Just got out of a 12 year mightmare ,married to one of these demons.The reason they can't sit still is because they don't want to self reflect ever.They can't handle their own truth of who and what they are and what they've done.
This is the most accurate truth spoken. I’ve been struggling to see why they can’t stop going, it’s psychological. And a trama response, only they hurt others when they feel hurt, keeps the cycle of abuse going.
Covert mom would say whenever she sat still she'd feel so tired, I said it was her past catching up with her! So selfish, sit and watch your grandchildren pls, it's "their" turn to feel special!
@@housewifefromhell5801nice name! Imagine, just imagine just what our lives would be like down the road had we not the guts/conviction to stick up and defend ourselves!
The narcissist can't sit still, and when they do, they must have the television or radio on at all times, even when they are asleep. They can't stand silence because they don't want to reflect on their life.
not all people who do this are narcissists though. we have to be careful not to make blanket statements. if you live with one then you know for sure, but not all people that need the tv or radio on are narcissists. people experience different levels of trauma and some people cope having the distraction of a tv or radio, that's not always a bad thing.
Perfect explanation. I agree that narcissistic suppressed trauma is like a ticking time bomb! The narcissist's feed off their addictions 24/7 instead of taking a step back to relax and reflect.
@caroleminke6116 yes, plus so many other disorders spring up with the narcissistic personality disorder, like OCD, anxiety, paranoia, compulsive lying, hoarding, nuerosus, psychosis and so many more to list!
@@norcal1009Hi 👋 so many other disorders accompanying Narcissist. Are you familiar with Borderlines.? Major overlapping Traits and Varying degrees of their potential positive prognosis. Narcs Borderline Codependency on a Spectrum In that order . Narcissistic traits or incurable Narcissist I am asking I think 🤔 I'm asking your opinion about... Your comments being sponged up here .. Thanks 🦅🏆😎
@dextermorganbloodspattersp6382 👋 I'll check it out. I've heard that the narcissist and Borderlines do share many traits of personality disorder. The last time I looked at the DSM-5, it seemed like a big confusing mess. 🤣 Not surprising considering the overlap. I can't remember which traits were the most severe in both. That's a good place to start. I'd hope they can make the DSM-5 a little more user-friendly for the masses. 😅
@@norcal1009 Thank You so much for your knowledge and opinions expressed. From what I managed to learn thus far is that with about 10 years of intensive therapy there might be improvement in the Borderlines ability to emotionally regulate themselves and not " Split" n Rage on People. Either or it is an extreme investment to ask someone to endure their abuse that long if they're even willing to seek the therapy. 😉 Talk again soon after 🦅🏆😎
@dextermorganbloodspattersp6382 no prob, you're definitely on the right track. A Google search made quite a distinction between the two, just as you said about the spectrum. What interests me the most too is the RAGE. There are the emotions or lack thereof, but anger is WAY underestimated as a focus for the potential for harm!! The causal focus for narcs, for example, is their 'shame'. My personal thoughts on that is that RAGE or anger/resentment can quickly sweep shame under the rug. The monster appears from rage, not shame imo. Great question to discuss 👍
Our narcissist also pretends to be tired when chores or child rearing needs to be attended too. Or our narcissist also pretends to have aches or a new injury. Amazing how fast & well they walk or do things for themselves when they think 💬 nobody is looking. We witness it every single time 😡😤.
I ran out of narcissist home and only felt relaxed after sleeping well in my mom's home. I missed that deep sleep from many years. I could not even remember when I got a dream last time. What he says is absolutely true. My husband was like why you feel satisfied with everything. Don't you want to work hard and get a higher post in job? Don't you want to succeed? They always more, more and more.. I thought he was an energetic person and now I understand the reason behind it
Too true, I'd too often have to put mine to bed 🛌, he'd have to have 15 beers a day and would, sleep deprived, sleep walk, he's finally smartened up and got a fatty liver scare. I'd often stay awake at night just to hear silence! Very cruel day life makes for an unhealthy sleep!
Yes, especially the part when they call you "lazy"! You answered a question I had! I wanted to know about all the "lazy" stuff. When I go my own way and ask for my own needs, instead of theirs, I am called LAZY! I suppose I am the lazy servant to them...
My old man had OCD, was a workaholic , only sat down at work desks, to eat, or watch TV. Everyone else on the planet was " lazy " compared to him. The only reason I forgive him is because he was a depression era kid.
The worse was on a day off after a long week at work and the disgust she would have on her face when she asked so what did you do today? Made me feel wrong for enjoying my day off work.
@@MX-xg2pdI would gladly tell her I went for a hike or lazily flipped through channels on the tube. Then smile when those 'pointless' activities annoyed her.
@@MX-xg2pdSame. Being in my late 60's, Saturday nights and Sunday are the most difficult days of the week yet. Her "if i were you, sitting eight hours a day behind a desk, I would be running home, to do some cleaning, gardening. Only dust will follow me. or there is so much work to do and you are sitting and reading books or how long will you be slouching with your homework, when i was at school. All my childhood and later on her parenting was none existing or abhorrent.💜
I have multiple sclerosis...his family called me lazy cos i couldn't take care of their parents now he calls me lazy all the time cos i am his" servant "but cant do things fast enough No empathy whatsoever....taught well from his family especially parents😮
Amazing, Danish...you hit the nail on the head. Always moving, fidgeting, twitching with repetitive movements, always buying things - often the same thing twice, being gleeful and happy when doing things they aren't supposed to do (I could tell the change in demeanour immediately, and I always knew they were up to something).
Also, Restless Leg Syndrome can be added to the list. His feet always twitching, moving every 10, 20... seconds while sitting back in his recliner watching TV, never able to sit still, except 1 hour during deep sleep. Always a constant undertow of agitation. I was never able to relax on vacation either, lying on the beach next to him was uncomfortable. I was glad when he went into the water. A sigh of relief... Always walking on eggshells. Now I know why. Thank GOD we never lived together!!
@@somerskye2750 a lot of people have restless leg syndrome from a medical condition such as anemia, it has nothing to do with being narcissistic, narcissist always doing repetitive things like walking back and forth and talking a mile a minute and oftenly repeating themselves, because they're always being deceitful.
OMG this is so real. Every second of the day picking up his phone checking for messages and looking for supply. Nervous habits. Sickly materialistic, getting his kicks buying the newest and most expensive cars which "nobody has - he is the only one who drives them", plus all the attention he gets around it, again supply, but after a few months he is already bored and looking for another special fast car. Again attention and supply. He couldn't sit still next to me watching a movie, he is running through the house all the time looking for abstraction, his "house" also high finished materials, but everything has to stay in place and perfect, felt like living in a museum, oh yes, he won prices for best manager of the year, publicity around, and yes, also with his penthouse he was spotted and published, always attention, and the list can go on, I thaught "is he never getting tired ?" Oh no, it was me getting tired !! 😅😅 In the restaurant he swallowed his food and even before he finished he was searching for the waiter finger snapping to make hurry and pay the bill asap and run. Very romantic ! I remember the good old days when he made me feel like a queen, he ordered me desert, drinks and coffees as much as I pleased, having lovely small talks and having a good time... I thaught. I suppose this was the love bombing stage? 🤔🤔😅😅
Are narcissist paranoid too? My mom has targeted me for her paranoia. If I eat, cook, use the bathroom, or wash clothes, then I am trying to take over.
narcissists do not like peace and quiet, and for problems to be solved. these things are boring and most of all, force the narcissist to self-reflect. causing drama and conflict provides a distraction from them rotten self, and creates excitement for their pathetic lives. cheers from southern ontario, canada 🇨🇦
Honestly, one of my supervisors are just like this. They look creating drama, confusion, and always in someone face. Believe he hates dealing with his inner self, but projects as if employees the problem.
My both parents were narcissist and unfortunately being empathetic I attracted a narcissistic husband too who died two yrs back... In first time in life I am in peace, I do meditation, follow spirituality. Gratitude💐
Demons can be part of spirituality too remember. Only the way of Jesus is the true path, anything else will lead you to hell, even if it appears good. This is how Satan sucks a person in. Jesus said “I am the way, the truth and the life; no-one comes to God except through Me (John 14:6). Jesus wants you to to cast all your cares on Him because He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7). Only by repenting of sin and trusting in Jesus to guide your life are you spiritually safe for all eternity. I encourage you to prayerfully read The Holy Bible.
I am glad you finally found peace after what must have been a lifetime of oppression with narcissists. As an empathetic person, it's nice to be home and get a break from negative stimuli.
Spiritualiry will lead you tocthe biggest Narcissist of all SATAN!!!! Get SAVED ! 1 cor 15 1-4 kjv google it its your free gift of salvation wich You recieve through FAITH ALONE ! No works ! Lest any man should boast amen
This sounds a bit like ADHD, but where Narcissists differ is in their compelling need for control and their willingness to backstab anyone to get what they want. They are also manipulative and exploitative.
I don’t think of my husband as a narcissist, but he is like that on the weekends. I am an empath & a creative. I have to take moments of rest. He continues to keep on the move through the day. I have to take Mondays to rest & regroup and look forward to him going to work. 🤷🏼♀️
I was the same. The relief I felt on a Monday morning to have the house to myself (if I wasn't at work anyway) was such a relief. The very fact we feel so much better when they are out of our space, speaks for itself!
My ex was constantly gaming and gambling when he wasn’t on social media. He was the exact opposite of me. I’m a writer I like music and plays and books and nature. I would sit outside and just meditate or try to enjoy the birds or just the sunshine and he would be constantly talking so I never had even one moment of peace which is when I started staying up all night after he went to sleep because it was the only time I could be at one with myself without him interrupting me and my thoughts. It also is the reason so many of us get trapped or stuck in the relationship because we are never able to sufficiently confront our emotions and our inner being that is screaming at us to get the hell out.
Totally- I’d stay up all night to have peace then he’d wake up and criticize me for still being up at 6am. Going to bed the same time and waking up the same time as him was THE LAST thing I did. That would have been all day, never ending torture.
@@undercoverbird8592 and they have trust issues so they think everyone is like them talking to other people and cheating so they want you to be on the same schedule so they can watch you like a hawk. My ex was always accusing me of being up on social media or dating apps because that’s what he would be doing behind my back
Wow, this point is dead on!!! They create so much drama and chaos that their victims are never able to take the time hear their inner voice speaking to them. And I’d like to add that this also prevents said victims from devising a good exit strategy to help them get out.
A narcissist I know invents a new need for a new hobby every day. So, at the end of the day she has done 2 different courses about spirituality, a yoga lesson, a pilates exercise, a fitness session with a nutritionist, a beauty therapy, a second beauty therapy, a meeting with the dermatologist, another one with a personal trainer, an online consultation for self improvement, a lesson for painting, cooking, playing piano and everything else that exists and someone else is doing around. And shopping. An endless one. All this without never stopping, resting or sleeping. The absolute absence of a conscious present moment. A huge impact on everyone's inner balance. Everybody at home is boring and lazy for her.
