My sister would make up stuff that goes along with what we’re talking about, that never happened. Then that’s the gaslighting. I get off the phone wondering where in the hell she get that? Well, I know now. She does whatever she can to make me feel bad if there’s someway to get in, she’ll get in and if there’s not she’ll make away.
Hello Danish, a few months ago I filed for divorce. I had had it!!! I had no idea I was married to a narc. Your channel and a couple others have educated me on these evil folks!! He was removed Friday and I am now, on my way to healing!! Thank you sir, please keep educating us all of these awful, abusive individuals. God bless.....❤
...he was removed...like a parasite, leech. And power and control scary shit to get their way, dig in more. Take over your home, take or break your things, etc. Hope you avoided most or all. Good for you now 👍✨🤝
My mom recently passed away in June and my husband of 26 years said almost the same exact thing he did. I recently realized my husband is a narcissist thanks to my daughter who also married one and is filing for divorce after 2 years. My husband hasn’t yelled at me since April since I confronted him but these videos helped me a lot and now I’m not playing his mind games and he’s better but still has the need to complain but I’m not listening lol
1,000 percent. I find the ones who say that “you are stuck in the past” are the last ones to forgive or release a grudge. …. Ever. Because then it would stop being about them. … ironic.
One of the cruelest Narcs I ever met was a yoga instructor whose motto was Love and Light. I was her personal assistant and social media manager for the gym she owned. When I brought up the fact I had not received payment for my services, She admonished me, in front of others, for my negativity, and literally smacked the back of my head. I was her employee and 42 years old at the time. She was also my best friend up until that day for over four years.
The yoga and spiritual world is bursting at the seams with narcissists.. it’s the perfect arena for them to find wounded people to boss around, albeit under a think veil of ‘healing and healing’ Glad you got away
I spent the weekend on a vacation with healthy people, got home to immediately deal with my ex (my current roommate) who's a narcissist. It was like jumping into hypothermic water, going from being surrounded by healthy people, to the exact opposite. Separation has revealed to him that it's not actually me, becuz he still has the same problems regardless. So now it's the mental abuse, followed by the apologies, followed by him staying out of the house as much as possible (the avoidance). To anyone else going thru this, it's not you, and you're not alone. We can find a way out, we gotta keep trying. Don't give up.
Good day. I had a high school buddy visit me when I was about 32 years old. After about an hour of him hanging out at my house, he then left. I felt like I had been visited by the Tasmanian devil. Total monster. Lol. Smitty
Good to know what you said here. I’m a loner. Kind of recluse. Nobody ever comes to see me or say hi to me. I’m always reaching out. I have a history with my Marc sister. we’re family, but she’s a narcissist. And then I have a cousin who makes these hurting remarks to me. I did ask her self what you really think of me? I told her that’s in your head but that’s not me at all. And I tell her you don’t know me. I don’t know why she’s like that. And I’m to the point where I feel like I hate her. She made me cry the other day. I don’t know why she’s so damn mean. So I need to go out and make some friends and get with normal people. And I’m scared about it but I have to do something. I just wanna go around and sit and talk with people and have a good time.
Had I stayed with the last narcissist longer, I know this toxic positivity would have occurred. Fortunately, I ghosted and blocked the narcissist the very moment "love bombing" ended. That's the "advantage" of having been involved with 8 or 9 narcissists. Danish, thanks for warning us about these very hurtful types of treatment. 🙏
What is that, when they can't find a personal item, expect you to know where it is, get angry, suspecting you hid this uninteresting object and mumble to themself, 'yeah, as if I would gaslight myself?' They are frustrated and give you an evil stare. Nice way to start the day, even though you haven't even gotten out of bed. That can be very unmotivating.
I had a parent do this to me periodically as a child, accuse me of having the lost item over and over until I cried. The item would eventually be found and the apology rather cool and unauthentic. Because I was emotionally starved, I married an narc who turned out to br addicted and left after kids graduated. I found a gun left out from under the bed and fled for my life. He lies to people about the gun and of course they believe Mr Positivity. I have been healed of most of the PTSD but have lost a lot of memories, both good and bad but mostly the good ones. I really don't trust easily.
After 41 years of marriage I've figured out my husband is a "covert" narcissist. I'd only known of the overt type before but once I'd read about covert the light bulb went off. He uses "woe is me" and victim-hood to gain sympathy and attention especially from single women. He also uses my sympathy to get me to let him be and to back off when I"m letting him know his behavior is unacceptable. He's so good at expressing vulnerability, but I'm recognizing it now and falling for it anymore. He disregards what I say and denies everything he's said or done that doesn't make him look good, even when I have proof to back up what I'm saying (mainly emotional affairs with other woman). Everything is justified as just him being a good person to others and then turned back onto me, as being uncaring and then he points out any flaws he can think off. If I let him do his own thing, which I had for many years because I trusted him, he would run around as a single man doing whatever he wanted and come home only to rest and look a dutiful husband. His preference is to not talk to me, to treat me as invisible, as if I didn't exist, except to take care of the home and make meals. I'm financially trapped and working on how to navigate life with a covert narcissist.
If you are financially dependent on him, it will be hard, especially because of the long term marriage. But maybe if you can slowly get into becoming financially independent and first and then emotionally too; maybe it might help you out in leaving this marriage- and only if you wish to; because life of a single woman isn't all peachy always, especially in middle or later ages in any country. So first build your good social systems too, before thinking of any changes, and if you wish for any such changes. Much love, light and prayers to you! Can you also have faith that God will show you the step by step ways. I have a horrifying situationship currently; when the guy is this way - & though he loves me, but he seems to be always with women, codependent on them & doesn't have any appropriate emotional boundaries with them. And I on the other hand try to keep any other advances of men, away from me, when in a relationship like status with anyone! And if this happens in a marriage it would be too devastating to me, as my social connections are not the best- being raised in a family who doesn't understand my Independent or different than norm nature.
Get out any way you can you deserve to enjoy the last couple years of your life in peace this is exactly what I'm trying to do my ex-husband ruined my life for 42 years
@@lalithajandhyala5540 much love to you! It's not easy to get out of a toxic or manipulative marriage when women are financially dependent. But the question then is why and how to make the marriage better? Is there a room for change possible within the relationship - because sometimes a person can likely be only ocassionally narcisstic or selfish than a deliberately manipulative and withholding love based partner. You must ask yourself are you ready for some loneliness, heart ache, struggle with finances to get to what you ideally desire for with your core loving relationships? Or can the relationship dynamics you are in currently be slightly shifted by some different set of attitude or behavioral changes into both of you striving to make it a more loving relationship than it is. Some Narcissistic people don't change, but others may have the capacity to change, if we also change slightly and allow them the space to becoming more loving or caring or understanding towards us? And if it's seriously a toxic relationship that's got no meaningful resolutions, possible, is it really that hard for you to start anew? 34 years may seem a long time, but the other 34 years or more that you may still have to live; can get even longer, or tougher when people are with wrong kind of partners for them -who don't value their spouses for who they are or what they offer to them. And sometimes the love we have in our heart deserves to be expressed appropriately and whole heartedly with the partner who is best suited to understand and accept our love and vice versa. The kind of love that's harder or not sometimes possible with Narcissistic partners or those who are simply too selfish or egotistical to see their parts in a toxic relationship dynamics manifesting in their lives. And to begin anew can you take the begining steps first to start with gaining some financial independence and some soul searching on your present life and also the future life that you wish to have that would bring true contentment, love and joy to you?
@@espiritm9 Narcs get worse with age. Every single one. So absolutely no hope that the marriages would actually improve. Divorce laws vary depending on where you live. I don't live in the States and all divorces are considered 'no fault' and assets divided 50/50 until you can prove to a judge otherwise. On the surface this looks good but it means there is nothing stopping a spouse from having multiple affairs or being verbally and emotionally abusive. It's still 50/50 regardless. I divorced after 23 years of marriage. I'm in my mid 60s and working...probably forever. I think the best approach is to convince the narc it is to HIS advantage to divorce. Don't make him want to kill you or anything, but you need to know his personality well enough to convince him and also let him think he is getting the better deal on the settlement, but you'll let it go rather than incur expensive court costs on him :) Many are stupid enough to go for it.
