubles as a portfolio or place to hold materials.
@@phephemigi r/woooooooosh
One of my digest fears is Alzheimer’s. People I love getting it. Me getting it. I have depression and anxiety and just sometimes can’t handle letting go or loss or change. My great grandfather died of Alzheimer’s. I was young but old and smart enough to remember it. I remember one time when my mom told me to be patient bc he might not remember me. He forgot what I looked like but thankfully he overall remembered who I was. I remember he couldn’t even do simple things like swallow. It’s horrifying to me
I feel the same way as you. My great grandmother died of Alzheimer's or Dementia I cannot remember.
Ah yes, digest fears
I remember eating a cake bro that was scary
Trigger warning: self harm, but one time when I attempted, I caused myself to lose about two years of memories. I'm not sure of the science behind it since I was too afraid to tell my family and get it checked out, but I know what it feels like to have recent memories gone and others blurry like a dream. It's terrifying and I never want to go back to that. I hope my dad's family's heart disease gets me before my mom's family's dementia does.
I've had the same experience. I had a bad time in highschool years and self harmed too, wasn't good. I graduated two years ago and I can't remember anything relevant from highschool, just small things here and there but most of the memories are gone. The weird thing is that sometimes I see or heard something that makes me remember specific things, but after I'm not able to re-remember, if that makes sense. I can remember everything after my graduation, though. My doctor said maybe my brain was trying to block any unwanted memories and trying to focus on more positive things, maybe the same is happening to you.
I’m so so sorry you had to go through that and I’m glad you’re still here with us. You’re not alone. 😢
Elle Kim, I too can’t remember most things from school, but that’s our education system for ya. 😏
But, I also had a bad time during my High School years as well, so I know that feeling. 😔
Damn, I cannot imagine what self-harm is like, but I did have suicidal depression the last two years of high school and thankfully healed from it several months after graduation, and I cannot agree more, with my American public high school experience; it's fucking shit. I mean, at least with work you can get paid for your labor.
@@ChrisPoindexter98 I'm in my junior year of high school, and everything is terrible. Especially with the fear of being sent back in person if I fail a single class. American high school is fucking terrible. Plus, my closest friend is suffering from suicidal depression and self harm. My form of self harm is either slamming a book on my legs or forehead. I try to avoid the forehead for obvious reasons. Anyways, I need sleep, can't think straight, and I hope all of your lives go well. I'm trying to cope with my depression in healthier ways, but it causes me to hate myself so much. And the self-hatred likely stems from school.
I recommend reading the comments while listening to it. They seriously add alot. People sharing their stories of loved ones with dementia, people describing your life and the loss of it...your memories fading away, things you might not have noticed but add to the experience. Seriously.
i read the comments when i listened to it and the stories kinda ingrained themselves in the songs so during stages 4 and 5 it was like hearing bits and pieces of those stories again, it made it more sad fr
This is very under-researched when it comes to everywhere at the end of time. For example the 7 stages aren’t years they’re the stages of dementia, thats why the end is much longer than the start, you can stay in stage 5 dementia for years just waiting to die.
Edit 6 stages
i think you're right there is 7 stages of dementia, the first being stage 0
For calling him under-researched, you only gave us one example why
@@ari913 Yeah, stage zero would be like the unaltered samples the artist used to make the songs.
@@ari913 the 1st stage is actually where nothing's wrong.
i wonder if the mild static in stage 1 is just because the caretaker is remembering them with a nostalgia filter?
@@archevenault sure yeah, it definitely can be interpreted that wat
stuck in a loop with being recommended this video, and "Everywhere at the End of Time"
same here
@@iwaffle727 same
I listened to it n I was extremely uncomfortable and emotional at the end of stage 6 like I wasn't ready for that
Neither was I...
I wasn't ready either, I could listen to the first 3 stages fine, and a part of the fourth but I couldn't get through the fifth or the sixth stage until the end of stage six, when it was calmer at the end. It was an experience that made me confused and kind of scared. I couldn't listen to it properly without my own thoughts taking over the music.
I’ve been a bit obsessed with Everywhere at the End of Time. I listened to it twice and have been looking for good reviews. You’re the first to really talk about the repetition of the first song in the first part. I find that the most interesting thing of the whole experience. Also thank you for introducing me to the artist that does his self portraits!
Jack Nightingale that is thirteen hours of depressing, almost cruel music. Twice. I dont know if you are a god or insane. I wish you good luck in your life and not get dementia.