This is exactly how I grew up - raised by two perpetually busy, but miserable, narcissists who constantly called me lazy because I wouldn't participate in their needless, frenetic absent-mindedness. My father became an alcoholic hoarder and my mother died of cancer at 48 after ten years of illness. You nailed this one, Danish - well done!
Omg, this was my toxic entanglement. I always felt I had to be doing something when he was around. He made feel like I was lazy when I wasn’t busy. He never calls me lazy directly but his snarky attitude said otherwise. I worked took care of the house, kids etc and even then whenever he was around I felt I should be doing something. But it was ok for him to a complete lazy ass daily. He would come home, dinner always ready and he would retreat to the man cave for hrs. No engagement with me or the kids outside of saying hi🙄. But I can hear him on his phone calling people for conversation and laughing. Now that I’m fully educated on NPD this all make sense on what a true pathetic empty loser he is🤬
My ex narc use to always say " Idle Hands The Devil Makes"!! He could Never be idle was always doing something , going somewhere. Thanks to your video, now I understand why.
This describes my sister as far as the need to stay busy, can't relax and even can't sleep well at night. But she's not one I can talk to and she's defensive ALL the time. I've tried to talk to her several times and if she doesn't want to hear it ( happened twice ) she walks away while I'm in the middle of a sentence. I quit trying to talk to her about anything of a serious nature, tired of walking on eggshells.
In the love bombing stage I just thought we were being active because we were doing things we both actually liked. After time I never felt like I could rest. Then he would go into a depressive swing on the weekend and want to stay in bed all day, with me right beside him! I absolutely grew to HATE it. What's worse, he tried to force "family time" on my kids (not his), dragging them with us on outings they weren't interested in and didn't enjoy. He would then be nothing but a non-stop verbally abusive foul mouthed jerk the whole time making it miserable for us all! Before I got us out I stopped allowing him to try and force my kids into activities they were miserable doing. I found ways to do things WE liked when he was at work. After I got us out it felt like we had escaped a prison camp. Freedom never tasted so sweet!
@@tuinov6286 That is a valid question. I could ask as well from my own experience why I, as a loyal, honest, giving, hard working woman seem to attract partners who want to gaslight, ghost, or in the case of my last relationship, a violently abusive partner?
@@ThatMontanaMom You women usually go with the man that approaches you and initiates. The men who are not full of themselves and have a good heart will not bother you even if they are attracted. The narcissist will bother you no matter what you feel. The solution for your problem is you have to initiate. Sadly most women are turned off if the man doesn't pursue and they call him feminine. Or maybe you are just lying to me and to yourself, you find the narcissist more exciting and thats why you go with him instead of going with a good man. A narcissist triggers both good and bad feelings, the emotional extremes are more fun and subconciously more attractive than a man who simply respects you.
@@tuinov6286 your comment leads with "you women" and is followed be a lot of generalizations. I HAVE approached men in the past, thinking there was connection only to find there was nothing on his end. You talk about a good hearted man not "bothering" a woman even if they like her. So, how is she supposed to even know he is interested? Women don't like being rejected any more than a man does. It hurts! Yet your comment makes it sound like you want the women to risk that rejection instead of yourself? As for abusers, they don't show up abusive. On the contrary, they put on the mask of sincere interest, attention, love and romance. It is only after they know they have you that the switch flips. Power imbalances in relationships are no joke and women can be abusive just like men. An intimate relationship is a working partnership and BOTH parties should be capable of taking initiatives.
My narcissistic brother used to come over for 90 minutes to 2 hours once every few months and he was unable to sit down. This really clarifies things. After an hour he would pace and look at his watch and very abruptly say he has to go , you can sense his anxiety as if he felt he fulfilled his role by completing a visit as a task and the task was done.
Oh my goodness this is so true I was diagnosed with PTSD and chronic fatigue and clinical depression 42 years with the ex narcissist I left him six years ago And I am still resting so much But I don't feel nothing compared to the way I used to when I was in the relationship with the narcissistic husband
You know you are over a narcissist when you are fine with them watching tv, on their phone or out of the house- by god…. Let them do anything but talk to or be around me!! 😂 that gray rock is great when you are so boring and don’t care what they say or do. I gave them my moo cow face. 😂😂They NEED drama- don’t give it to them. ❤
Yes Indeedie Life00707, for me it was 26 year marriage and another 10 years of severe legal stress from his vindictiveness. Also have a narcissic mother, could never stop talking, don't you dare try to close your eyes and say a silent prayer, instant interruption, the drama queen needed attention 24/7. I finally made no contact with both of them and it's taken YEARS to rid myself of the manipulative guilt, I love nothing more than to hear total silence now, no radio, no TV, just the hum of the fridge and none of the Narc's INCESSANT DRAINING MIND NUMBING ABILITY TO make me want to sleep for 12 hours after being anywhere near such a person for more than half an hour. Cheers and best wishes to you and all who have suffered from these neverending fidgety needy perpetually unrelaxed wackos.
I’ve noticed that people who like attention, namely narcissists, egotistical and more extroverted people sometimes seem more lost and vulnerable when they are alone and maybe not fully comfortable in their skin, but when they are with people they seem more connected, distracted etc with chat/ banter etc. I feel I notice it as I’m a total introvert and I feel I can sense different behaviours because I am not in the centre of things, more observant on the periphery and am ok being alone..
Every morning started with utter chaos with my narc Mom creating so much ruckus. Every single day. Today she is old, ailing and is freaking out as self soothing is a skill that is totally alien to her! Thank you Danish.. Your revelations have me sitting up. They are so on point!!!
This fits. My spouse has a constant need to be doing something or watching (video) and when asked why we must have video or music 24/7 he said it was so he doesn't have to think. I think of him as time greedy because he must fill every moment with things he likes even if it means ignoring everyone.
It's strange how tired i was. At work, I would take lunch and fall asleep on the picnic table under the trees. I was expected to call "him" at lunch everyday. I tried to keep it brief so I could rest. I wanted to stay on top of that picnic table, watch the birds and trees and never go "home". After I left "him", I would wake up on the weekends, eat breakfast, make the bed and then fall back asleep in my clothes. Till 2 o 3 in the afternoon. Just couldn't stay awake. But, I woke up to peace.
In 2018 I was diagnosed with Idiopathic Hypersomnia. I think maybe being married for 20 years to a narcissist is the reason for my Hypersomnia. I never put the two together until now. I am still with him, but each day is like a roller coaster. I am so tired. 😔
I can totally relate to all of this and how he micromanaged every aspect of my life. I couldn’t have a moment to unwind after work. It was work, come home and start cleaning house, cooking, doing dishes, laundry, and then going to bed to start the cycle over again the next day because he would trash everything I had straightened up the day before.
Thank you 👌 My retired narc father spends all his time that isnt related to maintaining his grounds by watching tv, youtube, etc. Endless zombie-like staring at the screen. And he fidgets, gets in and out of his chair, looks in the fridge frequently… All the while he has zero patience for conversation and acts like he’s being attacked by even simple questions.
Thank you for clarifying. I was starting to get scared hearing you describe the restlessness. Ever since I escaped my mother’s reach I realize that I am incapable of sitting still. I'm either working 60+ hours a week or throwing myself into a new “hobby” such as baking, cooking, and cleaning like an obsessed person. When I do manage to sit still I grieve.
I've only just acknowledged this myself. I find it so hard to sleep, mindlessly watch box sets to keep me from sleeping, why, because that's when I really start to remember how my ex husband, now deceased, treated me. I'm also realising that I need to remember in order to heal and move on.
You are describing my husband sooo precisely!!! I can now understand why I’m so exhausted!! Sleep deprived and overwhelmed with hectic activities one after another for decades have definitely taken a toll on my health. No to mention the obsession about cars, buying stuff, impressing people with a myriad illusions. 😫😔
Mine wanted everybody in his family to see everything he had he would take pictures and post it on Facebook.. And since they were just like him a narcissist they would come over and ask him for his stuff and make him find it for weed... I said go and brag about your stuff again dumb dumb
That's very relatable. Though I'm not a narcissist, I used to suppress a lot of negative emotions and horrible memories. I've kept myself busy all the time because deep down I knew it would hit me like a truck if I allowed all these traumas to resurface. I can't muster up sympathy for narcissists because I've been dealing with people like these in the past and it never ended well for me. But the constant restlessness, the paranoia and the nightmares really take a toll on your sanity. It's a hell that I don't wish upon my worst enemy
According to this video, you are a narcissist. A true narcissist wouldn't reflect on themselves critically, that's not what they do. So this video is pointless. Most narcissists just like to be in the center of attention and typically that doesn't involve work, it involved partying and being a social butterfly.
@incremental_failure I think you don't understand the intention of these videos. They are made to raise awareness of why narcissists think and act the way they do so people won't fall victims for them so easily. True, narcissists won't reflect on themselves, but people dealing with narcissists or suffering abuse by narcissists can learn to reflect on the situation and realize what's happening to them and how they can escape it. While it's true that the lack of self-reflection is a symptom that all narcissists show, it's not exclusive to them and that's what he said in his videos too. I'm getting the feeling you didn't watch them or completely missed it. And what makes you say that narcissism doesn't involve work and it's about partying? Many people in high positions are narcissists, sociopaths, etc. Being a CEO or having employees depending on them makes them the center of attention by default. And it gives them something they really love: control over people. They can take control over your finances to some degree, control you by threatening to fire or sanctioning you, they can harass you and make you do whatever they want and get away with it. And if you get out of line, they'll use every dirty trick to humiliate you or completely ruin your life.
@@NoxAtlas And it's based on what? Where is the research? It's one guy with an opinion. So many of these blabber channels on TH-cam and enough silly because to believe anything they're told. Becoming a CEO is one of the hardest ways to gain power in society. They released numbers on sociopathy in professions and doctors, police officers, lawyers were up there. Becoming a police officer is the absolute easiest way to get a lot of power over people. Doctors come second, you can literally control whether people live or die.
@@incremental_failure So... narcissists are incapable of pursuing a career? You know that the US had a narcissist as president, right? Or look at Elon Musk.
I don’t think it’s as simple as needing to be distracted all the time. Lots of people do that and are not necessarily narcissistic. But when a person’s need for distraction becomes pathological and it’s paired with other narcissistic red flags, it’s probably a good sign that the person you’re dealing with is probably a narcissist.
That's what happened to me. I was married to my husband for 40 years. 8 years before the end of our relationship I shut down. I couldn't do it anymore. I was tired from all of the garbage that went on in my life with him. The running around having to do things constantly. Constantly selling our homes and buying other homes. I was tired and I couldn't do it any more. It was all about him and what he was going to do and what he was going to get. Finally, last summer in April I caught him having an affair with a married woman he had me falsely arrested and removed from my home with a false restraining order. I couldn't come back home one month later. All I could do was pray and ask God to vindicate me all. I wanted to do Was to go home? I prayed and prayed and asked God to vindicate me. Exactly one month later, on May 15th. She broke up with him and he couldn't handle it any committed suicide.