I was confused for years after abuse, thinking you can't trust anyone, anyone can be an evil narc. But Danish, you and others have helped me to see that there ARE red flags and literally a life or death matter to notice them. It IS POSSIBLE to steer clear of narcs, just slow down and pay attention, don't get so easily distracted by the charm. Thank you...and you are very handsome Danish.
Yes exactly in order for you to actually think clearly in life you have to be paying attention to the people around you and exactly how they are and not sugarcoat anything about them. I pay attention to the Vibes I get and it serves me well
My ex wanted me to never have or bring up issues with him, but he damn sure kept bringing up things he ALLEGED I did (none of which I actually DID), and he said that I was minimalizing HIS concerns. No... I just didn't feel that I should let him call me a cheater when I was NOT cheating. I didn't think he should say I was lying when I was telling the truth (and could PROVE it).
My ex-narc was always trying to "catch" me doing things I didn't do as well. My suspicion after learning about these evil beings is that he was trying to "catch" me before I caught him doing REAL things. These people are just awful. That's why all of us victims are so mad about what happened to us. It's just wrong!
@@Jen-nc7fg YES!! Their accusations and unfounded suspicions are actually confessions. They DESPERATELY try to deflect and project so that we don't directly catch them. Even though they WILL try to find ways to tell on themselves, because they can't help outing themselves (just in weird, indirect ways, rather than outright confessing). And yes, you're right. What they do to us is f****d up, and we have EVERY right to be mad. They basically destroy us. We deserve SO much better!
Same. When I would express my boundaries it would immediately get dismissed as no big deal or just something e should move on from our even "stupid." But when he had a critique of me there was no way we could move on unless I agreed with him that what he perceived to be wrong was reality and I was wrong. My experience in the situation didn't matter and my explanations fell on def ears.
@@toothfairy430 exactly! We had to submit to their narratives and wills. We were never to argue and never criticize. And complaining? Forget it! I'm so sorry that you went through that, too!
my neighbor used to do this. this was before I knew what a narc was but she drove me to find out it was just utterly weird to have any kind of conversation with her, if I reminded her of something she had said earlier that contradicted what she just told me, she would say, "can't you move on? can't you quit living in the past?" instead of admitting or rectifying her conflicting statements. there was so much. one funny thing I did notice, she liked to portray herself as being the victim a lot, of being "bullied" and so put upon but I think it was to garner sympathy (she was incredibly critical and negative and bashed men a lot) and in her small bedroom she had it adorned with pictures of only HERSELF. I counted 14 and her room was small, so they were all over. I found that kind of odd. but yes, it was always "me" that had the problem if I questioned her different versions.
My wife took my toddler to snow without covering his head inspite of warning her multiple times to end up making poor kid hypothermic and faint with slowing heart. Them she panicked and kept shouting it's accident and accidents happen to everyone and we have to move on. When showing her the selfie pics taken with toddler in snow where the poor kid is looking terrible and nearly fainting for which she says I am making her to vomit and I am the one disgusting to show her these pictures and totally responsible for making her life miserable.
This kinda sounds like a deeper problem, maybe schizophrenia or something. Only therapy and possibly meds is gonna help this situation, honestly. Just think back, are there any other psychological symptoms that seem off, any more situations where she did something that didn't make any sense, then got super defensive about it? *not meaning to receive a reply, but just something for you to think about.
She loocked infant in room out of family view for a whe year ..put pacifier so that family for hear baby's voice...i Induced autism in a perfectly normal healthy kid...now going thru issues at school.....half killed the baby and it's brain and mind...shocking and very sad
My ex told me the emotions I was feeling are all in my head and I needed to learn how to control them ..when he saw that this tactic was working, he used the same argument when I told him I was exhausted and I would like to go to go on vacation with him somewhere to some beach. He told me my exhaustion is also in my head and I can control it. When he said that, I realized he was manipulating me this whole time.
Thank you. This is an eye opener. The more I am aware of narcistic manipulation, the more I am able to recognize it and keep myself from being manipulated and preserve my sanity.
I have been attacked by these lowlifes for a while. They will use whatever makes me happy against me or try to change me and make me feel the way they felt at one time in life. These people will gather all your life details and use it against you if they can, you're the most sickest ugliest types of people on planet earth, they want you to feel tormented and lonely and they want you to feel excluded because that's what narcissist do. They will use things that I use for myself against me and make me seem like the bad person when I try to defend myself. There is no way around these people except to just avoid them. They don't think like a normal person, they think and only ways to their own narcissistic Supply which is usually something so retarded that just makes you have a headache. They will compete against the smallest detail and then hate you just because of something
... for example - these people can ignore the end of life needs of a 20 yr old ESA. Perhaps, these individuals know that THIS is what will create the real reactive abuse they are looking for. And NOW they know for certain. And now, I do not care what happens to those I used to love with all of my heart and soul!! And now, they have lost more than they can afford to lose. They lost the best person they will ever know: ME. It is a choice they will live and die by. At this present time, I have no feelings for these people whatsoever except contempt.
Every teaching I've heard on forgiveness made it sound like the easiest and most obvious thing ever. It means don't make yourself miserable by holding onto bitterness. It doesn't mean serve Satan= bow down to the narcissist like they want you to 🤓
Forgiveness is easy once tou do it once , you can do it every time. You are right forgiveness is not to bow to the narc. Forgivness is pra ticino g sel-love but not in narcisisstic way. Xxx
@royabicher4318 They expect forgiveness but refuse to forgive anyone. Forgiveness requires real repentance but their ego is too high. Don't enable a toxic behavior.
The MODERN definition of forgiveness is 'don't hold a grudge'. What forgiveness used to mean was a PARDON. It was releasing THEM from their sin. So people who think of the original and actual REAL definition get tripped up by how people have changed the language. Whenever you hear FORGIVE think DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE. The sin is still there. Where there is no repentance, there is no forgiveness. Otherwise you are an enabler and giving permission to repeat the offense. Don't hold a grudge.
@@l.5832 I appreciate the good comments. It's nice to know there are people out there who get it. ....Even if I don't think about any past sins nor hold a grudge, their future is going to be full of crap unless they repent. It's not about unforgiveness at all, the narcissist is using that word to try to control you.
I have several of these people in my life and they will never change. I can literally feel the lack of empathy coming from them and it is a hard feeling to handle
It is actually insane how effective the strategy really is. Because if you don't actively remember and remind yourself - they *will* succeed. Because it *will* affect your sense of reality, your general ability to stand up to others, and your perception of your own ability to understand social situations.
Oh, damn.. This type of gaslight seems pretty much what my narcissist "friend" did when i confronted him about acting very different and distant lately.. Telling me i had nothing to worry about and even claiming it was probably just me feeling depressed just to later go back at being avoidant. These videos convince me once more i did the right thing just cutting all ties and contact.
I so deeply wish I had understood what narcissism really was earlier in my life. I had both parents that were narcissistic and my first husband. After I divorced my first husband I even dated for 10 years before remarrying. That entire time it was one narcissist after the other. Friends, work mates, bosses, boyfriends - - - narcissism for 49 years of my life. I applaud you for making this channel to raise awareness and help others heal. It is a tragic situation that very few people understand, to be the victim of narcissistic abuse and how the nicer you are, the more you draw the predators to you like a moth to a flame. Once I became an adult and figured out that this was the source of my problems with my parents, 100% they have been on a toxic positivity campaign. My sister, nor myself can say anything honest to either one without hearing "life is too short" or "that happened in the past, you should let it go". Thank you for all of your work!
The real crazy thing is they often pretend to not understand something you say. Even though it's totally clear, there's nothing you could not understand about it because it is just something that happened. But they will not accept it, and say something like I need context for that. Even if you have already told them about the context. You can't have a normal communication with these people, it's like you have to explain yourself all the time and they still don't get it because they actually don't want to get it. So it's better not to communicate at all with these people to protect yourself from this bullshit.
