How To Tell If Your Ex is At the Crisis Point (Clay Andrews 5 Stages)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 ก.ย. 2020
- Clay Andrews discusses how to tell if your ex is at the Crisis Point.
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In the crisis point, we're kind of taking this idea of getting back together with you and interacting with you and all of that from a hypothetical, just sort of curiosity concept into a real concrete concept. In the previous stages, your ex might be interacting with you just out of this curious, hypothetical standpoint.
During the Crisis Point, your ex is starting to weigh the pros and cons of being with you and they are trying to come up with a decision on if they want to get back together with you or stay broken up with you.
**** IMPORTANT ****
This is an internet video, and it should be obvious, but this video and other videos on this channel should not be taken as a substitute for the evaluation of a psychologist, therapist, counselor, etc. This video and other videos on this channel are intended for informational uses only, and only reflect the personal opinions of the creator. The creator of this video is not responsible for your actions or choices or the consequences of your actions or choices. - แนวปฏิบัติและการใช้ชีวิต
Thanks for watching this video. Is your ex at the Criss Point? If so, how did you know?
Yes...crisis! But this pandemic is making things EXTRA confusing. We truly have another love connection reignited, but He's super slow to make moves. Covid is not helping me discern. Lol
@@christinemanning6536 be patient. This Covid is affecting emotions in each one of us differently. Try to enjoy every moment even if he is (I'll use your term).. super slow. :)
We kissed and slept together and hung out 2 times. Then she pulled away and found a bullshit excuse to "end it" - I told my friends we started to see each other and she went balistic and stopped talking to me. Second time she does this so seems she is trying to find a reason not to be together. I let her be on no contact again.
He told me he missed, loved, and needed me, and told me he wanted us to get back together. We spent days and hours discussing it then out of nowhere he got frustrated and told me he changed his mind and he didn't think I really wanted it. Now I'm confused.
My ex was super glad I didn’t cut him off or stop talking to him. Or started doing no contact. We talk everyday and hang out at least once a week. He’s apologized for taking things slow and ya admitted he’s a little scared I’ll go back to my old ways. But I’ve made massive change in my mental health and started going to therapy and on depression medications. Wish me luck
Good luck
I agree. Do not stop contacting. But do look for your circumstances as well. Dont play their mind game, play yours and gv them surprise
Any updates?
Updates?
The mental health hacks only last so long as the ex is still there... So ? Updates ? I hope it worked out well
Even though my ex and I are back together, I do find myself going back to these videos and learn more about relationships. I love these videos because they help me connect more with my girlfriend.
You sir have this down pat I have gone through these stages and they go exactly as you say and it’s rough but wonderful as well I’ve learned so much and became better from it
beautiful intro, thank you for that
Great perspective!
I think it’s really important to note that a very strong emotional connection is critical in order for this to be effective. I was in a situation where we connecting really well for a while and then suddenly arguments became a daily thing so I had to take a step back and rebuild that positive connection for this to work. P.s Love your work!
In general great advice Clay, I watch a lot of your videos (they have helped me move on and actually made me realise I no longer need my ex back), but crisis point doesn't sit well with me. In essence, it implies that ones ex is keeping their other life as a back up i.e. if A doesn't want me back then I'll stick with B. Any ex of mine needs to decide what they truly want and make an effort to attain it, as I have for them. They can keep B if they want, but if they want me, they have to show a serious commitment to wanting it by clearing the path for it to happen. Maybe it is a negative reflection of my personality, but why should they have a safety net after all I have been through.
This subject is amazing, please make some videos
You can check our channel as we have over 100 videos that you can watch to. :-)
What if I've already asked these questions. And they said yes they want me to date .. etc ..
But that was at the beginning of the stages of the break up .
Thank you Clay for your videos. Me and my ex seeing each other now every week an an event is hoisting regularly. We just spent yesterday nice hours together conversating and plaing board games. Then when we were alone he reiterated after long time of breaking up is over and the past is in the past. I told him I know and he has a girl friend. I replied was not because of that. I dodn't ask him for anything. Just had a nice evening. All of a sudden he resurface the old story after, I mean years. He keep reitterating the same concept. He got scared and is at the crisis point or he is just over me for real?
Once again thank you.😊
It sounds like your ex might be feeling conflicted or unsure about the situation between you two. Bringing up old stories and reiterating past issues could indicate that he is grappling with unresolved feelings or concerns. His behavior suggests a mix of nostalgia and possibly some uncertainty about where things stand now that he has a girlfriend. It's important to give him space to sort out his emotions and decisions without pressure. Continue enjoying the moments you share together but also be prepared for the possibility that he may need more time to figure things out.