May God Continue To Bless You and Keep You Free! I have nothing against your deceased husband except the demons that he allowed to hold him down. Reaping and sowing is real and he reaped everything he sowed through his free will decisions. Your prayers availed much and brought you freedom to return home. May your bereavement process be swift.💐🙏💝🎊
Danish, you nailed this one too, one hundred percent. He could never sit still, ever and it was weird. Always busy and was never able to finish projects. He would move on to other projects. When you showed that casino part, my mouth dropped open. We have a casino about seven miles where I used to live and he would always sneak out there. I thought he had a gambling problem, but this helps me to understand all that. He cheated on me with another, then he cheated on them and then he cheated on them. It was mind blowing. I'm a week out of that 20 year relationship and things are so much clearer. My chronic fatigue is easing up and my pain is becoming less. Thank God that I left when I did. It took me almost two years of planning but it is soooo worth it. Thank you for your videos Danish, you are a blessing. 🙏
Sooo Proud of you!!👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 Some people don't have the patience or STRENGTH to think clearly enough to break Free! Keep living your New Beautiful life without those demonic energies sucking your soul. God is going to do amazing things for you🙏🏾
It's truly amazing to me how my physical problems have improved as I've worked to remove the narc in my life. I'm so glad you got out and are experiencing the same. I hope it just keeps getting better and better for you!
I also was married for 27 wasted years to a Narc. I wish I could have seen the videos a long time ago! Because I didn't know the Demon I was married to! Or understand it. Like I do now. I thank GOD for me getting away from him. He is now married to victim #3! Who will have to learn the same hard lesson that I did!
@@messagesofmercedes2352 thank you. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I moved 200 miles away from my hometown. I don't know anybody in this new town, but I will eventually. Not interested in another relationship for a long time. I now have trust issues so its my turn.😊
Very inciteful. This describes my mother perfectly. I never realised not being able to rest and sit still was a narcissistic trait. Explains why my poor dad is always yelled at for being lazy. He's now 82 and she still yells at him for not helping around the house and ridicules him when he falls asleep while watching TV.
The ex pushed me to where I just didn't want to do anything for her anymore. Everything was always a command or a demand for her to then display disappointment or disgust for whatever reason. If I did it out of love or the joy of doing something for her it was still never good enough or a waste of time or money. No different than my dad turning things that I enjoyed doing into a punishment. I'm sure that you understand what that does to you.
Omg. Before I ever knew my ex was a narc, I used to tell my ex bf (narc) to slow down and stop running like a hamster on a wheel and give his nervous system and adrenals a break. He couldn’t sit still. He is everything you described as he has the financial means to be a materialistic creep. No soul. 💔🙏🏼
Thanks for the video. I have a narcissistic colleague who often sent me messages during weekends and on public holidays, and she always requested me to send her files. When she got what she wanted, she replied 'tq', and usually without an apology for disturbing me during my rest time. One day, I had enough when she asked me if I would be at the office during a weekend. I told her 'no'. After I rejected her requests many times, she has stopped bothering me. I used to think that she was a workaholic, but now I understand that she's just a narcissist.
so very true! They trigger themselves into a psychotic fits all of the sudden without provocation and create a tornado around them by driving everyone into a frenzy; and, if you refuse to respond to it, they will mot stop with tenacity of a bull until you break down into tears, screaming, loosing your inner peace and balance -loosing yourself, exploding. And then…oh, miracle! They suddenly calm in a split second with a satisfied expression on their face, even a smile - almost leaking their lips after a satisfactory feast…. while you are are still shivering, wiped out and completely disoriented about what has just happened to you. They look like they got their magic fix, while it will take you days to rebalance yourself; and after years of living together, this rebalancing takes longer and longer until the damage permanently destroys your health physically and psychologically
Yes, constantly on the move! Even when they are "relaxing", you can see they aren't relaxed. They think just being nonstop busy(especially work related) is something to be proud of and admired for. It's really not. They also love taking a week-end retreat and a few online classes on things like learning how to be a "life coach", or yoga instructor, or meditation teacher, or nutritionist, or whatever, and then thinking they are now an "expert", and start working as one to "help" all their clients in their newfound field. Then moving on to something else when that doesn't pan out, or they get bored with it. Narcissists come a dime dozen, so they have a lot of company for small talk, and in staying "busy" with activities that really have no substance. There is nothing more meaningless and empty than being around a group of narcissists, let alone one. I have learned to just let them get on with their life(it is their choice), but keep them out of mine.
Perfect explanation!! I was pregnant and he would ridicule me when I got so tired trying to keep up with him in every way. He was exhausting!!! Thank you for explaining, makes so much sense and continues to validate my feelings and experiences!!!
Yes, my husband's father and my father are always shifting spots and looking at the TV during family visits then act all offended when no one wants to talk to them because having a conversation with them is impossible.
My father exactly the same. Its like having unsociable stranger in the house. When we were all younger we kinda thought oh he is tired from work let him have his me time but then when he retired it all because pretty obvious who he was. This is why all these marriages continue for so long because of being busy with work. I found it kinda humorous when during Covid it was reported that divorces tripled or something because people were finally forced to spend more time together.
Me, hubby and 3 teen boys packed up and moved cross country so my parents could spend what time they have left with our kids. We couldn't share driving because I had 2 boys and our van, hubby a uhaul, his car on a trailer and 1 boy. From wy to pa ...it took days...about an hour after we got there she started hounding about unloading the uhaul. They can not sit still. Ever.
Absolutely right 👍 Danish! I'm from India...my husband is a convert nars. He cheated on me for over 10 years. ....he never shamed me about their behaviour.....and he can't sit still constantly showing he is busy busy.... now I understand the behind this type of behaviour.Thanx a lot.
Danish, I notice that a lot of comments talk about the narcissist. Yes, we need to understand what we experienced. However, at some point we have to turn the focus back on ourselves. Narcissists can not continue to be allowed to control our thoughts.
Thank you for another valuable healing tool. I've never seen this topic covered before. I had assumed that his need to constantly be moving was from his ADHD. But the way you detail out the reasons, and knowing his background, this does sound like him. I'm fatigued when he's around,... and find energy when he's away. Thank you for giving me another puzzle piece to this picture.
So true! My narc neighbor (and ex-“friend”, and still a neighbor) stopped by right after I had watched this post. (I have to remain on civil terms with him for other reasons.) But looking at such behavior from the other side now it is really interesting. He was here for all of 30 minutes and made five phone calls! All while “visiting” with me. I feel so free and in control and no longer victim to his games.
My sister is the most selfish deceitful greedy monster you will ever meet. However, all she has ever done is sit and do nothing expecting everyone to wait on her.
Danish, I’m glad you made the distinction between narcissist vs. trauma response. I was married for a short period of time to someone like this and I was worn down to a nub. I couldn’t nap or I was called lazy. I couldn’t read a book or I was accused of being antisocial. He ran me into the ground and I couldn’t get it right. After decades of accumulated trauma from him, others, and life… and having been in and out of therapy my entire life, I am a high-functioning depressed person with chronic illness who’s into many things after spending decades beat down by abuse. I could look like a narcissist if someone went by some videos out there because I am busy following my curiosity in retirement. But, I do rest, nap, lounge extravagantly, and sometimes do absolutely nothing. Literally. It’s bliss that has come from dealing with every.thing. Great episode. I love that you’re not doing what so many others are doing on this topic in their videos… and that is leaving it to the black and white, all-or-nothing thinking, that if everyone does XYZ, they are a narcissist… (that only narcissists do.) So many people need that reminder to critical think and question what they are seeing. ❤ Thanks again.
You described my life for the past 15 years! I too am a high-functioning depressed person raised by narc parents, and I married two narc husbands (different ones). I sure knew how to pick them! Once this divorce is final, I'll be blissfully single for the rest of my life.
My ex Narc was a hoarder ALWAYS excepting things from ppl that he didn't need, things that didn't work, and too many things in a 1 bedroom apartment. TVs that don't work, karaoke machine, etc...and ALWAYS wanted anything that I had. It felt like he was competing with me
Hi Danish, thank you for this beautiful explanation. There are many different channels nowadays talking about narcissism, but I like how you talk about perspectives I don’t hear anywhere else. I think it’s because you have been raised by narcissists, while others seem to have had a relationship with one. It was just a thought I had, no judgement, I’m just glad seeing all of you bringing more awareness. You have given me so much insights in the behaviour of these people. Thank you so much for doing this, your content is amazing. ❤
Danish thank you for all your insights into the quirky nature of the Narc. You bring up things that I never thought of as being idiosyncratic to a narcissist. I have seen this in my daughter-in-law so distinctly. She perpetually would 24/7 be doing puzzles on her phone. Alternately making unnecessary and costly trips just for the sake of being in her car going somewhere. It never seemed important where the somewhere was as long as she is moving. The irony is that all the activity never produced anything productive - it was activity for the sake of activity and not to achieve anything - so sad.
This is the video I was waiting for. Edit: brilliance, this sums everything up 100% from the nervous system to the chronic need for attention, all of it. Thank you
They crave for new shinny things, like a child would. Their attention span is much like a toddlers too. The pleasureable effect of receiving a gift wears off quickly and they are off to look for the next new thing. Buying a gift for a narcissistic partner is a waste of money, to them nothing is of any intrinstic value. They are incapable to empathy hence incapable of sentimentality,.
I walked away about 18 months ago from a 14 year marriage to a covert narcissist. He could never sit still. He exhausted me. I worked as a nurse, long hours and very stressful. Plus my youngest had epilepsy and cerebral palsy. I was exhausted all the time. My ex would be laying in bed next to me talking and laughing loudly to his family or a friend in Yoruban on the phone. I would be trying to sleep. He would also watch movies or play video games loudly. When I was talking with him he would turn up the sound. Prior to us being together every fee months I would book a a hotel for myself, go relax and sleep, totally chill for two nights on a weekend. The kids would be at their dad's. I was able to re-energize. But then came the narc. He made fun of me wanting to go to a hotel to rest. Said it was a total waste of money. Told me i didnt need it. I always felt exhausted. Was miserable. I found out he had been on a dating site for 2 years. But now, i am very well rested. I do self care. And am very glad i walked away.
This is so true! This happened to me, he was a early bird and I enjoyed a sleep in every now and then however, he would not let me. He would expect me to wake up when he wakes up and if I didn’t I was lazy 😒
Whew! I cannot tell you the number of times I had to get a cab and leave her with the car just to get home and rest, after roaming around all day. You can tell the kids are exhausted somehow she coud not see it. I hope I was able to bring some order to the lives of my chidren, the chaos is unfathomable.
You have such a deep understanding of narcissist such that you were yourself in the skin of narcissist 😅 Thank you, really a deep psychological analysis. Helps me to understand better and forgive myself and the other.
Wow. I can't believe how accurate you are. I just stopped allowing myself to care what he says when i sit still. He still makes comments. I know its his misery. The talking. The buying. Thats why he hates me and my son. We made it to where he can't buy everything he wants to. He even repeats stoires hes already told me and gets annoyed when i tell him he told me already. His stories are boring because they are now repeated. Hes already told me everything it seems. He is not happy with the small things.