My bf of 3 years has said all of these phrases to me! I debate whether its me or him cause i get triggered emotionally at times and usually hes done it using my childhood trauma also or triangulation. I want to mirror them back so badly but Gods told me not to!
My ex said that he couldn't take my negativity. Granted I fully warned him that I could be seen as either a pessimist or realist depending on how honest they were with life. I had undiagnosed adhd so I knew I had struggles and what I knew of them I shared right up front. They used that as one of the reasons why they broke up with me. All of the reasons were centered around me. Not how we fit together. He posted something to the effect of "your job does not suck, your relationship is not bad, your home life is not troubled ‐ it's just your negative thinking" and I just about threw up at the blatant lie that is. So if that's the case he should've never seen the need to dump me, he just needed to think little more positively about our future. The smoke they blow up their own butt as well as the people around them is phenomenal.
I survived this tipe of narc. My roomate whas a Narcistic Hoarder who also had a dog and a cat, everytime I complained about the cleaning and her responsibilities she would use this toxic posivity and portrayed me as a neurotic and abusive person. The house was a mess full of dog feces and flies, I could spend an entire day cleaning and in the next day the house was full of her clothes, rotten food, and the smell... She was a trauma survivor as well as me, and I tought she was healing from the abuse of her family. When I really met her and started living togerher I found her true personality, she was exactly as her mother, an avoidant escapist who only wanted to live in parties, meeting new people, running from her reality. One thing about narcisistic personalities is that they allways want to feel exited, she ran accross the city looking for extreme and happy things to do, meanwhile I was in charge of feeding her pets. She was very abusive with her pets, she never fed them, they were dirty, full of infections, the dog was very old and sick and needed company, I fell sad for the animals and alowed her to let me the full responsability of taking care for them, meanwhile she was all day out being careless and happy with her tons of friends. Her social media was full of lies about how wonderfull her life was, she was the most happiest person online and was allways helping others through charities, conecting with others and organizing meetings to help hopeless people from the streets. It was al a facade, she couldn't even wash her dishes. Her gaslighting and her manipulation techniques did'nt let me see the full reality of the situation, I survived for three years through that whole mess until I could'nt anymore, I am the villain of this story. Every common friend thinks that I was a horrible person for leaving. After a while I discovered that she hoarded dirty cat sand with feces and rotten food and also had several conflicts with the neighbors. I am healing from all this now and I can only give one advise, with a narcisist look for their actions, not their words. Actions say what a person's true personality is.
One of the best videos on narcissistic abuse thankyou...hope is a dangerous emotion because I always hope for validation and support and it's never coming, always ignored, attacked or deliberately left out. Npd is so cruel and the people who have it do not want to know.
Omggggggg my mother says "life is beautiful" and literally it's soooooooooooo nauseating when she says it !!!!!!!! Omg I can feel my stomach churn when she is in that mode.
Great video! I'm so glad people are talking about the toxic positivity game. Everybody says they are shame avoidant. I don't think so. They honestly have no shame. They are at the emotional level of a 2-5 year old, and can't see anything from another's point of view anymore than a 5 year could. And truly think they are all that matters, and others exist on earth to give them things and do things for them and make them "happy". I don't think it's a mental illness but a spiritual illness, and free will choice. They choose to only care about themselves. Many were the golden child, and their parents' world revolved around them, and they were never told no or asked to do anything. That's bad parenting of course. It's mind blowing how baffled they are if the other person expresses that they matter too. It's literally incomprehensible to them. I keep seeing narc men who are unmistakably looking for a mommy. I don't think they are shame aboudant but just have no shame.
A woman I met, who is very spiritual, as we say today (and there is no doubt, that unbelievable things happen to her, or when I was with her). She ones said to me (I just remembered this part): "....you will be thankful, that your mother beat you." That hit me hard. I don't understand what I should be thankful for. And one time as we met by chance. I looked at her and the air around her turned dark, her eyes were shimmering. She also appeared in my recent dream. I felt disrespect from her as how she moved in my dream. I don't know how to think about that.
This is amazing...spot on! Thank you so much, Danish, for explaining things in such a clear way, for putting into words what some of us already instinctively know but find it hard to verbalise or write down. The work you are doing is invaluable and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. This stuff should be taught in schools , so that so many of us didnt have to learn the hard way . Much love to you and everyone on here ❤
You describe my family of origin so well. Thank you for your channel. It’s helping me accept that things are not going to change for the better. I have to accept the reality that they have no desire to address the toxic and generational trauma in our family system. I will continue to work on letting them go and turning to the people in my life that want to have a healthy relationship!
Thank you for this vid, yes I had experienced this with my narc way to long now, mine won't give closure for stuff that I need closure on and he just want me to move forward put it under carpet stop being negative, he then says you never positive, and says why can't you just not bring those up again, I have tried so many ways to just let it go, but since I had learned about narcist, I had also now understanding, these individuals will never change give you closure or stop doing what they doing, best advice I got from channels like yours is to leave them, iam getting there slowly to be free from him hopefully soon, thank you your topic is so relatable 🙏🙏
Thank you Danish! Truly appreciate you and your work here! I’ve long understood that toxic positivity is quite a thing and tool for the narcissist to use to further deny, deflect, and delegitimize their “subject”. Most recently I noticed toxic positivity is a very big and grandiose way by/from my previous work manager and work colleagues. It was SOOOOO twisted and gross. I felt like I was from another planet w these people and it literally made me sick in various ways (depressed, galbladder disease, adrenal fatigue syndrome, etc) Truly disgusting how these ppl operate and destroy others without any cares except their own. I had the great privilege of quitting that job as well as leaving the whole corporate bullshit Death Star…I mean, work force 😂 Getting away from these ppl is really the only way to go for your own healing and to foster your own abilities to thrive in health and to thrive in life here… Love and healing to all that are learning, growing, and navigating through toxicity of any/all kinds ❤of
Danish.. Thank you for digging deep into your own survival journey and even as i listen to you, i feel triggered as i identify with SO much of what you say and it has left me so much trauma and hurt... I myself used to escape or try to escape from my pains, till i realised its impossible to move on without confronting my inner turmoils head on...
Good evening. This was spot on. Thank you for your expertise and videos. Smitty. I am a machinery mechanic. Right now I am watching one of my big supervisors coming apart. I compare him to an electric motor. When an electric motor gets older/weak, it keeps drawing more and more power/electricity till it fries itself. It shorts out and catches on fire. Poof. And then I just toss it in the dumpster. Lol
You have to literally trick your brain when dealing with these parasites. That's why you go through so much neurologically. I'm 39 and recently kicked my narc husband to the curb and I'm never going back. I have absolutely no attraction at all whatsoever to this man and I despise we have a child together because I can't go no contact. I do not trust anybody and look at everybody sideways and I know that's not exactly healthy. I can barely have a casual conversation with a man without having anxiety. 😅 I laugh because as I'm binge watching this channel, I have come to the realization that I have been touched by a Narcissist and I'm not all okay but I will get there. I'm learning to stop being myself up for allowing this to happen to me because I need me and do does my children. If there's anybody else that's giving you flack, hope they run into and fall in love with a narcissist😅
I never understood that with my mother she would tell me I’m being negativity and Then gaslight and invalidate me and the give me the silent treatment. But if I didn’t something she thought was wrong she wanted to talk about it constantly and would always bring up everything I did wrong in the past. I remember that last time I asked her why she she bringing up my past, and she said Becaue was everybody was a past that’s why and so I brought up her past and she got so mad then said she don’t like dealing with drama… I just laughed really hard on her face because i realize she was full of crap and really believe what she was saying
One thing I noted regarding narcissists through direct and indirect experience is that once they face their own mortality (generally happens when through aging coupled with some medical pronouncement of life-threatening illness) they tend to seek an absolution of all their misdeeds acted out on family members. They will make a vague apology circumscribed by a pronouncement that they will not entertain any further discussion. Further, this confession is done in a dramatic fashion; the gathering of family members at one setting. The apology is issued to the group, not individually, then brushed away. The narcissist unburdens his/her self of any wrongdoing. THEIR version of wiping the slate clean. Victims are thus barred from recalling the past from their viewpoint.