VictreebelTV lol I was doing other things during that time. I listen to a lot of depressing music and am very fascinated by death. I assure you, I’m a very happy and sane person, just incredibly goth. 😆 I REALLY hope I don’t get dementia. Dementia is just a disturbing state of both being alive and totally gone, it is something I don’t want people who love me to deal with and a horror I could never live with.
I was extremely interested by this 6 hour experience myself. I’ve heard it a few times now and with each new listen you can pick up so many more things than the last. The flow of the songs, patterns, small background details... truly a fascinating piece of work.
joonerboi absolutely
FinnBacon I find myself straining when I listen to stages 4 and 5, recognizing little hints of music from the first 3 parts and wondering if those are really those songs or not.
stages 4-6
me and the boys rejecting our human forms
Monke mode activated
-bro stop you have dementia
-OO AA GIB BANANA OR GLONK
Time to get dementia to return to monke
Imagine being in stage 5 dementia and asking for a banana lmao
I personally don't really get a sinister or evil sound in, "Place in the world fades" I think it's liberating almost? You fought so long, and so hard, and when you finally broke and couldn't comprehend the world around you, you find peace at the end, be it death, or something else. I personally think it's Death, as it something you can fully comprehend, even as someone with no way to discern or process the world around them, death is ubiquitous, something anyone or anything can understand. Hence the name, "Place in the world fades."
wow
Holy shit the subscriber count doesn’t match the quality man
you're too kind haha c:
TH-cam is full of quality content, you just have to look for it.
@@geekface7567 subbed ffs!
Cringe pfp
@@mooganify cringe comment
I did some work in a nursing home a couple months ago, and one of my favourite residents had dementia. She couldn't eat or walk without assistance, and wasn't able to communicate anymore. She used to be a teacher and loved music, so if you called her Miss she would respond quicker than using her first name, and despite not being able to form any type of sentence, if you asked her to sing How Much Is That Doggy In The Window she could sing it word for word 😊 music seems to be something that the brain has trouble forgetting, which is really cool
I just had a thought after re-watching this again. What if the art of stage three are the flowers from stage two however there all grown and tangled which represents how the dementia now is tangling and warping the persons memories. As well as the flowers of stage two representing the beginning seeds of dementia. :0
I'm obsessed with the Caretaker. I listened to it once and cried during and afterwards.
I also commented about my grandfather who had dementia, wich I won't go through agian.
But I love it but I know understand what happens.
The last five minutes messed with me...
Art is an enigma, ain't it? It has a beautifully terrifying way of bringing our emotions to the surface.
@@geekface7567 yes, yes it is.
Web search results show 2 models for the stages of dementia, a three stage model and a seven stage model. In the seven stage model, Stage 1 is normal cognitive function (no symptoms). I believe The Caretaker used stages 2-7 of the seven stage model as the template for the six parts of Everywhere At The End Of Time.
could "an empty bliss beyond this world" be stage 1?
@@majamystic256 From the similarities between the Stage 3 album and An Empty Bliss, I either feel The Caretaker as a character is remembering An Empty Bliss in stage 3, or possibly An Empty Bliss is another, less rapidly decaying interpretation of stage 4 Alzheimer's.
Stage 1 would be orginal samples before any editing
@@majamystic256 stage 1 is music that we listen to when we are lucid with normal cognitive function. in ~70 years maybe they will make a new version and the first couple stages would be katy perry and kanye west
@@majamystic256 i think it fits more between stages 2 and 3
My friend had the wonderful idea of playing this while they slept.
Big mistake.
what happened tho?
That's a way to get some weird phobia, I guess...
Had a terrifying dream of spiders crawling on my glasses, then under my glasses... then finally, inside my eye and eye socket... then it bit me, and I woke up. Never again
gonna ignore that dream but hello fellow linux user
Going on a bit of an adventure with the EATEOT thing. Went through it twice all the way through twice this year already, but that was with a variety of sensory distractions to pass the time.
Now though? I'm going to turn the lights out, put on headphones, and close my eyes. Went through the first four stages already... drove me nearly nuts, and I wrote some essays on my experiences, leaving in spelling and grammatical errors. Wish me luck on the last two, folks!
I went through the whole thing with no breaks and little to no distractions. I also did I from about 00:00 to 6:30am so majority of it was in the dark. Truly haunting. It kinda messed with my mind a bit for the following days but I eventually healed from it. But it still messes with me every now and then when it randomly pops up in my mind.
yonatan etin I’m too scared to do it fully but you probably should
@@ddoober The last album at least has those final few minutes, giving it a good payoff
Not sure why you have to ask besides wanting people to be impressed that you did a "scary thing"
Please share youe essays I want to read them
It’s almost like the further you fall into the album, you feel the confusion and fear, but also the feeling of sinking into your consciousness, going from muted colors, to gray, to static, to black. It locks you in slowly, just like dementia. Stage 6 is the feeling of death of self, maybe not physically dying but the death of your identity. It’s what I think dying in a room, alone in a bed feels like. It’s a feeling of your consciousness being shot to the edges of space time, far away, nothing left. Makes the title “Everywhere at the End of Time” and the final “Place in the world fades away” seem so perfect. All the titles of the songs and sounds are perfect though.