I appreciate you helping others this topic should be taught in schools because people seem to come learn after the traumas I recently dumped my narc ex for my own sanity and I’ve never felt so tired before
Wow! I can't believe how accurately this describes my husband. Over the past year or so I was thinking it was ADD, but over the past few months I am begining to realize that he is a low level narcissist. He doesn't buy things, but he is always working, whether working at his job or at the house. He never rests. We've been married for 25 years and now I know why I am so exhausted and worn out. My children are worn out.
Thank you for pointing this out! I was constantly exhausted from going non-stop every day, night, weekend with multiple trips every year. It was too much!
My 2 grandsons MUST go with their father 2xs a week. They have nightmares every night after thr vidit. Please Pray for Children & the rotten courts who force it because "they need their fathers in their life". NO THEY DO NOT!!! He swears at them, calls the oldest names, puts 1 against the other, critical non stop if any thing the like or fo as wrll as be un their ear about their mither & family ge gates. Irs been 5 yrs. Ge shoukd be iver ut akready ..nirmallt but he us deminic & i see ut niw. Tgank you Dansh❤️
I am a father, so i am not sure what you are talking about. Kids need their father in their lives and the statistics prove it, if this paricular father is verbally abusive to his children then you consider this case on it's merits or demerits, but to say kids do not need their father is to deprive both the children and their father of a healthy relationship.
The narcissist is restless and cannot really relax because they are running away from their true-self, they are scared of their past catching up with them. Good video.
Excellent information 👏 Thank you so much. It is absolutely a God send. My husband is a covert narc and this video explains so much of his behaviour. I feel so much better about myself after hearing this information. My husband has called me boring, lazy etc and he has never truly understood why sometimes I don't want to go out especially after when I've raised our daughter like a single mum. He has never been around due to his need of escapism and lack of concentration. I currently had to move in with my mum with my daughter because he went to live with his full blown narcissistic mother because he doesn't have enough money to provide for his wife and child (which is not true). He has money but always says its not enough. Everything is always not enough. Love bombs me everytime he wants something then devalues me if I say no and chucks a tantrum like a small child only because he didn't get his way and if he wants something he doesn't stop nagging about it until he gets his way. We've been married for 10 years and 18 years in total. I only recently have realised who he really is as his mask has finally fallen off. I see his good side but then I realise but isn't his 'good side' only a lie? 🤔 Its very confusing, time consuming and extremely draining to be with a narcissists. You're never good enough and enough is never enough. You can never win with a narcissist. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't 🙈
Hey there, been married and with mine since I was 17, I am 63 now. Just learned about this last year. So yeah, am now in the midst of figuring out what 2 do. My children are married, never see them or hear from them. Figure out how much more you want to lose in life then decide what you will do. Don't wait. Give up hope on the relationship and look to an actual future. Life is short, you deserve to be treated like you exist. I don't even know you and believe you are a warm, kind, empathetic person. Please don't waste your care, love , devotion be wasted on your team member who does not care or love you
I was raised by 2 narcissists and found that I went on to marry one. You put all my internal thoughts into words. Things that I know but just couldn’t put together. I am so tired and drained from the constant talking, tv/radio most waking hours, new projects I usually have to finish but criticized for not doing it right, constant buying, no help when I really need it for important things/tasks, etc, etc, etc. You said it all. Thank you!
Danish, your videos are PRICELESS!! You hit every relevant example in detail. Also, all of their feigned business is a train to nowhere. They often accomplish NOTHING!! It’s all about snowing others to THINK they’re so important. They walk away with nothing! Unlike a non-NARC trauma response (let’s say of a codependent) of “toxic over-doing” or over-achieving), where you take on too much/have too much on your proverbial plate, but in the end, you walk away with something very tangible, like an educational degree, or a prestigious award-often to not only convince ourselves we have worth, but to PROVE to others (often NARCs), that we deserve praise, and that we are worthy. I’ve learned that the only person I should be concerned about pleasing is ME. And then ya know what?? The right people will follow naturally! #fillyourowncup #findyourtribe Thank you, Danish! THANK YOU!! 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Again… another video spot on 🎯 Spent 14 years married to one and at year 12 was at the end of my rope and was diagnosed with cancer. You described my life perfectly! 😢
You hit the nail here. I dated a women like this... Kind of hyperactive and exhausted at the same time, she told me I was this and that, and then she left
💯 Danish! Another great analysis to help me understand and heal. My ex was ALWAYS "busy" and could not sit still, like he was a little kid. He would even assign chores for me disguised as him wanting me to cook certain recipes that took a lot of time VS quick foods.
2 years and it got worse and worse. I was exhausted. Couldnt leave him in a room alone like a child. He had to be constantly engaged! 55 yrs old but so child like
Something interesting I noticed... most people's heart rate slows down when they fall asleep, but when the narc I was dating fell asleep I could feel his heart rate speeding up as if he was mobilising for fight or flight. So strange! That was probably a red flag too. Also, not only trauma but the 'Hyperactive' or 'Combined' subtypes of ADHD can also have symptoms of hyperactivity or not being able to sit still. I think I stayed longer with the narc I was dating because I put a lot of his strange behaviours down to undiagnosed CPTSD, ASD and/or ADHD. But it's clear now there was narcissism there and I suspect sociopathy too. I've learned that all psychopaths and sociopaths are also narcissists, but not all narcissists are sociopathic or psychopathic.
A lot of this describes my neighbor. He cannot ever be still. Always running around his yard trying to find something to do. Our properties are very close together and it's right there. Now I understand why he can't rest. His mind won't let him.
A Narcissistic friendship I once had revolved around me serving their needs . They took too much from me , Even my husbands time , she took from me asking him do something for her without me knowing. she avoided paying for taxis , handman , and accommodation.
So weird. My mother is a huge narc. But she thrives on the entire house being SO SILENT. It was so toxic growing up in an ice cold dark and quiet house. She couldn’t stand noise. She would freak out if any music was playing or the tv would set her offf. I could never do anything right and she would sit in silence and GLARE at me. There was never any relaxing moments. She would just sit and stare at me and I never understood it. She was obsessed with any movement I made. Always analyzing me. It was actually exhausting. She literally sucked my soul out. My stomach would be in knots for years and she thrived off my discomfort. If I ever challenged her behaviors she would simply kick me out, putting me in vulnerable positions even as a kid. She dated a psychologist at the Mayo Clinic and he broke up with my mom, telling me that their whole relationship was revolves around “fixing me” I was 16. I was a great kid, worked, made good grades, but I was always “sick” to her. She would push my buttons and smile when I would try to fight back . I was in a position where I needed a place to stay, I lasted one day at her house with my son, and the gaslighting and emotional abuse drove me out after one night. I had my friend pick me up from 2 hours away and she attacked me. How dare I trust anyone more then her. I found peace by being away from her, and since seeing her recently, it’s really showed me how unhappy and really evil driven she is. She will forever be like this. I have had to do so much therapy to know that I am a good person and a great mom. I still hurt but I’m healing. She really fucked me up.
Sooooooooo true !!!!!! Mine was a sex addict … besides that always had a place to go to for something… for a living he is a courier… always on the move…. And that job also gave him the opportunity to sneak away to hotels & pick up hookers… When his mouth was falling apart with periodontal disease he could never even look in the mirror to see how bad it was…. Always in denial about everything…. Never a truth seeker either…. The truth is like poison to them…
First thing I did, literally, after leaving the narcissist was to sleep. I was exhausted! And, yes, he called me "lazy" because I wouldn't stay up with him until 3 or 4am every day of the week!
Thank you for your channel. I've noticed many people mention how narcissists are often trauma survivors but may I ask, who isn't a trauma survivor in one way or another except for a smaller number of people ? I believe what actually makes the narcissist different from the majority is that the narcissist has chosen to live and operate in self serving evil and nothing will change that. Evil has given them pleasure and accomplishments and there's nothing anyone who hasn't accepted the same spirit can do except leave the narcissist alone. Thank you🤔
Just got out of a 12 year mightmare ,married to one of these demons.The reason they can't sit still is because they don't want to self reflect ever.They can't handle their own truth of who and what they are and what they've done.
This is the most accurate truth spoken. I’ve been struggling to see why they can’t stop going, it’s psychological. And a trama response, only they hurt others when they feel hurt, keeps the cycle of abuse going.
@@TwinklingofaneyeLoveStoryofGod I learned the hard way we can't help them,it's better to walk away.
Covert mom would say whenever she sat still she'd feel so tired, I said it was her past catching up with her! So selfish, sit and watch your grandchildren pls, it's "their" turn to feel special!
@@housewifefromhell5801nice name! Imagine, just imagine just what our lives would be like down the road had we not the guts/conviction to stick up and defend ourselves!
@joseenoel8093 Thank u.I'm in debt up to my eyeballs because of 12 ears with him but I'm free now and I've never been happier.
The narcissist can't sit still, and when they do, they must have the television or radio on at all times, even when they are asleep. They can't stand silence because they don't want to reflect on their life.
B-I-N-G-O!👌🏼🤝🏻👍👍100%!
Oh wow, I recognise the part "sleeping with the radio on". He got mad if I turned it off while he was sleeping
Yes! Sleeping with the tv on, always busy cleaning or doing random things
Oh wow that’s why my mom always falls asleep with the tv on only and she’s definitely a narcissist
not all people who do this are narcissists though. we have to be careful not to make blanket statements. if you live with one then you know for sure, but not all people that need the tv or radio on are narcissists. people experience different levels of trauma and some people cope having the distraction of a tv or radio, that's not always a bad thing.
Because they are running from the truth !!!!
They're emotionally crippled souls that are addicted to attention. Because of this they need to constantly move around to get supply
Always making NOISE from any movement and pretending ALWAYS busy. Bravo Danish!
Your nervous system is constantly on edge when your with them .
Facts
This describes my mother exactly! She finally passed and now I can rest.😢
Perfect explanation. I agree that narcissistic suppressed trauma is like a ticking time bomb! The narcissist's feed off their addictions 24/7 instead of taking a step back to relax and reflect.
@caroleminke6116 yes, plus so many other disorders spring up with the narcissistic personality disorder, like OCD, anxiety, paranoia, compulsive lying, hoarding, nuerosus, psychosis and so many more to list!
@@norcal1009Hi 👋 so many other disorders accompanying Narcissist. Are you familiar with Borderlines.?
Major overlapping Traits and Varying degrees of their potential positive prognosis. Narcs Borderline Codependency on a Spectrum In that order .
Narcissistic traits or incurable Narcissist I am asking I think 🤔 I'm asking your opinion about...
Your comments
being sponged
up here .. Thanks
🦅🏆😎
@dextermorganbloodspattersp6382 👋 I'll check it out. I've heard that the narcissist and Borderlines do share many traits of personality disorder. The last time I looked at the DSM-5, it seemed like a big confusing mess. 🤣 Not surprising considering the overlap. I can't remember which traits were the most severe in both. That's a good place to start. I'd hope they can make the DSM-5 a little more user-friendly for the masses. 😅
@@norcal1009 Thank You so much for your knowledge and opinions expressed. From what I managed to learn thus far is that with about 10 years of intensive therapy there might be improvement in the Borderlines ability to emotionally regulate themselves and not
" Split" n Rage on People.
