Why Your Ex Pulls Away When They Actually Love You
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 มี.ค. 2021
- Why Your Ex Pulls Away When They Actually Love You
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Why Your Ex Pulls Away When They Actually Love You
After a series of good interactions, is your ex pulling away from you? Are they acting cold towards you? Did they suddenly seem cold, distant and trying to avoid you?
And in this video, we're going to be talking about why your ex pulls away when they actually love you. This can be a really interesting conundrum that people can end up in. And we're going to, we're going to talk about this because oftentimes when your ex pulls away, it can make you think that you did something wrong or that they're losing interest in you or something like that. And though that can be the case, it's not always what's at play here. They might actually have strong feelings for you. Love you even, and still pull away.
Find out why in the video and watch how to best approach such situations!
**** IMPORTANT ****
This is an internet video, and it should be obvious, but this video and other videos on this channel should not be taken as a substitute for the evaluation of a psychologist, therapist, counselor, etc. This video and other videos on this channel are intended for informational uses only, and only reflect the personal opinions of the creator. The creator of this video is not responsible for your actions or choices or the consequences of your actions or choices. - แนวปฏิบัติและการใช้ชีวิต
They are scared of getting hurt, it takes a lot to put yourself out there, like that
I don’t buy that no more
@@DarinDmarkovic1 There must be something else going on, When You Love someone, You may need a minute to sort something out, But they know that You Love Them and that they are still there for You
@@rhondaking5253 wow you REALLY need to sit through like at least a full day full of these videos because that's the most clueless thing I've heard about breakups
@@avaldez13 Things are not always simple in relationships, sometimes there’s things that will cause a person to pull away such as: Family, Jobs & Education. They will have to deal with those things or the couple may break up or start pulling away. I Love these videos , it brings about a lot of clarity.
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I pull away because he doesn't seem interested in me anymore so there's no point.
This is pure gold thank you 🙏🏼
this guy gives me sooo much hope
I’ve read around thirty books on relationships and all of what was said in this video is different - in a good way. Well done!
Thank you for your construcrive opinion and advice that u are giving. It really helps. Pls donr stop doing this. And do more of signs to see it more clearly also to learn more. Thank u very much🙏God Bless
Youre right . It is a strength to be open on how i felt. Not weak which at firs tis how i felt. I was the one who expressed me feelings. So i kept my head up and dont regret after she decided it was too real i guess.
Helpful! Can you do a video on decreasing romantic pressure please?
Last week my ex and I hungout and couple hours later after some...romantic love... we were cuddling and talking in bed. Eventually she said "its so hard to say no when you ask to get back together, but I need to finish gluing in the cracks on my cup so that i can put water in and Eventually you can put water in" I understand what she means but its so hard... idk what to do man
Focus on yourself and try to be better. That way you will be even better than you were before
My wife and I have been separated for 3 months now. I've lost 50 pounds and have been going to therapy for 12 weeks now. She says she's really happy to see me doing well but it also really pisses her off that it took things blowing up for me to get my shit together. It's hard to stay positive through the major hot and cold swings... Your videos are a huge encouragement Clay 🙂
@@AKJK907 hang in there, one day at a time
How did it go?
@@christopherhill3067 still separated, going on 9 months now. Things have calmed down to the point where we can at least talk calmly to eachother and we've done a couple counseling sessions. One day at a time. This stuff really does just take time for hurts to heal
@@amj338 I’m three weeks in and struggling
@@christopherhill3067 I hear you, it's not easy. Sleeping alone again and wishing things could just go back to normal. I know. To be honest I still struggle day to day. Best advice I can give you is to get some sort of routine going. Make a schedule even if it's just little things so that you're not just sitting around thinking all the time. For me this was a big wake up call to get outside and start walking and running regularly again. Hang in there
Great advice
Thank you. :-)
Your videos help me in difficult times. My ex is in a rebound relationship and is deeply depressive, probably also has borderline personality disorder. I miss him and love him very much despite all the difficulties. We still talk a little bit almost every day. Your videos helped me to understand him better and try to keep hope for the future.
