Groped in Public - NEVER Do This!
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 ก.ย. 2023
- We finished our book...kind of. Join us as we read one of our favorite chapters of our book coming to shelves everywhere next year!
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The "groping" incident was inappropriate on so many levels.
1. Shane is a grown man!
2. Shane is a married man!
Lastly, even if Shane were a child, what would make anyone feel that it's ok to put their germ filled hands on someone else's child's face???!! 🤔
wait I thought groping was when u touches someone's private parts? I thought touching a face unwantedly would count as assault?
@davidfitzpatrick6535
Groping means to grab about. It does not specify location.
@@davidfitzpatrick6535 Touching anybody anywhere without consent is wrong. Period.
@@nemiarucker oh okay I didnt know that.
@@hairyferrit Agreed which as someone who is a big time hugger and notices if someone is upset (such as a coworker) I always ask if I can give them a hug. U be surprised how times I get a yes.
I’ve been a double leg amputee since I was 5 years old (now 33) and I couldn’t tell you the amount of times I’ve been given money, food, drinks, toys, and numerous other gifts because people felt sorry for me. As lovely as it is to receive such kindness from people, it is ableist. They don’t show the same kindness to other people. And so many people don’t see why it’s a problem. But those people are able bodied. Great episode.
I see your point, but it's not necessarily true that these people don't show the same kindness to others.
@@jenniferburgis4514 others they see as "in need".
I loved Liz's remark after the grope😂
But, really touching someone you don't know? Definitely back to training for her!
I've never had anyone gift me with free stuff, but there have been many times (at least 10) where complete strangers have given my children free things while we were out (stuffed animals, balloons, money, etc). I can't speak to the exact motives of the people who gave you gifts, but I do think there are a number of people out there who feel obliged to gift someone for making them smile / feel happy. It may not be that they are trying to cheer you up because they think you have a miserable existence, but instead they thought your relationship was particularly romantic / wholesome and they're trying to brighten your day in exchange for you having brightened theirs.
Thank you for sharing this. This is such a complicated issue. Some people have beautiful hearts, and we risk shutting down that part of themselves if they are chastised because their actions are viewed through black and white thinking. No one is perfect.
Many disabled people have to depend on assistance to help with wheel chairs, medical treatments, etc. People may feel they are making your life a little easier by covering the expense of your meal.
Maybe it’s not a thing in the USA, But here in Canada Random acts of kindness is something people just do sometimes. People sometimes pay for the persons order ahead of them in the the coffee shop drive through line up, some people have had their groceries paid for, or a meal in a restaurant etc. all from perfect strangers, no strings attached. The hope is that the recipient of the gift will pass on a random act of kindness to someone else one day. Just random things to brighten someone’s day. I once received a small gift bag on my front step around Christmas time with a pair of knit gloves and various other small items with a note inside that said something like… I hope this random act of kindness brightens your day!
@@nemiarucker nobody is suggesting shutting them down, only educating them. But anger is definitely a legitimate response to this ultimately disrespectful act.
@kaytsippy1981
Right, no one is suggesting shutting anyone down, on purpose. I think you missed my point/s Some people are very sensitive, & just a little criticism can cause them to make major changes. If a person is doing their best to do a good thing & it is taken only as a negative, we may lose their good efforts entirely. Additionally, black & white thinking, such as something is either good or bad without considering all of the complexities, does risk losing some good-hearted people.
Just goes to show that as kind gestures go people need to not overstep there boundaries no matter how much of a good thing they think it is
It makes me so sad that disability stigma doesn’t seem to have improved at all. I’m disabled myself, but nothing about me “looks disabled” to most people.
