i would only have “crushes” on guys after i was friends with them. j kept getting my platonic feelings for guy friends confused with actual romantic feelings just because i thought that any feeling towards a guy meant i liked them
You have me sitting here trying to come up with a time where I actually liked guy that I wasn’t friends with I thought of one, it lasted a few days lmao
@@SavonnePearson I never understood the intensity of straight (and white) love stories like the Notebook and Titanic. Then I saw my first gay movie and bawled my eyes out.
I know this video is 4 years old but I cannot understate how grateful I am to have come across these videos - I've always known I was at least bisexual with a preference for women, but 4 years into a relationship with a man and I'm realizing how much I've been forcing things, and finding these videos has been SO validating that I'm NOT just a mentally ill bisexual who can't keep relationships alive, but that I'm a lesbian who's been subconsciously forcing/settling for hetero relationships All that to say, thank you ❤️
just like savonne said, this masterdoc changed my life. I have dated men and truly believed i was in love with them when really i was just in love with the idea of being straight, and being accepted in my community. for a long time i identified as lesbian before i knew it was wrong, and then i started forcing myself to date men. after identifying as bisexual for so long it's still so difficult for me to really accept my sexuality and not feel as if I'm wrong or broken. This is an issue that I believe really should be talked about a lot more, and I'm glad this video exists.
@@SavonnePearson I have a question about my orientation how Am I supposed to tell if I can’t even tell what orientation am I… like totally I am not having any romantic thoughts about men. I only have some crushes on really REALLY feminine men with makeup and all that. Recently I think I have fallen in love with a girl who’s a twitch streamer… not the point but… it’s the first time I ever thought about woman sexually… but in my thoughts I see her with manly “things” you know the flat chest and you know.. AND I see myself as a manly man in that relationship like I would like to have a femboy who’s a bottom and I am the dom. I just can’t tell what is my orientation… am I at all attracted to men am I attracted to women… am I gay.. lesbian straight not really. Please help me with this question
I married my male best friend when I was 20 because I was in a strict Christian environment and that’s just what you did. We never once had sex and got a divorce earlier this year. I’m just now coming to terms with the fact that I’m attracted to women, not men.
not me being proud of how much I dreaded and hated having crushes on men only to realise I was mistaking my discomfort at the possibility of a man liking me and friendship for attraction 💀
To be honest, many of the traits in this Masterdoc could also be experienced by women who ARE genuinely attracted to men, but who are traumatized by them. And most women have experienced trauma of some form. That changes a lot of how you experience attraction and relationships to men. I would even go as far as to say that some lesbian-identified women may actually be attracted to men and would enjoy being with one, if they felt safe opening up to them. Female sexuality is highly influenced by mind and heart. If we are disconnected to men on a deeper level, why would we want to be with them? lol I know this might be a controversial comment, and I'm certainly not saying this applies to all lesbians, but it applies to some. A spade is a spade. Personally, I identify as Sapphic-meaning a woman who loves other women. That's all that matters--that I love women. Nothing else. That's who I want to be with. I feel connected to the lesbian identity too, but I never liked how it was so exclusive and fixed. I could see myself opening up to a Tantric experience with a man for healing purposes, but interestingly enough, as I've matured, gotten to know myself better, and had deeper relationships with women...I've let go of the heterosexual fantasy of marrying a man (I used to want that so badly and my self-worth was all tied up in it). If one day I want to explore being with a man again, that's cool--but I am very woman-oriented and I feel I always will be.
I’m traumatized by both men and women. So, I struggle with being intimate with both. I’m not sure how women are supposed to detail their attraction towards men and women, especially if trauma occurs on both sides. But I think it’s important to bring in that perspective, but I also think compulsory heterosexuality is true for many straight, lesbian and bisexual women. But I’ve made some good friends with men and I can connect with them deeply. However, when I compare that to a woman, the feeling is a lot different. This isn’t to say I love my female friends more but it felt more authentic. Reading the document helped clarified things for me in discovering my sexuality.
I do agree with much of what you say but I think it's important to highlight that just because you want to heal and integrate the masculine- does not mean you need to have sex or practice tantra with men. It's fine if that's how you want to practice your healing but that's certainly not required. Many people have trauma from their parents, and tantra is not needed to integrate and heal. Also, female sexuality is NOT just influenced by the mind and heart any more than a man's sexuality (men are emotional beings who are taught to not express their feelings), similarly, women have an animalistic and primal nature that we are taught to repress and tame. The idea that women's sexuality is influenced by the mind (as opposed to male) is again influenced by the idea that female sexuality is malleable and changeable (and lesbians are really bisexual). While sexuality for many is slightly flexible (this is pretty equal to male and female sexuality), there are also hormonal and genetic components to consider as well. Sexuality for both men and women, overall can be pretty complex. For example, I am a lesbian who finds women physically attractive. There is something about their feminine essence and the female body that is sacred and beautiful and that no man has (which is why I am not and never have been attracted to men). Men are amazing as humans, just not my cup of tea, they are more like brothers to me :) Just providing a different perspective.