Either or it is an extreme investment to ask someone to endure their abuse that long if they're even willing to seek the therapy. 😉 Talk again soon after
🦅🏆😎
@dextermorganbloodspattersp6382 no prob, you're definitely on the right track. A Google search made quite a distinction between the two, just as you said about the spectrum. What interests me the most too is the RAGE. There are the emotions or lack thereof, but anger is WAY underestimated as a focus for the potential for harm!! The causal focus for narcs, for example, is their 'shame'. My personal thoughts on that is that RAGE or anger/resentment can quickly sweep shame under the rug. The monster appears from rage, not shame imo. Great question to discuss 👍
Our narcissist also pretends to be tired when chores or child rearing needs to be attended too. Or our narcissist also pretends to have aches or a new injury. Amazing how fast & well they walk or do things for themselves when they think 💬 nobody is looking. We witness it every single time 😡😤.
I ran out of narcissist home and only felt relaxed after sleeping well in my mom's home. I missed that deep sleep from many years. I could not even remember when I got a dream last time. What he says is absolutely true. My husband was like why you feel satisfied with everything. Don't you want to work hard and get a higher post in job? Don't you want to succeed? They always more, more and more.. I thought he was an energetic person and now I understand the reason behind it
Too true, I'd too often have to put mine to bed 🛌, he'd have to have 15 beers a day and would, sleep deprived, sleep walk, he's finally smartened up and got a fatty liver scare. I'd often stay awake at night just to hear silence! Very cruel day life makes for an unhealthy sleep!
It is imperative to them....to suck all the air out of a room.
That first nights rest away from then feels so amazing and much needed.
I can’t sit still i wake up and I’m out the door compulsively
I already felt it as a child that some people are just sick, when looking at how they are crazy about working.
Yes, especially the part when they call you "lazy"! You answered a question I had! I wanted to know about all the "lazy" stuff. When I go my own way and ask for my own needs, instead of theirs, I am called LAZY! I suppose I am the lazy servant to them...
My old man had OCD, was a workaholic , only sat down at work desks, to eat, or watch TV. Everyone else on the planet was " lazy " compared to him. The only reason I forgive him is because he was a depression era kid.
The worse was on a day off after a long week at work and the disgust she would have on her face when she asked so what did you do today? Made me feel wrong for enjoying my day off work.
@@MX-xg2pdI would gladly tell her I went for a hike or lazily flipped through channels on the tube. Then smile when those 'pointless' activities annoyed her.
@@MX-xg2pdSame. Being in my late 60's, Saturday nights and Sunday are the most difficult days of the week yet. Her "if i were you, sitting eight hours a day behind a desk, I would be running home, to do some cleaning, gardening. Only dust will follow me. or there is so much work to do and you are sitting and reading books or how long will you be slouching with your homework, when i was at school. All my childhood and later on her parenting was none existing or abhorrent.💜
I have multiple sclerosis...his family called me lazy cos i couldn't take care of their parents
now he calls me lazy all the time cos i am his" servant "but cant do things fast enough
No empathy whatsoever....taught well from his family especially parents😮
Amazing, Danish...you hit the nail on the head. Always moving, fidgeting, twitching with repetitive movements, always buying things - often the same thing twice, being gleeful and happy when doing things they aren't supposed to do (I could tell the change in demeanour immediately, and I always knew they were up to something).
Also, Restless Leg Syndrome can be added to the list. His feet always twitching, moving every 10, 20... seconds while sitting back in his recliner watching TV, never able to sit still, except 1 hour during deep sleep. Always a constant undertow of agitation. I was never able to relax on vacation either, lying on the beach next to him was uncomfortable. I was glad when he went into the water. A sigh of relief... Always walking on eggshells. Now I know why. Thank GOD we never lived together!!
@@somerskye2750 a lot of people have restless leg syndrome from a medical condition such as anemia, it has nothing to do with being narcissistic, narcissist always doing repetitive things like walking back and forth and talking a mile a minute and oftenly repeating themselves, because they're always being deceitful.
OMG this is so real. Every second of the day picking up his phone checking for messages and looking for supply. Nervous habits. Sickly materialistic, getting his kicks buying the newest and most expensive cars which "nobody has - he is the only one who drives them", plus all the attention he gets around it, again supply, but after a few months he is already bored and looking for another special fast car. Again attention and supply. He couldn't sit still next to me watching a movie, he is running through the house all the time looking for abstraction, his "house" also high finished materials, but everything has to stay in place and perfect, felt like living in a museum, oh yes, he won prices for best manager of the year, publicity around, and yes, also with his penthouse he was spotted and published, always attention, and the list can go on, I thaught "is he never getting tired ?" Oh no, it was me getting tired !! 😅😅
In the restaurant he swallowed his food and even before he finished he was searching for the waiter finger snapping to make hurry and pay the bill asap and run. Very romantic !
I remember the good old days when he made me feel like a queen, he ordered me desert, drinks and coffees as much as I pleased, having lovely small talks and having a good time... I thaught. I suppose this was the love bombing stage? 🤔🤔😅😅
Are narcissist paranoid too? My mom has targeted me for her paranoia. If I eat, cook, use the bathroom, or wash clothes, then I am trying to take over.
@@jeno4100 yes , they need to control everything , aniexty is caused when they arent in control
narcissists do not like peace and quiet, and for problems to be solved.
these things are boring and most of all, force the narcissist to self-reflect.
causing drama and conflict provides a distraction from them rotten self, and creates excitement for their pathetic lives.
cheers from southern ontario, canada 🇨🇦
Wise words God bless us all whove had to deal with such sick freaks may God put a stop to there evil ways now all glory to God Amen!! 🙏❤
@tcbcmoto4895 thanks for your kind words.
all the best to you.
- cheers, steven
Honestly, one of my supervisors are just like this. They look creating drama, confusion, and always in someone face. Believe he hates dealing with his inner self, but projects as if employees the problem.
Zero conflict resolution skills, bringing closure to "issues" will end the supply, the fight goes on forever. I call it manufatured controversy.
Thank you for this explanation. No more circus. No more monkeys. Rest is good. Enjoy the little things.
My both parents were narcissist and unfortunately being empathetic I attracted a narcissistic husband too who died two yrs back... In first time in life I am in peace, I do meditation, follow spirituality. Gratitude💐
Demons can be part of spirituality too remember. Only the way of Jesus is the true path, anything else will lead you to hell, even if it appears good. This is how Satan sucks a person in. Jesus said “I am the way, the truth and the life; no-one comes to God except through Me (John 14:6). Jesus wants you to to cast all your cares on Him because He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7). Only by repenting of sin and trusting in Jesus to guide your life are you spiritually safe for all eternity. I encourage you to prayerfully read The Holy Bible.
I am glad you finally found peace after what must have been a lifetime of oppression with narcissists. As an empathetic person, it's nice to be home and get a break from negative stimuli.
@meenakumar4709 Meditation has also helped me with narcissistic parents. Good for you on finally finding peace ❤
U soo free😊
Spiritualiry will lead you tocthe biggest Narcissist of all SATAN!!!! Get SAVED ! 1 cor 15 1-4 kjv google it its your free gift of salvation wich You recieve through FAITH ALONE ! No works ! Lest any man should boast amen
This sounds a bit like ADHD, but where Narcissists differ is in their compelling need for control and their willingness to backstab anyone to get what they want. They are also manipulative and exploitative.
Yep exactly I’ve been thru this
I think they use ADHD as an excuse
ADHD is a very real condition. Assuming someone is narcisstic because they're hyperactive is silly armchair psychology at best@@melisherwood5300
Soo true
But people love people like this ...its strange
Nobody wants to believe u
Ok .. now I see . I’m glad you stayed that . I was thinking I may be a narc but I’m not a hateful backstabbing person. I’m just very energetic 🤩
I don’t think of my husband as a narcissist, but he is like that on the weekends. I am an empath & a creative. I have to take moments of rest. He continues to keep on the move through the day. I have to take Mondays to rest & regroup and look forward to him going to work. 🤷🏼♀️
I was the same. The relief I felt on a Monday morning to have the house to myself (if I wasn't at work anyway) was such a relief. The very fact we feel so much better when they are out of our space, speaks for itself!
Yes, I always looked forward to Mondays and hated when he took his vacations.
Yes, that was always something I looked forward to as well! Mondays...
If he is like that and you are an empath then I am sorry to say to you he has NPD. They always prey on emphats.
Their appetite for avoidance and distraction is insatiable.
My ex was constantly gaming and gambling when he wasn’t on social media. He was the exact opposite of me. I’m a writer I like music and plays and books and nature. I would sit outside and just meditate or try to enjoy the birds or just the sunshine and he would be constantly talking so I never had even one moment of peace which is when I started staying up all night after he went to sleep because it was the only time I could be at one with myself without him interrupting me and my thoughts. It also is the reason so many of us get trapped or stuck in the relationship because we are never able to sufficiently confront our emotions and our inner being that is screaming at us to get the hell out.
Totally- I’d stay up all night to have peace then he’d wake up and criticize me for still being up at 6am. Going to bed the same time and waking up the same time as him was THE LAST thing I did. That would have been all day, never ending torture.
@@undercoverbird8592 and they have trust issues so they think everyone is like them talking to other people and cheating so they want you to be on the same schedule so they can watch you like a hawk. My ex was always accusing me of being up on social media or dating apps because that’s what he would be doing behind my back
Wow - this was my situation! The talking - 😩😩😩
Wow, this point is dead on!!! They create so much drama and chaos that their victims are never able to take the time hear their inner voice speaking to them. And I’d like to add that this also prevents said victims from devising a good exit strategy to help them get out.
Yes, always noise, noise, noise with them. They cant SHUT UP. Sometimes I cannot even THINK around him.
A narcissist I know invents a new need for a new hobby every day.
So, at the end of the day she has done 2 different courses about spirituality, a yoga lesson, a pilates exercise, a fitness session with a nutritionist, a beauty therapy, a second beauty therapy, a meeting with the dermatologist, another one with a personal trainer, an online consultation for self improvement, a lesson for painting, cooking, playing piano and everything else that exists and someone else is doing around.
And shopping. An endless one. All this without never stopping, resting or sleeping. The absolute absence of a conscious present moment.
A huge impact on everyone's inner balance. Everybody at home is boring and lazy for her.
This is exactly how I grew up - raised by two perpetually busy, but miserable, narcissists who constantly called me lazy because I wouldn't participate in their needless, frenetic absent-mindedness. My father became an alcoholic hoarder and my mother died of cancer at 48 after ten years of illness. You nailed this one, Danish - well done!
Omg, this was my toxic entanglement. I always felt I had to be doing something when he was around. He made feel like I was lazy when I wasn’t busy. He never calls me lazy directly but his snarky attitude said otherwise. I worked took care of the house, kids etc and even then whenever he was around I felt I should be doing something. But it was ok for him to a complete lazy ass daily. He would come home, dinner always ready and he would retreat to the man cave for hrs. No engagement with me or the kids outside of saying hi🙄. But I can hear him on his phone calling people for conversation and laughing. Now that I’m fully educated on NPD this all make sense on what a true pathetic empty loser he is🤬
Sounds like my Dad :/
Same here... covert narcissist husband I'm trying to divorce.