However, one of my earliest memories is when I was around 5 and I, a normally very quiet small child, shouted at a woman who asked me if my Grandad would like a cup of tea.. I shouted very loudly “they chopped off his legs, not his ears! Ask him not me!” My Grandad giggled from the side and my strict aunt told me off for being “disrespectful”, but my Dad brought me a Nintendo colour for standing up for my Grandad, so it was a good day for me 😅
You totally rock 🌟
The world isn’t perfect, but it’s definitely improved a lot. You’ve got to be careful being overly negative about things like this, and generalizing a bad experience to the norm. It can become a self fulfilling prophecy.
Huh ....
Infantilizing? Bordered on dehumanizing. People shouldn't even treat children like this-- they shouldn't even treat random pets like this! So glad you're okay.
I had NO idea this behavior was still so rampant in this day and age , what the actual hell ?! Maybe because I have worked in a large medical facility for over 30 years, and see people of all kinds of abilities moving about, and people with caregivers. I would be appalled if I witnessed people being treated like you were in these situations! I certainly hope that your message can make BIG changes to improving accessibility and removing ableism in our society.
Silence is golden. I avoid being inappropriate by silence. I’ve said things with great intentions, and offended someone. Sometimes just a smile and zipping my mouth is enough. 😂 people will offend others without knowledge. We sometimes just have to ignore the ignorance.
Though I do agree that most likely many of the times you had strangers pay for your food it may have been from viewing your physical issues and wanting to brighten your day, I have actually had kind strangers pay for my meal anonymously more than once. Just this year I was out to eat with my parents (none of us have any visible limitations either) and a kind stranger payed for our meal. I think they just enjoyed our wholesome interaction as a family and wanted to brighten our day. Kindness doesn’t always come from an ableism root cause. The other incidents of groping, infantilizing and all are inexcusable, though, of course.
Shane should be talked to directly. I think some people are uncomfortable and want to be nice. Your channel is and will make changes for people with disabilities. Great job 👏
I can't believe that people need to be told/taught/trained to not touch other people... crazy how they feel like they can touch others uninvited.
I haven't seen you 2 in a long time!! I'm so happy you popped up on my news feed
I remember the two stories about the airlines and taxi and it still ticks me off. I am so happy that you are 99% done. Thanks for your work and educating us
I'm also a quad with SMA. In many ways, my physical roadmap has been similar to yours, except for the wife facet. I read your book years ago, which planted a seed for me to do the same. My professional life took my time, and that seed lay dormant until recently. I'm now retired and enjoy the different tact my creativity is heading. I apply writing life's disability lessons through the eyes of fictional characters traveling Highway 420.
I enjoy your content and admire your willingness to share your highs and lows, the good and bad, and the stereotyping that occurs socially. John
Lol, I always forget this is a podcast because I watch the video and it feels like a cozy fireside chat. Thanks for sharing part of your book :)
Oh i love that Liz is in Poland again! Would be so crazy to spot your parents in my country:)!
Can't wait to read your new book!
With reference to the part from your book, in Canada, paying forward is very common think in restaurants, coffee shops, etc. we pay at least once a month for the car behind us in the drive through line at Starbucks or Tim Hormons, simply because is happening to us as well. Just to put smile in somebody’s face.
Except for the cashier that has to deal with it
@@Pharphette I think they appreciate that someone is doing a nice gesture
A coffee or a drive thru order is way less inexpensive compared to a sit down meal in a restaurant. Also when you're in a car you pay forward to the NEXT in line. You don't scan a room for the most pathetic looking soul to you and buy their meal do you? I see a difference for sure.
"Paying it forward" is in no way similar to what they experience.
Me and my husband would pay for the car behind us when we had to go through the toll booth and tell the person working in the booth tell them to say pass it on, we would have so many people would pass us with the biggest smiles and blowing their horn, so worth , shows just a cheap gesture can the biggest 💯💯
It's never ever crossed my mind to buy a stranger something... unless I wanted to flirt with that person. I would especially not buy food- I mean this person could be allergic. Maybe offer to pay for the dessert, but again not to a stranger unless I was flirting.