i never found having a relationship with a man entertaining. the only man i’ve ever actually had a crush (and didn’t just pick someone in a room and chose to get attracted) is a celebrity. i’ve dated a guy before but it was SO fucking boring, but all things changed when i dated my first girl. we broke up but i really felt loved and understood why people wanted to get in relationships. so yeah i think im a lesbian lol
I feel like every day I realize more and more how much of women's identities are shaped by men / our male dominated society and the social norms that were written into it by men.... it saddens me because I'm not sure how many other people see it / if a lot of men will every be able to fully understand what it is like to go through the world like that. Gonna try to stay positive and open minded! I've identified as bi since I was 19 and felt that I was bi since I was probably 13ish... but sometimes when I'm intimate with people with penises I feel no attraction to it... still figuring myself out but, just on the front of people understanding the mysoginy present in the world, I kinda see myself being with a woman long term just because I think they can understand me the best... Idk what I am yet but I'm gonna be patient and feel things out in the right time
You can take as much time that you need to find your label :) I agree with the social norms thing. It's prominent in the media where a woman is in a show or movie for the sole purpose of being a love interest.
Feel you because i feel the same about penises. I just don't like them. I don't find them attractive. I am thinking i might be homosexual but biromantic because I don't feel repulsed about a relationship as long as I don't have sex if it is with a man and I would see myself with a guy only in the romantic sense.
I used to like a guy, he was the ringleader of a group of guys that used to tease me all the time in grade and high school (lived in the neighborhood). I later found out his friend liked me a LOT...and the reason for his annoyance. Oh well, youth is wasted on the young! 😆🙄
I just realized that I'd always have a crush on the popular guys in school. Especially if all the girls liked them. Dear Lord, what have I been doing with my life??
Found the doc through twitter back in may and man it made me reconsider my entire life. I now identify as a lesbian after thinking i was bi for about a year or so, and i feel so much lighter now. I adopted the label ‘bi’ because i thought, well i like women, thats for sure, and ive always had crushes on men so i guess i like them too, but the doc made me realize that my ‘attraction’ to men was just comp-het. I thought picking a man to like was normal, lol. Thank you so much for making this!!
I'm so confused about what attraction really is and how i separate that from thinking they're pretty and sympathetic ... I like male kpop idols but how do i know that i want to be together with them and not just friends? (just as example)
I used to be terrified of changing my long hair because I knew it gave me male attraction. Yes! I also just chose guys to like but I didn't have anything I actually liked about him and I never actually wanted to look at them. I've always been in love with the idea of men falling in love with me, but never falling in love. I've also been sexually abused a lot by men, so I felt like I had to prove I could find a good guy or have a healthy relationship with men.
9:29 - yup! i was in band majority of my school career and i always liked the “different” guys. the nice nerdy boys that nobody else really found attractive or they were the really pretty boys that were already taken! the nerdy ones were always somewhat available *yet never were wanting a relationship lmao* and i think that’s why i chose them to like. even in boy groups i always ended up liking the least liked member amongst the fandom or even movies i loved the underdog (like neville longbottom from harry potter). this point in the video really punched me lol
I love this series. Y'all are so nice and welcoming, it literally feels like two good friends have sat me down for an intervention about what a lez I am haha
I'm watching just about every video I can find on comp-het now that I know what it is (and finally realizing I'm lesbian, not bi, at 26 yrs). I even bought a book that has the essay by Adrienne Rich where she coined the term!! Just want to say that I'm so glad you guys are digging deep into it, doing a whole series, and not just doing a brief overview. I love that you're really getting into how it affects us as women and giving anecdotes along the way. You got me hooked!!