Wow, you were exactly on target with this video! My narcissist late husband was using toxic positivity on his deathbed to continue his delusion that he was so smart and successful in his life. He'd shortened his life by decades with his refusal to accept any advice from me, leading him to have a near-fatal accident some years earlier with resulting permanent physical limitations. So as he lay dying from yet another accident, he was exclaiming that he "wouldn't have done anything differently" while I listened in disbelief nearby. The earlier debilitating accident, the later accident and series of his jaw-dropping idiotic mistakes that led towards his death, all of that had magically disappeared from his ego-dominated memory, and he "had no regrets, wouldn't change a thing"... (He said things to that effect, several times, before he died.)
I agree with everything you said Danish. This is exactly what narcisists do. The only way to heal from the narcisistic abuse is to refuse to be dragged into their false reality trans like nightmare. Narcisists live in, act out and direct a horror show. Whoever gets infected by their insanity gets detached fron reality and ends up trapped in their dark world.
I love this video. My feelings would be left unattended and ignored and neglected most of the time. I think during my lifetime I had to suffer a lot and not knowing how I feel and questioning myself because no one cared how I felt. And I never get to tell anybody my feelings because I am so used to feeling neglected and told not to feel. I am used to the enmeshment that these types of horrible people use on their victims. They have no clue how much damage they can do to somebody. Or do they care, they are so caught up in their own selfish mind I feel sick when I think about these types of people. It is a poison to even look at somebody like this. I learned to trust my instincts around people now and really get to know somebody first before ever talking to anybody. I think all the years of feeling like nobody caring how I feel lead to a lot of depression anxiety and other emotional problems that selfish rich people don't understand. They're lack of empathy and affection is like being shot in the chest and never healing because they are so toxic, these types of people love to know how bad they hurt their victim. They will never apologize or care about anybody except themselves or anybody that can give to them.
This is the Truth, life experience with a Narcissist tells me this is the truth. If you want to please the Narcissist you must become one of them. Leaving your real self behind.
I feel being conditioned first my family and then by the guy I love to forgive, forget , let go of their hurtful nonsense. I keep finding excuses for their B. S. Which I find ridiculous.🤔🙄🥺 Thank you Danish for the explanation and clarity. 🎯
I can 100% relate to whatever you just said, i Amgoing through this...my partner always wants me to prioritize him, please him and Obey everything whatever he says,and remain silent all the time. And whenever i try to talk to him, he ignores, tells me to stay QUIET, blames me as a CAUSE of everything, and starts to talk about irrelevant stuff, just to distract me from talking about his Toxic and sick behavior.
“I must be doing something wrong, I must be like them - to be positive and happy”. Yes they’re not happy nor positive, they just don’t want you to have a voice and personality. So true, it’s a collective gaslighting they’re throwing at you. Sad if parents are like that and only as an adult and often a parent yourself - only then you begin to see the truth and see them for who they truly are. Videos like yours are extremely helpful and healing ❤️🩹 Thank you, Danish, for being the Light and the truth teller - they hate us truth tellers for sure, because they’re too weak to face the truth.
Narcisist thought me how lucky I am. Without these narcs perhaps i could have archieved more in live because some do all to steal your time, to demotivate you. But still I play in 3 orchestras, meet many nice people , have many fantastic friends. 1 friend , whose wife and daughter died, even left me his house. Even though the house is not perfect I meet alse the jealous cats and dogs. Then i think: you where 1 making my life bad, now i think : Puh, nicely puh .thank you for your video, to show us how narcisists are just idiots. Should go to mammie ant reeducate themselves. But i doubt if they feel pain.
You posted this the same day I cut my sperm donor off. Now he and the birth giver are blocked everywhere. Your video is so spot on with what I was going through yesterday. He doesn't get it and doesn't want to. I got so tired of the one sided relationship. I'm the daughter but I'm expected to do all the emotional heavy lifting. Both my so-called parents are awful monsters. I'm moving on so I can have better relationships with other people.
He said I was a burden to people because of my fear over a cancer scare I had. He said I bummed him out and that I could have handled my fear in a different way. Even after finding out it wasn’t cancer, he still left. Things didn’t work out “smoothly” for him. He even told me before I found out I didn’t have cancer that there would have been no point in dating me if I had it.
My husband says it uniquely as "falling into the trap of - I am right" Total nonsense. He is just trying to reverse right and wrong that way. Hope he realizes his folly and become a good human being
I thought that since "he" did not bring up issues that they weren't really issues and I should move on. But, I would be wounded for weeks. He knew this. He said this. For some reason it never occured to me that he wasn't making mistakes to hurt me. He was doing it because that's who he is and on purpose. Just when the tension in my chest would release he would say or do something horrible. When I would talk about he would say that he did not want to focus on the past. He wanted to focus on the future. That I should be more positive and everything would be okay. We would be okay. It was exhausting. I finally decided that he was more than welcome to live like he wanted. But I wanted a different kind of relationship. I did not want to stuff my feelings. I did not want thicker skin. I wanted to have words and actions from a partner that helped me grow. I like it that I have feelings.
Could you do a talk about the mother who infantilizes her whole family? From interpretation of motivations, (if it's not for me, it's just for fun) the spouse, the adult children, the adult grandchildren even, are viewed in the most childish of reasonings, while trying to maintain authority of expectations.
Dale Carnegie Master and Creator of the Book ,"Positive Thinking" Wasn't Wrong. Danish 🦅🏆 Champion Isn't Wrong It is ,How One uses Positivity. Manipulation is a Thing .. I believe in myself Positively..and it was my Armor against the constant devaluation from the Narc . I constantly had to focus on those Positive Teachings to survive and still do . Weaponized Positivity 🤔 Wow , how low can they Really Go? 🦅🏆😎
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I spent my whole life thinking I was ‘negative’ turns out I was just being gaslit..
@Anna. 💯
As it was for me...
Yes 😢
@@12342087 "toxic positivity" another manipulation to attempt to control the scenario...
My sister would make up stuff that goes along with what we’re talking about, that never happened. Then that’s the gaslighting. I get off the phone wondering where in the hell she get that? Well, I know now. She does whatever she can to make me feel bad if there’s someway to get in, she’ll get in and if there’s not she’ll make away.
They provoke you and then they tell you to calm down and breath.
“Let it go!” I’ve learned to hate that line. Narcissist: Don’t bring it up ever again so that I can escape accountability.
Hello Danish, a few months ago I filed for divorce. I had had it!!! I had no idea I was married to a narc. Your channel and a couple others have educated me on these evil folks!! He was removed Friday and I am now, on my way to healing!! Thank you sir, please keep educating us all of these awful, abusive individuals. God bless.....❤
Ladies and gentlemen we have a winner 🏆, aren't you awesome, congrats! I'm still married, went from the pot and into the frying pan, you sound grand!🎉
...he was removed...like a parasite, leech. And power and control scary shit to get their way, dig in more. Take over your home, take or break your things, etc. Hope you avoided most or all. Good for you now 👍✨🤝
I’m so very happy for you! Good work!
I did it afraid, but I did it..........
My mom recently passed away in June and my husband of 26 years said almost the same exact thing he did. I recently realized my husband is a narcissist thanks to my daughter who also married one and is filing for divorce after 2 years. My husband hasn’t yelled at me since April since I confronted him but these videos helped me a lot and now I’m not playing his mind games and he’s better but still has the need to complain but I’m not listening lol
They totally avoid the real cause of the problems. She tries to make me the crazy one.
Your right 💯
❤❤
❤❤
1,000 percent. I find the ones who say that “you are stuck in the past” are the last ones to forgive or release a grudge. …. Ever. Because then it would stop being about them. …
ironic.
One of the cruelest Narcs I ever met was a yoga instructor whose motto was Love and Light. I was her personal assistant and social media manager for the gym she owned. When I brought up the fact I had not received payment for my services, She admonished me, in front of others, for my negativity, and literally smacked the back of my head. I was her employee and 42 years old at the time. She was also my best friend up until that day for over four years.