I'm scared I'll lose my ex. We were connecting so well, in grat zone hut he pulled back and when I asked him about it he said he does not want to be dating because if we get back together he would want to marry me, but he still feels there is something not quite right, but he dies not know what and is seeing a psychologist too as he is coming off antidepressants. He still wants to see me, but just platonic... what do I do??? We connect so well emotionally and in some ways I feel closer to him but he just is not sure and dies not want to stop me meeting someone else who is perfect 😢... I only want him.. what do I do??
Clay, to keep things as brief as possible, the guy my wife left me for me mistreats her and has no appreciation for her whatsoever.
And i'm positive the reason she's been extremely distant for over a month now, completely out of the blue one day, and hesitant about associating with me in any meaningful capacity (I get a lone text saying her mother will drop our kiddo off to me or pick him up at X time) is because our connection was/is an authentic one of a deep, emotional level with years of wonderful, tender memories that's leagues above the imagined, superficial one she shares with this other person.
She not only married me because I was her best friend, but she had actually proposed to me on Clue sheets, our favorite board game, and because I was very good to her son as well. Weeks beforehand, her son, at age four, had told me that he had felt he had a bad life and that he wanted me to be his Dad.
Meanwhile, whenever my wife brings the other guy to her parents, where our kiddo lives (🤔), our kiddo (nine years old now) runs and hides until he's gone. And a mutual friend had told me that this guy repeatedly and openly tried to have sex with her in front of my wife until her mother had banned him from their home and had proudly boasted to her that he could make my wife get on all fours and bark like a little doggy if he so pleased...
How I treated/treat her versus the way he does is no contest, yet here I am somehow. It's been five months now.
And I have no idea what to do, Clay.
I'm sorry to hear about that Jack, I understand that you wanted to be protective of your wife's welfare. Are you still in communication with her?
@@ClayAndrews Barely. She went very distant out of the the blue one one day a little over a month ago now after some very positive experiences.
She will shoot me a quick text to tell me her mother will be bringing or picking up the kiddo at X time.
But there was an odd moment when she sent me some Joan Jet pics because she just happened to remember i was a fan.
And for clarity, she has a history of being in abusive relationships.
I have already forgive my wife 75 percent, but she has tell me the truth behind the breakup directly or indirectly and i will have the trust back and she should not meet him anymore than i can forgive her 100 percent and again we can happy family again
We had this chat and he wants me to date others because he isn't a family guy and doesn't want to commit to my kids and me. I don't know what else to do. i said that we'd have to stop talking and then he said it would be awkward if we found someone else. Im so confused
so my ex is in a rebound relationship, we've been talking here and there and every time is about 2 hours on the phone. this last time we talked for about 2 hours, he went over the places we traveled and how nice everything was. then after 16 days I am blocked on his phone and fb. I am very confused. Can you tell me what does this mean, why am I blocked all of a sudden? Does this mean he chose his rebound relationship over me?
Clay my ex dumped me 5weeks ago after 6 years relationship and found out I was pregnant I tried to contact him but he blocks me everywhere I decided not to contact him again what does this mean ?
I love my wife still tooooooo much
Hi! How to know if it’s positive pullback like in crisis point or moving backward ? Thank you
You can check this podcast, Vargas. :-) At times, you may also experience positive pull back during crisis point. >> studio.th-cam.com/users/videowIWYGFqGUS8/comments
Would you say my situation is RTD?
Okay so i went over the crisis point, afrer 5 months of flirting and meeting up last weekend... I pushed a bit snd tried to leverage our connection asked him if he sees s future with me, he said no wnd to avoid hurting me that we should let the chemistry die on both sides so he can give his current girlfriend a better shot.
He said we gsj reconnect when our bond becomes more neutral. That vould take years. I told him i love him and im not going anywhere that if he still needs me im always here for him. That he is the love of my life.
Do i still stand a chance even though he chose her over me at the crisis ?
At the point I have no idea what stage my ex is at, but your links don’t seem to work
My ex is in a rebound relationship and she told me last friday that she needed to be alone this week to think things through(to decide which one of us to go with). How would I go about it if she tells me after this week that she wants to be with the other guy. Dunno how to steer the dialogue. I still believe she is worth all the energy so I´m not ready to give up yet if I still can see her somehow.
Hi Blaze, if ever your concern will happen, how do you think will handle the situation? What advanced Relational Skills do you think you can use to address the situation?