I mostly thought that I liked boys because I raised to believe that that was the “right” way to live your life (get married and having kids) and that there was no other way. But then when I got into middle school (and puberty hit😅), I realized that I’m not actually attracted to dudes in that way, and that I most certainly DONT want to marry one and spend the rest of my life with one (of course I didn’t think that far into it when I was a child, but then when I started learning about straight sex and how you can “get pregnant”, I was utterly grossed out with that). Now I realize why that is and now I know that I am and have always been attracted to girls. And when it finally hit me, I was like “WOW, NO WONDER I REALLY LOVE MY BESTFRIEND AND WOULD DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING FOR HER AND WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH HER!”😂😂😅
something about me constantly going back and forth on if i'm actually a lesbian always makes me think im not bi, i've kinda abandoned the identity of biseuxal for the more vague "queer" when i started questioning again a few months ago. i had a billion different labels during the first few years questioning online and lesbian was one of them i vaguely remember having but it was a time of tumblr microlabeling which found me more confused than anything. iman incredibly late bloomer, 20 now and still dont rlly consider having a first kiss,,,, there was. girl but i dont like to count bc i was so uncomfortable and we were frenemies so i don't count it, since her i've had multiple opportunities to enter relationships w men which i constantly felt both intrigued and interested in but also entirely anxious and never comfortable enough to kiss them when they would try. i always chalked this up to some sort of "trauma" (light use of the word) or "cringe" thinking about the horrible experience from grade 10. most times i talk with men on dating apps there is definitely a form of disappointment or settling for a man, yet i convince myself im attracted to men bc i dream about indie boys of tiktok or guys in bands i think about, plus growing up on tumblr the main introduction being an overt sexualization of mlm, majority of that part of my growing sexuality was based around men, at a certain time i definitely related to that gross tumblr post about "i'm not attracted to men as a woman im attracted to men as a gay man" but all the men i like are fictional or ideas i create within my head of who this man could be,,,,,,,,,,,i def want to go to a bunch of bars and make out with a bunch of women and men and just see what feels comfortable but coronavirus and anxiety are making that a little complex. there is also something to be said about me getting a huge crush on a girl who is a lesbian and internalizing the biphobic jokes and KAM mentality making me feel as though being bi isn't valid through my own skewed lense of feeling "not gay enough" to have any say within the community or feeling as though i have to prove myself gay enough to be in a space........at this moment i doubt i'll be able to figure this out myself without dating women and men,,,,,which is not looking likely or easy within the next 6 months,,,,,,,,, anyways, some fun rambings
My “crushes” on boys ranged from any boy that was nice to me, boys I only liked after my friends told me they liked them, and only liking them after I realized they like me first. It was very much based on male validate/flattery and I’m just now coming to terms with that. *Edit: I forgot to include unattainable. It didn’t help that nearly any time I become friends with a guy, my parents would ask if I liked him. Which obviously would make me uncomfortable and then second guess myself.
These videos are so helpful and they have really helped me accept my sexuality (just recently came out as lesbian to my friends!) Thank you so much for posting them
The picking the one random guy that no one liked was and has been a huuuuuge thing I did right up until my last relationship with a man. Id always seek out the guy who wasn't getting attention and almost decide that I liked them. Girls however, make me break out in a sweat, and shake 😂 im 23 and I am still confused, im, sexually ambiguous haha
i cant tell you how helpful the doc was for me for the longest time ive struggled with fully accepting i was gay i always told people i was bi it seemed easier for me to claim than gay but deep down i always knew i was a lezbo lol ty guys so much!
I'm really glad you touched on different genders. I grew up in a very conservative household, but my mom wasn't directly strict on general roles, though the socialization were inked into everything. Growing up kinda isolated, I just did my own thing that I was most comfortable with, not fitting into things but not having the language for it either. It wasn't until I started deconstructing things that I starred to come to terms with my identity
I may be a sapphic. I realised after me and my best friend got drunk and asked each other out now I’m stuck on how to make her my gf but it all makes sense now 👁👄👁 like so many things 🥺 including comphet and dating men whilst thinking of kissing girls
I ID'd as bisexual for a really long time, then a couple of years ago, I realized I wad pansexual. I've been questioning myself once again the last few months. Two nights ago I read the doc and cried. Read it again, even slower, yesterday morning. I'm realizing soooo much about myself. I look forward to this series.
I was questioning for months and the master doc was just the icing on the cake for me, still working things out but i'm certain, oh and thank you btw, it's through you I even knew the doc was a thing!!
This series are so accurate, I suffer a lot with Comphet and doubt about what I really want everyday but when I hear you both talking I feel so relief. Like I know I want to be with women but I feel like a fake lesbian bc all this things you are talking about and seeing other lesbians discuss about this just feels so right and safe, thank you so much 💖
Bro, it's just so comfortable to watch you talking and stuff, I was just looking for it, bc I'm trying to find myself, but I couldn't find black girls talking about lesbian things and etc, so thanks a lot and kisses from Brazil 🧡🧡
I love what you both have to say about this. I’m new to these concepts but I’m now interested to learn more!! It feels a bit complicated as a nonbinary person tho
I feel like when I was younger I got the concept of more than 2 genders but then the internet and "cringe culture" sort of shamed me back into a more binary thinking and now I'm still unlearning that
Im 13 years old and consider myself a lesbian, I’ve switched through sexualities like bi-pan because I always thought I was attracted to men, but it was just comphet. I still wonder if I’m even lesbian and sometimes uncomfortable with how I was wired to like women..im still growing to accept my sexuality, but sometimes the normalized homophobia in my 8th grade classes made me so uncomfortable😢I wish I could speak up but it’s scary
Savonne or Alysse, do either of you know who is the author of the Lesbian Masterdoc? I would love to give credit to whom it's due. Keep up with the amazing content!! Great work
Thank you! I truly WISH I knew, I’ve search so I can credit them but from what I understand they use a variety of sources as well (they’re at the bottom of the doc) so I would maybe start there.