Honestly, I love this, but I feel like I’m missing the point if I were to call it beautiful. Hearing the songs in the later stages that somewhat break through the mental haze is especially jarring. It reminds you that you have an identity, you had a life, but it sinks away from your gasp every time you have lucidity. Moments like this happen with my grandmother, where she has a very faint memory but nothing surrounding the memory makes sense. It’s an audible work of art, an experience of an ugly illness that I hope none of us experience. It also helps me in my moments where I don’t have feeling, almost wakes me up, or it just comforts me. It’s slowly becoming my caretaker.
Cool, but what in the Coca cola shit is that Profile pic!? I'm either high or the fact that its 12am is really messing with me.
Alzheimer's... I've been told that my grandmother might have this awful mental disease, despite knowing this, I still get frustrated when having to repeat myself to her, and I feel horrible for having an attitude when repeating myself. I wish there were some coping mechanisms for dealing with a loved one with Alzheimer's.
I love listening to these reviews, but whenever they play like the first 10 seconds of it, my body goes into fight or flight lol
Yeah Jaron lol same here especially from stage 1 it takes me back to the first time I listened I didn’t know what to expect, but now listening to stage one and knowing the horror I felt later on... oh my
Stage 6 be like: “No thoughts head empty”
“ I think not”
no think
Th _ k no_
me and
My mom believes that she might have early onset dementia. She says she's always forgetting words and people's names. I think it's due to stress from this new job she started. It still scares me though. My mom and I are very close and the idea of her forgetting me is absolutely heart wrenching. I don't know what I'd do without her. I love her so much 😣
How's mom's?
God, the thought of not only loosing what makes you an individual but also loosing most of what makes you human terrifies me.
Here's my interpretation of the album covers:
Stage 1 is a rolled up paper
Stage 2 is a very abstract flowerpot
Stage 3 is some sort of mess of plants (this is the least coherent cover to me)
Stage 4 is a weird bust
Stage 5 is smoke going down the stairs
Stage 6 is the back of a canvas
Here's mine:
Stage 1 is a crumpled roll
Stage 2 is a flowerpot with some kinda small people
Stage 3 is a bush
Stage 4 is a foot and a face without eyes
Stage 5 it's a piece of bismuth and some smoke
Stage 6 It's a piece of cardboard and some blue tape
mine
Stage 1:
Rolled up... Something.
Stage 2:
A pot of flowers, with tiny statue people making up the sides of the pot.
Stage 3:
Stage 2, but the people are gone, and it's much more overgrown and distorted.
Stage 4:
Distorted "Girl with Pearl Earring" painting.
Stage 5:
SEVERELY distorted statue of some sort.
Stage 6:
Cardboard with tape.
Me and the boys listening to dementia music.
Wait... who are all these people?
@@kirabad-artist6532 who
@@moonrock3005 who are you? Who am I?
The boys
@@jwaj who are they.
Hey Grandpa.. Remember Joe?"
"Who..?"
":)"
"Joe Mama 🤣🤣😂😂🤣😂😂"
*Grandpa dies*
Y’all hell 😂🤣
I was remembered only as “Big man”
😭👌👋👌👋👌
@@your_fathers
"Joe Mama 🤣🤣😂😂🤣😂😂"
Grandpa = (hits by terminal lucidity by having flash of all memes he had seen)
Grandpa = amogus
i was an hour in and i just felt calm but at the same time scared because i felt i was being watched and i also heard footsteps when im alone in the house
wowee
@pawhns c..clown
In EATEOT each stage has an image, this image I feel represents each stage in the best way possible. As the stages continue the images get more disordered and distorted representing the loss of one's perception and grasp of everything from their own thoughts, themselves and their surroundings.
Stage one looks like a semi-rolled up newspaper, the image is solid and understandable. This represents that the person can still remember but the newspaper is being rolled up and closed with no more to be written.
Stage two looks like a flower pot with wilted flowers, the image is a little hard to comprehend, the pot barely looks like a pot and maybe a mug with odd handles. This represents the person's mind starting to decay and their perception of reality, themselves and memories are distorting and starting to fail.