Shane, next time, tell them no thanks, you're already married and watch their faces😁
I’ve been there
As a military family, it happens to us all of the time. When my husband was deployed, people would often buy our meals or diapers or toys. People overhear us asking about military discounts and will pay for lots of things. It's not the same as Shane and Hannah's situation, but it definitely happens more often than one might think
Thank you for educating us on ableism. I want to be better and learn more about being appropriate when talking to anyone that may have a disability. I don't want to offend but I'm a very curious person. My mouth does get me in trouble at times because I just blurt things out like a child. You two are an inspiration for married couples on how to communicate which has nothing to do with a disability. I think you could teach a class for couples on communication.❤
Love this
This would be helpful to some autistic people as well. Even though we're also disabled, sometimes we don't understand the exact nuances.
Not the same of course but similar situation when I went to Dubai. All the staff kept addressing my husband instead of me. Even though I was the one standing right in front of them and handing them the documents, etc they would look past/around me and ask him instead. I always try really hard to be open-minded and respect another culture's values and practices but that experience really cut me to the core. It was like I didn't even exist and had no agency of my own. That was one of MANY incidences like that during our brief lay-over. It made me feel very unsafe, knowing that I was not viewed as an equal human but something 'other' and that my fate could be dictated as others pleased. Like you guys, I had to laugh about it because what else can you do. I must admit that it was funny seeing the look of utter shock of my husband being asked questions he had NO idea about. I had planned the entire trip. He literally had no clue. It was like something out of a sitcom..... me walking over and interacting with the staff, them ignoring me and addressing him, him looking like a deer caught in headlights desperately looking over at me for the answer of what to do, me relaying the information & documents to him and then him fumbling and confused as he hands it all back to them, utterly bewildered about what the heck is happening and then the process repeating itself over & over again until we can finally end the interaction and move on with our lives LOL Before we landed I was super disappointed that we weren't going to have enough time to stay for a few days and explore the city but, after that experience, I couldn't wait to get out of there! But hey... at least neither of us were physically groped 🤷♀
Can’t wait for the new book! Congratulations!
I’m 52 years old and have been with my husband for almost 30 years…married for 28 . I have cerebral palsy and epilepsy. He is able bodied and we get looks, comments, and compliments from all different people in different tones of voices. The only one that really made me lash out was when a woman must have seen our wedding bands and said, Aw ur married? Then, asked if we met at some type of support group or something in a very mean voice 😡
Normally, I ignore rude people but, I lashed out because I felt like it was an insult to my husband after 10 years of being together 🤯
Another customer in the store overheard our interaction and turned to the rude woman and said, …Excuse me but, you should really be ashamed of yourself …oh wait…did you met your husband at an OA group meeting ?
Oh good lord my husband and I walked away in a hurry…We never lashed out again in the past 20 years 😳😱🥺
So in need of some squirmy and Grubs laughter. Thanks to both of you greatly needed.
her mutated pet is gross
My breakfast was paid for by a stranger, once, after working the night shift on Christmas Eve. I was in uniform, I am an RN, and I was there with my husband who graciously offered to pick me up after work. It felt a little awkward but I was grateful. I hope that someday you will be able to accept the gifts that people give you in the spirit in which it is intended, not out of pity, but for being the inspiration to others that you truly are.
I can't believe people are that ignorant, come on ! Please people wake up to reality, Shane is a very normal guy who happens to be in a wheelchair, he's Not a baby, he's not 8 years old, Shane is a Man ! You must not baby him ! I'm totally going to be buying the book ! Shane and Hannah I am sure it's going to be fantastic ! I love you both so much, you both are the best! ❤❤❤
Another great podcast. Thanks bunches for the laughter, your descriptions for those situations, were hilarious!! I'm really looking forward to reading the new book, when it becomes available. I absolutely loved all of your other books, even the children's book you've written, it's one of my son's all time favorite books and he really likes the artwork on it, as well.