Clay please help me out. I’m not sure if I’m at the crisis point yet. My ex reaches out to me first occasionally. We hung out 3 times since breaking up. One was just to the gym (we used to workout partners before getting together) but we still had a great time. Then we went to the park and had a really great time too. Then we went bowling and she had a lot of fun. I brought up (by mistake) if there was a chance of us getting back together in the future and she said she genuinely didn’t know. Not a yes. Not a no. Not a maybe. I did hurt her to cause her to want to break up. But she’s too wrapped up with work and school at the moment to deal with the emotions. We had a great time that day though bowling and even initiated wanting to hang out and go to the batting cages. She said she wanted to have fun and couldn’t wait to go. She’s starting to see that hanging out with me is a lot of fun. The batting cages is a place she wanted to go while we were dating but we never got the chance to. Do I have a good chance? Am I making good progress?
Thank you very much for reaching out to us. We always believe that chance and hope to make the relationship work will always be there. It should not be defined by any form of validation but it depends on the actions that we take and refuse to do. We only lose our chance if we give up. There is always a chance to work things out if you are committed and willing to put in the work. If you're just going to give up at the first road bump you hit, then all bets are off.
I clearly at the crisis point... My ex and I meet up yesterday after like a month and we kissed, had a deep connection etc... but she still says it’s not right and their family and friends wouldn’t support us, or she’s scared and that it is over for good... she doesn’t want to get back together no matter what, and it’s been like two months..
man this is EXACTLY what I am going through right now
Update?
update?
@@MrBosseidon update??
On my birthday she came over, had dinner and talked. When she left she asked for a kiss, not the best thing to do with the virus. So she leaned in and I turned my head. She said what?! Fine I thought, leaned in to kiss and her kiss was more than mine. I backed off immediately and asked what are we doing? Not a clear response from her. She said I still love you, I said I still love you but.....It ended with mass confusion for me. We talked this past week, which I thought was going to be THE TALK, but ended up being about the weather. What to do? Haveno clue
Sounds like Riding the Dragon for me. Focus on the context vs the content of what she is saying.
I'm having a weird realisation right now...
Is it possible to experience these steps when trying to get someone to commit into a relationship? Because all of this sounds very familiar. I was in an unlabeled relationship with an old friend who didn't feel "ready", but then she eventually rejected me into oblivion after I tried to get her to commit, and I'm now dealing with her being with another guy and her being unable to reconnect with me (hovering between wall of reactance and test drive). I feel like we were at the crisis point, and I did all the wrong moves (did not know about you back then!) so I kept going lower and lower on the scale until she rejected me with the "friends" talk and walled me out.
So is it possible to experience these DURING a relationship, and not only after a breakup?
Then again, maybe it was sort of "coming back together" to her, as I rejected her over 10 years ago...
Yes, it can also be possible.
My ex said she loves me , she’s comfort being around me , but not sure about what she wants.. what should i do Clay? Thanks
That's the typical Test Drive phase. It may take some time to gain your ex's trust and confidence back to focus on building positive connection. Make sure that your Advanced Relational Skills are honed as well.
Is it possible to come straight out of active no contact and go directly into crisis point?
That would be impossible. But the big possibility is going straight to Riding the Dragon phase.
Clay, my ex and I began the process of trying to potentially get back together when he had to go away for work for a couple of months, but we continued to work on things. Well he almost cheated on me almost a week ago and caught himself beforehand, and had a "wtf am I doing" moment and said he realized that i was the woman he wanted, but he still wants to wait to make it official. Is part of what he almost did potentially because he was in the crisis period and scared?
You don’t wait of no one .
He can’t cheat on you if it’s not official though..
I’ve been stuck in riding the dragon for a couple weeks now. My ex and I have hung out a good amount of times and it’s always a good time. She still seems to act like she’s cold via text but I don’t let it bother me anymore. And she opens up and is pretty warm and jokes around at times via text. But I mostly call or meet up for that connection. The thing I’m worried about is that she strongly believes that she shouldn’t get back together with her ex’s, but whenever we hang out we have such a good time. There’s flirting and it almost feels like it was besides the kissing and calling each other babe. Is it possible to get her to forget about her beliefs of not getting back together with an ex and get her back? I really do feel she is my soulmate :/
Updates?
@@karlbeats4026 didn’t go anywhere. I went radio silence/no contact and have been on it for almost a year now. And haven’t heard from her
What if you ask them these questions and they reply with indecision..ie. do you want me to date other people? ....“I don’t know”
The question is, would you really like to date other people? Or you are just testing the waters to see how she may react?