Look up thediabolicalfeminist on Tumblr! I believe the masterdoc was started by her and a few other people, basically it's a compilation of their posts where they listed signs of comphet that they experienced
Thank goodness for you two. I couldn't figure out how to Google this question or anything. Everything that comes up is about whether or not you are attracted to women. Even when I Google naked pictures of women to try and compare to naked pictures with men I can't get a full screen of just women no men in the pictures... I was like is this just me making things weird and complicated?
I don’t know if someone has said this already but I just wanted to point out that you shouldn’t say “people that identify as they them” because we don’t identify as a pronoun, as you wouldn’t say people who identify as he she. Just say nonbinary people :)
I'm asexual and I thought I was panromantic but recently I've been noticing I just don't really like men. Like I've liked some in the past but I always talked myself into liking them rather than just liking them like happened with girls. And then I started considering the men my friends found attractive and looking at photos of them made me feel.. like.. bad. Like idk. Not right. Even though they're very beautiful. I just very much do not like them. I'm also demiromantic so this has been harder to figure out but uhhhh yeah I think I only like nonmen😭
Yhea I delt with men due to the convince it was tolerated and cause I had abandonment issues So it was the quickest way to get someone But if I had women choices like men in my environment at the time I wouldnt have dated men
I'm glad so many people in the comments seem to be figuring this out before actually going out and trying to have sex with men that they're really only doing to see if they're actually into men...because when you're not that shit is so damaging and it sucks because it's not the guy's fault at all lol.
Recently I asked myself a question that sort of helped, basically I asked myself if I would "give up" sex with men if that meant I could relive the experience I once had of cuddling with a woman in the same bed but every night and well, the answer is very easily and quickly a yes. Only takes cuddling to top the idea of sex with men for me. What I'm trying to say in a really long winded way here is if you find that past bad experiences with men are making you confused about your sexuality - I think you should just avoid trying to figure out how you feel about men for a while and figure out how you feel about women. After all, the definition of lesbian isn't "Women who refuse to date men because of previous trauma". (Although plenty of lesbians do have previous bad experiences with men, me included.) If you end up in a situation of kissing or being in bed with a woman for the first time and you don't get some sort of "Whoah, this is something I've literally never felt before" feeling, probably followed some time after by "why the fuck did I waste so much of my life trying to make dating men work out" that's probably because you are actually attracted to men, and have already felt that before.
hey i know im kinda late to this but if you two are cisgender (not trans) - you can't say the t slur. it's a slur that the trans community has reclaimed. cis people have ridiculed trans people for years with that slur so it's kind of downgrading when a cis person says it.
also just saying that there are more than 3 genders if y'all didn't make it clear! look it up! nonbinary genders are such an interesting subject and it's a shame that no one really talks about them.
Sounds like they were saying it in the conversation regarding how society saw transgenders & spoke about them, at that particular time. If you’re looking to be offended, you’ll find it everytime. 👌🏽
honestly the best part of this video is Alysse's facial expressions.
Let us know your thoughts below xx
estaba pacheca verdad?
@@camilabarquerabarranco7546 jhdjasjdjds
i would only have “crushes” on guys after i was friends with them. j kept getting my platonic feelings for guy friends confused with actual romantic feelings just because i thought that any feeling towards a guy meant i liked them
STOP WHY IS THIS ME
THANK YOU
You have me sitting here trying to come up with a time where I actually liked guy that I wasn’t friends with
I thought of one, it lasted a few days lmao
I relate so much.
same
Am I the only one who finds men incredibly boring? And the idea of being emotionally intimate with a man makes me feel claustrophobic
No you are NOT. I was like...is this it?
@@SavonnePearson I never understood the intensity of straight (and white) love stories like the Notebook and Titanic. Then I saw my first gay movie and bawled my eyes out.
Same here! I would always wait for it to be like that and it just...never was. Enter a girl and I’ve never felt that much passion in my life
YES
YESS SO TRUE
I know this video is 4 years old but I cannot understate how grateful I am to have come across these videos - I've always known I was at least bisexual with a preference for women, but 4 years into a relationship with a man and I'm realizing how much I've been forcing things, and finding these videos has been SO validating that I'm NOT just a mentally ill bisexual who can't keep relationships alive, but that I'm a lesbian who's been subconsciously forcing/settling for hetero relationships
All that to say, thank you ❤️
just like savonne said, this masterdoc changed my life. I have dated men and truly believed i was in love with them when really i was just in love with the idea of being straight, and being accepted in my community. for a long time i identified as lesbian before i knew it was wrong, and then i started forcing myself to date men. after identifying as bisexual for so long it's still so difficult for me to really accept my sexuality and not feel as if I'm wrong or broken. This is an issue that I believe really should be talked about a lot more, and I'm glad this video exists.
