New listener and love the conversation. SUBBED 🥛🏳️🌈 being a queer black girlie in the US isn’t easy. I’d love to hear a conversation like this with lesbians from different backgrounds and upbringings to see the similarities, differences, and even break down stigmas.
I read The Lesbian Masterdoc and was confused because it described my lack of attraction towards men pretty well. Turns out I'm still bi- men have just been assholes/ abusive towards me. or I've been forced into a heteronormative role that didn't suit me at all. (I've had a lot of bad experiences with men so I genuinely thought being unhappy in a relationship with one was just, like, normal?) Attraction is pretty hard to describe. and lack of it doesn't necessarily have anythign to do with sexual orientation at all. It's pretty common that straight women, whose partners act helpless and want their wives to "mommy" them, have difficulties feeling attraction. that sort of relationship isn't necessarily even abusive or toxic or anything but it's still harmful because the woman has to do all the domestic and emotional labour. it's completely reasonable a woman wouldn't be into a man who only thinks about himself.
I think the real issue is that Sapphic people expect the 'LESBIAN masterdoc' to be specifically inclusive to them. This doc wasn’t written to explain bisexuality or pansexuality; it was specifically written to help queer women dealing with comphet to better understand if they are actually attracted to men or not. As somebody raised with an extremely misogynistic and homophobic father and a very religious mother, I was always told that my future relationships would be with men, but any time I tried to be intimate with a man, I just couldn't, my body would shut down, but the patriarchal society I was raised in did not allow me to even consider the very obvious truth that I am & have always been a lesbian. I read the masterdoc back when I thought I was bisexual & it forced me to reflect on my lack of attraction to men. Without this doc, I would've refused to ever admit the truth to myself, as I was dealing with so much internalized misogyny and homophobia passed on to me by my parents. There's a reason it's called The Lesbian Masterdoc and not The Bisexual Masterdoc. If you feel excluded as a bisexual, that's probably because it wasn't written with you in mind. It's for people who can't shake off the feeling that deep down that they are a lesbian.
My western informed perspective: I had a little TERF-adjacent phase because I had a traumatic experience/relationship with a trans woman at a time I was already very mentally unwell. I never needed to be validated by the community, but the absolute hatred I faced made it even harder for me to move past this trauma. This issue stopped immediately when I got help with medication and therapy. It was just how my broken brain was processing. My thoughts were fucked up, but I wasn’t irredeemable as a person. You never know what people have gone through. I understand wariness toward transphobia in the community, certainly, but I know that we can do better than advocating physical violence unless absolutely necessary. I look back at that traumatic experience with shame, even though that’s probably unfair to myself. I look back at my reaction with shame, which is/was fundamental step towards my recovery. As much as I want to pretend this never happened, I talk about this so people know that if you are having these feelings that you are not doomed and you can get help. The community needs to allow change if they actually want people to change. I ask everyone to do what they can to be a kind person.
7:15 I feel like I’ve had a past experience with this? Like it’s not necessarily forced, but it’s more like I’m tolerating it? And I wasn’t even actually attracted to those men and didn’t feel anything romantic/sexual for them, I was just getting out of a relationship with my amab nb ex and felt like I was recovering by seeking male attention edited to add: I put this under “self harm” because those experiences I wasn’t being super careful and could have easily been in an unsafe situation (not vetting the men, not telling people where I was, not enforcing boundaries etc)
Also I’m Southeast Asian immigrant in the West, and I think there’s still a lot of divide between the LGBTQ community and in general, even people in different sides of the political spectrum argue about literally everything lol. And there are actual threats to scaling back legalization and they also argue alot about economics lol
New listener and love the conversation. SUBBED 🥛🏳️🌈 being a queer black girlie in the US isn’t easy. I’d love to hear a conversation like this with lesbians from different backgrounds and upbringings to see the similarities, differences, and even break down stigmas.
hiii i’m a queer black girlie too
I read The Lesbian Masterdoc and was confused because it described my lack of attraction towards men pretty well. Turns out I'm still bi- men have just been assholes/ abusive towards me. or I've been forced into a heteronormative role that didn't suit me at all. (I've had a lot of bad experiences with men so I genuinely thought being unhappy in a relationship with one was just, like, normal?)
Attraction is pretty hard to describe. and lack of it doesn't necessarily have anythign to do with sexual orientation at all. It's pretty common that straight women, whose partners act helpless and want their wives to "mommy" them, have difficulties feeling attraction. that sort of relationship isn't necessarily even abusive or toxic or anything but it's still harmful because the woman has to do all the domestic and emotional labour. it's completely reasonable a woman wouldn't be into a man who only thinks about himself.
I think the real issue is that Sapphic people expect the 'LESBIAN masterdoc' to be specifically inclusive to them. This doc wasn’t written to explain bisexuality or pansexuality; it was specifically written to help queer women dealing with comphet to better understand if they are actually attracted to men or not. As somebody raised with an extremely misogynistic and homophobic father and a very religious mother, I was always told that my future relationships would be with men, but any time I tried to be intimate with a man, I just couldn't, my body would shut down, but the patriarchal society I was raised in did not allow me to even consider the very obvious truth that I am & have always been a lesbian. I read the masterdoc back when I thought I was bisexual & it forced me to reflect on my lack of attraction to men. Without this doc, I would've refused to ever admit the truth to myself, as I was dealing with so much internalized misogyny and homophobia passed on to me by my parents.
There's a reason it's called The Lesbian Masterdoc and not The Bisexual Masterdoc. If you feel excluded as a bisexual, that's probably because it wasn't written with you in mind. It's for people who can't shake off the feeling that deep down that they are a lesbian.
Always love to see a new video coming from you two
My western informed perspective: I had a little TERF-adjacent phase because I had a traumatic experience/relationship with a trans woman at a time I was already very mentally unwell. I never needed to be validated by the community, but the absolute hatred I faced made it even harder for me to move past this trauma. This issue stopped immediately when I got help with medication and therapy. It was just how my broken brain was processing. My thoughts were fucked up, but I wasn’t irredeemable as a person. You never know what people have gone through. I understand wariness toward transphobia in the community, certainly, but I know that we can do better than advocating physical violence unless absolutely necessary. I look back at that traumatic experience with shame, even though that’s probably unfair to myself. I look back at my reaction with shame, which is/was fundamental step towards my recovery. As much as I want to pretend this never happened, I talk about this so people know that if you are having these feelings that you are not doomed and you can get help. The community needs to allow change if they actually want people to change. I ask everyone to do what they can to be a kind person.
7:15 I feel like I’ve had a past experience with this? Like it’s not necessarily forced, but it’s more like I’m tolerating it? And I wasn’t even actually attracted to those men and didn’t feel anything romantic/sexual for them, I was just getting out of a relationship with my amab nb ex and felt like I was recovering by seeking male attention
edited to add: I put this under “self harm” because those experiences I wasn’t being super careful and could have easily been in an unsafe situation (not vetting the men, not telling people where I was, not enforcing boundaries etc)
Pan here, yes i don't date men, probably will sleep with them but I wouldn't pursue a relationship with them. Women and non-binary people tho >>>
Also I’m Southeast Asian immigrant in the West, and I think there’s still a lot of divide between the LGBTQ community and in general, even people in different sides of the political spectrum argue about literally everything lol. And there are actual threats to scaling back legalization and they also argue alot about economics lol
watchjng whilst making food
Are you guys Singaporean?
I think they're Malaysian from Kuala Lumpur.