Love you both bunches and wishing you all the best, with successful results, for your IVF journey. Please give Chloe some extra snuggles for us, because we love her too!! 😊❤😊❤😊❤
That reading was 🔥🔥🔥. "I'm a man" 😂😂😂😂. Looking forward to that book, Big Daddy Shane. Mad respect to your hustle and grind.
The groping story is horrifying. Hannah and Liz's hand over the mouth was shock! Love you guys, anticipating your book!!
My daughter going through 3rd IVF almost virtually same point in time as both of you
Wishing your daughter all the very best in her IVF journey.
@@geraldineaherne9763 thank you I am 70yrs old and would love a grandchild. She had twin boys first time but they both died in womb at 7 months pregnant
there is no way her mutant pet is impregnating her even with IVF lmaooo
I think Abercrombie should have arranged everything for you to make it easy and convenient. They knew what your needs would be and they didn't do anything to accommodate you. I hope they learned from the experience and will work to be more helpful in the future.
I dread to think how often these inappropriate encounters must happen. I have only had a small taste of it when I dated a blind man for a year or so. In a restaurant we had a waiter ask me rather than him what he wanted to order (as if he couldn’t speak), another asked me (rather than him again) if he needed a straw for his glass of wine (I mean, can’t we ALL find our mouths without being able to see them?!) and the best one was when he explained to another man sat next to him on a bench that he’d have to take his word for it that it was a beautiful view because he himself was blind and couldn’t see it. The man (at least in his 60s) then proceeded to wave his hand in front of my boyfriend’s face, like a small child would, to ‘check’!
😮
People think "disability" is 1 thing and when you are part of the "group" you have all the disabilities together... it's so weird
On what planet is Shane a child he doesn't look like one. I was a caregiver for 15 years and when someone made a comment like that about a client I usually came back with a harmless sarcastic retort. Never should you grope a stranger very inappropriate could be considered sexual harassment these days. I can't wait for your book to come out so excited. Love you guys you are the best.😊❤
Why would you even say something like that?
That was a great chapter. Can't wait to read the rest. It's great to know the ripple effect that goes out to the world as people learn how condescending their well-meaning behaviors actually are.
Thanks you. Cant wait to read your book. I remember the photo shoot. You both looked stunning. Wishing you every success with your IVF.
Yay! When will the book come out? Also, yay, for no reason, I'm half Polish and from CT. Love you both. Thank you.
In smiling! Love you and your videos All you can do is keep educating people There are so many out there
I would love an autographed book! Either way I'm sure A LOT of us will be buying your book since we already feel like we know you both so well. It's always fun to hear you tell the stories of your adventures.
"Yes I will have dessert thank you" 🤣
Hi Hannah and Shane. You guys are just so adorable and funny. I loved the part about Shane saying "I'm a man!" Pushing Shane to and from the photo shoot was also pretty funny, but I must say that one of the things I love most about you is how you guys take just about everything in stride and make the best out of every experience. It's pleasant going places with someone who travels well and is respectful to those you encounter along the way despite unexpected missteps here and there, but that's what makes life fun and interesting. Lots of love to you both from Socal.
May I say in the nicest way possible that no act of kindness is ever wasted. Try to think of it that way when someone pays for your food. Maybe someone had done something nice for them and they want to pay it forward.
Shane your writing is great and Hannah you have a great reading voice❤
My daughter who is 45 and lives with me, is often stared at and categorized. It's really has been her whole life. Sometimes, I turn into MamaBear even now! I have even been known to say, "Oh well why are you wearing those stupid shoes😂"
Cannot wait to read your book, loved the chapter Hannah read ❤❤
Do we ever stop being mama bear? I don’t. My kids are in their 20s. I’m a work in progress! Lol Shame on people!!
Why does your 45 year old daughter lives with you still?
This book is going to be like 50 shades of gray or Penthouse Forum
Thanks for the update and the sneak peek of a chapter in your book.