Yeah it was super hard to distinguish from as well. I’m proud of you for finding yourself 💗
@@SavonnePearson I have a question about my orientation how Am I supposed to tell if I can’t even tell what orientation am I… like totally I am not having any romantic thoughts about men. I only have some crushes on really REALLY feminine men with makeup and all that. Recently I think I have fallen in love with a girl who’s a twitch streamer… not the point but… it’s the first time I ever thought about woman sexually… but in my thoughts I see her with manly “things” you know the flat chest and you know.. AND I see myself as a manly man in that relationship like I would like to have a femboy who’s a bottom and I am the dom. I just can’t tell what is my orientation… am I at all attracted to men am I attracted to women… am I gay.. lesbian straight not really. Please help me with this question
this is so perfectly worded, bc i’m in the exact same boat
I married my male best friend when I was 20 because I was in a strict Christian environment and that’s just what you did. We never once had sex and got a divorce earlier this year. I’m just now coming to terms with the fact that I’m attracted to women, not men.
I'm really happy for you!
Man growing up with all these heterosexual norms being the only gay sibling was tough! Y’all hit everything right on the nail!
not me being proud of how much I dreaded and hated having crushes on men only to realise I was mistaking my discomfort at the possibility of a man liking me and friendship for attraction 💀
To be honest, many of the traits in this Masterdoc could also be experienced by women who ARE genuinely attracted to men, but who are traumatized by them. And most women have experienced trauma of some form. That changes a lot of how you experience attraction and relationships to men. I would even go as far as to say that some lesbian-identified women may actually be attracted to men and would enjoy being with one, if they felt safe opening up to them.
Female sexuality is highly influenced by mind and heart. If we are disconnected to men on a deeper level, why would we want to be with them? lol I know this might be a controversial comment, and I'm certainly not saying this applies to all lesbians, but it applies to some. A spade is a spade.
Personally, I identify as Sapphic-meaning a woman who loves other women. That's all that matters--that I love women. Nothing else. That's who I want to be with. I feel connected to the lesbian identity too, but I never liked how it was so exclusive and fixed.
I could see myself opening up to a Tantric experience with a man for healing purposes, but interestingly enough, as I've matured, gotten to know myself better, and had deeper relationships with women...I've let go of the heterosexual fantasy of marrying a man (I used to want that so badly and my self-worth was all tied up in it).
If one day I want to explore being with a man again, that's cool--but I am very woman-oriented and I feel I always will be.
This was eye-opening for me to read, appreciate you sharing your perspective!
Very interesting point!
I’m traumatized by both men and women. So, I struggle with being intimate with both. I’m not sure how women are supposed to detail their attraction towards men and women, especially if trauma occurs on both sides. But I think it’s important to bring in that perspective, but I also think compulsory heterosexuality is true for many straight, lesbian and bisexual women. But I’ve made some good friends with men and I can connect with them deeply. However, when I compare that to a woman, the feeling is a lot different. This isn’t to say I love my female friends more but it felt more authentic. Reading the document helped clarified things for me in discovering my sexuality.
@@Laura-vl6db Thanks for sharing your experience. I can relate and appreciate it
I do agree with much of what you say but I think it's important to highlight that just because you want to heal and integrate the masculine- does not mean you need to have sex or practice tantra with men. It's fine if that's how you want to practice your healing but that's certainly not required. Many people have trauma from their parents, and tantra is not needed to integrate and heal.
Also, female sexuality is NOT just influenced by the mind and heart any more than a man's sexuality (men are emotional beings who are taught to not express their feelings), similarly, women have an animalistic and primal nature that we are taught to repress and tame. The idea that women's sexuality is influenced by the mind (as opposed to male) is again influenced by the idea that female sexuality is malleable and changeable (and lesbians are really bisexual). While sexuality for many is slightly flexible (this is pretty equal to male and female sexuality), there are also hormonal and genetic components to consider as well. Sexuality for both men and women, overall can be pretty complex.
For example, I am a lesbian who finds women physically attractive. There is something about their feminine essence and the female body that is sacred and beautiful and that no man has (which is why I am not and never have been attracted to men). Men are amazing as humans, just not my cup of tea, they are more like brothers to me :)
Just providing a different perspective.
This doc makes me feel attacked. I remember a highschool boyfriend telling me that I was going to grow up to be a lesbian and I fought him so hard 😂
i never found having a relationship with a man entertaining. the only man i’ve ever actually had a crush (and didn’t just pick someone in a room and chose to get attracted) is a celebrity. i’ve dated a guy before but it was SO fucking boring, but all things changed when i dated my first girl. we broke up but i really felt loved and understood why people wanted to get in relationships.
so yeah i think im a lesbian lol
uh future me here, i’m a lesbian 🧍
Lmaooooooooo
I feel like every day I realize more and more how much of women's identities are shaped by men / our male dominated society and the social norms that were written into it by men.... it saddens me because I'm not sure how many other people see it / if a lot of men will every be able to fully understand what it is like to go through the world like that.
Gonna try to stay positive and open minded!