Stage three is an indescribable complex, it looks like vines or a plant of some sort. I know one thing for sure about the image, it's tangled up. This represents the person trying so deeply and hard to comprehend the simplest of things but it all comes out as a tangled mess.
Stage four looks like a person but is incredibly distorted and twisted. This represents how the person can no longer try to comprehend or think and will just leave something as it is because they just forget about the mess until they revisit it again and start over again.
Stage five looks like someone trying to walk up stairs, these stairs are on top of other stairs in which they are now walking up more. This represents true confusion, they walk up steps they have already taken, once they get to the top they just make another flight and they keep repeating on themselves like ouroboros feeding into their own confusion only to start from scratch again.
Stage six is just cardboard with tape on it. This represents how concepts are no longer thought of, everything is just a blank slate, they are so far gone that they can't even think of anything to start repeating themselves on. Stage six is truly without description.
I thank God that none of my family members had suffer from dementia all of my grandparents who had live above 65 never suffered from it and still remembers everything, so I'm glad that this will not happen to me or my parents. But this album itself shows awareness of how horrible dementia is
Alzheimers and dementia happens evey 3rd generation or so
@@ladofthedamned7796 that's where you're wrong because my greatgrandpa never suffered from it
@@ladofthedamned7796 wait please dont tell me thats a real fact, if so, can you send me a source of where you got that from.
@@spaceboy2437 naw its just genetic but happens like 12% in everyone but doing something to prevent it might make it go down
It feels like you're trying to tune in a broken radio, but you can't get a stable signal, as as time advances the signal gets slowly weaker and more garbled before what's left of what was once there dies to nothingness, leaving only white noise behind, before finally, silence.
The story of my headphones
The stages of the album aren't years, they're Stages of dementia, there are 6, great video! Just subbed
Ah, that makes more sense now haha
This breaks my heart as my grandpa and great grandmother went through this.
I think the 4th album cover is a bit like the painting "girl with a pearl earring"
Saw that too
Saaame
I agree, and I also think that was very intentional like everything else surrounding this art. I think the idea was that it would be familiar to us, but still unsettling.
If you look at the series William did (I think of his home?) that ended in 1990, you can tell something wasn't quite right. They started out crisp and clear and got more cubist/skewed over time. Or maybe I'm wrong and he just wanted to change it up. I didn't know the guy so I can't say but those were my thoughts seeing that series.
In those self portraits he wanted to test out water paints too as seen in the third painting of the red shirt that it is water paints the he used and he put the pigments in different blotts or water to one side instead to have this creepy inconsistance.
The potrait serie ended in 2000, not 1990
@@1leon000 he said the home portraits not the portrait series
This is incredible and heartbreaking. You have earned my subscription.
Thanks
The title that went something like, “confusion so thick you forget forgetting” is the most tragic title I’ve ever heard...
My great grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and I visited her about 2 years before she passed (as she lived in central Mexico). She was 93 years old and and even holding a conversation was difficult for her to pull off. I'd greet her and she'd say hi, ask me who I was, so I introduced myself. Then she'd stare fixated on a spot for long periods of time until she'd become lucid again. I had to introduce myself at least 15 times within the week that I stayed. It was really heartbreaking to see all those memories, all that knowledge she gained over her years slowly slip through her fingers, and see her concentrate so hard on those memories to keep them from going. She almost reached 95 when she passed, and it apparently was way worse for her up until the end. She had plenty of family to support her, but she still always seemed so alone.
Ngl, I listened to this while driving and by stage 4 I was so nervous I had a hard time focusing on anything, I had to turn it off. Haven't finished yet. Wouldn't recommend driving and listening.
I drove 6 hours and listened to the entire album uwu I understand your pain, but as for me, I had to listen to it and to suffer to make this video for you guys, I hope my pain was worth it *cries*
The 6th stage, right before the eerie tune and during it, you can hear the background noise of a hospital. You can hear a gurney rolling through the halls, probably to your deathbed
I didn’t finish the album yet I flinch at the sound of “A Burning Memory” to me this album only gave me existential thoughts. Also love the video.
Mfs when stage 4 came up be like "this is a certified hood classic"
Based
3:46 To me, that looks more like a nose than a pair of eyes, but it's true that the final self-portrait no longer looks like an actual individual anymore.
God dAmn next I need a album that depicts depersonalization or derealization
I hope that album exists somewhere...I would make a video on it tbh
Shoot. I have depersonalisation/derealisation disorder and I would love to do this, maybe I will. Would you (or anyone) perhaps want to contribute? You've inspired me now 😂
I have depersonalization and I often find that whilst I feel put of body, or floating away, or the instrument that I'm holding isn't truly there, I never lose my ability to play the songs i already know, or make up my own basslines (I'm a bassist)
this album already makes me dissociate imagine how i would react to that bro
I was raised by my great grandmother who had dementia, and my great uncle who had schizophrenia and a drug problem. It was really confusing and sometimes terrifying as a child.