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Any update? My ex is going through the same thing right now. It’s been about a year since we’ve talked and she’s been with her rebound for close to a year now. She recently reached out and we got together, talked about how we should get back together. She even left her rebound but out of nowhere she blocked me and said she couldn’t do this, that it was “too fast”. I understood and told her it’s okay. I’m currently giving it time but it’s messing with my head because she got back with her rebound and everything she said about getting back together seemed so truthful and felt like it was gonna workout again.
@@gordo7732 any update on you?
This video is really good and timely. I decided to pull away with my ex and do some working for myself while I'm grieving for my lost best friend and our favorite cat. Love u clay
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Get better, friend ❤️
I'm scared of being hurt as well. That's why i don't put myself out there like that , at all .
My ex went from facetiming me every day of the week to barely texting me back the week after. He told me he still thought I was attractive, and listed his favorite qualities about my personality and then the day telling me he only wants to be platonic. This video was very helpful, thank you!
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Yeah I feel like this is a mind game to him
Great video Clay! Much needed. You advices have helped me so much. Thank you. 🙏Super happy about the podcast😊 Could you make more videos about further stages e.g moving from crisis point to new beginning? Have a great day!😊
I'll try. But we also cover those in depth in one of our programs, the Ex Solution Program. :-)
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Thanks clay 🙏
Very welcome. :-)
@@ClayAndrews I've been confused and worried with our lack of communication, we were having positive chats but it stopped. I'm not really going after chatting in this moment (I did it before). Right now I'm more in a taking a step back place but it can be also overwhelming. I'm not seeing him on social media (nor in person) in any way idk if he's inactive on it idk. This absence just gets me worried from time to time.
i dont give exs a second chance. they are a ex for a reason and people dont change over night, a real change takes several months not weeks,
Most exes don’t get back right away and I’m not talking about off and on relationships. It usually is several months (in my case it was 4 months) and she and I both realized what we had was special and it wasn’t worth giving up on. We both stayed loyal while broken up as well.
Don’t be so closed off yo, people make mistakes, people get confused. Just make sure you don’t chase and make sure you see changes for long periods of time before jumping back in
@@fredsystra7584 thanks man this is da first realistic response in these comments 😭
@@sibbwashere hey, I can help you out if you are going through some stuff! Let me know. I’ve been there! Take care of yourself
@@fredsystra7584 my ex (first love, it was both of our first relationships) broke up with me bc she said she’s in a dark place (felt like she was dragging me down with her) and that she needs to get though some things alone and figure out what she needs to do. I begged at first and I feel like I made things worse. I texted her for the first time since the breakup last week and told her that I hope things are going better and that I’m proud of her for getting through every day. It’s been 2 months since we broke up and although our relationship was pretty good (never argued and rarely had any bad moments), I’m worried she won’t come back after she handles her mental health
@@fredsystra7584 thank you, that’d be rlly reassuring!
He broke up with me and then three months later we started texting again. We even meet up and had a good time together, he even said he wanted to hangout again. But after a couple of weeks of texting he has recently stopped texting me.
They need to face some kind of consequence of breaking up with you... otherwise, they will continue the bad behavior and won't fear taking you for granted
Your advice is great and biblical
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You have a soothing transparent personality 🤗
Thank you. ;-)
He does
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Like my most recent ex told me: “gotta get under someone to get over someone.”
Thank u Clay for this video...it really helps me a lot analyzing his actions...😇🤗🙏🙏
You're so welcome! ;-)
U drink too much, that's why he left. He no lub u no mo.
@@iamthechildofgod-kellykaye6665 a child of God shouldn't be calling anyone judgemental don't you see the hypocrisy of it
@@avaldez13 u should not too
@@iamthechildofgod-kellykaye6665 I'm not
I downloaded the podcast episodes so I could have your content while I was on my flight and unable to access the internet.
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Walk away and let them do their thing. It’s our responsibility as a person to better ourselves. Make the change and let them see and feel it.
I walked away from my ex because I didn’t know how she felt and she didn’t know how she felt. She was hot and cold. Love her but had to look out for myself.
we’re in the same situation, mate. although we didn’t really have a formal breakup, it really felt as though we did since after a week from a major argument we had, she met another guy (he literally was introduced to her by her colleague during the week we weren’t talking) and basically chose him instead. i’m at a point that i can’t blame her because i had my lapses in the relationship too, but i learnt a lot from it and am changing my ways. she’s been hot and cold as well but says she can’t come back to me at the moment just yet.
did she come back to you, though?