And they love sitting and watching others work or creating work for others to do.
@@heathermixson1265 💯%
We truly are married to Twin brothers!😂 . Always sabotaging love and joy!
My ex narc use to always say " Idle Hands The Devil Makes"!! He could Never be idle was always doing something , going somewhere. Thanks to your video, now I understand why.
This describes my sister as far as the need to stay busy, can't relax and even can't sleep well at night. But she's not one I can talk to and she's defensive ALL the time. I've tried to talk to her several times and if she doesn't want to hear it ( happened twice ) she walks away while I'm in the middle of a sentence. I quit trying to talk to her about anything of a serious nature, tired of walking on eggshells.
In the love bombing stage I just thought we were being active because we were doing things we both actually liked. After time I never felt like I could rest. Then he would go into a depressive swing on the weekend and want to stay in bed all day, with me right beside him! I absolutely grew to HATE it. What's worse, he tried to force "family time" on my kids (not his), dragging them with us on outings they weren't interested in and didn't enjoy. He would then be nothing but a non-stop verbally abusive foul mouthed jerk the whole time making it miserable for us all! Before I got us out I stopped allowing him to try and force my kids into activities they were miserable doing. I found ways to do things WE liked when he was at work. After I got us out it felt like we had escaped a prison camp. Freedom never tasted so sweet!
Why is it that narcissists can have a family when normal men are getting ignored or used and disrespected by women?
@@tuinov6286 That is a valid question. I could ask as well from my own experience why I, as a loyal, honest, giving, hard working woman seem to attract partners who want to gaslight, ghost, or in the case of my last relationship, a violently abusive partner?
@@ThatMontanaMom You women usually go with the man that approaches you and initiates. The men who are not full of themselves and have a good heart will not bother you even if they are attracted. The narcissist will bother you no matter what you feel. The solution for your problem is you have to initiate. Sadly most women are turned off if the man doesn't pursue and they call him feminine.
Or maybe you are just lying to me and to yourself, you find the narcissist more exciting and thats why you go with him instead of going with a good man. A narcissist triggers both good and bad feelings, the emotional extremes are more fun and subconciously more attractive than a man who simply respects you.
@@tuinov6286 your comment leads with "you women" and is followed be a lot of generalizations. I HAVE approached men in the past, thinking there was connection only to find there was nothing on his end. You talk about a good hearted man not "bothering" a woman even if they like her. So, how is she supposed to even know he is interested? Women don't like being rejected any more than a man does. It hurts! Yet your comment makes it sound like you want the women to risk that rejection instead of yourself? As for abusers, they don't show up abusive. On the contrary, they put on the mask of sincere interest, attention, love and romance. It is only after they know they have you that the switch flips. Power imbalances in relationships are no joke and women can be abusive just like men. An intimate relationship is a working partnership and BOTH parties should be capable of taking initiatives.
@@ThatMontanaMom Forget it. Im done. Bye.
My narcissistic brother used to come over for 90 minutes to 2 hours once every few months and he was unable to sit down. This really clarifies things. After an hour he would pace and look at his watch and very abruptly say he has to go , you can sense his anxiety as if he felt he fulfilled his role by completing a visit as a task and the task was done.
Right on. I cant believe how exhausted he has made us all. But we are getting there!👍🥰🇨🇦
Oh my goodness this is so true I was diagnosed with PTSD and chronic fatigue and clinical depression 42 years with the ex narcissist
I left him six years ago
And I am still resting so much
But I don't feel nothing compared to the way I used to when I was in the relationship with the narcissistic husband
You know you are over a narcissist when you are fine with them watching tv, on their phone or out of the house- by god…. Let them do anything but talk to or be around me!! 😂 that gray rock is great when you are so boring and don’t care what they say or do. I gave them my moo cow face. 😂😂They NEED drama- don’t give it to them. ❤
I love this video.💯%true !
They are bored all the time.
Married to one 27 years.
Excruciating pain for everyone in the family.
Yes Indeedie Life00707, for me it was 26 year marriage and another 10 years of severe legal stress from his vindictiveness. Also have a narcissic mother, could never stop talking, don't you dare try to close your eyes and say a silent prayer, instant interruption, the drama queen needed attention 24/7. I finally made no contact with both of them and it's taken YEARS to rid myself of the manipulative guilt, I love nothing more than to hear total silence now, no radio, no TV, just the hum of the fridge and none of the Narc's INCESSANT DRAINING MIND NUMBING ABILITY TO make me want to sleep for 12 hours after being anywhere near such a person for more than half an hour. Cheers and best wishes to you and all who have suffered from these neverending fidgety needy perpetually unrelaxed wackos.
I’ve noticed that people who like attention, namely narcissists, egotistical and more extroverted people sometimes seem more lost and vulnerable when they are alone and maybe not fully comfortable in their skin, but when they are with people they seem more connected, distracted etc with chat/ banter etc.
I feel I notice it as I’m a total introvert and I feel I can sense different behaviours because I am not in the centre of things, more observant on the periphery and am ok being alone..
Every morning started with utter chaos with my narc Mom creating so much ruckus. Every single day. Today she is old, ailing and is freaking out as self soothing is a skill that is totally alien to her!
Thank you Danish..
Your revelations have me sitting up. They are so on point!!!
Mama had to keep a fuss going over something all the time. I can certainly relate to @suhitamitra's experience.
Mee too. 51 yrs of dealing with my horrible mother. Only me. She does it to nobody else
My mom loved to put away dishes loudly first thing, which isn't annoying to wake up to at all...
@@JackNance22It’s like they want everyone in the house to know they are up and working.
This fits. My spouse has a constant need to be doing something or watching (video) and when asked why we must have video or music 24/7 he said it was so he doesn't have to think. I think of him as time greedy because he must fill every moment with things he likes even if it means ignoring everyone.
It's strange how tired i was. At work, I would take lunch and fall asleep on the picnic table under the trees. I was expected to call "him" at lunch everyday. I tried to keep it brief so I could rest. I wanted to stay on top of that picnic table, watch the birds and trees and never go "home". After I left "him", I would wake up on the weekends, eat breakfast, make the bed and then fall back asleep in my clothes. Till 2 o 3 in the afternoon. Just couldn't stay awake. But, I woke up to peace.
In 2018 I was diagnosed with Idiopathic Hypersomnia. I think maybe being married for 20 years to a narcissist is the reason for my Hypersomnia. I never put the two together until now. I am still with him, but each day is like a roller coaster. I am so tired. 😔
I can totally relate to all of this and how he micromanaged every aspect of my life. I couldn’t have a moment to unwind after work. It was work, come home and start cleaning house, cooking, doing dishes, laundry, and then going to bed to start the cycle over again the next day because he would trash everything I had straightened up the day before.
@@christiebell1029Leave him. Don't make excuses to yourself to endure. You get one life. Fight for it!
They are literal vampires. Except, they don’t feed on your blood, they feed off of your life force/ essence.
@@Wakka144Mine promised to do so many things to help and never did. Even would turn out my requests of assistance.
Thank you 👌
My retired narc father spends all his time that isnt related to maintaining his grounds by watching tv, youtube, etc. Endless zombie-like staring at the screen. And he fidgets, gets in and out of his chair, looks in the fridge frequently…
All the while he has zero patience for conversation and acts like he’s being attacked by even simple questions.
As it is written (Isaiah 57:21) ... There is no peace for the wicked.
Amen
Thank you for clarifying. I was starting to get scared hearing you describe the restlessness. Ever since I escaped my mother’s reach I realize that I am incapable of sitting still. I'm either working 60+ hours a week or throwing myself into a new “hobby” such as baking, cooking, and cleaning like an obsessed person. When I do manage to sit still I grieve.
I've only just acknowledged this myself. I find it so hard to sleep, mindlessly watch box sets to keep me from sleeping, why, because that's when I really start to remember how my ex husband, now deceased, treated me. I'm also realising that I need to remember in order to heal and move on.
This guy videos are so therapeutic
You are describing my husband sooo precisely!!! I can now understand why I’m so exhausted!! Sleep deprived and overwhelmed with hectic activities one after another for decades have definitely taken a toll on my health. No to mention the obsession about cars, buying stuff, impressing people with a myriad illusions. 😫😔
Mine wanted everybody in his family to see everything he had he would take pictures and post it on Facebook..
And since they were just like him a narcissist they would come over and ask him for his stuff and make him find it for weed... I said go and brag about your stuff again dumb dumb
Back away leave him to it and learn to say no....I have feel much better
That's very relatable. Though I'm not a narcissist, I used to suppress a lot of negative emotions and horrible memories. I've kept myself busy all the time because deep down I knew it would hit me like a truck if I allowed all these traumas to resurface.
I can't muster up sympathy for narcissists because I've been dealing with people like these in the past and it never ended well for me. But the constant restlessness, the paranoia and the nightmares really take a toll on your sanity. It's a hell that I don't wish upon my worst enemy
According to this video, you are a narcissist. A true narcissist wouldn't reflect on themselves critically, that's not what they do. So this video is pointless. Most narcissists just like to be in the center of attention and typically that doesn't involve work, it involved partying and being a social butterfly.
@incremental_failure I think you don't understand the intention of these videos. They are made to raise awareness of why narcissists think and act the way they do so people won't fall victims for them so easily. True, narcissists won't reflect on themselves, but people dealing with narcissists or suffering abuse by narcissists can learn to reflect on the situation and realize what's happening to them and how they can escape it.
While it's true that the lack of self-reflection is a symptom that all narcissists show, it's not exclusive to them and that's what he said in his videos too. I'm getting the feeling you didn't watch them or completely missed it.
And what makes you say that narcissism doesn't involve work and it's about partying? Many people in high positions are narcissists, sociopaths, etc. Being a CEO or having employees depending on them makes them the center of attention by default. And it gives them something they really love: control over people. They can take control over your finances to some degree, control you by threatening to fire or sanctioning you, they can harass you and make you do whatever they want and get away with it. And if you get out of line, they'll use every dirty trick to humiliate you or completely ruin your life.
@@NoxAtlas And it's based on what? Where is the research? It's one guy with an opinion. So many of these blabber channels on TH-cam and enough silly because to believe anything they're told.
Becoming a CEO is one of the hardest ways to gain power in society. They released numbers on sociopathy in professions and doctors, police officers, lawyers were up there. Becoming a police officer is the absolute easiest way to get a lot of power over people. Doctors come second, you can literally control whether people live or die.
@@incremental_failure So... narcissists are incapable of pursuing a career? You know that the US had a narcissist as president, right? Or look at Elon Musk.
I don’t think it’s as simple as needing to be distracted all the time. Lots of people do that and are not necessarily narcissistic. But when a person’s need for distraction becomes pathological and it’s paired with other narcissistic red flags, it’s probably a good sign that the person you’re dealing with is probably a narcissist.