To them I was my mom as a child, they called me by her name, would leave me alone for very long periods of time ( I have a lot of memories about this), and a lot of other things you wouldn't really give or do to a child in normal circumstances. These memories still have an effect on me today.
I struggle with memory due to trauma and Im always scared of forgetting important things...on top of that I lost my grandmother who raised me to alzheimers/dementia and a combo of other illnesses that wore her down...by the end she didn't really recognize my aunt (her daughter) and me...she knew we were her children but couldn't say our names. Part of me is kind of relieved she passed before she was too far gone. Everytime I hear clips of this album it drives me to tears and I dont think I can make it through. Its terrifying to think of losing yourself, all your memories, experiences...its one of my worst fears especially seeing it happen myself.
Throughout every part of my life and every part of struggle I’ve sought closure, the thing I truly fear of dementia is that there’s no closure, from the point the diagnosis comes there is no real end it just simply fades away. The grandmother I saw when I was younger wasn’t the same one that sat blankly on the sofa she never used because she thought she was a guest in her own home. The caretaker album to me speaks as a memoir to simulate the lack of closure. The final album is a canvas facing away showing that the identity of the art is hidden, it is known but cannot be shown or truly understood and there is no closure
Stage 3s artwork and stage 4s art work gave me chills when I first experienced the transitions
I still want your impression of those other 5 album pics btw.
Honestly, if I had to guess...I would say the other five album pics depicted objects from your past which you held dear, or snippets from memories you once remembered which were wholesome and close to your heart, but these album pictures show that you can't recognize these memories or objects anymore, no matter how much you once cared about them
@@geekface7567 what is the picture on the 6th stage
The repeated sound that you hear from the first song and is in each stage is starting with everything being stable and as the stages go, it shows how unstable the mind is getting within dementia until... it’s just not functioned at all
Video starts at 5:08 I guess
i think the ending means the freedom of death and knowing that this torture is finally over
You should really check out the indie game Ether 1, it’s about a person who’s gone into the mind of a dementia patient in an attempt to repair their memories, as their mind slowly falls into disorder and decays away
one thing i noticed at the very end, it almost sounds a little like laughter in the background. but its super distorted. like you can hear the sound but you cant make it out when you have that severe of dementia.
I feel like the creepy sounds are actually just random noises that the brain can't process from the outside world, that's why people with advanced dementia are jumpy. They basically have no idea what's happening around them, after a while their sense of self is gone too. Just imagine how horrible that feels. How lonely and terrifying that must be.
This album doesn't scare me rather it makes me sad or even nostalgic as if I miss the original things I knew or even enjoyed it's like.... guilt of lossing the memory I used to hold dear....like forgetting the moments with a loved one which I would never get back, to me this album really well captures the pain sorrow of these precious memories getting stolen and able to do nothing about it other than to except the reality as you slowly meet your demise
For me, that guilt turns into a disturbance, which snowballs into fear. I feel guilty for not spending more time with the ones I love, or just feeling like I'm dragging them down. My grandma is getting old, and I'm afraid of her going through this. It freaks me out more than it should. I should take it as a way to "redeem myself" and live life to the fullest I guess...
@@albert2524 *_you should live your life to the fullest_*
@@floofdoodle4349 i just don't know where to start. I feel trapped.
@@albert2524 what do you think is making you feel trapped?
@@albert2524 If you don't know just try to revive contact with others or maybe spend a lot more time with your grandmother just try to enjoy the present and focus less about the future and try to concentrate on what do next that you think is right and try to keep yourself busy with activities it will really help
I have executive function issues which results in me being EXTREMELY forgetful like all the time. I forget words, I forget things you say right to my face, and I genuinely cant remember almost anything before age 12. For reference, that's a little over 67% of my life right now gone to the void. I don't remember any of my friends, teachers, or interests from before 6th grade and I dont remember a thing about my old houses, except that I cried the first time I moved. That's genuinely the only thing I remember about my first house, and it's so weird that now I cant remember why I was so attached in the first place.
The cover art is indeed interesting and I'd like to share my own interpretation of them
Stage 1: I consider the paper thingy to be the mind. The dementia has only just begun and is very slowing but surely starting the process of deteriorating the mind. Notice how the paper is a bit bent (the mind starting its degeneration)
Stage 2: The cover here represents a pot with flowers. I consider this to be the result of the paper bending and changing its form to something different. The flowers represents the dementia that is "growing" out of the mind, spreading.