The yoga and spiritual world is bursting at the seams with narcissists.. it’s the perfect arena for them to find wounded people to boss around, albeit under a think veil of ‘healing and healing’
Glad you got away
*thin veil
@Hella. She always knew she had hate in her heart - like all narcs do. ❤ God Bless You.
I spent the weekend on a vacation with healthy people, got home to immediately deal with my ex (my current roommate) who's a narcissist. It was like jumping into hypothermic water, going from being surrounded by healthy people, to the exact opposite. Separation has revealed to him that it's not actually me, becuz he still has the same problems regardless. So now it's the mental abuse, followed by the apologies, followed by him staying out of the house as much as possible (the avoidance). To anyone else going thru this, it's not you, and you're not alone. We can find a way out, we gotta keep trying. Don't give up.
Good day. I had a high school buddy visit me when I was about 32 years old. After about an hour of him hanging out at my house, he then left. I felt like I had been visited by the Tasmanian devil. Total monster. Lol. Smitty
Did he try to stop you from going? They hate when you're around healthy people because it exposes them as the problem. That's why they isolate you
Good to know what you said here. I’m a loner. Kind of recluse. Nobody ever comes to see me or say hi to me. I’m always reaching out. I have a history with my Marc sister. we’re family, but she’s a narcissist. And then I have a cousin who makes these hurting remarks to me. I did ask her self what you really think of me? I told her that’s in your head but that’s not me at all. And I tell her you don’t know me. I don’t know why she’s like that. And I’m to the point where I feel like I hate her. She made me cry the other day. I don’t know why she’s so damn mean. So I need to go out and make some friends and get with normal people. And I’m scared about it but I have to do something. I just wanna go around and sit and talk with people and have a good time.
I almost gave up. Did not think I could take anymore. Today, I feel so much better. My bad days now are better than my good days then.
Had I stayed with the last narcissist longer, I know this toxic positivity would have occurred. Fortunately, I ghosted and blocked the narcissist the very moment "love bombing" ended. That's the "advantage" of having been involved with 8 or 9 narcissists. Danish, thanks for warning us about these very hurtful types of treatment. 🙏
The fact that you can keep trying is a testament to your resilience. Stay strong and keep that poison blocked.
@@toothfairy430 Thank you! 🥰
What is that, when they can't find a personal item, expect you to know where it is, get angry, suspecting you hid this uninteresting object and mumble to themself, 'yeah, as if I would gaslight myself?' They are frustrated and give you an evil stare. Nice way to start the day, even though you haven't even gotten out of bed. That can be very unmotivating.
I had a parent do this to me periodically as a child, accuse me of having the lost item over and over until I cried. The item would eventually be found and the apology rather cool and unauthentic. Because I was emotionally starved, I married an narc who turned out to br addicted and left after kids graduated. I found a gun left out from under the bed and fled for my life. He lies to people about the gun and of course they believe Mr Positivity. I have been healed of most of the PTSD but have lost a lot of memories, both good and bad but mostly the good ones. I really don't trust easily.
After 41 years of marriage I've figured out my husband is a "covert" narcissist. I'd only known of the overt type before but once I'd read about covert the light bulb went off. He uses "woe is me" and victim-hood to gain sympathy and attention especially from single women. He also uses my sympathy to get me to let him be and to back off when I"m letting him know his behavior is unacceptable. He's so good at expressing vulnerability, but I'm recognizing it now and falling for it anymore. He disregards what I say and denies everything he's said or done that doesn't make him look good, even when I have proof to back up what I'm saying (mainly emotional affairs with other woman). Everything is justified as just him being a good person to others and then turned back onto me, as being uncaring and then he points out any flaws he can think off. If I let him do his own thing, which I had for many years because I trusted him, he would run around as a single man doing whatever he wanted and come home only to rest and look a dutiful husband. His preference is to not talk to me, to treat me as invisible, as if I didn't exist, except to take care of the home and make meals. I'm financially trapped and working on how to navigate life with a covert narcissist.
If you are financially dependent on him, it will be hard, especially because of the long term marriage. But maybe if you can slowly get into becoming financially independent and first and then emotionally too; maybe it might help you out in leaving this marriage- and only if you wish to; because life of a single woman isn't all peachy always, especially in middle or later ages in any country. So first build your good social systems too, before thinking of any changes, and if you wish for any such changes. Much love, light and prayers to you! Can you also have faith that God will show you the step by step ways.
I have a horrifying situationship currently; when the guy is this way - & though he loves me, but he seems to be always with women, codependent on them & doesn't have any appropriate emotional boundaries with them.
And I on the other hand try to keep any other advances of men, away from me, when in a relationship like status with anyone! And if this happens in a marriage it would be too devastating to me, as my social connections are not the best- being raised in a family who doesn't understand my Independent or different than norm nature.
Get out any way you can you deserve to enjoy the last couple years of your life in peace this is exactly what I'm trying to do my ex-husband ruined my life for 42 years
After 34 years, I am also dependent on him financially... At this age don't know how to manage myself without savings.
@@lalithajandhyala5540 much love to you! It's not easy to get out of a toxic or manipulative marriage when women are financially dependent. But the question then is why and how to make the marriage better? Is there a room for change possible within the relationship - because sometimes a person can likely be only ocassionally narcisstic or selfish than a deliberately manipulative and withholding love based partner.
You must ask yourself are you ready for some loneliness, heart ache, struggle with finances to get to what you ideally desire for with your core loving relationships?
Or can the relationship dynamics you are in currently be slightly shifted by some different set of attitude or behavioral changes into both of you striving to make it a more loving relationship than it is. Some Narcissistic people don't change, but others may have the capacity to change, if we also change slightly and allow them the space to becoming more loving or caring or understanding towards us?
And if it's seriously a toxic relationship that's got no meaningful resolutions, possible, is it really that hard for you to start anew?
34 years may seem a long time, but the other 34 years or more that you may still have to live; can get even longer, or tougher when people are with wrong kind of partners for them -who don't value their spouses for who they are or what they offer to them.
And sometimes the love we have in our heart deserves to be expressed appropriately and whole heartedly with the partner who is best suited to understand and accept our love and vice versa. The kind of love that's harder or not sometimes possible with Narcissistic partners or those who are simply too selfish or egotistical to see their parts in a toxic relationship dynamics manifesting in their lives.
And to begin anew can you take the begining steps first to start with gaining some financial independence and some soul searching on your present life and also the future life that you wish to have that would bring true contentment, love and joy to you?
@@espiritm9 Narcs get worse with age. Every single one. So absolutely no hope that the marriages would actually improve. Divorce laws vary depending on where you live. I don't live in the States and all divorces are considered 'no fault' and assets divided 50/50 until you can prove to a judge otherwise. On the surface this looks good but it means there is nothing stopping a spouse from having multiple affairs or being verbally and emotionally abusive. It's still 50/50 regardless. I divorced after 23 years of marriage. I'm in my mid 60s and working...probably forever. I think the best approach is to convince the narc it is to HIS advantage to divorce. Don't make him want to kill you or anything, but you need to know his personality well enough to convince him and also let him think he is getting the better deal on the settlement, but you'll let it go rather than incur expensive court costs on him :) Many are stupid enough to go for it.
I was confused for years after abuse, thinking you can't trust anyone, anyone can be an evil narc. But Danish, you and others have helped me to see that there ARE red flags and literally a life or death matter to notice them. It IS POSSIBLE to steer clear of narcs, just slow down and pay attention, don't get so easily distracted by the charm. Thank you...and you are very handsome Danish.
Yes exactly in order for you to actually think clearly in life you have to be paying attention to the people around you and exactly how they are and not sugarcoat anything about them. I pay attention to the Vibes I get and it serves me well
These people are exhausting. I can’t wait to be free and finally in peace. Well wishes to everyone going through this!
My ex wanted me to never have or bring up issues with him, but he damn sure kept bringing up things he ALLEGED I did (none of which I actually DID), and he said that I was minimalizing HIS concerns. No... I just didn't feel that I should let him call me a cheater when I was NOT cheating. I didn't think he should say I was lying when I was telling the truth (and could PROVE it).