@@yohannlu nope. Tried the friend jazz - I wasn’t into it. Her and her insecurities are on their own. Sucks but it happens
Someone plz help me....after our break up my ex got another girl...when I asked him to forgive me he told me he has moved on...but ever since he never left me alone and things were just like normal just not officialy back together..recently we had a talk and he told me that he want to show me his girlfriend and he took me to her....Then he was flaunting her to me...since that day we haven't communicated it is the forth day...plz what should I do?
Very good mate, well spoken
Much appreciated ;-)
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My ex gives me signals that he loves me but he doesn't talk about getting together I want to know the reason??
He started a rebound as he assumed I rejected him ended our love when he reached out to me wit regret , love after our 2nd breakup , he is a FA. I texted him I didnt abandon him or end. He responded with care, but didnt msg yet or leave the rebound. Then I went NC. Then he is reaching out indirectly tru his friend (last month) & he came to see me (last week) to an even in our college as he knows Im there & had eye contact purposely few times, he is afraid of losing me & loves me still. But still he didnt leave the rebound I assume & he didnt msg me to reconnect. He always waits for me to msg 1st.. But still its not the right time as I feel , 1st the rebound must fail. 😐 will he breakup with the rebound & come back to me? When?
My ex knows I love them. I saw them last weekend and we hugged and I told him I loved him and he said it too. I told him I still cared for him. He still continues to remove things from my garage though that are his. He moved out in Feb after 5 years of being together and I told him several times it wait awhile or that he doesn’t need to keep moving things and that he could wait the summer but he continues to keep taking things. Told his grandma he was gonna put things in his friends garage.
Hi Clay, you’re missing an important one that I wish I knew about sooner: coming on too strong while trying to reconnect and have a friendship and an emotional connection. I have no doubt she loves me and when we talk after a period of no contact, I would send a cute meme or a text about something random. And all of a sudden, she pulls away and is cold after being warm a day or 3 earlier. The question I have is how to get her to reach out after a good call? I wait a couple of days and reach out but she gets cold and pulls back.
Hi Jeff, First it is important to understand why a person pulls back. At times, we have to give them the needed time and space to process their own emotions. If she still holds back after a couple of days, we have to understand that they may not be that ready yet to communicate emotionally. this is where empathy would come in.
@@ClayAndrews what should we do when you say “empathy”? so what do we do then? If they don’t reply ? Just wait? I tried again to call or text a few days later and she got upset and said I’m pushing too hard. I thought I was only trying to have a casual connection.
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Defo do the podcasts again great for when I'm travelling
You can check our podcast in Spotify too. :-)
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You are awesome Clay!! Thanks!
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If someone loves you they wouldn't pull away am sure, I would never do that
This needs more upvotes! Is it possible you ex pulls away because of guilt and the simple fact they never valued their spouse anyway?
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Actions. Love is a verb which is an action. They don’t love you people who stick with you love you.
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My ex has actively ignored me for the past 9 months. I've reached out twice. Yesterday I bumped into him with the friends who basically caused us to breakup, and I talked to him face to face. I'm not sure what to do now. He was very awkward and nervous, but I could feel the chemistry between us still. I think he still loves me. His whole family is on "my side." I want him back, he's my soulmate. Do I take a step back or try texting him? I really am confused about the next step.
I think you should let him go . If he truly loves you and want you he should come to you because he is the dumper. So dont chase him it will only reduces your chances of getting back together with him
9 months is a long time. I don't think a soulmate would willingly go that long apart, and a soulmate definitely wouldn't let his or her friends cause you two to break up... He has to realize you're hurting, and I know if I found my soulmate I would literally do anything to prevent her from hurting. There's a better, more respectful person out there for you. I know this sucks to hear, but you deserve better.
How did his friends cause the break up what did they tell him?
We are same situation..
@@sandraadams621 I couldn't possibly disagree more. It's been 10 months for her, and she needs to properly heal... she's putting herself through heartache, and I understand why, I've been there, so I'm certainly not judging... It's hard, you love someone and you don't want to lose them, but sometimes for your own good, you have to say goodbye. It's like a wound. If you continue to pick at it, it will never heal... it's only going to get better if you step away, and give it the time that it needs. If you feel the urge to contact an ex and confess your feelings for him/her, you're not fully healed. Never chase... it won't end well. I'm speaking from experience. I went through Hell the first few months after my breakup. Only when you focus on yourself and stop chasing will you turn it around. Just a month or two ago I never thought I'd be this happy again...and I wouldn't have been if I continued to reach out to her. Trust me... it doesn't seem like it, but this is a great opportunity for you to grow stronger and love yourself more than you ever thought possible. The first step is to promise yourself to never chase again. You know you deserve better... love yourself and prove it.