Stage 3: This represents the evolution of the pot itself. Its colors changing, the flowers growing, the mind suffering, thee black the death of the mind. It's becoming even worse, it will eventually lead to darkness and death. It starts becoming unrecognizable. All too weird, all too disturbing.
Stage 4: This represents a part where the mind stops recognizing things almost completely. The human face and body fusing with other objects, it's becoming even worse. Eventually nothing will be left. Eventually all will be forgotten. Eventually all will die.
Stage 5: This is an evolution of Stage 4. Barely anything is recognizable in the slightest. Memories fading, the brain is dying, it's all a blob, a "tumor" if you could say. It's expanding even further, there's barely anything left. We can see the mind decaying and changing.
Stage 6: Nothing is left. Nothing is recognizable. There are no more memories left. There's nothing to do since the brain can barely function. You can see a flipped canvas as what's on the it is unreachable. That could very well be the identity of the dementia patient. Only the back on it can be seen. And the only thing there is a square. Perhaps representing a fake mirror for one to see oneself in and take a look at themselves maybe as a reflection of the past. But there is nothing for the mind to reflect upon. There is no reflection of it. The mirror is not there. It's a false hope of identity. There is no identity anymore. The patient is no more. The terminal lucidity will not save them. All has been lost and the mind will finally die and be put to rest from its anguish.
fascinating stuff...found more respect for artists and their expressions
:3 sup
same
As great as stuff like this is, the portraits, and the absolute beautiful madness that is Everywhere, I wish I had never stumbled upon this. Stuff like this enters my mind every once and a while, and scenes come into my brain that horrify me, because it's happening to me. I can't begin to imagine what that would be like, and how everyone I know would be able to comprehend what's happening.
Stage 4's cover art looks like some kind of face. If you look at the right most part it looks like a bald bearded dude but if you look at the left most pat it looks like a woman with her head turned back to you. You're not really sure which it is.
Wasn't it something like the backside of the head (?) (I think I heard)
So you are looking at the back of the head, through the skull onto the back of the face. And you can see that there is nothing in the head. I think this also was a self portrait of a Alzheimer patient.
But I don't want to research this as this painting actually scares me when I look at it.
It kinda of reminds me of the girl with a pearl earring painting? But shown from the back. It seems familiar but distorted, showing the jamais vu.
@@s0urdust exactly what i was thinking lol
I reminds me of that painting of a woman
I love the video, but the flashy neurons in the background are extremely distracting
Edit: spelling
In retrospect....I agree with you completely XD
I am pretty sure that my 85 year old grandmother is in stage 3. She still lives at home and can perform basic tasks like eating, getting dressed, etc. with little issue. She can carry a mostly coherent conversation, but will ask the same questions repeatedly, sometimes only a minute apart, and will often forget common words or phrases. She has much better memory of things that happened long ago as opposed to recent things. She'll sometimes act as if it were decades in the past, for example once when she was at a restaurant she pulled out quarters to tip the waiter. Unfortunately she will overfeed her two dogs because she repeatedly forgets that she already fed them. One now has medical issues partially related to that so we are going to take care of the dogs in the near future. Her husband died a few years ago, so most of the time nobody is around to look out for her other than caretakers that stop by, but they can't be there all the time. I hate to think about what she might be experiencing. I hate to think that her surroundings and even her own thoughts are slowly getting more and more confusing over the years. Her case seems to be progressing slower than most. She started showing the very first signs of dementia around 10 years ago and it's been very gradual.
My grandfather is suffering from dementia and is living in a nursing home now. He remembers emotional events and people who are important to him. In the beginning it was really difficult since I had to care for him for several hours a day while handling highschool and all the other stuff. Now he’s actually doing fine and the nurses are truly angels. To prevent dementia keep your mind engaged and stay healthy. There is no universal solution but this seems to help. Maybe we’ll find a solution in the future to prevent that mental torture.
His voice sounds like the one kid who got called by their mom but doesnt wanna do the dishes
he sounds like edgelord chills to me
this made my stomach sick im not even capping
This video was well done.
Especially the part about the musical album- I honestly can’t describe what I’m feeling inside: emptiness, sadness, despair, terror, numbness.
My paternal grandma had dementia, and the last 5 years of her life were so sad to observe. She became very frustrated, angry, and at times quite mean, so for me, it was really hard & painful to be around her.
I did the best I could, I was so young back then, but I didn’t spend as much time with her as I would have liked. (I was 18 when she first started to realize her memory was slipping, and then 24 when she passed away. She lived to be 94. It’s been almost 12 years since then.)