I've identified as bi since I was 19 and felt that I was bi since I was probably 13ish... but sometimes when I'm intimate with people with penises I feel no attraction to it... still figuring myself out but, just on the front of people understanding the mysoginy present in the world, I kinda see myself being with a woman long term just because I think they can understand me the best...
Idk what I am yet but I'm gonna be patient and feel things out in the right time
You can take as much time that you need to find your label :) I agree with the social norms thing. It's prominent in the media where a woman is in a show or movie for the sole purpose of being a love interest.
Feel you because i feel the same about penises. I just don't like them. I don't find them attractive. I am thinking i might be homosexual but biromantic because I don't feel repulsed about a relationship as long as I don't have sex if it is with a man and I would see myself with a guy only in the romantic sense.
Very few straight women find penises attractive. Most would even call them ugly. That's definitely not a good indicator of sexual orientation.
omg when you mentioned just choosing boys to like - I thought this was normal too. I was just pickin the most random boy to like always.
it was always the guy who sat next to me in my first period class
same I actually remember pretending to like a boy because of my friends (they're girls) had crushes and just picked a random boy
I used to like a guy, he was the ringleader of a group of guys that used to tease me all the time in grade and high school (lived in the neighborhood). I later found out his friend liked me a LOT...and the reason for his annoyance. Oh well, youth is wasted on the young! 😆🙄
I just realized that I'd always have a crush on the popular guys in school. Especially if all the girls liked them. Dear Lord, what have I been doing with my life??
lmaooo same!! I just picked any guy with the conventionally attractive features, or went back to the same guy again and again
Found the doc through twitter back in may and man it made me reconsider my entire life. I now identify as a lesbian after thinking i was bi for about a year or so, and i feel so much lighter now. I adopted the label ‘bi’ because i thought, well i like women, thats for sure, and ive always had crushes on men so i guess i like them too, but the doc made me realize that my ‘attraction’ to men was just comp-het. I thought picking a man to like was normal, lol.
Thank you so much for making this!!
you are just Spot ON. The whole "choosing" a man crush is...!!!
I'm so confused about what attraction really is and how i separate that from thinking they're pretty and sympathetic ... I like male kpop idols but how do i know that i want to be together with them and not just friends? (just as example)
I used to be terrified of changing my long hair because I knew it gave me male attraction. Yes! I also just chose guys to like but I didn't have anything I actually liked about him and I never actually wanted to look at them. I've always been in love with the idea of men falling in love with me, but never falling in love. I've also been sexually abused a lot by men, so I felt like I had to prove I could find a good guy or have a healthy relationship with men.
9:29 - yup! i was in band majority of my school career and i always liked the “different” guys. the nice nerdy boys that nobody else really found attractive or they were the really pretty boys that were already taken! the nerdy ones were always somewhat available *yet never were wanting a relationship lmao* and i think that’s why i chose them to like. even in boy groups i always ended up liking the least liked member amongst the fandom or even movies i loved the underdog (like neville longbottom from harry potter). this point in the video really punched me lol
I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday and came out as a lesbian I had so much difficulty figuring this out
How you came out as a lesbian ?
I love this series. Y'all are so nice and welcoming, it literally feels like two good friends have sat me down for an intervention about what a lez I am haha
I'm watching just about every video I can find on comp-het now that I know what it is (and finally realizing I'm lesbian, not bi, at 26 yrs). I even bought a book that has the essay by Adrienne Rich where she coined the term!! Just want to say that I'm so glad you guys are digging deep into it, doing a whole series, and not just doing a brief overview. I love that you're really getting into how it affects us as women and giving anecdotes along the way. You got me hooked!!