What about long-distance relationships?
Hi Maria, same concepts will apply even both of you are in a long distance relationship. :-)
In my experience, she can’t come out, she’s ashamed of being gay. She chose to live a LiE and she was more concern of what people will say to her rather than being happy with me.. it’s not that i did not give her the time to come out, I’ve been asking her since 2016.. Till i fed up because it was never her plan to come out. She wasted my time and my love.. everytime i think about it, i feel ANGRY.
I'm sorry that you have to go through some challenges. We understand that coming out may not be easy for some. And it may take some courage and commitment as well. How are you doing nowadays?
@@ClayAndrews we were not talking for 2 months coz i followed the NC rule. I just accepted that our relationship was unconventional and as i struggle, she struggles too. No contact really helped me heal.. But this April 12,2021 i tested positive on covid and she learned it from our mutual friend, she immediately called me.. we are talking now, but feelings set aside. We don't talk about the past.. i still love her but i am not hoping coz i don't wana get disappointed.
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Could an ex push away because they are trying to get over you?
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Well to answer you, I am pushing away to get over my wife.
@@wilfridjoseph6172 thank you 😊
@@wilfridjoseph6172 did it work or did it make you miss her even more?
So me and my ex have been doing this for awhile he’ll come in things are great and then he pulls back… still tells me he loves me… is there still a chance or do I just let go? I just want him to make up his mind
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21 days to create or break a habbit
±2348073317460⏯️⏯️⏯️⏯️ Hello it's works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break-up.,.
Why won't he look me in the eyes.. If he is over me, n no longer interested, there shouldn't be any problem right? I don't communicate with everyone who looked me in my eyes... I don't get this. 🤔..n he lately talked to me like I am not Integer.. He told a lot of nonsense things but I am not wht he says. We had a huge crush on the other
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They pull away because they caught you with another. Very simple.
?? that can’t be applied to every situation. i didn’t move on to anyone else
They pull away because they are seeking something that you cant offer your ex. You are too blinded by your ex’s messages and hints when you were still together.
What’s riding the dragon?
You can check the video here to know more about the 5 stages of getting back together, which include the Riding the Dragon phase >> th-cam.com/play/PLBHfQVp_OsaWyaUvEIvKgJNCj6VbVeDia.html
We hope this helps.
He talks to me everyday on calls and texts. But wont ask me to comeback. He behaves like my bf whenever we meet, like cooks with me, feeds me takes care of me.. But when asked he would say we r just good frnds.. He also gets jealous when i get text from any other guy. If i do ask abt love... He never replies saying no he doesnt.. But seems to avoid the topic.. I knw he has feelings for me as well.. But idk how to get him to realise. Please help Clay. 🥺
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Don't know if you are aware but I've been unable to purchase your connect and commit, after so called purchase it gives me an oops screen
@@kansafoster Did this happen to you today? I've not tried since
We have been looking at this matter for quite some time but in case you wanted to purchase the Connect and Commit, you can use this link >> modernlove.thrivecart.com/connect-and-commit/
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I don’t know what to do know. My ex seems hot and cold right now. I don’t want to come off desperate if I make the move.
Hi Mohd, experiencing hot and cold treatment from our ex is a part of the process. That usually happens when they are at the Riding the Dragon Phase.
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🤔
My 2 cents, don’t talk about the algorithm.
Thank you for the suggestion. :-)
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because they dating someone else my man, dont make it hard.
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Definitely been in a situation where he was already being unfaithful so I figured he was enjoying his newfound freedom. I was grateful we didn’t remain “friends” because I knew he’d still be dishonest.
@@ronniacherry it was your best choice of your life! how are you doing today?
What are your thoughts of someone breaking up because of their own insecurities. I feel my ex created a negative image of me in their head because of her past traumas. I think she needed more time to heal from her own past. What do you think?