I hate that she had to suffer like that in the end, and I’ve spent years beating myself up over not doing more for her, for not spending more time with her. After visiting with her, I’d usually end up going home and crying. She was still physically alive, but she was already gone in almost every other way.
I do my best now to be compassionate and forgiving to my younger self- it was hard for all of us, and I really do miss her.
But I’d be lying if I said I’m not afraid of getting old. I’m *terrified* of getting old. Terrified of losing my memory like my grandmother. And now that my dad is 69, I worry a lot about him too (especially because he lives a couple states away from me.)
In the show Sons Of Anarchy, there's a minor character that has moderate-severe dementia (he forgets his own daughter in the show). He disappears one day causing his daughter to freak out and try to find him. When she does find him, he's sitting by a lake and is completely lucid but depressed.
He says something like "Days like this, when I can remember everything. They're the worst."
That always stuck with me as such a horrifyingly sad depiction of dementia, the idea that you could sometimes be completely aware of your condition, how hopeless it is, and that it's only gonna get worse. But also knowing that by tomorrow, you won't remember this moment, or any moment prior, and you'll be powerless to do anything.
The idea that you could have this brief moment of lucidity, but equally be lucid enough to know that it ultimately doesn't matter what you do, who you remember, whatever moment of joy that may comes with this temporary relief is but a small mercy before things get much worse... It's terrifying
This album is comforting to me but when you are explaining it to me I struggle to keep my composure as the video continues.
I'm breaking down into tears more and more as the video continues
It's understandable that you would break down...it's a very emotionally charged album. It resurfaced some emotions for me too tbh...
This video is seriously underrated
Thank you c:
This is a fantastic video essay man!
I cried a bit while watching this. My uncle Alec, whom I only met when I was a baby, died to alzheimer's over three years ago. I wasn't that shaken by his death, but listening to this music, I can only imagine how he felt. Dying with no sense of who you are has got to be one of the worst ways to die. Rest in peace, uncle Alec. You went through a horrifying battle in Vietnam and a horrifying battle again in your final moments.
Stage 1:
You forget specific dates, have trouble remembering the right word, and need to make more effort to remember names of some friends. Nothing that concerns you or your doctor.
Stage 2:
You forget how to do complex tasks (such as sewing), repeat the same thing over and over again unintentionally, have trouble focusing, and get confused when you drive. Your doctor is concerned, but you're most likely not.
Stage 3:
You completely forget the names of close friends, have trouble doing every day things, and you begin to get frustrated with yourself when you forget something. Everybody is probably concerned at this point, and you're starting to realize that you're losing the battle against your dementia.
Stage 4:
You forget how to dress properly or bathe, have trouble remembering the names or age of close family members, and have to try harder to recognize your own children and grandchildren. Everyone tries to help, but you're too confused to figure out what they're trying to do to you.
Stage 5:
You forget the feeling of hunger and thirst, develop numerous false memories, have trouble recognizing everybody around you, and develop paranoia. You become scared of the people around you, and doctors try really hard to cooperate with you.
Stage 6:
You completely forget how to care for yourself, have trouble standing up, and can barely even talk. Your brain eventually shuts down.
I’m really curious what it would sound like if the Caretaker did an album on schizophrenia. Someone I follow on Instagram has it and it makes me wonder so much, but imagine music about the hallucinations and voices that you might hear.
Upon watching this, i was suddenly prompted by T.S Eliot poem "Rhapsody on a Windy Night" and a specific quote: "Dissolve the floors of memory, with all its clear relations, its divisions and precisions" and i feel it quite fits. Its not memory loss but a jumbaling and mish-mash of memories
my grandma died of alzheimer’s and for around a year before her death i didn’t have the strength to go and see her because i knew she wouldn’t remember me. i still feel so much immense guilt and pain because i didn’t see her before she left, but at the same time whoever she was when she died wasn’t the real her. it hurt so much to realise that the real her had gone much sooner than i thought
This is what I'm dedicating majority of my life to as a neuropsychologist. My grandmother had it and it was heartbreaking. I want to able to at least find new treatment plans and ways to help. It's such a scary disease that goes under the bridge because it's hard to understand.
great video, can't believe this only has 1000 views
only???? ill take the views i can get X3 I originally made this content for me, but I'm glad everyone seems to like it well c:
This really deserves more views. It’s a great video/analysis
this video is so interesting, the album and art, so very so.
dementia is no joke. i've seen it in my two last living grandparents, who both died in its arms.
it is... scary to see someone change so much. they were always kind of mean people to begin with, and if anything got nicer at their ends, but to see them lay there on their deathbed - unable to talk, mouth agape, in pain.. suffering an end that they were afraid of but did not understand nor grasp....
it scares me that i might see my parents like this.
one of my parents are very old, over 80 years, and now when i see him sit with his mouth agape at times watching television - i fear i'll see the worst, and soon.
it feels too early, being 23.
i might not share this art with my mother.