My ex-narc was always trying to "catch" me doing things I didn't do as well. My suspicion after learning about these evil beings is that he was trying to "catch" me before I caught him doing REAL things. These people are just awful. That's why all of us victims are so mad about what happened to us. It's just wrong!
@@Jen-nc7fg YES!! Their accusations and unfounded suspicions are actually confessions. They DESPERATELY try to deflect and project so that we don't directly catch them. Even though they WILL try to find ways to tell on themselves, because they can't help outing themselves (just in weird, indirect ways, rather than outright confessing).
And yes, you're right. What they do to us is f****d up, and we have EVERY right to be mad. They basically destroy us. We deserve SO much better!
Same. When I would express my boundaries it would immediately get dismissed as no big deal or just something e should move on from our even "stupid." But when he had a critique of me there was no way we could move on unless I agreed with him that what he perceived to be wrong was reality and I was wrong. My experience in the situation didn't matter and my explanations fell on def ears.
@@toothfairy430 exactly! We had to submit to their narratives and wills. We were never to argue and never criticize. And complaining? Forget it!
I'm so sorry that you went through that, too!
Danish is the only one who can explain and give examples of the exact signs and symptoms 100% spot on
my neighbor used to do this. this was before I knew what a narc was but she drove me to find out
it was just utterly weird to have any kind of conversation with her, if I reminded her of something she had said earlier that contradicted what she just told me, she would say, "can't you move on? can't you quit living in the past?" instead of admitting or rectifying her conflicting statements. there was so much. one funny thing I did notice, she liked to portray herself as being the victim a lot, of being "bullied" and so put upon but I think it was to garner sympathy (she was incredibly critical and negative and bashed men a lot) and in her small bedroom she had it adorned with pictures of only HERSELF. I counted 14 and her room was small, so they were all over. I found that kind of odd. but yes, it was always "me" that had the problem if I questioned her different versions.
My wife took my toddler to snow without covering his head inspite of warning her multiple times to end up making poor kid hypothermic and faint with slowing heart. Them she panicked and kept shouting it's accident and accidents happen to everyone and we have to move on. When showing her the selfie pics taken with toddler in snow where the poor kid is looking terrible and nearly fainting for which she says I am making her to vomit and I am the one disgusting to show her these pictures and totally responsible for making her life miserable.
Oh gosh I am so sorry. That must have been a worrying time. Hope the toddler is well now. Poor baby
Police. No contact. 😱😡
This kinda sounds like a deeper problem, maybe schizophrenia or something. Only therapy and possibly meds is gonna help this situation, honestly. Just think back, are there any other psychological symptoms that seem off, any more situations where she did something that didn't make any sense, then got super defensive about it? *not meaning to receive a reply, but just something for you to think about.
She loocked infant in room out of family view for a whe year ..put pacifier so that family for hear baby's voice...i
Induced autism in a perfectly normal healthy kid...now going thru issues at school.....half killed the baby and it's brain and mind...shocking and very sad
Yes research Fiona Barnett and read her PDF file
He said let's just have peace 😢
Toxic positivity!
“ Oh, my mistakes are ‘ in the past’. Be here now”?
My ex told me the emotions I was feeling are all in my head and I needed to learn how to control them ..when he saw that this tactic was working, he used the same argument when I told him I was exhausted and I would like to go to go on vacation with him somewhere to some beach. He told me my exhaustion is also in my head and I can control it. When he said that, I realized he was manipulating me this whole time.
Thank you. This is an eye opener. The more I am aware of narcistic manipulation, the more I am able to recognize it and keep myself from being manipulated and preserve my sanity.
I have been attacked by these lowlifes for a while. They will use whatever makes me happy against me or try to change me and make me feel the way they felt at one time in life. These people will gather all your life details and use it against you if they can, you're the most sickest ugliest types of people on planet earth, they want you to feel tormented and lonely and they want you to feel excluded because that's what narcissist do.
They will use things that I use for myself against me and make me seem like the bad person when I try to defend myself. There is no way around these people except to just avoid them. They don't think like a normal person, they think and only ways to their own narcissistic Supply which is usually something so retarded that just makes you have a headache. They will compete against the smallest detail and then hate you just because of something
... for example - these people can ignore the end of life needs of a 20 yr old ESA. Perhaps, these individuals know that THIS is what will create the real reactive abuse they are looking for. And NOW they know for certain. And now, I do not care what happens to those I used to love with all of my heart and soul!! And now, they have lost more than they can afford to lose. They lost the best person they will ever know: ME. It is a choice they will live and die by. At this present time, I have no feelings for these people whatsoever except contempt.
Every teaching I've heard on forgiveness made it sound like the easiest and most obvious thing ever. It means don't make yourself miserable by holding onto bitterness. It doesn't mean serve Satan= bow down to the narcissist like they want you to 🤓
Forgiveness is easy once tou do it once , you can do it every time. You are right forgiveness is not to bow to the narc. Forgivness is pra ticino g sel-love but not in narcisisstic way. Xxx
@royabicher4318 They expect forgiveness but refuse to forgive anyone. Forgiveness requires real repentance but their ego is too high. Don't enable a toxic behavior.
Forgive, and MOVE AWAY from one who continues to require us to forgive.
Too much stress.
Get away from them.
The MODERN definition of forgiveness is 'don't hold a grudge'. What forgiveness used to mean was a PARDON. It was releasing THEM from their sin. So people who think of the original and actual REAL definition get tripped up by how people have changed the language. Whenever you hear FORGIVE think DON'T HOLD A GRUDGE. The sin is still there. Where there is no repentance, there is no forgiveness. Otherwise you are an enabler and giving permission to repeat the offense. Don't hold a grudge.
@@l.5832 I appreciate the good comments. It's nice to know there are people out there who get it. ....Even if I don't think about any past sins nor hold a grudge, their future is going to be full of crap unless they repent. It's not about unforgiveness at all, the narcissist is using that word to try to control you.
I have several of these people in my life and they will never change.
I can literally feel the lack of empathy coming from them and it is a hard feeling to handle
Thank you Danish-your work is incredible-you touch on EVERY single aspect of Narcs and the dynamic with the victims-thank you🙏🙏
When you refuse to suppress your emotions and live in their toxic positivity La-La Land, you'll be labeled as difficult.
It is actually insane how effective the strategy really is. Because if you don't actively remember and remind yourself - they *will* succeed. Because it *will* affect your sense of reality, your general ability to stand up to others, and your perception of your own ability to understand social situations.
Now I understood everything,my husband Narendra Sinha imposed toxic positivity on me, then if I sad ,he says u are being negative 😢
Danish, you hit the nail right on the head, again. Spot on. Also, zero ability to empathize. Toxic, for sure.
This accumulation of unresolved hurt causes in me a feeling of constant anger,range and aggression.
Thank you for sharing that, very helpful for me.
Oh, damn.. This type of gaslight seems pretty much what my narcissist "friend" did when i confronted him about acting very different and distant lately.. Telling me i had nothing to worry about and even claiming it was probably just me feeling depressed just to later go back at being avoidant. These videos convince me once more i did the right thing just cutting all ties and contact.
“Lighten Up. You’re overreacting.”
No. I wasn’t.
Turn this into comedy and it’s golden
I was told not to not hold it in in an effort to avoid any reasonable solution.
I so deeply wish I had understood what narcissism really was earlier in my life. I had both parents that were narcissistic and my first husband. After I divorced my first husband I even dated for 10 years before remarrying. That entire time it was one narcissist after the other. Friends, work mates, bosses, boyfriends - - - narcissism for 49 years of my life. I applaud you for making this channel to raise awareness and help others heal. It is a tragic situation that very few people understand, to be the victim of narcissistic abuse and how the nicer you are, the more you draw the predators to you like a moth to a flame. Once I became an adult and figured out that this was the source of my problems with my parents, 100% they have been on a toxic positivity campaign. My sister, nor myself can say anything honest to either one without hearing "life is too short" or "that happened in the past, you should let it go". Thank you for all of your work!
Wow! Thank you! You have validated the biggest part if my life!