I mostly thought that I liked boys because I raised to believe that that was the “right” way to live your life (get married and having kids) and that there was no other way. But then when I got into middle school (and puberty hit😅), I realized that I’m not actually attracted to dudes in that way, and that I most certainly DONT want to marry one and spend the rest of my life with one (of course I didn’t think that far into it when I was a child, but then when I started learning about straight sex and how you can “get pregnant”, I was utterly grossed out with that). Now I realize why that is and now I know that I am and have always been attracted to girls. And when it finally hit me, I was like “WOW, NO WONDER I REALLY LOVE MY BESTFRIEND AND WOULD DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING FOR HER AND WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH HER!”😂😂😅
something about me constantly going back and forth on if i'm actually a lesbian always makes me think im not bi, i've kinda abandoned the identity of biseuxal for the more vague "queer" when i started questioning again a few months ago. i had a billion different labels during the first few years questioning online and lesbian was one of them i vaguely remember having but it was a time of tumblr microlabeling which found me more confused than anything. iman incredibly late bloomer, 20 now and still dont rlly consider having a first kiss,,,, there was. girl but i dont like to count bc i was so uncomfortable and we were frenemies so i don't count it, since her i've had multiple opportunities to enter relationships w men which i constantly felt both intrigued and interested in but also entirely anxious and never comfortable enough to kiss them when they would try. i always chalked this up to some sort of "trauma" (light use of the word) or "cringe" thinking about the horrible experience from grade 10. most times i talk with men on dating apps there is definitely a form of disappointment or settling for a man, yet i convince myself im attracted to men bc i dream about indie boys of tiktok or guys in bands i think about, plus growing up on tumblr the main introduction being an overt sexualization of mlm, majority of that part of my growing sexuality was based around men, at a certain time i definitely related to that gross tumblr post about "i'm not attracted to men as a woman im attracted to men as a gay man" but all the men i like are fictional or ideas i create within my head of who this man could be,,,,,,,,,,,i def want to go to a bunch of bars and make out with a bunch of women and men and just see what feels comfortable but coronavirus and anxiety are making that a little complex. there is also something to be said about me getting a huge crush on a girl who is a lesbian and internalizing the biphobic jokes and KAM mentality making me feel as though being bi isn't valid through my own skewed lense of feeling "not gay enough" to have any say within the community or feeling as though i have to prove myself gay enough to be in a space........at this moment i doubt i'll be able to figure this out myself without dating women and men,,,,,which is not looking likely or easy within the next 6 months,,,,,,,,, anyways, some fun rambings
My “crushes” on boys ranged from any boy that was nice to me, boys I only liked after my friends told me they liked them, and only liking them after I realized they like me first. It was very much based on male validate/flattery and I’m just now coming to terms with that. *Edit: I forgot to include unattainable. It didn’t help that nearly any time I become friends with a guy, my parents would ask if I liked him. Which obviously would make me uncomfortable and then second guess myself.
y'all honestly deserve wayyyyyyyy more views tbh, your videos are great
Thank you 💓💓💓
These videos are so helpful and they have really helped me accept my sexuality (just recently came out as lesbian to my friends!) Thank you so much for posting them
Amanda Thompson you’re welcome. Congrats to you!!
This is so comforting 🥺
The attraction to men part of the doc is the part that hits most for me 🤭
I cant tell if I’m lesbian bi or pan but when my friend asked if I was lesbian I said I was confused, and she took that as a yes- 👁👄👁
The picking the one random guy that no one liked was and has been a huuuuuge thing I did right up until my last relationship with a man. Id always seek out the guy who wasn't getting attention and almost decide that I liked them. Girls however, make me break out in a sweat, and shake 😂 im 23 and I am still confused, im, sexually ambiguous haha
i cant tell you how helpful the doc was for me for the longest time ive struggled with fully accepting i was gay i always told people i was bi it seemed easier for me to claim than gay but deep down i always knew i was a lezbo lol ty guys so much!
I'm really glad you touched on different genders. I grew up in a very conservative household, but my mom wasn't directly strict on general roles, though the socialization were inked into everything. Growing up kinda isolated, I just did my own thing that I was most comfortable with, not fitting into things but not having the language for it either. It wasn't until I started deconstructing things that I starred to come to terms with my identity
I may be a sapphic. I realised after me and my best friend got drunk and asked each other out now I’m stuck on how to make her my gf but it all makes sense now 👁👄👁 like so many things 🥺 including comphet and dating men whilst thinking of kissing girls
I ID'd as bisexual for a really long time, then a couple of years ago, I realized I wad pansexual.
I've been questioning myself once again the last few months. Two nights ago I read the doc and cried. Read it again, even slower, yesterday morning. I'm realizing soooo much about myself.
I look forward to this series.
watching this at 2 am, having a mental breakdown lmaooo peace out
Looking back I think the fact that I used to look at Playboy when I was around 9/10 should have been a big clue. 🤔
Two spirit is something from native culture I recommend looking it up!
Oooh definitely looking that up thank you
I was questioning for months and the master doc was just the icing on the cake for me, still working things out but i'm certain, oh and thank you btw, it's through you I even knew the doc was a thing!!
This series are so accurate, I suffer a lot with Comphet and doubt about what I really want everyday but when I hear you both talking I feel so relief. Like I know I want to be with women but I feel like a fake lesbian bc all this things you are talking about and seeing other lesbians discuss about this just feels so right and safe, thank you so much 💖
i just ate dinner, but now that y'all are telling me to grab a snack im rlly about to move out my comfortable ass bed to do so 😭😭
i feel so safe here
Bro, it's just so comfortable to watch you talking and stuff, I was just looking for it, bc I'm trying to find myself, but I couldn't find black girls talking about lesbian things and etc, so thanks a lot and kisses from Brazil 🧡🧡
I love what you both have to say about this. I’m new to these concepts but I’m now interested to learn more!! It feels a bit complicated as a nonbinary person tho
I feel like when I was younger I got the concept of more than 2 genders but then the internet and "cringe culture" sort of shamed me back into a more binary thinking and now I'm still unlearning that
LOVE THIS TOPIC FAM
Just found this. Y'all are so amazing and genuine I love this!
Im at 7:47
As a bi woman I expirience com-het. Its like I get this anxiety whenever men come around and I am hyper aware of myself.