I LOVE YALL SM!!! I love your videos, podcasts, all your content. I can easily see how yall became obsessed with one another. Great job for doing all you can to break the stigma. I'm finishing school to become a social worker & hope to do my part as well in my profession. Much love from East Tennessee 🧡 🤍
My nephew Henry is in pulaway Poland, he just got back from visiting here in USA ! Poland is a very nice place I've heard our seasons spring and fall are similar. Sending love to Poland!
I am so excited for your new book! I love reading all of your books and watching your channel!
Don't let evil people crush the happy memories u are trying to create. Those people are just miserable with themselves. Hugs and prayers
I am ALWAYS giving out food or paying for someone else the chair they sit in is of no consequence to this for me......if I have the $$$ to share I WILL.....I really enjoy your channels and the humor/love you both share with all ❤
Thank you, I needed this, was having a rough day. I can't wait to read the book. ❤️
I rented a wheelchair for my mom for our trip to NYC and tried taking her around times square. Almost every ramp off the sidewalks had huge potholes it was so bad. You'd think the most visited city in America would fix these things and make it accessible for everyone.
I'll be honest, the groping story made me cringe! I'm honestly surprised she wasn't fired! That being said, congrats on your book going to the publisher! If the rest of the book is anything like this chapter, it's gonna be a great book!
junkyard mayhem ROCKS!!! Love you guys XXXXXXX from Montreal~
Soooo excited to read your newest book❤
I am disabled and I once wore my sunflower lanyard to the airport. Immediately, my father was addressed when speaking about me, instead of me. “Does she- can she” while I was right three.
I enjoy this vlog so much I never miss one.
I can’t wait to get the book !!! ❤ You guys are the best !!! I hope to meet you both one day ❤
Great beginning to your book!! It was both funny and enlightening!
Mystery Brownie benefactor lol 🤣🤣🤣
Binge watching theses 😂 so fun love yall together ❤ this podcast was awesome!🎉
I love your humor. I’d love to hear you talk about click bait (those you’ve used, seen or joked about using).
I had my first experience receiving this sort of behavior recently (for context, I've been using a cane for a few years). A woman stopped me literally in the doorway of a Wallgreens to ask if she could "pray for [my] leg". When I declined, she started lecturing me about how Jesus could heal me. I just left her there talking and went inside. Luckily she didn't follow me.
I've had a few experiences of people praying for me. The first time, I seriously forgot I was walking with a walker, and thought the people just felt impressed to pray for me. I'm a christian and absolutely believe in the power of prayer. I was quite offended when I connected the dots. Then I had a guy visiting my church pray for a friend and me...we both use walkers. I wasn't thrilled, but it wasn't in the mall this time. Then another time, there was an event in my church parking lot, and I was there on my scooter. Same guy asks me if if anyone had ever prayed for me. I said yes, and proceeded to turn away. Dude didn't even see me or recall praying for me. All he saw was a "problem" to be fixed. My walker, and scooter when I had one, are blessings that allow me to live my life.
I had a guy stop me at the pool once and question my cane and suggest prayer. Like dude...if God thought I needed healing , he'd heal me. Who are you to question that?
I think God wants us to actually SEE people. Not just see what we think is a problem.
People pay for our meals anonymously ALL the time. Either I’m out with my young daughter or by myself. People see a young single mother by herself or with her daughter and fell bad for us, I guess. And honestly… I appreciate it.
amazing episode! i found your videos a few days ago and am somewhat obsessed
Loved your experience in N.Y. 💕💕
Love that chapter.
I love that skims sponsors you guys. so cool!
Being a fellow physically disabled man ironically with the same name, all-be-it born in and living in Australia, this has happened a few times. I just sit there in shock until the 'person' walks away then I normally say something along the lines of 'I am a f'n human being dumbass'. In other scenarios people talk to me as if they are under the assumption that I have a mental deficiency, I speak perfectly then they get taken aback whilst having some set expectation. Like mate, go tf away.