The real crazy thing is they often pretend to not understand something you say. Even though it's totally clear, there's nothing you could not understand about it because it is just something that happened. But they will not accept it, and say something like I need context for that. Even if you have already told them about the context. You can't have a normal communication with these people, it's like you have to explain yourself all the time and they still don't get it because they actually don't want to get it. So it's better not to communicate at all with these people to protect yourself from this bullshit.
My bf of 3 years has said all of these phrases to me! I debate whether its me or him cause i get triggered emotionally at times and usually hes done it using my childhood trauma also or triangulation. I want to mirror them back so badly but Gods told me not to!
My ex said that he couldn't take my negativity. Granted I fully warned him that I could be seen as either a pessimist or realist depending on how honest they were with life. I had undiagnosed adhd so I knew I had struggles and what I knew of them I shared right up front. They used that as one of the reasons why they broke up with me. All of the reasons were centered around me. Not how we fit together. He posted something to the effect of "your job does not suck, your relationship is not bad, your home life is not troubled ‐ it's just your negative thinking" and I just about threw up at the blatant lie that is. So if that's the case he should've never seen the need to dump me, he just needed to think little more positively about our future. The smoke they blow up their own butt as well as the people around them is phenomenal.
I survived this tipe of narc. My roomate whas a Narcistic Hoarder who also had a dog and a cat, everytime I complained about the cleaning and her responsibilities she would use this toxic posivity and portrayed me as a neurotic and abusive person. The house was a mess full of dog feces and flies, I could spend an entire day cleaning and in the next day the house was full of her clothes, rotten food, and the smell... She was a trauma survivor as well as me, and I tought she was healing from the abuse of her family. When I really met her and started living togerher I found her true personality, she was exactly as her mother, an avoidant escapist who only wanted to live in parties, meeting new people, running from her reality. One thing about narcisistic personalities is that they allways want to feel exited, she ran accross the city looking for extreme and happy things to do, meanwhile I was in charge of feeding her pets.
She was very abusive with her pets, she never fed them, they were dirty, full of infections, the dog was very old and sick and needed company, I fell sad for the animals and alowed her to let me the full responsability of taking care for them, meanwhile she was all day out being careless and happy with her tons of friends.
Her social media was full of lies about how wonderfull her life was, she was the most happiest person online and was allways helping others through charities, conecting with others and organizing meetings to help hopeless people from the streets. It was al a facade, she couldn't even wash her dishes.
Her gaslighting and her manipulation techniques did'nt let me see the full reality of the situation, I survived for three years through that whole mess until I could'nt anymore, I am the villain of this story. Every common friend thinks that I was a horrible person for leaving. After a while I discovered that she hoarded dirty cat sand with feces and rotten food and also had several conflicts with the neighbors. I am healing from all this now and I can only give one advise, with a narcisist look for their actions, not their words. Actions say what a person's true personality is.
Danish, all this is so true its eerie. My ex used those same phrases and my thought processes were exactly as you described
One of the best videos on narcissistic abuse thankyou...hope is a dangerous emotion because I always hope for validation and support and it's never coming, always ignored, attacked or deliberately left out. Npd is so cruel and the people who have it do not want to know.
Omggggggg my mother says "life is beautiful" and literally it's soooooooooooo nauseating when she says it !!!!!!!! Omg I can feel my stomach churn when she is in that mode.
Great video! I'm so glad people are talking about the toxic positivity game. Everybody says they are shame avoidant. I don't think so. They honestly have no shame. They are at the emotional level of a 2-5 year old, and can't see anything from another's point of view anymore than a 5 year could. And truly think they are all that matters, and others exist on earth to give them things and do things for them and make them "happy".
I don't think it's a mental illness but a spiritual illness, and free will choice. They choose to only care about themselves.
Many were the golden child, and their parents' world revolved around them, and they were never told no or asked to do anything. That's bad parenting of course.
It's mind blowing how baffled they are if the other person expresses that they matter too. It's literally incomprehensible to them.
I keep seeing narc men who are unmistakably looking for a mommy. I don't think they are shame aboudant but just have no shame.
A woman I met, who is very spiritual, as we say today (and there is no doubt, that unbelievable things happen to her, or when I was with her). She ones said to me (I just remembered this part): "....you will be thankful, that your mother beat you."
That hit me hard. I don't understand what I should be thankful for.
And one time as we met by chance. I looked at her and the air around her turned dark, her eyes were shimmering.
She also appeared in my recent dream. I felt disrespect from her as how she moved in my dream.
I don't know how to think about that.
So spot on. Always telling me let it go think positive and I’m not asking for any advice. I’ll decide how I’m going to think.
Danish...I think you must be a fly on the wall in my home. You describe EXACTLY the way it is. Thank you for reminding me I'm not crazy.
Spot on, really spot on. It's a very lonely place. Thank you for validating my pain.
This is amazing...spot on! Thank you so much, Danish, for explaining things in such a clear way, for putting into words what some of us already instinctively know but find it hard to verbalise or write down. The work you are doing is invaluable and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. This stuff should be taught in schools , so that so many of us didnt have to learn the hard way . Much love to you and everyone on here ❤
You describe my family of origin so well. Thank you for your channel. It’s helping me accept that things are not going to change for the better. I have to accept the reality that they have no desire to address the toxic and generational trauma in our family system. I will continue to work on letting them go and turning to the people in my life that want to have a healthy relationship!
so true Danish. thanks for another wonderful eloquent video
Thank you for this vid, yes I had experienced this with my narc way to long now, mine won't give closure for stuff that I need closure on and he just want me to move forward put it under carpet stop being negative, he then says you never positive, and says why can't you just not bring those up again, I have tried so many ways to just let it go, but since I had learned about narcist, I had also now understanding, these individuals will never change give you closure or stop doing what they doing, best advice I got from channels like yours is to leave them, iam getting there slowly to be free from him hopefully soon, thank you your topic is so relatable 🙏🙏
Thank you Danish 🌹🙏
How beautifully you understood and explained!
God bless you with lots of love and happiness
Thank you Danish! Truly appreciate you and your work here! I’ve long understood that toxic positivity is quite a thing and tool for the narcissist to use to further deny, deflect, and delegitimize their “subject”. Most recently I noticed toxic positivity is a very big and grandiose way by/from my previous work manager and work colleagues. It was SOOOOO twisted and gross. I felt like I was from another planet w these people and it literally made me sick in various ways (depressed, galbladder disease, adrenal fatigue syndrome, etc)
Truly disgusting how these ppl operate and destroy others without any cares except their own. I had the great privilege of quitting that job as well as leaving the whole corporate bullshit Death Star…I mean, work force 😂
Getting away from these ppl is really the only way to go for your own healing and to foster your own abilities to thrive in health and to thrive in life here…
Love and healing to all that are learning, growing, and navigating through toxicity of any/all kinds ❤of
Danish..
Thank you for digging deep into your own survival journey and even as i listen to you, i feel triggered as i identify with SO much of what you say and it has left me so much trauma and hurt...
I myself used to escape or try to escape from my pains, till i realised its impossible to move on without confronting my inner turmoils head on...
Thank you Danish
This is very informative and helpful, Danish. Thank you.
Thank you for educating
I have come across such person .He used to make me feel miserable.
It doesn't feel guilt but signals 😂 omg yes so much i relate to!
Good evening. This was spot on. Thank you for your expertise and videos. Smitty.