That's what happened to me. I was married to my husband for 40 years. 8 years before the end of our relationship I shut down. I couldn't do it anymore. I was tired from all of the garbage that went on in my life with him. The running around having to do things constantly. Constantly selling our homes and buying other homes. I was tired and I couldn't do it any more. It was all about him and what he was going to do and what he was going to get. Finally, last summer in April I caught him having an affair with a married woman he had me falsely arrested and removed from my home with a false restraining order. I couldn't come back home one month later. All I could do was pray and ask God to vindicate me all. I wanted to do Was to go home? I prayed and prayed and asked God to vindicate me. Exactly one month later, on May 15th. She broke up with him and he couldn't handle it any committed suicide.
Wowwww
Sooo unfortunate that it took that for you to be finally free.
May God Continue To Bless You and Keep You Free! I have nothing against your deceased husband except the demons that he allowed to hold him down. Reaping and sowing is real and he reaped everything he sowed through his free will decisions. Your prayers availed much and brought you freedom to return home. May your bereavement process be swift.💐🙏💝🎊
@@TaWandaJoyner Thank you for those words of encouragement. That's right, you report you. So God bless you, and thank you again.
@@lindafriesz955 You are so welcome!💐🙏🦋
I hope your not too happy..
Danish, you nailed this one too, one hundred percent. He could never sit still, ever and it was weird. Always busy and was never able to finish projects. He would move on to other projects. When you showed that casino part, my mouth dropped open. We have a casino about seven miles where I used to live and he would always sneak out there. I thought he had a gambling problem, but this helps me to understand all that. He cheated on me with another, then he cheated on them and then he cheated on them. It was mind blowing. I'm a week out of that 20 year relationship and things are so much clearer. My chronic fatigue is easing up and my pain is becoming less. Thank God that I left when I did.
It took me almost two years of planning but it is soooo worth it. Thank you for your videos Danish, you are a blessing. 🙏
Sooo Proud of you!!👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 Some people don't have the patience or STRENGTH to think clearly enough to break Free! Keep living your New Beautiful life without those demonic energies sucking your soul. God is going to do amazing things for you🙏🏾
It's truly amazing to me how my physical problems have improved as I've worked to remove the narc in my life.
I'm so glad you got out and are experiencing the same. I hope it just keeps getting better and better for you!
I also was married for 27 wasted years to a Narc. I wish I could have seen the videos a long time ago! Because I didn't know the Demon I was married to! Or understand it. Like I do now.
I thank GOD for me getting away from him. He is now married to victim #3! Who will have to learn the same hard lesson that I did!
@@messagesofmercedes2352 thank you. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I moved 200 miles away from my hometown. I don't know anybody in this new town, but I will eventually. Not interested in another relationship for a long time. I now have trust issues so its my turn.😊
Very inciteful. This describes my mother perfectly. I never realised not being able to rest and sit still was a narcissistic trait. Explains why my poor dad is always yelled at for being lazy. He's now 82 and she still yells at him for not helping around the house and ridicules him when he falls asleep while watching TV.
The ex pushed me to where I just didn't want to do anything for her anymore. Everything was always a command or a demand for her to then display disappointment or disgust for whatever reason. If I did it out of love or the joy of doing something for her it was still never good enough or a waste of time or money. No different than my dad turning things that I enjoyed doing into a punishment. I'm sure that you understand what that does to you.
Not to mention giving away things right in front of me, that I had bought as a gift for her. Or offering me things that she considered fit for the 🗑.
Omg. Before I ever knew my ex was a narc, I used to tell my ex bf (narc) to slow down and stop running like a hamster on a wheel and give his nervous system and adrenals a break. He couldn’t sit still. He is everything you described as he has the financial means to be a materialistic creep. No soul. 💔🙏🏼
Hamster Lol
Yeah my ex had to have the tv always! Even going to bed. He never ever drank water only coffee and wine. I didn’t get it at first…
Thanks for the video. I have a narcissistic colleague who often sent me messages during weekends and on public holidays, and she always requested me to send her files. When she got what she wanted, she replied 'tq', and usually without an apology for disturbing me during my rest time. One day, I had enough when she asked me if I would be at the office during a weekend. I told her 'no'. After I rejected her requests many times, she has stopped bothering me. I used to think that she was a workaholic, but now I understand that she's just a narcissist.
so very true! They trigger themselves into a psychotic fits all of the sudden without provocation and create a tornado around them by driving everyone into a frenzy; and, if you refuse to respond to it, they will mot stop with tenacity of a bull until you break down into tears, screaming, loosing your inner peace and balance -loosing yourself, exploding.
And then…oh, miracle! They suddenly calm in a split second with a satisfied expression on their face, even a smile - almost leaking their lips after a satisfactory feast…. while you are are still shivering, wiped out and completely disoriented about what has just happened to you.
They look like they got their magic fix, while it will take you days to rebalance yourself; and after years of living together, this rebalancing takes longer and longer until the damage permanently destroys your health physically and psychologically
Yes! Great description. Completely resonates with me.
Yes, constantly on the move! Even when they are "relaxing", you can see they aren't relaxed. They think just being nonstop busy(especially work related) is something to be proud of and admired for. It's really not. They also love taking a week-end retreat and a few online classes on things like learning how to be a "life coach", or yoga instructor, or meditation teacher, or nutritionist, or whatever, and then thinking they are now an "expert", and start working as one to "help" all their clients in their newfound field. Then moving on to something else when that doesn't pan out, or they get bored with it. Narcissists come a dime dozen, so they have a lot of company for small talk, and in staying "busy" with activities that really have no substance. There is nothing more meaningless and empty than being around a group of narcissists, let alone one. I have learned to just let them get on with their life(it is their choice), but keep them out of mine.
Perfect explanation!! I was pregnant and he would ridicule me when I got so tired trying to keep up with him in every way. He was exhausting!!! Thank you for explaining, makes so much sense and continues to validate my feelings and experiences!!!
Yes, my husband's father and my father are always shifting spots and looking at the TV during family visits then act all offended when no one wants to talk to them because having a conversation with them is impossible.
My father exactly the same. Its like having unsociable stranger in the house. When we were all younger we kinda thought oh he is tired from work let him have his me time but then when he retired it all because pretty obvious who he was. This is why all these marriages continue for so long because of being busy with work. I found it kinda humorous when during Covid it was reported that divorces tripled or something because people were finally forced to spend more time together.
Me, hubby and 3 teen boys packed up and moved cross country so my parents could spend what time they have left with our kids. We couldn't share driving because I had 2 boys and our van, hubby a uhaul, his car on a trailer and 1 boy. From wy to pa ...it took days...about an hour after we got there she started hounding about unloading the uhaul. They can not sit still. Ever.
Absolutely right 👍 Danish! I'm from India...my husband is a convert nars. He cheated on me for over 10 years. ....he never shamed me about their behaviour.....and he can't sit still constantly showing he is busy busy.... now I understand the behind this type of behaviour.Thanx a lot.
Why are you with someone who cheats on you for over ten years ??
Danish, I notice that a lot of comments talk about the narcissist. Yes, we need to understand what we experienced. However, at some point we have to turn the focus back on ourselves. Narcissists can not continue to be allowed to control our thoughts.
Thank you for another valuable healing tool. I've never seen this topic covered before. I had assumed that his need to constantly be moving was from his ADHD. But the way you detail out the reasons, and knowing his background, this does sound like him. I'm fatigued when he's around,... and find energy when he's away. Thank you for giving me another puzzle piece to this picture.
Good episode. I have seen this in several narcissists.
So true! My narc neighbor (and ex-“friend”, and still a neighbor) stopped by right after I had watched this post. (I have to remain on civil terms with him for other reasons.) But looking at such behavior from the other side now it is really interesting. He was here for all of 30 minutes and made five phone calls! All while “visiting” with me. I feel so free and in control and no longer victim to his games.
My sister is the most selfish deceitful greedy monster you will ever meet. However, all she has ever done is sit and do nothing expecting everyone to wait on her.
This was a really good message today. They do hustle. That describes it well.
I see this everyday. Never sitting still, trouble sleeping, and talking incessantly.
great video. This is something that doesn't get talked about enough when dealing with narcs.
Danish, I’m glad you made the distinction between narcissist vs. trauma response. I was married for a short period of time to someone like this and I was worn down to a nub. I couldn’t nap or I was called lazy. I couldn’t read a book or I was accused of being antisocial. He ran me into the ground and I couldn’t get it right. After decades of accumulated trauma from him, others, and life… and having been in and out of therapy my entire life, I am a high-functioning depressed person with chronic illness who’s into many things after spending decades beat down by abuse. I could look like a narcissist if someone went by some videos out there because I am busy following my curiosity in retirement. But, I do rest, nap, lounge extravagantly, and sometimes do absolutely nothing. Literally. It’s bliss that has come from dealing with every.thing. Great episode. I love that you’re not doing what so many others are doing on this topic in their videos… and that is leaving it to the black and white, all-or-nothing thinking, that if everyone does XYZ, they are a narcissist… (that only narcissists do.) So many people need that reminder to critical think and question what they are seeing. ❤ Thanks again.
You described my life for the past 15 years! I too am a high-functioning depressed person raised by narc parents, and I married two narc husbands (different ones). I sure knew how to pick them! Once this divorce is final, I'll be blissfully single for the rest of my life.
You are literally weak lol, and you left your life partner.
My ex Narc was a hoarder
ALWAYS excepting things from ppl that he didn't need, things that didn't work, and too many things in a 1 bedroom apartment.
TVs that don't work, karaoke machine, etc...and ALWAYS wanted anything that I had.
It felt like he was competing with me
Thank you very much you have just my question right on time. He is always on his feet, phone, and chasing crowds 😂😂🙌
Hi Danish, thank you for this beautiful explanation. There are many different channels nowadays talking about narcissism, but I like how you talk about perspectives I don’t hear anywhere else. I think it’s because you have been raised by narcissists, while others seem to have had a relationship with one. It was just a thought I had, no judgement, I’m just glad seeing all of you bringing more awareness. You have given me so much insights in the behaviour of these people. Thank you so much for doing this, your content is amazing. ❤
Danish thank you for all your insights into the quirky nature of the Narc. You bring up things that I never thought of as being idiosyncratic to a narcissist. I have seen this in my daughter-in-law so distinctly. She perpetually would 24/7 be doing puzzles on her phone. Alternately making unnecessary and costly trips just for the sake of being in her car going somewhere. It never seemed important where the somewhere was as long as she is moving. The irony is that all the activity never produced anything productive - it was activity for the sake of activity and not to achieve anything - so sad.
This is the video I was waiting for.
Edit: brilliance, this sums everything up 100% from the nervous system to the chronic need for attention, all of it. Thank you
They also need to be in control at all times and watch closely their victims.
Every move can be used against them.
Wow, you hit it right on the head. Mine has secret land shops like crazy and always wants a new car months after buying one
They crave for new shinny things, like a child would. Their attention span is much like a toddlers too. The pleasureable effect of receiving a gift wears off quickly and they are off to look for the next new thing.
Buying a gift for a narcissistic partner is a waste of money, to them nothing is of any intrinstic value. They are incapable to empathy hence incapable of sentimentality,.