Thanks for another episode and the book preview! I just realized after watching you all of this time, that your backdrop isn't a wood wall, but it is brown corduroy. Now I question everything I have ever thought.🤣
26:51 I actually have! Im mentally disabled but I remember I was in Toronto looking for the Hockey HOF and a random stranger helped me out (which is surprising because from my exp Torontonians are not very friendly although apparently compared to American cities they're saints) and offered me money for the bus. I politely declined because I had bus money but the the person secretly dropped five bucks in my bag. Thx for the free money but u didnt have to do that.
Ah, yes, I now recall several times in my life wheeling through a new place and having to backtrack because only one side of the block had curb access.
What makes a person think they can touch a stranger, kid, or adult, AND make comments like that as the cherry on top of the creepy sundae?!
Loved the chapter. Can't wait to get the book.
can't wait to read your next book! I remember when you first announced this project.
I so learned something tonight from this video!! I am so sorry I would be one of those people.. ugh I would be!! But I love watching the videos and watching the way you smile and glow when the other is reading!! Love those smiles!! I will not be one of those people!! Ty love your channel!!
I just SNORTED in laughter and woke up my dogs!!!
Such a sweet lovely boy 😂 Good grief lady open your damn eyes, eh?
Oh I can’t wait to read it!!!!! Good job Hannah and “little guy” 🤦🏻♀️ 😂😂😂 some people kill me!!!!
I can not wait for the book!!!
I enjoy all your shows!
Have a wonderful week, Shane and Hannah ❤
The thumbnail pics are super cute!!
I'm so sorry your parents had such a bad time at the airport. For a guy who doesn't like to travel, it must have been so discouraging. Glad they made it. My mind is blown that the taxi driver actually thought he could lift the wheelchair. My grandson has alopecia universalis and as a kid he would get money all the time from people who thought he had cancer.
I look forward to your videos every week thanks
I can't wait to read the new book!
Can’t wait to read the book!
Y'all, if you're writing a comment about how "just because someone pays for your meal doesn't mean they're ableist," you are Missing the Larger Point here.
💯
I hated NYC. I went in July and I am a part time wheelchair used because I have spinal diseases that become very painful if I walk on hard ground for long moments. Trying to find wheelchair accessible vehicles, or even using the buses or trains! They say they have elevators and then I show up and it was broken down. I ended up walking everywhere and praying that the venues had a wheelchair there. I can only imagine what Shane deals with on a daily basis, especially traveling.
Great story
I wonder if there’s also a bit of luck that’s related to the free meals? For some reason, my non disabled husband gets free food a lot… he just gets his meals comped for really no reason at all other than staff just being kind. However, not really at restaurants-more places like Chipotle or Starbucks
I csnt believe all you guys had to deal with!!
Also I wish I could buy your book in the audio form of you guys reading the entire thing! Can't wait to read it!
Oh lordy what a trip!!
Can’t wait for the book ❤
23:27 Yeah for me personally if I need to be somewhere im not familiar with (either in another city or just a new place where I live) I ALWAYS give at least an hour before hand cause u never know if the bus is going ot be late (i don't drive and take bus to get around) if u're suddenly going to have to walk etc. Its better to be WAY early then late IMO. I get it can be seen as rude but for me I rather be early and relaxed then stressed out and running to make the appointment. Also as a bus rider I sometimes don't have a choice about arriving early because the bus may tell me it arrives 20-25 minutes early (i live in a small town where most buses are every half hour) or 5-15 minutes late which I know five minutes isnt much but to me (esp if its a job interview) its inconsiderate to be late for something.
Can’t wait to read your book ❤❤❤❤
Love this episode Shane and Hannah. Mrs Ma’am Jilly Jill For The Win (caregiver) and I were laughing throughout the stream.
Shane you should say to someone saying love your smile .. yes thank you. Smiling cause I'm enjoying life
I like that you guys go to LA for the winter I would love to do that but FL the chapter you read was fun to listen too good video.
I am literally panicking listening to the NYC story XD