Clay Andrews no I have no interest in dating other people. I am trying to test
Does never actually mean never.? In a relationship
There are people who say never but it contradicts what they truly feel. But if our ex is consistent with their decision after 3 - 6 months of showing our best effort, then it's time that we reconsider our priorities.
like those ideas. but she's already in a new relationship. I want her back and I think she might get a little jealous if I asked her if I should date other women. she already cheated on her new bf with me a few nights ago. they didn't talk for a couple days and he took her back. she's texting me today saying she feels sick about what we did. and now she needs to go get tested for stds. I haven't responded to her at all today and she's getting pissy. I dunno what to do she said she wants this new guy but she already cheated on him with me.
update! no contact for 2 weeks and now she's been messaging me every 2 days for a week. I just got the i miss u text on Monday. didn't respond till Tuesday we talked on the phone for a couple hours and it was her just basically complaining about all the things I did wrong. I listened and apologized. finally she said she had to go so I said bye goodnight and she was like fuck you!! 2 hours later she texted saying all she misses is the sex with me and the way she cums with me. she got mad because I didn't respond for 20 mins. I said that's all u miss!? and then she said goodnight. this woman is just fucking with me!!
After 2months of no contacted i called her. I just said hello she got furious and started yelling that she moved on she doesn't miss me anymore and we are not getting together. What does this mean coach??
Believe it or not that's a good sign lol...she's still hurt and wants you to feel some of that pain if she's reacting that way... it's when she goes neutral and talks to you like she doesn't care one way or the other, that is when you're fecked... going by myself and how I am as a woman...xo
jo jo facts
Clay I have a little question
Should I do a short no contact while she is in the crisis point?
Thanks for asking. Implementing a short period of no contact can sometimes provide space for both individuals during a crisis. It allows emotions to settle, and it might help gain clarity. However, the effectiveness depends on the context and the nature of your relationship. If you believe it could be beneficial and respectful of her needs, considering a brief period of no contact might be a thoughtful choice. Communication is key, so if you decide to do this, ensure you express your intentions and reassure her that it's about creating a supportive environment.
do you do individual coaching?
Hi Nick, yes we do. you can check this link for our coaching services. >>> www.modernlove.life/coaching
@@ClayAndrews just orderd a personal plan and i was wondering what the turnaround rate is between getting my info in for a personal plan and getting it back? I am SUPER EXCITED :)
Hi Clay I need your help again... My ex told me that he loves me deeply but we are not combatible so he wants to stay friends to continue talking with me because he cares and appreciates me and that there is a new girl in his life that he is thinking to make something serious with her but then he said they haven't done sex yet... It all sounds childish.. Is he confused? Or Immature... He does not want to cut me from his life... But if it's true that there is ths other girl why to keep contact with me... What is your opinion... It is so strange... I can't figure out his true intentions.. Please help me...
Hey Emine, I'm sorry to hear about what happened. There are two phases that you need to understand about being friends.
#1. You can't be friends with your Ex --- when you haven't fully healed from the breakup because if you do not do active no contact and continue to reach out to your ex as a friend, you wouldn't be able to help for you to have an ulterior motive in getting your Ex back. Your Ex will notice this and might eventually go to reactance because your ex will see that you are still not over him.
When you have done ANC and have regained emotional balance:
#2. Being friends (AT THIS STAGE) with your Ex will help because it will help you to reach out with your Ex and be able to show your Ex how much you have changed.
@@ClayAndrews thank you very much... You are so kind as a person and great relationship coach... One last question.... We are more than a year in this back and forth situation with my ex... He comes towards me and then goes away with the same excuse every time that there is another girl but never is true.. I Know I am relationship focused maybe this is why he runs away every time... But my worry is that very long time has passed after our break up.. Does this mean that his resistance should be decreasing as the time is passing so that it will mean that I have a better chance to get back with him!? Is it me that I push him away or is it that he also haven't completely healed from the break up as well.... My biggest active no contact lasted one month and he reached out to me by himself.. Then we continued the same back and fourth... More than a year as I said... Thank you❤️
@@eminekiazim6365update?
Oh boy, I moved out and away from my guy, and I only hear from him about once a month for 4 months via phone after about a 4 month no contact. Although, he did text me now at two weeks...it’s just I have no idea how to progress because I have no idea his intentions. And so I just leave it as is and wait for him to say something.
Have you tried doing the active approach. Instead of him waiting, try to be more engaging with him using effective communication.
Clay Andrews I wish Clay, but no. I’ll try work on that, I just feel shy because I’m not sure why he contacts me. Perhaps for entertainment, who knows.