I’m a nurse and I’ve looked after a lot of dementia sufferers. I can say without doubt it is the saddest and most inhumane ways to die. Take a person. A vibrant, interesting often kind person & slowly, Hollow out who they are and leave.a shell, an often scared shell of who they used to be. In end stage, they don’t have any desire to eat or drink. They are sometimes aware that they aren’t where they should be (I work in a hospital) but they have no desire to ...live
their children get upset when the visit, their relative doesn’t acknowledge them at all, they don’t know them, it’s cruelty, manifest
Duuuudeee this needs more views!!!
This gave me a new definition to Alzheimer's disease for me, the funny thing is I'm psychiatry student and it isn't a new disease but I been given a new view on it, insight.
Imagine listening to Everywhere at the end of time while looking at Utermohlen’s portraits.
Now THAT, is pure nightmare fuel!
You mean like this? th-cam.com/video/2aukC7F8yhM/w-d-xo.html
@@KingHarkinianMah21 Thanks, I hate it
Ok, I have a lot of stories about this topic but here’s a particularly embarrassing but interesting one:
Back when I was 8 years old, my mother introduced me to the Harry Potter series, a name that many people will remember. The third one was the one that interested me the most, particularly the Dementors. My mother read that part and said something like “I think this is a metaphor for depression, perfectly captures it.” I didn’t understand her at the time, but now I can kinda see where she was coming from. Years later The Cursed Child came to a city near me. At this point, I already knew about The Caretaker. So when I came to the venue for the second half of the story, I had no idea what I was in for… If you don’t know, there is a scene where Scorpios’s soul is being extracted from his body by a Dementor. Then I realised, depression can’t remove your hearing, depression can’t remove your sight, depression can’t fog your mind and make you feel as hopeless as that, depression can’t suck out your soul and put you in internal sleep, then it clicked. “Dementors represent Dementia!” A little voice in my head seemed to say, I got so freaked out that I jumped underneath my chair and shook like a scared child. The rest of the play was fine, but I couldn’t stay through the whole thing because I didn’t want to visual depictions of “that thing” anymore…
I'm genuinely scared right now.
Gonna listen to this next Friday from 12 am to 6:30 am I’m so excited but I want to mentally prepare myself so I’m putting it off until next Friday
Caxalxsixex will do, every time I go to sleep this album haunts me like it’s taunting me to listen to it the only way to get it off my head is to listen to the whole thing
Caxalxsixex ok so I actually listened to it earlier than expected I did it today instead of next Friday and all I have to say it was so beautiful the opening track was so beautiful nostalgic and happy it was heartbreaking how we went from that to the last 5 minutes. It’s really a mental decline stage 4 and 5 are horrifying and stage 6 is just pure emptiness it’s so heartbreaking when you go from a very happy person who can remember stuff to a mentally ill person just clinging to his last memory the memory to breath and then it just stops
I listened to the entire album in one sitting, and here is my advice. Don't do anything that will distract you from the music (i.e. sleeping, video games, driving, etc.) just do something mindless and focus on the music itself and try to notice subtle changes or similarities between melodies. Make sure to listen to it in one sitting without being disturbed from outside sources (i.e. family walking in and talking to you or pausing for a couple minutes to shower)
Just listen to the music all in one sitting and make the tune your primary focus...
Thank you for listening to my manifesto on how to lose your sanity in under 6 hours
how was it homie?
I can’t express how scared I am of like life I general after watching this last night. I listened to the 6 hour soundtrack and it absolutely terrified me I mean the fact that you’re aware that your memories are fading until you have absolutely no memories left and don’t understand what anything is is so scary
My grandfather has Alzheimer’s. I dont remember much, since he was diagnosed when I was 8 but I remember playing with him and asking what my name was and laughing because he couldn’t remember my name. When I was 10 I realized the disease he had. One time I went to my grandparents home. I walked into my grandfather’s bedroom and I saw him in bed. At that point he only remembered a few words. When I realized he wasn’t going to get better I started crying with my dad. My parents told that my when he was young (about 30/40) he whistled a lot. Every day he returned home and whistled to my dad. Now the only thing he does when we try to talk to him is whistle. I love my grandpa. I hope he gets better although he will probably only get worse. Have a nice day and live life to the fullest.