I am a machinery mechanic. Right now I am watching one of my big supervisors coming apart. I compare him to an electric motor. When an electric motor gets older/weak, it keeps drawing more and more power/electricity till it fries itself. It shorts out and catches on fire. Poof. And then I just toss it in the dumpster. Lol
You have to literally trick your brain when dealing with these parasites. That's why you go through so much neurologically. I'm 39 and recently kicked my narc husband to the curb and I'm never going back. I have absolutely no attraction at all whatsoever to this man and I despise we have a child together because I can't go no contact. I do not trust anybody and look at everybody sideways and I know that's not exactly healthy. I can barely have a casual conversation with a man without having anxiety. 😅 I laugh because as I'm binge watching this channel, I have come to the realization that I have been touched by a Narcissist and I'm not all okay but I will get there. I'm learning to stop being myself up for allowing this to happen to me because I need me and do does my children. If there's anybody else that's giving you flack, hope they run into and fall in love with a narcissist😅
Thank you for this video
I never understood that with my mother she would tell me I’m being negativity and Then gaslight and invalidate me and the give me the silent treatment. But if I didn’t something she thought was wrong she wanted to talk about it constantly and would always bring up everything I did wrong in the past. I remember that last time I asked her why she she bringing up my past, and she said Becaue was everybody was a past that’s why and so I brought up her past and she got so mad then said she don’t like dealing with drama… I just laughed really hard on her face because i realize she was full of crap and really believe what she was saying
One thing I noted regarding narcissists through direct and indirect experience is that once they face their own mortality (generally happens when through aging coupled with some medical pronouncement of life-threatening illness) they tend to seek an absolution of all their misdeeds acted out on family members. They will make a vague apology circumscribed by a pronouncement that they will not entertain any further discussion. Further, this confession is done in a dramatic fashion; the gathering of family members at one setting. The apology is issued to the group, not individually, then brushed away. The narcissist unburdens his/her self of any wrongdoing. THEIR version of wiping the slate clean. Victims are thus barred from recalling the past from their viewpoint.
Wow, you were exactly on target with this video! My narcissist late husband was using toxic positivity on his deathbed to continue his delusion that he was so smart and successful in his life. He'd shortened his life by decades with his refusal to accept any advice from me, leading him to have a near-fatal accident some years earlier with resulting permanent physical limitations. So as he lay dying from yet another accident, he was exclaiming that he "wouldn't have done anything differently" while I listened in disbelief nearby. The earlier debilitating accident, the later accident and series of his jaw-dropping idiotic mistakes that led towards his death, all of that had magically disappeared from his ego-dominated memory, and he "had no regrets, wouldn't change a thing"... (He said things to that effect, several times, before he died.)
I agree with everything you said Danish. This is exactly what narcisists do. The only way to heal from the narcisistic abuse is to refuse to be dragged into their false reality trans like nightmare. Narcisists live in, act out and direct a horror show. Whoever gets infected by their insanity gets detached fron reality and ends up trapped in their dark world.
I love this video.
My feelings would be left unattended and ignored and neglected most of the time.
I think during my lifetime I had to suffer a lot and not knowing how I feel and questioning myself because no one cared how I felt. And I never get to tell anybody my feelings because I am so used to feeling neglected and told not to feel. I am used to the enmeshment that these types of horrible people use on their victims.
They have no clue how much damage they can do to somebody. Or do they care, they are so caught up in their own selfish mind I feel sick when I think about these types of people. It is a poison to even look at somebody like this.
I learned to trust my instincts around people now and really get to know somebody first before ever talking to anybody.
I think all the years of feeling like nobody caring how I feel lead to a lot of depression anxiety and other emotional problems that selfish rich people don't understand.
They're lack of empathy and affection is like being shot in the chest and never healing because they are so toxic, these types of people love to know how bad they hurt their victim.
They will never apologize or care about anybody except themselves or anybody that can give to them.
Thanks! Well said.
This is the Truth, life experience with a Narcissist tells me this is the truth. If you want to please the Narcissist you must become one of them. Leaving your real self behind.
Danish Thank you for showcasing Narc's Behavior.
What a perfect explanation.
Their all-time favorite "let's agree to disagree."
I feel being conditioned first my family and then by the guy I love to forgive, forget , let go of their hurtful nonsense. I keep finding excuses for their B. S. Which I find ridiculous.🤔🙄🥺 Thank you Danish for the explanation and clarity. 🎯
I can 100% relate to whatever you just said, i Amgoing through this...my partner always wants me to prioritize him, please him and Obey everything whatever he says,and remain silent all the time. And whenever i try to talk to him, he ignores, tells me to stay QUIET, blames me as a CAUSE of everything, and starts to talk about irrelevant stuff, just to distract me from talking about his Toxic and sick behavior.
“I must be doing something wrong, I must be like them - to be positive and happy”. Yes they’re not happy nor positive, they just don’t want you to have a voice and personality. So true, it’s a collective gaslighting they’re throwing at you. Sad if parents are like that and only as an adult and often a parent yourself - only then you begin to see the truth and see them for who they truly are. Videos like yours are extremely helpful and healing ❤️🩹 Thank you, Danish, for being the Light and the truth teller - they hate us truth tellers for sure, because they’re too weak to face the truth.
Everything... to the point....👍👏👏👏👏👏
I heard enough of the toxic positivity from the Queen Baby and King Baby 😊
funny how they leave u when u do to them what they do to u ... they certainly dont forget and forgive and be positive when u hurt them lol
They try to change the topics and play a victim !
Narcisist thought me how lucky I am.
Without these narcs perhaps i could have archieved more in live because some do all to steal your time, to demotivate you.
But still I play in 3 orchestras, meet many nice people , have many fantastic friends. 1 friend , whose wife and daughter died, even left me his house. Even though the house is not perfect I meet alse the jealous cats and dogs.
Then i think: you where 1 making my life bad, now i think :
Puh, nicely puh
.thank you for your video, to show us how narcisists are just idiots. Should go to mammie ant reeducate themselves.
But i doubt if they feel pain.
I Cld resonate with every word you said.
This is exactly my father. It’s scary how accurate this is.
So spot on Danish! Psychological manipulation
My wife is a narcissistic.. Don't understand she is suffering with issue
Blame for everything. Don't have feeling even through
You posted this the same day I cut my sperm donor off. Now he and the birth giver are blocked everywhere. Your video is so spot on with what I was going through yesterday. He doesn't get it and doesn't want to. I got so tired of the one sided relationship. I'm the daughter but I'm expected to do all the emotional heavy lifting. Both my so-called parents are awful monsters. I'm moving on so I can have better relationships with other people.
He said I was a burden to people because of my fear over a cancer scare I had. He said I bummed him out and that I could have handled my fear in a different way. Even after finding out it wasn’t cancer, he still left. Things didn’t work out “smoothly” for him. He even told me before I found out I didn’t have cancer that there would have been no point in dating me if I had it.
Superb ❤️ the one and only video tat my wife should watch to make our life in track. For our kids 😢
Powerful ❤
Simple tactics. Runing from problems
by little manipulation
Ain’t this the truth!
You r a genius on this fucking subject!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hail to You my friend!
HalleluYah 🌈🕊️ Absolutely
My husband says it uniquely as "falling into the trap of - I am right"
Total nonsense. He is just trying to reverse right and wrong that way. Hope he realizes his folly and become a good human being
Very True
I thought that since "he" did not bring up issues that they weren't really issues and I should move on. But, I would be wounded for weeks. He knew this. He said this. For some reason it never occured to me that he wasn't making mistakes to hurt me. He was doing it because that's who he is and on purpose. Just when the tension in my chest would release he would say or do something horrible. When I would talk about he would say that he did not want to focus on the past. He wanted to focus on the future. That I should be more positive and everything would be okay. We would be okay. It was exhausting. I finally decided that he was more than welcome to live like he wanted. But I wanted a different kind of relationship. I did not want to stuff my feelings. I did not want thicker skin. I wanted to have words and actions from a partner that helped me grow. I like it that I have feelings.
Let's start our relationship over again...
Wipe the slate clean...
We can start from zero..
All impossible. Don't get hoovered.
Could you do a talk about the mother who infantilizes her whole family? From interpretation of motivations, (if it's not for me, it's just for fun) the spouse, the adult children, the adult grandchildren even, are viewed in the most childish of reasonings, while trying to maintain authority of expectations.
Dale Carnegie
Master and
Creator of the
Book ,"Positive Thinking"
Wasn't Wrong.
Danish 🦅🏆 Champion
Isn't Wrong
It is ,How One
uses Positivity.
Manipulation is
a Thing ..
I believe in myself Positively..and it was my Armor against the constant devaluation from the Narc .
I constantly had to focus on those Positive Teachings to survive and still do .
Weaponized Positivity 🤔
Wow , how low can they Really Go?
🦅🏆😎
It happened to me last week from our conversation
Hello, this describes a spiritual meditation group I attended several years ago.