Awww that intro, thank you I really needed that. 💖
I love you guys! You seem like so much fun, and I love your outfits
Thank you 🥺
Im 13 years old and consider myself a lesbian, I’ve switched through sexualities like bi-pan because I always thought I was attracted to men, but it was just comphet. I still wonder if I’m even lesbian and sometimes uncomfortable with how I was wired to like women..im still growing to accept my sexuality, but sometimes the normalized homophobia in my 8th grade classes made me so uncomfortable😢I wish I could speak up but it’s scary
Savonne or Alysse, do either of you know who is the author of the Lesbian Masterdoc? I would love to give credit to whom it's due. Keep up with the amazing content!! Great work
Thank you! I truly WISH I knew, I’ve search so I can credit them but from what I understand they use a variety of sources as well (they’re at the bottom of the doc) so I would maybe start there.
@@SavonnePearson thanks so much!
No problem!
Look up thediabolicalfeminist on Tumblr! I believe the masterdoc was started by her and a few other people, basically it's a compilation of their posts where they listed signs of comphet that they experienced
Aaaaahhhh - the giggle after Lezzzzzzzbianism - I giggled too.
This was interesting 💕new subbie
Glad you liked it! Welcome 🤗
Thank goodness for you two. I couldn't figure out how to Google this question or anything. Everything that comes up is about whether or not you are attracted to women. Even when I Google naked pictures of women to try and compare to naked pictures with men I can't get a full screen of just women no men in the pictures... I was like is this just me making things weird and complicated?
Is it possible to be both gynephilic and panromantic? I’m just figuring out.
I don’t know if someone has said this already but I just wanted to point out that you shouldn’t say “people that identify as they them” because we don’t identify as a pronoun, as you wouldn’t say people who identify as he she. Just say nonbinary people :)
exactly!!
❤️ you two are fabulous
I'm asexual and I thought I was panromantic but recently I've been noticing I just don't really like men. Like I've liked some in the past but I always talked myself into liking them rather than just liking them like happened with girls. And then I started considering the men my friends found attractive and looking at photos of them made me feel.. like.. bad. Like idk. Not right. Even though they're very beautiful. I just very much do not like them. I'm also demiromantic so this has been harder to figure out but uhhhh yeah I think I only like nonmen😭
Weirdo lol
Yhea I delt with men due to the convince it was tolerated and cause I had abandonment issues
So it was the quickest way to get someone
But if I had women choices like men in my environment at the time I wouldnt have dated men
This is great!🙌👏😄 Christians condemning homosexuals are not following what Jesus plainly said.
Yhea southern culture in Louisiana is the same
Awesome!💖 Luv Ya Lotz!💖
I'm glad so many people in the comments seem to be figuring this out before actually going out and trying to have sex with men that they're really only doing to see if they're actually into men...because when you're not that shit is so damaging and it sucks because it's not the guy's fault at all lol.
She’s sooo cute 🥹
Now i don't know if i am just antisocial and don't want to date anyone or i am Afraid of men
That’s not what anti social means lol
Recently I asked myself a question that sort of helped, basically I asked myself if I would "give up" sex with men if that meant I could relive the experience I once had of cuddling with a woman in the same bed but every night and well, the answer is very easily and quickly a yes. Only takes cuddling to top the idea of sex with men for me.
What I'm trying to say in a really long winded way here is if you find that past bad experiences with men are making you confused about your sexuality - I think you should just avoid trying to figure out how you feel about men for a while and figure out how you feel about women. After all, the definition of lesbian isn't "Women who refuse to date men because of previous trauma". (Although plenty of lesbians do have previous bad experiences with men, me included.) If you end up in a situation of kissing or being in bed with a woman for the first time and you don't get some sort of "Whoah, this is something I've literally never felt before" feeling, probably followed some time after by "why the fuck did I waste so much of my life trying to make dating men work out" that's probably because you are actually attracted to men, and have already felt that before.
i turned the 999 into 1k, that was so satisfying :)
hey i know im kinda late to this but if you two are cisgender (not trans) - you can't say the t slur. it's a slur that the trans community has reclaimed. cis people have ridiculed trans people for years with that slur so it's kind of downgrading when a cis person says it.
also just saying that there are more than 3 genders if y'all didn't make it clear! look it up! nonbinary genders are such an interesting subject and it's a shame that no one really talks about them.
yup!
Sounds like they were saying it in the conversation regarding how society saw transgenders & spoke about them, at that particular time.
If you’re looking to be offended, you’ll find it everytime. 👌🏽
I'm a man and I just watch this because a lesbian girl keeps bugging me... kinda thinks she like me
I really wish yall would get to the fucking point. Im here for a reason. Don't got time for the circus show
Then get the fuck on
You heard of 2x speed? TH-cam algorithm favors longer videos. Get mad at them if anybody lol.
I was introduced to this doc recently and it has changed my life.