I walked away about 18 months ago from a 14 year marriage to a covert narcissist. He could never sit still. He exhausted me. I worked as a nurse, long hours and very stressful. Plus my youngest had epilepsy and cerebral palsy. I was exhausted all the time. My ex would be laying in bed next to me talking and laughing loudly to his family or a friend in Yoruban on the phone. I would be trying to sleep. He would also watch movies or play video games loudly. When I was talking with him he would turn up the sound. Prior to us being together every fee months I would book a a hotel for myself, go relax and sleep, totally chill for two nights on a weekend. The kids would be at their dad's. I was able to re-energize. But then came the narc. He made fun of me wanting to go to a hotel to rest. Said it was a total waste of money. Told me i didnt need it. I always felt exhausted. Was miserable. I found out he had been on a dating site for 2 years. But now, i am very well rested. I do self care. And am very glad i walked away.
I'm 51. This describes my narcissist mother. She never let's up, she only targets me
That explains an awful lot. They're frightened of themselves. That simple
This is so true! This happened to me, he was a early bird and I enjoyed a sleep in every now and then however, he would not let me. He would expect me to wake up when he wakes up and if I didn’t I was lazy 😒
100% on point!! Incredible description of this topic. I'm exhausted just thinking about it! God bless you Danish 🙏❤️
Whew! I cannot tell you the number of times I had to get a cab and leave her with the car just to get home and rest, after roaming around all day. You can tell the kids are exhausted somehow she coud not see it. I hope I was able to bring some order to the lives of my chidren, the chaos is unfathomable.
Well, certainly you brought to the children's lives some desperately needed stability. God bless.
You have such a deep understanding of narcissist such that you were yourself in the skin of narcissist 😅
Thank you, really a deep psychological analysis. Helps me to understand better and forgive myself and the other.
Thank you for what you said at the end...no generalizing, and anyone can have a trauma response.
Wow. I can't believe how accurate you are. I just stopped allowing myself to care what he says when i sit still. He still makes comments. I know its his misery. The talking. The buying. Thats why he hates me and my son. We made it to where he can't buy everything he wants to. He even repeats stoires hes already told me and gets annoyed when i tell him he told me already. His stories are boring because they are now repeated. Hes already told me everything it seems. He is not happy with the small things.
I appreciate you helping others this topic should be taught in schools because people seem to come learn after the traumas
I recently dumped my narc ex for my own sanity and I’ve never felt so tired before
You are right. It should be tought in schools.
Sucks the life right out of you
Wow! I can't believe how accurately this describes my husband. Over the past year or so I was thinking it was ADD, but over the past few months I am begining to realize that he is a low level narcissist. He doesn't buy things, but he is always working, whether working at his job or at the house. He never rests. We've been married for 25 years and now I know why I am so exhausted and worn out. My children are worn out.
It has me so wore out i just want to stay in bed🤦♀️
True.. the exhaustion catches up with them later in life. Resulting to terminal illnesses. I have witnessed this myself... Wah... pathetic indeed 😢😢😢
You have perfectly described my 24 year-old adopted son and his girlfriend. They are a narcissistic pair. Thank you so much for the insight.
Thank you for pointing this out! I was constantly exhausted from going non-stop every day, night, weekend with multiple trips every year. It was too much!
Love your simple, direct, easy to understand explanations to this sickness!
My 2 grandsons MUST go with their father 2xs a week. They have nightmares every night after thr vidit. Please Pray for Children & the rotten courts who force it because "they need their fathers in their life". NO THEY DO NOT!!! He swears at them, calls the oldest names, puts 1 against the other, critical non stop if any thing the like or fo as wrll as be un their ear about their mither & family ge gates. Irs been 5 yrs. Ge shoukd be iver ut akready ..nirmallt but he us deminic & i see ut niw. Tgank you Dansh❤️
I am a father, so i am not sure what you are talking about. Kids need their father in their lives and the statistics prove it, if this paricular father is verbally abusive to his children then you consider this case on it's merits or demerits, but to say kids do not need their father is to deprive both the children and their father of a healthy relationship.
The narcissist is restless and cannot really relax because they are running away from their true-self, they are scared of their past catching up with them. Good video.
Excellent information 👏 Thank you so much. It is absolutely a God send. My husband is a covert narc and this video explains so much of his behaviour. I feel so much better about myself after hearing this information. My husband has called me boring, lazy etc and he has never truly understood why sometimes I don't want to go out especially after when I've raised our daughter like a single mum. He has never been around due to his need of escapism and lack of concentration. I currently had to move in with my mum with my daughter because he went to live with his full blown narcissistic mother because he doesn't have enough money to provide for his wife and child (which is not true). He has money but always says its not enough. Everything is always not enough. Love bombs me everytime he wants something then devalues me if I say no and chucks a tantrum like a small child only because he didn't get his way and if he wants something he doesn't stop nagging about it until he gets his way. We've been married for 10 years and 18 years in total. I only recently have realised who he really is as his mask has finally fallen off. I see his good side but then I realise but isn't his 'good side' only a lie? 🤔 Its very confusing, time consuming and extremely draining to be with a narcissists. You're never good enough and enough is never enough. You can never win with a narcissist. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't 🙈
Hey there, been married and with mine since I was 17, I am 63 now. Just learned about this last year. So yeah, am now in the midst of figuring out what 2 do. My children are married, never see them or hear from them. Figure out how much more you want to lose in life then decide what you will do. Don't wait. Give up hope on the relationship and look to an actual future. Life is short, you deserve to be treated like you exist. I don't even know you and believe you are a warm, kind, empathetic person. Please don't waste your care, love , devotion be wasted on your team member who does not care or love you
I was raised by 2 narcissists and found that I went on to marry one. You put all my internal thoughts into words. Things that I know but just couldn’t put together. I am so tired and drained from the constant talking, tv/radio most waking hours, new projects I usually have to finish but criticized for not doing it right, constant buying, no help when I really need it for important things/tasks, etc, etc, etc. You said it all. Thank you!
Danish, your videos are PRICELESS!! You hit every relevant example in detail. Also, all of their feigned business is a train to nowhere. They often accomplish NOTHING!! It’s all about snowing others to THINK they’re so important. They walk away with nothing! Unlike a non-NARC trauma response (let’s say of a codependent) of “toxic over-doing” or over-achieving), where you take on too much/have too much on your proverbial plate, but in the end, you walk away with something very tangible, like an educational degree, or a prestigious award-often to not only convince ourselves we have worth, but to PROVE to others (often NARCs), that we deserve praise, and that we are worthy. I’ve learned that the only person I should be concerned about pleasing is ME. And then ya know what?? The right people will follow naturally! #fillyourowncup #findyourtribe Thank you, Danish! THANK YOU!! 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Again… another video spot on 🎯 Spent 14 years married to one and at year 12 was at the end of my rope and was diagnosed with cancer. You described my life perfectly! 😢
You hit the nail here. I dated a women like this... Kind of hyperactive and exhausted at the same time, she told me I was this and that, and then she left
💯 Danish! Another great analysis to help me understand and heal. My ex was ALWAYS "busy" and could not sit still, like he was a little kid. He would even assign chores for me disguised as him wanting me to cook certain recipes that took a lot of time VS quick foods.
2 years and it got worse and worse. I was exhausted. Couldnt leave him in a room alone like a child. He had to be constantly engaged! 55 yrs old but so child like
1000%true
Mine has made the whole house as godown by collecting things like flower pots.
Something interesting I noticed... most people's heart rate slows down when they fall asleep, but when the narc I was dating fell asleep I could feel his heart rate speeding up as if he was mobilising for fight or flight. So strange! That was probably a red flag too. Also, not only trauma but the 'Hyperactive' or 'Combined' subtypes of ADHD can also have symptoms of hyperactivity or not being able to sit still. I think I stayed longer with the narc I was dating because I put a lot of his strange behaviours down to undiagnosed CPTSD, ASD and/or ADHD. But it's clear now there was narcissism there and I suspect sociopathy too. I've learned that all psychopaths and sociopaths are also narcissists, but not all narcissists are sociopathic or psychopathic.
I noticed this too. It's true, you are right.
A lot of this describes my neighbor. He cannot ever be still. Always running around his yard trying to find something to do. Our properties are very close together and it's right there. Now I understand why he can't rest. His mind won't let him.
It is not good judging people, if you don't know them well enough.
A Narcissistic friendship I once had revolved around me serving their needs .
They took too much from me ,
Even my husbands time , she took from me
asking him do something for her without me knowing.
she avoided paying for taxis , handman , and accommodation.
So weird. My mother is a huge narc. But she thrives on the entire house being SO SILENT. It was so toxic growing up in an ice cold dark and quiet house. She couldn’t stand noise. She would freak out if any music was playing or the tv would set her offf. I could never do anything right and she would sit in silence and GLARE at me. There was never any relaxing moments. She would just sit and stare at me and I never understood it. She was obsessed with any movement I made. Always analyzing me. It was actually exhausting. She literally sucked my soul out. My stomach would be in knots for years and she thrived off my discomfort.
If I ever challenged her behaviors she would simply kick me out, putting me in vulnerable positions even as a kid. She dated a psychologist at the Mayo Clinic and he broke up with my mom, telling me that their whole relationship was revolves around “fixing me” I was 16. I was a great kid, worked, made good grades, but I was always “sick” to her. She would push my buttons and smile when I would try to fight back . I was in a position where I needed a place to stay, I lasted one day at her house with my son, and the gaslighting and emotional abuse drove me out after one night. I had my friend pick me up from 2 hours away and she attacked me. How dare I trust anyone more then her. I found peace by being away from her, and since seeing her recently, it’s really showed me how unhappy and really evil driven she is. She will forever be like this. I have had to do so much therapy to know that I am a good person and a great mom. I still hurt but I’m healing. She really fucked me up.
My narc always sits still in quiet anger at the same spot same time everyday, thinking about people who'd wronged him decades ago. Anyone ?
Sometimes yes! He must be a covert narcissist always playing being the victim
Sooooooooo true !!!!!!
Mine was a sex addict … besides that always had a place to go to for something… for a living he is a courier… always on the move…. And that job also gave him the opportunity to sneak away to hotels & pick up hookers…
When his mouth was falling apart with periodontal disease he could never even look in the mirror to see how bad it was…. Always in denial about everything…. Never a truth seeker either…. The truth is like poison to them…
They are happier to make you angry than to make you feel good. Your anger tells them they are still loved. Drama queens.
First thing I did, literally, after leaving the narcissist was to sleep. I was exhausted! And, yes, he called me "lazy" because I wouldn't stay up with him until 3 or 4am every day of the week!
Thank you for your channel. I've noticed many people mention how narcissists are often trauma survivors but may I ask, who isn't a trauma survivor in one way or another except for a smaller number of people ?
I believe what actually makes the narcissist different from the majority is that the narcissist has chosen to live and operate in self serving evil and nothing will change that.
Evil has given them pleasure and accomplishments and there's nothing anyone who hasn't accepted the same spirit can do except leave the narcissist alone.
Thank you🤔